1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:06,089 --> 00:00:09,801 [fast-paced drum music playing] 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:00:16,057 --> 00:00:17,350 ASSISTANT: She'll see you now. 5 00:00:20,437 --> 00:00:21,980 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, 6 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:24,649 please put your hands together 7 00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:29,112 -for Josh Johnson. -[audience applauding] 8 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,592 THERAPIST: So, tell me what's on your mind. 9 00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:53,887 Thanks for making time for me, by the way. 10 00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:58,725 I feel very lucky to be here, 'cause, um, 11 00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:01,311 I actually grew up pretty poor, 12 00:01:01,353 --> 00:01:04,647 and I grew up poor in Louisiana, 13 00:01:04,689 --> 00:01:06,941 which somehow feels extra poor. 14 00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:10,070 There's something about being poor next to a swamp that makes you go, 15 00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:12,447 "Oh, I might not make it out of this shit, okay. 16 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:15,283 These might be insurmountable circumstances." 17 00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,912 Because when you're poor you get the worst of everything. 18 00:01:18,953 --> 00:01:20,830 Which makes sense because you have no money, 19 00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:23,750 But because you're a poor kid you're finding out 20 00:01:23,792 --> 00:01:26,795 it's the worst of everything one thing at a time. 21 00:01:27,962 --> 00:01:30,423 Like, every new experience is the worst. 22 00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:34,511 [audience laughing] 23 00:01:35,136 --> 00:01:37,764 Like, I still remember the first time I ever got rushed to the hospital, 24 00:01:37,806 --> 00:01:40,308 I was very young, I got a huge gash down my arm, 25 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:43,645 I was losing a lot of blood, and so they rushed me to the hospital. 26 00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:46,523 But the closest one was still in a really bad part of town. 27 00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:49,359 And they put me in front of the doctor 28 00:01:49,401 --> 00:01:51,528 and I'm screaming and I'm bleeding and I'm crying 29 00:01:51,569 --> 00:01:54,030 and the doctor's like, "Hey, buddy, it's okay. 30 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:57,784 It's okay. Just show me what's wrong." 31 00:01:57,826 --> 00:02:01,037 And so I showed the doctor my arm and the doctor went, "Ew." 32 00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:04,416 -That's not a good doctor. -[audience laughing] 33 00:02:04,457 --> 00:02:05,959 That's not a good doctor at all. 34 00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:07,711 I'm pretty sure the entire point of medical schools 35 00:02:07,752 --> 00:02:09,838 are "ew" not to be your prognosis. 36 00:02:09,879 --> 00:02:11,297 [audience laughing] 37 00:02:11,339 --> 00:02:12,757 He almost went, "Ew, nigga." 38 00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:14,634 It almost came out of his mouth. 39 00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:17,095 He caught it, but I heard it, you know what I mean? 40 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:19,806 He choked [indistinct], this is a bad hospital, 41 00:02:19,848 --> 00:02:21,558 this is a bad doctor, we need to leave. 42 00:02:21,599 --> 00:02:23,643 I will bleed out before I owe these people money. 43 00:02:24,894 --> 00:02:27,313 When you don't have money it affects everything. 44 00:02:27,355 --> 00:02:28,982 Like I even-- 45 00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:31,568 I ain't even get good cereal 'til I was 20. 46 00:02:31,609 --> 00:02:34,237 [audience laughing] 47 00:02:34,279 --> 00:02:35,864 My cereal was very poor. 48 00:02:35,905 --> 00:02:37,365 To get my cereal, 49 00:02:37,407 --> 00:02:38,867 you had to go to a discount grocery store 50 00:02:38,908 --> 00:02:40,577 and you had to look at the bottom shelf. 51 00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:42,245 And on the bottom shelf was just a bag. 52 00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:45,498 My cereal had no box. My cereal was homeless, okay? 53 00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:47,792 [audience laughing] 54 00:02:47,834 --> 00:02:50,670 It was just a 20 gallon bag with no seam. 55 00:02:50,712 --> 00:02:53,089 They made the cereal, they bagged it up and they were like, 56 00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:55,508 "Nobody would ever eat this, right? Like, there's no reason." 57 00:02:55,550 --> 00:02:57,010 Like, there wasn't even a spout. 58 00:02:57,052 --> 00:02:59,179 You had to slice the bag open like a pirate 59 00:02:59,220 --> 00:03:00,638 to get the cereal out. 60 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:03,808 And it wasn't even a cereal you'd recognize. 61 00:03:03,850 --> 00:03:07,645 It wasn't even Fruit Loops. My cereal was a knockoff of a knockoff of a knockoff. 62 00:03:07,687 --> 00:03:10,857 My cereal was just called "Circles," all right? 63 00:03:10,899 --> 00:03:14,944 [audience laughing] 64 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:20,367 It had no other name, not even Colored Circles, just Circles. 65 00:03:20,408 --> 00:03:23,036 [audience laughing] 66 00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:25,580 So you take the cereal home, you slice the bag open, 67 00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:27,707 you pour the cereal into the bowl, and look, 68 00:03:27,749 --> 00:03:30,418 I don't know what your life is like, 69 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:32,212 I don't know if you grew up with money 70 00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:34,297 or poor or with Circles. 71 00:03:34,339 --> 00:03:37,092 [audience laughing] 72 00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:40,220 But if you did, you know that when you pour the milk in, 73 00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:42,555 Circles don't give a damn about milk. 74 00:03:42,597 --> 00:03:45,475 It all floated. How does it all float? 75 00:03:45,517 --> 00:03:47,644 That is poorer than physics, all right? 76 00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:51,564 I had to push the circles down with my hand 77 00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:53,983 to get all the cereal wet and then I bit into it 78 00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:56,194 and the shit is glass, all right? 79 00:03:57,028 --> 00:03:59,906 It's just glass in cereal form, my momma asked me how it tastes, 80 00:03:59,948 --> 00:04:02,409 I was like, "Like milk and blood," all right? 81 00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:04,536 [audience laughing] 82 00:04:04,577 --> 00:04:06,788 These are terrible circumstances we're living in. 83 00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:11,793 Like, my neighborhood-- 84 00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:14,629 growing up, we didn't even have a good pharmacy. 85 00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:19,926 The pharmacy in my hometown had no counter. 86 00:04:22,637 --> 00:04:24,305 I'll say it again, since it didn't bump you. 87 00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:26,975 The pharmacy had no counter. 88 00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:28,893 You realize a counter is the only thing 89 00:04:28,935 --> 00:04:31,521 stopping a drugstore from being a dope house. 90 00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:34,065 [audience laughing] 91 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:37,360 When you went to the pharmacy in my neighborhood, there was no counter, 92 00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:40,697 it was just one dude standing in front of all the drugs, like, 93 00:04:40,739 --> 00:04:41,698 "What do you want?" 94 00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:45,618 [audience laughing] 95 00:04:45,660 --> 00:04:49,039 -"We don't do receipts." -[audience laughing] 96 00:04:50,498 --> 00:04:52,334 This is terrible. 97 00:04:53,168 --> 00:04:54,252 That's the thing, is that... 98 00:04:55,170 --> 00:04:58,465 when you don't have money, especially when you don't have money 99 00:04:58,506 --> 00:04:59,799 in America it-- it... 100 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,011 it-- it takes a toll. 101 00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:07,140 Because most of your problems stem from one problem 102 00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:10,018 that you can't do anything about, especially when you're a kid. 103 00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:15,774 And I think that some of that trauma can-- it can really latch on to you. 104 00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:18,360 And for me, I don't think it did because-- 105 00:05:18,401 --> 00:05:19,819 I can only speak for myself, 106 00:05:19,861 --> 00:05:23,114 but I just think that a lot of trauma is... 107 00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:27,243 -funny. -[audience laughing] 108 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:29,662 Obviously not all of it, 109 00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:32,165 but I-- okay, I can tell I'm losing you so-- 110 00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:34,084 [audience laughing] 111 00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,669 I'll give you an example. 112 00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:38,546 There was one year where money was very tight. 113 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:43,051 It was especially tight around my birthday. 114 00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:47,055 [audience laughing] 115 00:05:47,097 --> 00:05:49,683 And so they just didn't tell me I turned ten. 116 00:05:49,724 --> 00:05:53,687 [audience laughing] 117 00:05:53,728 --> 00:05:55,897 They were like, "No, let's wait 'til we can have a party 118 00:05:55,939 --> 00:05:58,525 with some friends." so I just stayed nine. 119 00:05:58,566 --> 00:06:02,237 [audience laughing] 120 00:06:02,278 --> 00:06:06,074 But I had friends, so I was going to my friends' birthday parties and everything. 121 00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:08,201 And finally I had to go to my mom, be like, 122 00:06:08,243 --> 00:06:11,037 "Mom, all my friends turning ten. Why am I not turning ten?" 123 00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:15,083 [audience laughing] 124 00:06:17,836 --> 00:06:19,587 And my mom looked at me. 125 00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:21,840 And she-- she went... 126 00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:30,056 "You go at your own pace, baby, all right?" 