and this guy... -Raaah!
-...is my best friend.
-And I’m Kevin Hart, and this guy here...
-[ Laughs ]
-...is someone who calls me their best friend.
-Take it from us,
there’s nothing that besties do better...
-Than pranking each other.
Oh! -[ Laughs ]
-We’ve been doing it for years.
-I sent Kev a llama on his birthday.
-That you did. It was very funny.
I got my revenge, though.
I put Nick’s personal cell phone number on billboards
all across America.
-That literally blew up my phone.
Thanks, Kev.
And whether it’s me putting me all over Kevin’s private jet...
-Tell Nick I said [bleep] him.
...or me delivering a condom vending machine
directly to Mr. Fertility’s office...
-...there’s one thing we’ve definitely learned.
-You do not know how to use condoms.
-No. That might be true, but that’s not it.
Nothing brings friends closer together
than a good prank done well.
-And that’s why we created "Celebrity Prank Wars"...
-Dear God.
-...the show where we help our famous friends...
[ Horn blows ]
...pull off some of the most elaborate...
-Oh [bleep] -...unexpected...
...adrenaline-pumping...
-Oh [bleep]
-...and eye-opening pranks.
[ Laughter ]
-Each week, Nick and myself pair up with a different celebrity
to engage in a prank war.
-That is where the slime is gonna come from.
-Come from the ceiling? -Vomit is good.
-He wanted to prank me? -What?!
-After team one pulls their prank...
Let’s get it!
...the other team has to get their revenge.
-I need retribution.
[ Both laugh ]
-Be prepared, because when the first prank hits...
-Get it, get it, get it!
Yeah!
Oh!
...this...
-...means...
-...war.
-[Bleep]
-I got your ass trying to get me.
-"Celebrity Prank Wars"... -...starts now.
♪
-Yo, yo. What up? I am Nick Cannon.
-And I am the Kevin Hart.
-Why you got to put a "the" in front of yourself?
You always, like -- Just say your regular name.
-You didn’t think of it. That’s your fault.
You had an idea and an opportunity
to give yourself an intro, and you chose that route.
I said "the." I am "the."
-Anyway, this is "Celebrity Prank Wars,"
and this is our war room.
-This is. This is our war room. This is where it all goes down.
Everything happens in here.
-It looks a little like another one of your shows.
-Nick, you know, what you need to do is mind your business.
-Okay. -Okay? Mind your business.
-I’m trying. -Here’s a question for you.
Why did we create the show? -Because I hate you.
-Okay. Well, outside of your significant level of hate
for me, what would be another reason?
-Well, I think everyone loves a good prank.
And people know our relationship,
and we’re giving our other friends
an opportunity to prank each other as well.
But, you know, I think I’m the prank king.
I’ve said it. Everyone knows it.
That is -- "Nick Cannon, the prank king"
is the statement,
and I’m just letting y’all know. What?
-No. No, no, no, no, no.
-I’m the king. -Prank king you are not.
-So who’s gonna go first in this war?
-You can’t say who’s gonna go first.
It’s got to be a surprise.
Why would we say who’s gonna go first?
It should be a surprise to both them.
-Alright, because that’s what pranking is all about.
The element of surprise.
So whoever is more clever will get the upper hand.
-That is true, which is why it’s normally me.
-You always got to have the last word.
-This is "Prank Wars" and I am the Kevin Hart.
-I’m sorry.
Okay, so my love of pranks,
honestly, I feel like I am the king of pranks.
So I’m secretly meeting
with one of Kevin’s producers at his company,
HartBeat, to come up with a plan.
Dave is also a producer on "Celebrity Prank Wars,"
so technically, he has to help me out.
Alright. I got to set the bar.
-Yeah. -You know what I mean?
I started this prank ish.
Obviously, we already know
how Kev feels about animals.
[ Woman laughing ]
-I’m supposed to walk it?
What am I supposed to do with this [bleep] llama?
Nick Cannon.
Boy, you stupid mother[bleep]
I’ve got something for your ass.
-I think I want to keep that thing going.
Obviously showing nothing but love
and respect for the animal kingdom.
I want at the end of the show, we can put...
So I feel like something in that space.
-So more than one animal?
-Definitely more than one.
I think I’ve done the one-animal thing.
I’ve done the llama.
-I can call a couple of animal wranglers.
We can start there. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely.
-And then I’ll get you some options
about what kind of animals that you might like
and maybe escalate them.
-Perfect. And then we got to worry about getting him here.
We got to get his team locked in on it.
You work on getting the animal wranglers.
I’m-a call HartBeat headquarters
and talk to Lanna. -Okay.
[ Line ringing ]
-This is Lanna. -Lanna, what’s up?
This is Nick Cannon, the prank king.
I need your help because, you know, we’re trying to get
the boss man, but I need his schedule.
I need some time when he’s coming to
the HartBeat office. Can you hook me up with that?
-Yes. Let me check.
