1
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,768
Yes. That's why I had children.

2
00:01:06,868 --> 00:01:08,536
So they could be
just like my mom.

3
00:01:11,238 --> 00:01:13,808
Yo, Maya,
get your ass over here.

4
00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:17,712
We're up next, bitches.

5
00:01:17,812 --> 00:01:20,213
All right, listen up, fuckers.

6
00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:22,115
You and Sohan enter
from the back curtain.

7
00:01:22,215 --> 00:01:23,483
Derek and I will be on the side.

8
00:01:23,585 --> 00:01:25,720
Derek, you good? What the fuck?

9
00:01:25,820 --> 00:01:27,956
My pants are too big,
and I just learned the dance.

10
00:01:28,056 --> 00:01:30,858
No one was expecting Jamal
to twist his weak-ass ankle,
okay?

11
00:01:30,959 --> 00:01:32,594
We didn't have time
to alter the damn costume, bro.

12
00:01:32,694 --> 00:01:35,429
Jess, chill.
We're gonna crush it.

13
00:01:35,530 --> 00:01:37,364
One, two...

14
00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:39,333
Melanin Mafia!

15
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:40,568
- All right.
- Let's fucking go.

16
00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:41,869
Let's go, Derek.

17
00:01:41,970 --> 00:01:43,771
Goddamn, I miss Jamal.

18
00:01:51,546 --> 00:01:54,616
Look, she's offering two mangoes
to the king.

19
00:02:00,989 --> 00:02:03,390
Hey. Show me your boobs.

20
00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:05,593
What? No.

21
00:02:05,693 --> 00:02:07,227
Come on. We've still got
a few minutes left.

22
00:02:07,327 --> 00:02:09,731
Besides, it'll help me relax.

23
00:02:11,833 --> 00:02:13,166
Okay, fine.

24
00:02:13,266 --> 00:02:15,335
Only if you show me
your thing, too.

25
00:02:15,435 --> 00:02:17,639
Fine.

26
00:02:17,739 --> 00:02:18,940
On the count of three.

27
00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:21,876
One, two, three.

28
00:02:24,411 --> 00:02:25,613
What a big, strong snake.

29
00:02:25,713 --> 00:02:27,447
Holy shit.

30
00:02:28,583 --> 00:02:29,951
What's it doing?

31
00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:38,191
-Oh, my eye!
-Fuck. I'm-I'm sorry.

32
00:02:38,291 --> 00:02:39,927
You jizzed
in my fucking eyeball!

33
00:02:40,028 --> 00:02:40,995
Pull up your pants.

34
00:02:41,095 --> 00:02:43,665
I can't. They're stuck. Help me!

35
00:02:43,765 --> 00:02:45,867
Spin. No, the other way.

36
00:02:45,967 --> 00:02:47,602
Ah, shit. I can't do it, Jess.

37
00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:51,139
- Pull it up.
- Oh, fuck.

38
00:02:51,238 --> 00:02:52,573
Whoa!

39
00:02:52,674 --> 00:02:53,808
Again?

40
00:02:53,908 --> 00:02:55,275
I'm gonna fuck you up!

41
00:02:55,375 --> 00:02:57,111
- Spin.
- Fuck these pants.

42
00:02:57,210 --> 00:02:59,179
-Ah! Watch out, idiot!
-Fuck!

43
00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:12,359
Yeah, that's my boy, Sohan!

44
00:03:15,863 --> 00:03:17,464
Maya?

45
00:03:18,933 --> 00:03:19,967
What a slut.

46
00:03:20,068 --> 00:03:22,537
Way to get eye-fucked, loser!

47
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:25,472
No wonder my sexual journey
has been so fucked up.

48
00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:29,610
What did I do in a past life
to deserve a daughter like you?

49
00:03:29,711 --> 00:03:32,080
It's all that "Sailor Moon"
you're watching,

50
00:03:32,180 --> 00:03:34,115
with her miniskirts
and hooker friends!

51
00:03:34,214 --> 00:03:35,783
When I was your age,

52
00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:38,586
I wouldn't even dream
of talking to boys.

53
00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:40,955
And now you're out
in public having...

54
00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:42,824
I wasn't having sex.

55
00:03:42,924 --> 00:03:44,559
Oh.

56
00:03:44,659 --> 00:03:46,460
-What did you say?
-"Sex"?

57
00:03:46,561 --> 00:03:48,863
Where are you learning
this language?

58
00:03:48,963 --> 00:03:50,198
What would people say about you?

59
00:03:53,134 --> 00:03:54,301
She was born in a country

60
00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:55,570
that has bigger butts
than brains.

61
00:03:55,670 --> 00:03:57,839
We should all go back to India.

62
00:04:00,808 --> 00:04:04,612
Raj and I worked so hard
to come here
and give her a better life.

63
00:04:15,857 --> 00:04:17,225
What?

64
00:04:56,030 --> 00:04:57,364
What's "M.A.S.H."?

65
00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:04,639
You want to have three kids
with Leonardo DiCaprio, huh?

66
00:05:04,739 --> 00:05:06,641
You must think you're very hot.

67
00:05:06,741 --> 00:05:08,776
Let's see how much
you like the heat.

68
00:05:26,294 --> 00:05:27,595
You will stay here

69
00:05:27,695 --> 00:05:29,496
until all your dirty thoughts
melt away.

70
00:05:51,853 --> 00:05:54,856
Mmm, I want all 11
of Hrithik Roshan's fingers

71
00:05:54,956 --> 00:05:56,324
to touch me.

72
00:05:56,423 --> 00:05:58,391
Three thumbs, three holes.

73
00:05:58,491 --> 00:06:00,261
How is it three?

74
00:06:01,494 --> 00:06:03,764
What is this garbage?

75
00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:07,068
Girls shouldn't be
watching this.

76
00:06:37,531 --> 00:06:40,067
You have to be very careful now.

77
00:06:42,136 --> 00:06:45,172
Extra careful.

78
00:07:02,023 --> 00:07:05,159
This means you can get pregnant
like this now.

79
00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:06,694
If you even look at a boy,

80
00:07:06,794 --> 00:07:09,462
his sperm can enter your body
through your eyes.

81
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:11,766
Wait, through your eyes?

82
00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:34,755
- No, ma'am.
- Good.

83
00:07:36,991 --> 00:07:38,826
<i>So, for the next 15 years,</i>

84
00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:41,128
<i>I stopped focusing on</i>
<i>getting that "D,"</i>

85
00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:44,565
<i>and instead focused on</i>
<i>getting straight A's.</i>

86
00:07:48,369 --> 00:07:49,704
With three fancy degrees,

87
00:07:49,804 --> 00:07:51,471
learning how to cook
four different subjis

88
00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:52,807
and a plan for the future,

89
00:07:52,907 --> 00:07:54,375
I was ready to go back
to America.

90
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,110
This feels like a mistake.

91
00:07:56,210 --> 00:07:57,712
You're a computer engineer,

92
00:07:57,812 --> 00:07:59,413
and your plan is
to beg for money?

93
00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:00,982
I was so close to being proud.

94
00:08:01,082 --> 00:08:03,150
It's not begging.
It's called fundraising.

95
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:05,987
And again, Mom, you do not
have to come with me.

96
00:08:06,087 --> 00:08:09,156
-I'm an adult.
-What kind of mother would I be

97
00:08:09,256 --> 00:08:12,693
if I let my single daughter
roam around the world
by herself like an orphan?

98
00:08:12,793 --> 00:08:15,429
One that respects boundaries?

99
00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:17,965
-Don't make up words, Maya.
-Mm.

100
00:08:49,964 --> 00:08:51,365
Fuck! Shit!

101
00:08:51,465 --> 00:08:54,702
I'm back, Jess.

102
00:08:54,802 --> 00:08:57,038
It has literally been 900 years.

103
00:08:57,138 --> 00:08:58,806
Tell me everything, okay?
The truth.

104
00:08:58,906 --> 00:09:01,375
Not that bullshit
you post on Instagram.

105
00:09:01,475 --> 00:09:03,744
Okay, I just fact-checked
my 300th article

106
00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:05,179
for "The Wall Street Journal,"

107
00:09:05,279 --> 00:09:06,247
but the real tea is

108
00:09:06,347 --> 00:09:07,348
I've been dating this girl,

109
00:09:07,448 --> 00:09:08,916
Tonya, for two weeks. Oh.

110
00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:10,851
You know I don't kiss
and tell 'cause that's tacky.

111
00:09:10,951 --> 00:09:12,720
-Totally.
-But she's a DJ,

112
00:09:12,820 --> 00:09:17,124
and she has been remixing
my pussy like fucking Tiësto.

113
00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:19,493
Just like, "Oh, oh, oh."

114
00:09:21,495 --> 00:09:22,763
I can barely walk.

115
00:09:24,065 --> 00:09:27,568
Wait, do you still call
your... you know, Garfield?

116
00:09:27,668 --> 00:09:29,904
The most iconic kitty
on the block? Hell yes.

117
00:09:30,004 --> 00:09:31,439
And they're both grumpy
on Mondays.

118
00:09:31,540 --> 00:09:33,207
Now you go. Tell me everything.

119
00:09:33,307 --> 00:09:35,076
Oh, I mean, there are so many
things I could tell you.

120
00:09:35,176 --> 00:09:38,079
Uh... Ooh, ooh.
I don't get that weird eczema

121
00:09:38,179 --> 00:09:39,480
on my knee anymore.
Remember that?

122
00:09:39,580 --> 00:09:40,848
Uh, what else?

123
00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:43,350
I think I'm allergic
to chickpeas.

124
00:09:44,151 --> 00:09:45,352
Bitch, what?

125
00:09:45,453 --> 00:09:47,054
Eczema and chickpeas?

126
00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:49,123
Tell me
some juicy India stories.

127
00:09:49,223 --> 00:09:51,225
Have you been boning
any young Hasan Minhajs?

128
00:09:52,893 --> 00:09:54,929
No. No, no, no. I haven't...

129
00:09:55,029 --> 00:09:56,630
I haven't been boning anyone.

130
00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:59,100
-Like...
-Like ever, yet.

131
00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:01,235
You're still a virgin?

132
00:10:01,335 --> 00:10:03,104
-Shut up.
-Holy shit, Maya.

133
00:10:03,204 --> 00:10:04,171
That's weird.

134
00:10:04,271 --> 00:10:05,773
I know. I'm so embarrassed.

135
00:10:05,873 --> 00:10:07,708
I don't know, I don't know
what's wrong with me.

136
00:10:07,808 --> 00:10:09,844
Didn't you tell me
you were hooking up

137
00:10:09,944 --> 00:10:11,846
with some guy from
your computer science class?

138
00:10:11,946 --> 00:10:12,980
I lied.

139
00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:14,348
Oh, yeah.

140
00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:16,617
-Do you like that?
-Mm-hmm.

141
00:10:17,017 --> 00:10:20,020
You're so strong!
You're so strong!

142
00:10:20,121 --> 00:10:21,956
<i>Unless 30</i>
<i>seconds of dry humping counts.</i>

143
00:10:22,056 --> 00:10:24,191
I probably only went to
his house because, deep down,

144
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:25,459
I knew nothing would happen.

145
00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:27,862
-Do you hear that?
-What?

146
00:10:27,962 --> 00:10:30,197
"Help! Help me!"

147
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,500
That's your
pussy. She's got dry throat.

148
00:10:32,601 --> 00:10:35,769
- It's like a desert in there.
- "Give me a glass of water."

149
00:10:35,870 --> 00:10:37,104
I've got an idea.

150
00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:38,939
I'm gonna make it my mission
to give you

151
00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:41,342
every experience you
missed out on in high school.

152
00:10:41,442 --> 00:10:44,078
-Really?
-High school bucket list.

153
00:10:44,378 --> 00:10:46,280
"Help!"

154
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:53,020
-Are you hungover?
-No.

155
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:55,055
-I have allergies.
-If your grandma were here,

156
00:10:55,156 --> 00:10:57,057
we'd be heading back to India
right now.

157
00:10:57,158 --> 00:10:59,026
At this rate,
I should really sign up

158
00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:02,029
for frequent flyer miles.
Thank you.

159
00:11:02,129 --> 00:11:03,731
I know what I did was extreme,

160
00:11:03,831 --> 00:11:06,700
but I still think
I did what was best for you.

161
00:11:06,800 --> 00:11:08,335
And for me.

162
00:11:08,435 --> 00:11:10,070
Hey, I'm just happy to be back.

163
00:11:10,171 --> 00:11:12,139
I mean, come on, you must have
missed America, too.

164
00:11:12,239 --> 00:11:14,509
Weren't you lonely just hanging
out with Nani all the time?

165
00:11:14,609 --> 00:11:16,477
In India, I was lonely and hot.

166
00:11:16,578 --> 00:11:19,380
In America, I'm lonely and fat.

167
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:22,850
Well, maybe you should find
somebody to be lonely with.

168
00:11:22,950 --> 00:11:24,218
Maya, I was
already married once.

169
00:11:24,318 --> 00:11:26,820
That's it.
Women my age don't go hopping

170
00:11:26,921 --> 00:11:28,923
-from relationship
to relationship.
-Whatever.

171
00:11:29,023 --> 00:11:31,392
I'll just sell my app
for millions of dollars

172
00:11:31,492 --> 00:11:34,828
so you can fill that hole in
your heart with a Lamborghini.

173
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:41,869
He'll see you now.

174
00:11:41,969 --> 00:11:43,572
Big results! Big results!

175
00:11:43,672 --> 00:11:47,374
Shit. Uh... uh...
Am I interrupting?

176
00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:49,310
You got eight minutes. Let's go.

177
00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:53,981
Uh... Okay.

178
00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:56,083
I think you'll agree that
a lot of American parents

179
00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:57,619
are concerned
with what their teenagers

180
00:11:57,718 --> 00:11:59,153
are consuming online because...

181
00:11:59,253 --> 00:12:00,854
Get that ass down!

182
00:12:00,955 --> 00:12:02,890
That's tight.
That's tight. That's tight.

183
00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:04,992
Why not put control
back into parents' hands

184
00:12:05,092 --> 00:12:06,827
with my app, Screen Better?

185
00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:09,096
Don't just take
your kids' phone away.

186
00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:11,332
Take Jake Paul
away from their phone.

187
00:12:11,432 --> 00:12:14,001
Did you catch your son
trying to fuck an old DVD, too?

188
00:12:14,101 --> 00:12:16,804
No. Ow.
No, I-I don't have any kids.

189
00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:18,573
Why'd you make the app, then?

190
00:12:18,673 --> 00:12:21,208
I went to high school in India
where I learned discipline,

191
00:12:21,308 --> 00:12:22,943
-but before that, I...
-Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.

192
00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:23,978
Well, how can you
build a product

193
00:12:24,078 --> 00:12:25,513
that protects American teenagers

194
00:12:25,614 --> 00:12:26,780
when you don't know
what it's like

195
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,782
-to be an American teenager?
-Uh...

196
00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:30,351
-Beast mode!
-Ah!

197
00:12:30,451 --> 00:12:32,886
Fuck!

198
00:12:32,987 --> 00:12:35,456
Aw, it couldn't have been
that bad. Come on.

199
00:12:35,557 --> 00:12:37,224
No. I mean, maybe he's right.

200
00:12:37,324 --> 00:12:40,027
No, I'm not the right person
to make this app.

201
00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:43,264
No, you just need quality time
with your demo.

202
00:12:43,364 --> 00:12:45,899
-Maybe you should
get a job at a high school.
-What?

203
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,737
No, I'm an entrepreneur.
I'm not supposed to have a job.

204
00:12:48,836 --> 00:12:51,038
Plus, I don't have
a teacher's license.

205
00:12:51,138 --> 00:12:52,773
I worked on this article.
Turns out,

206
00:12:52,873 --> 00:12:54,709
you don't need to be certified
to work with kids.

207
00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:56,578
Substitute teachers, tutors.

208
00:12:56,678 --> 00:12:57,811
It's kind of fucked up,
actually.

209
00:12:57,911 --> 00:12:59,413
-Really?
-Yeah.

210
00:12:59,514 --> 00:13:00,447
Repeat after me.

211
00:13:00,548 --> 00:13:02,550
I'm not a little bitch.

212
00:13:02,651 --> 00:13:04,619
I am not a little bitch!

213
00:13:04,719 --> 00:13:06,487
Good, 'cause I got
a surprise for you.

214
00:13:06,588 --> 00:13:08,422
- What?
- Ding.

215
00:13:09,758 --> 00:13:11,425
-Uh...
-For your pussy.

216
00:13:11,526 --> 00:13:13,027
Okay.

217
00:13:13,127 --> 00:13:15,863
Start on a low setting.
It gets kind of crazy.

218
00:13:15,963 --> 00:13:17,097
Here's the thing.

219
00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:20,034
I don't know
if I've ever, like...

220
00:13:20,134 --> 00:13:23,203
Never? Damn, girl.

221
00:13:23,304 --> 00:13:24,371
Do you use one?

222
00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:27,007
Yes. Of course.
I've got like seven of those.

223
00:13:27,107 --> 00:13:28,643
-Oh.
-But not lately

224
00:13:28,743 --> 00:13:31,879
'cause Tonya and I have been
fucking like two times a day.

225
00:13:31,979 --> 00:13:35,215
By the way, we are IG official.

226
00:13:35,316 --> 00:13:37,484
-Holy shit! That was fast!
-Mm-hmm.

227
00:13:37,585 --> 00:13:39,521
-Congrats, dude.
-Thank you.

228
00:13:39,621 --> 00:13:41,955
-Also, holy shit,
two times a day?
-It's so much.

229
00:13:42,056 --> 00:13:44,191
Yeah, dude, like,
how often do you shower?

230
00:13:44,291 --> 00:13:46,960
Not enough.
Keep the windows down.

231
00:13:47,061 --> 00:13:49,698
I am exhausted.
I'm taking supplements.

232
00:13:49,798 --> 00:13:51,932
Okay.

233
00:14:08,482 --> 00:14:10,451
Okay.

234
00:14:11,753 --> 00:14:13,521
Maya, come! Come! Come!

235
00:14:13,621 --> 00:14:15,923
- Wh-What, Mom?
- Come for breakfast!

236
00:14:28,902 --> 00:14:30,805
Yes, please. Oh, perfect.

237
00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:32,439
Thank you so much, Farhad.

238
00:14:32,540 --> 00:14:34,375
- Right here? Okay.
- Right there. Thank you.

239
00:14:34,475 --> 00:14:36,276
There we go.

240
00:14:36,377 --> 00:14:38,847
Oh, this is my daughter Maya.

241
00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:40,881
She was supposed to build
the next Google,

242
00:14:40,981 --> 00:14:42,650
but now she wants to be
a half-teacher.

243
00:14:42,751 --> 00:14:44,686
Always a self-esteem boost, Mom.

244
00:14:44,786 --> 00:14:46,855
-Farhad lives two doors down.
-Yes.

245
00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:48,088
Mm. And now he's moving in?

246
00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:50,525
Shut up. Farhad was kind enough

247
00:14:50,625 --> 00:14:51,860
to bring the delivery in

248
00:14:51,959 --> 00:14:54,395
because the driver
left it in the driveway.

249
00:14:54,495 --> 00:14:56,163
Mom, I told you to get
white glove service.

250
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:58,232
I tell you what,
the next time you get delivery,

251
00:14:58,332 --> 00:15:00,802
I wear white gloves,
you give me $50.

