1
00:00:03,083 --> 00:00:04,843
FOLK MUSIC ECHOES

2
00:00:10,683 --> 00:00:12,603
GUITAR PLAYS SOFTLY

3
00:00:12,603 --> 00:00:14,843
SIGHS GENTLY

4
00:00:19,883 --> 00:00:22,163
SHE GASPS
Oh!

5
00:00:22,163 --> 00:00:23,763
Agh!

6
00:00:26,243 --> 00:00:28,283
PHONE PINGS

7
00:00:30,803 --> 00:00:32,483
Oh, wow!

8
00:00:32,483 --> 00:00:33,923
FOLK MUSIC PLAYS QUIETLY

9
00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:37,683
Last night on that shitty mattress.

10
00:00:49,643 --> 00:00:51,123
Oh...

11
00:00:57,763 --> 00:00:58,883
Oh...

12
00:01:00,563 --> 00:01:02,243
Why is everything orange?

13
00:01:03,523 --> 00:01:04,963
Oh, shit, it's a fire.

14
00:01:06,723 --> 00:01:08,763
It's a fire!

15
00:01:08,763 --> 00:01:10,163
FIRE!

16
00:01:10,163 --> 00:01:12,443
This Saharan dust's a pain, innit?

17
00:01:12,443 --> 00:01:14,123
Wh-where did you...?

18
00:01:14,123 --> 00:01:15,923
S-Saharan dust?

19
00:01:15,923 --> 00:01:17,763
What's that?

20
00:01:17,763 --> 00:01:19,763
Dust - from the Sahara.

21
00:01:20,963 --> 00:01:23,083
Gets blown over. Be gone soon.

22
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,963
Oh, right.

23
00:01:24,963 --> 00:01:27,363
Oh, I'm glad you're here, actually.

24
00:01:27,363 --> 00:01:29,043
Um...

25
00:01:29,043 --> 00:01:32,123
Things haven't really worked out
as I'd planned,

26
00:01:32,123 --> 00:01:34,723
and so I'm thinking of moving on today.

27
00:01:34,723 --> 00:01:38,283
I was wondering if I could maybe
get my rent back.

28
00:01:38,283 --> 00:01:40,883
No, you fucking can't! Oh, Jesus!

29
00:01:40,883 --> 00:01:42,523
It's only been a couple of days.

30
00:01:42,523 --> 00:01:45,163
It's £400!
And it's already been allocated.

31
00:01:45,163 --> 00:01:47,203
Ags is saving up for a drone camera.

32
00:01:47,203 --> 00:01:49,043
Help her find her, ley lines.

33
00:01:49,043 --> 00:01:50,763
Moving on to where, any road?

34
00:01:50,763 --> 00:01:52,163
Oh, I-I don't know...

35
00:01:52,163 --> 00:01:54,043
The Sargasso Sea?

36
00:01:54,043 --> 00:01:55,963
To meet your destiny?

37
00:01:55,963 --> 00:01:58,963
Not all eels go the fastest way,
you know.

38
00:01:58,963 --> 00:02:01,563
Some take a more circuitous route.

39
00:02:01,563 --> 00:02:04,443
But they all end up back
where they began.

40
00:02:04,443 --> 00:02:06,003
Just like us.

41
00:02:08,723 --> 00:02:11,003
Mm! Let's get them tables wiped.

42
00:02:12,083 --> 00:02:15,003
Oh, by the way,
third cousin Bernadette called.

43
00:02:15,003 --> 00:02:18,043
She's on her way down to the
town hall meeting, and she says

44
00:02:18,043 --> 00:02:19,643
if she's not on the front row,

45
00:02:19,643 --> 00:02:21,523
someone's going to lose their dick.

46
00:02:30,803 --> 00:02:32,763
Oh, come on.

47
00:02:32,763 --> 00:02:34,603
Kids!

48
00:02:34,603 --> 00:02:36,203
KIDS!

49
00:02:41,163 --> 00:02:42,883
HE SIGHS

50
00:02:48,803 --> 00:02:50,843
Fuck's sake.

51
00:03:04,323 --> 00:03:05,843
Bit tight, but might just be

52
00:03:05,843 --> 00:03:08,083
my best town hall meeting outfit ever.

53
00:03:11,723 --> 00:03:13,963
Morning. Morning.

54
00:03:13,963 --> 00:03:15,843
SHE CLEARS THROAT

55
00:03:23,923 --> 00:03:26,723
{\an8}"Singing with nightingales."
What a load of bloody rubbish.

