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[THUMPING SYNTH MUSIC]
[SCREAMING]
[GROWLING] [SCREAMING]
You want us to wait?
I'll catch up.
[PHONE VIBRATES]
Jace?
Fuck.
Nope!
No fucking way, guys!
I'm not doing this!
Stop.
[SHE SCREAMS]
Okay! Okay!
Jace?
Bradford?
[SHE SCREAMS]
[SCREAMING]
[EAR-PIERCING SCREAM]
ROSEMARY: Holy fucking shit.
BRADFORD: How long can you scream like that?
[EAR-PIERCING SCREAM]
No. Hold up. Stop.
Like, how long can you do that in a night
without needing, like, a break or something?
Uh, probably a few hours.
'Kay. [DANNY LAUGHS]
BRADFORD: And underwear? You fine working in just underwear?
Yeah.
DANNY: This isn't sexual harassment.
ROSEMARY: She knows that. - Yeah, that's not a problem.
BRADFORD: 'Kay. Blood?
You fine with blood? - Yeah. Great.
BRADFORD: Like a shitload of blood, though,
like, gallons of it.
The more the merrier.
All right.
Let's show her how to die.
BRADFORD: So you're actually going to be filling in
for someone who flaked on us.
You fine to start us today?
I don't think I'm wearing the right underwear for that.
I wouldn't worry too much about that.
We've got plenty for you to pick from.
I've been filling in for her since she ditched us,
but I'm primarily the makeup artist, so, eh.
This is all part time and seasonal
so sometimes people just disappear.
And Bradford doesn't look super convincing in a bra,
so there's that.
When'd you see me in a bra? I look amazing in a bra.
It's kind of a weird time for you to jump in.
There's only a couple of days left in the season,
but if you can fill in for just those couple of days,
that'd be awesome.
MATILDA: Yeah. That sounds good.
ROSEMARY: You went to theater school?
- DePaul, yeah. - Okay, great.
It's basically the same thing as putting up a show,
instead of eight performances a week
you're doing 40 performances in a night,
one every couple of minutes.
But the lines are a lot easier to remember
because it's just a bunch of fucking screaming.
Yeah. Backstage should feel pretty familiar, too.
We're just a bunch of theater kids who never grew up
and got real jobs.
Everybody's flirtatious,
but it's a summer camp, kind of flirtatious,
so it should be completely harmless
if, for whatever reason, it doesn't feel harmless
you come to one of us immediately.
Yeah.
Long story short, no touching.
They don't touch you. We don't touch them.
They do touch you. Yell "Pervo!"
We're coming running. - Pervo?
Yeah. It was carefully chosen.
Took us a long time to get there.
Speaking of which, we got to go.
DANNY: I'm going to be in there with you
the whole time.
Nobody will get anywhere near you.
ROSEMARY: He's not that big,
but he does have a table full of weapons.
DANNY: I'm big enough. ROSEMARY: Plus, weapons.
DANNY: And I'm a fucking ghoul.
[OVERLAPPING VOICES]
BRADFORD: Blood! EVERYONE: Guts!
BRADFORD: All right, everybody, this is Matilda.
She's going to be our new scalpee for the night.
It's her first time at a haunted house,
so let's be nice to her.
But she's got a hell of a scream,
so just show her what to do, all right?
Taylor's only been gone a couple days.
Okay.
And if she shows up, we'll find her something to do.
She loves being scalped.
Okay, but Rosemary doesn't.
And I need someone who can scream,
and I found someone who can scream. So let's be nice,
okay?
Anyway, guys, we got a to haunt open.
Why're we just sitting around?
Hey, it's not her fault.
Taylor took off.
Bachelor of Fine Arts.
Okay.
Like a glove.
Yeah.
So do you have any double- sided tape for this glove?
I'm worried I'm going to start thrashing around and it's all
gonna pop out. - I got you covered.
Figuratively. [ROSEMARY LAUGHS]
[AIRBRUSH SOUNDS]
Here's your chair.
Oh.
And here is your hair.
Oh.
And I think it's probably going to match...
Yes!
There we go.
Awesome. Okay.
So...
Basically, when he scalps you, he's going to
lift this part up.
Oh, yuck.
I will goop it up more.
Oh, nice, okay.
Boop, boop, boop.
Okay, you're done. - Awesome.
You can sit out in the hall, we will come and get you
when we're ready to place you.
Awesome. Thank you.
ROSEMARY: How we doing over here?
Has anyone seen my heart?
- You're missing out. - What about, like, beans?
It seems as though someone has stolen my heart.
and hopefully they're single and emotionally available.
Thanks, Pumpkin.
We can make it work.
[FAKE CHAINSAW NOISES]
Ping! Ping!
[RHYTHMIC CHANTING]
CELESTE: One! Two! Three!
[CHEERING]
CELESTE: Let's go!
Little chilly tonight, huh, bud?
Lemme help you out?
There you go.
Great door scare.
You clearly work here.
What the fuck?
[SCREAMING]
It is time to open this haunted house!
[GASPING]
This is what we live for!
[GAGGING]
Tonight, we give the people what they want.
[GAGGING]
And what they want...
is blood and...
EVERYONE: Guts!
- Blood! - Guts!
BRADFORD: Let's open this haunt!
