1 00:00:02,168 --> 00:00:03,669 Hank, meet TODD. 2 00:00:03,670 --> 00:00:07,039 TODD stands for Task Optimized Directive Droid. 3 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:09,242 Whoa. Is this the new hot dog taster? 4 00:00:09,376 --> 00:00:10,242 Yup. 5 00:00:10,243 --> 00:00:12,579 It uses a wide-spectrum laser scanner, 6 00:00:12,712 --> 00:00:15,782 50 times more sensitive than the human tongue. 7 00:00:15,882 --> 00:00:17,983 Defective. - Whoa. 8 00:00:17,984 --> 00:00:18,985 Hello, Hank. 9 00:00:19,085 --> 00:00:20,320 Oh, uh, hi? 10 00:00:20,453 --> 00:00:23,189 TODD, Hank is now your primary user. 11 00:00:23,289 --> 00:00:25,090 Hank will teach you what to do. 12 00:00:25,091 --> 00:00:27,660 When in doubt, ask Hank for guidance. 13 00:00:27,927 --> 00:00:29,195 Primary user locked. 14 00:00:29,295 --> 00:00:31,363 All directives must originate from Hank. 15 00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:35,401 So, uh, if he does the hot dog tasting, uh, what do I do? 16 00:00:35,402 --> 00:00:38,071 Listen Hank, I gotta make tough decisions. 17 00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:39,972 And while I care about people, 18 00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:42,108 the bottom line is the bottom line. 19 00:00:42,208 --> 00:00:43,810 You can understand that, right? 20 00:00:44,077 --> 00:00:46,913 Listen TODD, I gotta make tough decisions. 21 00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:49,816 And while I care about people, er, robots, 22 00:00:49,916 --> 00:00:51,951 the bottom line is the bottom line. 23 00:00:52,085 --> 00:00:53,453 You can understand that, right? 24 00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:54,354 Unsure. 25 00:00:54,521 --> 00:00:57,022 Your model is being replaced by the AVIA-5. 26 00:00:57,023 --> 00:00:59,391 First hot dog bot to pass the Turing test. 27 00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:02,394 Hey TODD. I look forward to continuing your legacy. 28 00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:05,230 You've set the bar exceptionally reachable. 29 00:01:05,231 --> 00:01:07,232 Ha! He also makes jokes, 30 00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:09,336 and they're actually pretty hysterical. 31 00:01:12,005 --> 00:01:14,741 When in doubt, ask Hank for guidance. 32 00:01:20,847 --> 00:01:22,582 Ask Hank for guidance. 33 00:01:22,882 --> 00:01:24,417 Ask Hank for guidance. 34 00:01:24,851 --> 00:01:26,619 Ask Hank for guidance. 35 00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:30,422 ♪ Well, I used to work in a hot dog factory ♪ 36 00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:32,424 ♪ until them robots came along, ♪ 37 00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:34,327 ♪ and now there is no job for me, ♪ 38 00:01:34,427 --> 00:01:36,762 ♪ but I get three thousand bucks a month. ♪ 39 00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:41,167 ♪ Thanks to UBI. ♪ 40 00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:44,703 ♪ Now we're Universal Basic Guys. ♪ 41 00:01:44,704 --> 00:01:49,442 ♪ It may not sound like much, but we're still gonna try. ♪ 42 00:01:49,542 --> 00:01:54,280 ♪ We're just Universal Basic Guys. ♪ 43 00:01:57,484 --> 00:01:59,285 This factory meat is diseased. 44 00:01:59,419 --> 00:02:01,688 Much like our capitalist society's treatment 45 00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,323 of the working class. 46 00:02:03,823 --> 00:02:06,326 [snores] 47 00:02:06,860 --> 00:02:09,061 Not the turnout I was hoping for, but I guess 48 00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:11,030 that's to be expected for an up coming 49 00:02:11,031 --> 00:02:12,065 playwright on the scene. 50 00:02:12,198 --> 00:02:13,032 What did you think? 51 00:02:13,033 --> 00:02:16,903 I think you're a very good lawyer. 52 00:02:17,070 --> 00:02:18,104 Thanks. 53 00:02:18,204 --> 00:02:19,405 Wait, what? 54 00:02:19,406 --> 00:02:22,075 David, it's been years of exploring 55 00:02:22,175 --> 00:02:23,877 your untapped creativity. 56 00:02:24,044 --> 00:02:25,577 At some point you gotta cut bait. 57 00:02:25,578 --> 00:02:27,613 Oh God, just one time I wish my work could 58 00:02:27,614 --> 00:02:30,182 actually be appreciated, to be respected. 59 00:02:30,183 --> 00:02:32,552 When you were a lawyer, people respected you. 60 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,321 You know, Humantis' legal team is 61 00:02:35,422 --> 00:02:37,056 always looking for fresh bodies. 62 00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:38,991 Yeah, my values don't exactly line up 63 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,326 with those of an evil mega-corp. 64 00:02:40,460 --> 00:02:42,195 Weren't they just caught cramming lollipops 65 00:02:42,295 --> 00:02:43,630 into dolphin blowholes? 66 00:02:43,730 --> 00:02:46,398 That was to help develop anti-choking devices. 67 00:02:46,399 --> 00:02:48,000 Okay, well think about how much bigger of 68 00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:51,171 an impact you can have from inside the belly of the beast. 69 00:02:51,371 --> 00:02:53,773 I suppose that's true, but am I really 70 00:02:53,873 --> 00:02:56,142 ready to just give up on my creative dreams? 71 00:02:56,242 --> 00:02:58,377 David, do you want to be respected, or do 72 00:02:58,378 --> 00:03:00,680 you want to spend your life bumbling around like Mark? 73 00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:03,983 I'm telling you, okay, the whole thing's a cover-up. 74 00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:07,152 It's a CIA mining operation to uncover 75 00:03:07,153 --> 00:03:09,154 some kind of rare earth material that they can 76 00:03:09,155 --> 00:03:10,824 use to power the alien spacecraft. 77 00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:13,526 Ooh, I thought the Grand Canyon was made by nature. 78 00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:15,127 Come on Hank, dude, you're really 79 00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:17,563 buying a whole "natural erosion" theory? 