-You know, it’s like, easy. Thank you.
[ Laughs ] I like you, Lanna.
You deserve a raise.
-It looks like he’s going to be at the HartBeat Studios
in two days filming a promo shoot.
-Okay.
-Scheduled to arrive at 10:00 in the morning.
-Perfect. He’s not gonna expect none of this.
I’ve got a time and a place to launch my attack.
He’s got to be at a shoot at his very own studio,
so he won’t suspect a thing.
Now we just got to line up the talent, the four-legged variety.
♪
-Nick? -Yes.
-I’ve got the animal wrangler. -Oh, nice.
-Hey. Hey, Jenn, this is Nick, the prank king.
-Good to see you.
Alright, my prank concept is simple.
I want to secretly place wild animals in Kevin’s office.
This should be fun. I mean, obviously,
we want to show love and respect to all of the animals,
but I want to see what you’ve got in your arsenal.
-Alright. Take a look at this.
-Okay.
I see where you’re going with it, but bigger.
-How about this one?
-I mean, I need something
that’s, like, as soon as he sees it,
it just scares the [bleep] out of him.
- So what about this one?
-Oh! I need that.
-God. Okay, so bring that for sure.
-Yeah. [ Laughs ] -Alright. Awesome.
Thank you, Nick. -No doubt.
-Alright, so...
-Alright, now, the reason why I want to prank Kevin Hart
is because he’s just so irritating to so many.
And since his assistant is helping us out,
he’s not gonna see this one coming.
♪
Hell yeah. It is prank day, y’all.
Hey, and I got to make sure that my team has everything together,
everything is right.
First, I’m using Kevin’s busy schedule
to my advantage, yep,
because it’s all going to take place
at Kev’s HartBeat offices.
This is where he does everything,
and he’s scheduled to be there for a promo shoot.
Second, we have hired an animal wrangler
to bring an array of wild animals
that we will strategically place in front of Kevin,
just have them just wandering past his ass.
And then third, we hide a bunch of cameras
so we can watch Kevin freak the [bleep] out.
♪
Oh, it’s a beautiful day in prankhood, baby.
Look alive. The prank king is in the building! Yes!
It looks expensive. I’m excited,
but I’m a little nervous because I’m not gonna lie.
I just got word Kevin is, like, 30 minutes out.
He’s gonna be early. Imagine that.
So is the actor ready? I need my guy. He’s in here?
-Hi. -Hey, what’s up, man?
Alright, so we’re pulling out all the stops to get Kev good.
Now, I even hired an actor to play
the producer of his promo shoot.
So, like, even, like, we’ll start,
obviously, you know, this is his hair and makeup area.
-Great. He’s stuck. -He’s sitting right here,
you know, boom, set up everything,
you’re telling him --
you’re kind of giving him the rundown of his day.
-Got it. -And then, you know --
[ Porcupine chitters ] On cue.
-That’s, like, a porcupine.
-He’s gonna lose his [bleep]
Coming up...
-I’m telling you right now, I got no problem
with punching somebody in the face.
If something jumps out. -[ Laughs ]
-What the [bleep]
[ Animal growls ]
Oh, dude -- Oh.
[Bleep] [bleep]
-Mr. Har
Now, he thinks that he’s gonna be there
for a promo shoot.
-We are rolling, rolling.
-Now I got to take full advantage of the situation.
-Joel’s walking up.
-With Kevin falling right into my trap,
it’s time for me and my team to sit back and see what happens
when my little friend comes face to face with his biggest fears.
Yeah, yeah, here he comes. Alright. Shh.
-Oh, Mr. Hart. -Hey. How are you?
-I’m alright, man? How are you?
-[ Laughs ]
He scared him right there.
"Who is this random white man in my office?"
[ Laughs ]
-I’ll get you all mic’d. Here we go.
Where’d you come from? You live here in the neighborhood,
in the area?
-Not far? -No.
Clip it right here.
-Alright. -Mm, mm, good.
-Are the stages always this busy?
This is your thing, right? HartBeat?
-I hope so. Check, check. One, two, three.
Good? -Do us a favor.
I don’t want to bring Kevin on until we know they’re ready.
Because they’ve already been waiting.
So just check and then let me know when we’re good to go
and we’ll chill in here and be comfortable.
So are these stages usually this busy?
Feels like there’s a lot going on,
everywhere I turn.
-Not daily. I mean, we got a lot of our productions,
a lot of my productions that are going on, but...
-Watch it.
-Oh, like, do rental?
-Oh [bleep] -Oh, here we go.
Oh, God.
-[ Laughs ]
-Oh. Oh, God. What is that?
-Uh, is this one of yours?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
That must be from the animal show next door.
Uh, Jenn? Hey, Jenn?
-Uh...
Don’t pick it up.
Oh, God. What is that? A porcupine?
-This is from the other set. -Is that a porcupine?
Is that a porcupine?
[ Porcupine chitters ]
Oh, that son of a bitch.
