1
00:00:06,798 --> 00:00:08,800
[upbeat music playing]
2
00:00:15,765 --> 00:00:18,226
You guys, I cannot
find Rebecca on Instagram,
3
00:00:18,309 --> 00:00:20,395
and I've done every possible combination.
4
00:00:20,478 --> 00:00:22,772
Rebecca Vassar. Rebecca car accident.
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00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:26,609
Oh, car accident. Maybe she's not on there
because maybe she's dead.
6
00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:29,279
-Did she die?
-No. She just broke her wrist.
7
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For attention. And it was
a very high-level move. I respect it.
8
00:00:32,699 --> 00:00:35,160
Okay, you guys,
Rebecca's not on Instagram.
9
00:00:35,243 --> 00:00:37,495
Wait. How do people know
that she goes on vacation?
10
00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:40,206
She doesn't need validation
like the rest of us.
11
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:44,044
-How am I supposed to compete with that?
-Mm. You can't. You need way too much.
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-You need a lot.
-Don't!
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That's not helping my anxiety for tonight.
We have our first real date.
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Okay, focus.
15
00:00:50,675 --> 00:00:53,053
You gotta lock this guy down. Like, fast.
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He is hot. He's employed.
He doesn't have kids. He comes from money.
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00:00:56,639 --> 00:00:59,392
He's like a fucking unicorn in this town.
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And, babe, the clock is ticking
on that face of yours.
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How long do you think I have left
on my face?
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I'm talking months, not years.
I know. It's bad. I'm sorry.
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00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:10,153
-Can we talk about the podcast real quick?
-[Joanne] Yes.
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00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:12,530
You're interviewing
that sex therapist tomorrow,
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so you gotta pick up
the vibrator she's selling.
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-Yes. What's it called? The Plower?
-No, the Excavator.
25
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-No, no, no. It's the Obliterator.
-Oh, I love that thing!
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But warning, you do really need
to work your way up to level ten.
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-Like, take it slow.
-[Ashley] Little by little.
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-[woman clicks tongue]
-Yeah, yeah.
29
00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:35,678
Okay, so you should need at least
one of these tonight unless you biff it.
30
00:01:36,179 --> 00:01:38,640
It's so weird how you buy condoms
for all your friends.
31
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We all talk about it.
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All right, just take your pick.
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I want you to feel comfortable,
so take whatever you need. No judgment.
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-Everyone's built differently.
-[Sasha] Man, you're so good at this.
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You could make a business out of this.
You know, like Hitch.
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-Bro, thank you.
-[Sasha] Yeah.
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Film was a fucking masterpiece.
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So good, right?
39
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You know what the truth is?
I love helping people.
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The last thing you need
is to knock up a rebound.
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00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:03,790
Whoa! Whoa, whoa. She's not a rebound.
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Dude, two minutes after a big breakup,
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00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:10,505
some short, sparkly Barbie rolls along,
who's the complete opposite of Rebecca.
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00:02:11,089 --> 00:02:13,842
-No, you're wrong.
-[Sasha] Come on. Is a rebound so bad?
45
00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:17,011
You have a little fun,
and you get your mind off Rebecca.
46
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Fair enough, but Joanne's more than fun.
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Dude, you're saying that
like fun's a bad thing.
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-No.
-We love fun.
49
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But do we end up with fun?
50
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Yeah, have you met Esther?
She's not fun. That's why I married her.
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Listen, I have to be honest.
You guys are getting in my head a bit.
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I'll tell you something.
Joanne's more than just a rebound, okay?
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And I know, sure, on the surface,
she seems very "fun,"
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but I really think
there's a lot more to her than that.
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You know what I'm gonna do?
Tonight, I'm gonna go deeper.
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I'm gonna push really deep with her.
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-You're gonna push deeper.
-Deep as hell, man.
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-Yeah. Yeah. I'll...
-You might hit her sternum.
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[man grunting]
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[Sasha] Oh my God.
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-This one's got a yarmulke on it.
-All right.
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[upbeat music playing]
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Hey, how much do I Venmo you
for my half of the Obliterator?
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00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:09,314
Okay. Well, first of all,
let's do single ownership on this one.
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-[Joanne] Okay.
-Right?
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Second of all, um, I didn't get it
because I thought you were getting it.
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Wait, what? No, can you please get it?
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'Cause I have my date with Noah tonight,
and it's, like, consuming me.
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Oh my God. It's consuming you?
Joanne, you met this guy 48 hours ago.
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Yeah, but...
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Okay, I know this might sound insane,
but this could be the last time
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00:03:28,958 --> 00:03:31,502
I ever have sex
with someone for the first time.
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Are you okay?
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-[phone chimes]
-It's wild.
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-[Morgan] Oh God.
-[phone chimes]
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Oh my God, Mom. You know what?
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I'm sorry, but if she is gonna send us
unhinged videos of her doing mushrooms,
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then she needs to do mushrooms less
'cause I cannot.
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[giggles] I know. She's a lot.
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That's why I just delete them. I already
can hear what she's going to say.
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You know, she's just like,
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"The medicine told me to tell you both
how grateful I am for both of you."
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You know? Then it's just, like,
two minutes of insanity.
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Right.
85
00:04:00,490 --> 00:04:02,450
-That's where you get it.
-What?
86
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I am so not like Mom.
87
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:04,744
Yes, you are.
88
00:04:04,827 --> 00:04:06,621
-No, I'm not.
-[Morgan] You are both a lot.
