1
00:00:02,269 --> 00:00:07,773
♪♪
2
00:00:38,639 --> 00:00:43,708
♪♪
3
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:48,713
♪♪
4
00:00:48,783 --> 00:00:50,382
Idios mío!
5
00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:56,321
♪♪
6
00:00:56,323 --> 00:01:01,860
♪♪
7
00:01:01,928 --> 00:01:11,804
♪♪
8
00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:21,346
♪♪
9
00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:30,622
♪♪
10
00:01:30,691 --> 00:01:31,690
[ rumbling ]
11
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:34,559
Raven! No!
12
00:01:34,561 --> 00:01:37,962
♪♪
13
00:01:38,032 --> 00:01:40,432
[ rumbling continues ]
14
00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:41,834
♪♪
15
00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:43,301
Raven!
16
00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:45,103
Uh! Uh!
17
00:01:45,172 --> 00:01:46,505
Raven!
18
00:01:46,573 --> 00:01:51,576
♪♪
19
00:01:51,645 --> 00:01:53,445
Aah!
20
00:01:53,514 --> 00:02:00,853
♪♪
21
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:08,527
♪♪
22
00:02:08,595 --> 00:02:16,735
♪♪
23
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:20,138
So as you all know, my nephew
blake is still pretty sick,
24
00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:22,607
And now his mother can
no longer pay for his treatment.
25
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:25,277
I'm late.
26
00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:26,945
Ahh!
27
00:02:28,949 --> 00:02:30,949
Anyway,
I started a website
28
00:02:31,017 --> 00:02:33,017
Where you can easily make
a contribution of any size --
29
00:02:33,019 --> 00:02:34,620
Oh, what? My outfit?
30
00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:39,892
Alright, if you're gonna
hassle me about it
31
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,493
I'll spill the beans.
32
00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:43,027
You're no longer
looking at stebe hornsby.
33
00:02:43,029 --> 00:02:44,763
You're looking at
showbiz stebe hornsby.
34
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,965
'cause I just landed the biggest
brand integration deal
35
00:02:47,033 --> 00:02:49,434
In our company's history.
This fall, royal crackers
36
00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:51,636
Will be featured
on an episode of "casa de papa,"
37
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:53,638
The biggest sitcom
in latin america.
38
00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:55,974
We hornsbys have been invited
to watch the live studio taping
39
00:02:56,042 --> 00:02:57,776
In beautiful, sunny...
40
00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,043
Burbank.
[ employees gasp ]
41
00:02:59,113 --> 00:03:01,179
Burbank?!
The mecca of show business?!
42
00:03:01,248 --> 00:03:02,581
-Surely you jest.
-I'm so jealous right now.
43
00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:04,583
Oh, my god. Stebe!
We've been dreaming
44
00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:07,452
About a burbank vacation
since we were teenagers!
45
00:03:07,521 --> 00:03:10,989
But, one day, life takes over,
and suddenly it's not so easy
46
00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:13,992
To hop onto I-5
and cruise on down to the 'bank.
47
00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:16,528
Look, don't wanna brag,
but unlike you civilians,
48
00:03:16,597 --> 00:03:17,796
I've been to burbank.
49
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:19,531
And even if stebe
is a super-cool
50
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,600
Hollywood producer now,
we can't roll into that place
51
00:03:21,668 --> 00:03:22,867
Driving
that rust bucket of ours.
52
00:03:22,937 --> 00:03:24,536
We'll be laughed at.
53
00:03:24,605 --> 00:03:26,538
This is jay leno country
we're talking about here.
54
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:27,806
He's right.
Yeah.
55
00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:29,608
Ooh. Why don't we rent
a car, stebe?
56
00:03:29,676 --> 00:03:30,743
Like a hummer.
57
00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:32,544
Then we can fit
the whole family.
58
00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:34,879
You, me, theo, matt,
our luggage,
59
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:36,014
Your dad.
60
00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:38,016
Don't you think
he'd want to see his son
61
00:03:38,084 --> 00:03:40,352
Become the new
harvey weinstein?
62
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:43,221
Hey. My cousin ray is the
manager down at rent-a-whip.
63
00:03:43,290 --> 00:03:45,089
He can give us a great deal
on a hummer.
64
00:03:45,091 --> 00:03:46,759
Let me take care of it.
Well...
65
00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:48,961
Was gonna have pacino
drop off the private jet
66
00:03:49,029 --> 00:03:50,695
But I guess
I can call it off.
67
00:03:50,765 --> 00:03:52,364
[ laughter ]
68
00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:55,033
Our resident court jester
over here.
Oh, stebe.
69
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:56,635
♪♪
70
00:03:56,703 --> 00:03:58,570
Where's darby
with his hummer?
