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Downloaded from
YTS.BZ

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[crowd cheering]

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.BZ

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♪ ["Oh Freedom"
by Joan Baez plays] ♪

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Joan: ♪ Oh, freedom ♪

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♪ Oh, freedom ♪

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♪ Oh, freedom♪

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♪ Over me♪

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♪ And before I'll be a slave♪

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♪ I'll be buried in my grave♪

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♪ And go home to my Lord♪

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♪ And be free♪

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[crowd cheering]

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Joan: Thank you.

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Therapist:
Now, just letting it go.

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This allows you
to go deeper as you let go

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of the physical postures,
the physical tensions.

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Letting go of being anybody,

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for anybody else...

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takes you deeper.

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[crowd cheering]

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Joan: I mean, if I could write
my entire history,

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whether it has anything
to do with the facts is,

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nobody will ever know
'cause we remember

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what we want to remember.

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No matter how hard we try
to stick to the exact story,

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we come out
looking awfully clean

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compared to what
it was probably like.

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We remember exactly

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what saves us
a lot of pain, probably.

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[soft music playing]

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[birds chirping]

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Joan: I don't think anybody
at a young age

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who gets famous
has the slightest idea

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that it'll ever end.

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There's a moment
when you're not what you were.

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And it has to happen
to everybody

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who's ever been
in the public eye,

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whether they pretend
it hasn't or not.

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[soft music playing]

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[Joan vocalizing]

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[laughs]

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[vocalizing]

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- How's that feeling?
- I have to just...

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to knocking the vibrato

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- out of some of these...
- Sarah: Yeah.

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...gives me a little
longer time with them.

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[Joan vocalizing]

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Joan: I'd love
to have those notes.

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So, I think you can.

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[both vocalizing]

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- Sarah: Yay!
- Yeah?

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Where'd you find it?

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Joan: I think it's coming
from somewhere in my past.

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- [laughs]
- [Joan vocalizing]

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Joan: As the years go by, it
gets more and more difficult.

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I mean, the vocal
cords are muscle, you know,

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If your muscles
start getting flabby,

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if you don't really work
to keep them up,

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and at a certain point

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there's just not that much
you can do.

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[birds chirping]

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Joan: I've always said
I wouldn't want to do

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a farewell tour because people
who say that always come back.

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But maybe it'd be nice
to celebrate 55 years of it,

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you know?

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[upbeat music playing]

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Joan: And I just turned 79.

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And, um,

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it's sort of hitting me
harder than I thought it would.

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I don't want to go on too long.

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I mean, I know that I look good
for my age, et cetera.

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But...[laughs]
...there's a limit.

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The decision to end the career,
you can talk about it

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until you're blue,
but I can't...

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really anticipate
what it's gonna be like.

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[upbeat music playing]

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Man: Yeah.

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- [drum thumping]
- [indistinct chatter]

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Christiane: Yeah, you talk
about the muscle

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that created that voice.
It's one of the purest,

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one of the truest notes
in music history.

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And many
have described it like that.

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Do you miss that voice?
Do you still have that?

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I do not have it.
And I do miss it.

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Um, I had to come to terms
with what I do have.

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Really reinvent, yeah.

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'Cause this is now
a much more honest voice

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that reflects 60 years
on the road, you know?

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I don't know how hard it is
to give up the props,

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the adulation,
and the adoration and...

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Don't know yet.

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[crowd cheering]

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- Staff: Everybody ready?
- Joan: Everybody ready?

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[crowd cheering]

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♪ ["There But For Fortune"
by Joan Baez plays] ♪

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Joan: ♪ Show me the prison♪

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♪ Show me the jail♪

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♪ Show me the prisoner♪

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♪ Whose life has gone stale♪

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♪ I'll show you young girl♪

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♪ With so many reasons why♪

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♪ 'Cause there
There but for fortune♪

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♪ Go you or I♪

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[humming]

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[crowd cheering]

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Joan: Thank you.

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Thank you.

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Therapist: Relax the muscles
in your eyelids

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down to the point,

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allowing yourself to drift back
through time, to a time

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when you're really in touch
with that whoop-de-doo feeling.

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Host: Come on!
Let's it hear for her.

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She's out of sight!

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Therapist:
Feeling the enthusiasm,

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feeling the joy...

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feeling the lightness.

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Let yourself be present
there now.

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When you started out
in your singing career,

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did you know in social terms,
other than in musical terms,

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what it was that you were about?

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Um. It is... Before I could
really verbalize it,

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I would say that the... a social
consciousness was born in me

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before the...
before the voice developed.

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Young Joan Narrator:
"What I Believe"

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by Joanie Baez, age 13.

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When I think of God,
I think of the Earth

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as a very small thing.

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Then I think of myself,
hardly a speck.

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Then I see there's no use
for this tiny dot

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to spend its small life
doing things for itself.

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It might as well
spend time making

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the less fortunate specks
in the world enjoy themselves.

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That is what I believe.

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Albert: This is Albert Baez.

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Well, as you know,
I've been carrying

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a portable tape recorder
of one kind or another.

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Joan: We were Quakers,
a lot of imagination

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and a lot of giving,

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so the social consciousness
really came from my dad.

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[Albert humming]

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Joan:
Mother was a truer pacifist.

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And Mother didn't give a damn
about laws.

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My father would get
a little bit concerned

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when we'd, you know,
do civil disobedience.

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But eventually,
he didn't care either.

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Oh, he was so handsome.

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And Mother was so beautiful.

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Joan: Pauline was named
after her sister Pauline.

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And I was named after Mom.

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Mimi was named after Aunt Mimi,
who nobody liked, you know?

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[laughs]

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Pauline: She had big,
beautiful eyes.

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Joan: She had big,
beautiful blue eyes.

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And everybody
would comment on it.

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And Pauline and I would go...
[mocks]

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But big, beautiful blue eyes.
She was beautiful.

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Albert: We're going to take off
for Calcutta

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visiting the different
departments of science.

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Joan: He was a researcher,
academician

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and a researcher in physics.

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Pauline: I remember
pops taking us different places

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because he wanted us to see
that everybody in the world

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was basically the same.
And it was true.

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Albert: As I look out my window,
as usual,

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the rich have big tombs,
the poor,

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who knows where they end up?

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[somber music playing]

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Joan: He was very, very,
very driving it home to us

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about the haves
and the have nots.

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All the poverty stuff
was pretty overwhelming

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for all of us.

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I was a sensitive kid.
I internalized everything.

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I worried about the poor.
I worried about people in pain.

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I worried about animals.

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I was aware that...

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that there were, you know,
sorrows way greater than mine.

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Pauline: He was a good dad
for... for the period

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in which he was a dad.

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Joan: I think I'm just...
I'm darker than Pauline.

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I mean, I don't remember things
in such a jolly way.

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Um, but I'm way too conflicted
to just have

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a bunch of nice family memories.

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♪ ["Earth Angel"
by The Penguins plays] ♪

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Young Joan Narrator:
I am a very moody person.

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I sit sometimes and just think

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about life, death,
and religion,

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about whether I'm turning out
to be what my parents want,

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or whether
I'm letting them down.

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♪ My darling dear...♪

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Joan: I think I must've been 13,

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and somebody called me
a dumb Mexican.

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And a teacher said to me...

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"You are of the highest breed
of Spanish."

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I said, "No, I'm not.
I'm a Mexican."

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I was defending
the Mexican race.

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Young Joan Narrator: I have run
into a few problems myself

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00:12:33,274 --> 00:12:35,711
because of the fact
that I am one-half Mexican.

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I turn pretty dark
in the summer.

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Once, somebody yelled out
of a window at me,

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00:12:41,586 --> 00:12:43,414
"Hey, what you doing...?"

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00:12:44,589 --> 00:12:46,504
My reply was,
"Wait till you see me

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00:12:46,678 --> 00:12:48,506
this summer when I get my tan."

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00:12:49,029 --> 00:12:52,075
Joan: I thought I was inferior,
certainly to the white kids

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00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:54,382
- and the rich kids.
- [indistinct chatter]

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00:12:54,556 --> 00:12:57,864
Joan: Most of the time in
the school, I felt less than.

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00:12:58,342 --> 00:13:00,823
Joan: ♪ Make it 300 cubic long♪

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00:13:00,997 --> 00:13:02,782
♪ Thirty high, about 50 wide♪

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00:13:02,956 --> 00:13:04,522
♪ I want it to stand
My rain and tide♪

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00:13:04,696 --> 00:13:05,872
Young Joan Narrator:
I enjoy singing.

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00:13:06,046 --> 00:13:07,699
When I get depressed,

212
00:13:08,048 --> 00:13:10,528
I sing songs to prove to me
that life isn't really so bad.

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00:13:11,094 --> 00:13:13,270
I pick up a guitar
and bellow it out of me.

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00:13:14,445 --> 00:13:16,099
Joan:
♪ 'Cause it's going to rain♪

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00:13:16,447 --> 00:13:17,884
♪ 'Cause it's going to rain♪

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00:13:18,058 --> 00:13:20,843
Started taking
the ukulele on campus.

217
00:13:21,017 --> 00:13:22,410
And I'd sing at lunchtime.

218
00:13:22,758 --> 00:13:24,151
♪ All the great men upon...♪

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00:13:24,325 --> 00:13:26,544
By the time
I was in tenth grade,

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00:13:26,718 --> 00:13:28,111
I had an identity.

221
00:13:28,285 --> 00:13:29,896
♪ Over land I've been over sea♪

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00:13:30,070 --> 00:13:32,420
Young Joan Narrator:
I am not a saint. I am a noise.

223
00:13:34,248 --> 00:13:36,598
I spend a good deal
of my time singing,

224
00:13:36,772 --> 00:13:39,253
dancing,
making a nuisance of myself.

225
00:13:40,994 --> 00:13:42,734
I love to be
the center of attention.

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00:13:42,909 --> 00:13:44,998
And pardon the conceit,
I usually am.

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00:13:46,347 --> 00:13:48,740
Joan: ♪ And the famous
Grandy scratch-scratch♪

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00:13:55,008 --> 00:13:56,836
Joan: I would have
my own vibrancy

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00:13:57,010 --> 00:13:58,315
when I would paint or sing.

230
00:13:59,577 --> 00:14:02,493
But that didn't extend
to the struggle at school.

231
00:14:03,407 --> 00:14:05,670
Basically,
it was panic attack stuff

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00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,629
started early, really early.

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00:14:08,499 --> 00:14:10,588
As far back
as I can remember, in fact.

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00:14:12,764 --> 00:14:17,813
I'd go to my mom for comfort
and lie there shivering,

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00:14:17,987 --> 00:14:20,076
say, "Tell me I won't
throw up."

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00:14:21,599 --> 00:14:24,951
And then the anxiety stuff
just heightened and heightened.

237
00:14:27,214 --> 00:14:29,259
Joan Sr.: I think
she was a very happy girl.

238
00:14:29,433 --> 00:14:32,610
But something was bothering her
all the time.

239
00:14:32,915 --> 00:14:34,308
And to the extent

240
00:14:35,048 --> 00:14:37,659
that none of us
have ever found out what it was.

241
00:14:37,833 --> 00:14:41,445
She used to be sick
and feel terribly sick.

242
00:14:42,011 --> 00:14:45,406
But I think it was something
that was worrying her.

243
00:14:45,580 --> 00:14:47,147
And maybe she didn't know
what it was.

244
00:14:47,321 --> 00:14:48,670
Certainly, we didn't know
what it was.

245
00:14:50,237 --> 00:14:52,065
Joan: I used to have dreams
when I was about...

246
00:14:53,327 --> 00:14:56,417
15 or younger,
that I would be in a hospital.

247
00:14:57,331 --> 00:14:58,985
In this dream,
I wouldn't have to...

248
00:15:00,203 --> 00:15:02,858
say anything or do anything.
I would just be there.

249
00:15:03,032 --> 00:15:05,774
And I get three squares a day
and could stay in bed

250
00:15:05,948 --> 00:15:06,906
and be quiet.

251
00:15:09,343 --> 00:15:11,693
I remember
the first introduction

252
00:15:11,867 --> 00:15:14,696
to the name "psychiatrist."

253
00:15:14,870 --> 00:15:18,178
Some girl was going
to a psychiatrist.

254
00:15:18,352 --> 00:15:20,223
You know, when I was
in junior high school,

255
00:15:20,397 --> 00:15:22,922
that was... weird.

256
00:15:23,096 --> 00:15:25,098
Somebody had to be cuckoo
to do that.

257
00:15:26,708 --> 00:15:30,320
[dramatic music playing]

258
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,643
Joan: My life
was just unlivable...

259
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,080
because the anxiety attacks

260
00:15:51,254 --> 00:15:53,953
were really what I needed
to live through

261
00:15:54,127 --> 00:15:55,302
to get to the other side.

262
00:16:01,177 --> 00:16:03,049
I was in therapy
since I was 16.

263
00:16:04,746 --> 00:16:08,271
A good doctor knows if it's
time to push or not push.

264
00:16:08,445 --> 00:16:10,665
And he just must have known
that it wasn't.

265
00:16:10,839 --> 00:16:14,495
I couldn't have managed
to bite off the...

266
00:16:15,496 --> 00:16:19,108
you know, the lid
of what was going on in there.

267
00:16:20,588 --> 00:16:24,374
Eventually, you know,
everything disintegrated.

268
00:16:34,428 --> 00:16:37,474
[birds chirping]

269
00:16:39,302 --> 00:16:45,004
[country music playing]

270
00:16:47,789 --> 00:16:50,183
♪ I was born in an alleyway♪

271
00:16:53,838 --> 00:16:54,839
Whoo!

272
00:16:58,147 --> 00:16:59,366
[shrieks]

273
00:16:59,888 --> 00:17:02,195
We just roll on
from one concert to the next.

274
00:17:02,978 --> 00:17:04,762
Every hall is sold out.

275
00:17:05,546 --> 00:17:06,938
It's a slam dunk every night.

276
00:17:07,113 --> 00:17:10,071
The whole black backdrop
is lit half the show.

277
00:17:10,246 --> 00:17:11,421
- Gotcha.
- So...

278
00:17:11,595 --> 00:17:12,814
Joan: My traveling road show

279
00:17:13,423 --> 00:17:16,905
seems to be more important to
me than the concerts, you know?

280
00:17:17,732 --> 00:17:19,646
They're a big family.

281
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:22,606
The life and the...
The life of the stars.

282
00:17:25,608 --> 00:17:26,567
I'm dressing it.

283
00:17:28,873 --> 00:17:30,397
[laughs]

284
00:17:31,311 --> 00:17:34,140
You know what? Is Gabe around?
I was gonna do his shirt.

285
00:17:35,097 --> 00:17:37,969
- Go and get his shirt.
- [crew member laughs]

286
00:17:38,187 --> 00:17:40,320
Joan: The fact that Gabe,
during these times,

287
00:17:40,494 --> 00:17:41,886
I get to see Gabe,

288
00:17:42,061 --> 00:17:43,801
which may not
necessarily happen,

289
00:17:44,019 --> 00:17:47,066
certainly not on this scale
when the touring is over.

290
00:17:47,283 --> 00:17:48,850
Gabriel: Make sure
you get the collar, all right?

291
00:17:49,024 --> 00:17:51,287
[chuckles] I always iron
my collars first.

292
00:17:51,766 --> 00:17:53,246
You know your mom always said
you could've run

293
00:17:53,420 --> 00:17:54,986
a perfectly good
dry cleaning business.

294
00:17:55,161 --> 00:17:56,510
She didn't know
why you had to go

295
00:17:56,684 --> 00:17:58,425
- into this whole music thing.
- [Joan laughs]

296
00:18:00,296 --> 00:18:01,993
Gabriel: It's kinda funny
to look back on it

297
00:18:02,168 --> 00:18:05,910
and realize what a large
part of my life it's been.

298
00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:09,697
All started
pretty spontaneously.

299
00:18:12,874 --> 00:18:17,792
It also became a path for us of
reconciling our relationship.

300
00:18:17,966 --> 00:18:19,272
And you know,
when you're out there

301
00:18:19,446 --> 00:18:20,925
traveling on the road,
whatever...

302
00:18:22,449 --> 00:18:24,581
whatever shit you've got
with somebody,

303
00:18:25,495 --> 00:18:27,367
it's gonna come up
sooner or later,

304
00:18:27,541 --> 00:18:30,152
so you know, we had to deal
with some of that.

305
00:18:30,326 --> 00:18:31,762
[crowd cheering]

306
00:18:31,980 --> 00:18:34,635
Joan: Please welcome
my big band to the stage.

307
00:18:35,592 --> 00:18:39,683
♪ ["Darling Cory"
by Joan Baez & Band plays] ♪

308
00:18:53,001 --> 00:18:59,964
♪ Wake up, wake up
Darling Cory♪

309
00:19:00,704 --> 00:19:04,012
♪ What makes you sleep
So sound?♪

310
00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:08,756
♪ The revenue officers
Are coming♪

311
00:19:09,017 --> 00:19:13,543
♪ Gonna tear
Your still house down♪

312
00:19:14,022 --> 00:19:18,069
[crowd cheering]

313
00:19:25,251 --> 00:19:28,776
[drum solo]

314
00:19:46,228 --> 00:19:48,361
[other instruments join in]

315
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:53,279
Joan: Thank you.

316
00:19:53,714 --> 00:19:58,284
[soft music playing]

317
00:20:13,908 --> 00:20:16,693
Albert: Now, I'm gonna play
the piece that you always hear

318
00:20:16,867 --> 00:20:20,044
at circuses when the horses
are going around in the ring.

319
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:22,046
[Albert scatting]

320
00:20:23,134 --> 00:20:24,745
[whimsical music playing]

321
00:20:26,703 --> 00:20:27,965
Albert: Now, you don't mind,
do you,

322
00:20:28,139 --> 00:20:28,966
if I start riding
with them too?

323
00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:30,185
[Albert scatting]

324
00:20:36,104 --> 00:20:38,628
Joan: Our whole family
could sing harmony like that.

325
00:20:39,238 --> 00:20:40,891
My father was a musician.

326
00:20:41,065 --> 00:20:42,893
[Albert scatting]

327
00:20:44,373 --> 00:20:46,941
Joan: And my mom,
she would've had a lovely voice

328
00:20:47,115 --> 00:20:49,204
if she'd been able to have
the time.