89
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:09,707
She scares people off.
You scare people off.
90
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Wait. Why has no one ever told me this?
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Because they're scared.
92
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[sighs]
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Listen, okay? You just need to be,
like, casual. All right? Be aloof.
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00:04:21,386 --> 00:04:24,472
Don't show him how much you like him.
He'll have nothing to chase.
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Why drink the milk
when you can buy the cow for free?
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00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:29,769
Yes, no. That's not the phrase,
but I do hear you.
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00:04:29,852 --> 00:04:32,313
-Yes, it is.
-Even though now I'm totally spinning.
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[Morgan] No, I think that's right.
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It's "why drink the milk
when you can buy the cow for free?"
100
00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:40,280
That sounds right. "Why drink the milk
when you can buy the cow for free?"
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I think you're wrong.
I think that's right.
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[upbeat music playing]
103
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-[Esther] Oh!
-Hey, babe.
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-Hi, babe.
-[Sasha] What are you doing?
105
00:05:01,759 --> 00:05:06,139
Oh, I'm just out here
pairing your gargantuan socks.
106
00:05:06,222 --> 00:05:07,432
-Yeah?
-Yeah.
107
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:09,225
What?
108
00:05:09,892 --> 00:05:13,229
Remember when the Red Hot Chili Peppers
would only wear one sock? That was sexy.
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00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,148
Um, what... What is this here?
110
00:05:15,231 --> 00:05:18,735
I just thought that we missed our
regularly scheduled Wednesday sex night,
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00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:22,113
and with Miriam at a sleepover,
maybe we can make up for lost time.
112
00:05:22,613 --> 00:05:25,700
What do you think? I'm just trying
to grease the wheels a little bit.
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I see. And in this scenario,
I'm the wheels.
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Yeah, but the hot wheels.
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-Shoes off the bed, please? Okay.
-Okay.
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Absolutely.
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There they go.
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-Don't need those.
-"Don't need those."
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Listen, I wish I... Okay, here he goes.
120
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I wish I could,
but I'm going to the bar with Rebecca.
121
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She needs a wingwoman.
She's gotta get back on the horse.
122
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-You know what?
-[Esther] What?
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-Why don't you just cancel plans?
-Oh no.
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-'Cause I know you love canceling plans.
-I wish I could, but she really needs me.
125
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So it's gonna be you
all by your lonesome tonight.
126
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So I'm gonna be at the house,
totally alone, all by myself?
127
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You can do your Chili Peppers sock trick
all by yourself, you little perv.
128
00:06:07,909 --> 00:06:10,036
Sure these shorts
aren't doing anything for you?
129
00:06:10,119 --> 00:06:11,579
-[Esther] No.
-[Sasha] They're mesh.
130
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Okay.
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00:06:14,916 --> 00:06:17,377
-[breathes deeply]
-[doorbell chimes]
132
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[Joanne] Hi.
133
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:24,258
-You look amazing.
-Thank you.
134
00:06:26,552 --> 00:06:30,139
-You also look really nice.
-I appreciate it. First date. You nervous?
135
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:31,766
Oh, nah. No. You?
136
00:06:31,849 --> 00:06:33,226
Good. No. Look at that.
137
00:06:34,018 --> 00:06:36,938
And you're picking me up at my front door.
Chivalry's alive and well.
138
00:06:37,021 --> 00:06:39,482
I'm not gonna let you walk
to the car alone. That's crazy.
139
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-[phone rings]
-Sorry.
140
00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:43,820
[Joanne exhales]
141
00:06:43,903 --> 00:06:45,780
-[phone rings]
-Oh my God. Sorry.
142
00:06:46,531 --> 00:06:47,990
-Hold on. It's my sister.
-Sure.
143
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Hey, girl. What's up?
I'm with Noah. Everything okay?
144
00:06:51,536 --> 00:06:53,329
[Morgan] Yeah, are you being a psycho yet?
145
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:54,956
[laughs awkwardly] You're so funny.
146
00:06:55,039 --> 00:06:58,000
[Morgan] Okay, so I went to three places,
and they were all sold out, so...
147
00:06:58,084 --> 00:07:02,547
Okay. Can you, um, find another place,
then? Can you please figure this out?
148
00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:05,925
[Morgan] No. No. I gave up, um,
and I have plans, so you're it. Bye.
149
00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:07,677
-I can't...
-[phone beeps]
150
00:07:08,302 --> 00:07:09,345
-Fuck.
-Everything okay?
151
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:11,389
-Yeah.
-You sure?
152
00:07:11,472 --> 00:07:15,476
Yeah. We have this exciting sex therapist
on the podcast tomorrow.
153
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:18,104
It was a big get for us,
and it is vital that we are prepared.
154
00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:21,357
My stupid sister was supposed to pick up
her product, which is called the...
155
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:24,277
Doesn't matter what it's called.
Uh, but she didn't get it.
156
00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:26,696
And that's fine.
157
00:07:26,779 --> 00:07:27,947
That's fine.
158
00:07:28,030 --> 00:07:31,033
We have some time before dinner.
Why don't we go get it?
159
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:35,163
[hesitates] No, we don't need to.
It's chill. I'm chill.
160
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:37,874
Are you sure?
You said it's important. It's for work.
161
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:39,959
-[Joanne] It is important.
-Let's get it.
162
00:07:40,042 --> 00:07:42,462
-I don't wanna drag you on my errands.
-You're not dragging me.
