1 00:00:04,243 --> 00:00:07,043 DISTORTED MUSIC 2 00:00:07,043 --> 00:00:13,043 This programme contains strong language and adult humour 3 00:00:27,723 --> 00:00:29,803 CHEERING 4 00:00:29,803 --> 00:00:30,843 Go on, Steve! 5 00:00:30,843 --> 00:00:32,523 If he does that again, I'm going in. 6 00:00:32,523 --> 00:00:34,083 That's disgusting. He's like a dog. 7 00:00:34,083 --> 00:00:37,443 Come on, you loved it when you were little. 8 00:00:37,443 --> 00:00:40,123 Oh, it's hot today, innit, kids? Hot, hot, hot. 9 00:00:41,163 --> 00:00:42,283 SHE SWALLOWS LOUDLY 10 00:00:42,283 --> 00:00:45,643 Oh, my God. Do you have to swallow so loudly? 11 00:00:45,643 --> 00:00:47,843 I'm sorry, right, I can't stand it. I'm going in. 12 00:00:47,843 --> 00:00:49,043 We'll come back out for cake. 13 00:00:49,043 --> 00:00:50,803 Just ring us, we'll have our headphones on. 14 00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:01,683 SHE SWALLOWS LOUDLY 15 00:01:01,683 --> 00:01:03,363 Hey, Siobhan, come here a minute. 16 00:01:03,363 --> 00:01:05,523 What, can't walk now you're 50? 17 00:01:05,523 --> 00:01:07,443 Be dribbly wees next. 18 00:01:07,443 --> 00:01:09,603 Do I swallow loudly? Listen. 19 00:01:10,883 --> 00:01:12,283 SHE SWALLOWS 20 00:01:12,283 --> 00:01:14,243 Have you taken your medication? 21 00:01:14,243 --> 00:01:17,083 I'm not on medication. Exactly. 22 00:01:17,083 --> 00:01:19,683 Oh, guess what happened at work today. 23 00:01:19,683 --> 00:01:21,683 An alien turned up said they'd all heard 24 00:01:21,683 --> 00:01:23,523 about your fascinating work story. 25 00:01:23,523 --> 00:01:26,043 I was on the tills and this bloke dropped a bag of peas, 26 00:01:26,043 --> 00:01:28,003 and the bag split and the peas went everywhere. 27 00:01:28,003 --> 00:01:30,723 Leave it, Lin. Let it go. Have a day off. It's your birthday! 28 00:01:30,723 --> 00:01:32,043 No, no, no. This won't take long. 29 00:01:32,043 --> 00:01:35,123 So I said, "That's OK, mate. You leave it. I'll sort that out." 30 00:01:35,123 --> 00:01:36,443 Doesn't look up from his phone, 31 00:01:36,443 --> 00:01:39,243 doesn't acknowledge my existence in any way at all. 32 00:01:39,243 --> 00:01:42,483 But then, oh, then, he looks at this attractive woman behind him 33 00:01:42,483 --> 00:01:44,363 and he goes like this. He goes, "Huh!" 34 00:01:44,363 --> 00:01:45,483 SHE CLICKS HER TONGUE 35 00:01:45,483 --> 00:01:47,163 Siobhan. He goes... 36 00:01:47,163 --> 00:01:48,723 SHE CLICKS HER TONGUE AND SIGHS 37 00:01:49,723 --> 00:01:52,203 And then she rolls her eyes as well. She was a right bitch. 38 00:01:52,203 --> 00:01:54,283 I mean, I know you shouldn't say women are bitches, 39 00:01:54,283 --> 00:01:56,403 but some of them just are, aren't they? 40 00:01:56,403 --> 00:01:59,483 Anyway, so then I'm down on my hands and knees with a dustpan and brush 41 00:01:59,483 --> 00:02:01,923 and he goes, "Are you going to be much longer, love? 42 00:02:01,923 --> 00:02:04,803 "I've got better things to do than watch you sweep up, peas." 43 00:02:04,803 --> 00:02:08,923 So I look up and he's now scratching his balls, like that. 44 00:02:10,483 --> 00:02:13,083 Sorry, Annie, a man in the shop. 45 00:02:14,123 --> 00:02:16,443 Anyway, I nearly faint, 46 00:02:16,443 --> 00:02:18,603 because you know what I'm like with men's genitals. 