["Didn't I (Dave Allison Re-Work)" playing]
[crowd chattering indistinctly]
[woman] Excuse me.
Sorry.
Excuse me.
♪ Ooh ♪
Oh. Sorry.
♪ Ooh... ♪
Hi! Uh, where's your bathroom?
It's for customers only.
Oh, okay. I'll buy something.
You gotta pay up there.
Can I just go now? I really have to pee.
I got a large cappuccino for Skyler?
Thanks.
Um, I also kind of...
Well, no, I know
that, uh, establishments that serve food or drink must be open to the public,
regardless of their purchasing class.
[barista] Sorry. It's our policy.
Store policy can't really supersede state law.
Please, it's an emergency.
Caramel latte for Miranda?
[Ben] Uh, honey?
About to order. Do you want your usual?
- Uh... - My wife would like a double espresso.
Although you've had trouble sleeping lately, right, babe?
Maybe we should back it off to a single.
You kept the light on till, like, midnight last night.
I did, didn't I?
Yeah, so maybe I'll just have a peppermint tea with two sugars?
Thanks, husband.
Oh, and the bread. It's grilled cheese night.
And she is part of the purchasing class, so can we get the bathroom key?
Thank you.
Thank you. That was really nice.
Happy to.
You know a lot about bathroom law.
Hm. It was a short chapter.
Thank you.
Oh.
I'll have your tea waiting for you.
Can't leave my wife.
Oh.
Okay.
That's great.
I will...
see you on the other side of...
- [toilet flushes] - Halle. I just met this guy.
And, I don't know, there was something.
Well, I know it's been a while, but I'm pretty sure.
He bought me a tea.
And then he might've just stolen my coat, but what do I do?
I don't know!
This is the time that I'm supposed to be meeting people and doing things-- [gasps]
Halle, I gotta call you back.
Goddamn it.
[whimsical jazz music playing]
[groans]
[grunts]
Hot!
Are you okay?
Big time! I am, uh-- I am bigtime okay.
I just had to pee for, like, the last six hours,
and I just started this new internship,
and I didn't wanna ask anyone where the bathroom was
'cause I didn't want them to think I was, uh, weak and not a problem solver.
[mouths] What am I saying?
Okay.
And, by the way, it is not weak to ask where the bathroom is.
Every human does it. It's very, very normal.
Yeah.
- Okay. - [music stops]
[indistinct chatter]
[Ben] Peppermint tea. Two sugars.
Thank you.
And thanks for, uh, not stealing my coat.
- Oh. - [chuckles]
Bye.
Thank you.
Oh, hey.
[clears throat] Uh-- Um...
- You-- - So are you gonna ask me out now?
Yeah.
Yeah, I am.
["Didn't I" playing]
I'm Ben.
I'm Bea.
♪ Ooh... ♪
So if we were attacked by giant spiders, you would not be able to protect us?
No, no. You'd be dead.
- What? You would let me die? - No.
I'm not gonna let you die. I'm just gonna survive.
I'm sorry. You're right. You're right.
- I was a gymnast. - A gymnast?
Yes, for, like, five years.
I got, like, sixth place on beam.
- Sixth place? - Yes.
- Got a ribbon. - I'm impressed.
Everybody gets a ribbon.
♪ Didn't I, Didn't I... ♪
Wait to cool down--
- You saw me take it off the burning stove. - Oh, fuck, that's hot. Oh, my God.
If you're gonna be a lawyer, you gotta understand negligence and breach
and McDonald's versus that lady's habeas corpus.
You used none of those terms properly.
How do you know? You're not a lawyer yet.
It's not too late to choose a more noble profession.
Oh, like you?
You're right. Stick with it. I'm gonna need a lawyer at some point.
I don't even know if I wanna be a lawyer.
I cannot believe I just said that out loud.
[laughs]
I'm sorry. My life is a disaster right now.
Might be turning a corner.
You just met me.
Or I might end up in a suitcase.
I mean, look at this place.
Looks like every serial-killer reenactment documentary.
Why do you have a giant wrench?
Okay, it wouldn't be a suitcase. It'd be a carry-on 'cause you're zero feet tall.
And my mom gave me that.
She said no matter how broken something is,
there's always a way to fix it.
I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm talking to you about my mom right now.
All right. Then tell me about that.
- That... - Mm-hm.
...is a long story.
Everybody survived.
Great.
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Didn't I treat you right, now? ♪
[laughs]
[inaudible dialogue]
♪ Why you wanna leave me, baby? ♪
[song fades]
[brakes screeching and engine rumbling outside]
[shoes clatter]
[thuds]
[poignant music playing]
[door opens, then closes]
God, Halle. I don't know. This guy is fucking great.
[motorcycle engine revving outside]
Yo, let's go, Benny. Come on, cupcake. We gonna be late.
S'up, Pete?
No way. You cooked?
That girl you blew me off for stayed over?
[Bea] He asked me out, and then I kind of asked him out,
and then we just walked around the city and we fell asleep talking.
I don't know. I left before he could wake up.
I don't know why.
Why did I?
What the fuck am I doing?
Okay, I love you. Bye. I'm so sorry I woke you up.
This whole thing is so new to me. Bye.
You got cheese and bread. You didn't miss one ingredient.
What you doing with that?
Why you got the giant wrench?
You told her about your mom, bro?
You don't tell nobody about your mom.
Fuck, dawg. You in love, man.
Pff. About fucking time, man.
My boy's in love!
Fuck that. I couldn't get her out of here fast enough.
This girl's a disaster.
She's a nothing.
[car horn blaring]
["The Spins" playing]
♪ Wanna get a mansion, a jacuzzi ♪
♪ A theater to watch my movies ♪
♪ Couple whips and lots of fancy things ♪
♪ The kids they call the Goonies ♪
♪ I see the future, crystal ball ♪
♪ Mirror, mirror hangin' on the wall ♪
♪ Got your girlfriend Screenin' all the calls ♪
- [indistinct chatter and laughter] - ["The Spins" continues over speakers]
♪ Oh, oh, oh Honey, I need you 'round... ♪
Pete! Hey!
- Claudia! - Halle!
There we go.
[yells, then laughs] Benny.
Hey, what's up, queen?
Ben, this is Halle, my new girlfriend.
Are we saying that now?
Uh, yeah. Is that cool?
Yeah, I mean, I don't really like labels, but I like you a whole bunch.
I like your friend a whole bunch, and if she wants to put a label on me,
then she can sew it on wherever she wants.
That was weird, that was weird. I'm not into S&M or anything like that.
Unless you are, which would be totally cool. You do you.
Well, she really likes you too. And that is very rare for her.
Oh, look who's talking.
[Claudia & Halle laugh]
- [Ben] How's the crowd in here tonight? - Over there, big boy.
Oh, Bea!
You ladies like dumplings? We had the greatest dumplings.
Pete, meet my sister.
- This is, um, Pete. Claudia's brother. - Nice to meet you.
And, uh, Ben.
Ben!
This is Ben. We all grew up together.
Hey.
Yeah.
You two know each other?
Yeah. We've met.
Barely.
Wow, that's so random.
I'm gonna go grab a drink.
Door's that way if you're looking to sneak out.
- I know that's your thing. - Well, I am a disaster.
Let's go...
Away from this. Yeah.
So you a lawyer yet?
Why? Do you need a defense attorney?
No, just curious how you passed the class on ethics and not bailing on people.
I think that's the jerk who Bea got with when she was on break from Jonathan.
[Claudia] No way.
So Bea's the coffee girl who ghosted him?
I thought she looked familiar, but I don't see faces. I just see souls.
At least he made her realize that Jonathan was the one.
- I'm engaged now. - Good for you.
Where are you registered? I'll buy you a broomstick.
I'll send you an invite. You still live at 28 Fuckboy Lane?
You do remember. See, it did mean something to you.
You'll always be my rock bottom. The night I spent with a bitch.
Did she just call him a bitch?
[Halle] You think they're gonna physically fight?
[Claudia] Or fuck.
It's a fine line.
Let's just get through tonight for them, okay?
Well, she's your sister. I'm sure the relationship won't last long.
She's your friend. I question why they're even together.
Then I'm gonna get a drink and toast to never seeing you again.
Cheers to that, bro.
[song fades]
["Canon in D" playing]
[Pete] So before I pronounce this newlywed couple,
if anyone has an issue with these two wonderful people
joining together in holy matrimony,
speak now or forever hold your peace.
- I have an objection. - Leo, don't do this.
- [music stops] - I have to, Innie, it's just not right.
There's no way I can bless this union...
without their friends and family joining us to celebrate...
In Australia!
We're getting married in Sydney!
- [screaming] - ["Photo ID" playing]
♪ Gets weird when you talk about it ♪
♪ Lit in line, smile for the photo ID ♪
♪ Inside, that's where... ♪
Welcome aboard. 2K, to the front.