163
00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:44,630
-What if we did this at a different time?
-Yes.
164
00:07:44,714 --> 00:07:47,216
-Really? You wanna get out of the date?
-[Joanne] No. I... No.
165
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,010
-No? You sure?
-Definitely not.
166
00:07:49,093 --> 00:07:50,511
-Great.
-I just feel like you don't...
167
00:07:50,595 --> 00:07:54,265
Let's just... You tell me where we're going,
and then we'll do that.
168
00:07:54,348 --> 00:07:55,183
[Joanne sighs]
169
00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:57,268
[intriguing music playing]
170
00:08:03,149 --> 00:08:05,151
Okay, here we go.
171
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:12,450
♪ I got chicken parm, and my family's gone
And I'm gonna eat some weed ♪
172
00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:15,411
♪ Everything is better
When the family's gone ♪
173
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,455
♪ And I'm gonna watch TV ♪
174
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How many of these have I had already?
How long have I been talking to myself?
175
00:08:23,252 --> 00:08:25,213
Oh, fuck it. All right.
176
00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:28,716
♪ Here we go, gonna watch the thing ♪
177
00:08:28,799 --> 00:08:31,135
♪ And it is gonna be so great ♪
178
00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:35,473
All right, Tommy. Tom Cruise, here we go.
179
00:08:35,556 --> 00:08:38,726
You are a problematic weirdo,
but goddamn it, you're a movie star.
180
00:08:38,809 --> 00:08:39,644
[door slams]
181
00:08:40,311 --> 00:08:41,395
-[girl] Mom!
-Hello?
182
00:08:41,479 --> 00:08:43,356
[girl] I need you, Mom!
183
00:08:43,439 --> 00:08:45,233
Miriam? Oh, hey, hon.
184
00:08:46,984 --> 00:08:51,030
-What are you doing back so early?
-Angelica is an actual psycho, okay?
185
00:08:51,113 --> 00:08:54,492
She messaged Caleb, "Miriam likes you."
So we got in a huge fight, and I left.
186
00:08:55,076 --> 00:08:58,204
Okay, all right.
That sounds... That sounds bad.
187
00:08:58,287 --> 00:09:00,790
I think what you should do
is go right back over there
188
00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:02,083
and hit it head-on.
189
00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:05,378
Just let me know what happens
in two hours and 40 minutes-ish.
190
00:09:05,878 --> 00:09:08,339
Okay, right now,
Caleb is with his haftarah tutor
191
00:09:08,422 --> 00:09:09,924
who makes him put away his phone.
192
00:09:10,007 --> 00:09:12,677
But in 30 minutes,
he's going to read Angelica's message,
193
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,428
and my life will end.
194
00:09:14,512 --> 00:09:17,014
Mom isn't answering her phone,
and I need someone to help me!
195
00:09:17,098 --> 00:09:19,100
Okay, Caleb's the haftarah tutor?
196
00:09:19,684 --> 00:09:21,519
-What?
-No, Caleb's the one...
197
00:09:21,602 --> 00:09:23,271
Okay, all right. You just need help.
198
00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:26,274
-Yeah.
-Okay. Uh, great. Someone to help.
199
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:27,858
Um...
200
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:32,822
Oh no, that someone is me.
201
00:09:34,198 --> 00:09:35,157
Okay.
202
00:09:36,158 --> 00:09:38,452
-Are you sure you want that?
-I don't want that, but...
203
00:09:38,536 --> 00:09:41,581
Okay, no, I get it. Any port in a storm.
Yeah, let's... let's... let's do it.
204
00:09:43,916 --> 00:09:45,501
[upbeat music playing]
205
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:52,550
[sighs deeply]
206
00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:54,677
-Is this the kind of place you shop often?
-Ah...
207
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:56,137
No wrong answers, no wrong answers.
208
00:09:56,220 --> 00:09:59,181
No, I, um... I shop like a normal person.
209
00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:00,808
You know, on the Internet.
210
00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:02,727
Uh...
211
00:10:04,145 --> 00:10:07,064
I bet Rebecca would never take you
to a place like this, huh?
212
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:10,109
Uh, no, don't think she would,
213
00:10:10,651 --> 00:10:12,903
but that's not necessarily
a good thing, you know?
214
00:10:12,987 --> 00:10:15,489
Right. Well, for the record,
I wasn't trying to take you here.
215
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:16,782
It's strictly for work.
216
00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:19,160
And also there's no way
I'm gonna be able to find it.
217
00:10:19,243 --> 00:10:21,412
-I'm just gonna ask so we can go.
-[Noah] Okay.
218
00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:27,710
Hi, sir. Hi. Um, sorry.
This is not a familiar setting for me,
219
00:10:27,793 --> 00:10:29,545
so can you tell us
where your vibrators are?
220
00:10:29,629 --> 00:10:31,088
What kind of stimulation?
221
00:10:31,172 --> 00:10:34,425
Classic, clitoral, G-spot,
anal, suction, dual?
222
00:10:34,508 --> 00:10:38,596
We've also got thrusters, grinders,
pump action, remote control
223
00:10:38,679 --> 00:10:42,308
in case, uh, you and this stud
wanna have a little fun together.
224
00:10:42,391 --> 00:10:44,143
-I'm just... I'm just a chaperone here.
-Yeah.
225
00:10:44,226 --> 00:10:47,021
-Oh, we love a daddy.
-Yeah, please don't scare him.
