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Downloaded from
YTS.MX

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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‎《旺達塞克絲：就是要搞笑》

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‎各位先生女士，請熱烈歡迎

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‎旺達塞克絲！

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‎謝謝費城的各位

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‎謝謝！

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‎天啊，我很高興能來到費城

9
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‎拍攝喜劇特輯

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00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:09,944
‎我的上一部特輯已經是2019年了

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‎那部叫《不正常》

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‎對

13
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‎那部特輯後，疫情來襲

14
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‎暴動起義

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‎羅訴韋德案被推翻

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‎對

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‎對，那集特輯應該叫《美好舊日》

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‎真是的

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‎搞甚麼鬼？

20
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‎猴痘、斑衣蠟蟬

21
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‎加州水災、德州嚴寒

22
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‎肯伊作為黑人
‎穿起“白人的命也是也”T恤

23
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‎我幾乎想要把這集特輯
‎起名為《上帝來也》

24
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‎我們撐過疫情了，各位
‎真是難以置信

25
00:02:08,753 --> 00:02:10,046
‎新冠肺炎挺可怕的

26
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‎只有感染後
‎才知道它對人有甚麼影響

27
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‎然而我終於受感染了
‎等了兩年，終於來了

28
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‎我有打疫苗，打好打滿

29
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‎起初兩天是挺難受的

30
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‎我在客房自我隔離

31
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‎好讓老婆不會打擾我

32
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‎孩子不會打擾我

33
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‎到了第三天，我就恍然大悟

34
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‎“要怎麼才能患上長新冠？”

35
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‎“感染一下也不錯”

36
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‎“能有些私人時間”

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‎我在客房睡到飽，節目任我挑

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‎我老婆會把餐點放在門前

39
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‎然後說：“親愛的
‎門下怎麼放了毛巾？”

40
00:03:01,764 --> 00:03:04,976
‎因為我在裡面抽著大麻…

41
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‎“因為我不想感染你們”

42
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‎“我是替你們著想！”

43
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‎幾天後，她中招了

44
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‎她跟我說：“寶貝，我陽了”

45
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‎“我可以陪妳隔離喔”

46
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‎我說：“才不要”

47
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‎“妳那些是新菌，我都幾乎病好了”

48
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‎“妳是初來報到”

49
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‎她說：“哪有這樣分？”

50
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‎我說：“說不定的
‎妳又不是桑賈伊古普塔”

51
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‎“去浴室隔離吧”

52
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‎然後我兒子也染上了

53
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‎他的雙胞胎妹妹卻沒有

54
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‎為甚麼？因為她是13歲的青少年
‎完全不想搭理我們

55
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:15,964
‎大家應該要看看她那副臭臉

56
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‎前在我們前面

57
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‎裝作碧昂絲
‎而我們只是過氣的天命真女

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‎往左走…

59
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‎我挺想念封城，說真的

60
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‎不能讓任何人進你家，記得嗎？

61
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‎我是挺懷念
‎不能讓任何人進你家的時候

62
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‎我挺享受叫我的白人朋友從後門進屋

63
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‎挺好玩的

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‎“不行，嘉蘿，要從後門進來”

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‎“妳應該清楚規矩的”

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‎“快到後門去，快去！”

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‎“到燒烤爐那邊見，快點”

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‎在燒烤爐邊酌飲

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‎那是疫情裡挺美好的時光，對吧？

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‎有線上崇拜

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‎我很喜歡線上崇拜，是不是很棒？

72
00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:25,908
‎但我還是會遲到

73
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‎我也不知道為甚麼

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‎明明只需要登入就好
‎旺達，真是的！

75
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‎我很喜歡網上崇拜

76
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‎聖餐日倒是有點失控

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‎對，你們懂吧

78
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‎牧師會說

79
00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:44,510
‎“大家去拿杯酒或果汁”

80
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:47,055
‎我說：“拿酒，沒問題”

81
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,726
‎我會拿著烈酒杯

82
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‎還有起司餅乾

83
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‎對，因為我眼中的上帝是棕色的

84
00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:09,577
‎我不相信那種白人上帝
‎金髮藍眼那種，我不信

85
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‎對

86
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‎那只是白人優越感的延伸

87
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‎你們有看過早期的上帝畫嗎？

88
00:06:18,169 --> 00:06:20,380
‎長得超像泰迪潘德葛萊斯

89
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‎那才是我要的上帝

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‎我才不要白人上帝，心領了

91
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‎疫情下開頭幾次的聖餐
‎我還挺守規矩的，但六個月後

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‎天啊，我坐在那裡，手持滿杯的紅酒

93
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‎再拿著一個百搭貝果

94
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‎我心想：“旺達，妳在搞甚麼？”

95
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‎“太荒謬了”

96
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‎禮拜結束後，我會拿出一盤起司

97
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‎聖經上還沾了紅酒，我心想：“好了”

98
00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:06,551
‎“我需要上實體的教堂
‎我需要人監督”

99
00:07:11,931 --> 00:07:14,851
‎我有一位朋友，至今還沒打疫苗

100
00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:16,561
‎她不願意去打疫苗

101
00:07:16,644 --> 00:07:19,772
‎她還笑我說

102
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‎“妳不知道哪玩意裡有甚麼東西”

103
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‎“妳直接把它往手臂注射
‎對成分一無所知”

104
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,320
‎我說：“是，我不知道”

105
00:07:26,404 --> 00:07:30,700
‎“即使他們跟我介紹完
‎我也不會知道”

106
00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:32,952
‎“我又不是科學家，混帳”

107
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‎他們嘲笑我

108
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‎說著：“我不會往身體胡亂注射東西”

109
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‎我說：“你他媽還用代糖呢，閉嘴”

110
00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,567
‎我其實不怕打疫苗

111
00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:08,154
‎因為我成長期間有驅蚊人

112
00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:13,951
‎我在維吉尼亞的農村長大
‎我們那裡有驅蚊人

113
00:08:14,035 --> 00:08:15,912
‎驅蚊人現在都很有禮貌

114
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‎他們會先打電話到你家留言

115
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:22,710
‎說會要為那個區域治理蚊患

116
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‎讓我們帶著寵物待在家裡

117
00:08:25,963 --> 00:08:27,381
‎以前可不一樣

118
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‎在1960年代末期
‎他們會直接登門拜訪

119
00:08:32,595 --> 00:08:34,680
‎對，我以前是住在樹林裡

120
00:08:34,764 --> 00:08:39,393
‎沒有路燈，只有泥路

121
00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:41,687
‎我奶奶家連廁所都沒有

122
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‎驅蚊人來的時候

123
00:08:44,565 --> 00:08:48,027
‎我們就興奮得像馬戲團一樣

124
00:08:48,569 --> 00:08:51,656
‎大家懂嗎？其他社區會有…

125
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‎我們不會，反而只會有…

126
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‎我們會理智線斷掉

127
00:09:05,253 --> 00:09:08,464
‎孩子們會放下手邊的事情…

128
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:09,840
‎“驅蚊人來了！”

129
00:09:11,467 --> 00:09:12,885
‎“對，驅蚊人來了！”

130
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:18,641
‎我們會跑到路口迎接驅蚊人

131
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:20,935
‎走到他的貨車後面

132
00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:24,063
‎在農藥噴霧下玩耍

133
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:30,278
‎“你看不到我！”

134
00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:36,534
‎一起玩捉迷藏，那真是美好的時光

135
00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:39,579
‎而驅蚊人超級壞

136
00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:42,540
‎他不會說：“孩子們，快離開！”

137
00:09:42,623 --> 00:09:44,917
‎“快進屋，農藥對人體有害！”

138
00:09:45,001 --> 00:09:48,462
‎他會對著我們噴，像在打遊戲一樣

139
00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:55,761
‎他會慢下來，儲下一堆噴霧
‎讓我們有更濃厚的霧

140
00:09:57,847 --> 00:09:59,140
‎我們非常喜歡

141
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:01,809
‎張著嘴巴跑進去

142
00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:11,110
‎他離開的時候，我們不忘道謝

143
00:10:11,193 --> 00:10:14,822
‎“謝謝，驅蚊人，謝謝你！”

144
00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:17,491
‎“下次再來，好嗎？”

145
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:20,870
‎然後走回家

146
00:10:22,079 --> 00:10:25,333
‎農藥在我們頭上蒸發

147
00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:28,586
‎蒼蠅會飛到我們身上

148
00:10:29,170 --> 00:10:30,880
‎然後死去

149
00:10:33,841 --> 00:10:37,094
‎所以老娘一點也不怕小小的疫苗

150
00:10:48,731 --> 00:10:50,358
‎我現在結婚了，婚姻美滿

151
00:10:50,441 --> 00:10:52,985
‎娶了一個法國女人，對，她是法國人

152
00:10:54,737 --> 00:10:57,448
‎她是白人啦，然後…

153
00:10:58,240 --> 00:11:01,494
‎我們有了龍鳳胎
‎13歲的路卡斯和奧莉維雅

154
00:11:01,577 --> 00:11:03,496
‎他們也是白人，就這樣

155
00:11:04,622 --> 00:11:08,626
‎既然懷胎十月的人是她
‎那就跟她當白人吧

156
00:11:08,709 --> 00:11:10,961
‎而且啊…“嘿

157
00:11:11,045 --> 00:11:14,840
‎要是關係破裂，我也比較容易脫身”

158
00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:24,392
‎“可以隨時人間蒸發”

