(crowd cheering)
(host): More at JFL.
With Jo Koy, starring Paul Rabliauskas.
Al Val,
Jessica Kirson,
Jimmy O.Yang,
and more.
It's Joy Koy at JFL.
(upbeat music)
(crowd cheering, applauding)
- Montreal!
(crowd cheering)
We got to-- Aww...
This is why I love Montreal so much.
(crowd cheering)
This is why I love this festival so much.
This is my Gala. This is my Gala, the 40th.
This is the 40th anniversary of Just For Laughs
and I'm honoured, of course.
This is where it all started for me.
(crowd cheering, applauding)
(chuckling)
We're gonna laugh. 'Cause laughter's good.
You know me, I see people laughing now.
It feels good. It finally feels good to be outside.
What was it, two years that we didn't have this?
Two years we didn't have this
and you guys are ready to come back out.
Some of you are still wearing the mask and that's fine.
But you're not six feet apart
so you might get it no matter what.
(crowd laughing, clapping) Like it doesn't...
It doesn't...
(cheering)
All the mask is gonna do is not give you COVID here.
But it's gonna land here.
And then go right here.
(laughing)
I love watching people laugh and I get it.
If you're here and you're wearing it,
that's fine. Wear it.
But I love watching people laugh.
I do.
It's the best thing in the world.
That's my motivation.
That's what motivates me to go left or right.
If I see someone laughing over here hard, I stay here.
You know what I mean?
If there's no laughter over here, I don't go there.
(crowd laughing)
That's negative energy.
You don't want to be with someone with negative energy.
I call them Energy Vampires.
They suck the life out of you.
I don't understand, and I'm just speaking on me
as a guy, 'cause I love to laugh,
I don't understand women that don't, like,
that date guys that don't laugh. I don't get it.
I see women with guys that just do this all day.
(scoffs)
(crowd laughing)
(stifled laughing)
Tsst.
(laughing)
They're in here. They're right over there.
(crowd laughing)
I swear to God! I swear!
And there's guys over here that are laughing big.
That guy right there on the end.
That guy on the corner, that end seat right there.
He's a clapper and he moves forward.
Right there, right there.
Cover his mouth, cover his mouth 'cause he doesn't have a mask.
Covers... (crowd laughing)
And I love that.
And I'm not making fun of you. I enjoy that energy.
Laughter is beautiful.
Laughter is God's medicine.
You ever think of that?
When you laugh, it releases endorphins.
And when you release those endorphins,
it kills all that negative shit that's inside of you.
That's healing.
That's why, laugh! I always say that to people.
Laugh.
It's free.
Not tonight...
(crowd laughing, applauding)
But tomorrow.
Remember these jokes tomorrow.
It's like to-go laughter.
So laugh.
Is he with you?
That's your man? He's gonna live a long life.
Anyone that loves to laugh like that,
that's the kind of man you want, ladies, right there.
A guy that just loves to laugh. He doesn't give a shit.
Ha-ha, ha-ha!
(crowd laughing)
I don't understand women that get with guys
that don't like that. There's some right over there.
I'm not gonna go there.
I'm not going over there.
'Cause those guys die tomorrow.
(crowd laughing) They die tomorrow.
And I don't want to see what death looks like right now.
I want to see what the future looks like. And it's here.
Ugh! (crowd cheering)
You ever see a guy holding in his laugh?
You have to, you have to like...
'Cause laughter is natural convulsions
and you're stopping it. You have to tense every...
...muscle. (stifled chortling)
Asshole, tight.
Take little Raisinet shits 'cause the ass is so tight.
(stifled chortling) Tink, kunk!
That's why everyone says, "You're full of shit."
'Cause you really are. It's not coming out,
'cause you won't fucking laugh!
Tink, tonk, tink!
His asshole's wide open.
(crowd laughing) Wide open!
(vibrating lips)
I love you guys so much, JFL.
(crowd cheering)
This is a beautiful thing.
Uh, this is what tonight's gonna be about.