226
00:10:47,104 --> 00:10:50,733
Yeah. Can you just tell us... point us
in the direction of the Obliterator?
227
00:10:50,816 --> 00:10:52,693
-[Joanne] Yes.
-[Noah] Uh, it's my first time.
228
00:10:52,777 --> 00:10:55,571
Not like my first time, my first time.
Did you...
229
00:10:55,655 --> 00:10:57,990
'Cause... I've had sex before.
230
00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:01,243
It's just my first time in the store.
The Obliterator.
231
00:11:01,327 --> 00:11:03,996
The Obliterator is a very popular choice.
232
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,623
-Right.
-But just be careful.
233
00:11:05,706 --> 00:11:08,209
Okay? You wanna
work your way up to level ten.
234
00:11:08,292 --> 00:11:09,960
My friend went straight to ten.
235
00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:12,797
She can't fly now
because the shaking is so triggering.
236
00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:13,839
She can't do turbulence.
237
00:11:14,924 --> 00:11:16,384
-Okay. Good Lord.
-Okay. Great.
238
00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:19,136
Could you tell us where it is?
'Cause we, um... We have plans.
239
00:11:19,220 --> 00:11:21,347
-Yeah, we have plans.
-I bet you do.
240
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:22,848
-This guy.
-There in the back.
241
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,308
-Thanks.
-Okay. Thanks.
242
00:11:25,101 --> 00:11:26,894
-[Joanne] I really am sorry about this.
-Oh no!
243
00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:31,982
But it'll be a funny story that, one day,
we can tell to our... all of our friends.
244
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:34,151
[Noah] There it is.
245
00:11:34,944 --> 00:11:36,946
Yes! Last one too.
246
00:11:37,029 --> 00:11:39,115
-Great.
-It's got some weight to it.
247
00:11:39,198 --> 00:11:42,910
A lot of warnings too. Look at this.
"Don't operate heavy machinery after use."
248
00:11:42,993 --> 00:11:45,579
-Yikes.
-"Can cause heart attack."
249
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:49,333
Wow. That's actually
one of my biggest fears.
250
00:11:49,417 --> 00:11:50,918
-Really? A heart attack?
-[Noah] Yeah.
251
00:11:51,001 --> 00:11:53,087
What about you? What's your biggest fear?
252
00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:56,048
Oh, um, I don't know. Bad facelift.
253
00:11:56,632 --> 00:11:58,342
Come on. I'm serious.
254
00:11:58,426 --> 00:12:01,053
Well, you don't look serious.
255
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:04,348
Give me a real answer.
What's your biggest fear?
256
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:07,268
I don't know, Noah.
Anything from that section, I guess.
257
00:12:07,351 --> 00:12:08,936
I'm just trying to have fun with you.
258
00:12:09,019 --> 00:12:10,813
I'm having fun. I love fun.
259
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:12,982
I think there's a time and place for fun
and then,
260
00:12:13,482 --> 00:12:16,861
you know, sometimes,
it's important to get serious
261
00:12:16,944 --> 00:12:19,655
and connect on a deeper level.
262
00:12:20,656 --> 00:12:22,158
-In here?
-[Noah] Yeah, listen.
263
00:12:22,241 --> 00:12:23,993
If you don't open up to me...
264
00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:31,751
uh, you know, I... I... I... might have to just
265
00:12:32,668 --> 00:12:35,171
severely discipline you.
266
00:12:35,254 --> 00:12:37,298
I don't want to. I don't wanna do this.
267
00:12:37,381 --> 00:12:39,008
-It's happening again.
-You're not gonna.
268
00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:40,509
-[whip smacks]
-Oh!
269
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,052
-I didn't think you'd do it.
-Yes.
270
00:12:42,636 --> 00:12:43,804
-You didn't think so?
-No.
271
00:12:43,888 --> 00:12:45,431
You haven't begun to know me.
272
00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:46,766
-Okay. Listen.
-Yeah?
273
00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:50,269
That is child's play 'cause I actually
have been in here before.
274
00:12:50,352 --> 00:12:53,439
-Whoa, do I have something to show you.
-Really? Oh wow.
275
00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:55,441
-Yeah, buckle up.
-I can't wait to see it.
276
00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:57,359
Grab the biggest butt plug you can find.
277
00:12:57,443 --> 00:12:58,778
Rabbi Roklov?
278
00:13:00,654 --> 00:13:01,655
Hi.
279
00:13:03,157 --> 00:13:06,494
So how about this? I'm just spitballing.
There are no bad ideas.
280
00:13:06,577 --> 00:13:07,787
There are definitely bad ideas!
281
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:10,581
There might be bad ideas,
but you still have to be supportive.
282
00:13:10,664 --> 00:13:13,918
What I'm suggesting is that maybe we go
to where his haftarah class is,
283
00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:16,003
we break in, we find his bag,
we steal his phone.
284
00:13:16,086 --> 00:13:17,797
We're not stealing his phone.
285
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,925
We're gonna leave him a newer phone.
What time does the Apple Store close?
286
00:13:21,008 --> 00:13:23,636
Can we just go get Mom, please?
She'd at least be comforting.
287
00:13:23,719 --> 00:13:27,097
Okay. Well, screw comforting.
You're a Roklov, and Roklovs take action.
288
00:13:27,181 --> 00:13:28,015
[Miriam sighs]
289
00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:34,897
That is it. You're a Roklov.
290
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:39,443
The text said "Miriam likes you,"
not Miriam Roklov.
