1 00:00:14,610 --> 00:00:18,770 {\an2}Give it up for Jimmy Ohh yeah. 2 00:00:44,090 --> 00:00:46,510 {\an2}Look at you, beautiful people. 3 00:00:47,980 --> 00:00:49,610 {\an2}Oh my God. 4 00:00:50,650 --> 00:00:51,906 {\an2}No good, you guys. 5 00:00:51,930 --> 00:00:53,180 {\an2}It's good to be back. 6 00:00:53,190 --> 00:00:55,846 {\an2}It's good to be back seeing {\an2}all your beautiful faces. 7 00:00:55,870 --> 00:00:58,680 {\an2}Give it up for yourselves, {\an2}man, for being here tonight. 8 00:00:58,850 --> 00:00:59,850 {\an2}Thank you. 9 00:01:00,110 --> 00:01:01,290 {\an2}I love you guys. 10 00:01:01,570 --> 00:01:06,280 {\an2}Appreciate you guys and Asian people, {\an2}where we had Asian people. 11 00:01:08,500 --> 00:01:09,896 {\an2}Look at you guys. 12 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:10,390 {\an2}This is great. 13 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,696 {\an2}I'm so proud of my Asian people. 14 00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:15,234 {\an2}There's so much excellence {\an2}out there going on 15 00:01:15,258 --> 00:01:17,196 {\an2}a lot of people representing. 16 00:01:17,220 --> 00:01:19,580 {\an2}It's never been a better time {\an2}to be Asian. 17 00:01:19,810 --> 00:01:21,760 {\an2}I say this every year, I know. 18 00:01:22,790 --> 00:01:24,700 {\an2}But truly, this is our time. 19 00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:28,670 {\an2}I mean, come on, we got BTS now, {\an2}come on, that's us. 20 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:29,630 {\an2}That's all people. 21 00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:30,846 {\an2}They're doing it. 22 00:01:30,870 --> 00:01:31,980 {\an2}I'm so proud of them. 23 00:01:31,990 --> 00:01:33,306 {\an2}Biggest band in the world, 24 00:01:33,330 --> 00:01:35,466 {\an2}probably ever since the Backstreet Boys, 25 00:01:35,490 --> 00:01:36,126 {\an2}and they don't have 26 00:01:36,150 --> 00:01:37,577 {\an2}to speak English. 27 00:01:38,590 --> 00:01:40,000 {\an2}I love my PTS, man. 28 00:01:40,010 --> 00:01:41,420 {\an2}Even white people know PTS. 29 00:01:41,430 --> 00:01:41,826 {\an2}Now. 30 00:01:41,850 --> 00:01:43,066 {\an2}That's progress. 31 00:01:43,090 --> 00:01:44,500 {\an2}That's progress. 32 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:46,076 {\an2}Out of 15 year old white kid 33 00:01:46,100 --> 00:01:46,596 {\an2}come up to me 34 00:01:46,620 --> 00:01:48,776 {\an2}trying to explain to me {\an2}the different members 35 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:49,987 {\an2}of BTS. 36 00:01:50,410 --> 00:01:51,860 {\an2}He was like, ohh, {\an2}this is Joan Cook. 37 00:01:51,870 --> 00:01:54,860 {\an2}He's kind of like the lead singer {\an2}and that's Jim and he's really cool. 38 00:01:54,870 --> 00:01:59,120 {\an2}And he also raps, I'm like, dude, {\an2}they look the same to me. 39 00:02:01,630 --> 00:02:06,186 {\an2}I didn't want to say I couldn't say {\an2}it as an Asian person, 40 00:02:06,210 --> 00:02:07,346 {\an2}but they all just look like 41 00:02:07,370 --> 00:02:08,370 {\an2}me. 42 00:02:08,860 --> 00:02:10,190 {\an2}With pink hair. 43 00:02:11,300 --> 00:02:14,876 {\an2}I can turn the whole show {\an2}to a BTS concert right now. 44 00:02:14,900 --> 00:02:15,990 {\an2}Alright. 45 00:02:16,060 --> 00:02:18,556 {\an2}Yeah, this is this is Jimmy. 46 00:02:18,580 --> 00:02:19,970 {\an2}This is Jimmy right here. 47 00:02:19,980 --> 00:02:20,896 {\an2}You don't know. 48 00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:22,970 {\an2}You have the, you know. 49 00:02:23,220 --> 00:02:25,460 {\an2}You don't know smoke like. 50 00:02:25,470 --> 00:02:26,120 {\an2}But no, I'm not. 51 00:02:26,130 --> 00:02:26,340 {\an2}I'm not. 52 00:02:26,350 --> 00:02:26,910 {\an2}I'm not gonna. 53 00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:27,920 {\an2}I'm not. 54 00:02:28,700 --> 00:02:30,100 {\an2}I'm not good at that. 55 00:02:32,420 --> 00:02:33,520 {\an2}I love my people, man. 56 00:02:33,530 --> 00:02:35,116 {\an2}I love BTS. 57 00:02:35,140 --> 00:02:36,576 {\an2}You guys probably heard in the news 58 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:39,896 {\an2}they gotta go to mandatory {\an2}Korean army, right? 59 00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:41,576 {\an2}The most popular people in the world, 60 00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:44,356 {\an2}they gotta go sign up for Korean military. 61 00:02:44,380 --> 00:02:46,460 {\an2}That's some gangster shit. 62 00:02:47,660 --> 00:02:49,366 {\an2}Imagine how scared you'll be 63 00:02:49,390 --> 00:02:52,027 {\an2}when you encounter PTS {\an2}on the battlefield. 64 00:02:54,310 --> 00:02:55,220 {\an2}You're in battle. 65 00:02:55,230 --> 00:02:56,666 {\an2}You already kind of shook. 66 00:02:56,690 --> 00:02:58,366 {\an2}You had a field of grass 67 00:02:58,390 --> 00:02:59,746 {\an2}and a little puff of pink hair 68 00:02:59,770 --> 00:03:01,037 {\an2}just pops up. 69 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:03,890 {\an2}Be like, yo, what the fuck {\an2}was that? 70 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:05,710 {\an2}Is that a Unicorn? 71 00:03:06,070 --> 00:03:08,346 {\an2}And then six more pink hair pop up. 72 00:03:08,370 --> 00:03:10,120 {\an2}Feel like we're surrounded. 73 00:03:10,370 --> 00:03:13,360 {\an2}And the last thing {\an2}you see is just this. 74 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:17,550 {\an2}That's some gangster shit. 75 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:24,616 {\an2}I'm proud of my people, man. 76 00:03:24,640 --> 00:03:25,976 {\an2}I'm proud of my people. 77 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:29,216 {\an2}You know, A lot of great {\an2}representation out there. 78 00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:30,800 {\an2}I see some of you guys {\an2}still wearing a mask. 79 00:03:30,810 --> 00:03:31,690 {\an2}I still wear my mask. 80 00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:32,870 {\an2}No shame in that, right? 81 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:33,796 {\an2}It's all good. 82 00:03:33,820 --> 00:03:34,676 {\an2}It's all good. 83 00:03:34,700 --> 00:03:37,576 {\an2}I wear my mask not because {\an2}I think I'm gonna get sick, 84 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:38,706 {\an2}but because I just want to talk 85 00:03:38,730 --> 00:03:40,197 {\an2}to anybody anymore. 86 00:03:41,230 --> 00:03:43,566 {\an2}But I'm still surprised {\an2}when people come up to me, 87 00:03:43,590 --> 00:03:45,206 {\an2}they're like, Oh my God Jimmy, {\an2}I'm 88 00:03:45,230 --> 00:03:46,797 {\an2}like how did you know? 89 00:03:48,270 --> 00:03:49,920 {\an2}How did you know? 90 00:03:50,350 --> 00:03:53,460 {\an2}How many other Asian guys {\an2}did you go up to? 91 00:03:55,010 --> 00:03:56,950 {\an2}Before it happened to me, me. 92 00:03:57,990 --> 00:03:59,046 {\an2}You don't know. 93 00:03:59,070 --> 00:03:59,680 {\an2}You don't know. 94 00:03:59,690 --> 00:04:01,026 {\an2}Underneath this mask. 95 00:04:01,050 --> 00:04:02,300 {\an2}I could be Aquafina. 96 00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:03,440 {\an2}You don't know. 97 00:04:08,530 --> 00:04:11,906 {\an2}And look, I'm not saying that all Asian {\an2}people look alike, OK? 98 00:04:11,930 --> 00:04:14,290 {\an2}I'm just saying that me {\an2}and Aquafina look alike. 99 00:04:15,630 --> 00:04:18,190 {\an2}And we both look like {\an2}we should be in BTS. 100 00:04:19,870 --> 00:04:22,386 {\an2}Love all the representation {\an2}out there, man. 101 00:04:22,410 --> 00:04:23,640 {\an2}But it's not just celebrities. 102 00:04:23,650 --> 00:04:24,580 {\an2}I'm very proud of that. 103 00:04:24,590 --> 00:04:26,986 {\an2}Everyday people out there representing. 104 00:04:27,010 --> 00:04:28,340 {\an2}That's the important part. 105 00:04:28,350 --> 00:04:29,426 {\an2}You know what I mean? 106 00:04:29,450 --> 00:04:29,946 {\an2}Ohh. 107 00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,620 {\an2}No no. 108 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:36,176 {\an2}I'm very happy for this {\an2}one particular person. 109 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:41,036 {\an2}I'm really happy for that old Chinese lady {\an2}in Chinatown 110 00:04:41,060 --> 00:04:43,056 {\an2}who's been wearing a mask since 111 00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:44,080 {\an2}1995. 112 00:04:46,550 --> 00:04:49,140 {\an2}Her life just suddenly made sense. 113 00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:52,726 {\an2}Before the mask mandate, {\an2}everybody looked at us like, ohh, 114 00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:54,836 {\an2}why is she wearing a mask 115 00:04:54,860 --> 00:04:57,527 {\an2}that's so random? 116 00:04:57,860 --> 00:04:58,790 {\an2}She's not random. 117 00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:01,360 {\an2}She's a fucking trailblazer, OK? 118 00:05:01,620 --> 00:05:02,770 {\an2}She started wearing a mask. 119 00:05:02,780 --> 00:05:05,036 {\an2}Now everybody has to wear a mask. 120 00:05:05,060 --> 00:05:07,810 {\an2}She's like the Kendall Jenner {\an2}of Chinatown. 121 00:05:09,340 --> 00:05:12,050 {\an2}She must have been so happy {\an2}when this mask mandate happened. 122 00:05:12,060 --> 00:05:13,576 {\an2}Just laughing at everyone. 123 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:15,890 {\an2}It's like, look at you idiots. 124 00:05:16,870 --> 00:05:19,180 {\an2}I told you to put on a mask. 125 00:05:19,290 --> 00:05:22,070 {\an2}No, the CDC follows me. 126 00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:24,620 {\an2}She's prepared. 127 00:05:24,630 --> 00:05:25,886 {\an2}She didn't just have a mask. 128 00:05:25,910 --> 00:05:28,610 {\an2}She had gloves on {\an2}from when she's driving. 129 00:05:28,690 --> 00:05:32,420 {\an2}She had the full face shield {\an2}that comes down looking like Daft Punk. 130 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,150 {\an2}That's my girl right there, man. 131 00:05:37,290 --> 00:05:39,346 {\an2}Asian people were ready {\an2}for this shit. 132 00:05:39,370 --> 00:05:40,926 {\an2}Social distancing. 133 00:05:40,950 --> 00:05:42,960 {\an2}We've been doing that for centuries. 134 00:05:43,810 --> 00:05:44,540 {\an2}Well, I got that. 135 00:05:44,550 --> 00:05:46,160 {\an2}Hugging and touching and all that. 136 00:05:46,170 --> 00:05:49,050 {\an2}You know, when we see each other, {\an2}just a nice bound, that is. 137 00:05:49,330 --> 00:05:51,426 {\an2}That is socially distanced, 138 00:05:51,450 --> 00:05:52,426 {\an2}and if you're really Asian, 139 00:05:52,450 --> 00:05:53,786 {\an2}you ever see two really Asian 140 00:05:53,810 --> 00:05:55,880 {\an2}people, It turns into a bowling contest 141 00:05:55,904 --> 00:05:57,777 {\an2}to see who's more respectful. 142 00:05:58,230 --> 00:06:00,126 {\an2}To see what can bow lower 143 00:06:00,150 --> 00:06:02,250 {\an2}and a more way from each other 144 00:06:02,274 --> 00:06:03,766 {\an2}until you just fold it in half 145 00:06:03,790 --> 00:06:05,137 {\an2}and you go home. 146 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:08,730 {\an2}That social distancing people. 147 00:06:10,940 --> 00:06:12,040 {\an2}That's right. 148 00:06:12,380 --> 00:06:13,500 {\an2}That's right. 149 00:06:14,660 --> 00:06:16,530 {\an2}But the pandemic has taught us anything. 150 00:06:16,540 --> 00:06:18,910 {\an2}It's everybody should be {\an2}a little more Asian. 151 00:06:20,490 --> 00:06:22,686 {\an2}A lot of people in this country, {\an2}Americans, you know, 152 00:06:22,710 --> 00:06:24,266 {\an2}like we're not ready for this. 153 00:06:24,290 --> 00:06:25,206 {\an2}All the rules. 154 00:06:25,230 --> 00:06:26,220 {\an2}We're rebels, man. 155 00:06:26,230 --> 00:06:28,046 {\an2}We don't like falling rules. 156 00:06:28,070 --> 00:06:29,060 {\an2}People are like freaking out. 157 00:06:29,070 --> 00:06:30,090 {\an2}They're like mess, man. 158 00:06:30,100 --> 00:06:32,080 {\an2}They no. 159 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:34,400 {\an2}I'm like, dude, {\an2}it's just a mask. 160 00:06:34,410 --> 00:06:35,330 {\an2}Just put on a mask. 161 00:06:35,340 --> 00:06:38,850 {\an2}They're like, it's not just a mask, {\an2}it's the government. 162 00:06:39,850 --> 00:06:42,700 {\an2}Yeah, it's the government {\an2}fear mongering. 