329
00:20:49,378 --> 00:20:51,511
♪ ["Why Do Fools Fall in Love"
by Joan & Mimi plays] ♪

330
00:20:51,685 --> 00:20:53,643
♪ Why do fools fall in love?♪

331
00:20:53,817 --> 00:20:55,384
♪ Why do birds sing so gay...♪

332
00:20:55,558 --> 00:20:57,299
Joan: I was really
close to Mimi back then.

333
00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,388
She and I
started singing together.

334
00:20:59,823 --> 00:21:01,912
We looked alike to some degree.

335
00:21:02,783 --> 00:21:07,614
♪ Love is a losing game
Love can be a shame♪

336
00:21:07,788 --> 00:21:10,530
Joan: At that point,
just horsing around, playing,

337
00:21:10,704 --> 00:21:12,793
and enjoying each other.

338
00:21:14,490 --> 00:21:16,187
It started getting
complicated later.

339
00:21:16,536 --> 00:21:23,020
♪ Why do fools fall in love?♪

340
00:21:23,978 --> 00:21:25,327
Radio broadcaster:
This is radio at Harvard

341
00:21:25,501 --> 00:21:27,373
broadcasting from Cambridge.

342
00:21:27,547 --> 00:21:30,680
[soft music playing]

343
00:21:30,854 --> 00:21:33,727
Radio broadcaster: We are lucky
to have Joan Baez here...

344
00:21:33,988 --> 00:21:35,816
Baez on our show tonight.

345
00:21:35,990 --> 00:21:37,687
I know that you'll enjoy
listening to her.

346
00:21:38,688 --> 00:21:44,738
♪ Some say that love
Is a gentle thing♪

347
00:21:45,086 --> 00:21:50,221
♪ But it only
Has brought me pain♪

348
00:21:50,396 --> 00:21:52,528
♪ And the only boy...♪

349
00:21:52,702 --> 00:21:54,008
Audience member:
Now, Ms. Baez,

350
00:21:54,356 --> 00:21:56,880
how did you originally
get your start in folk, period?

351
00:21:58,621 --> 00:22:00,754
I just picked up a guitar
and started copying everybody

352
00:22:00,928 --> 00:22:02,321
in Harvard Square.

353
00:22:02,930 --> 00:22:05,149
I was so bored with college.
That's exactly what I did.

354
00:22:05,628 --> 00:22:08,631
♪ I'll be no man's wife...♪

355
00:22:08,805 --> 00:22:12,243
Joan: Club 47
was my learning place.

356
00:22:12,983 --> 00:22:14,942
It was the emerging
counterculture.

357
00:22:15,464 --> 00:22:17,074
On the first night,
there was nobody there

358
00:22:17,248 --> 00:22:20,077
except my family.
And then the next week,

359
00:22:20,295 --> 00:22:23,342
that thing had ballooned
to a full house.

360
00:22:24,430 --> 00:22:25,866
Pauline: She came home
with 100-dollar bills

361
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:27,476
falling out of her pockets,
you know?

362
00:22:27,694 --> 00:22:30,000
Oh, dismayed Pops,
who was struggling

363
00:22:30,174 --> 00:22:32,176
so hard to make
his 100-dollar bills.

364
00:22:32,786 --> 00:22:34,396
I said, "Look at what
we made today,

365
00:22:34,570 --> 00:22:36,180
everybody, for everybody. Whee!"

366
00:22:36,355 --> 00:22:37,834
Throw it over. We had a little
balcony sort of thing

367
00:22:38,008 --> 00:22:40,315
over the living room
and I'd hurl this money over

368
00:22:40,489 --> 00:22:43,057
and think it would make
everybody so happy. [laughs]

369
00:22:43,231 --> 00:22:45,233
And they all hated me for it,
you know?

370
00:22:45,407 --> 00:22:48,497
- Well, Pops was really upset.
- He was so upset.

371
00:22:48,671 --> 00:22:50,238
- 'Cause you hadn't worked hard.
- He said,

372
00:22:50,412 --> 00:22:51,544
"I worked for my money."

373
00:22:51,718 --> 00:22:53,328
- Pauline: Yeah.
- Joan: He said.

374
00:22:53,502 --> 00:22:56,418
♪ Oh, fare thee well
I must be gone♪

375
00:22:56,592 --> 00:23:00,204
♪ And leave you for a while...♪

376
00:23:00,379 --> 00:23:02,032
Albert: Since we have
two working girls now

377
00:23:02,206 --> 00:23:04,339
besides myself as
a wage earner,

378
00:23:04,513 --> 00:23:06,776
I'll just tell you, uh,
briefly what I'm doing.

379
00:23:06,950 --> 00:23:08,604
I'm gonna put a...
an X-ray telescope

380
00:23:08,778 --> 00:23:11,390
into an orbiting satellite
to pick up X-rays

381
00:23:11,564 --> 00:23:13,435
from distant stars.

382
00:23:13,609 --> 00:23:19,093
♪ If I go♪

383
00:23:19,354 --> 00:23:21,661
Albert: But why bother
about distant stars...

384
00:23:21,835 --> 00:23:23,532
♪ If I go♪

385
00:23:23,706 --> 00:23:26,622
[chuckles] ...when we have
the luminaries right with us?

386
00:23:26,796 --> 00:23:29,364
♪ All these things be♪

387
00:23:29,538 --> 00:23:31,758
Festival host: Very rarely
does it happen

388
00:23:31,975 --> 00:23:33,716
that a performer emerges...

389
00:23:34,674 --> 00:23:39,026
that is a beautiful human
being as well as a great

390
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:40,767
singer and musician.

391
00:23:41,463 --> 00:23:44,031
Such a one is Joan Baez.

392
00:23:44,248 --> 00:23:47,338
[crowd cheering]

393
00:23:48,601 --> 00:23:50,646
I'm all...
I'm all up to here with it.

394
00:23:50,820 --> 00:23:53,170
So, anyhow, I'll just sing
what I feel like singing,

395
00:23:53,823 --> 00:23:55,956
feel sort of like exploding.
So, I'll explode.

396
00:23:56,130 --> 00:23:57,436
♪ ["Te Ador"
by Joan Baez plays] ♪

397
00:23:58,262 --> 00:23:59,916
♪ Tu amor ♪

398
00:24:00,743 --> 00:24:05,095
♪ Deixasse corpo
Da gente marcado ♪

399
00:24:05,487 --> 00:24:07,184
♪ Oh♪

400
00:24:07,358 --> 00:24:08,969
Joan: It was whatever reason,

401
00:24:09,143 --> 00:24:11,406
I was the right voice
at the right time.

402
00:24:11,711 --> 00:24:14,714
It just shot me
in another whole stratosphere.

403
00:24:14,888 --> 00:24:17,064
Crowd: Come on. Come on.

404
00:24:17,368 --> 00:24:18,892
♪ Tu amor ♪

405
00:24:19,196 --> 00:24:21,285
- Cameraman: Come on, kids.
- Don't get so hysterical.

406
00:24:21,460 --> 00:24:23,157
Don't get so hysterical.
I mean...

407
00:24:23,723 --> 00:24:25,594
Are you getting writer's cramp,
Joan?

408
00:24:25,768 --> 00:24:27,248
No, I'm getting a bloated ego.

409
00:24:27,422 --> 00:24:28,815
I think it's... I think it's...

410
00:24:28,989 --> 00:24:31,165
Mimi: At age 18,
she really became

411
00:24:31,774 --> 00:24:35,212
suddenly famous overnight.
Time magazine writes an article.

412
00:24:35,386 --> 00:24:37,258
It says,
"A star is born at Newport."

413
00:24:37,432 --> 00:24:40,000
When you're 18 years old,
that really influences you.

414
00:24:41,305 --> 00:24:43,307
It really twisted
her mind around for a while.

415
00:24:43,482 --> 00:24:45,571
Director: Scene one,
take one, sound one.

416
00:24:46,746 --> 00:24:49,357
Host 1: Here's Joan Baez.
Well, all I can say is "wow."

417
00:24:49,531 --> 00:24:51,707
Host 2: One of the world's
great singers, Ms. Joan Baez.

418
00:24:51,881 --> 00:24:54,841
Host 3: Here she is, man.
Ms. Joan Baez!

419
00:24:55,015 --> 00:24:57,496
[crowd cheering]

420
00:24:58,018 --> 00:25:02,892
♪ La, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la♪

421
00:25:03,066 --> 00:25:08,985
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la♪

422
00:25:09,159 --> 00:25:11,205
Joan: I went from thinking
I was not very adequate

423
00:25:11,379 --> 00:25:13,903
as a human being to being
called the Virgin Mary.

424
00:25:14,077 --> 00:25:15,949
Well, who isn't going to buy
the Virgin Mary?

425
00:25:16,123 --> 00:25:17,820
I mean,
that was a much better deal.

426
00:25:18,038 --> 00:25:19,474
So, I went running around
barefoot

427
00:25:19,648 --> 00:25:21,171
with long hair looking
like the Virgin Mary

428
00:25:21,345 --> 00:25:23,304
and probably thinking
a little bit that I was.

429
00:25:23,478 --> 00:25:27,264
- [indistinct chatter]
- [Joan screams]

430
00:25:27,917 --> 00:25:29,223
Albert: Now, on this side,

431
00:25:29,397 --> 00:25:30,616
I'm gonna let you hear
Joanie sing.

432
00:25:30,964 --> 00:25:32,443
And the best way
to do it really is

433
00:25:32,618 --> 00:25:35,142
to, uh, let you hear
some of the records

434
00:25:35,316 --> 00:25:36,535
that she has made.

435
00:25:36,709 --> 00:25:39,059
♪ Oh, what a beautiful city♪

436
00:25:39,842 --> 00:25:42,671
♪ Twelve gates
Into the city...♪

437
00:25:42,845 --> 00:25:44,107
Pauline: It was overpowering

438
00:25:44,281 --> 00:25:46,196
having her as a younger sister.

439
00:25:46,632 --> 00:25:48,808
I think at first,
we were very close.

440
00:25:50,810 --> 00:25:53,726
But then... then I had to go
my own way...

441
00:25:54,901 --> 00:25:58,252
because she... her presence
became too much.

442
00:26:03,779 --> 00:26:05,781
Joan: I think Pauline
just retreated.

443
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:09,306
Any thought
of any kind of competition

444
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:13,006
or being out in that world
was just anathema to her.

445
00:26:13,180 --> 00:26:15,138
She drifted away.

446
00:26:16,139 --> 00:26:18,925
Well, I turned into
the silent arts. I mean,

447
00:26:19,360 --> 00:26:22,015
I did sewing
and built mud houses

448
00:26:22,189 --> 00:26:23,669
and different kinda stuff.

449
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:28,848
I moved to Carmel Valley,
way out in the sticks.

450
00:26:31,546 --> 00:26:33,417
I kind of decided
if everybody else

451
00:26:33,592 --> 00:26:35,724
was going for fame and glory,
I'd be invisible.

452
00:26:36,116 --> 00:26:37,900
And so, I became
more invisible.

453
00:26:38,771 --> 00:26:41,817
It's just how I learned
to cope, I think.

454
00:26:42,209 --> 00:26:44,515
[gentle music playing]

455
00:26:44,864 --> 00:26:46,126
Joan: Oh, it was better
than with Mimi

456
00:26:46,300 --> 00:26:47,910
'cause she wanted to compete.

457
00:26:48,084 --> 00:26:50,391
And that was equally
as disastrous, you know?

458
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:54,177
Pauline:
Well, I think in the beginning,

459
00:26:54,351 --> 00:26:56,832
she wasn't trying to be Joanie,
but she could play too.

460
00:26:57,006 --> 00:26:58,225
And she was gorgeous.

461
00:26:59,356 --> 00:27:02,359
It was just so strange
how it worked out

462
00:27:02,533 --> 00:27:06,929
because, oh, man, that body,
it was so beautiful.

463
00:27:07,582 --> 00:27:09,018
She was not a singer.

464
00:27:09,497 --> 00:27:13,109
She was a dancer.
But it didn't go that way.

465
00:27:14,502 --> 00:27:16,156
Radio host:
When I'm talking to you,

466
00:27:16,504 --> 00:27:19,246
I can't help thinking about
you being Joan Baez's sister.

467
00:27:19,594 --> 00:27:22,684
And, uh, it makes me then
wonder what it was like for you

468
00:27:22,858 --> 00:27:24,251
as a little girl.

469
00:27:24,817 --> 00:27:27,907
Mimi: Boy, well, as a teenager,
I wanted to be a dancer.

470
00:27:28,516 --> 00:27:30,300
And then I was
so sort of overwhelmed

471
00:27:30,474 --> 00:27:32,041
by my sister.

472
00:27:32,389 --> 00:27:35,001
And being her little sister,
in a sense, stunted my growth

473
00:27:35,175 --> 00:27:38,221
because I was so overwhelmed
by her that I copycatted her

474
00:27:38,395 --> 00:27:39,440
for many years.

475
00:27:41,181 --> 00:27:42,573
Pauline: I just always figured
she and Joanie

476
00:27:42,748 --> 00:27:44,097
had this
really tight relationship

477
00:27:44,271 --> 00:27:45,925
and they were on another track.

478
00:27:46,099 --> 00:27:48,405
But it turned out
that she and Joanie

479
00:27:48,579 --> 00:27:50,277
were having such problems.

480
00:27:50,712 --> 00:27:52,975
It was always such a...
such a power thing

481
00:27:53,149 --> 00:27:54,542
and such a jealousy thing.

482
00:27:55,761 --> 00:27:58,633
And then Dick came along
and kind of whoopsed her away.

483
00:27:59,329 --> 00:28:01,157
I mean, they got
the music thing.

484
00:28:01,331 --> 00:28:02,724
They put out a lot
of good music together.

485
00:28:02,898 --> 00:28:04,160
♪ ["House Un-American Blues
Activity Dream"

486
00:28:04,334 --> 00:28:06,075
by Richard
and Mimi Fariña plays] ♪

487
00:28:09,209 --> 00:28:11,820
♪ When I was
Standing on the sidewalk♪

488
00:28:11,994 --> 00:28:14,083
♪ I had a noise in my head♪

489
00:28:14,388 --> 00:28:16,999
♪ There were loud speakers
Babbling,

490
00:28:17,173 --> 00:28:18,697
but nothing was said♪

491
00:28:19,306 --> 00:28:20,742
♪ There were 27...♪

492
00:28:20,916 --> 00:28:22,091
Joan: She wanted
to be a singer...

493
00:28:23,136 --> 00:28:25,747
and asked me what I thought.

494
00:28:26,966 --> 00:28:29,142
And I said
it'll be so difficult

495
00:28:29,316 --> 00:28:31,231
trying to do this
under the shadow

496
00:28:31,405 --> 00:28:32,711
of your older sister.

497
00:28:33,059 --> 00:28:34,843
And I think
she resented that forever.

498
00:28:35,104 --> 00:28:40,370
[crowd cheering]

499
00:28:43,547 --> 00:28:49,423
♪ My daddy is a handsome devil♪

500
00:28:50,685 --> 00:28:57,344
♪ He's got a chain
Five miles long♪

501
00:28:57,692 --> 00:29:03,959
♪ And on every link
A heart does dangle♪

502
00:29:04,612 --> 00:29:09,443
♪ Of another maid
He's loved and wronged♪

503
00:29:09,617 --> 00:29:11,010
Joan: Hello, Mummy, Popsy,

504
00:29:11,271 --> 00:29:13,142
I wrote you guys
a letter last night.

505
00:29:13,621 --> 00:29:15,275
And then I brought
a tape recorder today.

506
00:29:15,449 --> 00:29:17,843
So, I decided
I make a tape instead.

507
00:29:18,452 --> 00:29:19,714
Much nicer.

508
00:29:19,888 --> 00:29:23,457
♪ Another tender maiden...♪

509
00:29:23,631 --> 00:29:25,415
Joan: I wish you could hear
the train whistle.

510
00:29:26,199 --> 00:29:28,549
It's really a lonesome sound.

511
00:29:30,594 --> 00:29:32,901
Anyhow, let's see.
What's happening?

512
00:29:33,728 --> 00:29:35,556
We've had
all good concerts so far.

513
00:29:36,470 --> 00:29:38,037
Vancouver was the nicest.

514
00:29:39,168 --> 00:29:40,822
Last night was Portland.

515
00:29:40,996 --> 00:29:44,521
And, uh, I'm traveling
from Portland to San Francisco.

516
00:29:44,739 --> 00:29:46,262
Interviewer:
What does fame mean to you?

517
00:29:47,524 --> 00:29:49,700
Fame,
I think that fame is like...

518
00:29:51,006 --> 00:29:53,400
everybody, no matter how much
they try to pretend,

519
00:29:53,574 --> 00:29:55,750
everybody likes the thought
of fame.

520
00:29:56,229 --> 00:29:58,579
What fame actually is,
I don't really know

521
00:29:58,753 --> 00:30:00,276
'cause I don't consider
myself famous.

522
00:30:00,450 --> 00:30:01,887
I think there's a difference
in being well known

523
00:30:02,061 --> 00:30:02,975
and being famous.

524
00:30:06,413 --> 00:30:08,545
Joan: I think
I was just confused.

525
00:30:09,546 --> 00:30:11,113
I... I know that I...

526
00:30:12,332 --> 00:30:14,682
was happy to have
the attention.

527
00:30:14,856 --> 00:30:16,510
And I think that bothered me.

528
00:30:18,294 --> 00:30:20,819
I didn't want to be,
um, privileged...

529
00:30:21,645 --> 00:30:24,126
when there were so many people
who had no privileges.

530
00:30:25,040 --> 00:30:26,912
It was a huge conflict
from the start.

531
00:30:29,131 --> 00:30:33,788
[dramatic music playing]

532
00:30:44,668 --> 00:30:47,019
Announcer:
The great Ms. Joan Baez.

533
00:30:47,236 --> 00:30:51,197
[crowd cheering]

534
00:30:52,938 --> 00:30:55,679
Joan: I was really young.
And it really is what it was.

535
00:30:55,854 --> 00:30:58,726
Oh, my God, what am I doing?
What's going on around me?

536
00:30:59,031 --> 00:31:01,903
Where do I stand in the world?
What does it mean?

537
00:31:02,077 --> 00:31:05,211
I see the little red light
on this television machine.

