1
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:07,307
Hey, Pop.
What? No knock?
2
00:00:07,308 --> 00:00:09,743
Listen, just because
you live next door to me
3
00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:12,979
don't mean you can just
walk in unannounced.
4
00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:15,249
I announced myself.
I said, "Hey, Pop."
No.
5
00:00:15,349 --> 00:00:16,750
You announced me.
6
00:00:16,850 --> 00:00:18,352
I already know I live here.
7
00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:20,921
I'm not just
any next-door neighbor, Dad.
8
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,322
I used to live inside you.
9
00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:24,192
Yeah, and you were annoying
back then.
10
00:00:24,292 --> 00:00:26,927
That's why I sent you to live
with your mom for nine months.
11
00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:29,063
The place looks great.
12
00:00:29,163 --> 00:00:30,598
Yeah, I just
feng shui'd it.
13
00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:31,865
Yeah, I can smell it.
14
00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:34,368
A lot more "feng" than "shui."
15
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:35,836
Anyway, uh,
the reason why I'm here.
16
00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:38,239
Nina and I wanted to make you
dinner tomorrow night
17
00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:39,907
to celebrate
your, uh, remodel.
18
00:00:40,007 --> 00:00:42,276
Ah, sorry. I got a hot date.
19
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:43,643
Hot date with who--
20
00:00:43,644 --> 00:00:45,045
potted meat, sardines,
and peanut butter crackers?
21
00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:47,314
(laughing:)
You met her, huh?
22
00:00:47,315 --> 00:00:49,750
Yeah, and she stinks.
(laughs)
Yeah.
23
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,652
Well, me and her are gonna
watch the Knicks game together.
24
00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:54,588
Come on, man.
Stop being such a grump.
25
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:56,022
It's a special occasion.
26
00:00:56,023 --> 00:00:57,558
(sighs)
Nina's making
27
00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:59,327
(singsongy):
her famous lasagna.
28
00:00:59,427 --> 00:01:01,595
But if you don't
want any, I mean...
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
29
00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,097
She's making lasagna?
Yeah.
30
00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:04,498
But you probably
don't want this batch.
31
00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:06,066
No?
She's making, um,
32
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:07,401
noodles...
Noodles.
33
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:10,370
...and sauce.
(quietly):
Sauce.
34
00:01:10,371 --> 00:01:13,307
Cheese...
Cheese...
35
00:01:13,407 --> 00:01:14,842
And your favorite.
36
00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:17,645
(high-pitched):
Meat?
Yes.
37
00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:19,079
Count me in.
Great.
38
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:20,514
I'll see you tomorrow
at 6:00 for dinner.
39
00:01:20,614 --> 00:01:22,250
No, make it 5:00.
I'm asleep by 7:00.
40
00:01:22,383 --> 00:01:24,952
Oh, right, I forgot you have
a newborn baby's schedule.
41
00:01:26,287 --> 00:01:27,988
♪ Poppa's ♪
42
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,990
♪ House ♪
43
00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,192
♪ Yeah. ♪
44
00:01:31,292 --> 00:01:32,826
POPPA:
You're on the phone.
45
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:35,629
Don't talk too long. Otherwise,
I'll press the button and,
46
00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:37,197
poof, you'll be gone.
47
00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:39,267
MAN: Yeah, why do y'all play
all that sad music now?
48
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,368
You're kind of
bumming me out, man.
49
00:01:41,369 --> 00:01:43,304
My friend, I'll say it again.
50
00:01:43,437 --> 00:01:46,140
That comes
from Dr. Reed's sad playlist.
51
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:47,574
I think it's titled
52
00:01:47,575 --> 00:01:50,444
"Plug in the Toaster
and Jump in the Tub."
53
00:01:51,279 --> 00:01:54,448
Don't hate because I was hired
to infuse some feelings
54
00:01:54,582 --> 00:01:56,048
into your manly man show.
55
00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:57,750
Corporate sent you
56
00:01:57,751 --> 00:02:00,488
to ruin
my good, soulful morning vibe
57
00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,222
with a whole bunch of whining.
58
00:02:02,223 --> 00:02:05,125
What you call whining
most people call talking.
59
00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:07,728
You're on the air, mon frere.
What's good in your hood?
60
00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:10,698
WOMAN: I just want to say
that Dr. Reed is right.
61
00:02:10,798 --> 00:02:12,899
And it's refreshing to have
a safe space where we can
62
00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:15,303
talk about important things,
like feelings.
63
00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:17,971
I appreciate your support, sister.
