1
00:00:17,060 --> 00:00:18,728
<i>♪ No one knows ♪</i>

2
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,230
<i>♪ No one cares ♪</i>

3
00:00:22,148 --> 00:00:25,943
<i>♪ I keep dressing up myself
And go nowhere ♪</i>

4
00:00:27,236 --> 00:00:28,654
<i>♪ No one loves me ♪</i>

5
00:00:29,697 --> 00:00:31,199
<i>♪ Like I do ♪</i>

6
00:00:32,033 --> 00:00:36,120
<i>♪ And to think there was a time
When that was you ♪</i>

7
00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:39,207
<i>♪ I... ♪</i>

8
00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:40,666
Oh my God, you're late.

9
00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:42,668
I know.
- Have to do the first segment.

10
00:00:42,668 --> 00:00:44,837
I'd love to apologize, Morgan,
but I can't.

11
00:00:45,421 --> 00:00:46,255
What?

12
00:00:46,255 --> 00:00:51,511
I just had the single greatest kiss
of my entire existence.

13
00:00:51,511 --> 00:00:55,556
Okay, great. Save it for the show because
I have nothing to talk about this week.

14
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:59,811
I've had a UTI for the last three days,
and I didn't even get it the fun way.

15
00:00:59,811 --> 00:01:01,771
- Here's your cranberry juice.
- Thank you.

16
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:05,108
I used to get them all the time
with your father.

17
00:01:05,108 --> 00:01:06,400
- Mom.
- Gross.

18
00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,569
- Morgan, you're gonna die.
- Okay.

19
00:01:08,569 --> 00:01:11,114
Noah and I were playing
this fun cat-and-mouse game,

20
00:01:11,114 --> 00:01:12,698
pretending let's just be friends.

21
00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:15,660
And, obviously, we both know
that is never gonna happen.

22
00:01:15,660 --> 00:01:16,911
Okay, go on.

23
00:01:16,911 --> 00:01:18,871
I did this cute thing at the restaurant

24
00:01:18,871 --> 00:01:21,707
where I was like,
"I don't think I can stay."

25
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:23,918
Let me guess. You stayed.

26
00:01:23,918 --> 00:01:25,711
- Oh, I stayed.
- Yeah.

27
00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:29,173
And then we walked down the street
and ate ice cream.

28
00:01:31,050 --> 00:01:35,221
You know when you see annoying couples
eating ice cream, and you wanna kill them?

29
00:01:35,221 --> 00:01:36,430
We were that couple!

30
00:01:37,223 --> 00:01:38,391
Okay, keep going.

31
00:01:38,933 --> 00:01:41,519
Then he said, "Put down your ice cream."

32
00:01:41,519 --> 00:01:44,355
- I don't hate that.
- Me neither 'cause he was taking charge.

33
00:01:44,355 --> 00:01:46,440
Okay. And did you do what you were told?

34
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,025
I mean, obviously.

35
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:49,443
- Yes, chef.
- Mm-hmm.

36
00:01:50,236 --> 00:01:52,738
And then you know what happens next.

37
00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:54,574
You went back and fucked in the bathroom.

38
00:01:54,574 --> 00:01:57,285
No, we just kissed.
I said that on the way in.

39
00:01:57,285 --> 00:01:59,954
Maybe that's why you have
all those UTIs. My God.

40
00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:01,038
I mean, it's possible.

41
00:02:03,082 --> 00:02:07,128
- Remind me who the guest is tonight.
- Okay, it is Dr. Jay Shah.

42
00:02:07,128 --> 00:02:09,172
- My idea.
That makes me nervous.

43
00:02:09,172 --> 00:02:12,800
He wrote a book about how your aura
indicates what kind of person you are.

44
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,428
Oh, that sounds... stupid.

45
00:02:15,428 --> 00:02:19,849
Oh, he's not stupid. He has a degree
from the University of Turks and Caicos.

46
00:02:20,892 --> 00:02:22,852
Okay.
- You need to be fact-checking that.

47
00:02:22,852 --> 00:02:25,438
I did. Kind of.

48
00:02:25,438 --> 00:02:27,481
Where's his biography?

49
00:02:28,524 --> 00:02:29,650
There's nothing here.

50
00:02:30,818 --> 00:02:33,070
There's just quotes and birds.

51
00:02:41,913 --> 00:02:44,081
Hey!
Oh! Hey, dude, where you been?

52
00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:45,541
What the hell happened?