538
00:31:06,516 --> 00:31:08,214
Where is the orchestra?

539
00:31:08,475 --> 00:31:10,825
- [crowd laughing, applauding]
- That's the orchestra. Okay.

540
00:31:11,173 --> 00:31:12,783
Joan: I mean, I'd walk
out on the stage

541
00:31:12,958 --> 00:31:14,916
and they said, "Oh,
she looks so peaceful. She..."

542
00:31:15,090 --> 00:31:18,093
Exactly the opposite
of what was going on inside.

543
00:31:42,291 --> 00:31:45,816
Joan: I was just totally
depleted, physically,

544
00:31:45,991 --> 00:31:47,644
mentally, spiritually,
everything.

545
00:31:49,733 --> 00:31:50,865
It was a breakdown.

546
00:32:01,354 --> 00:32:06,011
[drum music playing]

547
00:32:13,496 --> 00:32:15,890
Joan: Being famous
at a really early age,

548
00:32:16,064 --> 00:32:18,719
I don't know what my life
would have been otherwise.

549
00:32:19,850 --> 00:32:21,809
Maybe it partly separated me.

550
00:32:24,203 --> 00:32:27,380
Part of my isolation
might have come from that.

551
00:32:29,338 --> 00:32:30,209
But I am...

552
00:32:31,340 --> 00:32:33,734
by now, more comfortable...

553
00:32:34,474 --> 00:32:35,344
by myself.

554
00:32:36,215 --> 00:32:41,307
[drum music playing]

555
00:32:43,135 --> 00:32:45,180
Joan: I'm not very good
at one-on-one relationships.

556
00:32:45,354 --> 00:32:48,009
I'm great with one-on-2,000.
You know?

557
00:32:50,881 --> 00:32:53,928
So, in some ways, yeah,
I mean, we created

558
00:32:54,102 --> 00:32:55,799
an intimate situation.

559
00:32:55,974 --> 00:32:58,759
And I get out of having to fi--
you know, deal with the reality

560
00:32:58,933 --> 00:33:00,674
of an intimate relationship.
[laughs]

561
00:33:02,197 --> 00:33:04,504
And I have a nice intimate
evening with 4,000 people.

562
00:33:04,678 --> 00:33:08,421
[crowd cheering]

563
00:33:08,682 --> 00:33:10,901
[drum music playing]

564
00:33:49,723 --> 00:33:54,684
[crowd cheering, applauding]

565
00:33:55,468 --> 00:33:56,425
Yay!

566
00:34:11,788 --> 00:34:14,400
Joan: ♪ There's just one
Too many mornings♪

567
00:34:14,574 --> 00:34:17,967
♪ And a thousand miles behind♪

568
00:34:19,187 --> 00:34:25,063
♪ Just one too many mornings
And a thousand miles behind♪

569
00:34:26,194 --> 00:34:27,717
Joan: Train's slowing down.

570
00:34:28,543 --> 00:34:29,980
It's really beautiful out.

571
00:34:30,851 --> 00:34:34,114
It's just dark clouds and
green grass and a few trees.

572
00:34:35,768 --> 00:34:37,031
There isn't any
color out there,

573
00:34:37,205 --> 00:34:38,772
it's just like gray and black.

574
00:34:41,427 --> 00:34:44,255
There's just gray,
and then there's black.

575
00:34:45,083 --> 00:34:47,737
And, uh, I can see
my reflection a little bit

576
00:34:47,911 --> 00:34:50,652
in that sort of pale gray.

577
00:34:51,001 --> 00:34:53,308
[somber music playing]

578
00:34:53,873 --> 00:34:58,008
Joan: I think, didn't I, um,
when I was 22, take a year off?

579
00:34:58,922 --> 00:35:01,142
Trying to make sure
I didn't get seduced

580
00:35:01,316 --> 00:35:06,147
by the entertainment world,
trying to be a better person.

581
00:35:07,540 --> 00:35:11,196
And then during
that time period, I met a girl.

582
00:35:11,674 --> 00:35:13,372
Joan [from audiotapes]:
I'm speaking really, really low

583
00:35:13,546 --> 00:35:14,808
because I don't want
to wake up Kimmie.

584
00:35:14,982 --> 00:35:16,244
It's about 2:00 in the morning.

585
00:35:17,506 --> 00:35:19,595
And I can't get to sleep.

586
00:35:20,335 --> 00:35:21,858
Joan: Kim came to visit me.

587
00:35:22,032 --> 00:35:24,905
And I realized
I was really attracted to her.

588
00:35:26,036 --> 00:35:27,473
She was great.

589
00:35:27,864 --> 00:35:29,692
She was... she could outdrink
anybody on the coast.

590
00:35:29,866 --> 00:35:31,738
And she surfed for seven hours
at a time

591
00:35:31,912 --> 00:35:34,654
and all this wonderful stuff
that I didn't do.

592
00:35:37,961 --> 00:35:40,964
She was more feral
than I was...

593
00:35:41,617 --> 00:35:45,360
didn't have any consciousness
of rules, regulations.

594
00:35:46,361 --> 00:35:48,407
We were tearing around
town in boots and cutoffs

595
00:35:48,581 --> 00:35:52,976
and suspenders and weird hair
and headbands, um...

596
00:35:54,500 --> 00:35:56,415
and just ruffians.

597
00:35:57,894 --> 00:36:00,070
Yeah, and we ended up together.

598
00:36:02,203 --> 00:36:05,467
It was a major turn,
what it gave me, and...

599
00:36:06,164 --> 00:36:10,733
another whole angle on love,
another whole angle on sex.

600
00:36:12,387 --> 00:36:14,607
I guess couple years
it lasted,

601
00:36:14,955 --> 00:36:16,391
a nice couple years.

602
00:36:16,565 --> 00:36:20,134
I think probably soothing
after men.

603
00:36:20,743 --> 00:36:22,005
Joan [from audiotapes]:
Mummy and Popsy,

604
00:36:22,180 --> 00:36:23,964
Kimmie and I are on the train.

605
00:36:25,095 --> 00:36:27,228
And we're going to Tucson next.

606
00:36:27,402 --> 00:36:30,057
And then we plunge
into the deep South.

607
00:36:31,232 --> 00:36:34,279
So, there was that
and recreation, the fun and...

608
00:36:34,453 --> 00:36:37,717
and then there was me
being serious

609
00:36:38,283 --> 00:36:39,632
about what I was doing,

610
00:36:39,806 --> 00:36:41,416
beginning
to get serious about...

611
00:36:42,548 --> 00:36:43,940
what I was saying and doing,

612
00:36:44,114 --> 00:36:45,768
and what I would do
with my life.

613
00:36:45,942 --> 00:36:48,641
Activist: And begin
the march for freedom now.

614
00:36:49,163 --> 00:36:52,122
Let us begin quietly and
orderly

615
00:36:52,297 --> 00:36:54,212
to move out, remembering

616
00:36:54,386 --> 00:36:55,909
that by a great number...

617
00:36:56,083 --> 00:36:57,389
Joan: Never seen
that many people,

618
00:36:57,563 --> 00:36:59,521
about 250,000,
something like that.

619
00:37:01,044 --> 00:37:02,742
[indistinct chanting]

620
00:37:03,090 --> 00:37:04,657
Joan: And then there was
the speech...

621
00:37:05,832 --> 00:37:07,834
[breathes deeply]
...which I'll never get over.

622
00:37:08,791 --> 00:37:10,184
Martin Luther King Jr.:
I have a dream...

623
00:37:13,318 --> 00:37:15,537
my four little children...

624
00:37:17,017 --> 00:37:18,758
will one day live in a nation

625
00:37:18,932 --> 00:37:21,630
where they will not be judged
by the color of their skin,

626
00:37:21,804 --> 00:37:23,632
but by the content
of their character.

627
00:37:23,806 --> 00:37:26,113
- I have a dream today.
- [crowd applauds]

628
00:37:26,766 --> 00:37:29,943
Joan: Well, I kinda remember
those days

629
00:37:30,422 --> 00:37:33,338
of some kind of shifting
going on and maybe getting

630
00:37:33,512 --> 00:37:35,514
closer to actually doing.

631
00:37:36,689 --> 00:37:39,474
The obvious thing
was music and politics for me.

632
00:37:40,301 --> 00:37:42,521
And I didn't have the songs
for it at that point.

633
00:37:42,695 --> 00:37:45,263
And that was one of the glories
of Dylan showing up.

634
00:37:46,133 --> 00:37:49,876
And then, you know, and then,
the songs made all the sense

635
00:37:50,050 --> 00:37:51,878
in the world, whether they made
any sense or not.

636
00:37:53,009 --> 00:37:57,362
♪ Oh, the time will come up
When the winds will stop♪

637
00:37:57,536 --> 00:38:00,756
♪ And the breeze will cease
To be breathing ♪

638
00:38:01,670 --> 00:38:06,240
♪ Like the stillness in the wind
Before the hurricane begins♪

639
00:38:06,414 --> 00:38:09,243
♪ The hour that the ship
Comes in♪

640
00:38:09,417 --> 00:38:12,594
Joan: We changed each other's
lives and outlooks

641
00:38:12,768 --> 00:38:14,596
and music and careers.

642
00:38:14,770 --> 00:38:18,034
♪ And the sands on
The shoreline will be shaking♪

643
00:38:18,383 --> 00:38:20,298
Joan: I had gone to see him
at Gerde's Folk City

644
00:38:20,950 --> 00:38:22,082
in New York City.

645
00:38:22,561 --> 00:38:24,824
And I saw this tattered,
little shamble

646
00:38:24,998 --> 00:38:26,565
of a human being up there.

647
00:38:26,782 --> 00:38:28,567
He's just spouting out
these words.

648
00:38:28,741 --> 00:38:30,264
And I was just transfixed.

649
00:38:32,397 --> 00:38:33,572
I remember being at a party

650
00:38:33,746 --> 00:38:35,225
and he had just written
Hard Rain.

651
00:38:36,009 --> 00:38:38,272
Um, he was singing it
like a normal person

652
00:38:38,446 --> 00:38:39,752
with a bunch of people,

653
00:38:40,143 --> 00:38:42,058
sitting around, not normal
but... 'cause I mean,

654
00:38:42,232 --> 00:38:44,800
normal people don't write stuff
like that. [laughs]

655
00:38:45,758 --> 00:38:47,499
- Is Bobby down there?
- [crowd cheering]

656
00:38:47,673 --> 00:38:51,067
Joan: I was just stoned
on that talent.

657
00:38:51,633 --> 00:38:52,765
Bobby!

658
00:38:55,289 --> 00:38:58,597
[crowd cheering, applauding]

659
00:39:03,036 --> 00:39:05,865
Joan: I remember
very clearly driving around

660
00:39:06,039 --> 00:39:08,433
when I was driving
to my own concerts.

661
00:39:08,911 --> 00:39:10,739
And I'd introduce him
on the stage.

662
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:12,828
And the audience would go...
[mocking]

663
00:39:13,002 --> 00:39:15,483
[chuckles] And I would say,
listen to this guy.

664
00:39:15,962 --> 00:39:18,312
Didn't take very long
for them to listen to this guy.

665
00:39:18,486 --> 00:39:20,532
♪ ["It Ain't Me, Babe"
by Bob Dylan plays] ♪

666
00:39:20,706 --> 00:39:26,233
♪ You say you're looking For
someone who'll pick you up♪

667
00:39:26,407 --> 00:39:29,889
♪ Each time you fall ♪

668
00:39:30,063 --> 00:39:34,589
♪ To gather flowers
For you constantly ♪

669
00:39:34,763 --> 00:39:39,159
♪ And to come each time
You call ♪

670
00:39:39,420 --> 00:39:43,772
♪ A lover for your life
And nothing more ♪

671
00:39:43,946 --> 00:39:46,601
♪ But it ain't me, babe ♪

672
00:39:46,775 --> 00:39:50,910
♪ No, no, no
It ain't me, babe ♪

673
00:39:51,084 --> 00:39:57,177
♪ It ain't me you're
Looking for, babe♪

674
00:39:57,612 --> 00:40:02,225
[crowd cheering]

675
00:40:03,313 --> 00:40:07,622
Hey, time, it's all... it's all
like a matter of time,

676
00:40:07,796 --> 00:40:09,929
- they say. Okay.
- [crowd cheering]

677
00:40:11,496 --> 00:40:13,236
I want to say thank you.

678
00:40:13,411 --> 00:40:15,195
I want to say thank you.
I want to say thank you.

679
00:40:15,369 --> 00:40:16,326
I love you.

680
00:40:16,936 --> 00:40:18,546
Joan: It was a big
deal for Bobby.

681
00:40:18,981 --> 00:40:22,985
And he was a person then...
He was just a person and a kid.

682
00:40:24,552 --> 00:40:25,814
It was wonderful.

683
00:40:25,988 --> 00:40:26,989
We had a wonderful
time together.

684
00:40:27,163 --> 00:40:28,426
I'll tell you what I'll do.

685
00:40:28,904 --> 00:40:31,603
I'll do Bobby Dylan
singing Joan Baez, okay?

686
00:40:31,820 --> 00:40:34,910
- [crowd laughing]
- Okay.

687
00:40:35,302 --> 00:40:39,567
♪ Word is to the kitchen gone♪

688
00:40:40,786 --> 00:40:43,789
♪ And word is to the hall♪

689
00:40:44,311 --> 00:40:47,488
♪ And word is up to
Madam, the Queen ♪

690
00:40:47,662 --> 00:40:50,578
♪ And that's the worst of all ♪

691
00:40:55,017 --> 00:40:56,802
I mean,
that was a pretty short period

692
00:40:56,976 --> 00:40:58,717
that we were really
kids together.

693
00:40:59,848 --> 00:41:03,025
He was writing
insane amount of stuff.

694
00:41:03,199 --> 00:41:05,201
It just kinda flies out
of the typewriter

695
00:41:05,375 --> 00:41:06,942
and all over the room.

696
00:41:07,247 --> 00:41:09,684
And I was just there
riding the wave with him.

697
00:41:10,555 --> 00:41:11,817
Well, for me, he was...

698
00:41:12,774 --> 00:41:14,254
everything. He needed a mother.

699
00:41:14,428 --> 00:41:15,995
He needed somebody
to give him a bath.

700
00:41:16,343 --> 00:41:18,606
He needed somebody
to sing his songs.

701
00:41:18,780 --> 00:41:21,609
And I needed to
mother somebody.

702
00:41:21,783 --> 00:41:23,698
I needed to hang out.
I needed intrigue.

703
00:41:23,872 --> 00:41:25,178
I needed his music.

704
00:41:25,352 --> 00:41:28,442
Um, and the time
was right for it.

705
00:41:28,616 --> 00:41:33,926
♪ I would come and would go ♪

706
00:41:34,100 --> 00:41:39,061
♪ At his request ♪

707
00:41:40,019 --> 00:41:43,196
Joan [from audiotapes]:
Oh, moon, moon above,

708
00:41:44,066 --> 00:41:47,156
dickety dove, smickily pove.

709
00:41:48,201 --> 00:41:50,812
Ickydacky poo. I love her.
And she loves you.

710
00:41:50,986 --> 00:41:52,422
Oh, here comes the train.
Can you hear it?

711
00:41:52,771 --> 00:41:55,904
♪ And I built him a bower ♪

712
00:41:56,078 --> 00:42:01,040
♪ In my breast ♪

713
00:42:02,215 --> 00:42:07,960
♪ Oh ♪

714
00:42:08,134 --> 00:42:11,616
♪ Oh... ♪

715
00:42:12,442 --> 00:42:14,053
Joan [from audiotapes]:
The day before yesterday,

716
00:42:14,270 --> 00:42:16,011
I had given
three concerts in a row,

717
00:42:17,012 --> 00:42:19,014
the three nights
before that with Bobby.

718
00:42:19,667 --> 00:42:20,973
It was fantastic.

719
00:42:21,147 --> 00:42:23,105
The gym was just packed
with kids.

720
00:42:23,584 --> 00:42:26,239
The roof
nearly came off the place.

721
00:42:26,413 --> 00:42:28,589
♪ ["Only A Pawn In Their Game"
by Bob Dylan plays] ♪

722
00:42:28,763 --> 00:42:32,071
♪ A bullet from the back
Of a bush ♪

723
00:42:32,985 --> 00:42:35,204
♪ Took Medgar Evers' blood ♪

724
00:42:37,467 --> 00:42:41,254
♪ A finger fired
The trigger to his name ♪

725
00:42:43,343 --> 00:42:47,565
♪ A handle hid out
in the dark♪

726
00:42:47,826 --> 00:42:51,917
♪ A hand set the spark
Two eyes took the aim ♪

727
00:42:53,353 --> 00:42:55,703
♪ Behind a man's brain ♪

728
00:42:56,704 --> 00:42:58,750
♪ But he can't be blamed♪

729
00:43:00,055 --> 00:43:05,539
♪ He's only a pawn
In that game ♪

730
00:43:06,322 --> 00:43:07,672
Martin Luther King Jr.:
We're gonna walk...

731
00:43:08,977 --> 00:43:11,153
nonviolently and peacefully...

732
00:43:12,372 --> 00:43:14,809
to let the nation
and the world know

733
00:43:15,723 --> 00:43:16,898
we are tired now.

734
00:43:19,335 --> 00:43:21,294
Joan: When I stepped into
the Civil Rights movement,

735
00:43:21,642 --> 00:43:23,078
I kinda just stayed there.

736
00:43:24,036 --> 00:43:26,516
Nonviolent action
was what I was born for.

737
00:43:27,039 --> 00:43:28,780
I knew that I belonged there.

738
00:43:29,389 --> 00:43:31,652
You know, and I realized
at that time

739
00:43:31,826 --> 00:43:36,004
that I had this amazing
good fortune to be with King.

740
00:43:36,918 --> 00:43:38,311
Martin Luther King Jr.:
Now is the time...

741
00:43:39,268 --> 00:43:42,097
to make real the promises
of democracy.

742
00:43:42,271 --> 00:43:45,666
Now is the time
to make justice a reality

743
00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:47,625
for all of God's children.

744
00:43:49,365 --> 00:43:51,063
Joan: I'm sitting
on the bathroom floor

745
00:43:51,237 --> 00:43:53,152
of a Holiday Inn
in Mississippi.

746
00:43:54,022 --> 00:43:56,155
I don't consider
Texas really South.

