Thompson: 2022! What a ride.
We laughed. We cried.
Can you believe the Queen died?
Masks came off, roofs blew off,
Kyrie went off, and the President fell off.
Quiet-quitting became a thing.
Pete and Kim had a fling,
and Kanye cried about Pete's 10-inch thing!
...and I have no reason to lie.
Thompson: The Oscars went viral for a slap.
Ticketmaster made Swifties snap.
They literally just canceled general sale!
Thompson: And the Winter Olympics made Putin nap.
What a stupid son of a bitch.
Thompson: Tom and Gisele was on the rocks.
Trump brought home secrets in a box.
And what the fuck was monkeypox?
I don't have that answer, and I usually have every answer.
After 19 years, Ellen ended her talker.
Crypto crashed -- what a shocker.
And Georgia gave the Heisman to Herschel Walker,
who, by the way, not a great talker.
Before we unleash the fury of '23,
we got a shit ton of videos for you to see.
Hey!
2022, you up?
Because it's time to back that year up.
[ Beeping ]
Alright. Dingdong. Whoo!
Come on, now. I'm home.
Somebody's at the door. Do you want me to open it?
You know what to do. Don't you tell me.
Because I'll do it! Welcome to "2022: Back That Year Up"!
This is a look at the year that was.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm Kevin Hart.
I'm Kenan Thompson.
Kevin, what did you get into this year?
Oh, my God. What did I get into?
Not much. I didn't do much at all, man.
I was in, like, three movies, four TV shows.
I had two documentaries, three digital series.
I had 150 stand-up shows.
I opened up a plant-based restaurant.
That was cool. Guest on like 21 talk shows.
I did 33 podcasts, and I was in about, what,
43 credit card commercials, I think, something like that.
So you took the year off? Yeah, it was a light one for me.
It was a light year, I didn't do much.
Very, very light year. What about you, Kenan?
What did you do for 2022?
Did a lot of drugs, you know. Okay.
Just trying to figure out my life.
By the way, by the way, got to do that.
Don't judge me. Hey, hey, look --
Hey, I ain't got a gavel!
I ain't gonna hit the gavel!
You understand? You can get a TV show and do that.
You gonna do that? But it has been great.
I got my own star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
Yes, you did. That's right.
I hosted the Emmys.
I started my 77th season on "Saturday Night Live."
Ooh. One more, I get to take
Pete Davidson out on a date.
Wow! Pete Davidson, boy.
And people say I'm in everything.
Okay? You heard something like that?
You know what I'm talking about.
Alright, guys, listen, it's been one hell of a year.
And on this show, guess what we're gonna do?
We're gonna look back at all the stuff that you remember
and all the moments that you wish you could forget.
That's right. Let's kick it off with
"Shakin' My Damn Headlines"!
Kenan, I'm so excited about this one.
Let's go! In what may have been legit just a senior moment,
President Joe Biden said that the pandemic is over.
Wait, real question, is it over?
That's what I -- is it over?
You know, Kenan, honestly, it don't even matter
'cause I'm pretty sure COVID is gonna haunt us forever.
It's like our old jokes on Twitter
or -- or Madonna on TikTok.
Oh, goodness. Take a look at this shit.
That's her. Now watch this.
That's Madonna there.
Madonna, back up. Back the fuck up, Madonna.
Good -- no.
What -- What is she doing?
Oh. Alright. Thank you.
Okay. Thank you very much, Madonna.
What just happened? I don't understand what that was.
Well, nobody does, to be honest with you.
If I can get that part of my life back,
I'd do anything to have it.
I mean, what just happened?
But, I mean, she looks great. Yep. Come on, now.
Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What do you mean, "right"? Love her.
Nobody has explained to her the algorithm
of how TikTok works. Yeah, she thinks it's...
Yeah. Yeah. Based on closeness.
I don't know what that was.
It's not.
Alright, well, when the government announced
that masks were no longer required on flights,
Americans on both sides of the airplane aisle celebrated.
We lost our masks, and Southwest Airlines,
well, they lost their damn minds.
Have you seen this?
Pilot: Hello, Southwest Airlines passengers.
In each of your seats, we've provided a ukulele
for this flight from California to Hawaii.
Everybody gets a free ukulele and free lessons.
I'm tired of all these ukuleles
on this motherfucking ukulele plane.
[ Laughter ]
Eh, I wouldn't have wanted one.
I would have smashed somebody in the back of the head
if that stopped them from playing.
You know, they shouldn't let you get a ukulele
unless you can spell it.
Let's spell it right now. Uku...
I can spell it. Go ahead.
Ukulele. So, that's U-K-ulele. Yeah.
L-L -- L-L?
There's a "kuh-uh." "U-kuh-uh."
I'm gonna be honest with you. Then don't give me one.
Yeah, just -- I don't need it. Just don't give me one.
I don't need it. Okay.
I have no fucking idea how to spell it, alright?
I can't even spell "Southwest," if I'm gonna be honest with you.
[ Laughter ]
In September, Queen Elizabeth passed away.
Prince Harry, well, he rushed back to pay his final respects,
and Meghan Markle rushed back to get no respect.
Yeah, unfortunately, they arrived a little too late.
But they did see footage of the queen moments before she passed.
Let's take a look.
Eh, come on, now.
You know that's not what she was doing.
That's not the queen. That's not what she was doing.
Who put this in the prompter?
Stop making fun of a woman that's dead.
It's for a whole country. We gonna read,
what y'all put in here, don't do that to us.
Y'all making us look like "Anchorman."
By the way,
who okayed that old lady to get up there?
The woman so old, she's been through
two pandemics and one Titanic.
Alright. The line to pay their last respects to the late queen
had people waiting for up to 27 hours.
That's right, people. You heard me. 27 hours.
Even celebrities had to wait.
David Beckham. They had David Beckham in line.
Look at this. Right. Where -- here it comes.
Right. There he is. Right there.
Right there with the red on. You saw that.
Had 'im in line. He's David Beckham.
I would have bought a fast pass.
You can't get a fast pass. I'd have bought the fast pass.
You can't -- Just get up to the front.
Kenan, you can't...
Now, that's the line of people
participating in the buyback program for Yeezys.
Oh, shit. Got to buy 'em back.
Turn 'em in. Turn 'em in!
When Russia invaded Ukraine,
the world rallied around President Zelenskyy.
The U.S. sent more than $40 billion in military aid.
But Sean Penn, well, he gave him something even more valuable.
This is for you.
Oh, wow, he gave him the Oscar.
Yeah. Take it. Oh, go 'head.
I feel terrible, I -- it's just a symbolic,
silly thing, but I -- but if I know --
Use it, melt it down and make a weapon.
Yes. Use this as a t--
Sean Penn, I can't use this. This is not gonna do enough.
When you win, bring it back to Malibu.
After you get your victory, I want you to --
I want you to crawl out of whatever rubble
or whatever's there. Yeah.
And you bring this back to me.
You bring it back. You bring it back.
Would you ever give your Oscar for "Jumanji" away?
You motherfucker.
If you don't think I deserved one for that performance,
then you are just like them,
overlooking amazing performances. I'm not gonna lie.
I was like, when I was reading that, I was like,
"Oh, shit, he got an Oscar for 'Jumanji'?"
And you deserved it. So I'm sorry that that was a joke.
[ Laughter ]
Earlier -- Earlier this year --
[ Laughing ] Earlier this year,
the FBI raided Mar-a-Lago
and found Trump had kept boxes full of top secret documents.
And none of them were his tax returns.
Not one. Not one.
The nation was so divided on the raid,
but it's hard to tell which side
that this protester was supporting.
Biden administration, the Democrats
are weaponizing the FBI --
Nice to see Melania out there on his side.
That's good. Yeah, that's good.
Melania hit the street for him. You can't have
a serious sentence wearin' that stupid-ass hat.
That's a dumbass hat. Got a goddamn --
That's not a MAGA hat, it's a mega-hat.
And it's dumb.
In 2022, political activists
got way more aggressive with their protests.
Mm-hmm. Climate activists threw a can of soup
on a Van Gogh painting, mashed potatoes at a Monet,
and cake at the Mona Lisa. Can you believe this?
Why? Why would you do such a thing?
I don't know. Now, what does the painting
have to do with climate?
I don't know. But what do you -- like,
this is the stupidest thing I've ever seen.
You know, if Van Gogh was there,
he would have gave them an earful.
Well, let's just --
Let's just ask the real question.
Right? Where's the security at
in these art museums? Ever!
Somebody says security and still nobody showed up.
I mean, this is the only time that you realize
every security guard in these art museums
is pushing 65. Every time
I've never seen a young one. And over.
And they all do the same thing. They only say one thing.
"Excuse me, step back behind that line."
"Don't touch the million dollar painting, please,
with your finger." "Back up."
"Don't you throw that soup on there!"
