A NETFLIX SERIES
Good evening. It's 7:00 p.m. You're listening to France Inter.
Thank you, Éric Andréï, for joining us this morning.
What do you think of Stéphane Blé as the next French president?
Despite my friendship with Stéphane,
no, I-I can't support him, I really can't.
But on the other hand, Corinne Douanier, uh, is-is a woman,
and a woman who is, uh, she is the better choice.
The better choice.
Mr. Blé. Mr. Blé. Over here.
Do you know the location of Lamine Touré?
-You know the man in a coma? -Think you could be elected?
Listen, I don't know what's going on with this, folks.
All I'm gonna say is, in a democracy,
there's a basic principle dubbed as the presumption of innocence.
If that applies to all our ex-presidents, it should apply to Lamine Touré,
a young man with a clean record, no problems.
So you do know him?
-No. -You just said you did.
All right, please step back. No more questions. Please, move aside.
Quit talking about Lamine. It's causing nothing but trouble.
You don't know him.
-It's a set-up by Andréï's team. -Your hand.
-Hand in front. Don't touch your mouth. -It's a set-up by Andréï.
I don't give a fuck about that. Please!
POLICE STATION
You can see on the man's face, he's culpable, right?
But I don't have anything on the guy, okay?
I won't arrest one of the presidential contenders
because he's ugly.
Well, you see…
…the laws are written badly.
Didn't you say you'd trace the phone, the kid's--
The request was submitted, but it's dragging.
Ah, it's dragging. All right.
Yeah, dragging.
Tell me, aren't you waiting on a construction permit
for your future house?
I believe I'm in charge of the file.
That's also dragging. I'm sorry, Pierrot.
I'm not happy with this, but now it's force majeure.
All right, then. Fine.
There.
I sent it in. You'll have a response in ten minutes.
And the permit is mine.
Listen, if you want, I'll knock down the daycare for you.
You can build a pool and a solarium too.
Another question, maybe?
You.
What's your take on the prevalence of other European laws
over our French laws?
Uh…
Uh, hold on. Is this the gifted class or what?
Yeah, it's-it's just the new generation. Kindergarten was my pick.
Marion is trying to reach you. It sounds like it's really urgent.
Uh, listen, kids, I just need two minutes.
What? Why? What's…
What's goin' on?
Stéphane?
Hello? What's the matter?
Stéphane, there's tons police.
Who called them? We got snitched on for sure.
We're surrounded. They're behind the house.
Oh, fuck! Why did I have to listen to you? You're wrong.
-This is insane. We'll surrender. -Okay.
-We'll surrender. -Don't move. I'm coming.
National police! Open up!
Lamine, go hide in the bedroom.
Go on.
Marion just called me.
She's really panicking, okay? The cops are there looking for Lamine.
This is useless, because no one's around. Get it? Put it down.
Hold on. What do you mean? Lamine, you know where he is?
-Is this another one of your hustles? -No. No, no, no. It wasn't him.
I'm the one who sent them both to get Lamine so they could hide out.
Okay, Stéphane, you know what? Think for a minute, please.
We can't go a hundred meters without having 50 cameras on our ass.
So, Lamine, if he wants to surrender, he can do it in Normandy, in the Poitou.
I don't care. Just far away from you.
Yes, but far away from me is with Marion.
It was me who fucked up here. So, it's simple.
I'll get Lamine, we'll come back here, he surrenders, end of story.
All right, find me an event in Normandy. Something, anything.
Uh, lunch with a former convicts association?
That's just fabulous.
Super idea for a man who just walked out of the station. Genius.
Picnic at the mosque in Lisieux. That'd look great, like multicultural.
-Perfect. Perfect. -Oh, fuck.
-Yeah? -That's even better. Amazing.
-A mosque, huh? -Meaning what?
In terms of unifying symbols, it's not exactly great.
There are way more secular things. Please don't look at me like that.
