(TASKMASTER OPENING THEME PLAYS)
(SCREAMS) Oh!
(DING!)
Ahh! Whoo!
Ugh! We slayed it!
Is this good television?
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Hello and welcome to Taskmaster Australia.
My name's Tom Gleeson, and I came up with this show all by myself,
and I've got the paperwork to prove it.
This is the only official version,
so if you see any other Taskmasters out there around the world
with different accents, doing whatever, they're frauds.
Tonight, five of Australia's only comedians will be at my mercy
as they attempt to win the official Taskmaster Trophy -
an ancient Greek sculpture of the legendary Adonis himself,
who, as it turns out, looks exactly like me.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
All five of our contestants have very similar heads and faces
to the five contestants from all the previous episodes.
They are Aaron Chen...
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
..Concetta Caristo... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
..Mel Buttle... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
..Peter Helliar... (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
..and Rhys Nicholson. (CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
By my side, a man who loves being here with us,
mostly because I locked him in the studio.
It's Tom Cashman.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
I was just hoping, before we kick things off,
that you could validate my parking ticket.
(LAUGHTER)
I've already tried validating it, but I think it needs a bit more.
I've tried saying things like, "You're a perfect parking ticket."
(LAUGHTER)
"You hold so much information on you."
But I think maybe it needs a bit more.
A bit more validation? Yep.
Are you trying to goad me into doing prop comedy?
(LAUGHTER)
That's beneath me. I'm sorry.
Alright, that's the formalities done.
(LAUGHTER)
Kick us off, Lesser Tom.
Tonight, as always, we have a prize task.
Each contestant has brought in a prize,
and the winner of tonight's episode will take home all five prizes.
And tonight, our contestants have been asked to bring in
what they consider to be the best conversation starter.
Alright, let's keep these conversations brief.
Concetta, what's your conversation starter?
A positive pregnancy test.
(LAUGHTER)
For me, in my personal life, this is a great conversation starter,
'cause it's like, how did I get this?
Well, I asked my boyfriend's brother's wife
to piss on a stick for me.
Right.
We weren't very close, but now we are.
(LAUGHTER)
Wouldn't it more be a conversation ender?
Like, you pull it out and then people are like, "Oh!"
and they don't know what to say?
Are you crazy? People would be like, "Is it mine?"
(LAUGHTER)
"Congratulations!"
No, I think you'd be at a party and you'd be like,
"You just pissed on a stick. Why are you showing me this?"
Well, it's all I got, mate.
(LAUGHTER)
OK. Aaron, what did you bring in?
So, I brought in two books that you read together
at the same time.
The books are 'Fight Like a Girl' by Clementine Ford
and the other one's '12 Rules For Life'.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
Can you help us, maybe, with the books a little bit,
'cause this is Channel 10,
and no-one who watches Channel 10 can read, so...
(LAUGHTER)
Thank you for starting conversation with me.
Um... (LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
It is like if gender is a spectrum, this is the spectrum.
(LAUGHTER)
Like, I imagine you're on the street,
like, if you were holding either one of those books,
people would, like, write you off immediately.
They'd be like, "Oh, that guy is that, or that guy is that."
But both of them, they're like, "What are you?"
(LAUGHTER)
Alright. Peter, what did you bring in for a conversation starter?
To get a conversation started, imagine you're at a party
and somebody walks in with a monocle.
(LAUGHTER)
Yep. I'd have a lot of questions.
"Why is Pete wearing a monocle?" "Are they prescription?"
"Are they half the price of regular glasses?"
I'd be like, "You're getting older, Pete."
Yep. "You're not on The Project anymore.
"They fired you 'cause of your age."
Yeah, and I think I can finally be honest about that.
"Yeah, and the monocle's making you look older, Pete."
Yep. "I think you shouldn't wear it.
"I think you should get contact lenses and maybe have a shave."
And you know what I would say? (LAUGHTER)
If you want to look younger and appeal to young people.
And I would say, "Taskmaster, I'm glad we had this conversation."
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
Alright, Rhys, what did you bring in?
I think something that would really get the conversational juices going
is an unexpected divorce.
(LAUGHTER)
This is really more of an experiment.
I've mailed one of these to your wife.
(LAUGHTER)
And I guess, in a couple days, we'll see.
(LAUGHTER)
I don't really mind. I'm in showbiz. I'll find someone else.
(LAUGHTER)
Be like that.
I've met her. She'll have some stuff to say.
(LAUGHTER)
Alright. Mel, what did you bring in?
I find what really spreads through a party like wildfire
and gets multiple people engaged with me
is when I tell them what my job is, and they have a lot of questions.
"When are you going back to teaching?"
(LAUGHTER)
"Wow. Really? Comedy?
Um, to sort of quell those conversations maybe down,
I've got a signed, sealed certificate in comedy.
