1
00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:07,141
Okay. Here's my advice
when it comes to marriage:
2
00:00:07,241 --> 00:00:11,144
Never marry someone you love
more than they love you.
3
00:00:11,145 --> 00:00:13,780
That is so cynical.
You were married for 20 years.
4
00:00:13,781 --> 00:00:15,849
It had to have been nice
for some time.
5
00:00:15,949 --> 00:00:17,751
Nice? (scoffs)
6
00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:20,188
The last nice thing
my ex-wife said to me was,
7
00:00:20,321 --> 00:00:22,423
"I do," and then she didn't
8
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:23,991
for the rest of
the marriage.
9
00:00:24,092 --> 00:00:25,893
Go ahead, give me
your feminist rebuttal.
10
00:00:25,993 --> 00:00:27,127
I don't have one,
11
00:00:27,128 --> 00:00:28,161
P. Bear.
12
00:00:28,162 --> 00:00:29,730
P. Bear? What the hell is that?
13
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:31,831
It's my new nickname for you.
14
00:00:31,832 --> 00:00:32,832
I don't like it.
15
00:00:32,833 --> 00:00:34,368
It sounds like
I get up five times
16
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:36,704
in the middle of the night
to use the bathroom.
17
00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:37,871
Go back to "Poppa."
18
00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:39,972
Okay... P. Bear.
19
00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:43,211
See? Now I got to go
use the bathroom.
20
00:00:43,311 --> 00:00:45,312
How about a word
from our sponsors?
21
00:00:45,313 --> 00:00:46,880
Hey, Trey.
22
00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:48,082
Okay, this was a
good conversation,
23
00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:49,083
but we got to figure out
24
00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:50,451
new ways to market our show.
25
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:51,685
How about T-shirts?
26
00:00:51,785 --> 00:00:54,322
How about you go
back outside and play?
27
00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:55,889
(sniffs) And that smell
28
00:00:55,989 --> 00:00:57,490
better not be
coming off your shoe.
29
00:00:57,491 --> 00:01:00,360
It's not.
Hey!
30
00:01:00,361 --> 00:01:02,563
(laughs)
What was that?
31
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:04,064
Go wash your hands.
32
00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:05,699
(laughs)
(groans)
33
00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:06,967
He is so cute.
34
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,437
You didn't smell his fingers.
35
00:01:09,537 --> 00:01:11,671
All right, P. Bear, we got to
get back to the marketing.
36
00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:13,474
I got an idea.
Why don't we get
37
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:15,675
one of those things
at the dealership
38
00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:17,111
that does this?
39
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,546
Guess what!
40
00:01:19,547 --> 00:01:21,515
Hey, Junior.
Hi-vy, Ivy.
41
00:01:21,615 --> 00:01:22,516
(fingers snap)
42
00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:23,617
My feral son Trey,
43
00:01:23,751 --> 00:01:25,352
who is currently peeing
in your petunias,
44
00:01:25,353 --> 00:01:26,754
is a genius.
45
00:01:26,854 --> 00:01:29,157
Yeah, he just took an IQ test,
and apparently he's gifted.
46
00:01:29,257 --> 00:01:30,591
Really? The same boy
47
00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:32,460
that brought all the
bees in my house?
Yep.
48
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:34,762
The one that likes
to sniff the seats?
Yep.
49
00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:35,929
The one that like
to take a...
Yep.
50
00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:37,397
...in top of the...
Yep.
51
00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:39,099
Upper decker, yep.
52
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:41,402
But here's the best part.
53
00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:43,570
He got accepted
into Buckingham.
54
00:01:43,571 --> 00:01:45,038
The palace?
55
00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:47,241
No, not the palace.
The school.
56
00:01:47,341 --> 00:01:49,543
It's one of the top schools
in the country.
57
00:01:49,643 --> 00:01:51,212
Congratulations,
Junior.
58
00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:53,847
You know, they don't
just take anybody.
59
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,083
Let me guess.
That's where you went?
60
00:01:56,184 --> 00:01:58,186
It is. (laughs, snorts)
61
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:01,088
You see,
Buckingham is a place
62
00:02:01,189 --> 00:02:02,623
that teaches kids
really important things
63
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:05,893
like kindness and compassion,
happiness...
64
00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:07,361
Aw, these private schools
are nothing but
65
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:08,729
a big money racket.
66
00:02:08,829 --> 00:02:11,131
You got your tuitions
and your uniforms,
67
00:02:11,232 --> 00:02:12,833
the mandatory donations.
68
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,303
By the time
your kid finishes school,
69
00:02:15,403 --> 00:02:17,570
you're broke,
living underneath a bridge.
