OFFICIAL STATEMENT FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE REPUBLIC
People of France,
my fellow citizens.
It is with a heavy heart that my term as President of the Republic
ends today.
I must admit I would have gladly served a third term,
but apparently that's "undemocratic."
Anyway.
So, have these two terms been a total success?
No.
Have I made mistakes? Yes.
My affair with Magalie was an unfortunate misunderstanding.
Have I lied to you?
Yes.
I have, but isn't it more important that I came clean in the end?
When Magalie went to the press with the evidence she had kept.
My fellow citizens, I wish to conclude with this message of fraternity.
Not all of France's problems are necessarily caused by immigrants.
Not all the time.
Some of them are even an asset to our country,
just like my successor, our new president, Stéphane Blé.
Indeed, he is French.
But he is Black. And I am delighted about that.
He is a vibrant man of honor and integrity.
And I know he will succeed in leading this country
with his tropical warmth.
I will be President for white and Black people, for hipsters,
for women, hijabis, thugs, little people, redheads.
I'll be a free President who'll never give up
or leave anyone behind.
Not in the cities, not in the country, not overseas.
And I'll implement my flagship policy, "Eat well, for free."
Long live France. Long live the Republic.
Salaam, shalom, see ya!
All together.
Yeah.
PRESIDENT OF THE REPUBLIC'S OFFICE
I'm not the first Black person here?
-Weren't you due tomorrow? -Yes, it's tomorrow, Auntie.
We just came to rehearse.
Stéphane Blé, President.
-I'm Sorona. Nice to meet you. -You too, Auntie.
-Hello, Mr. President. -Hello.
-As I'm your head of security-- -Co.
-Excuse me?
Co-head.
Right. I'm afraid we must speed things up.
The inauguration is soon and safety plans aren't yet--
I think we should take some time to work on your speech, okay?
Here's a first draft I did.
Yasmine, can I talk to you for a minute?
I'm not really into the whole memorizing speeches thing.
I believe in the power of hip-hop.
If I show up at the ceremony and do a little freestyle,
I swear the audience will love it.
-No. -History in the making.
No improv, no freestyling. You'll read the speech we wrote.
And also, keep it short.
The less you're exposed, the better.
After all the threats, we can't take risks.
-White supremacists? -Yes.
Mostly, but it's not only them. Also, jihadists, preppers, royalists,
and animal rights activists.
It's from all over. It's unprecedented.
But you're used to it, right? It's no big deal.
Yeah, totally.
The thing is, when you were elected,
the former head of security quit
along with his deputy.
-And the entire team. -So you're a newbie?
Yes. Just like you guys. We'll learn the ropes together.
More like die together.
Stéphane, I said I needed a gun.
No way.
No license, no weapon.
A package for Mr. President.
Cleared by the bomb squad.
It's a banana.
Something's in it.
Damn, these guys really went to a shitload of trouble.
"Go back to the Congo, eat bananas,
and sing with La Compagnie Créole, you filthy ape."
Those are monkey noises.
Oh, you're right.
Mr. President, this is clearly a threat against you.
People often make comparisons between Black people and monkeys,
wrongfully so.
We could always have a remote inauguration over Zoom.
No, we're from the streets.
-We're scared of no one. -No one.
We'll do this inauguration in the flesh and blood.
They're amateurs anyway.
Why is that?
La Compagnie Créole and the Congo.
Totally unrelated. It's all good. We've got this.
REPRESENT
A SERIES CREATED BY JEAN-PASCAL ZADI AND FRANÇOIS UZAN
Stéphane Blé, President Blé, will move into the Élysée in 24 hours.
This is quite a leap of faith.
IS PRESIDENT BLÉ LEGITIMATE?
Hopefully not a leap in the dark because his slogan "Eat well, for free"
is all well and good but it's unaffordable.
No one knows what his political agenda is.
We know how politics works. At the legislative elections,
he's going to get completely crushed.
He was elected, but with a record-high abstention rate.
He has less than two months to become a real president
and convince the French public.
Why the rush? Come on, we won. Let's enjoy it, huh?
We haven't won anything yet.
With no majority in the Assembly, forget your "Eat well, for free."
No, that's the one thing I'm going to achieve.
So we have no choice but to find support
and a left-wing prime minister with a real party.
It'll have to be either Andréï--
Are you insane?
There's no way. Not with all the skeletons in his closet.
You're right.
-Yeah. -That only leaves Corinne Douanier.
Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed don't work together.
Sure they do, in Rocky III.
Excellent point.
Call her and ask.
She has no phone. That's why we're headed there.
