1
00:00:03,306 --> 00:00:04,543
[lighter clicks] Yo, Mark.

2
00:00:04,543 --> 00:00:06,045
[fire woosh]
Just got my UBI check.

3
00:00:06,045 --> 00:00:07,749
Bet we can get some
sweet tickets for the

4
00:00:07,749 --> 00:00:08,885
Phillies game on Thursday.

5
00:00:08,885 --> 00:00:09,754
Nah, Hank.

6
00:00:09,754 --> 00:00:10,789
We got better plans.

7
00:00:10,789 --> 00:00:12,793
What's better than
Dollar Dog Night?

8
00:00:12,926 --> 00:00:13,928
Bow hunting.

9
00:00:14,061 --> 00:00:15,531
Hell yeah. Bow hunting.

10
00:00:15,798 --> 00:00:17,603
So, uh, what's bow hunting?

11
00:00:17,603 --> 00:00:19,773
It's hunting but
with a bow and arrow.

12
00:00:19,773 --> 00:00:20,975
Way more hardcore.

13
00:00:21,075 --> 00:00:21,744
Woah.

14
00:00:22,044 --> 00:00:22,812
Let me tell you, there's
something beautiful

15
00:00:22,879 --> 00:00:25,084
and ancient about
the bow and arrow.

16
00:00:25,117 --> 00:00:27,087
One of man's most
primitive tools.

17
00:00:27,087 --> 00:00:27,822
Check it out.

18
00:00:27,989 --> 00:00:28,323
Woah.

19
00:00:28,691 --> 00:00:30,628
The Falcon NX5, Buckshredder.

20
00:00:30,662 --> 00:00:33,734
This bad boy fires a
hundred heat seeking arrows

21
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:34,936
in under six seconds.

22
00:00:35,070 --> 00:00:37,174
Damn, just like
the caveman used.

23
00:00:37,174 --> 00:00:39,512
Yup, they were having a sale
at Hardcore Hunting.

24
00:00:39,613 --> 00:00:42,518
Spend over twenty five hundred
dollars and get a free grenade.

25
00:00:42,885 --> 00:00:45,825
Nice. You never know when
you might need a grenade.

26
00:00:45,825 --> 00:00:46,527
Exactly.

27
00:00:46,794 --> 00:00:48,931
So, uh, you know how
to use this thing or?

28
00:00:48,931 --> 00:00:50,702
Oh yeah, I've been
listening to Rogan talk

29
00:00:50,702 --> 00:00:52,137
about elk hunting for years.

30
00:00:52,371 --> 00:00:54,242
Maybe I should practice
a little with the bow?

31
00:00:54,242 --> 00:00:55,811
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
you don't use the bow.

32
00:00:56,012 --> 00:00:56,379
I don't?

33
00:00:56,713 --> 00:00:57,715
Nah, nah, you got a much more

34
00:00:57,715 --> 00:00:58,585
important role.

35
00:00:58,718 --> 00:00:59,285
Oh, okay.

36
00:00:59,419 --> 00:01:01,557
Every hunter needs a gatherer.

37
00:01:01,690 --> 00:01:03,226
You are the gatherer.

38
00:01:03,359 --> 00:01:04,028
Nice.

39
00:01:04,162 --> 00:01:05,999
So, uh, what does a gatherer do?

40
00:01:06,032 --> 00:01:07,569
After I shoot the arrows,

41
00:01:07,703 --> 00:01:09,172
you gather 'em.

42
00:01:09,439 --> 00:01:09,974
Awesome.

43
00:01:10,307 --> 00:01:11,577
Oh baby, look at that,
look at that.

44
00:01:11,710 --> 00:01:12,378
Okay. We got movement

45
00:01:12,512 --> 00:01:13,981
at 12 o'clock
right there, Hank.

46
00:01:13,981 --> 00:01:15,719
Okay, you wanna see
this bad boy in action?

47
00:01:15,852 --> 00:01:16,452
Hell yeah.

48
00:01:16,854 --> 00:01:17,723
[shooting]

49
00:01:17,756 --> 00:01:18,624
[screech!]

50
00:01:18,725 --> 00:01:19,592
[beep, beep, beep]

51
00:01:20,094 --> 00:01:21,162
Uh, Mark?

52
00:01:21,463 --> 00:01:21,864
Oh crap.

53
00:01:22,164 --> 00:01:22,966
I forgot they're heat seeking.

54
00:01:22,966 --> 00:01:23,868
Hank, hit the deck!

55
00:01:24,135 --> 00:01:25,838
[loud explosion]

56
00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:27,508
[ting]

57
00:01:30,313 --> 00:01:31,750
Well don't you
stand there, Hank?

58
00:01:31,851 --> 00:01:32,852
Gather the arrows!

59
00:01:34,656 --> 00:01:35,558
[♪♪♪♪♪]

60
00:01:35,792 --> 00:01:38,397
Well, I used to work
at a hot dog factory.

61
00:01:38,430 --> 00:01:40,433
Until them
robots came along.

62
00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:42,171
And now
there is no job for me

63
00:01:42,271 --> 00:01:44,709
But I get 3,000
bucks a month

64
00:01:44,743 --> 00:01:48,918
Thanks to UBI

65
00:01:49,018 --> 00:01:52,892
Now we're
Universal Basic Guys.

66
00:01:52,925 --> 00:01:54,763
It may not
sound like much.

67
00:01:54,796 --> 00:01:57,902
But we're
still gonna try

68
00:01:57,935 --> 00:02:02,779
We're just
Universal Basic Guys

69
00:02:06,820 --> 00:02:07,488
No, no, no, no.

70
00:02:07,488 --> 00:02:09,224
UBI is not freedom, okay?

71
00:02:09,224 --> 00:02:10,427
It's socialism.

72
00:02:10,695 --> 00:02:12,030
Giving people handouts.

73
00:02:12,231 --> 00:02:13,901
That's the end of
America right there.

74
00:02:14,068 --> 00:02:15,572
Wait, aren't you on disability?

75
00:02:15,705 --> 00:02:18,610
Okay, well, that's due to a
serious medical issue, okay?

76
00:02:18,610 --> 00:02:19,345
Chronic Edema.

77
00:02:19,547 --> 00:02:21,449
Swollen ankles due
to salt retention.

78
00:02:21,449 --> 00:02:23,521
You can't work with
a handicap like that.

79
00:02:23,655 --> 00:02:24,222
[slurps]

80
00:02:24,288 --> 00:02:25,023
Oh hey, hun.

81
00:02:25,224 --> 00:02:27,895
Hey, did you guys
know a Doug Davidson?

82
00:02:27,895 --> 00:02:28,597
Oh, Dougie D?

83
00:02:28,831 --> 00:02:30,902
Yeah, he uh worked
at the hot dog factory.

84
00:02:30,902 --> 00:02:31,604
Good guy.

85
00:02:31,804 --> 00:02:32,405
Oh, yeah?

86
00:02:32,438 --> 00:02:33,574
Well, apparently his wife

87
00:02:33,574 --> 00:02:35,276
Janine's been reported missing,

88
00:02:35,310 --> 00:02:36,814
and now they can't find Doug.

89
00:02:36,814 --> 00:02:39,519
Ya know, I think he had
something to do with it.

90
00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:40,821
Oh, get out of here.

91
00:02:40,821 --> 00:02:42,358
You watch way too much Dateline.

