1
00:00:06,716 --> 00:00:08,593
[upbeat music playing]

2
00:00:08,593 --> 00:00:10,803
<i>♪ It sure feels good ♪</i>

3
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:15,725
<i>♪ Coming home again ♪</i>

4
00:00:18,394 --> 00:00:19,312
<i>♪ Through the... ♪</i>

5
00:00:19,312 --> 00:00:21,731
God, rich people have the best garbage.

6
00:00:21,731 --> 00:00:23,524
[gasps] Ooh, this would look good on you.

7
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:25,568
Come on. Do not try and sabotage me.

8
00:00:25,568 --> 00:00:29,155
I think beige is great for you. It brings
out the gray undertones in your skin.

9
00:00:29,155 --> 00:00:30,114
- Really?
- Yes.

10
00:00:30,114 --> 00:00:32,784
If you're gonna fight,
please do it into a microphone.

11
00:00:32,784 --> 00:00:35,328
Your downloads have been tanking
in the last few weeks.

12
00:00:35,328 --> 00:00:37,663
Because Joanne got a boyfriend
and became boring.

13
00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:41,250
Uh, that's not fair.
I've just been sharing a little bit less.

14
00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:43,711
- It's healthy. Ever heard of it?
-"Healthy."

15
00:00:43,711 --> 00:00:46,798
I know you're having freaky rabbi sex
through a hole in a sheet.

16
00:00:46,798 --> 00:00:48,758
And the world deserves to know.

17
00:00:48,758 --> 00:00:52,678
Not everything has to be
on the podcast, Morgan, okay?

18
00:00:52,678 --> 00:00:54,514
And our downloads will bounce back.

19
00:00:54,514 --> 00:00:56,557
Have you been reading the comments lately?

20
00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:58,309
No, I don't read comments anymore.

21
00:00:58,309 --> 00:01:00,394
They're always complaining
about something dumb,

22
00:01:00,394 --> 00:01:02,146
like how often we pause to pee.

23
00:01:02,146 --> 00:01:04,273
Am I supposed to
stop drinking water and die?

24
00:01:04,273 --> 00:01:05,983
Okay, okay. Here's a smart one.

25
00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:10,279
"Lately, it's like, I don't know,
Morgan is so much funnier than Joanne."

26
00:01:10,780 --> 00:01:12,782
Clearly, you wrote that
'cause no one would say that.

27
00:01:12,782 --> 00:01:15,910
"Used to be a fan, but Joanne's
bland stories are killing me."

28
00:01:16,828 --> 00:01:18,704
And there's a GIF of Sleepytime tea.

29
00:01:20,456 --> 00:01:21,791
- [Joanne] What?
- [Morgan] Mm-hmm.

30
00:01:21,791 --> 00:01:22,875
Here's a positive one.

31
00:01:23,459 --> 00:01:27,547
"I like it that Joanne has been talking
less because her voice is so annoying."

32
00:01:27,547 --> 00:01:30,550
- Okay, maybe not that one.
- See, this is Noah's fault.

33
00:01:31,259 --> 00:01:32,426
I hate your boyfriend.

34
00:01:33,010 --> 00:01:35,429
- Why do you hate him?
- Because I don't wanna share.

35
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:38,933
Me? You don't wanna share me?
That's really sweet.

36
00:01:38,933 --> 00:01:41,519
Okay, tattoos, thick neck,
light criminal record.

37
00:01:41,519 --> 00:01:43,187
That's way more your type.

38
00:01:43,187 --> 00:01:45,398
- Oh, no.
- Why aren't we recording this?

39
00:01:45,398 --> 00:01:48,985
Look, okay, I don't want you to say
you hate Noah 'cause you don't know him.

40
00:01:48,985 --> 00:01:51,529
I mean, I don't know Anne Hathaway,
but I hate her.

41
00:01:51,529 --> 00:01:52,989
- Oh my God. Same.
- Yeah.

42
00:01:52,989 --> 00:01:56,701
You have to get to know him at some point.
What if I invite him to <i>Vanderpump</i> night?

43
00:01:56,701 --> 00:01:58,119
No, that's <i>our</i> time.

44
00:01:58,953 --> 00:02:00,079
He's not gonna get me.

45
00:02:00,663 --> 00:02:02,748
Morgan, you are not that complicated.

46
00:02:02,748 --> 00:02:04,500
I am full of contradictions.

47
00:02:04,500 --> 00:02:05,418
What?

48
00:02:05,418 --> 00:02:09,755
Like... I don't wanna sleep
with that guy, but I'm going to.

49
00:02:09,755 --> 00:02:11,048
I'll see you later.

50
00:02:11,883 --> 00:02:13,759
[Ashley] Really? Wearing a bonnet.

51
00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:15,011
I respect it.

52
00:02:16,095 --> 00:02:17,930
Is this too much for a funeral?

53
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,641
[upbeat music playing]

54
00:02:27,231 --> 00:02:29,192
Hey! Zaddy's home.

55
00:02:29,192 --> 00:02:31,903
Hey, Zaddy. What's your job title?

56
00:02:31,903 --> 00:02:33,446
Oh. Um...