71
00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:00,572
I swear to god if we don't get
there before the ikea closes,
72
00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:01,640
I'm gonna lose my shit.
73
00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:03,041
It's been over 9 minutes.
74
00:04:03,109 --> 00:04:04,576
Should we call the police?
75
00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:06,779
Have you lost your mind?
Don't even talk like that.
76
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:07,980
You know the rule
in this family --
77
00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:10,049
No cops...Ever.
78
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,118
Hey, there he is.
79
00:04:13,187 --> 00:04:15,520
[ up-tempo music plays ]
80
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:16,655
♪♪
81
00:04:16,723 --> 00:04:18,923
[ tires screech ]
82
00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:20,793
[ vehicle rattling ]
83
00:04:21,996 --> 00:04:23,662
Darby, what is this?
84
00:04:23,730 --> 00:04:25,130
Where's the hummer,
darby?
85
00:04:25,199 --> 00:04:27,666
I got to thinking.
A hummer is nice and all.
86
00:04:27,734 --> 00:04:29,134
But I seem to remember
you boys
87
00:04:29,203 --> 00:04:31,736
Telling me about a certain car
you've been dreaming
88
00:04:31,738 --> 00:04:33,472
About since
you were dick high --
89
00:04:33,540 --> 00:04:37,742
A 1996 dodge viper.
90
00:04:37,744 --> 00:04:39,611
Darby, that's a saturn.
91
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,145
No, it's not.
92
00:04:41,147 --> 00:04:42,481
That's definitely
a saturn.
93
00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:44,749
It says "saturn" on it.
No, it --
94
00:04:44,751 --> 00:04:46,751
Th-- this is the viper
you've always wanted.
95
00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:47,886
It's not, darby.
96
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:50,222
Our dream car
is a red '96 dodge viper.
97
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:51,623
The one that was offered
98
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:53,625
As a mcdonald's
monopoly prize in '95.
99
00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:55,227
We spent an entire summer
trying to find
100
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,095
That goddamn
atlantic avenue piece.
101
00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:58,897
Only to find out that
the whole game was scammed
102
00:04:58,965 --> 00:05:00,298
By some asshole in florida,
103
00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:03,301
As explained in the documentary
"super size me."
104
00:05:03,370 --> 00:05:04,769
My brother's right.
105
00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:06,438
Except he's citing
the wrong documentary.
106
00:05:06,507 --> 00:05:09,842
He's thinking of "mcmillions"
on hbo max.
107
00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:11,776
We shoved fast food down
our fat gullets
108
00:05:11,846 --> 00:05:13,712
Every single day
trying to win that car.
109
00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:15,580
You have any idea
what kinda toll that
110
00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:16,849
Takes on the human body,
darby?
111
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:18,717
Watch "super size me"
to find out.
112
00:05:18,785 --> 00:05:20,919
The point of the hummer
was that our luggage
113
00:05:20,987 --> 00:05:22,654
And the whole family
could fit.
114
00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:24,989
Now someone
has to stay here.
115
00:05:25,059 --> 00:05:26,925
You may have caused
a suicide here.
116
00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,326
You do realize that,
don't you?
117
00:05:28,395 --> 00:05:29,794
You know what, darb?
Now that my father
118
00:05:29,796 --> 00:05:31,063
Has to miss out on burbank,
119
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:32,797
You're gonna take care of him
and the house.
120
00:05:32,867 --> 00:05:34,867
There better not be as much
as a scratch on his dick
121
00:05:34,935 --> 00:05:35,868
When we get back.
122
00:05:35,936 --> 00:05:37,802
Or the house.
Uh...
123
00:05:37,872 --> 00:05:40,004
Theo, it -- it kinda means
the world to me
124
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,206
That dad
comes on the trip.
125
00:05:41,275 --> 00:05:42,807
I-I love you,
126
00:05:42,877 --> 00:05:45,878
But can you maybe skip
burbank this weekend?
127
00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:47,145
Please?
128
00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:49,548
For me?
That depends.
129
00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:51,750
Can you handle coming home
to my shit-covered corpse
130
00:05:51,818 --> 00:05:53,151
Hanging in your bedroom?
131
00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:54,219
Bye.
132
00:05:54,288 --> 00:05:56,154
Have
a good trip.
133
00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:57,956
Well, theodore,
134
00:05:58,024 --> 00:05:59,624
Looks like we're in
for another one
135
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:02,160
Of our classic [bleep]
boy weekends.
136
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:11,035
♪♪
137
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:15,774
Wish I could go back to '95
and pull that off.