It's about love, laughter and we're gonna be living
hard tonight, you guys. I love you so much.
Thank you Montreal, for this.
(crowd cheering)
Not only is this guy extremely funny
but he's a very close friend of mine.
Put your hands together...
for Jimmy O. Yang!
(upbeat music)
(crowd cheering)
- Thank you, Montreal.
Yes!
We're here, baby!
We're doing it.
Thank you, guys. Thank you, guys.
It's very special for me to finally be here at JFL.
This is my very first time in Montreal. It's all happening.
(crowd cheering) Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I love this place man. It's beautiful, it's beautiful.
Everybody always told me to come here.
Like Montreal, it's just like France.
I'm like, yeah, but it's not really, you know?
I feel like every city in Canada is just like something.
But not really.
People always tell me, Toronto,
it's just like New York.
But not really.
Vancouver, though, just like Hong Kong.
But... But not really. You know, like...
I'm going to start telling my girlfriend,
I'm just like Brad Pitt, but...
But not really, you know?
It's good to see you guys. I had no idea what to expect
in Montreal. You know, I thought it was just a bunch of French
people with baguettes.
It's me being racist, simply. You know?
And it's very diverse. A lot of Asians.
I saw a lot of Asians. Felt very safe. You know?
(crowd laughing)
I love Canada man. But I always get nervous,
though, crossing the border in Canada.
I got past trauma. You know?
Like as an immigrant, I feel like borders
just kind of scare me.
The first time I came to Canada,
I went to Winnipeg. It was a few years ago--
(crowd laughing)
Apparently Winnipeg is such a shitty city...
(crowd laughing)
Just by saying, "Winnipeg" it got a laugh.
It's that bad.
But I was there to do a standup comedy show.
I was there for a job. I needed money,
you know what I mean? Like, I went to Winnipeg
and the border patrol officer, she stopped me.
She was a very nice lady. She was like,
"Are you here for business or pleasure?"
And I don't know why that question like, made me panic.
I was like, ah, I didn't get a business Visa, what should I--
I'm like, I'm here for pleasure.
(crowd laughing)
And she's like, "Are you sure?"
I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm definitely here
in Winnipeg for pleasure. And then she's like,
"Nobody comes to Winnipeg for pleasure."
(crowd laughing)
I'm like, oh.
Now I get it. It's that bad. It's that bad.
Canada. Everything is chill. People are chill.
That's the stereotype, people are nice, right?
Nice people in Canada. Do you guys agree with that?
(crowd cheering) Yeah.
I've met some Canadian assholes. You know?
You guys are just subtle about it, you know?
I mean you guys are like polite assholes.
You guys are polite about your asshole.
Americans, we let you know we don't like you.
You know? We just like, "Ah, get out of my face,
I don't like you."
Canadians, you guys love to agree to disagree.
You guys are like, "Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is that right, buddy? Yeah, yeah...
But no, no, you're-- That's wrong.
That's wrong."
Imma do one more for you guys. Um, I got a girlfriend now,
she's amazing. You know, um,
very happy about that. You know? Yeah.
We're the same age, which is great.
We're the same age, it's great because we can communicate.
You know? We talk about the same things.
We know the same things.
Like I don't have to explain to her The Rock
used to be a wrestler. That's great.
You need to date someone the same age range
because you speak the same language. You know?
Have you guys tried calling someone that's under
the age of 30?
They think it's like the creepiest thing
on the planet.
They're like, "Ew, what's he doing?
Calling me?!"
"What is he like, my Dad?"
"Oh, my God, he left a voicemail!
What a rapist! Oh, my God."
(crowd laughing)
You can't call people anymore, man.
You gotta text them cute little emojis, you know?
'Cause there's low stakes.
Look, I'm cool with emojis,
especially when it first came out.
Because it was just a bunch of cute, yellow faces, okay?
I liked that.
(crowd laughing)
I felt represented.
You know what I mean? That's how I like to see the world.
But then, Apple or some company
decided to get all woke and shit
and they updated the emoji ecosystem
and now it's just like five shades of beige.