Oh, he’s got...
-Maybe...
Hey, let’s go to the kitchen and get away from this space.
-I ain’t going in there.
-I don’t want to be around this.
-Yeah. -Come on, man.
Let’s get out of here.
I want to make sure they’ve got this locked down.
-Yeah, I bet you do.
Yeah, I ain’t going out there. -No, let’s just go.
-There’s, like, a tiger or something back there, ain’t it?
-No, look. It’s nothing.
-Yeah. I don’t trust it.
You probably are comfortable around these things.
I’m not. [ Hissing ]
-[ Laughs ]
-I’m going to the next door. -Oh [bleep]
-Here’s my voice. I’m opening the door.
-This is my nightmare. -Look out the window.
There’s nothing out the door.
-Oh. Oh, God. -Watch.
-Look, there’s nothing in the hallway.
We’re just going down the hallway.
-Oh, Nick, you mother[bleep]
-Henry. It’s Henry.
-Yeah, I bet it is.
-Yeah, let’s go, man. Let’s go to the kitchen.
I’ll walk ahead of you. Let’s go.
[ Laughter ]
-Nothing. Clear.
-Oh, they got me.
-Oh, he’s so scared.
-You want me to sit in the chair first to prove it?
-Alright.
Oh.
-Here you go, man. Just chill here.
You can look at...
-There’s a bunch of [bleep] hidden around here, too.
I’m telling you right now, Henry.
I got no problem with punching somebody in the face.
If something jump out -- Get this food out of here.
Get the food stuff out of here, Henry.
Get it out of here. Take that somewhere else.
[ Hissing ]
Oh, he got me good.
-I’m looking for this file of actors for you to look at.
-I bet you are.
-It’s not coming up. Let me find it.
[ Stool clanging ]
I’m gonna get the other iPad.
I don’t know why this isn’t working.
Hang out. Just sit.
I’ll be right back. I’ll be right back.
Just sit. Just sit, Kevin.
-Oh, y’all mother[bleep] got me good.
Henry, don’t bring an animal out here
I don’t agree with.
I promise you, I’m-a throw something at it.
-[ Laughs ]
♪
-Stay up. Keep your guard heavy.
-What the [bleep]
-Oh, you -- Oh, you got to be [bleep]-ing [bleep]-ing me.
-Yeah, keep your guard heavy.
-What the [bleep]
-Oh, you -- Oh, you got to be [bleep]-ing [bleep]-ing me.
[ Ostrich chirping ]
You got to be [bleep] me, Henry.
[ Laughter ]
-Maybe not in here. -Come on, man. Come on.
What the [bleep]
Come on, man. And they spit. Don’t they spit?
-I mean, I don’t know. I don’t know if they spit.
-Here we go. This is the bull[bleep]
This is the bull-- Give me a [bleep] --
’Cause y’all gonna play. -Weapon?
-He about to lose his [bleep]
[ Laughs ]
-No. [ Laughs ] Whoa. No.
-Let one of these things come in here
and get a little too active.
Let one of these animals come in here
and get too active. Y’all hear that?
-[ Laughs ] Kevin, you can’t kill the animal.
-Let one of these [bleep] come in here.
It’s gonna be "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang."
You hear me? [ Glass shatters ]
Here we go. Look, look, look, look.
[ Ostrich chirps ] Hey. Hey. Hey.
-No, no, no. Come on now. Not again.
[ Ostrich roars ] -Hey.
-[ Laughs ]
-Stay your ass back. Stay -- Hey!
-Guys, can we please -- -Get your ass back!
You take that. Get out of here.
You better get. Get your ass out of here.
Get!
-When it goes around the corner, we got to run.
-It about to [bleep] fly. The wings go up, it’s a wrap.
Get to your ass out of here. I said get!
Get out of here!
[ Ostrich chirps ]
Get! -Not the --
-Get out of here before I hit you now!
I got a good aim. I’ll give you a head shot.
Get your ass out of here.
Henry, let someone else come in, I swear to God, it’s over.
-I want to get out of here. -Yeah, I bet you do.
Y’all play with me what you want.
-Alright. I’m gonna block the hallway.
-Nick, you son of a bitch.
-We’re going down the hallway, Kevin.
You got to go with me, man. -I’m not going nowhere.
-You got to go with me. -I’m not going nowhere.
-We’re a team. -Henry, you gonna get cut first.
-I’ll go first.
-No, I said you gonna get cut first.
-Nick’s ready to talk to you.
-Tell Nick I said [bleep] him.
-[ Laughs ]
-I don’t think I’m supposed to tell him that.
-Yeah, you tell Nick I said [bleep] him.
-I’m pretty low on the call sheet, man.
-No, no. I know what’s going on around here.
It’s all making sense now. I got something for you.
You just hold on.
[ FaceTime ringing ]
-[ Laughs ] It’s a video. Should I answer it?
-All of a sudden, you don’t get no reception, huh, Nick?
