1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:06,297 --> 00:00:08,299 [audience cheering, applauding] 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,636 [twinkling tone] 5 00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:17,851 [male announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, 6 00:00:17,934 --> 00:00:22,063 put your hands together for Wanda Skyes. 7 00:00:22,147 --> 00:00:23,732 [audience cheering, applauding] 8 00:00:23,815 --> 00:00:26,067 [“Shining Star” by Earth, Wind & Fire playing] 9 00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:39,372 [music continues, cheering] 10 00:00:41,332 --> 00:00:43,334 ♪ When you wish upon a star ♪ 11 00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:50,717 ♪ Your dreams will take you very far, Yeah ♪ 12 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,343 [music ends] 13 00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:56,056 Philadelphia, thank you so much. 14 00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:58,433 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! 15 00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:03,688 Oh my God, I'm so excited to be here, Philadelphia, 16 00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:06,483 you know, shoot my special. 17 00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:09,986 You know, my last special was in 2019. 18 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,321 It was called Not Normal. 19 00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:13,073 Yeah. 20 00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:17,452 [sighing] Since then, we've had a pandemic, 21 00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:19,788 an insurrection, 22 00:01:20,914 --> 00:01:23,083 Roe v. Wade got overturned… 23 00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:24,834 -Yeah. -[audience booing] 24 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:27,796 Yeah, I should have called that special The Good Old Days. 25 00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:28,963 [audience laughing] 26 00:01:29,047 --> 00:01:30,215 Shit. 27 00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:32,383 What the fuck, y'all? 28 00:01:34,385 --> 00:01:37,222 Monkeypox, lanternflies, 29 00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:41,976 flooding in California, Texas frozen over… 30 00:01:43,061 --> 00:01:48,358 Kanye's Black ass wearing a "White Lives Matter" T-shirt… 31 00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:49,692 [audience laughing] 32 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:56,407 I think I'm gonna call this special, Here Comes Jesus. 33 00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:58,493 [audience laughing, cheering] 34 00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:08,670 We lived through a pandemic, y'all. What the fuck? 35 00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:10,046 And COVID was scary, 36 00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:13,800 'cause you didn't know what it was gonna do until you got it, right? 37 00:02:14,342 --> 00:02:18,179 And I finally got it. It took two years, and I finally got it. Yeah. 38 00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:21,015 You know, but I'm… I'm vaxxed, I'm fully vaccinated, 39 00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:24,144 so, you know, the first two days were a little rough. 40 00:02:24,227 --> 00:02:27,147 I'm isolating in the guest bedroom, 41 00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:29,774 you know, so my wife couldn't bother me, 42 00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:31,526 my kids couldn't bother me. 43 00:02:32,318 --> 00:02:35,155 So on that third day, I was like, "Shit." 44 00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:37,365 [audience laughing] 45 00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:39,534 "How can I get some of that long COVID?" 46 00:02:39,617 --> 00:02:40,827 [audience laughing] 47 00:02:42,370 --> 00:02:43,872 "This agrees with me." 48 00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:46,124 "This feels like me time." 49 00:02:47,083 --> 00:02:52,088 Shit, I've been there just napping, you know, watching whatever I want. 50 00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:55,758 You know, my wife, she would leave my meals at the door. 51 00:02:56,926 --> 00:03:01,681 You know, she was like, "Babe, uh, why is there a towel underneath the door?" 52 00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:04,642 You know, 'cause I'm in there smoking weed, you know, I'm… 53 00:03:04,726 --> 00:03:06,728 [audience laughing, applauding] 54 00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:08,855 [coughing] 55 00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:13,610 "'Cause you don't want this shit!" 56 00:03:15,236 --> 00:03:16,821 "I'm looking out for y'all!" 57 00:03:24,412 --> 00:03:27,832 Then a couple of days later, she got it. Yeah. 58 00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:32,420 Yeah, she, she tells me, "Babe, uh, I just tested positive." 59 00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:36,549 "So, you know, I can, uh… I can isolate with you." 60 00:03:37,425 --> 00:03:38,676 I was like, "Uh-uh." 61 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,762 [audience laughing] 62 00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:44,557 "Yours is fresh. I'm on my way out." 63 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,517 [audience laughing] 64 00:03:46,601 --> 00:03:47,685 "You hot." 65 00:03:49,312 --> 00:03:51,356 And she's like, "That's not how it works." 66 00:03:51,439 --> 00:03:53,942 I said, "You don't know. You ain't Sanjay Gupta." 67 00:03:54,025 --> 00:03:55,735 [audience laughing] 68 00:03:55,818 --> 00:03:57,820 "Take your ass back to our bedroom." 69 00:03:59,989 --> 00:04:01,991 And then my son caught it. Yeah. 70 00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:04,827 And his twin sister, she didn't get it. 71 00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:09,290 Why? 'Cause she's a 13-year-old girl and she don't want shit to do with us. 72 00:04:09,374 --> 00:04:11,709 [audience laughing] 73 00:04:14,462 --> 00:04:15,964 You should see her little ass, 74 00:04:16,047 --> 00:04:18,049 walking, like, 50 feet ahead of us, 75 00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:21,970 acting like she's Beyoncé and we Destiny's Child. 76 00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:24,055 [audience laughing] 77 00:04:25,848 --> 00:04:27,558 ♪ To the left, to the left ♪ 78 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:32,939 [chuckling] 79 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:37,360 But you know what, there's some things that I miss about being in the lockdown. 80 00:04:37,443 --> 00:04:38,361 I do. 81 00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:41,656 Remember we weren't letting anybody in your house, remember that? 82 00:04:41,739 --> 00:04:44,158 You didn't let nobody in your house. Uh-uh. 83 00:04:44,242 --> 00:04:45,076 And I miss that, 84 00:04:45,159 --> 00:04:48,162 'cause it was fun telling my white friends to go around back. 85 00:04:48,246 --> 00:04:49,414 [audience laughing] 86 00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:53,876 I loved that. 87 00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:57,171 "Uh-uh, Carol, go around back now." 88 00:04:58,214 --> 00:05:00,717 "You know better than to come up here like that." 89 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,094 "You go on around back now. Git! Go on." 90 00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:07,557 "I'll meet you by the fire pit. Go ahead, now." 91 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,855 A lot of drinking by the fire pit. 92 00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:18,735 And there was some good stuff from the pandemic, right? 93 00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:20,695 We got online church. 94 00:05:20,778 --> 00:05:23,865 Oh, I love online church! Isn't that the best? 95 00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:27,410 But somehow I'm still late. I don't know how that happens. 96 00:05:28,786 --> 00:05:31,039 You just gotta log on, Wanda. Jeez! 97 00:05:31,914 --> 00:05:33,541 Love online church. 98 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:37,211 Although Communion Sunday started to get out of hand. 99 00:05:37,920 --> 00:05:42,216 Yeah, yeah, you know, the pastor would say, you know, 100 00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:44,510 "Get your little wine, or your juice." 101 00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:46,763 I was like, "Uh, you said wine. Say less." 102 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,684 So I would sit there with my little shot glass of wine 103 00:05:51,768 --> 00:05:53,978 an, and my Ritz cracker, you know. 104 00:05:54,812 --> 00:05:57,231 Yeah, 'cause the body of Christ is brown for me. 105 00:05:57,315 --> 00:05:58,316 [audience laughing] 106 00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:09,494 Yeah, I… I, I don't do Malibu Jesus, that blond-haired, blue-eyed guy. Uh-uh. 107 00:06:10,286 --> 00:06:11,204 No. 108 00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:14,582 That's just perpetuating white supremacy, that's all that's doing. 109 00:06:15,249 --> 00:06:18,086 Have you seen one of the early drawings of Jesus? 110 00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:20,046 He looks just like Teddy Pendergrass. 111 00:06:20,129 --> 00:06:21,130 [audience laughing] 112 00:06:23,007 --> 00:06:23,841 That's my Jesus. 113 00:06:25,134 --> 00:06:27,678 I don't do Jesus of Nebraska. No, thank you. 114 00:06:32,433 --> 00:06:35,645 So those first couple of, you know, COVID communions, I was good, 115 00:06:35,728 --> 00:06:37,271 but by that sixth month, 116 00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:42,235 boy, I was sitting there with a whole glass of a Cabernet… 117 00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:43,903 [audience laughing] 118 00:06:43,986 --> 00:06:45,363 …and an everything bagel. 119 00:06:45,446 --> 00:06:48,491 I was like, "What the hell, Wanda? What are you doing?" 