56
00:03:26,723 --> 00:03:29,523
Argh! Ugh!

57
00:03:29,523 --> 00:03:31,163
HE EXCLAIMS

58
00:03:31,163 --> 00:03:33,523
Dirty, lazy bastards!

59
00:03:33,523 --> 00:03:37,763
Ugh!
HE RETCHES

60
00:03:37,763 --> 00:03:39,803
OTHERS RETCH

61
00:03:41,443 --> 00:03:43,563
Ugh!

62
00:03:43,563 --> 00:03:44,963
Where is he?

63
00:03:44,963 --> 00:03:47,043
Now my shoe stinks!

64
00:03:47,043 --> 00:03:48,763
Dirty bloody...

65
00:03:51,603 --> 00:03:54,363
You touch it, you buy it,
young lady.

66
00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:23,723
Oh!

67
00:04:23,723 --> 00:04:25,363
Oh, hello again! I'm sorry,

68
00:04:25,363 --> 00:04:27,403
I didn't know there was anyone
in here.

69
00:04:27,403 --> 00:04:28,723
HE CHUCKLES

70
00:04:28,723 --> 00:04:31,483
Now, we both know that's not true,
don't we? Eh?

71
00:04:31,483 --> 00:04:33,723
Oh, I don't blame you, Linda.

72
00:04:33,723 --> 00:04:35,963
If I couldn't see this every day...

73
00:04:37,283 --> 00:04:38,723
...I'd want a sneaky peek, too.

74
00:04:38,723 --> 00:04:42,483
Honestly, I really wasn't trying
to see... without... Well?

75
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:45,043
It might be a bit snug round...
Snug round the ass? Yeah, yeah.

76
00:04:45,043 --> 00:04:46,883
What's all this, then?

77
00:04:46,883 --> 00:04:48,643
Date? Interview?

78
00:04:48,643 --> 00:04:49,843
Court case?

79
00:04:49,843 --> 00:04:51,363
Less of the cheek, young lady!

80
00:04:51,363 --> 00:04:53,523
These are for the town meeting. Mm!

81
00:04:53,523 --> 00:04:57,403
I gets new trousers every year
for the town meeting.

82
00:04:57,403 --> 00:04:59,243
It's a tradition.

83
00:04:59,243 --> 00:05:02,443
Started years ago
when they split during a meeting.

84
00:05:02,443 --> 00:05:04,483
Now they have a sweepstake.

85
00:05:04,483 --> 00:05:08,643
Forget that old Eel Festival,
Linda, Tony's town hall trousers

86
00:05:08,643 --> 00:05:10,643
are the highlight
of the calendar year.

87
00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:13,083
They even got their own
Twitter account.

88
00:05:13,083 --> 00:05:15,763
"Tony's trousers"
will be trending tonight.

89
00:05:15,763 --> 00:05:18,163
It's only a curtain, Tony -
there's no need to shout.

90
00:05:18,163 --> 00:05:21,163
So don't you tell no-one
what you've seen here.

91
00:05:21,163 --> 00:05:24,163
OK, I won't tell anyone
about your trousers.

92
00:05:24,163 --> 00:05:27,643
And I won't be going to the meeting
anyway - it's nothing to do with me.

93
00:05:27,643 --> 00:05:29,403
Well, it's your loss.

94
00:05:29,403 --> 00:05:32,123
Well, I'm seeing your trousers now
anyway, so...

95
00:05:34,563 --> 00:05:38,043
"Few tasks are more similar
to the torment of Sisyphus,

96
00:05:38,043 --> 00:05:39,923
"than those of a housewife."

97
00:05:39,923 --> 00:05:44,003
HER VOICE FADES
"Day after day, I must wash dishes,
dust furniture

98
00:05:44,003 --> 00:05:46,763
"and mend clothes that were dirty,
dusty..."

99
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:48,163
Linda-r!

100
00:05:48,163 --> 00:05:50,443
Pick them up for us, will you, love?
Me back's gone.

101
00:05:51,723 --> 00:05:54,043
That dress - far too young for YOU.

102
00:05:54,043 --> 00:05:55,283
Bonne chance!

103
00:05:57,323 --> 00:05:59,363
BELL JANGLES
Bloody joke.

104
00:06:02,323 --> 00:06:04,363
HE'S annoying, isn't he?

105
00:06:04,363 --> 00:06:06,323
I wouldn't kick him out of bed.

106
00:06:14,443 --> 00:06:15,643
You men... Ugh!

107
00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:19,043
You menopausal women
and your bloody fans!