You know they also threw guacamole
on the Jackson Pollock, but nobody could tell.
We got art jokes. We got jokes.
Yeah. Alright.
In 2022, the media talked a lot
about rising crime rate.
Some citizens took the law into their own hands.
Look what happened when these guys tried
to rob a jewelry store.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
Come on, come on, come on!
Come on! Big bump!
Come on, Chuck!
Come here. Oh, yeah? Watch this.
The girl threw a karate chop.
Hey, got you. You gettin' beat up.
You know, Kenan, every kick begins "K."
Damn right! Damn right.
They should have went to Jared.
[ Laughter ]
Should have went to Jared.
Alright.
So much of the news this year was upsetting.
So let's talk about something a bit more uplifting.
Please, man! On September 22,
the Central American country Honduras celebrated its
201st anniversary of independence
with a special drop via paratroopers.
Here we go. Mm-hmm.
Here they're coming in.
Yeah. No, we gonna celebrating it correctly.
I'm professional with this. Come on, now.
I've done this training a million times.
They called, "You ready, right?
You ready, right?" "I'm definitely on course."
Nothing bad -- Oh, geez.
Nothin' to panic about. Hold on, I couldn't see that.
Oh, that's all bad. Excuse me. Excuse me.
Definitely my partner got it under control.
My partner definitely gonna land his, right?
I followed your coordinates, I followed your coordinates.
Right into the port-a-potty, man.
Now, that's a shitty day.
We can land wherever we want. Oh.
Oh, shit, hold on. Here I come.
Hey, hey, hey, hey! To the right! To the right!
Now, who the fuck turned the wind on?!
Come on, man. It's like this every time.
Oh, who turned the wind on?
Who turned the wind on?
Goddamn, none of them have a good landing!
Every time we do this!
Every last one of them got up and said the same thing.
"Where Reg at? Is Reg going --" "Did Reg make it down?"
"What about Carl? Carl didn't come down either?"
"Carl hit it?" "What about Mark? Where Mark at?
Mark ain't come down either?"
"Everybody dead?" "Everybody d--"
"Oh, wow. Oh, yeah."
I'm just trying to say none of us are making it down.
That's all I...
This year, on November 15,
the world population hit 8 billion,
and this guy helped put us over the edge.
Man, I don't think I was even this excited
when my kids was born.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome
Nick Cannon.
Work it. Did it!
That's right. Putting that work in.
You're welcome! That's right.
The dick swindler himself. Whoa, man!
Why every time we got to talk about me,
you got to talk about my dick?!
Shut up, Nick. Okay, listen --
I don't like being caught in the middle of this.
Sorry, Kenan.
Nick, look, you've been busy this year, we all know that.
And that's why I sent you one thing.
You know, as a father --
Asshole gift, just say what it is.
What'd I send you? A fucking vending machine
full of condoms!
Kenan, did I get him? You got him!
I got him. You got him on that one.
You got him on... The question is,
are you using it, Nick?
I hate him. You haven't been using it.
Now, this year was the 18th season
of "Wild 'n Out," congratulations.
Yeah! Thank you, man.
And you birthed a lot of kids
and you birthed a lot of careers.
Yes. Now, did you know that
some of these people
was gonna be huge?
Oh, man, I don't know. Like, that's the thing, too.
I don't even like to -- and you know this about me,
I don't like to take credit for nothing like that.
I just like to create the platform.
It's funny, like, even sitting here with you,
some-- I owe a lot of my success to you.
Not to you. Not to...
But to this guy. This guy.
Because you gave me opportunities and stuff
when we was on Nickelodeon and stuff.
But I can't take credit for it. Exactly.
I feel the exact same way to
where I could take credit for it.
You do! You do! You take credit
for all of this. You fuckin' liar!
You tell me all the time, "Kevin, I started you"!
I said I gave you a platform,
and when you was broke... Here we go. Here we go.
I helped pay your Studio City apartment bills.
Here we go. Always bringing that up.
His exact words is, "Kevin, your little, Black, broke ass
would still be on the street
if it wasn't for me and my opportunity,
you should be thanking me!"
I didn't create Kevin Hart.
No. Kevin Hart landed on you.
Yeah! That's right.
Bitch, ain't this about a bitch?
That's right. Okay, now, Nick, listen.
On a serious note, man, you just finished another phenomenal
season of "The Masked Singer."
What a show. What a success.
When the fuck y'all comin' to "Unmasked"?
I'm-a be honest with you, Nick,
I wouldn't last past the first round, I think.
I think everybody gonna know it's me.
That's the point. When I come out.
* Everybody gonna -- *
"That's Kevin Hart!" "Yeah, that's Kevin Hart."
"That's Kevin Hart for sure!"
* Everybody got a -- * Like singing through his nose.
"That's Kevin Hart right there."
Nick, I will say one thing, man,
and this is an opportunity to give you flowers.
I always like to -- I don't want no fuckin' flowers!
Well, in this case, you want to take them because I tease you,
I joke with you, that's our relationship.
But the world of creativity
that's attached to you and your craft,
this is my brother, I love him more than life.
And you know what? Like I said, it's about flowers.
So I got my brother a Christmas card for him and his family.
See, I knew it was gonna be --
I knew it was a fucking joke. That's Nick and the Cannons.
Right here. Here you go, Nick.
Happy holidays. Happy holidays.
It was too good to be true
that he was trying to give me my flowers.
I did give you your flowers.
And I'm also giving you a Christmas card.
Oh, shit.
That's every goddamn child you got on there!
He missin' a few.
[ Laughter ]
What are you looking forward to, then, in 2023?
I was about to say, you've got a plan for all these kids?
What's going...
Yeah! We grew up on TV!
They gonna get money like we was gettin' money!
That California -- All my kid's gonna have
sitcoms, album covers.
You heard it, live, here on our show.
It's happening! Nick Cannon is pimpin' his kids.
It's called a retirement plan, Kevin!
Retirement. I got kids with Mariah Carey.
There's some talent in there, shit!
Talent!
I'm-a just have those kids mentor the other 12.
Hey, it's gonna come. It's gonna come.
That's a show and a half. I'm the only one clapping
for that, everybody else --
everybody else is on the fence.
Well, that's serious. 'Cause we're being serious.
These are people that I really, truly love.
There are not a lot of people in this industry
that I could say I love.
I love you too, Nick, thank you very much --
See how he can say that, that he can love --
Will you shut the fuck up, Nick? Give me a hug!
Give him a hug. Alright.
Stick around, everybody.
We'll be right back with more love.
You can't hug me in this tight-ass suede.
Nick got to get back to his kids.
Who picked this out? Don't you rip my jacket, Nick!
Go home to your children.
Back -- [ Laughs ] Kenan!
I'm about to get Kevin pregnant.
Come on, man, that's enough! There it is!
There it is.
Welcome back to "2022: Back That Year Up,"
after two years of streaming in lockdown,
people were ready to get down to the movies.
You're damn right they were. You know, this year,
Hollywood gave us so many original movies.
I mean, come on, man. We got another "Avatar."
Right? We got another "Batman." Yes.
And after 36 years of finally waiting,
we got another "Top Gun."
Whoo. How about it? Everybody loved
"Top Gun: Maverick" -- except Leonardo DiCaprio.
Because he won't pay attention to anything that's over 25.
Hey-oh!
Oh! [ Imitates cocking gun ]
Boom!
You took a shot. Takin' shots out here.
Holy shit! Come on, man. Come on, now.
Boy, you threw a fastball, and I caught it.
My hand is burning. Okay.
Yeah. Alright, guys,
let's take a look back at the year in entertainment.
This is "For the Pop Culture." Yes, it is.
You know, this year's Oscars were controversial,
but thankfully it had nothing to do with anything
that I tweeted 20 years ago.
That's right. I was really in complete shock, man.
I mean, I remember exactly where I was
when I saw that "Lunana: Yak in the Classroom"
got robbed for Best Foreign Film.
Kenan, I was pissed. I was angry about it.
Right? Low key, you know what I thought?
I thought that "Verdens Verste Menneske,"
I thought that from -- you know what I'm talking about, right?
[ Stammering ]
I thought they should have won. And they didn't.
They did not. And I was gonna shit a brick then.
Right. Because I was pissed off.
I feel you.
And you know, I love Norwegian cinema.
You do? But I --
Are we forgetting anything, though?
Are we forgetting anything? Attached to the Oscars?
Might have been another big Oscar moment.
No, I know you said, you --
you attached the yak.
"Vern" -- that.
You on for some "Vern--"
You hit Norwegian cinema. Yeah.
Right? We did all the throwback. No, we ain't forgettin' nothing.
You know what? No, we didn't forget nothing.
Right? Because the thing that people want us to not forget,
we gonna forget! Well, I hosted the Emmys,
and it had its own controversy as well.