Thank you, Charlotte.
51E.
- [woman] How long's the flight? - [Charlotte] Sixteen hours.
51F.
Thanks.
73F, all the way to the back.
Thank you.
♪ Lit in line, smile for the photo ID ♪
♪ Inside, that's where we can be free ♪
♪ Your highness Caught you sippin' on lean ♪
♪ Reminds me That's how it's 'posed to be ♪
[song stops]
- Hey. - [passengers chattering]
Headed to the wedding?
Of my sister? Yes, I am.
How crazy is it that we're on the same plane?
Don't think there's thousands of flights flying to Sydney every day.
There's quite a few, actually: Qantas, American,
Qantas through Dubai, some codeshares.
Serendipity, I guess.
I don't think that word means what you think it means.
Where's your fiancé? Is this him?
Hey, I'm Ben. I was her hall pass on your break.
What?
Oh, my God, I forgot.
Claud told me you dumped him.
Did you sneak out on your wedding day?
Wow, you are a child.
It's a pretty long flight. Do you want anything from the front of the boat?
Hot cookie? Eye mask? Pajamas? Last ten years of your life?
No, thank you.
I'm all good on creatine and small-dick insecurity.
Nothing small about me.
What the fuck?
- Have a good flight. - I'm so sorry.
See you there.
[man over headphones] Why do so many of us feel stuck?
- [bathroom door closes, then alert chimes] - How is it even the very successful
often feel like there is something missing from their lives?
Why do so many people spend years
wistfully thinking about choices they might have made?
One answer to that problem:
Many of us are leading lives that are misaligned
with our own deepest values and preferences.
Thank you for joining me today on Hidden Brain:
"What Psychology Can Teach Us About Living Our Most Authentic Lives."
[chimes]
[snoring]
[clicks, then whirs]
[Bea grunting softly]
[whimsical jazz music playing]
- [music stops] - [snoring]
- [music resumes] - [grunting softly]
["Unwritten" playing over headphones]
♪ Live your life with arms wide open ♪
♪ Today is where your book begins The rest... ♪
What the fuck?
- [airplane flying overhead] - [passengers chattering indistinctly]
[man over PA] Passengers who just arrived, welcome to Sydney.
[Pete] Hey, Benny!
Bendejo!
- Pete! - Okay, Ben, looking good.
- Thanks for picking me up, dude. - Not just you, my guy.
- Spelling Bea! - Pete!
Our sisters are getting married. How dope is that?
- I know, I'm so excited. - Oh, great, let's hit it.
[speaking in Chinese] Thank you.
I hope all of you have a wonderful vacation.
I wish you all the best for the Mid-Autumn Festival.
- [family speaks in Chinese] - ["Sick" playing]
[Pete in English] Y'all ready for Australia?
- ♪ You make me ♪ - ♪ Sick ♪
- ♪ And I make you ♪ - ♪ Sick... ♪
Can't wait for y'all to see where we staying. The pad is so dope.
We're all staying at the same place?
Yep. My stepdad's house.
Super important for them to keep the wedding party together.
Seems like a piece of information that could have been shared a little earlier.
Well, that's because they think you guys hate each other,
so they didn't wanna poke the bear.
♪ Blame it on you ♪
♪ Okay, a one, two, three ♪
♪ I know that everybody has their thing ♪
♪ Yours was a-tryna take a half of me ♪
♪ I was a-heavier before I met you... ♪
[Pete] We made it, y'all!
Let's go!
♪ Under my skin Love clots... ♪
Not bad, right?
- You don't even play tennis. - I know, but I still swing.
- Hi! - [Bea screams]
[chattering indistinctly]
Hey, meet Klonopin, y'all. Meet Klonopin.
- ♪ 'Cause I'm still in ♪ - ♪ Love... ♪
Hey, meet Klonopin.
Roll over. Roll over. Spin, spin, spin. [whoops]
[Bea laughs]
[Ben] Only member of the family that's trained.
[Bea] Okay, I'll see you in a bit.
♪ I blame it on you... ♪
[Bea] Whoa.
You're right. This place is insane.
I know.
All right, let's get some sand under your feet.
[song fades]
Have you guys made up?
- [Ben] All good. - We're fine if he just stays away from me.
Don't need an invitation for that.
I think you do. I feel like you can't leave me alone.
Same reason I slow down at a car crash.
Okay, so you guys buried the hatchet, water under the bridge,
two adults adulting like fucking adults.
Oh, we did have a little bit of a last-minute snafu, though.
You guys are gonna have to share a room.
There's only one bed, but we hung a shower curtain in the middle, so--
She's kidding.
- Really, Halle? - You're funny.
I can't wait any longer.
[Halle] Wait for me!
[tranquil music playing]
[sighs] Halle's such a goof.
She's good for you. You could use some spontaneity.
[Claudia chuckles]
Hey. This weekend is gonna be perfect.
I hope so.
I have a million contingencies and scenarios for everything,
and honestly I just want this wedding to be beautiful
because I love the shit out of her,
and I just wanna marry the bitch, you know what I'm saying?
- You're such a romantic. - Ha!
Hey, don't be mad at me, but, uh, Margaret's here.
Why would I be mad?
She lives here. I was 100% expecting to see her.
Yeah.
Margaret! Margaret! Look who's here!
[Ben] There she is.
One hundred percent.
Go rip off the Band-Aid.
- Ben! - How's it going, stranger?
[song fades]
Oh! I was hoping you'd come. I wanted to message you,
but I didn't know how you'd feel about hearing from me.
Are you kidding?
[yelps]
I'm never leaving.
Never leave!
How are Mom and Dad?
They're good, you know? Mom now thinks she's Australian,
and Dad's not at all pointing out every little detail that's different here.
They're also a little worried how you're gonna react to all this.
What are you talking about?
You know, everybody thought you'd be the one getting married first.
You always used to talk about your wedding growing up.
You would use the toilet paper as a wedding dress
when I just used it to dress like a mummy.
- You know? - Halle, stop. That's not me anymore.
I'm free now. I'm deprogrammed.
That does not mean I don't support you
and your misguided view that soulmates exist.
That's sweet. That gonna be your toast?
[both laugh]
You and Claudia are the exception. And I'm really happy for you. For real.
Okay.
[both yelp]
What's going on over there?
That's Claudia's cousin. She visited the States a few years back.
They dated, no biggie.
Broke up with him, crushed his heart.
No way. That man does not have a heart.
Feels like forever ago. We were babies.
I'm really happy you're here. We can reconnect as...
maybe not babies.
I would love that.
Beau!
Come meet my mate.
- Ben, this is my partner, Beau. - Hey, mate.
Like tennis partner?
Eh... well, sometimes after.
How do you dags know each other?
We had a bit of a go back when, didn't we?
Did you now? Good on ya.
Hey, we're gonna go troppo this weekend. Get on the turps out here, eh?
It's gonna be a cracker. [whoops]
- You know it. - Uh-huh!
- Great guy. - Yeah.
[gentle, pensive music playing]
[Innie] Honey!
- Hey! Beatrice. - [Bea] Dad!
You made it. Hi, baby.
Hey, honey. Oh, my God.
Hey, Mom. - [Leo] Wow.
How's our future lawyer?
- Great. - Great.
How's the trip been?
Oh! Magical. The Australians are all wonderful.
And, excuse me, but good-looking.
But why are they so weird about their plugs?
I mean, this place is basically America.
They speak English. They eat regular food.
They have a complicated relationship with their past.
How are you doing, honey?
You doing okay?
I'm doing great. My big sister's getting married.
Could've been you.
Could still be you. Someday.
Have you heard from Jonathan? Did he call or anything?
Well, that didn't take long.
We're just torn up that he's not part of our family anymore.
I mean, he was at our house every night from, like, 11 years old.
- So cute. - He was basically family
and was about to be actual family.
If I never ask you for anything ever again,
will you please just lay off of me this weekend?
We just want both of our daughters to be happy.
I'm very happy. But not when you guys do this.
Nudge you in the right direction?
He's such a great guy.
Just think on it. Yeah?
[yells]
[sighs]
[knocking on door]
[Halle] Bea! Dinner at 7:30, okay?
Yeah.
[poignant, pensive music playing]
- [knocking on door] - [Claudia] Ben, all set for dinner, yeah?
Yeah, I'll be there.
[sighs]
- [music fades] - [waves crashing]
- ["Lucy" playing over speakers] - [guests chattering and laughing]
[door closes]
[guests chattering]
[Ben] Hey!
- Hey, Ben's here. - Finally you guys are here.
[Halle] Okay. All right, everybody!
- Dad, the speech. - Oh, yes. Right. Okay.
We're gonna make this short.
Because you've all traveled a bloody long distance,
and Carol and I are so appreciative.