747
00:43:56,721 --> 00:43:58,418
I think Mississippi
is kinda end the world.

748
00:43:58,592 --> 00:44:01,595
[indistinct chatter]

749
00:44:03,902 --> 00:44:05,207
Interviewer:
You're not expecting anything

750
00:44:05,381 --> 00:44:06,948
from any white bystanders,
are you?

751
00:44:08,036 --> 00:44:10,212
- No
- [car honks]

752
00:44:11,910 --> 00:44:13,955
Joan: It was just
a dangerous place to be.

753
00:44:15,043 --> 00:44:18,568
And I was stricken by the kids
and their bravery.

754
00:44:19,091 --> 00:44:21,136
When you're standing in a crowd
and you're watching

755
00:44:21,310 --> 00:44:23,486
five Black kids
integrate a school...

756
00:44:23,878 --> 00:44:25,619
it's not about my courage.

757
00:44:25,793 --> 00:44:28,666
It's really about theirs.
I don't know how they did that.

758
00:44:29,318 --> 00:44:30,580
[chuckles]

759
00:44:37,065 --> 00:44:38,371
Joan [from audiotapes]:
I've been asked

760
00:44:38,545 --> 00:44:41,330
to fly down to Montgomery.

761
00:44:42,505 --> 00:44:44,899
They've been having
a big voter registration drive

762
00:44:45,073 --> 00:44:46,553
because what it's doing
is trying to get

763
00:44:46,727 --> 00:44:51,384
- the Negroes to vote.
- [indistinct chatter]

764
00:44:53,691 --> 00:44:55,823
[crowd clamoring]

765
00:44:55,997 --> 00:44:58,086
Interviewer: Do you feel you're
in a closed society, Dr. King?

766
00:44:58,260 --> 00:44:59,566
Martin Luther King Jr.: Oh, yes.

767
00:44:59,740 --> 00:45:01,133
It's definitely
a closed society.

768
00:45:01,307 --> 00:45:03,613
And we're gonna make it
an open society.

769
00:45:03,875 --> 00:45:06,312
And we feel that we have
to do it this way

770
00:45:06,486 --> 00:45:09,184
in order to bring
the evil out into the open.

771
00:45:10,882 --> 00:45:12,187
Joan [from audiotapes]:
The march is now

772
00:45:12,361 --> 00:45:14,276
finally going on.

773
00:45:15,016 --> 00:45:19,368
They're having a huge rally
in Montgomery at the Capitol

774
00:45:20,108 --> 00:45:22,284
just to show that the Negroes
have been able

775
00:45:22,458 --> 00:45:24,460
to do all the things
that the Constitution says

776
00:45:24,634 --> 00:45:25,940
they're supposed
to be able to do,

777
00:45:26,114 --> 00:45:27,594
they're actually finally doing.

778
00:45:29,117 --> 00:45:31,163
Anyway, I'll sing there.
And they're expecting

779
00:45:31,337 --> 00:45:33,643
about 30,000 or 40,000 people
to show up.

780
00:45:33,818 --> 00:45:35,863
♪ ["Come And Go With Me To
That Land" by Joan Baez plays] ♪

781
00:45:36,037 --> 00:45:39,084
♪ Come and go with me
To that land ♪

782
00:45:39,258 --> 00:45:42,478
♪ Come and go with me
To that land ♪

783
00:45:42,652 --> 00:45:49,485
♪ Come and go with me
To that land where I'm bound ♪

784
00:45:49,747 --> 00:45:53,141
♪ Come and go with me
To that land ♪

785
00:45:53,315 --> 00:45:56,797
♪ Come and go with me
To that land ♪

786
00:45:56,971 --> 00:46:03,543
♪ Come and go with me
To that land where I'm bound ♪

787
00:46:05,153 --> 00:46:09,114
[indistinct chatter]

788
00:46:15,903 --> 00:46:18,863
[both laugh]

789
00:46:19,689 --> 00:46:22,605
[gentle music playing]

790
00:47:13,482 --> 00:47:14,744
♪ ["No More Auction Block"
plays] ♪

791
00:47:15,006 --> 00:47:20,098
♪ Don't block for me no more ♪

792
00:47:20,446 --> 00:47:23,405
♪ No more ♪

793
00:47:23,753 --> 00:47:29,368
♪ No more auction
block for me ♪

794
00:47:29,629 --> 00:47:34,852
♪ Many thousand gone ♪

795
00:47:35,853 --> 00:47:40,901
♪ No more auction
block for me ♪

796
00:47:41,336 --> 00:47:45,558
♪ No more, no more ♪

797
00:47:46,298 --> 00:47:50,998
♪ No more auction
block for me ♪

798
00:47:51,781 --> 00:47:55,524
♪ Many thousand gone ♪

799
00:47:57,135 --> 00:48:01,356
♪ Oh, freedom
Oh, freedom ♪

800
00:48:01,922 --> 00:48:05,447
♪ Oh, freedom over me ♪

801
00:48:05,621 --> 00:48:10,322
♪ And before I'll be a slave
I'll be buried in my grave ♪

802
00:48:10,496 --> 00:48:14,848
♪ And go home to my Lord
And be free ♪

803
00:48:15,544 --> 00:48:20,114
♪ Oh, freedom
Oh, freedom ♪

804
00:48:20,288 --> 00:48:23,813
♪ Oh, freedom over me ♪

805
00:48:24,075 --> 00:48:28,470
♪ And before I'll be a slave
I'll be buried in my grave ♪

806
00:48:28,644 --> 00:48:32,910
♪ And go home to my Lord
And be free ♪

807
00:48:33,171 --> 00:48:37,044
♪ And go home ♪

808
00:48:37,392 --> 00:48:42,310
♪ To my Lord ♪

809
00:48:42,745 --> 00:48:47,968
♪ And be free ♪

810
00:48:50,318 --> 00:48:55,715
[crowd cheers, applauds]

811
00:48:56,150 --> 00:48:57,717
Fan 1: Thank you so
much for all you did.

812
00:48:58,065 --> 00:48:59,545
- You brought us to tears there.
- Good.

813
00:48:59,719 --> 00:49:01,112
That's what I'm supposed to do.

814
00:49:01,286 --> 00:49:02,765
- [indistinct chatter]
- So many memories.

815
00:49:05,333 --> 00:49:06,987
Fan 2: And foot
soldier number three.

816
00:49:07,161 --> 00:49:08,684
[all laugh]

817
00:49:08,989 --> 00:49:11,731
You have no idea the power
of what you've done tonight.

818
00:49:11,905 --> 00:49:12,862
No idea.

819
00:49:13,602 --> 00:49:15,039
This does not happen.

820
00:49:16,344 --> 00:49:19,521
And for you to speak
about race specifically,

821
00:49:19,695 --> 00:49:22,698
the things that make us
so uncomfortable, it was...

822
00:49:22,872 --> 00:49:24,265
And to hear it from you,
it's different

823
00:49:24,439 --> 00:49:25,832
from hearing it from me.

824
00:49:26,093 --> 00:49:27,268
And so I don't want to cry,
so I'm gonna stop.

825
00:49:27,442 --> 00:49:28,617
But I just want
to say thank you.

826
00:49:28,791 --> 00:49:30,054
I am so happy.

827
00:49:30,358 --> 00:49:32,795
- Another one of my children.
- Mm-hmm.

828
00:49:33,971 --> 00:49:35,363
Fan 3: This is Mama Wimberly.

829
00:49:36,843 --> 00:49:39,193
Fan 4: None of this
would happen if not for you.

830
00:49:44,503 --> 00:49:48,942
[soft music playing]

831
00:49:50,030 --> 00:49:51,814
Joan [from audiotapes]: I had
a very busy month and a half

832
00:49:51,989 --> 00:49:53,425
just thinking.

833
00:49:53,816 --> 00:49:56,906
And I decided I was gonna
start a peace movement.

834
00:49:59,561 --> 00:50:01,824
So, this is what
I'm kind of toying around with

835
00:50:01,999 --> 00:50:04,436
in my head.
I'm making up speeches...

836
00:50:04,610 --> 00:50:07,482
[laughs]
...these big, fiery speeches.

837
00:50:07,961 --> 00:50:09,789
You know those great images
of myself,

838
00:50:09,963 --> 00:50:12,531
leading 400,000
million people.[laughs]

839
00:50:13,010 --> 00:50:15,838
I have to be ready
with each thing I do...

840
00:50:16,317 --> 00:50:19,233
To... like... like if I say
I'm going to march

841
00:50:19,407 --> 00:50:21,583
out in front of a target
some morning

842
00:50:21,757 --> 00:50:23,237
even if nobody else shows up,

843
00:50:23,411 --> 00:50:25,152
then I have to be able
to do it, you know?

844
00:50:25,457 --> 00:50:28,851
And I think I could do it. I
think they'd show up, but I...

845
00:50:29,591 --> 00:50:32,464
But I think the important thing
is that I would do it anyway.

846
00:50:32,855 --> 00:50:34,161
Which I think I would.

847
00:50:35,641 --> 00:50:37,382
But I don't know what's gonna
happen with the singing...

848
00:50:37,556 --> 00:50:39,819
[chuckles] ...especially
if I end up in jail.

849
00:50:42,430 --> 00:50:44,519
I've opened a school

850
00:50:44,780 --> 00:50:46,826
called the Institute
for the Study of Nonviolence.

851
00:50:47,261 --> 00:50:49,916
Institute for Nonviolent Action?

852
00:50:50,090 --> 00:50:51,265
- No.
- No?

853
00:50:51,439 --> 00:50:52,832
Institute for the Study
of Nonviolence.

854
00:50:53,050 --> 00:50:56,183
[speaking German]

855
00:50:56,662 --> 00:51:00,492
This means for me
to investigate in every way

856
00:51:00,666 --> 00:51:03,060
possible every form
of nonviolence, political,

857
00:51:03,234 --> 00:51:07,673
economical, sociological,
personal, practical, et cetera.

858
00:51:07,847 --> 00:51:09,675
I'm in the learning process.

859
00:51:10,371 --> 00:51:14,462
[soft music playing]

860
00:51:29,216 --> 00:51:32,263
Richard: Mimi's sister, Joanie,
has a school.

861
00:51:33,612 --> 00:51:36,223
And, uh, since it started
out last August,

862
00:51:36,571 --> 00:51:38,138
we've been out there
working on that.

863
00:51:38,312 --> 00:51:41,620
Mimi, uh,
teaching dance classes.

864
00:51:41,881 --> 00:51:43,404
Me, cooking.

865
00:51:43,709 --> 00:51:46,364
It's an attempt to find out
if... if nonviolent action

866
00:51:46,538 --> 00:51:48,844
is a working alternative
to the... to the chaos

867
00:51:49,018 --> 00:51:50,803
that we're bringing down
around our heads every day

868
00:51:50,977 --> 00:51:52,109
somewhere in the world.

869
00:51:54,067 --> 00:51:56,287
Interviewer:
Let's talk about Dick Farina.

870
00:51:56,809 --> 00:51:59,725
Because so much of the music
that you were associated with

871
00:51:59,899 --> 00:52:01,509
was written by him.

872
00:52:01,727 --> 00:52:05,165
Mimi: Well, he came into my life
when I was a teenager.

873
00:52:05,470 --> 00:52:08,037
I was, uh, very sad.

874
00:52:08,342 --> 00:52:10,866
And he came along
and sort of livened my life up.

875
00:52:11,040 --> 00:52:13,956
So, I went right from home,
got married to him, and...

876
00:52:14,261 --> 00:52:18,004
and lived in a tiny cabin
with him for several years.

877
00:52:18,570 --> 00:52:20,006
And we began singing and...

878
00:52:20,354 --> 00:52:22,182
I think I would have stayed
in his shadow

879
00:52:22,356 --> 00:52:25,098
and remained, you know,
a sort of second fiddle

880
00:52:25,751 --> 00:52:28,493
for the rest of my life
had he gone on living.

881
00:52:42,463 --> 00:52:44,248
Pauline: It was Mimi's
21st birthday

882
00:52:44,422 --> 00:52:46,337
and she was at my house
for a party.

883
00:52:46,859 --> 00:52:49,688
And, uh,
Dick and his friend Willy...

884
00:52:51,124 --> 00:52:53,344
um, went for a ride
on the motorcycle.

885
00:52:54,127 --> 00:52:55,172
He didn't come back.

886
00:52:56,303 --> 00:52:58,566
Joan: They'd taken the corner
too fast.

887
00:52:58,740 --> 00:53:00,307
The driver was okay,

888
00:53:00,481 --> 00:53:02,396
but Dick had fallen off
and smacked his head,

889
00:53:02,570 --> 00:53:03,615
and he was gone.

890
00:53:06,792 --> 00:53:10,317
Mimi never got over it
really, in my opinion, ever.

891
00:53:12,276 --> 00:53:15,583
When Richard died,
she kind of...

892
00:53:16,454 --> 00:53:18,717
took another few steps
toward darkness.

893
00:53:22,634 --> 00:53:25,550
She was just wired
to be unhappy.

894
00:53:26,290 --> 00:53:28,509
And I'm sure it came--
a lot of it came out of...

895
00:53:29,815 --> 00:53:30,859
the childhood.

896
00:53:33,645 --> 00:53:36,038
Mimi: But when I look back,
I've been someone who...

897
00:53:37,779 --> 00:53:40,304
has gone to bed and cried
or come home and cried

898
00:53:40,478 --> 00:53:41,609
most of my life.

899
00:53:43,611 --> 00:53:46,701
Can't find myself.
Can't find my joy.

900
00:53:50,749 --> 00:53:52,490
Joan: As I say,
we were always in therapy.

901
00:53:53,360 --> 00:53:55,319
Mimi had, you know,
an intuitive sense

902
00:53:55,493 --> 00:53:57,103
that there was something

903
00:53:57,756 --> 00:54:00,498
very dark around that.

904
00:54:01,325 --> 00:54:03,805
But neither of us really knew,
I don't think,

905
00:54:03,979 --> 00:54:06,808
the extent or the depth
of what was going on.

906
00:54:10,421 --> 00:54:14,163
[soft music playing]

907
00:54:15,121 --> 00:54:16,775
Joan [from audiotapes]:
Hello Mummy, Popsy.

908
00:54:17,776 --> 00:54:19,821
Oops, Mimi's turning over
in her sleep.

909
00:54:20,474 --> 00:54:22,563
She got a Seconal.
She needed it.

910
00:54:23,477 --> 00:54:25,131
She's up and jumping up
and looking out of the window

911
00:54:25,305 --> 00:54:27,046
every five minutes
all night long.

912
00:54:29,962 --> 00:54:31,659
I'm so glad
she's on this thing with me.

913
00:54:31,833 --> 00:54:33,835
I haven't had much time
with her.

914
00:54:34,227 --> 00:54:36,838
So, this is good. Um...

915
00:54:38,187 --> 00:54:40,538
What else was I going
to tell you? Something else.

916
00:54:41,060 --> 00:54:43,280
Oh, yeah, I'm gonna come
to England with Bobby.

917
00:54:45,456 --> 00:54:48,807
It's just gonna be
a huge wingding Beatle-rama.

918
00:54:48,981 --> 00:54:51,810
I might do a television thing
or one concert.

919
00:54:52,463 --> 00:54:53,942
Reporter:
Why are you so big this time?

920
00:54:54,116 --> 00:54:55,640
- What do you think?
- I have absolutely no idea.

921
00:54:55,814 --> 00:54:57,424
I don't even know about it,
if it is.

922
00:54:57,598 --> 00:54:59,252
I figured just the same thing
I did before.

923
00:54:59,426 --> 00:55:01,123
[crowd screaming]

924
00:55:01,428 --> 00:55:03,430
♪ ["Don't Think Twice, It's All
Right" by Bob Dylan plays] ♪

925
00:55:06,694 --> 00:55:09,393
[crowd clamoring]

926
00:55:23,581 --> 00:55:27,976
♪ Well, it ain't no use
To sit and wonder why, babe ♪

927
00:55:29,543 --> 00:55:31,545
Joan: London was the nightmare.

928
00:55:32,067 --> 00:55:33,678
♪ And it ain't no use... ♪

929
00:55:33,852 --> 00:55:35,941
Joan: I think what happened
when Bob started

930
00:55:36,289 --> 00:55:39,031
to be more famous,
he just moved away.

931
00:55:40,424 --> 00:55:42,339
In some ways, he moved away
from everybody.

932
00:55:43,165 --> 00:55:45,733
I think the shift
came very quickly.

933
00:55:45,907 --> 00:55:49,694
♪ Look out your window
And I'll be gone ♪

934
00:55:50,303 --> 00:55:52,087
♪ You're the reason... ♪

935
00:55:52,261 --> 00:55:55,352
Joan: I think that if I had
pushed my way in there,

936
00:55:55,700 --> 00:55:58,920
I probably could've
stayed central to that.

937
00:55:59,225 --> 00:56:02,315
But I couldn't have done
the drugs and the boys club.

938
00:56:03,011 --> 00:56:04,970
I didn't know
it was gonna be like that.

939
00:56:05,666 --> 00:56:08,321
[indistinct chatter]

940
00:56:08,756 --> 00:56:10,889
Joan: They were just on
another planet by then.

941
00:56:11,063 --> 00:56:13,848
And I was this little
weird folkie traveling around.

942
00:56:14,283 --> 00:56:16,111
I just didn't belong, you know?

943
00:56:19,854 --> 00:56:20,942
It was horrible.

944
00:56:22,422 --> 00:56:24,119
You see people doing that.
And they say,

945
00:56:24,293 --> 00:56:26,948
"Why doesn't she get out
of there?" And I couldn't.

946
00:56:28,733 --> 00:56:31,736
The feeling
was total demoralization.

947
00:56:33,041 --> 00:56:35,000
I was totally demoralized.

948
00:56:35,827 --> 00:56:37,916
[screams] It was horrible.

949
00:56:39,178 --> 00:56:41,963
Hi, Bob. [laughs]

950
00:56:45,837 --> 00:56:47,099
Interviewer:
Um, could I ask you?

951
00:56:47,273 --> 00:56:49,406
A lot of people
will be thinking this

952
00:56:49,580 --> 00:56:51,146
while you're over here.

953
00:56:51,364 --> 00:56:53,105
We-- Everyone's noticed Joan,
that she's come over.

