1 00:00:01,336 --> 00:00:03,307 Whoa... is that like a uh, Van Gogh? 2 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:04,676 Nah, nah Hank. It's this girl on Etsy, 3 00:00:04,776 --> 00:00:06,814 she does these like, hysterical pet portraits. 4 00:00:06,981 --> 00:00:09,887 I had her do one of Tammy's old dog Rollins for her birthday. 5 00:00:10,053 --> 00:00:11,890 Oh man that is hysterical, Mark. 6 00:00:12,157 --> 00:00:12,826 Tammy's gonna love it. 7 00:00:12,959 --> 00:00:14,563 Yeah, I know. I thought so, too. 8 00:00:14,663 --> 00:00:16,567 But then I found out some surgeon she works with 9 00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:20,207 got her a freakin' $200 gift card to some fancy spa. 10 00:00:20,207 --> 00:00:22,946 Yo, that's no good, Mark. He's clearly trying to bang her. 11 00:00:22,946 --> 00:00:24,816 I know, right! Who the hell does this 12 00:00:24,816 --> 00:00:25,618 creep think he is, getting my 13 00:00:25,918 --> 00:00:29,826 wife some overpriced woo woo yoga crystal massage BS? 14 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:31,831 Ooh, that does sound kinda nice. 15 00:00:31,964 --> 00:00:33,199 Yo this guy's good, okay? 16 00:00:33,333 --> 00:00:36,172 She's gonna be all oiled up, getting rubbed down, 17 00:00:36,305 --> 00:00:38,176 all while thinking about that doctor. 18 00:00:38,443 --> 00:00:39,613 If you don't wanna get cucked here, 19 00:00:39,613 --> 00:00:41,683 you gotta get her something real special. 20 00:00:41,683 --> 00:00:42,351 Mimi go uppie. 21 00:00:42,585 --> 00:00:44,221 Mimi go uppie! Let's go, come on, uppie? 22 00:00:44,455 --> 00:00:46,058 Never gonna happen, Jinglebells! 23 00:00:46,058 --> 00:00:46,727 Could you not? 24 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:48,497 I'm trying to build her self - esteem. 25 00:00:48,497 --> 00:00:49,933 I think she's a little insecure around the 26 00:00:50,033 --> 00:00:51,369 poodles at Doggy Daycare. 27 00:00:51,369 --> 00:00:52,271 David, let me ask you something. 28 00:00:52,438 --> 00:00:54,676 How would you feel if some dude at Andrea's 29 00:00:54,810 --> 00:00:56,780 work got her a $200 spa card? 30 00:00:56,780 --> 00:00:57,982 Great. She deserves it. 31 00:00:58,082 --> 00:00:58,917 She works really hard. 32 00:00:59,184 --> 00:01:01,122 Mark, you're asking a guy who's getting alpha'd by 33 00:01:01,255 --> 00:01:02,559 a fricken' foo foo dog. 34 00:01:02,659 --> 00:01:03,794 I'm not being alpha'd. 35 00:01:03,961 --> 00:01:05,832 I'm being a "supportive girl dog dad". 36 00:01:05,998 --> 00:01:07,234 I want her to feel dominant. 37 00:01:07,334 --> 00:01:09,105 You know Mark, uh, maybe you should surprise 38 00:01:09,105 --> 00:01:10,207 Tammy with a new puppy. 39 00:01:10,207 --> 00:01:11,777 Nah, nah, nah, don't get her a dog. 40 00:01:11,777 --> 00:01:13,981 If you really want to knock her socks off, you should 41 00:01:13,981 --> 00:01:15,217 get her an exotic pet. 42 00:01:15,351 --> 00:01:18,090 The only thing women love more than an exotic pet 43 00:01:18,223 --> 00:01:21,429 is a man who knows how to handle an exotic pet. 44 00:01:21,597 --> 00:01:22,532 Oh, hell yeah! 45 00:01:22,732 --> 00:01:25,572 Hank... we're goin' to the sketchy zoo! 46 00:01:27,274 --> 00:01:29,847 Well, I used to work at a hot dog factory 47 00:01:29,847 --> 00:01:31,950 Until them robots came along 48 00:01:31,950 --> 00:01:33,487 And now there is no job for me 49 00:01:33,487 --> 00:01:35,992 But I get 3,000 bucks a month 50 00:01:36,126 --> 00:01:40,167 Thanks to UBI 51 00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:44,141 Now we're Universal Basic Guys 52 00:01:44,241 --> 00:01:45,978 It may not sound like much 53 00:01:46,078 --> 00:01:49,118 But we're still gonna try 54 00:01:49,118 --> 00:01:54,194 We're just Universal Basic Guys 55 00:01:59,105 --> 00:02:00,541 Now this is how you zoo. 56 00:02:00,674 --> 00:02:03,781 There's no rules. You got the real plastic straws, you 57 00:02:03,915 --> 00:02:06,653 got these untrained ex-cons working with the animals. 58 00:02:07,087 --> 00:02:09,291 I mean anything could happen at this kind of place, okay? 59 00:02:09,391 --> 00:02:10,962 You can literally see one of these zookeepers 60 00:02:10,962 --> 00:02:11,997 get their head ripped off. 61 00:02:12,665 --> 00:02:14,670 Uhh, you sure these animals should be pets, Mark? 62 00:02:14,770 --> 00:02:17,140 Now, Hank, you gotta have the vision with these things, okay? 63 00:02:17,374 --> 00:02:20,013 Dogs weren't pets until someone had the balls 64 00:02:20,013 --> 00:02:21,482 to domesticate wolves. 