Nooooooo!
Argh! Oh!
Argh! Whoo!
Bluuurgh! We slayed it!
Is this good television?
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
(TYPEWRITER KEYS CLACKING)
(DING!)
Hello, and welcome to Taskmaster Australia.
My name is Tom Gleeson and I'm the boss here.
When I started working for this company 20 years ago,
I was just another errand boy in the mail room, licking stamps
and kissing arses.
I climbed the corporate ladder all the way to the top,
and now they kiss my arse before every episode backstage
because I am the Taskmaster.
Sitting across from me are five comedians who,
after filming their tasks months ago,
have only just come out of cryogenic stasis.
It's Aaron Chen!
Concetta Caristo!
Mel Buttle!
Peter Helliar!
And Rhys Nicholson!
And as always, I'm joined by my assistant, Tom Cashman.
What have you got for me, loser?
Well, I was gonna say that it's been
one of the best weeks of my life. Oh, OK.
AUDIENCE: Awww. Oh, thank you.
I reached a life dream of mine.
I started an "Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, oi, oi, oi".
(APPLAUSE) Thank you.
So I was in a car park, and I kind of cut this guy off.
And he was like, "Oi!"
And I tried to joke around and I was like,
"Aussie, Aussie, Aussie!"
And he went, "Oi, oi, oi."
And I went, "Aussie!"
And he went...
But still, pretty good.
You live such an interesting life.
All right, Lesser Tom, what are we doing first?
Well, we've got a prize task, as usual.
Tonight our contestants have been asked to bring in what they consider
to be the most distracting thing to have on your dashboard.
All right, let's see what everyone's got.
Rhys, what's your distracting dashboard thing?
First of all, I don't drive, so I had to get my husband
to point out what the dashboard was.
Then I really thought about it.
I thought, as an Australian, what is the most terrifying thing
you can have on the dashboard?
And I went with this.
It's a huntsman spider. Ooh.
You're driving, a spider starts crawling over and you're like,
"Oh my God!" and you veer off.
Suddenly you're in jail for manslaughter.
I've put him on top of a parking ticket.
Also distracting, but I think the most distracting part of it
is he has a Southern Cross tattoo on his back, and...
Which I think is the most distracting...
You know, you're at the beach, I'm always there, and you see someone...
..you see someone with a neck tattoo of a Southern Cross
and you're like,
"I'm gonna get murdered."
Well, is it that distracting, though? 'Cause when you're driving,
not that you'd know what it's like, you're driving along,
you see a huntsman,
I just straight away realise that they're harmless
and don't worry about it.
Yeah, you're forgetting you're a sociopath.
All right. OK.
Mel, what did you bring in that would distract you?
I brought in a musical instrument because when I'm near one,
I can't help myself just blowing into it.
Shush, please, Rhys.
Um...
(GRUNTS)
I can fit my mouth on that, around that, in that, um...
Yeah.
Sit! Just take it easy.
(APPLAUSE)
All right.
I think the built-in other thing that's quite distracting
about it is it would slide across the dashboard.
It would be quite noisy.
That would be very distracting for me from texting while I'm...
'Cause I've only got two hands, wheel and phone, like...
I don't have a third hand to grab my musical instrument
that would be on my dashboard.
Yeah. Peter, what have you brought in?
Mine's quite simple. It's distracting. It's terrifying.
On your dashboard, a Jeffrey Dahmer bobblehead.
Are you sure that's Jeffrey Dahmer?
It looks a bit like Aaron Chen.
Yeah.
No, it's not...
Why do you think it would be distracting in particular?
Because he killed a lot of people, Tom.
Yeah, right.
But are you suggesting, because it's a bobblehead,
it suggests it's like...it's like you're a fan.
You've got some of his merchandise.
No, not at all. Not at all.
Like, this is not necessarily my car.
OK. I may have stolen this car.
Oh.
And if I stole one and I saw one of the most notorious serial killers...
Yeah. ..doing this one,
that would be distracting.
Well, it would be distracting to the backpackers you picked up.
Wouldn't it?
Driving around.
All right, Aaron, what did you bring in?
Well, I also brought a bobblehead,
but my bobblehead has laser pointers on it.
So it's already better than Pete's. Um...
At the last football World Cup, a lot of fans
would shoot laser pointers in the eyes of penalty takers.
Right.
And that made international news for being distracting.
This was actually hard to bring into Melbourne
because those laser pointers are illegal here.
They were outlawed by Dan Andrews.
He said they distracted him too much.
All right. Concetta, what did you bring in that would be distracting?
A bowl of boiling hot soup.
Oh. Actually...
Yeah, that would be very distracting.
Especially if you're on a windy road.
Yeah, and especially if you're hungry
and you're in the mood for soup. Like, it's boiling hot.
It's full as (BLEEP) Yeah.
And it's not tied down. Yeah.
Hot bowl of soup. Yeah.
It's pretty hard to top.
I gotta score these, don't I? Yeah.
All right, so I'll start at the bottom with one point.
One point to Rhys because huntsmans, they're not venomous
so it's not really that distracting.