The biggest thing we've missed since coming back from the States
is not seeing our kids.
And you lot, our extended family.
So we are just over the moon
to have a full house before the wedding on Sunday.
[Carol] Where we will celebrate Halle and Claudia,
setting off on this crazy thing called life.
And, of course, Innie and Leo, our new family.
Well, we're just so grateful, not only for your incredible hospitality,
but for bringing into the world your beautiful daughter.
So as they say in our country, abbondanza!
- [Claudia] Cheers! - [all] Cheers!
[Carol] Now, baby.
- ["Right Direction" playing] - [guests exclaiming]
[guests chattering]
♪ A person on commission Moving in the right direction ♪
♪ If it's true the world is yours Then it is mine ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ If I make the right impression And I show love and affection... ♪
What classes are you loving?
So have you given any more thought to tort law?
'Cause class action is really where it's at right now.
What does Jonathan say? He knows you pretty well.
What does he think?
- Mom. - Okay.
I can't remember why we put you in the trunk again.
We didn't put her in the trunk. She stowed away.
I wanted to go with you guys to see Cinderella.
We were going to Coachella.
Yeah, I know that now. I was 9!
[Claudia] All right, everyone.
So sage is meant to cleanse negative energy.
Let's just have a moment to calm ourselves.
I am not looking at anybody in particular.
But I am looking at you, Bea.
And you, Ben.
Crown chakra.
Let's hit that cobra.
Cleanse.
- Get that weasel. - [Ben] Okay.
- Go! - You go. Go, go.
-"Sign of the Times." - I got it!
All right. Four words.
First word. The. A. Of? If.
Animosity. Hate. Liar.
- Five words. - No. Just shut the fuck up.
- The Bible! - Mm.
A woman who uses her sexuality to take advantage of other people.
Mom? Focus. Okay? Right here. Right here.
This is a white people's game.
You spend so much time tricking each other.
Y'all got so much time on your hands. Just say the word!
- Midsummer Night's Dream. - Grumpy Old Men.
- Hi. - Hi.
♪ Ooh... ♪
Okay. Okay. Yeah, okay.
- You? - Fuckboy.
Old Catwoman.
[imitates whooshing, then explosion]
Your ego.
[Halle] Much Ado About Nothing.
[Carol] Last Samurai.
- What is this? - Wait. No props.
- Oh, who cares? No one can see us. - A cheater. Shocking.
- Says the woman who cheated on her fiancé. - We were on a break.
You're either broken up for good or you're cheating.
Either way, someone's lying to someone.
I must've gotten under your skin.
- Roger, what is this? - A spat. A fight.
What is the thing I'm holding in my hand?
Firework!
-"Firework." By Katy Perry. - [chuckles]
- That is not fair. - Hey. What? You're not fair.
- Give this to me. - What's wrong with you? Stop.
What are you doing? Stop!
- Oh, God. - [gasps]
- [Claudia] Oh, my God! - [Pete] Oh, shit! What the--?
- [gasps] - [whimsical jazz music playing]
- [Ben] Halle! - [screams]
Oh!
Get back!
- [Claudia] Dad! - [Carol] Roger!
I've got this.
[Pete] That's some gangsta shit right there.
[music stops]
- Sorry. - Sorry.
[playing gentle melody]
- They're going to ruin our wedding. - [plays dramatic sting]
[Halle] All that matters is that we're together.
It's true.
[gentle melody resumes]
Look, baby, I love you to the moon and back,
but those two fuckwads are going to destroy our weekend.
And our memories, which we are gonna have for a very long time,
are headed straight over a cliff.
It's gonna be fine, baby. We just have to stand there and profess our love.
It seems to me their animus only surfaced after they spent a night together.
Am I accurate?
[Carol] That's usually how it goes, honey.
We crumple our feelings into a ball and shove them deep down
so we can enjoy a bit of frisk.
[plays quizzical chord]
- [Roger] The solution is simple, then. - [playing mischievous melody]
We return them to the night they were smitten.
Like, trick them into falling in love with each other?
We didn't say anything about love, honey.
We just need to get them to jump each other's bones.
[plays lilting crescendo]
["The Vacationer" playing]
♪ I took the long way back on my feet ♪
♪ Across town, With crooked legs and staggered beat ♪
♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, but you got to know It's not the same ♪
♪ It creates no good But it's part of the game ♪
♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ You got a lot to You let it go too far ♪
♪ You let it go too far You let it go too far... ♪
Yes! Come on!
That was good, hey? That was good. That was a good hit.
♪ See, now you're not as clever As you thought ♪
♪ Everyone's a kidder When they're caught ♪
♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh ♪
- [Pete] No, you go. You go. Man, you go. - [song fades]
- [Roger] You go. - [Pete] You go, you go.
- She clearly has eyes for Ben. - [Pete] Who does, Father?
Halle's spinster sister. The plump-chested one with the sad eyes.
You can't say that. Damn!
[Roger] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that was rude.
I apologize to anyone that was listening.
Which can only be you, Pete. You're the only person that was listening.
I apologize.
[Pete] I accept your apology and will now move on.
Do you know Bea's been in love with Ben since the first night they met?
[Roger] Well, why didn't she tell him?
When I was a young bloke and I liked a girl,
I would sneak up behind her, and I'd cut a lock of her hair,
and then I'd smack her on the bum!
- What the hell? - I don't know! I'm not good at this.
[Pete] Bea was just too scared to tell him.
But I've talked to her. She said she regrets walking out that morning.
- Tell me more, son. - Why me?
Because you're really good at it. Right?
- You can do it. - Why you put this hat on me?
No one can see me. It's a radio play, motherfucker.
Bea wants us to tell him how much she likes him,
so he lets his guard down and goes to her.
Some cupids kill with arrows and some with traps.
- That was good. I like that. - I just made it up.
So he needs to go to her, drop his drawers, and say, "Come to Papa."
- What are you doing? - I'm from a different generation.
Your generation sucks. You fucked up the whole world for us.
And I'm full of shame.
But the bottom line:
Bea likes Ben.
[Claudia] But Ben feels awful that he called her a disaster.
I mean, he said it was his fragile male ego.
Then why is he fighting with her?
Well, because he likes her. And I know that Bea likes Ben.
She's just denying herself
because she's got in her head that she'll never love again.
Whoa! I'm not talking about love, baby. I'm talking about dick.
[scoffs]
- Oh, it's Ben! - Oh!
Hey...
you.
- Oh, God. They got to you too. - What?
Did you just overhear Halle and Claudia say how much I like you?
- No. - Really?
It was Pete and Roger.
[laughs]
Fantastic. It's a team effort. They're trying to get us together.
- No way. - Come here.
Maybe they want us to stop acting like assholes
so we don't ruin the biggest event of their lives.
"Us"? There is no "us" in "assholes."
You're the one who destroyed the living room.
Would you two mind helping me with something?
I hate to ask, but I'd really appreciate it.
- Sure. - Yes.
["Bang Bang" playing]
So Roger left his sunglasses on the sailboat.
I swear, if his head wasn't screwed on, we'd use it as a bowling ball.
Do me a favor, and swim out and get them?
It's the one on the right.
- Both of us? - Is that really a two-person job?
It doesn't seem like it.
You two.
Yeah.
♪ Dead winter gonna snow me in ♪
♪ I got a bad thing going But I'm into it... ♪
All right, so everyone's involved in this.
I know.
I feel bad.
Me too.
- I don't wanna bum Halle and Claudia out. - Definitely not.
- Can you not swim? - I'm an excellent swimmer.
Why are you so out of breath?
I'm fine. How much further do you think?
- Are your eyes closed? - Everything's dark.
Why are you so out of shape? You have, like, a ten-pack.
I am not out of shape! I bench 295. Three hundred once.
I just don't do cardio.
Oh, my God, you're hot-girl fit.
I am not hot-girl fit!
Okay. My bad.
I'll see you at the boat.
Wait.
Wait! Wait!
♪ Our strange divide ♪
♪ We're pulled in two directions ♪
♪ I'm not that guy ♪
You know, I could have done it myself, but whatever. Thanks.
No fucking way.
- [song distorts and fades] - Honey! Look who's here!
- I cannot believe they did this. - Who is that?
That is my ex, Jonathan.
- Hey, Bea! - What is he doing here?
My Black Hawk helicopter parents have been trying
to get us back together for the past four months.
[Ben] They flew him halfway across the world to your sister's wedding?
That's some deep-op shit. They came to play.
That's my parents. They think I'm throwing my life away.
Honey, we're just gonna take him back and get him all settled in.
I'll see you later!
You know, maybe we should do it. Just tell everyone we're together.
- What? - It would solve that problem for me.
And that problem for you.
I don't have a problem.
You clearly want Margaret.
- No, I don't. - Yes, you do.
I saw the way you looked at her last night.
