Why do I think some people in New York die alone?
I think the unrealistic standards that certain people have.
Out of fear?
Um, because... they broke?
♪ Let's begin now ♪
♪ I woke up this morning and I said ♪
♪ You know, instead of ♪
♪ Waiting for a good day to happen, you know, waiting around ♪
♪ Through ups and downs, you know, I, I just said, look ♪
♪ We're gonna have, we're gonna have a good day ♪
♪ And all my homies gonna ride today ♪
♪ And all these mommies look fly today ♪
♪ And all we wanna do is get by today ♪
♪ Hey, we're gonna have a good day ♪
♪ And ain't nobody gotta cry today ♪
♪ 'Cause ain't nobody gonna die today ♪
♪ Save that drama for another day, hey ♪
♪ We're gonna have a good day ♪
I work here, motherfucker!
My bad.
Doin' alright?
♪ Sometimes I'm right ♪
♪ And I can be wrong ♪
♪ My own beliefs are in my song ♪
No, you're absolutely gonna love it.
South Africa! You can't go wrong with a country
with penguins and giraffes!
♪ I am everyday people ♪
No, I'm telling you! Don't sleep on the surf lessons.
You're more likely to be bit by a New Yorker than a shark,
and that's a true fact!
B26 is always empty.
If you don't mind the smell of buffalo wings, you can set up camp there.
Or you can just get some and become part of the problem!
♪ I am everyday people ♪
♪ I'm head over heels ♪
♪ Big time for real ♪
♪ Ooh baby ♪
Oh, there's the birthday girl! Ooh, ooh!
♪ One time for my birthday bitch ♪
♪ One time for my eh, eh, eh ♪
♪ Get it, get it, get it, get, get-- ♪
Oh, no. Sad twerking? What-- You got the invite.
- I didn't know he was engaged! - Yeah, I know.
I can't believe he's getting married to someone else after you rejected him.
Before he could reject me!
And, I mean, as I predicted, he found someone else that makes sense.
- I mean, look at her. - Bitch!
Look at you! Woman King!
- The Woman King... - No, say it like you mean it.
Woman King!
- That's a little bit loud... - Sorry.
She was supposed to be his rebound, not his wife.
I don't know, I just--
But can we unpack this on the way to Hudson? I'm late, even for me.
You know I'm not, like, your personal chauffeur, right?
I'm not Morgan Freeman. You're not Miss Daisy.
Come on! Let's go! I've never broken up a straight wedding before.
First of all, even if I wasn't afraid to fly,
and I could fit into my silk Eloquii jumpsuit--
- Silk jumpsuit? - I don't know.
I wanted to be warm and cold at the same time.
The point is I still wouldn't do it because that would make me pathetic.
No, you're only pathetic if you still have feelings for him.
Otherwise, you're Julia fuckin' Roberts. Okay, picture it.
- It's winter in New York... - Mm-hmm.
...and you're flying out of it straight into a Mai Tai.
- We arrive only for the reception... - Yeah.
...where we dominate-a za dance floor,
duck-walking to Whitney as Alex calls for a do-over
because he wants to marry you.
Okay. Let's say you do drug me, you get me on the plane.
I still wouldn't go because I'm broke, and I cannot open another credit card.
It's my treat.
Do you ever think about money, or is it like a Scrooge McDuck situation?
- Like a pool of money. - How many times do I have to tell you,
- my parents are rich, I'm not. - You have horses,
you work at Hudson to meet a trust fund requirement,
and last, but not least, your dad is president of fucking JFK.
Oh, shut your fucking face! Stop the cart!
Lizzo's here.
"A5, 10 minutes."
Okay, what-- A-Are you serious?
Yeah, Tina from Delta just posted on Slack.
Which Tina? 'Cause one is a liar.
The one with the big titties.
- Big Titty Tina! - Big Titty Tina! Shit!
I have a medical transport.
If it was really that important, they would send an ambulance.