291
00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:43,322
That's great. There are a billion
12-year-old Miriams in the world.
292
00:13:43,405 --> 00:13:45,115
Uh, you guys use Snapchat, right?
293
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:47,451
Yeah. What are you doing?
294
00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:49,787
I'm gonna create a fake profile.
What's his handle?
295
00:13:49,870 --> 00:13:52,873
[sighs] Caleb slash Brenner.
Spell the slash.
296
00:13:52,957 --> 00:13:55,167
God, that's such an uncreative name.
I hate that.
297
00:13:55,251 --> 00:13:56,377
-What?
-[Sasha] Found him.
298
00:13:56,460 --> 00:13:57,753
-Watch.
-Oh God.
299
00:13:58,254 --> 00:14:00,005
Hi, Caleb.
300
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:03,384
This is Miriam Bernstein.
301
00:14:03,467 --> 00:14:06,220
-Bernstein?
-I've seen your socials.
302
00:14:06,303 --> 00:14:08,722
We don't go to school together.
But do you wanna hook up?
303
00:14:08,806 --> 00:14:11,308
-Hook up? Dad! Give me the phone!
-[Sasha] Fine. I got this.
304
00:14:11,392 --> 00:14:14,937
How about, uh, hey, do you wanna
meet up tomorrow at Starbies?
305
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:16,564
No, do not say Starbies.
306
00:14:16,647 --> 00:14:19,316
-Don't interrupt me. I'm in my flow.
-Okay. Can you just say...
307
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:20,317
-[phone beeps]
-Sent.
308
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,737
-Let's see what happens.
-[Miriam] No...
309
00:14:23,821 --> 00:14:25,114
-I'm hungry. Are you hungry?
-No.
310
00:14:25,197 --> 00:14:27,700
Starbies sounds good, doesn't it?
Do you want some Starbies?
311
00:14:27,783 --> 00:14:28,784
No Starbies.
312
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,661
You're right. I should make a coffee here.
313
00:14:30,744 --> 00:14:32,496
Mr. Goldberg!
314
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,248
Ah. [chuckles awkwardly]
315
00:14:34,331 --> 00:14:36,750
Well, I'll... I'll... I'll... I'll be damned.
316
00:14:37,334 --> 00:14:38,586
-[laughs]
-What?
317
00:14:40,087 --> 00:14:41,589
So...
318
00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:44,258
How you been?
319
00:14:44,341 --> 00:14:46,969
-Uh, good, good. Good.
-[Noah] Good.
320
00:14:47,052 --> 00:14:49,138
-Uh, no complaints.
-Mm.
321
00:14:49,638 --> 00:14:50,472
Uh, you?
322
00:14:50,556 --> 00:14:52,683
-No complaints as well.
-[Mr. Goldberg] Yeah.
323
00:14:52,766 --> 00:14:54,476
-[Noah] Yeah. Yeah.
-[woman sighs]
324
00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:57,521
-Mm-hmm.
-Yeah.
325
00:14:57,605 --> 00:15:00,107
You know, I've, uh...
I've never been here before.
326
00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:01,817
I've never been here before either.
327
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:04,695
[Joanne] Comin' in hot!
That's gonna leave a mark!
328
00:15:04,778 --> 00:15:05,863
Oh my God.
329
00:15:06,655 --> 00:15:10,534
[groans] This is
Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg. Joanne.
330
00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:11,702
-[Joanne] Hi.
-This is...
331
00:15:11,785 --> 00:15:14,246
Hi. Uh, nice to meet you.
332
00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:18,167
Mr. Goldberg is actually
a... a board member of our temple.
333
00:15:18,959 --> 00:15:20,252
Shalom.
334
00:15:20,336 --> 00:15:21,211
[Noah groaning]
335
00:15:21,295 --> 00:15:24,840
I'm... I'm really, really sorry.
I never should have brought you here.
336
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:25,841
It's bad.
337
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:28,469
-I'm really sorry.
-He's gonna tell my boss. I'm screwed.
338
00:15:29,178 --> 00:15:31,722
But... I mean, is it that bad?
339
00:15:31,805 --> 00:15:34,433
Like, he was in there with his wife too.
340
00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:37,853
Yes, but he's not a rabbi.
I have to change temples now.
341
00:15:38,437 --> 00:15:41,065
Actually, I have to switch careers.
I'll just go work for my dad.
342
00:15:41,148 --> 00:15:43,817
That's what I'm gonna do.
Wow. Wow! Life changes so fast.
343
00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:46,236
Noah. No, I refuse to accept that.
344
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:48,697
You can just talk to him,
like, man-to-man.
345
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,616
-Blame it on me.
-I don't have his number.
346
00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:51,867
I don't know what to say.
347
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:55,287
Well, the Internet's a powerful tool.
I can find you his number.
348
00:15:55,371 --> 00:15:57,081
We can figure out what to say.
349
00:15:57,873 --> 00:16:01,418
Mr. Goldberg. Board member. Temple.
350
00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:02,503
How do you spell Chai?
351
00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:04,213
-[Noah] C-H-A-I.
-C-H-A-I.
352
00:16:05,089 --> 00:16:07,508
-Boom! Is that him?
-Yeah.
353
00:16:07,591 --> 00:16:09,843
Yeah, that's what I thought. Okay. Well...
354
00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:12,137
Oh.
355
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:14,723
-What?
-Rabbi Roklov.
356
00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:18,894
Does that look like the woman
who he was in the sex shop with?