252
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:02,202
Oh!

253
00:15:03,638 --> 00:15:05,973
Oh, thank you so much, Farhad.

254
00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:07,575
It's my pleasure.

255
00:15:07,675 --> 00:15:08,942
Can I get you a cup of tea?

256
00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:11,011
Eh... No, no, no.

257
00:15:11,111 --> 00:15:12,747
I really should get
to the office,

258
00:15:12,847 --> 00:15:14,982
but, uh, maybe I can take
a rain check?

259
00:15:15,082 --> 00:15:18,485
Oh. First $50,
and now he wants a check, too?

260
00:15:20,320 --> 00:15:22,456
Your ma's very funny.

261
00:15:22,557 --> 00:15:24,626
-Very nice to meet you.
-Thank you so much.

262
00:15:24,726 --> 00:15:26,226
Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye, now.

263
00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:28,195
See you.

264
00:15:29,764 --> 00:15:30,964
That was...

265
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:33,300
...interesting.

266
00:15:35,703 --> 00:15:37,404
So, what's your plan?

267
00:15:37,505 --> 00:15:41,341
Mm. Well, I submitted my résumé
to a few recruitment websites,

268
00:15:41,442 --> 00:15:43,477
and I already have
a bunch of interviews.

269
00:15:43,578 --> 00:15:45,379
Hmm.

270
00:15:46,781 --> 00:15:48,817
Interview.
I have one interview.

271
00:16:08,101 --> 00:16:09,336
Principal Fletcher's office?

272
00:16:09,436 --> 00:16:11,238
-Through that door.
-Thank you.

273
00:16:13,373 --> 00:16:14,843
<i>Maya, come on in.</i>

274
00:16:14,943 --> 00:16:16,644
I'm gonna level with you.

275
00:16:16,744 --> 00:16:20,013
We've been given a mandate
to ensure that our staff

276
00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:22,149
is at least 30% diverse.

277
00:16:22,249 --> 00:16:25,219
Currently,
we're at four percent,

278
00:16:25,319 --> 00:16:27,988
even with Mr. Brown,
who apparently is white.

279
00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:29,990
Diverse or not,
we're completely understaffed.

280
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,793
-Uh...
-No one wants to be a teacher.

281
00:16:31,893 --> 00:16:33,327
So, unless you're a pedophile,

282
00:16:33,427 --> 00:16:36,430
-I'm inclined to hire you.
-Okay.

283
00:16:36,531 --> 00:16:39,233
That was very straightforward.
Uh, not a pedophile.

284
00:16:39,333 --> 00:16:41,435
-Great.
-But I would like to be a tutor.

285
00:16:41,536 --> 00:16:43,872
Tutors don't count towards
our total diversity numbers,

286
00:16:43,972 --> 00:16:45,472
so I really hate that idea.

287
00:16:45,573 --> 00:16:49,878
What I need is someone like you
to be a substitute teacher.

288
00:16:49,978 --> 00:16:51,579
Wow.

289
00:16:51,980 --> 00:16:54,314
Someone like me is just gonna
skip right over being offended

290
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:56,149
because that actually works out
kind of perfectly.

291
00:16:56,250 --> 00:16:57,552
-Great.
-Yeah, and the great news is

292
00:16:57,652 --> 00:16:59,086
you don't have to worry
because computer science

293
00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:00,420
is like my second language.

294
00:17:00,522 --> 00:17:02,624
Oh, no, I have something
different in mind for you.

295
00:17:02,724 --> 00:17:03,791
Oh.

296
00:17:06,995 --> 00:17:08,428
<i>Hello, everyone.</i>

297
00:17:08,530 --> 00:17:11,031
I'm Ms. Singh,
and I'll be teaching...

298
00:17:12,934 --> 00:17:14,401
- ...sex ed.
- Sick.

299
00:17:14,502 --> 00:17:16,538
-Hot sex ed teacher.
-Sweet.

300
00:17:16,638 --> 00:17:18,506
Okay, even though that's true,
that's not appropriate.

301
00:17:18,606 --> 00:17:20,742
If I get a boner during class,
do I get extra credit?

302
00:17:21,943 --> 00:17:22,877
Please don't listen to him.

303
00:17:22,977 --> 00:17:24,077
He can't keep his mouth shut.

304
00:17:24,177 --> 00:17:25,513
We're working on it.

305
00:17:25,613 --> 00:17:26,848
You wouldn't have to
work on my mouth.

306
00:17:26,948 --> 00:17:28,048
It does all the work for you.

307
00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:29,551
Okay, stop that.

308
00:17:29,651 --> 00:17:31,051
Uh, let's begin.

309
00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:33,353
An STD is
a sexually transmitted disease.

310
00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:35,657
There are a number of them,
some of which can be

311
00:17:35,757 --> 00:17:37,725
very harmful.

312
00:17:37,825 --> 00:17:40,127
You could die. And be dead.

313
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:42,095
Ms. Singh, we know what
STDs are. We're not stupid.

314
00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:45,465
- Yeah, Jason's mom
gave me herpes.

315
00:17:45,567 --> 00:17:47,869
The only person who should be
entering you is Jesus.

316
00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:49,469
Okay, okay,
let's pay attention, all right?

317
00:17:49,571 --> 00:17:51,873
Um, who can name
some forms of contraception?

318
00:17:51,973 --> 00:17:54,274
-Abstinence.
-Having Kyle's face?

319
00:17:54,374 --> 00:17:56,143
I have an IUD.

320
00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:58,412
Okay. Well, cranberry juice
helps with that.

321
00:17:58,513 --> 00:17:59,881
-Did you know that?
-IUD.

322
00:17:59,981 --> 00:18:02,082
Not a UTI.

323
00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:03,417
No, no, I knew that.

324
00:18:03,518 --> 00:18:04,919
Are you even qualified
to teach us?

325
00:18:05,019 --> 00:18:06,554
- Yes.
- I've probably had

326
00:18:06,654 --> 00:18:07,855
more sex than you.

327
00:18:07,956 --> 00:18:10,858
Okay, whoa. That is not true.

328
00:18:10,959 --> 00:18:13,995
Oh, shit.
Ms. Singh is "sing-le."

329
00:18:19,867 --> 00:18:21,035
I can't teach this class.

330
00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:23,303
-Why not?
-Have you met your students?

331
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:24,973
They belong on reality TV.

332
00:18:25,073 --> 00:18:26,373
Listen, I know
they're a bunch of pricks,

333
00:18:26,473 --> 00:18:28,175
but they need the guidance
more than anyone.

334
00:18:28,275 --> 00:18:31,045
Yeah, I'm more of
an HTML kind of girl

335
00:18:31,144 --> 00:18:32,714
than an STD kind of girl.

336
00:18:32,814 --> 00:18:35,315
Why can't you be both? I know
plenty of slutty smart people.

337
00:18:35,683 --> 00:18:38,485
It's a simple
abstinence-based program

338
00:18:38,586 --> 00:18:40,922
prescribed by the state.
Just stick to the curriculum.

339
00:18:41,022 --> 00:18:43,658
I'm sure it's the same crap
you learned in high school.

340
00:18:43,758 --> 00:18:46,794
Mm-hmm. I don't know.

341
00:18:49,831 --> 00:18:52,000
So, we good?

342
00:18:54,234 --> 00:18:55,870
How are you gonna teach sex ed

343
00:18:55,970 --> 00:18:57,471
when you've never
had sex before?

344
00:18:57,572 --> 00:18:59,741
It's not like history teachers
fought in the Civil War, okay?

345
00:18:59,841 --> 00:19:03,143
Plus, the curriculum is about
abstinence. I'm a pro at that.

346
00:19:03,243 --> 00:19:06,781
Yeah, well, maybe you can learn
with the students.

347
00:19:06,881 --> 00:19:09,984
Don't learn on the students,
you creepy virgin.

348
00:19:10,084 --> 00:19:12,419
Ooh, maybe you can learn on him.

349
00:19:14,789 --> 00:19:17,525
No, I can't. He's not even
dressed in 2000s gear.

350
00:19:17,625 --> 00:19:19,727
I could never date a guy
who can't follow a theme.

351
00:19:19,827 --> 00:19:22,830
Who said anything about dating?
Dating requires a commitment.

352
00:19:22,930 --> 00:19:24,297
Which, by the way,

353
00:19:24,398 --> 00:19:26,634
Tonya and I said
"I love you" yesterday.

354
00:19:26,734 --> 00:19:27,802
-Already?
-Yeah.

355
00:19:27,902 --> 00:19:29,403
Do you have terminal cancer
or something?

356
00:19:29,504 --> 00:19:31,271
No, that's just me.
But for you,

357
00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:33,407
you just need to have fun.
And it's perfect.

358
00:19:33,508 --> 00:19:35,175
It's 2000s night.
You just pretend

359
00:19:35,275 --> 00:19:37,411
this is like
a high school house party

360
00:19:37,512 --> 00:19:39,814
and he's your lab partner
or some shit.

361
00:19:39,914 --> 00:19:41,281
-Yeah. Yeah.
-Yeah.

362
00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:43,183
-Yeah. Yeah, okay.
-Yeah. You got this.

363
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:44,384
You know what?
I'm just gonna have fun.

364
00:19:44,484 --> 00:19:45,687
-Yeah.
-Right now.

365
00:19:45,787 --> 00:19:47,320
Wait, before you go,

366
00:19:47,421 --> 00:19:49,289
check it out. Boom.

367
00:19:49,924 --> 00:19:51,826
You've been iced, bitch!

368
00:19:51,926 --> 00:19:53,193
You're holding a beer.

369
00:19:53,293 --> 00:19:54,862
-Okay, whatever.
-What are you, color-blind?

370
00:19:54,962 --> 00:19:56,164
Yeah, I'm color-blind.

371
00:19:56,263 --> 00:19:58,032
You're my favorite white friend.

372
00:19:58,132 --> 00:19:59,701
Get on one knee
and chug it anyway.

373
00:19:59,801 --> 00:20:01,234
Aw...

374
00:20:01,334 --> 00:20:02,537
You got this.

375
00:20:02,637 --> 00:20:05,106
- Come on. Yes!
- I can't do it.

376
00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:06,674
-I can't do it.
-You can do it.

377
00:20:08,308 --> 00:20:09,677
High...

378
00:20:09,777 --> 00:20:11,411
school... bucket...

379
00:20:11,512 --> 00:20:13,213
list!

380
00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:15,248
Holy shit.

381
00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:16,718
I'm gonna have diarrhea.

382
00:20:16,818 --> 00:20:18,986
Well, pair that diarrhea
with an orgasm.

383
00:20:19,087 --> 00:20:20,320
Get over there, girl.

384
00:20:27,862 --> 00:20:29,496
Oh, hi.

385
00:20:29,597 --> 00:20:30,497
I'm Maya.

386
00:20:30,598 --> 00:20:33,801
Do you want to be my...
lab partner?

387
00:20:35,203 --> 00:20:36,537
Fuck yeah.

388
00:20:41,676 --> 00:20:44,277
Uh, I haven't been to the gym.

389
00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:46,180
Ah, you smell like cookies.

390
00:20:46,279 --> 00:20:48,381
-I had them for lunch.
-Mmm.

391
00:20:51,786 --> 00:20:52,754
Mommy.

392
00:20:54,555 --> 00:20:56,190
Are you my mommy?

393
00:20:56,289 --> 00:20:58,258
-I need some milk. Mmm.
-Uh...

394
00:20:58,358 --> 00:21:00,494
You want to see
my little baby wiener?

395
00:21:00,595 --> 00:21:03,798
Uh, I'm sure it's bigger
than a baby wiener.

396
00:21:03,898 --> 00:21:05,600
No, it's so tiny.

397
00:21:05,700 --> 00:21:07,802
-Okay.
-My little baby wiener

398
00:21:07,902 --> 00:21:10,805
wants back inside
that nice, warm cave.

399
00:21:10,905 --> 00:21:12,305
Not this warm cave.

400
00:21:12,405 --> 00:21:14,307
Yeah, a little umbilical cord

401
00:21:14,407 --> 00:21:15,610
connected both of us.

402
00:21:15,710 --> 00:21:17,477
I remember, I was in my embryo,

403
00:21:17,578 --> 00:21:19,312
in my amniotic sack.

404
00:21:19,412 --> 00:21:21,381
-That's not... No.
-I've been bad.

405
00:21:21,481 --> 00:21:24,519
Make me jizz
in my little diaper.

406
00:21:24,619 --> 00:21:27,255
Shit. Okay. Um, you know,
why don't...

407
00:21:27,354 --> 00:21:29,190
why don't you just
use your lips to kiss me?

408
00:21:29,289 --> 00:21:31,058
Right here, okay?

409
00:21:31,159 --> 00:21:32,226
Yeah.

410
00:21:34,294 --> 00:21:35,530
Yeah.

411
00:21:36,429 --> 00:21:39,000
Extra careful.

412
00:21:42,003 --> 00:21:43,137
Mommy!

413
00:21:43,237 --> 00:21:44,505
Yes, Maya?

414
00:21:44,605 --> 00:21:47,642
Uh, sorry, Mom! Nothing!

415
00:21:49,342 --> 00:21:51,245
Is that your real mom?

416
00:21:51,344 --> 00:21:52,547
Do you think that
she would want to join us?

417
00:21:52,647 --> 00:21:54,048
Because a grandma
would really take this

418
00:21:54,148 --> 00:21:55,049
to the next level.

419
00:21:56,150 --> 00:21:57,685
You should go.

420
00:22:08,629 --> 00:22:10,698
Hi, Ms. Singh.

421
00:22:12,465 --> 00:22:13,668
Abbey, hi. Hi.

422
00:22:13,768 --> 00:22:16,469
Um, would you
like to join the...

423
00:22:19,006 --> 00:22:21,441
Hi. Would you like to join
the Abstinence Club?

424
00:22:21,542 --> 00:22:23,177
-What?
-We're recruiting students

425
00:22:23,277 --> 00:22:26,013
to join our mission in promoting
school-wide abstinence.

426
00:22:26,113 --> 00:22:27,148
Would you like to join?

427
00:22:27,248 --> 00:22:28,583
I've had sex with eight people.

428
00:22:29,449 --> 00:22:30,818
Including your dad.

429
00:22:34,354 --> 00:22:36,356
-Nathaniel Johnson?
-Here.

430
00:22:36,456 --> 00:22:38,125
Okay, great.

431
00:22:38,226 --> 00:22:40,061
Um, Abbey...

432
00:22:41,195 --> 00:22:42,263
...Ho?

433
00:22:42,362 --> 00:22:43,764
Yup. Here.

434
00:22:44,464 --> 00:22:47,034
Oh. Okay. Good for you guys.

435
00:22:48,236 --> 00:22:49,469
What do you mean?

436
00:22:50,605 --> 00:22:52,907
Oh. Well, I mean...

437
00:22:53,007 --> 00:22:54,342
You know.

438
00:22:54,642 --> 00:22:56,711
Are you laughing because
her last name is Ho?

439
00:22:56,811 --> 00:22:59,046
No! No, no, no. Of course not.

440
00:22:59,146 --> 00:23:00,615
No, I'm not laughing. I just...

441
00:23:00,715 --> 00:23:02,449
I honestly expected
everybody else to laugh.

442
00:23:02,550 --> 00:23:04,384
Why would we do that?

443
00:23:05,286 --> 00:23:07,688
-Her last name is Ho.
-Okay, wow.

444
00:23:07,788 --> 00:23:09,489
Okay, well, I'm glad
you're all so mature.

445
00:23:09,590 --> 00:23:11,391
All right.
And, Abbey, for the record,

446
00:23:11,491 --> 00:23:13,694
I know plenty of Asian Hos.

447
00:23:15,763 --> 00:23:17,464
Okay, moving on
to today's lesson.

448
00:23:17,565 --> 00:23:20,101
Uh, we are going to role-play.

449
00:23:20,201 --> 00:23:21,836
- Babe, pretend to be
my stepsister.

450
00:23:21,936 --> 00:23:24,605
Why does everyone want
to have sex with their family?

451
00:23:24,705 --> 00:23:26,641
No, not that kind of role-play.

452
00:23:26,741 --> 00:23:28,876
You're gonna be
acting out these lines

453
00:23:28,976 --> 00:23:32,213
to learn
the severity of pregnancy.

454
00:23:32,313 --> 00:23:35,482
All right. There you go.
Okay.

455
00:23:35,583 --> 00:23:37,718
"When I first found out
that I was pregnant,

456
00:23:37,818 --> 00:23:40,521
I started getting scared
because of the pain."

457
00:23:40,988 --> 00:23:44,292
"I can get her ice cubes
to make her feel
more comfortable.

458
00:23:44,392 --> 00:23:46,994
I am a young, naive man."

459
00:23:47,962 --> 00:23:49,797
Two weeks later.

460
00:23:53,601 --> 00:23:56,671
"Ow, ow, ow.
I wish I never had sex.

461
00:23:56,771 --> 00:23:59,472
Please make it stop.
Ow, ow, ow."

462
00:23:59,573 --> 00:24:02,043
"There's so much blood!"

463
00:24:02,510 --> 00:24:05,012
"This is gonna take 36 hours.

464
00:24:05,112 --> 00:24:06,814
You may never walk again."

465
00:24:06,914 --> 00:24:10,017
"I think my kidney is
falling out."

466
00:24:10,117 --> 00:24:11,152
"It is."

467
00:24:12,787 --> 00:24:14,789
Seriously, Ms. Singh,
what the hell is this?

468
00:24:17,892 --> 00:24:18,960
Uh...

469
00:24:33,174 --> 00:24:35,242
Oh.

470
00:24:35,343 --> 00:24:37,611
Hi. I'm Linda Smeighton,

471
00:24:37,712 --> 00:24:39,947
Teacher of the Year
three years in a row.

472
00:24:40,047 --> 00:24:41,182
Oh, wow.

473
00:24:41,282 --> 00:24:45,152
I'm Maya, the new sex ed
teacher for the first time.

474
00:24:45,252 --> 00:24:46,620
The substitute.

475
00:24:46,721 --> 00:24:48,622
-Yeah.
-Oh, that's so fun.

476
00:24:48,723 --> 00:24:52,293
Now, I hate to be
a stickler for the rules,

477
00:24:52,393 --> 00:24:54,362
but technically
the teachers' lounge

478
00:24:54,462 --> 00:24:57,098
-is for teachers only.
-But I am a teacher.

479
00:24:57,198 --> 00:25:00,968
But you're not technically
a teacher, right?
You're a substitute.

480
00:25:01,068 --> 00:25:03,337
We can't just
let anybody in here.

481
00:25:03,437 --> 00:25:05,373
It's a capacity issue.
It's not safe.

482
00:25:05,473 --> 00:25:07,074
Oh... 'kay.

483
00:25:08,209 --> 00:25:09,910
Oh, I didn't realize

484
00:25:10,011 --> 00:25:13,280
-it was tight in here...
-And I have dibs on that mug.

485
00:25:13,381 --> 00:25:14,615
Number one teacher, that's me.

486
00:25:14,715 --> 00:25:16,984
Well...

487
00:25:17,084 --> 00:25:18,552
I'm sure I'll be
seeing you around,

488
00:25:18,652 --> 00:25:20,788
just not in this lounge, okay?

