1
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:14,807
[fire crackling]

2
00:00:14,891 --> 00:00:18,853
[pensive instrumental music playing]

3
00:00:32,784 --> 00:00:33,659
[gasps] Oh!

4
00:00:33,743 --> 00:00:36,329
-Jesus! Mamma mia, Mae! Jeez!
-Hey. Sorry.

5
00:00:36,996 --> 00:00:37,872
[sighs]

6
00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:39,665
-Marshmallow?
-Uh… No, I'm good.

7
00:00:40,750 --> 00:00:42,335
-Rubber band?
-Sure, I'll take one.

8
00:00:42,418 --> 00:00:43,836
-All right.
-Thanks.

9
00:00:47,507 --> 00:00:50,051
[laughing] Oh!

10
00:00:50,134 --> 00:00:52,053
Story time.

11
00:00:52,136 --> 00:00:54,055
-Nice. Well, I'll settle in.
-Okay.

12
00:00:54,639 --> 00:00:55,556
Um…

13
00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:03,314
[sighs]

14
00:01:03,815 --> 00:01:05,483
Mae, I just got mine replaced.

15
00:01:09,278 --> 00:01:10,279
[kisses]

16
00:01:10,363 --> 00:01:11,322
[kisses]

17
00:01:13,324 --> 00:01:15,701
Hope you backed up the pictures
from your wedding.

18
00:01:16,285 --> 00:01:17,370
[sighs]

19
00:01:17,453 --> 00:01:19,497
-Um, can you introduce me?
-Okay. [clears throat]

20
00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:22,375
-Can you do the "And now" one?
-The "And now"? Okay, got it.

21
00:01:22,458 --> 00:01:23,584
Thank you.

22
00:01:24,377 --> 00:01:29,257
And now, please put your hands together,

23
00:01:30,091 --> 00:01:32,385
and welcome to the stage,

24
00:01:32,468 --> 00:01:35,221
the one, the only,

25
00:01:35,304 --> 00:01:38,933
Mae Martin!

26
00:01:39,016 --> 00:01:42,019
[crowd cheering]

27
00:01:48,734 --> 00:01:49,569
Hi!

28
00:01:49,652 --> 00:01:51,404
[crowd continues cheering]

29
00:01:53,531 --> 00:01:54,657
How we doing?

30
00:01:59,704 --> 00:02:00,955
[chuckling] Hey.

31
00:02:02,832 --> 00:02:03,791
Hi.

32
00:02:05,543 --> 00:02:06,919
Nice to see you.

33
00:02:08,504 --> 00:02:11,257
Oh my God. This is the best.

34
00:02:11,340 --> 00:02:13,759
Thank you so much for being here.

35
00:02:13,843 --> 00:02:16,220
What's… Uh… Okay. [laughs]

36
00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:19,390
I have so much to tell you, genuinely. Um…

37
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:22,393
What is everybody's name?
Should we just start…

38
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:25,229
On the count of three,
everybody say your name.

39
00:02:25,313 --> 00:02:26,480
Ready? One, two, three.

40
00:02:26,564 --> 00:02:28,274
[crowd yelling names indistinctly]

41
00:02:28,357 --> 00:02:31,319
Hello, uh, I'm Mae.

42
00:02:31,861 --> 00:02:33,696
I'm so pumped to be in Canada right now.

43
00:02:33,779 --> 00:02:35,907
-Just, I really…
-[crowd cheering]

44
00:02:37,617 --> 00:02:39,911
Um, I… I am Canadian.

45
00:02:39,994 --> 00:02:41,621
-I'm very Canadian.
-[scattered whoops]

46
00:02:41,704 --> 00:02:45,333
But, please, I've been living
in England for the past 12 years.

47
00:02:45,416 --> 00:02:49,337
I've been living in London.
So I do sound a bit like an asshole.

48
00:02:49,420 --> 00:02:51,339
I do have a slight,

49
00:02:51,964 --> 00:02:53,257
like, Madonna lilt.

50
00:02:53,341 --> 00:02:57,136
And I'm trying so hard to fight it.
I'm really sorry. But it's…

51
00:02:57,220 --> 00:03:00,514
My dad's British. Like very…
He's very, very British.

52
00:03:00,598 --> 00:03:04,810
He's like… My dad's like
a mystical British gentleman.

53
00:03:04,894 --> 00:03:07,271
He's very… He's a magical man.

54
00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:09,523
He's very into, like,
the phases of the moon.

55
00:03:09,607 --> 00:03:12,318
He's… He's a moon man.
He's into, like, um…

56
00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:14,987
He knows all the birds
that ever visit his garden

57
00:03:15,071 --> 00:03:18,783
and he has
a specific relationship with each bird.

58
00:03:19,575 --> 00:03:23,329
And my childhood, like my whole childhood,
was pretty mystical.

59
00:03:23,412 --> 00:03:25,706
Like, the best example I can think of…

60
00:03:25,790 --> 00:03:27,959
Okay, when I was about eight years old,

61
00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:31,170
my dad was driving
my brother and I to karate class.

62
00:03:31,254 --> 00:03:33,047
And it was a very Canadian scene.

63
00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:36,634
It's like 5:00 p.m.,
the sun's already going down.

64
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:40,054
It's snowing, we're on the highway.
We're going to the karate dojo.

65
00:03:40,137 --> 00:03:43,391
Me and my brother in the backseat.
I'm eight, my brother's 12.

66
00:03:43,474 --> 00:03:46,727
I was a green belt in karate,
my brother was a yellow belt.

67
00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:50,231
So he was four years older,
two belts lower.

68
00:03:50,314 --> 00:03:51,190
Um…

69
00:03:52,233 --> 00:03:55,778
Which is not important,
but I thought I would flag it.

70
00:03:57,113 --> 00:03:59,699
And, uh, we're driving along the highway

71
00:03:59,782 --> 00:04:03,286
and suddenly my dad, like,
swerves to the side of the highway

72
00:04:03,369 --> 00:04:04,912
in, like, a panicked move.

73
00:04:04,996 --> 00:04:08,207
And tires are screeching,
people are honking. Really dangerous.

74
00:04:08,291 --> 00:04:10,501
He pulls over,
and he's really shaken up, and he goes,

75
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:14,088
[British accent] "I'm so sorry, children,
but we have to get out of the car."

76
00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:16,966
[regular accent] We're like, "What?"
And so we get out of the car.

77
00:04:17,049 --> 00:04:19,510
We're standing by the side
of the highway, in the snow.

78
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:23,472
My brother, 12 years old, so embarrassed,
he's like, in his karate uniform.

79
00:04:23,556 --> 00:04:26,934
And people are driving by, they're like,
"Is he a yellow belt? 'Cause…"

80
00:04:28,019 --> 00:04:30,771
"Hang on a second. He looks older…"

81
00:04:32,273 --> 00:04:34,775
"We're gonna turn the car around.
Check this out."

82
00:04:34,859 --> 00:04:37,361
And so we're like, "What is going on?"
And my dad goes,

83
00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:40,406
"I've just seen
the new moon through glass."

84
00:04:41,449 --> 00:04:45,953
So, he had seen the sliver of the new moon
through the windshield

85
00:04:46,037 --> 00:04:48,080
and we had to pull over,
get out of the car,

86
00:04:48,164 --> 00:04:50,624
and he made us bow
to the moon three times.

87
00:04:50,708 --> 00:04:53,169
We had to do this whole ritual.

88
00:04:53,252 --> 00:04:55,963
We had to say,
"Good evening, Lady Moon." It was…

89
00:04:57,131 --> 00:05:00,468
It was mystical. He's a moon man.
He's deep into the moon.

90
00:05:00,551 --> 00:05:05,139
And, um, I was just visiting recently,
uh, visiting home.

91
00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:07,641
This is my childhood home
that I grew up in,

92
00:05:07,725 --> 00:05:10,728
and they've had it
since long before I was born.

93
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,438
And I'm in the kitchen
with my mom and dad,

94
00:05:12,521 --> 00:05:16,442
and my dad comes up to me
and goes, "Meet me in the study at dusk."

95
00:05:17,193 --> 00:05:18,319
I'm like, "But I…"

96
00:05:18,402 --> 00:05:20,529
I go to my mom,
I'm like, "What time is dusk?"

97
00:05:20,613 --> 00:05:23,449
She's like, "I don't know." [laughs]

98
00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:25,951
And I go up to the study, which is like…

99
00:05:26,035 --> 00:05:29,288
It's been many things over the years,
it's been like a spare room or whatever.

100
00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:32,041
My dad's there with a glass of wine,
looking out the window.

101
00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:35,294
He wanted to show me
there's a family of raccoons

102
00:05:35,378 --> 00:05:38,464
that lives in a tree
in the neighbor's yard.

103
00:05:38,547 --> 00:05:40,508
And, like, every night
at dusk, they emerge,

104
00:05:40,591 --> 00:05:43,636
and he's got, yeah,
a relationship with them all. Um…

105
00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:46,680
So, we're standing,
waiting for the raccoons,

106
00:05:47,223 --> 00:05:50,226
and he just really dreamily goes, um…

107
00:05:50,309 --> 00:05:53,062
"Do you know
you were conceived in this room?"

108
00:05:53,938 --> 00:05:54,939
Which…

109
00:05:56,941 --> 00:05:58,192
So I was like, "Oh…"

110
00:05:58,275 --> 00:06:02,446
And I don't like to shut him down
when he's being vulnerable, so…

111
00:06:03,197 --> 00:06:08,285
I was like, "Wait. You remember
the specific night that I was conceived?"

112
00:06:08,369 --> 00:06:11,247
And he said this phrase,
which truly has haunted me

113
00:06:12,331 --> 00:06:13,916
ever since. He said,

114
00:06:13,999 --> 00:06:16,335
he goes, "Yes, of course I remember it."

115
00:06:16,419 --> 00:06:17,628
"I remember it well."

116
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:20,506
This is what he said.

117
00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:23,426
"The moonlight shone in
over your mother's bottom."

118
00:06:23,509 --> 00:06:24,927
[crowd gasps, laughs]

119
00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:35,479
Over your…

120
00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:37,731
I feel like
you're not fully getting, like…

121
00:06:39,608 --> 00:06:42,820
I now know the position
I was conceived in.

122
00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:45,406
I'm horrified.

123
00:06:47,366 --> 00:06:50,744
Nobody wants to be conceived doggy style.

124
00:06:50,828 --> 00:06:53,038
It's so bleak.

125
00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:57,168
You don't want…
You want to be conceived face to face.

126
00:06:57,877 --> 00:06:59,295
Eye contact.

127
00:06:59,378 --> 00:07:02,131
At the moment of ejaculation,
just like we…

128
00:07:02,673 --> 00:07:04,133
"We're making a choice

129
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:05,968
to make a life."

130
00:07:07,344 --> 00:07:09,763
Not like, "Ah! Bite the pillow!"
It's horrible.

131
00:07:12,141 --> 00:07:13,767
It's… It's bleak. It's like…

132
00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:16,395
It's changed how I see myself.

133
00:07:16,479 --> 00:07:17,438
Like, how I…

134
00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:20,608
I'm like, "I'm a doggy-style baby."

135
00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:22,193
[crowd laughing]

136
00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:23,944
Makes a lot of sense, actually.

137
00:07:24,695 --> 00:07:25,779
Explains a lot.

138
00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:29,074
It's, like, affected my posture.
I'm just a little more… I'm like…

139
00:07:29,575 --> 00:07:30,910
Just a little hunched.

140
00:07:30,993 --> 00:07:31,869
[laughs]

141
00:07:33,204 --> 00:07:36,665
I feel like I can spot
other doggy-style babies

142
00:07:36,749 --> 00:07:40,211
when I'm out in the world, 100%, there's…

143
00:07:40,711 --> 00:07:42,755
I'll be getting on the subway,
and there's someone…

144
00:07:42,838 --> 00:07:44,715
[grunting]

145
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,800
Smoking on the subway.
I'm like, "Oh, yeah."

146
00:07:48,844 --> 00:07:50,721
Or I'll be in a bar,
and the bartender's like,

147
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:54,099
"Sorry, someone's just sent you a drink."
I look down the bar, and… [grunting]

148
00:07:54,892 --> 00:07:56,310
Another doggy-style baby.

149
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:59,438
There's some in here tonight.
I can see us. Several.

150
00:08:00,064 --> 00:08:01,357
[Mae laughs]

151
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:04,235
They…

152
00:08:04,318 --> 00:08:07,154
Every time I go home to visit,
something like this happens.

153
00:08:07,238 --> 00:08:10,574
Something that derails my…
my grasp on reality.

154
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:14,161
Like, um, okay,
my parents have this anecdote,

155
00:08:14,245 --> 00:08:16,455
and it's a story
they've been telling my whole life.

156
00:08:16,539 --> 00:08:18,707
Like, once a year,
they'll have a few drinks

157
00:08:18,791 --> 00:08:21,043
and tell this story
at a dinner party or whatever.

158
00:08:21,126 --> 00:08:24,088
Um… And it makes me feel crazy,

159
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:26,757
because I'm like, "It cannot be true."

160
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,760
So, why are you
doing this to me? What is this?

161
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:32,054
Um, and my brother and I get really upset.

162
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:34,557
I'll tell you the story
and then you can be the judge,

163
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,267
if you think it's true or not. Okay?

164
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:38,102
-[audience whoops]
-Okay.

165
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,896
So, my parents swear

166
00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:43,399
that when they were
in their late twenties,

167
00:08:43,482 --> 00:08:45,693
they were driving
through Northern Ontario,

168
00:08:45,776 --> 00:08:48,153
down a winding road through a forest,

169
00:08:48,237 --> 00:08:51,740
and they drove under a moose.

170
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:54,535
[crowd laughing]

171
00:08:56,078 --> 00:08:56,996
[scoffs]

172
00:08:57,788 --> 00:08:58,998
They swear.

173
00:09:00,124 --> 00:09:01,083
They swear.

174
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:05,921
My mom says they were driving
down this winding road,

175
00:09:06,005 --> 00:09:07,923
the moose was horizontal on the road,

176
00:09:08,007 --> 00:09:10,092
and they drove under its belly.

177
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:12,803
It makes me feel insane.

178
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,972
I'm like, "What are you talking about?"

179
00:09:15,514 --> 00:09:18,183
It's… And so it's… [laughs]

180
00:09:18,267 --> 00:09:19,768
She does a sound effect

181
00:09:19,852 --> 00:09:22,688
of the sound of the belly fur of the moose

182
00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:24,690
gently grazing the roof of the car.

183
00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:26,692
Just like… [whooshes softly]

184
00:09:26,775 --> 00:09:28,068
Can you imagine?

185
00:09:28,819 --> 00:09:32,114
It makes me feel insane.
It makes me feel crazy.

186
00:09:32,615 --> 00:09:36,076
And, uh, it makes
my brother irate, as well. Because…

187
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:37,620
So, the last time I was visiting,

188
00:09:37,703 --> 00:09:40,289
me and my brother were like,
"We need to get to the bottom of this."

189
00:09:40,372 --> 00:09:42,750
We need to find out
if this is even possible.

190
00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:44,293
So we did research

191
00:09:44,376 --> 00:09:47,212
and we found out
the height of a Toyota Tercel.

192
00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:49,173
That's the car they were driving.

193
00:09:49,256 --> 00:09:51,216
So, the height of the roof of the car.

194
00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:54,053
We Googled the largest
ever recorded moose.

195
00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:58,766
And the infuriating thing is

196
00:09:59,850 --> 00:10:02,686
it could <i>just</i> have happened.

197
00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:10,527
It could <i>just</i> have happened.