64
00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:20,674
Yeah, but, honey, let me
mansplain something to you.
65
00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:22,643
Real men don't do that.
66
00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:26,946
We don't sit around publicly
crying about our feelings.
67
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:30,184
But since you like
to feel so much, young lady,
68
00:02:30,318 --> 00:02:31,918
I want you to feel this.
69
00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,287
(beep)
70
00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:34,754
You feel me?
71
00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:37,089
(laughs)
72
00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:39,293
You're on the phone, Tyrone.
73
00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:41,529
Come on.
Help a brother reset the tone.
74
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:45,065
TYRONE (crying): I'm just going
through so much right now.
75
00:02:45,933 --> 00:02:48,536
She left me, man!
76
00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:50,137
(quietly):
Don't you dare.
77
00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:52,939
It is natural to feel grief
after a breakup, Tyrone.
78
00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:54,675
Thank you, Dr. Reed.
79
00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:56,244
I'm just hurting so bad
right now.
80
00:02:56,344 --> 00:02:58,846
I called 'cause
you're both divorced, right?
81
00:02:58,946 --> 00:03:01,181
What do you miss most
about being married?
82
00:03:01,282 --> 00:03:02,716
Um,
83
00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:04,484
thank you for asking, Tyrone.
84
00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:07,855
I miss having someone who thinks
about me all the time.
85
00:03:07,988 --> 00:03:09,590
Someone who's not cats?
86
00:03:09,690 --> 00:03:11,824
Poppa, this man is in pain.
87
00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:13,694
Maybe if you shared
some of your pain,
88
00:03:13,794 --> 00:03:14,995
you might help him heal.
89
00:03:15,095 --> 00:03:16,530
So, what do you miss
about being married?
90
00:03:16,664 --> 00:03:18,599
I miss not paying alimony.
91
00:03:18,699 --> 00:03:20,200
Be serious. What do you miss?
92
00:03:20,334 --> 00:03:21,802
I'm sorry. I wasn't clear?
93
00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:23,803
Half... my money.
94
00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:24,804
Mm-hmm.
95
00:03:24,805 --> 00:03:26,073
(sneezes)
96
00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:27,807
Ah, damn. I hung up on him.
97
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:31,044
Just when we was getting
to the nitty-gritty.
98
00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:33,547
You did that on purpose.
What are you hiding?
99
00:03:33,647 --> 00:03:34,615
It's nunya.
100
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:35,949
Nunya business?
101
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,285
I know what nunya is, okay?
102
00:03:37,385 --> 00:03:38,586
You can't fool me.
103
00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:40,921
Okay, fine. I'm hiding nacha.
104
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,356
Well, see,
now we're getting somewhere.
105
00:03:42,456 --> 00:03:43,591
Tell me about the nacha.
106
00:03:43,691 --> 00:03:46,860
It's na... cha... business.
107
00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:50,163
Uh, I'm sorry.
Where do you think you're going?
108
00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:52,266
This conversation's over.
109
00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:55,736
NINA:
It's fine.
110
00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:57,438
I'll handle it.
111
00:03:58,739 --> 00:03:59,907
(sighs)
112
00:04:00,007 --> 00:04:02,610
I am having a full-blown
candle catastrophe.
113
00:04:02,710 --> 00:04:05,145
They ordered $300 of red candles
114
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,580
with no glass casing.
115
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:08,816
Damn it!
116
00:04:08,916 --> 00:04:10,351
What does that mean?
It means
117
00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:11,885
that all that wax is gonna melt
118
00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:13,454
on the newly-purchased linen.
119
00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:15,088
I knew it! Who do I punch?!
120
00:04:15,188 --> 00:04:17,891
Okay. Calm down, baby.
It's not that serious.
121
00:04:17,991 --> 00:04:20,328
But I love how you get mad
on my behalf.
122
00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:22,262
Wait a minute.
What?
123
00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:23,397
Where's the beef?
124
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:25,666
The beef?!
125
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,435
They took your beef? No! No!
126
00:04:27,535 --> 00:04:28,802
Who would do such a thing?
127
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:31,439
Hulk smash!
Junior!
128
00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:33,674
Now I got beef with them!
129
00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:36,377
Junior, this is the third time
this week
130
00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:37,945
you forgot
what I asked you to get.
131
00:04:38,045 --> 00:04:39,546
I said, "Pick up beef
at the grocery store,"
132
00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:41,247
and you got turkey.