Jimmy Kimmel, you know, he kinda actin' like
he was knocked out for -- I saw this.
You know, I actually saw a lot of mean tweets after that, man.
I felt like he probably wasn't gonna get invited
to the awards again.
I mean, he's actually hosting the Oscars next year.
Get the fuck out of here, is he? Yeah.
Well, there you have it. That is the whitest thing
that you could ever do: get in trouble
and then get a promotion. Bing-bong.
Wow. Alright, our next guest
is one of the biggest breakout stars of 2022.
Please welcome the Emmy winning creator of "Abbott Elementary,"
Quinta Brunson! Yes! Yes!
Quinta! Hi, Kenan, hi, Kevin.
Welcome. Welcome, Quinta. First and foremost,
congrats on all your success. Absolutely.
I mean, look, winning the Emmy,
that has to be a highlight for you of 2022, is it not?
It is. It's a super highlight.
I mean, I'm happy that my show is doing well.
I'm happy I'm sitting here talking to you guys right now.
It's been a really good year.
Kevin, you were one of the first people
to be very, very nice to me in Hollywood,
so it's really nice to end my year.
You see that? You see that? Alright. That's alright.
And I'm number two. That's right, I did it.
You are very nice. Yes.
She didn't mention you.
She really didn't. Nope.
She said nothing about you.
But I included myself.
Been a dick, that's what it makes me think.
Here's what you need to understand --
the success of this show comes from
the Philadelphia public school system,
which we both came through.
Right? We both had our start coming up
in the hard gridiron of
the Philadelphia Public School system.
Give it up for them teachers. Now, that's what I want to do.
I want to shout out to them, Quinta.
I mean, how often do you go back to Philly?
I was just in Philly last week.
I went to a Sixers game, got to ring the bell.
The amount of love that I felt was crazy.
And it's wonderful to be able to be something positive
to our city right now. That's right.
I mean, I feel like you know what that feels like.
And they need positivity and it feels really --
it feels good. Yeah, by the way, listen,
our city is the best -- city of brotherly love.
But I do want you to understand they still will rob you.
But it's out of love. They'll do it.
And after they do it, go, "Hey, keep going."
Like, "I love --"
"Keep doing you."
Guess what, I would have done the same thing.
Yeah.
Got to survive.
Got to survive in the streets of Philly.
You know, I did a lot of donations in Philadelphia.
I gave laptops to a school
and they stole them before they got there.
Philadelphia. Yeah. Philadelphia.
By the way! By the way, I saw them when they did it.
They got 'em right in broad daylight.
And they looked at me and they.
But they shouted me out as they took it --
"Kev! Keep on trying, bro." Like some positive stuff.
You know somebody got the laptops.
Yeah, no, somebody got them, by the way.
I think they sold them back to the school
for a nice number.
Either way, it's a win-win. I'm not here to --
And in a way, I'm not mad at that.
There's a positive in it.
What are your plans for the holidays this year?
My plans are to relax.
I really want to -- I want to sleep, y'all.
You have earned it. I'm tired.
I want to sleep. I would love to sleep
right through the ball drop, but I can't.
I actually have to go to New York.
I'm doing the ball drop this year -- the Dick, uh --
The Dick stuff. What'd you just say?
Doing the Dick stuff for New Year's.
You heard it here, folks, Quinta Brunson
doing Dick stuff for New Year's.
Alright. Well, alright, thank you so much --
Breaking news here.
I mean, yes.
We will watch you on New Year's doing Dick stuff.
And I say be safe. Protect yourself, okay?
This is the new year, and it's a new you.
Y'all heard it here. Yeah.
A really chaotic mixture, and I don't know if I like it.
It's too much happening. [ Laughing ]
Two T-Rexes out here coming at ya.
It's a lot, it's a lot.
Exactly. Quinta, we love you.
Love you so much. Appreciate you.
Congratulations. Keep shining, you're a star.
Absolutely. Quinta Brunson, everybody.
Bye!
One celebrity who was everything everywhere, all at once was Ye.
Yeah. Are we really going there? Yea or nay?
Yea. Alright.
Right? We have to. I mean, look.
For those of you who weren't paying attention,
Ye is the name of the artist formerly known as...
employable. Several other major businesses
and brands have also dumped him.
Vogue,Balenciaga,
and just today, the Gap yanked all his Yeezy stuff.
Not a good day for Ye at all.
You know who else dropped him? Kim Kardashian.
Oh, come on. Come on, Kenan, now, that's enough.
I'm sorry. We takin' shots out here, we havin' fun.
Yeah, but nobody was amused by what Kanye said.
But the Internet was amused by what his muse said.
I mean, I was Josh Safdie's muse when he wrote "Uncut Gems."
[ Slurring ] "Uncut Gems." [ Slurring ] "Uncut Gems."
"Uncut Gems."
[ Laughs ]
[ Normal voice ] Now, if she was Ye's muse, how come we ain't
holdin' her accountable? [ Normal voice ] That's a good question.
I'll tell you why we're not holding her accountable.
Why? Because we don't want to hear her say this again.
"Uncut Gems." "Uncut Gems."
[ Slurring ] "Uncut Gems." [ Slurring ] "Uncut Gems."
Da da da da da da da -- [ Album scratching ]
[ Slurring ] "Uncut Gems." [ Slurring ] "Uncut Gems."
[ Normal voice ] This year, election deniers
and QAnon made a lot of noise.
But the biggest conspiracy theory of the year?
Well, it was about almond milk.
I'm still not up on the --
-Ross! -Rosé still frighten --
No, no, no. Get the almond milk. I just got up on 2% milk
a couple years ago! No, no, no, no.
Get the almond milk -- Now y'all you trying to
conspiracy -- No, no, no, no.
And it's the question -- is it from the almond of the walnut?
Is they squeezing it out of the peanut?
I don't have that answer, and I usually have every answer.
No, you don't, Khaled. No, you don't.
[ Normal voice ] You don't have every answer. And I'm gonna say
what I think the world is gonna say.
Khaled got to stop wearing these patterns on these shirts.
You know... We've had enough of the patterned shirts.
We've had enough of the goddamn flowers --
We get it, you live in Florida.
Dressing like a goddamn duvet cover.
I get -- it's too much.
Too -- I can't handle it. It's too much.
Makes me want to go right to bed on it.
And Rosé sittin' here, "Is it made from the almond?"
"Is it 2% almond?" Is it --
That's now how -- That's -- that's a milk.
Cow's milk measurement, that's not almond.
"I ain't never fuck with the almonds like that, Khaled."
Why would they talk about milk in the first place?
I missed that. What you gonna talk about
when you sitting across from Khaled with that goddamn shirt on?
You right.
Eventually your eyes are gonna hurt too.
Ross was dizzy. He was dizzy
and discombobulated. "I need some almond milk."
Yeah, that's it. After a while that's all he had.
Guys, we can't talk about 2022
without touching on the trial of the century --
of course, I'm talking about Johnny Depp versus Amber Heard.
-And on my side of the bed. -Mm-hmm.
-What was it? -Was human fecal matter.
Aww. Wait, fecal matter?
What's a fecal? It's a shit.
It's a piece of shit on the bed.
Why don't he just say shit? Why you...
Because he's trying to be all elegant.
He's trying to make himself -- You can't be elegant
talking about somebody shitting on your side of the bed.
No. Fecal?
Come on, man! Come on, man.
"That bitch shit on my side of the bed!"
That's right -- and she's wrong for that.
She supposed to shit on his movies.
Yeah, she -- Yeah.
Just never knows what goes on in the bedroom
between two completely unhinged adults.
I mean, you -- You really don't, man.
So you think that he ever brought her breakfast in bed?
No. No, you don't shit where you eat.
Everybody knows that.
Alright, after skipping two years
due to the pandemic, Halloween returned
with a vengeance this year and celebrities turned up.
Heidi Klum always goes all-in for Halloween.
And guess what, people? This year --
Well, there was no exception.
Woman: How do you do it, Heidi? That's amazing.
Man: Hey, Heidi, right here, Heidi.
She's the person that shows up at a party
and it makes you look at your costume and realize
that you didn't put no thought into Halloween.
At all. Yeah, like that's what she does.
Yeah. Most people saying that Heidi Klum won Halloween.
But we have someone here who might disagree with that.
Please welcome Squirm Edwards.
Oh, shit.
Squirm. What's up, Squirm?
What's happenin'? How are you feeling?
Not great. You know, I'm a cold blooded animal,
but right now I'm hot as a motherfucker.
My soil brothers and sisters did not appreciate
Heidi Klum using Halloween to appropriate the culture.
Do you really think that she meant to offend you?
Let me tell you something, everybody here,
including yo' lil' ass, Kevin, gonna be worm food one day.
Now, I got a list of demands that she needs to meet
before I can let her off the hook.