47 00:02:18,603 --> 00:02:21,003 Why don't you have a nice drink 48 00:02:21,003 --> 00:02:22,883 and a little break from speaking? 49 00:02:22,883 --> 00:02:24,443 Anyway, then I get back to my chair 50 00:02:24,443 --> 00:02:26,763 and there's only blood all over it where I've leaked on it. 51 00:02:26,763 --> 00:02:30,003 So him, he sees it and he recoils in horror. 52 00:02:30,003 --> 00:02:32,763 I thought, "Oh, I'm not having that after I've swept your peas up." 53 00:02:32,763 --> 00:02:38,163 So I looked at him and I said, "Oh! Oh, you can see me now, can you?" 54 00:02:38,163 --> 00:02:40,443 And then I looked at her and I goes, 55 00:02:40,443 --> 00:02:44,043 "Yeah, and you'll be invisible soon enough an'all." 56 00:02:53,643 --> 00:02:56,003 Ooh, it's nippy when the sun goes in, innit? 57 00:02:56,003 --> 00:02:57,523 I get a creek in my neck. 58 00:02:57,523 --> 00:02:58,683 Crick. 59 00:02:58,683 --> 00:03:00,323 Ey? 60 00:03:00,323 --> 00:03:02,443 Crick. You said creek. 61 00:03:02,443 --> 00:03:05,963 Yes. I'm going to get a creek in my neck from the wind. 62 00:03:05,963 --> 00:03:07,083 It's crick. 63 00:03:07,083 --> 00:03:08,603 Are you OK? 64 00:03:08,603 --> 00:03:10,843 Yeah. Are you OK? I am, yes. 65 00:03:14,243 --> 00:03:16,083 SHE SWALLOWS LOUDLY 66 00:03:16,083 --> 00:03:19,243 It was so great for Steve to organise all of this for you. 67 00:03:19,243 --> 00:03:21,883 You're lucky to have him. 68 00:03:21,883 --> 00:03:25,283 Hmm. Well, I invited everyone. 69 00:03:25,283 --> 00:03:27,123 Got all the shopping, cooked it. 70 00:03:27,123 --> 00:03:29,723 Baked my own cake, chose my own present, 71 00:03:29,723 --> 00:03:31,403 wrapped it up and now I'm clearing up. 72 00:03:31,403 --> 00:03:33,443 But... 73 00:03:33,443 --> 00:03:34,923 But, yeah, yeah. 74 00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:38,003 I have had a really nice time. 75 00:03:38,003 --> 00:03:39,763 Lin, Lin, any more sausages? 76 00:03:39,763 --> 00:03:42,883 Yeah. Do another one! Go on, Steve! Here he goes. 77 00:03:42,883 --> 00:03:44,563 Go on! 78 00:03:45,723 --> 00:03:48,763 RAUCOUS CHEERING 79 00:03:51,763 --> 00:03:53,803 WATCH BEEPS 80 00:03:53,803 --> 00:03:55,843 All right, let's have a bit of hush, please. 81 00:03:55,843 --> 00:03:59,083 I'd like to say a few words now about my dear lady wife. 82 00:03:59,083 --> 00:04:01,843 Oh, no, no, please. Linda, it's your 50th! 83 00:04:01,843 --> 00:04:03,123 I hate it, though! 84 00:04:03,123 --> 00:04:06,243 The birthday queen, Linda Jane Jenkins. 85 00:04:07,563 --> 00:04:08,883 You... 86 00:04:10,443 --> 00:04:13,003 ...are well fit... 87 00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:16,363 ...for your age and great mum. 88 00:04:20,763 --> 00:04:22,923 So, three cheers for Linda. 89 00:04:22,923 --> 00:04:25,043 Hip, hip... Hooray! 