138
00:06:15,842 --> 00:06:22,247
♪♪
139
00:06:22,316 --> 00:06:23,115
[ thud ]
140
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:24,983
[ laughs ]
141
00:06:27,854 --> 00:06:29,788
Oh, my god,
that's the soundstage
142
00:06:29,856 --> 00:06:31,055
For "straight goofin.'"
143
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:32,390
And there's "just in
the knick of tim."
144
00:06:32,459 --> 00:06:34,993
Um,
I could get used to this.
145
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:36,595
This is hard to explain,
but...
146
00:06:36,663 --> 00:06:39,064
I feel like I was
always meant to be here,
147
00:06:39,133 --> 00:06:40,566
Like I'm finally home.
148
00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:43,201
Excuse me.
You lost?
149
00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:45,003
W-we didn't do anything.
150
00:06:45,071 --> 00:06:46,871
We thought about going
on the set of "bar buddies"
151
00:06:46,873 --> 00:06:48,873
To take a picture
as though it was a real bar,
152
00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:50,675
But then keen-eyed fans
of the show
153
00:06:50,677 --> 00:06:52,544
Would see that we were actually
on the set of "bar buddies."
154
00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:54,212
But we didn't.
We didn't do that.
155
00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:55,614
I swear to god
we didn't.
156
00:06:55,682 --> 00:06:57,149
Wait a minute.
157
00:06:57,217 --> 00:06:59,017
I recognize that voice.
158
00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:01,886
You are stebe hornsby, yes?
159
00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:02,887
Yeah. That's right.
160
00:07:02,957 --> 00:07:04,222
Who's askin', jack?
161
00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:07,759
Señor hornsby, it's me.
162
00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:09,227
Juan-carlos pozole.
163
00:07:09,296 --> 00:07:12,164
Executive producer
on "casa de papa."
164
00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:14,232
We met over zoom, remember?
Oh.
165
00:07:14,301 --> 00:07:15,834
How's it going,
mr. Pozole?
166
00:07:15,902 --> 00:07:17,636
Call me juan-carlos.
167
00:07:17,704 --> 00:07:20,104
Listen, I'm on my way
to the set right now.
168
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,641
Why don't you hop on?
And I'll drive you there.
169
00:07:23,978 --> 00:07:26,244
Delete
the "bar buddies" pics...
170
00:07:26,313 --> 00:07:27,579
Immediately.
171
00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:29,113
[ up-tempo music plays ]
172
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:31,784
Ha. Well, we're off
to a fantastic start.
173
00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:34,052
Remember this?
I did this little number
174
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,188
At the company christmas party
last year,
175
00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:37,990
And everyone
got so freaked out
176
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:40,192
They put me on
medical leave for a month.
177
00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:41,726
Ha ha!
178
00:07:41,796 --> 00:07:43,928
[ ominous music plays ]
179
00:07:43,930 --> 00:07:46,264
Joey, there's a full dance crew
tearing it up in there.
180
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:48,733
What? The house
was supposed to be empty.
181
00:07:48,803 --> 00:07:51,003
[ darby laughing ]
182
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:52,270
Ah, man, maybe
we should leave.
183
00:07:52,339 --> 00:07:53,938
I don't wanna go back
to jail.
184
00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:55,808
I-I mean, how do we know
the chalice is even in there?
185
00:07:55,876 --> 00:07:57,810
What if this theo guy
took it with him to burbank?
186
00:07:57,878 --> 00:07:59,011
Not a chance.
187
00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:00,745
You heard what
the traveler said.
188
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:03,147
It only leaves his house
when he's on tour.
189
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:04,949
Calls it his "stage cup."
190
00:08:05,019 --> 00:08:06,218
Okay. And what do you
want to do
191
00:08:06,286 --> 00:08:08,286
About those five
phenomenal dancers in there?
192
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:09,888
I don't know, danny.
193
00:08:09,956 --> 00:08:11,956
But the traveler
gave us a job,
194
00:08:12,026 --> 00:08:15,093
And if we don't deliver,
there'll be hell to pay.
195
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:18,831
I ain't leaving here
without that golden chalice.
196
00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:21,966
Then every wiseguy
in bakersfield's
197
00:08:21,968 --> 00:08:27,372
Gonna wanna hire
the earl grey bandits.
198
00:08:27,441 --> 00:08:29,174
[ speak spanish ]
199
00:08:35,449 --> 00:08:37,382
[ speaking spanish ]
200
00:08:37,451 --> 00:08:38,383
[ whistle! Boing! ]
201
00:08:38,452 --> 00:08:40,853
[ laughter ]
202
00:08:40,921 --> 00:08:43,121
Alright. Cut!
[ bell rings ]
203
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,989
[ laughs ]
this is awesome.
204
00:08:45,059 --> 00:08:46,658
I don't even need
to know spanish
205
00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:48,793
'cause the studio audience
tells me when to laugh.