I know she broke your heart.
She sees you're with me, she wants what she can't have.
And then bye-bye, Crocodile Jack.
Fuck, he's fast.
Making her jealous is not gonna work. We're not in seventh grade.
Trust me, bro. We're all in seventh grade when it comes to this stuff.
They've already gone through all of the bullshit
trying to trick us into each other's arms.
Let's just embrace it.
There's no way we can convince anyone we actually like each other.
- Yeah, you're right. - I know.
You know, I still think about that night we spent together.
Shut up.
No, I'm serious.
You know, this could be kind of fun.
We're at a wedding, a million miles away from home.
Who knows what could happen under the cover of a masquerade?
And that night at your place...
doesn't matter how it ended.
It was still pretty amazing.
[enchanting music playing]
[groans]
- Convincing enough? - [music fades]
Fuck it. Let's do it.
["Steppin' On Me" playing]
Can you just wait?
Wait!
♪ Storm clouds hangin' over me... ♪
Bea! Wait!
♪ It's what I do Yeah... ♪
Okay. Whoever wants to go on the hike, we need to leave now.
We're running behind schedule.
We're coming.
Babe, the mountains have been there for millions of years.
A few more minutes isn't gonna hurt them.
Baby, I know you are trying to calm me down,
and I love you for it. Thank you.
But I am herding cats right now, and I need some help
instead of this easy-breezy Martin Scorsese.
Aw. Jitters.
Remember our wedding?
Only that you were the most beautiful bride
on God's green earth.
- Aw. Right answer. - [laughs]
[in unison] We're coming, we're coming, we're coming!
Jinx, you owe me a Coke!
Stop.
- You got a little something in your teeth. - Can you get it?
Let me just pick her out. I gotta get it out.
- Oh, it's right there. I'm gonna get it. - Where is it? Get it, get it.
[Ben] Piece of pepper.
- [Innie] Honey. - Get it.
[Innie] Here he is.
Hey.
- Jonathan. - [Jonathan] It's so nice to see you.
I had no idea you were coming.
So your parents didn't tell you.
Okay. The first thing I asked them when they invited me was:
"Does Bea know? 'Cause otherwise this would be really fucking awkward."
And now it is fucking awkward.
- Not at all. - No. No.
You're like family. It'd be effing awkward if you weren't here.
- I'm so glad you're here. - I'm so happy for you two.
- Hey, congratulations. - Yeah, thanks, man.
All right.
- It's great to see you. - It's great to see you too.
Uh, we're all going on a hike,
so whoever wants to come with, we gotta move out.
Let's move out!
Ben? Meet Jonathan.
Oh, hey, man. I'm Ben.
Hey. Oh, Pete and Claudia's friend?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Also friends with Bea.
Among other things.
Yeah. It's nice to meet you.
Okay, plenty enough time in the car to do whatever the fuck this is.
Come on. Let's go!
- Yeah. - Okay. Yeah.
- We need to come up with a game plan. - Yeah, you are so terrible at this.
What?
We're doing this thing!
Honey. I'm sorry.
I know we should have asked you, but we had to invite him.
Oh, it's totally fine. I'm glad he's here. I love him, and Halle loves him.
- Really? - Yeah.
Great. Okay.
So spend a little time together away from the real world
and see if you rekindle, re-spark, rebirth.
Oh, no, Mom. Guys, no.
I totally forgot to tell you, but I'm with Ben.
["Sympathy" playing]
That guy?
[Innie] Ben looks like Ken.
Uh, do you wanna come?
I think I'm gonna hang back and yell at your parents.
Have fun.
♪ Sympathy won't come around ♪
♪ So make peace and discover... ♪
All right, so is it like we just got together
or we've been sneaking around?
Oh, I got it. What if we ran into each other at Chipotle,
Lady-and-the-Tramp-ed a burrito.
What? No.
This can't be that hard.
It's harder than you think. My parents don't even believe it yet.
You told them five seconds ago.
They know I would never go out with a guy like you.
You've only been with one guy your entire life.
Jonathan's a better man than you'll ever be.
And yet you left him, which is why exactly?
Seems like he checks all your boxes.
Okay, you don't know my boxes, and you never will.
Just figure this out, please.
Okay.
We just suck face in front of everybody.
Half of them think they set us up anyway.
No, that's too much. We need to do something that's more hidden,
so it feels more real and not some fuckboy wedding hookup.
You keep calling me a fuckboy like it's an insult. I own that shit.
Let's just be affectionate. I know it's a foreign concept for you.
I can be affectionate.
I'll affectionate the shit out of you.
I can't believe your parents invited Jonathan.
Now I have to find a table to sit him at.
- What about Bea? - No, she's fine.
She's sitting with us.
I'm talking about how she's at a low point because she's going through a breakup.
I don't know what's happening with school. She never even talks about it anymore.
I guess I could put him with the cousins.
Claudia!
- [Beau] All right. - [birds squawking]
- [Klonopin barks] - [Ben] Holy shit.
[Bea] Wow.
Check it out, guys.
[Beau] Nice!
- [Claudia] Yes! - [Halle] It's beautiful.
- [Beau] Told you it was gonna be good. - [Pete] Man, that's nice. Wow.
- [Bea] Wow. - [Margaret] Wow.
- [Bea] It's so beautiful. - [Claudia] There it is.
Feel the serenity.
Pretty spectacular, eh?
[Pete] It's amazing.
All right. Showtime.
- Wow. - [gasps]
- This is just so romantic. - [whimsical jazz music playing]
Okay. Nuzzle my neck.
- Okay. - Get in there.
- Damn, you are short. - You are not tall enough to say that.
[laughs] Oh!
- Oh, are you ticklish? - No, I'm acting.
- Like a toddler? - [shudders] Oh.
Okay. All right. You can stop.
Beg me. Beg me to stop, you little bitch.
Stop!
Just let me do it.
Permission to put my left hand on your right buttock.
[Bea sighs] Granted.
- [grunts] Too hard. - Sorry. We gotta sell it.
[Bea] Okay, not in circles.
- It's not a magic lamp. - What?
[music stops]
[serene, pensive music playing]
[whimsical jazz music resumes]
Now you're just playing Bop It.
- I've never rubbed a butt for show. - Clearly. Let me try.
Are you not wearing underwear?
- It's a swimsuit. I'm on holiday. - Ugh.
Okay. Just mind the gap.
- How's that? - That's good.
But you don't have to hover. [groans]
Man in the woods.
- I'm sorry. - Okay, just take it out.
[serene, pensive music playing]
You try.
You want me to stick my finger up my own ass?
How's that gonna convince--?
Oh, on you.
[whimsical jazz music playing]
Jesus Christ, it's like a VacUpack. How'd you get in this thing?
Oh, that's tight. See? It's like holding a baby bird.
Goddamn it.
- Were they not watching this whole time? - [groans]
- Is there a mole on your butt? - No.
- Really? I feel something. - I don't have a mole.
- What the fuck? - [screams]
What the fuck?
[screams] What the fuck?
What the fuck?
- Are there any more on me? - I don't know! I don't know!
Check! Spiders hunt in pairs! They hunt in pairs!
[serene, pensive music playing]
No pictures.
Put the cameras down.
We're not gonna take his spirit.
- Are there any more? Where are they? - I don't know!
- I feel it! I feel it! - [whimsical jazz music playing]
- I think I see something. - What do you see?
Oh, no. That's just a part of you. You're fine.
All right, if I have one of those little fuckers in me,
- they might be in you. - [gasps]
I'm good.
- That's probably a better way to check than what I did. - Yeah.
Fuck.
[music stops]
[Pete] All right, little one. Rejoin your journey.
We do not inherit the Earth.
We just borrow it from our creatures.
Hey, guys. What'd we miss?
[Margaret] Oh, my God.
[lilting music playing]
Why can't I get this?
[Innie] Because you're meant to learn to dive when you're 6.
[Leo grunts]
[Innie] You got this, hon.
[Ben] You ever try focusing on your toes?
My mom taught me this trick.
If you pretend like there's a string from your nose to your toes,
you just kind of maintain that position.
You mind doing it again?
I'm gonna shout out a trivia question. I think it's gonna help clear your mind.
Just make sure it's a question about airplanes
or the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand.
[Ben] Okay. Um-- Uh...
What company created the Concorde?
[sputtering]
Collaboration between British Airways and the French government.
How'd I do?
Getting there.
Maybe your mom can teach him how to dive.
She passed away.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
[Leo] Yeah. Sorry.
I'm gonna go again. Give me one with a little shorter answer.
I have a better idea.
Now you just let me do everything. I'll guide you in.
Don't think.
- [Innie] Be careful of his shoulder. - Yeah.
I wrecked it jumping off a moving train in Paris.
Wouldn't let me see the Eiffel Tower alone.
Had to tell her I love her.