90 00:04:27,763 --> 00:04:29,963 Steve-o! Oh, go on. 91 00:04:29,963 --> 00:04:31,523 Get it, go on. 92 00:04:33,283 --> 00:04:35,203 CHEERING 93 00:04:38,723 --> 00:04:40,403 Nice one, Steve. woo! 94 00:04:48,283 --> 00:04:49,923 WATCH BEEPS 95 00:05:10,443 --> 00:05:12,243 Come on, babe. 96 00:05:12,243 --> 00:05:14,403 No, leave that. I'll do it in the morning. 97 00:05:14,403 --> 00:05:16,003 Mum wants to cut the cake now. 98 00:05:16,003 --> 00:05:19,643 Oh, does she? Oh, we'll cut it now, then, shall we? 99 00:05:19,643 --> 00:05:20,963 Is everything OK? 100 00:05:20,963 --> 00:05:23,203 Couldn't you think of anything else to say about me? 101 00:05:23,203 --> 00:05:24,763 Ey? 102 00:05:24,763 --> 00:05:26,043 Nothing. 103 00:05:26,043 --> 00:05:28,603 Can you get the cake... 104 00:05:28,603 --> 00:05:30,483 ...knife thing, please. 105 00:05:30,483 --> 00:05:32,803 The what? It's, it's got... 106 00:05:32,803 --> 00:05:34,323 It's flat, it's triangle. 107 00:05:34,323 --> 00:05:37,403 You cut a slice of cake with it, and then it catches it underneath it. 108 00:05:37,403 --> 00:05:39,283 What? The cake knife thing! 109 00:05:39,283 --> 00:05:40,803 What are you talking about? 110 00:05:40,803 --> 00:05:43,163 It's OK. I'll get it. You tidy up outside. 111 00:05:44,723 --> 00:05:46,723 Got it! Here we go. 112 00:05:46,723 --> 00:05:48,643 Ho, ho, ho, ho! 113 00:05:48,643 --> 00:05:50,723 Merry Christmas, everybody! 114 00:05:52,883 --> 00:05:54,923 Go, limbo! 115 00:05:54,923 --> 00:06:01,123 Go, limbo! 116 00:06:01,123 --> 00:06:03,283 Ah, my back's gone! No, seriously, my back's gone. What? 117 00:06:03,283 --> 00:06:04,723 My back's gone. 118 00:06:04,723 --> 00:06:06,603 Lin, Lin, my back's gone! 119 00:06:08,483 --> 00:06:09,923 Lin, Nurofen! 120 00:06:09,923 --> 00:06:11,243 Get the Nurofen! 121 00:06:13,283 --> 00:06:15,603 Hurry up, Linda, we're losing him! 122 00:06:18,643 --> 00:06:21,123 CREAKING 123 00:06:24,603 --> 00:06:26,803 ROCKING CHAIR CREAKS 124 00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:29,403 Is that case you fall off the chair, or... 125 00:06:29,403 --> 00:06:30,443 Hmm? 126 00:06:30,683 --> 00:06:32,843 Oh, God. 127 00:06:32,843 --> 00:06:35,363 I'm always forgetting to take it off. 128 00:06:35,363 --> 00:06:36,883 HE CHUCKLES 129 00:06:41,683 --> 00:06:43,723 How are you, Linda? 130 00:06:43,723 --> 00:06:45,323 Yeah, OK. 131 00:06:45,323 --> 00:06:48,163 There's just a couple of niggly little things that I wanted to... 132 00:06:48,163 --> 00:06:52,323 Well, I can only address one issue per appointment. 133 00:06:52,323 --> 00:06:55,603 I think I might have early onset dementia, 134 00:06:55,603 --> 00:06:58,883 osteoporosis, ringing in my ears when I'm stressed, 135 00:06:58,883 --> 00:07:02,803 anxiety, depression, cardiovascular disease, 136 00:07:02,803 --> 00:07:06,843 and a strange mental disorder involving loss of nouns. 137 00:07:08,323 --> 00:07:11,483 Well, that's quite a list. 138 00:07:11,483 --> 00:07:14,163 And you're 50 now? 139 00:07:15,723 --> 00:07:18,283 How are your moods? Fine! How are yours?! 