206
00:08:48,863 --> 00:08:52,264
Hey, how are my v.I.P.S
doing over here?
207
00:08:52,332 --> 00:08:54,132
You enjoying the show?
Sure.
208
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:56,334
But what I'm not enjoying
is this cucumber water.
209
00:08:56,403 --> 00:08:59,271
I specifically requested
half sparkling, half still.
210
00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:00,939
This is all sparkling.
211
00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:02,875
My throat is on fire
right now.
212
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:05,410
My sincerest apologies,
mr. Hornsby.
213
00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:08,213
I'll have my assistant
bring you another.
214
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:11,349
Stebe, I want to jump
your freaking bones right now.
215
00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:14,086
Save it for the burbank
holiday inn jacuzzi, babe.
216
00:09:14,154 --> 00:09:15,954
Ohhh!
217
00:09:16,022 --> 00:09:18,223
Holy shit.
There it is.
218
00:09:18,225 --> 00:09:21,560
Ooooh.
Logo facing out.
219
00:09:21,628 --> 00:09:23,295
Was part of the deal.
220
00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:29,167
♪♪
221
00:09:29,236 --> 00:09:31,236
[ gasps ]
222
00:09:31,305 --> 00:09:33,438
Theo?! Deb?!
223
00:09:33,507 --> 00:09:35,140
Can you help me in here?!
224
00:09:37,444 --> 00:09:39,844
Hey, danny.
He's foolin' us.
225
00:09:39,914 --> 00:09:41,246
There ain't nobody
in there.
226
00:09:41,315 --> 00:09:42,781
Think about it,
brain bath.
227
00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:44,717
These people just took a trip
to burbank.
228
00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:47,252
That means
they're showbiz royalty.
229
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:49,187
Probably got access
to holograms to make it
230
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,924
Look like there was
a dance party going on.
231
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:53,992
The guy in there?
He's scared.
232
00:09:54,060 --> 00:09:56,995
And he's all alone.
233
00:09:57,064 --> 00:09:59,064
We pull this off
and play our cards right,
234
00:09:59,133 --> 00:10:02,368
Maybe one day, we'll be able
to drive down to burbank.
235
00:10:03,537 --> 00:10:05,870
Theodore. I think
there's burglars outside.
236
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:07,872
What do we do?
237
00:10:07,942 --> 00:10:09,742
Oh, no. No!
238
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:13,278
This is not the time for that
"no police" mentality of yours.
239
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:14,879
These guys
could be dangerous.
240
00:10:14,949 --> 00:10:16,080
[ dialing ]
241
00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:21,286
♪♪
242
00:10:21,355 --> 00:10:24,489
But I swore to you when you fell
into your sleep state
243
00:10:24,491 --> 00:10:27,559
That I'd always take care of
your family and keep them happy.
244
00:10:27,628 --> 00:10:29,494
Well, I failed today.
245
00:10:29,563 --> 00:10:31,964
I made them sad by renting
that ugly-ass car
246
00:10:32,032 --> 00:10:33,298
From rent-a-whip.
247
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:37,169
Fine. We'll defend
this house ourselves.
248
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:38,503
[ laughter ]
249
00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:42,441
[ speaking spanish ]
250
00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:43,776
...Royal crackers.
251
00:10:43,844 --> 00:10:45,444
[ speaking spanish ]
252
00:10:48,315 --> 00:10:49,448
Yuck!
253
00:10:49,516 --> 00:10:50,916
[ laughter ]
254
00:10:53,988 --> 00:10:55,920
[ laughs ]
[ audience gasps ]
255
00:10:55,990 --> 00:10:58,056
Oooooh!
Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
256
00:10:58,124 --> 00:10:59,191
[ sniffing ]
257
00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:00,592
[ speaking spanish ]
258
00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:02,327
[ laughter ]
ohh!
259
00:11:02,396 --> 00:11:04,997
[ speaking spanish ]
260
00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:06,931
[ laughter ]
261
00:11:07,001 --> 00:11:08,132
[ both laugh ]
262
00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:09,868
[ gulping ]
263
00:11:09,936 --> 00:11:12,270
Can't get enough,
can you, tío pepe?
264
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:13,872
[ speaks spanish ]
265
00:11:15,209 --> 00:11:17,676
[ farts ]
[ audience "ohhs" ]
266
00:11:17,744 --> 00:11:18,543
[ farts ]
267
00:11:18,612 --> 00:11:20,746
Huh?
[ laughter ]
268
00:11:22,483 --> 00:11:24,483
[ groans ] ay.