954
00:56:53,279 --> 00:56:54,498
-Are you just good friends?
- Yeah.

955
00:56:54,672 --> 00:56:56,282
- Or is there a romantic link?
- Yeah.

956
00:56:56,500 --> 00:56:58,415
- Oh, just friends.
- Interviewer: Just friends.

957
00:56:59,154 --> 00:57:01,287
- Did you meet her in America?
-Yeah, I meet everybody

958
00:57:01,461 --> 00:57:02,941
-in America.
-Interviewer: Yeah.

959
00:57:03,158 --> 00:57:04,508
Well, would you say
you're going steady with her?

960
00:57:04,682 --> 00:57:05,900
-No.
- Interviewer: You're not?

961
00:57:06,074 --> 00:57:07,772
No, I...
I'm not going with anybody.

962
00:57:08,076 --> 00:57:09,948
-I have no... no special one.
- Interviewer: No one girl?

963
00:57:10,122 --> 00:57:11,602
[indistinct chatter]

964
00:57:11,776 --> 00:57:13,386
Fan 1: Bobby,
see you in Manchester.

965
00:57:13,865 --> 00:57:16,563
- Okay, bye.
- Fan 2: See you tomorrow.

966
00:57:19,479 --> 00:57:21,350
Joan: I think probably
Dylan broke my heart,

967
00:57:22,308 --> 00:57:23,570
'cause it was so shattering.

968
00:57:23,744 --> 00:57:25,833
And it having been
such a huge thing.

969
00:57:26,007 --> 00:57:27,531
You know, it was huge.

970
00:57:27,705 --> 00:57:30,229
The music was huge,
the politics, the...

971
00:57:31,012 --> 00:57:33,232
You know,
the closeness when we had it.

972
00:57:33,841 --> 00:57:36,670
Um, I think
that's fair enough to say.

973
00:57:38,367 --> 00:57:41,109
That, "I admit." [laughs]

974
00:57:42,110 --> 00:57:43,634
♪ ["J'arrive"
by Jacques Brel plays] ♪

975
00:57:48,508 --> 00:57:51,032
[singing in French]

976
00:58:00,564 --> 00:58:02,087
Joan: I guess
Europe was life-changing,

977
00:58:02,261 --> 00:58:03,958
and keeping in mind that

978
00:58:04,481 --> 00:58:07,092
I had been through hell
in England.

979
00:58:08,223 --> 00:58:13,794
So, then coming back
in another level was important.

980
00:58:15,230 --> 00:58:17,885
[singing in French]

981
00:58:18,059 --> 00:58:20,627
Joan: I think
I was infatuated with Paris.

982
00:58:20,975 --> 00:58:23,021
It was all so seductive.

983
00:58:24,109 --> 00:58:28,026
And allowing myself
to be kinda just taken away,

984
00:58:28,200 --> 00:58:30,681
taken off
into the fantasy of it.

985
00:58:31,377 --> 00:58:32,900
[singing in French]

986
00:58:46,131 --> 00:58:49,264
Joan: And then Gaveau
was a fashion photographer.

987
00:58:49,613 --> 00:58:51,092
So, he took me
to the fashion house.

988
00:58:51,266 --> 00:58:53,138
I didn't know they existed.

989
00:58:53,747 --> 00:58:55,619
[singing in French]

990
00:59:02,451 --> 00:59:04,236
Joan: I was just dashing around,

991
00:59:04,671 --> 00:59:07,326
just being up all night
'cause it was too exciting,

992
00:59:08,022 --> 00:59:12,723
and, um, beautiful,
really ridiculously beautiful.

993
00:59:13,245 --> 00:59:16,030
And falling in love
with various guys and...

994
00:59:16,727 --> 00:59:18,337
[singing in French]

995
00:59:19,164 --> 00:59:20,339
Joan: It was magical.

996
00:59:23,603 --> 00:59:26,954
But I had too much fun,
I would automatically get sick.

997
00:59:32,264 --> 00:59:36,790
I would get a form of darkness
that was pretty awful.

998
00:59:37,095 --> 00:59:38,270
It was just demonic.

999
00:59:38,662 --> 00:59:40,054
[somber music playing]

1000
00:59:56,027 --> 00:59:57,376
Joan: I was aware
that I'd be having

1001
00:59:57,550 --> 00:59:59,334
a wonderful time
and then collapse.

1002
00:59:59,683 --> 01:00:01,728
And then having a wonderful
time and then collapse.

1003
01:00:03,295 --> 01:00:06,690
Eventually, that was a pattern
to the point where...

1004
01:00:06,951 --> 01:00:09,214
And I...
I knew that would happen.

1005
01:00:09,693 --> 01:00:12,609
But I would do it anyway.

1006
01:00:23,750 --> 01:00:26,057
And what's really interesting
is the sorta coming back...

1007
01:00:26,231 --> 01:00:27,536
Back round to that...

1008
01:00:28,668 --> 01:00:30,757
uh, in a different form. No.

1009
01:00:32,237 --> 01:00:34,195
But it's very similar
right now.

1010
01:00:44,336 --> 01:00:46,860
♪ ["The Things That We Are
Made Of" by Joan Baez plays] ♪

1011
01:00:53,606 --> 01:00:58,306
♪ Oh, my darling
Oh, my love ♪

1012
01:00:59,438 --> 01:01:03,964
♪ Oh, my darling
Oh, my love ♪

1013
01:01:05,183 --> 01:01:09,491
♪ Oh, my darling
Oh, my love ♪

1014
01:01:10,623 --> 01:01:13,974
♪ Things that we are made of ♪

1015
01:01:14,148 --> 01:01:15,410
I was in this room.

1016
01:01:16,107 --> 01:01:19,371
And for whatever reason,
I was absolutely euphoric.

1017
01:01:19,545 --> 01:01:21,808
Maybe the concert
turned so beautiful.

1018
01:01:22,200 --> 01:01:24,855
And then all of a sudden,
it switched into big nasty.

1019
01:01:25,029 --> 01:01:26,204
Ugh, you know?

1020
01:01:27,553 --> 01:01:30,295
But I do know my own syndrome
of paying for it.

1021
01:01:30,730 --> 01:01:31,992
It still lingers.

1022
01:01:33,602 --> 01:01:36,214
I'm totally off my bearings.

1023
01:01:38,303 --> 01:01:40,697
So, it's a disorienting feeling.

1024
01:01:43,525 --> 01:01:44,962
I'm not in my, uh...

1025
01:01:46,441 --> 01:01:49,488
body yet... [chuckles]
...I guess you could say.

1026
01:01:49,662 --> 01:01:52,186
[breathes deeply]

1027
01:01:54,058 --> 01:01:55,624
I don't know
what we're doing next.

1028
01:01:56,625 --> 01:01:58,976
I'm not sure
where to begin with that.

1029
01:02:00,064 --> 01:02:01,805
And all this stuff
happens at night,

1030
01:02:02,893 --> 01:02:04,024
when I'm trying to sleep.

1031
01:02:05,417 --> 01:02:06,853
My mind goes dark.

1032
01:02:07,027 --> 01:02:08,768
I mean it goes dark
very quickly.

1033
01:02:08,942 --> 01:02:10,552
[sighs]

1034
01:02:11,597 --> 01:02:14,643
If I don't catch it,
then there's that reaction.

1035
01:02:15,906 --> 01:02:17,472
And then,
when you get down there,

1036
01:02:17,646 --> 01:02:19,997
you have no way of connecting
with what it was like

1037
01:02:20,737 --> 01:02:22,956
when you were cheery
and joyful, and open,

1038
01:02:23,130 --> 01:02:24,262
and in the light.

1039
01:02:25,959 --> 01:02:27,744
You don't remember
what up looks like.

1040
01:02:29,615 --> 01:02:31,225
[intense music playing]

1041
01:02:40,669 --> 01:02:42,454
[helicopter whirring]

1042
01:02:47,328 --> 01:02:48,765
Joan [from audiotapes]: Oh, yes.

1043
01:02:48,939 --> 01:02:50,941
There's only one thing
really to talk about.

1044
01:02:51,376 --> 01:02:52,507
That's Vietnam.

1045
01:02:56,120 --> 01:02:58,296
How can you drop bombs
all over town,

1046
01:02:58,470 --> 01:03:00,341
and then come running through
with machine guns

1047
01:03:00,515 --> 01:03:02,300
and napalm bombs and say,

1048
01:03:02,474 --> 01:03:04,258
"We'll bring you democracy
on the way back through?"

1049
01:03:04,432 --> 01:03:05,825
- You know...
- [crowd clamors]

1050
01:03:05,999 --> 01:03:06,870
...when you talk
in images like that...

1051
01:03:07,871 --> 01:03:09,307
people seem to understand.

1052
01:03:09,786 --> 01:03:11,831
Interviewer: What would you like
to see us do in Vietnam, Joan?

1053
01:03:12,179 --> 01:03:13,050
Get out.

1054
01:03:14,486 --> 01:03:16,705
- Stop bombing children.
- [crowd clamors]

1055
01:03:17,837 --> 01:03:19,491
Joan: I don't do things
to prove things.

1056
01:03:19,665 --> 01:03:21,232
I guess I do things
when I'm moved to the point

1057
01:03:21,406 --> 01:03:22,711
where I have no choice
of what to do.

1058
01:03:22,886 --> 01:03:24,409
And it was just...

1059
01:03:24,757 --> 01:03:26,803
- It was time to go to jail.
-[crowd cheers]

1060
01:03:33,897 --> 01:03:36,160
[mellow music playing]

1061
01:03:43,689 --> 01:03:46,997
David: We live in a society
that's become synonymous,

1062
01:03:47,171 --> 01:03:49,564
not simply
with sending people to jail.

1063
01:03:51,392 --> 01:03:54,395
We live in a society
that beyond all those things...

1064
01:03:55,570 --> 01:03:57,703
has become synonymous
with death itself.

1065
01:03:58,051 --> 01:04:01,054
Joan: I think David Harris
came to visit me in jail

1066
01:04:01,228 --> 01:04:02,447
because he knew
that we had supported

1067
01:04:02,621 --> 01:04:04,057
the draft resistance movement,

1068
01:04:04,231 --> 01:04:06,103
and he was
in a leadership position.

1069
01:04:08,105 --> 01:04:09,541
He had his little cowboy hat.

1070
01:04:09,715 --> 01:04:12,457
and he...
he had a flair and an air.

1071
01:04:12,849 --> 01:04:15,112
He was pretty adorable.
And I really,

1072
01:04:15,286 --> 01:04:18,289
really admired those guys
and what they were doing.

1073
01:04:18,767 --> 01:04:20,987
David: Nobody was having
a relationship in those days

1074
01:04:21,161 --> 01:04:22,946
that did not have
politics to it.

1075
01:04:23,598 --> 01:04:24,948
I mean,
people who were for the war

1076
01:04:25,122 --> 01:04:26,863
didn't marry people
who were against the war

1077
01:04:27,037 --> 01:04:28,603
or live with them,
or go out with them. [chuckles]

1078
01:04:28,777 --> 01:04:30,649
It was...
it was that kind of division.

1079
01:04:31,432 --> 01:04:32,781
David: We come forward and say,

1080
01:04:33,173 --> 01:04:35,045
these lives
that are brought here today

1081
01:04:35,219 --> 01:04:37,351
are bricks from which
a new house will be made...

1082
01:04:38,265 --> 01:04:40,702
a house where men don't live
on the backs of other men.

1083
01:04:40,877 --> 01:04:42,226
♪ ["Swing Low, Sweet Chariot"
plays] ♪

1084
01:04:42,400 --> 01:04:44,706
- [crowd cheers]
- Joan: ♪ Swing low... ♪

1085
01:04:44,881 --> 01:04:47,057
I mean, I would sing,
and he would speak.

1086
01:04:47,796 --> 01:04:50,495
It was like Dylan and me
meeting in the music world.

1087
01:04:51,148 --> 01:04:53,715
This is David and me meeting
in the political world.

1088
01:04:53,890 --> 01:05:00,461
♪ Coming to carry me... ♪

1089
01:05:00,635 --> 01:05:02,028
Joan: Yessie, yessie. Mm-hmm.

1090
01:05:02,202 --> 01:05:03,334
What time
does the meeting start?

1091
01:05:04,901 --> 01:05:06,380
He may be a little late

1092
01:05:06,554 --> 01:05:07,729
'cause he's writing,
writing, writing.

1093
01:05:08,469 --> 01:05:11,081
We moved.[chuckles]
Struggle Mountain was a shack.

1094
01:05:11,255 --> 01:05:13,822
- [indistinct chatter]
- Joan: And we knew

1095
01:05:14,606 --> 01:05:17,043
shortly that David
would be going to jail.

1096
01:05:17,565 --> 01:05:19,872
David: I mean, let 'em come up
and bust me for what I do.

1097
01:05:20,264 --> 01:05:21,918
I mean, I am leaving
a nice scene behind.

1098
01:05:22,092 --> 01:05:24,616
I'm leaving my wife pregnant.
I am leaving all those things.

1099
01:05:25,008 --> 01:05:27,184
And I think that the least any
man who comes to arrest me

1100
01:05:27,358 --> 01:05:28,707
ought to do is see that.

1101
01:05:29,838 --> 01:05:31,928
Interviewer: As a fairly
new wife and a... and a

1102
01:05:32,102 --> 01:05:35,061
pregnant expectant mother,
do you think it's worth it?

1103
01:05:35,540 --> 01:05:37,150
[chuckles]

1104
01:05:37,411 --> 01:05:39,848
Look, I mean I... I waited
for 27 years to find somebody

1105
01:05:40,023 --> 01:05:42,329
I thought was worth it,
and I knew when we got married

1106
01:05:42,503 --> 01:05:43,983
that he would be
spending time in prison.

1107
01:05:44,157 --> 01:05:46,551
I feel that if he and I
continue to be involved

1108
01:05:46,725 --> 01:05:48,074
in the revolution,
which we will,

1109
01:05:48,248 --> 01:05:49,510
we'll both spend
time in prison.

1110
01:05:49,684 --> 01:05:50,903
So, that's all right.

1111
01:05:51,556 --> 01:05:54,167
When I sing this thing,
I remember seeing David

1112
01:05:54,341 --> 01:05:56,561
for the last time
as he rode away with the feds

1113
01:05:56,735 --> 01:05:59,607
with his hands cuffed
and the big blowicky,

1114
01:05:59,781 --> 01:06:01,435
"Resist the Draft"
sticker on the bumper,

1115
01:06:01,609 --> 01:06:02,871
which the resistance had put on

1116
01:06:03,046 --> 01:06:05,048
while they were arresting him,
so...

1117
01:06:05,222 --> 01:06:06,658
♪ ["We Shall Overcome"
by Joan Baez plays] ♪

1118
01:06:09,269 --> 01:06:15,188
♪ We shall overcome ♪

1119
01:06:15,884 --> 01:06:21,586
♪ We shall overcome ♪

1120
01:06:22,021 --> 01:06:26,199
♪ We shall overcome ♪

1121
01:06:26,460 --> 01:06:31,683
♪ Someday ♪

1122
01:06:32,075 --> 01:06:36,818
♪ Oh, deep in my heart ♪

1123
01:06:36,993 --> 01:06:38,907
♪ I know that ♪

1124
01:06:39,082 --> 01:06:44,435
♪ I do believe ♪

1125
01:06:44,870 --> 01:06:48,743
♪ We shall overcome ♪

1126
01:06:48,917 --> 01:06:53,661
♪ Someday ♪

1127
01:06:53,835 --> 01:06:55,011
Joan: Thank you and good night.

1128
01:06:55,185 --> 01:06:56,577
[crowd cheers]

1129
01:07:01,060 --> 01:07:03,149
[plaintive music playing]

1130
01:07:06,196 --> 01:07:08,633
Joan: My mental state, anything
would've been doomed.

1131
01:07:09,373 --> 01:07:10,591
Anything.

1132
01:07:10,983 --> 01:07:12,550
No matter how great
that person was,

1133
01:07:12,724 --> 01:07:15,379
however they got it, anything.

1134
01:07:15,553 --> 01:07:17,076
There's no way
I could have been intimate

1135
01:07:17,250 --> 01:07:18,860
on a long-term basis
with anybody.

1136
01:07:19,035 --> 01:07:20,166
And I didn't know that yet.

1137
01:08:00,511 --> 01:08:02,382
Joan: Oh, I was thrilled
to have a baby.

1138
01:08:02,730 --> 01:08:04,167
You know, I really was.

1139
01:08:05,124 --> 01:08:10,303
And trying to be a good mom,
um, it was a challenge,

1140
01:08:10,782 --> 01:08:13,306
'cause I was all about me
up until then.

1141
01:08:14,133 --> 01:08:15,047
And, uh...

1142
01:08:16,527 --> 01:08:19,573
But here was
this divine little spirit...

1143
01:08:20,618 --> 01:08:21,532
in my life.

1144
01:08:23,011 --> 01:08:26,276
- [audience laugh]
- [TV host laughs]

1145
01:08:27,146 --> 01:08:28,147
TV host: Come and bring him.

1146
01:08:29,235 --> 01:08:30,671
He's... he's terrific.

1147
01:08:31,803 --> 01:08:33,934
Joan: This song was written
for Gabriel's daddy.

1148
01:08:34,110 --> 01:08:39,202
♪ In my heart, I will wait ♪

1149
01:08:39,376 --> 01:08:44,294
♪ By the stony gate ♪

1150
01:08:44,468 --> 01:08:47,688
♪ And the little one
'Neath the trees... ♪

1151
01:08:47,862 --> 01:08:50,343
Joan: Trying to be a wife
and a mother,

1152
01:08:50,517 --> 01:08:53,693
and suffering
from internal freak-out.

1153
01:08:53,868 --> 01:08:55,348
"I don't wanna be here."

1154
01:08:55,522 --> 01:08:56,393
"I can't, I can't, I can't,
I can't."

1155
01:08:57,045 --> 01:08:59,047
And that's what
the intimacy stuff is.

1156
01:08:59,221 --> 01:09:01,310
And if you can't handle
that closeness,

1157
01:09:01,485 --> 01:09:03,269
- then you just want to flee.
- [airplane engine rumbling]

1158
01:09:03,443 --> 01:09:05,315
[crowd applauds]

1159
01:09:09,449 --> 01:09:11,973
I plan to get my feet
on the ground, you know.