53
00:02:45,541 --> 00:02:48,002
I got, like, ten calls
from Rebecca's phone.

54
00:02:48,002 --> 00:02:50,087
It was her mom saying
she's almost in a coma.

55
00:02:50,087 --> 00:02:53,883
I don't know what almost in a coma means.
But yeah, she's okay.

56
00:02:53,883 --> 00:02:54,800
Yeah?

57
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,970
She ran into the back of a parked bus
and she, like, broke her wrist.

58
00:02:57,970 --> 00:03:00,181
She's gotta have a surgery
to put a pin in there.

59
00:03:00,181 --> 00:03:01,265
- Her wrist?
- Yeah.

60
00:03:01,265 --> 00:03:02,850
- That's it?
- Yeah, that's it.

61
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,477
- So she's fine.
She's okay.

62
00:03:04,477 --> 00:03:06,854
- Thank God.
- Dude, she's better than okay.

63
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:10,191
She's gonna get painkillers, and gonna be
able to take a couple of day off of work.

64
00:03:10,191 --> 00:03:12,985
God, wait.
Should I drive into the back of a bus?

65
00:03:12,985 --> 00:03:14,862
- Honestly, I like that for you.
- Yeah.

66
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:17,990
Oh, wait. There... Uh, one more
little bit of fun news for you.

67
00:03:17,990 --> 00:03:21,702
Mom and Dad are with Rebecca's parents,
and they're sniping at one another.

68
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:24,330
The only thing they agree on
is that they're all mad at you.

69
00:03:24,330 --> 00:03:25,831
What are they mad at me for?

70
00:03:25,831 --> 00:03:28,417
Well, you're the one
that, like, caused the accident.

71
00:03:28,417 --> 00:03:29,543
- Obviously.
- What?

72
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:33,339
She's, like, so heartbroken
that she ran into a bus. It's easy math.

73
00:03:33,339 --> 00:03:34,840
Wait a second.

74
00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:36,509
Do they think she...

75
00:03:38,594 --> 00:03:40,596
like, tried to, like...

76
00:03:40,596 --> 00:03:41,764
What, kill herself?

77
00:03:41,764 --> 00:03:42,682
Because of...

78
00:03:42,682 --> 00:03:44,517
...because of... because of you?

79
00:03:44,517 --> 00:03:46,602
No, look. You're cute, but you're not

80
00:03:46,602 --> 00:03:49,230
"leave this Earth
because you dumped someone" cute.

81
00:03:49,230 --> 00:03:51,399
I didn't dump her, okay?

82
00:03:52,149 --> 00:03:54,026
People break up. It happens all the time.

83
00:03:54,026 --> 00:03:57,363
I don't care. I'm just trying to tell you
what the people inside are saying.

84
00:03:57,363 --> 00:03:58,990
I'm playing both sides,

85
00:03:58,990 --> 00:04:01,325
trying to defend you
while also defending myself.

86
00:04:01,325 --> 00:04:03,077
Great. Thank you so much.
- Yeah.

87
00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:05,579
Where were you?
Were you out with that tiny blonde girl?

88
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:08,874
- Uh, I'm not gonna answer that right now.
- Okay, so that's a yes.

89
00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:11,877
We had a really nice time.

90
00:04:12,545 --> 00:04:15,423
You had a really nice time.
God, you tell the worst stories.

91
00:04:16,007 --> 00:04:17,008
Your aura is...

92
00:04:17,008 --> 00:04:20,928
It's not a forest green.
It's more emerald.

93
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,973
It means that you are very generous.

94
00:04:23,973 --> 00:04:26,892
Oh... my God!

95
00:04:26,892 --> 00:04:30,104
This stuff actually works
because that is me. That is me.

96
00:04:30,104 --> 00:04:33,816
You literally Venmo requested me
for a smoothie this morning.

97
00:04:33,816 --> 00:04:35,860
So?
- Do Joanne now.

98
00:04:35,860 --> 00:04:36,902
Oh, sure. Yeah.

99
00:04:36,902 --> 00:04:38,946
Oh no, no. I'm good.
I'm okay. Thank you though.

100
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:43,242
Please. It's like having Jason Mraz here,
and you don't ask him to sing "I'm Yours?"

101
00:04:43,242 --> 00:04:45,369
Mom, you're obsessed with Jason Mraz.

102
00:04:45,369 --> 00:04:47,288
I see your point, Mom. Okay, go for it.