269
00:11:24,551 --> 00:11:25,617
Ay. [ farts ]
270
00:11:25,686 --> 00:11:27,019
[ whistle! Boing! ]
271
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:28,153
[ laughter ]
oooh!
272
00:11:28,222 --> 00:11:29,354
[ applause ]
[ farting ]
273
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:30,489
Ay. Oh. Oh!
[ farting ]
274
00:11:30,557 --> 00:11:31,956
Uh. Ohhhh!
275
00:11:32,026 --> 00:11:33,158
[ thud ]
276
00:11:33,227 --> 00:11:34,359
[ farting ]
ooh, ooh, ooh.
277
00:11:34,428 --> 00:11:35,894
Iay-yi-yi!
278
00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:37,229
He must have eaten
something earlier
279
00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:38,430
That doesn't agree with him.
280
00:11:38,499 --> 00:11:39,964
[ groaning ]
281
00:11:40,034 --> 00:11:43,301
The royal crackers
are making me feel sick.
282
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,170
What the hell?
He speaks english now?
283
00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:46,571
Royal crackers.
[ laughter ]
284
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:48,240
Royal crackers!
285
00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:50,709
Royal crackers!
[ farting ]
286
00:11:50,777 --> 00:11:52,310
[ rock music plays ]
287
00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:53,978
♪♪
288
00:11:54,048 --> 00:11:56,314
[ "carol of the bells" plays,
man beatboxing ]
289
00:11:56,383 --> 00:12:02,855
♪♪
290
00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:09,061
♪♪
291
00:12:09,063 --> 00:12:11,597
Darby: Y'all picked
the wrong house today!
292
00:12:15,069 --> 00:12:17,936
[ suspenseful music plays ]
293
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:19,138
Showtime.
294
00:12:20,274 --> 00:12:22,006
Steps feel
a little sticky.
295
00:12:22,076 --> 00:12:23,275
[ panting ]
296
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:24,409
[ gun cocks ]
297
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:25,610
[ sizzling ]
298
00:12:25,679 --> 00:12:31,550
♪♪
299
00:12:31,618 --> 00:12:33,519
Come and get me, losers.
300
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:36,422
[ gasping ]
301
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:38,623
[ grunts ]
302
00:12:38,692 --> 00:12:41,026
[ panting ]
303
00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:43,495
[ gun cocks ]
304
00:12:43,564 --> 00:12:44,629
[ glass shattering ]
305
00:12:44,631 --> 00:12:46,932
I don't have
any more plans.
306
00:12:47,368 --> 00:12:48,367
[ punch lands ]
307
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:49,701
[ farting ]
ohh-ah!
308
00:12:49,770 --> 00:12:52,370
[ speaking spanish ]
309
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:53,438
[ farts ]
uhh!
310
00:12:53,507 --> 00:12:54,506
[ whistle! Boing! ]
311
00:12:54,575 --> 00:12:56,308
[ laughter ]
312
00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:58,110
Uh, excuse me.
M-mr. Pozole?
313
00:12:58,178 --> 00:13:00,379
Hey, hey.
Señor hornsby.
314
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:02,247
The water was not too sparkly,
I hope?
315
00:13:02,316 --> 00:13:03,582
The water
was always delicious.
316
00:13:03,650 --> 00:13:05,317
I was just trying
to impress my wife.
317
00:13:05,386 --> 00:13:07,452
The problem is that you've got
a character sick and in pain
318
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:08,987
Because he ate
my father's crackers.
319
00:13:09,055 --> 00:13:11,323
I know it does not look good
right now, but I promise --
320
00:13:11,392 --> 00:13:14,192
You'll be very happy
with how the story wraps up.
321
00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:15,193
[ groans ]
322
00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:17,195
Ay. Ay.
323
00:13:17,264 --> 00:13:19,798
[ sighs ]
okay, thank you, mr. Pozole.
324
00:13:19,866 --> 00:13:20,799
[ sighs ]
325
00:13:20,867 --> 00:13:23,135
Ay, gracias. Ay, gracias.
326
00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:24,603
[ farting ]
ohhh!
327
00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:26,071
[ laughter ]
328
00:13:26,140 --> 00:13:28,673
[ toilet flushes,
tío pepe grunting ]
329
00:13:28,675 --> 00:13:30,142
[ glass shattering ]
330
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:32,277
[ danny and joey grunting,
door opens ]
331
00:13:32,279 --> 00:13:33,545
Hey, be careful!
332
00:13:33,614 --> 00:13:36,348
I got deb that venetian cabinet
for her birthday.
333
00:13:36,417 --> 00:13:38,216
Joey, I've gone through
the taint guy's room
334
00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:40,084
Three times now.
It ain't in there.
335
00:13:40,086 --> 00:13:40,953
God damn it!