-Such as? More secular, like what? -Yes. Don't do narrow eyes.
-Let me tell you, I can do it too. -We'll do it together.
-Hey, let's act like politicians. -Fine. Give me ideas.
Cheese, for example. Or, like, a thing with oysters.
-Mm-hmm. Mm. -See? There. Or-Or maybe…
-Sausages. That speaks to everyone. -Ah, obviously. Yes indeed.
-Sausages. Pork is secular. -Are you two done?
-That's true. -I got it! A festival for crêpes.
-In Condé-sur-Noireau. -I'm on board.
I can't keep down crêpes.
Do you have the key to this door, ma'am?
Um, no. This is my friend's place.
Hmm.
Well, take her down.
I swear on my mother, you touch her, shit's about to go down here.
Yeah, for sure. Shit's about to go down.
I just meant the door.
Go on.
Whoa. What's that, huh?
Too close to the hinges. Just move. What do they teach in the police academy?
Flat part of your shoulder, level with the keyhole,
and then, sharp blow like this.
No, um…
No, man, just do it like, um, like you normally do.
-Like normal, yeah. -Go on.
Marion, it's me.
Well?
Everything's a mess. Lamine took off.
He freaked out, left his cell phone. I'm pinned with all the cameras.
He's all out there alone, and it's our fault,
because we didn't do what was needed.
-I'm just gutted. -No, it's my fault.
-I'll handle it, I promise. Don't worry. -Stop. I can't with you.
-Let's just-- We need her to come. -Shit. Aren't you sick of making promises?
It's endless. You promised not to campaign.
You promised you wouldn't ruin our lives--
We were supposed to arrive 30 minutes ago at the festival of crêpes.
-What's this now? A festival for crêpes? -I just needed an excuse to come out here.
-It's nothing. -Right. The campaign continues.
Obviously, it's only me that cares. Nobody else seems to.
Well, except for Lamine, because he'll be needing a pardon.
You can eat crêpes now?
No, man, I can't.
I can't eat them. I'll get the runs.
Oh.
Maybe it's because of the lactose, or something like that.
Yeah, yeah, it's the lactose. I'm the same way, uh…
Stopped eating dairy entirely, yeah.
-Oh, yeah? -Yeah, now I've switched to soy--
No, hang on. You guys are… Lamine!
La-mine!
-He must be at the train station. -Where are you going?
-What? -Please, don't act like that.
We'll go to the crêpe festival, and while we're there,
William and Mo will go to the train station to look.
They'll come back together, and when we're all there,
I'll take him to the police--
-No, but-- -Non-negotiable.
Okay.
Here you go.
Thank you, sir.
Great dry cider this morning. Everything has to be gone by tonight.
All right then. Let's begin. Anyone? Anyone?
Thank you. Please, enjoy.
-Richard, we need some batter. -It's good.
Oh, well, it's homemade. Yeah, it's all homemade.
It's great!
And, tell me, Madam Mayor,
the name of the village, Condé-sur-Noireau,
is it in any way connected to Condé Nast?
No, no, not at all.
No, it's-it's two rivers, the Druance and the Noireau.
-They really named the village. -I see.
Tell me, do you like crêpes savory or sweet?
Honestly, neither of them.
No, I love both kinds equally.
-Ah. -Yes.
Well, you won't have to choose. We're gonna try them all.
Get me a Camembert and sausage for Mr. Blé.
You'll start with that one.
The grease completely coats the stomach. Then you can eat all the food you want.
Trust me on this.
Could I just get one with sugar? No?
Oh, no. Such a shame. Try it.
-For you, sir. -This one's a specialty of our village.
You'll see. It's delicious.
Go.
Oh, shit, that smells.
Well, yes, our Camembert smells great. That's normal.
It looks great, yeah.
I can adapt, just like the French.
-Ah… -Mm!
-I can tell he's loving it. -Yes, isn't he?
Well, isn't that nice?