(LAUGHTER)
OK, and what did you have to do to qualify?
An eight-week, Monday night only short course in stand-up comedy,
with a performance at the end to family and friends.
(LAUGHTER)
And ever since then, you've been a comedian.
That's all it took. Yep.
(LAUGHTER)
OK, well, I guess I've gotta get some scores here.
Sure do.
Well, I'm thinking straight away, Concetta gets one,.
because that's a conversation stopper, not a starter.
Two points to Rhys, because that's just a photocopy
of something you found on the internet.
And I'm also feeling a bit the same way,
but I know that yours is real, Mel, so I'm giving you three points.
I'm gonna give four points to Pete for his monocle,
but five points to Aaron Chen for his double book reading
at two ends of the spectrum.
Alright, let's do a proper task.
Good news for any domestic pets
who like to move forwards at a moderate pace,
because this one's all about the catwalk.
(TASKMASTER THEME PLAYS)
Hi, Mel. Hello, Tom.
How you doing? I'm OK.
It's a red carpet!
This is interesting. It's not an envelope.
It's creative, I like it.
You like little guys?
I never said that.
It's been years since I've undressed a man on camera.
Just gonna rip his clothes off.
I'm actually in a relationship. OK.
You've put me in a really awkward position.
Is your partner bigger than this?
Not by a lot.
Ooh, it's a long one!
(READS) "Make and model an extravagantly big outfit.
"You must complete a return catwalk of the runway
"whilst wearing your extravagantly big outfit."
It's like these tasks were made for me.
"Extravagantly biggest outfit at the end of your catwalk wins.
"Best modelling will be awarded a bonus point."
Well, that's in the bag.
"You have 20 minutes before your catwalk must begin.
"Your time starts now."
So, what does "big" mean?
What does "big" mean? Big and bold or...big?
Big!
Big? Big!
Mm-hm. What are you thinking?
I'm thinking big.
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
OK, so we're looking for a combination
of big and extravagant.
That's right.
Whose extravagance will we be looking at first?
It's Pete Helliar!
(CATWALK MUSIC PLAYS)
(LAUGHTER)
You like it? Yeah, it's, um...
..it's a bit Berlin in the '80s,
it's a bit Paris in the 17th century,
it's a bit New York in the '40s,
it's a bit... Luxembourg in the '90s.
What's the bit from New York in the 1940s?
If you don't see it, you don't see it, mate.
(LAUGHTER) OK? It's all there.
I'm not here to explain fashion to everybody.
Do you mind if I walk down there? Oh, no, by all means.
OK. The catwalk awaits.
(CATWALK MUSIC PLAYS)
(LAUGHTER)
CONCETTA: Oh, my God.
(LAUGHTER)
(CATWALK MUSIC PLAYS)
Do you understand it now?
(LAUGHTER)
Some of us are out living life, taking risks.
I've made choices today. You have not made a single choice.
I apologise. Yeah.
Thanks, Pete. Fashion.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Is that your new look? It's my new look.
OK. Gotta get the shoulders up a bit.
(LAUGHTER)
Were they padding in your shoulders or did you...
..or were you just shrugging?
I couldn't tell.
It was padding, and I put it on,
and then I couldn't work out how to take it off.
And that's fashion! Fashion happens by...by...
You know, you're not...
When I'm designing and I'm creating,
I'm just throwing stuff in and I'm making it work.
Taking stuff out, putting stuff back in.
And then I was really happy with it.
I don't think I've seen Concetta as excited this whole series.
That was so... Your body type changed.
Yeah. (LAUGHS)
You looked like a different person.
I think you were dressed like that when you left The Project.
You just walked out and just kept walking.
I said to them, "This is what I want to wear now,"
and Waleed said no, and I was like, "Well, I'm out."
And I...I walked out.
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Alright, whose extravagance do we get to see now?
It's Concetta and Mel.
(CATWALK MUSIC PLAYS)
She's modelling the most beautiful wedding gown
that is big and extravagant from the collection.
Big And Extravagant Girls by Mel Buttle for Mel Buttle.
(BRITISH ACCENT) Oh, yeah! Everybody knows me! Whoo!
I'm a big star, figuratively and literally,
and I'm British.
The garment is 100% locally made, artisanal and, of course, organic.
We show them the train, Tom. We show them the train.
The audience needs to see.
I'm too good for this music scene.
I've got a big attitude. Ohh!
And we spin and we show them the back of the garment.
Over the shoulder.
Hold...and turn and exit.
I'm the king of music!
Peace out and rock on!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
And it was me the whole time.
Oh, wow.
OK, Mel, your costume was long, but was it big?
Those words are interchangeable for each other, I feel.
Oh. Long and big? Yeah.
OK.
Well, you may not have heard them ever said to you.
(LAUGHTER)
It was a big train on that wedding dress.