120 00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:52,954 "This is ridiculous." 121 00:06:53,037 --> 00:06:57,417 You know, by the end of the service, a cheese plate went into the situation. 122 00:06:59,293 --> 00:07:03,381 I got a wine ring on my Bible. I was like, "Okay…" 123 00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:06,259 "I gotta get back in the building. I need supervision." 124 00:07:11,889 --> 00:07:14,892 You know, I… I got a friend who still hasn't been vaccinated. 125 00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:16,561 No, she won't get vaccinated. 126 00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:19,772 And she's laughing at me. She's like, "Uh, look at you." 127 00:07:19,856 --> 00:07:21,649 "You don't know what's in that mess." 128 00:07:21,732 --> 00:07:24,569 "You just put that mess in your arm. You don't know what's in it." 129 00:07:24,652 --> 00:07:26,320 I was like, "Yeah, I don't know." 130 00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:30,241 "And if they told me what was in it, I still wouldn't know what was in it." 131 00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:32,827 "I'm not a scientist, jackass." 132 00:07:32,910 --> 00:07:34,495 [audience laughing, applauding] 133 00:07:43,379 --> 00:07:45,173 But they laugh at me. They laugh at me. 134 00:07:45,256 --> 00:07:49,093 They talk like, "Well, I just don't put anything in my body." 135 00:07:49,177 --> 00:07:52,472 I'm like, "You use Splenda. Shut the fuck up." 136 00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:53,514 [audience laughing] 137 00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,775 But you know, I wasn't afraid of the vaccine 138 00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:07,987 because I grew up with something called, uh, the mosquito man. 139 00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:10,740 Yeah. I grew up in Virginia, you know, 140 00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:13,951 rural area, and, uh, you know, we had the mosquito man. 141 00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:15,995 Like, the mosquito man comes around now, 142 00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:19,415 but they, you know, they call your house and leave a recording, 143 00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:22,376 and say they're gonna come and, you know, treat the area, 144 00:08:22,460 --> 00:08:25,880 and to stay inside and bring your pets inside. 145 00:08:25,963 --> 00:08:27,632 Yeah. Not back then. Mm-mm. 146 00:08:28,758 --> 00:08:31,344 Back in the late '60s, they, they would just pop up. 147 00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:34,680 Yeah, and we lived back in the woods, you know, 148 00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:39,393 no, no streetlights, just dirt roads. 149 00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:41,729 You know, my grandmother didn't have indoor plumbing. 150 00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:44,482 So when the mosquito man came around, 151 00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:46,484 that was an exciting time for us. 152 00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:47,902 That was like the circus. 153 00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:51,614 You know what I'm saying? It's like, other neighborhoods they would get… 154 00:08:51,697 --> 00:08:53,741 [humming the ice-cream song] 155 00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:58,287 Mm-mm. Not us. We would get… 156 00:08:58,371 --> 00:08:59,747 [imitating water sprinkler] 157 00:08:59,830 --> 00:09:01,749 [audience laughing] 158 00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:04,418 And we would lose our fucking minds. 159 00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:07,880 The kids, man, we would drop whatever we was doing… 160 00:09:08,589 --> 00:09:09,590 "It's mosquito man!" 161 00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:13,344 "Yeah, it's the mosquito man!" 162 00:09:13,427 --> 00:09:18,641 And we would run to the end of the road to greet the mosquito man 163 00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:24,105 just to get behind his truck to play in that fog of pesticide. 164 00:09:25,314 --> 00:09:26,399 [yelling] 165 00:09:28,234 --> 00:09:29,902 "You can't see me!" 166 00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:35,992 We would play tag, just having the time of our lives. 167 00:09:36,659 --> 00:09:39,579 And the mosquito man was an asshole, right? 168 00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:42,540 Because instead of saying, "Kids, get out of here!" 169 00:09:42,623 --> 00:09:44,875 "Go inside. This is poison!" 170 00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:48,462 He would shoot at us like it was a video game. 171 00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:49,547 [imitating shooting] 172 00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:54,343 That asshole would slow down and crank it up more 173 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,761 so we'd get a bigger fog. 174 00:09:57,805 --> 00:09:59,640 And we're just loving it. [laughing] 175 00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:01,809 Just running in it, mouth wide open. 176 00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:02,810 [chuckling] 177 00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:11,110 And then when he was leaving the neighborhood, we would thank him. 178 00:10:11,193 --> 00:10:15,239 "Thank you, mosquito man! Thank you!" 179 00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:17,325 "Come back soon, okay?" 180 00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:20,870 And then we'd walk back home, 181 00:10:22,246 --> 00:10:24,999 with that pesticide just steaming off of us. 182 00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:28,586 Flies would land on us 183 00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:30,379 and then just die. 184 00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:31,589 [audience laughing] 185 00:10:33,841 --> 00:10:36,719 So, I wasn't scared of no vaccine. 186 00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:41,307 [audience cheering, applauding] 187 00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:50,483 So I'm married, happily married. 188 00:10:50,566 --> 00:10:52,693 Married a French woman. Yeah, she's French. 189 00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:57,365 And she, she's white, she's white, and, uh… 190 00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:01,827 And we have twins, Lucas and Olivia. They're 13 now. 191 00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:03,496 They're white too. Yeah, you know. 192 00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:08,626 I figured if she was gonna carry them, they should look like her, you know? 193 00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:10,961 And also I felt like, you know, "Hey, 194 00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:14,674 if shit didn't work out, it would be easier for me to walk away." 195 00:11:14,757 --> 00:11:16,884 [audience laughing] 196 00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:24,183 "It's like I was never there." 197 00:11:27,895 --> 00:11:29,480 She's not gonna like that joke. 198 00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:34,860 And she's really not gonna like that I put in my will 199 00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:37,238 that in order for the kids to get the money, 200 00:11:37,321 --> 00:11:39,699 they gotta legally change their names 201 00:11:39,782 --> 00:11:41,492 to Rashad and Laquisha. 202 00:11:41,575 --> 00:11:42,702 [audience laughing] 203 00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:51,711 [Wanda laughing] 204 00:11:55,172 --> 00:11:57,800 The kids are now in public school, yeah. 205 00:11:57,883 --> 00:12:01,303 Because, uh, since pre-K, they were going to the French School, 206 00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:02,638 because my wife was like, 207 00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:06,892 "Okay, so I'm the mother, and, uh, you know, 208 00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:10,312 the kids, they have to learn French first, 209 00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:12,523 'cause it's the tongue of the mother." 210 00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:16,902 "So, uh, they have to go to the private French school, okay?" 211 00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:20,281 And I was like, "Yeah, that's cool. You know, French first, okay." 212 00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:22,450 My friends were like, "What you mean, 'French first'?" 213 00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:25,661 I was like, "Would you shut the hell up? I know what I'm doing." 214 00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:29,707 Anyways, I felt like the kids would bring me some homework and I'd just go… 215 00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:30,624 [grunting] 216 00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:31,667 [audience laughing] 217 00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:39,467 "Go ask the other one." 218 00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:46,223 But the kids are now fluent, so my wife… 219 00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:48,267 You know, when they were going to middle school, 220 00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:49,643 she came to me, she's like, 221 00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:54,899 "Okay, so the kids are now fluent in French, 222 00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:58,652 and I think it's time that they can go to the public school." 223 00:12:58,736 --> 00:13:00,738 "Um, is that okay for you?" 224 00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:05,451 I'm like, "Oh, it's more than okay for me, 'cause by looking at these report cards, 225 00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:07,369 I can get these C's for free." 226 00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:08,537 [audience laughing] 227 00:13:13,501 --> 00:13:16,879 "Judging by this, we ain't raising no little Dr. Faucis over here." 228 00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:22,384 "I think we got us a couple of TikTokers." 