163 00:06:42,710 --> 00:06:44,036 {\an2}I'm like, what is that? 164 00:06:44,060 --> 00:06:45,966 {\an2}They're like, yeah, {\an2}it's fear mongering. 165 00:06:45,990 --> 00:06:48,006 {\an2}They want you to be scared {\an2}of everything. 166 00:06:48,030 --> 00:06:51,786 {\an2}So you're obedient and you're scared {\an2}and you follow the rules. 167 00:06:51,810 --> 00:06:54,990 {\an2}I'm like, ohh, {\an2}that's called fear mongering. 168 00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:59,560 {\an2}Then my mom must have invented {\an2}fear mongering. 169 00:06:59,930 --> 00:07:00,930 {\an2}Ohh. 170 00:07:02,210 --> 00:07:04,340 {\an2}I didn't know that's {\an2}what it's called. 171 00:07:05,710 --> 00:07:07,316 {\an2}Ever since I was five years old, 172 00:07:07,340 --> 00:07:09,806 {\an2}my mom had me believe {\an2}that anything I do would make 173 00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:10,957 {\an2}me sick. 174 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:15,130 {\an2}You go outside without a jacket, {\an2}you get the flu. 175 00:07:16,290 --> 00:07:20,200 {\an2}You go to bed with the fan {\an2}on pneumonia. 176 00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:23,590 {\an2}God forbid you fall asleep {\an2}with wet hair. 177 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:24,400 {\an2}You don't wake up. 178 00:07:24,410 --> 00:07:24,750 {\an2}That's it. 179 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:25,236 {\an2}You're dead. 180 00:07:25,260 --> 00:07:25,756 {\an2}That's it. 181 00:07:25,780 --> 00:07:26,780 {\an2}You're dead. 182 00:07:29,350 --> 00:07:31,470 {\an2}That's fear mongering man. 183 00:07:36,540 --> 00:07:37,990 {\an2}I'm not scared of anything anymore. 184 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:39,496 {\an2}I don't think I have {\an2}any fear anymore. 185 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:40,490 {\an2}I used to watch that show. 186 00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:41,150 {\an2}Fear Factor. 187 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,830 {\an2}You guys remember that show? 188 00:07:42,940 --> 00:07:43,210 {\an2}Yeah. 189 00:07:43,220 --> 00:07:46,660 {\an2}Joe Rogan hosted Fear Factor {\an2}to make it face your fears. 190 00:07:46,670 --> 00:07:49,436 {\an2}Like jump off a helicopter, eat crazy shit 191 00:07:49,460 --> 00:07:51,716 {\an2}like pig intestines and century egg. 192 00:07:51,740 --> 00:07:54,020 {\an2}I ate that shit for breakfast. 193 00:07:55,190 --> 00:07:56,280 {\an2}This is nothing to me. 194 00:07:56,290 --> 00:07:58,120 {\an2}Fear is not a factor. 195 00:08:01,620 --> 00:08:04,616 {\an2}I do remember when I was like {\an2}10 years old little boy, 196 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:05,986 {\an2}I was very scared because there 197 00:08:06,010 --> 00:08:08,636 {\an2}was one kid, pretty sad story in my class, 198 00:08:08,660 --> 00:08:11,066 {\an2}had childhood leukaemia {\an2}and they lost all 199 00:08:11,090 --> 00:08:14,216 {\an2}his hair to chemo {\an2}and everything looking real frail. 200 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:15,190 {\an2}And I was really scared. 201 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:18,076 {\an2}I was like, Oh my God, {\an2}is he going to be OK? 202 00:08:18,100 --> 00:08:19,630 {\an2}And my mom, {\an2}she's a great mother. 203 00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:22,320 {\an2}She saw how scared I was, {\an2}so she came up to console me. 204 00:08:22,330 --> 00:08:24,010 {\an2}She was like Jimmy. 205 00:08:25,540 --> 00:08:26,560 {\an2}Jamia. 206 00:08:27,250 --> 00:08:28,560 {\an2}You see? 207 00:08:28,810 --> 00:08:31,940 {\an2}This is what happens when you play {\an2}too much video games. 208 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:39,730 {\an2}That's fearmongering, OK? 209 00:08:40,210 --> 00:08:42,940 {\an2}I never played a game {\an2}of FIFA after that. 210 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:46,810 {\an2}My mom was like {\an2}the original fake news. 211 00:08:53,770 --> 00:08:55,170 {\an2}It's good to see everyone here, man. 212 00:08:55,180 --> 00:08:56,796 {\an2}I think collectively as people, 213 00:08:56,820 --> 00:08:59,637 {\an2}we all been through a lot {\an2}in the last few years, man. 214 00:09:02,790 --> 00:09:03,640 {\an2}And we made it out. 215 00:09:03,650 --> 00:09:04,380 {\an2}We made it out. 216 00:09:04,390 --> 00:09:05,646 {\an2}We're better for it, you know, 217 00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:08,587 {\an2}I feel like I'm mentally aged {\an2}like 20 years. 218 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:10,456 {\an2}Like the first day I walked outside, 219 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,486 {\an2}for some reason I just walked out {\an2}like an old Chinese 220 00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:13,096 {\an2}man. 221 00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:15,060 {\an2}I just came out {\an2}of my house like this. 222 00:09:22,590 --> 00:09:26,330 {\an2}I was wearing flip flops and a puffer vest {\an2}by Alpha made no sense. 223 00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:29,610 {\an2}My feet were cold chest sweat. 224 00:09:30,190 --> 00:09:31,536 {\an2}My posture look like shit, 225 00:09:31,560 --> 00:09:33,336 {\an2}but I'm still judging everyone. 226 00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:34,490 {\an2}I'm just saying. 227 00:09:41,150 --> 00:09:42,746 {\an2}I'm an old man now. 228 00:09:42,770 --> 00:09:44,886 {\an2}I don't even like going {\an2}outside anymore. 229 00:09:44,910 --> 00:09:46,490 {\an2}All my friends, {\an2}they back to normal, right? 230 00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:49,186 {\an2}They're like, ohh, Jimmy, {\an2}you wanna go to Coachella? 231 00:09:49,210 --> 00:09:52,720 {\an2}I'm like, Nah, no seats. 232 00:09:53,810 --> 00:09:54,810 {\an2}Ohh. 233 00:09:56,290 --> 00:09:57,920 {\an2}Gonna look fine to me. 234 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,176 {\an2}Six hours standing {\an2}in the desert? 235 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,480 {\an2}Fuck that. 236 00:10:03,260 --> 00:10:04,186 {\an2}You see all these kids, 237 00:10:04,210 --> 00:10:05,376 {\an2}like with the Instagram post, 238 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:06,426 {\an2}you know, it's always like people 239 00:10:06,450 --> 00:10:08,286 {\an2}just like jumping around, dancing, 240 00:10:08,310 --> 00:10:10,426 {\an2}and then all these buff dudes {\an2}got like girls on his 241 00:10:10,450 --> 00:10:11,106 {\an2}shoulder. 242 00:10:11,130 --> 00:10:12,640 {\an2}I'm like, dude, {\an2}you not going to the concert? 243 00:10:12,650 --> 00:10:13,600 {\an2}You're doing CrossFit. 244 00:10:13,610 --> 00:10:14,670 {\an2}How's that for? 245 00:10:16,810 --> 00:10:18,320 {\an2}The only concert I've been {\an2}to this year? 246 00:10:18,330 --> 00:10:21,260 {\an2}I took my girlfriend to {\an2}a Don McLean concert. 247 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:22,146 {\an2}Yeah. 248 00:10:22,170 --> 00:10:23,586 {\an2}You guys know who that is? 249 00:10:23,610 --> 00:10:24,086 {\an2}Yeah. 250 00:10:24,110 --> 00:10:25,346 {\an2}Couple people, thank you. 251 00:10:25,370 --> 00:10:26,400 {\an2}Thank you. 252 00:10:26,630 --> 00:10:29,060 {\an2}Tom McLean for you guys {\an2}that don't know saying the song. 253 00:10:29,070 --> 00:10:31,430 {\an2}Bye bye Miss American Pie. 254 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,840 {\an2}Yeah, he's all that shit, dude. 255 00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:38,860 {\an2}He's 77 years old, {\an2}and so was his audience. 256 00:10:39,710 --> 00:10:41,526 {\an2}It was my favourite concert {\an2}I ever been to. 257 00:10:41,550 --> 00:10:44,480 {\an2}On a ticket it says show started at 8, {\an2}start at 7:59. 258 00:10:49,090 --> 00:10:50,510 {\an2}He never had an opener, {\an2}you know. 259 00:10:50,520 --> 00:10:53,030 {\an2}He just came on stage with a guitar {\an2}and started singing. 260 00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:54,410 {\an2}It was awesome. 261 00:10:54,420 --> 00:10:56,316 {\an2}Nobody stood up to, like, {\an2}obstruct my view 262 00:10:56,340 --> 00:10:57,076 {\an2}because frankly, 263 00:10:57,100 --> 00:10:58,656 {\an2}everyone had a bad hip. 264 00:10:58,680 --> 00:10:59,680 {\an2}It's great. 265 00:11:00,420 --> 00:11:03,920 {\an2}Still got home in time {\an2}to watch the 10:00 o'clock Evening News. 266 00:11:04,170 --> 00:11:06,460 {\an2}That's my kind of evening, {\an2}you know what I mean? 267 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:08,830 {\an2}I don't like going outside anymore. 268 00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:11,356 {\an2}Too many crazy people, {\an2}too many weirdos. 269 00:11:11,380 --> 00:11:14,930 {\an2}One time I went to this dive bar {\an2}in a military town, San Diego. 270 00:11:14,940 --> 00:11:15,740 {\an2}Big military town. 271 00:11:15,750 --> 00:11:17,656 {\an2}I love my military, OK? 272 00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:21,290 {\an2}But I think sometimes, Yeah, yeah, {\an2}but I think sometimes. 273 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:24,500 {\an2}Military people get {\an2}a little too passionate. 274 00:11:25,120 --> 00:11:27,800 {\an2}You know, thank you, thank you. 275 00:11:28,550 --> 00:11:30,470 {\an2}Exactly my point right there. 276 00:11:30,770 --> 00:11:31,336 {\an2}Thank you. 277 00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:33,416 {\an2}I love Milton, {\an2}but they're just too passionate. 278 00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:34,696 {\an2}Like I was at a dive bar, 279 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:37,747 {\an2}this one military brother came up to me {\an2}who just like hey man. 280 00:11:38,820 --> 00:11:40,550 {\an2}I wanna buy your drink. 281 00:11:40,950 --> 00:11:42,060 {\an2}I'm like, no, no thank you. 282 00:11:42,070 --> 00:11:42,386 {\an2}I can. 283 00:11:42,410 --> 00:11:43,360 {\an2}I can buy my own drink. 284 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:43,986 {\an2}Thank you. 285 00:11:44,010 --> 00:11:45,370 {\an2}There's like, no. 286 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,700 {\an2}I wanna buy you a drink. 287 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:52,096 {\an2}So at this point I thought either {\an2}he wanted to take a selfie 288 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:53,847 {\an2}or he wanted to fuck me. 289 00:11:55,540 --> 00:11:58,276 {\an2}So I'm like, no Sir, {\an2}I think I can buy my own drink 290 00:11:58,300 --> 00:11:59,476 {\an2}and they start telling me {\an2}his whole 291 00:11:59,500 --> 00:11:59,806 {\an2}life story. 292 00:11:59,830 --> 00:12:01,740 {\an2}He's like, you don't understand. 293 00:12:02,150 --> 00:12:03,710 {\an2}I wanna buy you shrink. 294 00:12:03,860 --> 00:12:07,200 {\an2}Because our station in Okinawa 4 years. 295 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:10,330 {\an2}And you guys have been nothing {\an2}but nice to me. 296 00:12:17,940 --> 00:12:19,456 {\an2}I'm like you guys. 297 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,010 {\an2}You guys. 298 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:22,650 {\an2}Okinawa is in Japan. 299 00:12:22,660 --> 00:12:24,290 {\an2}I'm Chinese, Sir. 300 00:12:25,860 --> 00:12:27,250 {\an2}It is like it doesn't matter, man. 301 00:12:27,260 --> 00:12:29,270 {\an2}It doesn't even matter. 302 00:12:29,690 --> 00:12:32,300 {\an2}I'm like, Sir, I think {\an2}it does matter, right? 303 00:12:33,410 --> 00:12:36,386 {\an2}I'm pretty sure the only reason {\an2}you were stationed in Japan 304 00:12:36,410 --> 00:12:37,686 {\an2}was to keep an eye out on 305 00:12:37,710 --> 00:12:39,547 {\an2}Chinese people like me. 306 00:12:40,820 --> 00:12:42,056 {\an2}It does matter. 307 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:46,660 {\an2}He was like, it doesn't matter, man, {\an2}I still love pad Thai, OK? 308 00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:53,660 {\an2}Maybe that got run into BTS {\an2}on his next tour, Who knows. 309 00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:59,256 {\an2}My point of saying all of this {\an2}is Asian people, 310 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:00,756 {\an2}we don't all look alike. 