Fuck it. It's my birthday.
Yes!
God! I can't believe I'm gonna be bad!
Ah!
- Okay, watch out. Watch out! Excuse me! - Lizzo, Lizzo! I love--
♪ Shut 'em down, open up shop ♪
♪ Oh, no ♪
Come on! Back up!
Kaya! Lizzo! Now! Ah!
Yes! Gail! Cover me! I got the shits!
♪ Open up shop, oh ♪
Hey, Josh! Lizzo's here!
Lizzo?!
♪ Niggas wanna try, niggas wanna lie ♪
♪ Then niggas wonder why... ♪ [chanting] Let's go! Let's go!
- Aw... - Aw, come on.
♪ Shut 'em down, open up shop ♪
Bi-Coastal Bae gets better looking every week.
I'd let him do anything to me.
He don't wanna do anything to women.
What are the chances he's into vers bottom Gaysians who are lactose intolerant?
- Zero, right? - Zero.
Shut your pie holes. None of you are getting him.
We work at the airport.
We're invisible to him and everybody else.
Now, can we go, please?
So beautiful!
- Mel. Mel! Mel, look out! - Oh shit!
Oh!
Watch out! - Oh, shit!
Oh, shit!
Oh, my God. Got a loose apple!
Move! Coming through!
Don't forget to sign and date.
It's a whole thing if you don't. No one even got hurt.
This whole place is a liability fest.
- You gotta be more careful. - I know!
Now, my perfect record is besmirched.
I'm not going back to baggage claim.
Yeah, I don't... think they want you back.
No, shit. They sent me up here.
I oughta thank them for that.
So, uh...
Did you get the email?
I did, and I did not touch Patti's lunch.
Who eats cold clams at work? That is--
Oh, that email!
♪ We gettin' married! ♪
N-N-Not-- Not me. H-Her. She--
You're marrying her in-in two months on New Year's Day.
And that is... that's great. That's, uh--
Mazel tov on that.
Thank you. Yeah. Gosh, it happened...
all so fast, you know? And... That's why I didn't get a chance to--
No, I-I-- Look, I-- Mm...
I'm happy you're...
- getting Maui'd? Ugh... - Oh.
God, don't start a trend, please.
So, uh, hey!
What about you? Got any big plans tonight,
or is it another Thai-day night with Rory, per usual?
Excuse me, I'm sorry. We are actually going out for Thai food.
- Oh, wow. Hm... - And karaoke!
So, that's what they call, what? A-big tings!
Alright.
Well, have fun.
Thanks.
Oh, and Mel... happy birthday.
Thank you.
I gotta head back to the cart,
so I'm gonna do that. Just...
Like... "All aboard!" Just like...
Okay, alright.
Excuse...
Patti.
Loser.
Hoo!
Nice-- N-Nice shoes. Nice shoes.
Oh, Saks.
Saks Fifth Avenue?
Oh. [laughs] Oh!
I thought you said "sex,"
and I was gonna be like, "What? No! I can't."
If I said sex, you'd know it.
So, you work at the sixth-largest airport in the world for how long now?
Four years, going on probably forever.
And you still don't know this place is covered in jet fuel?
What? Really?
- You're fucking with me. Yeah. - Yes, I'm fucking with you, Terrance.
- I heard you crashed today. - Mm. Who told you?
- I got my ways. - You got your ways.
- Tina. - Tina. Tina told me.
What happened?
I don't know. I was trying to see Lizzo.
Did you know we're the same age?
35.
We both have the same amount of hours in our day.
Both fat. Both Black.
Both fucked up.
But look what she did with it. I mean, shit.
I don't know about her, but I know about you.
Mm. Do you?
- Mm-hmm. - I don't know.
I don't think anyone really knows me.
I know that you hate spiders.
- Mm-hmm. - And raisins.
They look like old spiders.
You're funny. And smart. - Mm.
And you know a little bit about a lot of bit.