229 00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:24,136 "That's what we're working with." 230 00:13:32,269 --> 00:13:36,398 But we did take a tour of the school before we made our decision, you know. 231 00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,776 So we went to check out the school. We're walking through, 232 00:13:38,859 --> 00:13:41,946 and they had, like, the, they had the rainbow flag up, 233 00:13:42,488 --> 00:13:44,198 and they had the transgender flag, 234 00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:48,828 they had the hands across the world, you know, holding hands, 235 00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:51,080 and my wife is looking at it. She was like, "Oh!" 236 00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:54,416 "This is nice. I like this. 237 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:59,213 I think it, I think it matches our values, and, uh…" 238 00:14:01,590 --> 00:14:04,927 "I think it's a good environment for the kids." 239 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:08,222 "What do you think, babe? What you think?" 240 00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:11,559 And I was like, "Well, first of all, 241 00:14:12,476 --> 00:14:14,812 you know you ain't supposed to be smoking in here." 242 00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:15,938 [audience laughing] 243 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:23,404 "Public building. What you doing?" 244 00:14:25,239 --> 00:14:28,158 And I was like, "I can't believe you're falling for this shit." 245 00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:31,453 "You know they just put this up 'cause they knew we were coming." 246 00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:34,206 "You take that rainbow flag down, 247 00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:36,959 there is a Trump 2024 poster back there." 248 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,002 [audience laughing] 249 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:44,008 But it turns out, I was wrong. 250 00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:47,553 That is the mission of the school, inclusivity. Yeah. 251 00:14:48,095 --> 00:14:50,347 [audience applauding] 252 00:14:53,767 --> 00:14:55,519 And it really touched me, you know? 253 00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:58,856 'Cause I was like, "Man, just think, I mean, like, 254 00:14:58,939 --> 00:15:00,941 how my life would be different, 255 00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:04,069 you know, if it were like that when I was coming up?" 256 00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:07,239 Like, if I… If I was able to go to a school like that. 257 00:15:07,948 --> 00:15:08,991 I was like, "Man, 258 00:15:09,491 --> 00:15:13,162 I could've saved myself a lot of unnecessary dick in my life." 259 00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:15,247 [audience laughing] 260 00:15:18,125 --> 00:15:19,251 [audience whooping] 261 00:15:20,127 --> 00:15:22,588 I didn't, I didn't need all that dick! 262 00:15:24,298 --> 00:15:25,633 That dick weren't for me. 263 00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:28,761 That was Carol's dick. That wasn't my dick. 264 00:15:37,227 --> 00:15:39,688 Because I knew, I knew. I… 265 00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:42,024 I knew in the third grade. Yeah. 266 00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:44,401 I remember having a crush on, 267 00:15:44,485 --> 00:15:47,196 uh, my brother's girlfriend's, uh, sister. 268 00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:50,324 She was an older girl, and I remember telling her, you know, 269 00:15:50,407 --> 00:15:55,079 I… I said, "You know, I wish I were a boy and then you could be my girlfriend." 270 00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:57,164 Yeah. Cute, right? 271 00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,249 That bitch shut me down. 272 00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:02,628 Oh my gosh, she crushed me. 273 00:16:02,711 --> 00:16:06,340 She was like, "You don't say that. That's disgusting." 274 00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:08,217 "That's nasty. You're nasty." 275 00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:12,221 You don't like girls, you like boys. You don't like girls, you like boys." 276 00:16:12,846 --> 00:16:15,224 And, and I was like, "Okay," you know. 277 00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:17,309 "I guess I'll put this in a box." 278 00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:21,188 "Deal with it when I can afford therapy." 279 00:16:21,271 --> 00:16:22,398 [audience laughing] 280 00:16:24,358 --> 00:16:25,776 "I guess bring on the dick." 281 00:16:25,859 --> 00:16:26,902 [audience laughing] 282 00:16:34,451 --> 00:16:36,537 And even then, it took me a long time. 283 00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:41,125 Like, I was a, I was a virgin until I was a junior in college. Yeah. 284 00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:44,461 And even then, I was just like, "Let me just get this over with." 285 00:16:45,462 --> 00:16:47,798 And I found the shortest guy 286 00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:49,967 with the littlest hands I could find. 287 00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:51,051 [audience laughing] 288 00:16:52,469 --> 00:16:53,429 Teeny hands. 289 00:16:58,434 --> 00:17:01,770 'Cause I was like, you know, "I ain't trying to have a whole meal." 290 00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:07,401 I was just looking for toppers, you know. 291 00:17:11,405 --> 00:17:12,489 Just do toppers. 292 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,329 And he was nice, he was nice, 293 00:17:19,413 --> 00:17:21,832 so then I started having sex with guys, you know. 294 00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:24,376 But you know, it never really did anything for me, 295 00:17:24,460 --> 00:17:26,045 but they seemed to enjoy it. 296 00:17:26,587 --> 00:17:28,047 [audience laughing] 297 00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:31,216 And I guess that was enough for me, 'cause, you know, 298 00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:33,010 I'm an entertainer. 299 00:17:33,093 --> 00:17:34,053 [audience laughing] 300 00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:35,721 [audience cheering, applauding] 301 00:17:44,897 --> 00:17:45,981 I'll give you a show. 302 00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:50,944 But these kids know, man. These kids know. 303 00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:55,240 My daughter has a, has a friend, little gay boy, Justin. Yeah. 304 00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:57,409 I was talking to my wife. I said, "You know, 305 00:17:57,493 --> 00:18:00,829 Olivia's gonna ask us if Justin can come over for a sleepover." 306 00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:03,999 "How do you feel about that? She's like, "Well…" 307 00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:05,167 [audience laughing] 308 00:18:06,293 --> 00:18:07,336 "You know, Justin…" 309 00:18:07,419 --> 00:18:09,213 [speaking French] 310 00:18:09,296 --> 00:18:12,758 "…and, you know, I like his parents, so…" 311 00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:15,761 "Yeah, I'm okay. Are you okay?" 312 00:18:15,844 --> 00:18:17,846 I was like, "Yeah, I'm okay with it." 313 00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:21,975 I said, "But I will have a conversation with Justin when he gets here." 314 00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:25,687 "I'll be like, 'Look, Justin, now when you walked through my door, 315 00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:26,605 you were gay.'" 316 00:18:26,688 --> 00:18:27,731 [audience laughing] 317 00:18:34,238 --> 00:18:36,865 "'That's how you better leave here in the morning.'" 318 00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:38,033 [audience laughing] 319 00:18:40,327 --> 00:18:41,161 "'All right?'" 320 00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:45,207 "'I don't wanna hear no bi-curious shit over breakfast.'" 321 00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:52,798 These kids know, man. 322 00:18:52,881 --> 00:18:55,300 And they out there trying to go backwards, right? 323 00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:56,468 Florida. 324 00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:59,429 "Don't Say Gay" ban. What the hell, right? 325 00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:03,142 Tennessee, no kids can go to the drag shows. 326 00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:06,436 Like that was a problem in the first place. 327 00:19:08,188 --> 00:19:11,733 Oh, I can't tell you how many drag shows I've been to 328 00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:16,071 and everybody's up in arms because they ran out of highchairs and booster seats. 329 00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:19,032 What the fuck is wrong with them? 330 00:19:25,038 --> 00:19:29,376 At the library, they even stopped the, the drag queen's, uh, story hour. 331 00:19:29,459 --> 00:19:31,879 They were reading books to kids, and they stopped that. 332 00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:36,216 They said, "Well, a man dressed as a woman is confusing to kids." 333 00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:38,844 Well, have you seen Sesame Street? 334 00:19:38,927 --> 00:19:39,970 [audience laughing] 335 00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:45,309 I think if the kids can figure out Snuffleupagus, 336 00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:47,352 they can handle RuPaul. 337 00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:49,813 [audience laughing, applauding] 338 00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:56,195 Texas. 