70
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:19,940
JUNIOR:
Gosh, Dad. Again with this?
71
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:21,375
I went
to private school.
72
00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:23,010
Yeah, and I don't
hold that against you, son.
73
00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:24,378
I hold it against your mother.
74
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:27,648
See, public school teaches
you grit and street smarts.
75
00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:30,150
Getting locked in a locker
for the whole day,
76
00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:33,254
it prepares you
for working a nine-to-five.
77
00:02:33,354 --> 00:02:35,155
I am the man
I am today
78
00:02:35,256 --> 00:02:37,458
courtesy of public school.
79
00:02:37,558 --> 00:02:41,761
And I am the woman I am today
courtesy of private school.
80
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:43,364
And I rest my case.
81
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:45,699
And I am having
dinner tomorrow night
82
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:46,834
to celebrate
Trey's brilliance
83
00:02:46,934 --> 00:02:48,502
and would love
for you to be there.
84
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:51,038
And I have to go pee right now.
How bad you got to pee?
85
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:52,340
Are you gonna come?
Are you gonna come?
I got to pee, son.
86
00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:53,874
I'll-I'll be there.
I'll be there!
87
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,711
♪ Poppa's ♪
88
00:02:57,811 --> 00:02:59,612
♪ House ♪
89
00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:02,850
♪ Yeah. ♪
90
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:08,489
Now, I just want to say
how proud we are of Trey
91
00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:12,192
for getting into
such a prestigious school.
92
00:03:12,293 --> 00:03:13,993
Clearly, he gets his brains
93
00:03:13,994 --> 00:03:15,028
from his mother.
94
00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:16,096
Thank you, Daddy.
95
00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:17,898
TREY:
They say you can't
96
00:03:17,998 --> 00:03:19,967
lick your own elbow.
97
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:22,270
My dad also says
you can't lick your own...
98
00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:23,470
All right.
99
00:03:23,471 --> 00:03:24,672
(giggles)
100
00:03:24,772 --> 00:03:25,906
Anyways... (clears throat)
101
00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:26,973
Where was I?
Yes, our generous...
102
00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:28,376
Look, cut the crap.
103
00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:30,778
You need money for
tuition, right?
104
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:33,012
"Need" is such
a strong word.
105
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:35,249
I-I prefer "yearning..."
106
00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:37,084
To answer your question, yes.
107
00:03:37,184 --> 00:03:39,753
We would like for you to help us
pay for Trey's education.
108
00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:43,189
Help? So, that means you
have some of the money?
109
00:03:43,190 --> 00:03:46,794
We've raised almost $5,000,
but that's not enough.
110
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:49,763
(laughing):
No, not at all.
111
00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:50,898
Not for Buckingham.
112
00:03:51,031 --> 00:03:52,532
Well, why don't you
take out a loan?
113
00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:53,866
Ooh, tried and denied.
114
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:56,704
Why don't you ask
shortstop over there?
115
00:03:56,804 --> 00:03:57,905
Also tried, also denied.
116
00:03:58,038 --> 00:03:59,573
Hey, I paid for this house.
117
00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:01,708
Helped pay for this hou--
118
00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:02,875
No, no, you paid for it.
119
00:04:02,876 --> 00:04:04,612
Yeah, you paid.
You did that.
120
00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:05,878
Whole house.
121
00:04:05,879 --> 00:04:06,879
Look, I already told you
122
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,649
that I don't like these--
123
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:10,284
What is--
Who's that for?
124
00:04:11,184 --> 00:04:12,252
What?
What?
125
00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:13,587
Hello.
126
00:04:13,721 --> 00:04:14,588
Grandma!
127
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:17,124
Grandma!
Mommy!
128
00:04:17,224 --> 00:04:19,760
I thought I smelled
half my money.
129
00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:21,362
Hello, Catherine.
130
00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:22,862
Hello, tightwad.
131
00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:23,696
Hello, Catherine.
132
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:25,098
Hello, little one.
133
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:26,700
Are we having your lasagna
134
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:29,102
again? (laughs)
135
00:04:29,202 --> 00:04:31,038
(quietly):
Little one. You hear that?
136
00:04:31,138 --> 00:04:32,204
Having your mom here
better work.
137
00:04:32,205 --> 00:04:34,241
Look, if anyone can get
money out of my dad,
138
00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:35,908
it's my mom.
Trust me.
139
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:38,111
I have a plan.
140
00:04:38,245 --> 00:04:40,046
Grandma, do you have
presents for us?
141
00:04:40,047 --> 00:04:42,015
Do you remember the magic words?