1160
01:09:12,235 --> 01:09:14,497
I mean, a man doesn't spend
20 months in a concrete cell

1161
01:09:14,672 --> 01:09:16,152
- and then walk out...
- [somber music playing]

1162
01:09:16,326 --> 01:09:17,630
...into all this and just...

1163
01:09:18,371 --> 01:09:20,024
- Like it was yesterday.
- [camera shutter clicks]

1164
01:09:22,636 --> 01:09:24,072
Joan: It was hard for him

1165
01:09:24,377 --> 01:09:26,727
'cause he was
not used to neurotic stuff.

1166
01:09:28,728 --> 01:09:31,645
I didn't pick the ideal person
who would really grasp it

1167
01:09:31,818 --> 01:09:34,822
about neuroses
and panic attacks.

1168
01:09:35,300 --> 01:09:37,041
I think he tried to be kind.

1169
01:09:39,218 --> 01:09:44,136
And I can't even say now
how much I loved David or...

1170
01:09:45,268 --> 01:09:47,705
to what degree
or how you count that

1171
01:09:47,879 --> 01:09:49,880
because I was so crazy.

1172
01:09:53,101 --> 01:09:54,842
David was 22, and I...

1173
01:09:55,016 --> 01:09:56,322
He shouldn't
have been married.

1174
01:09:56,888 --> 01:09:58,455
And it's not that.

1175
01:09:59,020 --> 01:10:01,414
And it... it wasn't because
David was too young.

1176
01:10:02,110 --> 01:10:04,200
Yes, he was too young,
and I was too crazy.

1177
01:10:06,505 --> 01:10:10,162
[somber music playing]

1178
01:10:25,351 --> 01:10:26,700
[bus engine revving]

1179
01:10:35,666 --> 01:10:38,059
Joan: I'm conserving more
than I used to know how to.

1180
01:10:38,843 --> 01:10:41,237
I mean, some nights,
I wanna go hang with everybody.

1181
01:10:41,411 --> 01:10:43,934
And I have to go to bed,
so I go to bed.

1182
01:10:45,937 --> 01:10:49,332
Probably the biggest problem
on the body is the bus.

1183
01:10:51,856 --> 01:10:53,423
Neck hurts. My back hurts.

1184
01:10:53,858 --> 01:10:55,816
So, I'm all taped up
with Sea-Bands

1185
01:10:55,990 --> 01:10:58,602
and anti-nausea pills, and...

1186
01:10:59,690 --> 01:11:02,954
Dramamine, and then my
regular stuff on top of that,

1187
01:11:03,128 --> 01:11:05,217
so I'm blotto on the bus.

1188
01:11:05,870 --> 01:11:08,786
♪ Behind
Don't walk then♪

1189
01:11:10,048 --> 01:11:12,050
Joan: And I think
I feel it more this time.

1190
01:11:13,181 --> 01:11:15,358
I mean, I think
I'm just more aware of it.

1191
01:11:17,490 --> 01:11:20,493
♪ Make up, oh
Is to be♪

1192
01:11:21,668 --> 01:11:24,148
♪ That you promised to be...♪

1193
01:11:24,323 --> 01:11:25,629
Joan: The voice
is pretty raggedy.

1194
01:11:26,543 --> 01:11:29,285
I mean, it's... it's not
a raggedy that bothers me.

1195
01:11:29,894 --> 01:11:32,853
I'm pushing pretty hard
to make a note sound

1196
01:11:33,027 --> 01:11:34,202
what I want it to sound like.

1197
01:11:34,377 --> 01:11:36,248
[strums guitar]

1198
01:11:37,162 --> 01:11:38,250
Oh, boy.

1199
01:11:38,903 --> 01:11:40,687
This is what happens
when you don't play for a month.

1200
01:11:41,079 --> 01:11:43,124
Well, I'll have to do
something different tonight.

1201
01:11:44,082 --> 01:11:46,824
This makes your fingers
work harder with this here.

1202
01:11:48,260 --> 01:11:50,915
People gather around,
come from miles.

1203
01:11:51,437 --> 01:11:54,397
We all sing together. [laughs]

1204
01:11:59,139 --> 01:12:02,796
[vocalizing]

1205
01:12:07,192 --> 01:12:09,541
[chuckles, vocalizing]

1206
01:12:15,418 --> 01:12:16,984
[chuckles] Oh.

1207
01:12:17,245 --> 01:12:19,639
[chuckles] Was that pretty?
You got that, guys?

1208
01:12:20,379 --> 01:12:22,903
- That's gold. [chuckles]
- [indistinct chatter]

1209
01:12:25,471 --> 01:12:27,473
Joan: I didn't begin feeling

1210
01:12:27,647 --> 01:12:28,822
as though we were really
winding it down

1211
01:12:28,996 --> 01:12:30,346
until this tour.

1212
01:12:32,391 --> 01:12:34,219
Well, it blindsided me.

1213
01:12:35,089 --> 01:12:36,960
Did I make a dumb decision?

1214
01:12:37,135 --> 01:12:39,659
Am I really not gonna be out
with my family,

1215
01:12:39,833 --> 01:12:41,618
- you know, on tour...
- [crowd applauding]

1216
01:12:41,791 --> 01:12:44,708
...which is what I've spent
a third of my life doing.

1217
01:12:45,839 --> 01:12:48,276
♪ ["It Ain't Me Babe"
by Bob Dylan plays] ♪

1218
01:12:50,278 --> 01:12:52,803
Joan: Oh, I try to just feel
what it's feeling like

1219
01:12:53,064 --> 01:12:55,022
instead of shoving it
under a rug somewhere.

1220
01:12:56,763 --> 01:12:58,678
And I won't. I mean,
there'll always be some regret,

1221
01:12:58,852 --> 01:13:00,114
no matter when I quit.

1222
01:13:00,767 --> 01:13:03,030
I mean, I can't pretend
we're gonna sing that away.

1223
01:13:08,253 --> 01:13:11,778
♪ Go away from my window ♪

1224
01:13:13,998 --> 01:13:17,393
♪ Leave at your own
Chosen speed ♪

1225
01:13:19,177 --> 01:13:23,355
♪ I'm not the one
You want, babe ♪

1226
01:13:24,617 --> 01:13:28,273
♪ I'm not the one you need ♪

1227
01:13:30,318 --> 01:13:34,410
♪ You say you're
Looking for someone ♪

1228
01:13:35,672 --> 01:13:39,371
♪ Never weak
But always strong ♪

1229
01:13:40,938 --> 01:13:45,550
♪ To protect you
And defend you ♪

1230
01:13:46,509 --> 01:13:50,643
♪ Whether you are right
Or wrong ♪

1231
01:13:52,036 --> 01:13:56,519
♪ Someone to open
Each and every door ♪

1232
01:13:56,693 --> 01:14:00,174
♪ Oh, but it ain't me, babe ♪

1233
01:14:00,740 --> 01:14:04,744
♪ No, no, no,
it ain't me babe ♪

1234
01:14:06,093 --> 01:14:10,924
♪ It ain't me
You're looking for, babe ♪

1235
01:14:22,980 --> 01:14:25,025
[audience cheering
and applauding]

1236
01:14:25,416 --> 01:14:26,418
Joan: Thank you.

1237
01:14:29,943 --> 01:14:31,162
[mellow music playing]

1238
01:14:32,076 --> 01:14:32,946
Joan: Thank you.

1239
01:14:43,870 --> 01:14:46,612
I think out of all the things
I was trying to be,

1240
01:14:47,874 --> 01:14:50,181
I think it would switch back
and forth.

1241
01:14:50,355 --> 01:14:53,489
I would think I wanted
to be the mom in the house,

1242
01:14:53,663 --> 01:14:55,055
and then I would think

1243
01:14:55,273 --> 01:14:56,273
I was doing
a pretty good job of it.

1244
01:14:57,231 --> 01:15:00,103
And then my activities
against the war,

1245
01:15:00,800 --> 01:15:02,541
and I had a music career.

1246
01:15:05,022 --> 01:15:07,198
Gabriel: I mean, I was always
surrounded by people

1247
01:15:07,371 --> 01:15:09,460
looking out for me
and taking care of me...

1248
01:15:10,462 --> 01:15:14,422
but not with this closeness
of a... of a parent.

1249
01:15:16,032 --> 01:15:17,773
I mean,
I spent a lot of time alone...

1250
01:15:18,862 --> 01:15:22,474
like I lived in a world
apart from my friends.

1251
01:15:23,606 --> 01:15:28,175
We both had to reconcile
her issues from my childhood

1252
01:15:28,349 --> 01:15:30,264
with her being gone.

1253
01:15:31,135 --> 01:15:34,050
But she was dealing
with her own issues

1254
01:15:34,225 --> 01:15:36,923
that I don't feel entirely
at liberty to share,

1255
01:15:37,228 --> 01:15:39,099
but that made it impossible

1256
01:15:39,273 --> 01:15:42,407
for her to be present
for me fully.

1257
01:15:42,581 --> 01:15:46,324
And, um, you know,
she was busy saving the world,

1258
01:15:46,629 --> 01:15:50,154
and, um, no kid can...
can understand that.

1259
01:15:51,111 --> 01:15:52,764
Reporter: But Joan Baez,

1260
01:15:52,983 --> 01:15:54,724
America's most famous
folk singer and pacifist,

1261
01:15:54,898 --> 01:15:56,421
is still on the march.

1262
01:15:56,639 --> 01:15:58,945
This time,
for the Cambodian refugees.

1263
01:15:59,555 --> 01:16:02,340
Joan: And I was really
addicted to the activism

1264
01:16:02,645 --> 01:16:04,210
and had a hard time

1265
01:16:04,385 --> 01:16:05,822
when it wasn't right there
in front of me.

1266
01:16:08,564 --> 01:16:10,217
After the war in Vietnam,

1267
01:16:10,391 --> 01:16:12,480
like most people who
had been politically active,

1268
01:16:12,655 --> 01:16:16,093
I was a little bit lost.
I mean, ballads are out.

1269
01:16:16,702 --> 01:16:19,662
Um, war's over.
What are you gonna do now?

1270
01:16:22,447 --> 01:16:24,362
I have to periodically...

1271
01:16:25,537 --> 01:16:27,452
try and figure out
what I'm doing on Earth.

1272
01:16:29,148 --> 01:16:31,325
What I'm doing
with the gift of this voice,

1273
01:16:31,630 --> 01:16:33,240
what I should do with it.

1274
01:16:33,414 --> 01:16:36,068
In fact, I like to sing.
I like my audiences

1275
01:16:36,592 --> 01:16:39,507
as if, a number of years
I like to entertain.

1276
01:16:39,682 --> 01:16:41,466
- [crowd cheers]
- Joan: So, all of that

1277
01:16:41,639 --> 01:16:43,032
put together...[chuckles]
...it's not a bad life.

1278
01:16:43,294 --> 01:16:45,121
♪ ["Diamonds & Rust"
by Joan Baez plays] ♪

1279
01:16:47,514 --> 01:16:50,127
♪ Well, I'll be damned ♪

1280
01:16:50,300 --> 01:16:53,217
♪ Here comes your ghost again ♪

1281
01:16:53,391 --> 01:16:56,568
♪ But that's not unusual ♪

1282
01:16:56,829 --> 01:16:59,832
♪ It's just that
The moon is full ♪

1283
01:17:00,005 --> 01:17:02,487
♪ And you happened to call ♪

1284
01:17:04,489 --> 01:17:07,492
TheDiamonds & Rust album,
I said to myself,

1285
01:17:07,666 --> 01:17:10,190
"This is not going
to be a political album."

1286
01:17:10,364 --> 01:17:12,105
Let's just do music for once.

1287
01:17:12,366 --> 01:17:15,326
I think it's possibly
the best album I've ever done.

1288
01:17:15,500 --> 01:17:17,154
And I should learn
something from that. [chuckles]

1289
01:17:17,327 --> 01:17:18,895
That I like the results

1290
01:17:19,068 --> 01:17:21,071
of my putting
a strong effort into music.

1291
01:17:21,245 --> 01:17:23,334
♪ Cause I need
Some of that vagueness now ♪

1292
01:17:23,508 --> 01:17:26,598
♪ It's all come back
Too clearly ♪

1293
01:17:26,772 --> 01:17:29,775
♪ Yes, I loved you dearly
And... ♪

1294
01:17:29,949 --> 01:17:31,255
None of us knew

1295
01:17:31,734 --> 01:17:33,300
that "Diamonds & Rust"
would be the "it" song for me.

1296
01:17:33,474 --> 01:17:35,433
And that was wonderful.
It really put me back

1297
01:17:35,607 --> 01:17:37,565
on the music map
in the industry,

1298
01:17:37,740 --> 01:17:39,611
made a lot of money,
and got a lot of attention.

1299
01:17:42,353 --> 01:17:43,876
[crowd cheering]

1300
01:17:44,181 --> 01:17:45,791
Joan: And I think
flying on that, thinking,

1301
01:17:45,965 --> 01:17:47,837
"Yeah, I'm queen of the world.
I can do anything."

1302
01:17:48,011 --> 01:17:51,841
I fired my manager
and went with my very attractive

1303
01:17:52,276 --> 01:17:54,974
tour manager,
who did a lot of drugs

1304
01:17:55,452 --> 01:17:57,324
and really didn't know
what he was doing.

1305
01:17:57,498 --> 01:17:58,978
♪ ["Hurricane"
by Bob Dylan plays] ♪

1306
01:18:04,505 --> 01:18:08,291
Joan: Almost enticed
by being hip and groovy

1307
01:18:08,684 --> 01:18:10,424
and having my name

1308
01:18:10,598 --> 01:18:13,384
better known, which it was
very temporarily.

1309
01:18:13,818 --> 01:18:17,127
♪ Here comes the story
Of the Hurricane ♪

1310
01:18:17,648 --> 01:18:20,957
♪ The man the authorities
Came to blame ♪

1311
01:18:21,609 --> 01:18:24,090
♪ For somethin'
That he never done ♪

1312
01:18:25,612 --> 01:18:27,441
♪ Put in a prison cell,
but... ♪

1313
01:18:27,615 --> 01:18:30,053
Joan: I guess Dylan might
even have called in person.

1314
01:18:30,227 --> 01:18:33,056
Uh, "Would you come on
this crazy circus with us?"

1315
01:18:33,404 --> 01:18:35,623
I think I was nervous
about saying yes.

1316
01:18:36,407 --> 01:18:40,019
But this time, it wasn't all
totally centered around Bob,

1317
01:18:40,193 --> 01:18:42,152
but there were these little
pockets that you could go

1318
01:18:42,326 --> 01:18:43,719
and a lot of people
to hang out with.

1319
01:18:43,893 --> 01:18:45,068
- And it sounded like fun.
- [all cheer]

1320
01:18:45,242 --> 01:18:46,112
Joan: And it was fun.

1321
01:18:46,286 --> 01:18:49,202
[screams, laughs]

1322
01:18:56,993 --> 01:18:58,168
Interviewer: Good morning, Joan.

1323
01:19:00,474 --> 01:19:02,825
- Power to the people.
- Interviewer: Yeah.

1324
01:19:02,999 --> 01:19:04,217
I mean, I don't believe it.
[chuckles]

1325
01:19:04,391 --> 01:19:05,349
Interviewer: How was the trip?

1326
01:19:06,089 --> 01:19:08,047
Is that what it was?
It was nice.

1327
01:19:08,656 --> 01:19:10,005
I loved the all-nighters.

1328
01:19:11,746 --> 01:19:15,054
Did heavy on the sleeping,
heavy on the parties.

1329
01:19:15,794 --> 01:19:17,577
- Probably right after that...
-[mellow music playing]

1330
01:19:17,840 --> 01:19:19,145
...I thought, aha,

1331
01:19:19,318 --> 01:19:21,234
I can make
whatever record I want.

1332
01:19:21,800 --> 01:19:25,325
So, that next record,
I was doing a lot of Quaalude.

1333
01:19:25,543 --> 01:19:27,371
And when it came around
to doing a cover,

1334
01:19:27,545 --> 01:19:28,981
they had a really
nice picture of me.

1335
01:19:29,155 --> 01:19:30,809
I looked a little tough in it.

1336
01:19:31,723 --> 01:19:33,550
I said, "Ah, no,
I'm cooler than that."

1337
01:19:33,725 --> 01:19:36,510
And I put on goggles and
that stupid thing on my head

1338
01:19:36,989 --> 01:19:40,427
and it was the worst,
ugliest record cover,

1339
01:19:40,601 --> 01:19:42,168
not just in my career,

1340
01:19:42,342 --> 01:19:43,909
but in a lot
of people's careers.[chuckles]

1341
01:19:45,128 --> 01:19:46,912
I wasn't aware of any of it.

1342
01:19:47,085 --> 01:19:48,696
I wasn't aware of
thinking that.

1343
01:19:49,088 --> 01:19:51,308
I wa-- Actually, you know what?
Too much Quaalude.

1344
01:19:53,397 --> 01:19:55,660
That was my drug of choice
for eight years.

1345
01:19:56,748 --> 01:20:00,883
For me, what Quaalude did
was knock down inhibitions,

1346
01:20:01,100 --> 01:20:02,841
you know,
one layer after another.

1347
01:20:07,150 --> 01:20:10,675
All of it began to just kinda
tumble in on my head.

1348
01:20:12,590 --> 01:20:14,244
Then it was like
when the halls...

1349
01:20:14,418 --> 01:20:16,202
Suddenly, you're not feeling
all the way up

1350
01:20:16,376 --> 01:20:17,813
and you wanna blame
everybody else.

1351
01:20:20,337 --> 01:20:23,209
My career plunged
off the abyss.

1352
01:20:23,688 --> 01:20:26,038
I was rudderless after that.

1353
01:20:29,128 --> 01:20:32,218
I was searching. I mean,
I called it "in the meantime."

1354
01:20:32,392 --> 01:20:35,091
I would say that to the public,
that I... I feel as though

1355
01:20:35,264 --> 01:20:37,180
this is in the meantime
for all of us.

1356
01:20:37,571 --> 01:20:39,182
Definitely was for me.