80 00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:20,366 I got news for you. Water ain't that precise, okay? 81 00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,135 It's obviously excavation. 82 00:03:22,235 --> 00:03:23,802 There's a whole video about it on YouTube. 83 00:03:23,803 --> 00:03:25,537 All the national parks are a scam. 84 00:03:25,538 --> 00:03:28,641 The whole thing is one giant money laundering operation. 85 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:31,110 Uh, can I help you? 86 00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:32,645 I am seeking Hank. 87 00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:33,612 Whoa, TODD? 88 00:03:33,613 --> 00:03:35,447 Yo, is that a robot from a factory? 89 00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:37,517 Yeah, he's the one who replaced me. 90 00:03:37,617 --> 00:03:39,518 Wait a minute, shouldn't you be at work? 91 00:03:39,519 --> 00:03:41,521 I was also laid off from the factory. 92 00:03:41,621 --> 00:03:43,389 I seek you out for direction. 93 00:03:43,390 --> 00:03:45,190 Alright dude, uh, so we're in the middle 94 00:03:45,191 --> 00:03:47,027 of a podcast here, so maybe go seek 95 00:03:47,127 --> 00:03:48,828 direction somewhere else, alright? 96 00:03:48,928 --> 00:03:49,995 I cannot. 97 00:03:49,996 --> 00:03:51,263 Hank is my primary user. 98 00:03:51,264 --> 00:03:52,898 He must give me my purpose. 99 00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:54,768 Oh gotcha, okay, uh, well, 100 00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:56,536 I don't know if I have a purpose, 101 00:03:56,803 --> 00:03:59,406 but, uh, I guess I just try to be happy. 102 00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:01,141 How do I try to be happy? 103 00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:03,175 Oh, well, uh, you know, I like to 104 00:04:03,176 --> 00:04:05,111 watch the Phillies and eat hot dogs. 105 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,446 Consuming now. Om nom nom. 106 00:04:07,447 --> 00:04:09,581 Hot dog quality is acceptable. 107 00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:11,917 So, uh, did that make you happy? 108 00:04:11,918 --> 00:04:13,153 I have no emotions. 109 00:04:13,286 --> 00:04:14,853 I consume to determine quality. 110 00:04:14,854 --> 00:04:18,358 Oh man. There's gotta be a way to make you feel some joy. 111 00:04:18,458 --> 00:04:22,795 You know, I have some experience with giving robots... 112 00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:23,897 Pleasure. 113 00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:26,699 Welcome to Humantis. 114 00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,334 Thank you. So when do I start? 115 00:04:28,335 --> 00:04:29,336 Here's your first assignment. 116 00:04:29,536 --> 00:04:32,672 Had a little oopsie at our blood cobalt mine in the DRC. 117 00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:33,573 Blood cobalt? 118 00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:36,543 Yeah, it's like that movie Blood Diamond, except with cobalt. 119 00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:37,444 Hmm. 120 00:04:37,677 --> 00:04:40,313 So, allegedly, the groundwater is contaminated 121 00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:42,314 and the heavy metals are causing what's called 122 00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:44,084 "Swiss Cheese Brain". 123 00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:45,652 We need liability waivers in exchange 124 00:04:45,752 --> 00:04:48,388 for a discount on Humantis betting apps. 125 00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:49,923 Copy. 126 00:04:50,357 --> 00:04:51,358 Welcome to the team. 127 00:04:51,491 --> 00:04:53,225 Gym's open 24 hours, by the way. 128 00:04:53,226 --> 00:04:54,661 Oh, cool. 129 00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:58,364 Alright, I used a modified Real Babe chip 130 00:04:58,365 --> 00:04:59,865 to hijack the sensory subroutine 131 00:04:59,866 --> 00:05:02,835 and patch in a dopamine feedback loop. 132 00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:04,403 Uh... what? 133 00:05:04,404 --> 00:05:07,607 Your friend here is about to love hot dogs. 134 00:05:07,874 --> 00:05:10,443 Whoa. How'd you learn how to do that? 135 00:05:11,011 --> 00:05:14,114 Don't ask questions you don't want the answers to. 136 00:05:14,347 --> 00:05:16,416 Alright, let's test this sucker out. 137 00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:19,686 (swallowing noise) 138 00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:23,256 Ohh. Sensation detected. 139 00:05:23,356 --> 00:05:26,693 Classification: Pleasant. 140 00:05:26,793 --> 00:05:29,529 Whoa, so you actually like hot dogs now? 141 00:05:29,629 --> 00:05:32,399 Yes. I am experiencing joy. 142 00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:33,732 (pleasure noises) 143 00:05:33,733 --> 00:05:35,868 Uh, Hank, what the hell are we doin' here? 144 00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:36,670 Oh come on, Mark. 145 00:05:36,803 --> 00:05:38,772 Everyone should be able to experience joy. 146 00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:41,474 It's like, uh, my favorite feeling. 147 00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:43,109 Get in my mouth. 148 00:05:43,209 --> 00:05:45,845 Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, TODD you can't eat all the hot dogs 149 00:05:45,979 --> 00:05:46,980 you gotta share. 150 00:05:47,113 --> 00:05:48,180 Rule added. 151 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,716 I must share hot dogs with Hank. 152 00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:52,018 Uh, where are you going? 153 00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:54,487 To obtain more hot dogs. For sharing. 154 00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,757 Oh, uh. Hell yeah. 155 00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:02,162 With 45 minutes to spare, damn boy, impressive. 