You mean, like the list of demands
the Brooklyn Nets owner demanded of Kyrie?
Kyrie Irving?
Ain't he the dud that said all earthworms are flat?
Yep, yep, you can't blame him, he saw it in a documentary.
Yeah. Come on, man.
Now, listen. I'm finna dry up out here,
so I've got a list of demands for Heidi.
Y'all ready? I mean, we don't have a choice.
Alright, first she got to do is get back with Seal.
Worms love seals. Do they? Are you serious?
Next, she got to take
nightcrawler-sensitivity training classes.
What the fuck? Then no more live bait.
She need to start fishing with lures.
"Lurs."Okay.
Okay. Another thing, worm lives matter.
Okay... Okay? Wait, wait!
Say it with me -- Worm lives matter.
Both: Worm lives matter.
I need you all to say it together.
All: Worm lives matter.
Okay. I had no idea that her costume was so offensive.
It seemed innocent to me. Of course you didn't,
you ignorant, fresh air breathin',
teeth havin', microwave ownin',
COVID spreadin', non-composting, pesticide spraying
sons of bitches. Alright, you know what?
Somebody put this guy back in the ground.
Fuck you, Squirm!
Hey, I'll put you two motherfuckers in the ground.
I'll put two slugs in you right now.
That's enough! That's enough!
Cut it! Cut it there. Cut it there.
Don't take no disrespect from a damn worm!
We're sorry that you all had to see all of that from
Mr. Worm -- Squirm -- Squirm the worm.
Hey, how do he put his glasses on
without arms? How he get his glasses off?
You know what? We'll be right back.
Yeah. Oh, my goodness.
The bigger question is -- That's the bigger question.
Yeah.
Welcome back to "2022: Back That Year Up."
It was another exciting year in sports.
Damn right it was, what an amazing year in sports,
especially if you were a Rams fan -- through February.
Oh, nice. Here's a segment we call
"Balls Out." "Balls Out"!
Well, on the first Sunday of 2022,
wide receiver Antonio Brown made headlines
when he quit mid-game to audition for Magic Mike.
Roll the clip.
"I said I'm out." Oh, look at this.
"Get your goddamn hands off me."
"That's it, I'm out." "Get your goddamn" --
Watch this. Yeah. "Y'all see me."
"New York, what's up?!"
Oh, they comin' down. "I'm done."
Time out!
Y'all agree with this decision?
Y'all heard what he said. Right?
That was the opposite of quiet-quitting.
Yes. Now, unfortunately,
the Bucs didn't make it back to the Super Bowl,
but somehow Antonio Brown did!
Right? AB's on the left, of course Kanye's on the right.
The far right. We all know that.
Yeah, we all know that -- Kanye's all masked up.
Even he's embarrassed to be seen with Antonio Brown.
He has to be! Antonio Brown's got some big balls, man,
who loses the job
and he goes to the biggest work function of the year?
Come on, now.
Who the fuck would do that? Right?
I guess I would, 'cause my show got canceled
and I hosted the Emmys.
And, you know, in February, Tom Brady
retired after just 65 seasons in the NFL,
but he unretired 40 days later.
Yeah, that's right. I don't know why, man.
I thought retiring and then suddenly unretiring
was Brett Favre's thing. No, no, no.
Brett Favre's thing is embezzling welfare money
to build volleyball courts. Oh! Right!
Guys, our next guest knows a thing or two about Tom Brady.
As his former teammate, he's earned four Super Bowl rings
and soon a spot in the Football Hall of Fame.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the man,
the myth, the legend, Rob Gronkowski, a.k.a. Gronk.
Honk-honk! What's up, Kenan?!
What's up, guy? What's up, guy?
Why'd you just honk at Gronk?
Uh, 'cause it rhymes, honk and Gronk.
I get it. I get it.
Not any further than that. He said "honk-honk," Gronk.
The first time I've seen it, man.
Honk if you love Gronk! He looks like a big
Mack truck, too, you know? I'm-a tell you something.
That's right. Big truck.
I can tell by the white walls in the background
that Gronk is bored and he wants to play football again.
Look it this, that man is doing nothing with his goddamn time.
What's going on, Gronk?
Hey, alright.
Now, if Tom Brady calls you to come out of retirement again,
do you take the call? -I will 100% answer
Tom Brady's call, and I will 100% tell Tom Brady
that I've missed him as well.
But I will 100% tell Tom
while being extra nervous and extra scared,
telling him that I am not coming back to play football.
But I still love you.
You would say it like that?
That was a long way around. Let me get this clear.
Why -- Why not just say, "Tom, go fuck yourself,
I'm enjoying myself"? Yeah.
Yeah, that's -- that's a good point.
I'm gonna say that -- "Tom, go fuck yourself!"
There it is. There it is.
I'm on the beach, I have my shirt off, leave me alone!
That's right, "Listen, Tom, I was there
when you had a good team -- you take that pile of shit
that you're playing with and shove it up your ass, Tom!
I'm enjoying my retirement!" That's what you say.
That's what you said. Yeah.
What was your, like, main highlight of 2022, you think?
Oh, my main highlight was buying my mom a crib.
Wow. Nice.
2022, you did that, huh?
Yeah, you've been making money for a while.
2022 is the year that you decided to do that one, huh?
Been in the goddamn football league for 15 seasons. Yeah.
Yeah, okay. 15 seasons of a --
Legal money. Legal money.
Took me 12 years.
Good luck, man. We're happy for your mother.
We definitely happy. Thank you, man.
Alright, what do you got planned for holidays, Gronk?
This year, I'm probably just go to my hometown,
Buffalo, New York, Gronk-spike a couple of Christmas trees
with my nephews and nieces
and go snowmobiling and skiing for the holidays.
Shout out to Buffalo, man. Shout out to Buffalo.
Hope they did dug themselves out by now.
Well, I know that's right.
That was a lot. That was a lot.
Alright. Dome got a lot of snow inside.
Listen, Gronk, give me this, man.
Who's winning the Super Bowl in February?
Give me an honest pick, and don't try to throw Tom Brady
in there just because.
Who's winning the Super Bowl? Nah, I'm not gonna throw him in there.
Well, it's definitely not the Eagles.
They trash.
What the... You son of --
You son of a gun. Ooh.
I'll go with the Buffalo Bills.
Okay, okay. That's a low blow,
because you know I'm a die hard Eagles fan,
You know that all you have to do is say Eagles.
Eagles are a shoo in.
But instead, you chose the low route.
You chose the low route, and for that --
for that, my friend, you and I, we're on the outs.
You hear me? You have not shown respect, sir.
No, no. Kevin, I let you win a Super Bowl about four years ago
because I'm a nice guy like that.
First of all, you didn't let me win shit.
We took it, okay? Yes, I did.
We took that Super Bowl,
and if your favorite quarterback,
if he didn't drop the goddamn pass to himself,
you guys would be in a different situation, Gronk?
That's right. I don't forget anything, yes.
He passed it to himself. Nah, we let you have it.
[ Laughs ]
You're such a crybaby you needed one,
or else you'd still be crying. Oh, man.
Alright, alright, that's enough of this shit.
You know what? I can't wait to come over your house
and put my goddamn dirty hands all over those white-ass walls.
Come on over. You hear me? That's exactly what I'm gonna do.
That's exactly what's gonna happen.
...give me my confidence to get back into football.
I'm gonna fingerprint those walls the fuck up, Gronk.
You just wait till I see you in person.
Yeah, get your ass all over here.
Yeah, I will be over there, Gronk.
We're out of here. Kenan, tell him we're out of here.
We're out of here. Happy holidays.
Come on, Kenan. Come be the referee.
Happy holidays. Thank you. Alright, yeah.
My hands are dirty to me. They coming.
Don't worry about it. Double hands.
That's right. All over your goddamn walls.
Thank you for dropping by, man.
We appreciate you.
Love you, Gronk. I'll love you guys.
Alright, the Golden State Warriors
won another NBA championship.
After missing two seasons
with a torn ACL and a torn Achilles,
Klay Thompson tore it up at the parade.
Ah, get in there. The captain.
Oh, show 'em the moves.
Yeah, Michael Jackson.
Oh, hold on now. Don't just be knocking...
No, block, block. That's a block.
Her feet weren't set.
I thought knocking people out with Draymond's job.
Oh, wow. Wow. Yup.
By the way, I don't know why people are judging Klay.
If you're not that drunk at a parade
after winning a championship,
then you're not celebrating correctly.
I can't argue there.
The Houston Astros won the World Series again.
And this time, unlike Adam Levine,
they didn't get caught cheating.
Oh, come on, man. That's --
that's ridiculous, okay?
Texas Senator Ted Cruz crashed the championship parade,
and even though he didn't request it,
he got bottle service. Take a look at this.
Watch yourself. Hey!
Oh, shit. Bink.