Big occasion. Wedding dress.
Big train. Tick, tick, tick. Give her the five points.
Next segment. Let's go. Right. Right.
The train was 16m and 43cm long.
Big. "Centimetres big," we say.
OK.
Concetta was 2.97m tall.
So, you were tall, but does that qualify as big?
Yeah! It was so big! It was like I was a rock star.
You don't get bigger than that.
I think I've been the biggest so far, just to be frank.
You are only measuring height.
Like, in fairness to me, what about girth?
I mean, I... This puts me back in the contest.
(LAUGHTER)
Alright, this is quite unusual for the fashion industry,
but I'm going to let everyone have a paid break.
See you soon with more looks on Taskmaster!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to Taskmaster,
where five comedians are trying to win a divorce
from Rhys Nicholson.
How are they going about it?
Our contestants are modelling
their biggest, most extravagant outfits.
Alright, chuck another one on the screen, please, Lesser Tom.
I'm not sure if this next guy even likes clothes.
When I looked through the keyhole to his dressing room,
he was actually taking all of his off.
It's Aaron Chen.
Your catwalk must begin in 24 seconds.
It must begin?! I didn't know about beginning.
Can you put this on my head, Tom? OK.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)
(LAUGHTER)
(LAUGHTER, DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUE)
(MUSIC STOPS, LADDER CLANGS)
(LAUGHTER)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)
(LAUGHTER)
Bit of a... Bit of a wardrobe malfunction.
(LAUGHS)
Did it in the end.
In terms of outfits,
I'd be surprised if that's not the heaviest.
Thank you.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Now, it's weird for me to say this,
but that's not the first time in this series
that you've worn a ladder.
(LAUGHTER)
A ladder's tall. A giraffe's tall. Is that what you're thinking?
They're sort of big objects. Is that what you were going for?
Well, the giraffe in the bag was meant to be, like, a riff on,
you know, how Paris Hilton has, like, a, um, chihuahua?
(LAUGHTER)
Oh, yeah...
(APPLAUSE)
That's what everyone thought.
Aaron's outfit weighed 57kg.
(LAUGHTER)
So it was big in... it was big in weight or mass.
Alright, one more, Lesser Tom.
This next contestant has another job on a fashion-based show,
so no pressure, Rhys Nicholson.
From the House of Taskmaster,
Rhys Nicholson House and Home collection.
Oh. I'm wearing the whole (BLEEP) house.
Oh!
(CATWALK MUSIC PLAYS) Oh!
And just a gentle purse.
From the House of Taskmaster collection by Rhys Nicholson.
House and Home.
(LAUGHTER)
Please. No pictures.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
So, the Taskmaster house was part of your costume?
Yes, it was attached.
They were tied and sewn together and cable tied.
It was part of the outfit. It was very extravagant, definitely.
Because, I mean, during a housing crisis,
you had a dwelling as part of your attire.
Yeah, yeah, not only do I own two houses,
I'm wearing one of them.
(LAUGHTER)
Rhys's outfit included 4 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms,
a full lock-up garage, and 24 portraits of Tom Gleeson.
(LAUGHTER)
OK, well, I think it's fair to say that Aaron's costume was shithouse.
AUDIENCE: Aww. So that's a very easy one.
What are you feeling sorry for? (LAUGHTER)
I know he was funny,
but he had a (BLEEP) ladder on him and a bung...
(LAUGHTER)
There was literally nothing going on.
One!
Thank you.
(LAUGHTER)
I'm gonna have to give Pete two, because it wasn't a big costume,
even though it was big in Luxembourg in the '90s,
so two points.
Aww! AUDIENCE: Aww!
You know what that means?
That was a reflection on your comedy, Pete.
(LAUGHTER)
You're old-school '90s comedy, Pete.
One of your best friends!
(LAUGHS) I know. (LAUGHTER)
We started at the same (BLEEP) time!
I know, I know! (LAUGHTER)
Alright, so then three points to Concetta.
You were very big in stature,
but it was a very impressive train from Mel,
so four points to Mel.
But without doubt, five points has to go to Rhys Nicholson.
Very extravagant and massive! He was a whole bloody house.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
And now the bonus point for best modelling.
Well, that's easy. It's Pete.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
You worked the carpet.
Plus, you were wearing a wig,
which we've already agreed is part of the Peter Helliar comedy kit bag.
You're looking around. "Are there jokes in there?"
No. Grab a wig! Grab a wig.
(LAUGHTER)
Alright. (LAUGHS)
Alright, what does that mean for our scoreboard after two tasks?
Mel, Rhys, and Pete are all leading on seven points.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
OK, Tom, time for another one, I reckon. What's next?
This next task will make you LOL,
which I believe stands for "look on learnedly".
(TASKMASTER THEME PLAYS)
Hey, Tom. Hi, Pete.