142
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:44,917
BOTH:
We love you more than Poppa!
143
00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:47,588
Ooh! Presents
for the babies.
144
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:51,359
Now, go open them in a place
where I can't see you.
145
00:04:52,225 --> 00:04:55,329
Catherine, are you
aging backwards?
146
00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:57,229
Oh, Joseph, Joseph.
147
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:59,433
You always know
what to say.
148
00:04:59,533 --> 00:05:01,802
Unlike some people
sitting here,
149
00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:03,537
right over there.
150
00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:05,572
You look good,
too, Joseph.
151
00:05:05,573 --> 00:05:06,574
Thank you.
152
00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:08,376
You still have some hair.
153
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:13,446
You sure were the one
that got away.
154
00:05:13,447 --> 00:05:14,648
(sniffs)
155
00:05:14,748 --> 00:05:16,917
Yeah, and I sure wish
you would stay away.
156
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,318
What are you doing here,
157
00:05:18,419 --> 00:05:19,420
wallet whisperer?
158
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,621
You already got half.
159
00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:22,589
I don't want
your money, tightwad.
160
00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:23,957
It's for our grandson.
161
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:25,325
I told you years ago,
162
00:05:25,426 --> 00:05:26,827
I don't believe in
these kinds of schools.
163
00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:31,499
I thought you'd say that,
but have you told this guy?
164
00:05:31,599 --> 00:05:33,801
(gentle piano music playing)
165
00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:37,270
JUNIOR (over laptop):
There are so many kids
166
00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:38,271
who don't get to go
to private school.
167
00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:40,708
What's two plus two,
little guy?
168
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:42,843
I can't afford
to know that.
169
00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:46,947
(voice breaking):
He can't afford to know that.
170
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:49,982
These kids didn't have
the opportunity to learn
171
00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:51,484
because they couldn't
get the money
172
00:05:51,485 --> 00:05:53,220
from their rich grandfather
who claims to love them.
173
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,689
(goofy voice):
Mm! I don't want to be
that grandpa.
174
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:57,290
You sure don't.
175
00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:58,658
And all you have to do
is show up
176
00:05:58,659 --> 00:06:02,161
with $22,740 and 15 cents.
177
00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:04,398
That's it? What a deal.
178
00:06:06,066 --> 00:06:07,500
A deal indeed.
179
00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:10,037
And then your grandchild
can live happily ever after.
180
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:11,705
What's two plus two, honey?
181
00:06:11,805 --> 00:06:13,640
Money!
182
00:06:13,641 --> 00:06:14,542
Yes, it is.
183
00:06:14,642 --> 00:06:17,411
ALL:
Thank you, Poppa!
184
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:20,681
(sighs) So...
185
00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:21,882
cash or check?
186
00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:24,918
Tried and denied.
187
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,620
Damon, a word.
188
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,221
(sighs)
189
00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:30,057
What, woman?
190
00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:37,631
"Some hair."
191
00:06:38,732 --> 00:06:42,436
My plan's coming together
like butt cheeks.
192
00:06:43,471 --> 00:06:45,272
How dare you
not even consider...
193
00:06:45,372 --> 00:06:46,774
Don't start with
the "how dare you's."
194
00:06:46,874 --> 00:06:48,207
That's all I ever hear from you.
195
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,410
"How dare you this.
How dare you that."
196
00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:51,812
Like, "How dare you
sleep with that slut?"
197
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,847
She wasn't a slut.
198
00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:56,917
She was a ballet dancer working
her way through law school.
199
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,318
Yeah, like a slut.
200
00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,019
She was moonlighting at NASA.
201
00:07:00,020 --> 00:07:02,122
Oh, like a slut on the moon.
202
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:04,524
Why you always
bring her up?
203
00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:06,093
You're the one
who cheated first.
204
00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:07,359
No, I had a fling.
205
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,830
You fell in love.
I never gave him my heart.
206
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:12,199
Yeah, but you gave
him everything else,
207
00:07:12,299 --> 00:07:14,602
including what you only gave me
on my birthday.
208
00:07:14,702 --> 00:07:16,670
You know I have bad knees.
209
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:20,307
Okay, now, look,
do not make this conversation
210
00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:21,609
about you, all right?
211
00:07:21,709 --> 00:07:23,811
This is about what is best
for our grandson.
212
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,879
Catherine, I'm
standing on principle.
213
00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:27,413
The only thing
you are standing on
214
00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:29,149
is that pile of crap that is
coming out of your mouth.
215
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:30,784
Hey, don't you dare with that...
216
00:07:30,884 --> 00:07:33,252
Don't you "don't you dare" me.
