[music playing]
The south island of New Zealand.
It's an epic place.
It's wet.
It's cold.
It's snowy.
If you don't respect the environment here,
it will slap you hard.
I just need to bring some food in.
Look at that stonker.
Last night, there was deer all around me.
That's freaking delicious.
I know how tough it's going to be.
Oh my [bleep], I miss them.
You've got to feel safe, otherwise
you just die out here.
It doesn't feel as bad as it looks.
It feels worse.
This [bleep] just got real.
[bleep]!
I'm scared enough to have an emergency tap-out in my hand.
The last person standing, they take home $250,000.
Somebody help me!
The ledge, that's where it's happening every day.
I'm the luckiest person.
When you can start saving food for future,
I don't know if it gets any better.
The feeling is hopeless.
Haven't got any meat.
I hate losing.
I hate quitting.
I just don't.
Finally, I can eat tonight.
Look at that.
It's another eel.
[groans]
Oh, well.
The temperature has dropped.
Potentially be on the verge of hypothermia.
I have the choice to go home if I want to.
I just want this storm over.
Oh my [bleep]!
It sounded rough as guts down there on the waterfront.
So I think it's getting worse, not better.
Didn't realize how much I actually don't like storms
in this setting, when I'm very vulnerable.
It becomes this very real experience of possible injury
or death.
This is the worst weather I've seen since I got here.
This is horrendous.
It hasn't really slowed down.
It's been going between storms, rain, sleet, hail.
[bleep].
You don't kidding with this.
This is like high winds, close to zero.
If I did not have a dry sleeping bag, I would be going home.
I would be not be here.
The weather is so bad that this is kind of weather that
sends people home, 100%.
It just stopped raining for a second.
I'm going to pull the camera out and just show you what I mean.
Here's one thing I noticed.
This wasn't here before.
That is a piece of deadfall that's just gone in and speared
into the ground.
This is down to my stairs going up to my shelter,
pouring down on the beach.
On the other side of the lake, pretty far away, but there's
literally a gushing waterfall coming out straight out
of the mountain.
That is ridiculous.
There's swell and white caps going on.
Comes the hail.
It only hails for a short while, and literally I
am chilled to the bone.
In a survival situation or a experience like this,
you've got to be smart, and there comes a time
when the smart thing is to be passive,
and that is today for me.
Just catching the runoff of the tent instead of running
down to the-- running down to the creek all the time.
I climbed back into my sleeping bag after doing a few--
few jobs around the shelter.
Find it really hard to maintain my body heat now.
I've got my sleeping bag, which is minus 10.
I've got my oilskin coat, which is sort of wrapped around most
of my sleeping bag.
Everything's got a mild dampness to it.
I wouldn't say I'm wet, but I'm mildly damp.
I think a lot of it--
I think a lot a lot of it--
my warmth is due to, I suppose, losing body fat and, yeah,
minimal food intake.
Just feel like it's ever more difficult
now to maintain my body heat.
The thunder last night was incredible.
I've never heard thunder go for as long as that thunder did.
It's a good little shelter.
No rain came in last night.
I haven't got any wet spots, apart from the general dampness
of the ground, anyway.
It's very protected, even when the big gusts of wind
were coming through.
[thunder rumbling]
More thunder.
Wow, this storm's just going on and on and on.
Oh my [bleep], there's, like, pools of water.
It's like the water has risen.
Imagine if I can't fish the ledge.
What the [bleep] then?
OK, I've just got to go to the toilet.
Hang in there.
Like, you just anticipate the whole lot just taking off.
[groans]
Soup for breakfast.
But there's worse things that can happen,
because I'm sitting by the fire eating trout.
Oh, yeah.
To have food on such a cold and blustery day.
There's little moments where I go, Tamika, just-- just
go home.
But there's already this little thing inside of me that says,
this is a little home.
Oh, I can feel it warming up my belly.
Man.
[sighs]
You always feel better with a big belly full, don't you?
[wood creaking]
[bleep].
Do you hear that?
Had to be a tree, but it sounded like rocks as well.
Oh my [bleep], my heart.
I'm definitely missing food.
Yeah, just lying in this sleeping bag thinking, oh,
yeah, I'll just get up, go to the fridge and get myself
something to eat, and then I think, oh, no, I can't.
It was a lot worse off earlier on.
I could be completely wrong, but I'd
say it'd be, like, similar to an addiction almost, an addiction
to food.