159
00:11:27,812 --> 00:11:29,563
‎她一定不會喜歡這個笑話

160
00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:34,860
‎她肯定也不會喜歡

161
00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:37,238
‎我在遺囑裡寫到，孩子們要拿遺產

162
00:11:37,321 --> 00:11:41,784
‎就必須改名為拉夏和拉琪莎

163
00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:57,800
‎孩子們上公立學校了

164
00:11:57,883 --> 00:12:01,554
‎但從學前幼稚園開始
‎他們就是上法國學校

165
00:12:01,637 --> 00:12:06,851
‎因為我老婆說
‎“好，既然我是媽媽，我覺得…

166
00:12:06,934 --> 00:12:10,271
‎孩子們應該要先學法語

167
00:12:10,354 --> 00:12:12,523
‎因為那是他們的母語”

168
00:12:12,606 --> 00:12:16,902
‎“讓他們先入讀法國私校，好嗎？”

169
00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:20,114
‎我說：“好，隨意，法語優先”

170
00:12:20,197 --> 00:12:22,241
‎我朋友們都說：“甚麼法語優先？”

171
00:12:22,324 --> 00:12:25,661
‎我說：“你們可以閉嘴嗎？
‎我知道自己在做甚麼”

172
00:12:25,745 --> 00:12:29,749
‎孩子們有作業不會寫
‎我就可以名正言順地袖手旁觀了”

173
00:12:38,257 --> 00:12:39,633
‎“去問她啊”

174
00:12:43,971 --> 00:12:46,432
‎孩子們現在變得流利了
‎於是我老婆…

175
00:12:46,515 --> 00:12:49,602
‎他們要上國中的時候，她就跟我說

176
00:12:49,685 --> 00:12:54,899
‎“好，孩子們都會講流利的法語了

177
00:12:54,982 --> 00:12:58,652
‎是時候讓他們上公立學校了”

178
00:12:59,278 --> 00:13:00,738
‎“妳能接受嗎？”

179
00:13:00,821 --> 00:13:05,451
‎我說：“當然可以
‎看看他們的成績單”

180
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:07,536
‎我隨隨便便也能考到C”

181
00:13:13,459 --> 00:13:17,338
‎“看著成績單
‎就知道他們資質平平”

182
00:13:19,965 --> 00:13:22,676
‎“應該很適合當抖音網紅”

183
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:24,637
‎“事實擺在眼前”

184
00:13:32,269 --> 00:13:36,398
‎但我們在決定前有到學校參觀一下

185
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,943
‎我們進去參觀

186
00:13:39,026 --> 00:13:42,154
‎學校掛起了彩虹旗

187
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,198
‎有跨性別旗

188
00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:48,452
‎全世界大家手牽手

189
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:51,080
‎我老婆看著就說：“噢！”

190
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:59,213
‎“挺好的，我很喜歡
‎學校很符合我們的理念…”

191
00:14:01,549 --> 00:14:05,302
‎“對孩子來說是一個不錯的環境”

192
00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:08,222
‎“寶貝，妳覺得呢？”

193
00:14:08,889 --> 00:14:11,517
‎我說：“首先…

194
00:14:12,476 --> 00:14:14,895
‎妳知道學校不能抽菸吧？”

195
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,988
‎“這是公共建築，妳抽甚麼菸？”

196
00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:28,158
‎再說：“妳居然會相信這些破玩意”

197
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:31,328
‎“學校知道我們會來
‎才掛起這些東西的”

198
00:14:32,121 --> 00:14:34,206
‎“彩虹旗下

199
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:37,376
‎肯定是一張支持川普
‎2024年競選的海報”

200
00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:44,425
‎結果我錯了

201
00:14:44,508 --> 00:14:47,887
‎學校的宗旨就是包容

202
00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:55,436
‎它打動到我

203
00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:58,772
‎因為我覺得說

204
00:14:58,856 --> 00:15:00,941
‎“要是我小時候就有這些包容的環境

205
00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:04,528
‎我的人生會有怎麼樣的轉變？”

206
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:07,364
‎假如能入讀這樣的學校

207
00:15:07,448 --> 00:15:09,408
‎我心想：“天啊

208
00:15:09,491 --> 00:15:13,370
‎我這輩子就少見幾根雞巴了

209
00:15:20,127 --> 00:15:22,755
‎我不需要雞巴！

210
00:15:24,381 --> 00:15:25,883
‎老娘不愛雞巴

211
00:15:26,634 --> 00:15:29,136
‎那是嘉蘿的雞巴，與老娘無關

212
00:15:37,186 --> 00:15:39,688
‎因為我早就知道自己是同性戀

213
00:15:39,772 --> 00:15:42,024
‎我在國小三年級就知道了

214
00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:47,196
‎我還記得當年暗戀哥哥女友的妹妹

215
00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:49,949
‎她比我年長，我記得自己跟她說

216
00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:55,287
‎“我希望自己是男生
‎再請妳當我的女友”

217
00:15:55,829 --> 00:15:57,247
‎挺可愛的，是吧？

218
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,667
‎那臭婊子把我拒絕了

219
00:16:00,167 --> 00:16:01,335
‎天啊

220
00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:02,711
‎把我的心砸碎！

221
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:06,340
‎她說：“別這麼說，太噁心了”

222
00:16:06,423 --> 00:16:08,217
‎“好噁心，妳好噁心”

223
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:12,304
‎“妳不能喜歡女生，只能喜歡男生”

224
00:16:12,888 --> 00:16:15,224
‎我就默默說：“好…”

225
00:16:15,307 --> 00:16:17,685
‎“那我就把情感壓到心底

226
00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:21,438
‎“等到能賺錢看心理醫生再算”

227
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:25,901
‎“雞巴放馬過來吧”

228
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,537
‎即使如此，我也等了好久

229
00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:41,125
‎我到了大三才破處

230
00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:44,420
‎我那時也只想快快了事

231
00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:47,798
‎我找到一個超級矮的男生

232
00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:50,300
‎雙手超級小隻

233
00:16:52,594 --> 00:16:53,429
‎小手手

234
00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:02,021
‎因為我可不是想要完整體驗

235
00:17:05,107 --> 00:17:07,609
‎我淺嚐一點就夠了

236
00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:12,614
‎淺嚐一點

237
00:17:17,911 --> 00:17:21,707
‎他人挺好的
‎於是我就開始跟男生上床

238
00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:24,293
‎對我來說是沒甚麼特別

239
00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:26,378
‎但那些男人好像挺享受的

240
00:17:28,630 --> 00:17:31,550
‎但看到人家享受就算吧

241
00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:33,135
‎我畢竟是藝人嘛

242
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,023
‎我會給你上演一場好戲

243
00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:50,944
‎但現在的孩子不一樣了

244
00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:55,240
‎我女兒有一個朋友
‎同性戀的小男孩，叫賈斯汀

245
00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:57,367
‎我之前還跟老婆說

246
00:17:57,451 --> 00:18:00,746
‎“奧莉維雅遲早會問
‎賈斯汀能不能來我們家過夜”

247
00:18:00,829 --> 00:18:02,164
‎“妳有甚麼看法？”

248
00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:04,249
‎她說：“這個嘛…”

249
00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:12,800
‎“賈斯汀是挺好的
‎我也喜歡他的父母，所以嘛…”

250
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:15,761
‎“可以接受，妳呢？”

251
00:18:15,844 --> 00:18:18,263
‎我說：“嗯，我也可以接受”

252
00:18:18,347 --> 00:18:21,934
‎我說：“但賈斯汀來過夜的時候
‎我會跟他好好談一下”

253
00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:25,687
‎我會說：“賈斯汀
‎你今天進門的時候

254
00:18:25,771 --> 00:18:27,022
‎是同性戀”

255
00:18:34,363 --> 00:18:36,907
‎“明早最好還是一樣”

256
00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:41,245
‎“知道嗎？”

257
00:18:42,287 --> 00:18:45,499
‎“我不想在早上聽到甚麼奇怪的事情”

258
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:52,881
‎這些孩子都很懂

259
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:55,425
‎然後就想要倒退，是吧？

260
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:56,468
‎佛羅里達

261
00:18:56,552 --> 00:18:58,262
‎“不說同性戀”法案

262
00:18:58,345 --> 00:18:59,429
‎到底搞甚麼？對吧？

263
00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:03,559
‎田納西州，未成年不能去看變裝表演

264
00:19:04,101 --> 00:19:06,770
‎那最好是問題的成因吧

265
00:19:08,188 --> 00:19:11,692
‎我去過的變裝表演多不勝數

266
00:19:11,775 --> 00:19:16,446
‎場內沒有孩子，讓人生氣到極點了

267
00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:19,324
‎他們到底有甚麼毛病？

268
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:29,334
‎圖書館更阻止變裝皇后分享故事

269
00:19:29,418 --> 00:19:31,879
‎他們只是給孩子讀故事書
‎卻被迫暫停

270
00:19:31,962 --> 00:19:36,341
‎他們說：“男扮女裝會讓小孩子困惑”