I can tell he's enjoying it.
The taste buds just… buh, buh, buh.
-This is just excellent. -Of course. He's happy.
I think so.
Lamine.
Listen, he peaced out. Let's get out of here. Come on.
-Lamine! -Oh, what the fuck?
Quit yelling like that.
Let's go. It's useless. Quit looking.
-Hey, hey, hey. William. -Oh, Lamine.
-You okay? -Yeah.
Come back. Stéphane will go to the cops with you--
No, no, no. If he does that, he'll never get elected, man. No way.
-He asked us to take you back. We'll-- -Ah, shit. The cops are here.
-Yeah, yeah. Relax, relax. -Just give me some money, some cash.
We're just talking like normal. Relax. We're talking. Smile, smile.
-I'll give you 20 euro. -Okay.
Give me the change and a receipt back, all right? Please.
Okay, listen, hey. He said to take you back, let's go back.
No. We can't do that. We can't do that!
-Gentlemen. Hello, gentlemen. -Quit it now.
-Hello. -You all right?
We're fine.
I'm sorry. Excuse me.
But you specifically asked me if I was all right.
-Yes. -And why not those two?
Wow! I hope this isn't what I think it is.
No, because I can see you're being kind to me,
it's all fine, sir, because you are.
But me being light-complected, and these two are…
No, this is insane. I think this is…
-Excuse me, but I'm disgusted, revolted. -No, no, no.
-Drop it. -No!
There are several shades of black.
-There are 50 shades. -Sir… Sir…
-You filthy racist! -No, no. Calm down, please, sir.
-I'm perfectly calm. -I didn't perceive these two as Black.
Wow! Oh, that's-that's… that's an argument I don't believe.
You can't tell he's Black? He's the blackest guy in France.
-William… -Who are you kidding? You filthy racist!
-Excuse me? No, wait. -Racist! You're disgusting. I'm disgusted.
My brother's wife's from the Congo.
Ah, all right.
What's the preferred meal of the Congolese?
It's pondu.
Oh, he got you. He's right.
-I'm right or what? -It's pondu. Yeah, pondu!
-He's right. -Good day, gentlemen.
-Have a good day. -They have it with beans or…
-With beans. -Yeah, they do. Yeah!
I don't think it's a great idea.
We're bringing you with us.
-Hey, hey. Calm down, Mo. -Hey, man. First of all…
First of all, it's not Mo. It's Maurice.
-I'm not your pal. Let's go. -Mo, he's gonna lose.
Hey, we'd be great friends, Mo. Mo. Mo-Mo. Mo!
-But, yes, we nailed it! -He's happy?
Yes, he's had--
All right.
That was Jean-Luc on the phone. The boy's still missing.
Well, I'm sure they didn't find the kid.
I know he's hiding the little bastard. He's trying to help him escape.
Here's what you do. You'll block all access to the city.
You'll put a cop on every street corner.
-Do you hear that? -What?
We're in the middle of eight trials with the leaks.
Getting through this will be a miracle. You…
Jérôme, now, if your balls aren't big enough to do what I say,
I'll cross the street and I'll find another aide
with some seriously huge balls.
Okay? Now go!
I'll be across the street with a client who's mind isn't going.
You start a war when you want to, you end it when you're able to.
-Machiavelli? -Mitterrand.
Hmm.
We will get Blé.
-Hmm. -I promise you.
But not today, Éric.
All right.
Don't talk till your lawyer arrives, okay? I'll get you one right away.
It's fine. Don't worry.
You did nothing wrong.
-All right, then. Let's go. -No, I'll go alone.
-You head to HQ. -No way. Come on, let's go.
Think, Stéph. What difference will it make?
-I mean, I'm not sure. I'll explain that-- -No, you're not gonna explain all this.
If you wanna help me, then win this election, that's all.
Imagine Marion and you in the Élysée. It would be dope.
-Stéphane… -Hmm?