Like when-- when you stop eating initially, the body craves it
and really, really wants it, and then you feel it,
and then hunger sort of just dissipates a little bit, and so
on and so on.
Like, if there was a big slice of chocolate cake in front
of me right now, I'd be like, yeah, whatever.
But the second I took a bite of it,
like, oh my [bleep], I'm going o eat this whole thing right now.
Food is my crack.
It is a colder day today.
I feel the weather's starting to break, which is good.
Definitely got a good powder coating of snow.
Ought to keep the skiers happy, I'm sure.
Pretty to look at, but it makes it
cold down here at lake level.
Yeah, quite cold.
This northern end of the shelter,
I'm going to have to close that off,
prevent the water coming in at the bottom of my bag
underneath this cover.
It's damp-ish.
Feet and sleep are my two biggest concerns,
and I'm glad I got a bit of sleep this morning.
I'm feeling cold now.
My hands are cold now.
So I'm making sure my feet don't get any worse
is of-- is of a concern to me.
This will keep the bulk of that spray off the bottom of my bag
and, yeah, I'll be--
I'll be happy with that.
I wouldn't mind getting a fire going.
I've got things that I want to get over the fire
and start drying it out.
You're my best friend out here.
You cook my food.
What's that you say?
Food?
You haven't seen much of it?
No.
No, no.
Maybe we can talk about that.
The plan is to provide you with more food to cook me.
Being cold and wet with body fat basically gone
presents its own set of challenges.
Going to be very careful here, but my intention
is to attempt to take out the dampness in my sleeping bag.
And having my feet get cold and taking
what seems like hours to warm up,
possibly four or five hours, is a bit of a concern.
I've really got to stay on top of keeping gear dry,
and you can end up with frostbite,
and then that's-- that's serious.
That's medical evacuation.
You're going to lose portions of your toes, whole toes.
Seen images of people losing half their foot.
Yeah, I can see moisture coming out of my bag.
Either that or it's about to burst into flames.
I don't like things being out of my control,
so what is in my control?
Continue staying dry, continue hunting,
continue getting lines in the water,
continuing to visit the why.
Why am I here?
What is it I want out of it?
Achieve things for me and my family
that I haven't been able to achieve before.
I want to make them proud.
It's probably not what the manufacturer would recommend.
But, hey, the manufacturer's not here.
He's probably sitting in a cozy office.
That was two days of absolutely horrendous weather.
The good thing with this, most things
you do, you go away, you end up getting fatter,
and then when you get back to the gym and you're like,
oh, no, I've got to work it off.
But this one, you're going to come back skinny.
I think my abs--
my abs are coming back.
Let's have a look.
Get out in the sun.
See how you look.
I was 112 with clothes going in, and I
don't have too much fat left.
Obviously I'm getting skinnier, losing weight a little bit
too fast for my own liking.
The goal for now is going to be to sustain my weight as
long as I can.
I need to get more food in.
I have no food, and it's, like, a stressful part that you go,
I have no food.
I don't know what to do.
Hunting I don't think is a valid option.
There isn't enough deer to waste the time and effort and energy.
The fishing is on hold.
The weather and the water levels are fighting me so hard,
it's annoying.
I've seen a couple of mice around and possum.
This is my future protein supply.
So today, trapping.
It's time to finish off the little mouse trap.
Finish off, I shouldn't say.
Alter.
Split a log in four so they match up,
and then you split out the middle.
That's my canister.
I think I have to bevel the edges.
I think beveled edges in itself, easily beveled,
so you don't get caught.
You can slide up and down.
Snug it up as much as needed.
That worked.
See that log, I've had both opossum and mouse out there,
so I think that's a good location.
That should do it.
It'll be hilarious if this is a good food source.
Find a good bait and I can do a mouse a day, you know?
I loaded up the bait stick with a piece of a gill.
It's set for tonight, so it'll be
fun to see tomorrow if it went off, if the mouse checked it
out, or whatever.
I'm pretty chuffed at how everything held up.
Yeah.
Overall, life is good.
I did hear a couple of limbs falling.
Yeah, we had this tree here.
Yeah, I was just a bit paranoid about one of those guys going.
The only one that fell near the shelter was this one here,
and that's near the shelter, not on the shelter.
Yeah, I think the shelter location
that we chose was pretty good.
The only thing that I might do is insulate some of the roof.
You can see there's plenty of leaf litter and plenty
of deadfall to use.