When you know she's the one, nothing else matters.
- [yelps, then laughs] - [Ben laughs]
Amazing. Thank you, thank you!
There you go.
Did I do it?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Good job, babe.
Oh, your dad's a natural.
I'm so glad you guys got to spend some time with Ben.
Are you two really...?
Getting to know each other in a very respectful manner,
one befitting such a kind and intelligent woman as your daughter.
- Yes, we are in the early stages. - Not too early.
But also not so advanced.
Just that magical moment when two people come together
in this crazy journey we call life.
That's why I was so worried when Jonathan showed up.
I don't wanna hurt his feelings.
I even suggested we hide our light under a bushel for his sake--
But our love is just so strong.
And I know what you guys are thinking.
That he's much older.
They weren't. Right?
Probably thinking I'm 27, early 28s?
[laughs] Yes, we are very happy.
- Happiest. - Yep.
[Innie] You looked like that back in the day.
[Leo sighs] No, I didn't. That guy's made out of cobblestone.
- They're holding hands. - I think it's working.
I can't believe these dumbasses were so easily fooled.
Was that bullshit about your mom?
- What? - The story about the giant wrench.
I thought it might have been a line you tell all your one-night nothings.
[poignant music playing]
You overheard that too.
I didn't mean...
I'm sorry.
And it wasn't a line.
Thanks for being so nice to my dad.
You should probably rinse off. You have his SPF a billion on you now.
- Cheers, mate. I'll just grab a quickie. - Okay.
So Australia... What do you reckon, eh? How you finding it?
Oh, no, it's great.
Mags goes on about you all the time. A ripper cunt, she calls you.
"Mags" is Margaret? And "ripper cunt" is...?
Good friend.
Oh!
Yeah. You know you had a proper surf when sand gets all up your clacker.
[chuckles] Down your gobbler too.
"Gobbler" is...?
You know. Your hog bonnet.
You know, your beef cap?
Come on, mate. You know, the anteater.
[blows raspberry]
- Anyway, good to have ya. - ["Changing" playing]
Catch ya!
♪ Always taking the long way ♪
♪ Running so fast Hope we get there someday ♪
G'day, love!
♪ Looking way back Way back... ♪
[in Australian accent] Hey, mate! Fancy a game?
You're going down.
[Bea] How have you been doing?
[Jonathan in normal voice] Pretty good. You?
[Bea] Okay, I guess.
How's school going? You decide what kind of law you wanna practice yet?
You know me. I have never been one for practicing.
- Still having second thoughts? - Straight to third.
I know it's weird, me being here.
But believe me, I had nothing to do with it.
Your parents duped me, gave me their frequent-flier miles.
That's sweet. You're part of the family.
I'd be lying if I said I haven't been thinking about you.
Yeah, me too.
♪ Times are changing... ♪
How long have you and that guy Ben been...?
It's kind of new.
Not like "new" new, but new-ish.
Well, I think he seems great.
No, you don't.
I really don't.
[laughs]
Thanks for being so cool about all of this.
Not just this, but this too.
♪ Times are changing... ♪
It's really good to see you, Bea.
I'm glad you're here.
Now let's have fun.
Let's do it.
♪ Can you change your mind? ♪
♪ Running so fast Hope we get there someday ♪
♪ Looking way back Always taking the long way ♪
♪ Feel the summer get too long ♪
♪ Packing up and moving on ♪
♪ Shed some new light On this sad, old song... ♪
Mate.
That's me.
Want a coffee?
It's the best in the world.
You guys are really proud of your coffee here.
It's the best in the fucking world.
- Okay. - Enjoy.
[song fades]
Fuck. That is good.
I was thinking of going for a bit of a run later.
Do you wanna join?
I'm going on a bike ride with Bea, so I don't think I can.
- She's a little sweet on you, hey? - Oh, you caught that?
How long have you and Beau been together?
Oh, we're just banging about.
He's nice, but I think I'm looking for someone less casual.
More romantic.
Ah.
Why did me and you ever break up, anyway?
I don't really remember, but I think you said something like
I was an immature drongo smothered in Axe body spray.
[sniffs]
Smells like you're not that guy anymore. Bea's a lucky girl.
Oh. [chuckles]
[lively jazz music playing]
Bea. Open the door.
Bea.
What's wrong?
- Margaret thinks we're together. - That's great.
No. Margaret needs to think we're the right type of together.
Not "together" together. But situationally together.
If she thinks we're "together" together, she's not gonna break girl code.
So we need to finesse our togetherness so that we're together,
but there's an opening for our togetherness
and she can just slide right in so that we can be together.
- Are you on coke? - No, it's the coffee here. It's like meth.
I'm guessing.
No, I'm not. I worked at Goldman. Partner's wedding. You do what you do.
Jesus, dude, who are you?
I'm a man trying to figure this out.
Look at your room. It's so much bigger-- You got a painting?
Wow, that's so red.
We have to kick it up a notch. Make it feel like we're in the gaga stage.
What do you wanna do, take me in the hallway?
That is not gaga!
Actually, that could be construed as gaga.
Tonight's the rehearsal dinner, so we have to do something
that makes it look like you're into me but you're not,
and I'm into you but you can tell by my face that it's never gonna--
Get it together, man.
You hit me so much.
[Klonopin barking]
Okay, Klonopin, pretend this is a real fox that messed up our garden.
- [indistinct chatter] - [Klonopin growling]
Fuck it up! Fuck it up, fuck it up!
- Yes. Fuck it up. - Fuck it up.
- Fuck it up. Fuck it up. Ooh! - Fuck it up. [whoops]
- You see that? - [laughs] He did it. Yeah.
Oh, hey, they're here! All right, everybody. Wheels up.
- [Pete] Hustle up! - [Claudia] You look beautiful.
- ["Dummy" playing] - [chatter continues]
Thanks.
♪ These days they make it sound sweet ♪
♪ If this is the last dance You can count on me ♪
♪ One, two, three, four Everybody get on the dance floor ♪
♪ Five, six ♪
Hi, guys.
♪ Seven, eight It's four a.m. and I'm wide awake ♪
♪ One, two, three, four Everybody get on the dance floor
Thank you.
♪ Five, six, seven, eight... ♪
Did you see the size of that boat?
[Claudia] Thank you.
[Pete whoops]
[chattering indistinctly]
Nice touch.
Nice dress.
They look good, hey?
♪ One, two, three, four Everybody get on the dance floor ♪
♪ Five, six, seven, eight It's four a.m. and I'm wide awake ♪
♪ One, two, three, four ♪
[song fades]
- [Carol] I love this dress. - Oh, thank you.
- There you go. - What would you like to drink?
What's a traditional drink for rehearsal dinner?
Three Scotches neat and a champagne for the lady.
- Very good. - All right.
You remembered.
That you can't handle hard liquor? Yeah.
The smell's still not out of my car.
You know I feel really bad about that.
[both laugh]
That was a fun night.
That was a fun summer.
[Beau] Mags!
Mags, captain says that we can steer the ship.
Oh. Okay. I'm coming.
- Let's go! - Hang on. I've got heels on.
[Pete] Look how lucky we are.
On a boat, sailing back and forth for no real transportational reason.
- [Leo] Okay. - Spoiler alert.
And look at you, Polly Pocket. You the belle of the ball.
Oh, hey, look. Is that Tasmania?
No, honey, that's, uh--
Yes. I think it might be.
- Halle, Tasmania, goddamn it. - [Halle] Oh, yes, there it is.
- Well, at least that was subtle. - Was it? [laughs]
- This oddly reminds me of prom. - The first or second time?
Jonathan is just the most perfect guy.
He's like a son to us.
That might be your problem, mate.
Bea might not wanna shag her brother.
- You know that's his favorite song. - Yeah. "Kiss Me."
Yeah.
["Got Me Started" playing over speakers]
[Leo laughs]
[chattering and laughing]
♪ He's got the personality ♪
♪ Not even gravity Could ever hold him down... ♪
So how's it going? Parents back off a little?
♪ Who can take a room And drown it out... ♪
How about you?
- Ah! - [Beau] Here I come.
♪ Inching closer to sunrise... ♪
- Game on. - Can you even dance?
You just let me lead.
Oh, God.
♪ I wanna tell you what's on my On my mind ♪
♪ Let's go ♪
♪ You just got me started And I don't think I can stop it ♪
♪ And I don't wanna go home alone All right? ♪
♪ Oh, baby, baby ♪
♪ Boy, can I be honest? Kinda miss using my body ♪
♪ Fuck it Just like this party did tonight ♪
♪ Oh, baby, baby ♪
♪ Boy, can I be honest? ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ You just got me started And I don't think I can stop it ♪
♪ And I don't wanna go home alone All right? ♪
♪ Oh, baby, baby... ♪
Is Margaret watching?