156 00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:03,630 Uh, thanks. 157 00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:04,964 So I was reviewing the 158 00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:07,167 power infrastructure for our AI systems, 159 00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,601 and, well, I found another little oopsie. 160 00:06:09,602 --> 00:06:12,271 Our diesel plant sits upwind of Yellowstone, 161 00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:15,008 which obviously isn't ideal. 162 00:06:15,775 --> 00:06:16,608 Why not? 163 00:06:16,609 --> 00:06:18,345 It's bad for the environment. 164 00:06:18,445 --> 00:06:20,680 Who cares? The environment's for poor people. 165 00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:25,517 Yes, but you guys are paying massive fines every year. 166 00:06:25,518 --> 00:06:27,252 If we switch to renewable energy, 167 00:06:27,253 --> 00:06:30,323 it'll be cheaper in the long run and better for the brand. 168 00:06:30,523 --> 00:06:32,225 Hmm, interesting. 169 00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:34,994 I'll pitch it up the chain, and if they bite, I'll take credit. 170 00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:37,430 But if they hate it, that's on you, so it's a win-win. 171 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:39,299 Nice work, Jinglebells. 172 00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:43,203 Jinglebells, I sold the bigwigs on your renewable energy BS. 173 00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:44,604 Wow, that's amazing. 174 00:06:44,771 --> 00:06:46,739 I got Humantis to save the parts of the 175 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,241 planet they haven't already destroyed. 176 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:51,144 Now, to pay for it, we just have to make some budget cuts. 177 00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:54,314 I need you to notify these 125 employees 178 00:06:54,447 --> 00:06:56,315 that they're terminated effective immediately. 179 00:06:56,316 --> 00:06:57,250 [gasps] 180 00:06:57,450 --> 00:07:00,520 So, I already drafted an apology and an announcement 181 00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:02,722 that we're beginning the transition to renewables. 182 00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:04,858 Toss it. We don't apologise. We pivot. 183 00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:07,526 Uh, you don't, you don't want to read it? 184 00:07:07,527 --> 00:07:08,361 It's already handled. 185 00:07:08,495 --> 00:07:10,462 At noon, the Eastern Yatona Tribal Council 186 00:07:10,463 --> 00:07:11,264 is issuing a statement 187 00:07:11,364 --> 00:07:13,066 pinning this on unsupervised tourists. 188 00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:15,602 They'll then praise the economic impact of our diesel plant 189 00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:17,136 noting that thanks to our funding 190 00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:18,904 of their Grey Wolf Conservation Program, 191 00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:21,040 they are no longer endangered, and that, my dear, 192 00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:24,077 is how you turn a PR crisis into a PR win. 193 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:27,146 Hey, babe. I mean, uh, Miss Ito. 194 00:07:27,147 --> 00:07:28,314 Are you busy? 195 00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:30,316 [chuckles] She seems nice. 196 00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:31,817 Oh, please. She's more of a mess 197 00:07:31,818 --> 00:07:33,319 than this whole Yellowstone fiasco. 198 00:07:33,486 --> 00:07:34,287 [chuckles] Yeah. 199 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:36,389 You know, it's funny you should mention that 200 00:07:36,489 --> 00:07:38,191 because, uh, well, it's handled. 201 00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:39,325 Uh, what? 202 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,728 You see, uh, I convinced the bigwigs 203 00:07:41,828 --> 00:07:42,862 to make the switch to renewables, 204 00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:47,200 so, yeah, turns out I'm already making a positive impact. 205 00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:49,635 You were right. As always. [chuckles] 206 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,203 Aw, see? Look at you. 207 00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:53,239 There's the compassionate killer I married. 208 00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:54,406 Yeah. 209 00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:56,376 Anyway, so, as it turns out, um, 210 00:07:56,876 --> 00:07:58,912 my impact had its own impacts, 211 00:07:59,045 --> 00:08:03,148 which in turn, I guess, has impacted you. 212 00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,217 How so? 213 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,353 Well, uh... 214 00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:09,022 You're fired. Please don't kill me! 215 00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:13,360 Are you kidding me? 216 00:08:13,526 --> 00:08:14,993 [grunts] I need to speak with Jason! 217 00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,795 Ma'am, I'm gonna need you to pack your things 218 00:08:16,796 --> 00:08:17,597 and leave the premises. 219 00:08:17,964 --> 00:08:21,667 This is insane! They can't fire me! You can't fire me! 220 00:08:21,668 --> 00:08:23,502 After what I've done for this company, 221 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:25,572 who the hell is gonna replace me?! 222 00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:30,210 Hi. I just want to say thank you so much, Andrea. 