Save me a kitchen job in the Élysée when I get out.
Promise. Promise.
Thank you, Marion.
I'll head to HQ. See you at home later?
No.
I won't be home later.
He trusted you, he wanted to help you,
and you left him in a pile of shit for an election.
You-You aren't capable of handling a young man who's just been misguided
and you wanna manage the people of France?
-No, but, hang on. I truly-- -No, there's no "hang on," Stéphane.
I don't recognize you. I don't know you. You've changed.
You said you wouldn't, but you have changed.
Look, I fell in love with a local monitor…
not this politician.
Hey, some politicians are great people, you know.
You need to stop stigmatizing everyone.
MAKING MEALS FOR A STEAL
POLICE STATION
Thirty minutes ago, Lamine Touré turned himself in
to the police.
I hope he'll be allowed to tell his version of the facts,
that he will be heard, and that he'll be treated well.
The reason he was afraid to surrender
is that he no longer trusts us adults, any of us.
We made too many promises and kept too few, me most of all.
I promised him my help and protection,
and I let him down.
We all let him down.
Lamine Touré surrendered because he's a good kid.
I hope that justice will do its duty
and it'll prove that he was right to trust in it.
Do you think you still have a chance at election, Mr. Blé?
I'm not that sure right now.
I had a few things to say,
and I just hope that they were heard.
What I can tell the French people…
is to vote for Blé or Douanier…
but vote.
But still, uh, vote Blé.
He'll win it.
There. More questions?
FRANCE FOR ALL MAKING MEALS FOR A STEAL
Marion, are you there?
You haven't even dressed. Why?
You need to vote now.
All right, come on. Get ready.
Mom, it's useless.
It's all over, Mom. I'm gonna lose.
I was born in 1956 in Nayou, Republic of the Ivory Coast.
At the time, the Ivory Coast was still French.
So, I was always French, my son.
Yes, French. I always told you that.
When I came to live in Paris in 1977,
I thought it was logical.
It was a bit like Breton going to the capital.
And a few years later, you were born here.
You were also born French.
Whether you're the president or not,
you've won already.
You trusted yourself.
You spoke loud and clear.
Everywhere in France, people listened to you.
You changed things for us.
That is a success.
I am proud of you, my son.
Thank you, Mom.
Where's Marion? Has she left to vote?
She split.
Left me, yeah.
Let me admit something to you both.
I never really approved of that one.
-Anyway, they're all bad, the Malians. -She's Senegalese.
Well, it's the same, you know. They're all bad news. They are.
And when they get pregnant, you see their true colors.
She's not pregnant.
We never did the IVF.
I always mess things up, Mom.
Hmm. Have faith in the Eternal.
Trust that His grandeur will manifest in the ballots today.
-Amen! -Amen!
I'm convinced you invent these day after day, don't you?
Gifts from Heaven.
I'm just the messenger.
Let's go. Let's go, my son.
Today, 46 million French people were called to vote at the ballot boxes.
And tonight, one thing is for sure.
France will have chosen a president unlike any the country has ever known.
ANYTHING BUT A FREEMASON
Well, yeah…
All the same.
Did you see? Fifty-one against 49 in Belgium for Corinne.
Same in Sweden. Fifty-eight against 42. It's even worse.
Oh, Yas, can you please write an address for Stéphane?
Something clean like, "I respect the French people's choice.
Well done, Corinne."
I've been watching the news, so don't bother explaining.
I already saw.
The leaks, that was me.
-What? -Yeah.
With my collective, we hacked all their emails and spread 'em.
-You did that for me? -I didn't do it for you.
We worked on the project for a year,
to bust up the elections, and that's what we did.
And I discovered this.
Your so-called "reliable guy"…
well, he fooled us all.
Hey, Stéphane.
Is there an issue, apart from defeat?
-You didn't believe in this. -What's that?
Don't take me for a moron. You worked against me since the beginning.
I… Wow.