[Beau] Bam! Bam!
It's a little hard to tell with Bitch Hemsworth in my way.
Everybody to the top deck. We about to do a champagne toast!
Come with me.
[song fades]
So, what are we doing?
Closing the deal.
[chattering indistinctly]
["All I Really Wanna Do" playing]
- Titanic me. - What?
[Carol] Help yourself to some champagne.
- [Pete] Oh, yeah. - [Halle] Grab some drinks.
Titanic me.
No. That is so lame.
Exactly. The only people who would do something this lame
are the ones who know how lame it is,
but are in the first stages of liking each other,
so they're totally comfortable in their mutual lameness.
Trust me.
- Oh, my God. - Come on.
This is so cringe.
So is saying "cringe," old man.
[all] Cheers!
Cheers!
[family cheering]
Lift my arms.
- I've seen the movie. - Have you?
- Okay. - Okay.
This is never gonna work.
Aw!
That is the cutest thing I've ever seen.
Are they doing Titanic?
- [women] Aw! - [Beau] This is pretty nice.
Are they watching?
Yup.
- Are they buying it? - Can't imagine they would.
It's real. We did it.
We're good. We're really bloody good.
Jonathan, have you seen Tasmania?
Innie, I'm fine.
It's fine.
[chattering indistinctly]
You gonna do the line?
It's "king of the world."
- You're king of the world. - [laughs]
Jack, I'm flying.
- Okay, we can stop there. - [laughs]
♪ Let's take a spin around your sign ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, baby ♪
♪ Come on, come on, come on Come on, baby ♪
♪ I just wanna get to know ya... ♪
[Ben] They're gone. Show's over.
- [gasps, then yells] - Oh, my God!
[hopeful music playing]
No! Wait, wait, wait! Help! Wait!
Bea!
Are you okay?
Yeah. Why'd you jump in?
To save you.
But you're a terrible swimmer.
I'm a great swimmer. Just short distances.
- We're gonna die. - We're not gonna die.
- We're gonna get hypothermia. - The water's 90 degrees.
We're gonna get eaten by sharks.
Fuck, we're gonna get eaten by sharks!
We are gonna be fine.
I once spent ten hours treading water off the coast of the Cayman Islands.
- Goldman? - It was a partner's kid's bar mitzvah.
Little bit of crack.
[chattering indistinctly]
- Oh, my God! - [Carol] Roger! Oh, my God!
It looks like they're going full Titanic.
- Hey, love the commitment! - [Claudia] Stop the boat!
Sam, stop the boat!
- I'm going! I'll go. - [Roger] Stay calm, mate!
- He's not a very good swimmer. - Bea!
[Claudia] Ben!
There.
Are you sure?
Yeah. Come on.
[hopeful music playing]
Why aren't we turning the boat around?
We are in too shallow water. We'll run aground.
- But Harbour Rescue has been notified. - Oh, honey.
[both gasping and grunting]
- You good? - Mm-hm.
Okay.
All right, come on.
Oh, God.
- Scoot forward. - All right, get in the middle.
[ship horn blows distantly]
That was, um, probably the most--
I mean, if you didn't close it with Margaret...
There's nothing more romantic than jumping in to save me.
Yeah, well, Jonathan didn't do it, that's for sure.
Your parents have to have clocked that shit.
You didn't even give him a chance.
Why do you keep defending this guy?
Why did you break up with him in the first place?
- It's complicated. - It's never complicated.
What, he cheated on you? Drug problem?
Did you catch him measuring his dick with the ruler app?
- We never fought. - Isn't that a good thing?
It was just comfortable, and he's a great guy,
which means there's no one out there for me
because I had the best one.
I couldn't even tell him I quit law school.
And I have no idea what I'm gonna do with my life.
We're gonna get eaten by sharks, I had to tell somebody.
No one else knows?
I don't think this is the weekend to drop that bomb.
- You finally did it. - What?
That one night you said you didn't wanna be a lawyer anyway, so...
You remember that?
It was a memorable night.
Till you snuck out, of course.
[poignant music playing]
Why did you?
You scared the shit out of me.
It was the first time in my life that I felt fire and I had to blow it out.
I know a little bit about that.
I was really hurt when you left.
So I said all that terrible stuff about you to Pete.
It's not how I felt.
[sighs]
Look at us.
Just a couple of fucked-up people floating in the middle of the harbor.
[music turns tender]
Promise me, if we make it out alive, we go see that from dry land.
It's a pretty killer view from here.
It's dumb, but I wanna see the people.
Landmarks like those are full of people in love.
Marriage proposals, honeymooners, romantics jumping off of moving trains
just to see the building with the person they love.
- Like your dad and the Eiffel Tower? - He told you that?
Nothing else matters when it comes to love.
I could use a bit of that right now.
It's not dumb.
You, me and the Opera House, it's a date.
I promise.
[music turns enchanting]
[helicopter whirring]
[man on loudspeaker] This is Harbour Rescue.
Stay where you are.
Back off the buoy, please.
[grunts]
What's wrong?
I'm a little afraid of flying!
Don't you fly all the time for your job?
I have a very specific routine.
Eye mask, headphones, build my bubble.
♪ I am unwritten ♪
♪ Can't read my mind ♪
♪ I'm undefined ♪
That's my serenity song.
- How do you know my serenity song? - Don't worry about it.
♪ Staring at the blank page before you ♪
♪ Open up the dirty window ♪
♪ Let the sun illuminate ♪
♪ The words that you could not find ♪
♪ Reaching for something in the distance ♪
♪ So close you can almost taste it ♪
♪ Release your inhibitions ♪
- ♪ Feel the rain on your skin ♪ - ["Unwritten" playing]
♪ No one else can feel it for you ♪
♪ Only you can let it in ♪
♪ No one else, no one else ♪
♪ Can speak the words on your lips ♪
♪ Drench yourself in words unspoken ♪
♪ Live your life with arms wide open ♪
♪ Today is where your book begins ♪
♪ The rest is still unwritten ♪
You all good?
- Shut the fuck up now. - Okay.
♪ Release your inhibitions ♪
♪ Feel the rain on your skin ♪
♪ No one else can feel it for you ♪
♪ Only you can let it in ♪
♪ No one else, no one else ♪
♪ Can speak the words on your lips ♪
♪ Drench yourself in words unspoken ♪
♪ Live your life with arms wide open ♪
♪ Today is where your book begins ♪
♪ Feel the rain on your skin ♪
♪ No one else can feel it for you ♪
♪ Only you can let it in ♪
♪ No one else, no one else ♪
♪ Can speak the words on your lips ♪
[song fades]
- Thanks again. - Stay out of the water, yeah?
Want some coffee?
Not the stuff from here. I'll be up all night.
Yeah.
- Thanks for kind of saving me, though. - It was fun.
Stupid but fun.
That's the best kind.
[poignant, pensive music playing]
- No, no, no, it's hot! - [gasps]
Oh, my God.
When are you ever gonna learn?
- Want me to blow on it? - [laughing]
[music fades]
Is it still hot?
["Anyone But You" playing]
♪ Anyone but you could get it ♪
♪ We going to bed, girl ♪
♪ Softly for a minute ♪
♪ You wanted peace of mind ♪
♪ Just take your time ♪
♪ You got me so bad ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ I got nothing left ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ And I can't go back ♪
♪ And you feel so right ♪
♪ I'm falling out ♪
♪ This could be every night ♪
♪ I'll feel your love ♪
♪ When I'm holding you so tight ♪
We're getting pretty good at faking it.
I don't even know what's real anymore.
Everything I do just feels like a mistake.
[song fades]
[poignant, pensive music playing]
[Carol] Ben? Bea? Are you guys all right?
[Roger] Ben, Bea, you here?
[Claudia] Check the kitchen.
[Leo] Bea? Beatrice!
Beatrice!
Honey, what are they? Is that a handprint?
I don't know.
["Loving You" playing]
♪ We had it all, we had it all ♪
♪ We had it all planned out ♪
♪ I used to want to love you Like you wanted me to ♪
♪ Now I wanna hate you Like I tell you I do ♪
♪ Sorry if I seem a little bit upset ♪
♪ When you say She looks a little bit like me ♪
♪ When we first met ♪
♪ I don't wanna have to be friends ♪
♪ I don't wanna have to pretend ♪
♪ After all... ♪
Come on, baby gorgeous!
We got chores. Come on, let's go!
Ben, are you ready? We got groom stuff to do.
Dude, I'm coming.
I hope you scrubbed from top to bottom. Who knows what was in that harbor.
- I also showered last night. - Two showers in eight hours?
Go off, king! Get clean!
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Ooh... ♪
- Happy wedding day! - [squeals]
Are you excited?
Yes, I'm so excited to marry Claudia.
But I'm also hosting a party where it feels like
we're all playing parts in a play, and I'm not really into the pageantry,
- and I just wanted to elope. - Come here.