Here's how I see me.
I'm broke, my family thinks I'm a lost cause.
My love life is a joke,
and the punchline is, I work at an airport,
I'm afraid to fly.
But you can't let fear keep you from taking off.
You're not even a little bit curious?
You're missing out on so much.
Okay, Carmen Sandiego. Where you been?
- Where I been? - Mm.
- I've been to Munich, Baghdad... - Mm.
...Tokyo, Turkey. Okay. Alright, alright, alright.
Thank you for your service. It's my pleasure.
...right to be litigious as fuck, Deshawn.
I'm clocking every OSHA safety violation.
I don't care about none of that, bro.
You'll get us shut down, Shaun. Then, I gotta be at home with Dee Dee?
Mean as hell, she got a damn IED put in last week, bro.
It's I-- IUD, I think is what you mean.
I think it was a DUI.
Hey! G-E-D-L-M-N-O-P. I don't give a damn, bro.
She mean, man. Trying to skip Six Flags this year!
My nigga, how many times I gotta tell you?
That sixth flag is for the Confederate flag.
How many times I gotta tell you, we go for the other five flags, bro.
And the churros. Delicious racism!
Alright.
Look, I told you.
- That smoking can kill you. - Listen, Terrance,
we are Black people living in America.
Our odds are not that great to begin with.
That's funny to y'all? No, it's scary!
I thought it was over for me!
Don't know why y'all laughing. I froze.
'Cause I'm scared! I got warrants!
Ah! There you are.
Oh, my God. So, uh, about tonight.
Come on. You cannot do this to me again.
If you bail for dick on my birthday, we're done. For real this time.
No, I-I-I wish it was dick, no. Um,
Dad was, uh, chairing this fundraiser, and now he can't go,
and I have to host some table or whatever.
And you know how he is. I can't say no.
Oh, I-I know, I know.
Look, we'll do everything you wanna do next weekend.
I promise. We'll take edibles and watch The Office and--
We'll skip the Robert California episodes?
Obviously.
Go. Have fun.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
Mm. I'll go to my happy place.
Alright.
♪ Oh, Lord, I pray you give me strength ♪
♪ To carry on ♪
♪ 'Cause I know what it means ♪
♪ Here I go again on my own ♪
Things cost a lot these days.
Your total is $376.43.
You know what?
Fuck it. Today, I'ma do me.
Uh, actually,
uh, this one should work.
Hmm.
Wait, I'm sorry.
Can I get that family card discount, or is it just for families?
Appreciate you.
- Enjoy your day. So... - Mm-hmm.
Just very efficient packing-- packing person, so...
♪ 'Cause I know what it means ♪
I got it. Y-You good? I'm good. You good?
Hey! It's your mama, baby!
When you get a chance, I need you to show me how to record
the John Legend singing show.
Pivot! Pivot!
I'ma get your brother to come over here
and move this table! I keep banging my foot.
Speaking of foot,
keep the Johnson family in your prayers, child.
Instead of losing weight, Julissa lost a foot to the diabetes.
Oh! Almost forgot.
♪ Happy birthday to-- ♪
Okay. Alright. It's not about you, Mom.
Okay.
I need a partner for assembly.
Watch this, Ümlaüt!
♪ Are you ready? My time, it's telling my phone ♪
♪ Wonder what's next, I been doing my own ♪
♪ Ring, ring, but the caller unknown ♪
♪ Ready, set, go, now, I'm in my zone ♪
- ♪ Ring, ring, ring, ring ♪ - Fuck off.
Mm.
♪ Are you ready, ready, ready ♪
Check!
Alright.
Woo!
Tamika ain't the only one gettin' it on tonight.
You Ratatouille piece of shit!
Fall the fuck back, Remy!
Fall the fuck back!
This is mine.
You stay on that side of the house.
I'll stay on this side.
Piece of shit.
Mm!
You jealous of me?
Fuck you, motherfucker!