108
00:06:20,483 --> 00:06:22,643
Joy, how do you turn this bloody fan
off?

109
00:06:22,643 --> 00:06:24,163
Joy?

110
00:06:24,163 --> 00:06:26,163
Joy, can you help me turn this fan
off, please?

111
00:06:26,163 --> 00:06:28,123
Oh, Joy, can you turn it off?

112
00:06:28,123 --> 00:06:30,003
Wait, it's just... Yeah.

113
00:06:30,003 --> 00:06:31,843
This way, is it? Yeah, just...

114
00:06:31,843 --> 00:06:33,323
I just...

115
00:06:33,323 --> 00:06:35,283
I think I can do it now, Joy,
thank you.

116
00:06:40,563 --> 00:06:42,043
Thank you, Joy.

117
00:06:42,043 --> 00:06:43,563
You're welcome.

118
00:06:47,123 --> 00:06:49,723
Whew!
CLEARS THROAT

119
00:06:58,563 --> 00:06:59,723
Morning, Joy.

120
00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:02,403
Morning! Sh! Sh! Sh-zzh!

121
00:07:02,403 --> 00:07:04,803
Going live in three, two...

122
00:07:06,043 --> 00:07:08,083
Coming to you raw, unfiltered

123
00:07:08,083 --> 00:07:11,123
and white, like milk, it's the Verderer.

124
00:07:11,123 --> 00:07:13,283
Good morning. Good morning.
Good morning!

125
00:07:13,283 --> 00:07:17,043
Forget International Women's Day,
Pride Day

126
00:07:17,043 --> 00:07:18,763
and Martin Luther King Day

127
00:07:18,763 --> 00:07:21,283
because today is the day
to beat all other days!

128
00:07:21,283 --> 00:07:23,243
It's town hall meeting day!

129
00:07:24,243 --> 00:07:26,843
I hope you've placed your bets
on Tony's trousers.

130
00:07:26,843 --> 00:07:29,003
MY money is on a pair of jeggings!

131
00:07:29,003 --> 00:07:31,483
And I'll tell you why. Thanks.

132
00:07:31,483 --> 00:07:33,043
So I've been betting 20 years...

133
00:07:33,043 --> 00:07:34,723
I found my tree yesterday.

134
00:07:34,723 --> 00:07:36,043
That was quick. I know!

135
00:07:36,043 --> 00:07:38,123
I thought I'd take a few weeks
at least. Yeah.

136
00:07:38,123 --> 00:07:40,763
...began to emerge
after his third pair.

137
00:07:40,763 --> 00:07:44,003
So, anyway, what I was looking for
wasn't there.

138
00:07:44,003 --> 00:07:46,123
Oh, no. So I guess it's time
to move on.

139
00:07:46,123 --> 00:07:48,283
Oh... Nothing keeping me here.

140
00:07:48,283 --> 00:07:49,843
Nothing here?

141
00:07:49,843 --> 00:07:51,603
Everything is here.

142
00:07:51,603 --> 00:07:53,083
Tony's trouser sweepstake...

143
00:07:54,563 --> 00:07:56,123
...the Eel Festival,

144
00:07:56,123 --> 00:07:57,603
cat speed dating.

145
00:07:57,603 --> 00:08:00,283
...Bavarian lederhosen... Tempting.

146
00:08:00,283 --> 00:08:02,203
But, nah,

147
00:08:02,203 --> 00:08:03,843
I like to keep myself busy.

148
00:08:03,843 --> 00:08:06,643
So I'm expecting a good turnout
this year, fellers.

149
00:08:06,643 --> 00:08:10,043
We need to nip this eel queen
nonsense in the bud.

150
00:08:10,043 --> 00:08:12,603
I mean, if they can pick a woman
for this year's Eel Festival,

151
00:08:12,603 --> 00:08:14,843
God knows what they'll pick
for next.

152
00:08:14,843 --> 00:08:17,203
It'll be a vegan leprechaun

153
00:08:17,203 --> 00:08:19,403
or a pansexual ostrich

154
00:08:19,403 --> 00:08:22,083
or a dyslexic dragon, won't it?

155
00:08:22,083 --> 00:08:25,643
Peter Watkins will be turning
in his grave if he could see

156
00:08:25,643 --> 00:08:28,923
his daughters disrespecting
centuries-old tradition

157
00:08:28,923 --> 00:08:31,843
and our men in such a vulgar manner.

158
00:08:31,843 --> 00:08:33,803
I've never heard of the like!