127 00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:34,144 [audience laughing] 128 00:06:35,145 --> 00:06:38,523 "Don't compare yourself to other people, okay? 129 00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:40,483 You gonna turn ten when it's time." 130 00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:44,487 [audience laughing] 131 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:52,203 having money is not everything, not having it is. 132 00:06:53,163 --> 00:06:54,998 You rarely hear anything truer than that. 133 00:06:55,540 --> 00:06:57,792 Because when you have money, or you at least have enough of it, 134 00:06:57,834 --> 00:07:01,546 you realize that money is not really there, you know what I mean? 135 00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:05,467 All it is, is a representation of the resources you have available to you. 136 00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:08,511 So, we treat each other pretty poorly to get it sometimes, 137 00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:12,557 and we even judge each other by how much of it we have, but it's not really there. 138 00:07:13,183 --> 00:07:14,726 But when you don't have money... 139 00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:16,644 it's very real. 140 00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:20,357 You know, it's hard to be a philosopher on an empty stomach. 141 00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:25,111 It's why to this day I still remember... 142 00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:28,865 my first visit from the Tooth Fairy. 143 00:07:29,491 --> 00:07:31,409 Right? I was really little. 144 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,994 I just lost my first tooth. 145 00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:34,996 I did everything I was supposed to do. 146 00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:38,667 Put the tooth under my pillow, went to bed, 147 00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:40,418 and my grandma really wanted to spoil me 148 00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:43,588 because I was the first grandbaby in like a long time 149 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,590 and so that night... 150 00:07:46,383 --> 00:07:47,676 she went to my bed... 151 00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,553 she took my tooth 152 00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:53,431 and she put a $10 bill under my pillow. 153 00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:56,351 -AUDIENCE: Ooh. -Right? 154 00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:59,396 [audience laughing] 155 00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:01,690 This was $10 for my tooth. 156 00:08:01,731 --> 00:08:04,526 -My mom was furious. -[audience laughing] 157 00:08:04,567 --> 00:08:07,153 She was like, "That's not sustainable. All right?" 158 00:08:08,238 --> 00:08:11,991 "We don't have $10 per tooth money in this household, okay? 159 00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:16,037 His teeth are gonna start depreciating in value and he won't know why. 160 00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:19,082 We're going to have to lie to him and tell him that the Tooth Fairy broke. 161 00:08:19,124 --> 00:08:21,501 Do you see you've made his fantasies poor now? 162 00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:24,212 [audience laughing] 163 00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:27,590 But I didn't care about any of that, I woke up, 164 00:08:27,632 --> 00:08:29,300 I was blown away, $10, 165 00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:32,762 it was the most money I had ever seen at one time. 166 00:08:33,263 --> 00:08:36,224 Okay? I don't even know who this dude is. 167 00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:38,435 [audience laughing] 168 00:08:38,476 --> 00:08:42,439 $10 for one tooth, next one already loose. 169 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:46,359 [audience laughing] 170 00:08:48,236 --> 00:08:49,904 And so I got to thinking, like, "Wow, 171 00:08:49,946 --> 00:08:52,615 if I save up enough of these, 172 00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:55,493 I can buy my own Lego set, right? 173 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,038 I won't have to ask my parents or anything." 174 00:08:58,079 --> 00:09:00,373 Because here's the thing, when you're a kid 175 00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:02,751 and you ask your parents for something that they would love to give you, 176 00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:06,296 but they have to say no because they don't have the money, that shit hurts. 177 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,924 And you don't get it, you don't fully understand cause you're a kid, 178 00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:13,887 but you know something's wrong and I never wanna make my mom and dad feel like that. 179 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,307 I even got to thinking if I save up enough of these 180 00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:19,934 I can just give the money to my mom and help with the rent 181 00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:21,394 'cause she's always stressed about it. 182 00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:25,648 And I was thinking about all this... 183 00:09:26,524 --> 00:09:28,360 when across from me, 184 00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:31,321 I was sitting outside of my house and across from me... 185 00:09:34,491 --> 00:09:36,785 there's no polite way to say, so across me on the sidewalk 186 00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:38,620 there was a crackhead that was dancing, right? 187 00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:43,083 But he wasn't dancing to any music, just to the rhythm of the crack. 188 00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:47,337 -[hums] -[audience laughing] 189 00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:50,840 Right? 190 00:09:50,882 --> 00:09:52,842 And as I looked up at him dancing, 191 00:09:52,884 --> 00:09:55,053 I saw a tooth fall out of his head. 192 00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:59,015 [audience laughing] 193 00:10:01,393 --> 00:10:03,812 And so I, being a young entrepreneur... 194 00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:08,066 [audience laughing] 195 00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:13,780 ...approached him and was like, "Sir, I just noticed... 196 00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:18,702 that you lost, I mean, technically it landed on my property, 197 00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:20,870 but I wanna be respectful to you. 198 00:10:20,912 --> 00:10:23,498 I was wondering if you wouldn't mind parting-- well you already parted with it, 199 00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:27,210 but I'm wondering if you would let me have your tooth. 200 00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:31,339 And then he said... 201 00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:35,135 [audience laughing] 202 00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,183 [high pitched voice] "My tooth. 203 00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:45,145 You want my tooth?" 204 00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:46,938 "Yes, sir, if I could have the tooth... 205 00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:49,733 that would help me out a lot." 206 00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:51,818 And he was like... 207 00:10:53,945 --> 00:10:55,864 [high-pitched voice] "Give it to you for $5." 208 00:10:56,990 --> 00:11:00,994 And I was like, "Ugh, um, three." 209 00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:04,456 And so then I paid the man and went about my way, 210 00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,583 'cause in my head I'm about to flip this anyway. 211 00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:07,751 You know what I mean? 212 00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:11,796 Take money to make money, right? 213 00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:16,426 And so then that night, I put the tooth under my pillow. 214 00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:21,264 I had sweet dreams of Lego sets and paid rent. 215 00:11:22,849 --> 00:11:24,017 And when I woke up... 216 00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,937 There was a grown man's tooth under my pillow. 217 00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:29,439 I was furious. 218 00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:31,983 I was so angry and there's the thing, 219 00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,943 I know I'm the only one that thinks this, 220 00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:36,404 but I actually think that we should teach kids to curse, all right? 221 00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:38,907 Cause one, they're going to learn anyway, okay? 222 00:11:38,948 --> 00:11:42,077 And two, one of the things that can make kids unbearable sometimes 223 00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:45,413 is that they don't have the words to express how they're feeling, right? 224 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,249 Like if I woke up and saw the tooth 225 00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:51,419 and known the word "damn," I would just say "damn" and been done with it, right? 226 00:11:51,461 --> 00:11:54,255 But because I'm little and I don't know any curse words, 227 00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:55,882 I was stomping around the house, like... 228 00:11:55,924 --> 00:11:57,634 [grunting angrily] 229 00:11:57,676 --> 00:12:01,471 [audience laughing] 230 00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:02,597 You know that-- 231 00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:05,141 [audience laughing] 232 00:12:05,183 --> 00:12:07,686 You know, when you were little you get stiff leg, you're like... 233 00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,562 [grunts angrily] 234 00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:13,525 [audience laughing] 235 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,611 And my mom saw me and she grabbed me, she was like, 236 00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:18,113 "Baby, what's wrong?" 237 00:12:18,154 --> 00:12:20,407 And I was like... [gasping] 238 00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:25,286 Because, you know, you can't talk when you little or you're that mad. 239 00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:28,289 My mom was like, "Calm down. 240 00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:30,458 Tell me what's wrong. Use your words." 241 00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:33,586 And I was like... [sobbing] 242 00:12:34,337 --> 00:12:37,132 "I put a tooth under my pillow last night. The tooth fairy didn't come. 243 00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:38,550 [indistinct] supposed to give me [indistinct] 244 00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,468 and she owe me money. This is crazy." 245 00:12:40,510 --> 00:12:42,262 [audience laughing] 246 00:12:42,303 --> 00:12:45,306 And my mom was like, "You lost another tooth already?" 247 00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:47,642 And I was like, "No." 248 00:12:47,684 --> 00:12:49,769 [audience laughing] 249 00:12:49,811 --> 00:12:51,104 So then she had to go see. 250 00:12:51,146 --> 00:12:55,358 [audience laughing] 251 00:13:03,324 --> 00:13:05,243 So she walked to my bed... 252 00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:08,246 she flipped over my pillow. 