(crowd laughing)
Which is a cultural landmine.
I don't know what to do with that!
Like I was trying to text my Black friend a thumbs up.
Was I supposed to text him my thumbs up or his thumbs up?
(crowd laughing)
I never texted him back. I just lost a Black friend.
Thank you, guys. You guys are great, Montreal.
(crowd cheering, applauding)
(upbeat music)
- Yeah.
- I'm serious when I say this.
I love shining light on people,
and when I saw this guy on the internet,
I personally asked for him to appear on my gala.
So, please welcome, JR De Guzman!
(upbeat music)
(crowd cheering, applauding)
- Woo!
I actually go COVID, man.
That's why I'm glad to be back on stage.
I got it yesterday, sir.
Um... (crowd laughing)
So, you're gonna want to get tested. But I--
I'm so glad to be doing this show.
I actually got COVID twice.
I got the first one, I got COVID Classic.
Yeah.
You guys remember, same great taste.
(crowd laughing)
Which was no taste.
And then I got the third one, season three COVID.
And I got the third one in December of 2021.
And I don't know if anyone else got it at that time.
But at that time, it seemed like everybody
was getting COVID, right?
Like, everybody that I came into contact with...
(crowd laughing)
Like three days later, they had COVID.
Whoa, you're not being safe.
Wear a mask, bro.
But I'm gonna play some music
and tell you guys a little bit about myself tonight.
(crowd cheering)
♪ Montreal, how you doing tonight ♪
(crowd cheering)
♪ Oooh, yeah, yeah, yeah
And a little bit about myself is,
I was born in the Philippines and I'm proud.
(crowd cheering) Yeah.
And I moved to the US when I was one year old.
Just an ambitious little baby.
You know? And I had a lot of insecurities
'cause they're weren't a lot of role models
to make Asian men feel sexy, right?
Like white people, you guys had Brad Pitt,
Tom Cruise.
All we had was Jackie Chan.
(crowd laughing)
You remember? Every movie he's just like,
"Who kill my uncle?"
His uncle would die in every movie
and then there was martial arts. That was the whole plot.
And it's sad because Asians, we're the least represented
culture on TV.
Which is messed up.
'Cause we're also the highest manufacturer of Tvs.
(crowd laughing)
You ungrateful bastards.
We make you all these Tvs. Just put us inside of one.
Let's go, Montreal.
♪ And I said Asian guys can smash ♪
♪ We're not just good at math
♪ If we were back in class
♪ I'd re-educate your ass
♪ Asian guys can smash
♪ Not just bricks in karate class ♪
♪ I'm not a karate kid
♪ Yeah, I'm a karate man
That's for Jackie Chan's uncle.
You know, there's another stereotype,
they say Asians can't drive.
That's messed up.
'Cause we made it to this show safely.
(crowd laughing) Yeah!
To any empty chairs, rest in peace.
(crowd laughing, applauding)
You know.
Yeah.
Let's dispel that stereotype.
♪ I said Asian guys can drive
♪ They always say we crash
♪ It's not from driving bad
♪ It's from driving while we smash ♪
Yeah. You gotta multi-task.
So if you see an Asian driver tonight,
he turns left without signalling,
don't be racist.
Don't be like, "See, he's a bad Asian driver."
Be like, "Oh, I heard JR's song.
He's just makin' sweet, sweet love right now."
(crowd laughing)
And there's one more stereotype I grew up with
that I really hated.
You guys probably already know this one.
Let's dispel this one too, tonight.
♪ I said our penises aren't small ♪
♪ It's just like our rice
♪ When you warm it up ♪
♪ It doubles twice its size
(crowd laughing, cheering)
(vocalizing)
♪ It's like a rice cooker baby ♪
Come on, make some noise if you got a rice cooker at home.
(crowd cheering)
Progressive audience.
So many different kinds of rice in the house tonight.
Basmati rice, Jasmine rice,
even brown rice in the house.
Yeah. And you ever cooking rice in your rice cooker,
you put a little bit of rice in there,
you look at it before it's finished,
you're like, "Oh, wow...
that's not enough rice."