311 00:13:00,780 --> 00:13:02,436 {\an2}We don't all sound alike. 312 00:13:02,460 --> 00:13:04,670 {\an2}You know we don't, {\an2}we don't do anything alike. 313 00:13:04,680 --> 00:13:06,650 {\an2}We just people, you know, right. 314 00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:07,940 {\an2}Like everybody's different. 315 00:13:07,950 --> 00:13:08,730 {\an2}Thank you, white lady. 316 00:13:08,740 --> 00:13:09,456 {\an2}Thank you. 317 00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:09,850 {\an2}Thank you. 318 00:13:09,860 --> 00:13:10,460 {\an2}One white lady. 319 00:13:10,470 --> 00:13:11,536 {\an2}Appreciate it. 320 00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:12,670 {\an2}Thank you. 321 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:13,430 {\an2}Teachers. 322 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:16,030 {\an2}Magnet school down the street, {\an2}a lot of Asian students. 323 00:13:20,710 --> 00:13:24,350 {\an2}So tonight I want to offer you guys {\an2}an advanced lesson. 324 00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:26,276 {\an2}On how to tell Asian people apart. 325 00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:27,370 {\an2}OK, 326 00:13:27,780 --> 00:13:29,076 {\an2}yeah, that's right. 327 00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:30,996 {\an2}I'm so good at telling Asian people apart, 328 00:13:31,020 --> 00:13:32,597 {\an2}I don't even need to look at you. 329 00:13:33,390 --> 00:13:35,286 {\an2}I can't tell you what {\an2}kind of Asian somebody 330 00:13:35,310 --> 00:13:39,337 {\an2}is by the sound they make {\an2}when they disappointed. 331 00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:46,706 {\an2}Because disappointment {\an2}is our strongest emotion. 332 00:13:46,730 --> 00:13:48,006 {\an2}Whenever you get disappointed, 333 00:13:48,030 --> 00:13:50,126 {\an2}our ancestor just comes out 334 00:13:50,150 --> 00:13:51,386 {\an2}and you can't hide that, 335 00:13:51,410 --> 00:13:51,506 {\an2}you 336 00:13:51,530 --> 00:13:52,530 {\an2}know. 337 00:13:53,370 --> 00:13:54,680 {\an2}Like, for example, {\an2}I'm Chinese. 338 00:13:54,690 --> 00:13:56,846 {\an2}I know Chinese people {\an2}very well, OK? 339 00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:58,386 {\an2}When Chinese people get disappointed, 340 00:13:58,410 --> 00:13:59,726 {\an2}which is disgusting, 341 00:13:59,750 --> 00:14:00,786 {\an2}we don't know what to look 342 00:14:00,810 --> 00:14:01,810 {\an2}at you. 343 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:03,886 {\an2}When you disappoint a Chinese person, 344 00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:05,687 {\an2}they just like ohh you. 345 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:14,620 {\an2}Like they just walked into a Smokey room {\an2}and they gotta clear it, just like. 346 00:14:18,950 --> 00:14:20,500 {\an2}See, that's Chinese people. 347 00:14:20,850 --> 00:14:23,926 {\an2}Japanese people and Japanese {\an2}people get disappointed. 348 00:14:23,950 --> 00:14:25,500 {\an2}They just want to know why. 349 00:14:25,830 --> 00:14:27,346 {\an2}They ask you a question. 350 00:14:27,370 --> 00:14:31,150 {\an2}When a Japanese person gets disappointed, {\an2}they're just like, hey. 351 00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:35,460 {\an2}Hey. 352 00:14:36,220 --> 00:14:37,300 {\an2}And that's it. 353 00:14:39,210 --> 00:14:41,590 {\an2}You didn't go to this point {\an2}of Korean person. 354 00:14:42,250 --> 00:14:44,080 {\an2}I wouldn't recommend that. 355 00:14:47,490 --> 00:14:49,820 {\an2}His Korean brother might fuck {\an2}you up, OK? 356 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,296 {\an2}Or if you were intensely {\an2}right to fight, 357 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:54,016 {\an2}but they're my favourite type of people {\an2}because 358 00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:55,776 {\an2}they're very emotionally honest. 359 00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:58,520 {\an2}A Korean person will let you know {\an2}when they're disappointed. 360 00:14:58,530 --> 00:15:00,110 {\an2}They're real guttural with it, {\an2}you know? 361 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,196 {\an2}I mean, when you disappoint {\an2}a Korean person, 362 00:15:02,220 --> 00:15:03,847 {\an2}they're like, who? 363 00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:06,940 {\an2}See that? 364 00:15:09,970 --> 00:15:12,150 {\an2}But they're still very Asian, {\an2}so they're still real polite. 365 00:15:12,160 --> 00:15:13,040 {\an2}They'll thank you with that. 366 00:15:13,050 --> 00:15:16,440 {\an2}They're like Ohh Shiba. 367 00:15:23,510 --> 00:15:25,180 {\an2}I don't even speak Korean. 368 00:15:26,410 --> 00:15:28,420 {\an2}But I watched squid games. 369 00:15:29,620 --> 00:15:30,700 {\an2}Right. 370 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,340 {\an2}Love that show. 371 00:15:32,500 --> 00:15:33,130 {\an2}See, that's great. 372 00:15:33,140 --> 00:15:36,050 {\an2}Representation #1 TV show {\an2}in the world, man. 373 00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:37,550 {\an2}And you spoke their native tongue. 374 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:39,576 {\an2}That's representation right there, man. 375 00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:40,600 {\an2}Prada. 376 00:15:41,010 --> 00:15:41,956 {\an2}That's right. 377 00:15:41,980 --> 00:15:43,060 {\an2}That's right. 378 00:15:45,190 --> 00:15:48,300 {\an2}But I'm most proud of the fact {\an2}that I finally have an 379 00:15:48,324 --> 00:15:50,127 {\an2}easy Halloween costume. 380 00:15:52,430 --> 00:15:54,816 {\an2}Some of you guys don't understand {\an2}the struggle for an Asian guy 381 00:15:54,840 --> 00:15:56,477 {\an2}when it comes to Halloween. 382 00:15:56,570 --> 00:15:58,160 {\an2}Our outfits are limited. 383 00:15:58,380 --> 00:16:00,550 {\an2}I was Bruce Lee for six years. 384 00:16:04,480 --> 00:16:05,449 {\an2}But this last year, {\an2}I had 385 00:16:05,473 --> 00:16:06,576 {\an2}the best Halloween costume. 386 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:07,726 {\an2}All I did I went to Amazon, 387 00:16:07,750 --> 00:16:09,911 {\an2}got like a matching like tracksuit 388 00:16:09,935 --> 00:16:11,076 {\an2}for three numbers on my 389 00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:14,347 {\an2}chest, and I found myself {\an2}an Indian friend. 390 00:16:17,980 --> 00:16:19,660 {\an2}It was such a great squid {\an2}game costume. 391 00:16:19,670 --> 00:16:20,520 {\an2}Somebody came up to me. 392 00:16:20,530 --> 00:16:24,520 {\an2}It's like, Oh my God, you look {\an2}just like the girl in squid games. 393 00:16:29,370 --> 00:16:31,040 {\an2}Ohh Shiva. 394 00:16:31,620 --> 00:16:32,620 {\an2}Dial. 395 00:16:37,010 --> 00:16:39,986 {\an2}I'm proud of all the representation {\an2}out there, man. 396 00:16:40,010 --> 00:16:41,160 {\an2}That's alright. 397 00:16:41,550 --> 00:16:44,130 {\an2}Have you guys seen {\an2}the show Silicon Valley? 398 00:16:45,740 --> 00:16:46,980 {\an2}Thank you. 399 00:16:47,870 --> 00:16:49,140 {\an2}Thank you. 400 00:16:49,170 --> 00:16:50,900 {\an2}That was my first big break, man. 401 00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:53,286 {\an2}I was so grateful {\an2}to be part of that show. 402 00:16:53,310 --> 00:16:54,616 {\an2}But that was a few years ago, 403 00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:57,606 {\an2}and I always felt like I was {\an2}only Asian person representing, 404 00:16:57,630 --> 00:16:58,086 {\an2}right? 405 00:16:58,110 --> 00:17:00,026 {\an2}I felt so much weight {\an2}on my shoulder. 406 00:17:00,050 --> 00:17:01,886 {\an2}Like every year {\an2}we got very lucky. 407 00:17:01,910 --> 00:17:03,466 {\an2}We'll get nominated for an Emmy, 408 00:17:03,490 --> 00:17:05,746 {\an2}so we get to go to a great ceremony. 409 00:17:05,770 --> 00:17:07,810 {\an2}But every year we knew {\an2}we're going to lose. 410 00:17:08,490 --> 00:17:10,686 {\an2}Because all the good shows {\an2}have front row seats. 411 00:17:10,710 --> 00:17:13,090 {\an2}You know, Veep Game {\an2}of Thrones are all here. 412 00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:15,620 {\an2}We're way the fuck {\an2}in the back by the exit sign. 413 00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:18,646 {\an2}But it's OK. 414 00:17:18,670 --> 00:17:20,340 {\an2}Win or lose, I was there {\an2}to represent. 415 00:17:20,350 --> 00:17:23,126 {\an2}I made sure I made my round, {\an2}say hi to everyone. 416 00:17:23,150 --> 00:17:26,040 {\an2}So they know there's Asian {\an2}presence, you know? 417 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:27,490 {\an2}That's right. 418 00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:30,610 {\an2}So one year, one year {\an2}after we lost, everybody left. 419 00:17:30,620 --> 00:17:32,336 {\an2}I walked down the front row to say hi 420 00:17:32,360 --> 00:17:33,636 {\an2}to some of my favourite actors 421 00:17:33,660 --> 00:17:34,576 {\an2}and I saw someone. 422 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:37,010 {\an2}I'm like, Oh my God, that's, {\an2}that's Amelia Clark. 423 00:17:37,020 --> 00:17:38,036 {\an2}That's Khaleesi. 424 00:17:38,060 --> 00:17:39,996 {\an2}That's Jon Snow over there, {\an2}you know? 425 00:17:40,020 --> 00:17:41,760 {\an2}And then there's Rachel Brosnahan. 426 00:17:41,770 --> 00:17:43,356 {\an2}Do you guys know who she is? 427 00:17:43,380 --> 00:17:44,670 {\an2}Yeah, I love her. 428 00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:47,010 {\an2}She plays the marvellous Miss Maisel. 429 00:17:47,020 --> 00:17:48,236 {\an2}Great show, right? 430 00:17:48,260 --> 00:17:49,596 {\an2}It's an awesome show. 431 00:17:49,620 --> 00:17:51,616 {\an2}And I did a movie with her {\an2}a few years ago. 432 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:52,690 {\an2}So I decided to say hi. 433 00:17:52,700 --> 00:17:55,210 {\an2}I was like, Oh my God, Rachel, {\an2}it's so great to see you. 434 00:17:55,220 --> 00:17:56,936 {\an2}Congratulations on everything. 435 00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,500 {\an2}And she was like, ohh OK. 436 00:18:00,420 --> 00:18:02,260 {\an2}I'm like, OK, she probably {\an2}just forgot who I was. 437 00:18:02,270 --> 00:18:04,956 {\an2}I'm like, look, we did a movie {\an2}like six years ago 438 00:18:04,980 --> 00:18:05,756 {\an2}called Patriots Day. 439 00:18:05,780 --> 00:18:07,290 {\an2}You were awesome in that movie. 440 00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:10,256 {\an2}I just wanna congratulate you {\an2}on everything you've done so far. 441 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:13,160 {\an2}And she was like, ohh yeah, sure. 442 00:18:14,130 --> 00:18:16,000 {\an2}And I'm like, ohh really? 443 00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:20,610 {\an2}Is the marvellous Miss Maisel {\an2}a bitch? 444 00:18:27,380 --> 00:18:28,860 {\an2}But I wasn't gonna act {\an2}out of pocket. 445 00:18:28,870 --> 00:18:30,420 {\an2}I was there to represent. 446 00:18:31,510 --> 00:18:32,360 {\an2}So I was very nice. 447 00:18:32,370 --> 00:18:33,680 {\an2}I was just like, ohh, it's OK. 448 00:18:33,690 --> 00:18:35,480 {\an2}You just don't remember. 449 00:18:35,610 --> 00:18:37,206 {\an2}Anyways, I just want to congratulate you 450 00:18:37,230 --> 00:18:39,926 {\an2}for all the nominations {\an2}on marvellous Miss Maisel. 451 00:18:39,950 --> 00:18:41,046 {\an2}You're awesome. 452 00:18:41,070 --> 00:18:45,480 {\an2}And she was like, ohh, {\an2}I'm not Rachel Brosnahan. 453 00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:51,330 {\an2}I'm Evan Rachel Wood {\an2}from Westworld. 454 00:18:52,940 --> 00:18:54,920 {\an2}And I was like, holy shit. 455 00:18:55,250 --> 00:18:57,400 {\an2}I'm the racist person here. 456 00:18:58,580 --> 00:19:00,710 {\an2}I think all white people {\an2}look alike. 457 00:19:03,530 --> 00:19:05,806 {\an2}Everybody in the front row {\an2}was judging me. 458 00:19:05,830 --> 00:19:07,310 {\an2}Johnstone was staring me down. 459 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:08,220 {\an2}I'm like, you're bastard. 460 00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:09,620 {\an2}You can't even stand. 461 00:19:10,760 --> 00:19:11,940 {\an2}And I didn't know what to do, right? 