92
00:02:42,491 --> 00:02:44,162
Uh, where's the grill?

93
00:02:44,329 --> 00:02:45,029
- Oh, it blew up.

94
00:02:45,196 --> 00:02:45,798
Hank.

95
00:02:45,831 --> 00:02:46,834
It blew up?

96
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:48,370
It was an accident, okay?

97
00:02:48,504 --> 00:02:49,038
Oh, yeah?

98
00:02:49,138 --> 00:02:50,173
An accident?

99
00:02:50,207 --> 00:02:51,442
Hey, you should be
happy to know

100
00:02:51,442 --> 00:02:52,477
that the arrows I purchased

101
00:02:52,545 --> 00:02:55,183
are of high enough quality
to pierce a propane tank.

102
00:02:55,183 --> 00:02:56,452
Oh, great. I'm thrilled.

103
00:02:56,553 --> 00:02:58,456
You really know my
love language, Mark.

104
00:02:58,456 --> 00:03:01,696
I'm telling you, Tam, this is a
really smart investment, okay?

105
00:03:01,696 --> 00:03:03,934
This thing's gonna provide
us with infinite meat.

106
00:03:04,101 --> 00:03:05,771
You want to provide
food for the family?

107
00:03:05,872 --> 00:03:08,677
Why don't you just try growing
a garden like David over there?

108
00:03:08,677 --> 00:03:09,211
[camera clicks]

109
00:03:09,579 --> 00:03:11,116
Oh, come on,
that whole garden is like

110
00:03:11,116 --> 00:03:12,284
one freakin' salad, okay?

111
00:03:12,351 --> 00:03:15,725
A single deer would provide our
family with meat for months.

112
00:03:15,825 --> 00:03:16,526
[rustling]

113
00:03:16,660 --> 00:03:18,230
Ooh, ooh, Hank, check it out.

114
00:03:18,497 --> 00:03:19,966
Looks like dinner has arrived.

115
00:03:20,568 --> 00:03:20,968
Let's go.

116
00:03:21,937 --> 00:03:22,839
[crossbow loading]

117
00:03:24,174 --> 00:03:25,176
Oh, okay, great.

118
00:03:25,410 --> 00:03:28,016
In the off chance he actually
killed a poor thing, we can

119
00:03:28,016 --> 00:03:31,389
sous vide it in the hot tub,
since we no longer have a grill.

120
00:03:31,389 --> 00:03:33,728
You know, you can actually
do that Tam, okay?

121
00:03:33,728 --> 00:03:36,499
I know a guy who can disable
the high limit sensor

122
00:03:36,499 --> 00:03:38,236
and get this puppy up to 130.

123
00:03:38,403 --> 00:03:39,606
Uh, we're good.

124
00:03:40,107 --> 00:03:41,142
Okay, lay it on me.

125
00:03:41,510 --> 00:03:43,246
- Well, good news and bad news.

126
00:03:43,346 --> 00:03:44,015
Hah, really?

127
00:03:44,382 --> 00:03:45,384
Okay, let's start with the bad.

128
00:03:45,518 --> 00:03:46,620
What's this bad news?

129
00:03:46,787 --> 00:03:49,025
- So, all the major
cable networks passed.

130
00:03:49,125 --> 00:03:50,562
Ughhh, dammit!

131
00:03:50,895 --> 00:03:51,897
Oh, come on!

132
00:03:52,131 --> 00:03:53,901
You know, this is
why cable is dying.

133
00:03:54,168 --> 00:03:55,203
What about the podcasts?

134
00:03:55,203 --> 00:03:56,339
I gave you a list of podcasts.

135
00:03:56,339 --> 00:03:56,907
Let's go through those.

136
00:03:57,241 --> 00:03:59,846
- Yeah, uh... Terry Gross?
Sam Harris?

137
00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:01,517
Those are huge podcasts, David.

138
00:04:01,517 --> 00:04:03,119
I mean, in what world
do you think they would

139
00:04:03,119 --> 00:04:04,890
want to interview a guy
who self-published

140
00:04:04,890 --> 00:04:05,859
a book about gardening?

141
00:04:05,892 --> 00:04:07,528
Uh, sustainable gardening,

142
00:04:07,528 --> 00:04:09,398
and it's about my journey, okay?

143
00:04:09,766 --> 00:04:12,104
Ugh. What's the point of having
a book publicist if you

144
00:04:12,104 --> 00:04:13,306
can't get me any interviews?

145
00:04:13,406 --> 00:04:15,276
- Uh, I am not your publicist.

146
00:04:15,276 --> 00:04:16,179
I'm your cousin.

147
00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:18,182
I'm doing this as
a favor, David.

148
00:04:18,316 --> 00:04:19,151
So am I.

149
00:04:19,318 --> 00:04:20,454
I got a lot of cousins, Chuck.

150
00:04:20,454 --> 00:04:21,756
I could have gone
with any of 'em.

151
00:04:22,725 --> 00:04:23,392
- Okay, David.

152
00:04:23,627 --> 00:04:24,027
Ugh.

153
00:04:24,328 --> 00:04:25,665
Okay, so what's the good news?

154
00:04:25,965 --> 00:04:28,469
- I booked you on
Sunrise Philadelphia.

155
00:04:28,904 --> 00:04:30,140
Oh... okay.

156
00:04:30,273 --> 00:04:31,042
Okay, that's not bad.

157
00:04:31,209 --> 00:04:32,679
That's like a pretty
big deal down here.

158
00:04:32,845 --> 00:04:35,050
- Great, because they also
would love for you to show

159
00:04:35,083 --> 00:04:38,123
them your garden and give
some organic gardening tips.

160
00:04:38,156 --> 00:04:39,424
Oh, wow! That's exciting.

161
00:04:39,424 --> 00:04:40,393
So they're coming to my house?

162
00:04:40,527 --> 00:04:42,965
Am I doing my own makeup
or are they sending someone?

163
00:04:43,099 --> 00:04:46,807
- Uh... is there someone in your
backyard with a crossbow?

164
00:04:46,940 --> 00:04:47,909
Wait, what?

165
00:04:47,909 --> 00:04:48,510
[GASP]

166
00:04:50,814 --> 00:04:52,317
Hey! Uh, no! No!

167
00:04:52,350 --> 00:04:52,685
Shh!!

168
00:04:52,852 --> 00:04:53,921
[crossbow firing]

169
00:04:55,323 --> 00:04:55,792
[thud]

170
00:04:56,059 --> 00:04:56,727
Dammit, David!

171
00:04:56,894 --> 00:04:58,764
I was about to light
that bad boy up!

172
00:04:58,764 --> 00:04:59,231
Mark!

173
00:04:59,599 --> 00:05:01,503
Please do not hunt
in my backyard!

174
00:05:01,570 --> 00:05:02,805
I'm protecting your crops.

175
00:05:02,872 --> 00:05:05,077
That deer was eating
your penis emojis.

176
00:05:05,077 --> 00:05:06,079
Those are eggplants.

177
00:05:06,412 --> 00:05:08,350
Oh, that's an eggplant.

178
00:05:08,551 --> 00:05:10,320
What did you think
an eggplant was?

179
00:05:10,555 --> 00:05:11,456
I don't know. I always thought

180
00:05:11,456 --> 00:05:12,458
it was like a tree that

181
00:05:12,458 --> 00:05:13,761
grows eggs or something.