198
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:15,074
If they happened to stumble upon
the biggest-ever recorded moose,

199
00:10:15,699 --> 00:10:17,451
I guess it's possible.

200
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:18,869
It makes me feel insane.

201
00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:23,374
[sighs] You think it's true?
Give a cheer if you think it's true.

202
00:10:23,457 --> 00:10:25,709
[crowd cheering]

203
00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:26,794
Really?

204
00:10:27,336 --> 00:10:29,213
Give a cheer if you think it's bullshit.

205
00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,256
-[loud cheering]
-See?

206
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,008
I don't know.

207
00:10:33,092 --> 00:10:35,552
I think it says a lot
about your worldview.

208
00:10:35,636 --> 00:10:40,391
Like, if you believe in the moose,
you're young at heart. You…

209
00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:45,396
You've retained a sliver of,
like, childlike enthusiasm

210
00:10:45,896 --> 00:10:46,772
about life.

211
00:10:46,855 --> 00:10:49,024
And if you don't believe
in the moose, you're…

212
00:10:49,108 --> 00:10:50,943
Look, it's been a tough couple years.

213
00:10:52,236 --> 00:10:54,988
It's been tough, hasn't it? Oh my God.

214
00:10:55,531 --> 00:10:58,450
It really has. We got to do
whatever it takes to get by.

215
00:10:58,534 --> 00:11:00,577
You know? Whatever makes you feel good.

216
00:11:00,661 --> 00:11:04,873
Like… So my father
sent me a news article recently.

217
00:11:04,957 --> 00:11:08,085
Uh, he sent me this news article,
and was like, "I thought you'd like this."

218
00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:10,921
"I thought you'd relate to it."
Those are the words he used.

219
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,673
"I thought you'd really relate to this."

220
00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:15,551
This was the story,
and I haven't stopped thinking about it.

221
00:11:15,634 --> 00:11:19,096
I'm going to tell it to you.
So this, it happened in the Netherlands,

222
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,306
in a small town in the Netherlands,

223
00:11:21,390 --> 00:11:25,978
where basically this family noticed
that they weren't getting any mail.

224
00:11:26,061 --> 00:11:28,939
They were like, "We haven't received
any mail in a long time."

225
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,691
Weeks start going by.

226
00:11:30,774 --> 00:11:33,110
They're like,
"Wait. We're not even getting our bills

227
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,696
or pamphlets in the mail.
This is really weird."

228
00:11:35,779 --> 00:11:38,782
So they go to their neighbors.
"Are you guys getting your mail?"

229
00:11:38,866 --> 00:11:41,869
They're like, "No.
This is so weird. Not for so long."

230
00:11:41,952 --> 00:11:46,039
So they go to the post office
and speak to, like, the boss.

231
00:11:46,123 --> 00:11:47,791
The mail boss, you know. [chuckling]

232
00:11:48,292 --> 00:11:49,752
You know, the mail boss…

233
00:11:50,586 --> 00:11:52,296
that you have to defeat

234
00:11:53,881 --> 00:11:56,091
to pass Level 10. [laughs]

235
00:11:56,592 --> 00:11:58,343
He's like… [growls] And, um…

236
00:11:59,178 --> 00:12:01,513
They're like,
"We're not getting any of our mail."

237
00:12:01,597 --> 00:12:03,265
He's like, "I'll look into it."

238
00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:06,560
He goes to speak to the mailman
who's responsible for that block.

239
00:12:06,643 --> 00:12:10,272
And I can't remember the mailman's name,
so we'll call him like… Gary.

240
00:12:10,355 --> 00:12:11,690
We'll call him Gary.

241
00:12:11,774 --> 00:12:15,694
He's like, "Gary, these people are saying
that they're not getting their mail."

242
00:12:15,778 --> 00:12:16,945
"What's going on?"

243
00:12:17,029 --> 00:12:19,531
And Gary's like
weirdly defensive right away.

244
00:12:19,615 --> 00:12:22,576
He's like, "I don't know what to tell you.
I deliver the mail."

245
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:25,579
"If they're not getting mail,
it means no one's writing to them."

246
00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:27,122
They're like, "Okay."

247
00:12:27,706 --> 00:12:29,666
So the mail boss is like, "Okay, Gary."

248
00:12:29,750 --> 00:12:33,378
But privately, to his coworkers,
he's like, "What's up with Gary?"

249
00:12:33,462 --> 00:12:34,963
Gary is being really weird.

250
00:12:35,047 --> 00:12:37,341
So they decide
they're going to keep an eye on Gary

251
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:38,967
and investigate the sitch.

252
00:12:39,051 --> 00:12:40,511
And so, the next day,

253
00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:43,472
Gary comes to work and first red flag,

254
00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:46,099
he picks up the mail
and gets in his personal vehicle.

255
00:12:46,183 --> 00:12:47,935
Not the mail truck or whatever.

256
00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:50,354
Gets in his… And he drives out of town.

257
00:12:51,605 --> 00:12:54,233
So they're like, "Fuck."
And they followed him.

258
00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:56,068
They follow him,

259
00:12:56,151 --> 00:12:58,695
and he drives into the forest
in the Netherlands.

260
00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:00,906
And they follow him at a distance.

261
00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:03,951
They watch him park. They park.
They're keeping an eye on him.

262
00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:05,619
They see him get out of the car.

263
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:09,331
He takes the bag of mail, he goes
into the woods, he's gone 45 minutes.

264
00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:11,333
He comes back out with no bag.

265
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:13,961
Gets in his car, drives away.

266
00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:17,297
So they go in after him.
Into the forest. And…

267
00:13:17,798 --> 00:13:20,759
Imagine this. This is the sight
they're confronted with, okay?

268
00:13:20,843 --> 00:13:23,804
Beautiful, dappled sunlight, you know.

269
00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:25,597
Mist rising from the moss.

270
00:13:25,681 --> 00:13:29,601
There's a lone moose.
A huge moose in the background.

271
00:13:29,685 --> 00:13:31,770
Just towering over the trees, truly.

272
00:13:32,271 --> 00:13:33,564
Um… [laughs]

273
00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:36,275
And they see, as far as the eye can see,

274
00:13:36,358 --> 00:13:39,486
there are hundreds of piles
of freshly turned earth.

275
00:13:39,570 --> 00:13:42,573
Little-- In neat rows
stretching through the forest.

276
00:13:42,656 --> 00:13:44,950
And they dust, they brush the dirt up.

277
00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:47,119
Gary's been burying the mail.

278
00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:50,289
He's been burying the mail for ages.

279
00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:54,126
This has obviously been going on
a long time and it's now amped up.

280
00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,711
They're like, "Fuck." And, uh…

281
00:13:56,211 --> 00:13:58,630
They approach him the next day at work.

282
00:13:58,714 --> 00:13:59,715
Gently.

283
00:13:59,798 --> 00:14:02,134
They approach him gently.
They're like, "Hey, Gar. Um…"

284
00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:03,719
[clicks tongue] "I…"

285
00:14:04,595 --> 00:14:07,180
"We noticed you've been burying the mail."

286
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:12,227
"And we were just wondering,
why are you doing that?"

287
00:14:12,311 --> 00:14:16,148
And in the news article, this was
the direct quote from the mailman,

288
00:14:16,231 --> 00:14:19,026
in answer to the question,
"Why are you burying the mail?"

289
00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:21,528
This is what he said. He said,

290
00:14:21,612 --> 00:14:24,364
"I did it once, it felt good."

291
00:14:27,451 --> 00:14:30,621
"And now it's just kind of what I do."

292
00:14:32,581 --> 00:14:34,708
I love him.

293
00:14:35,626 --> 00:14:37,377
He's my hero, I…

294
00:14:37,461 --> 00:14:39,504
Guys, Gary went to jail.

295
00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:42,215
He went to jail for eight months. Yeah.

296
00:14:42,299 --> 00:14:45,302
You can't fuck with the mail,
that's a federal offense. Um…

297
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:48,555
He went to jail. And I wanted
to write him fan mail in jail,

298
00:14:48,639 --> 00:14:50,265
but I don't want to stress him out.

299
00:14:50,349 --> 00:14:53,226
'Cause he'd be like,
"I want to bury it. Argh!"

300
00:14:55,479 --> 00:14:56,563
[laughs]

301
00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:58,815
But, no, I really was, like…

302
00:14:58,899 --> 00:15:01,485
I've never felt so seen by my father. Um…

303
00:15:02,277 --> 00:15:03,820
That's… [chuckles]

304
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:07,866
It has been tough.
Like, I'm trying to get back into life

305
00:15:07,950 --> 00:15:11,078
and sort of feel that enthusiasm again
of pre-pandemic life.

306
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:15,874
Especially, I'm struggling to feel
that enthusiasm in my romantic life.

307
00:15:15,958 --> 00:15:17,834
I don't know
if anyone is in the same boat.

308
00:15:17,918 --> 00:15:21,254
-[scattered cheers]
-But post-pandemic dating, like, I'm…

309
00:15:21,338 --> 00:15:24,007
'Cause I'm 35, like…

310
00:15:24,091 --> 00:15:26,593
In my early 20s, so romantic.

311
00:15:26,677 --> 00:15:28,637
Obsessed with finding "the one."

312
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:32,015
My parents are very in love
and that was my model. So I just…

313
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:35,519
Somebody would be, "Do you have the time?"
And I'd be, "I love you as well."

314
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:37,688
Is that…

315
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:39,356
"And I…"

316
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:42,025
"And I want to go with you."
[awkward laugh]

317
00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:43,986
"Where are we going?"

318
00:15:44,736 --> 00:15:48,365
Um, and now
I'm just a bit like… I don't know.

319
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:49,950
Last summer, I dated someone.

320
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:52,577
A man, actually,
a lovely man, if you can believe.

321
00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:54,705
Not if you-- Wait, not if you…

322
00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:58,792
Not "if you can believe
that men can be lovely."

323
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,377
Of course they can.

324
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:02,004
But if you can believe that <i>I…</i>

325
00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:02,963
Um…

326
00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:07,467
Yeah, so we dated for like six months,
me and this guy and, uh…

327
00:16:07,551 --> 00:16:10,762
You know it was really nice,
but I'm 35, he's 36.

328
00:16:10,846 --> 00:16:13,974
Like, at this point,
we both have big exes in our past.

329
00:16:14,057 --> 00:16:17,686
You know what I mean? We're never
going to be that big ex for each other.

330
00:16:17,769 --> 00:16:20,397
Like, we're never
gonna properly traumatize each other,

331
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,898
so it's kind of like…

332
00:16:22,399 --> 00:16:24,109
What's the point? Um…

333
00:16:24,192 --> 00:16:25,444
[audience laughter]

334
00:16:25,527 --> 00:16:26,486
And… [laughs]

335
00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:30,240
So, we were in bed one night,
and we were just chatting,

336
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:33,744
we were having a nice light-hearted chat.
He wasn't trying to be heavy.

337
00:16:33,827 --> 00:16:37,164
He just goes, "If we had kids one day,
what would we name our kids?"

338
00:16:37,247 --> 00:16:38,707
I was, like, "I don't…"

339
00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:40,751
I was like, "I don't know."

340
00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:44,463
At this point, I've had
that conversation with so many people.

341
00:16:44,963 --> 00:16:46,089
I was like… [sighs]

342
00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:47,424
"I don't know."

343
00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:52,596
"Let me just wade through this graveyard
of dead hypothetical children

344
00:16:53,889 --> 00:16:56,475
to try to get to
the new hypothetical kids."

345
00:16:56,558 --> 00:16:58,894
I'm passing the ghosts of 'em.
I'm like, "Oh, look!"

346
00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:01,396
"There's Olive and Basil, the twins."

347
00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:02,814
[laughs]

348
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:06,568
They're there. They're like,
"You forgot about us."

349
00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,362
I'm like, "Oh, fuck off."

350
00:17:09,946 --> 00:17:14,117
There's little Clementine,
I sent her to a private school. You know?

351
00:17:14,785 --> 00:17:17,204
She's got a clarinet through her head.

352
00:17:17,287 --> 00:17:19,456
[in child's voice]
"Come and play with me."

353
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:20,999
[regular voice] I'm like, "No."

354
00:17:21,083 --> 00:17:25,128
[chuckling] And I finally find
the new hypothetical children,

355
00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:28,048
I'm like, "I have no creative energy left

356
00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:29,424
to name these children."

357
00:17:29,508 --> 00:17:32,052
Like, "Can we just call them both Ian?"
I don't know.

358
00:17:34,805 --> 00:17:37,682
Did you guys know that…? This is true.

359
00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:41,603
In 2018, there were no new Ian's born.
There were no…

360
00:17:42,354 --> 00:17:43,313
It's a true story.

361
00:17:43,396 --> 00:17:48,068
In 2018, not a single new Ian registered
on this planet Earth. That is true.

362
00:17:49,486 --> 00:17:51,279
And if you're watching this,

363
00:17:51,822 --> 00:17:54,491
and you hate the show,
at least take that with you. You know?

364
00:17:55,951 --> 00:17:59,412
Wait, so do you guys know
what I mean when I say big ex?

365
00:17:59,496 --> 00:18:02,249
-Like, you have your exes.
-[scattered cheering]

366
00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:04,084
Okay. Really?

367
00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:06,002
You're like, "Yes, we know."

368
00:18:08,171 --> 00:18:12,717
Like you have your normal exes
and then you have, like, your big exes.

369
00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:17,055
Where you reach a certain page
in the novel of your life… No.

370
00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:21,476
Uh, I do feel you reach a certain age
and you just have to accept

371
00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:24,146
that for the rest of your life
there's certain names,

372
00:18:24,229 --> 00:18:27,899
where every time you hear them,
all of your organs are gonna dissolve.

373
00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:32,487
And just fall out of your vagina.

374
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,615
Or your bum hole, if you don't…

375
00:18:36,825 --> 00:18:41,329
And you have to carry around a plastic bag
just in case you have to collect your…

376
00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:43,456
[laughs]

377
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:44,791
It's disgusting.

378
00:18:44,875 --> 00:18:45,709
Um…

379
00:18:46,209 --> 00:18:48,712
So, I have a couple
of significant big exes,

380
00:18:48,795 --> 00:18:50,172
but I have this one who…

381
00:18:50,255 --> 00:18:52,090
I want to tell you this story.

382
00:18:52,174 --> 00:18:56,178
So basically, this ex,
it was a really intense relationship,

383
00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:57,470
it was like four years.

384
00:18:57,554 --> 00:18:59,389
And it was a secret relationship

385
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:02,434
because it was her first
non-heterosexual relationship.

386
00:19:02,517 --> 00:19:05,437
She was like, "We can't tell anyone."
And we lived together.

387
00:19:05,520 --> 00:19:07,731
It was so stressful.
And she broke up with me,

388
00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:09,774
which is not allowed. Um…

389
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:13,653
Which… I thought I had made that clear.

390
00:19:15,238 --> 00:19:16,865
[chuckles] Um…

391
00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:19,284
It was a long, drawn-out break-up.

392
00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:21,995
Anyway, so at the point
where this story takes place,

393
00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:24,706
I hadn't seen her in a year and a half
or had any contact.

394
00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:29,711
I was in London and I was doing a show,
and I was feeling good that night.

395
00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:32,047
You know what I mean?
Like, I had a fresh haircut.

396
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,174
I was freshly shorn. You know the feeling?

397
00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:38,386
I was wearing a crisp black T-shirt and…

398
00:19:38,470 --> 00:19:39,429
[laughs]

399
00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:42,599
Crisper than this. I'm sorry about this.

400
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:45,518
This is… crumpled.

401
00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:47,187
Crumplestiltskin over here.

402
00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:48,688
[laughing]

403
00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:53,068
Do you remember Rumpelstiltskin?