357
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:20,479
No, it doesn't.
358
00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:21,939
That wasn't his wife.
359
00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:24,441
Mr. Goldberg?
360
00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:28,404
You bad, bad boy!
361
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:30,948
I hate to say it. I hate to say it.
362
00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:34,034
-But this could be good for me.
-Okay, just hold on.
363
00:16:34,118 --> 00:16:35,744
Let's fact-check it and make su...
364
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:36,662
Well, no.
365
00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:38,288
If you were thinking like I was,
366
00:16:38,372 --> 00:16:40,708
maybe he and his wife are separated.
They're not.
367
00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:44,253
This photo was posted four days ago
for his wedding anniversary.
368
00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:45,254
That's his wife.
369
00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:48,841
-Oh, that's really sad.
-Yes! Yes! Yeah, for sure.
370
00:16:48,924 --> 00:16:50,509
Sad, but also...
371
00:16:51,593 --> 00:16:52,428
[Joanne laughs]
372
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:53,429
...so good.
373
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:57,099
-[Joanne] So you're okay!
-[Noah] I feel a lot better.
374
00:16:57,182 --> 00:16:59,476
-I feel very hungry.
-Really? Oh yeah. Okay. Sure.
375
00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:03,147
Let's get you something to eat.
Um, I think we missed the reservation.
376
00:17:03,230 --> 00:17:05,232
-That's the thing. Where do you wanna go?
-Uh...
377
00:17:05,315 --> 00:17:06,984
-A lot of places.
-Where are we?
378
00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:10,654
Oh! Search taco places near us
'cause I heard about a cute spot.
379
00:17:14,283 --> 00:17:16,744
You know what? Actually, um, it's closed.
380
00:17:17,411 --> 00:17:18,370
-Is it?
-Yep.
381
00:17:20,205 --> 00:17:23,125
Okay, listen. I know a good spot.
382
00:17:23,917 --> 00:17:24,877
Still open.
383
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:26,879
-Really?
-[Noah] Yep.
384
00:17:26,962 --> 00:17:28,964
[upbeat music playing]
385
00:17:30,549 --> 00:17:31,508
Come with me.
386
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:34,011
[Joanne laughs] Okay.
387
00:17:36,513 --> 00:17:37,765
[Noah] Your Obliterator.
388
00:17:42,644 --> 00:17:43,645
[music fades]
389
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:49,026
Do you want ice cream? It's really cold,
like ice cream... is supposed to be.
390
00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:50,027
I'm okay.
391
00:17:51,945 --> 00:17:52,780
Are you worried?
392
00:17:53,697 --> 00:17:54,990
No, not at all.
393
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:58,285
Okay. The way you said that makes me think
you're worried, but I'm not worried.
394
00:18:00,913 --> 00:18:03,707
-[cell phone trills]
-Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God.
395
00:18:04,374 --> 00:18:05,250
Okay, it's him.
396
00:18:07,377 --> 00:18:08,545
"Hey, that's cool."
397
00:18:09,713 --> 00:18:12,216
"But, actually,
I like a different Miriam."
398
00:18:12,299 --> 00:18:14,051
Oh my God. He likes you.
399
00:18:14,635 --> 00:18:16,011
Oh my God. He likes me.
400
00:18:17,554 --> 00:18:20,432
He likes me. He likes me! He likes me!
401
00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:22,017
[laughing] Hey!
402
00:18:24,019 --> 00:18:27,064
Do you wanna hang out with me?
Cuddle up and watch Mission: Impossible?
403
00:18:27,147 --> 00:18:30,192
I gotta go back to Angelica's.
This is absolutely gonna destroy her.
404
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:31,777
Yeah, it will. Get back there.
405
00:18:33,445 --> 00:18:38,659
Oh, uh, Dad? Thanks. Sorry for saying
that you never help me with anything.
406
00:18:38,742 --> 00:18:39,743
You never said that.
407
00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:43,789
Bye, honey. Love you.
408
00:18:43,872 --> 00:18:45,415
Love you too, Dad.
409
00:18:45,499 --> 00:18:47,251
-[Miriam] Love you too, Dad.
-Thank you.
410
00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:49,044
-[door closes]
-[cell phone trills]
411
00:18:51,713 --> 00:18:56,760
"Hey, so I'm not into it,
but my friend Trevor is."
412
00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:57,761
Okay.
413
00:18:58,303 --> 00:18:59,721
What's Trevor's deal?
414
00:19:00,347 --> 00:19:01,557
Is he cool?
415
00:19:02,724 --> 00:19:04,560
Does he play Fortnite?
416
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:06,603
[Noah] Good stuff here.
417
00:19:07,104 --> 00:19:09,106
[gentle music playing]
418
00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:13,986
[Joanne sighs]
419
00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:17,322
I feel really bad
you had to do all this work
420
00:19:17,406 --> 00:19:20,325
and that we didn't even get to go
to that restaurant that you loved.
421
00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:22,452
I've actually never been
to that restaurant.
422
00:19:23,036 --> 00:19:25,956
I chose it 'cause it looked cool online
and I wanted to impress you.
423
00:19:27,166 --> 00:19:29,543
Okay. Well, this is impressive.
424
00:19:29,626 --> 00:19:30,711
-Really?
-Yes.
425
00:19:30,794 --> 00:19:31,962
Wait till you taste it.
426
00:19:32,045 --> 00:19:34,882
Well, I'm really hungry,
so I'm sure it's gonna be great.