Black woman. 35. Single.
She was found in her apartment unresponsive by her neighbor.
She experienced lacerations to the face,
a contusion to the back of the head.
Holy balls! Whoa, lemme get that for you.
I feel like a piñata.
That would be the hairline rib fracture.
A-A rib fracture from what?
Chest compressions, after she stopped breathing.
Wait. I stopped breathing? For how long?
For almost three minutes.
Three minutes?
That's longer than Despacito.
The blunt force trauma to the back of her head
caused her to fall forward onto her face,
and she choked on the...
Crab Rangoon that was in her mouth.
- Is that like a crab spring roll? - It's more like a fried dumpling.
I thought those were pot stickers.
Pan fried or deep fried?
I-It is a crispy fried wonton,
with a filling made of cream cheese, green onions, and crab.
Oh.
Most of the time, it's imitation crab, right?
But the one that tried to kill me was real crab
because I paid extra for it for my birthday.
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
No. Please, God!
Uh, okay. Uh, what are the next steps?
The next steps is me getting up out this bed,
going home.
- Ah, ah, ah! - For next steps,
because of the severity of the concussion,
she'll need to be kept awake for the next six hours or so.
A short script of Percocet to treat the rib fracture.
- Mm-hmm. - Otherwise, 500 milligrams of ibuprofen.
No strenuous physical activity for the next six weeks.
Lucky for you, I haven't had strenuous activity
for the last six years, so we good.
Okay. Well, try to take it easy.
Keke here will get you discharged shortly.
I know that was a lot. How are you feeling?
Great. I never felt better, so...
Well, um, I tried the emergency contact number
we have for you on file.
I can't get through.
- Is it still 212-345-- - That's, that's...
That's my phone number.
You--
You're your own emergency contact?
Yeah.
Well, it's hospital policy. You gotta find somebody to pick you up.
Where's my phone?
Of course...
It's gonna be a minute, so...
You doing okay, Ms. Robinson?
Remember to bring me some hot sauce with my dinner or pull the plug.
I'll ask Dr. Tibideaux.
[on voicemail] Hi, you've reached Rory Cohen. You know what to do.
Hey, listen. If you can't find anyone,
there are services here at the hospital to pick you up--
Uh, you know what? Can I tell you the truth, Keke? It is Keke, right?
The one person that's supposed to be here for me
isn't fuckin' picking up.
And, as luck would have it,
I ain't got nobody else!
So, if you really wanna help me,
could you please give me some space and time to figure it out?
Okay? Thanks.
Mercury is on one.
Jesus Christ.
What's so funny?
- I didn't think you had it in ya. - Had what in me?
Some goddamn fight.
I underestimated you.
Guess I underestimated me, too.
I'm Melissa. What's your name?
Elise.
Happy birthday, Melissa.
Thanks.
So, Elise, what brought ya here?
Oh, I fell down.
And at this age, that can kill you.
Well, you know what? I died today, and it did not live up to the hype.
Most deaths don't.
Wh-What do you mean?
There are three kinds of deaths.
Physical death,
we all know and write poems about.
Then, there's the kind
when people stop caring about you.
And the worst kind
is when you stop caring for yourself.
In that case, I died a long time ago.
Well, maybe you should start living then!
I used to be just like you, Melissa.
Holding my tongue.
Scared of everything.
But then, I jumped into the deep end.
Woo!
Now, when my life flashes before my eyes,
at least I'll see somethin'.
I wanna see something, too.
Know better, do better.
Hm.
Now, tell me this.
Was that crab rooty-tooty worth it?
- Huh? - Ow. Yeah.
Yeah, it was.
Alright.
You know, what you should try is gyoza.
I had some in Japan. So good, oh!
It made my toes curly.
I would have to take your word for it because I don't fly.
Well, neither did I, until I did.
Girl, you've gotta stop caring about what people think,
and start doing shit that scares you.
Okay?
Deal.
Hm. You know what, Elise?