And then when it's finished cooking you're like,
"Damn, that fed my whole family."
Rice, you're a grower not a shower.
Give rice a chance, us Asian guys can smash.
Thank you guys so much!
(crowd cheering, applauding)
(upbeat music)
- This comic lives by the motto: Always be silly.
Same motto as the person in charge
of Montreal's road repairs.
Please welcome Jessica Kirson!
(upbeat music)
(crowd cheering, applauding)
- Hi, everyone. How are you? I'm a miserable person.
I'm sober, I don't do drugs anymore.
Um, you know you have a problem with cocaine when you're like,
"It's my turn." And you're alone.
(sighing)
I have a hard time with myself, you know?
I was gonna get Botox, you know,
but then I saw my mother at a wedding and she was like...
"Hi, honey."
(crowd laughing)
"How, ya doing?"
And I'm like, "Mom, are you okay?"
And she's like, "Yeah. I'm good."
"I went to get Botox and they hit a nerve."
"Can you tell?"
I'm like, "Can I tell? You look like a bass fish
that's been through a Cuisinart."
I mean, I have young kids. Young kids put you down a lot.
I was with them during COVID.
I was basically in prison.
I mean, it was a lot to be around them.
Because they do put you down a lot.
Like, my daughter, Madison, one day
looked at me and she's like, "Mommy, you have
eyelashes in your nostril."
I'm like, "Fuck you!"
(crowd laughing)
"You smell like a barn animal, bitch."
You know what I mean? It's...
I do a lot of shows in Florida for very old Jewish people.
My people. Thank you, sir.
Thank you. Thank you, Rabi.
Most of the crowd is 80, 90,
some have passed away. And...
(crowd laughing)
They all have the same face,
even when they're saying something positive.
It's gorgeous outside.
Look at this weather. The sun is out.
The test came back negative. I'm gonna live.
A lot of times I don't hear any laughter for an hour.
I just hear moaning. Just...
(moaning)
They yell shit out. Just like, "Help me!"
"Help me!"
They tell me to do things for them.
I swear. Just, "Get me a drink!"
"Get my medication!"
I'm like, "I'm doing a show, bitch."
One woman once yelled out at me, "Clown!" She called me a clown.
I'm not kidding, "Clown!"
It's sounded like a cat being assaulted. Just, "Clown!"
(screeching)
(hissing)
(crowd laughing)
I never understood how my grandfather stayed hard.
I know that sounds weird.
(chuckling)
The guy couldn't get a word in for 57 years.
This goes out to all of you that can't get a word in.
Really, he couldn't. He literally walked around like,
"Somebody, please help me.
Please. I haven't been allowed to speak since 1932."
"This bitch has answered every question I've ever been asked.
Please shoot me in the head. Somebody,
take me out of my misery."
And Viagra wasn't around then. Do you understand?
I mean, we would go to a restaurant
and the waitress would be like, "What would you like, sir?"
And my grandma would, "He'll have
the chicken with rice.
He has diarrhea."
(crowd laughing)
"He needs the rice to bind him.
There's feces all over the goddamn bathroom.
Did everyone in the restaurant hear me?
Feces."
(deep voice): Feces!
I just peed. Anyway, so...
(crowd laughing)
Let me act it out. 'Cause I think a lot of you
want to see my grandparents doing it.
It's really hot.
I feel like my grandmother would just bend over a little bit,
just to make it difficult for him.
'Cause she made everything difficult for him.
And she would just put him down the whole time.
She'd just be like, "Irving, I'm not bending over anymore.
Find the hole.
I hate your penis.
Don't make a mess.
When is the cleaning lady coming?
You never provided for the children.
They never had what they needed.
Ugh. I can't even feel you inside of me.
Are you in me yet?
Did you pay the insurance?
I got into a crash today. Oh, no.
God, this is horrible, I still can't feel you.
Are you in my ass?!"
You guys are amazing. I love you. I'm Jessica Kirson.