How you doing?
I'm alright.
There's nothing here.
Just the task.
Hmm.
Laser focus. Yeah.
(READS) "Laugh out loud. Longest laughing out loud wins.
"If you stop for more than two seconds,
"your laugh has finished.
"Your time starts when you begin laughing."
(APPLAUSE)
Why was I the only one represented in that?
I feel like none of us did that task.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
That's awesome. Should we have a look at the task?
Here's Peter Helliar.
(LAUGHTER)
Did you watch the coronation? Yeah, I think so.
And there was a hymn that was sung for Camilla.
It was in Latin, but it sounded like...
Vagina. Yeah.
# I like vagina, Camilla. #
So I'm going to think of that, and I'm going to start laughing now.
(LAUGHS)
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
(APPLAUSE)
# I like vagina. # (LAUGHTER)
Once you start thinking of it, it's pretty hard to get out.
Pretty bloody good.
He hasn't stopped there. How long did he go for?
Oh, there's more. (LAUGHTER)
But for now, here's another task.
(TASKMASTER THEME PLAYS)
Hey, Tom.
Mm. Good.
Finally read my emails.
(LAUGHTER)
Hey, Tom.
(LAUGHTER) Hi, Aaron.
Tom, are you mad at me? No.
For me?
Thank you so much.
Hmm.
Hi. Hello!
I'll grab that off you. Thank you.
(READS) "Make Tom a better man."
I'm out.
Impossible. He's already perfect.
(READS) "Betterest Tom wins."
This is what I've been trying to do this whole season.
(READS) "You have 20 minutes."
I need 20 years.
"Your time starts now."
Wow!
OK, let's go through all the reasons you stink.
What do you think are some qualities
that you can improve in your life?
What do you think?
Well, I mean, I think we start
by not answering questions with questions.
OK.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Well, this should be easy. Who's first?
Renowned scientists Pearl Jam
said it was impossible to find a better man.
Let's see if these two can do it. It's Rhys and Concetta.
I think what would make you a better man is if you were, like,
more positive and energetic.
I think I would like to make you the Taskmaster.
Oh!
This crocodile wants to find a job. He's a jokester.
He's paranoid. Oh! OK.
We'll work that up in a second.
And this is all part of making me better?
Yeah, yeah, this is making you way better.
What's he paranoid about?
Being scammed. Oh.
(LAUGHS)
He wants to do figurine work.
Figurine work. OK. What's his name?
Um, Branson.
The key to this is getting that beautiful, perfectly-shaped head
that the Taskmaster has.
He's not completely bald, is he?
(LAUGHTER)
Brandon. Branson!
(LAUGHS) His name is Branson! OK?
OK. Come on, man.
We don't have much time. Oh! I need this.
How are you feeling? Are you feeling better?
You look great.
Do I? You look better.
Branson, you're such a jokester.
People love having you around.
Any workplace would be lucky to have you there, Branson.
And I think you'd be especially suited to making figurines,
because you kind of look like a figurine.
So, I guess with these last 32 seconds,
I could give you the kind of experience of Taskmaster.
So I'll be you.
Oh, welcome to Taskmaster.
Buh, buh, buh.
Forget about being scammed, OK?
It's not gonna be a problem.
But now let's everyone hear from
the best person in the whole world.
It's the Taskmaster!
Hi there. I'm Tom Gleeson, host of the show Taskmaster.
I'd like to thank my brilliant assistant, Tom Cashman.
I'm fine, I guess, but you're better.
You did it.
You are a better man because of me. I changed you.
Did you give me any advice at all? I think so.
How does that feel?
I mean, the main experience I'm having at the moment
is having quite tight glad wrap on my head.
Thanks, Concetta.
Thanks, Tom.
Bye!
(APPLAUSE)
I can't fault your logic there, Rhys.
I am better than Tom, so making him me makes him better.
I think even scratching the surface of the deeply complicated,
huge figure that we have in our entertainment system
that is you, made him a better man.
(LAUGHTER)
It's a bit weird having them suck up to me like that.
Thank you for saying both suck up and my correct pronouns
in the same thing.
It really tickled me in two different ways.
OK, now, Concetta.
What the (BLEEP) was that about?
(LAUGHTER)
I have no idea what was going on.
I think most people at home were thinking, "What was going on?"
except the people who live in your share house were like,
"We know exactly what's going on."
(LAUGHTER)
So, Tom Cashman just watches on while we struggle
every single day of his life.
So I thought, what if we made this man help someone,
for God's sake, right?
Instead of helping himself.
So I played the character of a crocodile
who wanted to go into the arts.
I'm understanding it now. Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
Tom, it's not gonna make the edit! Stop!
Can I have some of that? Tom, stop!
(LAUGHTER)
(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)
(COUGHS)
You're right, mate.