57
00:02:34,447 --> 00:02:37,450
- World's greatest lover.
- Aw, I wish. [chuckles]

58
00:02:37,450 --> 00:02:40,411
Seriously. I'm filling out
Miriam's <i>bat mitzvah</i> announcement,

59
00:02:40,411 --> 00:02:43,956
and I need to know, like,
your actual, like, job title.

60
00:02:43,956 --> 00:02:45,291
Oh, um...

61
00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:48,419
I don't know. Nothing?

62
00:02:49,045 --> 00:02:50,713
An a... An associate?

63
00:02:50,713 --> 00:02:51,839
Associate?

64
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:55,718
The company's called Roklov and Sons,
and your brother doesn't even work there.

65
00:02:55,718 --> 00:02:58,804
That's pretty cool though.
It's like he's referring to me twice.

66
00:02:58,804 --> 00:03:02,183
Okay, I'm just gonna put vice president.

67
00:03:02,183 --> 00:03:05,895
No! My dad's gonna see that,
and he's just starting to like me.

68
00:03:05,895 --> 00:03:06,938
No, he's not.

69
00:03:06,938 --> 00:03:08,940
You gotta talk to him at some point, babe.

70
00:03:08,940 --> 00:03:12,485
No, I don't. I'm just gonna wait
until he feels like bringing it up.

71
00:03:12,485 --> 00:03:14,487
Closed mouths don't get fed.

72
00:03:16,239 --> 00:03:17,406
Fine. I'll talk to him.

73
00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:18,658
When?

74
00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,495
I don't know? By the end of Q4?

75
00:03:22,495 --> 00:03:24,830
Q4. This is due at 6:00 p.m.

76
00:03:24,830 --> 00:03:28,459
I'm not gonna talk to him today.
It's Sunday. He's at the <i>schvitz</i> all day.

77
00:03:28,459 --> 00:03:30,628
Looks like you're on your way
to the <i>schvitz.</i>

78
00:03:33,881 --> 00:03:36,259
[upbeat music playing]

79
00:03:39,178 --> 00:03:40,596
You know I hate the <i>schvitz.</i>

80
00:03:45,810 --> 00:03:49,730
There is a lot of lore to understand
when you're watching <i>Vanderpump.</i>

81
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:53,442
And we do this on Sundays
specifically because this is our football.

82
00:03:53,442 --> 00:03:54,652
It's like a church.

83
00:03:54,652 --> 00:03:55,736
- Yeah.
- Yeah.

84
00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:57,613
- It's like our church.
- Now it's my church too.

85
00:03:57,613 --> 00:03:58,531
Thank you.

86
00:03:58,531 --> 00:04:01,033
<i>Vanderpump</i> is not something
a person can just jump into.

87
00:04:01,033 --> 00:04:03,452
So if you get bored
and wanna leave, it's okay.

88
00:04:03,452 --> 00:04:06,372
She's just saying that
because she gets territorial.

89
00:04:06,372 --> 00:04:08,791
- No, I'm not.
- She's being conscientious.

90
00:04:08,791 --> 00:04:11,460
And to reciprocate,
I have brought you something.

91
00:04:11,460 --> 00:04:13,963
- [sighs] Don't try to impress me.
- But I want to.

92
00:04:14,672 --> 00:04:15,506
Okay. What is it?

93
00:04:15,506 --> 00:04:17,925
- Okay.
- It's a huge bag. How could I not ask?

94
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:19,552
- All right.
- You're just easy to get.

95
00:04:19,552 --> 00:04:22,972
Number one. Temporary tattoos.
We could apply them to my thin neck.

96
00:04:22,972 --> 00:04:24,390
Very cute.

97
00:04:24,390 --> 00:04:27,977
I brought the sheet that Joanne and I
are gonna have sex with later.

98
00:04:27,977 --> 00:04:30,354
- Joanne! You told him?
- I tell him everything.

99
00:04:30,354 --> 00:04:32,940
Oh my God. That's so embarrassing. Sorry.

100
00:04:32,940 --> 00:04:36,068
I also brought some Pirate's Booty
because I like them.

101
00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:37,778
Right. Can you even eat those?

102
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,406
I thought that rabbis
were supposed to keep kosher.

103
00:04:40,990 --> 00:04:43,576
It's a good thing we have a rabbi here
who can bless them.

104
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,662
<i>Hava Nagila</i>. They're blessed now.

105
00:04:46,662 --> 00:04:48,497
- Okay.
- They're also kosher already.

106
00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:51,459
All right. He's kinda funny. What? He is.

107
00:04:51,459 --> 00:04:52,918
- [phone rings]
- [Morgan] God.

108
00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:54,420
Oh.

109
00:04:54,420 --> 00:04:55,504
Oh, it's Mom.

110
00:04:55,504 --> 00:04:57,048
- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, Mom.

111
00:04:57,048 --> 00:05:00,760
<i>Hi, girls! Your dad and I
are on our way over for</i> Vanderpump.

112
00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:01,719
- [dad] <i>Hey.</i>
- You are?