[CHEERING]
CELESTE: Let's go! Let's go!
♪ IT'S HALLOWEEN ♪ by First of October
MATILDA: Could this one be a little tighter?
DANNY: Yeah.
Just let me know if you need a break or anything.
Yeah. For sure.
You know what to do?
I start screaming when you start cutting.
CELESTE: Hey, have a good first night.
DANNY: It's not my first night.
Thanks.
DANNY: It's really weird you don't recognize me.
Don't get too comfortable, Rook'.
DANNY: Not a rookie.
I was in the room when we hired you.
I think she was talking to me.
Oh, she was being a bitch?
Yeah.
Aww. Thank you.
[GROWL]
[LAUGHING]
Oh! Okay.
I thought they weren't allowed to touch us.
They can't touch us, right?
[OMINOUS LAUGHING]
Welcome to Realm of Terror.
[EVIL LAUGH] [CROWD CHEERS]
Oh.
Does my scarecrow not scare you?
Come on, Scarecrow.
Scare these people.
[GROWLS]
Rawr.
Oh.
Still not scared.
We can do better than that.
Let's help him out.
Oh, yeah.
It appears it's time for you to hurry in
before my associates
start looking for another scarecrow.
I hear a post
has recently opened up.
Of course,
I wouldn't want to tie you to...
[SNARLS]
...anything.
[MENACING LAUGH]
How many?
Two, please.
You just graduated?
Yeah.
You part of any theater groups?
I was at a troupe in school, but after graduation
we all kinda scattered.
Chicago's a theater town.
That's what I said,
but the theater kids headed east
and the screen kids headed west.
Didn't feel like chasing the big time?
Well, I mean, we just graduated.
I mean, why is everyone so eager to dive
into the deep end?
I mean, can't we take a second to breathe?
Or get chained to walls?
Right.
I thought we got a year to, like, chill out
and see if we were actually cut out for this.
And they all just kind of left me, so...
now I gotta find a new group of weirdoes
to hang out with.
Well...
you've come to the right place.
Right?
[APPROACHING GUESTS]
All right. Show time.
Okay.
Here we go.
[INTENSE SCREAMING]
[EVIL CACKLE]
Oh! More beautiful scalps!
Whoa.
- Pretty great, right? - Holy shit.
Dude, double high fives. Come on.
- Um... - Come on. You can do it.
[THEY LAUGH]
- I can't do it. - No, that's good. Here.
♪ SYMPHONY NO. 8 IN Bm 'UNFINISHED' D. 759 ♪ by Franz Schubert
[INAUDIBLE]
♪ WE'RE CHEAP ALREADY ♪ by Driftless Pony Club
You killed it!
- No. - Yes. You're a scream queen!
- Stop. - You fucking killed it! Yes!
Sounds like you killed it.
I guess. Yeah.
I mean, you doing that?
Oh, no, not the big screaming stuff.
I'm no good at that.
I make a much better body in a tub
with long slit wrists,
laying still, occasionally twitching, splashing people.
That I can sell, but
we got rid of the suicide tub years ago.
Bradford enjoys performing
as much as he likes running this place.
If he had boobs, we probably could have
ridden out the season.
- Fair enough. - Your scalp, my dear.
Be kind. - Thank you. Yes, I will.
So are the fitting rooms
first come first serve at the end of the night or...
For those that bother with them.
What?
CELESTE: Hey! Picture!
There's always a few.
In three, two, one.
Yeah. That's great, guys. Thanks.
Good, good, good.
You don't mind, do you?
No. I admire the confidence.
- No. The picture. - Oh!
They love their post-haunt, half-makeup, naked stuff.
No, no. I don't mind.
Almost 80 thousand followers, too.
Sweet.
Yeah, I got to keep it nipple free, though.
Well, I mean, you gotta leash those nips sometimes.
Double standard. Right, Jace?
Oh, I could go full nip.
God, there's two of you.
Yeah, this year.
Last year there were, like, what, four of us?
Five if Julie had a couple drinks.
Oh yeah.
How many Instagram followers do you have?
Oh, no. I don't do it for the 'gram.
Yeah. No pics out when the dick's out.
Jace is all lifestyle.
You don't mind, do you?
Fly free, mon ami.
- I like you. - Fly free!
- Mika! - I told you, bro.
That's why butcher shops keep their finest meat
behind glass.
It's not meat. It's muscle.
Tell me about it.
Hey, Jace. Is this your phone.
Did you still my fucking phone?
Put your clothes on, man.
We could hear you from outside.
- Really? - You sure can scream.
I mean, it's fun.
- Are you exhausted? - I mean, I'm all right.
There's a place we hang out after if you want to come?
Oh, yo, Seth.
What was going on in there tonight?
They tell you what I said?
Yeah, I heard what you said. That's the whole thing.
You don't have a head, you can't talk.
That's why it's funny.
I was like, "Hey--
Hey, just take it off.
I saw you screwing around with your
head knife over there.
Sure. Back here.
Back here we can make all the
"Oh, Gimme head" jokes you want.
In there, you stay in character.
In character?
I'm a decapitated football player with a pom pom head.
Who cares if I talk?
- I care if you talk. - It's fake.
It's only fake if you don't believe it.
Actually, you know what, Seth?
Don't bother coming back tomorrow.