I didn't mention that huntsman has a gun.
One.
And then we've got two bobbleheads I've got to get through.
So I'm going to give two points to Pete
because Jeffrey Dahmer is very distracting,
but if I was driving and saw that, I would just think it was Aaron Chen
and that would cheer me up and I'd have a good day.
I'd have a good day.
Then I'm going to go for Aaron Chen
because it was a slightly better bobblehead with the laser pointers.
So three points to Aaron. OK.
I love playing a musical instrument.
So Mel gets four points for the harmonica.
But five points go to Concetta for a bowl of soup.
It's delicious and you don't want to spill it!
Hard to beat.
All right, let's leave those dash-bound items there
and dash into our first proper task, please, Lesser Tom.
This next task sees our contestants in an extremely sticky situation.
Oh, Tom!
Knock, knock.
Yoo-hoo!
Whoa!
Hi, Aaron. How you doing?
Oh, OK! This looks good. (CLEARS THROAT)
"Glue an item to the ceiling of the caravan.
"The item must fall from the ceiling
"exactly two minutes after it's glued."
What!?
"You have ten minutes to glue the item.
"Once glued to the ceiling, you cannot touch the item."
"The item that remains on the ceiling for closest to two minutes wins."
"Your time starts now."
I'm not a magician.
Do you think that's what a magician would do?
Yeah. Because that's a trick.
I don't even know what this is.
Right. That's obviously...
Flour?
Oh... What?
This is dough. Dough?
Yeah. Flour.
Flour and water.
Stick. Stick. Flour, water, stick.
Yeah. Flour, water, stick.
(APPLAUSE)
We're trying to get them to stick things to the roof for two minutes.
That's right. Seems pretty straightforward.
Should we just get into it? Let's do it.
We've stuck these two together with the glue of television.
Here's Rhys and Concetta.
Let's have a little go at this.
Does that help you think? Yeah.
We need something light! Oh!
Would you mind putting your hand out for a second?
What was that for? Just...
I didn't want it on my hands anymore.
Oh. What about a piece of paper?
What about a piece of paper? Huh?
What about the task? Huh?
Hey? Hmm?
I'm now worried that's going to be there forever.
You want surface coverage.
More glue... Yeah.
..surface area. I figure the fruit is quite light.
Ooh, come on baby! Come on, baby.
You want to fall!
Come on, shake!
Oh!
Oh my God!
How are we doing for time? Three minutes and 55 seconds.
Are you doing the tea towel now? Yeah.
What happened to the banana? The banana... It's over.
Me and the banana are over.
Can I try something else?
You've got one minute and 45 seconds.
What about this?
This is it.
Oh, no. That's not going anywhere.
Tell me when you're about to do it. I'll start the timer.
You'll know when there's a tea towel on the roof.
I suppose that's true. OK. All right.
Start.
Is it this? Is this what you want?
A third item?
(BLEEP) Nup.
How are you feeling?
Pretty bad.
(AUDIENCE GROANS)
Where's the task?
Oh, it's there!
(BLOWS WHISTLE) Oh, Jesus Christ!
That was an attack.
What?
I'm OK with it.
Thanks, Rhys.
Bye, Tom. See ya.
(SIGHS)
(APPLAUSE)
Uh, Rhys, did you just give up?
Well, see, I, like an idiot, misread the task
and thought I had one go at it.
And so I just kind of did that and went, "It hasn't gone well.
"Off I pop, then, off to cry in the dressing room."
Which had nothing to do with the task.
There was some other stuff going on.
Rhys, as we saw, your tea towel was up there for 15 seconds,
which makes your score 105 seconds away from two minutes,
which is what your goal was.
I didn't like that switcheroo you just did.
All right, well, Concetta, you had three attempts.
You spotted early on that you can have more than one go.
Yeah. I sort of feel like
you left us hanging there because two items were almost at two minutes.
That's right. One was just past six,
but two were approaching two minutes.
Well, with Concetta's timer still running, I think
this could be a moment to generate some reality TV style intrigue.
Ooh! AUDIENCE: Ooh!
You're talking about, like, going to a break with a cliff-hanger?
Well, less cliff-hanger and more ceiling-dropper,
but you'll learn the lingo with time, little champion.
We'll see you after this.
Welcome back to Taskmaster, everyone,
where five comedians are competing for a bowl
of piping hot dashboard soup.
Where did we leave off?
Well, our contestants have been asked to stick something
to the ceiling of the caravan for as close to two minutes as possible.
Rhys stuck a tea towel for 15 seconds.
And Concetta, we're still waiting for her scores.
And by that I mean that very literally, because we're still
waiting for her things to fall off the ceiling of the caravan.
She stuck three items to the roof.
All three items are there to this day.
78 days, seven hours and 13 minutes.
Wow. Wow!
All right, let's see who else you got.
Next up, it's Aaron, Mel and Peter.
I reckon that's got 12 seconds in that.
12 seconds. OK.
Those are some regrettable attempts from previous contestants.
That's it. That's the item.
That seems, like, pretty sticky.
Get the clock on that.
Was that two minutes? Didn't feel like two minutes.