65 00:02:21,817 --> 00:02:23,588 Ooh, what about a baby tiger? 66 00:02:23,888 --> 00:02:24,824 Now that's a cool pet. 67 00:02:25,090 --> 00:02:28,730 Aw, Hank, baby tigers grow up to become big tigers, pal. 68 00:02:28,897 --> 00:02:29,733 Oh, hm. 69 00:02:30,133 --> 00:02:31,135 You know, they should make tigers 70 00:02:31,269 --> 00:02:32,404 that stay small like ponies. 71 00:02:32,572 --> 00:02:33,908 Yeah, they're called House Cats. 72 00:02:34,241 --> 00:02:35,578 Yeah, you should get one of those. 73 00:02:35,678 --> 00:02:38,149 Hank, I didn't drive eight hours to an exotic zoo 74 00:02:38,282 --> 00:02:39,285 to buy her a fricken house cat. 75 00:02:39,553 --> 00:02:40,588 I need something that's gonna blow that 76 00:02:40,721 --> 00:02:42,659 spa gift card outta of the water. 77 00:02:42,926 --> 00:02:44,529 Ooo yeah. Monkey time! 78 00:02:44,663 --> 00:02:45,464 Now we're talking. 79 00:02:45,598 --> 00:02:47,636 Oh man. I love a good monkey. 80 00:02:47,836 --> 00:02:49,005 They just always seem so happy. 81 00:02:49,438 --> 00:02:51,176 Tammy would go nuts for a pet like that. 82 00:02:51,176 --> 00:02:52,846 It's like a dog 3.0. 83 00:02:53,013 --> 00:02:54,749 Woah, It's the guy from the sign! 84 00:02:55,317 --> 00:02:58,189 Doc Tropics. Welcome to my zoo. 85 00:02:58,189 --> 00:03:00,761 Yo, this place is incredible. Incredible. 86 00:03:00,761 --> 00:03:01,429 Well, thank you. 87 00:03:01,797 --> 00:03:03,433 Did you happen to catch our junior tiger handler 88 00:03:03,567 --> 00:03:04,770 getting her hand bitten off? 89 00:03:05,437 --> 00:03:07,274 Ooh boy, that was a show! 90 00:03:07,407 --> 00:03:08,744 Aw damn, we missed it, 91 00:03:08,844 --> 00:03:11,315 but you know, we're loving these monkeys you got here. 92 00:03:11,315 --> 00:03:14,455 Oh, yes. They're such majestic creatures. 93 00:03:14,756 --> 00:03:16,459 Let me ask you something. How much uh, 94 00:03:16,593 --> 00:03:17,294 one of these things go for? 95 00:03:17,394 --> 00:03:19,699 Chimps usually run around 60 grand. 96 00:03:19,799 --> 00:03:21,202 Whoa, that's no joke. 97 00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:23,039 You think you could do something closer like, 98 00:03:23,172 --> 00:03:24,543 I don't know, three grand or something? 99 00:03:24,910 --> 00:03:26,345 Huh, well I'll tell you what. 100 00:03:26,479 --> 00:03:28,685 I do have one chimp who might fit your budget, 101 00:03:28,685 --> 00:03:32,057 but he's not exactly in mint condition. 102 00:03:32,324 --> 00:03:34,362 Okay, okay. That's not bad, that's not bad. 103 00:03:34,362 --> 00:03:36,365 Yeah he's uh... something. 104 00:03:36,700 --> 00:03:39,038 I think he was used in a few minor medical experiments, 105 00:03:39,038 --> 00:03:41,810 but don't worry, he was mostly in the control group. 106 00:03:42,111 --> 00:03:43,246 Hank, we gotta do this, right? 107 00:03:43,346 --> 00:03:44,716 This thing's a freakin' steal! 108 00:03:44,716 --> 00:03:47,354 Yeah, but aren't monkeys like a lot of responsibility? 109 00:03:47,488 --> 00:03:49,458 No, Hank. They're highly intelligent, 110 00:03:49,458 --> 00:03:52,364 self sufficient creatures. Set it and forget it. 111 00:03:52,497 --> 00:03:54,001 You sure Tammy's gonna be into this? 112 00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:56,405 Are you kidding me? She's gonna be through the roof. 113 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:58,844 What the hell is this? 114 00:03:59,078 --> 00:04:00,815 It's your new pet monkey! 115 00:04:00,815 --> 00:04:01,850 Happy birthday! 116 00:04:02,986 --> 00:04:05,858 You went and bought a chimpanzee without asking me? 117 00:04:06,092 --> 00:04:08,196 It's called a birthday surprise, Tam! 118 00:04:08,196 --> 00:04:09,365 I thought you wanted a pet. 119 00:04:09,498 --> 00:04:11,369 Yeah, I wanted a dog. 120 00:04:11,369 --> 00:04:13,775 Oh come on, Tam, a dog is a low ceiling pet. 121 00:04:13,775 --> 00:04:16,546 At best it can help a blind person across the 122 00:04:16,546 --> 00:04:19,251 street or smell a bomb on a plane or something. 