Okay.
[ FaceTime call picks up ]
-Yo, what up?
-Where you at?
[ Both laugh ]
Where the [bleep] you at?
Where you at, Nick?
Hey, listen. Listen to me.
Tell me if you want to, Nick. I swear to God.
I’m gonna stab the [bleep] out of one of these animals
in here. I’m not playing with you, man.
If any of these animals get active in here,
I’m telling you right now, their blood is on your hands.
You hear me? Okay?
So I’m gonna go and follow this man down here.
If anything jump out crazy, bye-bye.
-Just calm down, Kevin.
Calm down. -Where are you at?
Oh, he hung up.
-Alright, come on, Kevin. Let’s get down there, bud.
This is clear.
Any chance I could trade you the stool for the knife?
-No. No. -Alright.
I don’t want you to cut yourself.
-Yeah. I’m not gonna cut myself.
This’ll show you I’m not playing.
-I get you. Alright, here we go.
Clear.
-[ Laughs ]
-I’m scared, for real. -Ah!
♪
-Let’s keep going. I don’t like this space.
-Let’s just chill for him here.
-Get where the [bleep] corner is.
[ Hissing ]
Y’all got me [bleep] up.
There’s no comedy in this. I’m being serious.
[ Laughter ]
Y’all don’t have real control over these animals.
-[ Hissing ]
-Something up. Here we go.
-Alright. I’ll be right back.
[ Alligator growling ]
-What the [bleep] is that?
[ Laughing ]
Oh, my God.
Oh, y’all got to be [bleep] me.
Y’all got to be [bleep] What the [bleep] is this?
Yo.
Come get it.
Come [bleep] get it!
Y’all better act like I’m a billion dollar movie star!
[ Laughter ]
They got to come get him.
-Here they come. We’re alright. We’re okay.
-Oh, my God. That’s how many of y’all
it takes to go -- Oh! Oh!
Go, go, go, go! Out.
[ Alligator growls ]
Oh!
Hey, Nick.
Hand on a Bible, Nick, I’m gonna [bleep] you up.
You owe me a free one.
Hey, Nick.
Ah! Oh!
[ Both laugh ]
Hey, Nick. Listen to me. Hey, listen to me.
-Kevin, put the knife down, man.
-We got other [bleep] here. It ain’t over.
I’m not falling for this. -No, Kevin. I promise.
I got this certificate. Yeah, I bet it is. Yeah.
-Give me the knife. -No. Not until I’m in my car.
Nick, whatever else you got, bring it out now.
-I don’t have nothing else. -I’m not moving nowhere.
-I wouldn’t have came in here if there’s more [bleep]
that was gonna come out.
-Unless this is a part of the prank.
-Yo, you know what -- The topping, icing --
-Yeah? -Those are your animals now.
-No, you’re not -- I’m not stupid, Nick.
-You got the porcupine, the ostrich...
-Yeah.
-...and the alligator going to your house.
-I’m a betting man,
and as a betting man, I know it ain’t done.
-It’s done. -No [bleep] you.
-No, those are your animals now.
-I bet it ain’t done. -Put the knife down.
-I’m not putting no knife down. -Put the knife down.
-Bring it out, Nick. -Prank king here, Kevin.
Little man Hart, letting you know, baby.
You don’t want none of this smoke.
-And I tell you what, whatever it is back there,
all the trainers left.
So ain’t nobody back here
to handle whatever the [bleep] back there.
-Henry knows there’s nothing else.
That’s it. Look.
-Get that [bleep] certificate away from me.
Say you swear to God, it’s over.
-I swear to God, it’s over.
I am the prank king.
Look at his reaction.
-Oh, you -- Oh, you got to be [bleep]-ing [bleep]-ing me.
-It doesn’t get any better than this.
-Hey! Oh! Oh!
Oh!
Okay, you got people in here with real ostriches,
a porcu-[bleep]-pine?
By the way, they shoot their [bleep] at you.
Y’all act like they don’t shoot their [bleep]
A porcupine ejects their [bleep]
Okay. Prank’s over when I got a [bleep] porcupine on my neck.
-I’m in my bag right now, okay?
My prank bag is heavy.
It’s over.
-No, you got a tiger or some [bleep]
There’s, like, a tiger or some [bleep]
Alright. Well, you got me. Then go to credits.
Say, "Roll credit." -Roll credit.
I got him. Prank King Nick Cannon.
Here, take your certificate, Kevin Darnell.
[ Laughs ]
Kevin, you are now the proud owner of three exotic animals.
It’s a conservation thing. You now have to take care
of those animals for the rest of their lives.
-Alright, alright.
-Prank wars never ends.
It’s ongoing for the rest of our lives.
I’m gonna prank Kevin when he’s in his casket.
It’s gonna happen.
[ Laughs ] He will cut somebody.
Kevin, the prank is over.
It’s over. -Kevin Hart, everybody.