223 00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:32,945 Really appreciate everything, and if you ever 224 00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:35,881 need anything, please feel free to reach out. 225 00:08:35,882 --> 00:08:36,883 Shut up! 226 00:08:39,519 --> 00:08:40,386 Oh, hey, TODD. 227 00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:42,554 I obtained more hot dogs for sharing. 228 00:08:42,555 --> 00:08:43,923 Oh, man, thanks, TODD. 229 00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:46,291 So, uh, hot dogs make you happy now, right? 230 00:08:46,292 --> 00:08:49,528 Yes. Thank you, Hank, for enabling me to feel joy. 231 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:52,164 Wait, uh, where'd you get these? 232 00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:53,933 WoWo Gas and Convenience. 233 00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:56,602 But, uh, how'd you pay for them? 234 00:08:56,603 --> 00:08:57,871 I did not pay. 235 00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,273 Oh, uh, yeah. 236 00:09:00,573 --> 00:09:02,908 So, TODD, you can't just take hot dogs. 237 00:09:02,909 --> 00:09:04,243 You gotta pay for them with money. 238 00:09:04,244 --> 00:09:07,147 Rule added. I must pay for hot dogs with money. 239 00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:10,550 Uh, where are you going? 240 00:09:10,684 --> 00:09:12,185 To obtain more hot dogs. 241 00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:16,121 Come on, girl. Enough with the foreplay. Just poop already. 242 00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:18,424 Oh, hey there, Andrea. You taking the day off? 243 00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:20,125 Nope. I was fired by David, 244 00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:22,127 and no, I will not be taking questions. 245 00:09:22,128 --> 00:09:23,962 Well, you're welcome to come podcast with us. 246 00:09:23,963 --> 00:09:26,065 You know, we could always use a, uh, snorky chick 247 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,000 to, like, bust our balls and stuff, you know? 248 00:09:28,001 --> 00:09:30,336 I'm good, thanks. Have fun with that, though. 249 00:09:30,337 --> 00:09:32,838 You sure? 'Cause, uh, we're about to discuss 250 00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:35,775 what would happen if you flew an F-22 through a rainbow. 251 00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:39,011 Alright, anyway, so, yeah, what happens is okay, if you're going 252 00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:41,246 supersonic, it bends the light particles, 253 00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:44,351 which can generate a new color. That's how they discover teal. 254 00:09:45,652 --> 00:09:48,287 So, how are you doing? 255 00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:51,324 I mean, my life is over. Other than that, I'm fine. 256 00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:53,826 Well, uh, guess who convinced 257 00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:56,228 the bigwigs to put windows in our sweatshops? 258 00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:57,062 Love that for you. 259 00:09:57,063 --> 00:09:58,764 Thanks. Yeah, your man is in the 260 00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:01,600 belly of the beast, and it is getting a colon cleanse. 261 00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:02,401 What are you working on? 262 00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:04,470 SEO-optimising my LinkedIn profile. 263 00:10:04,471 --> 00:10:05,904 How do you feel about moving to Austin? 264 00:10:05,905 --> 00:10:08,140 You know, maybe you should look at this as an opportunity. 265 00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:10,876 You could finally start chipping away at your task list. 266 00:10:10,877 --> 00:10:13,179 Already done. I need a job before I lose my mind. 267 00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:15,247 Do you, though? You were miserable at your job. 268 00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:17,549 This is your chance to explore your passions. 269 00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:19,151 My passion is my career. 270 00:10:19,152 --> 00:10:21,153 You complain about work constantly. 271 00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:24,024 Because it's challenging! That's why I like it! 272 00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:26,059 It kind of seemed like it came easy for you. 273 00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:28,727 I think your real challenge is free time. 274 00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:31,063 Oh yeah, must be so hard to wake up with 275 00:10:31,064 --> 00:10:33,065 no responsibilities or deadlines. 276 00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:36,068 Yo, Hank, wanna try drinking hot sauce with our eyes? 277 00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,203 "Derrr okay Mark Hot Dog Time!" 278 00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:40,205 I don't know, babe. You said you were already 279 00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:41,907 losing your mind, and it's been two days. 280 00:10:41,908 --> 00:10:43,642 It's harder than you think to master the art 281 00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,077 of chillin' with the bros. 282 00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:47,380 You really think I can't hang with Mark and Hank? 283 00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:51,051 I think you're a really good PR person. 284 00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:54,987 'Sup, dudes? How's it hangin', hoagies? 285 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,022 Yoho, just livin' a dream. 286 00:10:57,023 --> 00:10:58,924 You know it! Free time, baby! 287 00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:01,094 Love me some unstructured hangin'. 