462 00:19:11,950 --> 00:19:13,116 {\an2}I was profusely sweating, 463 00:19:13,140 --> 00:19:14,346 {\an2}my face was flushed red, 464 00:19:14,370 --> 00:19:15,716 {\an2}and so I was just like, Oh my God, 465 00:19:15,740 --> 00:19:16,896 {\an2}I am so sorry. 466 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:19,156 {\an2}But either way, {\an2}it's so nice to meet you. 467 00:19:19,180 --> 00:19:20,436 {\an2}My name is Aquafina. 468 00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:21,650 {\an2}And then I just. 469 00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:27,100 {\an2}That's right. 470 00:19:30,120 --> 00:19:33,290 {\an2}That's why it's good to have {\an2}other representation out there. 471 00:19:34,080 --> 00:19:38,140 {\an2}Asian people, we don't all look alike {\an2}until we need to. 472 00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:44,350 {\an2}I got a girlfriend now. 473 00:19:45,070 --> 00:19:46,070 {\an2}Thank you. 474 00:19:47,310 --> 00:19:48,670 {\an2}I love her very much, man. 475 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,126 {\an2}She's an amazing person. 476 00:19:50,150 --> 00:19:51,466 {\an2}She's very successful. 477 00:19:51,490 --> 00:19:53,960 {\an2}My girlfriend's a venture capitalist. 478 00:19:54,430 --> 00:19:56,020 {\an2}Yeah, fucking jackpot, right? 479 00:19:56,030 --> 00:19:57,030 {\an2}You know. 480 00:19:57,870 --> 00:19:58,480 {\an2}It's great. 481 00:19:58,490 --> 00:19:59,640 {\an2}It's great for you guys. 482 00:19:59,650 --> 00:20:01,466 {\an2}I don't know what a venture {\an2}capital means. 483 00:20:01,490 --> 00:20:04,340 {\an2}It means that I'm the poorest {\an2}person she knows. 484 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:08,316 {\an2}And what that really means {\an2}is I'm her sugar baby. 485 00:20:08,340 --> 00:20:09,536 {\an2}So it's great. 486 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:10,316 {\an2}That's right. 487 00:20:10,340 --> 00:20:11,206 {\an2}That's right. 488 00:20:11,230 --> 00:20:12,556 {\an2}Gender equality. 489 00:20:12,580 --> 00:20:14,050 {\an2}Equality talking about. 490 00:20:14,270 --> 00:20:15,750 {\an2}It's time for men {\an2}to get taken care of. 491 00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:16,860 {\an2}That's right. 492 00:20:16,890 --> 00:20:18,300 {\an2}See that brother High fiving is go. 493 00:20:18,310 --> 00:20:19,446 {\an2}Appreciate you, man. 494 00:20:19,470 --> 00:20:20,440 {\an2}Fellow sugar baby. 495 00:20:20,450 --> 00:20:21,386 {\an2}Come on. 496 00:20:21,410 --> 00:20:22,376 {\an2}That's right. 497 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:23,026 {\an2}That's right. 498 00:20:23,050 --> 00:20:24,106 {\an2}I love her, man. 499 00:20:24,130 --> 00:20:24,680 {\an2}I'm trying to. 500 00:20:24,690 --> 00:20:26,050 {\an2}I'm trying to be {\an2}a better boyfriend. 501 00:20:26,060 --> 00:20:26,830 {\an2}I'm new to this. 502 00:20:26,840 --> 00:20:28,546 {\an2}Like, boyfriend stuff, right. 503 00:20:28,570 --> 00:20:31,146 {\an2}I used to take everything {\an2}so personally. 504 00:20:31,170 --> 00:20:32,506 {\an2}Like, every time we'll get into a fight, 505 00:20:32,530 --> 00:20:34,466 {\an2}I'm like, hey, why are you why {\an2}are you mad at 506 00:20:34,490 --> 00:20:35,490 {\an2}me? 507 00:20:36,250 --> 00:20:38,200 {\an2}I'm the perfect boyfriend. 508 00:20:39,170 --> 00:20:40,750 {\an2}Wrong answer. 509 00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:44,216 {\an2}Fellas, fellas, {\an2}if your girl's mad at you, 510 00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:46,596 {\an2}you can't take that shit personally {\an2}because 511 00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:48,187 {\an2}it's not even about you. 512 00:20:48,870 --> 00:20:51,540 {\an2}She doesn't even know {\an2}what she's mad about. 513 00:20:52,220 --> 00:20:54,840 {\an2}You just happen to be there, {\an2}you know what I mean? 514 00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:57,710 {\an2}You're a victim {\an2}of circumstance, man. 515 00:20:59,170 --> 00:21:01,686 {\an2}So it's not your job {\an2}to engage in an argument, 516 00:21:01,710 --> 00:21:04,366 {\an2}it's your job to diffuse the situation. 517 00:21:04,390 --> 00:21:06,790 {\an2}You gotta jiu jitsu that shit. 518 00:21:07,510 --> 00:21:10,110 {\an2}Until you get to the bottom {\an2}of the real problem. 519 00:21:10,820 --> 00:21:12,530 {\an2}Like the other way she was mad {\an2}at me about some. 520 00:21:12,540 --> 00:21:16,360 {\an2}She was like, babe, I feel like we don't {\an2}even like go on date nights anymore. 521 00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:18,180 {\an2}I'm like OK. 522 00:21:19,870 --> 00:21:21,270 {\an2}I hear you. 523 00:21:22,930 --> 00:21:24,910 {\an2}But what's really going on? 524 00:21:30,250 --> 00:21:32,046 {\an2}And she was like, well, sometimes {\an2}I feel like you're like 525 00:21:32,070 --> 00:21:32,906 {\an2}hanging out your buddies 526 00:21:32,930 --> 00:21:33,056 {\an2}more 527 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:36,847 {\an2}than you, like, hang out with me {\an2}and I'm like, OK. 528 00:21:38,020 --> 00:21:39,420 {\an2}I hear you. 529 00:21:40,620 --> 00:21:42,490 {\an2}But what's really going on? 530 00:21:48,380 --> 00:21:50,300 {\an2}Unless she takes a deep breath. 531 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:51,490 {\an2}And she was like. 532 00:21:53,630 --> 00:21:55,160 {\an2}Remember last week of my birthday? 533 00:21:55,170 --> 00:21:57,060 {\an2}Heather brought a cousin {\an2}and she didn't know my name. 534 00:21:57,070 --> 00:21:58,960 {\an2}I was like, see, {\an2}that's your problem right there. 535 00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:03,570 {\an2}You gonna do with me? 536 00:22:05,230 --> 00:22:06,660 {\an2}Heather Cousins, {\an2}a bitch, you know. 537 00:22:06,670 --> 00:22:07,260 {\an2}Fuck her, man. 538 00:22:07,270 --> 00:22:09,710 {\an2}Let's focus on energy on her. 539 00:22:12,630 --> 00:22:14,246 {\an2}Trying to be a better communicator, 540 00:22:14,270 --> 00:22:18,047 {\an2}man, my girl always wants me {\an2}to talk about my feelings. 541 00:22:18,270 --> 00:22:21,560 {\an2}She's like, Babe, I wish you'd talk {\an2}about your feelings more. 542 00:22:21,710 --> 00:22:23,660 {\an2}I'm like, I feel fine. 543 00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:27,290 {\an2}What more do you want me to say? 544 00:22:27,300 --> 00:22:27,710 {\an2}I don't know. 545 00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:28,930 {\an2}I'm not that emotionally involved. 546 00:22:28,940 --> 00:22:29,630 {\an2}I don't know what else. 547 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:30,870 {\an2}I'm fine. 548 00:22:31,380 --> 00:22:33,156 {\an2}But don't keep asking me that, 549 00:22:33,180 --> 00:22:35,576 {\an2}cause the fifth time you asked me {\an2}that I might not be 550 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:36,600 {\an2}fun. 551 00:22:37,270 --> 00:22:38,020 {\an2}The fifth time? 552 00:22:38,030 --> 00:22:38,420 {\an2}He asked me. 553 00:22:38,430 --> 00:22:40,930 {\an2}That's just some dark shit {\an2}that's gonna come out. 554 00:22:41,610 --> 00:22:42,900 {\an2}It's like babe, {\an2}how are you feeling? 555 00:22:42,910 --> 00:22:43,480 {\an2}I don't know. 556 00:22:43,490 --> 00:22:46,946 {\an2}I'm angry all the time {\an2}because my dad yelled at me 557 00:22:46,970 --> 00:22:48,957 {\an2}after ping pong practise. 558 00:22:53,020 --> 00:22:55,336 {\an2}See, guys and girls {\an2}were just different, Man. 559 00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:57,990 {\an2}Girls are so emotionally evolved. 560 00:22:58,130 --> 00:23:00,326 {\an2}You know, we even {\an2}hang out different. 561 00:23:00,350 --> 00:23:02,026 {\an2}One night I came home early. 562 00:23:02,050 --> 00:23:04,776 {\an2}My girl was having {\an2}a girls night at the house. 563 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,080 {\an2}I've never seen anything like that. 564 00:23:08,420 --> 00:23:10,400 {\an2}The TV was off. 565 00:23:10,590 --> 00:23:13,120 {\an2}7 girls sitting in a circle. 566 00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:16,540 {\an2}Making direct eye contact {\an2}with each other. 567 00:23:17,390 --> 00:23:20,060 {\an2}Every candle in the house was lit. 568 00:23:21,450 --> 00:23:22,220 {\an2}And I walked by. 569 00:23:22,230 --> 00:23:24,920 {\an2}I'm like, what is this witchcraft? 570 00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:27,850 {\an2}And I just backed {\an2}into my own room. 571 00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:30,610 {\an2}Fellas, we hang out. 572 00:23:30,620 --> 00:23:35,060 {\an2}Different guys, when we hang out, {\an2}we sit in a straight line. 573 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:40,850 {\an2}TV on Full blast Zero eye {\an2}contact with each other. 574 00:23:41,740 --> 00:23:42,930 {\an2}My girl came home early. 575 00:23:42,940 --> 00:23:43,800 {\an2}She was so confused. 576 00:23:43,810 --> 00:23:47,456 {\an2}She's like, babe, you guys {\an2}didn't talk for like 6 hours. 577 00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:49,830 {\an2}I'm like, yeah, isn't {\an2}that fucking awesome? 578 00:23:53,430 --> 00:23:54,740 {\an2}That's us. 579 00:23:54,950 --> 00:23:56,420 {\an2}That's guys. 580 00:23:58,450 --> 00:24:02,222 {\an2}When the relationship is important {\an2}to speak the same language, 581 00:24:02,246 --> 00:24:03,086 {\an2}my girl asked me. 582 00:24:03,110 --> 00:24:06,260 {\an2}She was like, babe, {\an2}what's your love language? 583 00:24:07,310 --> 00:24:08,710 {\an2}I'm like what? 584 00:24:23,500 --> 00:24:26,210 {\an2}I was raised by Asian parents. 585 00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:31,700 {\an2}I've never heard one word {\an2}of affirmation of my life. 586 00:24:33,010 --> 00:24:34,580 {\an2}Nobody ever told me. 587 00:24:36,210 --> 00:24:38,140 {\an2}They're like, don't fuck it up. 588 00:24:40,790 --> 00:24:43,620 {\an2}Their love language {\an2}is verbal abuse. 589 00:24:47,180 --> 00:24:49,940 {\an2}Trying to figure out {\an2}my love languages. 590 00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:52,770 {\an2}Physical touch, right? 591 00:24:54,020 --> 00:24:56,130 {\an2}Nobody touched me until I was 22. 592 00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:59,350 {\an2}I'm not familiar with that. 593 00:25:01,110 --> 00:25:03,530 {\an2}What are some other love languages? 594 00:25:06,210 --> 00:25:07,710 {\an2}Active Sir 595 00:25:08,340 --> 00:25:09,340 {\an2}well. 596 00:25:12,860 --> 00:25:16,416 {\an2}I like, I like every woman {\an2}just screaming out at their partner, 597 00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:18,107 {\an2}active service. 598 00:25:19,100 --> 00:25:20,950 {\an2}Gift giving. 599 00:25:26,180 --> 00:25:27,930 {\an2}I think gift giving {\an2}is a good one. 600 00:25:27,940 --> 00:25:28,230 {\an2}OK? 601 00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:29,710 {\an2}I love giving gifts to my girl. 602 00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:30,996 {\an2}She loves giving gifts to me. 603 00:25:31,020 --> 00:25:32,396 {\an2}We love that, right? 604 00:25:32,420 --> 00:25:34,816 {\an2}Like for example, {\an2}I love buying my girl's shoes. 605 00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:38,790 {\an2}She loves shoes and we wear {\an2}the same shoe size. 606 00:25:40,470 --> 00:25:43,280 {\an2}The perfect gift for the whole family, {\an2}you know, I mean. 607 00:25:43,590 --> 00:25:44,810 {\an2}These are her shoes tonight. 608 00:25:44,820 --> 00:25:46,040 {\an2}You know it's me. 609 00:25:46,050 --> 00:25:47,050 {\an2}Perfect. 610 00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:49,596 {\an2}That's right. 611 00:25:49,620 --> 00:25:53,400 {\an2}And in return, I let her wear {\an2}all of my Jordans. 612 00:25:53,700 --> 00:25:56,410 {\an2}Yeah guys, you guys know {\an2}that's love cause Jordans too. 613 00:25:56,420 --> 00:25:58,696 {\an2}Guys, that's our most {\an2}prized possession. 614 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:01,116 {\an2}If we let you slip into our Jordans, 615 00:26:01,140 --> 00:26:04,837 {\an2}that's like you letting us slip {\an2}in to you, you know? 616 00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:06,480 {\an2}Same thing. 