113
00:05:01,719 --> 00:05:04,513
- [Morgan] Okay?
<i>- And yay! Pat's coming.</i>

114
00:05:04,513 --> 00:05:06,390
- Wait. Who's... who's Pat?
- Who's Pat?

115
00:05:06,390 --> 00:05:07,933
<i>Your father's new boyfriend.</i>

116
00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:10,978
<i>Hi, Joanne! Hi, Morgan!</i>

117
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:13,814
<i>Isn't he the sweetest?
Oh, and he's a therapist.</i>

118
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:17,151
<i>He once treated Henry Winkler's cousin,
you know, Fonzie?</i>

119
00:05:17,151 --> 00:05:18,444
Why is this happening?

120
00:05:18,444 --> 00:05:20,112
<i>Well, uh, I talked to Isis.</i>

121
00:05:20,112 --> 00:05:22,531
- Isis?
- I'm sorry. The terrorist organization?

122
00:05:22,531 --> 00:05:25,409
<i>My spiritual leader and cat sitter.</i>

123
00:05:25,409 --> 00:05:26,702
- What?
- Mom...

124
00:05:26,702 --> 00:05:30,873
<i>They said that you girls really need
two healthy co-parents.</i>

125
00:05:30,873 --> 00:05:33,709
- I don't feel that's true.
- We literally don't. We're adults.

126
00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:35,336
<i>- See you in a few!
- Yeah.</i>

127
00:05:35,336 --> 00:05:37,046
- No, don't bring Pat--
- [phone chimes]

128
00:05:37,046 --> 00:05:40,674
- So your parents are coming over?
- Apparently, with someone named Pat.

129
00:05:41,175 --> 00:05:47,264
[exhales] Okay, um, I have to change,
just because I'm in my basketball clothes.

130
00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:50,434
- It's just my parents.
- No one is more important than parents.

131
00:05:50,434 --> 00:05:53,479
Nothing is less important
than my parents. You look fine.

132
00:05:53,479 --> 00:05:56,649
Okay. Well, I was raised like this.
So I think I need to change.

133
00:05:56,649 --> 00:05:59,318
- You don't have to--
- We don't have enough snacks.

134
00:05:59,318 --> 00:06:02,071
I'm gonna go out.
I'm gonna do a quick pop... quick pop out.

135
00:06:02,071 --> 00:06:04,156
I'm gonna come back
after I do a quick pop.

136
00:06:04,156 --> 00:06:05,449
Be right back. Thanks. Sorry.

137
00:06:08,494 --> 00:06:10,162
So you fuck that man through a sheet?

138
00:06:10,663 --> 00:06:11,497
- Stop it.
- Hmm.

139
00:06:11,997 --> 00:06:13,082
[sighs]

140
00:06:14,959 --> 00:06:15,918
[steam hisses]

141
00:06:15,918 --> 00:06:17,253
[Ilan] Oh boy.

142
00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:23,092
Hey.

143
00:06:28,139 --> 00:06:29,807
Oh, there's my big boy.

144
00:06:29,807 --> 00:06:30,808
Hey, Papa.

145
00:06:31,308 --> 00:06:32,143
Uh, Father.

146
00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:38,441
- I'm here bec--
- [steam hisses]

147
00:06:40,443 --> 00:06:41,652
Because I wanted to ask--

148
00:06:41,652 --> 00:06:44,947
Do me a favor. I need you
to smack me with the <i>venik.</i>

149
00:06:45,531 --> 00:06:46,365
- Okay.
- Yeah.

150
00:06:46,365 --> 00:06:47,450
With what?

151
00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:49,076
- [Ilan] Come on.
- Okay. All right.

152
00:06:50,286 --> 00:06:51,620
[groans] Oh.

153
00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:53,456
[Ilan exhales]

154
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,375
[Ilan] Oh yeah. Smack!

155
00:06:57,209 --> 00:06:58,210
Oh.

156
00:06:58,210 --> 00:06:59,587
[leaves rustle]

157
00:06:59,587 --> 00:07:00,838
There you go.

158
00:07:01,422 --> 00:07:04,967
So I've been thinking about the company
and maybe having a bigger role?

159
00:07:04,967 --> 00:07:06,135
Bigger role?

160
00:07:06,635 --> 00:07:09,430
What, you wanna take my job?
I'm not dead yet, Sasha.

161
00:07:09,430 --> 00:07:12,308
- Just concentrate on the <i>venik,</i> will you?
- Okay.

162
00:07:13,225 --> 00:07:14,768
[Ilan sighs happily]

163
00:07:15,352 --> 00:07:17,021
[upbeat music playing]

164
00:07:18,439 --> 00:07:20,316
- Here we go.
- [Joanne] Hello, family.

165
00:07:20,316 --> 00:07:21,609
Pat, you're here too.

166
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:24,987
- So grateful to be invited.
- [Joanne] Okay.

167
00:07:24,987 --> 00:07:27,072
Our cutting-edge new family! [chuckles]

168
00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:28,949
- Isn't it neat?
- Yeah.

169
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,451
- [dad] Hey, girls!
- [Morgan] Hi, Dad.

170
00:07:30,451 --> 00:07:32,828
You started without us again.
Damn it. What'd we miss?