404
00:19:53,151 --> 00:19:54,945
[crowd cheering]

405
00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:57,739
What happened to him?
He used to be everywhere.

406
00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:01,284
We used to always talk about him.

407
00:20:01,368 --> 00:20:04,329
When you're a kid,
Rumpelstiltskin this, Rumpelstiltskin…

408
00:20:05,038 --> 00:20:07,082
Now you never hear about him.

409
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:09,751
I get it.

410
00:20:10,961 --> 00:20:13,213
It's hard to stay relevant. You know?

411
00:20:13,296 --> 00:20:16,299
He's, like, faded into obscurity.

412
00:20:17,342 --> 00:20:20,679
Anyway, so I'm feeling good
on this particular night, feeling crisp.

413
00:20:20,762 --> 00:20:22,389
Feeling shorn, and, uh…

414
00:20:23,306 --> 00:20:25,976
And also my best friend Joe
was with me that night.

415
00:20:26,059 --> 00:20:28,019
He was in the audience of my show.

416
00:20:28,103 --> 00:20:30,814
I love having Joe in the audience,
he's a generous laugher.

417
00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:33,108
He's a real angel,
like, my best, best friend.

418
00:20:33,191 --> 00:20:35,485
And, um, I do the show, it goes well.

419
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:39,656
And I go to the green room afterwards.
Out the green room door to meet Joe.

420
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:42,534
And I'm… It was a good show.
I'm like, "Hey, man. Fun show."

421
00:20:42,617 --> 00:20:44,160
But he's like green.

422
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:47,038
Just all the color has left his face,
and he just goes,

423
00:20:47,122 --> 00:20:48,123
"She's here."

424
00:20:48,915 --> 00:20:50,375
And I'm like, "Fuck."

425
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:53,378
I know exactly who he means right away,
so I'm like, "Okay."

426
00:20:53,461 --> 00:20:55,171
And he goes, "Look, she's upstairs."

427
00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:58,508
"She doesn't know you're in the building.
She came to the bar to have a drink

428
00:20:58,591 --> 00:21:00,260
with some of our mutual friends."

429
00:21:00,343 --> 00:21:02,262
He goes, "Let's just sneak out the back."

430
00:21:02,345 --> 00:21:05,724
"Let's have a fun night.
We'll go to a different bar."

431
00:21:05,807 --> 00:21:07,600
And I thought about it.

432
00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:12,355
And then I thought, "No."

433
00:21:15,150 --> 00:21:16,860
"I don't want to have a fun night."

434
00:21:21,865 --> 00:21:23,825
So, I'm like, "No, we'll go upstairs."

435
00:21:23,908 --> 00:21:25,618
We go up, I'm feeling confident.

436
00:21:25,702 --> 00:21:28,455
I see, there she is
with our mutual friends and, um…

437
00:21:28,538 --> 00:21:32,500
You guys would have been very proud of me.
I walk over very cool. [laughs]

438
00:21:32,584 --> 00:21:33,960
What does that mean?

439
00:21:34,044 --> 00:21:35,086
I walk over…

440
00:21:36,254 --> 00:21:37,088
Uh…

441
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:40,508
Um… No, I walk over
feeling confident. And…

442
00:21:40,592 --> 00:21:44,512
I'm also… I have the element of surprise.
She doesn't know I'm in the building.

443
00:21:44,596 --> 00:21:47,599
I think this is gonna work in my favor.
So I walk over, go, "Hey."

444
00:21:47,682 --> 00:21:51,144
Our mutual friends, they all know
how bad the breakup was by this point,

445
00:21:51,227 --> 00:21:52,437
so they see me coming.

446
00:21:55,273 --> 00:21:56,858
I go, "Hey, how's it going?"

447
00:21:56,941 --> 00:21:59,903
She's like, "Oh my God, hi."
She stands up. We hug.

448
00:21:59,986 --> 00:22:02,864
It's really nice.
I go, "Great to see you."

449
00:22:02,947 --> 00:22:05,492
"Hey, I heard you got that part,
that's so great."

450
00:22:05,575 --> 00:22:08,620
She's like, "Yeah. Congrats on stuff."
And I'm like, "Yeah, great."

451
00:22:08,703 --> 00:22:11,081
It's going well, and I suddenly think,
"You know what,

452
00:22:11,164 --> 00:22:13,666
I need to be the one
to end this interaction." Right?

453
00:22:13,750 --> 00:22:16,753
I need to retain control of the situation.
Like, I need to…

454
00:22:16,836 --> 00:22:20,215
We talked for a while, and I go,
"Listen, so good to see you…"

455
00:22:20,298 --> 00:22:22,050
She goes, "You want to sit down?"

456
00:22:22,133 --> 00:22:24,594
I'm, "No, no, I'm gonna hang
with my friends at the bar,

457
00:22:24,677 --> 00:22:27,472
but it's really nice to see you."
We hug again, she sits down.

458
00:22:27,555 --> 00:22:31,184
I'm walking to the bar
and she's still kinda casting glances

459
00:22:31,267 --> 00:22:33,436
over her shoulder as I walk to the bar.

460
00:22:34,104 --> 00:22:37,232
And, as I'm walking to the bar,
I suddenly realize,

461
00:22:37,816 --> 00:22:39,609
"What friends at the bar?"

462
00:22:41,653 --> 00:22:44,322
There are no friends at the bar.

463
00:22:45,407 --> 00:22:47,700
Joe has sat down at her table.

464
00:22:49,077 --> 00:22:50,578
He's a snake.

465
00:22:51,496 --> 00:22:52,872
He's dead to me.

466
00:22:54,666 --> 00:22:56,709
I'm panicking 'cause
she's still kinda looking.

467
00:22:56,793 --> 00:22:58,670
And I'm walking to the bar.

468
00:22:58,753 --> 00:23:02,799
Thank God, at the last second,
I see three girls who were in my show.

469
00:23:02,882 --> 00:23:04,884
They were in the front row of my show.

470
00:23:04,968 --> 00:23:06,636
So I'm approaching the bar,

471
00:23:06,719 --> 00:23:09,305
thank God, one of them goes,
"Hey, great show tonight."

472
00:23:09,389 --> 00:23:10,390
So I think…

473
00:23:12,976 --> 00:23:16,146
I think probably what
she wanted out of that interaction,

474
00:23:16,229 --> 00:23:19,190
like, what she expected
from that interaction, was kind of like,

475
00:23:19,274 --> 00:23:22,193
"Hey. Great show tonight."
"Oh, cheers, thanks for coming."

476
00:23:26,906 --> 00:23:31,119
What she got was so intense.

477
00:23:32,245 --> 00:23:36,040
I was like, "Hi, how are you?
What are all of your names and jobs?"

478
00:23:36,541 --> 00:23:39,294
So tactile as well. Weirdly tactile.

479
00:23:39,377 --> 00:23:43,131
Like my arm around all their shoulders,
like my head on their shoulder. I'm like…

480
00:23:43,214 --> 00:23:45,133
Mm! [laughs]

481
00:23:46,134 --> 00:23:48,887
They're like, "Whoa, okay. Uh…"
We're chatting.

482
00:23:48,970 --> 00:23:52,432
Then, thank God, we start chatting,
it's going well, we're getting along.

483
00:23:52,515 --> 00:23:53,892
So I'm like, "Crisis averted."

484
00:23:53,975 --> 00:23:57,145
They're like, "You want a drink?"
I'm like, "Yeah." We're having a drink

485
00:23:57,228 --> 00:24:01,774
and I suddenly feel a tap on my shoulder,
and I look around and it's my big ex.

486
00:24:01,858 --> 00:24:05,570
This time she has the element of surprise,
because I wasn't expecting it.

487
00:24:05,653 --> 00:24:09,949
She goes, "Hey, sorry to interrupt,
I want to say bye, I'm leaving now."

488
00:24:10,033 --> 00:24:12,911
I'm like, "Yeah, yeah." And we hug.

489
00:24:13,703 --> 00:24:15,538
And she said something awful, like…

490
00:24:15,622 --> 00:24:16,831
Like…

491
00:24:16,915 --> 00:24:20,084
"I'm sure our paths will cross one day."
You know what I mean?

492
00:24:20,168 --> 00:24:23,630
Something like that,
where all my organs dissolve.

493
00:24:23,713 --> 00:24:25,381
Get the plastic bag out. Oh God.

494
00:24:25,882 --> 00:24:27,342
Um… [laughs]

495
00:24:27,926 --> 00:24:30,136
And so we hug,
and she's leaving, she turns.

496
00:24:30,220 --> 00:24:32,847
She's still kind of
saying goodbye to some people here,

497
00:24:32,931 --> 00:24:34,933
and I turn back to my "friends,"

498
00:24:36,226 --> 00:24:39,521
and suddenly, like,
I guess I just got overwhelmed.

499
00:24:39,604 --> 00:24:41,648
And the floodgates just open

500
00:24:41,731 --> 00:24:43,316
and I just start sobbing.

501
00:24:43,399 --> 00:24:46,778
So… No, my face
like crumbles, my shoulders…

502
00:24:46,861 --> 00:24:48,655
I'm literally just like… [sobs]

503
00:24:48,738 --> 00:24:51,699
They're like, "Oh my God, are you okay?"
And I just go,

504
00:24:51,783 --> 00:24:53,993
"Laugh, laugh!" [sobs]

505
00:24:55,286 --> 00:24:56,329
"Laugh!"

506
00:24:57,580 --> 00:25:01,668
It was psychotic behavior.

507
00:25:02,168 --> 00:25:04,420
I'm literally like, "Fucking laugh. Ah!"

508
00:25:04,504 --> 00:25:05,547
[sobs]

509
00:25:06,172 --> 00:25:07,173
And they're all like…

510
00:25:07,257 --> 00:25:08,550
"Ha-ha-ha-ha."

511
00:25:10,593 --> 00:25:11,511
[laughs]

512
00:25:13,555 --> 00:25:14,639
[sighs]

513
00:25:14,722 --> 00:25:17,267
There's no real punchline
to that story, it's just…

514
00:25:18,142 --> 00:25:20,353
a vignette, if you will.

515
00:25:21,688 --> 00:25:25,024
To illustrate the level of emotion
I'm operating on. I mean…

516
00:25:25,608 --> 00:25:28,528
I have a lot of feelings.
Do you guys have a lot of feelings?

517
00:25:28,611 --> 00:25:31,281
[crowd whooping, clapping]

518
00:25:31,364 --> 00:25:32,991
It's exhausting, you know.

519
00:25:33,741 --> 00:25:36,703
I'm full to the absolute brim
with feelings.

520
00:25:36,786 --> 00:25:38,871
I always visualize, um…

521
00:25:39,622 --> 00:25:41,666
like Campbell's tomato soup.

522
00:25:41,749 --> 00:25:43,334
That it's… You know what I mean?

523
00:25:43,418 --> 00:25:46,129
Campbell's cream of tomato soup.
And then I'm full to brim.

524
00:25:46,212 --> 00:25:49,257
Right to the top of my skull,
just trying to keep it contained.

525
00:25:49,340 --> 00:25:52,051
Just trying to keep it
from sloshing out of my orifices

526
00:25:52,135 --> 00:25:56,306
as I make my way through life.
That's how I feel about my feelings.

527
00:25:56,389 --> 00:25:58,433
All it takes is
one person goes, "How are you?"

528
00:25:58,516 --> 00:25:59,684
And it's like… fling!

529
00:25:59,767 --> 00:26:01,394
Like, it shoots out my ear.

530
00:26:01,477 --> 00:26:04,147
They're like, "Oh God."
I'm like, "I'm sorry." [sobbing]

531
00:26:05,356 --> 00:26:07,317
[sadly] "That's not about you."

532
00:26:08,568 --> 00:26:09,485
[chuckles]

533
00:26:10,028 --> 00:26:12,530
No, I'm all right.
I got a therapist recently.

534
00:26:12,614 --> 00:26:14,741
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.
-[crowd cheering]

535
00:26:15,867 --> 00:26:18,995
Yeah, you have to, guys. You do. Like…

536
00:26:20,413 --> 00:26:23,666
Well, if you're gonna complain
as much as I complain,

537
00:26:23,750 --> 00:26:26,044
unfortunately, you do have to get one. Um…

538
00:26:26,669 --> 00:26:27,545
Yeah.

539
00:26:28,921 --> 00:26:31,174
I feel like my friends were
starting to be like,

540
00:26:31,257 --> 00:26:34,427
"You should pay someone
to do what you expect of us."

541
00:26:35,428 --> 00:26:37,096
I was like, "Oh, okay."

542
00:26:37,597 --> 00:26:41,601
I found this therapist
and he's really smart and we Zoom.

543
00:26:41,684 --> 00:26:43,686
And he said something interesting
where he said,

544
00:26:43,770 --> 00:26:45,772
"Remember, you are not the feeling."

545
00:26:45,855 --> 00:26:49,901
"Sure you feel consumed by the feeling,
but you are not the feeling."

546
00:26:49,984 --> 00:26:52,445
He said, "Within you, and within everyone,

547
00:26:52,528 --> 00:26:56,282
there's a very still,
neutral, eternal self."

548
00:26:56,366 --> 00:27:00,370
"And you experience the feelings,
but you're not consumed by them."

549
00:27:00,453 --> 00:27:03,790
He said, "Rather than identifying
so much with the feeling,

550
00:27:03,873 --> 00:27:08,169
like, 'I'm anxious, I'm this.'" He said,
"Don't be consumed by the feeling."

551
00:27:08,252 --> 00:27:12,298
"Just observe the feelings
as they come, with curiosity."

552
00:27:14,592 --> 00:27:17,387
Have you heard that before?
Apparently that's the…

553
00:27:17,470 --> 00:27:19,806
So I think you're
just supposed to be like, "Huh."

554
00:27:24,686 --> 00:27:26,145
"I'm experiencing

555
00:27:27,397 --> 00:27:28,272
rage."

556
00:27:31,567 --> 00:27:33,069
"How curious."

557
00:27:34,821 --> 00:27:36,447
"How curious."

558
00:27:38,616 --> 00:27:39,701
[laughs]

559
00:27:42,036 --> 00:27:45,707
I had a really, um, weird thing

560
00:27:45,790 --> 00:27:48,793
where, during the pandemic…
I spent the whole pandemic in London.

561
00:27:48,876 --> 00:27:53,131
I was just in my apartment,
in the rain, in London for… years.

562
00:27:53,214 --> 00:27:54,298
[laughs]

563
00:27:54,382 --> 00:27:58,678
And, uh, I noticed
an unexpected feeling bubbling up

564
00:27:58,761 --> 00:28:00,888
where I was, "Why do I feel embarrassed?"

565
00:28:00,972 --> 00:28:03,015
Like, I would wake up feeling embarrassed.

566
00:28:03,099 --> 00:28:06,811
And I was spending a lot of time,
obviously, in my apartment.

567
00:28:06,894 --> 00:28:09,939
in my living room,
and in my bedroom, specifically.

568
00:28:10,022 --> 00:28:12,734
And I was like,
"Wait, okay, maybe it's this."

569
00:28:13,317 --> 00:28:14,402
Okay, stay with me.

570
00:28:14,485 --> 00:28:17,655
Don't you think it's kind of embarrassing
that we're adults

571
00:28:17,739 --> 00:28:19,323
and we still have rooms?

572
00:28:20,700 --> 00:28:22,577
Okay, stay, wait.

573
00:28:22,660 --> 00:28:25,580
That we're like, "This is my room. Hm."

574
00:28:28,291 --> 00:28:29,709
"This is my room."

575
00:28:31,043 --> 00:28:32,420
"Don't go in my room."