489
00:25:27,628 --> 00:25:29,764
You know, honey,
if it makes you feel any better,

490
00:25:29,864 --> 00:25:31,332
I usually put laxatives
in her coffee,

491
00:25:31,432 --> 00:25:32,767
and then I take
all the toilet paper

492
00:25:32,867 --> 00:25:34,402
out of the teachers' restroom.

493
00:25:34,503 --> 00:25:37,171
That does make me feel better.
Thank you.

494
00:25:37,471 --> 00:25:39,407
I'm Barb.
I don't wear underwear. You?

495
00:25:39,508 --> 00:25:41,642
Oh. Uh, I do.

496
00:25:41,742 --> 00:25:43,144
-Oh, no, honey, your name.
-Oh. Maya.

497
00:25:43,244 --> 00:25:45,079
-That's good to know, though.
-Okay. Yeah.

498
00:25:45,179 --> 00:25:46,847
Oh, I got to go.

499
00:25:46,947 --> 00:25:49,683
It's sloppy joe day,
and I got to prep the "meat."

500
00:25:50,418 --> 00:25:52,053
Don't eat it.

501
00:25:53,854 --> 00:25:55,122
Bye.

502
00:26:01,996 --> 00:26:05,232
- Oh.
- Oh. Sorry.

503
00:26:05,332 --> 00:26:07,001
It's okay. It's actually a push.

504
00:26:07,868 --> 00:26:08,836
Oh.

505
00:26:08,936 --> 00:26:10,938
So that's why it says
"Push" on it.

506
00:26:11,038 --> 00:26:13,240
Uh...

507
00:26:13,607 --> 00:26:15,843
-At your service.
-Thank you.

508
00:26:15,943 --> 00:26:18,913
I'll be sure to leave you
a positive Yelp review.

509
00:26:19,013 --> 00:26:22,116
No need. Us Asians,
we got to stick together.

510
00:26:22,216 --> 00:26:24,785
Chances are you're
the only staff member

511
00:26:24,885 --> 00:26:27,054
who can properly
pronounce my name.

512
00:26:27,154 --> 00:26:28,756
Really? Well, I mean,
I'm a pretty different

513
00:26:28,856 --> 00:26:30,525
kind of Asian, but I'll try.

514
00:26:30,624 --> 00:26:31,926
What's your name?

515
00:26:32,026 --> 00:26:34,462
I was bluffing. It's Alex.

516
00:26:34,563 --> 00:26:37,765
"Alax"? "Allux"?

517
00:26:38,466 --> 00:26:40,067
I'm Maya. I'm new.

518
00:26:40,167 --> 00:26:41,402
Oh, no way. Me, too.

519
00:26:41,503 --> 00:26:42,636
What are you teaching, Maya?

520
00:26:42,736 --> 00:26:45,005
Uh... sex ed.

521
00:26:45,106 --> 00:26:46,307
Awesome.

522
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:48,209
I teach computer science.

523
00:26:48,309 --> 00:26:50,778
I know. Nerd alert.

524
00:26:51,445 --> 00:26:54,482
- Well, uh, I'll be
seeing you around.

525
00:26:54,583 --> 00:26:56,183
Was it...

526
00:26:57,284 --> 00:26:58,285
..."May-ah"?

527
00:26:59,487 --> 00:27:00,921
Nailed it.

528
00:27:11,566 --> 00:27:13,367
I'm coming up
all grays over here.

529
00:27:13,467 --> 00:27:15,636
Mmm. "Vivid."

530
00:27:15,736 --> 00:27:18,472
Son of a bitch. Double V's?

531
00:27:18,573 --> 00:27:20,007
-Speaking of double V's...
-Mm.

532
00:27:20,107 --> 00:27:21,942
...I introduced Tonya
to my parents.

533
00:27:22,276 --> 00:27:25,312
Goddamn! You're gonna have
a ring on your finger

534
00:27:25,412 --> 00:27:26,581
before I even give a hand job.

535
00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:28,149
What about that dude
from the club?

536
00:27:28,249 --> 00:27:29,350
Mm-mm.

537
00:27:29,450 --> 00:27:31,252
-He wanted me to play mommy.
-Ew.

538
00:27:31,352 --> 00:27:32,621
I love a good kink,

539
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:34,788
but the whole guys
and the "mommy" thing? No.

540
00:27:34,889 --> 00:27:36,625
But I did meet
this cute guy at school,

541
00:27:36,724 --> 00:27:37,958
and honestly, he's such a daddy.

542
00:27:38,058 --> 00:27:39,260
Okay, why are you still talking?

543
00:27:39,360 --> 00:27:40,895
Show me his Insta.

544
00:27:40,995 --> 00:27:42,429
-Okay.
-It's a sleepover.

545
00:27:42,531 --> 00:27:45,366
-Come on.
-Ooh. Yes.

546
00:27:45,466 --> 00:27:47,101
- He's cute, right?
- So cute.

547
00:27:47,201 --> 00:27:49,870
- Go, Allux.
- What are you, 12?

548
00:27:49,970 --> 00:27:52,139
-Zoom in on his dick.
-What? No!

549
00:27:52,239 --> 00:27:55,009
He's wearing gray sweatpants.
That's practically
begging for it.

550
00:27:55,109 --> 00:27:57,546
- Don't. Oh, my goodness.
- Okay, see his outline?

551
00:27:57,646 --> 00:27:59,346
Holy shit, you can.
What a fucking slut.

552
00:27:59,446 --> 00:28:02,416
Okay, fuck it up!

553
00:28:02,517 --> 00:28:04,885
Gray sweatpants and he can cook?
I might suck his dick.

554
00:28:04,985 --> 00:28:06,655
Watch this.

555
00:28:06,754 --> 00:28:09,624
-For you to enjoy later.
-Okay, stop.

556
00:28:09,723 --> 00:28:11,225
But I'm just gonna be
super chill.

557
00:28:11,325 --> 00:28:12,826
Like, whatever, casual.

558
00:28:12,927 --> 00:28:14,862
No over-the-top flirting.

559
00:28:14,962 --> 00:28:17,698
Nice balls!

560
00:28:19,668 --> 00:28:21,435
What?

561
00:28:21,536 --> 00:28:23,404
Uh, soccer.

562
00:28:23,505 --> 00:28:25,674
- Oh. Yeah.
- Yeah.

563
00:28:25,773 --> 00:28:27,509
I feel like such a fraud
coaching soccer.

564
00:28:27,609 --> 00:28:28,876
I don't know anything about it.

565
00:28:28,976 --> 00:28:31,312
Oh, I can't imagine the feeling.

566
00:28:31,412 --> 00:28:33,280
Oh.

567
00:28:33,515 --> 00:28:35,849
Of course you two are friends.

568
00:28:36,383 --> 00:28:37,484
Hi, Linda.

569
00:28:37,586 --> 00:28:39,053
It's probably super hard

570
00:28:39,153 --> 00:28:41,155
fitting in sometimes
when you're different.

571
00:28:41,255 --> 00:28:44,191
Well, actually, right now,
you're the minority.

572
00:28:44,291 --> 00:28:45,960
You know,
I don't personally like

573
00:28:46,060 --> 00:28:48,495
to categorize people
by their skin color,

574
00:28:48,597 --> 00:28:50,130
but to each their own.

575
00:28:50,231 --> 00:28:53,033
Right. I'll, uh,
see you both inside.

576
00:28:53,133 --> 00:28:56,303
Oh, so you got the good
parking space today, huh, Maya?

577
00:28:56,403 --> 00:28:59,406
-Yeah, it was open.
-This is technically my space.

578
00:28:59,507 --> 00:29:02,910
Really? 'Cause there wasn't
technically a sign.

579
00:29:03,010 --> 00:29:04,411
Oh, it probably fell down.

580
00:29:04,512 --> 00:29:05,580
Wow, really?
'Cause I didn't

581
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:07,147
see one on the ground
either anywhere.

582
00:29:07,248 --> 00:29:08,816
Well, I've been
parking here for years.

583
00:29:08,916 --> 00:29:10,117
-Well, it's a free country.
-You know what?

584
00:29:10,217 --> 00:29:12,386
I'll be sure
to put another sign up

585
00:29:12,486 --> 00:29:13,787
in both English and Hindu.

586
00:29:13,887 --> 00:29:16,156
That would be great.
Just make sure it says,

587
00:29:16,257 --> 00:29:18,826
"Reserved for Scott Pilgrim
with tits."

588
00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:21,028
Have a great day.

589
00:29:26,200 --> 00:29:27,501
You, too.

590
00:29:33,073 --> 00:29:35,476
-Do I have to?
-Yes.

591
00:29:35,577 --> 00:29:39,346
Getting high in the backwoods
is peak high school.

592
00:29:39,446 --> 00:29:41,815
Pull, pull, pull, pull, pull,
pull. Let go of your thumb.

593
00:29:43,450 --> 00:29:46,453
Good girl.

594
00:29:46,554 --> 00:29:48,523
Ugh. It smells horrible, dude.

595
00:29:48,623 --> 00:29:49,923
Tonya hates the smell, too.

596
00:29:50,024 --> 00:29:53,427
Oh, by the way,
we started a podcast together.

597
00:29:53,528 --> 00:29:54,895
You're podcast official?

598
00:29:54,995 --> 00:29:57,766
Dude, that's some serious shit.

599
00:29:57,865 --> 00:30:00,200
When you know, you know.

600
00:30:00,301 --> 00:30:02,469
Dude, what other
high school staples

601
00:30:02,570 --> 00:30:03,871
-did I miss out on?
-Hmm.

602
00:30:03,971 --> 00:30:05,172
Mix CDs.

603
00:30:05,272 --> 00:30:06,940
That was, like,
the truest sign of love.

604
00:30:07,041 --> 00:30:08,309
Aw, fuck.

605
00:30:08,409 --> 00:30:10,645
I can't believe
I missed mix CDs with you.

606
00:30:10,745 --> 00:30:11,979
I have a CD player in my car.

607
00:30:12,079 --> 00:30:13,615
That shit still slaps.

608
00:30:13,715 --> 00:30:15,115
Hey, what about sex ed?

609
00:30:15,416 --> 00:30:17,918
I mean, you couldn't call
what we had sex ed.

610
00:30:18,018 --> 00:30:20,722
It was just Mr. Turner,
the gym teacher,

611
00:30:20,854 --> 00:30:23,490
using a bunch of
food analogies willy-nilly.

612
00:30:23,591 --> 00:30:25,959
Like, "Women have eggs,

613
00:30:26,060 --> 00:30:29,163
"and when you mix the eggs
with the man's yogurt,

614
00:30:29,263 --> 00:30:31,832
that bakes a baby."

615
00:30:31,932 --> 00:30:33,668
I still think about it

616
00:30:33,768 --> 00:30:35,469
every time I eat
a fucking parfait.

617
00:30:35,570 --> 00:30:37,271
That is so messed up.

618
00:30:37,371 --> 00:30:39,440
Half the schools in the state
don't teach sex ed.

619
00:30:39,541 --> 00:30:41,175
It's crazy.

620
00:30:41,275 --> 00:30:43,177
Really?

621
00:30:43,277 --> 00:30:44,612
Yep.

622
00:30:44,912 --> 00:30:48,082
I don't know. Maybe I have
an opportunity here.

623
00:30:48,182 --> 00:30:50,719
Like, I didn't learn
anything about sex

624
00:30:50,819 --> 00:30:52,386
or sexuality till college.

625
00:30:52,486 --> 00:30:54,121
I didn't even know
I was gay till I bought,

626
00:30:54,221 --> 00:30:56,457
like, my tenth
Kristen Stewart poster.

627
00:30:56,558 --> 00:30:57,958
The first nine, I was like:

628
00:31:04,532 --> 00:31:08,168
The tenth, I was like,
"Dyke mode activated."

629
00:31:08,268 --> 00:31:11,138
You're right. This class
is just pure scare tactics.

630
00:31:11,238 --> 00:31:12,574
You know, it's not like
I'm teaching them

631
00:31:12,674 --> 00:31:15,175
anything that'll help them
understand themselves.

632
00:31:15,275 --> 00:31:18,546
It doesn't help that
I don't know shit about shit.

633
00:31:18,646 --> 00:31:20,381
Okay. I have an idea.

634
00:31:20,481 --> 00:31:23,651
Let me show you
some sex ed, you stoner.

635
00:31:30,023 --> 00:31:31,559
To catch his unborn kids.

636
00:31:35,663 --> 00:31:38,499
Missionary. Cowgirl.

637
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:39,667
Doggy style.

638
00:31:39,768 --> 00:31:40,835
Gang bang!

639
00:31:40,934 --> 00:31:42,970
-Fuck no!
-I mean, no.

640
00:31:43,070 --> 00:31:44,405
Definitely no.

641
00:31:44,506 --> 00:31:46,173
But yes for some people.

642
00:31:46,273 --> 00:31:47,876
You got to be sex positive.

643
00:32:15,035 --> 00:32:16,270
I should go home.

644
00:32:16,370 --> 00:32:18,506
Before my mom calls your mom.

645
00:32:18,606 --> 00:32:21,241
Shit. Now you got to go home

646
00:32:21,341 --> 00:32:23,611
and pretend not to be stoned
in front of your mom.

647
00:32:23,711 --> 00:32:25,547
That's another bucket list item.

648
00:32:28,516 --> 00:32:29,884
I'm not used
to this spice.

649
00:32:29,983 --> 00:32:31,185
-My eyes are watering.
-Oh, really?

650
00:32:31,285 --> 00:32:32,486
-Okay, I'm gonna try.
-You must try.

651
00:32:32,587 --> 00:32:34,321
But try the big one.
You must like it.

652
00:32:34,421 --> 00:32:36,624
-You sure not too hot?
-No, it's not spicy. Not at all.

653
00:32:36,724 --> 00:32:39,226
- How is it?
- My God.

654
00:32:39,326 --> 00:32:41,529
What are you doing to me?

655
00:32:41,629 --> 00:32:43,598
Oh, you must have
some tea. It will help.

656
00:32:43,698 --> 00:32:46,768
- How do you eat this?
- White gloves!

657
00:32:46,868 --> 00:32:48,969
-What's going on?
-Hello.

658
00:32:49,069 --> 00:32:51,405
Caught Farhad heading
to the grocery store

659
00:32:51,506 --> 00:32:53,508
because he ran out of ginger.
I told him not to be silly.

660
00:32:53,608 --> 00:32:54,609
It's true.

661
00:32:54,709 --> 00:32:56,376
Because we never run out.

662
00:32:56,477 --> 00:32:58,045
- Fascinating.
- Had I known

663
00:32:58,145 --> 00:32:59,379
my poor planning
would have resulted in

664
00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:02,082
this delicious chai
and lovely company,

665
00:33:02,182 --> 00:33:04,853
I would have been disorganized
much sooner.

666
00:33:11,091 --> 00:33:12,961
Well, it's getting late.

667
00:33:13,060 --> 00:33:15,195
-I should be making
dinner for Maya.
-Oh...

668
00:33:15,295 --> 00:33:17,966
Oh, don't worry about it.
I'm not even hungry.

669
00:33:18,065 --> 00:33:20,535
Don't be silly.
Have a good night.

670
00:33:20,635 --> 00:33:22,971
Uh, okay.
Of course.

671
00:33:23,070 --> 00:33:25,205
Very nice to see you again.

672
00:33:25,305 --> 00:33:27,441
Bye. Don't forget your ginger.

673
00:33:27,542 --> 00:33:30,043
-Enjoy that.
-Thank you. I'll let you know
how everything goes.

674
00:33:30,143 --> 00:33:31,513
Oh, okay. Good night.
Thank you for coming.

675
00:33:31,613 --> 00:33:33,046
Good night. Thank you so much.

676
00:33:36,250 --> 00:33:38,987
-Uh, Mom?
-Hmm?

677
00:33:39,086 --> 00:33:41,421
I think Farhad was, like,
flirting with you.

678
00:33:41,523 --> 00:33:44,424
What nonsense.

679
00:33:44,526 --> 00:33:47,194
He wanted ginger,
so I gave him ginger.

680
00:33:47,294 --> 00:33:49,496
-That's it.
-Yeah.

681
00:33:49,597 --> 00:33:51,966
He wanted your ginger
all right.

682
00:33:53,367 --> 00:33:54,802
What do you mean, my "ginger"?

683
00:33:54,903 --> 00:33:56,671
You know, like your...

684
00:33:56,771 --> 00:33:58,338
ginger spice.

685
00:34:00,875 --> 00:34:02,544
Don't talk about ginger
that way.

686
00:34:04,444 --> 00:34:07,047
What kind of woman
do you think I am? Hmm?

687
00:34:07,147 --> 00:34:09,751
You think I would be
hanging out with random men?

688
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:14,154
Mom, there's nothing wrong with
enjoying somebody's company.

689
00:34:14,254 --> 00:34:15,823
-Chill.
-There was no company.

690
00:34:15,924 --> 00:34:18,392
-It was just ginger.
-Got it.

691
00:34:19,794 --> 00:34:22,597
I should go, uh, prep.

692
00:34:22,697 --> 00:34:24,766
-Mm-hmm.
-For my class.

693
00:34:24,866 --> 00:34:26,066
It's, uh, computer science.

694
00:34:27,434 --> 00:34:28,903
Ginger spice.

695
00:34:29,003 --> 00:34:31,706
Get... get out, you dirty girl.

696
00:34:36,878 --> 00:34:38,178
Hey, what's good?

697
00:34:38,278 --> 00:34:40,582
Wow.

698
00:34:40,682 --> 00:34:42,149
Very impressive work.

699
00:34:42,249 --> 00:34:45,853
Go Super Saiyan
on that thing, baby!

700
00:34:45,954 --> 00:34:47,589
-Thank you.
-No! Oh.

701
00:34:48,790 --> 00:34:50,290
Ms. Singh, that's...

702
00:34:50,390 --> 00:34:52,794
that's my
emotional support porn.

703
00:34:53,661 --> 00:34:55,830
This is why we need
Screen Better.

704
00:34:55,930 --> 00:34:57,397
What?

705
00:34:57,799 --> 00:35:01,401
All right, class, today
we're gonna try
something a little different.

706
00:35:08,408 --> 00:35:10,712
Does anybody know what this is?

707
00:35:10,812 --> 00:35:11,646
Your Tinder profile.

708
00:35:11,746 --> 00:35:13,213
Looks like Kyle's sister.

709
00:35:13,313 --> 00:35:15,049
- Madison's labia.
- Oh, my God.

710
00:35:15,148 --> 00:35:17,117
It's a gender elephant.

711
00:35:17,417 --> 00:35:19,621
Correct.
Lots of countries teach this.

712
00:35:19,721 --> 00:35:22,056
Now, everyone, please write
down your gender identity,

713
00:35:22,155 --> 00:35:23,625
expression
and sex assigned at birth

714
00:35:23,725 --> 00:35:26,126
-as you understand it.
-How is this educational?

715
00:35:26,426 --> 00:35:28,029
Yeah, I don't get it.

716
00:35:28,128 --> 00:35:29,764
Aren't those all the same thing?

717
00:35:29,864 --> 00:35:31,264
Actually, no.

718
00:35:31,365 --> 00:35:33,433
Your gender identity,
gender expression

719
00:35:33,534 --> 00:35:35,503
and sex assigned at birth
can all be different.

720
00:35:35,603 --> 00:35:37,337
It's okay if you're not sure.