171
00:07:32,828 --> 00:07:34,330
[Pat] Oh, I just want to say,

172
00:07:34,914 --> 00:07:38,584
um, I know that change
can be really hard to navigate,

173
00:07:38,584 --> 00:07:41,128
but I think you <i>chicas</i>
are doing it with such grace.

174
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:42,338
That's patronizing, Pat.

175
00:07:43,422 --> 00:07:45,090
You're right. You're right. So sorry.

176
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,009
[dad] Oh, I am so glad you're here.

177
00:07:47,009 --> 00:07:49,303
Aw, well, you're where I most wanna be.

178
00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:52,056
- Love is in the air! [laughs awkwardly]
- [Morgan] Wow.

179
00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:54,475
- [Joanne] What are you doing?
- Wow.

180
00:07:54,475 --> 00:07:57,061
- We're an affectionate family.
- No, we're not.

181
00:07:57,061 --> 00:08:00,439
You girls were both inside of me,
and that connection never goes away.

182
00:08:00,439 --> 00:08:01,941
Me too. How ya think they got here?

183
00:08:01,941 --> 00:08:03,359
- [doorbell rings]
- Dad, come on.

184
00:08:03,359 --> 00:08:05,402
[dad] She's not exactly the Virgin Mary.

185
00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:07,154
- Hey. I'm back.
- [Joanne] Hi.

186
00:08:07,655 --> 00:08:10,241
Quick question. Is that a blazer
over your sweatshirt?

187
00:08:10,241 --> 00:08:11,784
Nope. It's a sport coat.

188
00:08:11,784 --> 00:08:14,453
Thank God I had it in the car.
Hello, everyone.

189
00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:15,454
He got flowers.

190
00:08:15,454 --> 00:08:16,413
- [dad] Hi.
- Hi.

191
00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:18,749
Um, guys, this is Noah.

192
00:08:18,749 --> 00:08:22,044
Uh, Noah, this is my mom,
and this is my dad.

193
00:08:22,044 --> 00:08:22,962
And I'm Pat.

194
00:08:22,962 --> 00:08:24,713
- So great to meet you all.
- [Lynn] Noah.

195
00:08:24,713 --> 00:08:27,800
<i>Oy vey!</i> A Jewish rabbi. [chuckles]

196
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:30,469
You know Lynn is actually a Hebrew name?

197
00:08:30,469 --> 00:08:32,012
- Wow.
- Are we sure about that?

198
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,180
Uh, um...

199
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:35,975
Hi. Henry. Joanne's dad.

200
00:08:35,975 --> 00:08:37,977
- A pleasure, sir.
- [Pat] Oh my God!

201
00:08:37,977 --> 00:08:40,354
- I die that you call him "sir."
- Why?

202
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:41,939
I might start calling you "sir."

203
00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:44,608
- [Henry] Don't you dare.
- Oh, yes, "sir." I will get right on that.

204
00:08:44,608 --> 00:08:45,609
[both laugh]

205
00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:47,820
Pat, you are too much.
[chuckles awkwardly]

206
00:08:48,612 --> 00:08:51,991
Noah, I had no idea you were so handsome.

207
00:08:51,991 --> 00:08:54,868
I mean, you look just like Billy Joel.

208
00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:56,996
- He does not.
- A little. I've heard that.

209
00:08:56,996 --> 00:09:01,166
You know, his birthday
is three days after mine.

210
00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:02,459
That's not interesting.

211
00:09:02,459 --> 00:09:03,752
Why do you know that?

212
00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:06,005
Joanne shares a birthday
with the Unabomber.

213
00:09:06,005 --> 00:09:08,674
- [Lynn] Yeah.
- Well, thank you. I love Billy Joel.

214
00:09:08,674 --> 00:09:10,301
And so, ma'am.

215
00:09:10,301 --> 00:09:13,345
[Lynn] Please, call me Lynn.

216
00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:14,263
[Noah] Will do.

217
00:09:14,263 --> 00:09:16,015
And, uh, who are these for?

218
00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:18,017
They're for you.

219
00:09:18,017 --> 00:09:19,226
- For me?
- [Noah] Yes.

220
00:09:20,436 --> 00:09:21,270
Why?

221
00:09:21,854 --> 00:09:23,022
Uh...

222
00:09:23,022 --> 00:09:24,273
For respect.

223
00:09:25,441 --> 00:09:27,484
- I don't own a vase.
- I can just hold them.

224
00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:30,863
You know? I'll go find something.
Yeah? Okay. Mm.

225
00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:34,700
- These are heavy.
- Let me... Let me hold them.

226
00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:36,327
- So, Noah.
- Yes.

227
00:09:36,327 --> 00:09:38,787
What exactly are your intentions
with my daughter?

228
00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:40,039
- Ah.
- [Joanne laughs]

229
00:09:40,039 --> 00:09:42,791
Why are you pretending to be, like,
a real dad right now?

230
00:09:43,375 --> 00:09:45,252
- I am a real dad.
- Well...

231
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,795
- [Pat] It's okay.
- [Henry] What?

232
00:09:46,795 --> 00:09:48,422
Just let her feel her feelings.

233
00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:49,465
Thank you, Pat.