133
00:04:41,248 --> 00:04:42,650
Well, I thought
134
00:04:42,750 --> 00:04:44,652
'cause I gave you
some serious beef last night,
135
00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:46,253
you'd be tired of it.
(laughs)
136
00:04:46,354 --> 00:04:49,323
Well, it was grade A.
Yeah.
137
00:04:49,457 --> 00:04:50,991
And grass-fed.
Mm.
138
00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:52,426
Minus the "G," minus the "R."
139
00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:53,994
Minus the "G," min...
140
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:59,432
Honey, I cannot make
beef lasagna with turkey.
141
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:01,902
I'm sorry, babe.
I just got a lot on my mind,
142
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:04,137
trying to get this documentary
off the ground, you know?
143
00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:05,539
Plus I'm trying
to make you laugh
144
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,575
'cause you're stressed,
and...
145
00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:08,976
You forgive me?
146
00:05:09,076 --> 00:05:11,044
I'm sorry.
147
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,013
I wuv you...
148
00:05:13,146 --> 00:05:15,683
twuwy, deepwy.
149
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:17,084
Is that Elmer J. Fudd?
150
00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:19,319
(laughs à la Elmer Fudd)
151
00:05:19,453 --> 00:05:20,920
Sorry. I got lost in the cute.
152
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:22,690
I said, I said, I said,
that's all, Damon!
153
00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:26,159
Okay, see, now you're mixing
Porky Pig and Foghorn Leghorn.
154
00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:28,127
I don't love that. Yeah.
155
00:05:28,128 --> 00:05:30,063
It's better
if I just do the voices, right?
156
00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:34,034
(upbeat jazz playing)
157
00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:41,409
(rapid, continuous knocking)
158
00:05:42,309 --> 00:05:43,210
(turns music off)
159
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,546
Better be the police.
160
00:05:47,147 --> 00:05:49,049
The conversation is not over.
161
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:51,151
Now, you may not like me,
162
00:05:51,251 --> 00:05:52,952
but we work together now,
163
00:05:52,953 --> 00:05:54,320
and for the health of the show,
164
00:05:54,321 --> 00:05:56,857
which now includes
the "F" word-- feelings--
165
00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:58,658
you need
to express your feelings,
166
00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:01,061
and not just to me but
to the people who are listening,
167
00:06:01,161 --> 00:06:02,362
if this is gonna work.
168
00:06:02,496 --> 00:06:04,632
You have to bare your soul,
169
00:06:04,732 --> 00:06:06,534
and I... I need to know you,
170
00:06:06,634 --> 00:06:08,702
backwards and forwards,
up and down.
171
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:11,104
How about inside and out?
172
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,842
Listen, Poppa,
you need to know this about me.
173
00:06:14,942 --> 00:06:16,877
I am like the Terminator, okay?
174
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:19,079
I'm gonna ask a question
400 times,
175
00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:21,482
and when I don't get my answer,
I'm gonna ask 400 more.
176
00:06:21,582 --> 00:06:24,552
Yeah, well, the whole point
of The Terminator is,
177
00:06:24,685 --> 00:06:26,620
he doesn't ask any questions.
178
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:29,557
Well, maybe that's why it didn't
work at the box office.
179
00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:31,659
It was the biggest movie
in the world.
180
00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:36,630
The point is, is that you don't
get to call the shots. We do.
181
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,197
Hey, no, everything's okay.
182
00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:40,100
Huh?
183
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:41,834
JUNIOR:
Dinnertime.
184
00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:43,637
Bon appétit.
185
00:06:43,737 --> 00:06:45,672
What the hell is that smell?
186
00:06:45,673 --> 00:06:47,908
Oh, that's, uh, sardines,
peanut butter and depression,
187
00:06:48,008 --> 00:06:49,209
my childhood.
188
00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:51,011
I'm so used to it,
I can barely smell it.
189
00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:53,413
(sniffs, gags)
190
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:55,449
I didn't know
you had company.
191
00:06:55,583 --> 00:06:56,950
I don't.
Yes, you do.
192
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:02,089
Like the Terminator says,
"I'll be coming back very soon."
193
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:05,593
That's not the line.
He never said that.
194
00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:07,928
You are Dr. Reed.
195
00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:10,197
I have all your books.
I'm a huge fan.
196
00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:11,699
I listen to the show every day.
197
00:07:11,799 --> 00:07:14,602
You are adding a whole new layer
to the conversation.
198
00:07:14,702 --> 00:07:16,368
See?
199
00:07:16,369 --> 00:07:18,171
Um, we were just about
to have a housewarming dinner.