253 00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:12,459 [audience laughing] 254 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:15,170 She went "Ew, ni--" 255 00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:19,466 [audience laughing] 256 00:13:23,595 --> 00:13:26,890 And then she grabbed the tooth and she was like, "Where did you get this?" 257 00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:32,062 I'm like, "From the man." She's like, "What man?" 258 00:13:32,103 --> 00:13:36,149 [audience laughing] 259 00:13:36,941 --> 00:13:41,029 Cause in my mom's mind, there's like a grown man out there selling teeth. 260 00:13:43,239 --> 00:13:45,742 Which, I mean, she wasn't wrong. She wasn't far off. 261 00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:48,661 He did sell me the teeth out of his mouth. 262 00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:52,374 THERAPIST: Do you feel like having less as a child 263 00:13:52,415 --> 00:13:54,584 affected your outlook on life? 264 00:13:56,127 --> 00:13:59,255 Well, it's just-- it's just hurts. 265 00:13:59,756 --> 00:14:00,590 You know 'cause... 266 00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:03,927 when you're poor, all you wanna be is not. 267 00:14:04,928 --> 00:14:07,514 You know? It doesn't even matter why you're poor. 268 00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:09,933 I remember, didn't have money in Louisiana, 269 00:14:09,974 --> 00:14:12,394 moved to Chicago, was somehow poorer. 270 00:14:12,435 --> 00:14:15,063 And then now, living in New York 271 00:14:15,105 --> 00:14:17,982 is the first time in my life that I'm actually 272 00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:19,734 doing all right, I'm very blessed. 273 00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:24,531 -I feel good about life. -[audience applauding] 274 00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:32,372 But I'm not going to lie to you. Now that I'm not poor, I think I wanna be rich. 275 00:14:32,414 --> 00:14:35,917 I think that's how this whole thing works, you know? 276 00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:37,419 you have two meals a day your whole life, 277 00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,087 and then you finally have three, you like, 278 00:14:39,129 --> 00:14:40,839 "Shoot, how about four? Let's get it." 279 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,174 [audience laughing] 280 00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,301 I wanna be so rich... 281 00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:52,142 that I actually say, "Mo' money, mo' problems." 282 00:14:53,643 --> 00:14:55,478 Never had to use the phrase before. 283 00:14:57,689 --> 00:14:59,441 I wanna be so rich... 284 00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:02,110 I get gout. 285 00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:05,864 [audience laughing] 286 00:15:06,698 --> 00:15:09,576 If you don't know what gout is, it's when your joints are like, 287 00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:11,619 "We too rich. 288 00:15:13,455 --> 00:15:14,914 Stop it." 289 00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:19,169 [audience laughing] 290 00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:21,338 I wanna-- 291 00:15:23,006 --> 00:15:24,924 I wanna be so rich 292 00:15:24,966 --> 00:15:27,135 I get in a yacht accident. 293 00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:30,764 [audience laughing] 294 00:15:30,805 --> 00:15:33,850 Just my yacht and somebody else's yacht 295 00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:35,477 run right into each other 296 00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:40,106 As I'm going down with the ship I'm like, "Mo' money, mo' problems." 297 00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:44,361 [audience laughing] 298 00:15:45,779 --> 00:15:47,655 THERAPIST: Let's jump ahead a little bit. 299 00:15:47,697 --> 00:15:49,157 How do you feel about the direction 300 00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:51,034 your life is going in now? 301 00:15:54,704 --> 00:15:58,667 JOSH: It almost feels like we're the stepchildren of history. 302 00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,251 -[audience chuckling] -You know? 303 00:16:00,877 --> 00:16:02,253 Global pandemic. 304 00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:05,548 Potential world war. All in a few years. 305 00:16:06,216 --> 00:16:10,345 It's so bad, I don't even let my grandparents talk shit to me anymore, you know? 306 00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:13,390 I really don't, they're like, "Back in my day--" 307 00:16:13,431 --> 00:16:15,266 I'm like, "Back in your day, you could go outside, 308 00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:16,267 don't do that." 309 00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:20,563 [audience laughing] 310 00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:27,445 I actually don't even give them credit for still being alive 311 00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,197 and also going through this thing because I'm like, 312 00:16:29,239 --> 00:16:31,700 "This is a party you about to leave, I have to stay. 313 00:16:31,741 --> 00:16:35,453 [audience laughing] 314 00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:39,165 I mean COVID alone, look at-- look at COVID. 315 00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:42,752 Killed millions of people around the world. They're gone. 316 00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:46,214 We lost millions of people. 317 00:16:46,256 --> 00:16:48,717 COVID took millions of lives 318 00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:52,971 and it still didn't manage to kill the right people. 319 00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:54,764 Like, isn't that wild? 320 00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:57,767 Isn't that kind of crazy? 321 00:16:57,809 --> 00:17:00,812 [audience cheering and applauding] 322 00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:02,731 Like, anytime you meet an asshole 323 00:17:02,772 --> 00:17:04,315 for the next five years of your life, 324 00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:05,900 a part of you is gonna be like, 325 00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:07,569 "Really? You ma-- okay. 326 00:17:09,154 --> 00:17:10,113 Whatever." 327 00:17:11,489 --> 00:17:13,241 COVID killed millions of people, 328 00:17:13,283 --> 00:17:16,036 but somehow everyone that I owe money lived. 329 00:17:16,077 --> 00:17:19,581 [audience laughing] 330 00:17:20,081 --> 00:17:22,751 You know what that feels, like, you know how many loans I held off on 331 00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:25,378 cause I was like, "He's been sick anyway, let's just see." 332 00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:29,632 [audience laughing] 333 00:17:34,179 --> 00:17:36,264 I was in Georgia, I was in Atlanta 334 00:17:36,306 --> 00:17:40,143 visiting my family for Thanksgiving. 335 00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:42,395 This is November of 2020, right? 336 00:17:42,437 --> 00:17:45,523 And it was four of us in the car. 337 00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:49,319 It was my aunt driving, my mom sitting passenger, 338 00:17:49,361 --> 00:17:51,196 me sitting behind my aunt, 339 00:17:51,237 --> 00:17:53,531 and my girlfriend sitting next to me. 340 00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,950 And we get pulled over. 341 00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:59,371 But we get pulled over from like the light. 342 00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:02,082 Like it-- like it flashes green and then we just hear "whoop, whoop." 343 00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:06,378 I'm like, "That's not even time enough to do anything illegal." 344 00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:11,091 So we pull over and my aunt rolls down the window, 345 00:18:11,132 --> 00:18:12,759 cop walks up to the-- 346 00:18:12,801 --> 00:18:15,345 to the window and my aunt already has her license out 347 00:18:15,387 --> 00:18:17,514 'cause you know, Black people, we stay ready so. 348 00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:22,686 So, she hands the cop her license and she's like, 349 00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:26,773 "I'm sorry, like was I speeding or, you know, something?" 350 00:18:26,815 --> 00:18:29,567 I don't know how you speed from a green, but, you know, like, 351 00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:30,902 was I speeding or something? 352 00:18:30,944 --> 00:18:33,279 And he bent down and he looked at us 353 00:18:33,321 --> 00:18:36,241 and he said, "You have too many people in the car." 354 00:18:37,742 --> 00:18:40,704 So, he said, "You have too many people in the car." 355 00:18:41,204 --> 00:18:44,499 And he walked back, and I'm not gonna lie, I googled it. 356 00:18:44,541 --> 00:18:46,960 I was just like, "Maybe. Who knows?" 357 00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,422 You know, it's 2020, we have COVID, 358 00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,257 I don't know if there's something, you know? 359 00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:54,634 We could fit five, we're technically riding light, 360 00:18:54,676 --> 00:18:57,012 like how-- we have too many people. 361 00:18:57,053 --> 00:19:00,223 And then while he's gone, my mind is just racing. 362 00:19:00,265 --> 00:19:01,474 It's just thinking about all the ways 363 00:19:01,516 --> 00:19:03,018 that this could go wrong, you know? 364 00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:05,562 And I was so nervous, just genuinely afraid, 365 00:19:05,603 --> 00:19:08,565 not just for myself, but for the women around me 366 00:19:08,606 --> 00:19:12,610 and he finally walks back up to the window, 367 00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,988 and he's been gone a long time, by the way. 368 00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:19,409 And he leans into the window, 369 00:19:19,451 --> 00:19:23,455 he has my aunt back her license, and he says... 370 00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:28,710 "On behalf of Newton County, we'd like to present you and your family 371 00:19:28,752 --> 00:19:30,045 with this Butterball turkey. 372 00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:33,006 Happy Thanksgiving." 373 00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:37,302 And in my head I'm like, "Why'd you do it like that? 374 00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:39,637 That's what-- what is wrong with you?" 375 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:42,932 [audience laughing and applauding] 376 00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:44,601 I thought we were all going to jail. 377 00:19:44,642 --> 00:19:46,394 Everybody knows the longer the cop is gone 378 00:19:46,436 --> 00:19:48,313 the more jail you're going to. 379 00:19:49,981 --> 00:19:53,193 What took you so long? Did you forget where the turkeys were? 380 00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:57,238 I'm not gonna lie, I actually think that what happened was he went, 381 00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:59,824 he had-- he had my aunt's license and he went to grab the turkey 382 00:19:59,866 --> 00:20:01,659 and the license fell between the seats 383 00:20:01,701 --> 00:20:03,661 and he was like, "It's always something." 