234
00:09:49,465 --> 00:09:51,091
Found an old Prego jar.

235
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:52,968
[imitates Italian accent] Ah, Prego!

236
00:09:55,054 --> 00:09:58,015
[Noah chuckles awkwardly]

237
00:09:58,015 --> 00:10:01,018
[Noah] <i>It's a sport coat. Prego!</i>

238
00:10:01,018 --> 00:10:02,394
<i>Thank you. I love Billy Joel.</i>

239
00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:04,396
<i>Prego!</i>

240
00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:05,439
<i>For respect.</i>

241
00:10:06,357 --> 00:10:07,358
<i>Prego!</i>

242
00:10:07,983 --> 00:10:09,943
- Why'd you say that so loud?
- Was it loud?

243
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:12,112
- [Joanne] Yeah, kinda.
- [Noah] Okay.

244
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:13,405
- Okay.
- [Joanne] Yeah.

245
00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:18,202
You know what? Um, let me take those.

246
00:10:19,036 --> 00:10:21,246
Can you, um, come with me? Yeah?

247
00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:24,124
That's a lot of flowers.
Thought you were going to a funeral.

248
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,918
Well, the day's still young.

249
00:10:25,918 --> 00:10:27,252
- [laughter]
- [Morgan] Okay.

250
00:10:27,252 --> 00:10:28,879
[Pat] I love sunflowers, but they die...

251
00:10:28,879 --> 00:10:31,674
Listen, I saw that face.
You've got the ick.

252
00:10:31,674 --> 00:10:32,841
- What? No.
- [Morgan] Yeah.

253
00:10:32,841 --> 00:10:35,469
I mean, it threw me a little

254
00:10:35,469 --> 00:10:37,179
that he came dressed
as a hip youth pastor.

255
00:10:37,179 --> 00:10:39,932
- [Morgan] Uh, yeah.
- But I still like him.

256
00:10:40,557 --> 00:10:43,435
- I don't have the ick.
- Sweetie, you can't fight the ick.

257
00:10:43,435 --> 00:10:46,730
Okay? It's like a Chinese finger trap.
The harder you pull, the stronger it gets.

258
00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:48,899
I don't have it, so--

259
00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:52,319
Sure. Well, here's your beautiful flowers.
They give you the ick.

260
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:54,488
- Just put them--
- You want them. You love them.

261
00:10:54,488 --> 00:10:56,865
- Stop it. That's enough.
- [Morgan] Come on. Okay.

262
00:10:58,450 --> 00:10:59,785
I don't want these.

263
00:11:03,997 --> 00:11:04,832
Beautiful.

264
00:11:07,251 --> 00:11:08,752
[upbeat music playing]

265
00:11:11,088 --> 00:11:12,297
[Ilan] <i>Get in the cold plunge.</i>

266
00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:15,259
I don't wanna get in the cold water.
It makes my fingers tingly.

267
00:11:15,259 --> 00:11:16,385
<i>Malyshka</i>.

268
00:11:16,385 --> 00:11:18,637
- [man chuckles]
- Don't be a <i>putz.</i> Get in.

269
00:11:20,264 --> 00:11:21,432
You know what? Fuck it.

270
00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:25,185
[shudders]

271
00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:28,230
[shivers] You know what, Pop?

272
00:11:28,230 --> 00:11:31,567
I'm here every single day,
making shit happen.

273
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:34,027
That lot on Figueroa? That was me.

274
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:36,530
Pulling the permits
for Boulder Avenue? Done.

275
00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:38,699
Who unshells your pistachios

276
00:11:38,699 --> 00:11:42,077
so that, every single morning,
they're on your desk, ready for snacking?

277
00:11:42,077 --> 00:11:42,995
That's your boy.

278
00:11:44,747 --> 00:11:47,875
I wanna be vice president,
and I feel that I've earned it.

279
00:11:50,169 --> 00:11:51,128
Well, well...

280
00:11:53,547 --> 00:11:55,257
I've been waiting for you to ask.

281
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,050
Wait, really?

282
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,886
I just needed to see your <i>chutzpah</i>.

283
00:11:58,886 --> 00:12:01,430
Okay, vice president,
let's give you a shot.

284
00:12:01,430 --> 00:12:04,057
Starting tomorrow.
5:00 a.m. Golder Avenue.

285
00:12:04,057 --> 00:12:05,601
Then back-to-back meetings.

286
00:12:05,601 --> 00:12:08,103
You're gonna get to see
everything your papa does.

287
00:12:09,313 --> 00:12:11,857
You're a little <i>boychickleh</i>. Come on.

288
00:12:12,483 --> 00:12:14,443
Tell Esther
you're gonna be late for dinner.

289
00:12:15,027 --> 00:12:15,861
Okay.

290
00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:21,366
[Sasha laughs]

291
00:12:22,576 --> 00:12:25,496
Holy shit! It is fucking cold in here.
How do you do this?

292
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:30,334
[Henry] Actually, podiatry is very steady
'cause almost everybody has feet.

293
00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:31,543
[men laugh]

294
00:12:32,711 --> 00:12:34,338
So... so how did you two meet?