140 00:07:20,203 --> 00:07:22,243 Any irritability or rage? 141 00:07:22,243 --> 00:07:24,763 Well, nothing unjustified. 142 00:07:24,763 --> 00:07:28,523 Well, this all sounds like the menopause to me, Linda. 143 00:07:28,523 --> 00:07:29,883 The menopause? 144 00:07:31,123 --> 00:07:34,283 So it was the one issue, then? 145 00:07:34,283 --> 00:07:37,203 Just need to get on top of your symptoms, and you'll be tiptop. 146 00:07:37,203 --> 00:07:39,203 I'll print out a fact sheet for you. 147 00:07:39,203 --> 00:07:40,963 God, how did I not know that? 148 00:07:40,963 --> 00:07:44,963 Some women find the shift in hormones liberating. 149 00:07:44,963 --> 00:07:47,923 My wife's taken up extreme climbing. 150 00:07:47,923 --> 00:07:50,563 She hangs off cliffs at weekends now. Ah! 151 00:07:51,723 --> 00:07:54,083 I used to love climbing. 152 00:07:54,083 --> 00:07:56,923 She's currently in in the Yorkshire Dales. 153 00:07:56,923 --> 00:07:58,763 HIS VOICE FADES OUT 154 00:08:04,403 --> 00:08:06,163 Vaginal dryness? Sorry. 155 00:08:06,163 --> 00:08:07,843 Any vaginal dryness? 156 00:08:07,843 --> 00:08:11,243 No. Loss of libido. 157 00:08:11,243 --> 00:08:12,683 Still in the honeymoon period. 158 00:08:12,683 --> 00:08:16,123 Well, let me know when you're not and I can prescribe testosterone. 159 00:08:16,123 --> 00:08:17,683 No, it's fine, really. 160 00:08:17,683 --> 00:08:19,643 It improves sex drive, but it also... 161 00:08:19,643 --> 00:08:21,523 Can we drop the sex talk, please, doctor? 162 00:08:21,523 --> 00:08:25,123 I get it. You can prescribe me something to keep me wanting sex. 163 00:08:25,123 --> 00:08:28,723 I didn't actually ask for that, but good to know. 164 00:08:28,723 --> 00:08:31,403 Thank you. Goodbye. 165 00:08:31,403 --> 00:08:32,603 And how is Steve? 166 00:08:32,603 --> 00:08:34,243 Not in my ten minutes, Doctor. 167 00:08:34,243 --> 00:08:35,643 Not in mine. 168 00:08:48,163 --> 00:08:49,483 Thanks then, bye. 169 00:08:49,483 --> 00:08:50,683 He's fine, thank you. 170 00:08:52,963 --> 00:08:54,803 APPLIANCES RUMBLE 171 00:08:54,803 --> 00:08:55,963 WATCH BEEPS 172 00:08:58,603 --> 00:09:00,283 WATCH BEEPS 173 00:09:05,483 --> 00:09:08,003 RUMBLING AND WHIRRING SWELLS 174 00:09:09,043 --> 00:09:10,563 RUMBLING FADES 175 00:09:18,283 --> 00:09:21,323 HIGH-PITCHED WHINE 176 00:09:52,123 --> 00:09:54,723 RUMBLING 177 00:10:37,323 --> 00:10:38,803 Hang on, hang on. HE CRUNCHES 178 00:10:38,803 --> 00:10:41,083 You're leaving me because I didn't match up the Tupperware? 179 00:10:41,083 --> 00:10:42,923 Not just because of that, no. 180 00:10:42,923 --> 00:10:45,923 And I'm not leaving you. I'm just going away on my own for a bit. 181 00:10:45,923 --> 00:10:48,203 Well, then why then? I just told you why. 182 00:10:48,203 --> 00:10:51,163 Yeah, but I didn't hear you. These are twice baked. 183 00:10:51,163 --> 00:10:53,483 I'm sorry. They're really crunchy. 184 00:10:56,083 --> 00:10:57,923 WATCH BEEPS 185 00:10:57,923 --> 00:10:59,883 I'll tell you again why I'm leaving. 