123 00:04:19,519 --> 00:04:22,057 But a monkey That's a HIGH ceiling pet. 124 00:04:22,224 --> 00:04:25,297 Now just imagine you're watching Summer House Reunion, you got 125 00:04:25,297 --> 00:04:29,238 the monkey, it's wearing a funny little outfit, it's serving you 126 00:04:29,238 --> 00:04:30,674 White Claws, I mean, come on! 127 00:04:30,775 --> 00:04:32,211 That's a dream pet right there. 128 00:04:32,211 --> 00:04:33,380 Oh my god! 129 00:04:33,514 --> 00:04:35,150 Relax. It's fine, it's fine, okay? 130 00:04:35,250 --> 00:04:36,386 The guy showed me what to do. 131 00:04:36,687 --> 00:04:38,658 You connect this thing to the nerve thingy here back 132 00:04:38,658 --> 00:04:41,462 here, and you just push until you hear a suction sound. 133 00:04:42,030 --> 00:04:43,099 Boom. All good. 134 00:04:43,868 --> 00:04:44,569 Ah, crap. 135 00:04:44,770 --> 00:04:47,007 So not only did you buy a chimpanzee, 136 00:04:47,007 --> 00:04:49,011 you bought a sick chimpanzee? 137 00:04:49,278 --> 00:04:51,015 Pfft! Okay, that's all superficial. 138 00:04:51,148 --> 00:04:52,117 This is a fixer upper! 139 00:04:52,350 --> 00:04:54,122 Mark, do you even understand 140 00:04:54,122 --> 00:04:55,658 that chimps are like, WAY 141 00:04:55,658 --> 00:04:57,461 too dangerous to keep as pets? 142 00:04:57,695 --> 00:04:59,198 Like, this is no joke here! 143 00:04:59,198 --> 00:04:59,966 What the hell are you talking about? 144 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:01,837 They're like the friendliest animals on the planet. 145 00:05:01,837 --> 00:05:04,409 Yeah, until they rip your friggin face off. 146 00:05:04,510 --> 00:05:05,745 Pfft! This little sweetheart? 147 00:05:06,412 --> 00:05:07,281 Get outta here. 148 00:05:07,281 --> 00:05:08,316 I'm going to work, Mark. 149 00:05:08,316 --> 00:05:11,055 When I get back, this chimp better be out of here. 150 00:05:11,189 --> 00:05:12,892 Aw, don't take it personally, monkey. 151 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:14,494 Damnit, Hank. 152 00:05:15,196 --> 00:05:17,368 Mimi! Mimi, come on. Uppie! 153 00:05:17,736 --> 00:05:18,638 Mimi go uppie! 154 00:05:19,438 --> 00:05:21,777 Uh. It's okay. Maybe we could just take a quick pic? 155 00:05:26,786 --> 00:05:27,923 David... help! 156 00:05:28,290 --> 00:05:30,561 What the hell? Mimi, stay. 157 00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:36,039 Whoa! Ah, um... I'm gonna call 911. 158 00:05:36,139 --> 00:05:38,342 No, no. Don't... call... police. 159 00:05:38,476 --> 00:05:39,579 Snake is... illegal. 160 00:05:39,713 --> 00:05:42,785 What? Oh of course it is. Uh... 161 00:05:44,589 --> 00:05:45,724 Wha... wha... what are you doing with that? 162 00:05:45,891 --> 00:05:47,461 I don't know. I was gonna stab it. 163 00:05:47,729 --> 00:05:49,232 Cut its head off or something. 164 00:05:49,232 --> 00:05:49,733 No! No... 165 00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:50,702 You-- You can't kill it... okay? 166 00:05:50,969 --> 00:05:53,339 This... this thing's worth seventy five grand. 167 00:05:53,339 --> 00:05:55,611 What!? What are you, Britney Spears? 168 00:05:55,611 --> 00:05:58,316 Who the hell owns a $75 000 snake? 169 00:05:58,449 --> 00:06:00,486 Some people enjoy a high end exotic. 170 00:06:00,486 --> 00:06:02,659 Oh, yeah. Seems like you're really enjoying it. 171 00:06:02,925 --> 00:06:05,030 Hey, could you just... friggin'...help me get it off? 172 00:06:05,163 --> 00:06:07,234 You know, maybe if you showed it more affection, 173 00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:08,704 it wouldn't try to kill you. 174 00:06:09,071 --> 00:06:10,373 Here, let me try something. 175 00:06:11,075 --> 00:06:12,879 Aw, there there. I know, 176 00:06:12,979 --> 00:06:16,654 Some people don't understand animals, or anything. 177 00:06:16,987 --> 00:06:20,828 But look, I'm here and you're loved. You're appreciated. 178 00:06:21,095 --> 00:06:21,830 Oh my god. 179 00:06:21,963 --> 00:06:22,598 ! 180 00:06:24,067 --> 00:06:26,506 Okay monkey, we only gotta do this for a little bit 181 00:06:26,639 --> 00:06:29,244 until we can teach you how to use a big boy bathroom. 182 00:06:30,380 --> 00:06:32,017 Come on just let me-- Come on dude, 183 00:06:32,151 --> 00:06:32,919 this is for your own good, okay? 184 00:06:33,153 --> 00:06:35,290 All the pet monkeys on YouTube wear diapers. 185 00:06:35,390 --> 00:06:37,160 Uh, I don't know if he's into this. 186 00:06:37,260 --> 00:06:39,498 Come on, come on. Relax, Hank, okay? 187 00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:41,836 You just gotta establish that I'm the alpha. 