-Kevin Hart, ladies and gentlemen.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Give me the knife!
-Well, Nick just took the idea of prank wars
to a new level by doing what I absolutely fear.
Oh, I got something big for you.
[ Laughs ]
Yeah. [ Laughs ]
Yeah.
Now we’re pranking back.
-What do you need? -I need an audience.
Boom! Pow! -I know something is happening.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Nick Cannon!
-I know you still mad.
It doesn’t matter because it was hilarious.
First of all, top three moments --
porcupine --
because you was already in Kevin Hart mode.
You was like, "I don’t want to be here.
I want to go home. I’m famous and rich and all that."
And then you saw a porcupine
and your whole mood changed.
-Let me tell you something. What you don’t do is
respect the boundaries that pranks are supposed to have.
-There’s no boundaries when it comes to pranking.
-There’s supposed to be. -I’m the prank king.
-And stop calling yourself the prank king.
You’re not the prank king. -The world calls me...
-No, the world does not call you the prank king. Alright?
Bringing animals that are not trained into my workspace
to get a reaction out of me is stupid.
-Anyways, your ass was scared.
-I was scared. I was scared.
Bringing an ostrich in that’s high stepping,
an ostrich from a Goddamn marching band.
-That ostrich did not like you. -[ Chirps ]
-The ostrich was obviously on the front line.
I’ve never seen an ostrich take higher steps in my life,
and it better be lucky I didn’t shank him,
because that almost went down.
-Now, we didn’t expect that.
PETA was almost alerted when you pulled the knife out.
Production got nervous.
-By the way, PETA would have had to understand.
They would have had to understand that one.
That would have taken me and my career.
"Kevin killed the ostrich.
He stabbed the ostrich."
You know, it’s all fun and games, Nick. Laugh now.
I love it because you give me time to conjure up
what I want to do in return.
And I promise you, I promise you, Nick,
when I come, I’m gonna come correct. You better believe it.
Trust me. Trust me when I tell you I will hit Nick
where it hurts. [ Laughs evilly ]
Guys, make my laugh better in post.
Alright, listen, after Nick’s completely reckless,
life-threatening stunt,
I got two things on my mind.
First thing -- is the prank over?
Hmm? Are there any more animals that’s gonna jump out at me?
And two -- revenge.
I know good revenge takes patience.
Right now, I’m losing it. I’m losing my patience.
But I’ve got to calm down. What I got to do is plan.
Okay? So here’s what I’m gonna do.
I’m gonna meet up with my two-timing producer Dave
to get the ball rolling.
I want to pull off a game-show idea.
This game show isn’t like your traditional game show.
It’s one that Nick isn’t gonna know about.
-Alright, so we’re talking -- You want audience?
-I need an audience. -Okay.
I can build a stage.
-Subtle. -A subtle stage.
-I’m more concerned with my contestants.
I need the kind that Nick like.
-Ah.
So that would be...
-We need women that want to have Nick’s baby.
-That’s a bit -- Yep.
-Now we’re pranking back. -Yeah.
-Alright. Now, here’s what I’m-a do.
See, I’m-a level up.
I’m gonna get a little cerebral with it.
Did I say that word right? Cerebral. Cerebral.
God damn it, guys. I told you,
don’t give me words like that when I’m mad,
because it makes me look stupid
if I don’t pronounce it correctly.
But I think I know what it means.
I’m gonna get a little cerebral with it.
See, I’m-a hit Nick where it hurts.
I’m-a hit him with his own personal kryptonite,
his unrivaled prowess as a baby maker.
Yeah, Mr. Can’t-Keep-Your- [Bleep]-In-Your-Pants.
[ Laughs ]
I got some heat coming your way.
Alright. So I had Dave set me up with a guy named Chad.
He’s one of Hollywood’s best set designers.
I want him to help me design the most embarrassing
game show that Nick Cannon could ever dream up.
There he is.
What up, Chad? How are you, man?
Good to see you.
So, look, just a quick conversation
about what I want this to be.
When he walks out, the live audience,
the reaction, just like any introduction,
when you going on a game show, like --
[ Imitating audience cheering ]
It’s crazy. So let’s have that reaction,
because then that pushes him to like...
"What the [bleep] What is happening?
What’s going on?"
More confusion as to what this is.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I know that you’re thinking
the same thing I’m thinking.
What’s the name of the show?"
And then that’s when you hit the effect,
title of the show comes up,
sparklers, fireworks, whatever.
All the bells and whistles that we got.
Boom, pow, pip, pap, pap, pap.
And I can look at Nick, like, almost Oprah-like.
Alright? Yeah. "That’s right, Nick.
You know what we’re playing. You want to play.
I want to play. Let’s meet our contestants."
Alright? -I got you.
-Alright, Chad. This is why you get paid the big bucks.
Okay? Alright. This is big.
-It’s good. -Alright, it’s go time.
♪
-Kevin. -God damn it, Chad. What do --
-Three things, real quick.