200
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:20,007
We would be honored
if you'd join us.
201
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:23,243
No, no, no, no, she can't.
She has to go feed her cats.
202
00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:25,813
I would love
to join you for dinner.
Aw.
203
00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:28,148
Well, if I got to sit
through you, at least
204
00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:31,752
I have the...
(high-pitched): meat!
205
00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:33,153
Meat!
206
00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:36,456
(laughter)
207
00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:38,492
(laughing and snorting)
208
00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:41,529
Sorry.
209
00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:44,230
That was absolutely delicious.
210
00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:47,467
Really? I was nervous
because I made it with turkey.
211
00:07:47,601 --> 00:07:49,002
Wait, this is turkey meat,
212
00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:50,403
not meat meat?
213
00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:53,306
Yeah, because
somebody forgot the beef.
214
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:55,643
Yeah, that somebody is me.
(laughs)
215
00:07:55,776 --> 00:07:57,044
I forget everything.
216
00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,478
Wedding anniversaries,
217
00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:00,848
Mother's Day,
scheduled C-sections.
218
00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:02,582
How many kids he has.
Six?
219
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:04,450
What my name is.
Christopher.
220
00:08:04,451 --> 00:08:07,688
You know... cute,
little things like that.
221
00:08:07,788 --> 00:08:09,489
I'm adorable, really. (laughs)
222
00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:10,724
Hmm.
223
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:13,861
Well, that was
a pretty loaded "Hmm."
224
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:16,296
Oh. It's nothing.
Never mind.
225
00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:17,865
Hmm.
226
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:20,200
It's obviously not nothing.
You did it again.
227
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,369
Well, I mean, it's just,
228
00:08:22,469 --> 00:08:24,037
when a husband
forgets the things
229
00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:25,505
that are important
to his wife,
230
00:08:25,606 --> 00:08:28,008
some people might construe it
as a sign of disrespect.
231
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,275
Ah, that's all.
232
00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:30,778
I mean,
233
00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:33,180
wouldn't you agree,
Christopher?
234
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:39,787
Hmm.
Hmm.
235
00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:43,023
Mmm! Now that's turkey.
(laughs)
236
00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:46,159
What?
237
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:48,662
Well, I mean, listen,
if you guys don't have a problem
238
00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:49,996
with it,
then it's not a problem.
239
00:08:49,997 --> 00:08:51,964
I like her.
Until it becomes a problem.
240
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:54,201
I changed my mind.
241
00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:55,803
Hmm. Well, see,
242
00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:58,706
between your husband's,
um, weaponized incompetence
243
00:08:58,839 --> 00:09:00,306
and his fraudulent anger,
244
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:01,709
I think
245
00:09:01,842 --> 00:09:03,243
that we have the beginnings
246
00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:05,511
of a potentially
toxic marriage.
247
00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:07,047
Oh, my God.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
248
00:09:07,180 --> 00:09:09,016
Relax. She doesn't know us.
249
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:12,018
I mean, the apple doesn't fall
far from the bald-headed tree.
250
00:09:12,019 --> 00:09:13,887
Damn right, it doesn't.
(laughs)
(laughs)
251
00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:16,423
BOTH:
Chugga-chugga, chugga-chugga,
chugga-chugga,
252
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,726
wine, wine!
253
00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:26,066
We got to fix this.
Grab the bottle.
254
00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:27,768
Wait, don't...
Nina, no...
255
00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:30,237
Take the wine, leave the meat.
256
00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:37,544
Nina and I even laughed
about this earlier.
257
00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:39,112
I don't know what happened.
258
00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:41,414
This is, like, the first time
my cute didn't work on her.
259
00:09:41,514 --> 00:09:44,117
And I'm all out
of Looney Tune characters.
260
00:09:44,217 --> 00:09:46,586
(cartoonish voice):
Well, not quite.
261
00:09:48,055 --> 00:09:49,923
Junior, this is serious.
262
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:52,760
Okay? Stop with
the stupid voices.
263
00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:54,827
(cartoonish voice):
Why?
264
00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:57,364
(normal voice):
Sorry. That's it,
that's it, that's it.
265
00:09:57,464 --> 00:09:59,031
Look, Nina is special,
266
00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:00,968
and if you let that
she-devil brainwash her,
267
00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:03,603
you're gonna lose the best thing
that ever happened to you.
268
00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:05,238
Take it from someone
who knows.
269
00:10:05,338 --> 00:10:08,841
Now, here.
Go make things right.