188 00:06:43,239 --> 00:06:43,840 Oh my god. 189 00:06:46,780 --> 00:06:48,349 Hey Mark, it ripped your face off. 190 00:06:48,349 --> 00:06:49,519 Yeah, I'm aware, Hank. 191 00:06:49,519 --> 00:06:51,089 ! 192 00:06:51,089 --> 00:06:52,559 Ah, I forgot my keycard. 193 00:06:52,559 --> 00:06:54,262 Oh, crap. Tammy's back. 194 00:06:54,428 --> 00:06:55,463 Everything okay in there? 195 00:06:55,898 --> 00:06:56,465 All good, hon! 196 00:06:57,133 --> 00:06:59,872 ! 197 00:07:05,450 --> 00:07:06,987 Okay, don't say anything about the face, okay? 198 00:07:06,987 --> 00:07:08,557 The last thing I need is her raking me over 199 00:07:08,657 --> 00:07:09,726 the coals right now. 200 00:07:09,859 --> 00:07:10,527 Uh... 201 00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:14,569 Oh my god, it's dead! 202 00:07:14,569 --> 00:07:16,306 I knew that poor thing was sick! 203 00:07:16,540 --> 00:07:18,176 Tammy, it's just taking a nap, okay? 204 00:07:18,176 --> 00:07:19,546 Well, why is it still here? 205 00:07:19,679 --> 00:07:21,048 Relax, we're taking it back, okay? 206 00:07:21,182 --> 00:07:24,288 But not because it's dangerous or rips off faces. 207 00:07:24,388 --> 00:07:25,257 Pfft, Ridiculous. 208 00:07:25,257 --> 00:07:26,425 We're doing it because... 209 00:07:26,425 --> 00:07:27,729 I'm gonna to be the bigger man, 210 00:07:27,929 --> 00:07:29,031 I'm going to respect your decision. 211 00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:32,270 Uh... are you okay, Mark? Why won't you look at me? 212 00:07:32,404 --> 00:07:35,978 I'm fine I'm just... I'm trying to... I'm trying to measure... 213 00:07:35,978 --> 00:07:37,848 something... on the wall here... okay? 214 00:07:38,149 --> 00:07:41,623 20 feet... 30 feet... I got the 40 feet... 215 00:07:41,823 --> 00:07:44,228 Okay, this'll be the perfect dimensions for the... 216 00:07:44,328 --> 00:07:46,499 uh for the, uh, wainscoting. 217 00:07:46,733 --> 00:07:48,904 Ah, whatever, Mark. Just get rid of it. 218 00:07:50,339 --> 00:07:52,845 Ok here's the deal. That son of a bitch sold us a lemon! 219 00:07:52,845 --> 00:07:54,582 This monkey has fricken rabies or something. 220 00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:56,452 Okay, you're gonna take it back to Doc Tropix 221 00:07:56,587 --> 00:07:57,388 and get a refund, you got it? 222 00:07:57,522 --> 00:07:59,593 You want me to do that like by myself or? 223 00:07:59,726 --> 00:08:01,462 Yes Hank, okay? I gotta go to the hospital and 224 00:08:01,597 --> 00:08:03,466 get my face fixed before Tammy finds out. 225 00:08:03,466 --> 00:08:05,203 Doesn't Tammy work at the hospital? 226 00:08:05,303 --> 00:08:06,640 Won't she uh, see you? 227 00:08:06,740 --> 00:08:08,777 She's not gonna recognize me. I got no face. 228 00:08:09,011 --> 00:08:10,782 I'll just use a fake name. Boom. 229 00:08:11,149 --> 00:08:14,890 Okay, Mr. Rambo. So the good news is your initial 230 00:08:15,023 --> 00:08:17,227 facial reconstruction was a success. 231 00:08:17,227 --> 00:08:18,731 So my face is good to go? 232 00:08:18,864 --> 00:08:19,398 No, no. 233 00:08:19,566 --> 00:08:20,768 Your face-- how do I put this 234 00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:22,873 in layman's terms, is a mess. 235 00:08:23,273 --> 00:08:25,611 We sewed you up and threw on a pair of temporary lips so you 236 00:08:25,745 --> 00:08:28,182 can eat, but you're going to need extensive plastic surgery. 237 00:08:28,282 --> 00:08:30,588 Hold on, hold on, what do you mean temporary lips? 238 00:08:30,588 --> 00:08:32,825 Do I got like some dead guy's lips or something? 239 00:08:33,126 --> 00:08:33,827 No, no. 240 00:08:34,094 --> 00:08:34,896 Oh okay, cool. Phew! 241 00:08:35,063 --> 00:08:36,800 We used tissue from a pig scrotum. 242 00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:38,135 Alright, the nurse will be 243 00:08:38,135 --> 00:08:38,804 in here shortly to 244 00:08:38,804 --> 00:08:39,839 remove your bandages. 245 00:08:40,006 --> 00:08:40,508 Appreciate it. 246 00:08:40,808 --> 00:08:43,246 Mr. uh, Rocky Rambo. 247 00:08:43,379 --> 00:08:43,814 Oh, geez. 248 00:08:44,014 --> 00:08:45,518 How are you feeling today? 249 00:08:45,818 --> 00:08:48,524 Hola! No hablo inglés. 250 00:08:48,824 --> 00:08:51,395 Oh, do you want me to bring in a translator? 