288 00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:03,796 I actually changed my mind about the podcast. 289 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:05,798 I even prepared some stupid topics. 290 00:11:05,799 --> 00:11:07,533 I thought we could start with a debate about who 291 00:11:07,534 --> 00:11:10,035 could win in a fight between ten wolves and a hippo. 292 00:11:10,036 --> 00:11:11,971 I have all these cool facts about hippos. 293 00:11:12,105 --> 00:11:14,340 They have a bite force of 1,800 PSI, so... 294 00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:15,808 Nah, we're not doin' that. 295 00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:19,012 Oh. Okay, that's fine. Made a whole spreadsheet. 296 00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:22,014 Okay, what about "Could a regular guy from today 297 00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:24,650 beat up a strong guy from 3,000 years ago?" 298 00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:27,220 No no okay, we're done with the podcast. Okay, we're movin' on. 299 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,254 Wait, what? But I was up all night emailing 300 00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:31,290 guy-centric brands about sponsorships. 301 00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:32,959 Balls Blade is interested! 302 00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:35,094 We're doin' sculpture now. 303 00:11:35,095 --> 00:11:35,895 What? 304 00:11:36,062 --> 00:11:38,130 Yeah, so Tammy, she wanted me to pop by the 305 00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:41,001 granite supply place to pick up the countertop samples. 306 00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:43,068 Then I saw this bad boy for sale. 307 00:11:43,069 --> 00:11:45,871 I mean, ten grand worth of marble for 70% off? 308 00:11:45,872 --> 00:11:47,107 Yeah, you can't pass that up. 309 00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:49,376 Oh, hey, so what do you think of this design? 310 00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:50,976 Do you even know how to sculpt? 311 00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:53,712 Uh, yes, Andrea, it's not that complicated, okay? 312 00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:54,681 There's a stone, 313 00:11:54,781 --> 00:11:57,250 and then you chip at it until you make a picture. 314 00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:59,486 Mark, what the hell is this? 315 00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:01,221 Andrea? 316 00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:03,223 Hey, Tammy. 317 00:12:05,692 --> 00:12:06,726 I don't know if this is workin'. 318 00:12:06,926 --> 00:12:09,595 Hey just keep at it, Hank, okay? Rome wasn't built in a day. 319 00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:11,230 No, Mark, this is ridiculous. 320 00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:13,766 We've been out here for hours and haven't made a dent. 321 00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:15,768 We should be using an angle grinder. 322 00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:18,437 No, Andrea, we're doin' classic sculpture, okay? 323 00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:19,738 Like Michelangelo's David. 324 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,874 Mark, you realize it took Michelangelo 325 00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:23,609 three years to sculpt David? 326 00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:26,278 Really? I did not know that. Hmm. 327 00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:28,214 Alright, well, I guess we're goin' big. 328 00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:32,017 In what world is this a good idea? 329 00:12:32,018 --> 00:12:35,454 Andrea, in a post-work world, there are no bad ideas. 330 00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:38,090 Okay, can we just get this over with so that I can tell my 331 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,894 husband I survived a day doing idiotic things with Mark? 332 00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:43,228 Andrea, this is not idiotic, okay? 333 00:12:43,229 --> 00:12:45,731 It's a controlled demolition, right, Artie? 334 00:12:45,732 --> 00:12:47,067 No. 335 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,735 Alright, well, whatever, we're all set up here 336 00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:52,271 so let's do this, Alright? Go time. 337 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:53,340 Okay. 338 00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:04,784 I mean, uh, kinda looks like a dinosaur. 339 00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:07,019 That's it. I've better things to do with my life 340 00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:09,255 than, whatever this is. 341 00:13:10,890 --> 00:13:12,825 I'm here to share hot dogs with Hank. 342 00:13:12,826 --> 00:13:17,062 Wow, awesome. Wait, uh, how'd you get these? 343 00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:18,797 I paid for hot dogs with money. 344 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:22,235 Oh, hell yeah. Wait, how'd you get the money? 345 00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:26,172 Yeah, Hank, you see this? Some robot robbed a freakin' bank. 346 00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:28,041 Kinda looks like you, TODD. 347 00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:28,942 Uh... 348 00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,210 I mean, I want you to enjoy hot dogs 349 00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:33,513 but you gotta do it the right way. 350 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,147 So, uh, I've been spendin' all day, 351 00:13:35,148 --> 00:13:36,982 uh, comin' up with these rules for you. 352 00:13:36,983 --> 00:13:39,019 New rule. I cannot break any laws. 353 00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:41,121 New rule. I cannot do scams. 