186 00:10:59,883 --> 00:11:02,003 But if you interrupt or zone out, 187 00:11:02,003 --> 00:11:04,363 I am going to leave you a note instead. 188 00:11:06,563 --> 00:11:08,123 I'm not going to interrupt. 189 00:11:08,123 --> 00:11:09,883 I'm not going to zone out. 190 00:11:09,883 --> 00:11:11,363 I swear. 191 00:11:16,323 --> 00:11:19,483 I don't know for how long, Mum, she didn't say. 192 00:11:19,483 --> 00:11:21,563 She won't pick up. 193 00:11:21,563 --> 00:11:24,083 She said I'll just ask her where things are. 194 00:11:25,363 --> 00:11:27,163 She's been saving up. 195 00:11:28,963 --> 00:11:30,923 She says there isn't anyone else. 196 00:11:30,923 --> 00:11:34,363 She's gone to look for some time capsule in a tree. 197 00:11:35,323 --> 00:11:36,883 She says she wants to be more than just 198 00:11:36,883 --> 00:11:39,083 someone's wife or mother for a while. 199 00:11:41,043 --> 00:11:44,163 I'm not being a gullible dick, Mum. 200 00:11:44,163 --> 00:11:47,363 Yeah, well, apparently she's been adding up all the so-called 201 00:11:47,363 --> 00:11:51,483 invisible work she's done over the past 25 years... 202 00:11:51,483 --> 00:11:53,443 ENGINE REVS 203 00:11:53,443 --> 00:11:56,403 ...and writing it all down in a ledger. 204 00:11:56,403 --> 00:11:59,763 Every chore, every second, every minute. 205 00:11:59,763 --> 00:12:00,923 Yeah. 206 00:12:00,923 --> 00:12:03,803 And she's taking some of that time back now. 207 00:12:19,883 --> 00:12:22,403 ♪ When I first came to town 208 00:12:22,403 --> 00:12:24,483 ♪ They called me the roving jewel... ♪ 209 00:12:24,483 --> 00:12:26,243 What do you mean, you wish you'd done that more? 210 00:12:26,243 --> 00:12:28,803 ♪ Now they've changed their tune... ♪ 211 00:12:28,803 --> 00:12:30,563 And this bit's weird. 212 00:12:30,563 --> 00:12:33,643 She said an Incredible Hulk plaster gave her a sign. 213 00:12:33,643 --> 00:12:36,843 And that the Hulk is the only menopausal role model 214 00:12:36,843 --> 00:12:38,683 in the history of TV and film. 215 00:12:40,123 --> 00:12:42,683 It's not funny, Mum. I can't find the towels. 216 00:12:42,683 --> 00:12:45,923 ♪ Through the woods I go And through the boggy mire... ♪ 217 00:12:45,923 --> 00:12:49,483 I blame Dr Spence, putting ideas into her head. 218 00:12:49,483 --> 00:12:52,043 ♪ Till I come to my heart's desire. ♪ 219 00:12:52,043 --> 00:12:54,683 Well, Dave said lots of menopausal women become selfish 220 00:12:54,683 --> 00:12:56,403 when their oestrogen runs out. 221 00:12:57,723 --> 00:12:59,683 Yeah, she's taken the old beast. 222 00:12:59,683 --> 00:13:01,643 No, not Siobhan, Mum. 223 00:13:01,643 --> 00:13:03,763 A Triumph. 224 00:13:03,763 --> 00:13:05,763 She doesn't care what people think. 225 00:13:07,043 --> 00:13:09,483 She said, I can tell them whatever I want. 226 00:13:09,483 --> 00:13:11,683 LAUGHTER 227 00:13:15,763 --> 00:13:17,283 Lin's got cancer. 228 00:13:25,843 --> 00:13:28,123 FIDDLE PLAYS 229 00:13:59,763 --> 00:14:01,363 Yur's a biker ol'bur? 230 00:14:01,363 --> 00:14:04,283 Sorry? Tha's yur biker ol'bur? 231 00:14:04,283 --> 00:14:06,643 Oh, I'm so sorry. I don't know what you're saying. 