159
00:08:33,803 --> 00:08:35,723
How can it be that...?

160
00:08:42,083 --> 00:08:43,443
It CAN'T be.

161
00:08:44,883 --> 00:08:46,003
HE GASPS

162
00:08:47,283 --> 00:08:48,683
It's a nightingale.

163
00:08:50,283 --> 00:08:51,443
A nightingale.

164
00:08:51,443 --> 00:08:52,923
Well, I never!

165
00:08:57,243 --> 00:08:59,643
Are you here to give me a message,

166
00:08:59,643 --> 00:09:01,083
little bird?

167
00:09:02,723 --> 00:09:05,763
OVER LOUDSPEAKER
I can see you, little bird.

168
00:09:05,763 --> 00:09:08,003
HE WHISTLES

169
00:09:08,003 --> 00:09:10,803
HE SNIFFLES
Thank you.

170
00:09:10,803 --> 00:09:12,563
DOG BARKS

171
00:09:14,163 --> 00:09:15,723
Dirty, lazy bastard.

172
00:09:19,683 --> 00:09:22,003
Oh, sorry about that. A nightingale!

173
00:09:22,003 --> 00:09:24,883
Um, anyway, now, I want to talk
about something

174
00:09:24,883 --> 00:09:26,923
that's causing a lot of division
in the town.

175
00:09:26,923 --> 00:09:29,683
And, no, I'm not talking about
who gets

176
00:09:29,683 --> 00:09:31,963
to keep Keith's cat cappuccino.

177
00:09:31,963 --> 00:09:33,763
God rest Keith's soul.

178
00:09:33,763 --> 00:09:35,483
What a terrible tragedy.

179
00:09:35,483 --> 00:09:37,243
But let that be a lesson to us all.

180
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:40,123
Autoerotic asphyxiation is never
a good idea,

181
00:09:40,123 --> 00:09:41,443
especially if you live alone.

182
00:09:41,443 --> 00:09:43,363
No cat should have to witness that.

183
00:09:44,923 --> 00:09:47,443
Or have to eat the orange
to stay alive.

184
00:09:49,083 --> 00:09:53,763
No, today, I want to talk about
the new redevelopment of the town.

185
00:09:53,763 --> 00:09:58,043
The investment and prosperity
it'll bring the area is undeniable,

186
00:09:58,043 --> 00:09:59,963
but I will not sit by and watch

187
00:09:59,963 --> 00:10:02,763
our wildlife and forest
be destroyed.

188
00:10:02,763 --> 00:10:04,363
Back after this.

189
00:10:04,363 --> 00:10:07,563
So, are they building a road
THROUGH the forest? Uh-huh.

190
00:10:07,563 --> 00:10:09,563
I assume they'd been going
around it.

191
00:10:09,563 --> 00:10:11,523
No, right through the middle.

192
00:10:14,243 --> 00:10:16,403
PHONE PINGS

193
00:10:20,643 --> 00:10:22,043
Dick pic?

194
00:10:22,043 --> 00:10:24,203
Could say that, yeah.

195
00:10:25,363 --> 00:10:26,723
Pig Man!

196
00:10:26,723 --> 00:10:28,163
Hello?

197
00:10:28,163 --> 00:10:30,483
I've brought you a goodbye present.

198
00:10:30,483 --> 00:10:32,203
Oh...

199
00:11:09,643 --> 00:11:11,643
GENERAL CHATTER

200
00:11:20,083 --> 00:11:22,123
VELCRO RIPS

201
00:11:29,683 --> 00:11:32,923
TONY CHUCKLES
You washed your hair, have you, Jan?

202
00:11:32,923 --> 00:11:35,603
That looks clean enough for me to
eat my dinner off of.

203
00:11:35,603 --> 00:11:38,243
Well, I try not to wash it
too often, Tony,

204
00:11:38,243 --> 00:11:40,323
to let the natural oils come out.

205
00:11:40,323 --> 00:11:43,523
You need all the lubrication
you can get at your age.

206
00:11:43,523 --> 00:11:46,083
RIPPLES OF LAUGHTER

207
00:11:46,083 --> 00:11:48,123
Quiet, please.

208
00:11:48,123 --> 00:11:51,963
Item one - The Eel Festival.

209
00:11:51,963 --> 00:11:54,283
Eh?!
EXCLAIMING AND MURMURING

210
00:11:54,283 --> 00:11:57,283
Tony's trousers is ALWAYS item one
on the agenda.