That's good. OK.
Could it be my hand?
Is your hand an item?
Yeah... I'd say yeah. You'd say yeah?
Yeah.
You can't touch it once it's glued, can you?
Can something else touch it?
All the information you need is in the task.
(MOCKS) "Information you need is in the task!"
And you didn't touch that? I didn't touch that.
How long do you think it was up there?
Two minutes exactly. I looked at your clock, remember.
I'm touching the item that I've glued to the ceiling, am I?
You're touching an item that is touching it.
OK, so now I'm touching it again.
There's gonna be some touches on and off.
I mean, it's an interesting question.
Are you touching something that you are?
I mean, I can touch myself. You touch yourself?
Not with this much flour.
Ooh. I'm sorry.
I didn't expect that.
You didn't expect that? No.
Two, one...
Guess what - fell from the ceiling. Oh, it fell.
And that was a fall? That was a fall. That's a fall.
I'm not touching it now. OK.
There's one... Did you count that one?
We'll look at it. It doesn't matter, does it?
Somebody tried that. That didn't work, did it?
No. What's the time?
Three seconds. Oh.
Oh, no. You got flour on you. (BLOWS WHISTLE)
What a mistake accident.
You think that'll be there for two minutes?
I reckon. (BLOWS WHISTLE)
It's yours. Thanks.
It's your present. Thank you. Must go.
See you, Tom.
(APPLAUSE)
So, Pete... Yeah.
You thought sticking your hand to the roof counted?
Yes, it did. Is your hand an item?
Yeah.
I always say to my friends, "Hey, give me some item," and...
So it stuck... It stuck to the roof.
Yeah. Yeah. There's my hand...my hand is...
And then, miraculously, I don't know how it happened,
two minutes - bang on.
Bang on. Yeah.
It just went, whoo!
But somehow it miraculously landed at the end of your arm.
'Cause I caught it. My arm caught it.
I'm not sure if I can accept that, because I feel
it was more like you're a bad climate change protester.
You know, you sort of glued yourself in a very easy to remove way
to the roof. My hand...
Let me go through this again. My hand...
It was there. It's an... I'm not touching it. Not touching it.
I feel like the longer you talk about it, the more the audience
is getting on my side.
At the same time, I don't really give a shit what they think.
I think they're back... I think they're back on my side now.
Yeah.
(APPLAUSE)
Don't bother. It only makes him stronger.
All right, well, let's just say if we did include the hand,
what would Pete's time be?
Two minutes.
OK, well, if we don't count Pete's hand, how long did he have?
Pete stuck a koala toy up there for 44 seconds.
OK, so, Aaron... Yes.
How long did the mango stay there?
The mango above Tom's head?
Yeah. That you placed specifically above his face,
I suspect, on purpose.
I just got so caught up in the moment.
I was like, "Oh, there's a spot there."
'Cause I know, like, with your comedy, like,
everything you do appears to be an accident,
but often you do it on purpose. Yes.
So, was this another one of those examples?
That one was not comedy.
That was...
That was, um, sports.
OK. All right.
What was Aaron's best result though?
Aaron put an orange up there
and then threw something at it to knock it off
at two minutes and three seconds.
AUDIENCE: Ooh! Are you accepting the throwing?
Well, he didn't touch it, so I'm not worried about the throwing.
OK. Yeah, so that's fine.
And then what about Mel's strategy?
What were you holding there? I couldn't see.
I think it was like...just a wooden piece of op shop shit, like...
..that I used to touch the item to the ceiling.
Well, I think you found a hack.
There was also a second item that I also glued.
There was a little badge that you would sew
on your scout's uniform for best (BLEEP)... Whatever.
And...
I got four.
There he is. He's back!
He's back.
That's awesome, Rhys. Do you want to shake items?
Yeah. See?
All right. So what was it? You had a badge up there?
Excuse me? Uh...
This, uh...
Sometimes this show is impossible to host.
Sorry. So you glued a badge to the roof?
Correct. Thank you. I did. How long did it stay there for?
That was one minute 40. But the... Very close.
..the task card that you held the wooden thing to,
that was two minutes and seven seconds.
So are we accepting the wooden cup method?
Yeah, well, you didn't touch it. You touched the cup.
100%. Thank you. You didn't touch the item.
Yes, officer. Agree. With your hand!
You didn't touch it with your hand.
With my...hand. Hand.
Item. Sorry, I've given up.
Hand. Yeah.
I need to clarify what we're doing about the Helliar situation.
I think it's pretty clear what I'm going to do.
The crowd is on Pete's side, so I'm not going to allow it.
OK.
In that case, we've got Concetta with one point,
being 78 days, seven hours and 13 minutes away.
Um, Rhys gets two points.
Pete, three points. Mel, four points.
But the winner is Aaron Chen!
All right, so how does that place things for the episode?
Well, everyone else should try to stick themselves to the momentum
of Aaron and Mel, who are the leaders, both with eight points!
OK, Lesser Tom, what's happening next?
Well, it's time for the loveliest task in Taskmaster history.
Hi, Tom!