You're good.
You've got real brains
behind that cloth.
Which is just a piece of cloth, after all.
Just cloth.
First I need to stop by the hood to deal with something.
What? No way. We don't have time.
What? I'm the President, I can do what I like. Chill.
Mr. President, what about your reforms?
Did your election benefit the neighborhood?
Mr. President, will you change your outfit?
-Will you wear a tie? -Do you have a prime minister?
How are you, sister? Alhamdulillah.
Let her talk.
-It's protocol, sir. -It's okay.
Excuse me, ma'am. I'm talking to Stéphane.
-Salaam alaikum, sister. -Salaam, it's me.
-That's blasphemy. -Piss off.
Let me back on your team. I swear I've changed.
I'm really not the same person.
I went back to the West Indies.
-I worked on myself. -The election was two weeks ago.
People can change quickly. It's just like speed reading.
I really have. You know what my people say?
That means we're two different rivers on separate paths
but both ending up in the sea.
Together in the same direction. You and I. Please, Stéphane.
-Don't, we're being filmed. -Not in the same direction.
-We need each other. -Listen…
I don't need you.
-Get rid of him, please. -Let's go.
That wasn't Islamophobia, okay? He's from the West Indies. I know him.
I'm mixed race, you filthy racist! West-Indies-o-phobe!
-Let me go! -Please, sir. Stop!
Let go of me!
Please, stay calm.
Sir.
Okay, that's enough.
Stop! I can't breathe!
Now that's what I call an Afro.
Look at that roundness, volume, and growth.
Ah, shoot. Excuse me for a second.
What's up?
Can you leave us, please?
Oh, sure.
A bit further maybe, huh?
Perimeter secured.
-But you don't even have an earpiece. -Okay, I'm just practicing.
-Will you be at the inauguration tomorrow? -I already said no.
If it's about Lamine, it's all good.
He can do his community service in the Élysée kitchens.
That's great for all of you, but not me.
My life before was just fine.
It was peaceful. Now it'll be a mess.
Nothing's going to change.
It'll be just like before. Totally chill. Really.
Get back!
Okay, maybe not chill, but at least we'll have each other.
We haven't started our family yet,
but I miss you, you know.
-Marion, I miss you. -You've got to come to the inauguration.
We don't know how long he has.
Haven't you heard? We don't know how long we can hold off…
That's enough.
He's exaggerating, but we received a banana with a bullet through it.
-It's just a local custom. -Normal.
You're President. That's what you wanted. I never wanted to be First Lady.
-I never did. So, good luck to you. -Wait.
You know what? Go give them a show. Go on now, out you go.
Go on, Stéphane, please.
FOR OUR FUTURE FOR THE PLANET
Your enemy is here.
-I don't believe it. -You're not welcome!
Jean-Carole, there are no enemies here, there are only adversaries.
Hello, Stéphane.
-Anyone got a letter E? -I have one.
We're recycling our posters
for the legislative elections.
It's sustainable and all, but the letters V, G, and A are a pain.
But that's the way it is.
Speaking of the elections, do you want to run together?
-You'd be Prime Minister. -Ministress.
-Prime Minister. -Prime Ministress.
-It's the same thing. -That's not the point.
It's either that or the far right.
I'm not saying no. But it'll be on my terms.
That means goodbye nuclear power.
We cut air travel by half,
and require a permit to have a third child.
Otherwise, people have one, then two, then three kids…
I totally agree with you.
All I want is my "Eat well, for free" law.
-Yes. -Pay teachers in the projects more.
-More social measures. -That's a great idea.
Then you can do what you want. Will you be there tomorrow?
I can't. Can you reschedule?
I can't, actually.
-Fine, I'll be there. -Corinne! That's my girl!
You can't say "my girl" or "my chick" now. That's all in the past.
I'm not your property, Stéphane.
Okay, it's just a saying.
A shitty saying.
-Fine. -You must stop.
-Okay. -If you want, you can say "my dick."
Did you get bottom surgery?
No, you can talk about your own dick.
-Oh! You scared me there. -Why were you scared?
At the thought of me transitioning?
Do you have a problem?
-No. -Tell the truth.
Today is the big day for President Blé.
This local youth worker from a diverse background,
unknown to the public three months ago,
has now defied all expectations.
Today he will become the 26th President of the French Republic.
INAUGURATION STÉPHANE BLÉ HEADED TO THE ÉLYSÉE
Yet he faces numerous challenges.
What is his agenda?
Will he manage to implement his "Eat well, for free" program?
Will he win the legislative elections without a political party?