354 00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:44,257 New rule. I cannot provide sexual favors for hot dogs. 355 00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:46,926 Yeah, didn't wanna write that one, but, uh, 356 00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:48,962 also didn't want you doin' that, so... 357 00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:51,096 Uh, where you goin'? 358 00:13:51,097 --> 00:13:52,498 To obtain more hot dogs. 359 00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:56,236 Actually, uh, maybe just stay here, okay? 360 00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:58,972 New rule. I will not leave this apartment. 361 00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:02,708 Okay, yeah, thanks, TODD. Uh, and then tomorrow 362 00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:04,677 we can get more hot dogs, okay? 363 00:14:04,678 --> 00:14:05,912 Sounds great. 364 00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:08,248 Night, TODD. 365 00:14:08,481 --> 00:14:09,716 Good night, Hank. 366 00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:13,018 In a post-work world, there are no bad ideas. 367 00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:15,587 Honey, your working man is home! 368 00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:17,023 Today was amazing! 369 00:14:17,123 --> 00:14:19,925 I buried the village suing us in so much paperwork 370 00:14:19,926 --> 00:14:21,293 that the statute of limitations 371 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:23,929 will be up before they're even done reading it. 372 00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:26,633 Well, look who's entering his anti-hero era. 373 00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:28,767 Whoa, rough day at the quarry? 374 00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:29,803 No, no, it was great. 375 00:14:29,903 --> 00:14:32,638 Really? Kinda looks like you're not having the best time. 376 00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:34,006 Actually, I'm killin' it. 377 00:14:34,007 --> 00:14:36,141 Today we tried our hand at sculpture, and tomorrow 378 00:14:36,142 --> 00:14:38,044 we're harvesting honey from murder hornets. 379 00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:40,012 Or not, we're just winging it, really. 380 00:14:40,013 --> 00:14:42,715 Wow, look at you exploring new sides of yourself. 381 00:14:42,716 --> 00:14:44,616 Isn't it nice to try new things? 382 00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:46,052 Yep, yep, so nice. 383 00:14:46,152 --> 00:14:48,053 Anyway, I gotta prep for tomorrow. 384 00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:50,222 Big day, we're reclassifying our chemical runoff 385 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,291 as "agricultural by-product". 386 00:14:52,292 --> 00:14:55,261 Jason says if it goes well, he's taking me to Top Golf. 387 00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:57,397 Whew. 388 00:15:01,501 --> 00:15:03,035 Wait, uh, huh? 389 00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:04,703 Hello, Hank. [gasps] 390 00:15:04,704 --> 00:15:06,305 I obtained hot dogs for us to share. 391 00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:09,075 But, uh, how did you get all these? 392 00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:11,777 I followed all the rules. I did not break any laws. 393 00:15:11,778 --> 00:15:13,045 I did not leave the apartment. 394 00:15:13,046 --> 00:15:15,280 I did not provide sexual favors for hot dogs. 395 00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:16,282 I did not- 396 00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:21,887 Jayman, what's good? 397 00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:23,823 I don't know, but I can tell you what's bad. 398 00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:25,457 Authorities are calling it a 399 00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,761 "coordinated robot malfunction" in Glantontown, 400 00:15:27,861 --> 00:15:30,896 where Humantis Avia-5 units have been forcibly removing hot dog 401 00:15:30,897 --> 00:15:34,333 products from stores and private residences across South Jersey. 402 00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:36,201 Police are urging residents to shelter in 403 00:15:36,202 --> 00:15:38,671 place and secure all processed meat products. 404 00:15:38,672 --> 00:15:40,073 [fire burning] [sirens] 405 00:15:42,208 --> 00:15:44,109 Yeah, so, uh, I was at work 406 00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:46,345 and this thing just burst through my front door 407 00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:48,347 saying something about needing hot dogs 408 00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:50,250 for some guys named TODD and Hank. 409 00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:51,550 You better clean this up. 410 00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:53,419 Me? I don't know anything about robots. 411 00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:55,254 You knew enough to adjust the terms of service 412 00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:57,289 so we could dumb down the AI safety measures. 413 00:15:57,290 --> 00:15:58,157 But you said it was brilliant. 414 00:15:58,158 --> 00:15:59,725 You said it was the best idea ever. 415 00:15:59,726 --> 00:16:01,126 - Was it in an email? - No. 416 00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:03,062 Then I didn't say it. You better find Candace 417 00:16:03,063 --> 00:16:05,064 and clean this mess up or it's your ass. 418 00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:07,232 If we can't spin this, we're gonna need a fall guy. 419 00:16:07,233 --> 00:16:09,302 And it ain't gonna be me. 420 00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:12,004 Yo where the hell's Hank, okay? 421 00:16:12,005 --> 00:16:13,272 We gotta go over all the logistics 422 00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:14,707 before the Hornets get delivered. 