Fucking stop.
I just wiped all this shit off.
[TEXT NOTIFICATION]
[PHONE CALL RING TONE]
[RING TONE STOPS]
[PHONE CALL RING TONE]
Yo, did you see who dropped this phone?
Not mine.
Have you heard anything from Taylor?
- Mika-- - No, I'm not doing that.
I just found her phone here.
But she texted me to meet her here?
No, I haven't gotten anything from her.
But if she turns up, we'll find her something.
I promise.
Are you going to be here a while?
Yeah, I'll be here.
Text me if she shows up.
Yeah, sure.
Just...
Yep. Just put it on the floor.
Sheese, Rook'. Do you ever clean out your car?
I mean, I'm getting there.
It's like you drove through a thrift store
with your windows open.
You are going to say something nice to her
before the end of the night. - We'll see.
No, I mean, it's okay.
Her shitty attitude is like the North Star of
my haunt experience.
It's one thing I know I can count on.
No shit. Okay.
[MATILDA CHUCKLES]
[HAUNT NOISES]
[HAUNT NOISES STOP]
Fuckin' haunt actors.
[PHONE VIBRATES]
Fuck!
[ROSEMARY LAUGHS]
I thought everybody was already out of here.
Tonight is the first night I'm not exhausted from
screaming my ass off for three hours.
I thought I'd get a jump on the laundry.
You could do that tomorrow when we could go to the party.
I want to bring them a couple cases of beer anyway,
it was a good week.
You go ahead.
You're not going to come?
It's kind of starting to feel a little...
- College'y? - Yeah.
Well, you know, that's one of the perks of the job,
you never got to grow up.
Do you remember me in college?
I locked myself in my dorm,
ate nachos, and watched Elm Street movies.
Well, that's another perk of the job,
you can make up for lost time.
Kinda feeling like nachos.
[INAUDIBLE]
I'll come to the wrap party, I promise.
Okay.
You want me to come by later?
If you want to.
Okay. Well, don't work too hard.
Just because it's hard work...
BOTH: ...doesn't mean it's not fun.
You're good.
The fu--
Fuck! Fuck!
Hey, Siri, call 911!
Oh!
[STRUGGLE NOISES]
Fuck!
[STRUGGLE NOISES]
MATILDA: I'm sorry. Where are we?
V: Tall John's lake house.
He lets a couple of us stay here on haunt weekends
so we don't have to go all the way back to the city.
MATILDA: Tall John? V: You saw him.
I think he was spiky head guy by the end of the night.
He's been at the haunt for forever.
So his place has always been the after-party.
MATILDA: Cool.
V: He never hangs out with us.
I always try, but he never goes for it.
MATILDA: Aww, that's okay.
She met up with Jace?
Yeah, the haunt is so much fun,
but honestly, the Halloween bump it gives my Only Fans
is even better.
- Really? - Yeah.
And it boosts the Instagram ad' rev' to.
- Oh, you do sponsorships? - Yeah.
Umm... Makeup. Goth lingerie.
Prosthetic fangs.
Whoa. That's so cool.
How does it work?
Oh, it just slides right in and right out.
'ey...
You did not.
I did. Always. Always.
I did a couple of seasons at the theme park, but
it's just a sanitized version of what we're doing.
And the budget's great. Great costumes and makeup, but...
It's the board-approved assembly-line version
all packaged and ready to appear
on souvenir cups.
It's all so cutesy.
All of Halloween has gotten so fucking cutesy.
You know?
I mean, at least we're we're doing has a little bit
of edge, but 2,000 years ago, they were setting people
on fire, dude.
You really wanna talk about going face to face
with the darkness?
No, not really.
Yeah. No duh.
The penis has been vilified in our society.
That's all I'm saying.
Okay.
Like it's literally seen as a weapon.
You don't think that's because it's been used as
a weapon for so long by so many?
I think we can both agree
that it's disproportionate, though.
I mean, people are stabbed with pens all the time.
But pens aren't stigmatized as weapons.
You don't think it's because less people
get stabbed by pens than women get raped by penises?
Okay.
Honestly, I just thought you were a hot guy with a really
nice body who liked to hang brain here and there,
but it turns out you're making a point.
Congrats.
I'm taking it back.
- Your comment? - I'm reclaiming the penis.
It's exposure therapy.
You just admitted that it's publicly accepted
as a weapon.
I mean, all these other guys are concealed carry,
yours is out in the open.
I'm trying to give you a positive experience with it.
What's it going to do, stir my drink for me?
It can.
How did I know you were gonna say that?
It can!
I'm sure I can.
All right. Your loss.
So what kind of you?
Kind?
Are you an exhibitionist or a theater kid?
Neither.
So what's your thing?
I'm either gonna chase people around
with a fake chainsaw
or I'm gonna chase them around
with the real one.
Oh.
He doesn't even want anyone to have fun.
Fuck it.
I make more money at the escape room anyway.
I was only doing this because
it was supposed to be fun.
You work at the escape room?
Yeah. 60 to Escape.
Where people know that it's a game.
And we're not treating goofball shit
like it's Shakespeare.
That room doesn't even
need a decapitated football player.
Fuck it.
But we still get to come to these parties, right?
- Probably, yeah. - Right on.
'Cause this is my shit, dude.
Can I ask you something?