271
00:19:36,842 --> 00:19:39,052
‎他們有沒有看過《芝麻街》呀？

272
00:19:41,513 --> 00:19:45,726
‎要是孩子能看懂史納菲

273
00:19:45,809 --> 00:19:47,811
‎看變裝皇后也沒甚麼大不了吧

274
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:56,195
‎德州

275
00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:59,114
‎德州還列出禁書清單了

276
00:19:59,198 --> 00:20:01,200
‎還說自己在保護孩子

277
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:03,869
‎要是想保護孩子

278
00:20:03,952 --> 00:20:06,705
‎那就全面禁槍呀
‎那才是殺死孩子的元兇吧？

279
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,665
‎與書無尤

280
00:20:20,219 --> 00:20:21,261
‎我是說…

281
00:20:21,345 --> 00:20:24,306
‎除非有變裝皇后走進學校

282
00:20:24,389 --> 00:20:28,685
‎用《梅岡城故事》謀殺八名孩子

283
00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:33,315
‎不然你禁書幹嘛？

284
00:20:41,865 --> 00:20:43,617
‎你這樣不是保護孩子

285
00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:47,120
‎你是在保護恐同的人，好嗎？

286
00:20:47,204 --> 00:20:49,790
‎恐跨的人也越來越多

287
00:20:49,873 --> 00:20:52,793
‎全國各地頒布幾百條法令

288
00:20:52,876 --> 00:20:56,088
‎似乎一提到洗手間

289
00:20:56,171 --> 00:20:59,800
‎人們極力反對跨女使用女廁

290
00:20:59,883 --> 00:21:05,013
‎我告訴大家，有上過女廁的話

291
00:21:05,597 --> 00:21:07,724
‎就知道裡面一點也不女性化

292
00:21:09,226 --> 00:21:12,187
‎隨便進一間女公廁，要是乾淨的話

293
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:15,274
‎那算妳走運了，趕緊去買彩票

294
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:22,114
‎我真不明白
‎上個廁所怎麼會搞得亂七八糟

295
00:21:22,656 --> 00:21:26,451
‎大家可以想像一個穿高根鞋

296
00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:29,663
‎穿禮服、戴頭飾的女士

297
00:21:29,746 --> 00:21:33,208
‎一旦越過女廁的門後，馬上…

298
00:21:48,682 --> 00:21:49,975
‎搞甚麼呀？

299
00:21:54,396 --> 00:21:57,149
‎按一下沖水會死嗎？女士們？

300
00:21:57,232 --> 00:21:59,443
‎沖一下嘛，拜託！

301
00:22:01,945 --> 00:22:06,742
‎而且廁所裡總有一扇門是半開的

302
00:22:08,910 --> 00:22:10,495
‎千萬不要進去

303
00:22:12,122 --> 00:22:14,124
‎裡面超級恐怖

304
00:22:17,502 --> 00:22:22,215
‎然後總會有一個女生
‎排隊的時候忍不住

305
00:22:23,759 --> 00:22:26,595
‎“小姐，那一間有人在用嗎？”

306
00:22:30,474 --> 00:22:31,892
‎“自便”

307
00:22:34,227 --> 00:22:37,105
‎“不要客氣，大偵探，請進”

308
00:22:40,734 --> 00:22:42,819
‎她說：“謝謝！”

309
00:22:49,201 --> 00:22:52,037
‎“要命啊！”

310
00:22:54,081 --> 00:22:55,457
‎白癡

311
00:22:59,586 --> 00:23:04,508
‎我進過一間廁所，裡面很乾淨

312
00:23:04,591 --> 00:23:08,011
‎只是地面上有一灘尿

313
00:23:08,595 --> 00:23:10,806
‎我心想：“這是怎麼回事？”

314
00:23:11,348 --> 00:23:13,600
‎想了一想，我知道了

315
00:23:13,683 --> 00:23:15,894
‎應該是失平衡吧

316
00:23:22,192 --> 00:23:24,403
‎大概是懸空坐在廁板上

317
00:23:24,486 --> 00:23:26,488
‎然後膝蓋不聽使了

318
00:23:28,073 --> 00:23:29,157
‎“該死！”

319
00:23:31,118 --> 00:23:32,619
‎"可惡”

320
00:23:33,954 --> 00:23:35,330
‎“我尿到鞋子上了”

321
00:23:36,164 --> 00:23:37,165
‎“媽的”

322
00:23:37,833 --> 00:23:39,459
‎“煩死了”

323
00:23:47,008 --> 00:23:49,970
‎有時候即使妳的懸空技術了得

324
00:23:50,053 --> 00:23:52,848
‎但身體過於複雜

325
00:23:52,931 --> 00:23:56,101
‎不知道是卡到毛，還是怎樣

326
00:23:56,184 --> 00:23:59,813
‎但有時候會分散成兩條水柱

327
00:23:59,896 --> 00:24:03,900
‎一條往大腿噴，一條往另一邊噴

328
00:24:03,984 --> 00:24:05,318
‎搞甚麼…

329
00:24:06,027 --> 00:24:09,239
‎而妳努力想把它們合成一條

330
00:24:10,699 --> 00:24:12,200
‎“快點”

331
00:24:12,284 --> 00:24:14,578
‎“聽話，來嘛”

332
00:24:14,661 --> 00:24:17,456
‎“該死的，真是…”

333
00:24:18,415 --> 00:24:19,624
‎“好，快…”

334
00:24:20,250 --> 00:24:21,543
‎“好，快點”

335
00:24:22,586 --> 00:24:24,921
‎尿得像蠍子一樣，超麻煩

336
00:24:26,339 --> 00:24:29,384
‎“媽的，都尿進屁眼了”

337
00:24:29,468 --> 00:24:30,802
‎“太不對了”

338
00:24:37,684 --> 00:24:41,021
‎然後到妳放棄懸空，改用廁板墊

339
00:24:41,730 --> 00:24:44,232
‎進到廁所，把廁板墊放在上面

340
00:24:44,316 --> 00:24:45,775
‎結果一轉身…

341
00:24:46,860 --> 00:24:50,155
‎馬桶就自動沖手
‎順道把妳的廁板墊沖走了

342
00:24:54,951 --> 00:24:57,913
‎最後就覺得說
‎“媽的，直接尿地板算了”

343
00:25:03,793 --> 00:25:08,465
‎所以我一點也不介意跨女進女廁

344
00:25:08,548 --> 00:25:09,674
‎請自便

345
00:25:09,758 --> 00:25:12,594
‎也許妳們能讓女廁變得更美好

346
00:25:13,386 --> 00:25:16,389
‎像是說：“女士們，別這樣！”

347
00:25:16,932 --> 00:25:18,934
‎“加把勁，改善風氣”

348
00:25:19,017 --> 00:25:21,645
‎“即將有新成員要加入，別亂七八糟”

349
00:25:26,608 --> 00:25:30,654
‎我兒子路卡斯一直求我給他養蛇

350
00:25:30,737 --> 00:25:34,533
‎對，他求了我好幾年了

351
00:25:34,616 --> 00:25:37,494
‎“媽咪，我可以養蛇嗎？”

352
00:25:37,577 --> 00:25:41,164
‎對，他們至今還叫我“媽咪”
‎種族歧視嘛

353
00:25:46,670 --> 00:25:49,422
‎我每次都說
‎“路卡斯，你不能養蛇”

354
00:25:49,506 --> 00:25:52,801
‎每年聖誕節和生日
‎他也問：“媽咪，可以養蛇嗎？”

355
00:25:52,884 --> 00:25:56,555
‎我後來理智線斷掉說
‎“路卡斯，你不准養蛇！”

356
00:25:56,638 --> 00:25:57,889
‎他問我：“為甚麼？”

357
00:25:57,973 --> 00:26:00,642
‎我說：“因為我不容許你
‎變得這麼‘白’癡”

358
00:26:03,228 --> 00:26:05,063
‎我還要跟他解釋

359
00:26:05,146 --> 00:26:08,942
‎我說：“兒子，你媽媽我是黑人”

360
00:26:09,025 --> 00:26:11,736
‎“黑人女性是不會容忍這種蠢事的”

361
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:14,322
‎“蠢事讓我們心癢難耐”

362
00:26:15,031 --> 00:26:18,827
‎“買蛇回家養？把牠當成寵物？”

363
00:26:18,910 --> 00:26:20,161
‎“蠢死了”

364
00:26:20,662 --> 00:26:23,582
‎“蠢死了，知道還有甚麼不能做嗎？”

365
00:26:23,665 --> 00:26:25,875
‎“極限運動，你想都別想”

366
00:26:25,959 --> 00:26:29,546
‎“我不會買腳踏車給你飛到半空去”

367
00:26:29,629 --> 00:26:33,425
‎“腳踏車應該要在地上騎啊
‎你想都別想”

368
00:26:36,761 --> 00:26:37,596
‎然後他說

369
00:26:38,722 --> 00:26:42,350
‎“所以妳冷天不讓我穿短褲嗎？”

370
00:26:42,434 --> 00:26:45,437
‎“沒錯了，拉夏，正確”

371
00:26:50,025 --> 00:26:53,820
‎他說：“拉夏？”
‎我說：“沒事，你之後會懂”

372
00:26:55,697 --> 00:27:00,035
‎封城期間挺煎熬的

373
00:27:00,118 --> 00:27:03,955
‎因為所有種族問題都浮現了

374
00:27:04,039 --> 00:27:08,585
‎喬治佛洛伊德被警員暴力執法
‎布倫娜泰勒之死、艾哈邁德槍擊案

375
00:27:08,668 --> 00:27:10,712
‎全國陷於亂局

376
00:27:10,795 --> 00:27:13,089
‎而我只能和一堆白人待在家裡

377
00:27:15,759 --> 00:27:18,053
‎艾哈邁德槍擊案簡直讓我快坐不住了

378
00:27:18,136 --> 00:27:19,721
‎真的慘絕人寰

379
00:27:19,804 --> 00:27:23,516
‎於是我走到屋外，站在燒烤爐旁邊

380
00:27:23,600 --> 00:27:26,144
‎悶悶不樂，喝著悶酒

381
00:27:26,227 --> 00:27:28,647
‎穿著“我的命也是命”的T恤

382
00:27:41,493 --> 00:27:44,829
‎然後我太太出來對我說

383
00:27:45,955 --> 00:27:47,040
‎“寶貝”