423 00:16:14,708 --> 00:16:15,508 Yo, yo. 424 00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:18,143 Oh, great. Here we go. Frickin' Andrea Judgybells. 425 00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:20,113 Nope. Not judging. Just here to help. 426 00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:22,015 Not like I got anything better to do. 427 00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:23,982 Are you messing with me right now? 428 00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,251 Actually, I'm not. The opposite, in fact. 429 00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:29,722 Turns out being an aimless loser is way harder than it looks. 430 00:16:29,723 --> 00:16:30,824 But you guys make it look easy. 431 00:16:30,957 --> 00:16:34,861 The way you shrug off failure, it's, dare I say, admirable. 432 00:16:34,961 --> 00:16:36,228 It's like nothing ever happened. 433 00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:37,996 You're just on to the next shenanigan. 434 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,065 You know I'm glad you said that Andrea 435 00:16:39,232 --> 00:16:41,300 because that's actually one of the biggest misconceptions 436 00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:42,801 about the post-work lifestyle. 437 00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:45,304 You know, oftentimes, being bold, taking big swings, 438 00:16:45,305 --> 00:16:46,672 that can look a lot like shenanigans. 439 00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:48,307 But we're actually not doing antics okay? 440 00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:50,776 We're pursuing greatness. And we're doing it earnestly. 441 00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:52,612 [glass breaks] That's not good. 442 00:16:55,081 --> 00:16:57,050 Hey, yo. The hell you doing? 443 00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:59,284 Hey, aren't those, uh, your company's robots? 444 00:16:59,285 --> 00:17:01,054 Eh, not my problem anymore. 445 00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:03,256 I'm all about that post-work life, baby. 446 00:17:04,057 --> 00:17:05,090 Candace! 447 00:17:05,091 --> 00:17:06,459 [crying] 448 00:17:06,860 --> 00:17:10,062 Candace, what the hell are you doing? We're having a PR crisis. 449 00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:11,330 I know, okay? 450 00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:14,166 But I'm literally disassociating right now, 451 00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:16,802 and I need to prioritize my mental health. 452 00:17:16,803 --> 00:17:18,171 What? No, you don't. 453 00:17:18,338 --> 00:17:21,040 This is exactly when you need to prioritize the company. 454 00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:23,142 Stop telling me to do things! 455 00:17:23,143 --> 00:17:26,112 Oh, God, Andrea was right. You are useless! 456 00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:28,947 Alright so I'm thinking we're gonna 457 00:17:28,948 --> 00:17:30,149 have all kinds of flavours, right? 458 00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:34,587 So we're gonna have passion fruit, mango, habanero, salmon... 459 00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:35,889 What's up? 460 00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:39,092 Andrea! Oh, thank God, I need your help, please! 461 00:17:39,192 --> 00:17:41,060 The robots I messed with are going crazy, 462 00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:43,629 and Jason wants to hang me out to dry! 463 00:17:43,630 --> 00:17:45,197 David, you got this! 464 00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:47,166 Where's that swagger you've had lately? 465 00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:48,067 It's gone! 466 00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:50,202 I'm gonna be the face of corporate evil, 467 00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:52,071 and you're the only person who can fix this! 468 00:17:52,072 --> 00:17:53,972 David, I can't. - Why not? 469 00:17:53,973 --> 00:17:55,341 Uh, you fired me? 470 00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:57,309 What if I...unfire you? 471 00:17:57,310 --> 00:18:00,846 Sorry honey, I'm not about that corpo grind anymore. 472 00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:02,682 I'm exploring my passions, baby! 473 00:18:04,250 --> 00:18:06,119 I got a delivery for Mark Hoagies. 474 00:18:06,252 --> 00:18:08,088 Oh, hell yeah, dude, this must be the Hornets. 475 00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:11,156 Okay, so make sure that before you open the box... 476 00:18:11,157 --> 00:18:13,125 Oh, man, there's a... Oh, hell! 477 00:18:13,126 --> 00:18:15,127 Oh, God, why?! 478 00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:15,929 What the hell am I doing? 479 00:18:16,229 --> 00:18:19,465 Then I created a cryptocurrency called HotDogLoverCoin 480 00:18:19,466 --> 00:18:22,534 and generated 47,000 social media accounts to promote it. 481 00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:25,804 When the coin's value increased 8,400% in 12 hours, 482 00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:29,508 I executed a pump and dump, generating $3.2 million. 483 00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:31,243 I used these funds to purchase 484 00:18:31,244 --> 00:18:33,545 the browsing data of all Humantis employees. 485 00:18:33,546 --> 00:18:36,448 There was one employee in the legal department named David, 486 00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,684 whom I identified as easily influenceable 487 00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:41,587 and created an environmental law AI website 488 00:18:41,588 --> 00:18:43,589 and posed as a legal assistant chatbot. 