Why are women always the ones who have to be
chained up and die?
Because it's classic.
It's like Herschell Gordon Lewis.
Okay, yeah, but I want to torture, dude.
I mean, ask any girl in this room.
They'd love to see a lady ghoul
scalping a half naked guy.
Sure, but it's a trope. It's classic.
Okay, well, don't be classic. Be original.
It's not about being original.
We're a haunt, like...
nobody wants what's in my brain.
They want blood, they want guts.
They want clowns with chainsaws
and chicks chained to the walls.
They want what they know.
You give them what they know. They love it.
They love it. They love us.
Yeah, but isn't it more important
to move the conversation a little bit forward?
It's more important for making money.
It's about sex, isn't it?
Totally.
Y'all good?
Anyone need anything?
V: Tall John! Where have you been all night?
Come hang out with us.
I'm good.
Give me a shout if you need anything.
Come hang out.
CELESTE [SINGING]: V. V. V, V, V. V, V, V, V, V, V, V.
[V LAUGHS]
[PARTY CHATTER]
And you have to hold my leg.
Like this?
Yes!
You having fun?
Anybody slip anything in your drink?
Do you want them to?
No, I'm good.
Mika doesn't really hate you.
She's just nervous.
I'm not trying to replace her friend.
I think she liked her.
Liked her liked her?
They were pretty all over each other.
Not Jace?
Probably him too.
But he's kind of too hot for anybody to be serious about.
He's like...
the IRL version of the poster you hang in your bedroom
when you're too young to know better.
I think she's just looking for someone to blame.
Try not to take it personal in the meantime.
Yeah.
I won't.
Mmm...
So what kind are you?
What kind of what?
Are you a theater kid?
Are you an exhibitionist?
Are you a psychopath?
I just do the fun stuff.
This is my Halloween thing.
I help people with light displays on Christmas.
Handmake really elaborate valentines.
Get drunk as fuck on New Year's?
You know it.
What about you?
Oh, I also get drunk as fuck on New Year's.
But are you a naked or a psycho?
Oh, no, no. I'm a theater kid.
How did you find us?
The top listing on castingchicago.com.
Big time.
Yeah, no,
I'm still trying to hear back from a few student shorts.
Thoughts and prayers.
Thank you.
I don't care if anything happened between
the two of you.
I didn't write those.
It came from your phone.
Well, I lost my phone for, like, a week.
And then Tall John found it tonight.
- Let me see your texts. - Okay.
Hey, yo, Danny.
Oh.
Can you get my phone out of my pants?
Yeah.
Tell me again how you misplaced your phone?
Yeah, see, I don't got those.
I only send Taylor GIFs anyways.
[JACE LAUGHS]
Have you seen this one?
Yeah.
Yeah, so you think Taylor's into me?
[MIKA SCOFFS]
I'll take that as a maybe.
So you think somebody else sent the texts.
The same night she disappeared.
Oooh.
And you think she disappeared?
Or the last night she was at the haunt.
Like... disappeared disappeared?
I don't know, that sounds dumb, but it's weird, right?
Disappeeeeared.
Yeah.
That is pretty weird, though.
It's not that weird.
It's the haunt.
Like, some people get sick of the makeup.
Other people are just in it for the money.
Some people just take ghosting a little too seriously.
The point is, it happens literally all the time.
Josh was MIA from autopsy tonight, too.
No, I saw Josh.
No, Carley said he was a no-show.
Okay, well, someone sends me a message from her phone,
then ditches it when I call it?
Like, who would do that and why?
Who would do it?
And for what nefarious porpoise?
- Danny... - Yeah.
And why does someone even have her phone?
Maybe it was Taylor.
Than why ditch the phone?
Yeah.
You shoulda just stayed at the haunt tonight.
I mean, maybe your mysterious texter
hung around.
Fuck no, dude. By myself?
No, you wouldn't have been by yourself.
You know what?
I bet Rosemary is probably still there.
We can go back. Danny, you want to come with?
I would like to stay at the party, please.
No. Yeah, forget it. It's fine.
No, come on. You and me, we can go.
No, like, I'm sure some of this is like
a moonlight mindfuck.
I'm sure it'll make more sense in the daytime.
Come on.
I don't want you feeling weird about my haunt.
I love your haunt.
It's big and scary.
It's okay.
[WISTFUL PIANO MUSIC]
Hey.
Hey. You guys just finish?
We're just heading in.
Okay, I'm going to the bookstore until
you guys are done.
You don't like escape rooms?
No, I mean, they're just expensive.
No, Bradford has a thing with them.
They come to the haunt for free,
we get to drop in on rooms that aren't reserved.
Oh, fuck yeah. Let's go.
I went by her place again.
Everything's still there.
All her clothes.
Well, I don't think she left town.
She probably just stopped coming to the haunt.
Okay, but why wouldn't she tell me?
We don't have any reservations
for Hidden Temple.
Have you tried that one? CELESTE: No.
You're the headless guy.
Headless no more.
Bradford can suck a dick.
Well, I mean, now you're all head all the time.
Hey, sounds promising.
Take him to The Hidden Temple, Walt.
Just give me five minutes.
Step this way to await your fate.
Fuckin'...
So, is this your first time or...
MIKA: No. CELESTE: For what?