Hey, I got you, Ted.
Secret Service.
Yeah, let's get him right there.
Alright, I see him.
That man right there, we gonna get him and take him to jail
and definitely gonna get a conviction.
You can just tell Ted's not athletic.
He was looking at the damn thing
come at him the whole time. He didn't even move.
Who, me? Look at the clip again. Look.
Look how still he's standing ready to take the hit.
Come on, man. Yeah.
What the fuck was that? He ain't try to catch it.
What was that? Was it a fan?
And he still got hit.
He's put his hand up and still got hit.
Come on, man.
Yeah, this is like the Zapruder film.
You know, his head went down and to the left.
Down and to the left, you know?
Call me crazy, but I think there was
a second can thrower on the grassy knoll.
That's some JFK talk.
That's actually good.
Alright, now. That's good.
The San Diego Padres had an incredible run.
I can't believe they didn't go to the World Series
with this kind of fan support.
* Philly going down *
* To yellow and brown * Okay.
* That's what in *
Uh-huh.
* Padres on the loose * Stay on the two.
* Let's go, Goose *
* That's what's in *
Find the down beat.
* Bryce gonna lose *
* And Manny's gonna cruise *
* That's what in *
America's Not Got Talent.
That's somebody's dad, man. Yeah. Yeah.
That's somebody's -- On film forever.
That's somebody's dad. Yeah.
That poor child has to go to school and deal with that.
Somebody could pull that up. Yeah.
"Hey, ain't this your dad?
* Philly's going down *
* To the yellow and brown *
You know, he not even the worst.
The worst are the jackasses behind him supporting it.
* That's what's in *
* That's what in *
Go, Steve. Come on, man.
The University of Tennessee football team
did three amazing things this season.
They took down Alabama, then after that,
they took down a goalpost.
And then they took them down to the river.
Follow me, let's go! We gonna take it up out of here.
We need more school activities. Yeah, come on.
Everybody got a piece, right?
Yeah. Let's go to the river.
Joe, why are we going to the river, Joe? Huh?!
We gonna baptized the goalpost.
Look, you got to give a lot of credit in that game
with Tennessee's quarterback, Hendon Hooker.
I mean, he did his thing. Yeah, yeah.
I always knew Nick Saban would be brought down by a Hooker.
I just didn't know they be from Tennessee.
Oh, not from Tennessee. Come on, now.
Come on now. Don't do it like that.
Not like that. Hey, people, listen.
In 2022, people were posting in all kinds of new ways
to exercise on social media.
And here to break it down for us
is the breakout star of his own shirts.
I'm talking about Terry Crews.
Terry. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Argh!
Make 'em dance, Terry. Make 'em dance.
Make 'em pop.
What you got for us then, Terry?
What we talking about?
Well, you know, what's crazy
is people think the workouts I do are intense,
but, you know, I've never seen anything like these.
Like, I don't know what these people were thinking about,
but look, it's not working out.
Check this out.
This dude turned daily exercise into his daily exorcism.
You know what I mean? The power of Christ compels you.
Oh, yeah, get your ass. Yea! Yea!
Yea! Oh, man.
Back up. I ain't done.
Roll, flip, and seven, and one.
You know how strong --
how strong and high you got to be at the same time?
That's a lot. After all of that,
he go, "One."
That's one. That's one.
You have to push yourself in the gym,
but that's pushing it way too far.
That's just a little kind of crazy.
A lot of nut slamming. Am I wrong?
Oh, my God. Yeah, the pelvis was on the ground.
Crews: The pelvis was definitely on the floor.
Yeah, yeah. [ Grunting ]
Very aggressive.
Yeah.
Very, very aggressive.
What else you got for us?
You know, some people use gym equipment.
This guy uses the gym as equipment.
Look at this thing.
Oh, my God.
Okay, alright.
What are you doing?
Do it regular.
Okay, what are you doing? What are you doing?
No! At this point --
They got -- It's all been measured.
You don't have to do that.
I'm gonna say it. No.
They done measured that out already. Oh!
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna take the time
to say what everybody wants to say
but everybody's afraid because this man
is obviously an amazing shape.
But somebody's got to say sit your dumb ass down.
Somebody's got to say it.
Sit... Somebody's got to say it.
...your dumb ass down.
He's picking up a couch when the weight to his right
is the exact same weight.
That exact measurement.
"Brother, what you doing?" "I'm lifting 310."
Well, then grab two of those goddamn dumbbells
that add up to the same amount.
Who chooses not to use gym equipment
and uses the shit around you in the gym
for people to sit on?
It's the stupidest thing I've ever seen.
Mad clunky. That was not smooth motion either.
No, that was not. That's not good.
That was shake weight 2.0.
It was like...
No, it's downright stupid. It doesn't work.
He's on a pull-up bar riding the bike.
I'm-a tell you what he need.
A good fall. He needs to do that shit --
He need a good fall.
He need one good fall so somebody can go
that's why your stupid ass
need to stop picking up the shit with them bands.
Sit down. Sit your dumb ass in the corner.
Yeah. But real quick, you got one more clip, right, Terry?
Yes, I do.
Most people work out before their wedding, not during.
Check this out.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
You know what I'm getting ready for.
Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo.
You know what it's about to be tonight.
Oh, no, no. You know what it's about.
You know what it is. You know what it is.
Oh, man, get ready.
I said, I do, didn't I?
Yo know what I'm saying? Like, didn't I?
Didn't I say I do? What'd you ask me?
Did we miss the gym this morning?
Do we take days off? We don't take days off.
Then get the goddamn squat rack.
Let's show 'em. Let's show 'em how we do it.
That's how you define a marriage right there.
A clean and jerk, that's my marriage.
You clean, I'm the jerk. By the way --
I was thinking of a different clean and jerk.
Who throws back out that way during their marriage?
On their honeymoon.
Yeah. Before you even get to it.
Yeah, that ain't the type of workout I want to do,
not on -- not on that day.
You suppose to get to it in a different way.
That's too much. No belts.
They ain't have no belts on.
She didn't have no belt, right?
You don't recommend that.
You suppose to have a belt on.
Not at all. No belt on.
T, thank you for stopping by, Terry, man.
We always always appreciate you.
Love you guys, man.
Love you, too, Terry. We'll be back with more
"2022: Back That Year Up."
Back that year up, I like it.
Back that year up.
**
Oh, welcome back to "2022: Back That Year Up."
Oh, wow. [ Chuckles ]
Listen, like most people,
you know, I spend way too much time on social media.
Yeah, no shit. You hit 150 million
Instagram followers this year.
You don't do that by digital detoxing.
Well, no, I know. Okay.
I can admit I got a problem.
Alright. Well, let's talk about some highlights
from the 2022 timeline in our segment
Anti-Social Media.
This year, TikTokers were doing
all kinds of viral challenges to chase clout.
These two tried the Sprite Challenge
where you got to chug a bottle of Sprite
without burping.
Let's see how they did.
I can't do it.
My tummy hurts.
[ Deep belching ]
[ Spits ]
Oh.
Oh, good Lord.
That was Jabba the Conjuring.
I had to mix two different movies with that one.
Oh, goddamn.
[ Imitates deep belching ]
Can we hear that one more time, please? God.
Oh, my tummy hurts.
I can't do it. My tummy hurts.
Try it. Just -- Oh.
[ Deep belching ]
I was surprised a copious amount of vomit didn't come out.
I'm really blown away by that.
That is disgusting.
That really just burnt my balls.
That -- it's a stupid challenge that gets a nasty result.
That's a nasty result. Nobody wants to hear your nasty ass
burping like that. Oh.
Now, a lot of people use social media
to show off their dance moves.
This guy was definitely clogging up my feed.
Okay. Hey.
Hey, hey, hey. Hey.
Strong ankles. Strong ankles.
Bitch. Hey, strong ankles, strong ankles.
Ho, yeah. Hey, hey, hey.
Get up on it, get up on it.
Bitch, what you want? I'm getting back down.
I'm not tired. By the way,
this is one of the times when you got to give a nod
to the white community.
That may be...
I'm gonna say it, that --
that display of crip walking... Mm-hmm.
...I will put that guy against some of the best crip walkers.
I would line him up. That you've ever seen.
I would line him up with the best I've ever seen.
Put him up against Dub-C
But you can't give him our music.
You got to let him listen to the shit that he listening to...
That's right. ...so that he stays in that space.
His authentic space. We can put our music over that.
We can later on dub our music in and he's gonna match.
He learned it to them flutes. Yeah.
I'm curious to know the song that he was doing it to.
It wasn't that one that we were listening to.
No, it was a banjo. A banjo was involved.
Yeah, definitely. A banjo was involved for sure,
but that was good.
I would say probably, like, Blues Traveler.
It's something --
It's something along those lines, for sure.
But I got to give him credit where credit is due.