427
00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:41,597
Oh my God. You just whipped that up?
428
00:19:42,639 --> 00:19:44,433
-It's pretty simple.
-It's unbelievable.
429
00:19:44,516 --> 00:19:47,060
-Okay, all right. [chuckles]
-[Joanne] Very impressive.
430
00:19:47,144 --> 00:19:49,062
-You don't have to lie.
-I'm not lying.
431
00:19:49,897 --> 00:19:50,731
Mmm.
432
00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:56,320
Can we talk about tonight?
433
00:19:57,487 --> 00:20:00,490
It felt like something was weird, and, um,
434
00:20:01,408 --> 00:20:03,869
I was just trying to connect, you know?
435
00:20:03,952 --> 00:20:06,038
Yeah, I felt that.
436
00:20:06,955 --> 00:20:10,250
When you asked me my biggest fear
in the sex shop, that felt weird.
437
00:20:10,334 --> 00:20:12,294
-That was awkwardly timed.
-Mm-hmm.
438
00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:14,504
Um, okay.
439
00:20:15,672 --> 00:20:17,174
I'm gonna lay it all out there.
440
00:20:17,925 --> 00:20:19,551
I don't want this to be a rebound.
441
00:20:20,552 --> 00:20:23,347
I want it to be something real.
And maybe that's lame to say,
442
00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:25,349
uh, but I guess I'm okay with that.
443
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:29,811
I'm not just looking for something fun.
And if you are, that's totally cool.
444
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:33,106
You don't owe me anything.
I would just like to know.
445
00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:36,443
Yeah, no, um...
446
00:20:38,862 --> 00:20:40,489
[chuckles nervously] Here's the truth.
447
00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:47,621
Actually, I've never done this before,
and it's feeling very scary.
448
00:20:47,704 --> 00:20:49,665
Can you... Would you mind turning around?
449
00:20:50,290 --> 00:20:51,959
-What? You want...
-Fine, I'll do it.
450
00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:54,378
-Okay.
-Okay. [sighs]
451
00:20:57,339 --> 00:21:01,677
Noah, my mom is really emotional,
and it always pushed my dad away.
452
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:05,055
I'm not saying that's what made him gay,
but it certainly didn't keep him straight.
453
00:21:05,138 --> 00:21:08,350
And I always tried really hard
not to be like that.
454
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:13,355
And, yes, sometimes I do weird shit,
and I can be impulsive and obsessive,
455
00:21:13,438 --> 00:21:17,484
and I did Google your ex-girlfriend,
and I'm really sorry you had to see that.
456
00:21:17,567 --> 00:21:18,610
I didn't see that.
457
00:21:20,654 --> 00:21:21,488
Oh.
458
00:21:22,197 --> 00:21:23,865
Well, I only did it that once.
459
00:21:25,409 --> 00:21:29,454
And... my biggest fear is a bad facelift,
460
00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:30,414
but I...
461
00:21:32,374 --> 00:21:35,711
I think I'm realizing an even bigger fear.
462
00:21:37,838 --> 00:21:38,755
It is...
463
00:21:40,924 --> 00:21:41,758
this.
464
00:21:44,553 --> 00:21:47,931
That I will become emotionally dependent
465
00:21:48,015 --> 00:21:52,477
on a guy who will one day realize
that I'm too much and break my heart.
466
00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:54,563
[gentle music playing]
467
00:22:03,447 --> 00:22:05,866
Is that the most unattractive thing
you've ever seen?
468
00:22:05,949 --> 00:22:08,827
No. It's the most attractive.
469
00:22:10,579 --> 00:22:11,663
I want this.
470
00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:14,207
I want all of this.
471
00:22:16,752 --> 00:22:18,378
But are you gonna do that, Noah?
472
00:22:19,713 --> 00:22:21,048
Are you gonna break my heart?
473
00:22:22,090 --> 00:22:24,134
It would truly kill me
to break your heart.
474
00:22:25,886 --> 00:22:28,847
♪ I ♪
475
00:22:28,930 --> 00:22:33,894
♪ I've been learning to fly ♪
476
00:22:35,145 --> 00:22:37,189
♪ This whole time... ♪
477
00:22:37,272 --> 00:22:38,106
[sighs]
478
00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:43,070
♪ I, I've... ♪
479
00:22:43,153 --> 00:22:44,071
Hi, babe.
480
00:22:44,154 --> 00:22:46,239
♪ ...been learning to ride ♪
481
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:48,158
♪ This life... ♪
482
00:22:48,241 --> 00:22:49,993
-Oh, hey.
-Hi.
483
00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:52,329
How was your night?
484
00:22:52,412 --> 00:22:54,206
[sighs] It was uneventful.
485
00:22:54,289 --> 00:22:57,417
Rebecca talked shit about Noah
for, like, three and a half hours,
486
00:22:57,501 --> 00:22:59,127
-and it still wasn't enough.
-Mm-mm.
487
00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:00,045
How was yours?
488
00:23:00,128 --> 00:23:01,254
It was good.
489
00:23:01,338 --> 00:23:06,259
I got high and watched Mission: Impossible
and helped Miriam out with a boy problem.
490
00:23:06,343 --> 00:23:09,971
-I'm a pretty good dad.
-What? You really are.
491
00:23:10,055 --> 00:23:11,765
Oh my God. You've had some drinks.
492
00:23:11,848 --> 00:23:14,017
-I really have.