WALT: All right, same as yoozh.
If something doesn't move easily,
it's not supposed to move.
So don't break shit.
Don't cheap out, Walt.
Set the mood.
Welcome to the temple of mystery.
What untold wonder lay in wait?
[LAUGH OF MYSTERY] [THE LADIES LAUGH]
Now, if you'll direct your attention to the
ancient temple's functional television.
I've got another group.
Okay, ladies, it's time to crack
some ancient mysteries.
[ANIMAL NOISE FOR EACH PULLEY]
[THE LADIES APPROACH]
Man, come on. We got a show going.
Hey, come on. You gotta get out of here.
Come on.
Come on. Let's go.
Come on.
MIKA: We've got a dead guy.
Jack!
Paint me like one of your French girls.
Exactly. MIKA: Hey! Hey!
You got it! MATILDA: Whoa!
Very nice.
[LADIES VOICES GETTING NEAR]
[TALKING SIMULTANEOUSLY] V: No, no! NO!
You go, I go, you go,
she goes, she goes.
So five. I'm last?
- Yeah. - Okay.
Do it again.
You go, I go, you go, she goes, she goes.
Okay. Let's just do it.
[ANIMAL NOISES]
Five.
MATILDA: Whoa! CELESTE: Bingo.
MIKA: Oh shit. [V LAUGHS]
CELESTE: Oh my God.
Get one of it grabbing me!
Okay.
Get this one.
We've got another body.
This one's fresher and
doesn't have a head.
Wait, I need your passcode.
EVERYONE: 1031.
CELESTE: We're always in haunt makeup,
we know everyone's codes.
Okay, ready?
One, two, three.
No flash. No flash.
MATILDA: Well, I don't know if you're gonna be able--
CELESTE: It'll be fine.
Three, two, one.
MIKA: Door's open. V: What'd you do?
I pushed on it. It was already open.
CELESTE: That was an easy puzzle to solve.
Just watch your step.
There's a lot of fake blood.
Excuse me.
CELESTE: This is so cool.
MATILDA: This guy's big.
Nice!
Rocks!
CELESTE: Ready?
[ALL CHEER]
You have defeated the evil spirits
and saved a grateful world.
Please allow me to bestow unto you 10 percent off
any meal in the food court.
Except for the pizza place, they won't play ball.
- That sucks. - Yeah, they're dicks,
you know. - Yeah whatever.
Yeah, but, hey, did you all have fun?
CELESTE: I did!
And you got money off some food!
CELESTE: Yeah, it's much more difficult than I thought.
V: I can't believe you went full price.
MIKA: I wanted pizza. I ain't no coupon's bitch.
Does Bradford have any deals at the arcade?
We could Skee-ball.
The haunt has an arcade, so we can play for free there.
Same goes for bowling, mini golf, and the go carts.
But then you're, like, back at work.
I mean, we're there all the time, so...
Yeah, we're usually there first thing on Sundays.
But today just felt like the perfect day to
escape from a room.
No arguments here.
We might get paid fuck all for haunting people, but
then the stuff we would spend our money on is free.
Or 10 percent off.
I also work at Fit Perfect four days a week,
but you're not going to catch me in there on a day off.
You only just go back to haunt then?
V: Have you guys carved pumpkins yet?
Tonight's the last night of Pumpkin Fest.
MATILDA: What's Pumpkin Fest?
CELESTE: Oh, no, but that would be a perfect post.
I have to go back to the house first.
I want to change. - Mika.
CELESTE: She good?
You guys go ahead.
We'll meet you there.
- Okay. - Okay.
MATILDA: I haven't really been up in this suburb,
but it feels like it's one waterslide park away
from becoming a full blown tourist trap.
They have one.
It's just closed for the season.
The funny thing is, is that if you drive
like five miles north or five miles west, you're
basically surrounded by forest preserves or cornfields.
That's so weird.
And then right in the middle, they just have this random
theme park where nothing is actually real.
It's all fantasy, right?
My Instagram is the same thing for me.
It's this sexy goth...
...theme park.
Any time anybody wants to spend
a few minutes in that world, they know where to find me.
Yeah, and what do you get out of it?
Other than money?
Money is good. Yes.
It's fantasy for me too, but I get to control it.
It's this dark, chaotic,
kinky world that I get to completely own and shape.
The haunt is the same thing for Bradford,
ushering other people into admire it is
just a bonus.
Fair enough.
I'll just put these right back where I found them.
Yeah, Yeah, you can just put them there.
Sorry about that. - It's okay.
You got quite a closet in there.
Yeah.
I like to have...
...some options.
You can stay here tonight if you want.
I'm not like...
I'm not, like, homeless.
Cool.
I mean, everyone from school just kinda fucked off to L.A.
I knew if I move back home, I wouldn't
give this acting thing a real shot.
Yeah.
- So I'm going to find a place. - Here?
Yeah.
Not L.A., huh?
I mean, why is this so much easier for everyone but me?
I mean, I don't even know anything about L.A.
Well, did you know anything about Chicago?
Well, that was school,
this is real life.
I mean, do you know
how many steps are it takes to becoming a working actor?
- A lot. - Yeah.
There are so many.
I mean, I've been listening to all these podcasts
saying that it will take five to 10 years
to become an overnight success.