576
00:28:32,503 --> 00:28:33,838
[laughs]

577
00:28:33,921 --> 00:28:37,216
It's embarrassing.
"I have to clean my room."

578
00:28:37,967 --> 00:28:42,930
And, like, please. I, of course, accept
and understand that we need rooms.

579
00:28:43,014 --> 00:28:47,894
You need four walls within which
to lay your weary head each night.

580
00:28:48,603 --> 00:28:51,230
But I think what I find
so embarrassing about it

581
00:28:51,314 --> 00:28:56,027
is, like, the way we decorate our rooms
to reflect our individuality.

582
00:28:56,694 --> 00:28:58,780
And we're like, "I'm me." Right?

583
00:29:00,072 --> 00:29:02,492
"I'm myself in my room."

584
00:29:02,575 --> 00:29:04,869
It's so embarrassing.

585
00:29:04,952 --> 00:29:07,121
"I have one Himalayan salt lamp."

586
00:29:08,206 --> 00:29:09,791
"Yes I do, and I'm me."

587
00:29:10,792 --> 00:29:13,169
"I have my picture on the wall and I…"

588
00:29:13,252 --> 00:29:15,963
When you finish reading a book,
you never get rid of it.

589
00:29:16,047 --> 00:29:17,924
You're like,
"I put it on the shelf in my…"

590
00:29:18,007 --> 00:29:21,177
"That is my personality
on display for all to see."

591
00:29:21,260 --> 00:29:22,512
[chuckles]

592
00:29:24,972 --> 00:29:26,349
"No one else is me."

593
00:29:27,892 --> 00:29:31,020
And then I was thinking…
Okay, this is a little abstract,

594
00:29:31,103 --> 00:29:34,315
but don't you think, in a way,
our brains and our minds

595
00:29:34,398 --> 00:29:35,733
are like our rooms,

596
00:29:35,817 --> 00:29:39,904
and we furnish our minds
with experiences that we collect

597
00:29:39,987 --> 00:29:42,782
to then build what we think of
as our identity and selves?

598
00:29:42,865 --> 00:29:44,283
And that's all we're doing.

599
00:29:44,367 --> 00:29:46,536
We're little experience hunters,
collecting these

600
00:29:46,619 --> 00:29:49,914
to put them on our brain shelves
and be like, "I'm me."

601
00:29:49,997 --> 00:29:53,209
And I always visualize
every experience that we collect

602
00:29:53,292 --> 00:29:55,336
is like a little novelty snow globe.

603
00:29:55,419 --> 00:29:57,421
We're just going around, being like,

604
00:29:57,505 --> 00:30:00,883
"One time I saw Antonio Banderas
at the airport. Yes, I did."

605
00:30:01,467 --> 00:30:03,719
"I'm myself. And no one else is me."

606
00:30:04,220 --> 00:30:05,596
[laughs]

607
00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:06,556
And then

608
00:30:07,306 --> 00:30:10,560
all human interaction is, really…

609
00:30:10,643 --> 00:30:15,064
I really noticed this coming out
of the pandemic. All interaction is just

610
00:30:15,147 --> 00:30:17,692
basically taking turns
showing each other our snow globes.

611
00:30:17,775 --> 00:30:19,318
And being like, "I…"

612
00:30:19,986 --> 00:30:23,030
And just pathetically taking turns.

613
00:30:23,114 --> 00:30:26,784
And, like, someone will be
showing you their snow globe, you know,

614
00:30:26,868 --> 00:30:28,744
and you're trying to be a good listener.

615
00:30:28,828 --> 00:30:31,289
It's a story about a party
they went to five years ago.

616
00:30:31,372 --> 00:30:33,916
And you're like, "Yes,
and you are you as well."

617
00:30:36,043 --> 00:30:38,087
Like, "Yes, exactly, yes."

618
00:30:38,170 --> 00:30:40,548
"How wonderful to be yourself as well."

619
00:30:41,257 --> 00:30:45,052
But the whole time,
your eyes are darting to your own shelf.

620
00:30:45,136 --> 00:30:49,140
A hundred percent, the whole time…
You're like, "Mmm, yes. Well, no. Yes."

621
00:30:49,223 --> 00:30:50,766
Waiting for your moment

622
00:30:51,767 --> 00:30:54,061
to be like, "And me as well. I have one…"

623
00:30:56,355 --> 00:30:57,565
-[laughs]
-[crowd cheering]

624
00:30:57,648 --> 00:30:58,566
Thank you.

625
00:31:09,452 --> 00:31:11,454
This is so exciting. You know what?

626
00:31:12,496 --> 00:31:13,497
I was thinking…

627
00:31:14,290 --> 00:31:16,417
Well, I watch a lot of stand-up specials.

628
00:31:16,500 --> 00:31:18,544
Then my friend's special
came out recently,

629
00:31:18,628 --> 00:31:20,254
and they put out the trailer.

630
00:31:20,338 --> 00:31:24,759
I was like, "Fuck, it's so dynamic."
Like, she's so physical onstage and doing…

631
00:31:24,842 --> 00:31:27,011
I was like, "I don't really move much."

632
00:31:27,094 --> 00:31:29,096
Like I'm very--
Then I was like, "What if?"

633
00:31:29,180 --> 00:31:31,641
'Cause I really want
my trailer to be dynamic.

634
00:31:31,724 --> 00:31:33,184
So, I was like, "What if I just…"

635
00:31:33,726 --> 00:31:36,520
I know in my head
the things I want to see in my trailer.

636
00:31:36,604 --> 00:31:39,815
I just haven't written the jokes
that go with the movements.

637
00:31:39,899 --> 00:31:42,318
So I was like,
"Maybe I just do the movements."

638
00:31:42,401 --> 00:31:45,321
And then I put it in the trailer
and it's just, like…

639
00:31:45,404 --> 00:31:46,489
Just like this.

640
00:31:47,323 --> 00:31:49,116
That's in the trailer,
how good would that be?

641
00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:50,618
You'd be like, "I gotta watch that."

642
00:31:52,119 --> 00:31:54,121
[crowd cheering]

643
00:31:55,915 --> 00:31:59,460
I should just have, like,
a hundred trained dogs.

644
00:31:59,543 --> 00:32:01,712
They all come out on the stage like this.

645
00:32:01,796 --> 00:32:03,547
And they're all on their hind legs jumping

646
00:32:03,631 --> 00:32:07,760
and then we just have it in the trailer
and never in the show.

647
00:32:08,594 --> 00:32:09,470
[laughs]

648
00:32:10,262 --> 00:32:11,222
Um…

649
00:32:12,682 --> 00:32:14,558
Yeah, feelings. I got a lot of feelings.

650
00:32:17,353 --> 00:32:21,357
So… rage, embarrassment.
These are some of the feelings. Um…

651
00:32:21,857 --> 00:32:25,027
Another feeling that I…
It's very dominant in my life,

652
00:32:25,111 --> 00:32:27,905
and I think a lot of people
relate to this, it's, like, nostalgia.

653
00:32:27,989 --> 00:32:29,198
I'm very nostalgic.

654
00:32:29,281 --> 00:32:31,450
You know?
And I know that's kind of a useless

655
00:32:31,534 --> 00:32:33,035
emotion, like I'm…

656
00:32:33,119 --> 00:32:36,789
I'm nostalgic for pre-pandemic times
and we didn't know how good we had it.

657
00:32:36,872 --> 00:32:40,751
I'm very nostalgic, really,
for pre-puberty, if I'm being honest.

658
00:32:41,335 --> 00:32:43,796
That's where it all went wrong.

659
00:32:44,463 --> 00:32:45,381
Like…

660
00:32:46,007 --> 00:32:49,176
Yeah, and my friends are like,
"Oh, yeah. You missed the '90s."

661
00:32:49,260 --> 00:32:51,387
That's so original.

662
00:32:51,470 --> 00:32:55,057
"Do you miss how all of our parents
used to have a lot of rubber bands?"

663
00:32:57,810 --> 00:32:59,770
Do you remember how
everyone had rubber bands?

664
00:32:59,854 --> 00:33:01,897
You'd find them
around drawer handles and shit.

665
00:33:01,981 --> 00:33:04,525
There'd be a whole ball of them.
What were they for?

666
00:33:04,608 --> 00:33:06,277
I have no rubber bands now.

667
00:33:09,947 --> 00:33:13,617
"Do you miss how all parents
had one big conch shell in the bathroom?"

668
00:33:13,701 --> 00:33:15,494
I'm like, "Yes. Yes, I do miss that."

669
00:33:15,995 --> 00:33:16,871
Yeah.

670
00:33:16,954 --> 00:33:20,249
And I miss the easier access
to abortion and less populism.

671
00:33:20,332 --> 00:33:22,752
-Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah.
-[crowd cheering]

672
00:33:23,711 --> 00:33:25,755
I do feel, I think I'm someone who

673
00:33:25,838 --> 00:33:28,549
I never really got over puberty.

674
00:33:28,632 --> 00:33:30,176
Well, for a couple of reasons.

675
00:33:30,259 --> 00:33:32,636
I think puberty hit me
like a ton of bricks, really.

676
00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:37,224
First of all, I'm exactly
the demographic where, um,

677
00:33:37,308 --> 00:33:39,685
for me, puberty coincided almost exactly

678
00:33:39,769 --> 00:33:43,105
with the arrival of the Internet
and the popularization of the Internet.

679
00:33:43,189 --> 00:33:46,233
I'm so lucky. I had, like, one to 13,
kind of-- It wasn't around.

680
00:33:46,317 --> 00:33:50,362
And I remember the one computer
in our classroom got the Internet.

681
00:33:50,446 --> 00:33:54,450
And overnight, the world just exploded,
everything changed, it was like…

682
00:33:54,533 --> 00:33:57,036
We all got our first e-mail addresses.

683
00:33:57,119 --> 00:34:00,122
Mine was hot-mae-el@hotmail.com.

684
00:34:00,206 --> 00:34:02,208
[audience laughter]

685
00:34:02,291 --> 00:34:03,125
Thank you.

686
00:34:03,626 --> 00:34:06,629
Those were the days
you could get the good email addresses.

687
00:34:07,630 --> 00:34:11,342
But it was like overnight the world
went from being very manageable…

688
00:34:11,425 --> 00:34:13,344
Everything I needed to know

689
00:34:13,427 --> 00:34:15,805
was in just in one set
of Encyclopedia Britannica's

690
00:34:15,888 --> 00:34:17,181
in my parents' basement.

691
00:34:17,264 --> 00:34:20,684
It was so relaxing.
It was like a finite amount of facts.

692
00:34:20,768 --> 00:34:21,685
That was it.

693
00:34:21,769 --> 00:34:24,480
The nice, thin paper.
You know what I mean?

694
00:34:24,563 --> 00:34:27,066
It was manageable. It wasn't…

695
00:34:27,149 --> 00:34:29,193
Also, it was like objective truth.

696
00:34:29,276 --> 00:34:33,823
Like, no one was putting out
the devil's advocate set of encyclopedias.

697
00:34:33,906 --> 00:34:36,700
You know what I mean? Like, "Well…"

698
00:34:37,827 --> 00:34:40,204
"Are you sure Lima
is the capital of Peru?"

699
00:34:40,287 --> 00:34:42,289
Um… [chuckles]

700
00:34:43,207 --> 00:34:45,251
And then overnight it was like…

701
00:34:45,334 --> 00:34:48,420
I was obsessed with it.
I remember my friends at lunch being like,

702
00:34:48,504 --> 00:34:51,048
"We're gonna go out
and play at recess. Wanna come?"

703
00:34:51,132 --> 00:34:54,718
I'd be like, "No, there's so much work
to be done on the Internet."

704
00:34:54,802 --> 00:34:57,429
"There's so much going on."
I was like, "I have to

705
00:34:58,222 --> 00:35:01,016
copy and paste images
of <i>Buffy the Vampire Slayer</i>

706
00:35:02,852 --> 00:35:04,520
into a Word document."

707
00:35:06,605 --> 00:35:09,150
I then have to print that Word document.

708
00:35:09,942 --> 00:35:12,486
The paper will be sodden with ink.

709
00:35:13,737 --> 00:35:16,323
Just heavy with ink. Like…

710
00:35:17,908 --> 00:35:19,451
I have to cut those pictures out,

711
00:35:19,535 --> 00:35:21,954
and it's going to be like
cutting wet toilet paper.

712
00:35:22,037 --> 00:35:24,832
I then have to stick those pictures
onto my homework diary.

713
00:35:24,915 --> 00:35:26,584
Like, I'm busy. I--

714
00:35:27,793 --> 00:35:30,546
I truly feel like
I've been busy ever since.

715
00:35:30,629 --> 00:35:31,755
I'm exhausted.

716
00:35:32,756 --> 00:35:36,802
And another reason that
I think puberty really hit me was, like--

717
00:35:36,886 --> 00:35:39,138
Okay, so, yeah. Regular puberty stuff,

718
00:35:39,221 --> 00:35:42,600
then the Internet arrives
and the stuff that brings with it.

719
00:35:42,683 --> 00:35:47,271
And then for me, also, puberty
triggered kind of a wild gender dysphoria

720
00:35:47,354 --> 00:35:48,230
and a gender thing.

721
00:35:48,314 --> 00:35:50,232
-You know what I mean?
-[crowd] Yeah!

722
00:35:50,316 --> 00:35:51,483
[laughs]

723
00:35:51,567 --> 00:35:52,484
Uh-huh?

724
00:35:53,068 --> 00:35:54,570
Dead silence. Um…

725
00:35:56,614 --> 00:35:58,657
No, but really, like, before puberty,

726
00:35:58,741 --> 00:36:01,243
I felt like I was
this bounding, androgynous child,

727
00:36:01,327 --> 00:36:04,955
very confident,
did a lot of Ace Ventura impersonations.

728
00:36:05,664 --> 00:36:08,459
And then suddenly puberty hit
and my body's changing,

729
00:36:08,542 --> 00:36:10,878
I felt very like…
And this was the '90s too.

730
00:36:10,961 --> 00:36:13,714
This was the era of girl bands
and boy bands, right?

731
00:36:13,797 --> 00:36:16,926
This was the very pop-fueled binary.

732
00:36:17,009 --> 00:36:20,638
And I went to an all-girls school,
which I just, like…

733
00:36:20,721 --> 00:36:22,056
The ubiquitous question,

734
00:36:22,139 --> 00:36:25,184
the question you needed
to know an answer to at my school

735
00:36:25,267 --> 00:36:26,644
was which Spice Girl are you?

736
00:36:26,727 --> 00:36:30,147
And it was like,
there's only five possible answers.

737
00:36:30,231 --> 00:36:33,108
You needed to know. You'd be in the hall,

738
00:36:33,192 --> 00:36:35,861
and a group of girls would corner you,
"Which one are you?"

739
00:36:36,362 --> 00:36:38,447
'Cause they're organizing
lip-syncs and stuff.

740
00:36:38,530 --> 00:36:41,825
They need to know, no judgment.
They did need to know

741
00:36:41,909 --> 00:36:44,453
where you fit into the constellation.

742
00:36:45,496 --> 00:36:47,581
It was like, "Which one are you?"
And I was like,

743
00:36:47,665 --> 00:36:49,375
"Justin Timberlake. I don't know."

744
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:52,002
"Nick Carter?"

745
00:36:53,170 --> 00:36:54,171
Um…

746
00:36:54,255 --> 00:36:58,217
I think, regardless,
if you experience gender stuff,

747
00:36:58,300 --> 00:37:00,511
puberty anyway is a fucking nightmare.

748
00:37:00,594 --> 00:37:02,137
Like, you feel like an alien,

749
00:37:02,221 --> 00:37:05,975
and everything that was cool about you
just becomes worthless overnight.