103
00:04:47,288 --> 00:04:49,332
- All right? Right. Okay.
- Bring it. Yes.

104
00:04:51,709 --> 00:04:53,336
Okay, for our listeners,

105
00:04:53,336 --> 00:04:57,381
the doctor is moving his hands
around my sister's face.

106
00:05:00,593 --> 00:05:01,427
Oh.

107
00:05:02,261 --> 00:05:05,848
Yep. What? Why are you touching me?
'Cause you didn't touch anybody else.

108
00:05:05,848 --> 00:05:10,478
I'm having a little bit of a hard time
finding your aura.

109
00:05:11,062 --> 00:05:11,896
Wow.

110
00:05:12,855 --> 00:05:15,149
I'm not finding it.
It's rare, but it happens.

111
00:05:15,149 --> 00:05:16,984
That's bad.

112
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:19,445
Do you think it's possible
that you can't find it

113
00:05:19,445 --> 00:05:21,280
because this is not real?

114
00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:24,408
Oh! So cynical.
Starting to make sense now.

115
00:05:24,408 --> 00:05:27,870
- See? This is why she never got married.
- Better than being divorced.

116
00:05:27,870 --> 00:05:30,289
Don't lash out, honey.
It doesn't help your case.

117
00:05:30,289 --> 00:05:32,750
- I'm not trying to prove anything.
You're screaming.

118
00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:34,168
I'm literally not screaming.

119
00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:36,253
- Wow. She gets like this.
- Oh?

120
00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:38,756
Do you wanna hear something weird?
She's dating a rabbi.

121
00:05:38,756 --> 00:05:40,925
Oh! Really?

122
00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:43,094
Huh.

123
00:05:43,719 --> 00:05:44,553
"Huh"?

124
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:46,889
What does "huh" mean?

125
00:05:47,556 --> 00:05:52,186
Well, it's just that people who are
close to God have such powerful auras,

126
00:05:52,186 --> 00:05:55,648
whereas yours is... eh.

127
00:05:56,482 --> 00:05:59,318
I have to say it. I don't think
you're allowed to wear that kimono.

128
00:05:59,819 --> 00:06:01,612
My partner is Japanese,

129
00:06:02,113 --> 00:06:04,407
so... <i>arigato.</i>

130
00:06:07,618 --> 00:06:10,788
- You want it too.
Yulia, don't worry. Ah.

131
00:06:11,539 --> 00:06:12,415
Hey, everyone.

132
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:19,547
It's a shame she had to have an accident
to get you to pay attention to her.

133
00:06:20,339 --> 00:06:22,508
Well, I'm here.

134
00:06:23,008 --> 00:06:24,635
Where have you been, son?

135
00:06:25,970 --> 00:06:27,096
How is she?

136
00:06:27,096 --> 00:06:31,225
- Sh... sh... she's in God's hands.
Right.

137
00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:32,643
And how is the wrist?

138
00:06:32,643 --> 00:06:34,311
There's no way to know.

139
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,272
Okay. Can I go see her?

140
00:06:36,272 --> 00:06:38,315
Why? To break her heart too?

141
00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:42,069
No, well... I'm here
to make sure Rebecca's okay.

142
00:06:42,069 --> 00:06:44,363
You don't need to see her.
She's gone through enough.

143
00:06:44,363 --> 00:06:47,158
I spoke to the nurses.
She's gonna be fine.

144
00:06:47,158 --> 00:06:48,534
Suddenly, he's a doctor.

145
00:06:48,534 --> 00:06:52,288
Actually, had my older brother Sidney
not died from typhoid,

146
00:06:52,288 --> 00:06:53,914
I would've gone to medical school.

147
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:56,041
I filled out all the forms and everything.

148
00:06:56,041 --> 00:06:59,170
- You hear that? He filled out the forms.
- He did. I was there.

149
00:06:59,170 --> 00:07:01,464
And they were very difficult
and very complicated.

150
00:07:01,464 --> 00:07:02,631
Thank you.

151
00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:05,801
Anatoly, I will
let those insulting comments go

152
00:07:05,801 --> 00:07:08,929
due to our long-term friendship
and the stress of the situation.

153
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:12,683
The cafeteria was closed, but here's
what I was able to grab from vending.

154
00:07:13,309 --> 00:07:16,479
Noah, how nice of you to finally join us.

155
00:07:16,479 --> 00:07:19,982
I'm so happy to be here, Esther.
Thank you for the warm welcome.