There's a few nice straight ones over here.
Where shall we start?
This one over here or that one over there?
So this one over here.
Back for that one.
Crossbeams along here, and on top of that we'll collect up
all the leaf litter and stuff and just stack it on top,
give it some insulation.
It will also prevent everything from shaking so much.
Be all toasty warm inside our cabin.
Like, something that would make me tap out
is my shelter collapsed or I got a big tear in my canopy
and my sleeping bag got wet.
That's going to be a tap-out for me
because I'm not going to be able to stay warm.
It's, yeah, a no-brainer.
Because I am very much a creature of comfort at home,
and being out on the land, comfort's a very important
factor, so I am turning my home into my little slice
of paradise.
It makes me comfortable, and I feel that being comfortable
is the key to winning.
Two minute breather.
I'm focusing on foraging because plants don't run away,
so it'll be easier to get those pesky plants.
Oh, that's what we're looking for.
This bad boy.
It's not very delicious, but it's definitely edible.
Hope there's a bit of nutritional value in this,
because definitely not enjoying the process.
I'm eating a lot of greens, but I haven't really
found overly palatable.
Those tastes familiar.
Actually, you know what it tastes like?
Raw green beans.
I'm making hound tongue soup.
I've been looking for horopitos.
Just wondering if that might be it.
The leaves look right.
Let's see if it's peppery.
[singing]
Nothing special, but it's better than nothing.
I really don't like it.
I'm used to eating meat with most meals.
But vegans can do it.
I can do it for a little while.
Yeah, I think I'd quite happily be back at home now and just
chilling on the couch, watching something and eating
some comfort food, but I'm not going
to waste this opportunity.
We'll see how long the willpower stays.
We got this.
It's not even about the money.
More about to see what my personal strength is, see how--
how long I can last.
Be good to know.
In the back of my head, I've always been saying, 100 days.
Let's try 100 days.
That'd be nice.
Give the nose a clean.
Let's go chase some fish.
Well, I'm trying to remain focused on the task of feeding
myself.
I don't let myself settle too much, because I think I've
worked out when I stop, that's when, you know,
I start really missing my family.
I know you're perusing.
I know you're here now.
Oh, dear!
I've lost him.
Got a little rush of adrenaline.
Oh, my heart is still pounding.
I can remember, as a police officer,
when you get into a high speed pursuit
or you're chasing a car or something,
it was like when you're on the radio
and you're trying to give directions of where you are
and what's happening, it's like you're
trying to remain so calm, and yet on the inside,
you just want to vomit and your heart is racing.
To be honest, that's a little bit how I feel here.
It's like I'm enjoying the morning, I'm acting all calm,
but on the inside there's this anticipation, just waiting.
I actually joined the police force to help people.
It was an absolute eye-opener for my-- my age,
and my lack of experience, probably.
Back then the only way I knew how to help myself
was to drink and forget.
Pretty certain you could have called me an alcoholic.
I just lived for work and drink.
But I know I'm on top of it now.
That's just not me, you know?
[grunts]
Damn!
Now, I thought I'd better get the camera for this one.
I didn't realize he was so big.
He's my biggest by far.
64 centimeters.
Man.
Oh, for every man that ever doubted my skill in that tackle
shop years and years and years ago, paying off now, isn't it?
Who would have thought?
Cooking my beautiful trout.
Let's have just a little squizz at him.
Oh my [bleep], it's a whole pot.
It's a whole freaking pot.
Just think, I've come across what
it needs to win this thing.
Do less, catch more.
That's it.
I'm feeling really good.
I've realized I have really missed this way of living,
and if it wasn't for family, I wouldn't go back.
You could come if you want to.
Come, come with me to the wilds, where the good things happen.
My mustache is growing.
I can feel it getting into my mouth.
I've got no idea what it looks like.
Scary is probably the word that comes to mind.
Yes, I've got myself sorted.
Got my backpack, my fishing gear, essential items,
and make our way around to the river mouth.
It's four weeks since I've landed a trout.
That I find odd.
Now, if I'd never fished before, I would say, you can't fish,
you know?
I don't know how to fish.
So I've changed up the scenario, the hooks, the bait,
the weather as much as I could, and still only
one trout in four weeks.
So the only thing I can think of doing
is making my way around to the river mouth
where I've got more substantial water running out.
Be a good headspace thing too.
Different environment, beautiful location, stunning views.
Yeah, see how we go, see if we can't land a fish.