270
00:10:08,842 --> 00:10:11,210
Teddy Pendergrass?
Yeah.
271
00:10:11,211 --> 00:10:13,613
Yeah. Women can't resist
the sounds of Teddy.
272
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:15,848
Your mama used to drop her
drawers when Teddy come on.
273
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:19,619
She'd start taking
her drawers down.
274
00:10:25,558 --> 00:10:26,960
Yuck.
275
00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:28,696
Her drawers?
276
00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:31,198
Yeah, that's what women
wore back then-- drawers.
277
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:33,867
The thong didn't come out
until, like, the '90s.
278
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,136
That's when they figured out
how to charge women more
279
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:37,871
for less drawers.
280
00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:42,275
I mean, yeah,
this is great and all,
281
00:10:42,375 --> 00:10:43,977
but, like, I-I can't
go back there now,
282
00:10:44,111 --> 00:10:45,478
she said she
needed her space.
283
00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:48,615
Well, if it's that easy,
then I need my space, too.
284
00:10:48,716 --> 00:10:50,450
Now go home, son.
285
00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:52,085
That's your house. Say it.
286
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:53,286
That's my house.
287
00:10:53,420 --> 00:10:55,622
No, put some stank on it.
288
00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:58,191
That's my house.
289
00:10:58,291 --> 00:11:00,460
That's better, but now
say it like Sam Jackson
290
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:01,894
in a Tarantino movie.
291
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:04,264
(Sam Jackson voice):
That is my house, mother--
292
00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:05,332
Yep, yep, yep.
You're there.
293
00:11:05,465 --> 00:11:06,633
Okay, go.
All right.
294
00:11:06,734 --> 00:11:08,802
To my house!
Yes.
295
00:11:08,936 --> 00:11:10,804
Which is technically
my wife's house
296
00:11:10,904 --> 00:11:12,840
that her father's paying for.
No, you're spiraling, okay?
297
00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:15,408
(Sam Jackson voice): Yeah, yeah,
irregardless, I am upset!
298
00:11:15,508 --> 00:11:17,177
Yes.
Honey,
299
00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:20,013
where's my super suit?
300
00:11:24,918 --> 00:11:25,986
She's very upset.
301
00:11:26,119 --> 00:11:27,320
(door closes)
302
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:28,989
Did not like
my Sam Jackson impression.
303
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:30,657
And her drawers stayed up.
304
00:11:30,758 --> 00:11:33,360
Did you do that stupid
Marvin the Martian thing again?
305
00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:35,829
(Marvin the Martian voice):
Only for a second.
306
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:42,235
Look, I do get irritated
when he forgets,
307
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:46,874
but then I remember he has
so many other amazing qualities.
308
00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:49,142
He's a great dad,
he's funny,
309
00:11:49,242 --> 00:11:50,844
he's sweet and sensitive
310
00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:53,380
and he has so much...
Malignant charm.
311
00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:56,349
Yeah. That's what
you're describing.
312
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:57,851
I wrote about it
in my other book,
313
00:11:57,985 --> 00:11:59,286
The Charm Alarm:
314
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:00,921
(both):
When Cute Stops Being Cute.
315
00:12:01,021 --> 00:12:02,022
Mm-hmm.
316
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,490
See, it's part of
his deception,
317
00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:06,026
his get out of
jail free card.
318
00:12:06,126 --> 00:12:08,695
Nina, you and me,
we are empaths,
319
00:12:08,829 --> 00:12:10,363
we are narcissist magnets.
320
00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:11,964
And by narcissist,
you mean someone
321
00:12:11,965 --> 00:12:13,400
who doesn't agree
with you.
322
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:14,701
You said it.
323
00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:19,406
Girl, if you let malignant charm
go unchallenged,
324
00:12:19,539 --> 00:12:22,575
then one day you will find
yourself on your parents' porch,
325
00:12:22,675 --> 00:12:26,046
with a half-eaten ham sandwich
owing David Smith alimony
326
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:28,281
for the rest of your life.
327
00:12:29,049 --> 00:12:31,952
That is a very specific example.
328
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:35,088
I lived it so you don't have to.
329
00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:40,760
Girl, help me help you help him.
330
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:45,232
Mama needs some, too.
331
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:49,202
JUNIOR:
Don't worry about me, Dad.
332
00:12:49,302 --> 00:12:50,437
Won't even know I'm here.
333
00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:51,872
How can I not know you're here
334
00:12:51,972 --> 00:12:54,441
when you keep yelling
"I'm not here"?