156
00:07:19,982 --> 00:07:22,568
Okay, and your phone was broken
for the last two hours, or--

157
00:07:22,568 --> 00:07:24,820
I had turned it off so I could focus.

158
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:26,614
Oh, focus. Okay.

159
00:07:26,614 --> 00:07:29,700
I'm sure whatever you were doing,
you were on top of it.

160
00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:32,203
That's brutal.

161
00:07:34,497 --> 00:07:36,749
Noah, tell me you've come to your senses.

162
00:07:36,749 --> 00:07:40,294
Of course you have. You know
I told you that this is just a phase.

163
00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:44,340
All we want to hear is
that your heart is open to a reunion. Huh?

164
00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:48,552
Tonight, let's focus our energy
on Rebecca getting better.

165
00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:50,596
- Give thanks for that.
- Amen.

166
00:07:50,596 --> 00:07:52,389
Bullshit. He's changing the subject.

167
00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:55,476
You're old enough to be grandparents.
What the hell are you waiting for?

168
00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:57,645
Oh, he's not waiting.
He got himself a <i>shiksa.</i>

169
00:07:57,645 --> 00:07:59,063
Damn it, Esther.

170
00:07:59,063 --> 00:08:01,524
- You're cheating on my daughter?
- No, nobody's cheating.

171
00:08:01,524 --> 00:08:03,567
- Did you know?
- A <i>shiksa?</i> Absolutely not.

172
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:05,027
- I'm shocked.
- I gotta go.

173
00:08:05,027 --> 00:08:08,572
No, you're not. You knew. You had
to know. You just didn't want me to know.

174
00:08:08,572 --> 00:08:11,033
- Honey. Honey.

175
00:08:11,033 --> 00:08:13,285
I'd never speak to you again.
- Honey, don't--

176
00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:15,621
I would have been great
in medical school too.

177
00:08:16,330 --> 00:08:17,164
What?

178
00:08:17,164 --> 00:08:20,334
I would've done great in medical school.
I didn't fill out the forms, but...

179
00:08:21,752 --> 00:08:26,507
I'm just having trouble computing
how you go from a kiss that passionate

180
00:08:26,507 --> 00:08:30,803
and then you just don't respond
for over three hours.

181
00:08:30,803 --> 00:08:32,721
Maybe his side of the kiss

182
00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:37,268
was not the same mouth experience
as your side of the kiss.

183
00:08:37,268 --> 00:08:39,311
- Trust me. That's not the case.
Okay.

184
00:08:39,311 --> 00:08:40,813
- It does feel weird--

185
00:08:40,813 --> 00:08:42,314
- Wait.
I agree. It's weird.

186
00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:43,440
Is that him?

187
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:46,110
No, it's my pharmacy
telling me to pick up my Xanax.

188
00:08:46,110 --> 00:08:48,904
- Well, you better go get it.
- You think I sound crazy?

189
00:08:48,904 --> 00:08:50,614
No!
- Oh, crazy? No. No.

190
00:08:50,614 --> 00:08:53,409
- I'm just joking.
- We're all a little crazy. Come here.

191
00:08:54,577 --> 00:08:56,203
My little angel.

192
00:08:56,954 --> 00:08:58,372
That's nice.

193
00:08:58,372 --> 00:09:02,293
- What was the last thing you texted him?
- Oh, I sent... Well, just read it.

194
00:09:02,293 --> 00:09:03,460
Okay.

195
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:04,753
I think I nailed it.

196
00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:06,797
Mm-hmm. I'm sure you did.

197
00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:11,051
I'm sorry. "I think I might be pregnant"?

198
00:09:11,635 --> 00:09:14,054
Don't just read that part.
You have to read the first text.

199
00:09:14,054 --> 00:09:16,515
Okay. "That was a great kiss."

200
00:09:16,515 --> 00:09:21,437
Yeah, it's a joke. "That was a great kiss.
I think I might be pregnant." It's funny.

201
00:09:21,437 --> 00:09:23,689
- Ooh.
- I don't get it.

202
00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:27,067
Listen. Okay, guys
do not like pregnancy jokes.

203
00:09:27,067 --> 00:09:30,988
He's confused. He's a rabbi.
He has a different brain than you.

204
00:09:30,988 --> 00:09:34,241
Come on, you have to admit
you guys are a weird pair, no?

205
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,076
- Why?
- Why what?