(cheering)
(upbeat music)
(inaudible)
(upbeat music)
Nylon... is hot.
(crowd laughing)
I'm trying so hard to play it off.
It is soaking wet under here.
I'm so wet and I'm trying so hard. I'm trying.
Every time I go back there I'm just like,
please a fan or something. Fan it.
I just want every-- You know what?
I'm gonna do a PSA. I'm gonna do a PSA right now.
All right. A Public Service Announcement.
Right now. And this is just for the ladies. Okay?
It's just for the ladies. It's a PSA.
When you see a guy doing stuff like this...
(crowd laughing)
They're not stretching.
Okay?
I don't want you to think that's an athlete or you know...
Oh, he's bored. He's not. Okay?
When you see a guy doing stuff like this,
they're not trying to be cool. Okay?
These lights are hot.
And my ball is stuck to my thigh.
(crowd laughing)
And I'm trying to detach it without being creepy.
Okay? So, now you know, ladies.
Two balls.
Now you know!
When you go back to work.
Go back to work and that guy from accounting walks up to you,
"Hey, Rebecca.
Me and the fellas are gonna go to Starbucks.
You want anything? Like a frappuccino? Or..."
(crowd laughing)
"Americano or a macchiato.
You want a macchiato or something?"
"Get the fuck away from my cubicle, Steve.
Get away from my cubicle, Steve!
Sticky nut, Steve walked up to me asking me
if I wanted something from Starbucks, and I was like,
get away from me. He was like, two, both balls!
Both balls!
(exhaling sharply)
(laughing)
Both balls!
Yes! He went like that. And I heard. It went...
(popping lips)
I heard it!
And you want to get me a frappucino?! No!
No."
You know, I did that joke a long time ago
when my son was like, 15 or something, like 15 or 14.
Right? And at the end of the show, he walked up to me
and he was like, "Dad. I don't get it."
(crowd laughing)
I go, "Get what?"
He's like, "I didn't get that joke about the balls
on the thigh. Like, why were they laughing?
I didn't even get it. Like what was so funny about it?"
I go, "Joe, you're not supposed to get it.
You're 15.
Your balls are still at the base of your dick.
(crowd laughing)
That's where 15-year-old balls sit.
At the base of your dick.
Your dick is like a really cool hiker
with like, the coolest backpack on. Just...
(crowd laughing)
My dick is like a seasoned traveller
with the shitty roller bag. Like, let's...
Come on!
Broken wheel."
(crowd laughing)
Are you guys ready for more show?
(crowd cheering)
He's one of the fastest rising comedians in America
and it's always good to be one of the fastest rising
in your profession, unless you're a scuba diver.
Please welcome, Asif Ali!
(upbeat music)
(crowd cheering, applauding)
- Hello, Montreal, how are you?
(screaming)
It's nice to be here.
I'm Indian. Are there any Indian people here tonight?
(crowd cheering) Yes!
There's a lot man. There should be more.
There's a billion Indian people.
We need to put a condom over that entire country, bro.
We're doing way too much over there.
There's a billion Indian people, man.
And listen, we don't give our parents
and grandparents enough credit.
For making a billion Indian people.
You know how hard that is?
Sir, do you know how hard it is to have sex
after eating Indian food?
(crowd laughing)
You don't know risk!
I dare any of you, leave the show tonight,
have two plates of curry and try fucking.
You won't trust any of your holes.
We make the future!
(crowd laughing)
You better be happy that shit's spicy,
otherwise they'd be four billion of us out here.
(laughing)
It's jammed up too.
It's jammed up in India. And they let you know.
Usually, when you go to countries that are crowded,
you have to get off the plane, get into a bus,
get to the hotel, then go to the main city.
Then you're like, "Wow, this is crowded."
Not in India.
They let you know.
The moment that goddamn plane lands
they let you know you've made a personal space mistake.
I was in the plane. Right when that ding goes off
in the plane and you stand up, there's an Indian dude...
Ah, ah! Oh, God, he's right here.
You're just smelling his neck. He's right here.