384
00:27:50,794 --> 00:27:54,923
‎“我知道妳很難過…”

385
00:27:56,466 --> 00:28:02,389
‎“因為那些種族歧視的事…”

386
00:28:05,517 --> 00:28:09,938
‎“是很遺憾…”

387
00:28:10,647 --> 00:28:12,357
‎“那個…”

388
00:28:13,024 --> 00:28:14,359
‎“就那個…”

389
00:28:15,527 --> 00:28:17,529
‎“種族歧視的事”

390
00:28:18,488 --> 00:28:21,491
‎“但孩子們…”

391
00:28:21,574 --> 00:28:23,993
‎“有點擔心妳”

392
00:28:24,077 --> 00:28:27,122
‎“他們問說
‎‘媽咪怎麼悶悶不樂？’”

393
00:28:27,664 --> 00:28:32,085
‎“不如妳去跟他們說說…”

394
00:28:34,337 --> 00:28:35,630
‎“那個…”

395
00:28:36,756 --> 00:28:38,299
‎“種族歧視的問題”

396
00:28:39,759 --> 00:28:40,885
‎我看著她，然後說

397
00:28:40,969 --> 00:28:44,973
‎“雅麗，妳怎麼不去
‎跟他們談種族歧視？”

398
00:28:45,056 --> 00:28:48,601
‎“我沒辦法解釋在我身上發生的事情”

399
00:28:48,685 --> 00:28:51,438
‎“我解釋不了
‎妳怎麼不去跟他們談？”

400
00:28:51,521 --> 00:28:54,315
‎“不如直接跟他們談談白人的優越感

401
00:28:54,399 --> 00:28:57,444
‎確保我們的孩子
‎不會變成那種白人至上的混帳？”

402
00:28:57,527 --> 00:28:59,320
‎“妳去講好不好？”

403
00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:23,178
‎“我可以做些可麗餅給妳吃”

404
00:29:28,641 --> 00:29:30,018
‎她會做可麗餅

405
00:29:31,519 --> 00:29:33,229
‎而且好吃到爆

406
00:29:36,691 --> 00:29:38,276
‎我其實可以理解

407
00:29:39,486 --> 00:29:40,820
‎我理解

408
00:29:40,904 --> 00:29:43,531
‎因為這不是一個輕鬆的話題，對吧？

409
00:29:43,615 --> 00:29:46,451
‎我也不想跟她解釋太多

410
00:29:46,534 --> 00:29:50,079
‎於是我心想
‎“還是直接示範給她看吧”

411
00:29:50,163 --> 00:29:53,333
‎那天我們要到銀行遞交文件

412
00:29:53,416 --> 00:29:56,169
‎我太太在開車，我坐在車上

413
00:29:56,252 --> 00:29:57,545
‎我們停在銀行旁邊

414
00:29:58,671 --> 00:30:01,591
‎我留意到停車場沒有幾輛車

415
00:30:01,674 --> 00:30:05,345
‎銀行裡面也沒甚麼動靜

416
00:30:05,845 --> 00:30:10,683
‎她說：“對，快去，把文件交過去

417
00:30:10,767 --> 00:30:13,144
‎放下就可以走了”

418
00:30:13,645 --> 00:30:17,023
‎我看過去說：“妳確定銀行有開？”

419
00:30:19,025 --> 00:30:20,652
‎“應該吧”

420
00:30:21,444 --> 00:30:23,446
‎“妳就過去…”

421
00:30:30,870 --> 00:30:33,540
‎“我才不要到銀行前面…”

422
00:30:37,669 --> 00:30:38,795
‎“為甚麼？”

423
00:30:38,878 --> 00:30:41,339
‎“因為黑人不能走到銀行前這樣”

424
00:30:44,259 --> 00:30:47,220
‎“知道為甚麼嗎？因為會有人報警說

425
00:30:47,303 --> 00:30:50,431
‎‘喂，有個黑人女人想闖進銀行’”

426
00:30:50,932 --> 00:30:52,934
‎“‘長得好像旺達塞克絲’”

427
00:30:59,607 --> 00:31:03,278
‎她完全不理解，還以為我在開玩笑

428
00:31:03,361 --> 00:31:07,657
‎但我可以理解
‎因為她愛做甚麼就做甚麼

429
00:31:07,740 --> 00:31:10,702
‎我們之前在法國的時候
‎要到商店買東西

430
00:31:11,202 --> 00:31:15,748
‎我們準備過馬路的時候
‎老闆正在關門

431
00:31:15,832 --> 00:31:17,250
‎我說：“寶貝，我們來晚了”

432
00:31:17,333 --> 00:31:19,168
‎她說：“沒有呀”

433
00:31:19,252 --> 00:31:20,920
‎她跑過去…

434
00:31:35,977 --> 00:31:37,729
‎我馬上掉頭

435
00:31:38,479 --> 00:31:39,772
‎回家去

436
00:31:40,899 --> 00:31:42,567
‎直接回去美國

437
00:31:45,737 --> 00:31:47,739
‎她就是這樣子

438
00:31:54,037 --> 00:31:57,081
‎後來有發生了一些讓她生氣的事

439
00:31:57,582 --> 00:32:01,878
‎我們在封城期間站在後院

440
00:32:01,961 --> 00:32:05,423
‎我們家旁邊蓋了三間大宅

441
00:32:05,506 --> 00:32:07,091
‎我太太就站在外面

442
00:32:07,175 --> 00:32:09,344
‎看著那些大宅說…

443
00:32:12,764 --> 00:32:14,599
‎“寶貝，我覺得…”

444
00:32:14,682 --> 00:32:18,561
‎“那個窗戶不太行

445
00:32:18,645 --> 00:32:23,274
‎他們可以直接看過去
‎我們主卧的浴室”

446
00:32:23,358 --> 00:32:25,360
‎“我不喜歡那個窗戶”

447
00:32:25,902 --> 00:32:29,072
‎我說：“寶貝，我們家有窗簾，不怕”

448
00:32:29,155 --> 00:32:31,157
‎“關窗簾就好了，沒關係”

449
00:32:35,119 --> 00:32:36,329
‎每當她發出那種…

450
00:32:38,206 --> 00:32:39,999
‎噢，肯定沒完沒了

451
00:32:40,625 --> 00:32:42,126
‎她不會輕易罷休

452
00:32:42,919 --> 00:32:44,045
‎知道嗎？

453
00:32:44,128 --> 00:32:45,213
‎她也確實沒有

454
00:32:45,296 --> 00:32:48,800
‎幾天後，我在家裡
‎手機響起，雅麗打過來

455
00:32:48,883 --> 00:32:51,094
‎我心想：“她明明在家
‎幹嘛打給我？”

456
00:32:51,719 --> 00:32:53,763
‎我接起來說：“寶貝，妳還好嗎？”

457
00:32:53,846 --> 00:32:59,143
‎“沒事，妳可以到主卧的浴室
‎往窗外看嗎？”

458
00:32:59,227 --> 00:33:00,937
‎於是我上樓

459
00:33:01,896 --> 00:33:03,272
‎打開窗簾

460
00:33:03,773 --> 00:33:08,319
‎她就在那間施工中的大宅

461
00:33:08,403 --> 00:33:11,239
‎她在那邊的窗口
‎我說：“妳在幹嘛？”

462
00:33:11,322 --> 00:33:12,240
‎她還向我揮手

463
00:33:16,494 --> 00:33:18,496
‎“我看得到妳喔！”

464
00:33:18,997 --> 00:33:20,081
‎“看得到我嗎？”

465
00:33:20,164 --> 00:33:22,208
‎我說：“趕快出來！”

466
00:33:22,792 --> 00:33:26,004
‎“我只是想要看看
‎我就說這個窗戶不行嘛”

467
00:33:26,087 --> 00:33:27,755
‎“趕緊出來！”

468
00:33:29,090 --> 00:33:30,925
‎“好…”

469
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:39,350
‎於是她回到家，我快氣死了

470
00:33:39,434 --> 00:33:43,563
‎她還說：“妳氣甚麼？”
‎我說：“妳知道妳幹了甚麼嗎？”

471
00:33:43,646 --> 00:33:46,566
‎“妳跟艾哈邁德阿伯里沒兩樣”

472
00:33:46,649 --> 00:33:50,194
‎“他只是一時八卦
‎進了施工中的房子看看”

473
00:33:50,278 --> 00:33:52,488
‎“可是他離開的時候，卻被人追著跑

474
00:33:52,572 --> 00:33:54,657
‎並在大街上把他槍殺了”

475
00:33:55,241 --> 00:33:58,161
‎“要是妳在房子裡被看到
‎他們只會追上前

476
00:33:58,244 --> 00:34:01,080
‎問妳想不想要見另外兩位模特兒”

477
00:34:09,547 --> 00:34:10,840
‎她懂了

478
00:34:10,923 --> 00:34:12,300
‎她當時懂了

479
00:34:12,383 --> 00:34:14,385
‎她說：“天啊”

480
00:34:14,969 --> 00:34:17,138
‎對，她嚇得連口音都忘得裝

481
00:34:18,723 --> 00:34:20,475
‎把菸滅了

482
00:34:22,477 --> 00:34:25,063
‎打了嘉蘿一拳，我說：“帥！”