206
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:38,871
Why are we a weird pair?
Just because he's a rabbi?

207
00:09:38,871 --> 00:09:41,332
No, I'm just saying,
you know, like, when I met him,

208
00:09:41,332 --> 00:09:44,627
he seemed very... responsible

209
00:09:44,627 --> 00:09:45,836
and, like, kind.

210
00:09:45,836 --> 00:09:47,004
And you...

211
00:09:47,630 --> 00:09:48,881
Have edge, dear.

212
00:09:48,881 --> 00:09:50,007
I'm not a bad person.

213
00:09:50,007 --> 00:09:51,467
We're not saying that you are.

214
00:09:51,467 --> 00:09:54,595
We're just saying
that you're, like, sort of a bad person

215
00:09:54,595 --> 00:09:56,889
relative to a man of God.

216
00:09:58,307 --> 00:09:59,141
Yeah.

217
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,644
I could see you with a cult leader.

218
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,270
That I could see.

219
00:10:08,317 --> 00:10:09,485
- Noah.
- Huh?

220
00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:12,655
- Noah!
- What? What?

221
00:10:12,655 --> 00:10:14,823
What do you... What? What do you wanna say?

222
00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:16,367
So... so many things.

223
00:10:16,367 --> 00:10:19,703
Uh, the woman in there, the goddess
who's always been too good for you,

224
00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:21,622
she is currently fighting for her life.

225
00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:23,165
My dad just said she's gonna be fine.

226
00:10:23,165 --> 00:10:26,877
- Your dad doesn't know shit.
- Actually, he was almost a doctor.

227
00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:29,463
Yeah, and I almost fucked
Adam Levine in 2003,

228
00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:32,383
but you don't see me flying high
on the Maroon 5 jet, do ya?

229
00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:34,677
Was it worth it?

230
00:10:34,677 --> 00:10:35,678
Was what worth it?

231
00:10:35,678 --> 00:10:39,223
Your little blonde friend who can't stop
talking about ass play on her podcast.

232
00:10:39,223 --> 00:10:41,517
You were just talking about
fucking Adam Levine.

233
00:10:41,517 --> 00:10:43,102
- Almost--
- You fucked Adam Levine?

234
00:10:43,102 --> 00:10:46,689
Almost fucked Adam Levine.
And honestly, at least he's Jewish.

235
00:10:46,689 --> 00:10:49,525
I know my man's Jewish.
When did you almost fuck Adam Levine?

236
00:10:49,525 --> 00:10:51,151
In Cabo, baby. You know this.

237
00:10:51,151 --> 00:10:52,569
We are not done here, Noah.

238
00:10:52,569 --> 00:10:53,987
What are we even doing?

239
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,614
Yeah, what are we doing? I'm lost.

240
00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:57,074
I'll tell you what he's doing.

241
00:10:57,074 --> 00:11:00,202
He's throwing away a relationship
with literally the perfect woman.

242
00:11:00,202 --> 00:11:01,620
Okay, okay.

243
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:05,958
Listen. She's not dying.
You can still be friends with her.

244
00:11:05,958 --> 00:11:08,001
Yeah, you can still be friends with her.

245
00:11:08,711 --> 00:11:10,796
But you're not just breaking up with her.

246
00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:13,507
You're breaking up the whole family.

247
00:11:16,009 --> 00:11:17,594
Strong Jewish guilt you're giving.

248
00:11:17,594 --> 00:11:19,805
Yeah. I feel like you could use a little.

249
00:11:22,141 --> 00:11:23,767
She still loves you.

250
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:32,317
Breaking up the family?
What the fuck? I'm sorry, man.

251
00:11:32,317 --> 00:11:34,236
Honey, Adam Levine?

252
00:11:34,236 --> 00:11:35,738
Was that so hard to believe?

253
00:11:35,738 --> 00:11:38,073
I don't know.
You just seem, like, aggressive.

254
00:11:38,073 --> 00:11:40,868
He seems like...
More like a gentle type, I guess.

255
00:11:49,918 --> 00:11:52,755
I mean, it's pretty late.
Maybe he just hasn't seen it yet.

256
00:11:54,131 --> 00:11:56,550
I sent it 15 minutes
after we left each other.

257
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:59,094
You think he's just, like, at home

258
00:11:59,094 --> 00:12:01,597
and, you know, brushing his teeth,
getting ready for bed,

259
00:12:01,597 --> 00:12:05,350
setting his alarm from his phone,
and then didn't check his texts?