721
00:35:37,437 --> 00:35:39,841
Just... come on.
G-Give it a try.

722
00:35:42,810 --> 00:35:44,679
That's what's up.

723
00:35:46,146 --> 00:35:47,782
Thank you.

724
00:36:02,597 --> 00:36:04,699
- Oops.
- Oh.

725
00:36:04,799 --> 00:36:06,233
- Hi.
- Maya.

726
00:36:06,333 --> 00:36:08,301
Uh... you can have it.

727
00:36:08,402 --> 00:36:10,303
No, no. You, uh, you take it.
You were there first.

728
00:36:10,404 --> 00:36:12,573
No. It's fine.
It was for my mom anyways.

729
00:36:12,674 --> 00:36:14,274
Oh, then you should
definitely take it.

730
00:36:14,374 --> 00:36:17,444
No, really. My mom usually
has so much ginger,

731
00:36:17,545 --> 00:36:20,982
but she ran out because
she gave it away while flirting.

732
00:36:21,082 --> 00:36:24,451
Flirting?
Is that how flirting works?

733
00:36:24,552 --> 00:36:26,420
'Cause if that's the case,

734
00:36:26,521 --> 00:36:29,757
then...
can I cook you dinner?

735
00:36:33,193 --> 00:36:34,595
What?

736
00:36:34,696 --> 00:36:36,597
What do you mean you're
rewriting the curriculum?

737
00:36:36,698 --> 00:36:38,432
- Does Fletcher know about that?
- I mean,

738
00:36:38,533 --> 00:36:39,867
she said I could make
some changes.

739
00:36:39,967 --> 00:36:41,969
-She said that?
-No.

740
00:36:42,070 --> 00:36:44,539
Just be careful.

741
00:36:44,639 --> 00:36:47,542
I've heard that Fletcher lives
and dies by the school board.

742
00:36:47,642 --> 00:36:50,712
It'll be fine. I mean, today's
lesson really got me thinking

743
00:36:50,812 --> 00:36:53,280
about the kind of impact
I want to make.

744
00:36:53,380 --> 00:36:54,849
I admire your enthusiasm.

745
00:36:54,949 --> 00:36:58,586
Wow. Ooh, I admire
that you know how to make

746
00:36:58,686 --> 00:37:01,122
-such good Thai...?
-Filipino.

747
00:37:01,254 --> 00:37:02,590
Filipino food.

748
00:37:02,690 --> 00:37:05,159
Yes. Here I was mistaking you
for Diet Asian.

749
00:37:05,258 --> 00:37:07,061
Uh, I'm offended by that.

750
00:37:07,161 --> 00:37:09,362
I was actually
the eighth member of BTS.

751
00:37:09,463 --> 00:37:11,465
-Oh.
-I just decided
to quit the fame

752
00:37:11,566 --> 00:37:13,735
-and become a teacher instead.
-Mm.

753
00:37:13,835 --> 00:37:15,235
Also, I'm not Korean.

754
00:37:15,335 --> 00:37:17,237
Obviously. You're Filipino.

755
00:37:17,337 --> 00:37:19,006
What were you doing
before Proudamore?

756
00:37:19,107 --> 00:37:21,709
Well, I was actually in India.

757
00:37:21,809 --> 00:37:24,377
-I moved there when I was 13.
-Okay.

758
00:37:24,478 --> 00:37:26,781
-How did that happen?
-Well, my mom made us move

759
00:37:26,881 --> 00:37:28,415
because she was scared
I was turning into

760
00:37:28,516 --> 00:37:30,118
a "wild American teenager,"

761
00:37:30,218 --> 00:37:32,352
which to be fair,
I absolutely was.

762
00:37:32,452 --> 00:37:34,354
Wow. I've heard of
immigrant parents

763
00:37:34,454 --> 00:37:36,323
threatening that before,
but I don't know anyone

764
00:37:36,423 --> 00:37:37,892
whose parents actually did that.

765
00:37:37,992 --> 00:37:39,259
Why did you come back here?

766
00:37:39,359 --> 00:37:42,196
I love India, you know?
But this is home.

767
00:37:42,295 --> 00:37:43,631
It just... It was time.

768
00:37:43,731 --> 00:37:45,298
-Yeah.
-Plus, there's this app

769
00:37:45,398 --> 00:37:47,300
I'm trying to get
off the ground. I don't know.

770
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:49,269
Don't just gloss over
the million-dollar idea

771
00:37:49,369 --> 00:37:52,372
I could potentially steal.
I didn't realize
you were a tech nerd.

772
00:37:52,472 --> 00:37:55,308
I actually wanted to teach
computer science

773
00:37:55,408 --> 00:37:57,712
but got stuck with
sex ed because

774
00:37:57,812 --> 00:38:01,149
they already had a teacher
that was cuter than me.

775
00:38:02,250 --> 00:38:03,785
What a cute asshole.

776
00:38:07,822 --> 00:38:10,191
Okay, this guy graduated
from MIT,

777
00:38:10,290 --> 00:38:11,559
is old enough to rent a car

778
00:38:11,659 --> 00:38:13,493
but young enough
to know who BTS is

779
00:38:13,594 --> 00:38:16,030
and could probably make
better roti than me.

780
00:38:16,130 --> 00:38:17,397
I should stop being
a little bitch

781
00:38:17,497 --> 00:38:19,834
and just go for it, right?

782
00:38:33,346 --> 00:38:34,314
Maya?

783
00:38:34,414 --> 00:38:35,516
Uh, you know what?

784
00:38:35,616 --> 00:38:37,118
It's, um...

785
00:38:37,218 --> 00:38:38,485
It's getting really late,

786
00:38:38,586 --> 00:38:41,923
and I still have to plan
tomorrow's lesson, so...

787
00:38:42,023 --> 00:38:43,390
-Yeah.
-Okay.

788
00:38:43,490 --> 00:38:45,860
Bye.

789
00:38:55,269 --> 00:38:57,337
Did I just bow?
What is wrong with me?

790
00:38:57,437 --> 00:38:59,307
Maya, you need to turn
this vagina around

791
00:38:59,406 --> 00:39:02,176
right now! Fuck you, legs.

792
00:39:09,250 --> 00:39:12,385
Vodka with a splash of vodka
to drown your sorrows in.

793
00:39:12,485 --> 00:39:14,522
I don't get it!

794
00:39:14,622 --> 00:39:16,157
You know, I was enjoying it,

795
00:39:16,257 --> 00:39:18,491
and then he started
to touch my body,

796
00:39:18,593 --> 00:39:21,095
and I just kept thinking
of my Nani and my mom.

797
00:39:21,195 --> 00:39:23,598
-Ew.
-He could've K-popped my cherry.

798
00:39:23,698 --> 00:39:25,733
If he was Korean.
He's not. He's Filipino.

799
00:39:25,833 --> 00:39:27,134
It's different.
They're different.

800
00:39:27,235 --> 00:39:28,803
It's a whole--
You had to be there!

801
00:39:29,103 --> 00:39:30,938
Maybe you're into girls.

802
00:39:31,038 --> 00:39:34,175
I don't think so. I can barely
look at my own vagina.

803
00:39:34,275 --> 00:39:37,278
That's 'cause of the angle.
You got to use a mirror
and a ring light.

804
00:39:37,377 --> 00:39:38,913
High school bucket list:

805
00:39:39,013 --> 00:39:41,649
experiment with
your sexuality, girl.

806
00:39:42,350 --> 00:39:43,784
Mmm.

807
00:40:36,337 --> 00:40:37,972
Oh!

808
00:40:38,372 --> 00:40:40,007
Did you just punch my pussy?

809
00:40:40,107 --> 00:40:42,510
No, no, no, I didn't mean to!
I meant to grab it.

810
00:40:42,610 --> 00:40:44,812
What in the actual fuck?!

811
00:40:44,912 --> 00:40:46,514
I said grind it!

812
00:40:46,614 --> 00:40:47,882
You told me
to grab her by the pussy!

813
00:40:47,982 --> 00:40:49,951
-Why the fuck would I say that?!
-I don't know!

814
00:40:50,051 --> 00:40:52,086
-It's called consent, bitch!
-Me Too?

815
00:40:52,186 --> 00:40:54,487
I haven't had sex yet,
and I was trying to figure out
if I was gay!

816
00:40:54,588 --> 00:40:57,224
Oh, so I'm just another
straight-girl experiment.

817
00:40:57,325 --> 00:40:58,426
Fuck off, virgin!

818
00:40:58,526 --> 00:41:00,728
She is from a small town
in India.

819
00:41:00,828 --> 00:41:03,297
-She has camels in her pussy!
-I do not!

820
00:41:03,397 --> 00:41:05,399
No, there's not!

821
00:41:05,866 --> 00:41:07,935
Today, we
will be crafting our genitals.

822
00:41:08,035 --> 00:41:11,672
Or whatever body part you feel
best expresses your sexuality.

823
00:41:11,772 --> 00:41:13,607
Maya.

824
00:41:13,708 --> 00:41:15,609
Hi. Can I audit your class?

825
00:41:15,710 --> 00:41:16,944
I never had sex ed.

826
00:41:17,044 --> 00:41:19,814
Uh, sure, Barb.
I don't see why not.

827
00:41:20,281 --> 00:41:22,950
All right, class, let's...

828
00:41:28,589 --> 00:41:30,791
Good? All right, class, let's...

829
00:41:40,468 --> 00:41:42,903
All right.

830
00:41:47,475 --> 00:41:48,709
Let's make some art!

831
00:41:54,949 --> 00:41:57,885
The internal clitoris
covered in glitter.

832
00:41:57,985 --> 00:42:00,054
I call it
"the glittery clittery."

833
00:42:00,154 --> 00:42:01,922
Is masturbating
with glitter safe? I'm sorry.

834
00:42:02,023 --> 00:42:04,558
I should save my questions
till the end. Sorry.

835
00:42:04,658 --> 00:42:06,594
Thank you for
that inspiring visual, Jasmine.

836
00:42:06,694 --> 00:42:08,529
Please place that
on our sexual anatomy board.

837
00:42:11,365 --> 00:42:12,700
Next.

838
00:42:13,534 --> 00:42:15,069
His name's Goku.

839
00:42:15,169 --> 00:42:16,437
Based on a true story.

840
00:42:16,537 --> 00:42:18,172
I call bullshit.

841
00:42:18,272 --> 00:42:20,374
No.

842
00:42:20,474 --> 00:42:23,110
I'm glad you feel so confident,
Kyle. Put it on the board.

843
00:42:26,347 --> 00:42:29,717
-Next.
-So, I created my boobs
out of wire

844
00:42:29,817 --> 00:42:31,318
to protest
the underwire in bras.

845
00:42:31,419 --> 00:42:32,753
Preach. Put it on the board.

846
00:42:32,853 --> 00:42:35,189
-Next.
-I'm protesting this exercise.

847
00:42:35,289 --> 00:42:36,991
Fair enough. Who's next?

848
00:42:38,025 --> 00:42:39,226
It's a queef.

849
00:42:39,326 --> 00:42:40,461
If you put it sideways,

850
00:42:40,561 --> 00:42:42,063
it kind of looks like a sunrise.

851
00:42:44,732 --> 00:42:47,068
-I hate the sun.
-Okay.

852
00:42:47,501 --> 00:42:49,804
-Next.
-It's, uh, it's a penis pipe.

853
00:42:49,904 --> 00:42:51,472
You can smoke it like this.

854
00:42:51,572 --> 00:42:52,673
Uh, do not smoke your penis.

855
00:42:58,646 --> 00:43:00,448
Abbey. What's up?

856
00:43:00,549 --> 00:43:03,317
When-when is it okay
to have sex?

857
00:43:03,784 --> 00:43:08,656
Oh. Uh, well, I guess
that depends on you.

858
00:43:08,756 --> 00:43:11,025
Just-- I have a boyfriend,
and-and he's a senior

859
00:43:11,125 --> 00:43:14,529
at West Hill,
and he's been, um...

860
00:43:14,829 --> 00:43:16,497
You know, he want,
he wants to...

861
00:43:16,597 --> 00:43:17,532
Do you want to?

862
00:43:17,631 --> 00:43:20,501
I don't know. I...

863
00:43:20,601 --> 00:43:22,369
I-I don't not want to.

864
00:43:24,772 --> 00:43:26,407
You know, Abbey,
there's nothing wrong

865
00:43:26,508 --> 00:43:27,942
with taking your time.

866
00:43:28,042 --> 00:43:30,512
You know, you're young,
and sex will always be there.

867
00:43:30,611 --> 00:43:31,979
Even when you're my age.

868
00:43:32,079 --> 00:43:33,981
Oh, I don't want
to wait that long.

869
00:43:34,682 --> 00:43:36,350
Mm-hmm.

870
00:43:36,450 --> 00:43:40,354
Uh, well,
if you are ready, then...

871
00:43:40,454 --> 00:43:42,056
honestly, it's your choice.

872
00:43:42,156 --> 00:43:44,391
But please just be safe
about it.

873
00:43:44,492 --> 00:43:46,327
Okay. Yeah.

874
00:43:47,895 --> 00:43:51,932
Hey, uh, thanks for actually
listening to me, Ms. Singh.

875
00:43:52,032 --> 00:43:53,367
Of course.

876
00:43:54,235 --> 00:43:56,370
-See ya, Barb.
-Oh, see ya, honey.

877
00:43:56,470 --> 00:43:58,739
Good luck with the sex.

878
00:44:04,145 --> 00:44:06,548
Nice, guys.
Reset. Let's do it again.

879
00:44:12,319 --> 00:44:14,722
Yeah, I want to talk to you.
You got to focus here. Come on.

880
00:44:15,756 --> 00:44:17,892
-Hey, Ms. Singh.
-What's up, Jason?

881
00:44:17,992 --> 00:44:19,293
Your class was dope today.

882
00:44:19,393 --> 00:44:21,095
Oh, thank you.

883
00:44:22,696 --> 00:44:24,932
Coach Cruz is the best, huh?

884
00:44:25,032 --> 00:44:27,301
Kyle, stop it.
Go take a lap right now.

885
00:44:27,401 --> 00:44:28,936
Is Coach out there?

886
00:44:29,036 --> 00:44:30,905
Listen,
can I ask you a question?

887
00:44:31,005 --> 00:44:33,174
That depends.
Do I get paid overtime?

888
00:44:34,609 --> 00:44:36,578
I'm-I'm kidding.
Ask me the question.

889
00:44:36,677 --> 00:44:39,180
Would you ever date someone
younger than you?

890
00:44:39,280 --> 00:44:41,650
Not me. Gross.

891
00:44:42,082 --> 00:44:45,219
-Okay, well, how much older?
-Older. She goes to this school.

892
00:44:45,319 --> 00:44:47,087
So what's the problem?

893
00:44:47,188 --> 00:44:49,156
She's, like, really confident
and experienced,

894
00:44:49,256 --> 00:44:52,092
and I just don't know how
to show her I like her, too.

895
00:44:52,193 --> 00:44:55,496
You know, I got to show her
I'm, like, mature.

896
00:44:55,896 --> 00:44:57,464
Maybe you should make
a grand gesture.

897
00:44:57,566 --> 00:44:58,766
You know,
sweep her off her feet.

898
00:44:58,866 --> 00:45:00,367
Show her that you're serious.

899
00:45:01,969 --> 00:45:03,904
-Grand gesture, huh?
-Yeah.

900
00:45:04,004 --> 00:45:05,540
I mean, the worst
she can say is "no."

901
00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:08,442
-Okay, cool. Thanks, Ms. Singh.
-Got it.

902
00:45:11,145 --> 00:45:13,380
Number one player,
back on the field!

903
00:45:14,381 --> 00:45:15,950
Watch out, ladies!

904
00:45:18,219 --> 00:45:20,221
<i>I guess</i>
<i>it's not a horrible idea</i>

905
00:45:20,321 --> 00:45:22,223
<i>to invite a nice man</i>
<i>to a respectable family dinner.</i>

906
00:45:22,323 --> 00:45:23,891
<i>Great. Okay. So...</i>

907
00:45:23,991 --> 00:45:25,359
So, how's class going?

908
00:45:25,459 --> 00:45:28,362
Are your students engineers yet?

909
00:45:28,462 --> 00:45:30,565
Good. It's going good. Yeah.

910
00:45:30,665 --> 00:45:32,366
Uh, yesterday,
we covered the difference

911
00:45:32,466 --> 00:45:34,301
between hardware and software.

912
00:45:34,401 --> 00:45:35,769
Isn't it right in the title?

913
00:45:35,869 --> 00:45:37,871
One is hard, one is soft?

914
00:45:38,339 --> 00:45:39,740
-I could be a computer engineer.
-Totally.

915
00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:41,275
<i>What are you...</i>
<i>what are you doing?</i>

916
00:45:41,375 --> 00:45:42,510
<i>We are playing</i>
<i>to your strengths, Mom.</i>

917
00:45:42,611 --> 00:45:43,712
<i>Take it as a compliment.</i>

918
00:45:43,811 --> 00:45:46,648
So, have you seen
Farhad recently?

919
00:45:46,747 --> 00:45:48,916
No. Why would I?

920
00:45:49,016 --> 00:45:51,519
I don't know. He seems nice.

921
00:45:54,888 --> 00:45:56,658
<i>M-Maybe you'd like to come?</i>

922
00:45:56,757 --> 00:45:58,727
Go, aunty. See, Mom?

923
00:45:58,826 --> 00:45:59,927
It doesn't matter
how old you are.

924
00:46:00,027 --> 00:46:01,262
You can still live life.

925
00:46:01,362 --> 00:46:02,863
This is a TV show, Maya.

926
00:46:02,963 --> 00:46:05,432
No respectable woman would
behave like this in public.

927
00:46:05,533 --> 00:46:06,800
What would people say?

928
00:46:07,801 --> 00:46:09,136
Who are these people?

929
00:46:09,236 --> 00:46:10,804
Where-where are these people?

930
00:46:10,904 --> 00:46:12,139
And why do they matter?

931
00:46:12,239 --> 00:46:14,509
The community.
See, you don't understand

932
00:46:14,609 --> 00:46:17,444
because you make friends
by poking strangers
on the Facebook.

933
00:46:17,545 --> 00:46:20,948
Back in my day,
all we had was our community.

934
00:46:21,448 --> 00:46:24,619
Whatever. Also, no one even
uses Facebook anymore...

935
00:46:24,719 --> 00:46:26,153
-Shut up.
-Fine.

936
00:46:37,931 --> 00:46:40,434
Okay.

937
00:46:40,535 --> 00:46:41,536
You can do this.

938
00:46:41,636 --> 00:46:45,507
It's just you touching you.

939
00:46:45,607 --> 00:46:47,875
Okay.

940
00:46:53,581 --> 00:46:54,516
Okay.

941
00:46:54,616 --> 00:46:56,350
Yeah.

942
00:46:57,918 --> 00:46:59,320
Here goes.

943
00:47:00,354 --> 00:47:02,089
Yes. Okay.

944
00:47:03,658 --> 00:47:06,160
Think sexy thoughts.

945
00:47:08,162 --> 00:47:09,496
Penis.

946
00:47:10,931 --> 00:47:12,299
Hard penis.

947
00:47:12,399 --> 00:47:14,335
Clean penis.

948
00:47:14,435 --> 00:47:16,036
Hard, clean penis.