232 00:14:06,643 --> 00:14:08,963 I is asking you if you are a biker. 233 00:14:08,963 --> 00:14:11,083 Oh, am I a... Yes. 234 00:14:11,083 --> 00:14:12,443 Yes, I am. 235 00:14:15,803 --> 00:14:17,963 OK. Nice to meet you. Bye. 236 00:14:40,003 --> 00:14:43,043 UNINTELLIGIBLE SHOUTING 237 00:14:43,043 --> 00:14:46,203 LAUGHTER 238 00:14:52,963 --> 00:14:54,963 HE SIGHS 239 00:16:11,523 --> 00:16:14,163 There you go. Thanks, Car. Cheers, Car. 240 00:16:19,203 --> 00:16:20,723 Small, medium or large? 241 00:16:22,163 --> 00:16:24,123 Small, medium or large!? 242 00:16:24,123 --> 00:16:26,523 Oh, sorry. I was miles away there. 243 00:16:26,523 --> 00:16:30,083 I've come for the caravan, actually, not the eels. 244 00:16:30,083 --> 00:16:32,243 CUTLERY DROPS 245 00:16:33,563 --> 00:16:34,683 What? 246 00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:38,163 Uh, I'm sure they're delicious. 247 00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:40,523 It's just, I'm a vegetarian, that's all. 248 00:16:40,523 --> 00:16:42,683 And I'm not hungry at all. 249 00:16:42,683 --> 00:16:46,963 Vegetarian townie here's come for Father's caravan, Agnes. 250 00:16:46,963 --> 00:16:48,283 Oh, aye? 251 00:16:48,283 --> 00:16:49,683 How long for? 252 00:16:49,683 --> 00:16:52,803 Oh, 44,000 minutes, maybe? 253 00:16:52,803 --> 00:16:55,083 Oh, sorry. Force of habit. 254 00:16:55,083 --> 00:16:56,723 Maybe a month? 255 00:16:56,723 --> 00:16:58,763 Just passing through here, then. 256 00:16:58,763 --> 00:17:00,963 Listen here, vegetarian town mouse. 257 00:17:00,963 --> 00:17:02,643 See that tree o'er there? 258 00:17:02,643 --> 00:17:04,403 It's been here hundreds of years. 259 00:17:04,403 --> 00:17:06,803 Just like our forefathers. And formathers. 260 00:17:06,803 --> 00:17:07,963 Sorry, which one? 261 00:17:07,963 --> 00:17:12,683 I am that tree. And Caramel here is that one o'er yonder. 262 00:17:12,683 --> 00:17:14,123 You see this earth? 263 00:17:14,123 --> 00:17:16,923 You were born on it. By those bins, over there. 264 00:17:16,923 --> 00:17:18,203 FLIES BUZZ 265 00:17:18,203 --> 00:17:20,163 And one day shall be returned to it. 266 00:17:20,163 --> 00:17:22,203 We're a community here, Town Mouse. 267 00:17:22,203 --> 00:17:25,723 These here people, these here trees. These here eels. 268 00:17:25,723 --> 00:17:27,683 We're as one. Humanity in nature. 269 00:17:27,683 --> 00:17:29,643 Not separate, like in towns. 270 00:17:29,643 --> 00:17:31,483 We're proud of these here lands. 271 00:17:31,483 --> 00:17:34,523 So when someone only wants it for a few weeks 272 00:17:34,523 --> 00:17:37,043 that don't sit right with us, do it, Ags? 273 00:17:37,043 --> 00:17:39,363 No, it do not. 274 00:17:39,363 --> 00:17:41,683 I don't really know what I've done wrong here. 275 00:17:41,683 --> 00:17:43,603 I can't stay longer. 276 00:17:43,603 --> 00:17:46,003 I'm literally just here to find a tree. 277 00:17:46,003 --> 00:17:48,163 And then I'll be moving on. 278 00:17:50,123 --> 00:17:51,483 You can stay in the caravan. 