617 00:26:09,620 --> 00:26:11,636 {\an2}But sometimes, Sometimes {\an2}I get a little nervous 618 00:26:11,660 --> 00:26:13,276 {\an2}because her feet are a little dirty, 619 00:26:13,300 --> 00:26:14,300 {\an2}OK. 620 00:26:15,980 --> 00:26:18,356 {\an2}And she's a white girl, {\an2}so her feet extra dirty, 621 00:26:18,380 --> 00:26:19,376 {\an2}like, you know, I mean, like, {\an2}I don't 622 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:20,400 {\an2}know. 623 00:26:20,990 --> 00:26:21,410 {\an2}Wipe you? 624 00:26:21,420 --> 00:26:24,040 {\an2}I don't know what the fuck {\an2}you guys do your feet all day. 625 00:26:24,950 --> 00:26:26,706 {\an2}You guys just barefoot all the time, 626 00:26:26,730 --> 00:26:29,006 {\an2}frolicking around like Jenny {\an2}from Forrest Gump, 627 00:26:29,030 --> 00:26:30,030 {\an2}you know? 628 00:26:32,850 --> 00:26:33,310 {\an2}Why people? 629 00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:35,710 {\an2}You guys got some strong ass feet, man. 630 00:26:36,510 --> 00:26:40,300 {\an2}Just 120 degrees {\an2}outside hot cement, just like. 631 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:44,790 {\an2}Y'all got some hunter {\an2}gatherer feet. 632 00:26:48,120 --> 00:26:51,940 {\an2}See, every culture, {\an2}we got different feet etiquette, alright? 633 00:26:52,150 --> 00:26:54,130 {\an2}Why people want to get in touch {\an2}with Mother Earth. 634 00:26:54,140 --> 00:26:55,150 {\an2}That's great. 635 00:26:57,050 --> 00:26:58,266 {\an2}Black people, on the other hand, 636 00:26:58,290 --> 00:27:00,686 {\an2}I live with a black roommate {\an2}for six years. 637 00:27:00,710 --> 00:27:02,640 {\an2}Never saw his toes once. 638 00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:08,000 {\an2}He came out the shower {\an2}with socks on, man. 639 00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:10,910 {\an2}You got a sock draw {\an2}on there, brother? 640 00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:16,706 {\an2}Asian people, you guys know the rule 641 00:27:16,730 --> 00:27:17,716 {\an2}When you come into the house, 642 00:27:17,740 --> 00:27:18,476 {\an2}you take your shoes 643 00:27:18,500 --> 00:27:18,956 {\an2}off, right? 644 00:27:18,980 --> 00:27:20,970 {\an2}You're like, well, know that, Yeah. 645 00:27:21,130 --> 00:27:22,200 {\an2}Yeah. 646 00:27:22,870 --> 00:27:25,900 {\an2}But but our feet actually {\an2}never touched the floor. 647 00:27:26,170 --> 00:27:27,786 {\an2}Because when you take a {\an2}shoes off at the house, 648 00:27:27,810 --> 00:27:29,136 {\an2}we've got two pair of house shoes ready 649 00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:30,160 {\an2}for you. 650 00:27:30,830 --> 00:27:32,166 {\an2}And then when you walk outside, 651 00:27:32,190 --> 00:27:34,097 {\an2}we got two pair of Crocs ready for you. 652 00:27:34,900 --> 00:27:36,806 {\an2}And then when you come {\an2}back in the bedroom, 653 00:27:36,830 --> 00:27:38,536 {\an2}we got two other pair {\an2}of slippers that we 654 00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:40,537 {\an2}stole from a hotel in Vegas. 655 00:27:45,660 --> 00:27:46,890 {\an2}We're ready. 656 00:27:47,390 --> 00:27:48,780 {\an2}Our feet never touched the floor. 657 00:27:48,790 --> 00:27:50,600 {\an2}We got baby sore feet. 658 00:27:54,050 --> 00:27:56,070 {\an2}I think Asian people {\an2}almost natural love. 659 00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:58,380 {\an2}Language is acts {\an2}of service, right? 660 00:27:58,390 --> 00:28:00,156 {\an2}That's what our parents {\an2}did to us. 661 00:28:00,180 --> 00:28:01,796 {\an2}They might never say I love you, 662 00:28:01,820 --> 00:28:04,176 {\an2}but they did a lot of nice things for us. 663 00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:05,050 {\an2}Every every night. 664 00:28:05,060 --> 00:28:06,656 {\an2}I don't care how busy my parents were, 665 00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:08,736 {\an2}they'll come home {\an2}and make a 5 course meal. 666 00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:10,356 {\an2}That's love right there, right? 667 00:28:10,380 --> 00:28:10,630 {\an2}Yeah. 668 00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:11,316 {\an2}Give it up for. 669 00:28:11,340 --> 00:28:12,000 {\an2}Yeah, give it up. 670 00:28:12,010 --> 00:28:13,010 {\an2}That's right. 671 00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:18,890 {\an2}In our culture, food is love. 672 00:28:18,900 --> 00:28:20,110 {\an2}I love cooking for my girl. 673 00:28:20,120 --> 00:28:21,556 {\an2}We love cooking together. 674 00:28:21,580 --> 00:28:22,836 {\an2}Food is love. 675 00:28:22,860 --> 00:28:25,916 {\an2}That's why I hate watching {\an2}all these reality cooking shows 676 00:28:25,940 --> 00:28:27,396 {\an2}when they make food so freaking 677 00:28:27,420 --> 00:28:28,497 {\an2}stressful. 678 00:28:29,190 --> 00:28:31,866 {\an2}Like all these guys {\an2}will aggressive tattoos 679 00:28:31,890 --> 00:28:33,456 {\an2}and they just sweating it {\an2}in the kitchen. 680 00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:36,830 {\an2}They're like, yes, chef, {\an2}yes, chef, 2 minutes, 2 minutes. 681 00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:37,600 {\an2}It's still wrong. 682 00:28:37,610 --> 00:28:41,100 {\an2}It's still wrong and he's {\an2}just making fucking scallops. 683 00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:46,150 {\an2}There's two items on the menu {\an2}and they can't handle that shit. 684 00:28:47,210 --> 00:28:48,746 {\an2}You go to any Chinese restaurant, 685 00:28:48,770 --> 00:28:51,517 {\an2}there's about 485 items {\an2}on the menu. 686 00:28:52,970 --> 00:28:55,350 {\an2}And there's one dude {\an2}back there in the kitchen. 687 00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:57,610 {\an2}He's not a chef. 688 00:28:57,620 --> 00:28:59,640 {\an2}He's somebody's uncle {\an2}from Hong Kong. 689 00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:06,540 {\an2}And he knows how to make everything {\an2}in under 30 seconds. 690 00:29:06,790 --> 00:29:09,206 {\an2}That guy's the real hero, {\an2}you know what I mean? 691 00:29:09,230 --> 00:29:12,680 {\an2}He got a yellow wife beater {\an2}that he brought from the old country. 692 00:29:13,310 --> 00:29:15,186 {\an2}Just chilling near the walk, 693 00:29:15,210 --> 00:29:17,297 {\an2}Cigarette in his mouth, just like. 694 00:29:31,860 --> 00:29:33,720 {\an2}That guy's a gangster, man. 695 00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:37,390 {\an2}And he just presses casually {\an2}and Cantonese, just like. 696 00:29:38,970 --> 00:29:40,640 {\an2}Do you? 697 00:29:46,340 --> 00:29:48,680 {\an2}Any of you guys speak Cantonese here? 698 00:29:49,420 --> 00:29:51,116 {\an2}Couple of you guys. 699 00:29:51,140 --> 00:29:52,120 {\an2}I was born in Hong Kong. 700 00:29:52,130 --> 00:29:53,250 {\an2}That's my first language. 701 00:29:53,260 --> 00:29:54,736 {\an2}I love that language, right? 702 00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:57,016 {\an2}I think it's the most {\an2}fun language to speak 703 00:29:57,040 --> 00:29:59,076 {\an2}because it's the most fun language {\an2}to cuss 704 00:29:59,100 --> 00:30:00,100 {\an2}in. 705 00:30:00,530 --> 00:30:03,386 {\an2}In Cantonese you can, {\an2}just like Loki, casually cuss 706 00:30:03,410 --> 00:30:04,416 {\an2}like you go to Chinatown. 707 00:30:04,440 --> 00:30:06,766 {\an2}You see like a nice old {\an2}man walk by. 708 00:30:06,790 --> 00:30:09,200 {\an2}He would just be like ohh deal. 709 00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:13,336 {\an2}Right, That sounds really nice, right? 710 00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:15,236 {\an2}But what he actually said was like, 711 00:30:15,260 --> 00:30:16,596 {\an2}ohh, fuck your mother, 712 00:30:16,620 --> 00:30:18,587 {\an2}hope your whole family dies. 713 00:30:20,540 --> 00:30:22,530 {\an2}That's Kathy's, man. 714 00:30:23,140 --> 00:30:24,236 {\an2}You gotta love it. 715 00:30:24,260 --> 00:30:25,980 {\an2}You gotta love it, man. 716 00:30:28,210 --> 00:30:31,826 {\an2}In a relationship, I think it's important {\an2}to know how you convey love, 717 00:30:31,850 --> 00:30:32,366 {\an2}but it's just 718 00:30:32,390 --> 00:30:35,126 {\an2}as important to know {\an2}how you receive love. 719 00:30:35,150 --> 00:30:37,400 {\an2}You gotta be vulnerable {\an2}and let your partner 720 00:30:37,424 --> 00:30:38,846 {\an2}do nice things for you. 721 00:30:38,870 --> 00:30:40,326 {\an2}See, I'm not very good at that. 722 00:30:40,350 --> 00:30:43,946 {\an2}I I'm terrible at, like directly asking {\an2}for things that I want. 723 00:30:43,970 --> 00:30:46,720 {\an2}So instead I just drop little hints. 724 00:30:47,810 --> 00:30:50,200 {\an2}That's called being passive aggressive. 725 00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:52,176 {\an2}Don't do that. 726 00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:53,500 {\an2}Don't do that. 727 00:30:54,190 --> 00:30:57,626 {\an2}Like, for example, I love watching {\an2}these YouTube videos 728 00:30:57,650 --> 00:30:59,786 {\an2}of Japanese housewives making 729 00:30:59,810 --> 00:31:01,227 {\an2}Bento boxes. 730 00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:04,900 {\an2}It's very nice, very cute. 731 00:31:04,910 --> 00:31:07,016 {\an2}It's like a little ASMR, you know? 732 00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:08,010 {\an2}It's just really nice. 733 00:31:08,020 --> 00:31:09,796 {\an2}Japanese woman wakes up {\an2}at 6:00 AM every day 734 00:31:09,820 --> 00:31:12,067 {\an2}to make her working husband {\an2}a Bento box. 735 00:31:12,610 --> 00:31:14,864 {\an2}But I can't ask my {\an2}venture capitalist golfer 736 00:31:14,888 --> 00:31:16,417 {\an2}to maybe a Bento box. 737 00:31:17,060 --> 00:31:17,990 {\an2}I'm not an idiot. 738 00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:19,500 {\an2}I'm a sugar baby. 739 00:31:20,180 --> 00:31:21,790 {\an2}I know my role. 740 00:31:22,650 --> 00:31:26,590 {\an2}So instead of asking it directly, {\an2}I just dropped little hints. 741 00:31:27,060 --> 00:31:29,116 {\an2}Like we'll be sitting {\an2}on the couch together. 742 00:31:29,140 --> 00:31:30,796 {\an2}I just pull on my phone 743 00:31:30,820 --> 00:31:34,567 {\an2}and pretend I accidentally {\an2}stumbled onto this video. 744 00:31:35,910 --> 00:31:39,810 {\an2}I'm like ohh what is this Ben tool boxes? 745 00:31:41,050 --> 00:31:42,310 {\an2}Oh my God it's so cute. 746 00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:42,700 {\an2}What is that? 747 00:31:42,710 --> 00:31:43,560 {\an2}Like a rice ball shape? 748 00:31:43,570 --> 00:31:44,200 {\an2}Like a panda? 749 00:31:44,210 --> 00:31:45,760 {\an2}Look, look look look. 750 00:31:46,340 --> 00:31:46,890 {\an2}Wow. 751 00:31:46,900 --> 00:31:49,940 {\an2}So she makes this every day for him. 752 00:31:50,900 --> 00:31:54,540 {\an2}Wow, she must love him so much. 753 00:31:56,700 --> 00:31:58,520 {\an2}I thought I was being slick. 754 00:31:59,410 --> 00:32:01,600 {\an2}Until she came out {\an2}to one of my shows. 755 00:32:02,970 --> 00:32:04,950 {\an2}As you heard this joke. 756 00:32:05,930 --> 00:32:07,440 {\an2}And she was really upset, man. 757 00:32:07,450 --> 00:32:08,240 {\an2}And rightfully so. 758 00:32:08,250 --> 00:32:09,966 {\an2}I was just up here {\an2}talking shit, right? 759 00:32:09,990 --> 00:32:10,580 {\an2}We went home. 760 00:32:10,590 --> 00:32:11,540 {\an2}We got into a big 5. 761 00:32:11,550 --> 00:32:14,426 {\an2}She was like, babe, {\an2}that's bullshit, OK? 762 00:32:14,450 --> 00:32:15,400 {\an2}But want me do something? 763 00:32:15,410 --> 00:32:16,666 {\an2}Just ask me directly. 764 00:32:16,690 --> 00:32:19,006 {\an2}And you really want somebody {\an2}to make you Bento boxes? 765 00:32:19,030 --> 00:32:21,820 {\an2}Why don't you just go find {\an2}a Japanese woman? 766 00:32:23,450 --> 00:32:26,186 {\an2}I'm like, babe, I'm, I'm, {\an2}I'm sorry you feel that way. 767 00:32:26,210 --> 00:32:27,186 {\an2}OK. 768 00:32:27,210 --> 00:32:29,270 {\an2}But I think you're missing {\an2}the point. 769 00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:32,860 {\an2}You don't have to be Japanese {\an2}to make Bento boxes. 770 00:32:41,730 --> 00:32:42,730 {\an2}That's right. 771 00:32:42,930 --> 00:32:43,930 {\an2}That's right. 772 00:32:46,340 --> 00:32:49,070 {\an2}So now I'm making {\an2}our mental boxes everyday. 