384 00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:07,957 [audience laughing] 385 00:20:11,169 --> 00:20:14,506 And so then he passes the turkey to my aunt. 386 00:20:15,423 --> 00:20:17,258 She passes the turkey to me. 387 00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:21,513 [audience laughing] 388 00:20:23,515 --> 00:20:25,100 I'm just sitting there with it. 389 00:20:26,768 --> 00:20:30,397 Looking at it and in my head I'm like... 390 00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:33,358 there better not be any crack in this. 391 00:20:39,114 --> 00:20:41,658 And then we drive off and, whew, 392 00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:44,202 I'm not gonna lie, police have messed with me before, but like, 393 00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:46,996 this is the worst thing that a cop has ever done to me. 394 00:20:47,038 --> 00:20:50,709 Because in a year when all of my friends are out protesting 395 00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:53,169 and we're sitting around in Brooklyn around the table 396 00:20:53,211 --> 00:20:55,714 telling stories about getting their ass beat at protests 397 00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:57,132 like civil rights leaders, 398 00:20:57,173 --> 00:20:59,175 I gotta be the one to be like, "Yeah. 399 00:20:59,217 --> 00:21:02,220 And sometimes they give you turkeys you don't even want. 400 00:21:02,262 --> 00:21:06,516 [audience laughing] 401 00:21:08,727 --> 00:21:10,353 It's the day before Thanksgiving. 402 00:21:10,395 --> 00:21:12,439 How it's going to defrost in time? That's terrorism. 403 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:15,984 [audience laughing] 404 00:21:25,660 --> 00:21:29,497 I've-- I've, uh, I've been having a really weird time because... 405 00:21:30,665 --> 00:21:32,625 it was at the end of last year that I realized 406 00:21:32,667 --> 00:21:35,003 I'm a little bit older right now 407 00:21:35,045 --> 00:21:37,589 then my parents were when they had me. 408 00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:39,799 And that feels crazy. 409 00:21:40,550 --> 00:21:43,303 Feels insane to especially check the markers of where they were 410 00:21:43,345 --> 00:21:45,680 when they were my age, where I am now that-- 411 00:21:47,557 --> 00:21:50,435 Like, I even feel like an adult. 412 00:21:51,144 --> 00:21:53,688 A kid called me sir last week to get my attention, 413 00:21:53,730 --> 00:21:55,607 I almost punched him right in the throat. 414 00:21:56,608 --> 00:21:58,610 I was like, "Don't put that evil on me." 415 00:22:00,779 --> 00:22:03,406 I'm also scared to have kids cause I live in New York. 416 00:22:03,948 --> 00:22:06,159 You know, like, I get that it's beautiful and iconic, 417 00:22:06,201 --> 00:22:08,953 but also, the rats have personality, right? 418 00:22:09,913 --> 00:22:11,790 It's a jarring place to live. 419 00:22:12,707 --> 00:22:14,918 I give you my best example of why I'm scared, right? 420 00:22:14,959 --> 00:22:17,962 There was a-- a while back where I was on the subway, 421 00:22:18,004 --> 00:22:20,757 I don't even remember where I was headed, but things were going well, you know? 422 00:22:20,799 --> 00:22:24,803 I-- I was listening to a podcast, I was having a good day, right? 423 00:22:24,844 --> 00:22:27,180 And I remember I was sitting on the train 424 00:22:27,222 --> 00:22:28,890 and as I was sitting down, 425 00:22:28,932 --> 00:22:31,518 this dude got on the train and sat across from me. 426 00:22:31,559 --> 00:22:34,396 And this guy is crazy. Okay? 427 00:22:34,437 --> 00:22:36,981 Now, I know you're not supposed to say that, I know that's dismissive, 428 00:22:37,023 --> 00:22:39,901 But personally, I feel like political correctness 429 00:22:39,943 --> 00:22:43,321 works in proximity to the problem, okay? 430 00:22:44,197 --> 00:22:46,449 If I've been watching this dude in a documentary, I'd be like, 431 00:22:46,491 --> 00:22:49,661 "He is an individual having an episode, all right?" 432 00:22:49,703 --> 00:22:53,915 But because he is four feet away from me, he is crazy, okay? 433 00:22:53,957 --> 00:22:55,875 And he's being crazy right now. 434 00:22:55,917 --> 00:22:58,962 My man is sitting down having a very specific argument 435 00:22:59,004 --> 00:23:01,631 with somebody that nobody can see, all right? 436 00:23:01,673 --> 00:23:04,134 And he not even looking across at me, he looking down, 437 00:23:04,175 --> 00:23:06,011 so it's like a little gremlin or something. 438 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:09,305 And it's not the type of argument you can interject in, 439 00:23:09,347 --> 00:23:12,642 he's just like "I ate all the Jell-O, all right? 440 00:23:14,561 --> 00:23:15,854 So that's happening. 441 00:23:16,771 --> 00:23:20,817 And as that's happening the emergency doors open. 442 00:23:20,859 --> 00:23:22,485 Which is never good. 443 00:23:23,069 --> 00:23:25,447 No emergency doors ever open anywhere 444 00:23:25,488 --> 00:23:27,657 and people were like, "What's about to happen?" 445 00:23:27,699 --> 00:23:30,869 That's always bad. Hence the name. 446 00:23:32,620 --> 00:23:33,955 And this dude comes through the door, 447 00:23:33,997 --> 00:23:35,665 and look, out of respect, 448 00:23:35,707 --> 00:23:37,334 I will use a politically correct term for him 449 00:23:37,375 --> 00:23:39,878 cause he different situation than the first two. 450 00:23:39,919 --> 00:23:43,340 This guy is fucking crazy, okay? 451 00:23:43,381 --> 00:23:44,883 This guy couldn't be crazier. 452 00:23:44,924 --> 00:23:46,843 First of all, he came through the door sideways 453 00:23:46,885 --> 00:23:48,928 which is a strong choice. 454 00:23:49,929 --> 00:23:51,765 I've been walking through doors all my life 455 00:23:51,806 --> 00:23:54,559 and I've been just doing it front ways, like I had no idea, 456 00:23:54,601 --> 00:23:56,519 I guess I'm just vanilla like that, like, 457 00:23:56,561 --> 00:23:58,521 I've been walking through doors missionary 458 00:23:58,563 --> 00:24:00,273 and everything this whole time. 459 00:24:00,315 --> 00:24:02,359 [audience laughing] 460 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:04,444 But my man walked in the door sideways, 461 00:24:04,486 --> 00:24:07,238 making weird noises, doing Michael Jackson moves and stuff. 462 00:24:07,280 --> 00:24:10,742 My man came in the door just like... [grunting]. 463 00:24:10,784 --> 00:24:13,870 Nonstop, okay? And not busking for money. 464 00:24:13,912 --> 00:24:16,373 This is coming out of his spirit all right? 465 00:24:16,414 --> 00:24:18,833 Just nonstop. [grunting] 466 00:24:18,875 --> 00:24:21,670 Okay, also should point out no shirt, no shoes, 467 00:24:21,711 --> 00:24:24,464 no socks, just pants, fly open 468 00:24:24,506 --> 00:24:27,050 and the only reason this man's pants hadn't fallen to the ground 469 00:24:27,092 --> 00:24:29,469 was cause he had a big booty and a big dick, all right? 470 00:24:29,511 --> 00:24:33,598 My man's pants are hanging on for dear life. He just... [grunts]. 471 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:35,934 This dude is so fucking crazy 472 00:24:35,975 --> 00:24:39,270 that the crazy guy stopped being crazy. 473 00:24:45,652 --> 00:24:48,988 Crazy dude was sitting there, like, "I ate all of the Jell-O. 474 00:24:49,030 --> 00:24:50,907 Ew... 475 00:24:50,949 --> 00:24:54,411 Y'all see him with his dick out like that. Isn't that nasty?" 476 00:24:54,452 --> 00:24:57,497 -Starts commiserating with us. -[audience laughing] 477 00:24:57,539 --> 00:25:00,625 I'm like, "This is how we felt about you." This is wild. 478 00:25:01,876 --> 00:25:03,545 That's why I feel bad calling him crazy 479 00:25:03,586 --> 00:25:05,922 because it's clearly not a permanent situation. 480 00:25:05,964 --> 00:25:07,590 He see dick and he lose it. 481 00:25:07,632 --> 00:25:11,886 [audience laughing] 482 00:25:17,892 --> 00:25:20,311 And the reason that I'm scared to have kids... 483 00:25:24,149 --> 00:25:25,984 isn't because of the crazy guy. 484 00:25:26,443 --> 00:25:28,319 It's not because of the fucking crazy guy. 485 00:25:28,361 --> 00:25:30,947 It's because while all of this was going down, 486 00:25:30,989 --> 00:25:33,283 there was a kid on the train... 487 00:25:34,701 --> 00:25:36,453 that barely reacted. 488 00:25:36,494 --> 00:25:40,290 [audience laughing] 489 00:25:40,331 --> 00:25:43,793 Crazy dude got in, sat down and was like, "I ate all of the Jell-O," 490 00:25:43,835 --> 00:25:46,463 and then little man next to me, couldn't be more than 8-years-old, 491 00:25:46,504 --> 00:25:49,591 was sitting there, reading a Captain America comic 492 00:25:49,632 --> 00:25:51,217 looked at him and was like... 493 00:25:52,052 --> 00:25:53,511 "That'll work itself out." 494 00:25:53,553 --> 00:25:57,682 [audience laughing] 495 00:26:02,145 --> 00:26:05,148 And then the fucking crazy guy got on like... [grunting] 496 00:26:05,190 --> 00:26:07,692 He was like, "Let's see what the Red Skull is up to." 497 00:26:10,028 --> 00:26:12,364 Like, I don't know if I'm actually more scared of the crazy guy, 498 00:26:12,405 --> 00:26:14,783 the fucking crazy guy or the kid. 499 00:26:14,824 --> 00:26:16,368 You should only be that stoic 500 00:26:16,409 --> 00:26:18,286 if you've seen combat, all right? 501 00:26:19,537 --> 00:26:21,373 And it only happened at the end of last year, 502 00:26:21,414 --> 00:26:24,209 so I still think about where that kid is all the time. 503 00:26:25,085 --> 00:26:27,837 He probably on a playground right now. 504 00:26:27,879 --> 00:26:31,591 Just putting out a cigarette on his own hand. 505 00:26:31,633 --> 00:26:35,637 [audience laughing] 506 00:26:36,179 --> 00:26:37,764 [high-pitched voice] I've seen things. 507 00:26:39,015 --> 00:26:42,435 So yeah. Maybe I'm afraid of having kids. 508 00:26:43,645 --> 00:26:47,273 THERAPIST: Can you tell me what scares you so much about parenthood? 509 00:26:47,315 --> 00:26:49,901 Are you afraid you won't be a good father? 510 00:26:51,945 --> 00:26:54,989 Do you remember, when you believed in grown-ups? 511 00:26:55,031 --> 00:26:57,409 [audience laughing] 512 00:26:57,450 --> 00:26:59,327 -Do you remember that? -WOMAN: Yes! 513 00:26:59,369 --> 00:27:01,204 Remember when you were little and you were like, 514 00:27:01,246 --> 00:27:02,872 "The big people, they know." 515 00:27:03,915 --> 00:27:07,210 And then you got older and you're like, "Fuck, nobody knows." 516 00:27:07,252 --> 00:27:11,464 [audience laughing and applauding] 517 00:27:13,925 --> 00:27:17,095 This is terrible. Someone should do something. 518 00:27:19,514 --> 00:27:21,808 You remember the first time you looked... 519 00:27:22,892 --> 00:27:24,352 at a grown-up and you were like, 520 00:27:24,394 --> 00:27:26,521 "I don't think you know what you're doing." 521 00:27:26,563 --> 00:27:28,648 [audience laughing] 522 00:27:29,607 --> 00:27:32,027 -For me, it was my dad. -WOMAN: Yes! 523 00:27:32,068 --> 00:27:36,281 [audience laughing] 524 00:27:37,741 --> 00:27:39,159 That first tooth... 525 00:27:39,951 --> 00:27:42,078 back when it was just loose, 526 00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:44,622 I went to my dad and I told him. 527 00:27:44,664 --> 00:27:47,751 My dad was always excited to do, like, a milestone thing, 528 00:27:47,792 --> 00:27:49,711 like, a dad thing, right? 529 00:27:49,753 --> 00:27:51,254 Something special. 