Oh! Oh, shit.
That's strong. (LAUGHS)
Alright, so you're trying to make him a better person, right?
But did you feel like a better person from this weird role play
that you were involved in?
Concetta gave me one piece of advice
throughout the whole 20 minute role play.
"Unbutton this button here."
(LAUGHTER)
To loosen him up.
Alright, Lesser Tom,
would you like to have a go at throwing to the ad break?
Really? Yeah, you can do it.
OK. Hey, everyone!
Have you ever felt like you want to get a break going on?
No, no, no. I hate it.
(LAUGHTER)
It's break time! See you soon with more Taskmaster!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to Taskmaster,
where Aaron Chen has offered his fellow comedians
the opportunity to win two books
that would start some very civil discussion on a site called Reddit.
(LAUGHTER)
Now, Lesser Tom, where did we leave off?
Our contestants are trying to make me a better man.
OK. Who's next?
Well, that would be Peter Helliar.
(GROANS, LAUGHS)
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
He still hasn't stopped there. How long did he laugh for?
He's not done.
(LAUGHTER)
And I'd like to point out, when I finished,
I had a migraine for the next bloody hour.
(LAUGHTER)
'Cause I reckon you were laughing at...
You pretended a little bit and then you just couldn't stop laughing.
Yeah, that's exactly what happened.
It was fake laugh, and then it went into...rolled into real laughter,
and then like fake laugh for a bit and then real laughter.
And then he laughed. And then you laughed at him laughing.
Yeah. It's contagious. Alright.
Well, Lesser Tom, who's next in the real task?
Anthropology expert Robbie Williams
thought Better Men were actually very possible,
so maybe it will be no trouble for Aaron Chen and Mel Buttle.
How do I make you cooler,
better looking, more muscly, more masculine?
We might have to take this blazer off. Loosen up a bit.
Undo this button. Oh!
Undo this button. Oh.
You know what? That's enough.
Was just gonna put that as chest hair,
but you're already packing.
Muscles. Have to make you some muscles.
What's the... What's the pink doing?
It's kind of like a bicep.
Shove these things where your biceps would be if...
Where the bicep... where your biceps are.
Holy smokes, we're looking nice.
Would you like an awesome drink? What kinda thing?
How about a Bloody Mary? That's cool?
Yeah. That's awesome.
Just gonna fill this in.
Yep, and it's working exactly as I had imagined in my...in my vision.
This is how to make a Bloody Mary?
Yeah, it's, like, kind of a better version of it.
OK.
Men like to eat spicy food.
How's your spice tolerance?
Oh, I'd say medium. Probably that's...
That's probably enough. We'll get you to extremely hot.
Also, I want you to have a different name.
I think your name should be Leonardo.
You can drink that, by the way.
Oh, really? Yeah.
(LAUGHTER) AUDIENCE: Eugh!
Oh. How is that?
It's extremely chilli.
You should be, like, in a crouching puppy position like this.
When you turn that way, say, "I'm the captain,"
and then take a big sip.
I'm the captain.
How do you feel?
I feel like I've got a warm throat.
Hi there. I'm Leonardo Cashman-Parnell.
I'm thoughtful, but I'm also strong and my beard is black.
Not... It doesn't have any red tinges in it, because that's lame.
The Bloody Mary has reached my stomach.
I might need to... Is your stomach actually in pain?
Mm. You're sweating quite profusely.
Should I take a sip, as empathy?
It's up to you if you want some.
(LAUGHS) Oh, that's not really drinkable.
(LAUGHTER)
I would like to make a few statements.
I donate every month, and I always take the bus.
No weird DMs from me.
I have to go straight home to feed my rescue dogs.
I let women speak in meetings.
(LAUGHTER)
Perfection!
You're kind of more muscly, you're a hairier guy,
and you have a higher spice tolerance than before
by quite a bit.
(LAUGHTER)
Oh.
(LAUGHS)
(BOTH LAUGH)
That is quite hot.
(LAUGHS)
What does the law say in terms of, like,
if Tom dies after this?
(APPLAUSE)
So, Mel, now at one point you made him say
that he listens to women in meetings.
Is that right? Wrong!
He lets women speak in meetings.
Oh. OK.
Well, that was definitely an improvement,
'cause I've been in meetings with Tom Cashman.
(LAUGHTER)
And, uh, there are no women there.
(LAUGHTER)
Because it's Australian TV, so.
(SHOCKED LAUGHTER)
This is shocking and new information
I haven't realised before.
Thank you.
Two straight white men in charge.
Oh, not again! Oh! (LAUGHTER)
So, Aaron, that drink was a bit spicy, wasn't it?
It was really spicy.
For some reason, there was an unlabelled bottle
of the hottest sauce you can buy.
(LAUGHTER)
I almost vomited.
I had to eat lots of food quickly,
which kind of calmed it down, but I had...