That's my thing.
217
00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:34,955
You know what, Catherine?
What?
218
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:37,324
You're not winning
this argument.
219
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:41,161
You know, this is not
about winning anything.
220
00:07:41,294 --> 00:07:43,330
This is about you being selfish.
221
00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:44,998
Now, you don't mind
wasting your money
222
00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,467
on your fancy cars.
Collectibles.
223
00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:49,637
Music collection.
Vintage.
224
00:07:49,737 --> 00:07:51,972
Your stupid fancy sneakers.
225
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:54,474
I have a club foot
226
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:56,610
and fallen arches.
227
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:59,245
And you never bring up the
real waste of my money,
228
00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:01,649
which is you
and your alimony payment.
229
00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:04,217
Well, I earned
every single dollar.
230
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,452
Cooking the meals,
raising the kids,
231
00:08:06,453 --> 00:08:08,656
putting up with your tiny head
and your even tinier...
232
00:08:08,789 --> 00:08:10,323
Hey, hey, watch your mouth.
233
00:08:10,457 --> 00:08:12,425
I was gonna say heart,
but if the condom fits, then...
234
00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:13,861
You know the
condom didn't fit.
235
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:15,328
You'd bring home
those Magnums.
236
00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:16,930
Why? Oh. Oh, real--
It's like a body bag.
237
00:08:17,030 --> 00:08:18,532
Yes.
Oh, so now
it's a body bag?
238
00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:19,599
It's that bad?
Yes.
239
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:20,767
Quiet!
240
00:08:20,768 --> 00:08:22,035
Both of you.
241
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:24,604
Oh, quite a big bark
coming from such a little pup.
242
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:28,275
The little jokes are
getting old, just like you.
243
00:08:28,375 --> 00:08:29,910
Ooh.
244
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:31,477
Thank you.
245
00:08:31,478 --> 00:08:35,048
Junior, are you gonna let her
talk to your mother like that?
246
00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:37,585
Did you hear that? I think
someone's at the door.
247
00:08:37,685 --> 00:08:38,919
I'll get it.
248
00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:44,892
Poppa, before you make
a decision,
249
00:08:44,992 --> 00:08:46,860
please come see
the school tomorrow,
250
00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:48,161
see what your dollar buys.
251
00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:49,996
Just keep an open mind.
252
00:08:49,997 --> 00:08:52,164
Ha! Open mind?
253
00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:53,701
I can be open-minded.
254
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:55,068
You couldn't be open-minded
255
00:08:55,168 --> 00:08:56,704
if someone
cracked your head open.
256
00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:58,572
And by "someone," I mean me.
257
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,241
Nina, I will be there.
258
00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:03,410
And my mind is open.
259
00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:05,779
However, my wallet
remains closed.
260
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:15,222
Uh, Dad, you should
take your hat off.
261
00:09:15,355 --> 00:09:16,890
For who?
Is the pope in town?
262
00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:19,559
(school bell rings)
♪ And here's your gold star ♪
263
00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:21,929
♪ For brightest smile ♪
264
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:23,696
♪ And here's
your gold star ♪
265
00:09:23,697 --> 00:09:26,099
♪ For one good day
in a row ♪
266
00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:27,768
♪ And here's
your gold star ♪
267
00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:29,870
♪ For last place ♪
268
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:32,906
♪ Way to never
give up. ♪
269
00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:35,374
Look at this.
Everybody here gets a gold star?
270
00:09:35,375 --> 00:09:36,910
JUNIOR:
Isn't it great?
271
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:37,778
See, this is
what I'm talking about
272
00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:39,346
with these types of schools.
273
00:09:39,446 --> 00:09:41,081
(British accent):
Hello, Fulton family.
274
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:42,415
Welcome to Buckingham.
275
00:09:42,549 --> 00:09:43,851
It's a pleasure to have you.
276
00:09:43,951 --> 00:09:44,752
(British accent):
Oh, the pleasure is ours,
277
00:09:44,885 --> 00:09:45,886
Your Majesty.
278
00:09:45,986 --> 00:09:47,487
Mwah! (chuckles)
279
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:48,889
NINA:
I am so sorry.
280
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:51,224
He does this when he's nervous.
It's a tic.
281
00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:52,860
JUNIOR (normal voice):
Yeah, yeah.
282
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,094
Whenever I hear an accent,
I have to imitate it.
283
00:09:54,227 --> 00:09:55,561
Remember Jamaica?
284
00:09:55,562 --> 00:09:56,930
(Jamaican accent):
Me can't get rid of me accent
285
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,098
for three weeks.