All that matters is that you and Claudia
are gonna spend the rest of your lives together.
- I love you. - I love you too.
Bea?
Hey. You're still good to get the cake, right?
Yes, ma'am.
Awesome. I put Margaret on it with you, just to be safe.
Margaret.
♪ I don't wanna meet your girlfriend ♪
♪ When she calls 999... ♪
Talk to me, baby. Who's it gonna be, Margaret or Bea?
Come on, man. Don't give me that. We just two girls talking.
- I get it, though. It's tough. - [song fades]
Magpie's your dream girl.
She's confident, beautiful,
and she knows how to put out a fire with her attire.
Now, Beeswax, on the other hand-- Whoo!
she's smart, funny, quick,
and she got a ass you could bounce a quarter off of.
- Pete. - What?
I'm not objectifying Margaret. That'd be inappropriate. That's my cousin.
- It's inappropriate with Bea too. - This is deeper than I thought.
Hey, Sydney!
- My boy is in love! - Stop, dude! Just stop.
- What? - I know what you're doing.
I know what you've all been doing.
You set us up and we went along with it. But it's fake.
It was my stepdad, right? He can't act for shit.
- You suck too, bro. - That's foul, dawg.
- It's definitely gotta be Bea. - I don't know, man. I don't fucking know.
She doesn't know what she wants.
She's single for basically the first time in her life,
she just quit law school, her fucking fiancé's here.
D-D-D-D! Man, stop with all the white boy--
Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, bro. Seriously.
Any time something gets real, you run away,
call yourself a fuckboy, make an excuse, and you just move on to the next.
It's Bea. You jumped off a boat for her.
Oh, that's perfect.
- They're gonna love it. Thank you so much. - Let me get this boxed up for you.
- Thank you. - Thank you.
I don't get all the pageantry of weddings.
If you like someone, give them a snog, keep it to yourselves.
I wore a wedding dress for Halloween for five years in a row.
- Stop it. - No, I know, it's so pathetic.
But I am with you now. This is not for me.
- So you and Ben aren't serious? - What?
No, no, it's just...
We're just situationally together.
When I saw you last night, I thought it might be more with you two.
Just... situationally.
- Is that an American thing? - I don't even know.
So you're all right if I have a go at him, then?
I feel like I might have made a mistake letting him loose.
If that's not okay, just tell me. For real.
I know he really likes you.
How do you think I should play this with Ben?
- Should I wait until after the wedding? - Um...
- I don't know. - Have you guys hooked up?
- [Leo] Bea. You quit school? - [Innie] Beatrice!
You're gonna pour gasoline on everything you've worked for?
[Leo] Is there time to reenroll?
[Innie] As soon as you broke up with Jonathan,
everything turned to pot.
Are you on drugs? Because then I'd understand.
Who told you I quit law school? Was it Ben?
- You quit school? - What?
- When were you gonna tell us? - Is this to get back at us?
I'm sorry if we pushed you to succeed your whole life.
We're such awful parents.
- Mom, this isn't about you. - [Innie] Yes, it is.
It is about us and how we won't let you throw away your life
because you're going through something.
Everyone is always going through something.
It's called life.
[Ben] Hey.
I can't believe you. You told them I quit school?
- No, I didn't. - He told Pete. Pete told us.
- Shit. - I told you what?
Yeah, I told Pete, but I didn't mean it like that.
- Told me what? - They were gonna find out at some point.
- That's not for you to decide. - I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.
- It doesn't matter how we found out. - Found out what?
[in unison] She quit law school!
Oh, yeah, I knew that.
- You're a real shit. - I made a mistake. I'm sorry.
There's a reason why you're alone. No one can trust you.
- Yeah? What's your reason? - Guys like you.
Keep telling yourself that.
- Fuck off. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Don't do this right here, right now. I messed this all up. It's all on me.
[Roger] Why don't we all go for a swim, eh?
Cool off before the wedding?
[Carol] That's a great idea. Early drinks?
Guys, I am so sorry, but your plan is all ruined.
We are not together. We were faking it the whole time.
- You knew? - What are they even talking about?
We may have orchestrated a union between the pair of them
in order for peace to prevail across the land.
[Innie] You lied to us?
What have you been honest about lately?
So you lied to me too? You're not together?
I could never be with someone like him.
- 'Cause I'm the one who fucked it up. - You did fuck it up.
- I fucked it up? I fucked it up? - You fucked it up. You--
- No! - [Pete] Klonopin, no!
[gasping]
Bad dog, Klonopin.
I mean, good dog, you killed that shit, but next time, read the room, K-Money.
I am so sorry.
[tense, pensive music playing]
Hey, uh...
[Jonathan] Bea.
[Carol] The cake's gonna be fine.
It's gonna be fine. It's gonna be fine.
[music turns hopeful]
- It's good? - You're perfect.
[Halle] It's fine. Just relax. You're working yourself up.
[Claudia] It is not fine. Not everything is fine, okay?
All we asked of them was to come out here and celebrate us,
and they are ruining it.
And all weekend, I have been so stressed,
and you've been more worried about what's going on with Bea than with me.
You've been more concerned about your planning.
Are you marrying me or your itinerary?
Well, if that's how you feel, then why are we even doing this?
I don't know. You tell me.
[music fades]
There's one last thing we need to fake.
["Connecting Dots" playing]
♪ Wait ♪
♪ Wait a second... ♪
[chattering indistinctly]
- Such a good day. - It is.
So happy for you.
- [Leo] So beautiful. I love you too. - Thank you.
Claudia, Halle.
We're assholes. We're really sorry.
I'm a terrible sister, and he's a terrible friend.
It's your guys' big day. We're not gonna mess it up. We promise.
[Claudia] Uh-huh.
But just so you both know, if you fuck up today,
the something I borrowed is a knife.
And it's shiny and new.
♪ The more I know you ♪
♪ The more I hate you ♪
♪ I do ♪
♪ I spend my time connecting dots ♪
♪ With resolve to Do just what you do ♪
♪ I grew acquainted With not hearing myself ♪
♪ The commotion became my devotion... ♪
[Roger] Love is intoxicating.
It envelops you, it tickles you,
and it makes you feel like you can walk on air.
It's like this wind.
It's in your bones. It's in your breath.
It's in every beat of your heart.
You can't look for it, you can't describe it,
and you can't escape it.
[Claudia] Halle, I love you so much.
And I don't think I say it enough.
You are the yin to my yang, peanut butter to my jelly.
and I will love you forever and always.
Claudia, I love you with so much of my heart
that none is left to protest.
That's very good.
I just made it up.
[both chuckle]
- [Pete] Klonopin. - [barks]
I now pronounce you married!
[cheering and whooping]
[playing "Canon in D"]
[upbeat music playing]
[indistinct chatter and laughter]
Oh, look. There she is.
Oh, hey, parents.
Is that Tasmania? Yeah.
How are you doing, honey?
I am so sorry I lied to you guys about school.
I didn't want to disappoint you guys again.
- If you just told us, we could've-- - Tried to talk me out of it?
No. Maybe we could have supported you.
- I know this is scary for you guys. - [Innie] Yeah.
But it's scary for me too, and I gotta figure it out on my own.
I know that every now and then we might come off as a little--
- Controlling? - [Innie] No.
- Overbearing? - [Leo] No.
Batshit crazy?
- Yes. - Yes, that's it.
But only because we love you so much.
[Leo] Love you.
["Lancaster Nights" playing]
[all] Cheers!
- To us! - To us!
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ We're back in New York... ♪
[cheering]
♪ You were smoking in the hallway ♪
♪ The moment that you saw me ♪
♪ Stumbling up the stairs to the show ♪
♪ Yeah You wore a chain link necklace... ♪
- I think we have to use that now. - I know.
- Hey, aunt. Do you mind if I steal him? - Yes?
- Uh, not at all. Go ahead. Have fun. - Do you mind?
♪ Who is this trendy girl... ♪
Hey.
Hi.
Where's Beau?
He buggered off.
He said he saw a wave he couldn't morally not surf.
I'm sorry.
It was never really anything.
[song fades]
And you and Bea.
She said you were just "situational."
[pensive music playing]
She said that?
[laughing]
[music turns poignant]
Yeah.
Are you good?
Yeah. We know it's been a tough weekend for you.
[sighs] I don't know.
And these last few days
really made me realize how much I miss you.
Why don't you just go for a walk, clear your head?
- Yeah. We'll go with you. - No, we won't. No.
I love you, but this is our wedding, so...
Are you sure?
- Yeah. - Yeah.
I might go and do some people-watching.
Just not...
these people.
Thank you.
Bye.
- [sighs] - Wow.
Ben.
["Lancaster Nights" fades in]
I wanted this for so long.