750
00:37:06,058 --> 00:37:09,103
Like, okay, I had this trick.

751
00:37:09,186 --> 00:37:12,481
Okay, well, it's a noise
that I can make with my hand.

752
00:37:12,564 --> 00:37:15,442
And I swear, it was really popular.

753
00:37:15,526 --> 00:37:18,195
People loved when I did it,
it killed at parties.

754
00:37:18,988 --> 00:37:20,823
I'm going to do it for you now. Uh…

755
00:37:21,448 --> 00:37:23,200
Okay, maybe some of you remember this.

756
00:37:23,284 --> 00:37:25,077
Um, okay, this is the noise.

757
00:37:26,537 --> 00:37:31,208
[high-pitched vibrating vocalizing
of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"]

758
00:37:32,376 --> 00:37:33,502
Do you remember that?

759
00:37:35,254 --> 00:37:38,215
Guys, I swear, it used to kill at parties.

760
00:37:38,299 --> 00:37:40,551
People would request it,
they'd be like, "Do the noise."

761
00:37:40,634 --> 00:37:41,969
I'd be like, "Okay."

762
00:37:42,469 --> 00:37:44,138
I did it in a school assembly once.

763
00:37:44,221 --> 00:37:47,266
That was… That was too far, but, um…

764
00:37:48,183 --> 00:37:51,061
It was really cool, and then,
all of a sudden puberty hit,

765
00:37:51,145 --> 00:37:53,564
suddenly I'm at a house party,
I'm in a cupboard

766
00:37:53,647 --> 00:37:56,608
with a pimply 13-year-old boy
who's got a semi, and I'm like…

767
00:37:56,692 --> 00:37:58,360
[vocalizing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"]

768
00:37:58,902 --> 00:38:00,904
And he's like, "What the fuck?"

769
00:38:04,408 --> 00:38:07,745
He's like, "I thought you were
gonna give me a hand job." I'm like, "No."

770
00:38:08,996 --> 00:38:10,414
"I said...

771
00:38:11,457 --> 00:38:14,877
that I could do something cool
with my hand."

772
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:16,962
[cheering]

773
00:38:17,588 --> 00:38:21,592
He leaves me alone in the cupboard.
I'm there in the dark by myself, like…

774
00:38:21,675 --> 00:38:27,514
[vocalizing "Mad World"]

775
00:38:32,144 --> 00:38:33,437
Really mournful.

776
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:35,522
[cheering]

777
00:38:36,607 --> 00:38:39,276
It's hard to live at that age.
It's really… I mean…

778
00:38:40,569 --> 00:38:43,280
Don't you think
that the only way to flirt when you're 13,

779
00:38:43,364 --> 00:38:46,492
the only acceptable way, is to go,
"How big are your hands?"

780
00:38:46,575 --> 00:38:49,119
That's… Don't you think?
Do you remember that?

781
00:38:49,203 --> 00:38:52,998
"How big are your hands?"
I still kinda think that's a great move

782
00:38:53,499 --> 00:38:56,085
to make physical contact
with someone that you like.

783
00:38:56,168 --> 00:38:58,045
Except I was at my all-girls school,

784
00:38:58,128 --> 00:39:01,882
just sort of slightly getting it wrong.
"Yeah, my hands are pretty massive."

785
00:39:03,092 --> 00:39:05,219
"Yeah, yours are tiny, of course."

786
00:39:06,929 --> 00:39:10,182
Going around the playground, being like,
"Well, you know what they say."

787
00:39:17,606 --> 00:39:19,942
"Big hands, massive labia."

788
00:39:23,904 --> 00:39:25,030
[laughs]

789
00:39:26,156 --> 00:39:27,032
[exhales]

790
00:39:27,658 --> 00:39:28,492
But…

791
00:39:29,159 --> 00:39:31,537
So all that was going on, you know?

792
00:39:31,620 --> 00:39:35,416
And I think for everyone,
at puberty, you do kind of…

793
00:39:35,916 --> 00:39:38,669
You develop critical thinking
and suddenly, sort of,

794
00:39:38,752 --> 00:39:41,505
the hard facts of life are hitting you.

795
00:39:41,588 --> 00:39:44,133
I think if you're, like,
different in any way,

796
00:39:44,216 --> 00:39:48,095
like, if the dominant narrative
that's being told to you by everyone

797
00:39:48,178 --> 00:39:51,014
doesn't match what you're experiencing,
know what I mean?

798
00:39:51,098 --> 00:39:55,185
Like, with gender, people being like,
"There's two. And you're a woman

799
00:39:55,269 --> 00:39:57,521
and this is what it's like."
And you're like, "Okay."

800
00:39:57,604 --> 00:40:00,566
But you're experiencing
something completely different.

801
00:40:00,649 --> 00:40:02,401
Then you kind of have two options.

802
00:40:02,484 --> 00:40:05,737
You can either question the validity
of yourself and your experience

803
00:40:05,821 --> 00:40:10,659
or you can question the validity
of everything else and the whole system.

804
00:40:10,742 --> 00:40:13,454
Once you start pulling that thread,
you're fucked. It's like…

805
00:40:14,121 --> 00:40:15,330
Monogamy, you're like…

806
00:40:15,414 --> 00:40:18,876
Can I bring two people to prom?
Why not? I don't get why not.

807
00:40:20,002 --> 00:40:22,004
And I really felt-- And also, like…

808
00:40:22,087 --> 00:40:28,260
For me, I, um, I started doing comedy
when I was 13 and I discovered…

809
00:40:28,343 --> 00:40:30,554
I got really into drugs,
like psychedelic drugs.

810
00:40:30,637 --> 00:40:34,433
So that just exacerbated
the general existential wave.

811
00:40:34,516 --> 00:40:38,228
Like I felt like I was peeling
back the wallpaper on reality

812
00:40:38,312 --> 00:40:42,149
and I was seeing this very flimsy
scaffolding holding everything up.

813
00:40:42,232 --> 00:40:43,775
I was just like, "What is going on?"

814
00:40:43,859 --> 00:40:46,737
You suddenly realize
your parents are flawed,

815
00:40:46,820 --> 00:40:49,406
your teachers are,
like, lonely or something.

816
00:40:50,574 --> 00:40:52,868
I remember being,
"Mm, I think Ms. Buchanan's lonely."

817
00:40:52,951 --> 00:40:56,455
"I feel a huge amount of pressure
to laugh at her jokes. And I don't know."

818
00:40:56,538 --> 00:40:57,539
Um…

819
00:40:59,249 --> 00:41:02,794
And yeah, I remember
being really stressed by

820
00:41:02,878 --> 00:41:06,632
why don't we, as a society,
talk more about the fact that

821
00:41:06,715 --> 00:41:09,176
the movie <i>Antz </i>and the movie <i>A Bug's Life</i>

822
00:41:10,636 --> 00:41:12,763
came out in the same year.

823
00:41:15,015 --> 00:41:18,602
Surely, powerful forces are at play here

824
00:41:19,228 --> 00:41:22,397
and we're just not going to address it?
Like what the…

825
00:41:26,652 --> 00:41:28,320
Um… Yeah.

826
00:41:30,113 --> 00:41:33,575
So, yeah, I was stressed and…

827
00:41:34,910 --> 00:41:38,247
And also, I think with drugs,
it was a way to get out of my body.

828
00:41:38,330 --> 00:41:41,833
I was feeling very uncomfortable
in my body and it was this trap door.

829
00:41:41,917 --> 00:41:44,836
And so I got heavily into drugs,
and the bullet points are,

830
00:41:44,920 --> 00:41:47,631
I went from psychedelics
into, like, the really bad ones.

831
00:41:47,714 --> 00:41:50,467
I got kicked out of my house.
I dropped out of school.

832
00:41:50,551 --> 00:41:53,136
Fast-forward, I ended up in rehab.

833
00:41:53,220 --> 00:41:56,223
When I was 19,
I went to a rehab day program

834
00:41:56,306 --> 00:41:57,641
for nine months. Uh…

835
00:41:58,141 --> 00:42:01,019
A rehab day program for teens,

836
00:42:01,103 --> 00:42:02,688
objectively, a bad idea.

837
00:42:02,771 --> 00:42:03,855
Well, in a way, right?

838
00:42:03,939 --> 00:42:05,899
Like, you get a group
of teenagers together,

839
00:42:05,983 --> 00:42:08,235
all they have in common
is they love doing drugs.

840
00:42:08,318 --> 00:42:11,280
Every day, at 3:00 p.m., the bell goes

841
00:42:11,363 --> 00:42:14,032
and they're like,
"Off you go with your new friends."

842
00:42:15,075 --> 00:42:17,953
"Run along. Bond in the alleyways."

843
00:42:18,579 --> 00:42:20,581
"The only way you know how." [laughs]

844
00:42:21,373 --> 00:42:23,875
Um, but it was very eye-opening for me.

845
00:42:23,959 --> 00:42:26,628
It was a big turning point
because I got into this program

846
00:42:26,712 --> 00:42:28,797
and there were 12 other kids in there.

847
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:30,632
I was suddenly like, "Oh, fuck."

848
00:42:30,716 --> 00:42:33,385
These kids have come
from actually difficult lives,

849
00:42:33,468 --> 00:42:36,054
and difficult family situations.
Like who am I? You know?

850
00:42:36,138 --> 00:42:39,933
I'm this privileged, middle-class kid.
What am I rebelling against, really?

851
00:42:40,017 --> 00:42:44,479
But I needed to be there, and it was good.
I wanted to fit in with all these kids.

852
00:42:44,563 --> 00:42:46,773
They'd been there a while,
they were all really bonded.

853
00:42:46,857 --> 00:42:48,859
And they had nicknames for each other.

854
00:42:48,942 --> 00:42:52,237
I've never had a nickname
and I wanted to be in on it.

855
00:42:52,321 --> 00:42:55,699
I was very excited because
after like two months in the program,

856
00:42:55,782 --> 00:42:58,076
I came in one morning
and one of the guys goes,

857
00:42:58,160 --> 00:42:59,745
"Yo, Bath Water, what's up?"

858
00:43:00,954 --> 00:43:03,040
I was like, "Bath Water?"

859
00:43:03,749 --> 00:43:06,627
And they all start calling me Bath Water.

860
00:43:07,336 --> 00:43:09,880
Then the teacher starts calling me…
It catches on.

861
00:43:09,963 --> 00:43:11,923
The teachers are,
"Good morning, Bath Water."

862
00:43:12,007 --> 00:43:13,759
I'm like, "What is happening?"

863
00:43:13,842 --> 00:43:15,636
But I get into it. I don't want to admit

864
00:43:15,719 --> 00:43:17,929
that I don't know why
they're calling me Bath Water.

865
00:43:18,013 --> 00:43:19,848
I'm like, "Yup. Not much. All good."

866
00:43:19,931 --> 00:43:24,144
Yeah. And then finally,
I get comfortable enough with them

867
00:43:24,227 --> 00:43:25,562
and we all get close.

868
00:43:25,646 --> 00:43:28,398
I'm like, "Guys, I've been meaning
to ask you for months."

869
00:43:28,482 --> 00:43:30,442
"Why do you call me, Bath Water?"

870
00:43:30,525 --> 00:43:33,445
And they said,
"Oh, it's because when you arrived,

871
00:43:33,528 --> 00:43:35,072
we all had a conversation

872
00:43:35,155 --> 00:43:39,868
and decided you look like the type of kid
who would drink their own bath water."

873
00:43:41,453 --> 00:43:42,329
It's…

874
00:43:43,955 --> 00:43:45,499
so specific.

875
00:43:47,250 --> 00:43:48,710
So insulting.

876
00:43:49,544 --> 00:43:51,171
And creative, yes.

877
00:43:52,422 --> 00:43:53,423
Drink their own…

878
00:43:53,507 --> 00:43:56,301
I mean, look,
I've drunk some bath water in my time.

879
00:43:56,385 --> 00:43:57,302
Sure.

880
00:43:57,928 --> 00:43:59,346
Haven't we all?

881
00:44:01,515 --> 00:44:03,642
I mean, not like with… [glugs]

882
00:44:03,725 --> 00:44:04,768
[laughs]

883
00:44:05,268 --> 00:44:06,728
With a straw. Just…

884
00:44:09,106 --> 00:44:10,399
No, but, like, we all…

885
00:44:11,233 --> 00:44:13,110
We've all drunk some, haven't we?

886
00:44:13,193 --> 00:44:15,278
Okay, wait. Do you remember bath time?

887
00:44:15,779 --> 00:44:16,863
Remember bath time?

888
00:44:16,947 --> 00:44:20,575
Did you ever, um, in bath time,
take your wet flannel…

889
00:44:20,659 --> 00:44:22,703
Do you call it a flannel or a facecloth?

890
00:44:22,786 --> 00:44:24,746
Flannel? Yeah. Canada, yeah.

891
00:44:24,830 --> 00:44:25,706
[laughs]

892
00:44:25,789 --> 00:44:27,582
Did you ever take your wet flannel

893
00:44:27,666 --> 00:44:30,377
and lie it on your face,
and breathe through it?

894
00:44:30,460 --> 00:44:33,380
And then you suddenly feel like
you're waterboarding yourself?

895
00:44:33,463 --> 00:44:34,881
You're like, "Oh no, God!"

896
00:44:35,966 --> 00:44:38,635
Or did you ever suck
the water out of your flannel?

897
00:44:39,136 --> 00:44:39,970
Right?

898
00:44:40,470 --> 00:44:43,640
It feels so squeaky on your…
What a feeling.

899
00:44:45,892 --> 00:44:46,810
Bath time.

900
00:44:47,561 --> 00:44:48,729
You know what I mean?

901
00:44:49,896 --> 00:44:51,106
Know what I miss most?

902
00:44:51,189 --> 00:44:54,943
I'll move on from bath time,
but I will just quickly say

903
00:44:55,026 --> 00:44:57,154
what I miss most about bath time is just

904
00:44:57,237 --> 00:44:59,489
once a day, somebody going,
"Uh, it's bath time."

905
00:45:00,657 --> 00:45:01,950
How good is that?

906
00:45:02,033 --> 00:45:04,035
I feel like we don't appreciate it
when we're young,

907
00:45:04,119 --> 00:45:06,663
but imagine you're on
a shitty Tinder date,

908
00:45:06,747 --> 00:45:08,749
and the waiter comes over, they're like,

909
00:45:08,832 --> 00:45:12,586
"I'm so sorry to interrupt.
Um, it is bath time for you."

910
00:45:12,669 --> 00:45:14,629
You're like… You'd be out of there.

911
00:45:15,464 --> 00:45:17,466
[crowd cheering]

912
00:45:18,133 --> 00:45:20,385
Youth is wasted on the young. You know?

913
00:45:21,720 --> 00:45:23,305
Youth is wasted on the young.

914
00:45:23,930 --> 00:45:24,806
Um…

915
00:45:25,390 --> 00:45:27,058
Yeah, so that's… Yeah.

916
00:45:27,142 --> 00:45:30,395
I think the reason
that I obsess over my teens,

917
00:45:30,479 --> 00:45:33,148
and I'm constantly processing it,

918
00:45:33,231 --> 00:45:35,942
is that I feel like
a completely different person now.

919
00:45:36,026 --> 00:45:38,904
And I did have this kind
of chaotic adolescence,

920
00:45:38,987 --> 00:45:41,198
and it was really dark, like it was crazy.

921
00:45:41,281 --> 00:45:43,950
Now I feel truly
like a completely different person.

922
00:45:44,034 --> 00:45:45,744
Like, I'm very risk averse now.

923
00:45:45,827 --> 00:45:47,120
You… Yeah.