339 00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:59,114 They're banning books in Texas. Banning books. 340 00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:00,949 "Well, we're protecting the kids." 341 00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:03,869 Well, if you really want to protect the kids, 342 00:20:03,952 --> 00:20:06,413 ban assault weapons, that's what's killing the kids. 343 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,165 Not the books. 344 00:20:09,416 --> 00:20:11,084 [audience cheering, applauding] 345 00:20:20,260 --> 00:20:21,261 I mean, 346 00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:24,264 until a drag queen walks into a school 347 00:20:24,348 --> 00:20:28,227 and beats eight kids to death with a copy of To Kill a Mockingbird… 348 00:20:28,310 --> 00:20:29,353 [audience laughing] 349 00:20:30,812 --> 00:20:32,940 I think you're focusing on the wrong shit. 350 00:20:33,982 --> 00:20:35,984 [audience cheering, applauding] 351 00:20:41,823 --> 00:20:43,617 And you're not protecting the kids. 352 00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:46,703 You're protecting homophobia, that's what you're protecting. 353 00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:49,831 And transphobia is rampant. 354 00:20:49,915 --> 00:20:52,751 Hundreds of bills being introduced across the country, 355 00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:56,088 and it seems like it, it comes down to bathrooms. 356 00:20:56,171 --> 00:20:59,800 They really don't want trans women to use the ladies' room. 357 00:20:59,883 --> 00:21:01,260 Let me tell you something. 358 00:21:01,343 --> 00:21:05,013 For anybody who's ever been to a ladies' room, 359 00:21:05,097 --> 00:21:07,474 there ain't nothing ladylike in there. 360 00:21:09,226 --> 00:21:12,187 If you go into a public ladies' room and it's clean, 361 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:15,065 you better play the lottery, 'cause you got lucky. 362 00:21:17,317 --> 00:21:21,697 I don't know what the fuck happens to women when we go into that restroom. 363 00:21:22,656 --> 00:21:26,451 It's like, you could see a woman, she could be in, in heels and, 364 00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:29,621 and a fucking gown and a, and a tiara. 365 00:21:29,705 --> 00:21:33,208 As soon as she crosses that threshold of the ladies' room, it's… 366 00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:34,376 [growling, groaning] 367 00:21:38,839 --> 00:21:40,090 [audience laughing] 368 00:21:49,016 --> 00:21:49,933 What the fuck? 369 00:21:54,396 --> 00:21:56,857 Would it kill you to flush, ladies? 370 00:21:57,357 --> 00:21:59,359 Just a flush, please! 371 00:22:02,070 --> 00:22:06,742 And it's always that one stall, where the door is just slightly ajar. 372 00:22:08,035 --> 00:22:10,078 Ooh, you don't go in there. 373 00:22:12,205 --> 00:22:13,790 Something's God-awful in there. 374 00:22:17,502 --> 00:22:21,548 And there's always that one woman in line who just can't wait, and she's like… 375 00:22:23,091 --> 00:22:26,261 "Um, ladies, is, is, is anyone using that one?" 376 00:22:28,180 --> 00:22:29,222 [audience laughing] 377 00:22:30,474 --> 00:22:31,558 "Go ahead." 378 00:22:34,269 --> 00:22:37,105 "Knock yourself out, Nancy Drew. Go ahead." 379 00:22:40,734 --> 00:22:42,819 And she's like, "Oh, thank you! Thank you" 380 00:22:49,201 --> 00:22:51,870 "Oh, God! Oh, God!!" [gagging] 381 00:22:54,081 --> 00:22:54,915 Dumbass. 382 00:22:59,586 --> 00:23:04,508 I… I went into one stall, and everything was clean, 383 00:23:04,591 --> 00:23:07,427 except there was a, a puddle of pee on the floor. 384 00:23:08,553 --> 00:23:10,680 I was like, "What the fuck happened here?" 385 00:23:11,264 --> 00:23:13,642 And I thought about it. I was like, "I know what." 386 00:23:13,725 --> 00:23:15,602 "She probably lost her hover skills." 387 00:23:16,978 --> 00:23:17,979 [audience laughing] 388 00:23:22,192 --> 00:23:24,194 She probably was in there hovering, 389 00:23:24,277 --> 00:23:26,113 and that knee went out on her. 390 00:23:27,614 --> 00:23:29,616 [groaning] "Damn it! Aah" 391 00:23:31,076 --> 00:23:32,369 "Oh shit." 392 00:23:34,037 --> 00:23:35,330 "I got pee in my shoe." 393 00:23:36,164 --> 00:23:37,082 "Damn it." 394 00:23:38,041 --> 00:23:39,251 "This is some bullshit." 395 00:23:47,050 --> 00:23:50,011 And sometimes your hover skills can be on point, 396 00:23:50,095 --> 00:23:52,848 but, you know, our bodies are so complex that, 397 00:23:52,931 --> 00:23:55,684 you know, I don't know if it's a wild hair or something, 398 00:23:56,226 --> 00:23:59,813 but sometimes you go, and you get two streams coming out. 399 00:23:59,896 --> 00:24:03,692 One's going down your thigh, one's shooting out that way. 400 00:24:03,775 --> 00:24:04,985 Like, what the… 401 00:24:06,069 --> 00:24:09,156 And then you try to marry it together, like, "Come on, y'all!" 402 00:24:10,699 --> 00:24:13,702 "Come on. Come on, work with me, y'all, come on." 403 00:24:14,661 --> 00:24:17,456 "Ah, shit. Damn it, this is some…" 404 00:24:17,539 --> 00:24:21,042 [groaning] "All right, come… All right, come on." 405 00:24:22,085 --> 00:24:24,921 Ah. Peeing like a scorpion, you're like, "This is some…" 406 00:24:26,339 --> 00:24:28,925 "Pee just went in my booty hole. This is not right." 407 00:24:29,468 --> 00:24:30,802 "This is not right." 408 00:24:37,601 --> 00:24:39,436 And then, and then when you give up and say, 409 00:24:39,519 --> 00:24:41,021 "I'm just gonna use a seat cover," 410 00:24:41,688 --> 00:24:44,149 you go in there and put the seat cover down, 411 00:24:44,232 --> 00:24:45,692 and as soon as you turn around… 412 00:24:45,775 --> 00:24:46,902 [imitating water flushing] 413 00:24:46,985 --> 00:24:50,113 …the toilet flush and snatches your seat cover! 414 00:24:50,197 --> 00:24:51,198 [audience laughing] 415 00:24:54,784 --> 00:24:57,579 You're like, "Shit, I'm just gonna pee on the floor. Fuck this." 416 00:25:03,793 --> 00:25:08,465 So I welcome my trans sisters into the ladies' room. 417 00:25:08,548 --> 00:25:09,633 Please. 418 00:25:09,716 --> 00:25:12,260 Maybe, maybe you'll make us do better, you know. 419 00:25:13,386 --> 00:25:16,181 We'll be like, "Come on, ladies!" 420 00:25:16,932 --> 00:25:18,975 "Let's pick it up around here." 421 00:25:19,059 --> 00:25:21,436 "We got some new members coming in, come on." 422 00:25:26,650 --> 00:25:30,237 My son, Lucas, he's been, uh, begging me for a snake. 423 00:25:30,737 --> 00:25:34,533 Yeah, that's it. For years. For years, a snake. Yeah. Yeah. 424 00:25:34,616 --> 00:25:37,536 "Mommy-boo, can I please have a snake?" 425 00:25:37,619 --> 00:25:41,039 Yeah, they still call me "Mommy-boo" 'cause they're racist, you know. 426 00:25:41,122 --> 00:25:42,666 [audience laughing] 427 00:25:46,711 --> 00:25:49,464 And I'm like, "Lucas, you're not getting a snake." 428 00:25:49,548 --> 00:25:52,801 Every Christmas, "Mommy…" Every birthday, "Can I have a snake?" 429 00:25:52,884 --> 00:25:56,596 And I finally just snapped. I was like, "Look, Lucas, you're not getting a snake!" 430 00:25:56,680 --> 00:25:57,764 And he's like, "Why?" 431 00:25:57,847 --> 00:26:00,725 I said, "'Cause I'm just not gonna let you be that white." 432 00:26:00,809 --> 00:26:01,810 [audience laughing] 433 00:26:03,228 --> 00:26:05,021 And I had to break it down for him. 434 00:26:05,105 --> 00:26:08,942 I said, "Look, man, you, you, you have a Black mother, okay?" 435 00:26:09,025 --> 00:26:11,486 "Black women just don't tolerate stupid shit." 436 00:26:12,362 --> 00:26:13,738 "It makes our ass itch." 437 00:26:15,031 --> 00:26:18,785 "I mean, getting a snake and bringing it in the house and calling it a pet?" 438 00:26:18,868 --> 00:26:19,703 "That's dumb." 439 00:26:20,662 --> 00:26:23,498 "That's just dumb. Know what else you're not gonna do?" 440 00:26:23,582 --> 00:26:25,875 "Extreme sports. You can forget about that." 441 00:26:25,959 --> 00:26:29,546 "I ain't buying you a bike, and now you up there flipping all up in the air." 442 00:26:29,629 --> 00:26:33,508 "That's not the way that bike's supposed to be ridden. You ain't doing that." 443 00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:37,596 And then he goes, 444 00:26:38,263 --> 00:26:42,392 "Uh, is that why you won't let me wear shorts when it's cold?" 445 00:26:42,475 --> 00:26:45,478 "Exactly, Rashad. Exactly." 446 00:26:45,562 --> 00:26:46,605 [audience laughing] 447 00:26:50,025 --> 00:26:51,192 He's like, "Rashad?" 448 00:26:51,276 --> 00:26:53,695 I said, "Don't worry, you-- You'll find out. You'll find out." 449 00:26:55,697 --> 00:27:00,035 I tell you, lockdown was rough for me. It was. It was rough, man. 450 00:27:00,118 --> 00:27:03,538 'Cause everything racial popped off, right? 451 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:08,585 George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery. 452 00:27:08,668 --> 00:27:10,587 The country's on fire. 453 00:27:10,670 --> 00:27:12,881 And I'm stuck in the house with white people. 454 00:27:12,964 --> 00:27:13,923 [audience laughing] 455 00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:18,053 And Ahmaud Arbery put me over the edge, man. 456 00:27:18,136 --> 00:27:19,554 That, that one broke me. 457 00:27:19,638 --> 00:27:23,516 So, you know, I was outside, standing by the fire pit, 458 00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:25,560 upset, drinking, 459 00:27:26,227 --> 00:27:28,605 Wearing my "I Matter" T-shirt. 460 00:27:32,233 --> 00:27:33,193 [audience laughing] 461 00:27:41,743 --> 00:27:43,161 And my wife comes outside. 462 00:27:43,244 --> 00:27:44,829 She comes over, she goes, 463 00:27:44,913 --> 00:27:46,790 "Uh, babe?" 464 00:27:50,835 --> 00:27:55,840 "I know you're upset and all, you know, about, uh…" 465 00:27:56,466 --> 00:28:02,055 "About all the racism and all, and, you know…" 466 00:28:05,517 --> 00:28:09,104 "You know, I'm sorry, uh, you know, that…" 467 00:28:10,689 --> 00:28:11,856 "That, you know…" 468 00:28:13,024 --> 00:28:13,983 "You know…" 469 00:28:15,568 --> 00:28:17,570 "Racism." 470 00:28:18,530 --> 00:28:21,491 "But, you know, the kids, they are, 471 00:28:21,574 --> 00:28:23,952 they're a little worried about you." 472 00:28:24,035 --> 00:28:26,454 "They say, 'Why Mommy-boo upset?'" 