279 00:17:51,483 --> 00:17:52,843 But we got one rule. 280 00:17:52,843 --> 00:17:56,083 No pets, no music, no children, no shitting in bushes. 281 00:17:56,083 --> 00:17:59,003 You look like the type. Oh, and a no loud sex. 282 00:17:59,003 --> 00:18:00,363 That's five rules, I think. 283 00:18:01,923 --> 00:18:03,803 You want this fucking caravan or not, Town Mouse? 284 00:18:03,803 --> 00:18:05,323 Yes, please. Now... 285 00:18:06,883 --> 00:18:08,563 Got no pets? No. 286 00:18:08,563 --> 00:18:09,923 No friends? No. 287 00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:11,803 No children? No. 288 00:18:12,843 --> 00:18:15,643 Cash up front. 400 for the month. That's fine. 289 00:18:15,643 --> 00:18:17,083 And it'll need a clear out. 290 00:18:17,083 --> 00:18:19,603 No-one's been inside since Dad died in it. 291 00:18:22,483 --> 00:18:24,643 Well, he's not still in it, though? 292 00:18:26,643 --> 00:18:27,763 BIRDS CAW 293 00:18:27,763 --> 00:18:30,083 LINDA COUGHS 294 00:18:30,083 --> 00:18:32,803 It's a bit hard to breathe here, isn't it? 295 00:18:32,803 --> 00:18:34,483 Ooh! 296 00:18:34,483 --> 00:18:35,763 Bit dusty. 297 00:18:35,763 --> 00:18:37,603 It's really settling on my throat. 298 00:18:37,603 --> 00:18:39,603 You might want to give it a bit of a wipe down. 299 00:18:39,603 --> 00:18:42,443 Ey? You want me to clean it? 300 00:18:43,483 --> 00:18:46,963 I haven't come all the way out here just to clean up another man's mess, 301 00:18:46,963 --> 00:18:49,043 and a dead one at that. 302 00:18:51,243 --> 00:18:52,683 I'm sorry about that. 303 00:18:53,723 --> 00:18:57,483 But I just didn't expect to be cleaning as soon as I got here. 304 00:18:57,483 --> 00:18:59,523 No, no. 305 00:18:59,523 --> 00:19:01,203 That's a deal breaker, I'm afraid. 306 00:19:01,203 --> 00:19:02,643 I'm not doing it. 307 00:19:17,163 --> 00:19:19,003 WATCH BEEPS 308 00:19:26,323 --> 00:19:28,763 PHONE RINGS 309 00:19:34,643 --> 00:19:36,203 RINGING STOPS 310 00:19:36,203 --> 00:19:39,123 Steve said you've left because you've done some ironing. 311 00:19:39,123 --> 00:19:41,323 Bollocks. Who is he? 312 00:19:41,323 --> 00:19:43,563 Call me back. 313 00:20:46,243 --> 00:20:48,203 PHONE VIBRATES 314 00:20:55,523 --> 00:20:58,203 FOOTSTEPS APPROACH 315 00:21:04,483 --> 00:21:07,043 Nice to see a bit of fresh meat. 316 00:21:07,043 --> 00:21:08,243 May I? 317 00:21:08,243 --> 00:21:12,203 No, I absolutely don't want you to sit down and join me. 318 00:21:12,203 --> 00:21:15,243 Woman with a bit of spunk what can read. 319 00:21:15,243 --> 00:21:17,723 Just my type. Oh, got a type? 320 00:21:18,683 --> 00:21:20,443 You shouldn't be sitting here on your own, 321 00:21:20,443 --> 00:21:21,723 pretty lady like you. 322 00:21:21,723 --> 00:21:23,363 Why not? It's not right. 323 00:21:23,363 --> 00:21:25,163 Why isn't it right? 324 00:21:25,163 --> 00:21:26,323 Ey? 325 00:21:28,043 --> 00:21:32,443 Why isn't it right for an adult woman to sit by herself 326 00:21:32,443 --> 00:21:34,123 reading and drinking? 327 00:21:36,723 --> 00:21:39,443 I don't know. I've never really thought about it before. 