336
00:13:41,021 --> 00:13:42,187
[ thud, glass shatters ]
337
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:46,358
Hey, man. Those are
100% cotton king-sized pillows.
338
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:48,761
Stebe gets groggy if he sleeps
on anything else.
339
00:13:48,829 --> 00:13:50,495
[ danny grunts, crash ]
340
00:13:50,564 --> 00:13:54,432
Oh, don't even get me
started on theo's jack towels.
341
00:13:54,501 --> 00:13:56,701
Hey, hey. No.
You don't wanna go in there.
342
00:13:56,771 --> 00:13:58,404
Trust me.
343
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:01,439
♪ hey, you ♪
♪ hey, you ♪
344
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:03,642
[ woman singing in japanese ]
345
00:14:03,710 --> 00:14:09,113
♪♪
346
00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:11,516
♪ hey, you ♪
♪ hey, you ♪
347
00:14:11,585 --> 00:14:13,251
What was in there?
Huh?
348
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:14,386
Nothing.
349
00:14:14,455 --> 00:14:16,721
I-I don't wanna
talk about it.
350
00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:17,722
Hey,
I tried to warn you, dude.
351
00:14:17,792 --> 00:14:19,257
Alright, I give up.
352
00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:21,460
The numetal guy's goblet
with the ruby in it.
353
00:14:21,528 --> 00:14:23,462
Where is it?
Theo's stage cup?
354
00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:25,998
Ha.
I know exactly where it is.
355
00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,866
But you can kiss
my wrinkly nuts
356
00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:29,334
If you think
I'm gonna tell you.
357
00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:30,669
Watch it, pal.
358
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:32,471
You're messing with
the earl grey bandits.
359
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:34,406
[ cellphone chimes ]
it's the traveler.
360
00:14:34,475 --> 00:14:36,475
She's here.
361
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:38,543
[ heavy metal music plays ]
362
00:14:38,612 --> 00:14:47,552
♪♪
363
00:14:47,621 --> 00:14:49,354
Hey, the '90s called.
364
00:14:49,356 --> 00:14:51,756
They want
their sensibilities back.
365
00:14:51,758 --> 00:14:53,091
I'm the traveler.
366
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:54,693
Years ago, I answered
a casting call
367
00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:57,162
To be an extra
in taint's music video
368
00:14:57,164 --> 00:15:00,298
For the song "loose lips"
off of their second album.
369
00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:02,300
That day, I wore the golden
chalice around my neck
370
00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:04,102
To look cool.
371
00:15:04,171 --> 00:15:06,771
It looked so cool, in fact,
that during his performance,
372
00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:09,307
Theo hornsby jr. Dove
into the crowd
373
00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:10,909
And ripped it
right off my neck
374
00:15:10,977 --> 00:15:12,644
So he could take a swig
for the camera.
375
00:15:12,713 --> 00:15:14,847
And he never gave it back.
376
00:15:14,915 --> 00:15:18,383
I've traveled a long time
to get here, darby blarchardt.
377
00:15:18,452 --> 00:15:21,720
So stop wasting any more of it
and tell me
378
00:15:21,788 --> 00:15:24,523
Where the golden chalice
of colo-colo is.
379
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:25,724
Uhh!
380
00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:28,326
Th-- third.
What did you say?
381
00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:30,529
"loose lips"
was off their third album.
382
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,865
Poser!
383
00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:34,066
Okay.
384
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:36,068
We do this the fun way.
385
00:15:37,003 --> 00:15:38,803
[ audience crying ]
386
00:15:38,873 --> 00:15:42,541
[ speaking spanish ]
387
00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:46,811
♪♪
388
00:15:46,881 --> 00:15:49,281
...Horrible royal crackers.
389
00:15:49,349 --> 00:15:50,815
[ crying ]
390
00:15:50,885 --> 00:15:52,551
[ crying ]
391
00:15:52,619 --> 00:16:01,093
♪♪
392
00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:09,634
♪♪
393
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:10,702
[ punches landing ]
394
00:16:10,771 --> 00:16:16,374
♪♪
395
00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:21,846
♪♪
396
00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:23,448
[ cheers and applause ]
397
00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:24,583
Director: Cut!
[ bell rings ]
398
00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:25,784
Oh, that's it.
399
00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:27,452
Hey. Asshole.
400
00:16:27,521 --> 00:16:28,921
You said I was gonna be happy
with this ending.
401
00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:30,589
And I'm not happy.
402
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,991
And I would know. I'm very
in touch with my emotions.
403
00:16:33,059 --> 00:16:35,260
Stebe.
You were upset
404
00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:37,262
That the crackers
were hurting tío pepe,
405
00:16:37,331 --> 00:16:38,597
And now he is dead.