Ah! And his wife is, ah! Just right here. Gah!
They're just hugging around you. They don't give a hell
that you even exist.
All their kids are in your pockets, dude.
All their kids... (laughing)
The little ones in the coin one.
It's insane, man.
My parents got an arranged marriage.
It's not weird. In their community
where they grew up that was like the Tinder of its time.
A little different, but the same thing, you know?
Just like, one swipe.
No take backs!
(crowd laughing)
(laughing)
But look at us, we're all out.
You know, we're all having fun. We all made it.
Remember we all thought we were gonna get buff.
(laughing)
I'm looking at us and none of us did it. But uh...
We believed for a moment, didn't we?
I talked to my boys on the group chat.
I was like, accountability check.
"Look at me now, guys! Next time you guys see me,
I'm gonna have no neck."
I'm gonna turn into one of those--
You ever see those guys at the gym?
Those guys that like, turn into human crabs.
Like...
Their whole goal is to like,
never touch their pockets, ever again, dude.
That's why they roll in groups of nine, dude.
They're just getting each other's Toyota Camry keys
for each other, dude.
These people are eating all the chicken in Canada.
They need to be stopped.
None of us did anything, man.
I did finish Netflix.
You can't take that away from me.
Yeah, I got to the end too. Hell, yeah.
A message came up. It wasn't, are you still watching?
it was like...
Thanks, bro.
(crowd laughing)
Appreciate the support.
Honestly, I'm surprised
there isn't a COVID themed dating show on Netflix.
They have a dating show for everything.
You autistic? We have a show. Are you Indian? We have a show.
Are you an Asian guy that's pretending to be Black?
We have a show for you. Every category.
Why not a COVID themed dating show? You'd watch that.
Fuckin' Vax Island.
You would. Vax Island, twenty people on an island.
Ten are vaxed, ten are not.
They're all immunocompromised.
(crowd laughing)
No masks allowed!
The last two alive have to get married.
(crowd laughing)
All right, I'm Asif Ali. Thank you guys so much!
Good night, thank you.
(crowd cheering, applauding)
(upbeat music)
- Every weekend from grade one to eleven,
this comedian went to Lithuanian Saturday school.
I don't know exactly what Lithuanian Saturday school is,
but she tells me it's exactly as much fun as it sounds.
Please welcome, Al Val!
(crowd cheering)
(upbeat music)
-Yeah, baby! What's going on, Montreal?!
How are you cutie pies?
(crowd cheering) Yes!
My name is Al Val. I am a Trans woman.
I don't know if the Bart Simpson voice
gave it away off the top.
But I've been transitioning for the past year
and it's been incredible. It's been awesome,
it's been everything I've ever wanted it to be.
(crowd cheering, applauding) Okay.
Stop.
Your claps are the foundation
on which my self-esteem is built.
So, thank you.
Um. It's been an amazing year. I've been taking hormones.
It's doing some amazing things to my body.
My skin is smoother, I'm growing little-bitty boobies.
That's fun. Uh...
But like, I'm trying not to put too much stock
into aesthetic standards.
I'm trying to measure my self-worth
beyond beauty standards.
Now, I know we all want to be beautiful,
and I do too, of course.
I'm not above that kind of thing.
But I'm worried that I'm a butter face.
And if you don't know what a butter face is,
it's an ancient biblical term, actually.
(crowd laughing)
It's in the scripture. Jesus himself.
He's like, "Yay, and her body was tight...
But her face... "
(crowd laughing)
(chuckling)
But okay. So let me explain.
So, this is why I'm worried I'm a butter face.
It happened just a month ago. This summer, it was a hot night,
I was walking home. The streets of Toronto,
the streets are empty. I'm by myself,
I got a cute little skirt on. I'm feeling pretty cute
walking down the street. And this guy catcalls me
from behind. He's approaching on a bike
and I can hear him call out to me, he's going,
"What's up, pretty baby?
You're looking pretty cute in that skirt.
I like what you got on, baby girl,
you got some nice legs.