473 00:28:27,706 --> 00:28:31,793 "So, you know, maybe you can go talk to them about the, um, 474 00:28:34,379 --> 00:28:35,630 you know, 475 00:28:36,756 --> 00:28:37,882 racism." 476 00:28:39,759 --> 00:28:41,553 I looked at her, I said, "You know what, Alex, 477 00:28:41,636 --> 00:28:44,973 why don't you go talk to them about the racism?" 478 00:28:45,056 --> 00:28:48,601 "'Cause I can't explain things that are being done to me." 479 00:28:48,685 --> 00:28:51,521 "I can't explain that, so why don't you go talk to them?" 480 00:28:51,604 --> 00:28:54,357 "A matter of fact, why don't you go talk to them about white supremacy 481 00:28:54,441 --> 00:28:57,610 and make sure we ain't raising a Proud Boy up in this motherfucker?" 482 00:28:57,694 --> 00:28:59,112 "Why don't you go do that?" 483 00:28:59,195 --> 00:29:00,780 [audience cheering, applauding] 484 00:29:09,205 --> 00:29:10,039 Huh. 485 00:29:10,123 --> 00:29:11,082 [audience laughing] 486 00:29:20,842 --> 00:29:22,510 "I can make us some crêpes." 487 00:29:28,600 --> 00:29:29,601 She made crêpes. 488 00:29:31,686 --> 00:29:32,896 And they were delicious. 489 00:29:36,733 --> 00:29:38,276 But I get it, though. 490 00:29:39,486 --> 00:29:40,820 I get it. I get it. 491 00:29:40,904 --> 00:29:43,239 'Cause it's uncomfortable to talk about, right? 492 00:29:43,323 --> 00:29:47,327 And I was sick of explaining it to her, so I said, "You know what?" 493 00:29:47,410 --> 00:29:50,121 "I'm just gonna start pointing shit out for her." 494 00:29:50,205 --> 00:29:53,333 So we had to go to the bank to drop some paperwork off, right? 495 00:29:53,416 --> 00:29:55,835 So my wife is driving, I'm in the car. 496 00:29:56,377 --> 00:29:57,545 We pull up to the bank. 497 00:29:58,713 --> 00:30:01,591 And I noticed the parking lot was kind of scarce, 498 00:30:01,674 --> 00:30:05,136 and I didn't see any… any activity going on in the bank. 499 00:30:05,845 --> 00:30:10,683 So she's like, "Yeah, just go, you know… just take the papers in the bank 500 00:30:10,767 --> 00:30:13,061 and, uh, okay, just drop it off." 501 00:30:13,645 --> 00:30:16,648 And I'm looking, I'm like, "Are you sure it's open?" 502 00:30:19,067 --> 00:30:20,318 "I think so." 503 00:30:21,444 --> 00:30:23,446 "You know, just… just go and, uh…" 504 00:30:30,912 --> 00:30:33,373 "I am not going up to a bank and…" 505 00:30:37,669 --> 00:30:38,795 "But, but why?" 506 00:30:38,878 --> 00:30:41,214 "'Cause Black people don't go up to banks and…" 507 00:30:41,297 --> 00:30:42,298 [audience laughing] 508 00:30:44,259 --> 00:30:47,220 "You know why? 'Cause somebody will call the cops and say, 509 00:30:47,303 --> 00:30:50,265 "Hey, there's a Black woman trying to break into the bank.'" 510 00:30:50,932 --> 00:30:52,517 "'She looks like Wanda Sykes.'" 511 00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:53,560 [audience laughing] 512 00:30:59,566 --> 00:31:03,278 She didn't get it. She didn't get it. She thought I was being ridiculous. Yeah. 513 00:31:03,361 --> 00:31:04,946 But I understand why, 514 00:31:05,029 --> 00:31:07,657 because she does whatever the fuck she wants to do. 515 00:31:07,740 --> 00:31:10,451 Yeah. We were in France, right? Had to go to the grocery store. 516 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:15,248 We're about to cross the street, the dude's closing the gate of the store. 517 00:31:15,832 --> 00:31:19,210 And I go, "Ah, babe, we're too late." She said, "No, we're not." 518 00:31:19,294 --> 00:31:20,920 She ran across the street… 519 00:31:22,547 --> 00:31:23,548 [audience laughing] 520 00:31:36,019 --> 00:31:39,397 I backed the fuck up and went home. 521 00:31:40,982 --> 00:31:42,275 Like, America home. 522 00:31:46,112 --> 00:31:47,572 But that's how she rolls. 523 00:31:54,037 --> 00:31:57,415 And then something happened that, that got to her. 524 00:31:57,498 --> 00:31:59,959 We were, uh, standing in the backyard or whatever, 525 00:32:00,043 --> 00:32:01,878 and during, during the shutdown, 526 00:32:01,961 --> 00:32:05,298 they built three new homes next to us. Big homes, right? 527 00:32:05,381 --> 00:32:07,091 So my wife is standing out in back, 528 00:32:07,175 --> 00:32:09,177 and she's looking at the house, and she's like… 529 00:32:09,719 --> 00:32:10,553 [grunting] 530 00:32:12,764 --> 00:32:14,599 "Hey, babe, I think, uh, 531 00:32:14,682 --> 00:32:18,478 "I think that window is going to be a problem 532 00:32:18,561 --> 00:32:23,232 because, uh, they can see into our, uh, master bath." 533 00:32:23,316 --> 00:32:25,360 "I don't, I don't like that window." 534 00:32:25,443 --> 00:32:29,030 And I was like, "Well, babe, I mean, we have window treatment, it's cool." 535 00:32:29,113 --> 00:32:31,157 "We'll just close our blinds, it's all good." 536 00:32:32,158 --> 00:32:32,992 Hmm. 537 00:32:34,035 --> 00:32:35,036 Hmm. 538 00:32:35,119 --> 00:32:37,497 And when she does that "Hmm, hmm", 539 00:32:38,206 --> 00:32:39,749 oh, it ain't over. 540 00:32:40,667 --> 00:32:41,876 She ain't letting it go. 541 00:32:42,919 --> 00:32:44,045 Right? 542 00:32:44,128 --> 00:32:45,213 And she didn't. 543 00:32:45,296 --> 00:32:48,716 A couple days later, I'm in the house, my phone rings. It's Alex. 544 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:50,927 I'm like, "Why is she calling me? She's home." 545 00:32:51,719 --> 00:32:53,805 So I'm like, "Hey, babe, you, you okay?" 546 00:32:53,888 --> 00:32:58,476 "Yes. Uh, can you go up to our master bath and look out the window, please?" 547 00:32:59,310 --> 00:33:00,937 So I go upstairs. 548 00:33:01,896 --> 00:33:03,147 I open the blinds. 549 00:33:03,815 --> 00:33:08,361 There she is in the house being under construction. 550 00:33:08,444 --> 00:33:11,239 She's in the window over there. I'm like, "What are you doing?" 551 00:33:11,322 --> 00:33:12,991 She's like, whoo-hoo. 552 00:33:13,074 --> 00:33:14,200 [audience laughing] 553 00:33:16,494 --> 00:33:18,329 "I can see you!" 554 00:33:18,955 --> 00:33:20,081 "You see me?" 555 00:33:20,164 --> 00:33:22,208 I'm like, "Get out of that house!" 556 00:33:22,750 --> 00:33:24,210 "Oh, I just wanted to see. 557 00:33:24,293 --> 00:33:26,004 I told you this was going to be a problem." 558 00:33:26,087 --> 00:33:27,380 "Get out of that house!" 559 00:33:29,090 --> 00:33:30,675 "Okay, okay." 560 00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:39,183 So she comes home. I am livid, right? 561 00:33:39,267 --> 00:33:41,019 She's like, "What is your problem?" 562 00:33:41,102 --> 00:33:43,521 I said, "Do you know what you just did?" 563 00:33:43,604 --> 00:33:46,566 I said, "You did exactly what Ahmaud Arbery did." 564 00:33:46,649 --> 00:33:50,278 "There was a house under construction, he's being nosy, checking it out." 565 00:33:50,361 --> 00:33:52,697 I said, "But when he left, they chased him down 566 00:33:52,780 --> 00:33:54,657 and murdered him in the middle of the street." 567 00:33:54,741 --> 00:33:58,202 "If they caught you in that house, they would've chased you down 568 00:33:58,286 --> 00:34:00,621 and asked if you wanted to see the other two models." 569 00:34:00,705 --> 00:34:01,748 [audience laughing] 570 00:34:09,547 --> 00:34:11,841 She got it. She got it then. 571 00:34:12,383 --> 00:34:14,177 She was like, "Oh shit." 572 00:34:14,927 --> 00:34:17,096 Yeah, she dropped her accent and everything. 573 00:34:18,723 --> 00:34:20,016 Put her cigarette out, 574 00:34:22,393 --> 00:34:24,771 and punched Carol in the liver. I was like, "Damn!" 575 00:34:27,190 --> 00:34:29,817 She got it. She got it. Yeah. 576 00:34:30,401 --> 00:34:34,322 She realized it's privilege, you know, it's privilege. 577 00:34:34,405 --> 00:34:39,494 She can do what I can't do, you know, without consequences, right? 578 00:34:40,161 --> 00:34:42,622 Like, like, like Black people can't be weird. 579 00:34:43,539 --> 00:34:46,751 We can't. We have, we have to fit the stereotype. 580 00:34:46,834 --> 00:34:49,670 We don't fit the stereotype, it freaks people out. 581 00:34:49,754 --> 00:34:53,591 It-- It's like how people are blown away that Lizzo can play the flute. 582 00:34:53,674 --> 00:34:54,926 [audience laughing] 583 00:34:58,096 --> 00:35:00,890 "Did you know that Lizzo can play the flute?" 584 00:35:00,973 --> 00:35:03,726 "Really?" "Yes, an actual flute!" 585 00:35:04,602 --> 00:35:08,815 "She doesn't even play it with her asshole or anything, she just plays the flute." 586 00:35:09,565 --> 00:35:10,733 "Like, classical." 587 00:35:14,487 --> 00:35:15,488 Can't be weird. 588 00:35:16,072 --> 00:35:17,406 Look at Elijah McClain. 589 00:35:18,241 --> 00:35:21,160 Elijah McClain, young Black man in Aurora. Yeah. 590 00:35:21,744 --> 00:35:23,079 He was, uh, walking home, 591 00:35:23,162 --> 00:35:24,831 it was cold outside, had a little jacket on. 592 00:35:24,914 --> 00:35:28,042 He was walking home and he was listening to his music. 593 00:35:28,126 --> 00:35:30,503 He was waving his hands, walking, listening to his music, 594 00:35:30,586 --> 00:35:32,338 walking home, minding his business. 595 00:35:32,421 --> 00:35:34,340 Somebody called the cops. 596 00:35:34,423 --> 00:35:37,426 "Hey, there's a Black guy acting weird." 597 00:35:37,510 --> 00:35:38,928 "Seems sketchy." 598 00:35:39,011 --> 00:35:40,388 So the cops show up. 599 00:35:40,471 --> 00:35:44,016 They question him, and, and, and Elijah's like, "I'm fine. I'm fine." 600 00:35:44,100 --> 00:35:46,561 "I'm… I'm an introvert, I'm fine." 601 00:35:46,644 --> 00:35:50,481 Cops think he's on drugs, so they call the paramedics. 602 00:35:50,565 --> 00:35:54,360 Paramedics hold him down, shoot him up with ketamine, killed him. 603 00:35:55,069 --> 00:35:57,196 Yeah, just for being weird. 604 00:35:57,280 --> 00:35:59,282 Then the cops tried to justify it. 605 00:35:59,365 --> 00:36:03,578 "Well, I mean, it was cold outside. He had on a little, thin jacket." 606 00:36:03,661 --> 00:36:07,290 Like, well, what about those people at the Green Bay Packer games? 607 00:36:07,373 --> 00:36:10,751 Standing outside in the snowbank, no shirt on, 608 00:36:10,835 --> 00:36:13,421 with a block of styrofoam cheese on their head? 609 00:36:13,504 --> 00:36:15,173 That's some weird shit. 610 00:36:18,384 --> 00:36:20,553 White people do weird shit all the time. 611 00:36:20,636 --> 00:36:23,389 Renaissance fairs, what the fuck is that? 612 00:36:23,472 --> 00:36:24,473 [audience laughing] 613 00:36:28,686 --> 00:36:29,812 I don't get it. 614 00:36:32,523 --> 00:36:34,775 You know what was weird? You know what was weird? 