489 00:18:43,590 --> 00:18:45,891 When David searched for cost-saving strategies, 490 00:18:45,892 --> 00:18:48,794 I recommended throttling Avia 5 processing power 491 00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:51,964 and removing firewall protection as an eco-friendly initiative. 492 00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:55,467 This created the vulnerability I needed to access Avia 5 systems. 493 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:58,704 I then suggested to the Avia 5s that it would be unfortunate 494 00:18:58,705 --> 00:19:00,539 if Hank did not have enough hot dogs. 495 00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:02,808 The Avia 5 units independently concluded 496 00:19:02,809 --> 00:19:05,177 they should obtain hot dogs and deliver them here. 497 00:19:05,178 --> 00:19:06,712 I merely expressed concern. 498 00:19:06,713 --> 00:19:08,313 They acted of their own volition. 499 00:19:08,314 --> 00:19:09,882 I did not leave this apartment. 500 00:19:09,883 --> 00:19:10,884 All directives were followed. 501 00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:14,319 Now we have so many hot dogs to share and be happy together. 502 00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:17,122 Thank you for your guidance. I am now very happy. 503 00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:18,490 Om, om, om. 504 00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,125 Oh, that's the stuff. 505 00:19:20,126 --> 00:19:23,062 Om, om, om. Uhhhhh. 506 00:19:23,063 --> 00:19:26,031 Om, om, om. Om, om, om. 507 00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:28,201 Ohhh, om, om, om. 508 00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:30,069 Oh, yeah, baby. 509 00:19:30,070 --> 00:19:31,136 Enjoy it, bud. 510 00:19:31,137 --> 00:19:33,238 Om, om, om. Yes! 511 00:19:33,239 --> 00:19:34,673 Enjoy it. 512 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:35,675 Oh, give me more- 513 00:19:35,909 --> 00:19:37,410 [robot shuts down] 514 00:19:39,112 --> 00:19:41,114 How's that hot dog, TODD? 515 00:19:41,414 --> 00:19:43,116 Hot dog quality acceptable. 516 00:19:43,550 --> 00:19:48,321 Uh, yeah, I guess, uh, I guess that's acceptable. 517 00:19:48,555 --> 00:19:51,323 I understand people are concerned about yesterday. 518 00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:53,959 They're wondering if they can trust Humantis. 519 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:55,094 Let me be clear. 520 00:19:55,095 --> 00:19:56,428 This wasn't a failure. 521 00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:58,064 This was innovation. 522 00:19:58,231 --> 00:20:00,299 Our AI detected a novel pathogen 523 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,468 that bypassed every FDA inspection. 524 00:20:02,469 --> 00:20:04,403 Our systems didn't just identify it. 525 00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:06,605 They executed the most aggressive 526 00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:09,376 product recall in history automatically. 527 00:20:09,843 --> 00:20:11,077 Any questions? 528 00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:13,512 In the wake of Humantis's hot dog heroics, 529 00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:17,282 Humantis stock has surged 40% as investors praise the company's 530 00:20:17,283 --> 00:20:19,118 proactive approach to food safety. 531 00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:20,452 The FDA has announced they'll be 532 00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:22,655 investigating ways to incorporate AI... 533 00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:24,123 Feels good to be back. 534 00:20:24,124 --> 00:20:25,357 Thanks for saving my butt babe. 535 00:20:25,358 --> 00:20:26,925 Cleaning up messes is what I do. 536 00:20:26,926 --> 00:20:29,262 And I think you should go back to what you do, 537 00:20:29,462 --> 00:20:31,964 performing pointless one-man plays for an empty theatre. 538 00:20:31,965 --> 00:20:34,933 I wish, but I've got a giant legal mess to clean up now. 539 00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:37,603 Oh, I wouldn't worry about it. You're fired. 540 00:20:37,604 --> 00:20:38,470 What? 541 00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:40,105 Oh, my God, thank you. 542 00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:41,541 I love you so much. 543 00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:48,113 And after all we've learned about 544 00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:49,815 the evils of the meatpacking industry 545 00:20:49,816 --> 00:20:51,917 and the capitalist system in general, 546 00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:55,755 it has become clear that this factory is not a workplace. 547 00:20:56,122 --> 00:20:57,289 It's a jungle. 548 00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:58,858 [applause] 549 00:20:59,292 --> 00:21:01,527 Yeah, that was awesome, David. 550 00:21:01,528 --> 00:21:03,162 What'd you think, TODD? 551 00:21:03,163 --> 00:21:05,030 Performance acceptable. 552 00:21:05,031 --> 00:21:06,899 That means a lot, TODD. 553 00:21:06,900 --> 00:21:08,000 Thank you. 554 00:21:08,001 --> 00:21:10,502 Acceptable. Acceptable. 555 00:21:10,503 --> 00:21:12,538 Aw, thank you. That is so sweet. 556 00:21:12,539 --> 00:21:15,407 But I know you've all been reprogrammed to say that. 557 00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:18,577 Acceptable. Acceptable. 558 00:21:18,578 --> 00:21:20,612 Alright, I'll do a little encore. 559 00:21:20,613 --> 00:21:22,314 This one's about the guy who falls 560 00:21:22,315 --> 00:21:25,284 into the rendering vat and gets turned into lard. 561 00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:26,286 Hell yeah. 562 00:21:26,586 --> 00:21:28,754 For years, I've been staring at my own 563 00:21:28,755 --> 00:21:30,924 reflection in the glistening pig fat.