Hi, Pete. Hey, Tom.
For me?
Thank you. That's lovely.
Roses - my favourite.
They're your favourite?
Mm, no.
Just get stuck in, mate.
Oh my God.
"Identify the loveliest thing on the Taskmaster retreat."
"When you have identified your loveliest thing,
"you must exclaim...
ALL: 'I love you'.
"You have seven minutes."
"Your time starts now."
Loveliest thing.
Well, I guess I'd better get looking.
What's more lovely than sweets?
I think as comedians, we don't allow ourselves to love very often
because as soon as you're happy and in love,
the work does start to get hard to produce.
Westie terrier, you would definitely say...lovely.
What's it called? It's a westie.
Mmm. Nice.
I don't know how to drive. Oh.
Do you know what would be very lovely,
if for even just a couple of metres I could drive the car.
You know what? It's this. I love it.
The minute I saw it, I was like, "I want it."
I'm not going to call it early, but, like, you know I love these.
I love you here as well.
Did you say 'I love you'? No.
But, like, can't I just say that but I'm not, like...
Pfft! (BLOWS WHISTLE)
All right, Tom, this is to me the loveliest thing,
which is the concept of driving.
I love you!
(MUFFLED) I love you.
I love you.
I love you! (BLOWS WHISTLE)
Thanks... Oh, my God.
(SHRIEKS)
Oh, what a surprise.
I wasn't expecting the second one.
"Film a meet-cute between you and your loveliest thing."
"Cutest meet-cute wins."
"You have 45 minutes."
"Your time starts now."
All right, so just to clarify
for people who don't watch romantic comedies, what is a meet-cute?
It is "an amusing or charming first encounter between two characters
"that leads to a romantic relationship."
So two of our contestants are going to develop
a romantic relationship with a ute.
Well, Mel is. Her loveliest thing is a ute.
Rhys's loveliest thing is the concept of driving.
OK.
Concetta's is the papier mache little me.
Aaron's is a westie terrier figurine.
And Pete's is five jars of lollies.
All right, whose meet-cute are we going to see first?
Well, she's a fan of rom coms, so she'll get this reference.
Oh my God!
(SHRIEKS)
Types of meet-cutes. Coffee shop. Dropping stuff is famous.
(BLEEP) on a bus.
Where it's like, "Oh. Oh my God, you're looking at me too."
And then like... Oh my God, you haven't looked away.
Sometimes when there's someone, like, really scary on the bus,
I think, don't look at them.
But then I can't help it.
They think you're into them!
You should not be looking at them, Tom.
They could walk off the bus with you!
Can't help it. This is why you can't find love.
You're not looking at the girl who's looking at you
'cause you're looking at the guy who soiled himself on the bus.
Oh, God.
You really need this.
He's gonna get something you never get.
I'm gonna (BLEEP) out of this little guy.
(SLOW LOVE SONG IN FRENCH)
Oh. Oh. Hey there.
What are you reading?
A Time to Dance.
What about you on your iPad? Are you reading?
No, I don't really read.
I prefer to watch.
Oh, what are you watching?
I'm currently watching a documentary about sand.
Wow. Sounds amazing.
Oh, I think this is our stop.
Sh-should I come? Yeah, yeah.
Did you know there are more stars in the universe
than there are grains of sand in the world?
Wow, I'm learning so much.
There's no one at the library desk.
I guess I'll call them.
They've got me on hold.
There's something I'd like to hold.
And I'm not talking about an iPad.
(SENSUAL SAXOPHONE SOLO)
Oh!
(APPLAUSE)
What was the inspiration for your little meet-cute film there?
My whole vibe is inspired by the movie When Harry Met Sally
and I think I slayed the challenge.
I also like your commitment to acting in the middle there too
when you mimed the bus stopping.
Did you like that?
Maybe all five of you can be on the same bus and it can stop.
OK.
Now.
Whoa! (APPLAUSE)
It's not bad!
OK, LT, I'm ready for another meet-cute. Who's up next?
She's got a head. She's got heels.
But can she make one fall over the other? It's Mel Buttle!
(DITZY AMERICAN VOICE) I dunno, it's kinda big.
That's all the car, sweetheart.
I think, if anything, I'm probably just gonna leave...
Whoa!
(LAUGHS) What! I'm so sorry.
I didn't see you... (FLIRTY MUSIC)
Peter?
Peter Peterson from Mrs Avery's geography class!
You look amazing. Wow!
(SENSUAL MUSIC)
(LAUGHTER)
Look at your rope. It's still so tight. (LAUGHS)
I remember your window.
And your mirror.
It hasn't changed a bit.
(HANDS SQUEAK ON CAR BONNET)
I would like to buy this car.
OK. Well, shall you come into the office?
Put a little deposit down on...your...your friend here
that you know from high sc... high school?
Yeah. Peter, you're coming home with me!
You're coming home for Christmas!
Is it romantic to purchase your partner?
Because you bought your love.
Yeah. Yep. Yep. 100%.
Any more questions on the task?
What kind of chemistry did you build up with your ute?