And that made you better.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
Alright. Which improver can we see next?
He, at the very least, makes me feel like a beta man.
It's Peter Helliar.
I think I know, actually, the perfect way to make you better.
Back in a sec. Watch out for that.
What's your favourite charity? Oh.
I might need your credit card details as well.
Want me to get a credit card? I'm gonna make a sizeable donation.
OK. You'll be a better man.
I need your face as well.
You're logging into my American Express.
(LAUGHS)
Just go to the charity website.
I was gonna try to pay some fines as well.
Oh, OK. Yeah. That one.
Here we go. Let's press donate. Do you wanna press it?
Don't wanna seem like it's just me doing it.
What do you reckon? A thousand? (SNORTS)
(LAUGHTER)
You feel like a better man? OK.
What do you want? Do you want more?
More? (LAUGHS) No, that's...
That's good, that's good.
What about $2,000?
Yeah, we'll write a comment.
"My name is Tom, and I want to be a better man."
How long we got? I wanna know the time.
7 minutes and 29 seconds.
Oh, we can donate to some other charities as well.
This is fun. Make donation anonymous? No, thanks.
You want... You want people to know.
Create a donor account to manage my donations and donate again faster?
Yes, please. Absolutely.
This won't be the last time you hear from old Tommy Cashman.
He's a better man.
That's gone through. There it is. It's gone through.
I'm sure they'll be in touch about future donations.
Do you feel like a better man?
I mean, yeah. On paper.
You feel better. You look better.
I look better? Yeah.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
So, just to be clear, that wasn't for show, was it?
You actually did that?
I donated $1,000 of his money to a charity. A women's shelter.
Which country? Do you remember which country it was?
It was the Fistula Foundation, which works throughout Africa.
I don't know a specific...
Fantastic work and now they're $1,000 better off
and, um, and Tom's a better man.
But once the task was done,
you just transferred a thousand into his account?
No. It's not about making me a better man.
(LAUGHTER)
But what I did was donate the same amount of money to that charity.
OK. But did you do that?
Because you just forgot what the charity was.
(LAUGHTER)
I'm gonna do it after the show.
(LAUGHTER)
Alright, well, I've gotta do some scores here.
I'm going to give one point to Concetta,
'cause I've got no idea what she was doing.
I'm going to give two points to Aaron Chen.
To be honest, he made you worse. He almost killed me!
(LAUGHTER)
I'm going to give three points to Mel,
for just bringing women's rights to the fore.
Four points to Rhys.
But because he actually followed through with it
and forced you to spend money you didn't want to spend,
Peter Helliar for five points.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Thank you Tom. Thank you Tom.
Good man. Alright.
And to anybody inspired by that last task,
you've got an opportunity to donate to charity yourselves
while we take an ad break.
If you're a little short,
I'll be posting Tom Cashman's full credit card details
along with the expiry and CVC on all my social media accounts.
See you soon with more Taskmaster!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to Taskmaster.
Lesser Tom, tell the people what's happening.
Hello, people.
(LAUGHTER)
You know what they say - glove is blind.
(TASKMASTER THEME PLAYS)
Hi, Mel. G'day, Maggot.
Hey, Tom. Hi, Pete.
Hi, Rhys. Hello!
For me? Mm-hm.
These yours? The dishes?
Yeah. Yeah. Sorry about that.
That's alright.
Ahem!
(READS) "Wearing your glove...
"Shake hands with the other 12 gloves...
"And guess their contents!"
Oh, this is fun!
"You may shake hands with each glove for no more than 10 seconds."
"You may not lean over or walk around the bench."
"Most correct guesses wins."
"You have 10 minutes."
"Your time starts now."
I love this challenge!
Let's do it!
(APPLAUSE)
Seems pretty straightforward to me. Who's on first?
It's Concetta and Mel.
(LAUGHS) Oh! Come on!
Oops!
That is...
I'd like to lock in jam. OK.
Water. (BUZZ!)
I got a nice sensation, Tom.
Disengage from the hand.
Clay. (BUZZ!)
You know what's coming to mind? Cornflakes!
But I know it's not that. OK.
Just put it. Who gives a shit?
Three is bubble gum. (BUZZ!)
Oh, my God.
Mars bars! Mars bars! (DING!)
I know, chocolate like the back of my hand.
(LAUGHTER)
Erasers. Erasers.
Apple slices, mate.
What's this soupy one? Some sort of liquid.
Water.
Pancake batter.
It's a piece of material.
I would say it's a bunch of gloves stuffed in a glove.
It's a cold gel.
That's lube.
That is red cordial.
This one...
Ooh, sorry.
Are you gonna kill me? (LAUGHS)
Air.
Oh, God! Air! I said it.
That's,, uh, bark. That's garden bark.
Maybe, um, door stoppers.