530 00:27:51,296 --> 00:27:53,006 That's a moment that he watched his friends have 531 00:27:53,048 --> 00:27:54,215 and now he's having with me. 532 00:27:54,799 --> 00:27:57,510 I walked up to him, I told him that my tooth was loose. 533 00:27:57,552 --> 00:27:59,804 He got so excited he ran out of the room. 534 00:28:00,263 --> 00:28:03,850 And he ran back in the room with the length of string. 535 00:28:05,977 --> 00:28:09,105 And he tied one side of the string to my tooth 536 00:28:09,147 --> 00:28:11,107 and one side of the string to the doorknob, 537 00:28:11,149 --> 00:28:13,109 but didn't tell me what the plan was. 538 00:28:13,151 --> 00:28:17,364 [audience laughing] 539 00:28:23,286 --> 00:28:27,123 So then he slammed the door, but he put too much string in my mouth, 540 00:28:27,165 --> 00:28:28,792 so we just watched the door slam. 541 00:28:28,833 --> 00:28:33,088 [audience laughing and applauding] 542 00:28:40,804 --> 00:28:43,223 And I mean, I put it together, what he was trying to do 543 00:28:43,264 --> 00:28:45,684 as soon as the door slammed and I looked down 544 00:28:45,725 --> 00:28:48,186 with string still in my mouth and I was like, 545 00:28:48,228 --> 00:28:51,564 "Sir, there's string on the floor, you didn't measure anything." 546 00:28:51,606 --> 00:28:54,150 [audience laughing] 547 00:28:54,192 --> 00:28:56,569 I don't think you're a grown-up at all, sir. 548 00:28:56,611 --> 00:28:59,656 [audience laughing] 549 00:28:59,698 --> 00:29:01,324 I don't even know why I'm calling you "sir," 550 00:29:01,366 --> 00:29:02,867 I don't think you a grown-up, dude. 551 00:29:02,909 --> 00:29:07,163 [audience laughing] 552 00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:14,254 I will say, uh, 553 00:29:14,295 --> 00:29:17,340 I feel bad cause sometimes you share a thing 554 00:29:17,382 --> 00:29:20,301 and-- all right so... [chuckles] 555 00:29:21,177 --> 00:29:22,929 ...my friend... [giggling] 556 00:29:22,971 --> 00:29:25,473 my friend got in a car accident, right? 557 00:29:26,349 --> 00:29:28,893 And he was not okay, okay? 558 00:29:29,686 --> 00:29:32,230 But he got in a car accident with an ambulance, 559 00:29:32,272 --> 00:29:35,859 like, what better car accident is there to get in, you know what I mean? 560 00:29:35,900 --> 00:29:39,237 Like-- but it turns out if you get into a car accident with an ambulance 561 00:29:39,279 --> 00:29:42,240 the ambulance driver will get out and react like anybody else, 562 00:29:42,282 --> 00:29:43,950 you could have gotten in a car accident with. 563 00:29:44,451 --> 00:29:48,246 Because the ambulance driver got out and was like, "Fuck." 564 00:29:49,914 --> 00:29:52,375 And he went to my friends, he was like, "You couldn't see me? 565 00:29:52,417 --> 00:29:54,252 I'm bigger than you. You couldn't see--" 566 00:29:54,294 --> 00:29:55,587 My friend was not okay. 567 00:29:55,628 --> 00:29:57,088 We knew he was concussed immediately 568 00:29:57,130 --> 00:29:59,049 because he hit his head on impact 569 00:29:59,090 --> 00:30:02,594 and was so disoriented that he threw up on the windshield 570 00:30:02,635 --> 00:30:05,430 past the steering wheel, and was so confused 571 00:30:05,472 --> 00:30:08,099 he still turned on the windshield wipers. 572 00:30:10,810 --> 00:30:14,022 He was like, "It's not working. I don't know why--" 573 00:30:14,064 --> 00:30:16,274 [audience laughing] 574 00:30:16,316 --> 00:30:18,109 So, finally, the ambulance driver comes back 575 00:30:18,151 --> 00:30:19,903 to his window, he's like, "Buddy, are you okay? 576 00:30:19,944 --> 00:30:21,446 Like, is everything all right?" 577 00:30:21,488 --> 00:30:23,198 And my buddy's like, "Oh, no, 578 00:30:23,239 --> 00:30:25,950 I hit my head, this is bad." 579 00:30:25,992 --> 00:30:27,327 And the ambulance driver went... 580 00:30:27,369 --> 00:30:29,037 [shouting inarticulately] 581 00:30:29,079 --> 00:30:31,331 [audience laughing] 582 00:30:34,167 --> 00:30:36,711 And then made my friend sit on the hood, 583 00:30:36,753 --> 00:30:39,339 while he checked his eyes with a little flashlight, 584 00:30:39,381 --> 00:30:41,758 having a nervous breakdown out loud. 585 00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:44,094 He was like, "I was about to fucking quit today. 586 00:30:44,135 --> 00:30:45,637 This is bullshit." 587 00:30:45,679 --> 00:30:48,640 [audience laughing] 588 00:30:48,682 --> 00:30:50,975 And my friend was like, "Oh, this is bad. 589 00:30:51,017 --> 00:30:52,435 Something bad happened. 590 00:30:52,477 --> 00:30:55,271 Should we call somebody?" [chuckles] 591 00:30:55,689 --> 00:30:57,190 And he was like, "Look, you call them, 592 00:30:57,232 --> 00:30:59,067 they're gonna call me, all right? 593 00:30:59,109 --> 00:31:00,485 I'm already here. 594 00:31:00,527 --> 00:31:02,153 Let's figure this out together, okay? 595 00:31:02,195 --> 00:31:03,697 Just get in the back." 596 00:31:05,365 --> 00:31:07,117 Cause getting hit by an ambulance must be 597 00:31:07,158 --> 00:31:08,785 a double-edged sword, 598 00:31:08,827 --> 00:31:10,537 'cause on the one hand, help's already there, 599 00:31:10,578 --> 00:31:12,664 but on the other, they're gonna blame it on you. 600 00:31:12,706 --> 00:31:14,499 Because then they got to the hospital 601 00:31:14,541 --> 00:31:16,042 and my friend was like, "Yeah, 602 00:31:16,084 --> 00:31:18,962 he came out of nowhere." 603 00:31:19,504 --> 00:31:21,131 And the ambulance driver was like, "Don't listen 604 00:31:21,172 --> 00:31:23,299 to that poor thing, he concussed. 605 00:31:23,341 --> 00:31:25,218 He doesn't know what he's saying right now." 606 00:31:25,593 --> 00:31:27,095 THERAPIST: Hold on a minute. 607 00:31:27,137 --> 00:31:28,304 You think it was funny 608 00:31:28,346 --> 00:31:30,390 that your friend was hurt? 609 00:31:31,224 --> 00:31:33,143 No, it... [sighs] 610 00:31:33,184 --> 00:31:34,644 ...it's not funny that my friend was hurt. 611 00:31:34,686 --> 00:31:36,730 It's the circumstance that's funny. 612 00:31:37,313 --> 00:31:39,649 It's-- it's ironic, right? 613 00:31:42,152 --> 00:31:43,695 Geez, you can really tell 614 00:31:43,737 --> 00:31:46,031 that we've sucked all the joy out of the world 615 00:31:46,072 --> 00:31:48,908 that the simple act of laughing at something seems malicious. 616 00:31:48,950 --> 00:31:50,285 Laughter is a means to process. 617 00:31:50,326 --> 00:31:51,536 I thought that was your whole thing. 618 00:31:51,578 --> 00:31:53,163 It's a way to exhale hurt. 619 00:31:53,204 --> 00:31:55,206 Like some people cry, some people sigh, 620 00:31:55,248 --> 00:31:58,043 some people scream, and I... 621 00:31:58,084 --> 00:32:02,630 -...laugh. -[audience laughing] 622 00:32:04,883 --> 00:32:06,092 I remember... 623 00:32:06,843 --> 00:32:10,430 the first time someone paid me money... 624 00:32:10,972 --> 00:32:12,223 to do stand-up. 625 00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:14,601 I was so excited. I was blown away. 626 00:32:14,642 --> 00:32:17,479 It was gonna be the most money I had ever made. 627 00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:21,066 There was this place that was gonna pay me $1,000 628 00:32:21,107 --> 00:32:22,609 to go out there and do a show. 629 00:32:23,026 --> 00:32:25,862 And I couldn't believe it. I thought it was a prank. 630 00:32:25,904 --> 00:32:27,739 [audience laughing] 631 00:32:27,781 --> 00:32:30,241 And I remember I was like-- my heart was racing, 632 00:32:30,283 --> 00:32:32,744 I was like, "Oh, my gosh, this is-- I'm really doing it. 633 00:32:32,786 --> 00:32:35,747 I'm gonna be a comedian that gets paid, right? 634 00:32:35,789 --> 00:32:37,207 That doesn't just bother people." 635 00:32:37,248 --> 00:32:41,252 [audience laughing] 636 00:32:41,294 --> 00:32:42,879 And... [sighs] ...and I remember 637 00:32:42,921 --> 00:32:44,547 I didn't even want to buy a flight, 638 00:32:44,589 --> 00:32:46,132 'cause I didn't want to cut into the, 639 00:32:46,174 --> 00:32:47,676 like, money that I was going to get. 640 00:32:47,717 --> 00:32:49,552 And so then I looked up a bus-- 641 00:32:49,594 --> 00:32:51,846 and this is how you could tell I was 22 at the time, 642 00:32:51,888 --> 00:32:54,140 'cause I looked up the bus, it was going to take two days, 643 00:32:54,182 --> 00:32:57,435 I was like, "That's not even that bad, that's pretty good. 644 00:32:57,477 --> 00:32:59,562 "Like, for $60, I could do it, I could swing it, 645 00:32:59,604 --> 00:33:01,981 you know, I ain't got nowhere to be." 646 00:33:03,149 --> 00:33:07,237 And being on a bus for two days will change you... 647 00:33:07,278 --> 00:33:10,198 [audience laughing] 648 00:33:12,951 --> 00:33:15,453 ...in a way that you are not ready for. 649 00:33:16,830 --> 00:33:19,290 'Cause I remember I showed up to the bus coy. 650 00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:24,170 I walked down, I was like, "Oh, my God, he's got a tattoo on his nose." [chuckles] 651 00:33:25,171 --> 00:33:27,590 By the end of the trip, I was the one passing out sandwiches, 652 00:33:27,632 --> 00:33:29,634 calling people sweetie and stuff. 653 00:33:32,887 --> 00:33:35,473 And I remember we were a day into the trip... 654 00:33:36,182 --> 00:33:39,144 and there was a guy next to me that was sleeping. 655 00:33:39,561 --> 00:33:42,188 And it wasn't good sleep. 656 00:33:43,106 --> 00:33:45,233 You know that sleep where somebody-- like his face, 657 00:33:45,275 --> 00:33:47,444 he fell asleep with his face pressed 658 00:33:47,485 --> 00:33:50,196 against the glass, just sliding down. 659 00:33:50,238 --> 00:33:52,657 You know that sleep that you know 660 00:33:52,699 --> 00:33:55,410 that when they wake up their neck's gonna hurt. 661 00:33:56,036 --> 00:33:58,329 He was sleeping like that. I'm not going to lie. 662 00:33:58,371 --> 00:34:01,291 -He looked dead, like, I... [chuckles] -[audience laughing] 663 00:34:01,332 --> 00:34:04,794 I was very scared he was dead and I wanted to touch him, 664 00:34:04,836 --> 00:34:07,630 but I was like, "I don't even think I'm prepared 665 00:34:07,672 --> 00:34:10,842 for what touching a dead body will do to my psyche, 666 00:34:10,884 --> 00:34:13,803 after 26 hours on this bus. [chuckles] 667 00:34:15,555 --> 00:34:16,973 And so I'm sitting there for a while, 668 00:34:17,015 --> 00:34:19,225 I'm listening to music and stuff, I'm-- 669 00:34:20,685 --> 00:34:23,897 Out of nowhere, from his sleep... 670 00:34:24,731 --> 00:34:28,068 with the power and strength of a grown man, 671 00:34:28,109 --> 00:34:31,363 he fully shit his pants. 672 00:34:31,404 --> 00:34:34,282 [audience laughing] 673 00:34:35,492 --> 00:34:38,119 And so immediately, I jump up to the other side, 674 00:34:38,161 --> 00:34:39,871 the other aisle, I scream, right? 675 00:34:39,913 --> 00:34:42,624 And I'm trying to hold it in, but I scream like a bitch. 676 00:34:42,665 --> 00:34:44,751 I'm, like-- I really did. 677 00:34:44,793 --> 00:34:48,546 I don't even know if I could really hit that note again if I try. 678 00:34:48,588 --> 00:34:51,841 And so other people see me, they see me scream, they see why I'm screaming, 679 00:34:51,883 --> 00:34:53,718 and then they also jump to the other side 680 00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:57,055 and everyone on that side jumped to the other side so fast 681 00:34:57,097 --> 00:35:00,058 that not in a cartoonish way, not like an action movie, 682 00:35:00,100 --> 00:35:02,977 but the bus did tip for a second, right? 683 00:35:03,019 --> 00:35:06,064 I was like, "This can't be how I die." [chuckles] 684 00:35:06,106 --> 00:35:07,565 "'Cause he gonna land on me." 685 00:35:07,607 --> 00:35:10,735 [audience laughing] 686 00:35:10,777 --> 00:35:12,445 And so the bus tipped for a second, 687 00:35:12,487 --> 00:35:14,406 and then it bounced back and he was fully awake 688 00:35:14,447 --> 00:35:15,699 and he didn't know what was happening. 