1 00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:12,054 This can't be happening! 2 00:00:14,097 --> 00:00:16,558 Rain! Please, rain! 3 00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:25,651 Yes! Yes! Yes! 4 00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:29,655 He called forth rain! 5 00:00:29,738 --> 00:00:31,406 He controls the heavens. 6 00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:33,700 He has the power! 7 00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:43,502 Stuart tries to reset our lives 8 00:00:43,585 --> 00:00:46,505 But he fails to save the universe 9 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:49,758 He's our only chance And he tries and he tries 10 00:00:49,841 --> 00:00:53,345 But he fails to save the universe 11 00:01:06,441 --> 00:01:08,569 Stuart fails 12 00:01:11,947 --> 00:01:13,282 Just so I'm clear, 13 00:01:13,365 --> 00:01:17,202 you told you to use that machine to get back to your universe. 14 00:01:17,286 --> 00:01:19,037 No, not my universe. 15 00:01:19,121 --> 00:01:21,498 His universe, which was supposed to be my universe. 16 00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:23,584 -And he was you? -Almost. 17 00:01:23,667 --> 00:01:25,460 He was the me I was supposed to have been. 18 00:01:25,544 --> 00:01:27,337 But if you were supposed to have been him, 19 00:01:27,379 --> 00:01:29,172 then how could he have existed to tell you that? 20 00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:30,549 Fair question. 21 00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:32,968 More importantly, you and I are back together. 22 00:01:33,051 --> 00:01:34,219 What do you mean, "back together"? 23 00:01:34,303 --> 00:01:36,763 -We were never together. -Okay! Yep. 24 00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:38,223 I see what your problem is. 25 00:01:38,307 --> 00:01:40,601 You're confusing the you and I that you remember 26 00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:41,977 with the you and I that I remember. 27 00:01:42,019 --> 00:01:43,228 Easy mistake. 28 00:01:43,312 --> 00:01:46,356 -This is insane. -Yes, it is. 29 00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:50,444 A wonderful story to tell our grandchildren. 30 00:01:50,527 --> 00:01:51,612 I need a drink. 31 00:01:53,572 --> 00:01:55,949 That's right. This version of you is an alcoholic. 32 00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:58,619 I'm not an alcoholic. I can quit anytime I want. 33 00:01:59,161 --> 00:02:01,997 Okay, I guess I'll be here selling... 34 00:02:03,332 --> 00:02:04,791 whatever the hell this is. 35 00:02:10,088 --> 00:02:13,842 There are legends of sorcerers capable of controlling the weather, 36 00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:15,552 but no one's ever witnessed it. 37 00:02:16,303 --> 00:02:19,264 Wait. So, you guys think that I'm the one who made it... 38 00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,393 'Cause I did. 39 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:27,022 Rain, snow, hail... 40 00:02:27,105 --> 00:02:28,732 I do all your precipitation. 41 00:02:28,815 --> 00:02:30,651 Are you in league with a demon? 42 00:02:30,734 --> 00:02:34,696 Oh, no, I just ask nicely. You know, "Please, rain." 43 00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:41,036 Ta-da! 44 00:02:49,086 --> 00:02:50,295 One more time. 45 00:02:51,630 --> 00:02:54,508 So, anyway, he thinks he can pick up with me 46 00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:56,635 right where he left off with the other me. 47 00:02:56,718 --> 00:03:00,138 -The you from another universe? -You got it. And dig this. 48 00:03:00,222 --> 00:03:02,724 He claims he got all that from another version of himself. 49 00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:04,559 I'm guessing from another universe? 50 00:03:04,643 --> 00:03:05,894 Exactly. 51 00:03:05,977 --> 00:03:08,105 Okay. Why don't we get some food in that stomach? 52 00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:13,944 Deviled eggs, little on the nose. 53 00:03:20,158 --> 00:03:21,743 Here's your Coke, sir. 54 00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:24,204 -Diet? -I'm sorry. 55 00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:25,956 -It's regular. -Not a problem. 56 00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,375 Now, it's Diet. 57 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,837 You like that? Watch this. 58 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,422 Dr. Pepper! 59 00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:37,134 You can control the elements. 60 00:03:37,216 --> 00:03:39,302 Can you manifest life? 61 00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:41,304 You mean like hocus pocus puppy? 62 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:46,768 Look at you! House-broken. 63 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:52,232 Does your magic work in the bedroom? 64 00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:55,652 I don't need magic in the bedroom. I'm a good listener. 65 00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:00,615 Colder. 66 00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:04,286 There we go. 67 00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:08,874 Holy cow, this is unbelievable. 68 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:12,961 -Hey. -Where have you been? 69 00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:14,796 Wooking everywhere for you. 70 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:16,339 Have you seen Bert? 71 00:04:16,423 --> 00:04:19,509 I have not. I have not seen Bert, no. 72 00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:22,179 -Should we be worried? -Were you worried about me? 73 00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:24,806 -Not really, no. -Well, there you go. 74 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,809 Hey... Check this out. 75 00:04:27,893 --> 00:04:30,312 In a universe of magic, what are the comic books? 