773 00:32:51,570 --> 00:32:53,470 {\an2}How I show my love. 774 00:32:56,510 --> 00:32:57,906 {\an2}You gotta love the people around you, 775 00:32:57,930 --> 00:33:00,006 {\an2}gotta be nice to the people around you, 776 00:33:00,030 --> 00:33:00,806 {\an2}your partner, 777 00:33:00,830 --> 00:33:03,207 {\an2}your family, your friends. 778 00:33:03,420 --> 00:33:05,276 {\an2}You gotta keep the day {\an2}ones around, man. 779 00:33:05,300 --> 00:33:07,316 {\an2}You know everybody, {\an2}when I was coming up in the game, 780 00:33:07,340 --> 00:33:08,216 {\an2}they gave me this advice. 781 00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:10,896 {\an2}They're like, hey Jimmy, {\an2}you wanna be successful, 782 00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:13,416 {\an2}hang out with successful people {\an2}because 783 00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:15,576 {\an2}birds of a feather flock together. 784 00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:16,280 {\an2}That's right, man. 785 00:33:16,290 --> 00:33:16,730 {\an2}That's right. 786 00:33:16,740 --> 00:33:18,576 {\an2}You guys heard this before, right? 787 00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:20,950 {\an2}It's fucking bullshit, OK? 788 00:33:21,870 --> 00:33:24,246 {\an2}Successful people {\an2}are so boring. 789 00:33:24,270 --> 00:33:26,596 {\an2}I hung out successful people, {\an2}they got successful job, 790 00:33:26,620 --> 00:33:27,786 {\an2}they got successful family. 791 00:33:27,810 --> 00:33:30,550 {\an2}They don't have time to hang out {\an2}with mediocre ass. 792 00:33:31,750 --> 00:33:36,780 {\an2}So my real advice to everyone {\an2}is to find yourself more loser friends. 793 00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:38,410 {\an2}That's right. 794 00:33:38,420 --> 00:33:38,880 {\an2}That's right. 795 00:33:38,890 --> 00:33:39,250 {\an2}That's right. 796 00:33:39,260 --> 00:33:41,750 {\an2}I see some of you guys clapping {\an2}the ones that are not you. 797 00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:43,250 {\an2}Probably the loser friend, {\an2}which is fine. 798 00:33:43,260 --> 00:33:44,260 {\an2}I love you. 799 00:33:44,600 --> 00:33:45,790 {\an2}I love you. 800 00:33:47,930 --> 00:33:49,000 {\an2}I love all my friends, man. 801 00:33:49,010 --> 00:33:49,460 {\an2}All my day. 802 00:33:49,470 --> 00:33:53,466 {\an2}Once I used to live in a one bedroom {\an2}apartment with three comedians. 803 00:33:53,490 --> 00:33:54,790 {\an2}Yeah, ain't nothing {\an2}wrong with that. 804 00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:55,440 {\an2}I was proud of that. 805 00:33:55,450 --> 00:33:55,970 {\an2}It was all good. 806 00:33:55,980 --> 00:33:58,540 {\an2}They still my close friends, {\an2}One of my best friends. 807 00:33:58,550 --> 00:33:59,700 {\an2}His name is Guam. 808 00:33:59,710 --> 00:34:00,926 {\an2}Guam Felix. 809 00:34:00,950 --> 00:34:02,626 {\an2}Yeah, he's a comedian. 810 00:34:02,650 --> 00:34:05,306 {\an2}He's named after the island {\an2}he was born on. 811 00:34:05,330 --> 00:34:08,246 {\an2}Guam, like, you know, you kind of hood 812 00:34:08,270 --> 00:34:10,246 {\an2}when you named after the island {\an2}you were born 813 00:34:10,270 --> 00:34:11,270 {\an2}on. 814 00:34:11,920 --> 00:34:13,096 {\an2}Like if I came out tonight 815 00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:15,747 {\an2}and they introduced me {\an2}as Hong Kong Jimmy. 816 00:34:18,980 --> 00:34:21,400 {\an2}I'll probably be selling drugs {\an2}outside, you know, I mean. 817 00:34:24,180 --> 00:34:25,960 {\an2}But was one of my greatest friends, {\an2}man. 818 00:34:25,970 --> 00:34:26,690 {\an2}He's just a good dude. 819 00:34:26,700 --> 00:34:28,816 {\an2}Just happy go around guy, you know, 820 00:34:28,840 --> 00:34:31,526 {\an2}he trashed in my living room {\an2}for months and I asked 821 00:34:31,550 --> 00:34:33,656 {\an2}him like, hey Guam, {\an2}you got any plans? 822 00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:35,470 {\an2}You gonna go get {\an2}a job or something? 823 00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:37,560 {\an2}He was like, Nah, thi 824 00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:41,267 {\an2}I'm gonna get on that government {\an2}disability, homie. 825 00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:44,116 {\an2}And I'm like, OK, {\an2}are you disabled? 826 00:34:44,140 --> 00:34:46,230 {\an2}He was like, yeah, {\an2}I think so dog. 827 00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:48,896 {\an2}I threw out my back {\an2}when I was 19, homie. 828 00:34:48,920 --> 00:34:50,670 {\an2}I'm like, OK, {\an2}you're 42 right now. 829 00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:52,760 {\an2}I don't think that's gonna {\an2}work out for you. 830 00:34:53,950 --> 00:34:54,760 {\an2}See, Guam is great. 831 00:34:54,770 --> 00:34:57,546 {\an2}He lives by the Creed where anything {\an2}good that happens to him, 832 00:34:57,570 --> 00:34:58,626 {\an2}he makes sure that thank 833 00:34:58,650 --> 00:34:59,526 {\an2}God, right? 834 00:34:59,550 --> 00:35:00,246 {\an2}That's great. 835 00:35:00,270 --> 00:35:02,206 {\an2}And anything bad that happens to him, 836 00:35:02,230 --> 00:35:04,497 {\an2}he makes sure to blame the government. 837 00:35:05,310 --> 00:35:07,479 {\an2}It's a great way to live {\an2}that when you take 0 838 00:35:07,503 --> 00:35:09,117 {\an2}personal responsibility. 839 00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:12,736 {\an2}Like he'll say, shit like ohh damn, 840 00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:13,866 {\an2}they gave me a speeding ticket 841 00:35:13,890 --> 00:35:14,956 {\an2}and took away my licence 842 00:35:14,980 --> 00:35:15,936 {\an2}style. 843 00:35:15,960 --> 00:35:18,370 {\an2}You see, that's how {\an2}the government fucks you. 844 00:35:19,690 --> 00:35:21,920 {\an2}I'm like, no, I'm pretty sure {\an2}that's how you fuck yourself. 845 00:35:23,460 --> 00:35:25,916 {\an2}And then on the positive side {\an2}he'll say things like 846 00:35:25,940 --> 00:35:28,216 {\an2}I just wanna thank God cause {\an2}he let 847 00:35:28,240 --> 00:35:30,077 {\an2}me stay with you dog. 848 00:35:31,610 --> 00:35:34,180 {\an2}I'm like, no, you thank me, {\an2}motherfucker. 849 00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:37,730 {\an2}I let you stay with me. 850 00:35:42,900 --> 00:35:43,890 {\an2}My love Guan man. 851 00:35:43,900 --> 00:35:45,856 {\an2}He is a happy go lucky guy, 852 00:35:45,880 --> 00:35:48,076 {\an2}doesn't have a lot {\an2}of ambition in life. 853 00:35:48,100 --> 00:35:50,740 {\an2}His dream in life {\an2}is to win the lottery. 854 00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:55,750 {\an2}His catch phrase is when I win {\an2}the lottery, die. 855 00:35:57,320 --> 00:36:00,276 {\an2}But he doesn't have good goals {\an2}for when he does win the lottery, 856 00:36:00,300 --> 00:36:00,916 {\an2}because he will say 857 00:36:00,940 --> 00:36:03,077 {\an2}shit like when I win {\an2}the lottery. 858 00:36:03,290 --> 00:36:05,700 {\an2}We're going to the buffet, though. 859 00:36:08,720 --> 00:36:11,340 {\an2}I'm like, why we do {\an2}that right now, bro? 860 00:36:14,130 --> 00:36:15,786 {\an2}But Guan was a man of his word. 861 00:36:15,810 --> 00:36:17,546 {\an2}Not only would he buy lottery tickets, 862 00:36:17,570 --> 00:36:20,036 {\an2}he stood in line {\an2}in every single game show in 863 00:36:20,060 --> 00:36:22,406 {\an2}LA to try to win his lottery 864 00:36:22,430 --> 00:36:24,806 {\an2}and he finally got on this game show {\an2}called Let's Make a 865 00:36:24,830 --> 00:36:25,026 {\an2}Deal. 866 00:36:25,050 --> 00:36:26,426 {\an2}Have you guys seen that? 867 00:36:26,450 --> 00:36:28,706 {\an2}Yes, the show that comes {\an2}on hosted by Wayne Brady 868 00:36:28,730 --> 00:36:30,346 {\an2}before The Price Is Right. 869 00:36:30,370 --> 00:36:33,206 {\an2}But in order to get on that show, {\an2}you have to wear a costume. 870 00:36:33,230 --> 00:36:35,746 {\an2}And Guam is like a big {\an2}Pacific Islander brother, 871 00:36:35,770 --> 00:36:37,917 {\an2}so it's costume options were limited. 872 00:36:38,790 --> 00:36:40,820 {\an2}He could either be Moana. 873 00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:43,790 {\an2}Or the Rock, you know. 874 00:36:44,260 --> 00:36:46,596 {\an2}So he decided to make {\an2}his own costume. 875 00:36:46,620 --> 00:36:48,896 {\an2}He cut up a blue bed sheet, 876 00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:50,476 {\an2}draped it over his body, 877 00:36:50,500 --> 00:36:52,496 {\an2}and then he got a Chinese rice Patty 878 00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:53,520 {\an2}hat. 879 00:36:53,910 --> 00:36:55,420 {\an2}And he just wore it. 880 00:36:55,820 --> 00:36:57,770 {\an2}I'm like, God, what the fuck? 881 00:36:58,290 --> 00:36:59,106 {\an2}What are you dressed up as, 882 00:36:59,130 --> 00:37:00,737 {\an2}Ho Chi Minh or some shit? 883 00:37:01,740 --> 00:37:03,716 {\an2}And he was like, no dog. 884 00:37:03,740 --> 00:37:07,240 {\an2}I'm master rating for {\an2}Mortal Kombat, homie. 885 00:37:10,790 --> 00:37:14,506 {\an2}This is a true story, {\an2}he went on national TV, 886 00:37:14,530 --> 00:37:16,537 {\an2}dressed up as masqueraded. 887 00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:20,330 {\an2}And this is actually {\an2}an inspirational story. 888 00:37:20,510 --> 00:37:22,240 {\an2}He actually won. 889 00:37:24,060 --> 00:37:25,060 {\an2}Yeah. 890 00:37:27,030 --> 00:37:29,276 {\an2}He won the Big Deal {\an2}of the Day. 891 00:37:29,300 --> 00:37:32,190 {\an2}It was a $5000 living room set. 892 00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:35,800 {\an2}Which was perfect {\an2}for my living room. 893 00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:39,950 {\an2}But he dreamed big. 894 00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:41,416 {\an2}He want to win {\an2}as big prize. 895 00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:43,826 {\an2}So he traded it in for the {\an2}Super deal of the week 896 00:37:43,850 --> 00:37:45,837 {\an2}and I'm like this fucking idiot. 897 00:37:46,900 --> 00:37:50,080 {\an2}He traded it in for one {\an2}out of three chance 898 00:37:50,104 --> 00:37:51,676 {\an2}to win $50,000 cash, 899 00:37:51,700 --> 00:37:52,746 {\an2}one of the biggest prizes 900 00:37:52,770 --> 00:37:54,256 {\an2}on the show ever. 901 00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:55,830 {\an2}And he won. 902 00:37:56,790 --> 00:37:58,176 {\an2}That was his watering. 903 00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:00,176 {\an2}His dream came true. 904 00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:01,070 {\an2}I was watching TV. 905 00:38:01,080 --> 00:38:02,776 {\an2}It's the most magical moment. 906 00:38:02,800 --> 00:38:05,376 {\an2}Money start falling down {\an2}on his rice Paddy hat 907 00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:06,346 {\an2}and he was so happy. 908 00:38:06,370 --> 00:38:08,416 {\an2}He started doing jumping jacks and shit 909 00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:10,716 {\an2}and start swimming in the pool of money. 910 00:38:10,740 --> 00:38:11,470 {\an2}And I was watching. 911 00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:13,530 {\an2}I'm like, I knew this motherfucker {\an2}is not disabled. 912 00:38:13,540 --> 00:38:14,640 {\an2}Look it up. 913 00:38:17,200 --> 00:38:19,120 {\an2}He's very capable. 914 00:38:19,940 --> 00:38:21,600 {\an2}They start crying on national TV. 915 00:38:21,610 --> 00:38:22,390 {\an2}He was so happy. 916 00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:24,870 {\an2}And Wayne Brady was like, {\an2}go on, congratulations. 917 00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:27,516 {\an2}What are you gonna do {\an2}with that $50,000? 918 00:38:27,540 --> 00:38:30,630 {\an2}And he was like, {\an2}we got through the buffet dog. 919 00:38:34,580 --> 00:38:35,580 {\an2}Right. 920 00:38:39,540 --> 00:38:41,670 {\an2}That's a good friend, man. 921 00:38:41,820 --> 00:38:43,960 {\an2}That's why you keep {\an2}your friends around. 922 00:38:44,170 --> 00:38:47,540 {\an2}He went from the biggest loser {\an2}I knew to the biggest winner I know. 923 00:38:47,700 --> 00:38:51,250 {\an2}Took care of all his boys, {\an2}took us to a lot of buffets. 924 00:38:52,470 --> 00:38:55,306 {\an2}He even took us to the {\an2}fanciest restaurant he knew, 925 00:38:55,330 --> 00:38:56,857 {\an2}Buca de Beppo. 