689 00:35:15,740 --> 00:35:17,492 He was just-- his eyes, 690 00:35:17,534 --> 00:35:19,786 I've never seen fear like that before. 691 00:35:21,287 --> 00:35:22,914 And then he ran to the bathroom, 692 00:35:22,956 --> 00:35:25,500 which the bathroom on a bus is not a bathroom, 693 00:35:25,542 --> 00:35:27,919 it's a place where you stand and pee. 694 00:35:28,628 --> 00:35:30,463 But from the bathroom, 695 00:35:30,505 --> 00:35:32,007 we heard him... 696 00:35:33,758 --> 00:35:36,011 Go... [blows raspberry] "...No, no, no, no, no!" 697 00:35:36,052 --> 00:35:38,596 [all laughing] 698 00:35:38,638 --> 00:35:42,017 [audience cheering and applauding] 699 00:35:52,402 --> 00:35:53,820 Um... [chuckles] 700 00:35:57,073 --> 00:35:58,950 A while back, uh... 701 00:36:00,285 --> 00:36:02,537 when I was in New York-- 702 00:36:02,579 --> 00:36:04,497 this is early to me living there-- 703 00:36:04,539 --> 00:36:06,875 I got a phone call that genuinely... 704 00:36:07,500 --> 00:36:08,960 changed my life. 705 00:36:09,002 --> 00:36:11,921 I've actually never been the same since. 706 00:36:12,839 --> 00:36:16,301 I got a call that my dad was sick, right? 707 00:36:16,343 --> 00:36:19,137 And when your parents call, 708 00:36:19,179 --> 00:36:20,638 sometimes you don't have time. 709 00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:23,058 Like you have time, but you don't make time. 710 00:36:23,892 --> 00:36:24,684 And... 711 00:36:25,643 --> 00:36:27,520 my mom happened to call me ahead of him 712 00:36:27,562 --> 00:36:29,981 and was like, "Hey, your dad's gonna call you, 713 00:36:30,023 --> 00:36:31,983 make sure you answer, 'cause he doesn't sound good 714 00:36:32,025 --> 00:36:33,985 and he's headed to the hospital." 715 00:36:34,611 --> 00:36:38,073 And so I pick up, and I'm so genuinely grateful. 716 00:36:38,114 --> 00:36:41,326 I feel incredibly blessed to have two things 717 00:36:41,368 --> 00:36:42,869 that happen in that time. 718 00:36:42,911 --> 00:36:46,289 One, is I got to talk to my dad on the phone. 719 00:36:46,873 --> 00:36:48,708 I got to tell him that I loved him. 720 00:36:48,750 --> 00:36:50,543 I got to hear his voice again. 721 00:36:51,753 --> 00:36:53,338 'Cause he was driving himself to the hospital 722 00:36:53,380 --> 00:36:55,715 'cause he didn't feel good, he felt really bad. 723 00:36:56,049 --> 00:36:59,094 And I'm glad that my mom called to make sure that I picked up, 724 00:36:59,135 --> 00:37:00,845 'cause I don't even think-- I think I'd be 725 00:37:00,887 --> 00:37:02,722 even a different version of the person I am now, 726 00:37:02,764 --> 00:37:04,891 if I didn't pick up that phone when he called. 727 00:37:07,060 --> 00:37:09,604 And he was really sick and it was really sudden. 728 00:37:09,646 --> 00:37:12,732 But the second thing that I'm so thankful, 729 00:37:12,774 --> 00:37:16,361 so blessed that I got to do was I got to get on a plane 730 00:37:16,403 --> 00:37:18,571 and to rush home and be with him 731 00:37:18,613 --> 00:37:20,156 before he died. 732 00:37:21,074 --> 00:37:23,368 I got to hold his hand, I got to talk to him, 733 00:37:23,410 --> 00:37:25,245 I got to say goodbye, right? 734 00:37:25,829 --> 00:37:27,539 Because once again, 735 00:37:27,580 --> 00:37:29,332 I don't think I would be this version of me 736 00:37:29,374 --> 00:37:32,669 if it had just been that sudden and just immediate, 737 00:37:32,711 --> 00:37:34,921 and I never got to tell him I loved him again 738 00:37:34,963 --> 00:37:36,965 in person, on the phone, 739 00:37:37,007 --> 00:37:40,135 hear his voice, remember what that was like. 740 00:37:41,803 --> 00:37:45,640 And I didn't even clean out the house or anything 741 00:37:45,682 --> 00:37:47,392 after the funeral cause I-- 742 00:37:47,434 --> 00:37:50,895 I had what I still kind of feel like was the perfect excuse 743 00:37:50,937 --> 00:37:52,731 because I was working at Tonight Showat the time, 744 00:37:52,772 --> 00:37:54,399 I had barely been hired. 745 00:37:54,441 --> 00:37:56,901 And so in my head I was like, "I have to get back 746 00:37:56,943 --> 00:37:59,487 because this is helping pay for what's at home. 747 00:37:59,529 --> 00:38:01,990 I'm able to take care of my mom, take care of the family 748 00:38:02,032 --> 00:38:03,992 with the money that I make from this, right? 749 00:38:04,034 --> 00:38:06,578 But deep down, I don't even know if I could have done it 750 00:38:06,619 --> 00:38:08,163 if I didn't have that job. 751 00:38:09,956 --> 00:38:12,083 And I remember a week after he passed, 752 00:38:12,125 --> 00:38:15,670 I was back in New York and I was at a party 753 00:38:15,712 --> 00:38:18,840 and I felt like a piece of shit 754 00:38:18,882 --> 00:38:21,801 for being at a party a week after my dad died. 755 00:38:22,552 --> 00:38:23,928 And I'm not even partying, by the way. 756 00:38:23,970 --> 00:38:26,222 I just don't wanna be at home alone. 757 00:38:26,264 --> 00:38:27,932 I just don't wanna be alone with my thoughts 758 00:38:27,974 --> 00:38:29,976 about the fact that I can't call my dad. 759 00:38:30,977 --> 00:38:32,729 And I'm at this party, and by the way, 760 00:38:32,771 --> 00:38:34,230 I don't drink or smoke, 761 00:38:34,272 --> 00:38:36,608 so I'm just being sad and sober at a party 762 00:38:36,649 --> 00:38:39,235 which is a genuine attack on everyone. 763 00:38:39,277 --> 00:38:43,490 [audience laughing] 764 00:38:43,531 --> 00:38:46,993 And out of nowhere, I start to cry. 765 00:38:47,035 --> 00:38:48,453 And... 766 00:38:48,495 --> 00:38:51,164 when someone's grieving, we always... 767 00:38:51,790 --> 00:38:53,958 put our focus on the person grieving, 768 00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:55,919 the individual grieving, how they're handling, 769 00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:57,170 how they're processing. 770 00:38:57,837 --> 00:38:59,756 But we don't talk about enough is that it's actually 771 00:38:59,798 --> 00:39:01,883 the people around you that lift you out of that. 772 00:39:01,925 --> 00:39:04,469 And no one really gives them enough props 773 00:39:04,511 --> 00:39:07,305 and care and attention, and they don't want to say anything 774 00:39:07,347 --> 00:39:10,100 because you're the one that went through something, you know? 775 00:39:10,141 --> 00:39:12,268 But I was crying at that party, 776 00:39:12,310 --> 00:39:14,771 and it's when I realized that grieving, 777 00:39:14,813 --> 00:39:17,941 the process of grieving, is almost identical... 778 00:39:19,442 --> 00:39:21,486 to shitting your pants on a bus. 779 00:39:21,528 --> 00:39:24,823 [audience laughing] 780 00:39:24,864 --> 00:39:27,325 Because it's something that happened to you... 781 00:39:27,951 --> 00:39:30,078 that we all have to deal with. 782 00:39:30,120 --> 00:39:33,748 [audience laughing and cheering] 783 00:39:39,379 --> 00:39:41,506 Because I'm at this party and I'm crying, 784 00:39:41,548 --> 00:39:44,342 and I don't even realize I'm crying until a guy taps me on my shoulder, 785 00:39:44,384 --> 00:39:48,179 he's like, "You're-- you're in front of the fridge." 786 00:39:51,099 --> 00:39:53,685 And then I ran, 'cause I could feel another wave coming. 787 00:39:53,727 --> 00:39:56,855 And it's uncontrollable. When it hits you like that, there's nothing you can do. 788 00:39:56,896 --> 00:39:58,481 And so I ran to the bathroom 789 00:39:58,523 --> 00:40:00,692 and from the bathroom people could hear me go... 790 00:40:00,734 --> 00:40:02,569 [imitates sobbing] "...No, no, no, no, no." 791 00:40:02,610 --> 00:40:05,905 [audience laughing and applauding] 792 00:40:14,581 --> 00:40:17,417 I do feel like, as a society, 793 00:40:17,459 --> 00:40:21,087 we don't give weird people enough credit. 794 00:40:23,715 --> 00:40:24,632 Like... 795 00:40:25,383 --> 00:40:28,386 we always act like weird people are happening to us. 796 00:40:29,929 --> 00:40:31,806 I'm guilty of it too. I live in New York. 797 00:40:31,848 --> 00:40:34,726 Maybe one day I have to go to a high rise. 798 00:40:34,768 --> 00:40:36,144 There's too many flights of stairs 799 00:40:36,186 --> 00:40:37,896 to take it up, so I take the elevator. 800 00:40:37,937 --> 00:40:40,857 And there's only one other dude on the elevator. 801 00:40:41,441 --> 00:40:42,692 And he weird. 802 00:40:42,734 --> 00:40:44,527 [audience laughing] 803 00:40:44,569 --> 00:40:48,615 And then I get in and I hit 19 on the elevator and he hits 20. 804 00:40:48,656 --> 00:40:50,950 I'm like, "This about to be a journey, all right." 805 00:40:50,992 --> 00:40:53,453 [audience laughing] 806 00:40:53,495 --> 00:40:56,331 But I'm trying to be more empathetic because... [chuckles] 807 00:40:57,207 --> 00:41:01,294 ...because, like, I think, truly, that all of us, 808 00:41:01,336 --> 00:41:04,673 no matter who you are, we're all doing the best we can 809 00:41:04,714 --> 00:41:06,299 with what we have. 810 00:41:06,341 --> 00:41:07,509 Everybody. 811 00:41:08,051 --> 00:41:09,969 It's not an excuse. Sometimes that's very sad. 812 00:41:10,011 --> 00:41:12,138 Sometimes like, "That's your best? Oh, no." 813 00:41:14,182 --> 00:41:17,977 But it's true, we're all doing our best as much as we can. 814 00:41:18,019 --> 00:41:19,813 Which means when you meet a weird person, 815 00:41:19,854 --> 00:41:21,189 they could have been weirder. 816 00:41:21,231 --> 00:41:24,025 -[audience laughing] -You know? 817 00:41:24,067 --> 00:41:25,652 Like maybe they did walk up to you, 818 00:41:25,694 --> 00:41:28,321 to start talking about fish and stuff like that, 819 00:41:28,363 --> 00:41:30,407 but they could have walked up like... 820 00:41:30,448 --> 00:41:32,033 [makes unhinged sounds] 821 00:41:33,118 --> 00:41:34,828 I'm also trying to be more empathetic 822 00:41:34,869 --> 00:41:36,454 -'cause I'm weird. -[woman shouting] Yes! 823 00:41:36,496 --> 00:41:37,831 I'm, like, a weird guy. 824 00:41:37,872 --> 00:41:41,459 [audience cheering] 825 00:41:41,501 --> 00:41:42,794 You know? 826 00:41:42,836 --> 00:41:44,129 Like, if we hung out after this, 827 00:41:44,170 --> 00:41:46,214 you be like, "He off." [chuckles] 828 00:41:47,465 --> 00:41:49,884 It's a thing that I know about myself. 829 00:41:51,052 --> 00:41:52,387 I give you my best example. 830 00:41:52,429 --> 00:41:54,139 I used to work at a grocery store. 831 00:41:54,180 --> 00:41:56,016 And when I worked there I worked with a guy 832 00:41:56,057 --> 00:41:57,350 who was very weird. 833 00:41:58,309 --> 00:41:59,310 Like, deeply. 834 00:42:00,478 --> 00:42:03,565 It was never malicious, but it was always very weird. 835 00:42:04,190 --> 00:42:05,400 Like, he would just... 836 00:42:05,984 --> 00:42:08,862 microwave fish in the break room... 837 00:42:09,946 --> 00:42:11,781 and then eat it in front of all of us 838 00:42:11,823 --> 00:42:13,366 like he wasn't a terrorist. 839 00:42:13,408 --> 00:42:15,243 [audience laughing] 840 00:42:15,285 --> 00:42:18,038 And so then I became his friend, cause I've never been more sure 841 00:42:18,079 --> 00:42:19,873 someone was gonna shoot up a store. 842 00:42:19,914 --> 00:42:21,750 [audience laughing] 843 00:42:21,791 --> 00:42:24,711 Then when I saw him hit five minutes on some Atlantic salmon, 844 00:42:24,753 --> 00:42:27,756 I'm like, "He probably got that gun on him right now. 845 00:42:28,673 --> 00:42:30,216 I gotta play my cards right." 