Please disengage from the hand.
Is that slime?
That's like slime.
Gloopy ice?
Gloopy ice.
Or, like, dry ice or something?
Dry ice? Yes.
Hmm.
Balloons!
Sleep mask. Sleep mask.
The finale. Mmm.
That's dice.
Dice! Dice! Dice! Dice! (BLOWS WHISTLE)
How confident are you?
Medium.
Alright, let's go!
(APPLAUSE)
OK. You got some scores there?
Concetta was correct on four, then five points for Mel.
I should inform you, there was a bit of a clue.
So, there were 12 gloves in total,
and the thing in each glove sounds like the relevant month.
So, mayo was in the May or the fifth glove.
"Au-gust" was the one that I was putting air into.
So there were some clues available to you.
Yeah. We must be so dumb.
(LAUGHTER)
Alright, well, let's see if anyone did better.
Who's next? Here's Peter Helliar.
(LAUGHS)
(CONTINUES LAUGHING)
Ha, ha!
OK. OK.
OK. OK, I'm getting tired now.
I'm done. (BLOWS WHISTLE)
(LAUGHS) (LAUGHS)
Oh, I need to lie down.
OK. Thank you.
Thanks, Pete. Thanks.
# I like vagina, Camilla! #
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
OK, so... (LAUGHS)
So, how long did Peter laugh for in the end?
Nine minutes and nine seconds.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Well, none of the other comedians did that task,
which means that Peter Helliar won.
Yeah, so, five points to Pete.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Thank you, Taskmaster. Thank you.
So, what were we actually doing again?
We were shaking hands with 12 gloves.
Here's actually Peter Helliar and Rhys too.
So, this is... That's my washing up. Sorry.
Do you have a handshake style?
I like to go pretty firm.
Please disengage from the hand.
Sound like my fiance.
Dice. OK.
Dice.
This is softer. Balloons that haven't... Balloons.
This sounds insane.
A whole bunch of fake moustaches.
Circular and cold.
That was, like, cold, hopefully fake dog turds.
Frozen calamari.
I'm not sure why you would put fake dog turds in the fridge.
It's a weird show.
I reckon, that's pasta.
Wood chips and a automatic car key.
Before you do this one...
What?
Air?
It's air.
Or is it... It's helium.
This is jelly.
It's water. Water or orange juice.
Oh, that feels gross. Rubber bands?
I was shaking a rubber glove,
and I think there's more rubber gloves stuffed in there.
This is, I reckon, mousse.
That was like an iced coffee.
These are apple.
It's almost like a wooden fruit to teach kids about fruit.
Baked good.
That had a turdy feel to it.
I don't think you'd have a real turd and the fake turd.
So I think this is like confection...like, chocolate.
Hundreds and thousands in there. Cookie batter.
Cookie batter. Unbaked good.
That is, um, sludge.
And this is...
I reckon that's mud.
It's a Coke float.
How do you reckon you went? Probably 10. 9, 10.
So, confident? Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
AUDIENCE: Aww!
Yeah, so, um...
..there was a clue with them all sounding like months of the year,
and then there was that clue
where they were just written out in your glove.
That first clue was a shit clue,
and that second one is a much better clue.
(LAUGHTER)
Not only did Pete not pick up either clues,
he was the only contestant not to get air.
(LAUGHTER) Well, I said air.
And then I changed it to helium, didn't I?
Yeah. Why did you choose helium?
Which is actually quite rare and hard to get into a blow dryer.
(LAUGHTER)
I had a headache still from laughing for six hours.
I can't believe I guessed fake moustaches.
That's wild.
Particularly without understanding the clue. Movember.
Well, I don't support charities. I... I don't...
(LAUGHTER) I do.
Yeah. (LAUGHTER)
What are the scores there?
Pete got 2 correct out of 12.
And Rhys, we need a determination
of whether wood chips and an automatic car key
is close enough to soap and timber.
Maybe half points? Half points? OK.
So Rhys got 6.5 out of 12 correct.
Time to fit the grubby little mitt that is an ad break
into this perfect five-fingered glove of a TV show.
Back with more Taskmaster soon!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to Taskmaster Australia.
Lesser Tom, give us a recap.
Our contestants are trying to guess which mystery items
are inside the gloves that they're shaking hands with.
This next guy was born to wear gloves, literally.
He has two hands and fingers. It's Aaron Chen.
What are these for?
Just some dishes.
(LAUGHS)
But what are these pictures about?
It's just my calendar.
Okay, I'm just gonna start from January.
Oh! Jam.
February. You look at the photo first and then you shake.
That's your method. Must be, like...
That's hundreds and thousands.
Chocolate bars.
Apple.
Oh!
(LAUGHTER)
Mayonnaise.
OK, so this one is some sort of picture of...
It's a jean.