286
00:09:58,198 --> 00:09:59,565
(Jamaican accent):
Or your ganja habit.
287
00:09:59,566 --> 00:10:01,233
(laughs) Lord have mercy.
288
00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:02,803
(chuckles, clears throat)
289
00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:04,037
You must be Trey.
290
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:05,305
I'm Headmistress Pierce,
291
00:10:05,438 --> 00:10:06,674
but the students call me Susan.
292
00:10:06,774 --> 00:10:08,508
Hey, Susan,
want to see me lick my...
293
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:10,310
Hey.
No, hey.
No.
294
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:13,080
Why don't you go and explore
our Leadership Lounge,
295
00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:14,481
and I'll talk to your
parents and grandparents?
296
00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:17,049
See, Buckingham is
all about family.
297
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:19,519
We think of children as
trees that we nurture,
298
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:22,122
but the family is the roots.
299
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:25,125
Well, all this talk about trees
makes me want to leaves.
300
00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:27,460
Susan, get it? (chuckles)
301
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,997
(chuckles) I prefer the parents
call me Headmistress.
302
00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:32,232
Oh, my ex-husband
had a head mistress.
303
00:10:32,332 --> 00:10:34,234
Oh, and she was
good at her job.
304
00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:38,638
Are you smelling my hair?
305
00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:40,340
Uh, yes.
306
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:43,977
(British accent):
Enough with all this
tiddlysquat and collywobble.
307
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:47,214
I would love to have a look-see
at your learnatorium.
308
00:10:47,314 --> 00:10:48,448
Are you mocking me?
309
00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:50,616
Mocking you? No!
310
00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:52,953
God save the Queen, no!
311
00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:55,088
(normal voice):
I can't stop. I'm sorry.
312
00:10:55,723 --> 00:10:58,025
Neither can I. (chuckles)
313
00:10:58,125 --> 00:11:00,126
(British accent):
Dr. Reed?!
314
00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:03,963
What in the Daniel Radcliffe
are you doing here?
315
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:05,365
Nina invited me.
316
00:11:05,498 --> 00:11:08,368
She wrote such a lovely
recommendation for Trey.
317
00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:10,838
And she insisted on coming.
318
00:11:10,938 --> 00:11:13,573
Oh, so this must be your
little radio girlfriend.
319
00:11:13,673 --> 00:11:15,608
And you must be
the bitter ex-wife.
320
00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:17,745
(chuckles)
Maybe you are funny.
321
00:11:17,845 --> 00:11:20,312
I told you.
(laughs, snorts)
322
00:11:20,313 --> 00:11:21,882
I take it back.
323
00:11:21,982 --> 00:11:24,684
Well, what you probably
don't know
324
00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:26,754
is that I had the privilege
325
00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:30,823
of writing the Buckingham cheer
20 years ago.
326
00:11:30,824 --> 00:11:33,160
20 years ago, my ass.
(laughing)
327
00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:36,229
♪ Hey, Poppa, yeah,
hey, Poppa, yeah ♪
328
00:11:36,363 --> 00:11:37,497
♪ Introduce yourself, okay ♪
329
00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:38,899
♪ Introduce yourself ♪
330
00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:40,734
♪ Right on,
my name is Poppa, yeah ♪
331
00:11:40,868 --> 00:11:42,369
♪ And I'm a Buckster, yeah ♪
332
00:11:42,469 --> 00:11:44,171
♪ I cheer for Ivy,
all right, all right. ♪
333
00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:45,504
Oh.
334
00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:47,107
Ow! I'm stuck.
335
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:49,743
And here's your gold star...
336
00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:53,446
♪ For finally making me laugh. ♪
337
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:55,615
(holds note)
338
00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:58,351
What is wrong with you?
339
00:11:58,451 --> 00:11:59,887
This reminds me
of high school.
340
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:02,923
You know, you-you actually
could still be in high school.
341
00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:04,291
High school, my ass.
342
00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:05,993
Really? (chuckles)
343
00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:07,727
Well, thank you, Joseph Joseph.
344
00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:09,729
You know what?
And you could be the hot jock
345
00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:11,398
(trilling):
in a letterman's jacket.
346
00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:13,834
(trilling):
With the receding hairline.
347
00:12:13,934 --> 00:12:18,438
Hey, I'll take a half a 'fro
over a no-'fro anytime.
348
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:22,042
And besides, what I have left
is very soft.
349
00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:24,111
I think they make
a blue pill for that.
350
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:29,950
Perhaps we should spend some
time in the wellness room.
351
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:31,717
(British accent):
The wellness room?