926 00:38:58,100 --> 00:38:59,530 {\an2}It was awesome. 927 00:38:59,730 --> 00:39:03,090 {\an2}He was Pauling, but that money {\an2}didn't last long. 928 00:39:03,420 --> 00:39:05,830 {\an2}That 50 grand last about three months. 929 00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:09,450 {\an2}And not only that, {\an2}he didn't pay any taxes on it. 930 00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:13,516 {\an2}So now you also IRS another 20 {\an2}on top of that shit. 931 00:39:13,540 --> 00:39:14,850 {\an2}And I'm like, going this is horrible. 932 00:39:14,860 --> 00:39:16,920 {\an2}You worse off than you ever were. 933 00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:18,836 {\an2}And all he said to me was like, see, 934 00:39:18,860 --> 00:39:21,187 {\an2}that's how the government fucks you, dog. 935 00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:26,190 {\an2}OK. 936 00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:31,970 {\an2}Keep your close friends around {\an2}and save you money people. 937 00:39:34,350 --> 00:39:36,360 {\an2}That's only like watching {\an2}real people game shows. 938 00:39:36,370 --> 00:39:38,996 {\an2}I hate watching Celebrity Family Feud 939 00:39:39,020 --> 00:39:40,986 {\an2}because they always make {\an2}the celebrity choose a 940 00:39:41,010 --> 00:39:42,786 {\an2}charity and donate money. 941 00:39:42,810 --> 00:39:45,230 {\an2}I'm like, some of us {\an2}want to keep our money, man. 942 00:39:45,780 --> 00:39:48,596 {\an2}And look, I know I sound {\an2}like a bad person, OK? 943 00:39:48,620 --> 00:39:49,990 {\an2}But I love helping people. 944 00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:53,640 {\an2}I love the concept {\an2}of donating money. 945 00:39:55,180 --> 00:39:56,770 {\an2}I just can't do it. 946 00:39:59,780 --> 00:40:01,100 {\an2}I want to. 947 00:40:01,620 --> 00:40:03,370 {\an2}But my mom wouldn't let me. 948 00:40:04,770 --> 00:40:06,886 {\an2}Every time I've been {\an2}just think about those, 949 00:40:06,910 --> 00:40:08,266 {\an2}any money she comes out of nowhere. 950 00:40:08,290 --> 00:40:09,106 {\an2}She's like who? 951 00:40:09,130 --> 00:40:10,510 {\an2}Who are you donating to? 952 00:40:11,170 --> 00:40:11,640 {\an2}I'm like Mom. 953 00:40:11,650 --> 00:40:13,946 {\an2}I don't know, like Save {\an2}the Children Foundation. 954 00:40:13,970 --> 00:40:16,860 {\an2}She's like, you don't even know {\an2}those children. 955 00:40:17,690 --> 00:40:19,780 {\an2}Children can be horrible. 956 00:40:20,740 --> 00:40:22,056 {\an2}OK, fine mom, I'll donate 957 00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:24,536 {\an2}to help the hospitals like feet {\an2}of hospital.com 958 00:40:24,560 --> 00:40:24,976 {\an2}to help out 959 00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:29,127 {\an2}all the nurses and doctors {\an2}and she said OK Jimmy, OK. 960 00:40:29,920 --> 00:40:32,230 {\an2}The doctors make more money than you. 961 00:40:33,400 --> 00:40:35,830 {\an2}They should donate to you OK? 962 00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:39,640 {\an2}They make a West Side feet {\an2}of comedian.com right now. 963 00:40:43,870 --> 00:40:46,200 {\an2}She just killed trips me, {\an2}you know? 964 00:40:47,040 --> 00:40:48,150 {\an2}You donate to anyone. 965 00:40:48,160 --> 00:40:49,630 {\an2}You donate to me. 966 00:40:50,630 --> 00:40:52,860 {\an2}I give a birth to you, OK? 967 00:40:54,180 --> 00:40:54,810 {\an2}Can you imagine? 968 00:40:54,820 --> 00:40:55,896 {\an2}I'm on Family Feud? 969 00:40:55,920 --> 00:40:56,650 {\an2}Steve's like Jimmy. 970 00:40:56,660 --> 00:40:58,196 {\an2}What charity are you playing for? 971 00:40:58,220 --> 00:40:59,220 {\an2}Feetofcomedian.com. 972 00:41:01,700 --> 00:41:03,910 {\an2}All proceeds go to my mom. 973 00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:07,576 {\an2}My mom's so tight with my money 974 00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:10,027 {\an2}she wouldn't even let me {\an2}buy her something nice. 975 00:41:10,360 --> 00:41:12,360 {\an2}For last birthday, {\an2}I bought a nice iPad. 976 00:41:12,370 --> 00:41:13,250 {\an2}Brand new iPad. 977 00:41:13,260 --> 00:41:15,370 {\an2}I thought I was a good Asian son, right? 978 00:41:15,610 --> 00:41:19,466 {\an2}And my mom was like, ohh no, {\an2}it's too expensive. 979 00:41:19,490 --> 00:41:20,340 {\an2}I'm like mom, it's OK. 980 00:41:20,350 --> 00:41:21,120 {\an2}We're gonna afford it. 981 00:41:21,130 --> 00:41:22,580 {\an2}Just just enjoy the iPad. 982 00:41:22,590 --> 00:41:25,706 {\an2}She was like, no, Jimmy, {\an2}I please return it. 983 00:41:25,730 --> 00:41:28,760 {\an2}Return it and just give me the cash. 984 00:41:35,350 --> 00:41:36,540 {\an2}We're practical. 985 00:41:36,810 --> 00:41:38,410 {\an2}About the bottom line. 986 00:41:39,980 --> 00:41:42,816 {\an2}See, we live in a very {\an2}frivolous society, man. 987 00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:45,356 {\an2}Everybody loves to brag {\an2}about how much shit they have, 988 00:41:45,380 --> 00:41:46,536 {\an2}how much money they make. 989 00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:47,190 {\an2}We all brag. 990 00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:48,456 {\an2}We are guilty of this. 991 00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:51,296 {\an2}We all just do it {\an2}in subtle different ways. 992 00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:52,936 {\an2}Like white people for example. 993 00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:55,936 {\an2}White people never brag {\an2}about how much money they got. 994 00:41:55,960 --> 00:41:59,700 {\an2}They always just brag {\an2}about how expensive their life is. 995 00:42:00,430 --> 00:42:03,040 {\an2}Like Ohh, Joey {\an2}just started private school. 996 00:42:03,050 --> 00:42:05,730 {\an2}It's so expensive. 997 00:42:05,870 --> 00:42:09,970 {\an2}And our remodel {\an2}is totally going over budget. 998 00:42:10,450 --> 00:42:12,066 {\an2}Ohh and you wouldn't believe 999 00:42:12,090 --> 00:42:15,297 {\an2}how much money {\an2}we spent going to Fiji. 1000 00:42:16,030 --> 00:42:18,926 {\an2}I'm like, OK, Katie, {\an2}I see your life, OK? 1001 00:42:18,950 --> 00:42:19,960 {\an2}It's a luxury. 1002 00:42:19,970 --> 00:42:21,610 {\an2}It's good for you, OK? 1003 00:42:22,930 --> 00:42:25,906 {\an2}Black people, on the other hand, {\an2}a lot more straightforward. 1004 00:42:25,930 --> 00:42:29,650 {\an2}Black people just tell you exactly {\an2}how much money they spent on something. 1005 00:42:29,970 --> 00:42:30,686 {\an2}It's great. 1006 00:42:30,710 --> 00:42:33,480 {\an2}You guys seen it like my black friends {\an2}or even like rappers, right? 1007 00:42:33,490 --> 00:42:34,140 {\an2}They love to brag. 1008 00:42:34,150 --> 00:42:36,620 {\an2}They're like this call 80,000. 1009 00:42:39,350 --> 00:42:41,400 {\an2}My momma's house 500,000. 1010 00:42:42,650 --> 00:42:45,550 {\an2}This chain $1,000,000 Man. 1011 00:42:46,250 --> 00:42:49,400 {\an2}I'm like, OK, you clearly don't have {\an2}your priorities straight. 1012 00:42:50,790 --> 00:42:52,850 {\an2}Appreciate the honesty. 1013 00:42:54,050 --> 00:42:56,980 {\an2}People love to brag {\an2}about how much money they spend. 1014 00:42:57,300 --> 00:43:01,490 {\an2}Asian people, on the other hand, {\an2}we do the exact opposite. 1015 00:43:01,630 --> 00:43:02,416 {\an2}We love to brag 1016 00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:04,767 {\an2}about how little money {\an2}we spent on some shit. 1017 00:43:05,410 --> 00:43:07,960 {\an2}Because the art is in the savings, 1018 00:43:08,050 --> 00:43:10,077 {\an2}you never pay full price. 1019 00:43:11,020 --> 00:43:14,850 {\an2}Like my mom, her catch phrase {\an2}is guess how much. 1020 00:43:15,730 --> 00:43:17,390 {\an2}That's how much? 1021 00:43:18,220 --> 00:43:20,970 {\an2}Yeah, that's what people. 1022 00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:23,470 {\an2}You guys haven't played. 1023 00:43:23,480 --> 00:43:27,596 {\an2}Guess how much my mom will come home {\an2}with something new, like a watch. 1024 00:43:27,620 --> 00:43:28,576 {\an2}She'll be like Jimmy. 1025 00:43:28,600 --> 00:43:29,076 {\an2}Jimmy. 1026 00:43:29,100 --> 00:43:30,476 {\an2}Guess how much? 1027 00:43:30,500 --> 00:43:32,570 {\an2}Guess how much I'm like Mom. 1028 00:43:32,580 --> 00:43:32,950 {\an2}I don't know. 1029 00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:35,736 {\an2}It's a very nice watch, {\an2}like $5000. 1030 00:43:35,760 --> 00:43:38,530 {\an2}And she was like, no. 1031 00:43:39,300 --> 00:43:42,516 {\an2}It's $200.00. 1032 00:43:42,540 --> 00:43:45,036 {\an2}Jimmy my horse, My horse, {\an2}this horse. 1033 00:43:45,060 --> 00:43:46,096 {\an2}Guess how much? 1034 00:43:46,120 --> 00:43:47,396 {\an2}Guess how much? 1035 00:43:47,420 --> 00:43:49,396 {\an2}Like mom, I don't know, {\an2}you live in a very nice house, 1036 00:43:49,420 --> 00:43:50,636 {\an2}Like $1,000,000. 1037 00:43:50,660 --> 00:43:53,046 {\an2}She was like no. 1038 00:43:53,070 --> 00:43:54,100 {\an2}It's half off. 1039 00:43:54,110 --> 00:43:55,810 {\an2}Someone died in it. 1040 00:44:02,590 --> 00:44:04,156 {\an2}And if you know the rules of the game, 1041 00:44:04,180 --> 00:44:05,826 {\an2}you always gets high, 1042 00:44:05,850 --> 00:44:06,896 {\an2}so you make the other person 1043 00:44:06,920 --> 00:44:08,777 {\an2}feel good about their purchases. 1044 00:44:09,050 --> 00:44:10,586 {\an2}Never guess too low. 1045 00:44:10,610 --> 00:44:11,420 {\an2}You ever guessed too low. 1046 00:44:11,430 --> 00:44:14,040 {\an2}That's the ultimate insult {\an2}to an Asian person, OK? 1047 00:44:14,930 --> 00:44:16,780 {\an2}One time my mom came home {\an2}with some new shoes. 1048 00:44:16,790 --> 00:44:18,180 {\an2}I guess too low. 1049 00:44:18,730 --> 00:44:20,910 {\an2}I've never seen her {\an2}so disappointed in me. 1050 00:44:21,900 --> 00:44:22,716 {\an2}She was like Jimmy. 1051 00:44:22,740 --> 00:44:23,740 {\an2}Jimmy, yeah. 1052 00:44:24,170 --> 00:44:25,486 {\an2}Guess how much? 1053 00:44:25,510 --> 00:44:26,580 {\an2}Guess how much I'm like mom. 1054 00:44:26,590 --> 00:44:29,196 {\an2}I don't know, Very nice shoes {\an2}like $200.00. 1055 00:44:29,220 --> 00:44:30,640 {\an2}She was like ohh. 1056 00:44:37,580 --> 00:44:39,790 {\an2}Do you even know about shoes? 1057 00:44:40,610 --> 00:44:42,540 {\an2}These are $500.00 Jimmy Choos. 1058 00:44:42,550 --> 00:44:45,320 {\an2}OK, better Jimmy than you. 1059 00:44:51,050 --> 00:44:53,170 {\an2}That's how we prank people. 1060 00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:55,830 {\an2}You gotta love it, man. 1061 00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:58,030 {\an2}I used to be embarrassed {\an2}about all these things. 1062 00:44:58,040 --> 00:44:59,476 {\an2}I thought my mom was cheap. 1063 00:44:59,500 --> 00:45:01,096 {\an2}She spoke with an accent. 1064 00:45:01,120 --> 00:45:02,696 {\an2}She made me Chinese food. 1065 00:45:02,720 --> 00:45:04,036 {\an2}But when I got older, 1066 00:45:04,060 --> 00:45:06,776 {\an2}I realised it's all those things {\an2}that made me different 1067 00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:07,196 {\an2}is what 1068 00:45:07,220 --> 00:45:08,196 {\an2}makes me interesting. 1069 00:45:08,220 --> 00:45:11,916 {\an2}Now the tightest turn, man, {\an2}everybody wanna be more Asian, 1070 00:45:11,940 --> 00:45:13,147 {\an2}I'm telling you. 1071 00:45:13,200 --> 00:45:14,456 {\an2}Yeah, that's right. 1072 00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:17,040 {\an2}Everybody wanna be BTS. 1073 00:45:17,340 --> 00:45:20,030 {\an2}Everybody wanna eat shallow bowl? 1074 00:45:20,660 --> 00:45:21,946 {\an2}And every parent I know 1075 00:45:21,970 --> 00:45:22,946 {\an2}is trying to send their kid 1076 00:45:22,970 --> 00:45:24,827 {\an2}to Chinese immersion school. 1077 00:45:25,170 --> 00:45:27,840 {\an2}Just in case we'll take over this shit, {\an2}you know, I mean. 1078 00:45:29,100 --> 00:45:30,090 {\an2}Gotta be proud, man. 1079 00:45:30,100 --> 00:45:31,876 {\an2}You gotta be proud {\an2}of how you grew up. 1080 00:45:31,900 --> 00:45:34,296 {\an2}Gotta be proud {\an2}of your parents, right? 1081 00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:35,270 {\an2}I'm a good Asian kid. 1082 00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:36,696 {\an2}I'm great to my parents. 