615 00:36:34,859 --> 00:36:37,320 That fucking, uh, uh, shaman guy. 616 00:36:37,403 --> 00:36:40,031 On January sixth, that shaman motherfucker. 617 00:36:40,114 --> 00:36:43,284 Half man, half horse, what the fuck was that? 618 00:36:43,367 --> 00:36:47,288 His face was painted, uh, blue and white, whatever, 619 00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:52,919 wearing that fucking flag, got fucking hat with horns on it and shit. 620 00:36:53,419 --> 00:36:56,172 You know, where was the call to the cops for that guy? 621 00:36:56,255 --> 00:36:59,508 "Hey, there's a weird motherfucker about to leave his house." 622 00:37:00,551 --> 00:37:02,178 "This is some crazy shit." 623 00:37:02,261 --> 00:37:04,263 Where's the call for that guy? 624 00:37:05,139 --> 00:37:06,807 He shouldn't even made it to DC. 625 00:37:06,891 --> 00:37:09,810 They should've shot him as soon as he walked out of his door. 626 00:37:10,478 --> 00:37:12,188 Tagged him and put him in the zoo. 627 00:37:12,271 --> 00:37:13,231 [audience laughing] 628 00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:17,235 [Wanda laughing] 629 00:37:18,527 --> 00:37:19,904 Oh my gosh. 630 00:37:19,987 --> 00:37:22,865 January sixth, man. Wow. 631 00:37:22,949 --> 00:37:24,992 That was some-- That was the epitome of, 632 00:37:25,076 --> 00:37:27,286 of white privilege like that, right there. 633 00:37:27,370 --> 00:37:29,747 That was the epitome of white privilege. 634 00:37:30,581 --> 00:37:31,540 January sixth… 635 00:37:31,624 --> 00:37:33,251 [audience cheering, applauding] 636 00:37:33,834 --> 00:37:35,586 Never seen no shit like that. 637 00:37:35,670 --> 00:37:37,755 Black people were watching January sixth like, 638 00:37:37,838 --> 00:37:40,633 "What in the Wakanda forever is going on here?" 639 00:37:43,219 --> 00:37:46,722 I mean, they were just climbing up the walls, 640 00:37:46,806 --> 00:37:49,934 I mean, just scaling the walls of the Capitol. 641 00:37:50,017 --> 00:37:52,979 And I mean, it, it looked like a, a zombie herd. 642 00:37:53,062 --> 00:37:55,189 They looked like a zombie herd, man. 643 00:37:55,273 --> 00:37:58,526 You know, just, just like they'd been bit, you know, 644 00:37:58,609 --> 00:38:01,821 like Giuliani bit all of them. They were just infected. 645 00:38:04,323 --> 00:38:07,326 They had that crazed look in their eyes, you know. 646 00:38:07,410 --> 00:38:09,453 "Nancy!" 647 00:38:10,288 --> 00:38:12,915 "Nancy!" 648 00:38:13,416 --> 00:38:16,335 You know, hair dye dripping down the side of their face. 649 00:38:16,419 --> 00:38:19,797 "Nancy!" 650 00:38:20,798 --> 00:38:21,882 [audience laughing] 651 00:38:25,803 --> 00:38:28,848 You know what was really bad about January sixth? 652 00:38:28,931 --> 00:38:31,892 Look at our congresspeople. They're old. 653 00:38:32,893 --> 00:38:35,521 You can't scare old people like that! 654 00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:38,941 Y'all, they made old people hide. 655 00:38:39,775 --> 00:38:41,235 You know how painful that is? 656 00:38:41,861 --> 00:38:45,865 I remember when I turned 50, I'm playing hide-and-seek with my kids. 657 00:38:45,948 --> 00:38:48,617 I'm stuck underneath a coffee table. 658 00:38:48,701 --> 00:38:51,203 After a while, I was like, "Shit, this shit hurts." 659 00:38:51,287 --> 00:38:54,832 I started making noise. "Hey, I'm over here!" 660 00:38:55,875 --> 00:38:57,209 "Come find my ass!" 661 00:39:00,254 --> 00:39:02,548 I'm like, "I ain't playing this shit no more." 662 00:39:03,549 --> 00:39:06,927 I mean, come on, you can't tell Chuck Grassley to scramble. 663 00:39:08,054 --> 00:39:09,972 "Come on, Chuck, we gotta hide. Let's go!" 664 00:39:10,056 --> 00:39:10,931 "Huh?" 665 00:39:12,099 --> 00:39:13,142 "What? Uh-ha." 666 00:39:14,685 --> 00:39:16,062 "What did you say? Ha?" 667 00:39:17,146 --> 00:39:19,065 "Gotta hide, huh?" 668 00:39:22,026 --> 00:39:24,779 They all should have just hid under Mitch McConnell's chin. 669 00:39:26,238 --> 00:39:27,865 Never would've found them there. 670 00:39:27,948 --> 00:39:29,909 [audience laughing, cheering] 671 00:39:44,173 --> 00:39:49,220 Now, now watch some Democrat come at me for making fun of Mitch McConnell's chin. 672 00:39:49,303 --> 00:39:50,137 Yeah. 673 00:39:50,221 --> 00:39:52,431 They'd probably be like Cory Booker or somebody, 674 00:39:52,515 --> 00:39:54,642 you know, on his IG run. 675 00:39:54,725 --> 00:39:59,313 "You know, taking jabs at jowls does not move the conversation forward." 676 00:39:59,397 --> 00:40:00,398 [audience laughing] 677 00:40:03,776 --> 00:40:04,860 Annoying! 678 00:40:06,070 --> 00:40:11,784 You know that'll happen, because when they go low, we go high, right? Yeah. 679 00:40:11,867 --> 00:40:14,662 That's bullshit. I'm sick of that! Sick of going high! 680 00:40:15,454 --> 00:40:17,623 I want to go low, I want to have some fun! 681 00:40:20,835 --> 00:40:23,712 'Cause being a Democrat is painful, y'all. 682 00:40:23,796 --> 00:40:27,716 It's pain-- It's like getting a wedgie every fucking day. 683 00:40:28,926 --> 00:40:30,177 Just got to take it! 684 00:40:32,138 --> 00:40:33,764 'Cause they make up all kinds of shit, 685 00:40:33,848 --> 00:40:38,602 but why do we have to be handcuffed to, to facts and reality 686 00:40:39,770 --> 00:40:42,356 when they're living in some alternate universe, 687 00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:43,732 just making up shit? 688 00:40:45,317 --> 00:40:48,320 'Cause, you know, politics is just straight-up entertainment now, 689 00:40:48,404 --> 00:40:50,281 especially on the Republican side. 690 00:40:50,364 --> 00:40:53,868 A, A-- All they're doing is entertaining. You know what it's like? 691 00:40:53,951 --> 00:40:57,288 It's like the Dems are PBS, 692 00:40:57,788 --> 00:41:00,332 and the GOP is TLC. 693 00:41:03,043 --> 00:41:07,047 Man, I could watch TLC all day! 694 00:41:07,131 --> 00:41:08,757 That shit is fun. 695 00:41:08,841 --> 00:41:10,801 What would you rather watch, 696 00:41:10,885 --> 00:41:12,344 PBS NewsHour 697 00:41:12,428 --> 00:41:13,888 Or Dr. Pimple Popper? 698 00:41:13,971 --> 00:41:14,972 [audience laughing] 699 00:41:15,055 --> 00:41:16,015 Huh? 700 00:41:17,725 --> 00:41:20,394 Frontline or Sex Sent Me to the ER? 701 00:41:22,646 --> 00:41:26,150 Masterpiece Theatre or 90 Day Fiancé? 702 00:41:33,449 --> 00:41:37,161 Even Democrats make it hard to be Democrats. 703 00:41:37,661 --> 00:41:39,830 You know, like Kyrsten Sinema. 704 00:41:39,914 --> 00:41:43,042 Switched parties now. Independent. Yeah. 705 00:41:43,125 --> 00:41:45,920 You know, she was, uh, she was at some forum, 706 00:41:46,003 --> 00:41:49,632 and she was talking about the differences between the House and the Senate, 707 00:41:49,715 --> 00:41:53,928 and she said the Senate has to cool the, the passions of the people, 708 00:41:54,011 --> 00:41:58,933 because the worst thing you can do is give a child everything it wants. 709 00:41:59,016 --> 00:42:01,769 Yeah, that's bullshit. That's why she shouldn't be in office. 710 00:42:01,852 --> 00:42:05,272 If she thinks of the voters as children, that's bullshit. 711 00:42:05,356 --> 00:42:08,025 You know, I don't think asking for tax reform 712 00:42:08,108 --> 00:42:11,278 and, and making billionaires pay their fair share, 713 00:42:11,362 --> 00:42:13,489 I don't think that's childish, right? 714 00:42:13,572 --> 00:42:16,242 And children ask for stupid shit. 715 00:42:17,243 --> 00:42:19,119 You know what my kids asked me one time? 716 00:42:19,203 --> 00:42:23,123 They asked me if they could eat their breakfast before they go to bed 717 00:42:23,207 --> 00:42:24,708 so they could sleep in. 718 00:42:24,792 --> 00:42:25,834 [audience laughing] 719 00:42:41,308 --> 00:42:44,395 I'm telling you, politics, man, sometimes you gotta turn it off. 720 00:42:44,478 --> 00:42:47,898 Gotta turn it off just to protect your mental health. Yeah. 721 00:42:47,982 --> 00:42:49,608 Like… Yes. 722 00:42:50,859 --> 00:42:53,237 I had to turn it off because I was getting triggered. 723 00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:55,656 I was getting triggered. Know what my trigger was? 724 00:42:55,739 --> 00:42:57,324 Red hats. 725 00:42:57,408 --> 00:42:58,659 Fuck Santa Claus! 726 00:42:58,742 --> 00:42:59,702 [audience laughing] 727 00:43:01,245 --> 00:43:03,706 I see a red hat, my fist would just ball up. 728 00:43:03,789 --> 00:43:06,250 I didn't even know I was making a fist. 729 00:43:06,333 --> 00:43:10,879 I figured it out when I was at brunch, and, uh, some guy was like, "Hey, Wanda!" 730 00:43:10,963 --> 00:43:13,882 And I turned around, and he had on a red hat. 731 00:43:13,966 --> 00:43:15,342 And I was like, "What!" 732 00:43:16,260 --> 00:43:18,345 And he was like, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, 733 00:43:18,429 --> 00:43:20,431 I'm just a Curb fan, I'm sorry." 734 00:43:20,514 --> 00:43:23,017 And I was like, "Uh, okay, thanks, man." 735 00:43:23,100 --> 00:43:24,810 And now I feel like shit, right? 736 00:43:24,893 --> 00:43:27,730 So I was like, "Let me go over and talk to this man." Right? 737 00:43:27,813 --> 00:43:29,565 He was in profile, so, 738 00:43:29,648 --> 00:43:32,151 I'm walking over and, and I see the red hat, 739 00:43:32,234 --> 00:43:34,528 and he sees me coming and he starts to turn. 740 00:43:34,612 --> 00:43:36,530 And I see white lettering on his hat. 741 00:43:36,614 --> 00:43:38,949 And I was like, "Oh, this motherfucker here." 742 00:43:39,575 --> 00:43:40,826 So I'm making a fist. 743 00:43:40,909 --> 00:43:43,203 And then I got closer. He turns around. 744 00:43:43,287 --> 00:43:45,623 The hat said, "Make a Wish Foundation." 745 00:43:45,706 --> 00:43:47,082 [audience laughing] 746 00:43:55,090 --> 00:44:00,387 I was like, "Hey, man, you want to take a picture, want me to sign something?" 747 00:44:00,471 --> 00:44:02,973 "How about a hand job? I'm an entertainer!" 748 00:44:03,057 --> 00:44:04,016 [audience laughing] 749 00:44:09,897 --> 00:44:11,857 The country is so divided. 