949
00:47:20,709 --> 00:47:23,477
Yeah, no. Okay, here we go.

950
00:47:29,551 --> 00:47:31,553
Container store.

951
00:47:32,953 --> 00:47:36,056
Okay. Yeah.

952
00:47:36,156 --> 00:47:37,958
Mm.

953
00:47:43,631 --> 00:47:45,199
Surprise Beyoncé album.

954
00:47:45,299 --> 00:47:47,067
Oh!

955
00:47:47,167 --> 00:47:49,537
Okay. Oh, yeah.

956
00:47:49,637 --> 00:47:53,173
Ooh. She just fucking
drops them out of nowhere!

957
00:47:56,910 --> 00:47:58,513
You're always right.

958
00:48:01,750 --> 00:48:03,818
Oh, my God. Oh.

959
00:48:03,917 --> 00:48:05,285
That's different.

960
00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:35,249
Why are you still in bed?
It's 11:00 a.m.

961
00:48:35,349 --> 00:48:37,985
Mom, no, it's not! Can I have
some privacy, please?

962
00:48:38,653 --> 00:48:39,687
What's that?

963
00:48:42,657 --> 00:48:44,324
That is, uh, a mixer.

964
00:48:44,425 --> 00:48:47,529
Yeah, the new, uh,
Magic Bullet Mini.

965
00:48:47,629 --> 00:48:49,062
Why is it in here?

966
00:48:50,497 --> 00:48:52,366
Because I had a smoothie.
Last night.

967
00:48:52,466 --> 00:48:54,168
Yeah, I brought it up here
to not wake you up, and...

968
00:48:54,268 --> 00:48:56,036
-What kind of smoothie?
-Uh...

969
00:48:56,136 --> 00:48:58,305
Was the milk expired?

970
00:48:58,405 --> 00:48:59,808
No! Ma, I really need
to get ready.

971
00:48:59,908 --> 00:49:01,308
Okay, get out, get out,
get out, get out.

972
00:49:01,408 --> 00:49:03,043
-It's okay. I'll take this.
-Uh...

973
00:49:12,219 --> 00:49:13,922
I made you breakfast.

974
00:49:14,021 --> 00:49:16,023
No, no, no, no, Mom.
The milk was expired.

975
00:49:16,123 --> 00:49:17,024
Throw that away. Right now.

976
00:49:17,124 --> 00:49:18,593
-Ah.
-You sure?

977
00:49:18,693 --> 00:49:20,394
Seems good to me.

978
00:49:20,494 --> 00:49:22,029
Huh? Mm. Whatever.

979
00:49:22,597 --> 00:49:24,331
More for me. Mmm.

980
00:49:24,431 --> 00:49:26,400
So good.

981
00:49:29,102 --> 00:49:32,841
So thick, so creamy.

982
00:49:32,941 --> 00:49:34,742
Welcome to vulva week.

983
00:49:34,843 --> 00:49:38,078
Over the next few days, we'll
be reviewing the female orgasm,

984
00:49:38,178 --> 00:49:40,849
aka the Big O.

985
00:49:40,949 --> 00:49:42,015
Lights, please.

986
00:49:42,550 --> 00:49:44,652
Now we're talking.

987
00:49:44,752 --> 00:49:46,353
You can't be serious.

988
00:49:46,453 --> 00:49:49,089
Today's lesson is about
the late great Betty Dodson,

989
00:49:49,189 --> 00:49:51,992
professional masturbator
and vulva Yoda.

990
00:49:52,092 --> 00:49:55,262
<i>So we've got the power</i>
<i>in our genitals</i>

991
00:49:55,362 --> 00:49:57,765
<i>to do anything we want</i>
<i>if we claim the power.</i>

992
00:50:09,978 --> 00:50:11,613
As you can see,
woman are capable

993
00:50:11,713 --> 00:50:13,615
of having multiple orgasms.

994
00:50:13,715 --> 00:50:16,383
It's important for everybody
to get to know their body.

995
00:50:16,483 --> 00:50:18,720
You know, what you like,
what you don't like.

996
00:50:18,820 --> 00:50:21,856
Your homework is to get to know
yourself, in your own way,

997
00:50:21,956 --> 00:50:23,958
however you feel comfortable.

998
00:50:24,057 --> 00:50:26,393
Sick! I already did
my homework at lunch.

999
00:50:26,493 --> 00:50:30,197
Up next:
how to locate the G-spot.

1000
00:50:30,297 --> 00:50:31,365
Dope.

1001
00:50:38,773 --> 00:50:40,040
Safe.

1002
00:50:40,140 --> 00:50:43,076
Safe. Safe.

1003
00:50:43,176 --> 00:50:44,679
Safe, baby.

1004
00:50:44,779 --> 00:50:47,481
So safe. Really safe.

1005
00:50:47,582 --> 00:50:49,216
I feel so safe.

1006
00:50:49,316 --> 00:50:50,952
-Super safe.
-Okay.

1007
00:50:52,954 --> 00:50:54,722
Whoa!

1008
00:50:55,757 --> 00:50:56,858
Oh!

1009
00:51:03,831 --> 00:51:05,600
Today...

1010
00:51:05,700 --> 00:51:07,401
we talk squirting.

1011
00:51:12,339 --> 00:51:13,942
Homosexuality can be found

1012
00:51:14,042 --> 00:51:16,109
in so many plant
and animal species.

1013
00:51:16,209 --> 00:51:17,745
For example, male penguins.

1014
00:51:17,845 --> 00:51:19,514
Spoiler alert: super gay.

1015
00:51:19,614 --> 00:51:21,481
Yeah, now you know why
they really have happy feet.

1016
00:51:28,155 --> 00:51:30,858
Hi, Maya. Oops.

1017
00:51:30,959 --> 00:51:32,527
You took my mug again.
That's okay.

1018
00:51:32,627 --> 00:51:36,831
Um, shouldn't you be
teaching yoga somewhere?

1019
00:51:39,466 --> 00:51:40,802
How you like that yoga?

1020
00:51:41,970 --> 00:51:43,203
Yeah?

1021
00:51:44,137 --> 00:51:45,339
Namaste.

1022
00:51:45,439 --> 00:51:48,108
Bitch.

1023
00:51:48,208 --> 00:51:50,210
I mean,
clearly you have seniority.

1024
00:51:50,310 --> 00:51:53,113
That is so rude.
Anyway, I made you one.

1025
00:51:53,213 --> 00:51:55,482
Oh, that is so nice of you.

1026
00:51:55,583 --> 00:51:57,217
You remind me of my housekeeper.

1027
00:51:57,317 --> 00:51:59,754
- Oh.
- She's so nice, too.

1028
00:52:02,790 --> 00:52:05,727
High school bucket list:
graffiti the bathroom wall.

1029
00:52:05,827 --> 00:52:07,528
Oh.

1030
00:52:07,629 --> 00:52:09,897
Is anybody in here?
Is anybody in here?

1031
00:52:17,672 --> 00:52:19,807
Maybe you shouldn't eat
so many dicks, Linda!

1032
00:52:19,907 --> 00:52:22,910
Hey, who's there?!
No more, no more, no more.

1033
00:52:23,011 --> 00:52:24,946
No more, no more.
Machine Gun Kelly.

1034
00:52:25,046 --> 00:52:26,848
And finally,
the shoulder holder,

1035
00:52:26,948 --> 00:52:29,984
popular in the UK and Japan,
according to a new poll.

1036
00:52:30,084 --> 00:52:31,251
Any questions?

1037
00:52:31,351 --> 00:52:33,755
I refuse to hear
any more of this.

1038
00:52:41,129 --> 00:52:43,564
-What's a reverse cowgirl?
-Great question.

1039
00:52:43,665 --> 00:52:45,933
That is one of the
commander-in-chief positions.

1040
00:52:46,034 --> 00:52:47,902
Especially empowering for women.

1041
00:52:48,002 --> 00:52:52,339
Because-- spoiler alert--
women can and should
enjoy sex as well.

1042
00:52:52,640 --> 00:52:54,642
-Barb?
-What position do you recommend

1043
00:52:54,742 --> 00:52:58,680
for someone with a very, very,
very, very tight vagina?

1044
00:53:00,081 --> 00:53:02,016
Cowgirl or 69.

1045
00:53:02,116 --> 00:53:05,385
But especially good
is doggy style.

1046
00:53:06,020 --> 00:53:09,724
She was... masturbating.

1047
00:53:15,495 --> 00:53:17,364
She said it was
a school assignment.

1048
00:53:17,464 --> 00:53:19,634
I saw the whole thing,
Principal Fletcher.

1049
00:53:19,734 --> 00:53:22,937
Ms. Singh was encouraging
her students to have S-E-X

1050
00:53:23,037 --> 00:53:25,740
and get pregnant. We don't need
any more babies in the world.

1051
00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:28,042
Some countries have
already overpopulated it.

1052
00:53:28,142 --> 00:53:30,044
What? No, I wasn't.
That's not true.

1053
00:53:30,144 --> 00:53:31,411
Ms. Singh, you do know
that we have

1054
00:53:31,512 --> 00:53:33,480
a very strict curriculum here.

1055
00:53:33,581 --> 00:53:35,883
I am giving them a more
comprehensive sex education.

1056
00:53:35,983 --> 00:53:38,485
I mean, they deserve
to learn about anatomy,

1057
00:53:38,586 --> 00:53:40,353
body positivity, pleasure.

1058
00:53:40,454 --> 00:53:42,757
My daughter does not need
to learn about any of that.

1059
00:53:42,857 --> 00:53:44,525
Oh. Okay. So you'd rather

1060
00:53:44,625 --> 00:53:46,426
she learn about all this
from Cardi B lyrics?

1061
00:53:46,527 --> 00:53:48,896
-I don't know who that is.
-It's Beyoncé.

1062
00:53:49,197 --> 00:53:50,565
Do you know how much money

1063
00:53:50,665 --> 00:53:52,900
I have donated to
the school football program?

1064
00:53:53,000 --> 00:53:55,368
Maya, it's a simple,

1065
00:53:55,469 --> 00:53:57,805
abstinence-focused program
prescribed by the state.

1066
00:53:57,905 --> 00:54:00,708
Okay? No, no, no.
We don't need anything more.

1067
00:54:00,808 --> 00:54:02,510
Just teach the book.

1068
00:54:03,611 --> 00:54:05,378
Just teach the book, Maya.

1069
00:54:05,479 --> 00:54:08,549
Even you can handle that.

1070
00:54:24,665 --> 00:54:27,168
-Hi.
-Hey. Want to get drunk?

1071
00:54:31,773 --> 00:54:33,373
I hate to say "I told you so."

1072
00:54:33,473 --> 00:54:35,209
-So I won't say it.
-Thank you.

1073
00:54:35,308 --> 00:54:36,878
But check your texts.

1074
00:54:39,947 --> 00:54:44,417
Ha ha. How do they expect me to
teach this antiquated nonsense?

1075
00:54:44,519 --> 00:54:46,654
-Change takes time.
-No.

1076
00:54:46,754 --> 00:54:48,321
I mean, there has to be
a better way

1077
00:54:48,421 --> 00:54:49,957
to teach kids about sex.

1078
00:54:50,057 --> 00:54:51,893
Yeah.

1079
00:54:56,898 --> 00:54:58,866
Uh...

1080
00:54:58,966 --> 00:55:00,433
-Can you excuse me
for a second?
-Mm-hmm.

1081
00:55:07,407 --> 00:55:09,610
Ms. Singh,
what are you doing here?

1082
00:55:09,710 --> 00:55:11,846
I think the question is:
What are you doing here?

1083
00:55:11,946 --> 00:55:14,115
'Cause it is a school night,
and you're underage.

1084
00:55:14,215 --> 00:55:16,250
I snuck out with my boyfriend.

1085
00:55:17,985 --> 00:55:21,522
Hi. Can you excuse us
for a sec, boyfriend?

1086
00:55:21,622 --> 00:55:23,057
- Thank you.
- Man.

1087
00:55:23,157 --> 00:55:25,827
-How did you even get in here?
-I used my cousin's ID.

1088
00:55:25,927 --> 00:55:27,895
But no one even noticed.

1089
00:55:30,031 --> 00:55:31,566
Damn white bouncer.

1090
00:55:31,666 --> 00:55:33,000
Please don't tell my parents.

1091
00:55:33,100 --> 00:55:34,635
-I won't.
-Thanks, Ms. Singh.

1092
00:55:34,735 --> 00:55:38,039
Also, I thought about our talk,
and I'm gonna take your advice.

1093
00:55:38,139 --> 00:55:38,973
I'm ready.

1094
00:55:39,073 --> 00:55:40,508
Wait, what?

1095
00:55:40,608 --> 00:55:42,977
We're gonna do it. Tonight.

1096
00:55:43,077 --> 00:55:44,477
Abbey, listen, okay?

1097
00:55:44,579 --> 00:55:47,081
I know I've been teaching you
all the benefits of sex,

1098
00:55:47,181 --> 00:55:49,349
but in reality,
sex is a big deal.

1099
00:55:49,449 --> 00:55:51,052
I mean, are you even
emotionally ready?

1100
00:55:51,152 --> 00:55:53,788
And you don't want to do
something you're gonna regret.

1101
00:55:53,888 --> 00:55:56,557
What happened to overcoming
shame by Brené Brown?

1102
00:55:56,657 --> 00:55:59,293
Brené Brown ain't brown.
You and I are both from cultures

1103
00:55:59,392 --> 00:56:01,696
where people will criticize us.

1104
00:56:01,796 --> 00:56:05,533
Okay? So we just have to be
extra careful.

1105
00:56:05,633 --> 00:56:09,170
But he's down with the
commander-in-chief positions.

1106
00:56:09,270 --> 00:56:11,038
-Abbey, listen to me.
-No.

1107
00:56:11,138 --> 00:56:13,140
You don't even believe
what you're teaching us.

1108
00:56:13,241 --> 00:56:15,142
Maybe you need to get laid.

1109
00:56:23,618 --> 00:56:25,385
Can I get three vodka shots,
please?

1110
00:56:43,004 --> 00:56:45,539
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hang on.

1111
00:56:46,040 --> 00:56:47,575
I don't want to do this
when you're this drunk.

1112
00:56:47,675 --> 00:56:49,010
Oh, come on. What?

1113
00:56:49,110 --> 00:56:50,511
Now that I'm gonna do it,
you don't want it?

1114
00:56:50,611 --> 00:56:52,313
Maya, you're trashed.
Just slow down.

1115
00:56:52,412 --> 00:56:54,215
What, are you nervous?

1116
00:56:54,315 --> 00:56:55,182
-Oh, it's just sex.
-No.

1117
00:56:55,283 --> 00:56:56,617
I wanna get to know you more.

1118
00:56:56,717 --> 00:56:58,853
Why? This is
what normal people do.

1119
00:56:58,953 --> 00:57:01,789
Wait. Don't tell me.
Are you, like, a virgin

1120
00:57:01,889 --> 00:57:04,125
- or something?
- I'm not. I'm just...

1121
00:57:04,225 --> 00:57:05,492
I'm a little scarred from my ex.

1122
00:57:05,593 --> 00:57:07,427
Oh, wow. Okay. Yeah.

1123
00:57:07,528 --> 00:57:09,864
I didn't realize
you had so much trauma.

1124
00:57:09,964 --> 00:57:12,300
I'm just trying to be honest
and vulnerable with you,

1125
00:57:12,400 --> 00:57:14,335
and I'm sorry
if that's coming off as...

1126
00:57:14,434 --> 00:57:16,304
Weak? Prude?

1127
00:57:16,404 --> 00:57:18,471
Yeah. A little.

1128
00:57:21,342 --> 00:57:22,677
I think you should leave.

1129
00:57:23,244 --> 00:57:24,178
What?

1130
00:57:43,496 --> 00:57:45,465
Kyle, can you please
read out loud?

1131
00:57:45,566 --> 00:57:47,802
Yeah. Um...

1132
00:57:48,970 --> 00:57:52,173
"Gonorrhea stays in your body
if it is not treated."

1133
00:57:52,273 --> 00:57:56,444
Uh, "Gonorrhea can also spread
to the blood and joints.

1134
00:57:56,544 --> 00:57:58,813
"Gonorrhea can be very serious.

1135
00:57:58,913 --> 00:58:00,748
-Gon..."
-Ms. Singh. What's up?

1136
00:58:00,848 --> 00:58:02,883
Why are we going back
to day-one shit?

1137
00:58:02,984 --> 00:58:04,618
Yeah, your classes
have been dope.

1138
00:58:04,719 --> 00:58:06,387
Yeah, it's like,
for the first time,

1139
00:58:06,486 --> 00:58:08,189
someone actually spoke to us

1140
00:58:08,289 --> 00:58:09,623
like we're not just stupid kids.

1141
00:58:09,724 --> 00:58:11,359
I can't teach that anymore.

1142
00:58:11,459 --> 00:58:13,561
I have to go back
to the regular curriculum

1143
00:58:13,661 --> 00:58:15,730
mandated by the state.

1144
00:58:16,496 --> 00:58:17,698
Are you okay?

1145
00:58:19,266 --> 00:58:21,135
Yeah, just a rough week.

1146
00:58:21,235 --> 00:58:22,436
Do you want to talk about it?

1147
00:58:22,536 --> 00:58:24,372
That would be
highly inappropriate.

1148
00:58:24,472 --> 00:58:26,707
-I fucked up so bad with him.
-Mm.

1149
00:58:26,807 --> 00:58:29,310
Yeah, but, you know, you're
allowed to make mistakes.

1150
00:58:29,410 --> 00:58:30,778
No one is perfect.

1151
00:58:30,878 --> 00:58:33,080
I'm so confident
with everything else, you know?

1152
00:58:33,180 --> 00:58:37,084
But when it comes to this...
stuff, it's like I'm broken.

1153
00:58:37,184 --> 00:58:39,153
"Stuff"?

1154
00:58:39,253 --> 00:58:40,821
You mean sex?

1155
00:58:40,921 --> 00:58:43,791
Ms. Singh, sounds like you're
dealing with a lot of shame.

1156
00:58:43,891 --> 00:58:45,393
And like you're afraid
of intimacy.

1157
00:58:45,493 --> 00:58:47,261
We learned this all from you,
Ms. Singh.

1158
00:58:47,361 --> 00:58:48,462
-Yeah.
-Yeah.

1159
00:58:48,562 --> 00:58:49,597
And also from TikTok.

1160
00:58:52,166 --> 00:58:53,534
You'll find your way.

1161
00:58:53,634 --> 00:58:55,036
Good luck with your smashing,
Ms. Singh.

1162
00:58:55,136 --> 00:58:57,304
-I believe in you.
-Thanks, Nathaniel.

1163
00:58:57,405 --> 00:58:59,740
Hey, you got this, Ms. Singh.

1164
00:59:00,141 --> 00:59:03,044
-Fuck it up, Ms. Singh.
-I'll try.

1165
00:59:05,514 --> 00:59:06,714
Hey.

1166
00:59:07,014 --> 00:59:08,983
Do you want to come to my house
for an early dinner?

1167
00:59:14,021 --> 00:59:16,457
Holy shit balls.

1168
00:59:16,557 --> 00:59:18,559
The fuck?

1169
00:59:23,998 --> 00:59:25,232
<i>Who is it?</i>

1170
00:59:25,332 --> 00:59:26,767
Yeah, I'm looking for Barb.