483
00:34:27,190 --> 00:34:30,276
‎她終於懂了

484
00:34:30,359 --> 00:34:34,322
‎她明白那是白人的特權

485
00:34:34,405 --> 00:34:39,494
‎她能做一些我不能做的事情
‎不用承擔後果

486
00:34:40,161 --> 00:34:42,747
‎黑人不能標奇立異

487
00:34:43,539 --> 00:34:46,751
‎沒錯，我們要符合刻板印象

488
00:34:46,834 --> 00:34:49,212
‎我們不符合刻板印象的話
‎會把其他人嚇到

489
00:34:49,754 --> 00:34:53,591
‎黑人女歌手麗珠會吹笛子的話
‎大家肯定會大吃一驚

490
00:34:58,096 --> 00:35:00,890
‎“你知道麗珠會吹笛子嗎？”

491
00:35:01,474 --> 00:35:03,768
‎“真的假的？”
‎“對，貨真價實的笛子！”

492
00:35:04,602 --> 00:35:08,856
‎“她甚至不是用屁眼去吹
‎而是直接用口吹”

493
00:35:09,607 --> 00:35:11,150
‎“像正常人一樣”

494
00:35:14,487 --> 00:35:15,947
‎不能標奇立異

495
00:35:16,030 --> 00:35:17,698
‎例如說伊萊夏麥昆

496
00:35:18,241 --> 00:35:21,619
‎伊萊夏麥昆，來自奧羅拉的年輕黑人

497
00:35:21,702 --> 00:35:24,831
‎天氣很冷，他回家路上穿著外套

498
00:35:24,914 --> 00:35:28,042
‎邊走路邊聽音樂

499
00:35:28,126 --> 00:35:30,670
‎揮著手，聽音樂

500
00:35:30,753 --> 00:35:32,338
‎回家路上，沒有八卦

501
00:35:32,421 --> 00:35:34,340
‎結果有人報警說

502
00:35:34,423 --> 00:35:37,426
‎“嘿，外面有一個奇怪的黑人”

503
00:35:37,510 --> 00:35:38,928
‎“看起來很可疑”

504
00:35:39,011 --> 00:35:40,388
‎警察到場

505
00:35:40,471 --> 00:35:44,016
‎就質問他，伊萊夏說：“我不是壞人”

506
00:35:44,100 --> 00:35:46,561
‎“我只是比較內向，不是壞人”

507
00:35:46,644 --> 00:35:50,481
‎警察以為他吸了毒
‎於是叫來了醫護人員

508
00:35:50,565 --> 00:35:54,360
‎醫護人員按壓住他
‎替他注射氯胺酮，結果害死了他

509
00:35:55,069 --> 00:35:57,196
‎對，這就是標奇立異的下場

510
00:35:57,280 --> 00:35:59,282
‎警察還想要洗白說

511
00:35:59,365 --> 00:36:03,578
‎“天氣很冷
‎他只穿著一件薄薄的外套”

512
00:36:03,661 --> 00:36:07,290
‎綠灣包裝工的球員呢？

513
00:36:07,373 --> 00:36:10,751
‎在雪地外不穿衣服

514
00:36:10,835 --> 00:36:13,421
‎頭上還戴著一塊起司外形的發泡膠

515
00:36:13,504 --> 00:36:15,173
‎超古怪的

516
00:36:18,384 --> 00:36:20,553
‎白人經常做標奇立異的事情

517
00:36:20,636 --> 00:36:23,389
‎文藝復興展，那是甚麼鬼？

518
00:36:28,686 --> 00:36:29,812
‎我實在搞不懂

519
00:36:32,523 --> 00:36:34,734
‎知道還有甚麼很奇怪嗎？

520
00:36:34,817 --> 00:36:37,320
‎那個該死的巫師

521
00:36:37,403 --> 00:36:40,031
‎1月6日，被釋放的那個巫師

522
00:36:40,114 --> 00:36:43,284
‎半人半馬，那是甚麼鬼？

523
00:36:43,367 --> 00:36:47,997
‎臉都畫成白色和藍色

524
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:52,919
‎穿起旗幟，帽子上還配有號角

525
00:36:53,419 --> 00:36:56,172
‎怎麼沒有人報警抓他？

526
00:36:56,255 --> 00:36:59,508
‎“嘿，有一個奇怪的混帳
‎馬上要離開家了”

527
00:37:00,551 --> 00:37:02,178
‎“太狂了”

528
00:37:02,261 --> 00:37:04,263
‎怎麼沒有報警抓他？

529
00:37:05,139 --> 00:37:06,807
‎他根本不該出現在華盛頓

530
00:37:06,891 --> 00:37:09,810
‎應該看見他出門就當場射殺

531
00:37:10,478 --> 00:37:12,605
‎幫他做好標記，把他放進動物園

532
00:37:18,527 --> 00:37:19,904
‎真是的

533
00:37:19,987 --> 00:37:22,865
‎1月6日，真扯

534
00:37:22,949 --> 00:37:27,286
‎那完全是白人特權的縮影

535
00:37:27,370 --> 00:37:29,747
‎完全是典型的白人特權

536
00:37:30,581 --> 00:37:32,124
‎1月6日…

537
00:37:33,834 --> 00:37:35,670
‎真是前所未見

538
00:37:35,753 --> 00:37:37,755
‎黑人看著1月6日發生的事心想

539
00:37:37,838 --> 00:37:41,175
‎“那是在演《黑豹》？”

540
00:37:43,219 --> 00:37:46,722
‎他們會爬上牆

541
00:37:46,806 --> 00:37:49,934
‎爬上國會大廈的牆

542
00:37:50,017 --> 00:37:52,979
‎看起來就像殭屍群

543
00:37:53,062 --> 00:37:55,189
‎像殭屍群一樣

544
00:37:55,273 --> 00:37:58,526
‎像被咬過一樣

545
00:37:58,609 --> 00:38:01,821
‎通通都被朱利安尼咬過，受到感染

546
00:38:04,323 --> 00:38:07,326
‎瘋狂的眼神

547
00:38:07,410 --> 00:38:09,662
‎“南西！”

548
00:38:10,288 --> 00:38:12,915
‎“南西！”

549
00:38:13,416 --> 00:38:16,335
‎臉旁有染髮劑流下來

550
00:38:16,419 --> 00:38:19,797
‎“南西！”

551
00:38:25,803 --> 00:38:28,848
‎大家知道1月6號有甚麼不妥嗎？

552
00:38:28,931 --> 00:38:30,850
‎看看我們的國會議員

553
00:38:30,933 --> 00:38:32,184
‎全部都很老

554
00:38:32,893 --> 00:38:35,521
‎你不能這樣子嚇老人家

555
00:38:36,480 --> 00:38:38,941
‎他們害老人家都躲起來了

556
00:38:39,775 --> 00:38:41,777
‎你知道那是多辛苦的事嗎？

557
00:38:41,861 --> 00:38:45,865
‎我記得自己50歲那年
‎跟孩子們玩躲貓貓

558
00:38:45,948 --> 00:38:48,617
‎我躲在咖啡桌下

559
00:38:48,701 --> 00:38:51,203
‎躲了一會就開始覺得全身痠痛

560
00:38:51,287 --> 00:38:52,788
‎開始發出聲音

561
00:38:52,872 --> 00:38:54,874
‎“嘿，我在這裡！”

562
00:38:55,875 --> 00:38:57,209
‎“快來找我！”

563
00:39:00,254 --> 00:39:02,465
‎我不想繼續玩了

564
00:39:03,549 --> 00:39:06,927
‎你總不能叫一個
‎八、九十歲的老人躲起來

565
00:39:08,054 --> 00:39:09,972
‎“快點，老頭，趕緊躲起來！”

566
00:39:12,099 --> 00:39:13,142
‎“甚麼？”

567
00:39:14,685 --> 00:39:16,062
‎“你說甚麼？”

568
00:39:17,646 --> 00:39:19,231
‎“要躲起來？”

569
00:39:22,026 --> 00:39:24,737
‎直接躲在米奇麥康諾的下巴就差不多

570
00:39:26,238 --> 00:39:28,240
‎肯定找不著他們

571
00:39:44,173 --> 00:39:49,220
‎肯定會有些民主黨的人
‎不滿我嘲笑米奇麥康諾

572
00:39:49,303 --> 00:39:50,137
‎對

573
00:39:50,221 --> 00:39:52,431
‎應該是柯瑞布克之類

574
00:39:52,515 --> 00:39:54,642
‎在IG上發文反擊

575
00:39:54,725 --> 00:39:59,647
‎“嘲笑別人不能令社會進步”