I know we just met...
I don't know, what if we cared for each other?
At least that's one death we don't have to worry about, right?
Elise?
Ms. Robinson? Cold blue, B226!
Elise! Elise! Start bagging her.
Get in. Get the crash cart in.
Ms. Robinson, can you hear me? Ms. Robinson!
Starting compressions.
Time of death, 10:27 p.m.
Do you think you can call the coroner? I'm trying to get outta here.
Yeah, I'll call her. DSS case.
No next of kin. Let's go.
♪ Really too late to call ♪
♪ So we wait for ♪
♪ Morning to wake you ♪
♪ Is all we got ♪
I'm so sorry.
I saw him live in Lincoln Center.
Now this cat, he's a New Yorker.
I mean, you've been to Lincoln Center, of course.
I actually have never been.
Jada! You gotta go!
You know what? That settles it.
I am taking you to the Lincoln Center.
We gon' see jazz that's gon' have you scatting in real life.
You gon' be walking down the street.
People gon' be like "She's scatting."
Your phone keeps going off.
- You sure don't need to get that? - Nah, it's my sister.
No, I ain't gotta get that.
I, uh--
Only thing I gotta get is
a second date?
Or should I say...
♪ Give me a second date! ♪
[softly] Shit...
Little sis!
♪ Woo! When it's on the floor what we gon-- ♪
♪ Pick it up, that money and we fall through ♪
- ♪ Pick, pick, it up ♪ - I'm sorry I ruined your night.
Just once, I would love to get a call from you
and it not be that you need somethin' from me.
♪ Pick, pick, pick it up, pick it up, that money on the floor ♪
I didn't have anybody else to call.
♪ Then hit the floor, get some more ♪
♪ I want more, come on, boy, that's how we do, that's how we do ♪
♪ That's how we do, hold up, money bomb ♪
♪ Calling me, wait I gotta answer ♪
♪ Bring the money home ♪
Okay, what the fuck happened?
I was putting together Ümlaüt furniture, and it fell on me.
So, you got Ümlaüt money, but you still on my family plan.
Don't start, don't start.
I can make it up to you! What do you want?
I'll watch the kids. Damn!
- You gonna watch the kids? - Yeah.
Man, come on now. I am not about to sit here
and pretend that I need you only for you to say you gon' show up
when we know your ass ain't.
Shit, get the fuck outta here.
I got two kids, not three.
You wanna help me out? Seriously? Fix your shit.
- Okay. And your shit smells like roses? - Never said that.
You a alcoholic who voted for Jill Stein.
- I voted my conscience! - Okay, you split the vote, motherfucker!
Ben-gha-zi!
- Okay. Alright. - You know, we in New York!
- It don't matter who I voted for. - Okay.
I could've voted for my balls. It don't matter.
You know what?
Stop the car.
Hell no. No.
Stop the fucking car!
Hey! Fuck! I'm stopped! Are you happy?
Yes, I'm fucking happy! Shit!
Fuck outta my car, bro. Get out. Bye.
Ow! Fuck! Mm-hmm.
Go home to white wife and your imported beer!
I will! I can't wait! See you at the fucking funerals!
Move!
♪ Run, run, run ♪
♪ Run... ♪
♪ Whatever makes you happy ♪
♪ Whatever you want ♪
♪ You're so fuckin' special ♪
♪ I wish I was special ♪
♪ But I'm a creep ♪
Last call, babe.
Um...
Can I get a shot of Jack and a PBR?
Alright, after we take a quick break,
up next will be Michelle.
This isn't my shit.
Fuck!
What's wrong? You know, besides the obvious.
The hospital gave me Elise's stuff.
I should probably ask a follow-up question,
but we're about to close.
That's okay.
She's dead.
Now, you're forcing my hand.
What happened? Are you okay?
Am I okay?
Absolutely not!
I was--
I was supposed to die today.