924
00:45:48,371 --> 00:45:51,082
You should see me
on an escalator, it's insane.

925
00:45:51,166 --> 00:45:53,126
I hold so tight to the railing.

926
00:45:53,210 --> 00:45:54,836
I'm very like… [chuckles]

927
00:45:54,920 --> 00:45:56,838
As the thing's approaching, "Oh my God."

928
00:45:56,922 --> 00:45:59,049
I'm like, "One, two, three, go."

929
00:45:59,132 --> 00:46:00,258
Waiting for my moment.

930
00:46:00,342 --> 00:46:01,885
[nervous laugh]

931
00:46:02,427 --> 00:46:05,055
If I'm not ready and it's coming,
I'm walking backwards.

932
00:46:05,138 --> 00:46:06,264
I'm going, "Okay…"

933
00:46:06,807 --> 00:46:07,891
"One, two…"

934
00:46:07,974 --> 00:46:09,976
[chuckling] Yeah. Yeah.

935
00:46:11,686 --> 00:46:13,688
But I do still… I feel different.

936
00:46:13,772 --> 00:46:17,442
I do, I guess, still get
that self-destructive feeling.

937
00:46:17,526 --> 00:46:19,277
Like, that pressure building up.

938
00:46:19,361 --> 00:46:21,863
I feel like we all
kind of sometimes have those impulses

939
00:46:21,947 --> 00:46:25,116
and you have to find the healthy way
to deal with those feelings.

940
00:46:25,617 --> 00:46:27,702
Um, I do a lot of escape rooms.

941
00:46:28,328 --> 00:46:30,580
I'm always escaping a room.

942
00:46:31,456 --> 00:46:32,999
Constantly. Um…

943
00:46:33,542 --> 00:46:37,796
Like, I was on tour recently
and touring is intense.

944
00:46:37,879 --> 00:46:39,214
Also, I tour by myself.

945
00:46:39,297 --> 00:46:42,843
I don't usually have an opening act,
or a tour manager, or whatever.

946
00:46:42,926 --> 00:46:44,302
I just travel by myself.

947
00:46:44,386 --> 00:46:47,514
I have these long days
in these random cities in the UK.

948
00:46:47,597 --> 00:46:49,599
And I was doing a show in Edinburgh.

949
00:46:49,683 --> 00:46:52,060
I was Scotland,
in Edinburgh, by myself for the day,

950
00:46:52,143 --> 00:46:55,564
and I was having the feeling
of pressure building up.

951
00:46:55,647 --> 00:46:56,731
You know what I mean?

952
00:46:56,815 --> 00:46:59,693
And, like, I had just seen
<i>Trainspotting, </i>so I was like,

953
00:46:59,776 --> 00:47:01,194
"We're in the danger zone."

954
00:47:01,278 --> 00:47:03,321
And, uh, I said, "What should I do?"

955
00:47:03,405 --> 00:47:06,616
So I go online and I found
the Edinburgh dungeons were open.

956
00:47:06,700 --> 00:47:10,328
That's kind of like the London dungeons,
where it's like this horror,

957
00:47:10,412 --> 00:47:12,122
immersive horror experience,

958
00:47:12,205 --> 00:47:15,041
where actors dress up
like Victorians and scare you.

959
00:47:15,125 --> 00:47:17,252
And you walk through a maze of hell.

960
00:47:17,335 --> 00:47:19,337
So I was like, "Great." Um…

961
00:47:19,421 --> 00:47:21,756
And I got the VIP package as well,

962
00:47:21,840 --> 00:47:23,675
which is just you pay 20 extra bucks

963
00:47:23,758 --> 00:47:26,928
and all it meant was, when I arrived,
they take a picture of you

964
00:47:27,012 --> 00:47:28,346
in front of a green screen.

965
00:47:28,430 --> 00:47:31,099
And then they give you a key
and they project a graveyard

966
00:47:31,182 --> 00:47:32,601
and give you the keychain of the…

967
00:47:32,684 --> 00:47:36,479
That was when I was like, "Oh. This is
something you should do with friends."

968
00:47:36,980 --> 00:47:38,023
[laughs]

969
00:47:38,607 --> 00:47:40,233
Friends or loved ones.

970
00:47:40,317 --> 00:47:43,236
I do now have a keychain that's just…

971
00:47:47,657 --> 00:47:48,533
So,

972
00:47:49,534 --> 00:47:52,704
I go down and it's me
and this group of strangers

973
00:47:52,787 --> 00:47:56,416
and we're going to go together
as a group through this horror maze.

974
00:47:56,499 --> 00:47:59,502
It's tourists and families,
there's like ten of us.

975
00:47:59,586 --> 00:48:02,297
We're about to go through it,
and this guy comes out,

976
00:48:02,380 --> 00:48:05,008
and he's dressed
like a kind of Victorian butcher.

977
00:48:05,091 --> 00:48:07,802
He's covered in blood
and he's got a big butcher's knife,

978
00:48:07,886 --> 00:48:11,014
big beard, Scottish guy,
and he goes, "I'm the butcher!"

979
00:48:11,097 --> 00:48:12,891
I can't do the accent very well.

980
00:48:13,391 --> 00:48:15,518
He's like, "Welcome to
the Edinburgh dungeons,

981
00:48:15,602 --> 00:48:18,772
we're gonna fucking kill you."
And I'm like, "Yes!"

982
00:48:19,356 --> 00:48:21,858
"Yes, I've been praying for death!" Um…

983
00:48:22,901 --> 00:48:27,280
Then he goes, "But first,
I do have a few safety announcements. Um…"

984
00:48:27,364 --> 00:48:32,160
"If you are pregnant or you do
have epilepsy, don't go in the dungeon."

985
00:48:32,243 --> 00:48:33,203
Uh…

986
00:48:33,286 --> 00:48:35,205
I'm like, "Okay." Then he said,

987
00:48:35,705 --> 00:48:39,751
"At no point will any of the actors
in the dungeon touch you or grab you."

988
00:48:39,834 --> 00:48:41,711
So I was like, "That's good." Right?

989
00:48:41,795 --> 00:48:44,005
Nobody wants to be grabbed in the dunge.

990
00:48:44,089 --> 00:48:45,006
So I was like,

991
00:48:45,507 --> 00:48:46,549
"Sweet." Um…

992
00:48:47,467 --> 00:48:51,096
So we start going through
and guys, it's so scary.

993
00:48:51,179 --> 00:48:55,183
Like it's just… I'm quaking with fear.

994
00:48:55,266 --> 00:48:57,102
I'm with these strangers going through.

995
00:48:57,185 --> 00:49:00,730
They do this thing where they love
to turn off all the lights, pitch-black.

996
00:49:00,814 --> 00:49:04,484
And then when they come back on, there's
a woman standing an inch from your face

997
00:49:04,567 --> 00:49:05,819
and being like… [growls]

998
00:49:06,444 --> 00:49:09,072
It's so scary,
but I'm loving it. I'm like, "Ah."

999
00:49:09,155 --> 00:49:12,450
There's sort of a narrative arc
where, at the very beginning,

1000
00:49:12,534 --> 00:49:16,955
the butcher was like, "You're gonna meet
the legendary cannibal Sawney Bean."

1001
00:49:17,038 --> 00:49:21,042
Does anybody know Sawney Bean?
Legendary cannibal, apparently, and…

1002
00:49:21,918 --> 00:49:25,964
We're like, "We don't want to meet him.
We're frightened."

1003
00:49:26,047 --> 00:49:28,216
He's like, "Oh no.
He's going to love you guys."

1004
00:49:28,299 --> 00:49:30,010
We know it's building to something.

1005
00:49:30,093 --> 00:49:35,015
And we get to this part where
there's a sort of boat underground,

1006
00:49:35,098 --> 00:49:37,017
we're in the bowels of Edinburgh, right?

1007
00:49:37,100 --> 00:49:40,186
And there's a boat
on a track and we all get in it.

1008
00:49:40,270 --> 00:49:42,397
And we can hear
Sawney Bean in the darkness,

1009
00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:44,024
toward where we're headed,

1010
00:49:44,107 --> 00:49:46,609
going, "I'm Sawney Bean."
We're like, "No!"

1011
00:49:47,110 --> 00:49:50,780
The butcher goes, "Okay, guys,
you're on your own now. I'm leaving you."

1012
00:49:50,864 --> 00:49:53,867
We're like "No, wait.
We've learned to love you, we need you."

1013
00:49:54,367 --> 00:49:56,619
He's like "Fuck you, guys" and he leaves.

1014
00:49:56,703 --> 00:49:59,289
Now it's me and my group
and we're in the little boat.

1015
00:49:59,372 --> 00:50:01,958
The lights go off and it's pitch-black.

1016
00:50:02,042 --> 00:50:04,711
You can't see your hand
in front of your face, it's so dark,

1017
00:50:04,794 --> 00:50:06,379
and it's damp and it's cold.

1018
00:50:06,463 --> 00:50:09,257
We can hear, "I'm Sawney Bean."
And I'm freaking out.

1019
00:50:09,340 --> 00:50:13,928
Then I feel these hands on my back.

1020
00:50:14,012 --> 00:50:16,222
Going up my back,

1021
00:50:16,306 --> 00:50:18,266
and kind of coming around my neck.

1022
00:50:18,349 --> 00:50:20,935
And I'm freaking out
because I'm remembering

1023
00:50:21,019 --> 00:50:23,772
they're not allowed
to touch you in the dunge. Right?

1024
00:50:24,731 --> 00:50:27,734
I'm like, "What's happening?"
The lights come back, I spin round,

1025
00:50:27,817 --> 00:50:32,155
and there's just this middle-aged woman
who's part of our group.

1026
00:50:35,325 --> 00:50:36,618
And she just goes…

1027
00:50:36,701 --> 00:50:38,161
[spookily] "Ooh!"

1028
00:50:39,162 --> 00:50:39,996
It was…

1029
00:50:41,289 --> 00:50:42,332
insane.

1030
00:50:43,833 --> 00:50:44,959
"Ooh-hoo-ooh."

1031
00:50:46,294 --> 00:50:49,130
And she was
with her two teenaged daughters

1032
00:50:49,214 --> 00:50:51,633
who are sitting
on either side of her. They're like,

1033
00:50:51,716 --> 00:50:53,885
"Mom, what the fuck are you doing?"

1034
00:50:54,886 --> 00:50:56,137
She's like, "Ooh."

1035
00:50:58,181 --> 00:51:00,642
I think about her all the time.

1036
00:51:02,727 --> 00:51:05,522
She's like the mailman.
She's a hero, you know.

1037
00:51:05,605 --> 00:51:07,023
A hero to us all.

1038
00:51:07,107 --> 00:51:08,233
[laughs]

1039
00:51:13,154 --> 00:51:17,659
But, yeah, I do things like that
to, you know, to feel alive and, um…

1040
00:51:19,452 --> 00:51:23,915
Yeah, I try to be
very vigilant about my brain

1041
00:51:23,998 --> 00:51:26,876
because I have a lot of shame
about my teens.

1042
00:51:26,960 --> 00:51:31,339
I behaved very badly. You know?
I was very self-destructive and I…

1043
00:51:32,257 --> 00:51:36,177
The weird thing is I was so angry,
I was really angry. And, uh…

1044
00:51:36,678 --> 00:51:39,639
The weird thing is since, like, 2016…

1045
00:51:39,722 --> 00:51:44,352
I remember when Trump got elected.
I was like, "So we can't deny anymore

1046
00:51:44,435 --> 00:51:48,189
that the world is slightly off its axis."
It's a little fucked, right?

1047
00:51:48,273 --> 00:51:51,192
We have so much information
available to us now,

1048
00:51:51,276 --> 00:51:54,195
it's hard to deny the system
doesn't work for everyone.

1049
00:51:54,737 --> 00:51:57,699
Like, billionaires don't pay taxes
and all the stuff we know.

1050
00:51:57,782 --> 00:52:00,910
So I'm like, "Okay,
in a way, my anger was valid."

1051
00:52:00,994 --> 00:52:04,706
I think a lot of teenagers feel
this righteous indignation and stuff.

1052
00:52:04,789 --> 00:52:08,126
But the method of my rebellion
was garbage.

1053
00:52:08,209 --> 00:52:12,589
Like, it was so self-destructive
and self-involved.

1054
00:52:12,672 --> 00:52:16,217
You know, it was impotent, ultimately.
I got this tattoo

1055
00:52:16,301 --> 00:52:18,636
when I was 16. It says, "Oatmeal."

1056
00:52:18,720 --> 00:52:19,596
Um…

1057
00:52:20,346 --> 00:52:22,015
It says, "Oatmeal," twice.

1058
00:52:23,349 --> 00:52:26,352
I remember being like,
"Fuck the man, you know."

1059
00:52:26,436 --> 00:52:28,062
Like, what?

1060
00:52:29,856 --> 00:52:30,857
[chuckles]

1061
00:52:36,905 --> 00:52:38,531
So that's there for good. Uh…

1062
00:52:39,490 --> 00:52:41,492
[scattered cheers]

1063
00:52:43,578 --> 00:52:44,579
I…

1064
00:52:45,496 --> 00:52:47,207
I remember feeling like…

1065
00:52:47,916 --> 00:52:51,377
I felt like the world was a house
that had been sold to me

1066
00:52:51,461 --> 00:52:54,923
at a very young age when I was
too young to be signing mortgages.

1067
00:52:55,006 --> 00:52:57,592
A house that was sold to me
by a really shady realtor.

1068
00:52:57,675 --> 00:52:59,594
Like, a kind of greasy, with a…

1069
00:52:59,677 --> 00:53:01,346
A doggy-style baby realtor.

1070
00:53:02,180 --> 00:53:05,642
[grumbling] "Sign here, kid."
And I'm like, "Okay."

1071
00:53:05,725 --> 00:53:09,270
"All your dreams will come true."
I sign it, suddenly I'm in this house.

1072
00:53:09,354 --> 00:53:12,690
You develop critical thinking.
You wake up in the house in your teens.

1073
00:53:12,774 --> 00:53:13,942
You're like, "Wait."

1074
00:53:14,442 --> 00:53:16,903
Hang on, the foundations
of the house are rotten,

1075
00:53:16,986 --> 00:53:19,656
the backyard's on fire
'cause the previous owners

1076
00:53:19,739 --> 00:53:22,325
kept heating it
with fossil fuels exclusively.

1077
00:53:22,408 --> 00:53:25,036
So my reaction was, I thought,

1078
00:53:25,119 --> 00:53:27,872
"All right, I'll just bulldoze
the house with myself in it."

1079
00:53:28,414 --> 00:53:32,126
And of course, now I realize
what I should have done

1080
00:53:32,627 --> 00:53:35,255
is put any amount of energy
into fixing the house, right?

1081
00:53:35,338 --> 00:53:36,673
That's what we need to do is…

1082
00:53:36,756 --> 00:53:39,717
That's hopefully what
we're trying to do. We have to, right?

1083
00:53:39,801 --> 00:53:42,720
Put some energy into making
the house a nicer place to live.

1084
00:53:42,804 --> 00:53:45,014
-'Cause it won't do it… Yeah.
-[crowd cheering]

1085
00:53:47,350 --> 00:53:49,477
I do feel we have to consciously do it.

1086
00:53:49,560 --> 00:53:51,604
Or else it won't happen. You know? Um…

1087
00:53:51,688 --> 00:53:53,731
And that's why I am really… I love…

1088
00:53:54,232 --> 00:53:56,651
I feel like Gen Z is incredible.

1089
00:53:56,734 --> 00:53:59,445
I don't believe that they're
just on TikTok. I think they're wicked.

1090
00:53:59,529 --> 00:54:01,614
They're out there. They're doing stuff.