406
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,799
Would you rather see
the character suffer?
407
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:43,001
No. I wanna see him eat
the crackers and say,
408
00:16:43,069 --> 00:16:44,469
"hey, these
are pretty good."
409
00:16:44,538 --> 00:16:45,537
That'd be a great scene.
410
00:16:45,606 --> 00:16:47,205
And I'm not even a writer.
411
00:16:47,274 --> 00:16:49,274
Why are you being such
a whiny bitch about this, bro?
412
00:16:49,343 --> 00:16:50,675
There was nothing
in the deal
413
00:16:50,744 --> 00:16:52,277
About a character
shitting himself to death
414
00:16:52,346 --> 00:16:54,580
After eating my father's
crackers, you dickhead.
415
00:16:56,082 --> 00:16:57,015
[ audience gasps ]
416
00:16:57,083 --> 00:16:58,617
[ farts ]
417
00:16:58,685 --> 00:16:59,618
[ punch lands, darby grunts ]
418
00:17:02,289 --> 00:17:03,422
You ready to talk?
419
00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:05,557
Or do we need
to take this up a notch?
420
00:17:05,626 --> 00:17:06,825
[ groans ]
421
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:08,560
Joey, go out
to the van and grab
422
00:17:08,629 --> 00:17:10,028
The "garden state"
soundtrack.
423
00:17:10,096 --> 00:17:11,496
No! Enough!
424
00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:12,765
I'll tell you where it is.
425
00:17:12,833 --> 00:17:14,499
It's in the dishwasher
downstairs.
426
00:17:14,568 --> 00:17:15,900
You...
427
00:17:15,970 --> 00:17:18,837
Ran an ancient artifact
with magical powers
428
00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:20,172
Through a dishwasher?
429
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,307
Theo's never washed
the damn thing.
430
00:17:22,309 --> 00:17:23,342
He could get sick.
431
00:17:25,111 --> 00:17:26,845
Here you go, boss.
432
00:17:26,913 --> 00:17:28,513
Pleasure doing business
with you.
433
00:17:28,582 --> 00:17:30,315
Sorry I had
to rough you up.
434
00:17:30,384 --> 00:17:32,651
Well, it might be a minute
before I can accept that.
435
00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:35,520
The path to forgiveness
can be a long and windy road,
436
00:17:35,589 --> 00:17:36,789
But you know
what I've learned?
437
00:17:36,857 --> 00:17:39,391
Forgiveness --
it's not for the other person.
438
00:17:39,460 --> 00:17:41,593
It's for you.
We'll be out of your way now.
439
00:17:41,662 --> 00:17:43,528
We just wanna leave you
with our calling card.
440
00:17:43,530 --> 00:17:45,264
C-calling card?
441
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,266
[ thud ]
442
00:17:48,335 --> 00:17:49,868
Wh-- no! No!
443
00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:51,736
Don't do it. No.
444
00:17:51,738 --> 00:17:54,406
Now you find out
why they call us...
445
00:17:54,475 --> 00:17:56,608
Don't you do it,
you sons of bitches!
446
00:17:56,677 --> 00:17:59,745
...The earl grey bandits.
447
00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:04,282
Ha ha ha.
448
00:18:04,351 --> 00:18:05,550
Yeah!
449
00:18:05,619 --> 00:18:06,551
[ laughs ]
450
00:18:06,620 --> 00:18:08,553
[ gasps ] no, no.
451
00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:09,421
[ laughing ]
452
00:18:09,490 --> 00:18:11,490
No. No.
[ laughs ]
453
00:18:11,558 --> 00:18:14,626
You teabag me
before you teabag theodore.
454
00:18:14,695 --> 00:18:16,428
You teabag me!
455
00:18:16,497 --> 00:18:19,364
Aah! Aah! Ow! Ow!
456
00:18:19,366 --> 00:18:22,567
♪♪
457
00:18:22,636 --> 00:18:23,635
Run!
458
00:18:23,704 --> 00:18:24,969
[ both panting ]
459
00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:27,506
You teabag me!
460
00:18:27,574 --> 00:18:29,307
[ tires screeching ]
461
00:18:29,376 --> 00:18:31,443
Mr. Hornsby.
Don't go anywhere.
462
00:18:31,512 --> 00:18:33,846
I'm getting
that goddamn stage cup back.
463
00:18:33,914 --> 00:18:39,451
♪♪
464
00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:44,989
♪♪
465
00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:48,793
[ evil laughter ]
466
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:49,728
[ gasps ]
467
00:18:49,796 --> 00:18:54,999
♪♪
468
00:18:55,001 --> 00:19:00,072
♪♪
469
00:19:00,140 --> 00:19:02,274
How are you keeping steady
on those rollerblades?