182
00:05:14,596 --> 00:05:17,635
Ok. Well listen, I don't need
your help defending my garden.

183
00:05:17,769 --> 00:05:20,173
I'm perfectly capable
of keeping deer away

184
00:05:20,173 --> 00:05:21,342
without murdering them.

185
00:05:21,443 --> 00:05:22,779
I don't know about
that, David, okay?

186
00:05:22,779 --> 00:05:24,683
Deer aren't afraid
of guys like you.

187
00:05:24,683 --> 00:05:25,050
Oh, yeah?

188
00:05:25,317 --> 00:05:25,852
Yeah, they can sense that

189
00:05:25,952 --> 00:05:26,653
I'm a decent human being?

190
00:05:26,987 --> 00:05:30,528
Nature's only got one rule:
kill or be killed.

191
00:05:30,661 --> 00:05:33,066
When the animals sense
you're a vegetarian, they're

192
00:05:33,066 --> 00:05:34,101
not afraid of you no more.

193
00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:35,805
They will walk all over you.

194
00:05:35,805 --> 00:05:36,607
Okay. Fine.

195
00:05:36,607 --> 00:05:38,476
If that's the cost of being
ethical,

196
00:05:38,476 --> 00:05:39,513
then the animals

197
00:05:39,513 --> 00:05:40,781
don't have to respect me.

198
00:05:40,815 --> 00:05:41,616
Whoa, David, okay?

199
00:05:41,616 --> 00:05:43,754
Bow hunting is highly
ethical, okay?

200
00:05:43,754 --> 00:05:45,892
More ethical than being
vegetarian, actually.

201
00:05:46,025 --> 00:05:48,597
I mean, I feel like NOT
killing a conscious creature

202
00:05:48,631 --> 00:05:51,503
at all... probably the
most ethical thing, no?

203
00:05:51,636 --> 00:05:53,641
David, what do you think
is going happen to that

204
00:05:53,641 --> 00:05:54,275
deer you just spooked?

205
00:05:54,342 --> 00:05:55,377
Do you think he's gonna go on

206
00:05:55,377 --> 00:05:56,045
and live forever?

207
00:05:56,246 --> 00:05:58,249
Go become the first
deer astronaut?

208
00:05:58,383 --> 00:05:59,352
I got news for you.

209
00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:01,222
Nature is brutal.

210
00:06:01,356 --> 00:06:03,694
That deer is gonna get
eaten by a bear, or hit

211
00:06:03,694 --> 00:06:06,566
by a car, or die of one of
those parasites where a worm

212
00:06:06,566 --> 00:06:08,770
takes control of its brain
and makes it walk around all

213
00:06:08,770 --> 00:06:10,173
weird and fall over the field.

214
00:06:10,307 --> 00:06:13,680
Okay, bow hunting gives that
deer a dignified, noble death.

215
00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:16,887
In fact, the best possible
outcome for that deer is to

216
00:06:16,887 --> 00:06:19,225
take an arrow through the
heart from yours truly, okay?

217
00:06:19,225 --> 00:06:22,097
Okay, listen, if you wanna go
shoot defenseless animals,

218
00:06:22,197 --> 00:06:24,869
that's your choice, but
maybe do it in the woods?

219
00:06:24,969 --> 00:06:25,738
Okay, David.

220
00:06:25,838 --> 00:06:26,172
Pfft!

221
00:06:26,272 --> 00:06:26,807
Let's go, Hank!

222
00:06:27,141 --> 00:06:29,411
You know ah, Hank,
I-- I'm surprised.

223
00:06:29,411 --> 00:06:31,015
You don't seem like
the hunting type.

224
00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:32,718
Oh, I'm actually just gathering.

225
00:06:34,054 --> 00:06:35,490
Hey, don't forget your arrows!

226
00:06:36,025 --> 00:06:36,760
Dammit, Hank!

227
00:06:37,161 --> 00:06:38,295
[♪♪♪♪♪]

228
00:06:38,530 --> 00:06:41,570
Okay... Any minute now...

229
00:06:41,570 --> 00:06:44,876
Our little four legged friend
is gonna to come stumbling

230
00:06:45,143 --> 00:06:47,615
right into the line of fire.

231
00:06:47,882 --> 00:06:49,151
[squirt!]

232
00:06:49,384 --> 00:06:50,421
Hank, what the
hell are you doing?

233
00:06:50,588 --> 00:06:51,990
I'm taking a hot dog break.

234
00:06:52,124 --> 00:06:52,926
What do you mean hot dog break?

235
00:06:52,992 --> 00:06:54,662
We've been out here
for 20 minutes.

236
00:06:55,263 --> 00:06:56,265
The hell's wrong with you?

237
00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:57,936
We're catching our own meat now.

238
00:06:58,136 --> 00:07:00,040
Yeah, I just don't know
how I feel about, like,

239
00:07:00,140 --> 00:07:01,141
killing animals and stuff.

240
00:07:01,308 --> 00:07:01,576
Hank!

241
00:07:01,943 --> 00:07:02,878
What do you think hot dogs

242
00:07:02,878 --> 00:07:03,547
are made from?

243
00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:04,816
Uh, sludge?

244
00:07:05,016 --> 00:07:07,722
Listen, I'm telling you.
This is way more ethical

245
00:07:07,722 --> 00:07:08,824
than eating hot dogs.

246
00:07:08,891 --> 00:07:10,894
We bow hunters
follow a strict code.

247
00:07:10,894 --> 00:07:11,462
[twigs snapping]

248
00:07:11,730 --> 00:07:13,466
Hey, oh-- shh,
shh, shh, shh, shh.

249
00:07:13,567 --> 00:07:15,069
Hank, check it out.

250
00:07:15,169 --> 00:07:15,871
[lens focus]

251
00:07:16,740 --> 00:07:18,410
Wouldn't it be against
bow hunting rules

252
00:07:18,410 --> 00:07:19,411
to kill a baby deer?

253
00:07:19,546 --> 00:07:20,782
Might not be a baby.

254
00:07:21,216 --> 00:07:22,050
Could be a midget.

255
00:07:23,185 --> 00:07:24,088
[crossbow fire]

256
00:07:24,088 --> 00:07:24,823
[lens focus]

257
00:07:24,823 --> 00:07:25,290
Whoa!

258
00:07:25,290 --> 00:07:26,158
[zipper]

259
00:07:26,325 --> 00:07:27,828
What the hell was that?

260
00:07:28,196 --> 00:07:29,064
Dougie D?

261
00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:30,300
Yo!

262
00:07:30,467 --> 00:07:31,637
You gotta be more careful, man.

263
00:07:31,637 --> 00:07:32,839
What are you doing out here?

264
00:07:32,972 --> 00:07:33,540
Mark?

265
00:07:34,074 --> 00:07:34,609
Hank?

266
00:07:35,243 --> 00:07:38,917
Hey-- Well... since getting
laid off from the factory,

267
00:07:39,084 --> 00:07:39,853
I uh...

268
00:07:39,953 --> 00:07:41,389
I finally decided
to live my dream of

269
00:07:41,389 --> 00:07:42,958
being a survivalist.

270
00:07:43,393 --> 00:07:43,628
Yeah.

271
00:07:43,694 --> 00:07:44,195
No way,

272
00:07:44,395 --> 00:07:45,097
that's freaking awesome, man.