352
00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:34,121
What in the Meghan Markle
is that?
353
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:37,124
(normal voice):
I'm sorry. I-I can't stop.
354
00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:41,194
(playing soft melody)
355
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:42,930
Children today are told
356
00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:45,197
to keep their negative emotions
locked away,
357
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:48,534
but at Buckingham, we believe
that there's just no such thing
358
00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:49,970
as a negative emotion.
359
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:52,205
Well, what's this thing
I'm feeling right now?
360
00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:54,607
Cynicism? Inferiority?
361
00:12:54,707 --> 00:12:56,810
(British accent):
I was thinking more of contempt.
362
00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:58,278
Well, perhaps you should
take this class.
363
00:12:58,378 --> 00:13:00,881
See, the children here learn
to turn suppression
364
00:13:00,981 --> 00:13:04,250
into expression,
with aggression.
365
00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:06,919
All right, children.
Time to let it all out.
366
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,456
Three, two, one.
367
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,324
And rage!
368
00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:13,260
(kids screaming)
(Poppa exclaims)
369
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,795
(screaming continues)
370
00:13:19,099 --> 00:13:22,169
(grunting):
You're not the boss of me, Dad!
371
00:13:23,971 --> 00:13:26,373
This is money down the drain.
372
00:13:29,476 --> 00:13:30,477
Dad, wait.
373
00:13:30,610 --> 00:13:33,246
I am not spending
my hard-earned money
374
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:34,613
on this place.
375
00:13:34,614 --> 00:13:36,615
And there it is.
376
00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:37,817
Just admit it.
377
00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:39,719
The only reason
you don't want Trey to come here
378
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,021
is because of money.
379
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,990
No, because of my money.
380
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,791
See, I don't see you chipping in
to send him
381
00:13:44,892 --> 00:13:48,996
to this obnoxious, gold-star
touchy-feely-obsessed school.
382
00:13:49,096 --> 00:13:51,498
The only joke
I see here is you
383
00:13:51,598 --> 00:13:54,968
and your pompous, ignorant view
of this institution.
384
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:56,069
Look, lady, let me
tell you something...
385
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:57,704
No, I will be doing the telling.
386
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,206
I've had to stand here listening
387
00:13:59,306 --> 00:14:00,507
to your disparagingly
snide remarks
388
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,775
about something
I have dedicated my life to.
389
00:14:02,876 --> 00:14:04,711
Yeah, but...
You, sir, are a dinosaur.
390
00:14:04,811 --> 00:14:07,813
And I, for one, will not cry
when you become extinct.
391
00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:09,516
I feel sorry for Trey.
392
00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:11,351
There. I dressed you down.
393
00:14:11,484 --> 00:14:12,986
Hold up.
394
00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:14,854
You bargain basement
Mary Poppins.
395
00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:17,891
Nobody dresses
this man down but me.
396
00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:19,626
Now, sure,
he's pigheaded.
397
00:14:19,726 --> 00:14:20,826
You're damn right he is.
398
00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:22,195
And cheap.
Than a mug.
399
00:14:22,329 --> 00:14:24,496
And always thinks
he's right about everything.
400
00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:26,798
Which he is not.
But...
401
00:14:26,799 --> 00:14:29,436
And here comes my mom's "but."
402
00:14:30,203 --> 00:14:32,505
Junior,
I think I got this.
403
00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:34,574
But you can search
this world over
404
00:14:34,707 --> 00:14:36,376
and you will never find
another man
405
00:14:36,476 --> 00:14:38,811
who is more dedicated
and loving towards his family,
406
00:14:38,912 --> 00:14:40,948
and especially
his grandson.
407
00:14:41,048 --> 00:14:42,582
Now, he may not
be perfect...
408
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:47,019
...but he's the best man
that I've ever known.
409
00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:49,589
Hey, what about me, Cat?
410
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:52,292
Uh-- "Cat"? We not like that.
411
00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:57,297
Each to their own, dear.
412
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:58,898
(sighs)
413
00:14:59,832 --> 00:15:00,900
Wow, you meant that?
414
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:02,402
Don't you make me regret
saying it.
415
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:04,036
But yes.
416
00:15:04,037 --> 00:15:06,073
I know you only want
the best for Trey.
417
00:15:06,173 --> 00:15:07,574
I do. I just don't
want him to grow up
418
00:15:07,707 --> 00:15:11,543
to be a soft, spoiled,
entitled mooch.
419
00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:13,113
Like me.
420
00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:17,350
That's what
you're afraid of, right?
421
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:22,188
I-I can't believe I just
hyped up my mom to defend you.