That was amazing. Oh, man, light on his feet.
Yeah. Light on his feet.
Alright, social media was once again
a great place to discover young rappers.
But don't sleep on the greatest Generation.
Take a look.
* Yeah hasta luego *
* To the boys in Tomago *
* Keep one eye open for... *
Oh, my God. Okay.
That's Bone Thugs and Osteoporosis.
**
* Bonjour to the birds in France *
Ah, that's Terry Bradshaw.
That's a straight up Terry Bradshaw.
Okay.
Wow.
Oh, here he come, 81 Savage.
[ Laughter ]
**
Hey, represent.
Oh! Oh, that's Earth, Wind and Retire right there.
Yeah, yeah.
Oh. That was actually pretty dope.
I like that. That was a Tribe Called Quest Diagnostics.
I love that.
[ Laughter ]
House of Joint Pain is what that was.
GoutKast.
That's Black Eyed Pees Frequently.
Walk DMC.
Yeah.
That's good. That's Good.
Now, people post all kinds
of disturbing content on social media.
Consider this your trigger warning.
Okay, so, in this --
Jesus!
[ Laughs ]
You can't keep popping up on me like that.
You do that too much.
That was like "The Ring." Wait a second?
She popped up liked that little girl in "The Ring."
Play it -- play it again. Let me see.
Okay, so, in this --
Jesus! Oh, shit.
Just appeared. Yeah.
[ Laughs ] Yeah.
You can't keep popping up on me like that.
You do that too much.
It probably happens 10 times a day at Nick Cannon's house.
Yeah. Oh, come on. Soon to be 12, yeah.
Soon to be 12.
Kenan, I'm gonna say something controversial.
Wouldn't be the first time. I'm gonna do it.
I'm-a say it. Come on with it.
Brace yourself. I'm ready.
People act the goddamn fool on the Internet.
Speak on it. Hiding behind a screen
really brings out the worst in people.
Yes, yes, but sometimes the Internet
can also bring out the best in us.
This is Trending Positive.
And here to help us take a look
at the lighter side of social media,
please welcome the star
of Peacock's "The Amber Ruffin Show" --
we got her, Amber Ruffin.
Amber. Now, that's different.
I didn't know we had Amber.
Hey, Amber. Thank you for being here.
Hi, guys.
Do you spend a lot of time on social media?
Not much. Maybe 15, 20 hours a day.
And for every 600 cringey, racist videos out there,
there are one or two cute ones that are slightly less racist.
That's a lot of time.
That's a lot of racist.
So I've done some curating, and I want to share
a few of my favorites from this past year with you.
Let's look at it. Yeah.
This girl used her social media platform to show us
that even farmers can have annoying ass co-workers.
Whether it's a turtle or a tortoise,
then I would recommend --
Emmanuel. Oh.
Disrespectful. Yeah, I know you shooting.
Today, we are going to be talking about --
What's up? Emmanuel, don't do it.
What's this about? What they doing?
I hear you. Hello?
Emmanuel. You hear me?
[ Trills ] Emmanuel.
Look at this.
My name is Emmanuel, damn it.
Emmanuel. Alright.
Emmanuel's gonna do what he wants to do.
That's right. Does it bother you
when certain people speak
to certain animals as if they're the same
in just responsiveness as like a dog...
Or a person? Yeah, or a person.
That thing did not understand his name was Emmanuel.
No.
He didn't turn around one time
and give the look of, huh?
He heard here say that a million times,
but he don't know what it means.
Emmanuel!
Or he understands everything she's saying...
No. ...and doesn't give a fuck.
Can we recreate it in and then zoom up close,
like, way all the way up?
Okay. You ready?
Hey, Emmanuel?
**
Emmanuel.
No!
E--
E-- Emmanuel.
Emmanuel?
Emmanuel, I said no.
E-Emmanuel, no.
[ Laughter ]
That was a goddamn perfect impression
of a goddamn goose.
What was that? That was weird ass goose monster.
Is it evil?
What you got next, Amber?
This next clip is very, very sweet,
because no matter how old you get,
you're always mom's little boy.
Is it because...
**
It's my mom. Hold on.
Hi, baby. Hi.
I'm trying to work right now and you over there calling my phone.
This is Deangelo. You can say hi.
You change your britches?
Don't be holding up traffic because you got cars...
You got fresh britches?
Now, I know you said you was working,
but you've been lying the last three times.
His mom was human Emmanuel.
That was human Emmanuel popping up there.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, that's great.
Oh, that's what happens when you speak English.
He basically politely told his mom
"Get the fuck out of the shot."
Get your stupid ass out of here, mom.
Alright, okay. I bet she does that of aspects of his life.
Yeah. "I brought you juice."
Well, Amber, what else you got for us?
Until this next clip,
I never knew that the "T" in T-ball stands for "twerk."
**
Hey. Hey.
Feeling it. Uh, Uh.
He about to strike out.
Uh, uh, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop.
They need to watch what that little boy is watching.
Hey, hey, hey.
Come on now. Hey, ah, ah.
* I'm loose, I'm nasty *
Yeah, yeah.
Don't let the nasty man to the plate.
Oh, my God.
What was he listening to when he was walking out?
He was listening to Luke, "Pop That Pussy."
That was a clear... "Pop That --" "Pop That Pussy."
...a clear match.
Amber, we have to say thank you.
Always we appreciate you for joining us.
The world needs more of you
because you provide needed laughter.
Keep doing you, girl We love you.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Now, since we're talking about feel good videos from 2022,
we have saved the best for last.
Of course, I'm talking about the Corn Kid.
Now, if you've been living under a rock
or trapped in the corn maze, Corn Kid broke the Internet
when he was asked to describe his favorite food.
Check it out.
I really like corn.
Mmm, corn.
This corn is awesome!
Can you describe corn to someone
who's never tasted it before?
A big lump with knobs.
It has the juice. Look at this thing.
I can't imagine a more beautiful thing.
Yeah. It's corn!
It's corn. Corn.
I hope you have a corn-tastic day.
Corn. Corn.
[ Munching ] Corn.
Well, we have a very special guest.
I'm starstruck already.
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Corn Kid.
Oh, my God.
It's corn, there he is
It's corn. What's up, bud?
There he is. Oh, listen, man.
I am amazing.
Yes, you are amazing. Yes, you are.
First of all, I'm loving the tooth.
I see what you do there, man.
Yeah, yeah. He grew it in.
Grew it in.
Now, Tariq, you be honest with us.
Do you still like corn or are you kind of sick of it by now?
I still love corn.
Yeah. It's got the juice.
Yeah. Come on, now.
You know why that boy like corn.
Little buttons with knobs.
Yeah. You got to eat the corn.
I know what it is.
This is so exciting.
I get to meet the actual Kenan and Kel.
Like, so funny and make me cracking up.
Did you -- And, like, Kel, you, like...
I saw you and [Indistinct]
Yeah, well, the good thing is, I mean, we both here.
So go ahead and ask me what you see that I did.
[ Chuckles ]
You know.
Your favorite drink...
This boy don't know nothing I did.
Not on Nickelodeon.
That boy don't know nothing I did.
So what do you think of a guy named Kevin Hart?
You heard of -- You heard of Kevin Hart before?
[ Laughter ]
You know -- you know, Kevin Hart?
He did "Jumanji" with The Rock.
Yeah.
Oh, nice. But you not is what you saying?
Okay.
Now, you were in the Macy's Day Parade.
What was the Jolly Green Giant like?
Is he a nice guy?
Yes. Okay, good. Short answer for that one.
Oh, wait, I forgot one more thing about Kevin Hart.
Like, when I see Kevin Hart could my sister,
like, see him and say hi?
I would love to say hi to your sister,
but I'm just trying to be clear.
Are you a fan or not? Like, what's happening, man?
You probably know this Kel, but I don't even know
Kevin Hart until you told me this.
He keeps -- This is Kevin Hart.
He keep calling me Kel.
I know, but you're not.
He thinks I'm Kel. You're Kevin Hart.
No, he thinks that this is Nickelodeon
and you and I are doing a whole thing from "Good Burger"
and all that.
You need to set him straight, okay?
Okay. I'm -- I'm serious, man.
I'm getting hot.
Tariq, just -- just a sidebar.
Come closer to the camera so I can whisper in your...
[ Whispering ] This is -- this Kevin Hart right here.
Kevin -- Kevin is really, really famous and powerful.
Tell him, man.
So you got to give him his respect and his props.
Say you like "Jumanji." That's all you got to say.
Yeah, man.
Okay. But, like...
Okay, alright.
Yup.
Somebody just -- Embrace it.
somebody just lost a year's subscription
corn, and I was gonna -- I was gonna race you.
He was gonna race you with lots of corn.
With a whole bunch of corn.
Tariq, we are so happy for you
and all the success that you've had.
More importantly, what we love
is that you would just be yourself.