273
00:07:45,598 --> 00:07:47,936
Yeah, see Hank, I told you
this guy didn't kill his wife.

274
00:07:47,936 --> 00:07:48,804
What?

275
00:07:49,104 --> 00:07:50,574
No, no, no, that's crazy.

276
00:07:50,741 --> 00:07:51,610
Of course I didn't.

277
00:07:51,710 --> 00:07:52,378
I had nothing to do with it.

278
00:07:52,378 --> 00:07:54,114
Ah, I wouldn't worry too much.

279
00:07:54,114 --> 00:07:55,350
Right now, she's just missing.

280
00:07:55,483 --> 00:07:57,087
Oh, yeah, right,
right, right, yeah.

281
00:07:57,622 --> 00:07:59,626
So, like, nobody knows
I'm out here, right?

282
00:07:59,793 --> 00:08:01,095
I mean, I don't think so.

283
00:08:01,262 --> 00:08:02,865
Except us now, obviously.

284
00:08:03,232 --> 00:08:04,134
Yeah.

285
00:08:04,134 --> 00:08:04,803
[tense music]

286
00:08:04,803 --> 00:08:05,771
Well, listen, if you want

287
00:08:05,771 --> 00:08:06,606
a break from solitude,

288
00:08:06,740 --> 00:08:08,844
you're welcome to come
bow hunting with us.

289
00:08:09,211 --> 00:08:09,879
You know,

290
00:08:10,213 --> 00:08:11,750
that sounds like a great idea.

291
00:08:12,117 --> 00:08:13,854
[dramatic music]

292
00:08:16,860 --> 00:08:17,762
[snap]

293
00:08:18,229 --> 00:08:18,997
Uh, excuse me.

294
00:08:18,997 --> 00:08:19,532
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

295
00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:20,266
What are you doing, babe?

296
00:08:20,567 --> 00:08:22,270
Grabbing a couple tomatoes?

297
00:08:22,404 --> 00:08:24,075
Okay, why do you need tomatoes?

298
00:08:24,375 --> 00:08:25,611
To... eat?

299
00:08:25,744 --> 00:08:27,615
Yeah, this garden
is not for eating.

300
00:08:27,615 --> 00:08:29,218
This garden is going
to be featured on TV.

301
00:08:29,218 --> 00:08:31,255
This would be like you going
on the full house set and

302
00:08:31,255 --> 00:08:32,090
eating the Olsen Twins.

303
00:08:32,390 --> 00:08:36,131
Uh, I don't think I'm the
one you need to worry about.

304
00:08:36,165 --> 00:08:36,967
What do you mean?

305
00:08:37,301 --> 00:08:38,136
[dramatic music]

306
00:08:38,369 --> 00:08:39,138
Damnit!

307
00:08:39,271 --> 00:08:41,408
Oh, come on,
jeez.

308
00:08:41,643 --> 00:08:43,547
Oh, they ate ah-- they
ate everything!

309
00:08:43,714 --> 00:08:45,050
They even ate
the frickin' herbs!

310
00:08:45,083 --> 00:08:47,254
Are you alright over
there, Jinglebells?

311
00:08:47,387 --> 00:08:47,989
- No.

312
00:08:48,189 --> 00:08:50,227
The damn deer keep
eating my crops.

313
00:08:50,528 --> 00:08:53,433
You know, I got a guy who can
install a spiked fence for you.

314
00:08:53,701 --> 00:08:54,735
A spiked fence?

315
00:08:54,936 --> 00:08:57,407
Uh, sounds a little extreme.
Does it work?

316
00:08:57,440 --> 00:08:58,677
Oh yeah, big time, okay?

317
00:08:58,677 --> 00:08:59,579
That's why they're illegal.

318
00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:00,515
- They're illegal?

319
00:09:00,648 --> 00:09:03,152
Well, only because the
snowflakes you elect

320
00:09:03,252 --> 00:09:04,689
claim they're "inhumane."

321
00:09:04,922 --> 00:09:07,995
Okay, well anything that'll harm
animals is out of the question.

322
00:09:08,029 --> 00:09:08,597
Nah, nah, nah.

323
00:09:08,597 --> 00:09:09,231
It's just a deterrent.

324
00:09:09,431 --> 00:09:11,703
Like a, uh, spiky
metal scarecrow.

325
00:09:11,803 --> 00:09:13,005
Yeah, thanks but no thanks.

326
00:09:13,005 --> 00:09:15,010
I'll just stick with,
uh, peppermint oil.

327
00:09:15,210 --> 00:09:16,445
Pfft. Wasting your money.

328
00:09:16,580 --> 00:09:17,213
What do you mean?

329
00:09:17,582 --> 00:09:19,720
Doesn't work on a deer
in South Jersey, okay?

330
00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:21,857
The animals here are
stubborn bastards.

331
00:09:21,857 --> 00:09:23,325
No respect for property.

332
00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:24,094
Excuse me.

333
00:09:24,261 --> 00:09:25,931
Get the hell out of my hot tub.

334
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:29,037
[♪♪♪♪♪]

335
00:09:30,307 --> 00:09:31,442
Pfft. Unbelievable.

336
00:09:31,743 --> 00:09:34,314
Fricken deer all over the
roads and none in the forest.

337
00:09:34,716 --> 00:09:35,216
You know what?

338
00:09:35,818 --> 00:09:38,088
I know a perfect spot where
a ton of deer hang out.

339
00:09:38,289 --> 00:09:41,295
But we gotta go a little
deeper in the woods.

340
00:09:41,630 --> 00:09:42,163
Eh, I don't know.

341
00:09:42,330 --> 00:09:43,734
I feel like we should head back.

342
00:09:43,734 --> 00:09:44,401
You know, it's
getting kind of late.

343
00:09:44,569 --> 00:09:45,904
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
You can't leave!

344
00:09:46,506 --> 00:09:49,478
I-- I mean... we should
camp out, right?

345
00:09:49,846 --> 00:09:51,517
Look, I got a tent,
I got a whole set up.

346
00:09:51,717 --> 00:09:52,384
It'll be great.

347
00:09:52,484 --> 00:09:53,052
Aw, hell yeah.

348
00:09:53,185 --> 00:09:54,354
A little overnight hunting trip

349
00:09:54,354 --> 00:09:55,257
with the boys.

350
00:09:55,390 --> 00:09:56,392
What do you say, Hank?

351
00:09:56,626 --> 00:09:57,695
Uh... I'm pretty hungry.

352
00:09:57,895 --> 00:10:00,901
Hank, what do you say you and
me do a little foraging, yeah?

353
00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:03,607
You know, a lot of people
say that mushrooms are the

354
00:10:03,607 --> 00:10:05,243
hot dogs of the forest.

355
00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:06,078
Oh yeah?

356
00:10:06,445 --> 00:10:06,746
Okay.

357
00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:08,116
Yo, there we go!

358
00:10:08,116 --> 00:10:09,585
There we go, Hanky Hank!

359
00:10:09,785 --> 00:10:11,790
Yeah, alright, Doug, Doug,
just let me call the wife.

360
00:10:11,790 --> 00:10:13,460
Uh, I gotta let her know
we're sleeping out tonight.

361
00:10:13,460 --> 00:10:14,862
No, no, no, no, you can't!

362
00:10:17,033 --> 00:10:20,707
Well, I mean... who
needs to call their wife?