Did some recon, did a little bit of work.
Number one, we figured out a dramatic way to reveal the sign.
-Give it to me. Give it to me.
-Believe me, it’s gonna be a surprise. You’re gonna love it.
-Okay.
-Number two, we got cold sparklers.
You know, it’s like crazy, like, sparks going, like, wild.
Way better than confetti.
And three, we managed to get a live audience.
-Okay, back up to number two.
We got cold sparklers.
Why not hot?
-It’s safe. Safe to the touch.
And they can be right up next to you.
It can be right up next to the backdrop.
-I don’t mind if Nick got burned.
-I can still do that.
I’ll get hot sparks for Nick, cold sparks for you.
-I don’t mind of it’s hot on his side, cold on mine.
-Gotcha.
[ Door closes ] -Burn his ass good.
Alright, now that Chad has his assignment, right,
all I got to is sit back and harness my anger.
Yeah, let all that energy fuel my revenge.
That’s what revenge is based off of.
It’s energy. It’s anger.
But you got to let it boil.
Right now,
this pot of getting hot.
I’m just gonna let it get hotter.
[ Laughing ]
♪
I got bad news for my boy, Nick Cannon.
It’s revenge day, and my team has been
working around the clock to set the stage for a game show
designed to put Nick in his baby-making hot seat.
That’s right. Hot seat, Nick.
You will burn your ass today,
in front of a live studio audience
that I paid top dollar for.
I know how to hold the goddamn card, Dave.
-I meant underneath the -- -Okay.
-These are cold sparklers. -Okay.
Hey, hey,
if this burns me, you’re done.
-It’s not gonna burn you. I promise.
-That’s the same [bleep] they said to Michael Jackson
at the Pepsi commercial.
-I didn’t say that. -Cut to -- Cut to --
Alright, so, look, y’all already know pieces of it.
Just follow my lead.
And when you see what this show is unveiling itself to be,
I think your natural reactions are gonna be great.
But just remember, it’s a game show.
Alright? So have the game-show energy.
I’ll be back in a little bit of time.
And this is gonna be fun. It’s gonna be fun.
It’s prank time, bitch!
-You said I could call you... -Bunny.
-Bunny? -Bunnies like to [bleep]
[ Laughter ]
-Listen up, people. It’s almost go time
for my revenge prank on Nick Cannon.
Now, here’s what I did.
My set designer Chad got me everything I asked for.
Listen, we got special effects, we got eager contestants,
and we got a live studio audience.
Now, I told Nick to meet me today in my studio’s
private gym for a little weekly workout
with my private trainer, Boss.
Really, he’s here to get worked over by me.
-What I want you to do -- we’re gonna go curl, press.
I want curl, arm press. But you got to do the curl first.
Curl, arm press.
It looks like you’re struggling, though.
-Really? -Yeah.
-I’m trying to actually really do it.
’Cause, like, you know, it’s work.
I’m trying to make it count.
-You’re doing good. -You know, keep the elbows in.
-Rah! No, I’m joking.
-Why are you dressed like that?
-’Cause you bitching.
No, we’re shooting the interstitials,
like, the beginning of...
-Alright. [ Laughs ]
-Stop. Listen. Nick.
No. Listen.
-Why are you [bleep] dressed like that?
-Because I shot the intro.
-Why’s your voice squeaking, though?
-’Cause I’m losing my voice.
-No, no, no. Like, something ain’t right.
-Something ain’t right.
I know something’s happening.
Why are you in a suit and we working out?
-Because we’re shooting the beginning of the show, jackass.
-And then why are we here?
-Because I’m running behind schedule. That’s why.
You know, I’m trying to run a business here.
I really am.
I hear you bitching, which is why I stopped in.
What is the big deal?
-You’re not training? -Yes.
Well, I’m training as soon as I’m done.
Alright? Everybody needs to just calm down.
-It’s my turn. I know something is gonna happen to me.
-It’s not happening today.
I’m not getting you while you alert.
Have I ever done that? -No, that’s --
-Have I ever fired right back? -No, that’s what sucks.
I’m always paranoid.
This is the word, the anxiety that’s building up.
I’m on defense.
-Well, you shouldn’t be. -I’m in your territory.
-I had to take the loss. -You got big-ass Boss over here.
-I have to take the loss.
-I just got a work out pump. That’s it.
-By the way, there’s not a worse actor on the planet.
You think I would ask Boss to be a part of anything?
So he can, "Uh, uh, Nick, come over here
and lift up this one, Nick?"
There is no prank. Alright, come on.
You want to come see the new studio?
Come check it out. Yeah. I just got finished. Come on.
-Okay. -Alright.
I’m deadass.
-Am I following you? -Yeah, come on.
-Boss coming, too? -Boss can come.
Follow. I’ll set the tea here. Come on.
-Boss, I know you in where I’m at.
-I really don’t know what’s going on.
-It’s being stupid. Come on.
-And you know some [bleep] about to jump out.