335
00:12:54,574 --> 00:12:55,742
Just joshing you, Dad.
336
00:12:55,843 --> 00:12:57,343
(chuckles)
337
00:12:57,344 --> 00:13:00,047
You really going to bed
right now? It's 7:00.
338
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:02,115
How old are you? 100?
339
00:13:02,249 --> 00:13:05,618
Apparently not old enough to
have a son who lives on his own.
340
00:13:05,752 --> 00:13:07,620
Is that my toothbrush?
341
00:13:07,754 --> 00:13:08,755
Oh, yeah, don't worry,
342
00:13:08,856 --> 00:13:10,290
I'm not brushing
my teeth with it,
343
00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:12,425
I'm just using it to stimulate
my vagus nerve.
344
00:13:12,525 --> 00:13:13,961
I don't know where
that nerve is,
345
00:13:14,061 --> 00:13:16,163
but I don't want my toothbrush
anywhere near it.
346
00:13:16,263 --> 00:13:17,697
Oh, yeah, it's like
right back here,
347
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:18,697
you just got to...
348
00:13:18,698 --> 00:13:19,867
(gags)
349
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:22,769
And then you get it
on the right. (gags)
350
00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:25,404
And then you can put your hand
behind your head and go like...
351
00:13:25,405 --> 00:13:26,974
(gags)
352
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:29,776
Well, my eyes are watery.
353
00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:31,478
That's when you know
it's working.
354
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,547
Yeah, I do it every night,
you know, to, uh,
355
00:13:34,647 --> 00:13:36,950
ease my anxiety and reset my
parasympathetic nervous system.
356
00:13:37,084 --> 00:13:39,819
You can remember all that,
but you can't remember beef?
357
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:42,489
Want to try it?
No. Get that out of here.
358
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:44,858
Fine.
359
00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:46,558
I'll go downstairs and watch TV.
360
00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:49,029
MAN: I should've
never left you, Harriet.
361
00:13:49,129 --> 00:13:50,964
What a fool I've been.
Such a fool.
362
00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:53,366
POPPA:
Too loud. I can hear that.
363
00:13:53,466 --> 00:13:55,401
(sighs) Fine, I'll mute it.
364
00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:56,836
(mutes TV)
365
00:13:57,770 --> 00:13:59,105
POPPA:
I still hear it.
366
00:13:59,106 --> 00:14:01,008
It's muted!
367
00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:03,643
You think you're slick,
368
00:14:03,743 --> 00:14:06,146
but I can ever hear the rays.
369
00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:08,247
I'm sorry, Dad, I just...
370
00:14:08,248 --> 00:14:09,816
I miss her so much.
371
00:14:09,917 --> 00:14:12,319
We haven't spent a night apart
since Maya was a baby.
372
00:14:12,419 --> 00:14:13,953
Chocolate?
373
00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:15,322
No.
374
00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:18,958
I got diabetes.
You trying to kill me?
375
00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:20,027
Sorry.
376
00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:22,729
Look, son, I know you think
377
00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:24,630
you're giving her
her space right now,
378
00:14:24,631 --> 00:14:26,733
but rule number one
in a relationship
379
00:14:26,833 --> 00:14:29,402
is never give a woman
too much time to stew.
380
00:14:29,502 --> 00:14:32,705
The same thing happened
with me and your mother.
381
00:14:32,839 --> 00:14:34,341
We were going through
some problems
382
00:14:34,441 --> 00:14:37,010
and I gave her space,
just like you.
383
00:14:37,144 --> 00:14:40,347
And then Catherine went to
her girlfriends for advice.
384
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:42,549
Next thing you know,
I'm divorced,
385
00:14:42,649 --> 00:14:43,850
I'm full of regret,
386
00:14:43,984 --> 00:14:45,685
sitting next to
my 35-year-old son
387
00:14:45,785 --> 00:14:48,355
with chocolate
all over the house.
388
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:51,991
Wow. I-I didn't
know any of this.
389
00:14:51,992 --> 00:14:53,825
Well, if you had the chance
to do it again,
390
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:55,095
what would you do?
391
00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:56,863
I would talk to her.
392
00:14:56,997 --> 00:15:00,500
I would express my feelings
and reassure her of my love.
393
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,569
Which is what
you need to do.
394
00:15:02,669 --> 00:15:04,704
(sighs) Dad, you know,
395
00:15:04,804 --> 00:15:06,206
I appreciate
everything you're saying,
396
00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:08,008
but, like, I know Nina
better than you.