This is Kel signing out. Yeah.
Absolutely, absolutely. Yeah.
Thank you, Tariq.
Don't cancel your Peacock subscription.
We will be right back with more Nickelodeon.
[ Laughter ]
Welcome back to "2020 Back That Year."
That's right.
This year, the economy was all over the place.
Gas prices went up, crypto went down
and the McRib went out to pasture.
RIP, RIB.
RIP to the RIB. We lost a good one.
But guys, it's time for us to get All Up in Your Business.
This year, Tucker Carlson could not contain his rage
at one of the biggest hot button issues facing
corporate America of 2022.
The brown M&M has, "transitioned
from high stilettos to lower block heels."
Also, less sexy. That's progress.
M&Ms will not be satisfied
until every last cartoon character
is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous.
What? What's happening? What the fuck was he talking about, man?
What? What just happened?
He knows we're not supposed to fuck M&Ms, right?
I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know if he knows that or not, Kenan
Jesus Christ. Alright.
Now, the metaverse was already a thing,
but this year it got a lot more powerful.
Listen to this virtual human talk about virtual reality.
There's one more feature coming soon
that's probably the most requested feature
on our roadmap.
Legs.
Oh, my God. Legs.
Alright.
How do you look unathletic in the metaverse, right?
That's where you make yourself look like the shit. You can make yourself look like anything.
Yeah, you got to give yourself bunnies in the metaverse.
Drew yourself still unathletic.
This jackass still gave hisself a white man jump.
Look, virtual reality is about to be our new reality,
and that's the truth.
And guys, I'm not so sure
it's the world that I want to live in.
Check out this guy using a VR headset
to ride a roller coaster.
[ Laughter ]
[ Screaming ]
Oh, come on, bro.
Come on. Come on now.
Come on, man. Come on, bro.
Get your stupid ass.
Yo. Yo.
You got on a seat belt, Todd
Is that a roller coaster?
Look. Look at this.
You sure that's a roller coaster he's watching?
You know what you just stood in, jackass.
Oh, God. Ain't that much virtual in the world.
No, it's not, man.
We can barely handle our actual reality.
Here's the thing. Do humans need to be making another reality?
That's a real question. I mean, sometimes the virtual
gets a little too real.
Blue 42, hut!
Man: Yo, keep your head down and then...
Boom. Oh, you already knew that was coming.
You know good and damn hell well you ain't
in no real football game.
Blue 42, hut!
Stop trying to act like you're about to just have
all the access to a 100-yard field...
He was going -- ...in 2,500-square-feet house.
He was gonna the sideline to talk to his coach
about the next play. Hey, coach.
What do you think we should run next?
He was so embedded into the game.
"Coach, I can't hear you. The crowd's too loud.
You got to call it in." I'm-a run over there.
You want me to come over there? Okay.
Coach, you want me to come to you?
I'm-a come to you.
I bet that shit wasn't even turned on.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, God. That's why don't select Cooper Manning as your QB.
Yeah. [ Laughs ]
In 2021, Elon Musk hosted "SNL,"
but in 2022 he was getting laughs
for all the wrong reasons.
And after buying Twitter for $44 billion,
the boss baby showed up at the offices
to really rub it in their faces.
"You can't help but let that sink in."
Who is this?
He's a prop comic now?
I mean, the man fired 11,000
Twitter employees, and now he's coming
for Carrot Top, too?
By the way, look, the guy has 10 kids.
No wonder why he's workshopping dad jokes.
You got to understand that.
Whenever something big happens on Twitter,
Black Twitter always has a reaction.
Black Twitter is a thing, it's huge.
Okay? Huger than huge.
And when Black Twitter goes ham, everybody reacts.
So right now, ladies, gentlemen,
I got somebody that you want to hear from.
Our next guest, please welcome,
Black Twitter himself.
Black Twitter. Good to see you, man.
How are you, sir? How you doing, gentlemen.
How you doing, man?
Always blessed, never stressed,
even if the Lord gave me less.
Happy to be hear. I know that's right.
Black Twitter's in the building.
I know that's right. Indeed, indeed.
Alright. Well, question number one.
Can you tell the people that don't understand
why we need Black Twitter?
Regular Twitter is always showing shit
that Black people don't care about.
Like, you know, white girls with flat answers trying to twerk.
You got people trying to justify to insurrection up and down
Twitter, and you got clips from that
boring ass show "The Crown."
It's a little dry. I don't want to see it.
Only crown Black people care about is Crown Royal.
I heard that. Mm-hmm.
And not apple either. The regular one.
No, no. So you can put your clippers in the bag.
Put your clippers in the bag. Yeah, you keep the bag.
That's actually true.
I use the bag to carry my stuff.
To keep your clippers, yeah.
Yeah, keep your razors sharp.
I put my change in my bag.
Yeah, keep some change in it.
You can put a few things.
Good to know. Condoms when I was younger.
Oh, my God, Kenan, it just hit me.
It just hit me.
You know who Black Twitter look like?
Who? What's the guy -- what's the guy from "The Wire?"
Clay Davis. Clay -- Shit.
Clay Davis, you in the goddamn building?
Hey, shit.
My name is Black Twitter.
I'm here to talk about Black Twitter.
Ah! If we could proceed?
Sorry, Black Twitter. Shit.
We just giving you shit.
Now, seriously, Black Twitter.
This is an essential conversation...
You're right. You're absolutely right.
We gonna get back to it. ...about the Black diaspora on social media.
That's right. Let's get back to the diaspora.
If ain't nobody gonna talk about it, we gonna talk about it.
You know. Listen, what I want you to do
is let these people know what kind of content
is on Black Twitter.
Well, I mean, there's a lot
of different things on Black Twitter.
There's, you know, trendy dances, of course.
There's soul food recipes for the holidays,
how to legally avoid paying debt,
how to hide money from the government,
and of course, hilarious clips of "Family Feud."
Hilarious clips of "Family Feud."
Very funny. Yes, yes
Steve Harvey. Steve Harvey, shout out.
Shout out to Steve.
Now, I have a non-Black friend.
Can he join Black Twitter?
Oh, for sure. For sure.
As long as their name doesn't end in an E-R.
We talking Connor, Tucker, Tanner, Candace Owens.
[ Indistinct talking ]
Hey, you know what, man?
You know, you need some white people on Black Twitter, right?
The reason why? So you can ask them questions like,
do white people have cousins?
I don't know. I just don't know.
These are good points you make, Brother Kevin.
And I think that we need people of all races on Black Twitter,
which is why we allow people of all races on Black Twitter,
but only if they can answer a couple of qualifying questions.
Okay.
Do you wash your chicken with soap?
Do you shower your legs when you shower?
Got to get the legs. Yeah, you got to do that.
Can you name at least four members of New Edition?
Yeah. What color is Jesus?
And is R. Kelly innocent?
Oh, come on. Now the last one, that's not fair.
That's easy. Nobody thinks R. Kelly is innocent.
Oh, I know that, but if they say, yes, he is,
then I know they just trying to kiss my ass.
Ah. That's true, that's very true.
That's the trap. Here's a question for you all.
Who was the fifth member of Jodeci?
Shit.
Fifth member?
I want to say Diwan.
K-Ci, JoJo, DeVanté, Gavin.
There's one more member of Jodeci.
Did you say Gavin or Dalvin?
You know the one. Gavin, yeah.
The fifth member?
And then there was one more of Jodeci.
Earl. Earl.
Big Earl. Big Earl.
Cocaine. Cocaine.
Goddamn, yeah.
Cocaine. Yeah, yeah.
It was on the tip of my nose. I was gonna say it.
I was about to say it.
Played a valuable part in that group's success.
Last question.
Elon Musk paying $44 billion for Twitter, right?
How much would you sell Black Twitter for?
$1,500.
Okay, that was quick. That was a second.
That was a quick $1,500. Come on.
You worth more than that. Don't you think?
Yeah, I'm worth more than that, but I need --
I need rent money right now.
I feel you. I feel you. Alright.
Well, Black Twitter, everybody.
Black Twitter.
Thank you.
Hey, hey, wait. Black Twitter, were you going?
You can stay. Hang out.
Shit.
I knew it.
I knew that was him. I knew that was Clay Davis.
It was Clay Davis.
Stick around, people. We'll be right back.
Narrator: Now streaming on Peacock.
Herschel Walker lost his campaign for senator,
but now he's found a new way to serve Georgia.
* I'm Herschel Walker, Texas Georgia Ranger *
* And to talking good, I am a stranger *
* A lot of people blaming it on CTE *
* What's that spell? *
* But in this town, I am the boss. *
* No abortion at any cost *
* Unless it's for women who got pregnant by me *
* What's that smell? *
* I'm a south eastern equalizer, right? *
* Ain't never been shot by Moderna or Pfizer *
* I tore it up in USFL games *
* I got four kids but don't know their names *
* I call bullshit on a climate changer *
* Because I'm Herschel Walker, Texas Georgia Ranger *
Narrator: Premieres first trimester 2023.