That's a jean. I can feel a button.
So, you've made...
(LAUGHTER)
Jelly.
Before you do that one...
Oh, my gosh.
Air. Air. Air.
OK. Yep.
I'm gonna have to say soap. Soap. OK.
(LAUGHS)
October. I'm gonna say shells.
Shells? Yeah.
Hat. Bits of hat. It's a hat.
Bits of hat. Interesting.
Dice.
(BLOWS WHISTLE)
Thanks, Aaron. Thank you very much.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
OK, so Aaron obviously did quite a good job there.
What were you all thinking that dishwashing water was for?
Just that prop. Yeah. Prop times.
What, just to look cool? Yeah!
You went straight in there, didn't you?
Yeah. I had a splash around. Had a look.
I should also note Aaron accidentally revealed a few
by squeezing too hard.
I think we're allowing it as long as it wasn't done deliberately,
which I think it wasn't in Mel and Aaron's case.
Do you just have a very firm handshake?
Yeah. It's, um... It's about confidence.
(LAUGHTER)
I don't think I've shaken your hand, but I suspect it...
..I don't imagine it would be that firm.
It would feel firm if your hand was made of mayo.
(LAUGHTER)
OK, so what are the final scores for the task?
Well, so Aaron got a total of 9.5 correct out of 12.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Which means Pete gets one point, Concetta two, Mel three, Rhys four,
and Aaron wins the task with five points.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
And can we get a little status update
on the scoreboard, please, Lesser Tom.
Absolutely. Peter Helliar, 18 points. You're out in front.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Alright, everyone! You know what that means.
Head on up those stairs for a live task!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Lesser Tom, I do love a bath. What's going on?
Mel, could you please read the task?
Here we go. Alright. OK.
(READS) "Toss your duck into the bath.
"All contestants must be blindfolded whilst others throw.
"If your duck misses, you are eliminated.
"If no-one's duck misses,
"the contestant who tossed their duck from the closest
"will be eliminated.
"The crowd has been instructed to cheer adoringly for every toss,
"regardless of its outcome."
(LAUGHTER)
"You may lap that adoration up as you wish."
Aaron, please step up to the plate.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
AUDIENCE: Whoa!
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Mel.
Alright.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Pete.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Concetta.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Rhys.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Mel, you have been eliminated.
Please sit down on the elimination couch.
(APPLAUSE)
Aaron.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Pete.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Concetta. Want me to commentate, or...
That would be very helpful. Yes.
Concetta's turn.
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Rhys.
(LAUGHTER)
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Rhys has been eliminated.
Yeah.
Aaron.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Pete.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Concetta.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Both Aaron and Pete had their toes
on around the 3.4m mark.
I think it's very, very close.
Aaron, we've checked the footage.
You were a toe closer. You have been eliminated.
(APPLAUSE, LAUGHTER)
We are down to the final round.
Pete.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Concetta.
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Concetta is the winner of the toss!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Alright. Go and have a bath. We're gonna have an ad break.
We'll be back with the winner soon!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Welcome back to. Taskmaster, where Peter Helliar has had the giggles
for most of the episode about the king's wife's fanny.
Who took out the points for their ducky bath tossy, Tom?
Mel splashed out on one point, Rhys got two,
Aaron three, Pete got four,
but Concetta was the lucky duck with five points!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
And the question on everyone's lips, who is our winner tonight?
Despite her live task performance,
Concetta is in last place with 12 points,
but Peter Helliar wins his first episode with 22 points!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Congratulations, Peter!
Please go and collect your prizes
and get ready for the most scintillating conversations
you've ever had in your life!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
Pete, whilst you put on your monocle
and flip through Aaron's Jordan Peterson book,
how about an update on the season's score, Lesser Tom?
Well, almost everyone is within four points of each other,
but the season leader by one teeny, tiny point
is Aaron Chen on 127 points!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
And there you have it.
Our eighth episode, done and dusted.
But what did we learn?
We learned that Aaron Chen is less concerned
about climbing the comedy ladder and more about wearing it.
We learned that Concetta's boyfriend's
brother's wife's pregnant.
OMG! Yay!
(LAUGHTER)
And we learned that Pete did one more task than everyone else. Lol!
(LAUGHTER)
But most importantly, we learned Peter Helliar is the winner
of episode eight.
See you all next week!
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
(TASKMASTER THEME MUSIC PLAYS)
There's actual piss on that.
There's actual piss. That is piss.
(LAUGHTER)
Even when I win, I lose!
(LAUGHTER)
I've got that special feeling in my tummy, Tom.
Kill these women.
Don't do what you're doing.
Anyway, I've upped my meds and we're all good.
Smart. She's not even Italian.
Wow.!
Argh!
Get me a (BLEEP) tea!
Shut up. You're a nightmare.
A fun fact. I lost my virginity in a tent.