422
00:15:22,189 --> 00:15:24,690
Junior, listen...
No. No, Dad.
423
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:26,225
I get it, all right?
424
00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:28,161
I'm a complete disappointment
to you.
425
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:32,299
Junior.
426
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,334
Not complete.
427
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:38,404
Go fix it.
428
00:15:38,405 --> 00:15:40,107
Go fix it, and
I'll fix things
429
00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:42,309
(British accent):
with Mary Poppins.
430
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:52,285
Junior.
You ever heard of knocking?
431
00:15:52,385 --> 00:15:54,988
You ever heard of not slamming
the door in your father's face?
432
00:15:55,088 --> 00:15:56,588
You ever heard
of not being a jerk?
433
00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:58,057
You ever heard of
not calling your father a jerk?
434
00:15:58,058 --> 00:15:59,926
Only when
he's not a jerk!
435
00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:01,628
Which is rare.
436
00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:03,430
Look, Dad, I don't even know
why you're here.
437
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:05,198
It's obvious that
you're embarrassed by me.
438
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:07,066
I'm not embarrassed by you, son.
439
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:09,769
Well, you don't think
I have fire or grit.
440
00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:11,804
You know, and maybe
you're right, you know?
441
00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:14,606
Maybe I'm just a guy with
amazing arms, abs and chest
442
00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:16,976
that likes to play
in the bathtub with toy boats.
443
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:19,111
But that's who I am, Dad,
all right?
444
00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:20,980
Whether you like it or not.
445
00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:24,984
You play with boats in the bath?
446
00:16:25,085 --> 00:16:26,619
Yeah, it's fun.
447
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:29,322
Look, Jun--
448
00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:31,358
(sighs)
449
00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:34,294
Look.
450
00:16:40,333 --> 00:16:43,470
Do I wish you were tougher? Yes.
451
00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:44,770
But you know what, son?
452
00:16:44,771 --> 00:16:46,739
In a lot of ways,
I look up to you.
453
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:49,742
You're smart.
454
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,312
You're kind.
455
00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:55,848
And your relationship
with Nina, I envy.
456
00:16:55,948 --> 00:17:00,320
You are a much better father
and husband than I ever was.
457
00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:02,122
Well, do you ever think
458
00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:03,823
that's because
I went to private school?
459
00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:06,059
And didn't get shoved in
a locker like you every day?
460
00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:07,660
Well...
461
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,929
to be honest, I never got
shoved in the locker.
462
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:12,099
I did the shoving. (laughs)
463
00:17:12,932 --> 00:17:16,236
But seriously, son,
if-if I hurt your feelings,
464
00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:17,570
I'm sorry.
465
00:17:19,506 --> 00:17:20,607
Wh-What was that?
466
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:22,542
You said sorry.
Those are kissing words.
467
00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:24,944
I'm trying to apologize...
468
00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:26,946
Synonym.
469
00:17:28,115 --> 00:17:30,217
I don't make the rules.
I just enforce them.
470
00:17:30,317 --> 00:17:33,220
You think I want
to do this? No.
471
00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,922
So, listen, you kiss everybody
that says "I'm sorry"?
472
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,157
Mm.
473
00:17:38,991 --> 00:17:40,227
Yes.
474
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:43,463
Okay, Junior, listen,
this is not about you and me.
475
00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:46,031
This is about Trey and
what's best for him.
476
00:17:46,032 --> 00:17:48,735
And to be honest, I didn't
see anything at Buckingham
477
00:17:48,868 --> 00:17:50,202
to make me change my mind.
478
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:51,738
Well, maybe this will
change your mind.
479
00:17:51,871 --> 00:17:53,206
Trey, show him.
480
00:17:53,306 --> 00:17:54,307
Check it out.
481
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:57,144
POPPA:
Whoa! Look at that cool T-shirt.
482
00:17:57,244 --> 00:17:58,344
Where'd you
get that from?
483
00:17:58,345 --> 00:18:00,780
I made it at school.
Try the QR code.
484
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:02,115
What's that?
485
00:18:02,249 --> 00:18:03,350
Take your phone and point it
at the little box.
486
00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,418
I do that every night.
(chuckles)
487
00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:06,685
It's not working.
488
00:18:06,686 --> 00:18:09,021
Is that a phone or a Life Alert?
489
00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:15,262
Whoa, look,
the podcast came up.
490
00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:16,429
This kid is smart.
491
00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:18,598
You-You did this
all at Buckingham?
492
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:19,532
Duh.
493
00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:21,534
(chuckling)
494
00:18:21,634 --> 00:18:22,901
Wow.