You know what they did not show, and I'm absolutely baffled as to why,
I... You know, the aerial on the...the antenna on the front?
Yeah. I (BLEEP) that off...
..so vigorously that I broke the aerial.
And yet we do not see my item job on the...
OK, well, it's time to take a break.
And during it, here's a cheeky puzzle for you to solve.
My eyelids are a beach.
My father is one that squeaks. What am I?
More Taskmaster after this.
Welcome back to Taskmaster.
If you tried to solve that riddle I set before the break,
suck shit because I made it up.
Where were we, Tom?
Our contestants had to identify the loveliest thing
on the Taskmaster retreat,
and then had to act out a meet-cute with that thing.
So far, Concetta, hers has taken place on a bus
and Mel's has taken place with a car.
How will our next contestant fare having made their love interest
the concept of driving?
It's Rhys Nicholson.
(METAL BANGING SOUND EFFECT)
(EERIE SPACESHIP SOUND EFFECTS)
(LAUGHTER)
Are you Hitler? Who's Hitler?
A real arsehole.
You don't need to worry about it. Oh, right.
Who are you? What year is this?
It's 1903. The year that the first motor company was founded.
I'm the founder. What does your company do?
I think what the company is going to do
is mass manufacture vehicles that are motorised.
So if you were to put that in kind of conceptual terms,
how would you explain that?
I suppose now you ask that question,
I suppose I've just devised the concept of driving.
The concept of driving?
Yeah.
Wow!
(SENSUAL JAZZ MUSIC)
Hey, what the hell? Get away from my concept.
That's my concept.
No! We're in love! This is my concept.
(PEW! PEW! PEW!) Oh!
We've got to get out of here.
I love you, the concept of driving.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
So you had to fall in love with something pretty abstract?
Yes. I think you did a great job.
Thank you!
It was surprising to me how quickly I got to,
"All right, time travel!
"Dress like a condom, quick!"
I'd like to point out that that is the third time Rhys has killed me
in a task.
Yeah.
All right, Tommy Ticklemouse, who's up next?
This one is for fans of puppy love,
by which I mean falling in love with a puppy. It's Aaron Chen!
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) Oh, my gosh. It's my first day at Animal High
and all the seats at the cafeteria are taken.
Except the one next to Westie.
(HIGH-PITCHED VICE) Hello there, Kangaroo.
Not today, Westie,
I can't be bothered answering another nerdy question.
TOM: (SQUEAKY VOICE) Welcome to the school.
Cuter.
(SQUEAKIER VOICE) Welcome to the school.
Are there are like a million kangaroos in Australia?
Uh, thanks for your question.
I would answer it if it weren't so stupid.
Even though you're super cute, I'm a jock, and it...
..and it can't be.
(LAUGHTER)
Hold on. I thought only Aussies liked gum leaf pasta.
I think gum leaf pasta is so cool!
Oh, my gosh, I didn't know that about you.
I totally wrote you off.
We gotta... We gotta be together.
This is a meet-cute of cute proportions.
Unfortunately, I am a kangaroo and you're a westie.
And according to law, that's not allowed.
There's one exception to that rule.
What's that?
We could be together if we were in space.
You mean like in a satellite?
Yeah, that's exactly what I mean.
(NORMAL VOICE) We need to have 20 working monitors.
(SQUEAKY VOICE) What's the cutest way to get to space, Westie?
We can float in our love. Like this.
Well, Westie, we're in the satellite with 20 monitors.
Now we can finally be in love.
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Well, I'm just trying to picture what you were going for there.
It was a bit confusing at times.
I feel like you were going for a Lady and the Tramp moment.
Yeah. But you didn't do that moment.
It sort of looked like you were just halfway through flossing your teeth.
Well, I didn't really have time to really think
about the implications and stuff.
We just had to get to that space scene
because I did request 20 monitors.
Can I ask a question?
Why did you have so much blush on?
Yeah.
Aaron was very focussed on the scene's cuteness,
so focussed that even voice actors
that weren't going to appear had to wear rouge.
Anyway, love is still in the air.
Let's finish this and get rid of it.
It's stinking up the vibe.
Who's next?
He's literally written and starred in a romantic comedy film.
It's Peter Helliar.
(HIGH-PITCHED VOICE) I just want to make a toast to my girls!
Yes! Cheers!
A special heads up to a beautiful friend, Donna,
who has quit drinking.
Well done, Donna.
Oh, water's so nice.
Now, I want to thank you guys for being the best friends possible.
Because, as you know, my heart was broken 30 years ago
when I lost my beautiful man Pete in that tragic accident
that nobody really quite explained to me.
But Donna, you were there. Yeah, I was there.
And you saw the whole thing, right?
Actually, because this is my first day sober,
I'm starting to see things a lot more clearer.
And I can actually tell you that he's actually still alive!
What!? What!? What!? What!?
Yes. And I can tell you that Pete is living down by the old ranch
in the old caravan.
What? The caravan just in the next town?
Yeah, exactly.
Oh my God. Forget about him.
Forget about him. You can do better than him.
Shut up, Eileen! Fix your bloody eye.