470
00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:04,476
They got brakes,
mother [bleep].
471
00:19:04,545 --> 00:19:05,811
Aah! Aah!
472
00:19:06,881 --> 00:19:08,613
Aaaahh!
473
00:19:08,615 --> 00:19:10,482
Oh. Aaaahhh!
474
00:19:10,551 --> 00:19:14,619
♪♪
475
00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:15,687
[ thud ]
476
00:19:15,756 --> 00:19:17,021
[ tires screeching ]
477
00:19:17,023 --> 00:19:18,623
♪♪
478
00:19:18,692 --> 00:19:19,692
Aah!
479
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:21,093
I think we lost him.
480
00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:22,827
[ grunts ]
481
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:24,897
♪♪
482
00:19:24,965 --> 00:19:26,965
Oh, no, you don't, bitch.
483
00:19:27,033 --> 00:19:28,032
Mine!
484
00:19:28,102 --> 00:19:35,974
♪♪
485
00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:37,842
Give. Me.
486
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:39,444
My. Chalice.
487
00:19:39,513 --> 00:19:46,585
♪♪
488
00:19:46,653 --> 00:19:49,854
Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh!
489
00:19:49,924 --> 00:19:51,423
[ horn honks ]
490
00:19:54,795 --> 00:19:56,328
[ indistinct conversations ]
491
00:19:56,397 --> 00:20:01,666
♪♪
492
00:20:01,735 --> 00:20:03,569
Where the heck am I?
493
00:20:04,271 --> 00:20:05,804
[ coins clink ]
494
00:20:08,142 --> 00:20:10,208
Hey.
Love those blades, man.
495
00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:12,344
Hot.
496
00:20:12,413 --> 00:20:13,678
[ laughs ]
497
00:20:13,747 --> 00:20:16,348
The chalice warps you
to the year 1995.
498
00:20:16,417 --> 00:20:18,083
Oh-ho-ho, darby.
499
00:20:18,152 --> 00:20:21,820
What kind of crazy junk
are we about to get into?
500
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,722
Holy shit.
501
00:20:27,762 --> 00:20:29,894
I mean, I'm still not seeing
the problem, stebe.
502
00:20:29,964 --> 00:20:31,896
I thought that storyline
was hilarious.
503
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:34,232
Like my man rogan says,
funny is funny.
504
00:20:34,301 --> 00:20:36,034
Honey, you're looking at it
all wrong.
505
00:20:36,103 --> 00:20:37,970
"casa de papa"
made royal crackers
506
00:20:38,038 --> 00:20:40,439
Look like the greatest laxative
in the world.
507
00:20:40,507 --> 00:20:43,041
Do you know how many people
suffer from constipation
508
00:20:43,109 --> 00:20:44,376
On a day-to-day basis?
509
00:20:44,445 --> 00:20:45,844
Not latinos.
510
00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:48,046
Those guys are shitting
constantly down there.
511
00:20:48,114 --> 00:20:49,714
[ sighs ]
I'm sorry, guys.
512
00:20:49,784 --> 00:20:52,517
But nothing is gonna cheer me up
for a long time.
513
00:20:52,519 --> 00:20:53,652
♪♪
514
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:54,787
[ gasps ]
515
00:20:54,855 --> 00:20:59,792
♪♪
516
00:20:59,860 --> 00:21:01,794
What the hell?
It's the middle of June.
517
00:21:01,862 --> 00:21:04,663
Dad?
That you under that bow?
518
00:21:04,731 --> 00:21:05,930
Hey, what's this?
519
00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:08,467
♪♪
520
00:21:10,671 --> 00:21:12,737
♪♪
521
00:21:12,739 --> 00:21:14,807
Together:
A '96 dodge viper!
522
00:21:14,875 --> 00:21:17,876
You did it, darby.
You really did it.
523
00:21:17,944 --> 00:21:19,678
Oh, darby,
you did it again.
524
00:21:19,746 --> 00:21:21,880
What did you get up to
while we were away, darb?
525
00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:24,082
Well, let's just say
"mcmillions"
526
00:21:24,150 --> 00:21:26,418
Is one hell
of a documentary.
527
00:21:26,487 --> 00:21:28,153
[ laughter ]
528
00:21:28,222 --> 00:21:35,627
♪♪
529
00:21:35,962 --> 00:21:38,397
Theo: Darby?!
Did you wash my stage cup?!
530
00:21:38,965 --> 00:21:41,700
Nish ]
531
00:21:41,768 --> 00:21:49,241
♪♪
532
00:21:49,309 --> 00:21:56,882
♪♪
533
00:22:02,989 --> 00:22:04,456
Chirp.