295
00:12:34,338 --> 00:12:35,547
[Joanne sighs]

296
00:12:35,547 --> 00:12:37,341
- Liver.
- What?

297
00:12:37,341 --> 00:12:40,010
Sighing means your liver is in distress.

298
00:12:40,719 --> 00:12:43,680
- That actually makes perfect sense.
- Does it?

299
00:12:46,058 --> 00:12:48,811
- [inhales] We met--
- Oh, so we met... Let me tell this story.

300
00:12:48,811 --> 00:12:51,313
- It's such a good story.
- God! Okay, because you're so cute.

301
00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:53,774
- [men chuckle]
- [Henry] Oh. All right, ready?

302
00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:54,983
- [Noah] Yeah.
- [Henry exhales]

303
00:12:54,983 --> 00:12:56,151
Um, so,

304
00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:59,238
we met on Grindr.

305
00:13:03,826 --> 00:13:06,078
Oh, that's it. Oh, that's great. Sorry.

306
00:13:06,078 --> 00:13:08,789
I thought the story would be longer.
But that's wonderful.

307
00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:12,376
I mean, it's just very rare
to find love on there.

308
00:13:12,376 --> 00:13:14,670
So our... our story is... is pretty unique.

309
00:13:14,670 --> 00:13:15,754
100%.

310
00:13:15,754 --> 00:13:17,548
Such a beautiful love story.

311
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:19,424
- Oh.
- Where do you find that?

312
00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:20,801
- On Grindr.
- [Lynn] Yeah.

313
00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:22,761
- Okay.
- That's what I was gonna say.

314
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:25,681
You seem pretty evolved
and open-minded, Noah.

315
00:13:25,681 --> 00:13:27,391
Let me ask you something.

316
00:13:27,391 --> 00:13:30,602
Would you marry two gay people
in your synagogue, or is that not allowed?

317
00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:32,145
That's a great question.

318
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:36,233
Um, I would, and I have, actually.
But they both have to be Jewish.

319
00:13:36,233 --> 00:13:42,406
Um, sexuality is not so much of an issue,
but Jew, non-Jew... it's a bit of an issue.

320
00:13:42,406 --> 00:13:45,075
Oh, the elephant in the room
has finally been addressed.

321
00:13:45,075 --> 00:13:47,369
What? It's...
That's not an elephant, Morgan.

322
00:13:47,369 --> 00:13:49,329
[Noah] I could marry a Jew and a convert.

323
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:51,331
Converts are considered
the closest to God.

324
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,542
- [Pat] Oh.
- [Henry] Maybe we should convert.

325
00:13:53,542 --> 00:13:56,253
I'm... I'm Catholic,
which I do not recommend.

326
00:13:56,253 --> 00:13:57,588
- No?
- [Pat] No.

327
00:13:57,588 --> 00:14:01,216
They, uh... They teach you to... How do I...

328
00:14:01,967 --> 00:14:03,302
Hate yourself, you know?

329
00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:05,012
[Henry] Oh, Pat.

330
00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:06,805
I'm sorry. Sorry. I--

331
00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:09,641
- Okay, Pat, I love you.
- I love you too.

332
00:14:10,309 --> 00:14:13,103
Aw, that's so sweet.
What a loving relationship.

333
00:14:13,103 --> 00:14:14,688
- [Pat] Sorry.
- You're with safe people.

334
00:14:14,688 --> 00:14:15,772
[Pat] I did it again.

335
00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:18,191
It is so hot in here.
I'm gonna get some air.

336
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:20,903
I, actually, will also be
getting some air. Yeah.

337
00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:22,112
Listen to me.

338
00:14:22,738 --> 00:14:23,655
I love you.

339
00:14:25,741 --> 00:14:27,200
Will you pass the bottle?

340
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,327
Sure.

341
00:14:28,327 --> 00:14:31,330
We're actually getting air.
I thought we were just gonna leave.

342
00:14:31,330 --> 00:14:34,166
No. I just needed, like, a... a minute.

343
00:14:34,166 --> 00:14:35,167
Totally.

344
00:14:35,751 --> 00:14:36,585
[exhales]

345
00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:38,503
Let's sit, yeah?

346
00:14:38,503 --> 00:14:39,630
- Yeah.
- And breathe.

347
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,423
[Joanne sighs]

348
00:14:41,423 --> 00:14:42,341
[Morgan groans]

349
00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:46,511
- That's good.
- Oh yeah.

350
00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:47,846
[imitates Noah] Prego, Prego!

351
00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:49,556
- Don't! Don't!
- What?

352
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:52,643
- Morgan, ew! Okay, fine, fine.
- I'm sorry! I had to.

353
00:14:52,643 --> 00:14:54,019
- I have the ick, okay?
- I know.

354
00:14:54,019 --> 00:14:55,354
- [Joanne] Are you happy?
- Yes.

355
00:14:55,354 --> 00:14:59,483
I can't believe I ever let him touch me
with those giant flower-holding hands.

356
00:14:59,483 --> 00:15:02,861
The ick. You know,
it always seems to find a way.

357
00:15:02,861 --> 00:15:03,779
[Joanne] Mm.