363
00:10:21,375 --> 00:10:22,545
We're just hanging out.

364
00:10:22,645 --> 00:10:24,883
Pfft, oka-- Doug, I got news
for you, okay?

365
00:10:24,883 --> 00:10:27,187
If I camp out here with
you and don't tell her,

366
00:10:27,187 --> 00:10:28,256
I'm literally gonna
get murdered.

367
00:10:28,422 --> 00:10:32,565
Okay, uh... just maybe don't
mention you're with me, please?

368
00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:33,767
Don't worry, I got you.

369
00:10:37,474 --> 00:10:38,744
[TV] -She was the life
of the party.

370
00:10:39,044 --> 00:10:42,619
Her smile would light up a
room, but little did she know.

371
00:10:42,819 --> 00:10:44,155
Oh yeah, she's dead.

372
00:10:44,355 --> 00:10:45,624
She's freakin' dead.

373
00:10:45,791 --> 00:10:47,260
[phone buzzing]

374
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:48,296
Hey hun... What's up?

375
00:10:48,563 --> 00:10:50,934
Hey uh, just wanna let you
know I'm gonna be camping out

376
00:10:50,934 --> 00:10:52,404
tonight with uh, Hank and Doug.

377
00:10:52,538 --> 00:10:53,373
Ah, crap.

378
00:10:53,507 --> 00:10:54,174
Doug?

379
00:10:54,274 --> 00:10:55,510
As in Doug Davidson?

380
00:10:55,577 --> 00:10:58,282
No, no, uh, Doug,
uh, Doug Peterson.

381
00:10:58,717 --> 00:10:59,852
The old Eagles coach?

382
00:11:00,086 --> 00:11:02,825
Uh, yeah, yeah, that's whom.
Agh, alright listen.

383
00:11:02,825 --> 00:11:04,596
Okay, Tam, I'm with Doug, okay?

384
00:11:04,596 --> 00:11:05,832
But just keep it
on the DL, okay?

385
00:11:05,832 --> 00:11:07,301
He doesn't want anyone
to know he's out here.

386
00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:08,804
Uh, yeah, you know why?

387
00:11:08,904 --> 00:11:10,641
Because he's a
MURDERER, you idiot!

388
00:11:10,808 --> 00:11:12,277
Okay, calm down.

389
00:11:12,310 --> 00:11:13,245
He's not a murderer.

390
00:11:13,312 --> 00:11:15,684
He's a good guy and he
needs friends right now.

391
00:11:15,684 --> 00:11:16,318
Mark!

392
00:11:16,553 --> 00:11:17,120
I'm telling ya,

393
00:11:17,420 --> 00:11:18,790
I've been checking out
his Facebook.

394
00:11:18,991 --> 00:11:20,527
Look at some of
the pages he likes.

395
00:11:20,794 --> 00:11:24,435
O.J. Simpson, Chris Benoit,
Oscar Pistorius.

396
00:11:24,703 --> 00:11:26,305
Okay, so the guy likes sports.

397
00:11:26,339 --> 00:11:27,207
I mean No, Mark.

398
00:11:27,441 --> 00:11:30,079
He likes athletes who
killed their FRICKIN' wives!

399
00:11:30,313 --> 00:11:31,014
Oh, please, okay?

400
00:11:31,281 --> 00:11:32,852
You like Michael Jackson
doesn't mean you go

401
00:11:32,852 --> 00:11:33,854
around boinking kids.

402
00:11:33,854 --> 00:11:34,889
Mark, listen to me.

403
00:11:34,889 --> 00:11:36,993
You and your brother need
to get your asses outta

404
00:11:36,993 --> 00:11:38,329
there and call the cops!

405
00:11:38,429 --> 00:11:39,464
Okay, I hear you.
I got you.

406
00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:40,735
Okay, let me talk to the guys.

407
00:11:41,102 --> 00:11:43,038
No! Do not talk to
the guys about it!

408
00:11:43,941 --> 00:11:44,775
[sigh]

409
00:11:45,443 --> 00:11:48,315
[eerie music]

410
00:11:48,482 --> 00:11:49,719
Oh! What about that one?

411
00:11:49,852 --> 00:11:51,690
Ooh, that's a beauty, Hank.

412
00:11:51,723 --> 00:11:52,490
Good pick.

413
00:11:52,959 --> 00:11:55,062
You sure it's not
like, uh, poison?

414
00:11:55,329 --> 00:11:56,232
Not at all.

415
00:11:56,499 --> 00:11:58,069
In fact, those are my favorite.

416
00:11:58,369 --> 00:11:59,371
I eat them all the time.

417
00:11:59,739 --> 00:12:01,475
Hmm...

418
00:12:02,377 --> 00:12:03,345
[grunt, thud]

419
00:12:05,116 --> 00:12:05,885
Oh.

420
00:12:06,252 --> 00:12:08,590
Someone left a perfectly
good knife in that tree.

421
00:12:08,890 --> 00:12:11,796
Oh... uh... yeah. Nice.

422
00:12:12,297 --> 00:12:14,167
Yeah, I don't know
if I can eat this.

423
00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:16,105
Looks just like the
guy from Mario Kart.

424
00:12:16,372 --> 00:12:17,909
But, uh, you know,
you should have it.

425
00:12:18,009 --> 00:12:19,879
Oh, no, no, I'm good, thanks.

426
00:12:20,012 --> 00:12:21,248
Oh, come on, I insist.

427
00:12:21,550 --> 00:12:23,653
You said you eat these
mushrooms all the time and

428
00:12:23,653 --> 00:12:24,989
that these are your favorite.

429
00:12:25,858 --> 00:12:29,966
Right. I... um...
fine, yeah. Sure.

430
00:12:30,734 --> 00:12:31,670
[crunch]

431
00:12:31,670 --> 00:12:32,538
Mmm.

432
00:12:33,206 --> 00:12:33,974
Yummy.

433
00:12:34,207 --> 00:12:34,909
[groan]

434
00:12:35,109 --> 00:12:36,546
Would you excuse me
for just a second?

435
00:12:36,746 --> 00:12:37,748
[vomit]

436
00:12:37,748 --> 00:12:38,617
Good news guys.

437
00:12:38,617 --> 00:12:39,417
Talked to the wife.

438
00:12:39,552 --> 00:12:41,121
We are all clear for camping.

439
00:12:41,890 --> 00:12:42,558
Hey, what's up with him?

440
00:12:42,859 --> 00:12:46,264
Hey Mark, can I uh, talk
to you for a second?

441
00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:47,100
What's up?

442
00:12:47,467 --> 00:12:49,471
I have some concerns about Doug.

443
00:12:51,610 --> 00:12:52,511
I think he's bulimic.

444
00:12:54,114 --> 00:12:55,016
[vomit]

445
00:12:55,685 --> 00:12:56,686
[crickets]

446
00:12:56,819 --> 00:12:58,022
[crunching]

447
00:12:58,155 --> 00:12:58,991
Oh, come on.

448
00:12:59,124 --> 00:12:59,525
Shoo!

449
00:12:59,692 --> 00:13:00,359
Go!

450
00:13:00,359 --> 00:13:01,228
Get out of here!

451
00:13:02,397 --> 00:13:03,165
Swear to god, buddy.

452
00:13:03,365 --> 00:13:04,936
Don't make me use
the peppermint spray.