Oh, yes.
Midges and sandflies.
Naonao.
Whatever you want to call them.
Don't know how we'll handle this.
It's a challenge keeping it together.
I can call it here, you know.
I think they'd get even the most hardened Buddhist
monk to crack.
Got me scratching like a demon possessed.
That'll keep me awake or it'll set me back in the headspace,
and I don't really need that.
Sandflies, give me a break for one [bleep] minute.
(SINGING) Sandstone cliffs are glowing purple in the evening
light
Kangaroos are grazing and there's an eagle in flight
Calling me home, calling me home Here's
my little doggie stones that I talk to each night.
I tell the doggies, keep your dad warm.
Don't fight with each other.
I'll see you soon enough, hey?
I look forward to seeing John and the little doggies, Charlie
and Toby.
I so wanted to have children with John.
We tried for six years from when I was 34 to when I was 40.
And I just felt such incredible grief
around not having children.
I so wanted to have them with all of my being.
At least one, possibly two.
I imagined them for about six years
that we were trying to conceive.
I just imagined the child being born and seeing myself
and John in that child, and it was just this agony.
There was just so much to it.
Then there's the concerns about what will I
do when I'm really old when there's no one to help take
care of me, when I become vulnerable
and need that family around me.
There's been this ongoing internal process of dealing
with grief and loss, and I think that's in itself a resilience
which will lend itself to this experience.
For me now, it's sort of boiled down to really wanting
to be the last person and bring home
that $250,000 for the family.
Moving into our old age to have that financial security, which
we don't yet have.
I'd so like to be able to gift that to John.
Got like a head rush and felt like I was going to drop,
and it's like, oh, you know, now I've gone.
Like into, in the you need to go through days on end
where you don't get fed, but this is prolonged.
This is-- this is by far the longest I've
gone without substantial food.
But, yeah, it's an eye-opener, and it's hitting the body
pretty--
pretty heavy.
Inaudible
You need to get a fire go and get a warm brew into me.
Just depleted of energy.
I don't know if a--
don't know if a warm brew will make a difference.
Funny, I had a dream about two nights ago.
There was a girl being interviewed.
She pulled the pin and she tapped out,
and watching her being interviewed,
how upset and traumatized she was in the interview
for tapping early, just going, I can't believe that I didn't
stop and think about it before I'd done it, you know?
It's like, now I've done it.
I've blown an opportunity.
These opportunities only come once in a life time.
And she was grief stricken, and that
was it was pretty powerful dream to have.
That's an awakening, I suppose.
We don't get to choose the obstacles and the challenges
and things necessarily put in front of us,
but we do get to choose how we react to them.
What I've realized is stay away from my testing grounds,
you know?
If over there is going to be bad for midges and sandflies,
don't go there.
Don't go to your testing grounds.
It puts your headspace in that compromising position.
And I know my wife would be saying, keep going, Rickster.
You're doing well, darling.
Keep going.
Yeah, she's my greatest supporter is my darling Meryl.
In her letter to me that she wrote me coming out here,
I didn't read it until the day before I was due to come out
bush to the land, and in amongst it was some beautiful wording,
but it said, Rick, when things get difficult,
just listen to your heart, and your heart
is where the answers are.
And she's right.
Sometimes it's just hard to interpret your heart.
One part of your heart says--
sort of says, hey, Rick, you can be back home with your darling.
But it's like, my heart also says, Rick, you can do more.
Keep pushing through.
Take a long time to eat this frond.
Got to spend the time to cook them cut them,
clean them, chew them, spit them out, rinse your mouth.
These tree fern fronds are keeping me alive
but not doing much more than that.
My body would love some fat and protein into my diet.
I had this idea that fishing and hunting would be my way
to sustain myself.
It's a tough gig, this thing.
I'm going to get some pieces for tomorrow.
There's mice, but I haven't even had them check,
like sniff into the trap, and there's fish in there.
Like, they should smell it.
I had them walk past the trap.
It's an interesting scenario.
Let's go and check that trail cam.
A mouse, a rat, anything like that
would mean the world to me right now.
I'd feel I have--
I'm back on the game again.
Oh, it's a giant rat that just ran past.
Didn't even sniff it.
Just walked straight past.
That's definitely demeaned it then.
I'm going to take out the trout and put some berries in there
and see if I get better luck, because obviously this doesn't
work.
It's fricking 3:00 in the morning.