I'm going to find Pete, the love of my life.
Pete!
Pete! I know you're in there.
Please come out!
I know it was a hoax. I know you're alive!
Cindy Gumballs?
It's me, Pete! It's me.
Oh, I love you, Cindy Gumballs!
Oh! Oh!
Mwah! Mwah!
Oh! Oh! Oh!
It's been so long.
Oh! Oh!
Oh.
What about my friends?
Oh, I love all your friends equally.
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Love me as well! Oh, it's so good.
Oh! Oh, good.
Why were you pretending to be dead, Pete?
I wasn't pretending to be dead.
It was a rumour. Now...
But you just live a town down. Why didn't you come and say hello?
'Cause I've been drinking.
Oh, that doesn't sound like an excuse.
It just sounds like another thing you've been doing, Pete.
No. Well, me and Cindy Gumballs are gonna go catch up,
if you know what I mean. What do you mean?
You guys stay out here. We're gonna get sexy.
Yeah.
(RHYTHMIC RATTLING)
Oh my God!
Cindy Gumballs!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
What were you doing with the lollies in the caravan there, Pete?
Getting sticky.
I was very happy to see you working wig's back into it again.
I love it. Like I said, my biggest influence is The Footy Show.
Um... And it was fun.
It was bloody fun. Yeah.
And it was a bloody good story.
Yeah, I know. It wasn't just a scene.
It was a whole story there. It was very moving.
No, I know. There was a history, wasn't there?
Because like, that was you meeting your love interest,
not for the first time, wasn't it?
No, no. What... AUDIENCE: Ooh!
The love was real.
What you don't understand is, the guy in the caravan was a twin.
What's a meet-cute again?
"An amusing or charming first encounter between two characters
"that leads to a romantic relationship."
OK. Well, now I'm worried. Now I've got to think through all the films.
Mm. Mel knew her love interest as well.
People change. People change. I'm just...
I remember you saying the ute,
you were in the same class at high school together.
But that was the question. I was like, "Were we? Were we?"
And we didn't... What did the ute say?
You can't... Non-verbal. Couldn't hear...couldn't hear the answer.
So I guess the question will go unanswered.
All right. Well, I'd better allocate some points.
Yep. So I think that's fair.
I don't think it was a meet-cute with Pete.
So he's last on one. OK.
Also, I'm a bit sketchy on Mel's.
So that's two points to Mel. OK.
Um, three points to Aaron Chen because it was pretty cute
but not cute enough. So, three.
I'm going to give Rhys four points
because they had a high level of difficulty to get over
because Rhys fell in love with a concept.
But the comedian who adhered to genre the most was Concetta.
So five points to Concetta!
No more meet-cutes for you, audience.
You've fallen in love, got married and now you're stuck
in a boring, repetitive rut.
Luckily, we have television to fill the abyss that was once your heart.
And there's more of that coming up right after this!
Welcome back to Taskmaster,
the thrilling show where five people are working as hard as they can
to win bobbleheads to put in their cars
that at least one of them can't drive.
What have we got next, Lesser Tom?
I hope you like your comedy clean.
Hello. OTHERS: Whoo!
How are you doing? Hi, Aaron. Hi, Pete.
How are you doing?
I'm Rhys.
Shall I? Thank you.
"Recreate the Sydney Opera House out of soap."
"You have 30 minutes."
"Best soap Opera House wins."
"Your time starts now."
Can we get a photo of the Opera House?
Or do we have to do it from memory?
I can show you a photo. Thank you.
We're allowed to see a photo.
It should be white, because the Opera House is white.
Just make sure they don't use that in a different context.
The Opera House is white and...very white.
All right, team tasks are back.
So we've got Ernie and Bert, of course, and the Muppets.
Should we get straight into it? Let's do it.
It's time for the Taskmaster contestant most likely to star
in a soap opera, and the least likely,
and everyone else in between.
It's Aaron, Concetta, Mel, Pete and Rhys!
Do you think this is what it feels like to be a drug dealer?
Lots of little bricks in weird plastic rooms.
Don't know what you're talking about. So much soap!
Kids in Africa who aren't even on Taskmaster.
It's so...such a waste.
This is kind of glue, right? Soap?
Watch this.
See?
I can get you something. What are you after?
Oh, maybe a knife. OK.
Just for myself.
Is this riveting television? Could be.
Should we see if this even works? Let's see if we can...
What? That's the end you're... OK.
This is going to sound obvious,
but please be careful with the knives.
Shut up!
There's no white. There's no white.
We're gonna have to use our imagination on the white, Concetta.
OK. I worked that out
a few minutes ago, but I love that you...you're sticking with it.
How much time do we have left? Ten minutes and 15 seconds.
Oh, that's gonna be heaps of tourists.
What are the tourists gonna look like?
People, Tom.
Yeah, you (BLEEP) idiot!
I think we just go flat. Flat. Flat.
Yeah. (BLEEP) you, Tom!
Careful of my sail. Sorry. Sorry.
Soap masters.
Don't, 'cause Channel Ten will make that.
Every time I move them, they look bad.
I'm not thrilled, mate.