251 00:08:51,697 --> 00:08:54,836 Uh, es ok, es ok I... uh, I... understand. 252 00:08:54,970 --> 00:08:55,505 Ok. 253 00:08:55,972 --> 00:08:57,909 So I'm gonna remove your bandages and make sure 254 00:08:57,909 --> 00:09:00,681 everything is healing before the plastic surgeon examines you. 255 00:09:00,781 --> 00:09:02,551 No, no! No, no, I no ready! 256 00:09:02,651 --> 00:09:03,219 I no ready! 257 00:09:03,385 --> 00:09:05,423 Oh, it's okay. Just hold still. 258 00:09:05,558 --> 00:09:06,527 This'll be quick. 259 00:09:11,436 --> 00:09:13,005 All done, Mr. Rambo. 260 00:09:14,074 --> 00:09:15,978 The plastic surgeon will be in shortly. 261 00:09:16,079 --> 00:09:17,882 You're gonna love him. He's the best. 262 00:09:18,416 --> 00:09:21,021 Aw thanks, Tammy. You're the best. 263 00:09:21,321 --> 00:09:22,691 Happy birthday, by the way. 264 00:09:22,691 --> 00:09:23,727 Oh thank you. 265 00:09:23,727 --> 00:09:25,197 So, did you get to the spa yet? 266 00:09:25,297 --> 00:09:27,434 Not yet, but I'm VERY excited. 267 00:09:27,736 --> 00:09:30,708 You should be. The place is incredible. 268 00:09:30,708 --> 00:09:32,846 You're gonna get a facial you'll never forget. 269 00:09:33,079 --> 00:09:35,149 Alright, let's see what's going on here. 270 00:09:35,584 --> 00:09:38,456 Hmm... looks like a clean degloving. 271 00:09:38,791 --> 00:09:39,760 Good news Mr. Rambo, 272 00:09:39,860 --> 00:09:43,032 you're a perfect candidate for a new experimental 273 00:09:43,132 --> 00:09:44,703 procedure I pioneered. 274 00:09:45,370 --> 00:09:47,240 All we need is a couple pictures of you before the 275 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:50,180 accident, and then we 3D print stem cells to create an 276 00:09:50,313 --> 00:09:52,050 exact replica of your face. 277 00:09:52,217 --> 00:09:52,985 Okay, that sounds dumb. 278 00:09:53,319 --> 00:09:55,858 Oh no. This new treatment will be a game changer for 279 00:09:56,024 --> 00:09:58,697 victims of car accidents, severe burns or even 280 00:09:58,697 --> 00:10:00,233 chimp attacks like yourself. 281 00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,437 Wait. Did you say chimp attack? 282 00:10:02,571 --> 00:10:03,372 Yeah. 283 00:10:03,673 --> 00:10:06,445 Probably not the best idea to keep a chimp as a pet, 284 00:10:06,580 --> 00:10:07,314 right Mr. Rambo? 285 00:10:07,414 --> 00:10:09,919 Hmm. Hold on... 286 00:10:12,190 --> 00:10:13,761 Oh my god. 287 00:10:13,894 --> 00:10:16,633 Are you frickin' kidding me? Mark? 288 00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:17,968 You know Mr. Rambo? 289 00:10:18,135 --> 00:10:20,006 He's my husband. I don't believe it. 290 00:10:20,140 --> 00:10:22,277 I told you that thing was going to rip your face off. 291 00:10:22,277 --> 00:10:24,181 Really? I'm sitting here with no freaking face 292 00:10:24,281 --> 00:10:25,884 and now you're gonna bust my balls about it? 293 00:10:26,018 --> 00:10:28,355 Did you really think I wasn't going to find out that your 294 00:10:28,355 --> 00:10:29,659 whole freaking face is missing? 295 00:10:30,026 --> 00:10:32,866 Listen, I can probably do this procedure right now. 296 00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:35,036 Did you hear that, Mark? You better thank your 297 00:10:35,036 --> 00:10:37,007 lucky stars for Dr. Johnson. 298 00:10:37,140 --> 00:10:39,111 He's gonna do the procedure today. 299 00:10:39,245 --> 00:10:40,213 Nah, I'm good. 300 00:10:40,447 --> 00:10:41,750 What do you mean you're good? 301 00:10:41,883 --> 00:10:44,354 Yeah, I don't need some weird experimental surgery from 302 00:10:44,354 --> 00:10:45,891 this friggin' bozo over here. 303 00:10:45,891 --> 00:10:48,496 The hell you don't. Have you seen your face? 304 00:10:49,431 --> 00:10:51,169 Hm. Not bad, actually. I actually think it gives 305 00:10:51,269 --> 00:10:53,306 me a little uh, character. You know what I mean? 306 00:10:53,473 --> 00:10:56,011 Anyway, I got things to do. I'll see you at home, Tam. 307 00:10:56,145 --> 00:10:57,113 Argh... Damnit! 308 00:11:10,641 --> 00:11:11,976 Hello, Hank. 309 00:11:12,377 --> 00:11:13,245 What the -?! 310 00:11:14,281 --> 00:11:15,283 Monkey! 311 00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:17,254 Ah! Please don't rip off my face! 312 00:11:17,889 --> 00:11:19,425 Relax. Watch road. 313 00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:21,495 Wait a minute. Is that... you? 314 00:11:21,796 --> 00:11:23,432 Are you speaking, Monkey? 