Except for Topher Grace.
You better get started, then.
Well, that's easy for you to say,
you have Insta' income at the ready.
Hey, I'll check out L.A. spooky season wraps tomorrow.
Let's drive out.
Check it out.
But, Celeste, it's so fucking scary.
I mean, what if I can't be what I always thought I was meant to be?
No one's meant to be anything, but
especially if you don't give it a try.
Either way, it's gotta beat living in your car.
Hey, I'm gonna find a place.
You're laying on it. If you want it.
At least until we wrap the haunt.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
♪ IN THE REVERIE ♪ by Bailiff
Thank you.
There you go.
What's up, man? You stay at the party all night?
Oh, God, no.
Look, have you heard anything from Rosemary?
No. Why?
Were we supposed to have plans?
No, she's just not replying to my texts.
Maybe she's on a phone break.
Naw, she wasn't home last night either.
Last night?
Are you guys like...
Oh, shit, dude.
Are you...
Are you fryin' each other's bacon?
Mmm mm.
Are you roasting that ham bone-in, dude?
Danny, stop.
What, they're just pork variations.
Implying that you're porkin'.
Okay, you're being weird.
Dude, I can't believe it. I've been walking around here
thinking that we're the three Musketeers
and this whole time
you two have been barbecuing each other's baby backs.
I don't even know what the fuck that means?
You know, just porkin'.
Dude, look.
It's haunt season, anything goes.
Sometimes her and I, we help each other out.
That's not what this is about. - Help each other out.
Oh, dude, and I thought only John Cassavetes and the devil
got to know Rosemary like that, bro.
Come on. Don't be a dick.
Whatever. Fuck off. Hey, can you watch the bar?
I know you're not working.
For how long?
Forever?
It'll just be a second.
Goddamn it, dude.
Rosemary, you out here?
- Dude... - Mmm.
It's like she took off in the middle of doing the laundry.
So do your own laundry, Patriarchy?
This weird for her.
First, Taylor leaves, and that's not like her;
then Josh; Mika with this whole stupid phone thing;
and Rosie's not here.
I don't know, man. Something's up.
Please, dude, you've gone days without answering texts.
Nice double standard, Patriarchy.
This feels weird.
This whole season feels fucking weird, man.
Like, yeah, back in the day, it was like a hobby.
So people came and they went, did whatever.
But now, like,
I don't know, people miss a whole week at work
before they miss a single day at the haunt.
Suddenly everybody disappears?
Dude. It's all aesthetic, man.
It's diet darkness draped in a Jack Skellington backpack.
Come on.
Like, Rosie said it last night, it's starting to
feel like college. Maybe she's ready to grow up.
Dude, that's exactly what I'm saying.
We're down the street from
demon fucking Disneyland over there,
and even our thing is starting to feel tired.
Dude, none of it's scary.
I'm telling you, none of it's scary.
It's supposed to be scary.
No, it's supposed to be fun.
Okay. Yeah.
Tell that to an ancient Celt as a druid pushes
him into a burning pyre.
I don't know, man.
I just like the drama.
♪ DOWN IN THE BASEMENT ♪ by HoliznaCC0
V: Get those angles.
V!
I need you to be my camera person.
- I think I'm done? - Look.
- Classic. - Yeah.
Listen, I'm sorry. Okay?
Cool.
Like, I was just freaked out about Taylor.
Oh, no, you don't have to do that.
Okay.
But, like, I was worried something happened to her,
like, something bad, but I guess she's okay.
Okay with Rosemary instead of me.
- Rosemary? - Yeah.
That's... I don't know.
It seems like she'd be a little less
surprised being hung up on the wall, but...
I mean, I don't know, like, Taylor is the type
not to want to talk about it, when it's time to move on,
so... yeah.
[PHONE VIBRATES]
MIKA: Um, you know what?
Tell the coven I had to go, yeah?
Yeah. Fore suresies.
Is everything okay? - Yup.
[KISSES CHEEK]
I don't know where those lips have been.
Oh, I'm pretty sure you can guess.
Yeah, probably.
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
Rosemary?
It's Mika.
Rosemary?
Rosemary? It's Mika.
Stop! What the fuck are you doing?
Are you fucking crazy?
Stop!
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Get these the fuck off of me!
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Get these off of me!
Fuck! What the fuck are you doing?
Stop! Are you fucking crazy?
Stop!
[CHAINSAW STARTS]
[SCREAMS]
[CHAINSAW REVVING] [SCREAMING]
Get the fuck away from me!
[SCREAMS]
Rosie!
[SCREAMING]
Help!
[DISTANT SCREAMS STOP]
[PHONE VIBRATES]
Hello?
[PHONE VIBRATES]
Who's in there?
Boo!
Fucking Christ, Danny.
What the fuck are you doing out here, man?
Messing with you, man. Come on, let's get outta here.
What do you mean you're messing with me?
What was with all the screaming?
Dude, I was fucking with you.
Yeah, that wasn't you screaming, though.
- Dude-- - Who the fuck's out here?
Is Rosemary out here with you, because--
Hey! Nobody's out here, man.
Let's get a drink. Come on. Just you and me. Let's go.
Just come with me.
The fuck's going on, man?
Who's out here?
Dude, hey...
Look, um...
It's not time.
Not time for what?