495
00:18:22,902 --> 00:18:24,171
I'm impressed.
496
00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:26,139
Thank you, Poppa.
You're the best grandpa ever.
497
00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:27,774
Aw.
Aw.
498
00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:29,876
You hear that, Damon?
And you see that face?
499
00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:32,379
Now, if that doesn't melt
the ice on your wallet,
500
00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:33,579
then you really are the Grinch.
501
00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:36,915
(grumbles) You always
know what to say.
502
00:18:36,916 --> 00:18:38,818
Trey, I would be
503
00:18:38,918 --> 00:18:40,353
honored to help pay
504
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:41,888
for your tuition.
JUNIOR: Yes.
505
00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:44,056
Joseph Joseph, now, I know
you're not gonna let Damon
506
00:18:44,157 --> 00:18:45,425
come in and steal
your glory again.
507
00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:48,027
What? Of course not.
508
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,896
I'll split it with you, 50/50.
509
00:18:49,996 --> 00:18:51,464
Mm-mm. Too late
for that, Jack.
510
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:54,467
Okay, fine.
You don't want my 50%?
511
00:18:54,567 --> 00:18:56,403
I'll go 60.
Ooh.
512
00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:58,070
(auctioneer voice):
I've got 60%. Do we have 75?
513
00:18:58,171 --> 00:18:59,070
Do we have 75?
514
00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:01,274
Seventy-five.
JUNIOR: 75% from Baldy.
515
00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:04,010
We got Tiny, Bald Head with 75,
back in the game.
516
00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:05,712
Do I hear 80?
Do we have 80?
517
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:06,813
Ninety.
518
00:19:06,913 --> 00:19:09,482
90. Soft-Bottom Baby Shoes
with 90.
519
00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:11,450
Baby Shoes taking baby steps
to 90. Do I hear...
520
00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:13,320
Ninety-five!
JUNIOR: 95!
521
00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:15,322
Ninety-eight!
JUNIOR: 98!
522
00:19:15,422 --> 00:19:16,823
Going once, going twice...
523
00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:20,026
Sold to the sexy man
with two first names.
524
00:19:20,126 --> 00:19:21,494
That would be me. (chuckles)
525
00:19:21,628 --> 00:19:23,396
In your face, Damon.
526
00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:26,132
Nope, in your wallet.
That's right.
527
00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:28,368
In my... In...
528
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:29,502
Wait a minute.
529
00:19:29,602 --> 00:19:31,504
I've been had.
530
00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:35,375
Oh, Joseph Joseph,
my silly little puppet.
531
00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:37,710
Welcome to my web.
532
00:19:39,111 --> 00:19:40,111
♪ Hey, Junior? ♪
533
00:19:40,112 --> 00:19:41,248
♪ Yeah? ♪
534
00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:42,448
♪ Hey, Junior?
♪ Yeah? ♪
535
00:19:42,449 --> 00:19:44,016
♪ Introduce yourself
♪ Okay ♪
536
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:45,485
♪ Introduce yourself ♪
537
00:19:45,585 --> 00:19:47,086
♪ My name is Junior
♪ Yeah ♪
538
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:48,288
♪ My son is Trey
♪ Yeah ♪
539
00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:49,856
♪ And he's a Buckster ♪
540
00:19:49,956 --> 00:19:51,156
BOTH:
♪ Oh, yeah, oh, yeah,
oh, yeah! ♪
541
00:19:51,157 --> 00:19:52,359
(squealing)
(laughing)
542
00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:59,031
You kiss everybody
who says sorry?
543
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,034
(laughing)
544
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,604
(goofy voice):
Mm. That's all?
545
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:06,539
Oh, well... (grunting)
546
00:20:06,639 --> 00:20:08,207
(laughing)
547
00:20:09,942 --> 00:20:11,911
How's the petting?
548
00:20:12,912 --> 00:20:14,847
(laughs)
Is that good?
549
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:17,049
No, you're petting him
like a dog.
550
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:21,421
How many times
do you have to do this?
551
00:20:21,521 --> 00:20:22,788
I think seven more.
(chuckles)
552
00:20:22,789 --> 00:20:24,557
Like 70,000.
Yeah.
553
00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:26,526
Um...
But you guys are crushing it.
554
00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:28,660
Mm-hmm.
555
00:20:28,661 --> 00:20:31,264
Just like a baby's diaper.
556
00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:34,734
Let's get through this
so these kids stop roasting me.
557
00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:39,205
(laughing)
558
00:20:39,306 --> 00:20:43,310
Captioning sponsored by
CBS
559
00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:47,012
and TOYOTA.
560
00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:51,451
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org