750 00:44:11,940 --> 00:44:13,942 It's fear, man. It's fear. 751 00:44:14,026 --> 00:44:16,195 That's why you see so many of these red states, 752 00:44:16,278 --> 00:44:18,072 you know, they want to ban, 753 00:44:18,155 --> 00:44:21,450 uh, critical race theory being taught in school. Yeah. 754 00:44:21,533 --> 00:44:24,203 DeSantis, Marjorie Taylor Greene… 755 00:44:24,286 --> 00:44:29,625 Yeah. They say it's teaching white kids to feel bad or shame for being white. 756 00:44:30,542 --> 00:44:31,960 That's nonsense. 757 00:44:32,044 --> 00:44:33,837 'Cause there are white kids out there 758 00:44:33,921 --> 00:44:37,675 who are proud of their grandparents who marched with Dr. King 759 00:44:37,758 --> 00:44:41,011 and who was on those buses with those Freedom Riders, right? 760 00:44:41,095 --> 00:44:42,888 That risked their lives. 761 00:44:42,971 --> 00:44:47,059 And look, we're here in Pennsylvania. What about the Quakers? 762 00:44:47,142 --> 00:44:49,728 The Quakers, the Quakers are abolitionists, 763 00:44:49,812 --> 00:44:51,939 and, and they helped Harriet Tubman. 764 00:44:52,022 --> 00:44:55,901 They, they would hide slaves in their homes. Come on. 765 00:44:55,984 --> 00:44:59,113 And, and let's not forget about their delicious oats. 766 00:44:59,196 --> 00:45:00,447 [audience laughing] 767 00:45:10,249 --> 00:45:14,962 So I don't think people like DeSantis, Marjorie Taylor Greene, 768 00:45:15,045 --> 00:45:18,048 Glenn Youngkin from my home state of Virginia… 769 00:45:18,132 --> 00:45:20,509 I don't think they're worried that, uh, you know, 770 00:45:20,592 --> 00:45:24,972 CRT will make white kids feel ashamed of being white. 771 00:45:25,055 --> 00:45:29,560 They're worried it will make their kids ashamed of them. 772 00:45:30,811 --> 00:45:31,979 [audience applauding] 773 00:45:36,024 --> 00:45:41,405 And we can't come together until we deal with white supremacy, right? 774 00:45:41,488 --> 00:45:43,574 Its-- America, I mean, come on, 775 00:45:43,657 --> 00:45:48,162 we have to face our history and all the awful shit that happened. 776 00:45:48,245 --> 00:45:51,039 That's the only way we can move forward, because right now, 777 00:45:51,123 --> 00:45:53,792 America is like living in a horror movie. 778 00:45:54,585 --> 00:45:58,172 Yeah, it's like I Know What You Did Last Summer. 779 00:45:58,964 --> 00:46:03,385 But more like, I Know What You Did the Last 400 Summers. 780 00:46:03,469 --> 00:46:04,303 Right? 781 00:46:04,386 --> 00:46:08,640 It's like America's at that campground, walking through… 782 00:46:09,892 --> 00:46:11,185 "Hello?" 783 00:46:12,436 --> 00:46:15,230 "Is, is anybody there?" 784 00:46:15,939 --> 00:46:17,983 And then reparations just jumps out at you. 785 00:46:18,066 --> 00:46:20,569 [growling, grunting] 786 00:46:20,652 --> 00:46:22,154 "Hello, Karen!" 787 00:46:23,071 --> 00:46:24,364 "Brad." 788 00:46:24,448 --> 00:46:25,741 [audience laughing] 789 00:46:30,078 --> 00:46:31,079 [Wanda chuckling] 790 00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:33,624 Reparations. 791 00:46:33,707 --> 00:46:37,461 And you know what? Whenever reparations are brought up, 792 00:46:37,544 --> 00:46:41,048 we always hear the, hear the pushback, and the argument is always, 793 00:46:41,131 --> 00:46:46,053 "Why should I have to pay for something that I had nothing to do with?" 794 00:46:46,136 --> 00:46:49,431 Okay, well, some of you have trust funds. 795 00:46:49,932 --> 00:46:51,600 You ain't earned that. 796 00:46:52,434 --> 00:46:55,771 Some of you have homes and businesses that you didn't build, 797 00:46:55,854 --> 00:47:00,776 but they've been passed down generation for generation in your family, right? 798 00:47:00,859 --> 00:47:02,861 Great-Great-Grandpappy left you something. 799 00:47:02,945 --> 00:47:04,404 But you accept it. So, 800 00:47:05,447 --> 00:47:09,284 think of reparations as part of your inheritance. 801 00:47:09,368 --> 00:47:10,828 [audience laughing, cheering] 802 00:47:12,913 --> 00:47:14,540 Comes with the package. 803 00:47:19,336 --> 00:47:22,214 For white supremacists, I think their biggest fear… 804 00:47:22,297 --> 00:47:24,299 They, they know that one day, 805 00:47:24,383 --> 00:47:26,134 they will be the minority. 806 00:47:26,677 --> 00:47:30,097 And that's scary, 'cause they see how shitty it is. 807 00:47:30,639 --> 00:47:32,766 Oh, you've seen the videos. 808 00:47:33,892 --> 00:47:37,563 And they're afraid, like, maybe we'll treat them the way they treated us. 809 00:47:37,646 --> 00:47:39,565 But that's, that's ridiculous, 810 00:47:39,648 --> 00:47:41,984 because Black people, we don't even think like that. 811 00:47:42,067 --> 00:47:44,319 We don't sit around talking about retribution 812 00:47:44,403 --> 00:47:46,280 and what we're gonna do to them. 813 00:47:46,363 --> 00:47:47,197 No! 814 00:47:47,281 --> 00:47:50,492 Well, at least not at the last meeting, we didn't do that. 815 00:47:50,576 --> 00:47:51,577 [audience laughing] 816 00:47:58,917 --> 00:48:00,961 And I think Black people, over and over again, 817 00:48:01,044 --> 00:48:03,171 have demonstrated who we are, right? 818 00:48:03,255 --> 00:48:05,257 Right, look, look at the Emanuel eight, 819 00:48:05,799 --> 00:48:09,636 those beautiful Black people who were gunned down in their church, 820 00:48:09,720 --> 00:48:11,430 by Bible study. 821 00:48:11,513 --> 00:48:12,598 And what did they do? 822 00:48:12,681 --> 00:48:14,224 Hours after it happened, 823 00:48:14,308 --> 00:48:18,520 they're in court telling that guy, that, that white supremacist, 824 00:48:18,604 --> 00:48:19,938 that they forgive him. 825 00:48:20,022 --> 00:48:22,274 "We forgive you. We forgive you." 826 00:48:22,858 --> 00:48:26,778 And I know some of y'all are like, "Well, not all Black people, Wanda." 827 00:48:26,862 --> 00:48:30,824 "How about that woman who went off on Jeffrey Dahmer?" 828 00:48:30,908 --> 00:48:33,452 I mean, yeah, I remember her. You know… 829 00:48:33,535 --> 00:48:35,537 "I hate you, Jeffrey!" I remember that. 830 00:48:35,621 --> 00:48:37,664 But come on, he ate her brother! 831 00:48:37,748 --> 00:48:38,790 [audience laughing] 832 00:48:46,298 --> 00:48:48,884 Well, Black people don't think like that. We don't. 833 00:48:49,843 --> 00:48:51,470 And plus, let's be honest. 834 00:48:51,553 --> 00:48:55,432 White people would make the worst slaves on the face of the planet. 835 00:48:55,515 --> 00:48:56,767 [audience laughing] 836 00:49:01,146 --> 00:49:04,107 "Ooh, my carpel tunnel is acting up today." 837 00:49:05,442 --> 00:49:07,569 "I don't think I can… I can't…" 838 00:49:09,446 --> 00:49:11,740 "It's excruciating pain, I can't…" 839 00:49:15,077 --> 00:49:16,954 They'll be leaving the fields early. 840 00:49:17,037 --> 00:49:18,413 "Hey, hey, where you going?" 841 00:49:18,497 --> 00:49:20,916 "Uh, Harry Styles tickets, hello!" 842 00:49:25,087 --> 00:49:26,630 "Get your ass back here!" 843 00:49:27,297 --> 00:49:29,299 "I'm gonna need to see your supervisor." 844 00:49:34,763 --> 00:49:38,725 So, I'm still in menopause. Yep. 845 00:49:40,477 --> 00:49:41,937 Breaking news. 846 00:49:44,356 --> 00:49:46,358 Just fighting off those hot flashes. 847 00:49:47,067 --> 00:49:50,070 But you know what angers me the most is when I'm watching TV, 848 00:49:50,153 --> 00:49:53,281 and I see all these commercials for men. 849 00:49:53,365 --> 00:49:56,576 They're always fixing something for the dudes, you know? 850 00:49:56,660 --> 00:50:00,372 Yeah. And a lot of it, I don't really see it as a problem. 851 00:50:00,914 --> 00:50:02,207 Yeah. Like, you know they're, uh, 852 00:50:02,290 --> 00:50:05,711 fixing, uh, bent dicks now, did you know that? 853 00:50:07,754 --> 00:50:10,382 Have you seen that ad with the, with the bent carrot? 854 00:50:10,465 --> 00:50:11,591 [audience laughing] 855 00:50:13,552 --> 00:50:15,012 Who knew that was an issue? 856 00:50:17,305 --> 00:50:18,890 They're fixing bent dicks now. 857 00:50:20,017 --> 00:50:21,143 I say, "Fuck you." 858 00:50:22,269 --> 00:50:24,896 I don't give a shit about your bent dick. 859 00:50:26,523 --> 00:50:29,693 That-- I think gout is more important than that. 860 00:50:30,485 --> 00:50:33,613 How did that even get on the to-do list, bent dicks? 861 00:50:33,697 --> 00:50:37,451 "Ah, poor Peter has a banana dick. Aah." 862 00:50:40,203 --> 00:50:44,332 "It's not funny, Wanda, it can cause infertility and painful…" 863 00:50:44,416 --> 00:50:46,293 I don't give a shit. I don't. 864 00:50:46,376 --> 00:50:48,879 I don't care about your crooked dick, your hooked dick, 865 00:50:48,962 --> 00:50:51,214 your bent dick, banana dick, I don't give a fuck. 866 00:50:51,298 --> 00:50:55,677 I'm over here growing a full beard, sweating through my sheets every night. 867 00:50:56,511 --> 00:50:59,014 Fuck you and your hooked dick. 868 00:50:59,097 --> 00:51:02,976 I don't give a shit if your dick curves so much 869 00:51:03,060 --> 00:51:05,687 that when you bend over, you fuck yourself in the ass. 870 00:51:05,771 --> 00:51:07,814 I don't care! I don't. 871 00:51:08,482 --> 00:51:09,608 I don't care. 872 00:51:12,027 --> 00:51:12,903 I don't. 873 00:51:13,528 --> 00:51:15,489 Suffer in silence, please. 874 00:51:23,622 --> 00:51:24,873 [audience laughing] 875 00:51:30,921 --> 00:51:32,964 I was talking to my gynecologist about it. 876 00:51:33,048 --> 00:51:35,133 I was like, "What treatments are out there?" 877 00:51:35,217 --> 00:51:38,261 You know, because I can't take the, you know, the patch or the hormones 878 00:51:38,345 --> 00:51:41,014 because of the type of breast cancer I had, right? 879 00:51:41,098 --> 00:51:42,224 So I can't take them. 880 00:51:42,307 --> 00:51:44,518 So my doctor said, "Now they're giving women, 881 00:51:44,601 --> 00:51:46,394 um, microdoses of Xanax now, 882 00:51:46,478 --> 00:51:49,022 and that seems to help with the hot flashes." 883 00:51:49,106 --> 00:51:50,023 I said, "Oh, okay, 884 00:51:50,107 --> 00:51:52,609 so it's the straight hysterical woman syndrome, huh?" 885 00:51:52,692 --> 00:51:56,363 So they're like, "Here, you crazy bitches, maybe this will calm you down." 886 00:51:56,446 --> 00:51:58,323 [audience laughing] 887 00:52:01,243 --> 00:52:02,244 I'm not taking that. 888 00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:05,205 So that's why I kind of wish that, that men-- 889 00:52:05,288 --> 00:52:07,207 Okay, I don't wish, I pray, 890 00:52:07,290 --> 00:52:11,419 that men would go through a little menopause, you know? 891 00:52:11,503 --> 00:52:14,506 'Cause then maybe they'll find something to help us. 892 00:52:15,048 --> 00:52:15,882 Right? 