453
00:13:05,036 --> 00:13:07,240
You'll be smelling like
Christmas for weeks.

454
00:13:08,242 --> 00:13:09,244
[squirt]

455
00:13:10,914 --> 00:13:18,295
[dramatic music]

456
00:13:18,831 --> 00:13:20,166
Sorry.
I'm sorry.

457
00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:21,803
[clang]

458
00:13:21,837 --> 00:13:23,005
[hooves]

459
00:13:25,176 --> 00:13:26,178
[ding]

460
00:13:26,412 --> 00:13:27,413
[door unlocks]

461
00:13:28,783 --> 00:13:30,153
Mr Jinglebells.

462
00:13:30,320 --> 00:13:30,687
Hi.

463
00:13:30,821 --> 00:13:31,857
Yeah, so, uh,

464
00:13:31,857 --> 00:13:33,560
about that spiky fence.

465
00:13:37,167 --> 00:13:38,737
[owl hoots]

466
00:13:39,004 --> 00:13:40,707
So she really thinks
Doug did it, eh?

467
00:13:40,874 --> 00:13:42,244
Yo no, she's nuts, okay?

468
00:13:42,244 --> 00:13:44,616
She saw one thing on his
Facebook page and now

469
00:13:44,616 --> 00:13:45,551
she's fricken Columbo.

470
00:13:45,751 --> 00:13:47,955
I don't know, Mark didn't
like his, uh, first wife die

471
00:13:47,955 --> 00:13:48,991
in a weird way or something?

472
00:13:48,991 --> 00:13:49,926
No, not at all, okay?

473
00:13:50,193 --> 00:13:52,632
She, uh, I think she fell
down the stairs or something.

474
00:13:52,832 --> 00:13:54,736
Poor guy, if anyone
appreciates

475
00:13:54,769 --> 00:13:56,271
having a wife,
it's gotta be Doug.

476
00:13:56,573 --> 00:13:57,140
[twigs snapping]

477
00:13:57,407 --> 00:13:58,475
Did you hear that?
Shh, shh, shh..

478
00:14:01,949 --> 00:14:02,918
[crossbow fires]

479
00:14:03,352 --> 00:14:04,188
[whoosh]

480
00:14:04,455 --> 00:14:05,222
[beep, beep, beep]

481
00:14:05,724 --> 00:14:05,991
[thud, thud, thud]

482
00:14:05,991 --> 00:14:07,327
Ugggh!

483
00:14:07,562 --> 00:14:08,495
[yells and groans]

484
00:14:08,596 --> 00:14:09,464
Oh boy.

485
00:14:11,435 --> 00:14:12,237
Uh, is he dead?

486
00:14:12,437 --> 00:14:13,239
Hank, would you relax?

487
00:14:13,406 --> 00:14:14,876
Okay, this is just a
little hunting accident.

488
00:14:14,876 --> 00:14:15,778
It happens all the time.

489
00:14:15,911 --> 00:14:16,445
Hey, Doug.

490
00:14:16,913 --> 00:14:17,748
Doug, you good?

491
00:14:17,748 --> 00:14:19,317
Arrrgh!

492
00:14:19,752 --> 00:14:20,420
Okay, don't worry, pal.

493
00:14:20,821 --> 00:14:22,892
Just got uh, the wind
knocked out of you, okay?

494
00:14:22,925 --> 00:14:23,459
No big deal.

495
00:14:24,128 --> 00:14:26,098
Uh, should we call
9-1-1 or?

496
00:14:26,498 --> 00:14:28,637
[groans]

497
00:14:29,104 --> 00:14:31,175
Ehhh. Yeah, probably.

498
00:14:31,643 --> 00:14:32,979
Ah, crap. Phone's dead.

499
00:14:33,279 --> 00:14:34,983
Yo, Hank, what uh...
percentage you at?

500
00:14:35,149 --> 00:14:36,620
I don't know. Won't turn on.

501
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:38,857
Hmm. Looks like we're
gonna have to do this

502
00:14:38,857 --> 00:14:39,893
the old fashioned way.

503
00:14:40,026 --> 00:14:42,096
Like a surgery with
sticks or something?

504
00:14:42,631 --> 00:14:43,398
Hm...

505
00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:45,069
[groans]

506
00:14:45,504 --> 00:14:46,171
You know what, nah.

507
00:14:46,438 --> 00:14:47,975
I think we gotta,
we gotta go get help.

508
00:14:48,275 --> 00:14:49,044
[ting]

509
00:14:49,177 --> 00:14:50,915
What the hell kind
of fence is this?

510
00:14:50,915 --> 00:14:53,385
Eh, it's just a deterrent
to keep deer out.

511
00:14:53,419 --> 00:14:54,187
It's hideous.

512
00:14:54,321 --> 00:14:55,089
I don't know, I kind of like it.

513
00:14:55,256 --> 00:14:58,128
It's got kind of a
Game of Thrones vibe.

514
00:14:58,295 --> 00:14:58,630
Ugh.

515
00:14:58,930 --> 00:14:59,865
Listen, I have no choice.

516
00:15:00,032 --> 00:15:01,769
The Sunrise Philadelphia
people are coming and the

517
00:15:01,769 --> 00:15:04,308
entire tri-state area is
going to see my garden, okay?

518
00:15:04,475 --> 00:15:06,780
No one's going to buy a
gardening book from a man

519
00:15:06,780 --> 00:15:08,015
with nibbled eggplants.

520
00:15:08,148 --> 00:15:09,451
How much is this
thing going to cost?

521
00:15:09,619 --> 00:15:12,157
Oh, it's Mernft Man's friend.
He's doing it as a favor.

522
00:15:12,190 --> 00:15:14,027
Eight thousand dollars.

523
00:15:14,161 --> 00:15:16,700
Eight thou--
You mean eight thousand rubles?

524
00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:17,234
No.

525
00:15:17,434 --> 00:15:18,369
You know. Okay well look,

526
00:15:18,436 --> 00:15:20,674
our fence budget is only
two thousand dollars.

527
00:15:20,707 --> 00:15:22,243
Eight thousand dollars!

528
00:15:22,343 --> 00:15:24,549
Okay yes, sure.
Sorry, no problem.

529
00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:25,216
Uh,...you know what?

530
00:15:25,249 --> 00:15:26,553
I'm gonna go get my checkbook.

531
00:15:26,553 --> 00:15:27,120
Cash.

532
00:15:27,622 --> 00:15:29,825
I don't have eight thousand
dollars in cash on me!

533
00:15:30,259 --> 00:15:31,128
Okay listen, David, okay?

534
00:15:31,294 --> 00:15:33,332
I know your people love
a bargain, but you can't

535
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:34,835
negotiate with these guys, okay?

536
00:15:34,835 --> 00:15:36,639
He's like full-on
Russian mob.

537
00:15:36,639 --> 00:15:37,641
- Oh my god.

538
00:15:37,741 --> 00:15:39,846
- You know what, I'm gonna
run to the bank. Alright?

539
00:15:39,846 --> 00:15:41,314
Eight thousand?
Great, no problem.

540
00:15:41,348 --> 00:15:42,985
- David, I have to go to work.

541
00:15:43,318 --> 00:15:44,822
Just... I'll be right back.

542
00:15:45,624 --> 00:15:49,833
So... uh, should we be worried
about rust or anything?