Why? Why are you not thrilled? I just. ..
What if those other idiots, like, they've thought of a secret way
that we haven't thought of?
Not bad. It's gorgeous sunset.
What are the yellow things on the ferry?
Cheese. Oh, five minutes, 45 seconds left.
No! What?
Are there any other elements you'd like to add?
What about, um...
You may have the same idea. Yeah.
Let's say it's Sydney... It rains in Sydney quite a bit.
Holy smokes.
30 seconds. No, no!
Is that good? Are you happy with that?
Well, look at mine and compare the pair.
That was really nasty.
I don't mean to be nasty, but that's another element.
I was about to do the same thing. There you go.
OK. Forget mine. Forget mine.
Just do yours. Do yours. 12 seconds. Whoop!
I've lost a lot of trust in a certain young lady today.
That's it. Stop pushing things on the floor!
Sorry!
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Thanks, Mel. Thanks, Concetta.
Oh, boy.
(APPLAUSE)
Well, it was a bit tricky. It's hard to judge them
because they were both kind of equally shit.
I mean, not all tasks are built equally, and we did our best.
Yeah. It wasn't... I'm surprised it made the edit, to be honest.
Well, I think it might be the worst team task I've ever seen
in the history of the show.
I mean, I felt like Ernie and Bert in particular,
it was almost like you were doing two different buildings.
Anything you'd like to say, Concetta?
No.
All right. I left it all out there.
I think maybe there's something else we should see.
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
Hi, Tom. Shh!
Hey, Tom. (WHISPERS) Hi, Pete.
There's something in your locker. Oh my...!
It's just this.
Yeah.
"Your next team task...
"..is irrelevant. The real task is this."
"In the style of a soap opera scene..."
"Dramatically destroy your team's creation."
"Most dramatic soap opera destruction wins."
"If your team-mates realise you are acting
"any time before the studio record...
"Your team will be disqualified."
"The time starts whenever you think is most dramatic.
"During your next task."
So I need to destroy the hard work of the team.
For the good of the team. For the good of the team.
Good luck.
(APPLAUSE)
When Pete poured the water, it really improved the sculpture.
Um...
So it's tricky to understand.
So for the good of the team, you had to destroy the task.
But you only succeeded, though, if they didn't know.
If they didn't suspect, which I think we've proven
they had no idea. In fact...
In fact, they actually were thankful and grateful that I was there
on the day helping out.
Pete... Like, Pete's impact, made such little impact on me
that I don't remember doing any of that.
Bert, did Ernie get away with it?
I think if you watch...if we're going on the clip that was shown,
it is not clear...
No. No one knew what was going on based on the clip.
Would you like to see another clip?
No. No. No.
(APPLAUSE)
You can do boats as well.
I think we should also just mainly focus on the Opera House.
Well, we can do that. Yeah.
That's a...that's a huge tick, I'd say.
I think they think I'm having a breakdown.
I'm not. No.
Doing really good. I don't think you are.
What's that for? Well, it just fills in the steps.
Kind of like glazed Opera House. Yeah, like a glaze.
Where's my... No, no, no, no, no, no!
Where's my pointy sails?
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Rains in Sydney quite a bit.
Holy smokes.
Has he been told to sabotage this task?
Because it was really good before?
You don't agree with this? No.
Oh, I get it.
It's a trick task, I get it. (BLOWS WHISTLE)
No! Was her job to sabotage the task?
And she gets as many points as she can?
No. No.
I think you owe me an apology, Aaron.
I'm sorry that you ruined our task.
I don't think you ruined it. I didn't ruin it.
I think it's...better. No, I wouldn't do that.
I think you would, 'cause you're not...
No! ..a great actress.
Are you happy with that? I'm a little bit upset with Aaron.
Yeah, we'll sort it out upstairs.
You question my integrity and my commitment to the task.
You did pour a bucket of water on it.
To show a famous Sydney downfall.
I'll do it again if you want. Like... That's what you want.
I think I did really well at guessing the true point
of the task. OK.
Which is to catch Concetta out for sabotaging the task.
Wrong. You're being crazy.
He's difficult to work with.
(APPLAUSE)
So, Mel, you said that you thought the task was sabotage
and that you had to spot the sabotage.
Yep. You idiot!
You stupid bitch!
Sorry.
Not all of us can be Italian.
Um...
Uh, did I say that?
Was that a green screen?
Was it me? Was it a robot?
Was it ChatGPT?
Was it AI? Was I under duress?
Was there a gun to my head that was not visible?
I would like to talk to a lawyer. Thank you.
OK, well, I think it's pretty clear
that Concetta did not get away with it.
But as for the Muppets, it's a bit tricky.
Rhys seemed oblivious the whole time.
But Aaron, on the other hand, you did say that you thought
that sabotage was happening, didn't you?
I asked, "Are you trying to sabotage?" Did I not?
It was so specifically, "Are you betraying me?"
That's the task! You spotted it!
Yes, but that's how I talk to Pete.
You also said Pete is hard to work with.
Yes. I am.
That's...my genuine thought during the task was...
..Pete is crazy.