328 00:21:42,843 --> 00:21:45,043 In case someone... 329 00:21:46,283 --> 00:21:49,323 ...tries to rape you, I suppose? 330 00:21:49,323 --> 00:21:51,323 What, in here? 331 00:21:52,883 --> 00:21:54,763 SNORING 332 00:21:57,203 --> 00:21:59,843 Well, there's never right time or place, is there? 333 00:21:59,843 --> 00:22:01,803 I mean, it could happen anywhere, couldn't it? 334 00:22:03,083 --> 00:22:06,603 Hot-air balloon, ghost train. 335 00:22:09,203 --> 00:22:10,923 In space. 336 00:22:10,923 --> 00:22:12,163 Space? 337 00:22:12,163 --> 00:22:15,163 Well, where there's a will, there's a way. 338 00:22:19,643 --> 00:22:21,283 That's a long way off for you, isn't it? 339 00:22:21,283 --> 00:22:23,163 What, the menopause? No, I'm in it now. 340 00:22:26,523 --> 00:22:28,403 Look. Um... 341 00:22:28,403 --> 00:22:31,123 Oh, Tony. Or Tone to my friends. 342 00:22:31,123 --> 00:22:32,403 Tony. 343 00:22:33,803 --> 00:22:36,443 You seem like a lot of fun. 344 00:22:36,443 --> 00:22:38,123 But I'm 50 now. 345 00:22:38,123 --> 00:22:40,403 I know I don't look it, but I am. 346 00:22:40,403 --> 00:22:43,563 And I've spent most of my adult life putting other people's feelings 347 00:22:43,563 --> 00:22:45,003 and needs before my own. 348 00:22:45,003 --> 00:22:47,643 Even those of complete strangers like you. 349 00:22:47,643 --> 00:22:50,923 Just politely listening along. "Ooh, really?" 350 00:22:50,923 --> 00:22:52,763 But I'm not going to do that for a bit. 351 00:22:52,763 --> 00:22:55,563 And it feels... 352 00:22:55,563 --> 00:22:57,203 ...so great. 353 00:22:58,603 --> 00:23:01,603 Time, Tony is the most precious thing we have. 354 00:23:01,603 --> 00:23:04,563 And yet we just squander it. 355 00:23:04,563 --> 00:23:08,883 And your time, Tony, it's not more valuable than mine, is it? 356 00:23:10,003 --> 00:23:12,163 No. No, it isn't, no. 357 00:23:12,163 --> 00:23:15,963 So I'm going to sit here, read my book, drink my pint. 358 00:23:15,963 --> 00:23:19,203 You can either sit there and be quiet or go away. 359 00:23:19,203 --> 00:23:21,363 I'm not buying you a drink and I'm not chatting 360 00:23:21,363 --> 00:23:23,603 about rape in space. All right? 361 00:23:26,763 --> 00:23:28,123 Yeah. 362 00:23:38,963 --> 00:23:41,363 No chance of a blowjob then? 363 00:23:41,363 --> 00:23:42,563 No. 364 00:23:45,403 --> 00:23:47,603 Not until I finish this chapter anyway. 365 00:23:47,603 --> 00:23:49,523 HE LAUGHS 366 00:23:54,603 --> 00:23:56,963 ♪ Oh, Sally, my dear 367 00:23:56,963 --> 00:23:59,923 ♪ It's you I'd be kissing 368 00:23:59,923 --> 00:24:02,323 ♪ Oh, Sally, my dear 369 00:24:02,323 --> 00:24:05,643 ♪ It's you I'd be kissing. 370 00:24:05,643 --> 00:24:08,043 ♪ She smiled and replied 371 00:24:08,043 --> 00:24:11,043 ♪ You don't know what you're missing. 372 00:24:17,403 --> 00:24:19,643 ♪ Oh, Sally, my dear 373 00:24:19,643 --> 00:24:23,203 ♪ I wish I could wed you. 374 00:24:23,203 --> 00:24:25,603 ♪ Oh, Sally, my dear 375 00:24:25,603 --> 00:24:28,443 ♪ I wish I could bed you... ♪ 376 00:24:28,443 --> 00:24:30,723 Subtitles by Red Bee Media