1171
00:59:26,867 --> 00:59:28,135
<i>What's the password?</i>

1172
00:59:28,235 --> 00:59:29,770
Uh...

1173
00:59:30,037 --> 00:59:31,405
"Clitoris"?

1174
00:59:31,506 --> 00:59:33,841
<i>- Enter, darling.</i>
- Yeah.

1175
00:59:35,843 --> 00:59:37,778
Barb, this looks amazing.

1176
00:59:37,878 --> 00:59:40,414
Mm. I steal all the ingredients
from the cafeteria.

1177
00:59:43,350 --> 00:59:47,488
Oh. Well, thank you.

1178
00:59:47,588 --> 00:59:48,856
Okay, also, I have to ask.

1179
00:59:48,956 --> 00:59:52,359
Your house is, like,
really nice and super...

1180
00:59:52,460 --> 00:59:53,861
-Expensive.
-Yeah.

1181
00:59:53,961 --> 00:59:56,664
Mm-hmm. Full disclosure.
I have been married twice.

1182
00:59:56,764 --> 00:59:58,866
My second husband was very rich.

1183
00:59:58,966 --> 01:00:01,635
He invented
the little robot vacuum.

1184
01:00:01,735 --> 01:00:02,703
-Really?
-Mm-hmm.

1185
01:00:02,803 --> 01:00:03,971
I've always wanted one of those.

1186
01:00:04,071 --> 01:00:06,273
It was my idea.
You know how it is.

1187
01:00:06,373 --> 01:00:08,577
Behind every great man is
an even greater woman

1188
01:00:08,676 --> 01:00:10,478
doing all the invisible labor.

1189
01:00:10,579 --> 01:00:11,946
Mm, totally.

1190
01:00:12,046 --> 01:00:14,915
So, can I ask, uh,
why didn't it work out?

1191
01:00:15,015 --> 01:00:18,553
Oh, uh, he couldn't keep up
with me, sexually.

1192
01:00:18,652 --> 01:00:19,987
Also, he had a real problem

1193
01:00:20,087 --> 01:00:22,356
with my orgasm face,
so I started faking it.

1194
01:00:22,456 --> 01:00:24,091
What face were you making?

1195
01:00:26,293 --> 01:00:28,062
Ooh...!

1196
01:00:28,162 --> 01:00:30,664
Wow. I mean, that should be
your profile picture.

1197
01:00:30,764 --> 01:00:32,900
-It is.
-Oh.

1198
01:00:33,000 --> 01:00:35,302
Are you not gonna
return the favor?

1199
01:00:35,570 --> 01:00:37,671
Go ahead. We're in a safe space.

1200
01:00:39,240 --> 01:00:41,675
Oh.

1201
01:00:41,775 --> 01:00:43,277
-That is good.
-Yeah?

1202
01:00:43,377 --> 01:00:46,380
-Yeah. You go inward
and I go outward.
-Huh.

1203
01:00:46,914 --> 01:00:50,484
You know, I was repressing
a lot of myself being with him.

1204
01:00:50,585 --> 01:00:53,588
-I didn't fart for six years.
-Shit.

1205
01:00:53,687 --> 01:00:56,223
Maya, being in your class
has been liberating.

1206
01:00:56,323 --> 01:00:57,491
That makes me really happy.

1207
01:00:57,592 --> 01:00:59,093
But I've been thinking,
maybe I actually

1208
01:00:59,193 --> 01:01:00,828
don't know what I'm doing,
you know?

1209
01:01:00,928 --> 01:01:01,996
Maybe I should quit.

1210
01:01:02,096 --> 01:01:04,298
What?! No!

1211
01:01:04,398 --> 01:01:05,567
You cannot quit on those kids.

1212
01:01:05,666 --> 01:01:07,301
I'm-I'm not even a real teacher.

1213
01:01:07,401 --> 01:01:08,302
This isn't what I do.

1214
01:01:08,402 --> 01:01:09,638
Honey,

1215
01:01:09,737 --> 01:01:11,138
I think it is what you do.

1216
01:01:12,973 --> 01:01:14,141
Hmm.

1217
01:01:14,241 --> 01:01:17,411
Ooh...!

1218
01:01:17,512 --> 01:01:18,580
Mm.

1219
01:01:18,679 --> 01:01:20,281
-Oh!
-Ooh.

1220
01:01:20,381 --> 01:01:22,584
-Oh...!
-Ooh...

1221
01:01:34,295 --> 01:01:36,764
The sexual revolution
was essential.

1222
01:01:36,864 --> 01:01:38,866
It worked to normalize
contraception,

1223
01:01:38,966 --> 01:01:41,570
porn, premarital sex,

1224
01:01:41,670 --> 01:01:46,040
homosexuality,
masturbation and abortions.

1225
01:01:50,444 --> 01:01:53,280
You know what? Maybe as a kid,

1226
01:01:53,380 --> 01:01:55,550
you were taught
that even thinking about sex

1227
01:01:55,650 --> 01:01:57,619
meant you were a bad person.

1228
01:01:57,718 --> 01:01:59,153
They told you not to
touch yourself down there

1229
01:01:59,253 --> 01:02:01,222
because then you'd get
a weird disease on your fingers

1230
01:02:01,322 --> 01:02:03,891
and maybe they would fall off.
Then you wouldn't be
able to type

1231
01:02:03,991 --> 01:02:05,226
and get a professional degree,
and then it's like,

1232
01:02:05,326 --> 01:02:07,596
how would you get back
to America?

1233
01:02:07,696 --> 01:02:11,398
And now, every time you even
come close to having an orgasm,

1234
01:02:11,498 --> 01:02:14,768
all you can think about is
your grandmother's face.

1235
01:02:14,868 --> 01:02:16,070
You're so close.

1236
01:02:16,170 --> 01:02:18,172
Just like...

1237
01:02:18,272 --> 01:02:19,641
Nani.

1238
01:02:19,740 --> 01:02:21,141
She's right there.

1239
01:02:23,911 --> 01:02:26,681
For too long, we've obsessed
over this idea of

1240
01:02:26,780 --> 01:02:28,749
"What will other people think?"

1241
01:02:28,849 --> 01:02:30,784
'Cause we don't want
to bring shame to ourselves

1242
01:02:30,884 --> 01:02:32,052
and to our families.

1243
01:02:32,152 --> 01:02:33,954
Well, kids, I'm here to tell you

1244
01:02:34,054 --> 01:02:36,991
that those days are over!

1245
01:02:37,091 --> 01:02:38,025
Yeah, they are.

1246
01:02:38,125 --> 01:02:40,729
Because everyone gets horny.

1247
01:02:40,828 --> 01:02:43,531
- Yeah!
- Everyone has wet dreams.

1248
01:02:43,632 --> 01:02:44,566
- Yeah!
- Let's go.

1249
01:02:44,666 --> 01:02:45,899
And everybody's mother

1250
01:02:46,000 --> 01:02:48,703
has licked their vibrator
at some point.

1251
01:02:50,004 --> 01:02:51,805
We need a sex ed revolution,

1252
01:02:51,905 --> 01:02:55,309
and it needs to start
in this school today!

1253
01:02:59,714 --> 01:03:02,850
Am I right? Am I fucking right?!

1254
01:03:02,950 --> 01:03:04,952
Ms... Ms. Singh!

1255
01:03:05,052 --> 01:03:06,755
Ms. Singh! Ms. Singh!

1256
01:03:06,854 --> 01:03:08,422
Get down. Come on. Get down.

1257
01:03:08,523 --> 01:03:10,124
- Get down.
- Get down.

1258
01:03:10,224 --> 01:03:12,359
-Ms. Singh, get down.
-Get down.

1259
01:03:12,459 --> 01:03:14,461
Mrs. Smeighton,
will you please take over

1260
01:03:14,562 --> 01:03:16,196
-while Ms. Singh is gone?
Come on.
-Yes, of course.

1261
01:03:18,899 --> 01:03:20,968
- No, come on!
- No, Ms. Singh.

1262
01:03:21,068 --> 01:03:23,203
Let's take a walk.

1263
01:03:23,304 --> 01:03:26,273
- That's bullshit!
- I heard that swear.

1264
01:03:26,373 --> 01:03:27,341
Party's over.

1265
01:03:27,441 --> 01:03:29,276
Let's get this filth
off the screen.

1266
01:03:30,679 --> 01:03:33,914
It's time for your sex education

1267
01:03:34,014 --> 01:03:35,115
to truly begin.

1268
01:03:35,215 --> 01:03:37,051
Do you know any sex positions?

1269
01:03:37,151 --> 01:03:38,586
Yeah, sure, I know
a good sex position.

1270
01:03:38,687 --> 01:03:39,621
Syphilis.

1271
01:03:41,889 --> 01:03:43,324
Have you lost your fucking mind?

1272
01:03:43,424 --> 01:03:45,660
I am teaching these kids
valuable lessons, okay?

1273
01:03:45,760 --> 01:03:47,094
They're not learning this stuff
at home.

1274
01:03:47,194 --> 01:03:49,263
I hired you to teach
a strict curriculum

1275
01:03:49,363 --> 01:03:51,332
enforced by the state
and the school board,

1276
01:03:51,432 --> 01:03:54,803
and you decided to become
the Malala of sex education.

1277
01:03:54,902 --> 01:03:56,036
Now they've got my urethra

1278
01:03:56,136 --> 01:03:57,672
wrapped around my neck
like a noose.

1279
01:03:57,772 --> 01:03:58,740
When I started at this school,

1280
01:03:58,839 --> 01:04:00,307
one of my students thought

1281
01:04:00,407 --> 01:04:02,577
the cervix
was a new Tesla model.

1282
01:04:02,677 --> 01:04:05,346
And your mom
sucking on your vibrator

1283
01:04:05,446 --> 01:04:06,715
is educational how?

1284
01:04:06,815 --> 01:04:09,751
She wasn't sucking it.
She just licked it.

1285
01:04:09,850 --> 01:04:11,720
I need to work at this school.

1286
01:04:11,820 --> 01:04:13,454
-I am learning so much.
-Look at my hands.

1287
01:04:13,555 --> 01:04:16,023
-What?
-Do you see
anything in them? No.

1288
01:04:16,123 --> 01:04:17,891
Because this is officially

1289
01:04:17,991 --> 01:04:19,794
in the hands of
the school board now.

1290
01:04:20,127 --> 01:04:21,995
Okay. Fine.
So who do I speak to?

1291
01:04:22,096 --> 01:04:23,997
Your only option is
to make an appeal

1292
01:04:24,098 --> 01:04:25,232
at the board's next meeting.

1293
01:04:25,332 --> 01:04:26,735
But I doubt
it'll make a difference.

1294
01:04:26,835 --> 01:04:28,035
They're a bunch of tyrants.

1295
01:04:29,537 --> 01:04:30,371
When is it?

1296
01:04:41,882 --> 01:04:44,218
Wait, Ms. Singh!

1297
01:04:44,619 --> 01:04:47,789
Sorry. I'm actually
not your teacher anymore.

1298
01:04:47,888 --> 01:04:49,490
Mm, that sucks.

1299
01:04:49,591 --> 01:04:52,627
I just wanted to tell you
I didn't have sex
with my boyfriend.

1300
01:04:52,727 --> 01:04:53,894
Really?

1301
01:04:53,994 --> 01:04:55,797
He wasn't respecting
my boundaries.

1302
01:04:56,230 --> 01:04:58,132
And he also wanted to do it
to Chainsmokers.

1303
01:04:58,232 --> 01:05:01,402
Mm, yeah. That's a red flag.

1304
01:05:01,502 --> 01:05:04,037
But...
good for you, Abbey.

1305
01:05:04,138 --> 01:05:06,473
I wish you could stay.

1306
01:05:06,574 --> 01:05:08,942
Mrs. Smeighton says every time
you have premarital sex

1307
01:05:09,042 --> 01:05:10,244
an angel dies.

1308
01:05:10,944 --> 01:05:12,279
Hmm.

1309
01:05:12,379 --> 01:05:14,849
Anyway, I should get
back to class.

1310
01:05:14,948 --> 01:05:16,216
Yeah.

1311
01:05:22,222 --> 01:05:23,957
I want to look away,
but I can't.

1312
01:05:26,293 --> 01:05:28,863
And now let's watch
the video in reverse

1313
01:05:28,962 --> 01:05:30,732
so the baby goes back in.

1314
01:05:48,248 --> 01:05:50,885
Get in, loser.
We're going TPing.

1315
01:05:50,984 --> 01:05:52,887
Yeah, I'm not in the mood, Jess.

1316
01:05:52,986 --> 01:05:54,589
Ah. Me neither.

1317
01:05:54,689 --> 01:05:57,892
Honestly, Tonya and I got
in this huge fight at Target.

1318
01:05:58,025 --> 01:05:59,960
We don't fuck
as much as we used to.

1319
01:06:03,397 --> 01:06:05,499
Come on.
High school bucket list.

1320
01:06:05,600 --> 01:06:07,201
TP the principal's house.

1321
01:06:07,301 --> 01:06:08,803
I mean, the bitch deserves it.

1322
01:06:08,903 --> 01:06:11,071
What is that gonna accomplish?

1323
01:06:12,206 --> 01:06:15,309
I don't know, Aunty.
It'll make us feel good?

1324
01:06:15,409 --> 01:06:16,644
Why am I even listening to you?

1325
01:06:16,744 --> 01:06:19,346
Not everything is about
feeling good, Jess.

1326
01:06:19,446 --> 01:06:21,315
-I never said that.
-Yeah, eventually,

1327
01:06:21,415 --> 01:06:24,519
you just have to, like,
grow up and be responsible.

1328
01:06:24,619 --> 01:06:27,522
Seriously?
You're telling me to grow up?

1329
01:06:27,622 --> 01:06:30,057
That is... That's funny.

1330
01:06:30,157 --> 01:06:31,526
Why? Huh? 'Cause I'm a virgin?

1331
01:06:31,626 --> 01:06:34,963
No. 'Cause you're stuck
on some childhood trauma,

1332
01:06:35,062 --> 01:06:36,965
and you expect everyone else
to accommodate.

1333
01:06:37,064 --> 01:06:38,398
A-And now
you're lashing out at me

1334
01:06:38,499 --> 01:06:40,902
even though I've done nothing
but help you

1335
01:06:41,001 --> 01:06:42,369
since you got back.

1336
01:06:42,804 --> 01:06:44,438
Well, I didn't realize
you were keeping score.

1337
01:06:44,539 --> 01:06:46,106
Yeah, what are you,
my therapist?

1338
01:06:46,206 --> 01:06:47,542
You're gonna send me
a fucking invoice?

1339
01:06:47,642 --> 01:06:49,276
You know what your problem is?
You're salty

1340
01:06:49,376 --> 01:06:52,012
because I'm not afraid
of intimacy and you are.

1341
01:06:52,112 --> 01:06:53,781
Here's the thing.

1342
01:06:54,147 --> 01:06:56,183
-I don't need your help.
-Oh.

1343
01:06:56,283 --> 01:06:57,552
'Cause I don't want to be
like you.

1344
01:06:57,652 --> 01:06:59,921
Okay? I don't want to have sex
two times a day

1345
01:07:00,020 --> 01:07:01,523
or finger-fuck a papaya, okay?

1346
01:07:01,623 --> 01:07:03,958
Because you know why?
It's not a good look.

1347
01:07:04,057 --> 01:07:05,760
It's embarrassing.

1348
01:07:05,860 --> 01:07:07,361
Wow.

1349
01:07:12,800 --> 01:07:14,802
You're fucked-up, dude.

1350
01:07:14,903 --> 01:07:16,538
That's not my problem.

1351
01:07:19,406 --> 01:07:22,042
You'll need this 'cause
you're a fucking asshole!

1352
01:07:55,075 --> 01:07:58,478
<i>I've been</i>
<i>wanting to do something</i>
<i>for quite a while.</i>

1353
01:08:10,725 --> 01:08:14,896
-Let me get my ID.
-That's okay.
You look old enough.

1354
01:08:30,110 --> 01:08:32,080
- Hi.
- Hey.

1355
01:08:35,482 --> 01:08:36,751
Maya?

1356
01:08:36,851 --> 01:08:38,418
Yeah, that's me.

1357
01:08:39,721 --> 01:08:41,823
Hey. Maya.

1358
01:08:41,923 --> 01:08:43,558
It's me.

1359
01:08:43,658 --> 01:08:44,559
Sohan.

1360
01:08:46,861 --> 01:08:48,362
-Sohan?
-Yeah.

1361
01:08:48,462 --> 01:08:49,597
What the fuck
are you doing here?

1362
01:08:49,697 --> 01:08:51,465
This is my job.
You're in my office.

1363
01:08:51,566 --> 01:08:53,034
What the fuck
are you doing here?

1364
01:08:53,133 --> 01:08:54,936
-I thought you were in India.
-I came back.

1365
01:08:55,036 --> 01:08:57,005
-Holy shit.
-Holy shit. Yeah.

1366
01:08:57,105 --> 01:08:58,238
What have you been up to?

1367
01:08:58,338 --> 01:09:01,109
Well, I-I was a sex ed teacher.

1368
01:09:01,609 --> 01:09:03,276
And then I got fired
because the school thought

1369
01:09:03,377 --> 01:09:05,445
I was being inappropriate
with my students.

1370
01:09:05,546 --> 01:09:08,049
Yeah, even though I was
just being a badass bitch.

1371
01:09:08,148 --> 01:09:09,851
-Ah, damn.
-Yeah.

1372
01:09:10,283 --> 01:09:13,087
But I'm actually
a computer engineer.

1373
01:09:13,186 --> 01:09:15,623
I'm launching
my own app soon, so...

1374
01:09:15,723 --> 01:09:17,725
-Damn.
-Yeah.

1375
01:09:17,825 --> 01:09:21,029
Okay, well, uh,
this was gonna be my last ride

1376
01:09:21,129 --> 01:09:23,631
of the night anyway, so...

1377
01:09:26,366 --> 01:09:27,935
You trying to fuck
with some Molly?

1378
01:09:29,070 --> 01:09:30,605
Mm...

1379
01:09:32,339 --> 01:09:34,075
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.

1380
01:09:34,174 --> 01:09:36,044
Oh, my God. Mm, yeah.

1381
01:09:39,212 --> 01:09:43,216
Ooh, Maya,
you are still so sexy.

1382
01:09:45,753 --> 01:09:49,157
You were, like, the first guy
I ever had feelings for.

1383
01:09:49,256 --> 01:09:51,224
Can't believe
I'm gonna lose it to you.

1384
01:09:51,324 --> 01:09:53,460
Mm-hmm. Wait, what?
What? Lose what?

1385
01:09:53,561 --> 01:09:56,130
I just meant like, you know,
lose control

1386
01:09:56,229 --> 01:09:58,966
and just go wild
while we just... sex.

1387
01:09:59,067 --> 01:10:01,201
I was so in love with you.

1388
01:10:01,301 --> 01:10:02,570
-Yeah?
-It sucked when you moved.

1389
01:10:02,670 --> 01:10:05,173
I mean, it wa--
it was for the best, right?

1390
01:10:05,272 --> 01:10:07,274
I mean, how did you keep
going to school?

1391
01:10:07,374 --> 01:10:09,877
Wasn't it so humiliating?

1392
01:10:09,977 --> 01:10:11,879
No, not really.