Pete does not care about winning.
He cares about the laughs
as he has over the span of his entire career.
And we, with that argument, have won the task!
(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Group hug, group hug.
Hi items for everyone!
It was actually...
I made up my decision when we were showing the footage
because as soon as we showed the secret task,
I saw Aaron watching it and he went, "Oh, no way!"
Because he thought he wasn't on camera,
which means Aaron definitely did not know about the secret task,
which means the Muppets win!
Out of both pieces of sabotage,
I think Ernie and Bert's was far more spectacular.
And if you had won, I would have given you five.
But you're disqualified, so you get nothing.
The Muppets did win the task, but it wasn't quite as spectacular.
So I'm gonna give them three each. So it's three, three, three.
All right. It's time for some ads.
In a true soapy fashion, we've got to leave this one on a cliff-hanger.
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
I'm your real dad.
Back soon.
Look, I know you're watching it now, but how about watching more later?
Catch every moment of triumph and utter humiliation
of Taskmaster Australia
with full episodes at 10play.com.au or the 10 Play app.
Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia,
the show where five professional comedians
smush soap together in their hands and try to pash a car.
It's almost time for a live task here in the studio.
But before we get there, Lesser Tom,
where are we at for the scores in this episode?
Well, we've got Pete last on nine points,
but way out in front with 14 points, it's Aaron Chen!
All right.
With the live task to go, anyone can still win it,
unless, of course, you know when numbers are more than five away
from other numbers.
But for Helliar's sake, let's pretend you don't.
To the stage!
Lesser Tom, why are you standing next to a giant filing cabinet?
It's my favourite thing. What have you got for us?
Pete, could you please read the task?
"Select a pose, then step into this box and strike it.
"One of the doors will open
"to reveal part of your pose to the Taskmaster.
"The door that opens will be randomly selected.
"You may not move or change your pose or expression
"after the door has opened.
"Most poses deciphered by the Taskmaster wins.
"The first contestant will pick their first pose
"from Tom's deck of cards."
Rhys, please select a pose.
Uh, is it 13 - Tom Cashman?
Pete, please select your pose.
AUDIENCE: Ooh!
14 - appealing cricket bowler.
Mel, please select your pose.
Number 5 - jogger.
(APPLAUSE)
Oh, that's hard.
Concetta, please select your pose.
Number 4 - sprinter.
Aaron, please select your pose.
(LAUGHTER)
Number 10 - Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Rhys, please select your pose.
(LAUGHTER)
Number 12 - karate practitioner.
Please select your pose.
Thank you, Tom.
Ooh!
(LAUGHTER)
Appealing cricket bowler.
Mel, please select your pose.
14 - appealing cricket bowler.
Concetta, please select your pose.
11 - mime.
(APPLAUSE)
Aaron, please select your pose.
I think that is...
..7 - James Bond.
All right, now you can strike a pose at home during the ads.
See you soon!
Welcome to Taskmaster Australia.
If you're just tuning in, well, that's pretty crazy.
But basically what happened was there was a competition
for the most distracting thing on a dashboard.
Then we teased Pete.
We teased Tom Cashman throughout the whole show.
Then we made them all do a pose guessing competition
and now we're here.
But I think you need some scores for the live task, don't we?
We do. You guessed zero of Pete's poses.
Mel, Rhys and Concetta each had one correctly guessed pose.
But Aaron takes it out with two correctly guessed poses
for five points!
So we're going to allocate the points 5, 3, 3, 3, 1.
Sounds good. All right.
Well, the nation is dying to know,
what's that done to the scoreboard for tonight's episode?
The winner of tonight's episode is Aaron Chen with 19 points!
Congratulations, Aaron!
You are now the proud owner of the most dangerous dashboard
in the country.
Head upstairs and enjoy your prizes.
Please, for everyone's sake, stick to the back roads from now on.
While Aaron is up there
enjoying their bowl of piping room temperature soup,
let's try and answer the question
that has plagued philosophers since time immemorial.
What's the scoreboard
for season three of Taskmaster Australia looking like?
Well, after seven episodes
we're starting to sort the adults from the children here.
Mel on 93. She's a tiny little newborn baby.
And...being some people on death's door,
as current dual leaders Aaron and Concetta both on 111 points!
And that brings us to the end
of another episode of Taskmaster Australia,
the single greatest television show ever devised.
But what have we learned exactly from this excellently hosted show?
We've learned that Aaron Chen requires a minimum of 20 monitors
to find true love.
And we learnt that when Pete's happy and he wants us to know,
he claps his items.
(APPLAUSE)
But most importantly, we've learnt that Aaron Chen
is the winner of this episode of Taskmaster!
We'll see you next time. Goodnight!
(TASKMASTER THEME MUSIC)
Oh, welcome to Taskmaster. Bluuurgh.
Um, it was me the whole time.
O-M-G! Yay!
Let's do it!
I know he was funny, but he had a (BLEEP) ladder on him.
Ho-ho-ho-ho!
I'm not here to explain fashion.
Good. Peace out!
Please, no pictures.
Captions by Red Bee Media