260
00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:06,977
No. No, he's seen it for sure.

261
00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:09,855
God! Why do I always have to make a joke?

262
00:12:09,855 --> 00:12:13,358
Most girls would be like, "That was
a lovely night. I had a great time."

263
00:12:13,358 --> 00:12:14,735
But most girls are boring.

264
00:12:15,861 --> 00:12:17,196
Guys seem to like that.

265
00:12:17,821 --> 00:12:20,240
But, like, who cares
what they like, right?

266
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,284
Yes! Yes!

267
00:12:22,785 --> 00:12:23,827
Who cares?

268
00:12:23,827 --> 00:12:25,037
I certainly don't.

269
00:12:25,037 --> 00:12:26,246
I'm not spiraling.

270
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:30,417
It... I mean, I stand by the fact
that it was a joke

271
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:33,337
because it was, and it was funny,
and I kissed him very well.

272
00:12:33,337 --> 00:12:34,254
I'm sure.

273
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:37,216
So I'm not worried about that at all

274
00:12:37,216 --> 00:12:40,302
because I know I'm a great kisser,
and I'm good. I'm totally good.

275
00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:42,054
- Great.
I am great, actually.

276
00:12:42,054 --> 00:12:44,515
- Yes. Okay. Great.
Great. Okay.

277
00:12:44,515 --> 00:12:45,891
Hoo!

278
00:12:45,891 --> 00:12:48,268
- My God. She's in a complete spiral.

279
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:51,438
<i>♪ The whole world is weighing you down... ♪</i>

280
00:12:53,732 --> 00:12:54,775
Cult leader.

281
00:12:55,984 --> 00:12:57,736
Those guys are superhot, so...

282
00:12:59,655 --> 00:13:00,781
Yes, I knew it.

283
00:13:02,825 --> 00:13:04,284
Oh, fucking Kyle.

284
00:13:05,035 --> 00:13:06,328
No, thanks.

285
00:13:08,205 --> 00:13:10,249
Actually... Wait.

286
00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:19,091
Oh! That was fast.

287
00:13:19,091 --> 00:13:22,010
- Hey, I have a question for you.
- Yes, you can come over.

288
00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:25,889
I'm not interested in your booty calls
anymore. I have a serious question.

289
00:13:26,515 --> 00:13:28,100
<i>Do you think I'm a good person?</i>

290
00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:30,477
<i>- Like, first thing that comes to mind.</i>
- No.

291
00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:33,856
Well, think about it for a second.
I mean, really give it some time.

292
00:13:33,856 --> 00:13:35,691
<i>Let it marinate.</i>

293
00:13:35,691 --> 00:13:39,152
When I think of Joanne,
I think of someone who is

294
00:13:40,529 --> 00:13:41,405
goo...

295
00:13:42,072 --> 00:13:44,283
Oh, okay. I see what you're doing.

296
00:13:44,283 --> 00:13:46,201
You're calling the worst person you know

297
00:13:46,201 --> 00:13:48,412
<i>because only someone
as shitty as me would think</i>

298
00:13:48,412 --> 00:13:51,456
that somebody as shitty as you
isn't really that bad, huh?

299
00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:53,792
No, I'm not-- Oh shit!

300
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,168
<i>Nailed it.</i>

301
00:13:56,295 --> 00:13:59,548
<i>God, I love this.
Getting honest with each other, you know?</i>

302
00:13:59,548 --> 00:14:02,467
- Wait. What? No. Ho-hold on, hold on.

303
00:14:02,467 --> 00:14:04,219
Can I tell you something personal?

304
00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:06,972
I'm so rock hard right now, it hurts.

305
00:14:06,972 --> 00:14:08,807
- Hi, little buddy.

306
00:14:10,601 --> 00:14:12,394
<i>Where's your mom and dad?</i>

307
00:14:12,394 --> 00:14:14,271
Okay. Yeah, I could be into this.

308
00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:15,898
<i>- Um...</i>
<i>- </i>

309
00:14:15,898 --> 00:14:18,317
Mommy and Daddy are
in Phoenix right now

310
00:14:18,317 --> 00:14:20,319
where they have a time-share.

311
00:14:20,319 --> 00:14:22,112
Ew! Kyle, can you not?

312
00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:24,281
What? You started this, Joanne. Fuck. I--

313
00:14:24,281 --> 00:14:27,743
You know what, Kyle? I just remembered.
I actually don't care what you think.