Stick around, talk to me for a while."
And call me a crappy feminist,
but I've been a woman for less than a year.
And it felt really nice. It was so nice.
I was like... (giggling)
I shave my knees, he noticed.
(crowd laughing)
(giggling)
So, naturally, I was enthralled.
I was so enthusiastic that when this guy pulled up to me,
it just sort of came out of me. I just shrieked it at him.
I was like, "Thanks!"
And my voice cracked like that.
I sounded like Seinfeld. I was like,
"This guy, he's rolling around on his bike."
(crowd laughing)
"This guy's biking around town.
What's the deal with the dude on the bike?
I got knees. You want me to hop in the front?
You got a basket, let's go!"
(crowd laughing)
(crowd cheering)
And so, naturally, upon seeing my face up close
and hearing my voice.
And computing that against what he thought
I might look and sound like,
this guy had a complete mental malfunction.
His brain stopped working
and he biked off into the night. Just like...
(screaming)
And he got louder as he biked away too.
And so it sucked to have something so validating
ripped away in the blink of an eye.
Just like that. It was so humiliating. It sucked.
And it took me a while to recover.
It took me a full month. But I'm starting to process it
now and the comedian that I am,
I feel like this is how I come out on top.
Two reasons. This is how I win.
Number one. That guy is never catcalling anybody ever again.
(crowd laughing)
You know?
(crowd applauding)
So, you know how I said I was the worst feminist?
I'm kind of the best one, in sort of this backdoor,
perfect circle kind of way.
You're welcome, ladies.
This face is out on the street protecting you.
Hit on this, I dare you!
I will break your brain!
And secondly, I love the idea
that I've become the villain
in this straight dude's horror story.
You know what I mean? That he's gonna like,
gather his friends around a campfire.
Be like, "Legend has it that in the dark of night...
On the streets of Queen, in Toronto, there roams this...
androgynous Axle Rose lookin' person..."
(crowd laughing)
"With the smoothest knees you've ever seen.
And if you get too close and look her in the face...
You're gay! You're gay!
But only from the front. You'd still hit it from behind.
It's a very confusing sexual space to be in.
And now you have this weird fetish for Seinfeld too.
Every time the theme song comes on, you're like...
I'm so aroused, I don't know what to do with myself.
"What's going on?!"
Thank you guys very much.
My name is Al Val. I really appreciate it.
(crowd cheering, applauding)
(upbeat music)
(exclaiming)
- This is good.
This is a good show.
This comedian stars in a show based on his real life.
It's about a comedian who stars in a show
based on his real life.
Please welcome, Paul Rabliauskas!
(crowd cheering, applauding)
Yo! How you doing Montreal?! Make some noise!
(crowd cheering)
I'm not gonna lie to you, Montreal,
this is the biggest show I've ever been on
in my whole career, man.
(crowd cheering, applauding)
It's kinda funny, though, 'cause backstage,
half of the comedians didn't even know I was a comedian.
Jo Koy is my hero. He looked at me backstage.
He went to the stage manager and I heard him.
He goes, "Yo, man. That security guard
just ate three sandwiches."
(crowd laughing)
I didn't want to tell him about the sandwiches
in my backpack either, Montreal.
I'm gonna keep that to myself.
It's beautiful to be here. I come from a small reserve
in Manitoba, Poplar River First Nations, man.
In Manitoba. It's an isolated community.
It's crazy.
(crowd cheering)
Like, you can only take an airplane to come see us.
There's no roads. And we had something scary happen.
Our barge that brings in all the food,
it caught on fire at the beginning of the summer.
And my chief, she's really smart, though.
She's issued a state of emergency.
Government didn't do nothing.
So her next move was, she came over to my house.
She came inside, she's like,
"Paul, you have to go for a while."
(crowd laughing)
(laughing)
And you know what? That was six months ago.
I haven't been home and guess what?
Everything's okay now.
(crowd laughing)
In fact, we have way more food than we need!
My chief is amazing. Like, I'm back home,
I still work in the band office. I still work at home.