576
00:40:03,776 --> 00:40:05,194
‎煩死了

577
00:40:06,070 --> 00:40:11,951
‎這種事情很常見
‎別人卑劣，我清高，對吧？

578
00:40:12,034 --> 00:40:13,577
‎太扯了，真是受夠了

579
00:40:13,661 --> 00:40:14,954
‎我受夠裝作清高了

580
00:40:15,454 --> 00:40:17,623
‎我也想卑劣一下，好好大鬧一番！

581
00:40:20,835 --> 00:40:23,712
‎因為當民主黨超級累

582
00:40:23,796 --> 00:40:28,092
‎難受極了…就像每天都被人扯內褲

583
00:40:28,926 --> 00:40:30,469
‎只能吞聲忍氣！

584
00:40:32,138 --> 00:40:33,556
‎因為他們會胡扯一堆

585
00:40:33,639 --> 00:40:38,602
‎我們為何要被現實和真相束縛

586
00:40:39,770 --> 00:40:42,356
‎他們顯然是活於另一個宇宙的

587
00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:44,442
‎胡扯一堆

588
00:40:45,317 --> 00:40:48,320
‎政治跟娛樂沒兩樣

589
00:40:48,404 --> 00:40:50,281
‎尤其是共和黨那邊

590
00:40:50,364 --> 00:40:53,868
‎他們就只會搞笑，大家懂嗎？

591
00:40:53,951 --> 00:40:57,288
‎民主黨就像公共電視網

592
00:40:57,788 --> 00:41:00,332
‎而共和黨就是旅遊生活頻道

593
00:41:03,043 --> 00:41:07,047
‎天啊，我不介意整天看旅遊生活頻道

594
00:41:07,131 --> 00:41:08,757
‎挺好看的

595
00:41:08,841 --> 00:41:10,801
‎你會看甚麼？

596
00:41:10,885 --> 00:41:12,344
‎公共電視網的《新聞時刻》

597
00:41:12,428 --> 00:41:14,430
‎還是《戰痘醫師》

598
00:41:17,725 --> 00:41:20,686
‎《前線》抑或《性愛送我掛急》

599
00:41:22,646 --> 00:41:26,150
‎《傑作劇場》抑或《到美國結婚去》

600
00:41:33,449 --> 00:41:37,161
‎連民主黨也會讓自己不好受

601
00:41:37,661 --> 00:41:39,830
‎以柯爾絲滕席納瑪為例

602
00:41:39,914 --> 00:41:43,042
‎換黨派，現在是獨立黨了

603
00:41:43,125 --> 00:41:45,920
‎她出席某個論壇的時候

604
00:41:46,003 --> 00:41:49,632
‎說到眾議院和參議院的分別

605
00:41:49,715 --> 00:41:53,928
‎她說參議院
‎必須把民眾的請求拒諸門外

606
00:41:54,011 --> 00:41:58,933
‎因為你不能這樣寵一個孩子

607
00:41:59,016 --> 00:42:01,769
‎對，那是狗屁，她根本不該參選

608
00:42:01,852 --> 00:42:05,272
‎她把選民看成孩子，太扯了

609
00:42:05,356 --> 00:42:08,025
‎要求稅改

610
00:42:08,108 --> 00:42:11,278
‎讓億萬富豪如常繳稅

611
00:42:11,362 --> 00:42:13,489
‎不算是幼稚吧？

612
00:42:13,572 --> 00:42:16,242
‎而孩子的要求千奇百怪

613
00:42:17,243 --> 00:42:19,119
‎你知道孩子問過我要甚麼嗎？

614
00:42:19,203 --> 00:42:23,123
‎他們問我可否在睡前吃早餐

615
00:42:23,207 --> 00:42:24,708
‎讓他們早上多睡一會

616
00:42:41,308 --> 00:42:44,395
‎我告訴大家，政治的事
‎真的不要去管

617
00:42:44,478 --> 00:42:47,898
‎政治危害心理健康，真的

618
00:42:47,982 --> 00:42:49,608
‎對，沒錯

619
00:42:50,859 --> 00:42:53,237
‎我也不管那麼多了
‎我曾經被政治搞得很不高興

620
00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:55,656
‎你知道我會被甚麼惹怒嗎？

621
00:42:55,739 --> 00:42:56,824
‎川普的紅帽子

622
00:42:57,408 --> 00:42:58,951
‎去他的聖誕老人！

623
00:43:01,245 --> 00:43:03,706
‎我一看到紅帽子
‎就會很自然地握拳

624
00:43:03,789 --> 00:43:06,250
‎我甚至不知道自己握拳了

625
00:43:06,333 --> 00:43:10,879
‎我是有天吃早午餐時發現的
‎那時背後有人叫我說：“嘿，旺達！”

626
00:43:10,963 --> 00:43:13,882
‎我轉頭一看，他戴著紅帽子

627
00:43:13,966 --> 00:43:15,342
‎我就說：“怎樣！”

628
00:43:16,260 --> 00:43:20,431
‎他說：“對不起
‎我是《人生如戲》的粉絲，抱歉”

629
00:43:20,514 --> 00:43:23,017
‎我說：“好，謝了”

630
00:43:23,100 --> 00:43:24,893
‎然後我就很內疚

631
00:43:24,977 --> 00:43:27,730
‎於是我就想過去找他談談

632
00:43:27,813 --> 00:43:29,565
‎他引起我的關注了

633
00:43:29,648 --> 00:43:32,151
‎我走過去，看到紅帽子

634
00:43:32,234 --> 00:43:34,528
‎他看到我過來也開始轉頭

635
00:43:34,612 --> 00:43:39,491
‎然後我看到帽子上的白字
‎心想：“噢，這個混帳”

636
00:43:39,575 --> 00:43:40,826
‎我握緊拳頭

637
00:43:40,909 --> 00:43:43,203
‎我靠近，他轉身

638
00:43:43,287 --> 00:43:45,623
‎帽子上寫著“願望成真基金”

639
00:43:55,090 --> 00:44:00,387
‎我就說：“小兄弟
‎要來張合照，幫你簽個名嗎？”

640
00:44:00,471 --> 00:44:02,973
‎“幫你打飛機好不好？
‎我專門搞笑的！”

641
00:44:09,897 --> 00:44:11,857
‎這個國家四分五裂

642
00:44:11,940 --> 00:44:13,942
‎充斥著恐懼

643
00:44:14,026 --> 00:44:16,195
‎所以才會有那麼多紅州

644
00:44:16,278 --> 00:44:21,450
‎他們要禁止學校
‎教育任何批判性種族理論

645
00:44:21,533 --> 00:44:24,203
‎德桑蒂斯、瑪喬麗泰勒葛林

646
00:44:24,286 --> 00:44:29,625
‎對，他們說那等同於教導白人孩子
‎以白人為恥辱

647
00:44:30,542 --> 00:44:31,960
‎胡說八道

648
00:44:32,044 --> 00:44:33,837
‎因為很多白人孩子

649
00:44:33,921 --> 00:44:38,050
‎以祖父母為傲
‎因為他們曾與馬丁路德金同行

650
00:44:38,133 --> 00:44:41,011
‎與自由乘車者一起抗爭

651
00:44:41,095 --> 00:44:42,888
‎他們冒上性命危險

652
00:44:42,971 --> 00:44:47,059
‎我們在賓州，怎麼可以不提貴格會？

653
00:44:47,142 --> 00:44:51,939
‎貴格會是廢奴主義
‎曾幫助社運家哈莉特塔布曼

654
00:44:52,022 --> 00:44:55,901
‎他們會窩藏黑奴，拜託

655
00:44:55,984 --> 00:44:59,113
‎而且貴格燕麥很好吃啊

656
00:45:10,249 --> 00:45:14,962
‎德桑蒂斯和瑪喬麗泰勒葛林這樣的人

657
00:45:15,045 --> 00:45:18,048
‎還有維吉尼亞州的格連楊金

658
00:45:18,132 --> 00:45:20,509
‎他們應該不會太擔心

659
00:45:20,592 --> 00:45:24,513
‎批判性種族理論
‎會令白人孩子覺得羞愧

660
00:45:25,055 --> 00:45:29,101
‎只會令孩子們以他們為恥辱

661
00:45:36,024 --> 00:45:41,405
‎白人至上的社會讓人沒辦法團結

662
00:45:41,488 --> 00:45:48,162
‎這是…美國
‎我們要面對歷史和過往的各種破事

663
00:45:48,245 --> 00:45:51,039
‎這樣社會才會進步，此時此刻

664
00:45:51,123 --> 00:45:53,792
‎美國就像一部恐怖片

665
00:45:54,585 --> 00:45:58,172
‎對，就像《是誰搞的鬼》

666
00:45:58,964 --> 00:46:03,385
‎不過是四百年來不斷重覆

667
00:46:03,469 --> 00:46:04,303
‎對吧？

668
00:46:04,386 --> 00:46:08,640
‎美國就像那個營地，走在路上…

669
00:46:09,892 --> 00:46:11,185
‎“哈囉？”

670
00:46:12,436 --> 00:46:15,230
‎“有人嗎？”

671
00:46:15,939 --> 00:46:17,983
‎然後索償魔人突然衝出來

672
00:46:20,652 --> 00:46:22,488
‎“哈囉，嘉雲！”

673
00:46:23,071 --> 00:46:24,364
‎“布萊德”

674
00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:33,624
‎索償

675
00:46:33,707 --> 00:46:37,461
‎每當有人提到戰爭賠償

676
00:46:37,544 --> 00:46:41,048
‎也會有人反對，而論據就是說

677
00:46:41,131 --> 00:46:46,053
‎“我為何要賠償一些與我無關的事？”