And most importantly, will he manage to stay alive?
Why are you running next to the car?
Come on, I'm just doing my job. There's a terrorist plot against you.
Good job. Now they know which car I'm in.
Shit, he has a point.
Mr. President, over here, please.
Over here, Mr. President.
-Look this way. -Here, Mr. President.
Over here!
Mr. President.
Welcome, Mr. President.
Turn around.
So you're rocking street style for your five-year term?
I'm just being myself. From the street. It's all good.
Gotcha, man. Solid.
A smile, please.
The hoods.
Over here, please.
-Can we go inside now? -Sure.
But you won't be that much safer inside.
Smile, big guy, smile.
-Mr. President, over here! -Nice and relaxed.
-I'm trying. -Don't worry.
Now in that direction.
Over there.
A smile, please, Mr. President.
-Shall we? -Yeah, let's go.
-Jean-Pierre. -Hello.
He's a legend here.
-Yes. -Awesome.
Nice. Where are you from?
Mali? Senegal? Gabon?
I'm from Chambéry, Mr. President.
Indeed. So…
I discovered "Premier Gaou" by Magic System thanks to him. He's great.
Let me show you around.
Yes, Michel, while the two of them are privately discussing our country's fate,
let's take another look at this historic image from 15 minutes ago.
Our soon-to-be Black president
whose dress sense has many people--
I was watching that.
Hello.
-I'm here to get braids. -Oh no, I'm not--
-Not you. Get out. -Please, give me a minute.
I already know what you want.
You want to bring me to the inauguration so Stéphane takes you back.
That's exactly it.
-Genius. -You're the genius. It's incredible.
The Uber's waiting out front. Let's get moving.
You won't have time to--
Forget it. The Élysée isn't for me. Stop pushing it.
That's such a cowardly reaction.
-Excuse me? -You're being a total coward.
-Oh, really? -Oh, yeah.
Sorry, but your man is at the Élysée
putting himself on the line to achieve something unique.
He's fighting for his values. What he's doing is a big deal.
Just remember where you guys come from. You come from here. See?
With a river of shit running through.
Nothing but a sewer. There's shit, there are rats.
-Deformed children. -Enough already.
-Rare diseases unknown elsewhere! -We get it. Okay.
You come from the very bottom, but now you can change things at the top.
The Élysée, damn it!
Shit, listen to me, I swear…
Your man is making a difference out there.
Unlike you, who's braiding God knows who.
It'll never look good on her. Just look at her.
Braids? Seriously?
You have the chance to be the first Black woman in the Élysée.
And I don't mean the maid. That's huge.
Think about it.
A nice view of the gardens. It's south-facing, so…
Hey! Don't!
What is it?
You receive mail bombs.
Death threats.
Yet you see a glass of water and drink it just like that.
What if it was poisoned?
I didn't drink it.
I mean, I did, but…
I spat it out discreetly.
-Right. -Kind of like this.
Yes, I got it. That's nice. Nice symbolism.
Well done. Really. You make it to the Élysée and spit.
Spitting on France. "Marianne is a dirty whore."
No, I was just pretending to drink it.
So I pretended to spit it out.
An old tai chi technique.
The glass is empty.
-Grab something to jot the codes down. -The codes?
Ready?
"Dough."
"Underscore."
"9-4."
"Hood-7-7."
Are these the nuclear codes?
No, the Wi-Fi password.
-The nuclear codes… -Yes.
-There's no such thing. -Knew it.
-It's just a myth. -Totally.
Well…
-Want one? -No, thanks.
Wait. Don't tell me that's drugs.
Is it CBD?
-I don't see the point of CBD. -It's to not get high.
Exactly. What's the point?
It's strong shit. Well, I think that's everything.
Good luck to you. I'm off.
You can't just leave like that. Don't you have any tips or advice?
-Advice? -Yes.
What can I say?
Oh, yes. Sorry. There's one crucial thing.
Something you really must watch out for.
Yeah, I know.
Terrorism, Arabs, and all that stuff.
No. It's food.
We eat nonstop here. And we can't have a fat president.
Look at me.
No, that's just my shirt, you can tell.
You can feel for yourself. It's all solid. Go ahead.
Come on, hit me, bam! Go for it!
Mr. President, I'm not gonna hit you.
Just punch! What is it? Don't have the balls or what?
Come on, damn it.
My God.
-Hold on. -Mr. President?
Mr. President, you okay?
-Sure you're okay? -Yes.
I'm fine.
So…
Salads, salads, salads.
-Are you okay? -I'm fine.
You are going to change, right?