1091
00:54:02,240 --> 00:54:06,119
You know, protesting climate change
and dismantling rigid gender binaries.

1092
00:54:06,202 --> 00:54:07,245
What was I doing?

1093
00:54:07,328 --> 00:54:10,498
I was slithering around being like,
"Does anyone have any acid?"

1094
00:54:10,581 --> 00:54:11,666
[laughs awkwardly]

1095
00:54:11,749 --> 00:54:14,043
Just like useless behavior.

1096
00:54:16,838 --> 00:54:18,339
And they're wicked.

1097
00:54:19,257 --> 00:54:20,800
I want to talk about…

1098
00:54:20,883 --> 00:54:24,429
I want to talk about, like,
the gender thing for a sec.

1099
00:54:25,430 --> 00:54:26,264
So…

1100
00:54:26,347 --> 00:54:27,974
[crowd cheering]

1101
00:54:28,057 --> 00:54:31,686
Just because I've been in the UK,
and now I'm in the States,

1102
00:54:31,769 --> 00:54:36,024
and in both places there's
a real hysteria right now around gender

1103
00:54:36,107 --> 00:54:37,108
and gender identity.

1104
00:54:37,191 --> 00:54:40,570
And I think part of it comes
from this misconception

1105
00:54:40,653 --> 00:54:43,948
that it's a recent Gen Z fad.
Or a millennial fad, right?

1106
00:54:44,032 --> 00:54:47,118
To have this fluidity
around gender, it's like…

1107
00:54:47,201 --> 00:54:50,371
Of course-- As long as
there's been human civilization,

1108
00:54:50,455 --> 00:54:52,707
we know, right,
there's been variances in gender.

1109
00:54:52,790 --> 00:54:56,836
There's been different cultures
that recognize third and fourth genders.

1110
00:54:56,919 --> 00:54:58,921
Not just recognize, revere.

1111
00:54:59,589 --> 00:55:01,132
Like I could have been revered.

1112
00:55:02,091 --> 00:55:03,718
I could have been revered.

1113
00:55:04,260 --> 00:55:05,178
It sucks.

1114
00:55:05,261 --> 00:55:08,431
And instead I'm like, "Which bathroom
am I allowed to use, please?"

1115
00:55:09,098 --> 00:55:09,974
Um…

1116
00:55:11,017 --> 00:55:16,064
And really it is a recent colonial fad
to have this very rigid gender binary.

1117
00:55:16,147 --> 00:55:20,401
It's really like we just went around
the world bulldozing over the nuances of

1118
00:55:20,943 --> 00:55:22,612
all these beautiful things. Um…

1119
00:55:22,695 --> 00:55:24,864
In the UK, where I've been living,

1120
00:55:24,947 --> 00:55:28,951
I remember in 2018,
India decriminalized homosexuality,

1121
00:55:29,035 --> 00:55:29,994
and it was great.

1122
00:55:30,078 --> 00:55:33,664
Like, big celebration, really exciting,
but it was really frustrating

1123
00:55:33,748 --> 00:55:36,667
'cause the coverage of it
on the news in the UK was so smug.

1124
00:55:36,751 --> 00:55:39,545
It was like, "It's about time, India."

1125
00:55:39,629 --> 00:55:43,883
And it's like, England went into India
and criminalized homosexuality

1126
00:55:44,384 --> 00:55:46,260
in 1896. Like, it's…

1127
00:55:46,761 --> 00:55:49,222
It's the ultimate gaslighting.

1128
00:55:49,764 --> 00:55:52,600
It's like lighting someone's house
on fire and being like,

1129
00:55:52,683 --> 00:55:55,978
"It's really awkward how long
it's taking out to put that out."

1130
00:55:56,562 --> 00:55:57,855
"It's so embarrassing."

1131
00:55:58,689 --> 00:56:00,900
-[crowd cheering]
-Yeah. Thanks.

1132
00:56:05,947 --> 00:56:07,031
Um… Yeah.

1133
00:56:07,532 --> 00:56:09,617
And the annoying thing is

1134
00:56:10,576 --> 00:56:13,371
I don't really want to talk about gender

1135
00:56:13,454 --> 00:56:15,081
because it's kind of lose-lose, right?

1136
00:56:15,164 --> 00:56:18,042
Especially if it's something that
personally affects you and you care about

1137
00:56:18,126 --> 00:56:20,002
then it's hard to debate.

1138
00:56:20,086 --> 00:56:21,671
You get emotional, you've already lost.

1139
00:56:21,754 --> 00:56:23,548
'Cause you're like…
[frustrated whimpering]

1140
00:56:23,631 --> 00:56:26,843
Like, it's hard,
but I feel like I should talk about it

1141
00:56:26,926 --> 00:56:30,096
because everyone else is. Like, comedians.

1142
00:56:30,179 --> 00:56:34,600
Big multimillionaire comedians,
in their stand-up specials are, like,

1143
00:56:34,684 --> 00:56:36,727
taking shots and punching down

1144
00:56:36,811 --> 00:56:39,814
at a time when
trans rights are so tenuous,

1145
00:56:39,897 --> 00:56:42,066
and slipping backwards, it's just not…

1146
00:56:42,150 --> 00:56:43,526
-Yeah. And, uh…
-[applause]

1147
00:56:43,609 --> 00:56:45,653
No, no, no. But I feel…

1148
00:56:46,654 --> 00:56:48,906
You're like,
"Yeah, they're slipping backwards, yeah."

1149
00:56:48,990 --> 00:56:50,116
No, just kidding.

1150
00:56:50,199 --> 00:56:51,868
I'm suddenly like, "Oh, fuck."

1151
00:56:51,951 --> 00:56:53,286
[Mae laughs]

1152
00:56:54,078 --> 00:56:57,540
The thing… And I watch
those specials so I can be informed

1153
00:56:57,623 --> 00:57:01,502
when I'm asked in every interview
to talk about those guys' specials.

1154
00:57:01,586 --> 00:57:05,965
But, like, the thing that
kept coming up was, "Gender's a fact."

1155
00:57:06,048 --> 00:57:08,217
That was the refrain of one,
"Gender's a fact."

1156
00:57:08,301 --> 00:57:12,346
Then they cut to the audience. "Aw, yeah."
They're loving it. And it's like, um…

1157
00:57:12,430 --> 00:57:15,600
I feel like I'm kind of preaching
to the choir a little here, but

1158
00:57:16,100 --> 00:57:21,606
just to quickly say… Of course,
biological sex is real. It's a thing.

1159
00:57:21,689 --> 00:57:25,067
Within that, there's tons of variation,
it's very much like…

1160
00:57:25,151 --> 00:57:28,988
Scientifically, it's not as binary
as we think. There's intersex people,

1161
00:57:29,071 --> 00:57:31,449
there's hormonal variation,
all kinds of stuff.

1162
00:57:31,532 --> 00:57:34,494
But, yeah, for sure, biological sex,
no one denies is real,

1163
00:57:34,577 --> 00:57:38,289
but gender is so much more ephemeral
and much more what to do with

1164
00:57:38,372 --> 00:57:39,749
what's in here and in here.

1165
00:57:39,832 --> 00:57:42,627
Very much like,
you know, a social construct.

1166
00:57:42,710 --> 00:57:43,628
And more fluid.

1167
00:57:43,711 --> 00:57:46,255
And the way I explain it to people
who are trying to understand

1168
00:57:46,339 --> 00:57:49,592
the difference between
biological sex and gender is

1169
00:57:49,675 --> 00:57:51,761
I picture the gender spectrum.

1170
00:57:52,428 --> 00:57:54,305
You know the movie<i> Beauty and the Beast?</i>

1171
00:57:55,014 --> 00:57:56,015
Okay.

1172
00:57:56,098 --> 00:58:00,061
So imagine if at one end of
the gender spectrum, you have Gaston.

1173
00:58:00,144 --> 00:58:02,563
You remember him?
He's like, "No one fights like…"

1174
00:58:02,647 --> 00:58:03,856
Hot. He's hot.

1175
00:58:03,940 --> 00:58:06,526
He's like extreme masculinity.

1176
00:58:06,609 --> 00:58:08,861
On the other end of the spectrum
you have Belle,

1177
00:58:08,945 --> 00:58:11,072
who has Stockholm Syndrome.

1178
00:58:12,073 --> 00:58:13,616
So dark, but, um…

1179
00:58:14,367 --> 00:58:17,078
But, guys, she's still
an excellent role model

1180
00:58:17,161 --> 00:58:18,788
because she can read.

1181
00:58:20,414 --> 00:58:21,666
She loves a book.

1182
00:58:22,542 --> 00:58:24,085
You got to hand it to her. Um…

1183
00:58:25,086 --> 00:58:28,923
And then in the middle of the spectrum,
you have the candlestick, right?

1184
00:58:29,632 --> 00:58:31,092
You have Lumière.

1185
00:58:31,717 --> 00:58:34,428
And I really relate to Lumière.

1186
00:58:34,512 --> 00:58:36,097
I connect with Lumière.

1187
00:58:36,889 --> 00:58:39,559
And obviously the more we empower Lumière,

1188
00:58:39,642 --> 00:58:41,644
the more fun
Gaston and Belle are gonna have.

1189
00:58:41,727 --> 00:58:44,772
Lumière's throwing parties.
They're like, "Be my guest!"

1190
00:58:45,648 --> 00:58:46,482
Yeah.

1191
00:58:47,316 --> 00:58:48,734
I have this fantasy.

1192
00:58:49,277 --> 00:58:51,195
I have this fantasy that like…

1193
00:58:52,071 --> 00:58:54,073
It's a really clear image in my head of…

1194
00:58:54,156 --> 00:58:57,535
You got Dave Chappelle,
Ricky Gervais, Louis C.K.

1195
00:58:57,618 --> 00:59:01,414
Throw Joe Rogan in there.
And they're eating a hog roast.

1196
00:59:01,497 --> 00:59:04,333
In this fantasy, it's a huge hog,
and they're ripping the flesh off it.

1197
00:59:04,417 --> 00:59:05,376
[chomping sounds]

1198
00:59:05,459 --> 00:59:08,212
They're drinking goblets of mead.

1199
00:59:08,296 --> 00:59:10,631
That medieval drink.
They're throwing their money.

1200
00:59:10,715 --> 00:59:12,883
And then they turn the TV on

1201
00:59:12,967 --> 00:59:16,053
and they see me doing my
little <i>Beauty and the Beast</i> gender…

1202
00:59:16,137 --> 00:59:17,680
Just like… "And the candlestick."

1203
00:59:19,015 --> 00:59:22,727
And they're watching it, and are like,
"Oh my God, we… Guys."

1204
00:59:23,227 --> 00:59:24,228
"We were wrong."

1205
00:59:25,313 --> 00:59:26,230
"Oh."

1206
00:59:26,314 --> 00:59:27,857
-And then they just…
-[crowd cheering]

1207
00:59:27,940 --> 00:59:29,066
That's my fantasy.

1208
00:59:29,150 --> 00:59:32,111
Then they just like…
You know what I want? I want them to…

1209
00:59:32,862 --> 00:59:34,405
I want them to cradle each other.

1210
00:59:34,488 --> 00:59:37,783
I want them to hold each other gently,
and just gently rock.

1211
00:59:38,326 --> 00:59:41,037
I want them
to re-parent themselves, basically.

1212
00:59:41,579 --> 00:59:42,913
Just give a little… That.

1213
00:59:43,497 --> 00:59:45,958
'Cause I do understand too. I get it.

1214
00:59:46,042 --> 00:59:48,502
It's hard to learn new language. You know?

1215
00:59:48,586 --> 00:59:50,588
Although, is it? Like…

1216
00:59:51,213 --> 00:59:53,382
Omicron, you know?

1217
00:59:54,342 --> 00:59:56,802
We picked that up pretty fast. Um…

1218
00:59:58,095 --> 00:59:59,430
But the…

1219
01:00:00,264 --> 01:00:02,516
The joke I always hear,
and this has been a joke…

1220
01:00:02,600 --> 01:00:04,810
This was hack in the '90s, this joke.

1221
01:00:04,894 --> 01:00:07,480
It's come back with a vengeance
on the stand-up circuit.

1222
01:00:07,563 --> 01:00:09,649
It's like, "Well, like,
I identify as a cactus."

1223
01:00:09,732 --> 01:00:14,195
Or, "I identify as a lamp post,"
or this inanimate object.

1224
01:00:14,278 --> 01:00:15,154
And it's like…

1225
01:00:15,780 --> 01:00:17,865
Um, yeah, I'm non-binary,

1226
01:00:17,948 --> 01:00:20,242
which is under
the banner of trans identity.

1227
01:00:20,326 --> 01:00:22,495
In that like the sex
I was assigned at birth

1228
01:00:22,578 --> 01:00:24,705
doesn't feel like it fit.

1229
01:00:24,789 --> 01:00:25,998
[giggles awkwardly] Um…

1230
01:00:26,082 --> 01:00:27,041
And, uh…

1231
01:00:27,583 --> 01:00:31,921
But it's like, I don't want to necessarily
identify as non-binary or trans,

1232
01:00:32,004 --> 01:00:35,383
I just am that, I just am.
And to say otherwise would be bizarre.

1233
01:00:35,466 --> 01:00:37,385
It would be like doing
a violence to myself.

1234
01:00:37,468 --> 01:00:38,844
That's what it would feel like.

1235
01:00:38,928 --> 01:00:41,138
It would be like
the hot tomato soup thing,

1236
01:00:41,222 --> 01:00:43,599
times a hundred, just full of tomato soup.

1237
01:00:43,683 --> 01:00:45,518
It's tricky because it's like…

1238
01:00:46,143 --> 01:00:48,938
You just have to take my word for it
that I know who I am.

1239
01:00:49,021 --> 01:00:51,440
It's so hard saying that to people.
It's like, I just…

1240
01:00:51,524 --> 01:00:53,401
You just have to take my word for it.

1241
01:00:53,484 --> 01:00:55,444
I am certain of it. And it's like…

1242
01:00:55,528 --> 01:00:59,865
I may not be certain
if a Toyota Tercel can fit under a moose.

1243
01:01:00,991 --> 01:01:02,368
Very unsure.

1244
01:01:03,744 --> 01:01:05,246
But I do know this.

1245
01:01:05,329 --> 01:01:08,958
Also, you don't have
to understand it even.

1246
01:01:09,041 --> 01:01:12,169
You know what I mean?
Like, I do not understand Wi-Fi.

1247
01:01:12,253 --> 01:01:13,587
How does it work? What is it?

1248
01:01:13,671 --> 01:01:16,799
But I know that it's real.
I know it exists among us.

1249
01:01:17,299 --> 01:01:20,344
-I just accept that it's there, whatever.
-[crowd cheering]

1250
01:01:20,428 --> 01:01:22,513
I don't let it keep me up at night.

1251
01:01:24,014 --> 01:01:25,015
I'm not like…

1252
01:01:25,599 --> 01:01:26,600
Yeah. Um…

1253
01:01:27,935 --> 01:01:30,730
Yeah, so I had top surgery last December

1254
01:01:30,813 --> 01:01:35,443
and I'm on a low dose
of testosterone for this past year.

1255
01:01:35,526 --> 01:01:38,904
And it's been
the best year of my life. Genuinely.

1256
01:01:38,988 --> 01:01:41,657
And I'm 35 years old.
This has been the best year of my life.

1257
01:01:41,741 --> 01:01:42,825
-Yeah.
-[crowd cheering]

1258
01:01:42,908 --> 01:01:43,826
Thanks. Um…

1259
01:01:44,994 --> 01:01:46,245
And it's like…

1260
01:01:48,164 --> 01:01:50,958
What's weird is, like, I'm not that happy.