314
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:30,829
- Buddy! Doggy!

315
00:14:31,330 --> 00:14:33,081
Come here, dog!

316
00:14:34,291 --> 00:14:36,460
- Where... Oh, hi.

317
00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:38,503
What do you want? What do I have?

318
00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:41,882
I have half a cracker,

319
00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:44,718
um, a mint, and a hair tie.

320
00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:50,015
- Want any of these? Come here.

321
00:14:51,516 --> 00:14:52,392
Hey.

322
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:54,227
Hi.

323
00:14:54,853 --> 00:14:55,771
Hi.

324
00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:58,106
Come here.

325
00:14:58,106 --> 00:15:00,943
You know what?
This is my favorite sweatshirt,

326
00:15:00,943 --> 00:15:03,654
and they discontinued it,
but I'm gonna ruin it for ya.

327
00:15:04,154 --> 00:15:06,823
Whoo. Okay. Hi.

328
00:15:09,368 --> 00:15:10,369
Oh.

329
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:13,622
- It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.

330
00:15:14,206 --> 00:15:15,123
Oh, dog.

331
00:15:17,709 --> 00:15:18,961
Can I ask you a question?

332
00:15:19,670 --> 00:15:21,672
Having known me for the last 30 seconds,

333
00:15:22,673 --> 00:15:25,384
do you think I'm good enough
to be with someone who's, like,

334
00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:27,970
really good?

335
00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:29,638
Like, extremely good?

336
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:34,810
Okay. I'm gonna take that as a yes.

337
00:15:36,311 --> 00:15:38,605
Well, that's kind of fun. Okay, um...

338
00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:40,524
Should I get bangs?

339
00:15:42,484 --> 00:15:44,695
Okay. No bangs.

340
00:15:45,737 --> 00:15:46,571
All right.

341
00:15:49,533 --> 00:15:53,787
Oh my God. With all the tourists
and the screaming and the <i>kvetching,</i>

342
00:15:55,497 --> 00:15:57,374
it's hard to think straight in there.

343
00:15:57,374 --> 00:15:58,333
Yeah.

344
00:15:59,584 --> 00:16:01,712
Most of that noise
is just people yelling at me.

345
00:16:01,712 --> 00:16:03,046
Oh, come on.

346
00:16:04,339 --> 00:16:05,465
I've been sitting here

347
00:16:06,883 --> 00:16:10,137
thinking, I wonder if I am the reason
that Rebecca got into an accident.

348
00:16:10,137 --> 00:16:11,096
Oh, stop that.

349
00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:14,683
How selfish is it
to want someone new and exciting,

350
00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:18,395
no matter how long it would last,
no matter who it hurts?

351
00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:21,732
Just been wondering
if I'm a terrible person.

352
00:16:21,732 --> 00:16:22,983
You, a terrible person?

353
00:16:24,860 --> 00:16:26,069
Come on. Not a chance.

354
00:16:27,738 --> 00:16:28,613
Be honest.

355
00:16:29,906 --> 00:16:32,409
Do you think I'm making a mistake
ending things with Rebecca?

356
00:16:33,076 --> 00:16:34,995
- You're asking me?
- I'm asking.

357
00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:41,418
Noah, I think Rebecca is a wonderful girl.

358
00:16:41,418 --> 00:16:42,377
She's terrific.

359
00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:45,797
I think with a girl like this on your arm,
you'll have a beautiful life.

360
00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:49,926
On the other hand, Noah,

361
00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:52,846
you're gonna be the one
who'll have to live with the regret

362
00:16:52,846 --> 00:16:54,431
or the joy of this decision.

363
00:16:54,431 --> 00:16:57,642
Only you. Not Esther.
Not your mother. Certainly not me.

364
00:16:58,226 --> 00:17:01,188
I have my wife for many years.
I'm very happy.

365
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:02,898
If you tell her that I said any of this,

366
00:17:02,898 --> 00:17:04,691
I'll deny it
because she'll come to kill me.

367
00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:08,612
Are we doing big hugs?

368
00:17:08,612 --> 00:17:12,032
Yeah, let me get in on that.
Oh, yeah.

369
00:17:28,632 --> 00:17:29,674
Noah?

370
00:17:31,343 --> 00:17:33,470
Hey. Did you get a dog?

371
00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:34,763
What are you doing here?

372
00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:37,682
Well, uh...