397
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:10,743
She needs space,
she needs time to just...
398
00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:12,545
let this whole thing
blow over.
399
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:15,315
Listen, you may know Nina
better than me,
400
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,483
but I know life
better than you.
401
00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:21,521
And if you're not gonna ball up
and go handle this,
402
00:15:21,621 --> 00:15:23,489
then I'm gonna
do it for you.
403
00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:25,792
♪ ♪
404
00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:33,433
And number ten
in our list of demands
405
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:36,603
for you to regain your footing
in this marriage,
406
00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:37,904
no more short jokes.
407
00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:40,206
About time.
Although, you are short.
408
00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:41,774
Girl, I'm small as hell.
409
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:43,977
(laughter)
410
00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:45,912
(knocking at door)
411
00:15:46,013 --> 00:15:47,914
Oh, wait,
no, no, no. No.
412
00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:49,116
(exhales)
413
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:51,717
I'll, uh, I'll handle it.
414
00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:55,288
Remember, being right
is half the fight.
415
00:15:55,388 --> 00:15:58,025
Wait, what's the other half?
416
00:15:58,125 --> 00:15:59,359
I don't know.
417
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:00,493
I haven't finished
writing that book yet.
418
00:16:00,593 --> 00:16:02,361
(laughs)
(knocking)
419
00:16:02,362 --> 00:16:03,930
Coming.
420
00:16:04,931 --> 00:16:06,133
I need to talk to Nina.
421
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:08,601
Uh-uh. Absolutely not.
422
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:10,470
And I'm advocating for Nina.
423
00:16:10,603 --> 00:16:12,639
No, you're agitating for Nina.
424
00:16:13,206 --> 00:16:16,109
Come on. I got you.
Y-You, too.
425
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:18,744
Step into my office.
426
00:16:18,745 --> 00:16:20,947
Go ahead,
it's neutral territory.
427
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:24,551
Here.
428
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:28,021
Review this with your son
and then let's discuss.
429
00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:30,790
A list of demands?
430
00:16:31,391 --> 00:16:32,525
Hell no.
431
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:35,628
I am not negotiating
with a terrorist.
432
00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:39,166
And what gives you the right
to interfere in their marriage?
433
00:16:39,266 --> 00:16:42,435
Look, I am just trying
to help your son
434
00:16:42,535 --> 00:16:45,071
and his lovely wife
with their very real problem.
435
00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:47,307
The only real problem I see
is you.
436
00:16:47,407 --> 00:16:49,842
Junior and Nina
are a happy couple.
437
00:16:49,942 --> 00:16:51,478
The happiest I've ever known.
438
00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:55,182
They should be writing books
about love, not you.
439
00:16:59,619 --> 00:17:00,919
(Sam Jackson voice):
Out of my way.
440
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:02,522
What?
Say "what" again.
441
00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:04,256
Say "what" again. I dare you.
442
00:17:04,257 --> 00:17:05,424
I double dare you.
443
00:17:05,425 --> 00:17:06,859
Move, Poison Ivy.
444
00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:09,196
I miss my wife's love garden.
445
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:12,699
Junior?
446
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,436
Nina, I am so sorry for
hurting your feelings.
447
00:17:17,437 --> 00:17:19,805
It's just when you forget
things we talked about,
448
00:17:19,806 --> 00:17:23,676
it makes me feel unheard
and insignificant.
449
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:26,945
Well, I heard that.
450
00:17:26,946 --> 00:17:29,116
I'm gonna work on my forgetties.
451
00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:30,783
And just so you know,
452
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,852
out of all the
things I forget,
453
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:35,054
I'll never forget
how much I love you.
454
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:37,490
Can I have a kiss?
455
00:17:37,590 --> 00:17:39,025
Yes.
456
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,999
So will you just go now?
457
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,569
No.
458
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:53,373
Not until you tell me what
you miss about being married.
459
00:17:53,473 --> 00:17:55,242
It's okay to be vulnerable.
460
00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:57,944
You know, this isn't about work.
This is about you.
461
00:17:58,044 --> 00:18:01,281
Why is this so important to you?
462
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:04,784
Because I know that deep down
you have a heart.
463
00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:06,619
I would just like you
to show it.
464
00:18:06,719 --> 00:18:09,020
If I tell you, will you go?
465
00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:10,590
Yes.
466
00:18:11,758 --> 00:18:13,426
Okay. That.
467
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:14,761
(smooth jazz playing)
468
00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:17,564
That's what I miss
about being married.