543
00:15:49,966 --> 00:15:50,868
Rust good.

544
00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:53,172
Give enemies tetanus.

545
00:15:55,309 --> 00:15:56,278
[footsteps]

546
00:15:56,513 --> 00:15:58,282
Eh, you sure we're going
the right way, Mark?

547
00:15:58,616 --> 00:16:00,821
We've been walking
for like sixteen hours.

548
00:16:00,821 --> 00:16:01,656
Yes, Hank, you see this?

549
00:16:01,790 --> 00:16:04,160
Moss only grows on the
north side of trees.

550
00:16:04,260 --> 00:16:06,532
So what you do is you just
follow the moss, and it'll

551
00:16:06,532 --> 00:16:09,471
take you to-- takes you
in a straight line. Okay?

552
00:16:09,939 --> 00:16:11,709
Yeah, but that tree
has moss all around it.

553
00:16:12,443 --> 00:16:14,113
Holy crap, Hank.

554
00:16:14,347 --> 00:16:15,684
It's a freakin' deer city!

555
00:16:15,718 --> 00:16:16,819
[angelic music]

556
00:16:16,986 --> 00:16:17,386
Oh, yeah.

557
00:16:17,788 --> 00:16:19,357
Too bad we gotta
get help for Doug.

558
00:16:19,491 --> 00:16:21,395
He's fine, Hank, okay?
He's a survivalist.

559
00:16:21,696 --> 00:16:24,234
Not dying is like, that's
like their one rule.

560
00:16:24,569 --> 00:16:26,773
This might be our only
chance to bag a buck.

561
00:16:27,040 --> 00:16:28,810
If I come back from an
overnight hunting trip with

562
00:16:28,810 --> 00:16:31,616
no frickin' meat, pfft, I'm
never gonna hear end of it.

563
00:16:32,651 --> 00:16:33,185
[click]

564
00:16:33,653 --> 00:16:34,487
[click, click]

565
00:16:35,022 --> 00:16:35,624
Damnit!

566
00:16:35,891 --> 00:16:36,993
Hank, it's freakin' empty!

567
00:16:36,993 --> 00:16:37,661
Where are the arrows?

568
00:16:37,928 --> 00:16:40,634
Oh crap, I think they're
uh, still in Doug.

569
00:16:40,801 --> 00:16:41,670
[sigh] Damn, alright,

570
00:16:41,670 --> 00:16:43,773
well I didn't want to
have to do this,

571
00:16:43,773 --> 00:16:45,677
but you left me no choice Hank,
okay? This is on you.

572
00:16:45,944 --> 00:16:49,519
Woah, you sure it's ethical
to use a grenade on a deer?

573
00:16:49,519 --> 00:16:51,054
Oh yeah, VERY ethical.

574
00:16:51,187 --> 00:16:54,327
Instant death, no suffering.
Plus they die together,

575
00:16:54,327 --> 00:16:55,597
so they go to heaven together.

576
00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:56,398
- True.

577
00:16:56,833 --> 00:16:59,605
Alright, this is it.
For all the money.

578
00:17:00,741 --> 00:17:01,408
[click]

579
00:17:01,943 --> 00:17:02,612
[thud]

580
00:17:03,079 --> 00:17:04,080
Oh crap!
Fire in the hole!

581
00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:05,283
Let's go go go go!

582
00:17:05,517 --> 00:17:06,051
[boom!]

583
00:17:06,085 --> 00:17:07,286
[wings flapping]

584
00:17:09,825 --> 00:17:11,394
[dramatic music]

585
00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:16,673
[dramatic music]

586
00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:19,812
Welcome back to
Sunrise Philadelphia.

587
00:17:19,812 --> 00:17:21,816
Denise, are you into gardening?

588
00:17:22,050 --> 00:17:23,352
Oh, no, Howard,

589
00:17:23,486 --> 00:17:26,058
the only time my thumb is
green is when I'm using

590
00:17:26,058 --> 00:17:27,695
it to call my landscaper!

591
00:17:27,695 --> 00:17:28,863
[laughter]

592
00:17:28,863 --> 00:17:32,571
Well, our own Tracy Mummers
is live in Glantontown to

593
00:17:32,571 --> 00:17:36,178
show us why they call
New Jersey the Garden State.

594
00:17:36,546 --> 00:17:37,213
Thanks, Howard!

595
00:17:37,447 --> 00:17:39,752
I'm here with David Jinglebells,
author of

596
00:17:39,752 --> 00:17:42,959
A New Leaf: My Journey
into Sustainable Gardening.

597
00:17:43,092 --> 00:17:45,229
David, can we start with
a little tour of your

598
00:17:45,229 --> 00:17:46,532
beautiful garden here?

599
00:17:46,532 --> 00:17:47,467
Great, sure, yeah!

600
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:49,539
So first up we have
a local staple.

601
00:17:49,939 --> 00:17:51,308
This is the Jersey tomato.

602
00:17:51,341 --> 00:17:54,515
- Oh yes. Love those
in a Caprese salad.

603
00:17:54,715 --> 00:17:56,384
And look at these eggplants.

604
00:17:56,585 --> 00:17:57,320
Impressive.

605
00:17:57,386 --> 00:17:58,422
Oh well thank you very much!

606
00:17:58,556 --> 00:18:01,194
Yeah, these are actually
Japanese eggplants, which are

607
00:18:01,394 --> 00:18:03,198
a fantastic meat substitute.

608
00:18:03,398 --> 00:18:05,737
You get the texture of meat,
but without the murder.

609
00:18:05,737 --> 00:18:06,472
[thud, groan]

610
00:18:06,472 --> 00:18:07,073
Oh!

611
00:18:07,073 --> 00:18:07,842
[gasp]

612
00:18:07,942 --> 00:18:08,375
Oh, wow.

613
00:18:08,910 --> 00:18:11,716
I think a deer just got
stuck on your fence.

614
00:18:11,983 --> 00:18:12,718
[thud, groan]

615
00:18:13,820 --> 00:18:14,689
Oh, god!

616
00:18:14,689 --> 00:18:15,356
[thud, thud]

617
00:18:15,356 --> 00:18:15,824
Oh, no!

618
00:18:15,824 --> 00:18:16,593
[thud, groans]

619
00:18:16,593 --> 00:18:17,026
[screams]

620
00:18:17,026 --> 00:18:17,393
[splat]

621
00:18:17,527 --> 00:18:19,497
Oh, god! Please--

622
00:18:19,497 --> 00:18:19,832
[groans]

623
00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:20,166
[screams]

624
00:18:20,232 --> 00:18:21,201
[tv static]

625
00:18:22,437 --> 00:18:23,539
Oh, deer.

626
00:18:24,207 --> 00:18:25,409
That's not good.

627
00:18:29,117 --> 00:18:31,388
Ah, fricken A. I think
we're back at the campsite.

628
00:18:31,656 --> 00:18:33,993
Wait, did we just walk all
the way around the Earth?

629
00:18:34,127 --> 00:18:35,564
[siren wailing]

630
00:18:35,764 --> 00:18:37,133
Look, Doug's getting help!

631
00:18:37,233 --> 00:18:38,101
[siren wailing]

632
00:18:38,101 --> 00:18:39,203
[camera flash]

633
00:18:41,107 --> 00:18:41,776
[camera flash]

634
00:18:41,943 --> 00:18:43,881
Yeah, uh. I think
he's dead, Hank.