1261
01:01:51,041 --> 01:01:55,087
I'm not skipping around.
It's truly just the absence of agony.

1262
01:01:55,171 --> 01:01:56,297
That's all it is.

1263
01:01:56,380 --> 01:02:00,301
And that's a low bar,
and who are we to deny anybody that?

1264
01:02:00,384 --> 01:02:01,844
The absence of agony, yeah.

1265
01:02:01,927 --> 01:02:05,222
That's going to be my… [laughs]
That's going to be my album title.

1266
01:02:06,599 --> 01:02:07,475
Um…

1267
01:02:08,350 --> 01:02:09,477
Yeah, okay.

1268
01:02:10,019 --> 01:02:16,233
And also, I'm really just so grateful
to have the language now. Right?

1269
01:02:16,317 --> 01:02:18,861
Growing up I didn't have that language.

1270
01:02:18,944 --> 01:02:21,447
But I always felt this way
and I remember being…

1271
01:02:21,530 --> 01:02:24,950
You know when you're four or five and
your parents tell the story of your birth?

1272
01:02:25,034 --> 01:02:25,993
You know? And…

1273
01:02:26,076 --> 01:02:27,661
I feel like my parents…

1274
01:02:27,745 --> 01:02:31,457
It sounds like they were always
talking about my conception and my birth.

1275
01:02:31,540 --> 01:02:34,001
I swear we had
normal conversations as well.

1276
01:02:34,084 --> 01:02:36,420
But I remember my dad telling me,

1277
01:02:36,504 --> 01:02:39,507
"Your mother went into labor,
we went to the hospital."

1278
01:02:39,590 --> 01:02:42,092
He was saying,
"Maybe you'll have your own kids one day."

1279
01:02:42,176 --> 01:02:43,886
And I'm imagining having my own kids.

1280
01:02:43,969 --> 01:02:48,641
In my fantasy of having children,
I was never the one having the kids.

1281
01:02:49,141 --> 01:02:54,355
It was a really specific fantasy where
I was this 1950s businessman father,

1282
01:02:54,438 --> 01:02:57,274
just like pacing
the halls of the hospital.

1283
01:02:57,358 --> 01:02:58,567
Smoking. Just…

1284
01:02:59,276 --> 01:03:01,529
Really like a very <i>101 Dalmatians </i>vibe.

1285
01:03:01,612 --> 01:03:03,906
Then some nurse
would be like, "It's a boy."

1286
01:03:03,989 --> 01:03:05,783
And I'd be like, "Cheers, gentlemen."

1287
01:03:07,451 --> 01:03:08,994
"I'll name it Buster."

1288
01:03:10,204 --> 01:03:11,872
"Send it down the mines."

1289
01:03:12,873 --> 01:03:15,376
Um, yeah. Okay, we're almost at the end.

1290
01:03:15,459 --> 01:03:18,462
I have one more thing to tell you.
I'm gonna get my mic stand.

1291
01:03:18,546 --> 01:03:21,048
If I… Yeah, imagine if I lost it?

1292
01:03:23,008 --> 01:03:26,720
So, I feel like… And by the way,
thank you so much. This has been really…

1293
01:03:26,804 --> 01:03:28,556
You've been amazing.

1294
01:03:28,639 --> 01:03:30,516
[crowd cheering]

1295
01:03:32,643 --> 01:03:35,145
I feel like we've been through, like…

1296
01:03:35,229 --> 01:03:38,983
In terms of our worldview,
we've been through pessimism and optimism.

1297
01:03:39,066 --> 01:03:41,026
And I really want
to end on a positive note.

1298
01:03:41,110 --> 01:03:44,530
So I want to tell you
this Buddhist parable that I love.

1299
01:03:44,613 --> 01:03:46,824
Um, this is… Stay with me. So…

1300
01:03:47,616 --> 01:03:49,743
I love this story. Um…

1301
01:03:49,827 --> 01:03:51,161
And then I'm gonna go.

1302
01:03:51,245 --> 01:03:54,373
It takes place in the forest, actually.
We're back in the forest.

1303
01:03:54,456 --> 01:03:58,377
And, basically, in this parable,
this man is being chased,

1304
01:03:58,460 --> 01:04:00,629
pursued through the forest by

1305
01:04:00,713 --> 01:04:03,549
what I can only describe
as a beast from hell.

1306
01:04:03,632 --> 01:04:06,135
Like, a really terrifying creature

1307
01:04:06,218 --> 01:04:09,972
with a lion's jaws
and this monstrous body.

1308
01:04:10,055 --> 01:04:12,933
Its nature is pure hunger.
It wants to devour this man,

1309
01:04:13,017 --> 01:04:16,061
and it's been chasing him for days,
and he's been running.

1310
01:04:16,145 --> 01:04:18,105
And he's starting to get exhausted.

1311
01:04:18,188 --> 01:04:20,608
At some point, he's going
to succumb to the beast.

1312
01:04:20,691 --> 01:04:24,361
Just when he thinks he's gonna pass out
and the beast is gonna get him,

1313
01:04:24,445 --> 01:04:27,823
he sees this little stone well
in the middle of the forest,

1314
01:04:27,907 --> 01:04:28,949
little circular well.

1315
01:04:29,033 --> 01:04:31,368
He's like, "I'll hide
in the well from the beast."

1316
01:04:31,452 --> 01:04:34,079
He jumps in.
Sure enough, the beast doesn't follow him

1317
01:04:34,163 --> 01:04:36,123
It stops at the top and is like… [growls]

1318
01:04:36,206 --> 01:04:39,752
He's like, "Great." He's falling
down the well, and as he's falling,

1319
01:04:39,835 --> 01:04:43,255
he feels water splashing up onto his feet.

1320
01:04:43,339 --> 01:04:45,633
He's like, "That's weird."
And he looks down.

1321
01:04:46,133 --> 01:04:48,344
And below him, where he's headed,

1322
01:04:48,427 --> 01:04:51,430
the water is churning wildly,
and he realizes…

1323
01:04:51,513 --> 01:04:53,057
What's at the bottom of the well?

1324
01:04:53,641 --> 01:04:54,558
Another beast.

1325
01:04:54,642 --> 01:04:56,936
Yeah. It's a double beast situash.

1326
01:04:57,603 --> 01:04:59,605
Bad. Bad news.

1327
01:04:59,688 --> 01:05:01,273
Beast at the top, beast below.

1328
01:05:02,191 --> 01:05:03,859
[growls] Like that.

1329
01:05:03,943 --> 01:05:06,987
And, at the last second,
he sees this branch

1330
01:05:07,071 --> 01:05:09,573
growing out of the side of the well,
like a gnarly branch.

1331
01:05:09,657 --> 01:05:13,452
So he grabs onto it
and he uses his last remaining strength

1332
01:05:13,535 --> 01:05:16,330
to maneuver himself up onto this branch.

1333
01:05:16,413 --> 01:05:18,624
And his muscles are quivering.

1334
01:05:18,707 --> 01:05:21,293
But he's like, "I made it."
The beast is there, the beast below.

1335
01:05:21,377 --> 01:05:24,338
And the branch is creaking
under his weight,

1336
01:05:24,421 --> 01:05:27,049
like, this is not
a permanent solution. Right?

1337
01:05:27,132 --> 01:05:29,843
At some point,
the branch is going to give out.

1338
01:05:29,927 --> 01:05:31,428
And he's sweating…

1339
01:05:31,512 --> 01:05:33,681
he's sweating
in that crease here. You know?

1340
01:05:35,099 --> 01:05:38,727
If you're sweating in that crease,
you are in trouble.

1341
01:05:40,020 --> 01:05:43,482
And suddenly he looks to the end
of the branch and he sees

1342
01:05:43,565 --> 01:05:45,693
something glistening on the end.

1343
01:05:45,776 --> 01:05:48,153
He's like, "What is that?"
And so he balances

1344
01:05:48,237 --> 01:05:51,407
and he reaches out with one finger
to the end of the branch,

1345
01:05:51,490 --> 01:05:52,783
and he gets it on his finger.

1346
01:05:52,866 --> 01:05:55,411
It's golden, glistening tree sap.

1347
01:05:55,494 --> 01:05:56,412
It's tree sap.

1348
01:05:56,495 --> 01:05:59,039
And he puts it in his mouth and he's like,

1349
01:05:59,832 --> 01:06:01,625
"Is that? That's delicious."

1350
01:06:04,294 --> 01:06:06,797
Guys, it's positive. Wait.

1351
01:06:07,339 --> 01:06:09,341
That's… That's it. No.

1352
01:06:11,260 --> 01:06:12,428
Hello? [laughs]

1353
01:06:14,013 --> 01:06:14,847
Okay.

1354
01:06:18,225 --> 01:06:19,268
Okay. Uh…

1355
01:06:20,686 --> 01:06:23,355
Trust me, I find it very positive.

1356
01:06:24,064 --> 01:06:26,859
You got to get on board. Please.
I've called the show <i>SAP.</i>

1357
01:06:26,942 --> 01:06:29,236
You truly must get on board.

1358
01:06:29,319 --> 01:06:32,698
Like, this was not cheap.

1359
01:06:32,781 --> 01:06:34,908
[crowd cheering]

1360
01:06:36,035 --> 01:06:39,288
No, but I really do find it positive
because it's, like, look.

1361
01:06:39,371 --> 01:06:42,583
Life might be a double beast situash.

1362
01:06:42,666 --> 01:06:46,378
That might be just what life--
In a way, is it not? Know what I mean?

1363
01:06:46,462 --> 01:06:48,255
But luckily there's so much sap,

1364
01:06:48,338 --> 01:06:52,301
and we have to just to take the time,
it's worth it to enjoy the sap,

1365
01:06:52,384 --> 01:06:54,219
and cultivate it where we can.

1366
01:06:54,303 --> 01:06:57,139
And luckily there's
an abundance of sap, I think.

1367
01:06:57,222 --> 01:06:59,933
Like everywhere you look,
if you look hard.

1368
01:07:00,017 --> 01:07:01,477
You got dogs.

1369
01:07:03,687 --> 01:07:06,440
Every dog on this Earth.

1370
01:07:06,940 --> 01:07:09,902
Like a good pair of jeans.
That's sap. That can be sap.

1371
01:07:09,985 --> 01:07:12,237
The Beatles, for me, are sap. Um…

1372
01:07:12,863 --> 01:07:16,867
Your friends. The TV show <i>Friends.</i>
No, like having friends.

1373
01:07:16,950 --> 01:07:18,285
Um, sex is good.

1374
01:07:18,368 --> 01:07:20,704
Sex with your friends is pretty good. Um…

1375
01:07:21,538 --> 01:07:23,832
Scaring people, "Ooh." Yeah, if that's…

1376
01:07:25,751 --> 01:07:28,837
I like campfires, roasting marshmallows,

1377
01:07:28,921 --> 01:07:31,298
the song "Bennie and the Jets"
by Elton John.

1378
01:07:32,591 --> 01:07:33,425
Um…

1379
01:07:33,509 --> 01:07:37,638
Yeah, hugs and sparklers,
Christmas lights,

1380
01:07:37,721 --> 01:07:39,890
all those things are fully sap.

1381
01:07:39,973 --> 01:07:41,850
All those things can be sap.

1382
01:07:41,934 --> 01:07:44,019
And genuinely, this may be corny,

1383
01:07:44,103 --> 01:07:46,438
but truly, this is sap for me.

1384
01:07:46,522 --> 01:07:50,400
Doing this makes me so happy
and it's sap for me.

1385
01:07:50,484 --> 01:07:52,569
And I'm so grateful to you all for coming.

1386
01:07:52,653 --> 01:07:53,946
[crowd cheering]

1387
01:07:54,029 --> 01:07:55,155
Thank you so much.

1388
01:07:56,865 --> 01:07:59,493
[continue cheering]

1389
01:08:10,129 --> 01:08:12,131
[continue cheering]

1390
01:08:14,883 --> 01:08:16,301
[man clapping]

1391
01:08:16,385 --> 01:08:19,304
Thank you so much. Thank you very much.

1392
01:08:21,640 --> 01:08:22,599
Oh, fuck.

1393
01:08:23,433 --> 01:08:24,518
[sniffles]

1394
01:08:24,601 --> 01:08:27,354
[sobbing] Oh my God. Oh my God.

1395
01:08:27,437 --> 01:08:29,648
Are-- Wait. Are you crying?

1396
01:08:30,607 --> 01:08:32,901
Yeah, I mean, it was all just so sad.

1397
01:08:32,985 --> 01:08:34,528
[sobbing]

1398
01:08:34,611 --> 01:08:36,155
It was supposed to be funny.

1399
01:08:36,238 --> 01:08:40,033
-No, it wasn't.
<i>-</i>Yeah, it was. The whole thing.

1400
01:08:40,784 --> 01:08:41,994
Really?

1401
01:08:43,328 --> 01:08:44,371
[sighs]

1402
01:08:45,414 --> 01:08:47,583
Guess you and I just have
different senses of humor.

1403
01:08:48,417 --> 01:08:50,544
Well, thank you
for listening anyway. [sniffs]

1404
01:08:51,128 --> 01:08:53,255
It's good to get that stuff off my chest.

1405
01:08:56,383 --> 01:08:57,968
No, it's…

1406
01:08:59,178 --> 01:09:01,305
It's me. I'm me.

1407
01:09:04,391 --> 01:09:05,392
You are you.

1408
01:09:06,185 --> 01:09:07,311
It's wonderful.

1409
01:09:10,564 --> 01:09:13,317
-Well, should we get started?
-Yeah.

1410
01:09:13,400 --> 01:09:15,277
-[grunts]
-[Mae sighs]

1411
01:09:15,360 --> 01:09:18,197
-Are you excited?
-Yeah, I'm a little nervous. I'm excited.

1412
01:09:18,280 --> 01:09:19,781
Nervous is normal. This is a bit heavy.

1413
01:09:19,865 --> 01:09:21,742
The Buchanan's got
a lot of mail this season.

1414
01:09:21,825 --> 01:09:23,911
-Oh, really? Popular?
-You're gonna love this.

1415
01:09:23,994 --> 01:09:25,370
-Okay.
-All right. Shovels.

1416
01:09:25,454 --> 01:09:26,872
-Yeah.
-Yeah? Ooh.

1417
01:09:26,955 --> 01:09:28,624
-[both laugh]
-[pensive music playing]

1418
01:09:28,707 --> 01:09:31,168
-I'm so happy you came.
-[Mae] Yeah, thanks for having me.

1419
01:09:31,251 --> 01:09:33,253
I can't believe
it was supposed to be funny.

1420
01:09:33,337 --> 01:09:34,546
-Yeah, well…
-That's crazy.

1421
01:09:34,630 --> 01:09:36,632
Parts were poignant, I guess. But…

1422
01:09:36,715 --> 01:09:38,675
-Yeah. All right, so here we go.
-Okay.

1423
01:09:38,759 --> 01:09:42,304
Let's get a little hole going here.
There you go. Get in there.

1424
01:09:42,387 --> 01:09:43,597
You're gonna love this, Mae.

1425
01:09:43,680 --> 01:09:45,140
-Over-the-shoulder?
-Oh, yeah.

1426
01:09:45,224 --> 01:09:48,101
-Yeah, ready.
-One, two, three. Yeah!

1427
01:09:48,185 --> 01:09:50,479
-Feels good, huh?
-[Mae laughs] Sick. Should we…?

1428
01:09:50,562 --> 01:09:52,397
-[man] Yeah, grab some mail.
-What do you…

1429
01:09:53,148 --> 01:09:55,192
What do you usually? Is this one fine?

1430
01:09:55,275 --> 01:09:57,277
[both continue indistinctly]