893 00:52:15,966 --> 00:52:19,219 Like, what, what if, uh, if guys, like… 894 00:52:19,302 --> 00:52:23,098 Okay, let's just say, like, one, one of your testicles, right? 895 00:52:25,892 --> 00:52:29,855 Let's just say one of your testicles would just start throbbing a little bit. 896 00:52:32,732 --> 00:52:35,735 So you'll know it's coming. Like it'd have, like, an aura to it. 897 00:52:35,819 --> 00:52:38,321 And then all of a sudden, it, it swells up, 898 00:52:38,405 --> 00:52:40,907 and whoosh! It catches on fire. You know? 899 00:52:40,991 --> 00:52:43,493 You have, like, a nut flash, just whoosh! 900 00:52:43,577 --> 00:52:47,539 And, and it could be the right one, it could be the left one, you never know. 901 00:52:47,622 --> 00:52:50,667 And, and it happens, like, six, seven times a day. 902 00:52:50,750 --> 00:52:53,670 Just, that thing just going like that. Whoosh! You go, "Oh shit!" 903 00:52:53,753 --> 00:52:55,297 "Nut flash! Nut flash!" 904 00:52:57,132 --> 00:52:58,633 I would love that. 905 00:53:00,302 --> 00:53:02,596 But you know, they'd give them some relief, right? 906 00:53:02,679 --> 00:53:06,850 They'll probably start making underwear with little fans in them or something. 907 00:53:07,475 --> 00:53:10,896 Or just make it legal where guys can walk around with their nuts out. 908 00:53:12,105 --> 00:53:14,399 You're like, "Oh, my God, his nuts are out!" 909 00:53:14,482 --> 00:53:17,402 "It's okay. He's going through something." 910 00:53:17,485 --> 00:53:20,822 "He has a note from his doctor. Leave the man alone." 911 00:53:23,241 --> 00:53:25,869 You know those lactation stations you see at the airport? 912 00:53:25,952 --> 00:53:28,288 They'll shut those down. Yeah. 913 00:53:28,371 --> 00:53:30,415 They'll become ball-cooling rooms. 914 00:53:30,498 --> 00:53:32,042 You'll see dudes in there just… 915 00:53:32,709 --> 00:53:33,710 Whooo… 916 00:53:35,629 --> 00:53:38,089 "Uh, this is a doozy. Oh, boy." 917 00:53:38,715 --> 00:53:39,966 "How's it going, Pete?" 918 00:53:40,050 --> 00:53:43,511 "Oh man, it's bad. It's bad. It's bad." 919 00:53:45,263 --> 00:53:48,225 "Hey, Pete, did you do something different with your penis?" 920 00:53:48,308 --> 00:53:51,519 "Yeah, I got that hook out. You noticed that?" 921 00:53:51,603 --> 00:53:52,771 [audience laughing] 922 00:53:52,854 --> 00:53:54,564 "He's straight as an arrow now." 923 00:53:56,691 --> 00:53:57,567 "Looking good." 924 00:54:02,239 --> 00:54:04,783 I would love to see a dude in this board meeting. 925 00:54:04,866 --> 00:54:06,034 You know? 926 00:54:06,576 --> 00:54:10,914 "Okay, all right, now for… Let's go over first quarter earnings." 927 00:54:10,997 --> 00:54:13,250 "If you look, uh, you see sales were up." 928 00:54:13,333 --> 00:54:16,336 "Sales were up by 22%, and that, um…" 929 00:54:17,587 --> 00:54:18,421 Hmm. 930 00:54:21,091 --> 00:54:22,342 "That, uh…" 931 00:54:23,301 --> 00:54:28,890 "That totally crushed what our target was, 22%. So…" 932 00:54:29,808 --> 00:54:31,226 [audience laughing] 933 00:54:32,018 --> 00:54:35,355 "But if, if we look at, uh, transportation, 934 00:54:35,438 --> 00:54:39,484 transportation, uh, went way up, and, uh, 935 00:54:40,902 --> 00:54:44,990 wasn't expecting that, so that really, uh… Hmm" 936 00:54:49,995 --> 00:54:53,373 "That cut into a lot of our sales, so, um…" 937 00:54:55,292 --> 00:54:57,585 [groaning] "I'm sorry, guys, I'm having a nut flash." 938 00:54:59,004 --> 00:55:00,297 [audience laughing] 939 00:55:00,380 --> 00:55:01,506 [moaning] "Wow!" 940 00:55:02,215 --> 00:55:05,343 "Whoo. This is a bad one. Oh, my God." 941 00:55:06,011 --> 00:55:08,805 "Hank, get over here and blow on my balls, please." 942 00:55:21,192 --> 00:55:25,030 So, I saw my doctor recently, and, uh, 943 00:55:25,113 --> 00:55:28,867 my breast doctor, because it's time to replace my breasts. Yeah. 944 00:55:28,950 --> 00:55:31,828 I got too many miles on these. So… 945 00:55:32,454 --> 00:55:34,748 So he said, so he said, "It's time to replace them." 946 00:55:34,831 --> 00:55:39,127 But he gave me an option. He said, "Wanda, look, you're, you're 59, 947 00:55:39,210 --> 00:55:42,839 and, uh, we can put more implants in, but I mean, 948 00:55:42,922 --> 00:55:46,593 do you want to have to do this surgery again in another 13, 14 years?" 949 00:55:46,676 --> 00:55:48,887 "I mean, you'll be kind of up there." 950 00:55:48,970 --> 00:55:51,097 I was like, "Yeah…" He said, "So what I can do, 951 00:55:51,181 --> 00:55:53,850 I can take tissue from your midsection 952 00:55:53,933 --> 00:55:56,644 and make you some, you know, nice breasts." 953 00:55:56,728 --> 00:56:00,315 And I was like, "Well, first of all, thank you for calling it tissue." 954 00:56:00,398 --> 00:56:01,483 [audience laughing] 955 00:56:06,696 --> 00:56:08,907 "Very professional on your part." 956 00:56:10,992 --> 00:56:14,204 But then I… I heard some rumblings, 957 00:56:14,287 --> 00:56:15,497 and it was Esther. 958 00:56:16,998 --> 00:56:19,751 For those of you who don't know Esther, 959 00:56:19,834 --> 00:56:22,504 when I got in my forties, I got this fat roll. 960 00:56:22,587 --> 00:56:25,715 It ain't going nowhere, so I just named it. This is Esther. 961 00:56:26,341 --> 00:56:29,469 Esther loves bread, alcohol, and cheesecake. 962 00:56:29,552 --> 00:56:31,096 That's all she wants. 963 00:56:31,971 --> 00:56:33,056 "Where my drink!" 964 00:56:34,224 --> 00:56:35,475 "I want some cheesecake!" 965 00:56:38,311 --> 00:56:41,439 So, so I heard Esther rumbling, and she was like, 966 00:56:41,523 --> 00:56:42,524 "What'd he say?" 967 00:56:42,607 --> 00:56:45,527 I was like, "Esther, he's not talking to you, he's not talking to you." 968 00:56:45,610 --> 00:56:49,280 And I told the doctor, I was like, "Email me, email me." 969 00:56:49,364 --> 00:56:52,409 I said, "Email me, 'cause Esther can't read. Email me." 970 00:56:54,828 --> 00:56:56,830 "Email me the details, right?" 971 00:56:56,913 --> 00:57:01,709 So, uh, cause you know, I think I'm gonna do it, it makes sense, you know. 972 00:57:01,793 --> 00:57:06,047 But then I… I get nervous, 'cause I keep having these thoughts, you know, like, 973 00:57:06,131 --> 00:57:09,551 "What if I take Esther and put her up here, 974 00:57:10,468 --> 00:57:13,346 and she tries to choke me to death in my sleep?" 975 00:57:14,347 --> 00:57:16,933 You know, Esther'd be like, "I hate you!" 976 00:57:17,642 --> 00:57:20,728 "I can't taste nothing up here. I hate you!" 977 00:57:24,190 --> 00:57:26,151 Or what if she, she gets los-- You know, 978 00:57:26,234 --> 00:57:29,320 she longs for home and she works her way back down? 979 00:57:29,404 --> 00:57:32,365 You know, and I have some long, droopy titties? You know. 980 00:57:33,158 --> 00:57:34,951 Esther be up here just doing squats. 981 00:57:35,034 --> 00:57:37,036 [grunting] 982 00:57:37,412 --> 00:57:39,414 Trying to get back down. 983 00:57:40,540 --> 00:57:42,250 "I'm back, baby!" You know. 984 00:57:46,671 --> 00:57:49,716 But I think I'm gonna do it. I think I'm gonna do it. Yeah. 985 00:57:49,799 --> 00:57:51,801 'Cause you know… Yeah! 986 00:57:52,719 --> 00:57:54,679 [audience applauding] 987 00:57:54,762 --> 00:57:57,390 I… I don't want to be in my seventies, you know… 988 00:57:57,474 --> 00:58:00,185 Y'all watching online church, 989 00:58:01,019 --> 00:58:02,228 and the pastor's like, 990 00:58:02,312 --> 00:58:05,648 "Uh, Saints, let's pray for Sister Sykes." 991 00:58:07,150 --> 00:58:09,527 "She's getting her new titties on Tuesday." 992 00:58:09,611 --> 00:58:11,571 [audience laughing] 993 00:58:18,745 --> 00:58:21,372 I'm grateful that I have good doctors. I do. 994 00:58:21,456 --> 00:58:22,415 They're good doctors. 995 00:58:22,499 --> 00:58:24,083 And that's important, you know? 996 00:58:24,167 --> 00:58:27,795 Although I did have to, uh, change gynecologists, 997 00:58:27,879 --> 00:58:29,631 'cause my old gynecologist, 998 00:58:29,714 --> 00:58:32,634 oof, she was, she was just chatty. 999 00:58:32,717 --> 00:58:35,011 Just talked too much, you know, like… 1000 00:58:35,094 --> 00:58:39,140 I don't mind talking before the exam starts. 1001 00:58:39,224 --> 00:58:41,017 But once I get in the stirrups, 1002 00:58:41,100 --> 00:58:42,810 you shut the fuck up. 1003 00:58:42,894 --> 00:58:43,937 [audience laughing] 1004 00:58:48,650 --> 00:58:52,695 And sometimes, those exams, they gotta check the front and the back… 1005 00:58:52,779 --> 00:58:54,864 You just leave. You know what you did. 1006 00:58:54,948 --> 00:58:56,282 Get the hell out of here. 1007 00:58:56,366 --> 00:58:57,784 Don't even look at me! 1008 00:59:02,330 --> 00:59:06,376 But this doctor, man, she was just too, too chatty, you know? 1009 00:59:06,459 --> 00:59:09,462 It's like, she would talk like we were good friends or something. 1010 00:59:09,546 --> 00:59:12,215 You know, I… I get in there, and I'm… and I'm in the stirrups, 1011 00:59:12,298 --> 00:59:14,092 I'm in the stirrups, and she's like, um, 1012 00:59:14,175 --> 00:59:18,137 "Hey, Wanda, you know, they just opened a Greek restaurant on the corner." 1013 00:59:18,221 --> 00:59:21,349 "Maybe if you have some time, you could stop and get some lunch." 1014 00:59:21,432 --> 00:59:24,269 I'm like, "Is this bitch really talking hummus?" 1015 00:59:26,104 --> 00:59:28,147 So then I started having thoughts. I was like, 1016 00:59:28,231 --> 00:59:32,777 "You know what, I'm gonna make her feel as uncomfortable as she makes me feel." 1017 00:59:32,860 --> 00:59:35,697 So I was like, "You know, one day, she gonna start talking, 1018 00:59:35,780 --> 00:59:39,450 and I'm just gonna take my big toe and brush her bangs back." 1019 00:59:39,534 --> 00:59:40,868 [audience laughing] 1020 00:59:47,125 --> 00:59:48,751 "Hey, girl." 1021 00:59:49,294 --> 00:59:51,713 "You streaming anything good lately?" 1022 00:59:53,590 --> 00:59:55,967 Hey, Philadelphia, thank y'all so much! 1023 00:59:56,467 --> 00:59:57,635 I love you! 1024 00:59:58,469 --> 00:59:59,887 Thank you! 1025 01:00:00,847 --> 01:00:02,849 [audience cheering, applauding] 1026 01:00:02,932 --> 01:00:04,726 [upbeat music playing] 1027 01:00:25,163 --> 01:00:26,164 Thank you! 1028 01:01:13,294 --> 01:01:15,088 [Wanda] Oy, vey. And up. 1029 01:01:15,171 --> 01:01:17,006 Use your knees, Page. Come on, push it.