You can't be sworn in looking like that.
No, it's fine, I brought something.
-It'll be dope. -Okay.
-No worries. -Great.
Ladies and gentlemen,
the President of the Republic!
There he is.
That's my son!
My son!
Hello, everyone.
I'm going to give it to you straight. I'm not the type to ramble on.
Let's get to the point.
I know a lot is expected of me,
in the cities, in the countryside, in the suburbs, even overseas.
I'll try to disappoint as few as possible.
I know what the media is saying.
"Stéphane Blé has no political agenda."
They're not entirely wrong.
-But I do have a plan. -Oh, no.
For all French people to wake up every day knowing that France is there for them.
For there to be equality, justice, and health care for all.
My agenda is for everyone to be well.
In fact, my agenda is to make France mleh.
What on earth is that?
Is that a French word?
Make France Blé?
No, not make France Blé, make France mleh.
It's Arabic. Mleh means great, cool, chill.
And that's my agenda.
To achieve this, I'll need all of you,
including an exceptional prime ministress
who is here today, Corinne Douanier.
Let's make some noise for Corinne Douanier!
Cringe.
Good vibes. I see it's not the time or place.
Okay, let's move on.
Good idea.
Arise, children of the Fatherland
Our day of glory has…
Arrived
Mr. President, we recognize you
as Grand Master of the Order of the Legion of Honor.
The bloody flag is raised…
What are you doing?
The bloody flag is raised…
-No, you don't wear it. -Chill, I'm just trying it on.
…in the countryside
The roar of those ferocious soldiers?
They're coming right into your arms
To cut the throats of your sons And your wives
-Congratulations. -Thank you.
-Congratulations. -Thanks.
Thank you so much.
Okay. I will move into the Élysée.
But I won't be your arm candy.
-Of course. -Things must change for Black people.
-Otherwise, there's no point. -Totally.
I want to be in charge of real issues. Colonial reparations, for instance.
You're so right.
We can discuss it in bed tonight.
No, not in bed.
I want my own bedroom.
I don't think this place is that big.
With over 1,000 square meters, we'll find a way.
A ton of wasted space.
Wait, Keila's calling me. Hello.
We're at the Élysée! I won't lie.
Ever heard of consent?
But you said you wouldn't say no to being the prime ministress.
Not saying no isn't a yes.
But I'll say yes.
But on one condition. You preside and I govern.
I want a socialist, green, feminist France.
A France that's mleh.
Right.
All right.
But I really need to pee right now.
I really need to go.
So, coon, is Marianne still a whore?
Nerves.
Are you okay, Mr. President?
Are you for real?
I took him down like this, "Bam!"
Then, bang!
That didn't stop me. They don't know I'm from the streets.
Look, the main thing is that you're alive.
We won't publicize the assault.
Douanier's nomination was well received,
and we're gaining in the legislative elections.
A president who can fight is still great.
No, it's not. This isn't the hood or whatever, okay?
We keep quiet about the attack.
-Absolutely. I totally agree. -Thank you.
Let's stay positive.
And I'm sorry.
There was indeed a minor blunder on our end,
but we'll catch his partner.
-I don't get it. His partner? -The terrorist couldn't have got in alone.
Someone inside the Élysée must've helped him get in.
Someone among us.
I'm not accusing anyone, of course, but this time it's personal.
Thanks, Alice.
Well, okay.
-Good night. -Bye.
Good night, Stéphane.
You're safe now. At least you should be.
We'll work on the ministers' meeting tomorrow.
Get some rest. Keep yourself busy.
-Good night. -Bye. You guys are all leaving? Okay.
I'm all alone.
-Yes, Mr. President? -Hello…
Do you serve anything simple?
Like a gyro, a club sandwich, or chicken nuggets?
We have poached cockerel with an oyster mushroom sauce.
-A what sauce? -Oyster mushrooms, Mr. President.
Forget it. Good night.
Good night, Mr. President.
-Got a minute? -Where were you? I almost got killed.
We have a small problem.
After your speech, I was looking for the terrorist all over.
Like, total surveillance, 360-degree.
And I saw this weird guy there.
Real Nazi vibes, you know.
With this huge head.
So what did I do?
I stepped in. Chokehold, arm lock, total immobilization.
I roughed him up a bit. He's in there.
Who is it?
He was speaking this weird language.
I looked it up online. Norwegian.
Why does he speak Norwegian?
-He's the Norwegian ambassador. -Fuck.
You do this to me on my first day?
This is jail time.
We'll figure this out.
Shit.
Subtitle translation by: James Preston