-Yeah. -Look,
if something jumps out, Nick,
the prank war is over.
-Yeah, right. -Okay. Alright. I’m deadass.
-You’re getting paid to do this. -Look. Look.
Look at this. Setup. Production hallway. Setup.
-Alright, I’m walking slow, but I don’t care.
-Swear to God, man. You guys are just being extra.
-Alright.
Where you going, Kev?
-Nick, come on, man.
-This is the worst ever.
-Come on. Nick, I’m not [bleep] with you.
Come on, man.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yeah! Yeah!
Nick Cannon!
Yeah!
Yes. Welcome.
Nick Cannon, ladies and gentlemen.
Now, Nick, I know right now you’re asking yourself,
what are you doing here? What is this? What am I up to?
Well, before I can answer any of those questions,
take a look at this, buddy.
-Nick Cannon. He’s just one man, but he’s done so much.
From television to film to music to fatherhood?
-[ Laughs ] -[ Baby crying ]
-With the birth of his newest child,
he’s now a dad to... we don’t know.
And now, thanks to a revolutionary
new reality television series,
the DNA of this VIP is up for grabs.
Three women will battle it out, but only one can win.
-Wow. -Yeah, that’s right.
He deserves it. He deserves it.
Now, Nick,
I know you’re thinking the same thing that I’m thinking.
-No, no, we’re not thinking the same thing.
-Yeah, you are. Everybody is like, after watching that,
well, what is this? What’s the title?
Okay? First of all, guys, you’re on a game show right now.
Okay? That’s right. It’s a game show.
And, Nick, I know you want to know
the title of this game show, don’t you, Nick?
-No. -Yeah, you do. Well, Nick,
nobody has to wait any further because here’s the title.
Show it!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yeah. Yeah.
-You got pyro? -Yeah.
-[ Baby crying ] -Bull[bleep]
-Welcome to "Having My Baby with Nick Cannon."
That’s right, Nick. This is a game show
where you’re gonna get some contestants
that are coming on here that want to have your baby.
The question is, is how do you pick them?
How do you figure out who it is? Who gets to be a candidate?
Well, guess what, Nick?
We are gonna find out today on
"Having My Baby with Nick Cannon."
[ Baby crying ]
Yes! -This is not funny.
-Yes.
-I’m glad you guys are enjoying this.
-Okay. Tell me when the cameras are set.
Don’t lose my live feed. That’s right, guys.
We’re live. This is happening in real time.
Because there’s gonna be a lucky contestant...
-Live on what? -...that’s gonna get that sperm.
Let’s go! Come on out.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-This can’t be good.
-That’s right, guys, you are watching
"Having My Baby with Nick Cannon."
[ Baby crying ]
Bring out my contestants. Let’s go, ladies. Come on out.
Yeah. Yes. Yeah.
Yeah. Yes.
Contestant number one, can you introduce yourself, please?
-Hi. My name is Maria Ramona Katrina Fernandez Valdez.
But you can call me Bunny.
-Wow. -I’m a kindergarten teacher,
and I want to have Nick Cannon’s baby.
-Wow. Good for you.
-You said I could call you...
-Bunny. -Bunny?
-If you know bunnies like I know bunnies...
[ Laughter ]
...bunnies like to [bleep]
[ Bell dings ]
Yeah. Okay. Alright.
Contestant number two, please introduce yourself.
-My name’s Michelle. I’m from Canada.
I’m your biggest fan, and I want to have Nick Cannon’s baby.
-Wow. Wow. Right to the point. Wow. Huh?
Canada. They sure do know how to do it, eh?
[ Laughter ]
Yeah. Okay.
Contestant number three, please introduce yourself.
-Hi, I’m Monica.
I’m a research scientist from Port Washington, New York.
And my hypothesis is I want to have Nick Cannon’s baby.
-Yes. Quite the study. Quite the study.
Okay. Nick, right now, is anyone
standing out a little more than the other to you?
-What are we doing here? [ Buzzer ]
-Nick, this is when the game is gonna get a little intense.
Contestant number one,
why should you have Nick Cannon’s baby?
-So, I want to have your baby
because I come from a really big family, just like you,
and I want to start a family of my own.
I also have always wanted a Blasian baby.
-Me too. -Me too! Okay?
Like, I love H. E. R., I love Sade,
and you’re gorgeous,
so I think we’d have a kid that’s 100.
-Oh, wow. What an answer.
-And the kid would speak Tagalog,
so they’d be bilingual because I’m Filipino, you know?
They’d grow up with a lot of love and karaoke.
-Wow. Contestant number two,
why do you want to have Nick Cannon’s baby?
-Like I said, I’m from Canada. -Okay.
-I have loved you since "Love Don’t Cost a Thing."
-[ Laughs ] Thank you.
-And I don’t either.
[ Laughter ]
I just want a part of you inside of me so I can push
a part of you outside of me.
-Wow.