1393
01:10:12,279 --> 01:10:14,649
Mm, what do you mean,
"No, not really"?

1394
01:10:14,749 --> 01:10:16,150
I mean, we were kids.

1395
01:10:16,249 --> 01:10:17,985
And also, it helped me
get a girlfriend

1396
01:10:18,086 --> 01:10:18,986
after you left.

1397
01:10:22,422 --> 01:10:25,860
So, let me get this straight.

1398
01:10:25,960 --> 01:10:29,864
Uh, I got sent away,
and you got a girlfriend

1399
01:10:29,964 --> 01:10:32,365
and a fun memory?

1400
01:10:33,101 --> 01:10:34,869
Are you... mad?

1401
01:10:34,969 --> 01:10:37,270
I thought
you wouldn't give a shit.

1402
01:10:37,370 --> 01:10:38,773
I mean, you're Maya.

1403
01:10:38,873 --> 01:10:40,141
What does that even mean?

1404
01:10:40,240 --> 01:10:42,877
It means you're a badass. Right?

1405
01:10:43,578 --> 01:10:45,213
Yeah.

1406
01:10:45,312 --> 01:10:48,816
Now I'm just
an unemployed half-teacher.

1407
01:10:50,317 --> 01:10:55,056
Well, you are
the sexiest half-teacher

1408
01:10:55,156 --> 01:10:56,724
I've ever seen.

1409
01:11:00,393 --> 01:11:03,698
Holy shit.

1410
01:11:04,866 --> 01:11:07,201
Okay.

1411
01:11:07,602 --> 01:11:09,469
Did your dick eat
a Super Mario mushroom?

1412
01:11:09,570 --> 01:11:11,506
'Cause that shit is
twice the size.

1413
01:11:11,606 --> 01:11:13,306
I used to be proud of it,
but honestly,

1414
01:11:13,406 --> 01:11:15,176
it's caused a lot of problems
in my intimate life

1415
01:11:15,275 --> 01:11:16,544
over the last few years.

1416
01:11:16,644 --> 01:11:17,979
Uh-huh.

1417
01:11:26,353 --> 01:11:30,191
<i>Look.
</i> <i>She's offering two mangoes</i> <i>to the king.</i>

1418
01:11:30,457 --> 01:11:32,059
<i>Come on, stoner.</i>

1419
01:11:32,527 --> 01:11:34,662
<i>What a big, strong snake.</i>

1420
01:11:34,762 --> 01:11:37,999
Hey, um, are you okay?

1421
01:11:38,099 --> 01:11:39,366
Maya?

1422
01:11:39,466 --> 01:11:40,935
Are you okay?

1423
01:11:59,687 --> 01:12:02,023
Yeah, that's my boy, Sohan!

1424
01:12:14,569 --> 01:12:17,505
<i>Extra careful.</i>

1425
01:12:18,206 --> 01:12:19,941
Maya?

1426
01:12:20,473 --> 01:12:23,678
Maya? Maya?

1427
01:12:29,449 --> 01:12:30,651
Oh, my God.

1428
01:12:30,751 --> 01:12:32,419
Is this the penetration fever?

1429
01:12:32,520 --> 01:12:34,155
-Did I lose my virginity?
-No.

1430
01:12:34,255 --> 01:12:36,657
-You're on drugs, bro.
-Wha--

1431
01:12:37,325 --> 01:12:38,425
Fuck!

1432
01:12:38,526 --> 01:12:40,828
Ugh! I was so close.

1433
01:12:40,928 --> 01:12:43,030
Why are you such a weirdo
with sex?

1434
01:12:43,130 --> 01:12:44,431
God, what happened to me?

1435
01:12:44,532 --> 01:12:45,833
I've always been
like this, okay?

1436
01:12:45,933 --> 01:12:48,069
-Something is wrong with me.
-That's not true.

1437
01:12:48,169 --> 01:12:51,539
Because just a few seconds ago,
I showed Sohan my bomb-ass tits

1438
01:12:51,639 --> 01:12:53,341
and I saw his penis.

1439
01:12:55,610 --> 01:12:57,879
Minus him coming in my pupil,

1440
01:12:57,979 --> 01:13:00,514
-I liked the whole thing.
-I was judged.

1441
01:13:00,615 --> 01:13:02,583
Okay, I felt ashamed for being
some sort of sexual freak,

1442
01:13:02,683 --> 01:13:04,685
and now I feel like a freak
for not being sexual enough.

1443
01:13:04,785 --> 01:13:06,386
I just-- I don't know
what people want from me.

1444
01:13:06,486 --> 01:13:08,388
So, when I grow up,
I let other people decide

1445
01:13:08,488 --> 01:13:09,590
what's right for me?

1446
01:13:09,690 --> 01:13:11,025
That sounds like some bullshit.

1447
01:13:11,125 --> 01:13:12,627
It's not that simple.

1448
01:13:12,727 --> 01:13:14,328
Isn't it, for you at least?

1449
01:13:14,427 --> 01:13:16,230
I mean, I'm getting sent away
in a few days,

1450
01:13:16,330 --> 01:13:18,099
but you're an adult now,
and you can decide

1451
01:13:18,199 --> 01:13:20,433
- what's right for you.
<i>- Maya?</i>

1452
01:13:20,534 --> 01:13:23,704
You have a lot to unlearn, Maya.

1453
01:13:24,272 --> 01:13:26,406
<i>Maya? Maya?</i>

1454
01:13:26,507 --> 01:13:28,276
- Maya?
<i>- Wake up.</i>

1455
01:13:28,376 --> 01:13:30,278
Maya!

1456
01:13:30,378 --> 01:13:31,612
Hey.

1457
01:13:31,712 --> 01:13:34,582
Holy shit!
Sohan, that was amazing.

1458
01:13:34,682 --> 01:13:36,284
We didn't do anything.

1459
01:13:36,384 --> 01:13:38,519
I just had
a major life realization.

1460
01:13:38,619 --> 01:13:42,323
Whoa. You know,
every time you see my wiener,

1461
01:13:42,422 --> 01:13:43,824
you go through a major change.

1462
01:13:43,925 --> 01:13:46,360
Good luck with your,
uh, situation, man.

1463
01:13:46,493 --> 01:13:49,196
-Yeah, it's a problem.
-Yeah.

1464
01:13:49,297 --> 01:13:51,599
And, yo,
fuck what those people say.

1465
01:13:51,699 --> 01:13:53,367
Show the world your boobs.

1466
01:13:53,466 --> 01:13:54,902
They're beautiful.

1467
01:13:56,904 --> 01:13:59,106
Thanks.

1468
01:14:32,740 --> 01:14:34,608
<i>High school bucket list, bitch.</i>

1469
01:14:34,709 --> 01:14:37,477
<i>Make a mix CD for your</i>
<i>best friend. I'm sorry.</i>

1470
01:14:37,578 --> 01:14:39,580
<i>Also it's really hard</i>
<i>to burn a CD these days.</i>

1471
01:14:54,061 --> 01:14:57,031
So we will be doing
a fundraiser in January

1472
01:14:57,131 --> 01:15:00,568
as cafeteria costs
just keep ballooning.

1473
01:15:00,935 --> 01:15:02,536
Next order of business
is to discuss

1474
01:15:02,636 --> 01:15:04,605
the concerns that we've had

1475
01:15:04,705 --> 01:15:06,607
regarding
our sex education program.

1476
01:15:06,707 --> 01:15:09,076
Specifically its instructor,
Ms. Singh.

1477
01:15:09,176 --> 01:15:12,680
Ms. Singh has asked to have
her position reinstated.

1478
01:15:12,780 --> 01:15:15,850
And I think that we owe it
to her to hear her out.

1479
01:15:15,950 --> 01:15:16,951
So...

1480
01:15:19,353 --> 01:15:24,725
Hear what? She's got to go
before she Kama Sutras
our school!

1481
01:15:24,825 --> 01:15:26,727
-Lock her up!
-Yeah.

1482
01:15:28,162 --> 01:15:29,864
I say let's hear her out.

1483
01:15:29,964 --> 01:15:33,200
Maybe there's a reason she's
been acting like a dumb bitch.

1484
01:15:42,276 --> 01:15:44,311
Hello, everyone.

1485
01:15:44,412 --> 01:15:46,113
My name is Maya Singh.

1486
01:15:47,782 --> 01:15:49,450
And I'm a virgin.

1487
01:15:50,918 --> 01:15:52,553
I know that's hard
to believe at my age.

1488
01:15:52,653 --> 01:15:53,954
I've come to terms
with the fact that I got

1489
01:15:54,055 --> 01:15:56,791
white pubes
before ever getting laid.

1490
01:15:57,058 --> 01:16:00,861
Thing is, as a kid, you're
taught to be scared of sex.

1491
01:16:00,961 --> 01:16:02,531
Especially if you're a girl.

1492
01:16:02,630 --> 01:16:05,800
It was always,
"You immediately get pregnant."

1493
01:16:05,900 --> 01:16:07,368
"And your hymen will explode."

1494
01:16:07,468 --> 01:16:09,270
I never got the talk.

1495
01:16:09,370 --> 01:16:11,839
I don't know shit about my body.

1496
01:16:11,939 --> 01:16:13,941
I'm horrified
of going to the gyno,

1497
01:16:14,041 --> 01:16:17,378
and I still don't even know
how to put a tampon in.

1498
01:16:17,478 --> 01:16:20,114
I used to blame my mom
and my grandma

1499
01:16:20,214 --> 01:16:22,383
for calling my vagina
"shame-shame."

1500
01:16:22,483 --> 01:16:23,818
Yeah, but the truth is,

1501
01:16:23,918 --> 01:16:25,753
they're messed up
because of the same system

1502
01:16:25,853 --> 01:16:27,922
I'm fighting here today.

1503
01:16:28,022 --> 01:16:31,392
And no, before you say,
it's not "an Indian thing."

1504
01:16:31,492 --> 01:16:33,027
It's a universal thing.

1505
01:16:33,327 --> 01:16:37,231
I used to think that we should
censor the world from kids.

1506
01:16:37,331 --> 01:16:38,866
But after meeting yours,

1507
01:16:38,966 --> 01:16:40,367
I feel like
maybe we should give them

1508
01:16:40,468 --> 01:16:42,269
the right tools instead.

1509
01:16:42,636 --> 01:16:45,106
That's why I created "The Talk."

1510
01:16:45,206 --> 01:16:46,407
A sex education app.

1511
01:16:46,508 --> 01:16:48,109
For the kids in my class.

1512
01:16:48,209 --> 01:16:49,810
Let me show you.

1513
01:16:54,115 --> 01:16:56,917
Wrong one! Wrong one! Sorry!

1514
01:16:59,620 --> 01:17:01,856
There we go. "The Talk."

1515
01:17:01,956 --> 01:17:04,792
Through the comfort of the app,
your kids can ask you,

1516
01:17:04,892 --> 01:17:07,361
their teachers, the community,
questions about sex.

1517
01:17:07,461 --> 01:17:10,397
And there's a database
of information for both sides.

1518
01:17:10,498 --> 01:17:11,899
Because let's be real.

1519
01:17:11,999 --> 01:17:14,034
You don't know what the fuck
your kids are talking about.

1520
01:17:14,135 --> 01:17:15,604
And if things get
really awkward,

1521
01:17:15,703 --> 01:17:17,805
you can even
gamify the conversation.

1522
01:17:20,141 --> 01:17:22,176
Get her out of here!

1523
01:17:22,276 --> 01:17:24,411
-Shame!
-Shame! Shame!

1524
01:17:26,581 --> 01:17:28,315
Okay, everybody.

1525
01:17:31,520 --> 01:17:33,020
Quiet, everyone!

1526
01:17:34,054 --> 01:17:36,991
Ms. Singh may not be perfect.

1527
01:17:37,091 --> 01:17:38,726
In fact, she's-she's far
from perfect.

1528
01:17:38,826 --> 01:17:40,629
Like, like, really far. I mean,

1529
01:17:40,728 --> 01:17:43,731
she hasn't even
given us a test or anything.

1530
01:17:44,098 --> 01:17:46,734
But she's the best teacher
we've ever had.

1531
01:17:47,134 --> 01:17:48,903
When I told Ms. Singh
I wanted to have sex

1532
01:17:49,003 --> 01:17:51,438
with my boyfriend, she didn't
treat me like delinquent.

1533
01:17:51,540 --> 01:17:53,040
No, she actually listened to me.

1534
01:17:53,140 --> 01:17:54,942
Ms. Singh empowered me
to make my own decisions

1535
01:17:55,042 --> 01:17:57,111
and gave me the tools
to do that.

1536
01:17:58,279 --> 01:17:59,380
And I'm thankful.

1537
01:18:01,550 --> 01:18:02,983
Thank you.

1538
01:18:04,818 --> 01:18:07,188
I'm a virgin!

1539
01:18:07,288 --> 01:18:08,657
Yeah, me, too.

1540
01:18:08,756 --> 01:18:10,891
I've had the chance to smash.

1541
01:18:10,991 --> 01:18:13,662
Lots of times, but I-I didn't.

1542
01:18:13,794 --> 01:18:14,995
Because...

1543
01:18:15,896 --> 01:18:17,198
I don't really know
how to do it.

1544
01:18:17,298 --> 01:18:19,099
I used to be embarrassed
about that,

1545
01:18:19,200 --> 01:18:21,235
but not anymore,
thanks to Ms. Singh.

1546
01:18:21,335 --> 01:18:24,905
Plus, I know my girlfriend
loves me anyway.

1547
01:18:27,141 --> 01:18:28,075
I'm gay.

1548
01:18:28,175 --> 01:18:29,843
Yes! Yes!

1549
01:18:29,944 --> 01:18:31,779
What?

1550
01:18:32,012 --> 01:18:33,948
I didn't realize it
until Ms. Singh's class.

1551
01:18:34,048 --> 01:18:36,551
I'm, like, definitely
on the spectrum.

1552
01:18:36,651 --> 01:18:37,785
It feels so good.

1553
01:18:37,885 --> 01:18:39,320
Get it, girl.

1554
01:18:41,488 --> 01:18:42,856
Women sleep with me because

1555
01:18:42,957 --> 01:18:45,292
they think I'm Harrison Ford.

1556
01:18:45,392 --> 01:18:48,697
I masturbate to Shark Week.

1557
01:18:48,796 --> 01:18:51,198
I like Jesus,
but I love gay porn.

1558
01:18:51,298 --> 01:18:53,267
Yeah!

1559
01:18:53,367 --> 01:18:55,869
I'm still a virgin,
but I've done anal!

1560
01:18:57,771 --> 01:19:00,140
I'm in love
with my math teacher.

1561
01:19:00,241 --> 01:19:02,142
That's right.
I love you, Ms. Smeighton.

1562
01:19:02,977 --> 01:19:04,178
What we have is special.

1563
01:19:04,278 --> 01:19:05,547
Oh, God.

1564
01:19:05,647 --> 01:19:07,515
Fuck me sideways.

1565
01:19:09,316 --> 01:19:11,385
You said make a grand gesture,
right?

1566
01:19:22,963 --> 01:19:24,098
Oh, my God.

1567
01:19:33,207 --> 01:19:36,745
I don't know what
this young man is talking about.

1568
01:19:36,844 --> 01:19:38,912
I'm trying to show you
that I'm serious.

1569
01:19:39,013 --> 01:19:40,414
I'm not just a kid.

1570
01:19:40,515 --> 01:19:42,316
I want to be with you, Linda.

1571
01:19:44,586 --> 01:19:47,522
-Oh, uh... Huh?
-What on earth
is going on here?

1572
01:19:47,622 --> 01:19:49,923
This is clearly
a very sick joke.

1573
01:19:50,024 --> 01:19:52,459
-I mean,
I barely know this student.
-What?

1574
01:19:52,560 --> 01:19:55,195
Linda, what about all the times

1575
01:19:55,296 --> 01:19:57,131
we made sweet love
in the supply closet?

1576
01:19:59,133 --> 01:20:01,302
She told me to delete it
off my phone, but...

1577
01:20:01,402 --> 01:20:02,671
it's still in the cloud!

1578
01:20:02,771 --> 01:20:05,439
Oh!

1579
01:20:05,540 --> 01:20:08,042
Oh, my God, that's not me!
That is not me!

1580
01:20:08,142 --> 01:20:10,177
-And I will cherish it forever.
-Go, Jason!

1581
01:20:10,277 --> 01:20:12,446
Everyone, please remain calm!

1582
01:20:14,014 --> 01:20:15,750
Damn, she got a sidepiece!

1583
01:20:15,849 --> 01:20:17,451
Not so fast, bitch juice.

1584
01:20:21,121 --> 01:20:23,190
The police have been called.

1585
01:20:23,290 --> 01:20:27,461
I wouldn't go anywhere
if I were you, you perv.

1586
01:20:31,265 --> 01:20:33,467
Sex can be good.

1587
01:20:35,936 --> 01:20:37,905
Linda.

1588
01:20:39,473 --> 01:20:42,376
Uh, suspect
is in custody. Beige dress.

1589
01:20:42,476 --> 01:20:45,680
Kind of looks like
Scott Pilgrim with tits.

1590
01:20:45,780 --> 01:20:48,248
I bet her orgasm face sucks ass.

1591
01:20:48,349 --> 01:20:49,450
Totally.

1592
01:20:49,551 --> 01:20:50,785
I'll wait for you, Linda!

1593
01:20:50,884 --> 01:20:53,588
Kid, fuck someone your own age.

1594
01:20:54,054 --> 01:20:56,123
Speaking of fucking
somebody your own age.

1595
01:20:57,057 --> 01:20:58,859
- Oh.
- Eh?

1596
01:21:01,428 --> 01:21:03,798
-Hey.
-Hey.

1597
01:21:03,897 --> 01:21:07,201
- Your speech was brave.
- Thanks.

1598
01:21:07,301 --> 01:21:09,470
- It's, uh, already viral.
<i>- I'm a virgin.</i>

1599
01:21:09,571 --> 01:21:12,574
<i>I'm a virgin. I'm a virgin.</i>

1600
01:21:12,674 --> 01:21:15,543
- 200,000 views. Fun.
<i>- I love gay porn.</i>

1601
01:21:17,512 --> 01:21:22,717
So, I'm a...
virgin that projected onto you.

1602
01:21:23,150 --> 01:21:25,285
You probably think
I'm such a loser.

1603
01:21:26,654 --> 01:21:28,255
Actually, I find it refreshing.

1604
01:21:29,691 --> 01:21:30,759
Shut up, Allux.

1605
01:21:30,859 --> 01:21:32,560
I'm serious.

1606
01:21:33,293 --> 01:21:34,596
Hey, um...

1607
01:21:35,462 --> 01:21:36,631
do you want to...

1608
01:21:38,132 --> 01:21:40,467
...go to the Spring Fling
together?

1609
01:21:45,372 --> 01:21:46,541
I'd love to.

1610
01:21:49,009 --> 01:21:50,244
If I'm allowed.

1611
01:21:50,344 --> 01:21:51,945
Oh.

1612
01:21:52,045 --> 01:21:53,347
Spring Fling on that dick!

1613
01:21:55,182 --> 01:21:57,050
Nice.