678
00:46:46,136 --> 00:46:49,431
‎好，你們有些人有信託基金

679
00:46:49,932 --> 00:46:51,600
‎也不是你賺來的

680
00:46:52,434 --> 00:46:55,771
‎有些人家裡有屋、有家業
‎也不是你建立而來的

681
00:46:55,854 --> 00:47:00,776
‎但還是會一代一代繼承下去，對吧？

682
00:47:00,859 --> 00:47:02,861
‎曾曾祖父留給你的東西

683
00:47:02,945 --> 00:47:04,404
‎你還是要了

684
00:47:05,447 --> 00:47:09,284
‎就把這些賠償
‎當作是你繼承到的東西之一吧

685
00:47:12,913 --> 00:47:14,540
‎隨遺產附送

686
00:47:19,336 --> 00:47:22,214
‎說到白人至上主義者最怕的事情

687
00:47:22,297 --> 00:47:24,299
‎他們知道終有一天

688
00:47:24,383 --> 00:47:26,134
‎他們會成為社會上的少數

689
00:47:26,677 --> 00:47:30,097
‎那是挺可怕的
‎因為他們見識過當少數的慘況

690
00:47:30,639 --> 00:47:32,766
‎大家都看過影片

691
00:47:33,892 --> 00:47:37,563
‎他們怕我們會還治其人之身

692
00:47:37,646 --> 00:47:39,565
‎太荒謬了

693
00:47:39,648 --> 00:47:41,984
‎因為黑人不會有這種想法

694
00:47:42,067 --> 00:47:44,319
‎我們不會整天想著報復

695
00:47:44,403 --> 00:47:46,280
‎我們要怎麼折磨他們

696
00:47:46,363 --> 00:47:47,197
‎不會！

697
00:47:47,281 --> 00:47:50,492
‎至少上次開會，我們沒有要折磨人

698
00:47:59,001 --> 00:48:03,171
‎黑人已經不斷努力證明自己

699
00:48:03,255 --> 00:48:05,257
‎看看以馬內利非裔衛理公會教堂

700
00:48:05,799 --> 00:48:09,636
‎那些黑人在教堂裡被槍斃

701
00:48:09,720 --> 00:48:11,430
‎而且是在讀經期間

702
00:48:11,513 --> 00:48:14,224
‎然後呢？事發後幾個小時

703
00:48:14,308 --> 00:48:18,520
‎受害者家屬在法庭上
‎對那白人至上主義者說

704
00:48:18,604 --> 00:48:19,938
‎寬恕他

705
00:48:20,022 --> 00:48:22,274
‎“我們寬恕你”

706
00:48:22,858 --> 00:48:26,778
‎有些人可能會說
‎“旺達，並非全部都這麼寬宏大量”

707
00:48:26,862 --> 00:48:30,824
‎“殺死傑佛瑞達默那個女人呢？”

708
00:48:30,908 --> 00:48:33,452
‎是，我記得

709
00:48:33,535 --> 00:48:35,537
‎“我恨妳，傑佛瑞！”我記得

710
00:48:35,621 --> 00:48:37,664
‎但拜託，達默吃了她的親哥哥！

711
00:48:46,298 --> 00:48:48,884
‎黑人不會有報復的心，說真的

712
00:48:49,843 --> 00:48:51,470
‎況且，老實說

713
00:48:51,553 --> 00:48:56,016
‎白人絕對是地球上最差勁的奴隸

714
00:49:01,146 --> 00:49:04,483
‎“我今天腕隧道作痛”

715
00:49:05,442 --> 00:49:08,362
‎“我應該不能…”

716
00:49:09,446 --> 00:49:12,240
‎“太痛了，我不行…”

717
00:49:15,077 --> 00:49:16,954
‎他們會遲到早退

718
00:49:17,037 --> 00:49:18,413
‎“喂，你去哪裡？”

719
00:49:18,497 --> 00:49:20,916
‎“我買了演唱會門票，再見！”

720
00:49:25,087 --> 00:49:26,630
‎“給我回來！”

721
00:49:27,297 --> 00:49:29,675
‎“我要見妳的主管”

722
00:49:34,763 --> 00:49:39,059
‎我目前還處於更年期

723
00:49:40,477 --> 00:49:42,187
‎新聞快報

724
00:49:43,855 --> 00:49:46,358
‎潮熱好難受

725
00:49:47,067 --> 00:49:50,070
‎知道甚麼最惹人生氣嗎？
‎我看電視的時候

726
00:49:50,153 --> 00:49:53,281
‎看到一堆男性廣告

727
00:49:53,365 --> 00:49:56,576
‎總是在幫男生解決問題

728
00:49:56,660 --> 00:50:00,372
‎對，而大部分
‎都是我看不出有甚麼問題

729
00:50:00,872 --> 00:50:05,711
‎對，你們知道現在有陰莖糾正嗎？

730
00:50:07,754 --> 00:50:10,632
‎有見過那根彎曲胡蘿蔔的廣告嗎？

731
00:50:13,552 --> 00:50:15,387
‎誰知道彎著也有問題？

732
00:50:17,305 --> 00:50:19,307
‎現在連彎的老二也能糾正

733
00:50:20,017 --> 00:50:21,727
‎我說：“去你的”

734
00:50:22,269 --> 00:50:25,397
‎我不想要知道你的老二有甚麼毛病

735
00:50:26,523 --> 00:50:29,901
‎痛風還比較嚴重

736
00:50:30,485 --> 00:50:33,613
‎那怎麼會在待辦事項上？
‎彎掉的老二？

737
00:50:33,697 --> 00:50:36,658
‎“可憐的彼得，老二像香蕉一樣彎”

738
00:50:40,203 --> 00:50:44,332
‎“旺達，那不好笑
‎那會導致不育和疼痛”

739
00:50:44,416 --> 00:50:46,293
‎關我屁事，說真的

740
00:50:46,376 --> 00:50:48,879
‎我不想聽你那根上或下彎的老二

741
00:50:48,962 --> 00:50:51,214
‎彎掉也好，像香蕉也好，關我屁事

742
00:50:51,298 --> 00:50:55,677
‎老娘更年期，還長出鬍子
‎每天晚上也熱得滿床是汗

743
00:50:56,511 --> 00:50:58,513
‎去你的彎老二

744
00:50:59,097 --> 00:51:02,976
‎你的老二怎麼彎關我屁事

745
00:51:03,060 --> 00:51:05,645
‎即使彎到能自插菊花也與我無關

746
00:51:05,729 --> 00:51:06,772
‎關我屁事！

747
00:51:06,855 --> 00:51:07,856
‎說真的

748
00:51:08,482 --> 00:51:09,941
‎關我屁事

749
00:51:12,027 --> 00:51:13,028
‎真的

750
00:51:13,528 --> 00:51:15,489
‎好好忍氣吞聲吧

751
00:51:30,921 --> 00:51:32,964
‎我跟我的婦科醫生談過

752
00:51:33,048 --> 00:51:35,133
‎我說：“有甚麼可用的療法？”

753
00:51:35,217 --> 00:51:38,261
‎我不能服用荷爾蒙

754
00:51:38,345 --> 00:51:41,014
‎因為我有患過乳癌

755
00:51:41,098 --> 00:51:42,224
‎我不能服那些藥

756
00:51:42,307 --> 00:51:44,518
‎醫生說：“現在醫生會處方女士

757
00:51:44,601 --> 00:51:49,022
‎微量的贊安諾錠有助減輕潮熱”

758
00:51:49,106 --> 00:51:52,609
‎我說：“好，所以經年期
‎算是歇斯底里女子綜合症？”

759
00:51:52,692 --> 00:51:56,780
‎“瘋女人，吃它來冷靜點吧”

760
00:52:01,118 --> 00:52:02,494
‎我才不要吃

761
00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:05,205
‎所以我希望男人…

762
00:52:05,288 --> 00:52:07,207
‎好吧，不是希望，我是祈求

763
00:52:07,290 --> 00:52:11,419
‎男人應該要有經痛

764
00:52:11,503 --> 00:52:14,506
‎這樣他們才會找方法緩解經痛

765
00:52:15,048 --> 00:52:15,882
‎對吧？

766
00:52:15,966 --> 00:52:19,219
‎例如說男生…

767
00:52:19,302 --> 00:52:23,098
‎其中一顆睪丸

768
00:52:25,892 --> 00:52:30,397
‎假設其中一顆睪丸會開始陣陣作痛

769
00:52:32,732 --> 00:52:35,735
‎讓你知道經痛要來了，像是預兆般

770
00:52:35,819 --> 00:52:38,321
‎突然間，它慢慢發漲

771
00:52:38,405 --> 00:52:40,907
‎一下子就著火

772
00:52:40,991 --> 00:52:43,493
‎就像燒蛋蛋，一下子著火！

773
00:52:43,577 --> 00:52:47,539
‎有可能是右邊，有可能是左邊

774
00:52:47,622 --> 00:52:50,667
‎一天發生六、七次

775
00:52:50,750 --> 00:52:53,670
‎會在不為意的時候忽然著火
‎痛到爆炸

776
00:52:53,753 --> 00:52:55,755
‎燒蛋蛋！

777
00:52:57,132 --> 00:52:58,633
‎挺好的

778
00:53:00,302 --> 00:53:02,596
‎但之後他們就會找辦法解決

779
00:53:02,679 --> 00:53:06,850
‎開始製作自帶小風扇的內褲

780
00:53:07,475 --> 00:53:11,313
‎或者立法允許男性在街上露蛋蛋

781
00:53:12,606 --> 00:53:14,399
‎“天啊，他的蛋蛋露出來了！”

782
00:53:14,482 --> 00:53:17,402
‎“沒事，他只是不舒服而已”

783
00:53:17,485 --> 00:53:20,822
‎“醫生吩咐他要露蛋，別批評人家”

784
00:53:23,241 --> 00:53:25,869
‎大家見過機場那些哺乳室吧？

785
00:53:26,453 --> 00:53:28,288
‎他們會全數關掉

786
00:53:28,371 --> 00:53:30,415
‎改成蛋蛋透氣室

787
00:53:30,498 --> 00:53:32,042
‎你會看一堆男生在裡面…

788
00:53:35,629 --> 00:53:38,089
‎“有夠大的，天啊”