211
00:11:57,283 --> 00:11:58,843
No, he's right. It's not just

212
00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:01,203
the Eel sisters mixing things up
this year,

213
00:12:01,203 --> 00:12:05,243
Tony. And I won't be intimidated
by third cousin Bernadette, neither.

214
00:12:05,243 --> 00:12:07,843
It's my meeting, my rules.

215
00:12:07,843 --> 00:12:09,443
Ooooh!

216
00:12:09,443 --> 00:12:12,083
Tony's trousers reveal
will be at the end.

217
00:12:12,083 --> 00:12:14,243
Shame.
GRUMBLING

218
00:12:14,243 --> 00:12:17,043
Now, as you all know, the Eel
sisters are planning some

219
00:12:17,043 --> 00:12:19,563
controversial changes this year.

220
00:12:19,563 --> 00:12:22,043
Since the passing of their faither.

221
00:12:22,043 --> 00:12:23,523
Faither Watkins.

222
00:12:23,523 --> 00:12:26,003
No-one gives a shit
about the men in this town.

223
00:12:26,003 --> 00:12:27,963
First they close the mines,

224
00:12:27,963 --> 00:12:29,443
then Digger Land.

225
00:12:29,443 --> 00:12:32,003
And now they're taking our Eel king.

226
00:12:34,843 --> 00:12:38,123
Faither were a stickler
for tradition.

227
00:12:38,123 --> 00:12:40,563
He'd never allow a woman
to take over the role.

228
00:12:40,563 --> 00:12:43,643
SHOUTS OF AGREEMENT
And I'm sure once the paperwork is

229
00:12:43,643 --> 00:12:45,323
through on his succession plan,

230
00:12:45,323 --> 00:12:47,483
we will see that I was his intended.

231
00:12:47,483 --> 00:12:49,243
Yeah!

232
00:12:50,523 --> 00:12:53,363
Well, we all know how long
probate can take.

233
00:12:53,363 --> 00:12:55,323
Until then, WE decide who it is.

234
00:12:55,323 --> 00:12:58,763
Whether they be bore within the
said 100 of Eel Lake,

235
00:12:58,763 --> 00:13:01,923
or whether they have done deeds
worthy to this community.

236
00:13:01,923 --> 00:13:04,643
It's about finding the right person.

237
00:13:04,643 --> 00:13:06,163
SHOUTS OF AGREEMENT

238
00:13:07,443 --> 00:13:08,843
Eels don't have a gender

239
00:13:08,843 --> 00:13:11,963
until they go back to the Sargasso
Sea and reproduce.

240
00:13:11,963 --> 00:13:15,243
Exactly. So there were no need
for it to always be a man.

241
00:13:15,243 --> 00:13:18,083
Yeah, it could be a woman.
Or a man. Or neither.

242
00:13:18,083 --> 00:13:20,163
Yeah. Or both.

243
00:13:20,163 --> 00:13:22,323
Yeah! Should be me!

244
00:13:35,483 --> 00:13:39,803
Next item - the coalface,
Morris Men controversy.

245
00:13:41,003 --> 00:13:42,563
Tony, you want to kick us off here?

246
00:13:42,563 --> 00:13:45,323
Yeah, well, me and the boys
blacking up -

247
00:13:45,323 --> 00:13:47,163
it's not about black PEOPLE, is it?

248
00:13:47,163 --> 00:13:49,163
It's about mining for coal.

249
00:13:49,163 --> 00:13:51,043
Oh, it's not actually about coal,

250
00:13:51,043 --> 00:13:54,123
Tony, the blacking up is a disguise.

251
00:13:54,123 --> 00:13:55,523
Eh?

252
00:13:55,523 --> 00:13:58,243
You know, used to black up
as a disguise.

253
00:13:58,243 --> 00:13:59,683
Eh?!

254
00:13:59,683 --> 00:14:01,723
Well, isn't it? Well, either or,

255
00:14:01,723 --> 00:14:03,083
it's about colour.

256
00:14:03,083 --> 00:14:05,163
You know? I mean,
these bloody snowflakes -

257
00:14:05,163 --> 00:14:07,923
they'll be banning bloody
night-time next. Yeah. Yeah!

258
00:14:07,923 --> 00:14:09,523
And liquorice.

259
00:14:09,523 --> 00:14:11,403
Yeah! Then, uh...

260
00:14:13,443 --> 00:14:14,923
...tyres.

261
00:14:14,923 --> 00:14:16,283
Tyres.

262
00:14:16,283 --> 00:14:18,043
They MIGHT ban tyres.