♪ And you're there... ♪
But I think I'm just holding on to a memory.
And, also, I--
[poignant music playing]
I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
[poignant music continues]
- [Halle] Never seen Bea like this before. - [Claudia] Really?
You were the one who said there's a thin line between love and hate.
I wasn't the first person to say that, but, yeah.
I know it sounds crazy,
but even when they were yapping at each other,
I've never seen Bea happier.
[Claudia] Same with Ben.
Hey, stepfather. May I have a word?
Yes, but make it quick, son. I promised my lady a dance.
But don't tell your mother. [laughs]
- [lilting music playing] - Ha-ha-ha. You're so clever.
You know who's also clever? Ben.
You know who else would be perfect for Ben?
That mumbly girl who always looks like she's got a secret.
- You know her name is Bea! - That was a callback!
- Will you stop? - [music stops]
- Stop. - Ah!
How ya going, mate? How ya going, Ben?
- [Ben] And you too. - What?
Just enough with the loud talking and the overhearing. Just stop.
- We didn't know you were standing there. - We didn't know you were listening.
We did.
- Squarely a performance for one. - And we nailed it too.
What is with you people?
This entire weekend, I have been lied to and manipulated and puppeteered.
I don't know what is real and what is not.
Mate, I know you're a little blurry,
but I meant what I said up there about love.
It's too precious a resource to be wasted.
I haven't seen her. Is she, uh...?
She went on a walk a while ago.
After she saw you kissing Margaret.
What?
No, I didn't kiss Margaret. Margaret kissed me. I backed up.
- I don't wanna be with Margaret. - Just stop it.
You gorgeous idiot.
Run. Don't wait on love. Fight for it.
[Roger] And don't worry about the age difference.
I'm 29.
[scoffs] Honey, no one's 29.
Do you know where she went?
She said she wanted to walk around, do some people-watching.
That's what she said? People-watching?
I think it was more of a euphemism for crying alone.
- No. It's not. - [hopeful music playing]
I think I know where she might be.
Then good God, man, go get her.
Scour the city, block by block. Scan the grid.
First north-south, then east-west.
- Leo, I know exactly where she is. - Oh, that makes it a lot easier.
[Ben] I just need to find my moving train.
What's going on here?
- Is that coffee? - Uh, yeah.
Okay.
- Oh. - Wha--?
[Ben] Call Harbour Rescue!
[all exclaim]
Ben! Oh, my God!
["Bottle Rocket" playing]
- Nose to toes. - What? No!
- Oh, God. - Are you crazy?
♪ Hit me where it hurts Please do make me feel it ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ Yeah, I stole from you But I kept all your secrets ♪
♪ Oh, oh ♪
♪ And I was sixteen Feeling like I can't be stopped ♪
♪ I was a bottle rocket Shooting for the stars ♪
♪ For the stars ♪
I need to ask you a favor.
♪ You make me want to rip my head off... ♪
Whoo!
♪ I am unwritten ♪
["Bottle Rocket" continues]
♪ We were lightning in a soda can ♪
♪ Cramped up in that '98 ♪
♪ The world was everything around us ♪
♪ When we got us, that's all it takes ♪
♪ And that dorm room we stayed in Is a sore thumb to me ♪
♪ But it forced me to say how I feel... ♪
Why don't you just pick people up by boat?
Just go get the girl.
Thank you.
♪ You make me want to rip my head off ♪
♪ And you make me want to scream... ♪
Excuse me!
♪ It wasn't much But it meant everything to me ♪
I didn't kiss Margaret. She kissed me.
I know that's a bullshit excuse, but it's true.
[song fades]
I couldn't find a moving train.
Sorry, it's the best I could do.
Are you out of your mind?
Yeah.
Because it's been two years since we met
and I haven't spent every single day with you.
- That's the sign of a crazy person. - [tender music playing]
I hated you. I didn't really give you a choice.
I definitely didn't hate you.
Even though you called me a bitch.
I said you were acting like a bitch.
No, I was a bitch.
The way I handled everything. The way I handled the first night.
The way I handled last night.
Yeah, it wasn't really awesome.
Why did you leave?
I thought you were gonna regret it.
And I couldn't face the idea of losing someone else that I...
I really loved.
Last night was the first thing I haven't regretted in a long time.
I love the way we fight.
I love how smart you are.
I love the weird way you stick your hands down my pants.
And I love how you know what you don't want.
And if it's not me...
if I don't check all your boxes, if I'm not the one, I get it.
But that would really, really fucking suck.
So you gonna kiss me now?
Yeah. I am.
[music intensifies]
That's a lot of running for Mr. No Cardio.
Yeah, I'm dying. I need some air.
[fireworks exploding]
[all exclaiming]
["Unwritten" playing over speakers]
♪ I am unwritten ♪
♪ Can't read my mind ♪
♪ I'm undefined ♪
♪ I'm just beginning ♪
♪ The pen's in my hand ♪
♪ Ending's unplanned ♪
♪ Staring at the blank page before you ♪
♪ Open up the dirty window ♪
♪ Let the sun illuminate The words that you could not find... ♪
How do you know my serenity song? How do they know my serenity song?
♪ So close you can almost taste it ♪
♪ Release your inhibitions ♪
♪ Feel the rain on your skin ♪
♪ No one else can feel it for you ♪
♪ Only you can let it in ♪
♪ No one else, no one else ♪
♪ Can speak the words on your lips ♪
♪ Drench yourself in words unspoken ♪
♪ Live your life with arms wide open ♪
♪ Today is where your book begins ♪
♪ The rest is still unwritten ♪
♪ I break tradition ♪
♪ Sometimes my tries ♪
♪ Are outside the lines, yeah ♪
♪ We've been conditioned ♪
♪ To not make mistakes ♪
♪ But I can't live that way ♪
♪ Staring at the blank page before you ♪
♪ Open up the dirty window ♪
♪ Let the sun illuminate The words that you could not find ♪
♪ Reaching for something in the distance ♪
♪ So close you can almost taste it ♪
[koala] Please leave me alone.
♪ Feel the rain on your skin ♪
♪ No one else can feel it for you ♪
[barking]
♪ No one else, no one else ♪
♪ Can speak the words on your lips ♪
♪ Drench yourself in words unspoken ♪
♪ Live your life with arms wide open ♪
♪ Today is where your book begins ♪
♪ The rest is still unwritten ♪
Sorry you almost called off your wedding because of all of our bullshit.
- [both] What? - What?
- I saw you arguing on the porch. - Oh, no, no.
We staged a fake fight so you guys would feel bad and make up.
Are you marrying your precious itinerary or me?
Well, if that's how you feel, I don't know why we're doing this anymore.
Thank you very much.
Puppets.
- We're just puppets. - Yep.
♪ Staring at the blank page before you ♪
♪ Open up the dirty window ♪
♪ Let the sun illuminate The words that you could not find ♪
♪ Reaching for something in the distance ♪
♪ So close you can almost taste it ♪
♪ Release your inhibitions ♪
♪ Feel the rain on your skin ♪
♪ No one else can feel it for you Only you can let it in ♪
♪ No one else, no one else ♪
♪ Can speak the words on your lips ♪
♪ Drench yourself in words unspoken ♪
♪ Live your life with arms wide open ♪
♪ Today is where your book begins ♪
♪ The rest is still unwritten ♪
[cheering]
♪ The rest is still unwritten ♪
- [song ends] - ["The Vacationer" playing]
♪ I took the long way back on my feet ♪
♪ Across town With crooked legs and staggered beat ♪
♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ I hit the streets in vacant alleyways ♪
♪ Jump the gate And watch the city change its shape ♪
♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ You got a lot to You let it go too far ♪
♪ You let it go too far You let it go too far ♪
♪ You got a lot to You let it go too far ♪
♪ You let it go too far You let it go too far ♪
♪ See, now you're not as clever As you thought ♪
♪ Everyone's a kidder When they're caught ♪
♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ Oh, but you got to know It's not the same ♪
♪ It creates no good But it's part of the game ♪
♪ Whoa, oh, oh, oh ♪
♪ You got a lot to You let it go too far ♪
♪ You let it go too far You let it go too far ♪
♪ You got a lot to You let it go too far ♪
♪ You let it go too far You let it go too far ♪
♪ Too far ♪
♪ You left your shoes at my front door ♪
♪ Said you'd be back But I've heard it before ♪
♪ Three days but it felt like more ♪
♪ You got a lot to You let it go too far ♪
♪ You let it go too far You let it go too far ♪
♪ You got a lot to You let it go too far ♪
♪ You let it go too far You let it go too far ♪
♪ You got a lot to You let it go too far ♪
♪ You let it go too far You let it go too far ♪
♪ You got a lot to You let it go too far ♪
♪ You let it go too far You let it go too far ♪
[song fades]
[smooth hip-hop music playing]
[music fades]