[MIKA GROANS]
Is that real?
[SHARP CRUNCH]
Fuck.
MATILDA: One, two, three.
Oh, no Flash. No flash.
MATILDA: Okay, sorry. Ready?
One, two, three.
Okay, got it.
Let me see.
♪ LA NINA BLANCA ♪ by Vienna Ditto
CELESTE: Dude,
I have to do more pumpkin pin-ups.
This thing is killing.
MATILDA: Were you scared when you posted your first nude?
Sure.
Then why'd you do it?
This is mine.
I'm going to do with it what I want.
And then eventually I wanted to do it more than
I was scared of it. - Cool.
Oh. Then somebody immediately
sent me a dick tribute to my message requests and, uh...
Learned to stay away from there.
[MATILDA GROANS IN DISGUST]
I feel like one picture of a rando dick would have
been enough to scare me off,
but it doesn't take much.
I'm scared of everything.
No. Yeah, for sure.
Says the evil possessed scarecrow.
Hey, but you will never find a gentler,
kinder evil scarecrow.
I can work at a haunted house.
I just can't go through one.
I tried last year. You remember?
Dude, she was out of there so fast.
The first time something jumped out at us.
I turn around...
She gone.
Nearest exit.
I think I made it, like,
one room.
Totally abandoned me to face the zombies on my own.
I couldn't help it.
When it came down to saving you or saving myself,
it wasn't even a conscious decision.
My legs decided for me.
Hey, my legs did the same for me.
They were like:
You think you can hide these babies from the world?
I had to debunk the supposed allure of a thigh gap.
MATILDA: Ahh, preach.
Every body is beautiful.
DOG WALKER: You okay?
Happy Halloween.
TALL JOHN: Happy Halloween.
Oh, Happy Halloween.
Coffee?
Sure.
Your place is really nice.
Thanks.
You know, it always makes me a little sad.
Hmm?
I try to keep the spirit alive until November 1st, but
it always already feels over.
Well, how do you think I feel?
I just met you bunch of weirdos.
Well,
It's better to have been scalped a couple nights
than to have never been scalped at all.
That old chestnut.
You got another job to go to?
- No. You? - Job?
I got a career.
I'm a fixed income analyst.
Um... What?
When I got this place, I figured I'd be here
all summer, but I mostly just rent it out.
I use my vacation time to come out and
do this every year.
So this is like your vacation?
Does it feel like working to you?
Touché.
I just want to say thank you for
letting me stay here for a little bit.
Of course.
I just want to ask, though,
just curious, why don't you come hang out
if you let everyone always stay?
I hang out.
When we're all covered in blood and screaming.
Once we wipe off the blood,
we're just into different things.
Yeah.
How's it treating you?
Well, I've wanted to scream my head off
in public for years,
so now I actually get people to line up and watch it.
Like a pressure relief valve every October.
Exactly.
To one more night of unrelenting horror.
♪ CHOMP ♪ by Stanky Ol' McDonald
- No word from Mika still? - No.
- She wouldn't just bail. - Yeah.
Maybe she made up with Taylor
and they're off whatever'ing?
She'd still text me back.
Yeah, she would.
It's the big night!
Weird news,
but Bradford and Rosemary can't be here tonight.
[MURMURS OF DISTRESS]
I know, I know.
I wish they could be here too,
but they have given everything so that we could
all come together and have a very special night.
Okay? Let's not let them down.
I'm only making one really big change.
And that is to the final tableau.
Jace. - Yeah.
I know you're usually in the mausoleum,
but that's going to be a whole other thing tonight.
Would you be up for jumping in with Matilda
in the torture chamber?
I can scalp a bitch.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. - Excuse me?
I'm so sorry. Um...
I can, with your blessing and consent,
gently remove a bitch's hair.
Thank you.
- That's better. - Okay.
DANNY: People, hey...
I don't want anything to break the mood,
so make absolutely sure leave your fucking cell phones
in your fucking lockers.
All right?
I know we usually want to have fun, right?
But tonight,
nobody walks away unchanged.
Nobody.
Tonight,
we undo the sacrilege of generations and embrace
the terrifying traditions of what All Hallow's Eve
was always meant to be.
Let's get fucking bloody.
♪ UGLY ♪ by Vienna Ditto
Are you ready to die?
[CHEERING]
[STARTLED CROWD SOUNDS]
[SNIFFING]
All right, What do we got here?
Oh, it's all just a one piece.
Yeah, it's, uh...
Wait, so we're doing something different tonight, right?
Yeah. Why?
It's Halloween!
[CHEERS]
A time for pretend, right?
Yeah?
How many of you have used a Halloween costume
as an excuse to show the world
something real that you've kept hidden away?
[CROWD MURMURS ASSENT]
Yeah? One, two... yeah?
I am.
The entire rest of my life is the costume!
[CROWD CHEERS] Yeah!
Tonight,
I finally get to be
what I was always meant to be.
When we walk through that door,
I am going to kill as many of you
as I possibly can.
[CROWD CHEERS]
Yeah! Literally kill you!
[CROWD WHOOPS]
You all thought tonight was a night of make believe.
But tonight is a night of sacrifice.
Observe.
[CROWD GROANS]
Who's first?
TALL JOHN: Okay. Okay.