Everything's frozen and I'm cold.
I have to get out for a pee.
Just a freaking possum.
Like, I had no chance, but, you know, I had my hands full,
so to say.
It scaled up like 10 meters up in the tree.
Too high to reach him.
A bit frustrating knowing that you have
a possum within basically striking distance
and you want to eat meat, but you can't get to him.
Today was tough, trying to keep it up, sort of feeling the odds
is against you, and you've still just got to keep going.
Thought I'd make my way through the bushland to an area
that I walked past on one of the first exploratory hunts
that I went on, and I came past a couple
of really big, majestic trees.
I've got these three tall, powerful trees
that are in a straight line that really
seem to reflect my sisters.
Something I haven't discussed much of,
in May last year, I lost my next oldest sister, Mandy,
who was extremely close to me in many ways.
We shared a passion for many things,
and one of the main ones, of course, was nature.
She'd-- she'd love it here, and when I got news that Mandy had
passed away, it was a difficult time.
There was an element of numbness, an element of loss.
It's a hard one to explain unless, I guess,
those that have been through it go, I know that--
I know that sort of numbness, that emotions
don't feel the same.
But walking through here, I can't help but feel that--
that Mandy has been with me on this entire journey.
This challenge has given me the opportunity
to review my own life and grieve the loss of my sister.
It's hard to express the love for somebody that's gone,
because it sort of feels like you can't thank them
personally.
So, Mandy, if you can hear me, from the bottom of my heart,
thank you.
So many thoughts roaring through my head at the moment.
They just come in--
in slow waves, a little bit like the sound of the shore.
I don't feel a strong pull to be the winner,
nor do I want to be driven solely by the cash.
Don't get me wrong, money could go a long way.
It's like oxygen, difficult to live without.
If I was to ask myself the question as
to what it is that I want to get out of this,
I think a lot of it I already have.
I just hope that all those that know me
aren't disappointed should I not choose to battle it out
to the last contender.
I am the captain of my ship.
I am the husband to my wife, I am the father to my son,
and the brother to my siblings.
I am my own king.
Could you do me a one favor?
Just take a minute and appreciate
that you're sitting inside.
You're warm, you're comfortable, and most likely,
if you feel snackish, you can go off in the fridge
and just get a snack, and someone like me,
hungry, cold, just trying to make it
in a good shape to the next day over and over again.
Appreciate it.
Eat that sandwich.
But as we're getting close to 40 days,
I expected it to be a little bit tougher, right?
But I feel it.
A mouse, a rat, anything like that,
that would be really delicious.
My body would love it.
Hold on.
She's a mouse.
She's checking out the trap.
Quite a sizable mouse.
Would be a snack.
It's a mouse climbing on it, and inside.
Trigger, trigger, trigger.
What the heck is he doing?
He's in there.
She's in there for 20 seconds and it hasn't--
Oh!
The lid triggered and he squeezed out the gap.
Oh, that is just freaking awful.
I thought I must have kicked it getting water,
because I have to walk past all the time,
because there was no mouse in it.
[ringing]
MAN (ON PHONE): Hello?
Hello
MAN (ON PHONE): What's going on?
I have some news for you.
MAN (ON PHONE): How are you?
Good, thank you.
I'm calling up to officially bow out of "Alone Australia".
My head and my heart are in a good spot.
Good morning.
Good afternoon.
Doesn't matter out here, does it, the time?
Journey's come to an end.
I had a calmness to me when I arrived, and I have a--
a calmness to me now, a place of peace.
Grateful for the opportunity to look within.
I have a much greater and appreciation for life
in general, a deeper appreciation
and love for my wife of 30 years this year.
My wife, right, when things get difficult,
just listen to your heart, because that's
where the answers are.
Yeah, the answer was in my heart,
but it was more about knowing me so that I can go back a better
person and provide for them and community
and get what I want out of life.
My time here with what I got out of it was about me finding me.
I've done that without necessarily having
to go for a prize at the end.
I look forward to the loving embrace of my wife again.
Time to return to family.
My [bleep], I haven't caught a bloody trout in days and days.
Oh!
So tired I can't get up.
They are plump.
I'm just--
[groans]
I need to get more food.
This looks promising.
Yeah, that's got seed in it, so that's carbohydrate.
Just across the river, there is a dead trout I want to eat.
Oh, [bleep].
[bleep]!
[bleep].
Not feeling good.
Oh, man.
[groans]