635
00:18:44,014 --> 00:18:45,149
Oh, jeez.

636
00:18:45,282 --> 00:18:46,151
Hank, I killed the guy.

637
00:18:46,285 --> 00:18:47,654
I freaking killed the guy, okay?

638
00:18:47,654 --> 00:18:48,488
I'm going to jail.

639
00:18:48,856 --> 00:18:50,026
Maybe Tammy was right.

640
00:18:50,126 --> 00:18:51,730
Yeah, about Doug killing Janine?

641
00:18:51,997 --> 00:18:54,768
No, about bo hu-- wait a minute-
YEAH.

642
00:18:55,002 --> 00:18:56,839
Yeah! About Doug killing Janine!

643
00:18:57,406 --> 00:19:00,748
Cause if Doug did it, then I
didn't just kill some guy...

644
00:19:00,748 --> 00:19:02,150
I killed a murderer!

645
00:19:02,317 --> 00:19:04,153
Doug is obviously a
fricken murderer!

646
00:19:04,153 --> 00:19:05,422
Okay, how's that for ethical?

647
00:19:05,557 --> 00:19:08,730
Forget bow hunter,
I'm a BOUNTY hunter.

648
00:19:08,930 --> 00:19:09,532
Wait, where you going?

649
00:19:09,899 --> 00:19:11,936
Where you think I'm going?
To get my reward!

650
00:19:15,309 --> 00:19:17,280
Yo, clean up on
aisle five, right?

651
00:19:17,413 --> 00:19:18,816
Who the hell are you?

652
00:19:18,850 --> 00:19:20,821
How you doin', uh Mark Hoagies.
Bounty hunter.

653
00:19:20,854 --> 00:19:23,158
Okay buddy well this
is an active crime scene.

654
00:19:23,158 --> 00:19:24,160
Are you authorized to be here?

655
00:19:24,394 --> 00:19:26,832
I mean considering this is my
handiwork, yeah I'd say so.

656
00:19:26,866 --> 00:19:29,572
Hold on. Are you confessing
to killing this guy?

657
00:19:29,706 --> 00:19:32,043
I prefer to call it
neutralizing a murderer.

658
00:19:32,043 --> 00:19:33,412
But yes, that is correct.

659
00:19:33,412 --> 00:19:34,649
[gulp]

660
00:19:35,016 --> 00:19:36,384
[handcuffs rustling]

661
00:19:37,453 --> 00:19:39,358
Well, Hoagies, uh your
little brother over

662
00:19:39,358 --> 00:19:40,627
there told us everything.

663
00:19:40,627 --> 00:19:41,061
[sigh]

664
00:19:41,161 --> 00:19:41,929
Bastard sold me out

665
00:19:41,929 --> 00:19:42,798
for a hot dog!

666
00:19:42,965 --> 00:19:43,566
Unbelievable.

667
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,105
He says you
accidentally shot Doug,

668
00:19:46,238 --> 00:19:49,210
which by the way,
is still a serious crime.

669
00:19:49,344 --> 00:19:50,112
Dammit, Hank.

670
00:19:50,212 --> 00:19:51,481
But, he also gathered the

671
00:19:51,481 --> 00:19:53,119
smoking gun evidence we

672
00:19:53,119 --> 00:19:54,454
needed to close this case.

673
00:19:54,655 --> 00:19:56,358
Or should I say, smoking knife?

674
00:19:56,893 --> 00:19:59,331
He found a knife in a
tree with Janine's blood.

675
00:19:59,632 --> 00:20:02,003
So how about we agree
this was self defense

676
00:20:02,003 --> 00:20:03,573
and call it a day, eh?

677
00:20:03,940 --> 00:20:05,544
Hmmm. Self defense?

678
00:20:05,677 --> 00:20:06,345
Interesting.

679
00:20:06,846 --> 00:20:08,382
How would that affect
the reward money?

680
00:20:08,617 --> 00:20:10,621
Your reward is
not going to jail.

681
00:20:10,621 --> 00:20:12,958
Now get the hell out of here
before I change my mind.

682
00:20:14,060 --> 00:20:14,562
Deal.

683
00:20:15,396 --> 00:20:17,266
Hey, Mernft, uh, you think
your Russian friend could

684
00:20:17,366 --> 00:20:18,570
throw me up there too?

685
00:20:18,804 --> 00:20:19,371
[squeak]

686
00:20:19,505 --> 00:20:20,774
Come on, David it's fine, okay?

687
00:20:20,774 --> 00:20:22,511
The world's a better
place with, uh,

688
00:20:22,511 --> 00:20:24,280
a fifteen or
so less deer in it.

689
00:20:24,949 --> 00:20:27,020
Well, at least your
eggplants are intact.

690
00:20:27,153 --> 00:20:28,121
[creaking]

691
00:20:28,255 --> 00:20:29,725
[crash!]

692
00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:36,740
Andrea, this Caprese
salad is wonderful.

693
00:20:36,840 --> 00:20:38,242
Thank you.
Better be.

694
00:20:38,376 --> 00:20:40,380
Those are eight thousand
dollar tomatoes.

695
00:20:40,681 --> 00:20:43,619
And this deer kebab is hot
dog quality let me tell you.

696
00:20:43,886 --> 00:20:44,956
Uh, thanks?

697
00:20:44,989 --> 00:20:46,559
Yeah David. You killed it.

698
00:20:46,559 --> 00:20:48,262
Believe me, I am aware Mark.

699
00:20:48,395 --> 00:20:49,765
You gotta try it
David, come on.

700
00:20:50,399 --> 00:20:51,468
Sure, why not.

701
00:20:52,972 --> 00:20:54,641
Hmm. Not bad, actually.

702
00:20:54,976 --> 00:20:55,409
Wow.

703
00:20:55,544 --> 00:20:56,979
And thus ends David's

704
00:20:56,979 --> 00:20:58,549
four month vegetarian adventure.

705
00:20:58,783 --> 00:21:01,421
I mean, it feels like it
would be unethical NOT

706
00:21:01,421 --> 00:21:02,658
to eat it at this point.

707
00:21:02,858 --> 00:21:03,292
Right, Mark?

708
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:04,862
Actually David, you'll be happy

709
00:21:04,862 --> 00:21:06,065
to know that I no longer

710
00:21:06,065 --> 00:21:07,433
hunt innocent creatures...

711
00:21:07,567 --> 00:21:09,705
only obviously guilty ones.

712
00:21:09,905 --> 00:21:12,009
I am a bounty hunter now.

713
00:21:12,143 --> 00:21:13,479
Oh give me a break.

714
00:21:13,713 --> 00:21:14,280
No he's not.

715
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:15,249
Yes I am Tam.

716
00:21:15,382 --> 00:21:16,318
I think this is my calling.

717
00:21:16,652 --> 00:21:19,725
Okay, Mark. For legal reasons,
why don't we discuss this later.

718
00:21:19,725 --> 00:21:22,832
So uh, what happened
to the rest of the deer?

719
00:21:22,932 --> 00:21:25,503
Oh uh... Mernft Man
actually took 'em. Heh.

720
00:21:26,004 --> 00:21:27,006
Oh my god.

721
00:21:27,439 --> 00:21:28,777
Are you fricken kidding me?

722
00:21:28,944 --> 00:21:29,912
[splash]