789
00:53:38,715 --> 00:53:39,966
‎“彼得，你怎麼樣？”

790
00:53:40,050 --> 00:53:43,511
‎“噢，天啊，挺糟糕的”

791
00:53:45,263 --> 00:53:48,225
‎“彼得，你的老二好像有點不一樣？”

792
00:53:48,808 --> 00:53:51,811
‎“對，我把彎老二糾正了
‎你有留意到？”

793
00:53:52,854 --> 00:53:54,564
‎“現在都直直的”

794
00:53:56,691 --> 00:53:57,901
‎“不錯喔”

795
00:54:02,239 --> 00:54:04,783
‎我很樂意看到有男士在董事會上

796
00:54:04,866 --> 00:54:06,034
‎那個…

797
00:54:06,576 --> 00:54:10,914
‎“好，我們看看第一季度的盈利”

798
00:54:10,997 --> 00:54:13,250
‎“仔細看的話，銷量是有上升”

799
00:54:13,333 --> 00:54:16,336
‎“銷量上升了22%，然後…”

800
00:54:21,091 --> 00:54:22,342
‎“那…”

801
00:54:23,301 --> 00:54:28,890
‎“完全超過了我們的目標
‎22%，所以…”

802
00:54:32,018 --> 00:54:35,355
‎“但如果看看運輸成本

803
00:54:35,438 --> 00:54:39,484
‎連輸成本上升很多

804
00:54:40,902 --> 00:54:44,239
‎那是意料之外的，所以…”

805
00:54:49,995 --> 00:54:53,373
‎“讓我們銷量下降了”

806
00:54:55,917 --> 00:54:57,919
‎“抱歉，我蛋蛋燒著了”

807
00:55:00,380 --> 00:55:01,506
‎“哇”

808
00:55:03,133 --> 00:55:05,343
‎“燒得很嚴重，天啊”

809
00:55:06,011 --> 00:55:08,805
‎“漢克，過來幫我吹一下”

810
00:55:21,192 --> 00:55:24,362
‎我最近去看醫生

811
00:55:24,446 --> 00:55:28,867
‎看我的乳房醫生
‎因為我是時候替換了

812
00:55:28,950 --> 00:55:31,828
‎乳房用太久

813
00:55:32,454 --> 00:55:34,748
‎所以醫生說差不多要換了

814
00:55:35,332 --> 00:55:39,127
‎但他給了我一個選擇
‎他說：“旺達，妳已經59歲

815
00:55:39,210 --> 00:55:42,589
‎我們可以幫妳多塞一點植入物

816
00:55:42,672 --> 00:55:46,593
‎可是…妳會想要在13、14年後
‎再來動手術嗎？”

817
00:55:46,676 --> 00:55:48,887
‎“妳到時候就已經年紀老邁了”

818
00:55:48,970 --> 00:55:51,097
‎我說：“是的”
‎他說：“我可以幫妳

819
00:55:51,181 --> 00:55:53,850
‎從肚子的部分抽取組織

820
00:55:53,933 --> 00:55:56,644
‎幫妳做一雙不錯的乳房”

821
00:55:56,728 --> 00:56:00,315
‎我說：“首先，感謝你說那是組織”

822
00:56:06,696 --> 00:56:08,907
‎“你真的非常專業”

823
00:56:10,992 --> 00:56:14,204
‎然後我聽到一些咕嚕聲

824
00:56:14,287 --> 00:56:15,830
‎那是以斯帖發出的聲音

825
00:56:16,998 --> 00:56:19,751
‎有些人可能不認識以斯帖

826
00:56:19,834 --> 00:56:22,504
‎我在四十多歲的時候，有了這塊肥肉

827
00:56:22,587 --> 00:56:25,715
‎之後也擺脫不了它
‎於是我幫它起名為以斯帖

828
00:56:26,341 --> 00:56:29,469
‎以斯帖喜歡麵包、酒水和起司蛋糕

829
00:56:29,552 --> 00:56:31,096
‎它最喜歡這些東西了

830
00:56:31,971 --> 00:56:33,390
‎“我的酒呢？”

831
00:56:34,224 --> 00:56:35,809
‎“我要吃起司蛋糕！”

832
00:56:38,311 --> 00:56:41,439
‎那時我聽到以斯帖發出咕嚕聲說

833
00:56:41,523 --> 00:56:42,524
‎“醫生說甚麼？”

834
00:56:42,607 --> 00:56:45,527
‎我說：“以斯帖，他不是說妳”

835
00:56:45,610 --> 00:56:49,280
‎然後我跟醫生說
‎“電郵裡再詳談”

836
00:56:49,364 --> 00:56:52,409
‎我說：“電郵詳談
‎不要讓以斯帖聽到”

837
00:56:54,619 --> 00:56:56,830
‎“電郵詳談，好嗎？”

838
00:56:56,913 --> 00:57:01,709
‎所以…我打算這麼做了
‎因為也挺合理的

839
00:57:01,793 --> 00:57:06,047
‎但我開始緊張起來
‎開始想些有的沒的

840
00:57:06,131 --> 00:57:09,759
‎“萬一我把以斯帖放到乳房

841
00:57:10,468 --> 00:57:13,346
‎它會不會趁我睡覺的時候
‎把我陷死？”

842
00:57:14,347 --> 00:57:16,933
‎以斯帖會說：“我恨死妳！”

843
00:57:17,642 --> 00:57:20,728
‎“我在這裡吃不到任何東西
‎我恨死妳！”

844
00:57:24,190 --> 00:57:29,320
‎或者它想家了
‎然後慢慢爬回去肚子？

845
00:57:29,404 --> 00:57:32,365
‎然後我就有一雙下垂的乳房？

846
00:57:33,283 --> 00:57:34,951
‎以斯帖在乳房那裡一直做深蹲

847
00:57:37,412 --> 00:57:39,414
‎嘗試回去肚子

848
00:57:40,540 --> 00:57:42,542
‎“我回來了，美女！”

849
00:57:46,671 --> 00:57:49,716
‎但我應該會做的

850
00:57:49,799 --> 00:57:51,801
‎因為…對！

851
00:57:54,762 --> 00:57:57,390
‎我不想要到七十幾歲

852
00:57:57,974 --> 00:58:00,185
‎大家都在做線上崇拜

853
00:58:01,019 --> 00:58:02,228
‎然後牧師說

854
00:58:02,312 --> 00:58:05,648
‎“弟兄姐妹們，我們為塞克絲祈禱”

855
00:58:07,150 --> 00:58:09,527
‎“她禮拜二要換新奶子”

856
00:58:18,745 --> 00:58:21,372
‎我很慶幸自己遇到一個好醫生

857
00:58:21,456 --> 00:58:22,415
‎他們挺好的

858
00:58:22,499 --> 00:58:24,083
‎那是很重要的

859
00:58:24,167 --> 00:58:27,795
‎雖然我之前需要更換婦科醫生

860
00:58:27,879 --> 00:58:29,631
‎因為我之前那個婦科醫生…

861
00:58:30,798 --> 00:58:32,634
‎話太多了

862
00:58:32,717 --> 00:58:35,011
‎講個不停

863
00:58:35,094 --> 00:58:39,140
‎我不介意在檢查前閒聊幾句

864
00:58:39,224 --> 00:58:41,017
‎但我踏上腳蹬後

865
00:58:41,100 --> 00:58:42,810
‎麻煩閉嘴

866
00:58:48,650 --> 00:58:52,278
‎有時候前後也得檢查…

867
00:58:52,779 --> 00:58:54,864
‎檢查完就走啊
‎妳知道自己剛才做了甚麼

868
00:58:54,948 --> 00:58:56,282
‎給我滾

869
00:58:56,366 --> 00:58:57,784
‎別跟我有眼神交流

870
00:59:02,330 --> 00:59:06,376
‎這個醫生話太多了

871
00:59:06,459 --> 00:59:09,462
‎她會把我們當成好朋友在聊天

872
00:59:09,546 --> 00:59:14,092
‎我進去踏上腳蹬後，她會說

873
00:59:14,175 --> 00:59:18,137
‎“嘿，旺達，附近開了新的希臘餐廳”

874
00:59:18,221 --> 00:59:21,349
‎“有時間可以過去吃個午餐”

875
00:59:21,432 --> 00:59:23,768
‎我心想：“那女人這個時候
‎跟我講希臘菜”

876
00:59:26,104 --> 00:59:28,147
‎於是我就開始有些念頭

877
00:59:28,231 --> 00:59:32,777
‎“我要讓她和我一樣感到尷尬”

878
00:59:32,860 --> 00:59:35,697
‎我心想：“下次，她再講話

879
00:59:35,780 --> 00:59:39,450
‎我就用腳趾幫她把劉海放到後面”

880
00:59:47,125 --> 00:59:48,751
‎“嘿，美女”

881
00:59:49,294 --> 00:59:51,713
‎“最近有甚麼好看的節目？”

882
00:59:53,590 --> 00:59:55,967
‎費城的各位，謝謝你們！

883
00:59:56,467 --> 00:59:57,635
‎我愛你們！

884
00:59:58,469 --> 00:59:59,887
‎謝謝！

885
01:00:25,163 --> 01:00:26,164
‎謝謝！

886
01:01:08,665 --> 01:01:12,585
‎字幕翻譯：李瑋樂