358
00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:06,823
Remember when I saw
Wyatt running with a backpack?

359
00:15:06,823 --> 00:15:09,493
It just kept on, like,
clapping against his body?

360
00:15:09,493 --> 00:15:12,788
- That literally makes me sick for you.
- I know!

361
00:15:12,788 --> 00:15:13,830
It's terrible.

362
00:15:14,373 --> 00:15:18,543
When I was about to move in with Anthony,
then I saw him chasing a ping-pong ball

363
00:15:18,543 --> 00:15:19,753
and never caught it.

364
00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:21,797
He could still be chasing it
for all I know.

365
00:15:21,797 --> 00:15:25,258
Could have been the love of my life,
but no regrets.

366
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,052
Can't unsee something like that.

367
00:15:28,512 --> 00:15:30,639
You know who gave me
the biggest ick of all?

368
00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:33,058
Dad saying "I love you."

369
00:15:33,058 --> 00:15:36,645
- Such a fucking ick. What was that?
- I don't know.

370
00:15:36,645 --> 00:15:39,773
I... I mean, when's the last time
he said that to either of us?

371
00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:40,941
Uh, never.

372
00:15:43,276 --> 00:15:44,778
[Joanne sighs]

373
00:15:44,778 --> 00:15:47,489
God, am I really gonna break up with Noah?
That's so sad.

374
00:15:47,489 --> 00:15:49,366
Listen, it happens.

375
00:15:51,868 --> 00:15:53,912
- How are you gonna do it?
- I don't know.

376
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,498
Kinda like the way I broke up with Marco.

377
00:15:57,082 --> 00:15:59,459
- How did you do it?
- I just stopped texting him back.

378
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,086
Oh, yeah, that's good.

379
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:03,714
- [Henry] Wanna raid the liquor cabinet?
- Yes, sir.

380
00:16:03,714 --> 00:16:07,759
[chuckles] Noah, do you hear what
you've started? Now he's calling me sir.

381
00:16:07,759 --> 00:16:08,844
Oh man.

382
00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:12,305
You okay?

383
00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:17,060
Ah. I know I'm supposed
to be "over it," but...

384
00:16:18,812 --> 00:16:19,896
I'm doing my best.

385
00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:20,814
Yeah.

386
00:16:21,565 --> 00:16:24,776
- I'm sorry. It must be really tough.
- Well, don't tell Joanne.

387
00:16:24,776 --> 00:16:28,196
You know, it's hard enough for the girls
to see their dad like this.

388
00:16:28,196 --> 00:16:29,448
Yeah, with someone new?

389
00:16:29,448 --> 00:16:33,493
No, so affectionate
and emotionally available.

390
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:36,663
I... I see Henry with Pat,
and I don't recognize him.

391
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,458
Saying, "I love you."
Like, who is this man?

392
00:16:39,458 --> 00:16:42,044
Wow! I didn't... I didn't know that.

393
00:16:42,044 --> 00:16:43,086
And the girls,

394
00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:45,213
they always wanted more from him

395
00:16:46,131 --> 00:16:47,549
and less from me.

396
00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:51,344
You know, girls and their dads.
It's tricky stuff.

397
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:56,725
[sniffs] I've just been
trying to hold it together.

398
00:16:58,393 --> 00:17:00,395
For what it's worth,
I think you're doing a good job.

399
00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:03,356
Well, that's a lie, Rabbi. [chuckles]

400
00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:05,150
But a sweet one.

401
00:17:08,945 --> 00:17:10,947
[poignant music playing]

402
00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:19,456
Hey, Morgan,
can I talk to Joanne for a sec?

403
00:17:19,456 --> 00:17:21,792
- Oh, yeah. [groans]
- [Noah] Thanks.

404
00:17:24,336 --> 00:17:27,839
Noah, it's been really nice
getting to know you.

405
00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:30,258
<i>Mazel tov.</i>

406
00:17:35,514 --> 00:17:36,723
- Hey.
- Hi.

407
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:37,641
[Noah] So, uh,

408
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,644
clearly, something I did today
freaked you out.

409
00:17:40,644 --> 00:17:42,896
My money is on the flowers.

410
00:17:42,896 --> 00:17:45,941
- They were too big. I can see that.
- It wasn't just any one thing.

411
00:17:45,941 --> 00:17:49,945
Sure. Listen. I wanted your family
to like me. Okay? I tried to impress them.

412
00:17:49,945 --> 00:17:53,532
That's not as lame as you think it is,
so I'm not gonna apologize for that.

413
00:17:53,532 --> 00:17:56,993
And to be honest, I don't really think
that's the reason you're upset.

414
00:17:57,911 --> 00:17:59,746
There's a lot going on with your family,

415
00:17:59,746 --> 00:18:03,333
so I understand why
you would have your guard up. I do.

416
00:18:03,917 --> 00:18:07,212
You can self-sabotage all you want,
but I think you should get over it,

417
00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:08,380
because, Joanne...

418
00:18:10,549 --> 00:18:11,550
I'm on your side.

419
00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:15,637
I can handle you.

420
00:18:16,555 --> 00:18:18,598
[gentle music playing]

421
00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:21,268
Was it the sport coat?