263
00:14:18,043 --> 00:14:21,563
We mined for an iron ore here
before coal anyway, Tony.

264
00:14:21,563 --> 00:14:23,803
Yeah, so you could paint
your faces red.

265
00:14:23,803 --> 00:14:25,483
Or orange.

266
00:14:25,483 --> 00:14:27,523
But why do things have to change?

267
00:14:27,523 --> 00:14:28,763
Yes! Yeah!

268
00:14:28,763 --> 00:14:31,363
We must hold on to our British traditions.

269
00:14:31,363 --> 00:14:32,843
Yeah. Yeah! Yeah!

270
00:14:32,843 --> 00:14:36,523
We HAVE kept hold of
our traditions - the good ones.

271
00:14:36,523 --> 00:14:39,643
But the festival HAS to change and
evolve to survive.

272
00:14:39,643 --> 00:14:40,923
MURMURS OF AGREEMENT

273
00:14:40,923 --> 00:14:43,643
The man with the longest willy used
to put it through people's

274
00:14:43,643 --> 00:14:46,283
letterboxes so children could feed
the eel.

275
00:14:46,283 --> 00:14:48,483
Better now we don't do THAT, innit?

276
00:14:48,483 --> 00:14:51,043
It's a reflection of modern-day
Britain.

277
00:14:51,043 --> 00:14:54,083
It is about holding on to the core values

278
00:14:54,083 --> 00:14:57,923
of being British. Yeah!
Being proud to be British. Yeah!

279
00:14:57,923 --> 00:14:59,363
I AM proud to be British,

280
00:14:59,363 --> 00:15:01,443
just like I'm sure Cheddar Man was.

281
00:15:01,443 --> 00:15:04,203
Oh, leave the Cheddar Man
out of this, will you, Joy?

282
00:15:04,203 --> 00:15:05,723
We don't mean YOU.

283
00:15:05,723 --> 00:15:07,603
You're integrated, you know?

284
00:15:07,603 --> 00:15:09,963
It's all the others.
Who's the Cheddar Man?

285
00:15:09,963 --> 00:15:11,683
Isn't he in Wallace And Gromit?

286
00:15:11,683 --> 00:15:14,723
There wasn't a man made of cheddar
in Wallace and Gromit.

287
00:15:14,723 --> 00:15:16,083
It was a sheep.

288
00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:18,403
I don't remember a cheese sheep.

289
00:15:18,403 --> 00:15:20,443
No, it was the moon, Judith.

290
00:15:20,443 --> 00:15:22,843
The moon was made of Wensleydale.

291
00:15:22,843 --> 00:15:24,603
How dare you?!

292
00:15:24,603 --> 00:15:27,443
Honestly, can't you women get
some HRT or something?

293
00:15:27,443 --> 00:15:29,123
No, we can't!

294
00:15:29,123 --> 00:15:30,603
It's all run out!

295
00:15:32,483 --> 00:15:35,203
There, there, third cousin Bernadette.

296
00:15:35,203 --> 00:15:37,163
The Cheddar Man was a fossilised man

297
00:15:37,163 --> 00:15:39,123
that they found in a cave
in Cheddar.

298
00:15:39,123 --> 00:15:40,803
Reckon he was the first Briton.

299
00:15:40,803 --> 00:15:42,763
Used DNA to reconstruct his face,

300
00:15:42,763 --> 00:15:44,803
and he had black skin and blue eyes.

301
00:15:44,803 --> 00:15:46,643
SHOCKED MURMURING
What?!

302
00:15:46,643 --> 00:15:48,723
Our festivals are for everyone.

303
00:15:50,763 --> 00:15:52,923
They're a celebration
of what it means to be alive,

304
00:15:52,923 --> 00:15:55,043
to be human. And that's ALL of us.

305
00:15:55,043 --> 00:15:59,803
So if we start excluding people
and making them feel bad,

306
00:15:59,803 --> 00:16:02,043
then they're for none of us.

307
00:16:02,043 --> 00:16:04,123
CAMERA CLICKS

308
00:16:15,923 --> 00:16:19,043
ANGRY SHOUTING Please...

309
00:16:19,043 --> 00:16:20,963
Please! Please!

310
00:16:20,963 --> 00:16:24,963
Look, no-one, no-one will be heard
if we're all shouting!

311
00:16:26,643 --> 00:16:30,363
You've all got the printouts
of the Phase One plans

312
00:16:30,363 --> 00:16:31,843
of the development.

313
00:16:31,843 --> 00:16:33,523
Yes, Verderer?