-[both laugh]
493
00:23:14,935 --> 00:23:16,937
Think I'm gonna be able
to use this to my advantage?
494
00:23:17,020 --> 00:23:18,355
I really do.
495
00:23:18,438 --> 00:23:19,272
All right.
496
00:23:19,773 --> 00:23:21,149
-Okay.
-Right this way.
497
00:23:21,233 --> 00:23:23,610
Oh. I have to let you know
before anything happens.
498
00:23:23,693 --> 00:23:24,528
Yeah.
499
00:23:24,611 --> 00:23:27,781
I think I'm in a relationship
with a teenage boy I met on the Internet.
500
00:23:27,864 --> 00:23:29,533
Oh. Does he know about me?
501
00:23:29,616 --> 00:23:32,702
Yeah. He was okay with it
because we aren't that serious yet.
502
00:23:32,786 --> 00:23:35,747
Okay. You guys
are still seeing other people?
503
00:23:35,831 --> 00:23:38,792
[Sasha] Yeah, he invited me
to his eighth-grade graduation.
504
00:23:38,875 --> 00:23:40,877
[gentle music continues]
505
00:23:44,506 --> 00:23:45,924
Would you hand me my phone?
506
00:23:49,719 --> 00:23:50,679
Thank you.
507
00:23:52,889 --> 00:23:54,641
[Joanne clears throat]
508
00:23:56,643 --> 00:23:57,727
Hello, sister.
509
00:23:57,811 --> 00:24:00,147
The medicine wants me to share with you
510
00:24:00,230 --> 00:24:04,901
that I just had incredible sex
with the rabbi
511
00:24:04,985 --> 00:24:08,113
after I showed him all of my crazy.
512
00:24:08,196 --> 00:24:09,698
And guess what?
513
00:24:10,574 --> 00:24:11,783
It didn't scare him.
514
00:24:13,743 --> 00:24:15,537
-I'm actually really into it.
-[Joanne laughs]
515
00:24:15,620 --> 00:24:18,248
♪ I ♪
516
00:24:18,331 --> 00:24:23,336
♪ I've been learning to fly ♪
517
00:24:24,421 --> 00:24:26,631
♪ This whole time ♪
518
00:24:27,132 --> 00:24:31,720
♪ Oh, I ♪
519
00:24:32,345 --> 00:24:33,263
[man] Noah?
520
00:24:35,390 --> 00:24:37,184
-Noah.
-Rabbi Cohen.
521
00:24:37,934 --> 00:24:39,519
I was hoping to catch you.
522
00:24:40,020 --> 00:24:43,773
I had an interesting phone call
with Mr. Goldberg.
523
00:24:44,441 --> 00:24:45,358
I can explain.
524
00:24:45,442 --> 00:24:46,610
-You better.
-Okay.
525
00:24:46,693 --> 00:24:48,737
Because that cheap schmuck,
526
00:24:49,529 --> 00:24:51,990
he just gave us
the biggest donation of the year.
527
00:24:52,741 --> 00:24:55,202
He felt inspired by you.
528
00:24:55,285 --> 00:24:56,745
How did you do it?
529
00:24:58,830 --> 00:24:59,873
Blackmail?
530
00:25:00,665 --> 00:25:03,627
[laughs] Yeah! Yeah.
531
00:25:03,710 --> 00:25:05,545
That's how I became head rabbi.
532
00:25:05,629 --> 00:25:08,256
Yeah. Well, keep up the good work.
533
00:25:11,051 --> 00:25:13,053
[wistful music playing]
534
00:25:15,472 --> 00:25:16,640
[exhales]
535
00:25:21,353 --> 00:25:22,395
Okay.
536
00:25:22,479 --> 00:25:24,981
♪ I'm still tight with all my demons ♪
537
00:25:25,065 --> 00:25:28,401
♪ And if you see them
Would you please not fuck 'em up? ♪
538
00:25:33,490 --> 00:25:36,826
- ♪ Yeah ♪
-♪ Yeah, I still fuck with all my demons ♪
539
00:25:36,910 --> 00:25:40,413
♪ And if I'm dreaming
Would you please not wake me up? ♪
540
00:25:46,336 --> 00:25:49,172
♪ Got family traits of an addict
No stick shift, it's automatic ♪
541
00:25:49,256 --> 00:25:52,175
♪ My past was somewhat tragic
And now I need a bad bitch or an actress ♪
542
00:25:52,259 --> 00:25:55,095
♪ Keep some cash under my mattress
In case I get stuck like LA traffic ♪
543
00:25:55,178 --> 00:25:57,973
♪ I always go for the win
Like the Lakers fuck up the Mavericks ♪
544
00:25:58,056 --> 00:26:01,017
♪ And you can suck all the dicks
I'm all fundamentals, not for the tricks ♪
545
00:26:01,101 --> 00:26:03,812
♪ I'm such a fanatic
Got LeBron's schematics in my attic ♪
546
00:26:03,895 --> 00:26:06,314
♪ Got a few bad habits
But I can't bring myself to quit ♪
547
00:26:06,398 --> 00:26:09,484
♪ As we fade to black, my heart attack
Who the fuck said you could be rapping? ♪
548
00:26:09,568 --> 00:26:13,446
♪ I'm still, I'm still
I'm, I'm, I'm still ♪
549
00:26:13,530 --> 00:26:15,907
♪ I'm still tight with all my demons ♪
550
00:26:19,536 --> 00:26:20,453
[music fades]