1357
01:20:39,356 --> 01:20:40,748
♪ ["Shout" by Joan Baez
& the Neville Brothers plays] ♪

1358
01:20:41,053 --> 01:20:45,449
♪ Shout, shout,
Let it all out, oh ♪

1359
01:20:45,623 --> 01:20:48,669
♪ These are the things
I can do without... ♪

1360
01:20:48,844 --> 01:20:52,369
Joan: The first Amnesty concert,
I've no idea where it was.

1361
01:20:52,543 --> 01:20:54,458
[chuckles]
And the bus left without me.

1362
01:20:54,632 --> 01:20:56,068
Yoo-hoo.

1363
01:20:56,547 --> 01:21:00,420
And then the oops, whoopsie,
and came back to get Joan Baez.

1364
01:21:00,594 --> 01:21:02,248
[chuckles]

1365
01:21:02,727 --> 01:21:04,424
Oh, dear. How awful.

1366
01:21:08,080 --> 01:21:10,603
I mean, I'd worked with
Amnesty. I'd formed Amnesty.

1367
01:21:10,778 --> 01:21:12,868
And it didn't matter.
I mean, this was showbiz.

1368
01:21:18,612 --> 01:21:19,526
♪ Shout! ♪

1369
01:21:19,700 --> 01:21:21,311
[chuckles] Oy.

1370
01:21:21,572 --> 01:21:23,791
What a dope. [chuckles]

1371
01:21:24,705 --> 01:21:26,228
And also,
thinking I could somehow

1372
01:21:26,403 --> 01:21:29,101
insert the politics
into this scene,

1373
01:21:29,885 --> 01:21:31,582
which wasn't really possible.

1374
01:21:31,755 --> 01:21:34,106
[somber music playing]

1375
01:21:43,507 --> 01:21:45,422
Joan: I think it's in these
strange quiet years

1376
01:21:45,596 --> 01:21:47,076
where I need patience.

1377
01:21:47,467 --> 01:21:50,514
And I also think
that I have to be quite willing

1378
01:21:50,688 --> 01:21:53,517
to understand
that I may not do anything

1379
01:21:53,691 --> 01:21:55,475
particularly grand
for the rest of my life.

1380
01:21:55,867 --> 01:21:59,523
The search is in the doing.
You don't probably get there.

1381
01:21:59,958 --> 01:22:02,221
But in-- in searching...

1382
01:22:03,831 --> 01:22:06,269
Um, well, that's my life
at the moment.

1383
01:22:18,846 --> 01:22:20,109
Everything was off.

1384
01:22:20,848 --> 01:22:23,808
My relationships were off.
My sleep was off, you know,

1385
01:22:23,982 --> 01:22:26,724
and I thought there must be
another way to live.

1386
01:22:26,898 --> 01:22:29,118
Same time, I mean,
I knew inside

1387
01:22:29,291 --> 01:22:31,859
that there was something
monstrous in there

1388
01:22:32,425 --> 01:22:35,514
that I would have to deal with.
I called it "a kernel."

1389
01:22:35,776 --> 01:22:38,300
That there was a kernel
in there that had to be popped

1390
01:22:38,475 --> 01:22:39,737
or cracked or whatever.

1391
01:22:59,670 --> 01:23:01,063
Mimi: It's 5:29.

1392
01:23:01,585 --> 01:23:04,675
And finally, I got up
and realized how angry I was.

1393
01:23:04,849 --> 01:23:07,678
Angry, angry, angry, angry.

1394
01:23:08,635 --> 01:23:09,809
And I kind of started...

1395
01:23:11,202 --> 01:23:13,205
hitting the pillow
around the walls.

1396
01:23:13,858 --> 01:23:15,686
And I just lay down
and cried for a while.

1397
01:23:16,904 --> 01:23:18,036
I'm broken.

1398
01:23:30,440 --> 01:23:32,659
Therapist:
Now, just letting it go.

1399
01:23:36,707 --> 01:23:37,708
It's time...

1400
01:23:38,969 --> 01:23:40,014
to go within...

1401
01:23:42,713 --> 01:23:44,106
to that place inside...

1402
01:23:45,063 --> 01:23:46,847
and to possess its riches...

1403
01:23:51,548 --> 01:23:53,811
that you are beginning
to discover.

1404
01:24:04,300 --> 01:24:06,389
Joan: I used to think
the alternative

1405
01:24:06,563 --> 01:24:08,782
to black and white
must be gray.

1406
01:24:09,609 --> 01:24:11,785
And to avoid living
a dull life,

1407
01:24:12,612 --> 01:24:15,920
I thought in black and white,
not just good or bad,

1408
01:24:16,094 --> 01:24:18,662
mind you,
but perfect or damned,

1409
01:24:19,271 --> 01:24:20,751
gifted or worthless,

1410
01:24:21,360 --> 01:24:23,188
ethereal or demonic.

1411
01:24:24,798 --> 01:24:26,887
When I was half a century old,

1412
01:24:27,062 --> 01:24:29,237
I pitched myself
into a sea of memories

1413
01:24:29,629 --> 01:24:31,327
and headed blindly
for the marrow

1414
01:24:31,501 --> 01:24:33,068
of the inner core, me.

1415
01:24:34,591 --> 01:24:36,332
Dark, dark, dark.

1416
01:24:36,853 --> 01:24:41,119
I flailed about grasping
at clues, recording dreams,

1417
01:24:41,424 --> 01:24:45,384
fighting for my life,
and one day, came up for air

1418
01:24:45,558 --> 01:24:48,170
and began to see
shards of color.

1419
01:24:49,823 --> 01:24:52,304
Slowly,
I began to see and understand,

1420
01:24:52,478 --> 01:24:54,959
as the buried past
unfurled itself

1421
01:24:55,133 --> 01:24:57,092
like a shredded and
blood-soaked

1422
01:24:57,266 --> 01:24:59,005
banner before my eyes,

1423
01:24:59,181 --> 01:25:02,401
that I would have died
had I seen it any sooner.

1424
01:25:04,316 --> 01:25:06,449
[videotape whirring]

1425
01:25:11,367 --> 01:25:14,674
Joan: Mimi called one day
and just wanted to know if

1426
01:25:15,675 --> 01:25:17,547
I was interested
in going to therapy,

1427
01:25:17,721 --> 01:25:20,767
specifically about
some kind of abuse.

1428
01:25:21,898 --> 01:25:23,335
And she mentioned my father.

1429
01:25:23,727 --> 01:25:26,077
[mellow music playing]

1430
01:25:31,648 --> 01:25:33,389
Joan: Mimi has one memory
that was solid,

1431
01:25:33,563 --> 01:25:35,913
and that was my father
coming behind her,

1432
01:25:36,087 --> 01:25:37,436
and she was hanging
up the clothes

1433
01:25:37,610 --> 01:25:38,959
and turning around,
kissing her

1434
01:25:39,134 --> 01:25:40,309
and sticking his tongue
in her mouth.

1435
01:25:42,224 --> 01:25:44,182
She finally confronted Popsy.

1436
01:25:45,575 --> 01:25:48,273
And, of course it was,
"What are you talking about?"

1437
01:25:48,795 --> 01:25:51,407
"I... I could never have done
a thing like that."

1438
01:25:53,887 --> 01:25:55,541
Albert: She said that she was
out in the backyard,

1439
01:25:55,715 --> 01:25:56,760
hanging up clothes
or something,

1440
01:25:56,934 --> 01:25:58,109
and I came over...

1441
01:25:59,197 --> 01:26:01,678
[sighs] What she said was
that I kissed her on the mouth.

1442
01:26:04,202 --> 01:26:05,986
And that was...[sighs]

1443
01:26:06,987 --> 01:26:08,902
That probably was
the greatest shock of anything

1444
01:26:09,076 --> 01:26:10,339
I've ever had in my life.

1445
01:26:11,296 --> 01:26:13,210
Joan Sr.: The story was that
she was hanging up clothes,

1446
01:26:13,385 --> 01:26:16,388
and Al was out...
came out from, I think,

1447
01:26:16,562 --> 01:26:18,695
studying in the house,
and saw her.

1448
01:26:18,956 --> 01:26:22,438
And I think, in my brain
it had nothing evil,

1449
01:26:22,612 --> 01:26:25,745
but I think that he was so
overcome with affection for her

1450
01:26:25,919 --> 01:26:27,356
because she looked beautiful...

1451
01:26:27,573 --> 01:26:29,139
- Therapist: Uh-huh.
- ...on a lovely day.

1452
01:26:29,314 --> 01:26:29,923
He went up and hugged her
and embraced her,

1453
01:26:30,097 --> 01:26:31,621
and kissed her.

1454
01:26:32,056 --> 01:26:34,058
And she said a wet kiss,
and that just freezes her.

1455
01:26:34,493 --> 01:26:36,278
Therapist: And maybe
he was completely innocent

1456
01:26:36,452 --> 01:26:38,062
- in having done it.
-Joan Sr.: That's exactly

1457
01:26:38,236 --> 01:26:39,193
- what I think.
-Therapist: But... but...

1458
01:26:39,368 --> 01:26:40,978
but her experience of it...

1459
01:26:41,152 --> 01:26:42,588
Joan Sr.: It's...
it's the other way, yeah.

1460
01:26:42,762 --> 01:26:43,937
Therapist: Was... was different.

1461
01:26:47,853 --> 01:26:49,465
Joan: The only memory
that I remember

1462
01:26:49,639 --> 01:26:52,250
is... is more vague than that.
It was just my father

1463
01:26:52,424 --> 01:26:54,121
being in bed with me
in the afternoon,

1464
01:26:54,296 --> 01:26:55,471
like a naptime.

1465
01:26:56,254 --> 01:26:58,300
And I remember his face
being close to mine

1466
01:26:58,474 --> 01:27:00,911
and... and him saying,
"Don't look at me,"

1467
01:27:01,085 --> 01:27:02,434
sorta like scolding.

1468
01:27:02,913 --> 01:27:04,567
And that's all I
remember of it.

1469
01:27:05,916 --> 01:27:07,178
I remember the place.

1470
01:27:07,657 --> 01:27:09,702
I remember the room, you know.

1471
01:27:10,312 --> 01:27:13,228
That's it. You know, for
conscious memory, that's it.

1472
01:27:16,013 --> 01:27:18,276
You know, some people
remember their childhoods.

1473
01:27:18,450 --> 01:27:19,843
They remember
what they went through.

1474
01:27:20,103 --> 01:27:22,193
And for most of us, I think,

1475
01:27:22,454 --> 01:27:24,064
what you do is
you bury that stuff

1476
01:27:24,239 --> 01:27:25,936
'cause it's really
too difficult to deal with.

1477
01:27:28,591 --> 01:27:31,071
We talked about hypnosis.

1478
01:27:31,681 --> 01:27:33,987
He thought that if I could
get down there somewhere,

1479
01:27:34,161 --> 01:27:35,424
I'd figure some things out.

1480
01:27:36,860 --> 01:27:38,469
So, it's a... it was a shock.

1481
01:27:38,644 --> 01:27:41,517
I mean, it was a shock a day,
three days of therapy a week,

1482
01:27:42,082 --> 01:27:43,606
to haul these things out.

1483
01:27:45,129 --> 01:27:47,653
[somber music playing]

1484
01:27:53,137 --> 01:27:54,878
Therapist: You can move
to your center.

1485
01:27:57,837 --> 01:28:00,492
To that place
in the center of your being

1486
01:28:01,058 --> 01:28:04,103
that continues to move
through time and space.

1487
01:28:05,236 --> 01:28:07,630
Memories come, memories go.

1488
01:28:08,021 --> 01:28:10,546
Feelings come, feelings go.

1489
01:28:14,114 --> 01:28:16,900
Relax the muscles
in your eyelids

1490
01:28:17,074 --> 01:28:17,901
down to the point.

1491
01:28:19,772 --> 01:28:22,818
Feel that relaxation
flowing from your eyelids.

1492
01:28:24,907 --> 01:28:26,996
The tension almost
like a black liquid

1493
01:28:27,171 --> 01:28:29,521
just runs out
the tips of your toes.

1494
01:28:31,349 --> 01:28:32,871
Come to the stillness.

1495
01:28:34,874 --> 01:28:36,049
Come to the quiet.

1496
01:28:40,053 --> 01:28:43,796
Or else you can go to
that garden within, wherever.

1497
01:28:47,365 --> 01:28:49,976
Joan: I was taking a walk
in the hills.

1498
01:28:50,150 --> 01:28:51,282
And...

1499
01:28:51,630 --> 01:28:52,936
I looked over
the side of the road,

1500
01:28:53,110 --> 01:28:55,678
and I... And in my mind,
I saw this big toad.

1501
01:28:56,460 --> 01:28:58,768
And I said, "Well, hello,
toad" or whatever.

1502
01:28:58,942 --> 01:29:01,597
And it undid itself
and revealed a baby.

1503
01:29:02,641 --> 01:29:04,861
And... and the baby
was Diamond Joan.

1504
01:29:05,383 --> 01:29:07,690
It's the origin of the origins.

1505
01:29:08,038 --> 01:29:11,781
And it was a... this precious
little altar that I...

1506
01:29:12,259 --> 01:29:13,913
I mean, what you do
in your mind,

1507
01:29:14,087 --> 01:29:15,567
or what I did, was you take it.

1508
01:29:16,175 --> 01:29:19,136
You take it,
and you try and care for it,

1509
01:29:19,397 --> 01:29:20,572
and make it safe.

1510
01:29:21,050 --> 01:29:22,400
[choral music playing]

1511
01:29:27,362 --> 01:29:28,624
[roars]

1512
01:29:32,758 --> 01:29:35,326
Joan: My creativity exploded
when I was in the middle

1513
01:29:35,500 --> 01:29:36,849
of finding all these people.

1514
01:29:38,634 --> 01:29:40,505
And I drew all of it.

1515
01:29:43,202 --> 01:29:46,293
The animals were somehow
clearest to me.

1516
01:29:47,817 --> 01:29:50,907
Wolf was ferocious,
but would protect me.

1517
01:29:55,346 --> 01:29:58,958
Magar, the owl, was
the wise one, the alchemist.

1518
01:29:59,523 --> 01:30:01,352
He made
unbearable things bearable.

1519
01:30:04,094 --> 01:30:07,532
Watush is in charge
of everything beautiful.

1520
01:30:07,750 --> 01:30:09,708
Music and beauty, that's her.

1521
01:30:10,840 --> 01:30:12,318
I know
this is really hard for people.

1522
01:30:12,494 --> 01:30:14,234
I try to think of a way
to say it that people

1523
01:30:14,409 --> 01:30:17,629
would possibly understand
what I'm talking about.

1524
01:30:18,500 --> 01:30:22,155
Because I identified
as a multiple personality, MPD.

1525
01:30:22,634 --> 01:30:24,853
I had many, many,
many people emerge

1526
01:30:25,028 --> 01:30:27,204
with their little stories.
And every little story

1527
01:30:27,943 --> 01:30:32,077
was a part of my life
that had been a hindrance.

1528
01:30:32,252 --> 01:30:34,516
And then when they could emerge
and talk about it

1529
01:30:34,690 --> 01:30:36,039
and explain it,

1530
01:30:36,561 --> 01:30:38,433
then it was a little bit
of healing right there.

1531
01:30:40,696 --> 01:30:42,915
And then I liked it
'cause I liked these people.

1532
01:30:43,089 --> 01:30:45,352
I liked that it
explained myself to me.

1533
01:30:45,527 --> 01:30:48,617
I liked it in a way
that it was different.

1534
01:30:49,052 --> 01:30:51,010
You know, it was one more
thing in my life

1535
01:30:51,184 --> 01:30:53,665
that was, um, interesting.

1536
01:30:54,187 --> 01:30:56,625
It was really interesting,
and it still is.

1537
01:30:58,278 --> 01:30:59,584
But it came out of hell.

1538
01:30:59,802 --> 01:31:01,891
[suspenseful music playing]

1539
01:31:21,998 --> 01:31:24,914
Therapist: It has to be
very centered on you right now.

1540
01:31:25,567 --> 01:31:27,219
Everybody else had their turn.

1541
01:31:28,178 --> 01:31:29,353
Now, it's your turn.

1542
01:31:30,528 --> 01:31:33,357
Joan: Every day
walking around...

1543
01:31:34,489 --> 01:31:38,275
like a little
personalized time bomb.

1544
01:31:40,407 --> 01:31:42,148
And that stuff wants out.

1545
01:31:45,325 --> 01:31:46,718
Therapist: You can take
that power back.

1546
01:31:49,199 --> 01:31:50,460
Joan: This isn't crazy?

1547
01:31:51,593 --> 01:31:52,898
Therapist: What's crazy
is that

1548
01:31:53,943 --> 01:31:56,641
there's this woman that hasn't
been able to enjoy her life.

1549
01:31:58,425 --> 01:32:00,732
And the fruits of all the work
that she's done.

1550
01:32:03,039 --> 01:32:05,258
We have time
for one more person.

1551
01:32:08,871 --> 01:32:12,570
Can you find one of the ones
that carries the anger?

1552
01:32:15,573 --> 01:32:18,794
Maybe someone
that's been locked... away.

1553
01:32:23,059 --> 01:32:26,628
Joan: My memory process
came through body.

1554
01:32:27,019 --> 01:32:30,282
My body moved,
did things, said things.

1555
01:32:30,936 --> 01:32:34,244
Um, I didn't have snapshots
the way some people do

1556
01:32:34,418 --> 01:32:36,420
from recovery.
They see very clearly.

1557
01:32:36,681 --> 01:32:37,943
I never had that.

1558
01:32:39,205 --> 01:32:41,643
You couldn't kind of pin
anything on it.

1559
01:32:41,817 --> 01:32:44,080
It's just feelings,
icky feelings,

1560
01:32:44,514 --> 01:32:46,343
exhausting feelings.

1561
01:32:47,518 --> 01:32:48,737
And my father was...

1562
01:32:49,781 --> 01:32:52,130
somehow involved in that stuff.

1563
01:32:52,827 --> 01:32:56,048
And my mom, I just know
she couldn't protect us.

1564
01:32:56,222 --> 01:32:58,877
[dramatic music playing]

1565
01:33:30,082 --> 01:33:31,736
Albert: I wanted it
tape recorded, too.

1566
01:33:31,910 --> 01:33:33,433
- Therapist: Mm-hmm.
- Albert: Because I want...

1567
01:33:33,608 --> 01:33:35,610
I want it to be on record.
'Cause otherwise

1568
01:33:36,349 --> 01:33:39,526
we... we remember what we want
to remember, kind of.