314
00:16:33,523 --> 00:16:36,803
What I'm saying is it won't just be
the beavers, habitats

315
00:16:36,803 --> 00:16:39,963
destroyed if these proposed
redevelopments go ahead.

316
00:16:39,963 --> 00:16:41,723
Feck the beavers!

317
00:16:41,723 --> 00:16:44,643
I want Starbucks! Yes! Or a
Costa's.

318
00:16:44,643 --> 00:16:46,563
Or Nero's.

319
00:16:46,563 --> 00:16:48,363
You women and your bloody coffee!

320
00:16:48,363 --> 00:16:50,163
How dare you?!

321
00:16:50,163 --> 00:16:52,083
We understand your concerns, Verderer.

322
00:16:52,083 --> 00:16:54,803
No, you don't. It's all about
the money with you people.

323
00:16:54,803 --> 00:16:57,843
You think you can plant a few new
trees and that'll be it.

324
00:16:57,843 --> 00:16:59,283
Well...

325
00:16:59,283 --> 00:17:01,003
Well, we...

326
00:17:01,003 --> 00:17:02,603
Ugh, we did.

327
00:17:04,003 --> 00:17:06,363
We did make

328
00:17:06,363 --> 00:17:08,843
best endeavours to find alternative routeing.

329
00:17:08,843 --> 00:17:11,323
And to minimise the...
No, you didn't!

330
00:17:11,323 --> 00:17:12,683
It's a lie!

331
00:17:12,683 --> 00:17:14,803
PROTESTING

332
00:17:18,043 --> 00:17:21,323
Destroy ancient woodland...

333
00:17:22,443 --> 00:17:25,243
...and thou will be cursed.

334
00:17:30,403 --> 00:17:32,123
You finished those floors yet, Alan?

335
00:17:32,123 --> 00:17:35,283
I'm just going to finish up here,
Jan, and I'll pop off home.

336
00:17:35,283 --> 00:17:38,723
The Eel cafe's
been in the same spot since 1850.

337
00:17:38,723 --> 00:17:41,043
It survived wars and plagues

338
00:17:41,043 --> 00:17:42,323
and Veganuary.

339
00:17:42,323 --> 00:17:46,323
Its foundations are rooted
in the trees which surround it.

340
00:17:46,323 --> 00:17:48,883
It CAN'T just be picked up
and moved.

341
00:17:48,883 --> 00:17:50,283
It won't survive.

342
00:17:50,283 --> 00:17:51,683
SHOUTS OF AGREEMENT

343
00:17:51,683 --> 00:17:54,923
Yeah, it's not just things above
ground that need to be preserved.

344
00:17:54,923 --> 00:17:56,603
It's what's underneath, too.

345
00:17:56,603 --> 00:17:59,043
The mines have their own story
to tell.

346
00:17:59,043 --> 00:18:02,523
Yes, yes. Look, I've made a note
of everyone's concerns,

347
00:18:02,523 --> 00:18:04,403
and I will be feeding those back.

348
00:18:04,403 --> 00:18:07,803
But we need to move on
to the next item on the, um...

349
00:18:10,003 --> 00:18:11,643
Oh, you know, the... the...

350
00:18:11,643 --> 00:18:14,083
List? No, not list.
There's a better word than list.

351
00:18:14,083 --> 00:18:15,323
Running order?

352
00:18:15,323 --> 00:18:17,363
No. Itinerary?

353
00:18:17,363 --> 00:18:18,923
Definitely not.

354
00:18:18,923 --> 00:18:19,883
Ugh...

355
00:18:21,403 --> 00:18:23,843
Oh, you know, the... the...

356
00:18:23,843 --> 00:18:25,763
Well, you know what I meant. The...

357
00:18:25,763 --> 00:18:27,043
Agenda.

358
00:18:27,043 --> 00:18:28,723
Agenda! Thank you, Joy!

359
00:18:28,723 --> 00:18:31,443
Agenda. Next item.

360
00:18:32,763 --> 00:18:34,643
Tony's trousers sweepstake.

361
00:18:34,643 --> 00:18:36,483
CHEERING

362
00:18:36,483 --> 00:18:38,763
Go on, Tony!

363
00:18:48,323 --> 00:18:51,003
Ooh-ooh-oooooh!

364
00:18:53,563 --> 00:18:55,283
WHOOPING

365
00:18:58,163 --> 00:18:59,883
CHEERING, GROANING

366
00:18:59,883 --> 00:19:01,843
It's jeggings! It's jeggings!