1083 00:45:36,720 --> 00:45:39,290 {\an2}I'll never, ever disrespect them. 1084 00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:41,530 {\an2}In front of him, {\an2}you know, I mean like. 1085 00:45:44,720 --> 00:45:47,376 {\an2}I want to give you guys {\an2}a quick update on my dad. 1086 00:45:47,400 --> 00:45:48,096 {\an2}Yep. 1087 00:45:48,120 --> 00:45:48,980 {\an2}Richard Ohh Yang. 1088 00:45:48,990 --> 00:45:50,996 {\an2}Yeah, the superstar {\an2}in the family. 1089 00:45:51,020 --> 00:45:52,160 {\an2}Yeah. 1090 00:45:53,150 --> 00:45:53,820 {\an2}Talk about it. 1091 00:45:53,830 --> 00:45:56,770 {\an2}My last special He became {\an2}an actor, right? 1092 00:45:56,910 --> 00:45:57,740 {\an2}Yeah, yeah. 1093 00:45:57,750 --> 00:45:59,686 {\an2}Not because he loves the art. 1094 00:45:59,710 --> 00:46:01,040 {\an2}It's because it's so easy. 1095 00:46:01,050 --> 00:46:01,900 {\an2}You can do it. 1096 00:46:01,910 --> 00:46:02,910 {\an2}I. 1097 00:46:05,360 --> 00:46:06,160 {\an2}But now he's doing great. 1098 00:46:06,170 --> 00:46:07,130 {\an2}He's very successful. 1099 00:46:07,140 --> 00:46:09,130 {\an2}OK, he got his whole life {\an2}turned around. 1100 00:46:09,140 --> 00:46:10,110 {\an2}You got out of retirement. 1101 00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:15,360 {\an2}He's a full time actor now and now {\an2}he wants to be an influencer. 1102 00:46:16,210 --> 00:46:19,080 {\an2}He just started his own IG account, 1103 00:46:19,104 --> 00:46:20,827 {\an2}which is just a nightmare. 1104 00:46:21,450 --> 00:46:23,330 {\an2}Because old people, {\an2}I feel like they mean well. 1105 00:46:23,340 --> 00:46:27,116 {\an2}OK like my dad he means well {\an2}but it just doesn't know how it works. 1106 00:46:27,140 --> 00:46:29,796 {\an2}Like his first post on Instagram {\an2}is a very nice post. 1107 00:46:29,820 --> 00:46:34,090 {\an2}A beautiful picture of the sky, {\an2}palm trees, birds flying by. 1108 00:46:34,100 --> 00:46:35,556 {\an2}I'm like ohh this is nice. 1109 00:46:35,580 --> 00:46:40,410 {\an2}And then Scroll down to the caption {\an2}and he wrote All Lives matter. 1110 00:46:43,080 --> 00:46:43,550 {\an2}I'm like that. 1111 00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:45,180 {\an2}What the fuck man like? 1112 00:46:46,100 --> 00:46:47,690 {\an2}You don't even know {\an2}what that means. 1113 00:46:47,700 --> 00:46:49,456 {\an2}Why would you write that? 1114 00:46:49,480 --> 00:46:52,016 {\an2}It was like, I know my life will matter, 1115 00:46:52,040 --> 00:46:53,436 {\an2}your life will matter, 1116 00:46:53,460 --> 00:46:54,346 {\an2}the person life will 1117 00:46:54,370 --> 00:46:55,436 {\an2}matter, OK? 1118 00:46:55,460 --> 00:46:56,330 {\an2}Or life will matter. 1119 00:46:56,340 --> 00:46:58,390 {\an2}I'm like, that is not what it means. 1120 00:47:01,520 --> 00:47:04,620 {\an2}I made him put his account {\an2}on private, right? 1121 00:47:05,080 --> 00:47:07,360 {\an2}Just like a good Tiger parent would. 1122 00:47:09,510 --> 00:47:11,356 {\an2}Because we know the {\an2}rules that young people 1123 00:47:11,380 --> 00:47:13,226 {\an2}will see through the scams {\an2}of Instagram, 1124 00:47:13,250 --> 00:47:13,726 {\an2}right? 1125 00:47:13,750 --> 00:47:15,786 {\an2}Like for example I follow sports centre, 1126 00:47:15,810 --> 00:47:18,726 {\an2}I understand the 1st 100 comments {\an2}are all bots, 1127 00:47:18,750 --> 00:47:20,116 {\an2}they're all fake right? 1128 00:47:20,140 --> 00:47:22,626 {\an2}Because there's always some IG booty model 1129 00:47:22,650 --> 00:47:24,806 {\an2}saying some stupid shit like ohh, 1130 00:47:24,830 --> 00:47:25,506 {\an2}I want something 1131 00:47:25,530 --> 00:47:27,597 {\an2}long and hard. 1132 00:47:28,650 --> 00:47:32,760 {\an2}This is obviously a scam, {\an2}so one time I clicked on it. 1133 00:47:34,430 --> 00:47:37,200 {\an2}Just to see what's going on, {\an2}you know, I mean, research. 1134 00:47:37,210 --> 00:47:37,940 {\an2}I just want to see. 1135 00:47:37,950 --> 00:47:39,750 {\an2}I just want to get {\an2}to the bottom of it. 1136 00:47:39,980 --> 00:47:40,950 {\an2}So I clicked on it. 1137 00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:43,096 {\an2}I was like, ohh this {\an2}is obviously a scam. 1138 00:47:43,120 --> 00:47:46,156 {\an2}It's this girl, {\an2}she's following 7000 people 1139 00:47:46,180 --> 00:47:48,576 {\an2}but she only has one follower {\an2}and I clicked 1140 00:47:48,600 --> 00:47:50,347 {\an2}on one follows my dad. 1141 00:47:56,790 --> 00:47:57,910 {\an2}He's like, my life will matter. 1142 00:47:57,920 --> 00:48:00,000 {\an2}Her life matters too, OK? 1143 00:48:04,120 --> 00:48:06,450 {\an2}My dad, just from {\an2}a different generation. 1144 00:48:06,610 --> 00:48:09,146 {\an2}He is like a weird beauty standard. 1145 00:48:09,170 --> 00:48:11,800 {\an2}Like for us we just say things {\an2}on very surface level. 1146 00:48:11,810 --> 00:48:15,586 {\an2}Just like, ohh, this person's attractive, {\an2}this person's not right. 1147 00:48:15,610 --> 00:48:17,870 {\an2}My dad would get {\an2}into the weeds. 1148 00:48:19,030 --> 00:48:21,910 {\an2}My dad will give you {\an2}all the weird details. 1149 00:48:22,050 --> 00:48:25,400 {\an2}He'll be like, ohh, {\an2}she's beautiful. 1150 00:48:25,860 --> 00:48:28,180 {\an2}Very long arms. 1151 00:48:29,680 --> 00:48:31,820 {\an2}I'm like, what are you recruiting {\an2}for a linebacker? 1152 00:48:31,830 --> 00:48:33,440 {\an2}What are you talking about? 1153 00:48:34,220 --> 00:48:38,296 {\an2}I can never get a pulse on who he thinks {\an2}is attractive or not, right? 1154 00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:40,756 {\an2}One time I'm like dad Ohh, {\an2}she's really good looking 1155 00:48:40,780 --> 00:48:42,447 {\an2}and my dad was like, no. 1156 00:48:43,270 --> 00:48:45,800 {\an2}Her mouth too close {\an2}to her nose. 1157 00:48:46,800 --> 00:48:48,000 {\an2}She can't breathe. 1158 00:48:48,010 --> 00:48:49,570 {\an2}She can't breathe. 1159 00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:54,790 {\an2}I see some of you guys {\an2}looking your partners like it. 1160 00:48:54,800 --> 00:48:56,500 {\an2}Is my nose too close? 1161 00:48:57,080 --> 00:48:59,050 {\an2}And that's exactly what {\an2}an Asian parent does to you. 1162 00:48:59,060 --> 00:49:02,000 {\an2}You know, make yourself conscious {\an2}about shit you didn't know about. 1163 00:49:03,720 --> 00:49:07,129 {\an2}I was very nervous {\an2}to introduce my girlfriend to my dad 1164 00:49:07,153 --> 00:49:08,996 {\an2}because she's absolutely beautiful, 1165 00:49:09,020 --> 00:49:12,247 {\an2}but who knows if her wingspan {\an2}is long enough for his life? 1166 00:49:14,980 --> 00:49:16,916 {\an2}I was so nervous man, 1167 00:49:16,940 --> 00:49:19,296 {\an2}the first time I brought my girlfriend {\an2}to my dad's house 1168 00:49:19,320 --> 00:49:19,656 {\an2}and to 1169 00:49:19,680 --> 00:49:21,206 {\an2}his credit, I want to give him credit. 1170 00:49:21,230 --> 00:49:23,436 {\an2}He actually didn't say anything crazy 1171 00:49:23,460 --> 00:49:27,036 {\an2}because for some reason {\an2}when an old Chinese person 1172 00:49:27,060 --> 00:49:28,517 {\an2}sees white people. 1173 00:49:28,700 --> 00:49:30,750 {\an2}They just start acting, right? 1174 00:49:32,580 --> 00:49:33,596 {\an2}Like his posture, 1175 00:49:33,620 --> 00:49:35,416 {\an2}Changes stood upright 1176 00:49:35,440 --> 00:49:37,456 {\an2}and for some reason {\an2}he just came up with a British 1177 00:49:37,480 --> 00:49:38,480 {\an2}accent. 1178 00:49:40,510 --> 00:49:42,360 {\an2}Like me and my girlfriend {\an2}walked in the house. 1179 00:49:42,370 --> 00:49:44,700 {\an2}He didn't say anything crazy, {\an2}he just looked at us. 1180 00:49:44,710 --> 00:49:46,690 {\an2}He was like, ohh. 1181 00:49:48,520 --> 00:49:50,770 {\an2}Prosperous young couple. 1182 00:49:54,510 --> 00:49:56,200 {\an2}And my girlfriend was so confused. 1183 00:49:56,210 --> 00:49:58,860 {\an2}It's like, why does your dad sound {\an2}like Helen Mirren? 1184 00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:02,930 {\an2}And I start saying all these nice things {\an2}about my girl. 1185 00:50:02,940 --> 00:50:04,296 {\an2}I'm like, ohh dad, you know? 1186 00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:07,176 {\an2}Yeah, she's she's very successful, {\an2}but she's also very nice. 1187 00:50:07,200 --> 00:50:09,530 {\an2}And her family, {\an2}they're just great people. 1188 00:50:09,540 --> 00:50:11,540 {\an2}And like, that was like good. 1189 00:50:11,810 --> 00:50:14,040 {\an2}All lives matter. 1190 00:50:19,800 --> 00:50:21,056 {\an2}I love my dad, man. 1191 00:50:21,080 --> 00:50:22,236 {\an2}I love my dad. 1192 00:50:22,260 --> 00:50:23,250 {\an2}He's a great dad. 1193 00:50:23,260 --> 00:50:25,276 {\an2}He's a funny guy, you know. 1194 00:50:25,300 --> 00:50:28,736 {\an2}And we did a lot of father {\an2}and son bonding growing up. 1195 00:50:28,760 --> 00:50:30,850 {\an2}Like, for example, {\an2}I'm a big basketball fan. 1196 00:50:30,860 --> 00:50:32,500 {\an2}I love watching the NBA. 1197 00:50:32,510 --> 00:50:34,850 {\an2}Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 1198 00:50:35,010 --> 00:50:37,806 {\an2}Actually, I grew up {\an2}a Los Angeles Clippers fan. 1199 00:50:37,830 --> 00:50:38,830 {\an2}Yeah. 1200 00:50:38,970 --> 00:50:40,700 {\an2}Because my dad was cheap. 1201 00:50:42,480 --> 00:50:45,456 {\an2}Because the Lakers and the Clippers {\an2}playing the same stadium, 1202 00:50:45,480 --> 00:50:46,346 {\an2}but the Clippers tickets 1203 00:50:46,370 --> 00:50:47,677 {\an2}were half price. 1204 00:50:48,170 --> 00:50:50,420 {\an2}So my dad's, like, {\an2}never pay full price. 1205 00:50:52,250 --> 00:50:54,386 {\an2}That wasn't even the most {\an2}embarrassing part. 1206 00:50:54,410 --> 00:50:56,026 {\an2}The most embarrassing part 1207 00:50:56,050 --> 00:50:57,516 {\an2}was when we exited the stadium 1208 00:50:57,540 --> 00:50:59,016 {\an2}when we exited Staples Centre. 1209 00:50:59,040 --> 00:51:01,340 {\an2}There'll be hot dogs St vendors {\an2}out there, right? 1210 00:51:01,350 --> 00:51:04,210 {\an2}Latino brothers selling bacon {\an2}wrapped hot dogs for $5. 1211 00:51:04,230 --> 00:51:08,130 {\an2}I love those things and my dad {\an2}would go up and haggle with them. 1212 00:51:09,870 --> 00:51:14,920 {\an2}He'll go and be like, OK, {\an2}I give you $5 for two hot dogs. 1213 00:51:15,280 --> 00:51:15,770 {\an2}I'm like that. 1214 00:51:15,780 --> 00:51:17,506 {\an2}It's not buy one, {\an2}get one free at Costco, 1215 00:51:17,530 --> 00:51:18,576 {\an2}just give him 10 bucks. 1216 00:51:18,600 --> 00:51:19,790 {\an2}It was like. 1217 00:51:20,220 --> 00:51:22,040 {\an2}Never pay full price. 1218 00:51:22,950 --> 00:51:27,218 {\an2}OK, I'll give you $8 {\an2}for two hot dogs final offer 1219 00:51:27,242 --> 00:51:29,086 {\an2}and the guy didn't cares like no, {\an2}it's 1220 00:51:29,110 --> 00:51:30,406 {\an2}$10. 1221 00:51:30,430 --> 00:51:32,126 {\an2}And then my dad is a strategy. 1222 00:51:32,150 --> 00:51:33,910 {\an2}He just announces {\an2}in front of everyone. 1223 00:51:33,920 --> 00:51:34,990 {\an2}Make sure everyone hears him. 1224 00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:36,700 {\an2}He's like OK. 1225 00:51:37,420 --> 00:51:38,880 {\an2}We walk away. 1226 00:51:40,440 --> 00:51:40,910 {\an2}And like that. 1227 00:51:40,920 --> 00:51:41,950 {\an2}I don't care it. 1228 00:51:42,280 --> 00:51:45,070 {\an2}If you walk away, {\an2}don't walk away. 1229 00:51:46,400 --> 00:51:47,610 {\an2}He's like Jimmy. 1230 00:51:47,680 --> 00:51:50,820 {\an2}It's better to be hungry {\an2}than to pay full price. 1231 00:51:53,830 --> 00:51:57,370 {\an2}And then my mom comes up behind us {\an2}with four hot dogs. 1232 00:51:57,730 --> 00:51:59,720 {\an2}And she was like, guess how much? 1233 00:52:01,040 --> 00:52:02,430 {\an2}Thank you guys. 1234 00:52:09,730 --> 00:52:11,320 {\an2}You guys are amazing. 1235 00:52:11,670 --> 00:52:12,960 {\an2}I love you guys. 1236 00:52:15,370 --> 00:52:16,370 {\an2}I'm on my. 1237 00:52:20,330 --> 00:52:21,520 {\an2}You haven't done. 1238 00:52:35,990 --> 00:52:37,410 {\an2}Show me respect. 1239 00:52:40,610 --> 00:52:43,390 {\an2}Give your bitchass soda, {\an2}you bitch. 1240 00:52:49,610 --> 00:52:52,400 {\an2}I'm wearing Designer Forever 21. 1241 00:52:59,680 --> 00:53:00,950 {\an2}Playing with you. 1242 00:53:08,330 --> 00:53:09,330 {\an2}I'm on my.