373
00:17:39,851 --> 00:17:41,770
I had a rough night.
Tell you about it later.

374
00:17:41,770 --> 00:17:47,067
But I just found myself driving over here
on the off chance I'd get to see you.

375
00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:50,070
Then I thought maybe it's a bit much
to ring your doorbell at 2:00 a.m.

376
00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:54,699
So... I was trying to decide if I should
just leave and never admit I came here.

377
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,576
Did you get my texts?

378
00:17:56,576 --> 00:17:59,788
'Cause when you didn't text back,
I kind of got in my head about it.

379
00:17:59,788 --> 00:18:00,914
You're pregnant.

380
00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:03,208
Congratulations. That's amazing.

381
00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:05,502
I knew I was a good kisser, but this...

382
00:18:05,502 --> 00:18:07,504
I mean, this has never happened to me.

383
00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:11,633
See? I knew it was funny,
and I knew you'd get it.

384
00:18:14,177 --> 00:18:15,679
Why didn't you text back?

385
00:18:15,679 --> 00:18:19,266
I didn't get the text till 20 minutes ago.
I left the phone in my car.

386
00:18:19,975 --> 00:18:20,934
Sorry about that.

387
00:18:23,019 --> 00:18:24,104
So, uh,

388
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,607
who's this handsome gentleman
or gentlelady

389
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:30,318
that, uh, you're coming home with so late?

390
00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:31,903
Just some cutie I picked up.

391
00:18:32,404 --> 00:18:33,530
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

392
00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:34,823
Should I be jealous?

393
00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:36,158
I mean,

394
00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:40,871
this thick boy did stare deeply
into my eyes the entire way home,

395
00:18:40,871 --> 00:18:43,456
and I felt very seen, so maybe.

396
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:44,916
Okay. I am, then.

397
00:18:46,042 --> 00:18:48,211
- Where'd you find him?
- On the street.

398
00:18:48,211 --> 00:18:49,129
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

399
00:18:49,129 --> 00:18:52,549
My friend runs a rescue place, so I'm
gonna bring him there in the morning.

400
00:18:53,383 --> 00:18:56,344
Well, you saved a dog tonight.
You did a <i>mitzvah</i>.

401
00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:58,555
It's a good deed.

402
00:18:59,306 --> 00:19:01,474
Oh. Yeah, I did a <i>mitzvah</i>.

403
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:02,392
Yeah.

404
00:19:04,144 --> 00:19:05,437
- May I? You have a...
- What?

405
00:19:05,437 --> 00:19:06,563
...twig in your hair.

406
00:19:06,563 --> 00:19:08,440
Oh God.
- You have a lot in your hair.

407
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:12,277
What?
- Well, leaves and... just foliage.

408
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:16,865
I'm glad to see you.

409
00:19:16,865 --> 00:19:18,116
Glad to see you too.

410
00:19:23,580 --> 00:19:27,167
<i>♪ Must be love on the brain ♪</i>

411
00:19:28,710 --> 00:19:33,173
<i>- ♪ That's got me feeling this way ♪
- ♪ Feeling this way ♪</i>

412
00:19:33,173 --> 00:19:37,302
<i>♪ It beats me black and blue
But it... me so good ♪</i>

413
00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:40,013
<i>♪ And I can't get enough ♪</i>

414
00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:45,018
<i>♪ Must be love on the brain ♪</i>

415
00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:49,522
<i>- ♪ And it keeps cursing my name ♪
- ♪ Cursing my name ♪</i>

416
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:53,526
<i>♪ No matter what I do
I'm no good without you ♪</i>

417
00:19:53,526 --> 00:20:00,116
<i>♪ And I can't get enough
Must be love on the brain ♪</i>

418
00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:06,039
<i>- ♪ That's got me feeling this way ♪
- ♪ Feeling this way ♪</i>

419
00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:10,043
<i>♪ It beats me black and blue
But it... me so good ♪</i>

420
00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:13,129
<i>♪ And I can't get enough ♪</i>

421
00:20:13,129 --> 00:20:18,093
<i>♪ Must be love on the brain ♪</i>

422
00:20:18,093 --> 00:20:22,597
<i>- ♪ And it keeps cursing my name ♪
- ♪ Cursing my name ♪</i>

423
00:20:22,597 --> 00:20:26,726
<i>♪ No matter what I do
I'm no good without you ♪</i>

424
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:30,563
<i>♪ And I can't get enough
Must be... ♪</i>