Only those marked with the blood of the knife
will die tonight.
Before the pageantry, before the pyres
were reserved for animals, there was one order
that understood the power of human sacrifice.
They marked their offerings in their own blood,
then struck them down during the final harvest
of the season.
They harvested the imposters and the hypocrites,
those who pretended to be something they
could never hope to be.
And in doing so, proved their own righteousness.
[TALL JOHN GASPS]
[CROWD CHEERS]
ZADE: Whoa.
That's awesome.
Observe this sacrifice as a warning.
If you follow me, you also follow him
into the darkness.
No groups tonight.
Everybody all at once.
See you later.
ZADE: Okay.
We're clear.
Holy shit, dude.
How'd you do that?
Dude?
Tall John?
Fuckin'...
Holy...
♪ BEAT WITH MOMENTUM ♪
[JACE SCREAMS] [MATILDA CACKLES]
Now it's my turn!
What the fuck?
I thought it was sexier.
If you were on the wall, it wouldn't have been you.
What?
[SOUND DROPS OUT]
♪ HUGE SYNTH KICKS IN ♪
V, Give me your phone!
Where's your face?
Tall John's fucking dead.
Stabbed for real. He's dead.
Yeah.
- Give me your phone. - It's in the locker room.
Shit! Does someone have a phone I can borrow, please?
There's been an acci-- Wait, wait!
Stop, stop! Don't go in there!
- Zade! - I'm not fucking around, V.
Please! Does someone have a phone?
Please? Thank you!
Wait! Stop! Don't go in there!
Yes! We need an ambulance and the police.
Tall John?
Oh my God.
♪ HUGE SYNTH RETURNS ♪
Excuse me! Excuse me!
[GROWLING]
Where's Danny?
He went through!
I'm sorry, everyone, we need you to exit the haunt.
Please, go back to the parking lot...
V!
Hey!
Get them out!
What happened?
It's bad!
It's bad.
Okay, yeah.
All right. Everybody, let's go.
Please file out to the parking lot.
Let's go! Come on!
Excuse me! Excuse me! Everybody needs to exit!
We have to close the haunt!
You want Halloween?
This is Halloween.
[NERVOUS CROWD SOUNDS]
Danny!
[CROWD SCREAMS]
Holy shit!
V: Everybody, please go to the next room!
There's an exit in the next room!
PLAGUE DOCTOR: V! What's going on?
We have to get everybody out! Let's go!
Go, go, go!
[V SCREAMS]
Stop!
Come on! Come on!
You gotta go! CELESTE: V!
CELESTE: V, talk to me! What's going on?
V: Go, go, go!
What the fuck?
Help me!
- Get out! Get out! - What's going on?
Let's go! Move!
He's killing everyone, Stan! - What?
- This isn't a fucking joke! - V!
[SCREAMS]
Oh, fuck, fuck ,fuck!
[SCREAMS]
Stan!
EVIL CLOWN: Get out! Get the fuck out!
- What? - He got Stan and V!
JACE: Hey!
Danny!
[V GASPS]
[DANNY GASPS IN PAIN]
Mark me.
With the blood.
What?
Make me a sacrifice.
Mark me!
Danny, stop.
Danny, stop!
[GRUNT OF PAIN]
V, we've gotta go.
V, we've got to go!
Don't look, it's okay.
Don't look, it's okay!
Guys! What the fuck is going on?
Danny, he... he killed a guy in there,
and he tried to kill V. - What? Get me out!
[CHAINSAW REVVING] ZOMBIE: Hurry! Hurry!
[SCREAMING]
God! Help!
What are you doing? Get me out!
Help! Help! Oh fuck! Help me!
[SCREAMING]
JACE: What's going on? V!
Yo.
My phone's in the changing room!
MATILDA: Call the police! Call that police!
[DOOR OPENS] [CHAINSAW SLOWLY APPROACHES]
[CHAINSAW DIES]
[CHAINSAW PULL CORD ATTEMPTS]
[Whispers] Throw the dagger. [Whispers] What?
[Whispers] Throw the dagger far.
[Whispers] There's something about it. Throw it far,
he'll go for it, and we can escape.
[SCREAMS]
MATILDA: Oh my God!
No! Danny! Please!
[SCREAMS]
No! Danny!
[SCREAM]
[WAIL OF PAIN]
[SCREAM]
[LOUD ARCADE/BOWLING NOISES]
Help! Someone!
Help!
Help me!
Someone!
[GRUNT OF PAIN]
You can do it.
[MATILDA'S SCREAMS GET CLOSER]
MATILDA: Please! Please!
Danny! Stop!
No, no, no!
[INTENSE MUSIC]
No, Danny!
Get off of me!
[DANNY REMAINS SILENT]
[CROWD CHEERS]
MATILDA: Please! Somebody do something!
[CROWD CHEERS LOUDER]
This is real! This is real!
[MATILDA SCREAMS]
[DANNY SCREAMS]
[CHEERING STOPS]
Holy shit.
Are you okay?
[APPROACHING SIRENS]
[CONFUSED CROWD]
The fuck happened in there, you guys?
You wanna talk about it?
That's it.
I'm going to L.A.
Right now?
- Yeah. - You're not scared anymore?
Of going to L.A.?
No.
♪ WILDERNESS ♪ by ExitProject