-This is ridiculous. -What is ridiculous about that?
That woman just says she wants your peen.
[ Bell dings ] That’s what she just said.
I love it. I love it.
Contestant number three, what about you?
Why do you want to have Nick Cannon’s baby?
-I’m actually not particularly maternal.
I don’t really want to have kids,
but I do want to be pregnant.
I, as a scientist, feel like
it’s sort of the ultimate physical experiment.
And then once I have the baby, we can do whatever you want.
-Yeah. -Because my research
is in gynecology and I can’t really, like,
be there for my patients if I haven’t experienced it.
And you seem fertile, so...
-There you go. [ Bell dings ]
Nice. Nice.
-I’m glad and happy that you --
you think making a mockery of my...
-Who’s making a mockery? -What is the --
Oh, so, can I ask the rules of the game?
-Honestly, on my game show, you can’t, okay?
This is my game show. It’s my rules.
Nick, you’ve just heard a lot of responses.
It comes down to this moment.
-What is going on? -Well, Nick...
-This is stupid. -You can’t be on a game show...
-I’m not on a game show.
-Well, you’re sitting in the couch.
Okay? Contestants sit on the couch.
Nick, at this moment, I’m gonna have to ask you
to make a very difficult choice.
Which one of these women do you want to have your baby?
-Kevin, we came here to work out with Boss.
-You got 10 seconds.
-So, wait, I’m supposed to pick one person?
-You pick one person that gets to have your baby.
You’re at three Mississippi.
-I don’t know what’s going on. -Just pick.
-I feel like if I say something the wrong way...
-Whichever one you want to pick, Nick, in two seconds.
-Eeny, meeny, miney... [ Buzzer ]
-Here’s the good thing about this game show.
You don’t get to pick. I do.
Ladies and gentlemen, I want you to make some noise
for our winner...
♪
...contestant number three! That’s right!
Scientist!
-Sorry. Sorry.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Yes! Yes!
Wait, this goes to Nick.
Yeah.
That’s yours.
Hey, fill that up. Give her a hug, Nick.
Wow. Love happened here.
And we’ll see you next time on "Having My Baby with..."
-Nick Cannon!
-Love happens here.
Hey, guys, let’s walk off together.
Hold her hand, Nick. You’re about to impregnate her.
Come on.
-This is very disrespectful and stupid.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪
-Thanks.
-I think that I put a lot more thought into mine.
-What -- you talk about boundaries.
Why you always got to bring my personal life...
-I incorporated a game show that is --
-Everybody knows I’m unstable. -Okay.
-Everybody knows I can’t keep a relationship.
Everybody knows I got a lot of kids.
-You can keep a relationship.
You and I have been together and been friends
for how long, Nick?
-That’s different. I’m not having sex with you.
-And it’s not gonna happen.
If that was your ploy to get me, you better listen.
Hey, if that was your shot...
[ Laughs ]
If you just took a shot, I batted it back, alright?
But I will say this, man.
You pranked my ass. I’m gonna give it to you.
-Mine was definitely better. There was real fear involved.
-That’s why I’m gonna give you the nine.
-Thank you.
-You’ve won this episode. -Thank you.
-Your reaction was one of, like, just annoyance.
-Yeah, I was like, "This is stupid.
Why is he bringing my personal life into this?"
-Mine was fear. I will give you that.
But here’s the thing, Nick,
look, you and I pranking each other is great, right?
We go back and forth all the time.
That’s our relationship. We’ve done it for years.
But in this case, we can’t just prank each other.
We can’t do that, right?
-Bring some people in. -Yeah.
You need to bring other people in.
You and I both have a lot of relationships in this business.
What I feel like we need to do, Nick,
is involve those relationships and have them participate
in the world of back-and-forth pranks.
How about you insert your level of knowledge,
the pranks with the people that you bring in,
and I’ll do the same for mine?
-And we’ll battle. -And we’ll battle that way.
-My celeb friends against
your people who pretend to like you.
-Let’s see whose prank ideas
can basically prevail. Who can be better.
-I’m the prank king, so therefore,
I will win the celebrity prank war.
-The prank king is not gonna stick,
so stop it, please.
-It stuck. -Stop it.
Prank king you may want to be, but I am the prank god.
-That’s good.
[Bleep] Why didn’t I think of that?
-Why? Because you’re Nick Cannon. That’s why.
-Next time on "Celebrity Prank Wars"...
-Thank you so much for doing this for me.
-Taraji and I, we got our "A" game ready.
-I hope she don’t curse nobody out.
-Oh! Oh, wait.
-What the hell kind of driver you got?
-Ooh! -Oh, my gosh! -[Bleep]!
I’ma get out. -Ooh!
-You started it. I’m gonna finish it.
How do we get two guys maybe fighting over her?
-Hi! -Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
It’s okay. No, no, no, no, no. -Hey, punk!
-Please don’t fight.
-Hey, don’t touch me, man.
-Oh! -Oh [bleep]!