Thompson: Welcome back to "2022: Back That Year Up."
You know, after two years in lockdown,
people spent $58 billion on weddings in 2022.
And most of that, well, it was Ben and J.Lo.
This is Love after Lockdown.
People were making up for lost time
and they came to party,
especially the drunk Uncle.
[ Indistinct shouting ]
Man: It's right on his hand.
This is going bad.
This is bad.
Oh, you done lit it on fire.
Look at your stupid ass.
You're on fire immediately.
Stupid ass. All because you're dancing.
Well, let the motherfucker burn, then.
It's like whatever.
What you? Oh, you just trying to...
What are you doing? With your arm.
Now you got your dumb ass on fire.
Get your dumb ass out of the fire.
Hold on, hold on.
Look at this, still dancing. Yeah.
This is a rental tuxedo. I don't care.
What y'all panicking for? Ain't nothing but a flame.
Ah! Put it out, and then keep the party going.
You know, sometimes the best man
is not the best man for the job.
**
Zoom in on those.
Shh.
Was I loud? Yeah.
Are you fucking dumb, dude?
I can't hear with the music.
You're a fucking asshole, dude.
Dude, the music, I can't hear.
I'm fucking mic'd up also.
You just yelled into it.
You're an idiot.
What the fuck, Jake?
Well, that was definitely crazy,
and we actually have someone who was at that wedding.
One of the other bridesmaids, please welcome Kayliana.
Oh, wow, we have one of the bridesmaids here.
Hi.
Oh, hey. Hey.
Kayliana. Oh, hey.
Oh, my God. I'm just kidding.
Good to see you. [ Laughs ]
So, Kayliana, am I pronouncing that correctly?
It's close enough. Okay, good.
Thank you for coming on. Mm-hmm.
I bet you might be upset with that groomsman
for how he talked about your friend.
Mm...
No, I'm not.
No. Okay.
I'm upset because he didn't say it about me.
Like, zoom in on these.
Okay. Are these not zoom-inable?
Okay. She wants it for herself.
Zoom in!
Why aren't the cameras moving?
Well, stop. We can't do that.
We're not allowed. Yeah, that's aggressive.
We're not gonna do that.
Seriously, is it because you could see my nude bra?
Is it because you could see it in the back?
-Yeah, we see that...
Is that not how it's supposed to be.
No, I think you're supposed to hide the bra.
Yeah. Okay.
You're upset that they didn't objectify you?
Colin?
That's not Colin. I'm Kenan.
That's Kenan. Colin.
Are you -- Are you still drunk, Kayliana?
Are you hitting on me?
Oh, okay. No.
It's okay if you are.
I'm not, no. Kayliana, nobody's hitting on you.
Okay, yeah.
Okay, I'm not. Okay.
Can I make a speech?
Sure. It's speech o'clock.
Yes, it is. Okay.
Ding, ding, ding, ding.
Oh, shit.
You guys are so great together.
I just love that you found love. No.
And, you know, sometimes, like, in a couple,
like, one person's really funny but the other one's
not that funny but you guys are both so funny.
We're not a couple. So it's gonna work out forever.
We're just co-workers, co-stars. Just friends.
I love you guys so much, especially Cronut.
You're the best.
Good job, Cronut. Who the fuck is Cronut?
Yup, good job. Thank you so much, Conan.
You're welcome. You're not --
She called you five different names.
She's drunk. [Gags] Wait, zoom out!
Kayliana, don't you throw up!
Zoom out! She's throwing up over there.
Get the camera off of her! [ Deep belching ]
Kayliana. Oh, Jesus.
* Night, night, Kayliana * She went to sleep.
Guys, we'll be right back.
We'll be right back with more show
after we get Kayliana to a bathroom.
Goddamn.
This is not Bill Cosby's house, okay?
You get up, Kayliana. You have to get up.
Welcome back to "2022: Back That Year Up."
Kenan, what are you doing over there?
Well, you know, Kev, there's a lot of turmoil
going on in the world right now.
Well, yeah, I know that, but come over here
and we'll -- we'll talk about it like we've been doing.
No, no, no. I think I'll stay right over here
and sing about it.
Sing about -- sing about what, Kenan?
You know, people fighting and beefing.
We've got to stop the attacks
I think what the whole world needs is a little
makeup sax.
Wait, what? Can we change the lights and the music, please?
Did you say sax or sex? What you just say?
Come on, man, it's in the prompter.
Let's get it. Okay.
Alright.
Republicans and Democrats, it's time to face the facts
Y'all need to come together and have some makeup sax.
[ Saxophone solo ]
**
Harry Styles and Chris Pine, don't worry, darling,
It's all gonna be fine.
Quit your spitting and just relax.
Y'all dudes need to have some makeup sax.
[ Saxophone solo ]
**
Drake, why you beefing with the guy from Reddit?
He had a baby with Serena, man.
Give that white boy some credit.
So turn down the lights,
put on one of your new dance tracks,
slide into his DMs for a little makeup sax.
[ Saxophone solo ]
**
Larsa Pippen gave Jordan's son a chance.
Scottie may have been done with MJ,
but it wasn't her last dance.
Time to raise your batter up in her pants.
I'm talking about a little makeup sax.
[ Saxophone solo ]
**
Now, Elon Musk tried to make Twitter bigger,
but all I see is a bunch of white boys saying --
Hey, Kenan, hey, hey!
What? I was gonna say whatever they want.
I mean, what type of nigga do you think I am?
Goddamn, Kenan. What -- What are you doing?
I guess that -- We got it?
Yeah. No, we got it. That's the end?
Boom! Goddamn.
Make up sax.
Okay, just come over.
Whew. Good saxophone, bro.
Good saxophone. Yeah, absolutely.
Well, thank you, man.
That fake saxophone playing, that was top shelf.
Yeah, it wasn't bad, right?
You know, people call me Kevin G.
They don't. They definitely don't.
But right now, man, we are coming close to the end.
Of days? No, man. The show.
Oh. Right? What an amazing show it was.
You may not know this,
but celebrities are getting all kinds of things
sent to them ahead of time.
Mm-hmm. Yeah, my gift bag from the Emmys this year.
It already had Emmy that I'm gonna win next year in it.
Wow. That's a big gift bag.
Peacock Wants us to let people know
what's gonna be big next year,
which is why they sent us all of next year's stories.
Let's give people a little sneak peek
of what's going to happen in 2023.
Next Year's News.
Well, Elon Musk buys the Washington Commanders
and changes their name back to the Redskins.
Yeah, it's incredible. Yeah.
Should have seen that one coming.
Yeah, yeah. Joe Biden in stable condition
after falling off a Peloton.
Ah, damn, Joe. They made it safer, though.
Yeah, they tried. "John Wick 4" producers
admit it's just "John Wick 3" with a 4.
[ Laughter ]
Post Malone finds tiny spot above eye
for a new tattoo.
Oh, shit. Just got one space available.
A new spot, right?
For the first time in history, Kevin Hart turns down a project.
Wow, Look at that. Take a break.
Get some relaxation.
I mean, I hope that's not true.
Wait a minute.
Dr. Fauci will be appearing on "The Masked Singer,"
and he's going to get disqualified
for refusing to take his mask off.
Oh, shit. That's tough.
Oh, this is good.
Old white person learns who Zendaya is,
and they feel euphoric. Yeah, that's good.
Kenan Thompson stars in the vegan reboot
"Beyond Good Burger."
Wow.
Am I in that?
Yeah. I think you're playing Kel.
The Corn Kid fucked me. He really did.
Hey, guys. Thanks for joining us.
What I want you to do is have a great 2023.
'23. Before we get out of here, let's see what Black Twitter
is already saying about the show.
Let's see. Yeah, I want to see.
Probably going off. I know they are.
"It's a great show, but it needs more diversity in the hosts.
#PeacockSoBlack. Okay.
Okay.
Oh, shit, Dionne Warwick and Pete Davidson fucking.
Oh, goddamn. That's crazy.
That's going down right now, man.
This one says I'm still looking for $1,500.
He still -- Okay now. Alright.
Black Twitter still looking for that $1,500.
We got you. We got you straight, Black Twitter.
Don't worry about it.
Hey, we'll see you next year for 2023, and me.
That's right.
Nice. Just fucking great.
It's done. Easy.
Listen, have a good day.
Y'all have it. We did it.
Come get the microphone.
You have it there.
Kenan.
Take a picture or two?
Yup, let's do it.
You have it.
Terry Crews.
Come on, man. His mic fell off.
Terry did it the right way.
Kenan, we got to get you out of here.
Terry did it right.
I got to change my clothes first. Let's go.