846 00:42:30,258 --> 00:42:32,052 'Cause in my mind, if we're friends that means 847 00:42:32,093 --> 00:42:34,054 the day he shoots up the store he's gonna be like, 848 00:42:34,095 --> 00:42:36,348 "Josh... [chuckling] ...get out of here." 849 00:42:37,307 --> 00:42:39,434 I'm like, "All right my man, okay. 850 00:42:39,476 --> 00:42:41,936 I told y'all should be nice to him, that's on y'all." 851 00:42:45,565 --> 00:42:47,901 And so we become friends, genuine friends. 852 00:42:47,942 --> 00:42:49,986 And then one day he calls me and he's like, 853 00:42:50,028 --> 00:42:53,948 "Hey, Josh, I would love for you to come have dinner 854 00:42:53,990 --> 00:42:55,658 with me and my family." 855 00:42:55,700 --> 00:42:57,327 Which I was very excited about. 856 00:42:58,119 --> 00:43:00,080 'Cause if we're out here having dinner together, 857 00:43:00,121 --> 00:43:02,082 that means he gon' call me the day before 858 00:43:02,123 --> 00:43:03,291 he shoot up the store. 859 00:43:04,793 --> 00:43:07,796 He'd be like, "Josh don't come in Thursday, it's going down." 860 00:43:10,256 --> 00:43:12,092 And so I roll up to the house. 861 00:43:12,133 --> 00:43:14,552 And I'm willing to be wrong, I am. 862 00:43:14,594 --> 00:43:17,347 But to my knowledge, there's only two handshakes 863 00:43:17,389 --> 00:43:18,932 that you use to greet people. 864 00:43:18,973 --> 00:43:20,433 All right? 865 00:43:20,475 --> 00:43:22,268 There's the traditional handshake. 866 00:43:22,644 --> 00:43:24,354 You know. Open palm. 867 00:43:24,396 --> 00:43:26,439 And then there's the fist bump, "Hey, how you doing?" 868 00:43:28,024 --> 00:43:30,235 This man opened the door, looked me in my eyes, 869 00:43:30,276 --> 00:43:32,070 extended his arm and didn't do either one. 870 00:43:32,112 --> 00:43:35,949 He just did this. What is this? What is this? 871 00:43:35,990 --> 00:43:38,410 What the hell is happening right now? 872 00:43:38,451 --> 00:43:41,413 This is the craziest thing that I've ever seen, all right? 873 00:43:41,454 --> 00:43:43,581 You can't even high five this, you'll miss. 874 00:43:43,623 --> 00:43:45,125 What is this? 875 00:43:46,334 --> 00:43:49,587 This is absolute insanity. This is not a handshake. 876 00:43:49,629 --> 00:43:52,549 This is how you feed a horse when you're scared. 877 00:43:55,051 --> 00:43:56,636 What is this? 878 00:43:56,678 --> 00:43:58,013 And I don't know what to do, 879 00:43:58,054 --> 00:44:00,306 but I don't wanna be rude and so I just... 880 00:44:01,349 --> 00:44:04,394 pinched it, like a crab, on the side. 881 00:44:06,187 --> 00:44:08,606 And started going up and down like that. 882 00:44:08,648 --> 00:44:12,235 [audience laughing] 883 00:44:16,364 --> 00:44:19,075 And here's the thing, the social contract with a pound 884 00:44:19,117 --> 00:44:20,869 is that it's a moment in time, 885 00:44:20,910 --> 00:44:22,412 you know, it's a, "Hey, what's up? 886 00:44:22,454 --> 00:44:24,164 What's good with you? How you doing?" 887 00:44:24,205 --> 00:44:27,250 Right? The social contract with a handshake is that 888 00:44:27,292 --> 00:44:30,086 we both extend our hand, we give each other a firm grip, 889 00:44:30,128 --> 00:44:31,963 and then when you start to let go, 890 00:44:32,005 --> 00:44:33,506 I know to let go, right? 891 00:44:33,548 --> 00:44:36,676 But because this is nothing but let go, 892 00:44:36,718 --> 00:44:38,261 I don't know when to let go. 893 00:44:38,845 --> 00:44:41,723 So I'm just doing this for what feels like a day. 894 00:44:42,557 --> 00:44:44,559 And he's just taking it, he's just letting me do it. 895 00:44:44,601 --> 00:44:47,562 He's like, "Yes, this is right, 896 00:44:48,063 --> 00:44:49,606 This pleases me." 897 00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:54,402 And I'm not gonna lie, it made me see my friend 898 00:44:54,444 --> 00:44:55,820 in an entirely different light. 899 00:44:56,404 --> 00:44:58,281 Cause when this is your dad... 900 00:44:59,115 --> 00:45:00,992 maybe microwaving some fish isn't that crazy. 901 00:45:01,034 --> 00:45:03,203 Maybe he's just doing the best he can 902 00:45:03,244 --> 00:45:04,662 with what he has. 903 00:45:08,249 --> 00:45:10,835 I'm also trying very hard to be accepting of-- 904 00:45:11,336 --> 00:45:13,505 Maybe not just accepting, like, happy... 905 00:45:14,005 --> 00:45:15,465 when things are fine. 906 00:45:16,591 --> 00:45:18,301 We always want things to be great. 907 00:45:20,679 --> 00:45:24,057 Fine is pretty great, 'cause it could be bad. 908 00:45:24,933 --> 00:45:26,893 I understand that we all want life 909 00:45:26,935 --> 00:45:29,437 to be great all the time, but... 910 00:45:30,063 --> 00:45:31,231 it's not gonna be great. 911 00:45:31,272 --> 00:45:32,524 If it can at least be good 912 00:45:32,565 --> 00:45:34,818 most of the time, that's great. 913 00:45:35,318 --> 00:45:39,030 Gotta appreciate how "fine" is amazing. 914 00:45:40,740 --> 00:45:42,492 That's what gratitude is. 915 00:45:42,534 --> 00:45:44,786 That's the basis of it, you know. 916 00:45:44,828 --> 00:45:47,539 [audience applauding] 917 00:45:51,626 --> 00:45:53,712 I especially apply it in dating. 918 00:45:53,753 --> 00:45:56,589 [audience laughs] 919 00:45:56,631 --> 00:45:57,632 'Cause I'm fine. 920 00:45:58,925 --> 00:46:01,803 You know what I mean? I'm not amazing, but I'm here. 921 00:46:02,470 --> 00:46:04,681 I love dating somebody right after 922 00:46:04,723 --> 00:46:06,683 they dated somebody that was trash. [chuckles] 923 00:46:08,560 --> 00:46:12,147 Because I'm just fine, but I look amazing. 924 00:46:13,440 --> 00:46:15,608 You can always tell you've dated a woman 925 00:46:15,650 --> 00:46:17,527 right after she dated somebody that was trash, 926 00:46:17,569 --> 00:46:19,738 'cause all of her compliments aren't compliments. 927 00:46:20,947 --> 00:46:23,491 You know? I went on a date that she was like, 928 00:46:23,533 --> 00:46:26,286 "Oh, my God, mustard and ketchup?" 929 00:46:26,327 --> 00:46:29,122 [audience laughing] 930 00:46:34,044 --> 00:46:35,712 You know? 931 00:46:35,754 --> 00:46:38,506 I went on a date one time, at the end of the date, 932 00:46:38,548 --> 00:46:40,800 I was like, "I had a great time, I hope you did too." 933 00:46:40,842 --> 00:46:43,762 I could tell that there was a veil, like she wasn't actually talking to me. 934 00:46:43,803 --> 00:46:46,681 She was just thinking out loud, like, "Oh, I had a good time too. 935 00:46:46,723 --> 00:46:48,558 And I'm just glad you got all your teeth." 936 00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:50,810 I was like, "What did you just say?" 937 00:46:51,519 --> 00:46:54,647 "Teeth?" And she was like, "I was getting so sick of soup." 938 00:46:54,689 --> 00:46:55,815 I was like, "Soup?" 939 00:46:55,857 --> 00:46:58,276 [audience laughing] 940 00:46:58,318 --> 00:46:59,694 She said I had all my teeth-- 941 00:46:59,736 --> 00:47:01,696 man, what have you been through? 942 00:47:02,530 --> 00:47:05,283 THERAPIST: My God, you talk about teeth a lot. 943 00:47:05,784 --> 00:47:07,327 I do. 944 00:47:07,369 --> 00:47:08,870 Because I try very hard, 945 00:47:08,912 --> 00:47:12,624 as I'd like to believe everybody does, to... 946 00:47:13,500 --> 00:47:16,294 love everybody the same, no matter what, 947 00:47:16,336 --> 00:47:18,630 at least give people a chance, you know? 948 00:47:18,672 --> 00:47:20,465 And especially not have a prejudice against a person 949 00:47:20,507 --> 00:47:22,175 'cause they're a member of a group 950 00:47:22,217 --> 00:47:23,760 'cause you can't help what groups you're in. 951 00:47:25,553 --> 00:47:27,263 But I'm not gonna lie to you. 952 00:47:28,264 --> 00:47:29,391 I'm not perfect. 953 00:47:32,644 --> 00:47:35,313 Some groups are very hard to get along with. 954 00:47:35,689 --> 00:47:37,941 You're not supposed to say that now, but it's true. 955 00:47:37,982 --> 00:47:39,818 Some groups just suck. 956 00:47:39,859 --> 00:47:41,611 [audience laughing] 957 00:47:43,697 --> 00:47:46,574 Middle schoolers are the worst people on the entire planet. 958 00:47:46,616 --> 00:47:49,703 -Like.... -[audience cheering] 959 00:47:49,744 --> 00:47:52,747 ...why are they this mean? They are so mean. 960 00:47:52,789 --> 00:47:55,500 I didn't do anything to-- Middle schoolers make you forget 961 00:47:55,542 --> 00:47:57,252 that you're not in middle school, you know? 962 00:47:58,420 --> 00:48:01,214 Like, I have a life and a girlfriend, and that all melts away 963 00:48:01,256 --> 00:48:03,383 when you're like, "The dude with those shoes." 964 00:48:05,260 --> 00:48:08,346 Middle schoolers are the worst, 'cause they're just adult enough to be mean, 965 00:48:08,388 --> 00:48:12,017 but just young enough to have the innocence of a child and the honesty, right? 966 00:48:12,058 --> 00:48:14,436 So whatever they say to you gonna get in here. 967 00:48:14,477 --> 00:48:16,479 [audience laughing] 968 00:48:17,772 --> 00:48:19,399 Okay, just so you know about me, 969 00:48:19,441 --> 00:48:21,818 I, no matter the situation, 970 00:48:21,860 --> 00:48:25,655 no matter the occasion, I always wear pants. 971 00:48:26,781 --> 00:48:30,493 I always wear pants 'cause I got skinny legs, okay? 972 00:48:30,535 --> 00:48:33,580 I don't need people knowing that the knee is the thickest part. 973 00:48:33,621 --> 00:48:34,622 That's not sexy. 974 00:48:34,664 --> 00:48:37,792 -[audience laughing] -Okay? 975 00:48:38,335 --> 00:48:41,880 My legs, ankle size all the way up. 976 00:48:41,921 --> 00:48:43,089 That's not hot. 977 00:48:43,131 --> 00:48:46,092 [audience laughing] 978 00:48:46,134 --> 00:48:48,219 I look like a bird in my underwear. 979 00:48:52,474 --> 00:48:54,517 Especially when I get itchy. 980 00:49:00,357 --> 00:49:03,068 And so I always wear pants, 981 00:49:03,109 --> 00:49:04,903 except for one day. 982 00:49:05,820 --> 00:49:08,156 There was one day, I don't know what it was, 983 00:49:08,198 --> 00:49:09,699 I was feeling myself. 984 00:49:10,450 --> 00:49:11,701 I was happy. 985 00:49:12,452 --> 00:49:14,621 I own a pair of shorts, so I threw them on. 986 00:49:15,288 --> 00:49:17,040 I was like, "Let's make these bird legs 987 00:49:17,082 --> 00:49:18,875 the world's problem, you know what I'm saying? 988 00:49:20,168 --> 00:49:22,671 So I left the house happy, struttin'. 989 00:49:23,296 --> 00:49:25,674 Until I passed a middle school. 990 00:49:27,384 --> 00:49:30,053 And these little monsters clocked me from far away. 991 00:49:31,096 --> 00:49:33,223 And you know somebody about to say something mean 992 00:49:33,264 --> 00:49:34,933 when they smile first. 993 00:49:36,309 --> 00:49:39,229 They saw me down the street and they were like... [scoffs] 994 00:49:39,270 --> 00:49:43,775 [audience laughing] 995 00:49:43,817 --> 00:49:46,820 And so I, not wanting to be victim to their taunts, 996 00:49:46,861 --> 00:49:48,488 decided to run. 997 00:49:49,948 --> 00:49:52,492 Which didn't help my case, cause running skinny legs 998 00:49:52,534 --> 00:49:53,952 look like skinnier legs. 999 00:49:53,993 --> 00:49:55,704 There's less leg to see now. 1000 00:49:56,663 --> 00:49:58,832 And it was two of them and... 1001 00:49:59,582 --> 00:50:01,543 one of them leaned over like he was gonna whisper 1002 00:50:01,584 --> 00:50:03,420 to his friend, but then he yelled out at me. 1003 00:50:03,461 --> 00:50:05,380 He was like, "Hey, slow down, 1004 00:50:05,422 --> 00:50:07,716 you want them match sticks to catch on fire?" 1005 00:50:09,759 --> 00:50:13,638 And then his friend, who was in a wheelchair, by the way, 1006 00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:16,641 his friend in the wheelchair was just like, "Damn. 1007 00:50:17,183 --> 00:50:19,227 I thought my legs were messed up." 1008 00:50:19,269 --> 00:50:22,480 [audience laughing] 1009 00:50:24,983 --> 00:50:28,111 They're terrible people and it shouldn't be illegal to hit them. 1010 00:50:28,153 --> 00:50:30,822 [audience laughing] 1011 00:50:34,159 --> 00:50:36,703 I'm not supposed to talk about this, but... 1012 00:50:37,454 --> 00:50:39,372 what else is this for, then, you know? 1013 00:50:42,250 --> 00:50:44,878 I have a, like, a stalker. 