367
00:19:01,843 --> 00:19:03,403
Jeggings!

368
00:19:03,403 --> 00:19:06,083
It's jeggings!
I knew it would be jeggings!

369
00:19:12,963 --> 00:19:14,803
DRUMBEATS

370
00:19:22,803 --> 00:19:25,123
SHE SQUEALS

371
00:19:27,603 --> 00:19:30,163
And that concludes
this year's business.

372
00:19:31,323 --> 00:19:33,883
Well, we haven't finished
about the redevelopments yet.

373
00:19:33,883 --> 00:19:37,003
They can't proceed without tree
felling orders or eviction notices, so...

374
00:19:37,003 --> 00:19:39,363
Is this an eviction notice?
Who's that? Where'd SHE come from?

375
00:19:39,363 --> 00:19:41,243
I found it on Pig Man's door.

376
00:19:41,243 --> 00:19:43,403
What?
MURMURING

377
00:19:43,403 --> 00:19:47,003
Pig Man says the forest paths are
being closed off at Mallards Pike.

378
00:19:47,003 --> 00:19:49,603
Mallards Pike?
What's going on, Janet?

379
00:19:49,603 --> 00:19:51,843
I'm not aware of any of this.
Mallards Pike wasn't

380
00:19:51,843 --> 00:19:53,163
part of the proposed route.

381
00:19:53,163 --> 00:19:56,963
Let me just, um... Have a look!
Check this.

382
00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:59,883
I told you, I don't know anything
about this.

383
00:19:59,883 --> 00:20:01,443
The plans must have changed.

384
00:20:01,443 --> 00:20:02,643
What?

385
00:20:02,643 --> 00:20:04,843
Why are they closing off
Mallards Pike?

386
00:20:04,843 --> 00:20:07,763
And what's the point of this meeting
if you're ploughing ahead anyway?

387
00:20:07,763 --> 00:20:10,003
Well, to get you all in one place,
I think,

388
00:20:10,003 --> 00:20:11,643
so that they can get on with it.

389
00:20:11,643 --> 00:20:13,563
MURMURING

390
00:20:17,323 --> 00:20:20,323
Seems to me
like this meeting has been called

391
00:20:20,323 --> 00:20:22,643
under false pretences. Yeah! Yeah!

392
00:20:22,643 --> 00:20:25,043
Keep us all away. Yeah! Yeah!

393
00:20:25,043 --> 00:20:26,923
Including you, Janet.

394
00:20:29,203 --> 00:20:30,883
I think I just said that.

395
00:20:30,883 --> 00:20:33,083
Yes, she just said that.
She just said that.

396
00:20:34,403 --> 00:20:36,843
No, I...I'm sorry.

397
00:20:36,843 --> 00:20:38,123
I didn't know.

398
00:20:38,123 --> 00:20:40,923
There are ancient oaks in the path
of that planned route, Janet.

399
00:20:40,923 --> 00:20:43,883
Starlings - it's their home!
I didn't know.

400
00:20:45,323 --> 00:20:48,243
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

401
00:20:49,323 --> 00:20:50,843
That's enough!

402
00:20:55,963 --> 00:20:57,403
Sorry, Janet, it's not your fault.

403
00:20:57,403 --> 00:20:58,923
I'm so sorry.

404
00:20:59,923 --> 00:21:01,643
Nice one, Linda.

405
00:21:13,883 --> 00:21:18,803
♪ Oh, Sally, my dearest
You, I'd be kissing

406
00:21:18,803 --> 00:21:24,523
♪ Oh, Sally, my dear
It's you I'd be kissing

407
00:21:24,523 --> 00:21:30,163
♪ She smiled and replied
"You don't know what you're missing"

408
00:21:36,403 --> 00:21:42,123
♪ Oh, Sally, my dear
I wish I could wed you

409
00:21:42,123 --> 00:21:47,563
♪ Oh, Sally, my dear
I wish I could bed you

410
00:21:47,563 --> 00:21:54,083
♪ She smiled and replied
"Then you'd say I misled you"

411
00:21:59,603 --> 00:22:11,003
♪ If all you young men were hares
on the mountain

412
00:22:11,003 --> 00:22:16,963
♪ How many young girls
would take guns and go hunting?

413
00:22:22,923 --> 00:22:28,883
♪ If the young man could sing
like blackbirds and thrushes

414
00:22:28,883 --> 00:22:34,843
♪ If the young men could sing
like blackbirds and thrushes

415
00:22:34,843 --> 00:22:39,163
How many young girls would go
beating the bushes? ♪