So I was expecting anything else. Are you crazy or what?
Are you serious right now? No, that's crazy.
Hey, you need to ignore the media, the buzz, all that bull.
It's likely that Russian leak. They've been after us--
Please, respect me this one time. Fuck!
You used me.
Okay, I-I didn't believe in it,
but just at the beginning.
After that, I really did. But I needed to get back in the game.
I needed to find a port of entry. It was amazing!
We'll make it now. I can just feel it.
We've-We've accumulated enough experience to go all the way in five years.
We have a project, that I promise.
You're a fucking liar. Just get out.
Stéphane…
Get out!
Stéphane, look…
All right, Stéphane.
Stéphane, please, don't do this.
You… Not cool.
Not cool. Not cool at all.
There are a few minutes remaining in which to vote,
and we are not allowed to relay any rumors,
but after having stopped in on the campaign HQs,
we have a clear idea of the final results.
Yes! Oh, yes!
At Corinne Douanier's HQ, victory appears certain.
-Oh, yes! Against all odds! -Thank you, thank you.
A stark change at Stéphane Blé's HQ.
Hey, cut the sound. Cut the sound, please.
Well, it's a loss. It's what we knew.
But I still wanted to thank each of you.
Because we ran a campaign that rocked and fought.
We talked about topics that no one else would.
So I wanted, first of all, to say thank you to everyone.
I'd even like to further specify
that the reason we lost is strictly because of me.
And, uh…
I hope that we created a movement…
I hope that we…
…that we got folks, uh, interested in politics.
Hey, are you two serious?
Go on, go on. You say it.
See, your father and I have decided to give things a second chance.
Hey. Whoa. Why are you cheering?
Whoa, whoa.
It's the pheromones.
-Can't control it, my son. -Yeah, you said it, uncle!
It is now 7:59 p.m.
Five, four, three,
two, one.
There. It's eight o'clock.
And it's…
Stéphane Blé who won the election…
…with 51.8 percent of votes
against 48.2 percent for Corinne Douanier.
This is much more than a surprise.
-This is very much a political earthquake. -It's another man.
-Hey, Corinne, don't assume they're a man. No, no. I'm sorry.
I repeat, Stéphane Blé is now the president of France…
…with 51.8 percent of the votes.
-Sweet Jesus! Thank you, Lord! -The sound, turn it on!
It would appear that the French people lied
at the exit polls, and that inside the voting booths,
they prefer to vote for a man who's incompetent rather than a woman.
It's… disappointing.
You're president, my guy!
We did it! We did it, Stéphane!
Yeah!
We won! We won!
ELECTIONS - UNEXPECTED VICTORY BY CANDIDATE STÉPHANE BLÉ.
HIS HQ IS CELEBRATING.
Oh, yes! That's my boy! That's my son!
Yeah! Yeah!
FRANCE FOR ALL
The French have chosen me as their president.
Amen!
All right, just the ones who were registered to vote, in reality.
Wait. You're right.
Just the ones who voted. "The French" is too much.
But it's still many people who voted.
I'll act as president for all the French.
No one will be overlooked,
not in the cities or in the commonwealth or the suburbs.
I'll act as president for Blacks for whites, for Chinese…
Sorry. Asians.
Don't start screwing up from the get-go, Stéphane!
I'll act as president for Bobos,
for thugs,
for all women, in hijabs or not,
redheads, dwarfs…
Now I've seen it all. A Black president.
-You'd have preferred the chick? -Stéphane?
Stéphane?
I'll be a free president, a president who never gives up.
And I will implement my key measure,
"Making meals… for a steal."
-Amen, my son! -Long live France.
Long live the Republic.
With a few caveats, though.
Salaam. Shalom. See you.
And also, as the Hindus say…
Hmm. I don't know what the Hindus say.
But I'm with them.
All together, one team.
Right. Right.
IN MEMORY OF BAFFY TIEKOURA KONARÉ