1014 00:50:45,795 --> 00:50:47,964 And it's actually been really scary. 1015 00:50:48,006 --> 00:50:50,592 It's, like, it's this person. I don't know what the issue is. 1016 00:50:50,633 --> 00:50:52,635 I don't-- I don't-- I'm not gonna-- 1017 00:50:53,011 --> 00:50:54,304 I'm not a doctor. 1018 00:50:54,346 --> 00:50:55,764 I can't tell you what's going on, 1019 00:50:55,805 --> 00:50:57,515 but I will say that, like, 1020 00:50:57,557 --> 00:51:00,185 they have it in their head that they're me. 1021 00:51:00,226 --> 00:51:03,563 So then anytime I post or have a life event happen, 1022 00:51:03,605 --> 00:51:06,232 they get really upset and they just send me, like, 1023 00:51:06,274 --> 00:51:08,234 nonstop death threats, right? 1024 00:51:08,276 --> 00:51:09,903 And it's really scary stuff. 1025 00:51:09,944 --> 00:51:12,113 Like, "You're going to bleed. I know where you are. 1026 00:51:12,155 --> 00:51:14,657 I'm going to get to you. You're going to die." 1027 00:51:14,699 --> 00:51:16,534 All right? And... 1028 00:51:18,036 --> 00:51:19,412 I don't know-- 1029 00:51:21,289 --> 00:51:24,793 It's a tough thing, because when you're in this situation, 1030 00:51:24,834 --> 00:51:26,795 especially when it's a person's delusion, 1031 00:51:26,836 --> 00:51:30,090 you're actually not supposed to talk about it in a big way, 1032 00:51:30,131 --> 00:51:32,550 because then any engagement with it 1033 00:51:32,592 --> 00:51:34,636 actually fuels the delusion. 1034 00:51:35,595 --> 00:51:37,472 So then it can just get worse. 1035 00:51:37,514 --> 00:51:39,599 But that's an incredibly isolating feeling, 1036 00:51:39,641 --> 00:51:41,393 and you're isolated while you're scared. 1037 00:51:41,434 --> 00:51:42,602 It's horrible. 1038 00:51:43,812 --> 00:51:46,981 And I remember we called the-- the-- 1039 00:51:47,023 --> 00:51:49,484 cops about it and they were like, "Well, you know, 1040 00:51:49,526 --> 00:51:53,988 these death threats are coming all via fake accounts and everything, 1041 00:51:54,030 --> 00:51:56,908 and until they do something, there's nothing we can do. 1042 00:51:56,950 --> 00:51:59,285 So your life is just different now." 1043 00:51:59,327 --> 00:52:02,414 [audience laughing and sighing] 1044 00:52:02,455 --> 00:52:03,957 They did, they were like, "Well, look, 1045 00:52:03,998 --> 00:52:05,583 when you're walking at night, 1046 00:52:05,625 --> 00:52:07,335 you may want to have an earbud out. 1047 00:52:07,377 --> 00:52:09,546 Just be aware of your surroundings at all times. 1048 00:52:09,587 --> 00:52:12,507 If you feel threatened, I don't know, maybe put a key 1049 00:52:12,549 --> 00:52:15,093 in between your fingers or something when you're walking at night. 1050 00:52:15,135 --> 00:52:18,304 Like, just always be aware of where you are 1051 00:52:18,346 --> 00:52:20,557 and who's around you, exits, 1052 00:52:20,598 --> 00:52:22,892 just you have to start assessing situations." 1053 00:52:22,934 --> 00:52:25,854 And it's crazy, because now because of this, 1054 00:52:25,895 --> 00:52:27,939 I have to be as careful as, like... 1055 00:52:28,940 --> 00:52:30,066 any woman. 1056 00:52:30,108 --> 00:52:33,069 [audience laughing and applauding] 1057 00:52:36,781 --> 00:52:39,534 I'm not even like a famous guy. You know what I mean? 1058 00:52:39,576 --> 00:52:41,286 I'm not even a superstar and they-- 1059 00:52:41,327 --> 00:52:42,829 but I got just famous enough, 1060 00:52:42,871 --> 00:52:44,748 that it's like I have big titties or something. 1061 00:52:44,789 --> 00:52:46,374 I gotta be very careful 1062 00:52:46,416 --> 00:52:48,084 when I move through these streets. 1063 00:52:49,085 --> 00:52:51,212 And I don't know, this is gonna sound conceited, 1064 00:52:51,254 --> 00:52:53,882 but I thought that if-- I never wanted anything like it-- 1065 00:52:53,923 --> 00:52:56,551 but if something like this was to happen, 1066 00:52:56,593 --> 00:52:59,721 I thought I'd be further along in my career. 1067 00:52:59,763 --> 00:53:01,222 You know what I mean? 1068 00:53:02,223 --> 00:53:04,309 'Cause then they asked me, straight up, they were like, 1069 00:53:04,351 --> 00:53:08,605 "Do you have money for, like, a personal security detail?" 1070 00:53:08,646 --> 00:53:10,774 And I was like, "No!" 1071 00:53:14,569 --> 00:53:17,113 And I remember, when I said "no," the guy was like, 1072 00:53:17,155 --> 00:53:18,782 [sucks teeth] Ooh. 1073 00:53:20,533 --> 00:53:22,077 "Oh, they probably gonna get you, then. 1074 00:53:22,118 --> 00:53:23,578 I'm sorry." [chuckles] 1075 00:53:26,373 --> 00:53:29,250 It really changed my relationship with people. 1076 00:53:30,126 --> 00:53:31,836 THERAPIST: You know, it's interesting 1077 00:53:31,878 --> 00:53:33,713 that you have that experience, 1078 00:53:33,755 --> 00:53:36,091 because I don't think enough men really understand 1079 00:53:36,132 --> 00:53:37,717 what women go through on a day-- 1080 00:53:37,759 --> 00:53:39,302 I think I should buy a gun. 1081 00:53:39,344 --> 00:53:41,971 I don't have a gun. 1082 00:53:42,681 --> 00:53:44,599 Like, I don't like guns, I don't really-- 1083 00:53:44,641 --> 00:53:46,059 it's not even a political thing, 1084 00:53:46,101 --> 00:53:47,644 I'm not like, "Have you seen the stats?" 1085 00:53:47,686 --> 00:53:51,022 I just, as Josh, don't like guns, right? 1086 00:53:51,064 --> 00:53:53,983 And I don't like guns because I grew up in Louisiana. 1087 00:53:54,526 --> 00:53:56,444 And when I was in the sixth grade, 1088 00:53:56,486 --> 00:53:58,571 they wanted to teach us about the history of combat. 1089 00:53:58,613 --> 00:54:00,615 And so they took the whole sixth grade class 1090 00:54:00,657 --> 00:54:03,159 on a field trip to a shooting range. 1091 00:54:04,160 --> 00:54:07,956 Which I know sounds crazy to say, but you have to understand, 1092 00:54:07,997 --> 00:54:11,126 in Louisiana, shooting is required reading. All right? 1093 00:54:11,167 --> 00:54:13,086 We were gonna learn sooner or later. 1094 00:54:13,128 --> 00:54:15,797 And every kid got to shoot one arrow with a bow and arrow 1095 00:54:15,839 --> 00:54:18,591 and they got to shoot one round from a rifle, right? 1096 00:54:18,633 --> 00:54:22,345 And the rifle is screwed into the wall and locked in, okay? 1097 00:54:22,387 --> 00:54:24,806 It's not, like, a school shooter's dream, all right? [chuckles] 1098 00:54:24,848 --> 00:54:27,809 It's not like the kid was gonna grab the rifle like, "Finally." 1099 00:54:27,851 --> 00:54:30,270 -[audience laughing] -All right? 1100 00:54:31,813 --> 00:54:33,440 If he could have ripped it out of the wall, 1101 00:54:33,481 --> 00:54:35,400 he could have killed us with his bare hands. 1102 00:54:36,609 --> 00:54:39,237 And I remember I shot the arrow and it sailed through the air, 1103 00:54:39,279 --> 00:54:41,156 but I couldn't Robin Hood it, you know, 1104 00:54:41,197 --> 00:54:43,742 I even hit the sack, but then it flopped and it fell 1105 00:54:43,783 --> 00:54:45,493 and I was a little embarrassed. 1106 00:54:45,535 --> 00:54:48,413 So I wanted to do a really good job with the rifle and so... 1107 00:54:48,455 --> 00:54:50,623 it was my turn, and the rifle was racked up low, 1108 00:54:50,665 --> 00:54:52,167 so I had to get down on one knee, 1109 00:54:52,208 --> 00:54:54,085 and I did everything that I was supposed to do. 1110 00:54:54,127 --> 00:54:56,338 I put the stock at my shoulder, 1111 00:54:56,379 --> 00:54:58,340 I looked through the sight at the target. 1112 00:54:58,381 --> 00:55:00,508 I pulled the trigger, I felt the recoil, 1113 00:55:00,550 --> 00:55:02,677 it knocked me back and everything, 1114 00:55:02,719 --> 00:55:06,222 and my first time shooting a gun... 1115 00:55:08,391 --> 00:55:10,268 was also my first boner. 1116 00:55:10,310 --> 00:55:12,354 And I was like, "That's not good, not good at all. 1117 00:55:12,395 --> 00:55:15,315 I don't like this in the least. This supposed to be for titties, 1118 00:55:15,357 --> 00:55:17,901 I don't know what happened just now. This is horrible." 1119 00:55:17,942 --> 00:55:21,196 'Cause the worst part about getting your first boner from shooting a gun 1120 00:55:21,237 --> 00:55:24,115 isn't finding out you're a psycho, right? 1121 00:55:24,157 --> 00:55:27,160 It's that now I gotta stand up and turn around 1122 00:55:27,202 --> 00:55:30,872 in front of my whole sixth grade class, rock hard, okay? 1123 00:55:30,914 --> 00:55:32,874 And every dude knows you're never harder 1124 00:55:32,916 --> 00:55:34,292 than you are in middle school. 1125 00:55:34,334 --> 00:55:36,044 That's the hardest you're going to be 1126 00:55:36,086 --> 00:55:38,338 in your entire life, "You slamming your dick 1127 00:55:38,380 --> 00:55:40,590 in doors and not feeling it," hard. 1128 00:55:40,632 --> 00:55:43,426 People wonder why middle school boys are so weird, 1129 00:55:43,468 --> 00:55:47,055 it's 'cause there's no blood going to the brain for, like, three more years. 1130 00:55:47,097 --> 00:55:48,890 I was so hard when I looked down 1131 00:55:48,932 --> 00:55:51,101 I was like, "I am a Republican. 1132 00:55:51,142 --> 00:55:54,020 There is no way that I am not." 1133 00:55:54,437 --> 00:55:56,064 You're so hard when you're a middle school-- 1134 00:55:56,106 --> 00:55:57,691 I mean, I shouldn't even say this, 1135 00:55:57,732 --> 00:55:59,234 but I'm about to leave, so whatever. 1136 00:55:59,275 --> 00:56:01,653 You're so hard when you're in middle school, 1137 00:56:01,695 --> 00:56:04,239 I actually understand why some of those female teachers be fucking their students. 1138 00:56:04,280 --> 00:56:06,991 'Cause it's, like, she's never gonna get 1139 00:56:07,033 --> 00:56:10,203 that level of dick again in life. 1140 00:56:10,245 --> 00:56:11,621 It won't happen. 1141 00:56:11,663 --> 00:56:14,290 [audience laughing] 1142 00:56:18,586 --> 00:56:21,840 That's our time. Thank you so much. Thanks for listening. 1143 00:56:21,881 --> 00:56:25,051 [audience cheering and applauding] 1144 00:56:33,935 --> 00:56:37,105 This is the most important thing in the world to me, 1145 00:56:37,147 --> 00:56:39,524 because it's one of the last places 1146 00:56:39,566 --> 00:56:43,236 that you can be completely honest and get away with it. 1147 00:56:45,697 --> 00:56:47,615 Like, the deeper that I dig into this, 1148 00:56:47,657 --> 00:56:50,326 the more I realize that it actually saved my life. 1149 00:56:51,244 --> 00:56:52,787 Like, if I didn't have this... 1150 00:56:53,371 --> 00:56:55,915 I probably would have killed myself a long time ago. 1151 00:56:57,042 --> 00:57:00,086 It's a hard thing to admit, because people look at you different... 1152 00:57:00,962 --> 00:57:02,297 after you say that. 1153 00:57:03,423 --> 00:57:06,801 It's why you, just by being here... 1154 00:57:07,677 --> 00:57:08,928 just by listening... 1155 00:57:09,763 --> 00:57:11,014 saved my life. 1156 00:57:14,517 --> 00:57:17,979 And I think I'd be remiss if I didn't at least take a second 1157 00:57:18,021 --> 00:57:20,357 to say, thank you. 1158 00:57:26,154 --> 00:57:28,365 [footsteps departing] 1159 00:57:28,406 --> 00:57:30,408 [traffic din] 1160 00:57:30,450 --> 00:57:32,077 [birds chirping] 1161 00:57:33,870 --> 00:57:37,040 [indistinct chatter] 1162 00:57:40,210 --> 00:57:44,047 [people cheering and applauding] 1163 00:58:00,480 --> 00:58:05,735 [smooth jazz playing] 1164 00:59:00,623 --> 00:59:05,879 *** 1165 00:59:42,749 --> 00:59:44,501 [music fades]