1569
01:33:39,831 --> 01:33:43,052
Joan: We're still trying
to find out how come we

1570
01:33:43,226 --> 01:33:44,749
hurt in the way we did...

1571
01:33:44,923 --> 01:33:46,228
- Albert: Yeah.
- ...and you didn't see it.

1572
01:33:47,752 --> 01:33:49,624
Therapist: I mean, what...
what... what did you miss?

1573
01:33:49,798 --> 01:33:51,800
- Do you know what you missed?
- Albert: Of course not.

1574
01:33:52,148 --> 01:33:53,715
I mean, how could I know?

1575
01:33:53,889 --> 01:33:55,455
We're talking about the things
that I missed...

1576
01:33:55,630 --> 01:33:57,153
- Therapist: Yes.
- ...and that I'm not aware of.

1577
01:33:57,327 --> 01:33:58,589
Therapist: Right.

1578
01:33:59,155 --> 01:34:01,592
What didn't you see?
You still don't even know

1579
01:34:01,766 --> 01:34:03,942
- what they're talking about.
- Albert: Of course not.

1580
01:34:05,204 --> 01:34:06,815
[somber music playing]

1581
01:34:09,034 --> 01:34:11,733
Joan: Well, it's not rational
what happened to us.

1582
01:34:12,255 --> 01:34:14,561
You know, it's not...
[breathes deeply]

1583
01:34:14,736 --> 01:34:17,216
It's in the land
of make-believe.

1584
01:34:17,956 --> 01:34:20,045
And so, most people
don't believe it.

1585
01:34:52,425 --> 01:34:53,818
Joan: My parents

1586
01:34:54,253 --> 01:34:56,516
thought that my therapist
had made everything up,

1587
01:34:56,734 --> 01:34:58,170
and Mimi's
had made everything up.

1588
01:34:59,302 --> 01:35:00,912
Oh, Pauline never...

1589
01:35:01,130 --> 01:35:02,740
She didn't believe
any of this stuff happened.

1590
01:35:03,567 --> 01:35:05,568
She stood by our parents.

1591
01:35:08,137 --> 01:35:09,834
I don't think
you ever know for sure.

1592
01:35:10,008 --> 01:35:12,315
And I don't think that can
be part of the recovery.

1593
01:35:12,489 --> 01:35:14,969
You can't remember
exactly what happened.

1594
01:35:16,623 --> 01:35:19,452
Well, I'm smart enough to know
that some are impressions,

1595
01:35:19,626 --> 01:35:23,543
some are that really happened,
some that partially happened,

1596
01:35:23,718 --> 01:35:25,763
some that is just the feeling
that it happened.

1597
01:35:25,937 --> 01:35:27,068
I'm open to that.

1598
01:35:28,374 --> 01:35:30,812
If 20 percent
of what I remembered was true,

1599
01:35:31,334 --> 01:35:32,943
that was enough...[scoffs]

1600
01:35:33,553 --> 01:35:35,294
...to do the damage
that it did.

1601
01:35:36,948 --> 01:35:38,471
But I can't prove anything.

1602
01:35:42,867 --> 01:35:45,565
Joan Sr.: I thought a big joy
was having them all grow up...

1603
01:35:45,740 --> 01:35:47,002
[chuckles]

1604
01:35:47,480 --> 01:35:48,873
...happy, wonderful children.
And here they are...

1605
01:35:50,092 --> 01:35:52,485
desperate in their
parts because

1606
01:35:52,659 --> 01:35:54,661
they've got all these reasons.

1607
01:35:54,835 --> 01:35:56,098
- Therapist: Hm.
- Joan Sr.: And it's...

1608
01:35:56,272 --> 01:35:57,142
it's terrible.

1609
01:36:10,025 --> 01:36:11,983
Albert: Hello, Joanie.
This is Popsy.

1610
01:36:13,202 --> 01:36:15,857
I... I got your...
got your message on my...

1611
01:36:16,031 --> 01:36:17,162
on my tape.

1612
01:36:19,382 --> 01:36:22,733
It... it just broke my heart
to hear you weeping, Joanie.

1613
01:36:23,778 --> 01:36:25,605
I long... I long to be friends.

1614
01:36:27,346 --> 01:36:29,740
And I wish...
I wish we were nearer

1615
01:36:29,914 --> 01:36:31,786
in every sense of the...
of the word.

1616
01:36:33,352 --> 01:36:35,485
Take care, Joanie.
I... I love you.

1617
01:36:36,094 --> 01:36:37,008
Bye-bye.

1618
01:36:43,318 --> 01:36:46,670
Joan: I was estranged
from my dad for a long time.

1619
01:36:48,454 --> 01:36:51,282
Why try to get him
to understand?

1620
01:36:52,067 --> 01:36:55,112
You know, there really isn't
any point. He won't.

1621
01:36:56,767 --> 01:36:59,248
And I... and I believe
that they don't remember,

1622
01:36:59,422 --> 01:37:02,425
the parents don't remember.
I absolutely believe that.

1623
01:37:02,599 --> 01:37:05,080
It took me till I was 50,
and I wanted to know.

1624
01:37:05,820 --> 01:37:07,125
And they don't want
to remember.

1625
01:37:12,043 --> 01:37:14,437
[birds chirping]

1626
01:37:20,486 --> 01:37:23,359
Joan: I wanted to forgive
as soon as I possibly could.

1627
01:37:25,969 --> 01:37:29,452
The light side of the darkness
was all about forgiveness

1628
01:37:29,626 --> 01:37:33,021
and kindness and all that,

1629
01:37:33,195 --> 01:37:35,980
the good stuff from theBible
and from the Quakers.

1630
01:37:37,764 --> 01:37:40,071
- [mellow music playing]
- [birds chirping]

1631
01:37:42,726 --> 01:37:45,728
Joan: Forgiving my mom was easy
just 'cause I was

1632
01:37:46,425 --> 01:37:49,210
so close to her
and she was fragile.

1633
01:37:55,391 --> 01:37:58,916
She's been very ill
and very close to death,

1634
01:37:59,482 --> 01:38:03,790
and we had all pretty much
resigned ourselves to just

1635
01:38:04,487 --> 01:38:07,055
help her...
help her on her way.

1636
01:38:12,582 --> 01:38:13,626
Joan's mom: Mm.

1637
01:38:15,585 --> 01:38:16,585
Mm.

1638
01:38:17,326 --> 01:38:18,327
Mm.

1639
01:38:22,505 --> 01:38:24,202
- Oh.
- [mellow music playing]

1640
01:38:24,942 --> 01:38:26,378
No more bite-ito?

1641
01:38:41,698 --> 01:38:43,178
[ECG monitor beeping]

1642
01:40:24,540 --> 01:40:25,541
Hmm.

1643
01:40:26,585 --> 01:40:27,804
That's Mimi's.

1644
01:40:29,371 --> 01:40:33,375
These are her drawings
from her recovery.

1645
01:40:34,071 --> 01:40:39,468
I wish she had been able
to conquer this shit, you know.

1646
01:40:39,642 --> 01:40:42,645
She always felt as though
she wasn't quite there.

1647
01:40:42,949 --> 01:40:44,473
And I know the feeling

1648
01:40:44,777 --> 01:40:46,300
because once in a while,
that same thing would happen.

1649
01:40:46,475 --> 01:40:48,520
But for the most part, to me.

1650
01:40:49,260 --> 01:40:52,959
For the most part,
I got there, you know.

1651
01:40:53,134 --> 01:40:54,787
[gentle music playing]

1652
01:40:56,353 --> 01:40:59,401
Albert: Now, what follows
will be myself at the piano.

1653
01:40:59,575 --> 01:41:01,446
[Albert playing piano]

1654
01:41:01,794 --> 01:41:04,928
Albert: I'm changing
to a minor mode.

1655
01:41:06,407 --> 01:41:08,192
This is a piece that I wrote
in the '40s,

1656
01:41:09,193 --> 01:41:10,847
when I was teaching
at Wagner College.

1657
01:41:15,243 --> 01:41:16,766
Joan: I'm the last, yeah.

1658
01:41:17,723 --> 01:41:18,985
That's strange, too.

1659
01:41:20,509 --> 01:41:21,639
Yeah.

1660
01:41:22,641 --> 01:41:25,601
So, the two sisters
died of cancer.

1661
01:41:26,602 --> 01:41:30,388
Mm, Pauline made it to 77
and Mimi to 50-something.

1662
01:41:31,868 --> 01:41:34,610
With Mimi,
it was surely complicated.

1663
01:41:34,871 --> 01:41:38,440
From childhood on through to
the competition to all of it.

1664
01:41:40,659 --> 01:41:43,487
And when Mimi was
very ill and dying,

1665
01:41:43,662 --> 01:41:46,056
she was so pushing me away

1666
01:41:46,230 --> 01:41:49,494
that it was almost
impossible to feel much.

1667
01:41:52,496 --> 01:41:56,110
All the love was there,
and it was not available.

1668
01:41:59,025 --> 01:42:01,767
It's my makeup
to resist feeling.

1669
01:42:02,768 --> 01:42:05,467
I don't know what allowed me
to feel it with Pauline...

1670
01:42:06,380 --> 01:42:07,860
but I'm just glad that I could

1671
01:42:08,034 --> 01:42:09,775
'cause I knew
that covered everybody.

1672
01:42:14,389 --> 01:42:16,173
Strange to have them all gone.

1673
01:42:16,608 --> 01:42:18,349
There's nobody to refer to.

1674
01:42:20,395 --> 01:42:23,049
Or some experience
that we all shared.

1675
01:42:28,054 --> 01:42:30,579
My father, once in a while,
I'd have a dream

1676
01:42:30,753 --> 01:42:33,582
that-- that reached
that depth of sorrow.

1677
01:42:33,755 --> 01:42:36,541
Just something,
little, tiny thing about him,

1678
01:42:36,715 --> 01:42:39,022
and his sadness at being alone

1679
01:42:39,240 --> 01:42:41,981
so much of the rest
of his later years.

1680
01:42:42,895 --> 01:42:45,246
And I'd think, "Oh,
why didn't he..."

1681
01:42:45,420 --> 01:42:46,943
"You know, why couldn't we have
taken care of him

1682
01:42:47,117 --> 01:42:50,207
the way we took care
of mom?"[sighing]

1683
01:43:24,502 --> 01:43:27,244
Joan: Demons still come and go
a little tiny bit,

1684
01:43:27,418 --> 01:43:28,811
but not the way they used to.

1685
01:43:29,725 --> 01:43:31,683
It's-- I guess you'd measure--
I would measure it mostly

1686
01:43:31,857 --> 01:43:33,598
in diminishing phobias,

1687
01:43:33,772 --> 01:43:35,992
diminishing panic...
panic attacks.

1688
01:43:38,299 --> 01:43:41,344
I am present in a way I
could never have been present.

1689
01:43:42,693 --> 01:43:44,348
Got where I wanted to be,

1690
01:43:44,522 --> 01:43:46,742
something I could
never have imagined before.

1691
01:43:47,264 --> 01:43:50,224
And I would call
that being whole.

1692
01:43:52,487 --> 01:43:54,663
[music swells]

1693
01:43:56,925 --> 01:43:58,797
Crew member: Now,
do you inhale and hold it or...

1694
01:43:59,145 --> 01:44:00,973
- [woman laughing]
- You can if you want.

1695
01:44:01,147 --> 01:44:03,367
- It's not gonna get you far.
- [laughs]

1696
01:44:06,152 --> 01:44:07,806
Joan: I think I used to feel

1697
01:44:08,242 --> 01:44:10,026
that I had to meet
every single person,

1698
01:44:10,200 --> 01:44:12,942
I had to shake everybody's
hand, and I had to tell them

1699
01:44:13,116 --> 01:44:14,726
what my latest cause was...
[laughs]

1700
01:44:14,900 --> 01:44:16,859
...and how important
I was in the world, you know.

1701
01:44:17,207 --> 01:44:22,081
But the singing
or the feeling of freedom

1702
01:44:22,255 --> 01:44:24,170
even though
it's not that free vocally...

1703
01:44:24,344 --> 01:44:26,651
I mean, not that much ease,
vocal ease, now,

1704
01:44:26,825 --> 01:44:30,481
but that I'm not carrying
the world on my shoulders.

1705
01:44:30,655 --> 01:44:32,614
And I really was for so long.

1706
01:44:37,053 --> 01:44:40,317
[crowd applauding]

1707
01:44:41,275 --> 01:44:44,016
Joan: But I think that
I waited to the right time.

1708
01:44:44,974 --> 01:44:47,455
I wasn't ready
a year-and-a-half ago,

1709
01:44:47,629 --> 01:44:49,195
and I wasn't ready a year ago.

1710
01:44:50,806 --> 01:44:52,503
Thank you. Gracias.

1711
01:44:54,897 --> 01:44:56,594
It's a nice period of my life.

1712
01:44:57,726 --> 01:44:59,423
Somebody asked me
that the other day,

1713
01:44:59,597 --> 01:45:01,904
which decade did I like best?
I didn't even take a breath.

1714
01:45:02,077 --> 01:45:03,775
- I said "This one."
- [crowd cheering]

1715
01:45:03,949 --> 01:45:04,820
Joan: Yeah.

1716
01:45:11,870 --> 01:45:14,308
♪ ["Fare Thee Well"
by Joan Baez plays] ♪

1717
01:45:24,013 --> 01:45:29,844
♪ If I had wings
Like Noah's dove ♪

1718
01:45:30,933 --> 01:45:36,721
♪ I'd fly up the river
To the man I love ♪

1719
01:45:37,983 --> 01:45:42,945
♪ Fare thee well, my honey ♪

1720
01:45:43,511 --> 01:45:45,861
♪ Fare thee well ♪

1721
01:45:48,994 --> 01:45:54,957
♪ Some one of these mornings
And it won't be long ♪

1722
01:45:55,871 --> 01:46:01,790
♪ You look for me
And I'll be gone ♪

1723
01:46:02,704 --> 01:46:07,709
♪ Fare thee well, my honey ♪

1724
01:46:07,969 --> 01:46:12,583
♪ Fare, fare thee well ♪

1725
01:46:16,413 --> 01:46:22,157
♪ Woke up this morning
It was drizzling rain ♪

1726
01:46:22,332 --> 01:46:27,816
♪ And in my heart
An aching pain ♪

1727
01:46:28,469 --> 01:46:32,821
♪ Fare thee well, my honey ♪

1728
01:46:33,299 --> 01:46:38,566
♪ Fare, fare thee well ♪

1729
01:46:42,396 --> 01:46:43,266
♪ Fare thee well ♪

1730
01:46:43,440 --> 01:46:47,575
[audience cheering, applauding]

1731
01:47:04,983 --> 01:47:08,422
[indistinct chatter]

1732
01:47:21,260 --> 01:47:26,657
[mellow music playing]

1733
01:47:36,493 --> 01:47:39,757
[insects chirping]

1734
01:47:48,331 --> 01:47:49,985
Joan [from audiotapes]:
Train's slowing down.

1735
01:47:50,725 --> 01:47:51,943
It's really beautiful out.

1736
01:47:52,987 --> 01:47:55,032
It's just dark clouds
and green grass,

1737
01:47:55,207 --> 01:47:56,469
and a few trees.

1738
01:48:04,826 --> 01:48:06,610
I'm looking out the
window at the moon.

1739
01:48:06,871 --> 01:48:08,656
So pretty, so pretty.

1740
01:48:11,309 --> 01:48:13,138
[humming]

1741
01:48:13,356 --> 01:48:16,532
Oh, my house,
my house is just beautiful.

1742
01:48:19,666 --> 01:48:21,799
They put up a tree.

1743
01:48:22,583 --> 01:48:23,975
They put a tree

1744
01:48:24,148 --> 01:48:25,585
on the highest part
of the house.

1745
01:48:26,717 --> 01:48:28,153
It's very peaceful up there.

1746
01:48:36,597 --> 01:48:39,208
[clicking tongue] Come on.
Come on.

1747
01:48:40,165 --> 01:48:43,907
Good girl. Mom's gonna dance.
She's gonna dance. Yeah.

1748
01:48:44,126 --> 01:48:47,346
[dramatic music playing]

1749
01:49:40,748 --> 01:49:41,966
Joan: Well, pals.

1750
01:49:42,750 --> 01:49:44,621
"The woods are lovely,
dark, and deep,

1751
01:49:44,795 --> 01:49:48,799
and I have promises to keep
and miles to go before I sleep

1752
01:49:49,407 --> 01:49:51,410
and miles to go
before I sleep."

1753
01:50:02,204 --> 01:50:04,946
♪ ["The Dream Song"
by Joan Baez plays] ♪

1754
01:50:05,380 --> 01:50:06,991
♪ I had a dream ♪

1755
01:50:07,775 --> 01:50:10,168
♪ I was following
A barefoot girl ♪

1756
01:50:10,342 --> 01:50:15,609
♪ Beside a stream
That flowed around the world ♪

1757
01:50:15,782 --> 01:50:20,264
♪ We spoke of many things
Though her mouth never moved ♪

1758
01:50:20,526 --> 01:50:24,705
♪ As the most peculiar scenes
Were disappearing into view ♪

1759
01:50:24,879 --> 01:50:29,492
♪ Oh, what a dream
Beyond the realm of why♪

1760
01:50:29,666 --> 01:50:35,193
♪ Pretty little beings
Beneath the yawning sky ♪

1761
01:50:35,367 --> 01:50:39,894
♪ Speaking of God
As though they could define ♪

1762
01:50:40,068 --> 01:50:43,853
♪ Music to the deaf
And color to the blind ♪

1763
01:50:44,028 --> 01:50:45,464
♪ Or God to man ♪

1764
01:50:50,034 --> 01:50:54,603
♪ And then the leaves
Became a thousand tears ♪

1765
01:50:55,039 --> 01:50:59,565
♪ And I was on my knees
In a crazy house of mirrors ♪

1766
01:50:59,827 --> 01:51:04,396
♪ Couldn't find my face but a
oice was drawing nearer ♪

1767
01:51:04,570 --> 01:51:09,184
♪ Hush, baby, sweet baby ♪

1768
01:51:09,445 --> 01:51:14,842
♪ Hush, don't you cry
It's all a dream ♪

1769
01:51:26,288 --> 01:51:30,727
[gentle music playing]