422
00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:25,856
Part of it's that you keep referring to it
as a "sport coat."

423
00:18:25,856 --> 00:18:29,192
- It is a sport coat. Doesn't matter.
- I need to fact-check that.

424
00:18:29,192 --> 00:18:30,277
Here's what matters.

425
00:18:31,486 --> 00:18:32,529
I really like you.

426
00:18:33,822 --> 00:18:38,076
Like, a lot. Okay? And you like me, too,
so stop pretending that you don't.

427
00:18:39,202 --> 00:18:40,787
Fine. I do.

428
00:18:42,414 --> 00:18:43,456
You do what?

429
00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:46,501
I do like you.

430
00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:48,753
Wait.

431
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:53,216
You have to say it
while I'm wearing the sport coat.

432
00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:54,509
Otherwise, it's not real.

433
00:18:54,509 --> 00:18:56,094
I don't know if I can.

434
00:18:57,512 --> 00:18:58,763
Let's consummate this.

435
00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:01,933
- Say it to the sport coat if that helps.
- [laughs] Okay.

436
00:19:01,933 --> 00:19:03,643
[gentle music continues]

437
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:04,644
It's nice, right?

438
00:19:07,105 --> 00:19:08,607
- Okay, fine. I really like you.
- I know.

439
00:19:08,607 --> 00:19:10,233
I really like you, I really like you.

440
00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:11,693
[gentle music continues]

441
00:19:13,945 --> 00:19:15,947
But also, you said "Prego" with an accent.

442
00:19:15,947 --> 00:19:18,200
[Italian accent] I knew
it was wrong the second--

443
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:19,576
- Don't do that!
- [Noah] I knew it!

444
00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:22,829
I can't have sex with you
and have that in the back of my head.

445
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:25,373
[Italian accent] Do you wanna go upstairs
and test-a the theory?

446
00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:26,291
[Joanne sighs]

447
00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:27,918
Hey, that's your liver.

448
00:19:28,835 --> 00:19:30,462
[Joanne] <i>So the big question is,</i>

449
00:19:30,462 --> 00:19:34,925
once someone has formed a certain,
let's say, "negative perception" of you,

450
00:19:34,925 --> 00:19:36,218
can you change it?

451
00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:41,848
I was for sure, "no," but damn
if the answer isn't a resounding "yes."

452
00:19:41,848 --> 00:19:43,058
Okay, wait, wait, wait.

453
00:19:43,058 --> 00:19:45,560
You're burying the lead, right?

454
00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:48,772
So the big news is
Joanne has a new man in her life.

455
00:19:48,772 --> 00:19:51,816
But we're not using names.
So let's just call him "The Prophet."

456
00:19:51,816 --> 00:19:54,069
The Prophet.
We could have workshopped that.

457
00:19:54,069 --> 00:19:56,696
- And The Prophet has done the impossible.
- [Morgan] Mm.

458
00:19:56,696 --> 00:19:59,407
He has come back from the ick,

459
00:19:59,407 --> 00:20:03,912
which has never been done before
in history. The ick cannot be reversed.

460
00:20:04,496 --> 00:20:06,873
Now we know it has to be defeated,
it needs to be conquered,

461
00:20:06,873 --> 00:20:10,043
and it can be overcome.

462
00:20:10,752 --> 00:20:12,629
- Yep, that's true.
- [Joanne] Hmm.

463
00:20:12,629 --> 00:20:14,756
He gave us something interesting
to talk about

464
00:20:14,756 --> 00:20:16,925
after ruining you
for the past few episodes.

465
00:20:16,925 --> 00:20:19,886
So you can thank him
for bringing my sister back for the show.

466
00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:22,889
I was worried I was gonna have to do
the podcast by myself, so...

467
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:24,599
Come on. There is no podcast without me.

468
00:20:24,599 --> 00:20:27,686
But I will send along your thanks
when I see him at dinner tonight.

469
00:20:27,686 --> 00:20:29,562
I just wanna say he's a doll.

470
00:20:30,188 --> 00:20:33,441
I think in a past life,
we were romantically involved.

471
00:20:33,441 --> 00:20:34,901
- Oh God, Mom. Gross.
- Ew, Mom.

472
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:36,945
Why is past you
trying to date my boyfriend?

473
00:20:36,945 --> 00:20:38,655
Mothers and daughters share a type.

474
00:20:38,655 --> 00:20:41,116
- Ew, Mom.
- Oh my God. All right. You need to stop.

475
00:20:41,116 --> 00:20:44,369
Okay. On that note, thank you
for listening, and I have to pee.

476
00:20:44,369 --> 00:20:45,495
- [phone chimes]
- Okay.

477
00:20:46,162 --> 00:20:46,997
[Joanne groans]

478
00:20:46,997 --> 00:20:49,082
[upbeat music playing]

479
00:20:51,543 --> 00:20:52,419
[Morgan chuckles]

480
00:20:53,336 --> 00:20:55,463
[upbeat music continues]

481
00:20:55,463 --> 00:20:56,673
[message sends]

482
00:22:03,531 --> 00:22:04,449
[music fades]