315 00:11:24,168 --> 00:11:24,669 Yes. 316 00:11:24,836 --> 00:11:25,737 What the heck? 317 00:11:26,405 --> 00:11:28,308 Pull over. Gas station. 318 00:11:28,543 --> 00:11:29,545 Uh... okay. 319 00:11:29,679 --> 00:11:30,547 Why? 320 00:11:30,848 --> 00:11:32,184 You need gas. 321 00:11:32,284 --> 00:11:33,420 Oh, yeah. 322 00:11:33,420 --> 00:11:35,757 And I need bananas. 323 00:11:38,095 --> 00:11:39,733 I don't see what the big deal is, Tam, okay? 324 00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:42,236 A lot of cool dudes have disfigured faces. 325 00:11:42,236 --> 00:11:42,938 Yeah, like who? 326 00:11:43,272 --> 00:11:46,446 Uh, the Phantom of the Opera. Freddy Krueger. 327 00:11:46,947 --> 00:11:49,150 I don't know if I would consider Freddy Krueger 328 00:11:49,251 --> 00:11:50,386 a cool dude, Mark. 329 00:11:50,386 --> 00:11:52,825 Ok what about the uh, The Kiss From a Rose guy? 330 00:11:52,925 --> 00:11:53,927 Uh, what's his-- Seal! 331 00:11:54,128 --> 00:11:55,698 He's got a messed up face and he was married 332 00:11:55,698 --> 00:11:56,833 to Heidi fricken Klum! 333 00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:58,269 He's got a few scars. 334 00:11:58,269 --> 00:12:01,341 Your face looks like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. 335 00:12:01,341 --> 00:12:01,843 You know what? 336 00:12:02,444 --> 00:12:04,882 I may be the one with the messed up face, but you're 337 00:12:05,016 --> 00:12:07,019 the one who's unrecognizable. 338 00:12:07,153 --> 00:12:10,895 All the sudden you don't like animals, you're going to fancy 339 00:12:10,995 --> 00:12:14,134 spas, and now you're telling me to get plastic surgery! 340 00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:17,842 You know, no one else here seems to care about my looks. 341 00:12:17,842 --> 00:12:19,277 Yous all ready to order. 342 00:12:19,746 --> 00:12:20,614 Oh god... 343 00:12:20,881 --> 00:12:22,585 I mean... sorry... hi. 344 00:12:22,852 --> 00:12:23,987 Can I start you off with a face? 345 00:12:24,221 --> 00:12:26,492 I mean, uh, can I get you a face? 346 00:12:26,760 --> 00:12:30,133 I mean can I face you a drink? I mean-- 347 00:12:30,433 --> 00:12:32,872 Can I just get a tomato soup and a tuna melt? Thanks. 348 00:12:33,005 --> 00:12:34,207 You want a face with that? 349 00:12:35,611 --> 00:12:36,880 Sorry, I meant fries. 350 00:12:37,147 --> 00:12:39,952 Do you want fries with that... face? 351 00:12:40,754 --> 00:12:41,321 Yeah. 352 00:12:41,656 --> 00:12:43,192 Okay. And do you want that open-faced? 353 00:12:43,292 --> 00:12:44,763 Alright, c'mon, enough, alright? 354 00:12:44,863 --> 00:12:46,265 No I actually meant to ask that. 355 00:12:46,498 --> 00:12:47,901 Oh. Ok sure. 356 00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:50,473 Yeah and uh, let me get the number five. 357 00:12:52,745 --> 00:12:54,481 Mark, you got coffee coming out of your cheek. 358 00:12:55,049 --> 00:12:56,786 I'll get you some napkins. 359 00:12:57,254 --> 00:12:58,924 Tam, it's all about attitude, okay? 360 00:12:58,924 --> 00:13:01,896 You see a hole in my face, I see two mouths! 361 00:13:01,896 --> 00:13:03,900 Oh yeah, and it's just what I need on you: 362 00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:04,602 two mouths. 363 00:13:04,902 --> 00:13:07,373 Hey, one for talking, one for eating, baby! 364 00:13:13,219 --> 00:13:15,222 Relax, I no rip off face. 365 00:13:15,356 --> 00:13:16,993 You ripped off my brother's face. 366 00:13:17,427 --> 00:13:18,429 He was mean jerk. 367 00:13:18,663 --> 00:13:20,667 You are nice, beta. No threat. 368 00:13:20,901 --> 00:13:21,803 Oh thanks, yeah. 369 00:13:22,237 --> 00:13:25,409 So like uh, when did you get all smart and stuff? 370 00:13:25,911 --> 00:13:26,647 Do not know. 371 00:13:26,947 --> 00:13:28,983 Been in many medical experiments. 372 00:13:30,487 --> 00:13:31,756 I wish I was smart. 373 00:13:32,725 --> 00:13:36,465 Knowledge is suffering. Much I know, I would rather not. 374 00:13:36,766 --> 00:13:40,039 So you excited to get back to your old buddies at Doc Tropixs? 375 00:13:40,708 --> 00:13:42,712 No. They will euthanize me. 376 00:13:42,845 --> 00:13:43,346 What's wrong with that? 377 00:13:43,647 --> 00:13:44,949 Don't you want to be young again? 378 00:13:45,383 --> 00:13:47,855 No, that's not what euthanize mean. 379 00:13:48,222 --> 00:13:49,659 They will put me to sleep. 