I had to take time off and I said,
"Yo, Chief, I'm gonna need three weeks off.
I'm going to Just For Laughs."
And she goes, "You know what?
We're really proud of you."
And then she leans in and she goes,
"How are they gonna get ya?"
I was like, "I don't understand."
And she goes, "How are they gonna get ya?"
"Is it gonna be the guy falling off the ladder?"
And I'm like, she thinks I'm going
to Just For Laughs Gags, right now.
I needed the time off. I was like,
yeah, yeah, the ladder. It's the ladder one.
I need three weeks. Three weeks off, Chief.
That's what I need, man.
It's fun. I come from Winnipeg. Anybody here from Winnipeg?
(screaming) Okay, careful, careful.
(laughing) Be careful of them.
They definitely got knives on them.
I can tell by that scream.
They're in this area, Montreal, be careful.
Winnipeg, it's a rough city, man.
You know what I mean? It's rough.
It is. I lived there for a long time
but I moved away to my Rez.
I was there for one day.
I was gonna get out of my car
but there was just a man walking by with a stick.
That's Winnipeg. You wait 'til it's safe.
But I got embarrassed because it was a blind guy,
just walking by.
(crowd laughing)
I still didn't get out. I don't want to get robbed
by a blind guy. This is Winnipeg, man!
I love white people. Like...
I'm not a smart guy but I know big words
to keep you guys safe.
Like if white people were uncomfortable,
I just say all the big words I know.
I know lots of big words.
Um, ramification.
(crowd laughing)
Photosynthesis.
Mmm.
I thought I had a third one. Nope.
(crowd laughing)
I'm telling you. What white words--
I mean big words.
They help you when you're in a jam with white people.
I was in Winnipeg and I got harassed by the police.
Believe it or not.
And it was crazy. I was walking by.
And I don't want to mess with the police
'cause I'm scared of them.
I'm terrified of them.
And I'm walking by and I don't want to mess with them.
And the police officer, he pulls up to me
while I'm walking. And I'm like...
I know you don't believe this story already,
'cause I was walking. But I was walking to A&W though.
I was walking.
And the police officer pulls over and he goes--
First thing, he rolls down his window, he's like,
"Can you pull over?" And instinctly, I wasn't trying
to mess with him, I said, "I'm walking,
I don't know how to pull over, man."
He got mad. He goes, "Yo! Smarten up.
I got questions!" I froze up.
He told me, "Smarten up."
I said, "I don't even know how to be smart, officer."
And then I said, "I understand ramifications of things."
(crowd laughing)
And this cop, he had the nerve to look at me and he goes,
"Yo. Down the block there, there was an apartment
two stories up. Somebody climbed up and stole a bike.
You fit the description."
(crowd laughing)
I was like, "Sir, I don't even fit my pants right now."
(crowd laughing)
"Look up fat people and parcour on YouTube.
You're gonna get nothing, sir."
That's not what I said, 'cause I'm scared of cops.
Do you know what I said? I said, "Photosynthesis!"
and I ran away.
I ran outta there!
(crowd laughing, applauding)
Woo!
Montreal, I gotta go soon.
It's not because I'm almost done it's because my stomach hurts.
I'm not gonna lie. (laughing)
My people are a gassy people. I'm not gonna lie.
I've been holding my fart for the last two jokes.
Yeah. This lady is laughing the hardest.
I'm like, "You were in danger that whole time, ma'am."
You need to stop laughing and find an escape route.
Anyway, my name's Paul Rabliauskas.
Montreal, thank you guys so much for having me.
You all have a good night.
(crowd cheering, applauding)
(upbeat music)
- That was amazing.
Paul.
Paul, Paul, Paul.
I just want to say, Paul crushed it.
That was amazing. Paul Rabliauskas.
(crowd cheering, applauding)
Well, that's our show tonight. Did you have fun?
(crowd cheering) I love you guys.
Thank you so much. Good night.
(crowd cheering, applauding)
(upbeat music)
Thank you.
(upbeat music)
Subtitling: difuze