1614
01:21:57,151 --> 01:21:59,587
<i>- I'm a virgin.</i>
<i>- I've done anal!</i>

1615
01:21:59,687 --> 01:22:01,422
<i>I'm a virgin.</i>
<i>I'm a virgin.</i>

1616
01:22:01,523 --> 01:22:03,825
<i>I'm-I'm...</i>

1617
01:22:03,924 --> 01:22:05,827
<i>- Ding-dong.</i>
<i>- I love gay porn!</i>

1618
01:22:05,926 --> 01:22:07,294
<i>Porn. Porn.</i>

1619
01:22:07,394 --> 01:22:08,996
<i>Women sleep with me</i>
<i>because they think</i>

1620
01:22:09,096 --> 01:22:11,231
<i>I'm Harrison Ford. Ford. Ford.</i>

1621
01:22:11,331 --> 01:22:13,267
<i>- I'm a virgin.</i>
<i>- Ding-dong, ding-dong.</i>

1622
01:22:13,367 --> 01:22:15,737
<i>- I'm in love with</i>
<i>my math teacher!</i>
<i>I'm a virgin.</i>

1623
01:22:15,837 --> 01:22:17,004
Your aunty sent it to me.

1624
01:22:18,807 --> 01:22:19,973
Her eyebrow lady's daughter's

1625
01:22:20,073 --> 01:22:21,208
best friend was there.

1626
01:22:21,308 --> 01:22:22,911
Of course. You had a mole.

1627
01:22:23,010 --> 01:22:25,279
You've been lying
this whole time?

1628
01:22:25,379 --> 01:22:28,248
-What happened
to computer science?
-It was only temporary, okay?

1629
01:22:28,348 --> 01:22:31,952
I had to teach sex ed
to research my demo.
It was for funding.

1630
01:22:32,052 --> 01:22:34,121
You think people are
going to fund your app?

1631
01:22:34,221 --> 01:22:36,423
They don't even respect you
as a half-teacher.

1632
01:22:36,524 --> 01:22:40,260
And why are you announcing your
personal matters to the world?

1633
01:22:40,360 --> 01:22:42,664
These subjects should be
private, especially a...

1634
01:22:42,764 --> 01:22:44,899
Woman? You know what, Mom?

1635
01:22:44,998 --> 01:22:46,768
I don't accept that anymore.

1636
01:22:47,067 --> 01:22:50,237
Our culture is
full of badass women.

1637
01:22:50,337 --> 01:22:53,875
Nani. Like, every aunty
I've ever met. You.

1638
01:22:53,974 --> 01:22:55,610
You're literally fearless,

1639
01:22:55,710 --> 01:22:58,178
except when it comes time
to doing what's best for you.

1640
01:22:58,278 --> 01:23:00,515
Leave me out of this, Maya.

1641
01:23:00,615 --> 01:23:02,684
No, Mom...

1642
01:23:03,250 --> 01:23:06,821
How long are you gonna punish
yourself for Dad's mistakes?

1643
01:23:07,120 --> 01:23:09,356
Dad is the one that messed up.

1644
01:23:09,456 --> 01:23:11,291
Yet he's out there
living his life.

1645
01:23:11,391 --> 01:23:13,528
Even though
he should be ashamed.

1646
01:23:13,628 --> 01:23:17,231
And here you are, thinking
you deserve to be alone.

1647
01:23:17,331 --> 01:23:20,668
Why?
Because what will people think?

1648
01:23:23,203 --> 01:23:27,241
Well, you know what, Mom?
It's time to think for yourself.

1649
01:23:30,778 --> 01:23:32,012
Are you really a virgin?

1650
01:23:35,850 --> 01:23:36,885
Yes.

1651
01:23:36,985 --> 01:23:38,218
Oh, my God, Maya.

1652
01:23:38,318 --> 01:23:40,354
How is this possible
at your age?

1653
01:23:41,890 --> 01:23:44,659
Are you serious?

1654
01:23:47,327 --> 01:23:49,597
Dude, you look hot.

1655
01:23:49,964 --> 01:23:51,098
Last item on the bucket list.

1656
01:23:51,198 --> 01:23:52,934
Go to the school dance
with your crush.

1657
01:23:53,033 --> 01:23:54,401
Maybe lose your virginity.

1658
01:23:54,501 --> 01:23:55,937
Jess, thank you
for everything, okay?

1659
01:23:56,036 --> 01:23:57,739
And I know I was a dick.

1660
01:23:57,839 --> 01:24:02,376
You were like a big,
sloppy, hairy, veiny dick.

1661
01:24:02,476 --> 01:24:03,978
Yes.

1662
01:24:04,077 --> 01:24:06,014
Actually, you were
more like a used tampon

1663
01:24:06,113 --> 01:24:08,181
on, like, a heavy flow day.

1664
01:24:08,282 --> 01:24:09,751
But, like,
ripped out and then dragged

1665
01:24:09,851 --> 01:24:11,451
on the street after garbage day.

1666
01:24:11,553 --> 01:24:12,554
-Totally.
-No, no.

1667
01:24:12,654 --> 01:24:14,321
I'm realizing
this is what you were.

1668
01:24:14,421 --> 01:24:17,257
You were like a porta-potty
at a curry festival

1669
01:24:17,357 --> 01:24:19,527
- frequented by white people.
- Ah, yeah.

1670
01:24:19,627 --> 01:24:21,161
<i>- That's what you were.</i>
<i>- Right.</i>

1671
01:24:21,261 --> 01:24:23,063
<i>Lots of smells.</i>

1672
01:24:23,430 --> 01:24:24,866
<i>Actually,</i>
<i>it's coming to me now.</i>

1673
01:24:24,966 --> 01:24:26,601
<i>You were like a samosa</i>

1674
01:24:26,701 --> 01:24:28,836
<i>filled with diarrhea.</i>

1675
01:24:28,937 --> 01:24:31,171
<i>No, this is what you were.</i>

1676
01:24:31,271 --> 01:24:33,173
-You were a dirty anal bead.
-Oh, okay.

1677
01:24:33,273 --> 01:24:35,375
I don't know what that is,
but I agree.

1678
01:24:35,475 --> 01:24:39,948
I'm sorry. I promise I will not
let my shit impact your shit.

1679
01:24:40,048 --> 01:24:41,181
Thank you.

1680
01:24:41,281 --> 01:24:43,051
-Have so much fun.
-Thank you.

1681
01:24:43,150 --> 01:24:45,553
-I love you.
-Love you, too.

1682
01:24:45,653 --> 01:24:46,988
And hey.

1683
01:24:47,087 --> 01:24:48,656
This is serious.

1684
01:24:48,756 --> 01:24:51,358
If you see his dick,
I want you to take a picture.

1685
01:24:51,458 --> 01:24:53,595
-Jess, go.
-I want to see his ding-dong.

1686
01:25:03,337 --> 01:25:05,607
You look beautiful.

1687
01:25:05,707 --> 01:25:07,341
May-ah.

1688
01:25:07,441 --> 01:25:10,243
Thank you. As do you, Allux.

1689
01:25:12,714 --> 01:25:14,549
Who's your friend, Maya?

1690
01:25:14,649 --> 01:25:15,950
Oh, Mom.

1691
01:25:16,050 --> 01:25:19,152
-Uh, this is Alex.
-Mm.

1692
01:25:19,954 --> 01:25:21,154
He's my date.

1693
01:25:21,254 --> 01:25:23,691
And he's here at the front door.

1694
01:25:23,791 --> 01:25:25,093
Not hiding down the street.

1695
01:25:25,192 --> 01:25:26,861
-Hmm.
-N-Nice to meet you, Ms. Singh.

1696
01:25:26,961 --> 01:25:29,797
I promise I'll have her home
on time tonight.

1697
01:25:29,897 --> 01:25:32,000
Nice to meet you, too, Alex.

1698
01:25:32,100 --> 01:25:34,201
But I won't be waiting up.

1699
01:25:34,301 --> 01:25:35,970
Farhad is taking me
to the movies.

1700
01:25:36,070 --> 01:25:37,639
Good evening, Veena.

1701
01:25:37,739 --> 01:25:40,575
He's also
not hiding down the street.

1702
01:25:41,208 --> 01:25:43,176
Oh, Veena.

1703
01:25:43,276 --> 01:25:45,079
You look so beautiful.

1704
01:25:45,178 --> 01:25:47,015
Hello, Maya.

1705
01:25:47,115 --> 01:25:48,583
Hi.

1706
01:25:48,683 --> 01:25:50,183
Hello. I'm Farhad.

1707
01:25:50,283 --> 01:25:52,319
-Alex.
-Oh.

1708
01:25:52,419 --> 01:25:55,188
Thank you so much for
letting me to borrow this.

1709
01:25:55,489 --> 01:25:59,226
It really does make things
taste much better.

1710
01:25:59,326 --> 01:26:01,663
-Is that a...
-Blender! Yeah. We should go.

1711
01:26:04,065 --> 01:26:06,500
-Bye-bye.
-Have a great night.

1712
01:26:06,601 --> 01:26:08,703
- Cocktails?
- Yes, of course.

1713
01:26:26,219 --> 01:26:27,622
Hi.

1714
01:26:27,922 --> 01:26:29,691
I hope that's not a flask.

1715
01:26:29,791 --> 01:26:32,593
Welcome to Proudamore's
Spring Fling.

1716
01:26:32,694 --> 01:26:35,328
Uh, it's been a scary semester
to say the least.

1717
01:26:35,429 --> 01:26:36,864
But, uh...

1718
01:26:36,964 --> 01:26:38,566
we made it, yippee. Okay.

1719
01:26:38,666 --> 01:26:41,869
Uh, now we're gonna have
a special musical performance.

1720
01:26:41,969 --> 01:26:44,872
So, uh, let's give
a nice warm Proudamore welcome

1721
01:26:44,972 --> 01:26:48,241
to the Vybe Raiders.

1722
01:26:57,518 --> 01:26:59,187
We are the Vybe Raiders,
and this first song

1723
01:26:59,286 --> 01:27:03,256
goes out to Ms. Singh
for being one crazy ho.

1724
01:27:33,054 --> 01:27:34,956
Damn.

1725
01:27:40,128 --> 01:27:42,096
Hey.
- Hey.

1726
01:27:42,196 --> 01:27:44,498
So, uh...

1727
01:27:44,599 --> 01:27:47,935
I tried downloading your app,
but I couldn't find it.

1728
01:27:48,401 --> 01:27:51,105
Kyle, I'm flattered.
But building an app like that

1729
01:27:51,205 --> 01:27:53,440
requires a lot of funding.

1730
01:27:53,541 --> 01:27:55,275
Which I'm not sure
I'll ever get.

1731
01:27:55,375 --> 01:27:56,677
That sucks.

1732
01:27:57,712 --> 01:28:00,715
I have a lot of questions
about... heartbreak.

1733
01:28:04,185 --> 01:28:05,920
Hey, Kyle?

1734
01:28:06,020 --> 01:28:07,088
Do you want to dance?

1735
01:28:09,056 --> 01:28:11,324
-Yeah. Yeah, yeah, sure.
-Okay!

1736
01:28:24,205 --> 01:28:26,007
-Hey. Do you...
-No!

1737
01:28:26,274 --> 01:28:28,676
- 'Kay.
<i>- </i>

1738
01:28:35,315 --> 01:28:37,718
Yeah!

1739
01:28:46,794 --> 01:28:49,396
Hey. Thanks for
letting me come tonight.

1740
01:28:49,496 --> 01:28:51,132
I didn't.
You just kind of showed up.

1741
01:28:51,232 --> 01:28:53,400
-Ah.
-But thanks to you,

1742
01:28:53,500 --> 01:28:55,002
we are having a board meeting

1743
01:28:55,102 --> 01:28:57,337
to possibly discuss maybe hiring

1744
01:28:57,437 --> 01:28:59,841
an outside NGO to teach
sex ed from now on.

1745
01:28:59,941 --> 01:29:02,243
Wow. That's...

1746
01:29:02,342 --> 01:29:04,245
maybe, possibly awesome, then.

1747
01:29:04,344 --> 01:29:05,780
Maya, you were right.

1748
01:29:05,880 --> 01:29:09,050
Kids do need better sex ed.
But change takes time.

1749
01:29:09,150 --> 01:29:11,085
I mean, we're still teaching
them about Columbus Day.

1750
01:29:11,185 --> 01:29:13,588
I thought teaching kids
about dicks wasn't allowed.

1751
01:29:14,689 --> 01:29:16,924
Hey, good luck with everything.

1752
01:29:17,291 --> 01:29:19,093
Also, I think
you should fuck Alex.

1753
01:29:19,193 --> 01:29:21,529
Guy looks good
in gray sweatpants.

1754
01:29:21,629 --> 01:29:26,067
Now if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go home for
a little commander-in-chief.

1755
01:29:30,204 --> 01:29:31,739
'Kay. Right.

1756
01:29:31,839 --> 01:29:33,406
What was that about?

1757
01:29:33,507 --> 01:29:35,442
It's better if I don't
give you the visual.

1758
01:29:35,543 --> 01:29:37,111
Got it.

1759
01:29:38,913 --> 01:29:41,349
I'm really happy
we're here together.

1760
01:29:41,816 --> 01:29:46,888
Listen, Alex, you have been
so understanding and sweet,

1761
01:29:46,988 --> 01:29:48,623
and I really like you.

1762
01:29:48,723 --> 01:29:51,058
And I want to get to know you.

1763
01:29:51,158 --> 01:29:52,927
I just-- I want to be honest.

1764
01:29:53,027 --> 01:29:57,265
There's a whole part of me
that I haven't explored.

1765
01:29:57,365 --> 01:30:00,935
And I owe it to myself
to figure it out.

1766
01:30:01,035 --> 01:30:04,504
You don't have to explain.
Let's just take it slow.

1767
01:30:04,605 --> 01:30:06,406
And if you have
to take a step back

1768
01:30:06,507 --> 01:30:09,844
and do your thing,
I'll understand.

1769
01:30:09,944 --> 01:30:12,246
-Really?
-Really.

1770
01:30:12,346 --> 01:30:13,648
You want to dance?

1771
01:30:14,348 --> 01:30:15,650
Yeah.

1772
01:30:41,509 --> 01:30:44,011
No, Alex and I didn't have sex.

1773
01:30:44,111 --> 01:30:45,212
Still a virgin.

1774
01:30:45,313 --> 01:30:47,615
And you know what?
I'm cool with it.

1775
01:30:47,715 --> 01:30:50,551
It'll happen when I'm ready
for it to happen.

1776
01:30:58,826 --> 01:31:01,494
-Hi, Barb.
-Did peen work
make the dream work?

1777
01:31:01,595 --> 01:31:03,731
No. Also, aren't you
supposed to be at work?

1778
01:31:03,831 --> 01:31:05,599
Oh, I quit.
I only did it to stay busy.

1779
01:31:05,700 --> 01:31:07,435
And you know
I don't need the money.

1780
01:31:07,535 --> 01:31:09,036
-Right?
-Yeah, I know.

1781
01:31:09,136 --> 01:31:10,237
But you do, honey.

1782
01:31:10,338 --> 01:31:11,806
So why don't we put my money

1783
01:31:11,906 --> 01:31:15,443
where my mouth is
and have "The Talk."

1784
01:31:16,644 --> 01:31:18,446
W-Wait, Barb, are you serious?

1785
01:31:18,546 --> 01:31:20,247
Are you saying
you want to fund my app?

1786
01:31:20,348 --> 01:31:21,983
I am.

1787
01:31:22,783 --> 01:31:23,884
Hey, guys, you got to check out

1788
01:31:23,985 --> 01:31:25,586
this sick new app called
"The Talk."

1789
01:31:25,686 --> 01:31:28,022
I know the creator,
and she's crazy.

1790
01:31:30,858 --> 01:31:33,627
Got time
for a little ginger spice?

1791
01:31:39,700 --> 01:31:42,203
You know I can't resist
the gray sweatpants.

1792
01:31:46,674 --> 01:31:49,944
<i>It's an app that's taking</i>
<i>social media by storm.</i>

1793
01:31:52,446 --> 01:31:54,348
My favorite game is
Word Foreplay.

1794
01:31:54,448 --> 01:31:56,650
It actually teaches you
about anatomy.

1795
01:31:56,751 --> 01:32:00,688
I had no idea
my wife had a... "vulva."

1796
01:32:00,788 --> 01:32:04,592
<i>Trying to make sex education</i>
<i>an open conversation.</i>

1797
01:32:04,692 --> 01:32:06,827
Way to show 'em
your boobs, Maya.

1798
01:32:13,100 --> 01:32:15,703
I'm gonna have to cancel
spin class tomorrow.

1799
01:32:16,537 --> 01:32:18,039
Really?

1800
01:32:19,407 --> 01:32:20,908
She said yes!

1801
01:32:25,579 --> 01:32:27,048
-My dear.
-Aw.

1802
01:32:51,305 --> 01:32:53,574
Ooh...!

1803
01:32:55,810 --> 01:32:58,712
<i>- Whoa, whoa. Sit back down.</i>
<i>- You didn't think I'd leave you</i>

1804
01:32:58,813 --> 01:33:00,948
<i>without a little credits song,</i>
<i>did you?</i>

1805
01:34:18,993 --> 01:34:20,629
<i>Let me break the fourth wall</i>

1806
01:34:20,728 --> 01:34:22,663
<i>like I'm trying to break</i>
<i>my hymen real quick.</i>

1807
01:35:02,970 --> 01:35:05,640
<i>I'm 35, and I asked my mom</i>
<i>permission to be in this movie.</i>

1808
01:35:24,959 --> 01:35:27,461
<i>Special thanks</i>
<i>to all these freaks.</i>

1809
01:35:30,998 --> 01:35:32,399
<i>Look at all these freaky songs.</i>

1810
01:35:32,499 --> 01:35:35,336
<i>"Peacock Dance"?</i>
<i>"Cock." Get it?</i>

1811
01:35:38,105 --> 01:35:41,543
<i>Not to mention, our composers?</i>
<i>Freaks.</i>

1812
01:35:41,643 --> 01:35:42,943
<i>Entire post-production crew?</i>

1813
01:35:43,043 --> 01:35:46,013
<i>More like post seduction crew.</i>

1814
01:35:56,857 --> 01:35:58,158
<i>Not based on a true story,</i>

1815
01:35:58,259 --> 01:36:00,427
<i>but based on a true story,</i>
<i>you know?</i>

1816
01:36:00,528 --> 01:36:02,263
<i>I hope you enjoyed it.</i>

1817
01:36:03,330 --> 01:36:06,267
<i>Look at all these freaky unions</i>
<i>right here.</i>

1818
01:36:06,701 --> 01:36:08,836
<i>You know,</i>
<i>protection's important.</i>

1819
01:36:12,906 --> 01:36:14,174
<i>Likely Story?</i>

1820
01:36:14,275 --> 01:36:16,844
<i>And the story is</i>
<i>they're likely freaks.</i>

1821
01:36:16,944 --> 01:36:19,346
<i>Unicorn Island? Sounds horny.</i>

1822
01:36:19,648 --> 01:36:22,449
<i>Camelback? Camel toe freaks.</i>

1823
01:36:22,550 --> 01:36:24,552
<i>Canada? Full of freaks.</i>

1824
01:36:24,653 --> 01:36:26,820
<i>CMPA freaks.</i>

1825
01:36:36,997 --> 01:36:39,900
<i>P.S. This copyright right here?</i>
<i>Freak.</i>

1826
01:36:44,371 --> 01:36:47,207
<i>Uh, now if you'll excuse me.</i>