380 00:13:49,759 --> 00:13:52,731 Oh well, rest might be good after these last few days. 381 00:13:53,399 --> 00:13:56,673 No, Hank. Doc Tropixs will kill me. 382 00:13:56,806 --> 00:13:58,677 Wait, what!? Why would he do that? 383 00:13:58,944 --> 00:14:01,482 People no pay see old, broken animal. 384 00:14:01,616 --> 00:14:04,889 I be already dead if you guys did not bang me. 385 00:14:05,456 --> 00:14:06,325 Uh... what? 386 00:14:06,425 --> 00:14:08,096 Sorry. Autocorrect. 387 00:14:08,229 --> 00:14:11,001 I'd be already dead if you guys did not buy me. 388 00:14:11,234 --> 00:14:13,439 Well if he's gonna kill you, I'm not taking you there. 389 00:14:14,241 --> 00:14:16,880 Is okay, Hank. I am mess. 390 00:14:17,247 --> 00:14:20,888 No family. No troop. Too much time in tiny cage. 391 00:14:21,122 --> 00:14:24,762 Injected with many medicine. I have many disease. 392 00:14:24,896 --> 00:14:27,635 Body hurt. Eyeballs no stay in head. 393 00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:29,304 Better for me to end. 394 00:14:29,605 --> 00:14:30,841 Oh I don't know, Monkey. Come on, 395 00:14:30,841 --> 00:14:33,045 there's gotta be something that brings you joy. 396 00:14:34,114 --> 00:14:37,320 There is one thing I've always want to do. 397 00:15:19,772 --> 00:15:20,774 I get this. 398 00:15:20,907 --> 00:15:22,545 Whoa. Where'd you get that? 399 00:15:23,045 --> 00:15:26,418 I take from Doc pocket. Here you take. 400 00:15:26,619 --> 00:15:27,755 I don't know, Monkey. 401 00:15:28,088 --> 00:15:30,961 Consider as refund for broken pet. 402 00:15:31,094 --> 00:15:33,098 I mean Mark did ask me to get his money back. 403 00:15:33,566 --> 00:15:37,073 No give to brother. Money only for Hank. 404 00:15:37,207 --> 00:15:38,811 Yeah but it's Mark's money you know, 405 00:15:38,944 --> 00:15:39,879 he paid for you and everything. 406 00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:44,823 For duck's sake Hank, no spend life being used by others. 407 00:15:45,190 --> 00:15:47,393 You gave me best day of life. 408 00:15:47,695 --> 00:15:49,331 You deserve such day yourself. 409 00:15:49,632 --> 00:15:51,936 Whoa, was this really the best day of your life? 410 00:15:52,203 --> 00:15:54,074 Yes. Well, up there 411 00:15:54,074 --> 00:15:57,581 with time they inject me with MDMA. 412 00:15:59,384 --> 00:16:01,756 I don't think playing dead is working, Jinglebells. 413 00:16:01,756 --> 00:16:04,696 Well, that's because most dead people don't talk! 414 00:16:04,829 --> 00:16:06,098 You got better ideas? 415 00:16:06,098 --> 00:16:08,803 Huh? Maybe call it a snowflake over and over? 416 00:16:08,803 --> 00:16:09,572 Would you chill? 417 00:16:09,772 --> 00:16:11,810 Every time you freak out, it squeezes harder. 418 00:16:12,344 --> 00:16:15,349 Why couldn't you just get a slow loris or a sugar glider? 419 00:16:15,750 --> 00:16:18,957 There's plenty of illegal exotic pets that aren't gonna EAT YOU! 420 00:16:18,957 --> 00:16:21,863 Nah this is just kind of territorial thing, okay? 421 00:16:21,963 --> 00:16:23,432 They rarely eat humans. 422 00:16:24,101 --> 00:16:25,871 Seems like it's trying to, 423 00:16:26,372 --> 00:16:29,010 it just can't get past your cankles. 424 00:16:29,210 --> 00:16:32,752 Hey! Chronic edema is a serious medical condition. 425 00:16:32,852 --> 00:16:34,756 Okay so what do these things eat? 426 00:16:35,123 --> 00:16:38,061 Mostly small to mid-size animals. 427 00:16:42,303 --> 00:16:42,972 Mimi no! 428 00:16:43,105 --> 00:16:44,575 Yes Mimi! 429 00:17:09,057 --> 00:17:10,059 Yes Mimi! 430 00:17:10,059 --> 00:17:12,129 You go girl! You got it! 431 00:17:12,798 --> 00:17:13,432 Sorry, Mernft. 432 00:17:13,667 --> 00:17:15,470 I know that snake meant a lot to you. 433 00:17:15,737 --> 00:17:18,008 Eh, not really. I was just looking to flip the thing. 434 00:17:18,408 --> 00:17:21,148 Anyway, it is what it is. Life goes on. 435 00:17:21,950 --> 00:17:25,123 Uh... except for the 15 foot deadly snake on the loose? 436 00:17:25,558 --> 00:17:27,761 Nah. That thing will be dead in a day. 437 00:17:34,542 --> 00:17:38,082 Yes Mimi! Hi! Oh, you're such a good girl! 438 00:17:39,518 --> 00:17:40,252 David... 439 00:17:41,756 --> 00:17:43,526 I was thinking, uh, you know, maybe you could 440 00:17:43,660 --> 00:17:44,494 come live with me. 441 00:17:45,831 --> 00:17:46,967 I don't know, Hank. 442 00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:49,270 I don't want to be too much trumpet... 