Can you imagine choking on your favorite food
the same day you get a wedding invitation
from the only man that's ever...
got you?
Every day, I take people to where they're going,
but I have no fucking idea where I'm going.
And even if I did, I couldn't afford it!
I'm still paying off the Lane Bryant bra they cut off my body...
to drag my fat ass back into a world where nobody sees me.
And I pretend to be okay with it.
But the truth is...
I wanna be seen.
I wanna be loved. You know what I'm saying?
Like, I want someone to love me,
even though I can't.
So, now what?
I don't know.
No one fuckin' knows.
All you can do is just make the next best decision you can.
Build from there.
You need more vegetables.
Does salsa count?
Do you have a safe place to go?
Yeah. Yeah.
This is a bad idea.
What the fuck am I doing?
Oh, shit.
Wow.
Okay, Elise. I see you.
The fuck?
Hi!
Oh, hi! Oh, my goodness!
Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness.
Yeah.
What's your name?
It's Bubba?
Hi, Bubba. I'm Mel.
Yeah. Hi.
I'm gonna take care of you, okay?
Oh. [giggles] Come on!
I know.
You ready?
Yeah, me neither.
Ah, shit.
♪ I need a little rest from my heart ♪
♪ Somewhere I can silence the noise ♪
♪ Where'd I go ♪
♪ When the highs disappoint? ♪
♪ Will I ever find what I want? ♪
♪ Oh... ♪
♪ Pause, stop, choose ♪
♪ Bringing me closer to you ♪
♪ Let it out, let it breathe ♪
♪ You're exactly where you're supposed to be ♪
♪ Let it up, let it down ♪
♪ There's treasure in both to be found ♪
♪ Pause, stop, choose ♪
♪ Take a moment for you ♪
♪ Let it out, let it breathe ♪
♪ You're exactly where you're supposed to be ♪
♪ Pause, stop, choose ♪
♪ Take a moment for you ♪
♪ I'm head over heels ♪
♪ This time for real ♪
Zero, two, two, three, two, five.
Okay, it'll just be a moment. Standby.
The system's been slow today. It's alright.
I've never been to Hawaii before.
Me neither.
But you know what? I am excited to finally see something.
I am excited for you.
Uh-oh. Declined.
Do you have another card you'd like me to try, ma'am?
Don't judge me.
I'm just seeing if the numbers fit. That's all.
♪ Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay ♪
♪ Ah... ♪
♪ Ay, ay, ay, get divin', let's go ♪
♪ Oh, let's go ♪
♪ If you want it, you can get it, let me know ♪
♪ Let me know ♪
Let's go.
- ♪ Let's go! ♪ - ♪ Let's go! ♪
♪ If you want it, you can get it, let me know ♪
♪ Let me know, I'm 'bout to fuck a nigga up ♪
- ♪ Let's go! ♪ - ♪ If you want some, come get some ♪
♪ 'Cause where I'm from, we tote big guns ♪
♪ And everybody know somebody that know somebody ♪
♪ That know somethin' 'bout it ♪
♪ And I want answers now ♪
♪ Who, what, where, when, and why ♪
♪ See, a lot of dudes like to act a fool ♪
♪ And all get all loud, but that ain't my style ♪
♪ Now, he who he gonna get and what he gonna do? ♪
♪ Run up on me if he want to ♪
♪ Out there impressin' his homies ♪
♪ But he stood up in front of his momma ♪
♪ I mop up the flo' with him ♪
♪ And I kick in the door and let the fo-fo hit him ♪
♪ I got fools that'll go get him ♪
♪ This for him, his crew and the dudes that run with him ♪
- ♪ Let's go! ♪ - ♪ Let's go! ♪
♪ If you want it, you can get it, let me know ♪
♪ Let me know, I'm 'bout to fuck a nigga up ♪
- ♪ Let's go! ♪ - ♪ Let's go! ♪
♪ If you want it, you can get it, let me know ♪
♪ Let me know... ♪