469
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:20,567
I miss having somebody that...
470
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:22,435
gets me, flaws and all.
471
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:26,105
It's hard to walk
this earth alone.
472
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,710
It really is, isn't it?
473
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:33,680
Now was that so hard?
474
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,948
And you're still here.
475
00:18:46,893 --> 00:18:49,061
You still mad at me?
476
00:18:49,162 --> 00:18:51,598
If I say yes, are you gonna
show up at my house again
477
00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:53,566
(squeaky voice):
and ask why?
478
00:18:54,401 --> 00:18:56,869
It'll never happen again.
I know it won't.
479
00:18:56,969 --> 00:18:59,406
Because I'm getting
a restraining order
480
00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:01,073
(laughing):
against you.
481
00:19:01,174 --> 00:19:05,245
Listen, I thought about it
last night and you were...
482
00:19:05,378 --> 00:19:06,679
What?
483
00:19:06,779 --> 00:19:09,014
You were right.
484
00:19:09,015 --> 00:19:10,750
(snorts) You think?
485
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:12,084
Yes.
486
00:19:12,185 --> 00:19:14,854
But, by the way,
you did help inspire
487
00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:16,689
the title of my new book,
488
00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:18,758
Two Wrongs Don't Mean
I Ain't Right.
489
00:19:18,858 --> 00:19:21,528
(laughing)
490
00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:22,861
That was a joke.
491
00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:25,632
See, what you don't know
about me is I'm funny.
492
00:19:25,732 --> 00:19:28,134
No one knows that about you.
493
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:30,035
Are you kidding?
494
00:19:30,036 --> 00:19:31,304
Did you not hear my
495
00:19:31,438 --> 00:19:33,905
(dopey voice):
Schwarzenegger character?
496
00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:35,141
That was a character?
497
00:19:35,242 --> 00:19:36,476
I thought you
was having a stroke.
498
00:19:39,078 --> 00:19:40,780
Anyway, hey, good people.
499
00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:44,750
This first song is a joint
by the Black Eyed Peas.
500
00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:49,456
And it's going out to my
hilarious cohost, Dr. Reed.
501
00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:51,224
Y'all sit back,
502
00:19:51,324 --> 00:19:52,625
listen and learn.
503
00:19:52,725 --> 00:19:55,462
Well, thank you, Poppa.
That is so sweet.
504
00:19:55,562 --> 00:19:57,229
♪ Shut up, just shut up,
shut up ♪
505
00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:59,366
♪ Shut up,
just shut up, shut up ♪
506
00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:01,033
♪ Shut up, just shut up... ♪
507
00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:04,003
You hear that?
You should try that.
508
00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:06,339
Huh?
509
00:20:06,473 --> 00:20:08,140
♪ Shut up, just shut up,
shut up. ♪
510
00:20:08,241 --> 00:20:09,476
(beep)
511
00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:11,644
Wait, this is turkey meat?
512
00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:14,746
(nasal voice): I thought
you'd get beef meat.
513
00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:16,816
(laughter)
514
00:20:16,949 --> 00:20:18,751
(beep)
I could make...
515
00:20:18,851 --> 00:20:22,322
25 thongs out of one pair
of your mama's drawers.
516
00:20:24,156 --> 00:20:26,025
(beep)
Did you do another one
517
00:20:26,125 --> 00:20:27,327
of those stupid voices?
518
00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:29,529
Only the Marvin the Martian--
(laughs)
519
00:20:29,629 --> 00:20:31,664
(laughter)
520
00:20:31,764 --> 00:20:34,100
(beep)
Like the Terminator says,
521
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:37,003
(Italian accent): "I'll be back
very soon, baby."
522
00:20:38,004 --> 00:20:39,506
He never said that.
523
00:20:39,606 --> 00:20:43,109
That's Arnold Schwarzen-naver.
Arnold Palmer, maybe?
524
00:20:43,209 --> 00:20:45,611
It's Schwarzen-navel.
That's what that is.
525
00:20:45,612 --> 00:20:49,015
(laughter)
526
00:20:49,115 --> 00:20:50,717
(with accent):
Get to the chopper!
527
00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:51,983
(laughter)
528
00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:53,219
Kind of.
529
00:20:53,320 --> 00:20:54,587
(laughter)
530
00:20:54,687 --> 00:20:57,424
Get to your car
and get out of here.
531
00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:02,995
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
532
00:21:03,095 --> 00:21:05,664
and TOYOTA.
533
00:21:05,665 --> 00:21:09,669
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org