443 00:17:49,939 --> 00:17:50,774 Trouble. 444 00:17:50,774 --> 00:17:52,243 No way, it'll be fun. 445 00:17:53,379 --> 00:17:54,347 Maybe. 446 00:18:01,730 --> 00:18:04,133 Hey, Monkey, uh, wanna get some breakfast? 447 00:18:04,902 --> 00:18:05,570 Hey, Monkey? 448 00:18:06,573 --> 00:18:07,273 Monkey! 449 00:18:08,241 --> 00:18:09,244 Monkey wake up! 450 00:18:09,377 --> 00:18:11,215 Monkey! Monkey, wake up! 451 00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:12,584 Monkey, monkey. No! 452 00:18:13,085 --> 00:18:14,454 No Monkey. No. 453 00:18:46,418 --> 00:18:47,353 Ah what the hell, Tam? 454 00:18:47,353 --> 00:18:49,826 Why can't you just love me for who I am, okay? 455 00:18:49,826 --> 00:18:51,161 This is my face now. 456 00:18:51,295 --> 00:18:52,764 It's not about your face, Mark. 457 00:18:52,764 --> 00:18:55,302 It's that you can easily fix it and for some reason you won't. 458 00:18:55,436 --> 00:18:57,273 Uh yeah. Because I'd rather have a messed up 459 00:18:57,407 --> 00:18:59,645 face than one fixed by Dr. Fifty Shades of. 460 00:18:59,812 --> 00:19:02,717 Grey's Anatomy who is clearly trying to bang you! 461 00:19:03,285 --> 00:19:04,789 Wait a minute I'm sorry, what? 462 00:19:04,922 --> 00:19:09,031 Who the hell gets someone's wife a $200 spa card, okay? 463 00:19:09,164 --> 00:19:10,433 That's what this is about? 464 00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:11,602 Yeah. It is. 465 00:19:12,137 --> 00:19:12,905 What are you doing? 466 00:19:13,005 --> 00:19:13,707 I'm sleeping on the couch 467 00:19:13,807 --> 00:19:15,342 so you won't have to look at me. 468 00:19:38,723 --> 00:19:39,625 Damnit. 469 00:19:40,059 --> 00:19:41,328 Mark, what is this? 470 00:19:41,696 --> 00:19:44,200 Eh nothing, it's just some stupid birthday gift 471 00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:45,202 I thought would be funny. 472 00:19:45,302 --> 00:19:48,409 This is HYSTERICAL, Mark! 473 00:19:48,409 --> 00:19:50,213 Yeah it is pretty hysterical, right? 474 00:19:50,213 --> 00:19:52,183 Hon, this is so fricken thoughtful. 475 00:19:52,450 --> 00:19:53,452 Why didn't you just give me this? 476 00:19:53,887 --> 00:19:56,292 I was going to, and then uh... you come in 477 00:19:56,425 --> 00:19:59,064 all excited about Dr. Sleezebag's little card. 478 00:19:59,331 --> 00:20:02,470 Yeah I got 200 dollars, and I'm like forget it, 479 00:20:02,470 --> 00:20:03,272 I'll get you something else. 480 00:20:03,272 --> 00:20:03,973 Are you kidding me? 481 00:20:04,307 --> 00:20:06,813 This is way better than some stupid spa card. 482 00:20:06,980 --> 00:20:10,186 Besides, 200 bucks is like a 15 minute massage at that place. 483 00:20:10,621 --> 00:20:12,156 But you know what the best gift would be? 484 00:20:12,490 --> 00:20:13,492 I don't know, baby tiger? 485 00:20:13,492 --> 00:20:15,496 Dick's Sporting Goods gift card. 486 00:20:15,597 --> 00:20:18,368 No... I want my husband's handsome face back. 487 00:20:18,468 --> 00:20:20,740 I mean I'm not gonna lie... It was pretty good face eh? 488 00:20:20,740 --> 00:20:22,377 So will you get the damn surgery? 489 00:20:22,377 --> 00:20:24,214 This whole thing is absurd. 490 00:20:24,214 --> 00:20:26,351 Yeah, I guess it is kind of hard to eat wings 491 00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:27,621 with a pig's sack for lips. 492 00:20:27,621 --> 00:20:30,425 Oh, thank God. Come here, you. 493 00:20:31,127 --> 00:20:31,662 Wait a minute... 494 00:20:32,029 --> 00:20:34,333 when you say "pig's sack" do you mean... 495 00:20:34,869 --> 00:20:35,671 oh, my god. 496 00:20:35,938 --> 00:20:38,075 Well you can always kiss the second mouth. 497 00:20:38,175 --> 00:20:39,277 Come on, last chance... 498 00:20:40,212 --> 00:20:41,715 Yeah. No chance. 499 00:20:52,971 --> 00:20:54,842 And here's your banana smoothie. 500 00:20:54,976 --> 00:20:55,409 Awesome. 501 00:20:55,911 --> 00:20:57,548 Anything else I can get you, Mr. Hoagies? 502 00:20:57,948 --> 00:21:00,419 Yeah, you know what... Uh... let me get one of them 503 00:21:00,419 --> 00:21:02,624 uh, woo woo yoga crystal massages. 504 00:21:02,824 --> 00:21:03,492 You got it. 505 00:21:12,677 --> 00:21:13,880 Oh yeah. 506 00:21:15,717 --> 00:21:16,886 Whoops. 507 00:21:18,757 --> 00:21:19,892 Hmm.