76 00:04:30,395 --> 00:04:32,564 Dr. Strange Colorectal Surgeon. 77 00:04:33,398 --> 00:04:37,194 It's a great story. He does a bowel resection. 78 00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:39,237 Yeah, tewwific. We gotta get out of here. 79 00:04:39,321 --> 00:04:42,657 Why? It's not such a bad world. We could chill here for a while. 80 00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:44,618 Stuart, the people here think science is evil. 81 00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:46,328 How's that different from our world? 82 00:04:46,411 --> 00:04:48,371 Besides, we can't leave without Bert and Denise. 83 00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:49,790 Bert will be fine, 84 00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:52,082 and you can always get a new Denise in the next universe. 85 00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:53,168 They're a dime a dozen. 86 00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:54,878 No, I want this one. 87 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,547 She's got a little problem with the sauce, but so did my mom. 88 00:04:57,631 --> 00:04:59,591 Maybe that's why I'm finding her so attractive. 89 00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:03,053 What are you doing? What are you doing? Stop that. 90 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:04,387 -Stop-- Stop it. -Come on, work. Work. 91 00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:05,514 Stop that! 92 00:05:05,597 --> 00:05:08,767 -It's not working. Why isn't it working? -I don't know. You're the scientist. 93 00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:12,187 -What? -They burn scientists here. 94 00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,856 -Burn 'em how? -With fire. 95 00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:16,900 What do you mean, "how"? Wait a minute. 96 00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:21,321 If this universe doesn't obey the waws of physics, 97 00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:23,824 then maybe we need magic. 98 00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:26,910 Okay. You know a wizard or a sorcerer or something? 99 00:05:26,993 --> 00:05:28,870 I do not. I absolutely do not. 100 00:05:29,788 --> 00:05:32,957 Remember when you could just say, "Hey, Alexa, show me wizards near me"? 101 00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:34,709 -Yeah. -Yeah, what? 102 00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:36,294 What the hell? 103 00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:38,922 Come on. I'm the demon Alexa. You summoned me. 104 00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,132 I'm fweaked out. You fweaked out? 105 00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:44,636 Tick tock. Got a lot of people waiting. 106 00:05:45,428 --> 00:05:46,638 Okay... 107 00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,558 -Are there any wizards around? -Checking. 108 00:05:50,892 --> 00:05:54,229 While you wait, I noticed your shopping list is empty. 109 00:05:54,312 --> 00:05:57,691 -How you doin' with paper towels? -Will you just show us some wizards? 110 00:05:57,774 --> 00:06:00,777 Do not take that tone with me, buddy boy. 111 00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:03,029 -Sowwy. -Okay. 112 00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:05,991 Here are some wizards near you. 113 00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:11,371 -How's it going? -Can't complain. 114 00:06:11,454 --> 00:06:16,376 Stuart, here's a name I wecognize. Bernadette Wostenkowski, master sowcewess. 115 00:06:17,085 --> 00:06:20,088 -Really? Bernadette? -Yeah, four-and-a-half stars. 116 00:06:20,171 --> 00:06:23,383 Well, you guys want this broad's address or what? 117 00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:25,886 Walking, not dwiving? 118 00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:29,055 And don't even get me started on Stuart. 119 00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:30,515 He says he loves me. 120 00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:33,894 Well, the Stuart I know, he was kind of a wimpy guy. 121 00:06:33,977 --> 00:06:35,520 And then this Stuart comes in and he's like, 122 00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:37,939 he's taking me from universe to universe, you know. 123 00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:40,400 And sometimes he loses me, but he always finds me. 124 00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,652 He always finds me. But it's a different me. 125 00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,946 Totally different. But still love, right? 126 00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:46,323 -Sure. -Yeah. 127 00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,077 Oh, my God. Gary. 128 00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:55,790 Hi, Gary! Hey, Gary! 129 00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:58,543 -Have we met? -Gary, 130 00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:01,254 we were in a terrible marriage for six years. 131 00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,840 But we never fought, not once. 132 00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:07,427 'Cause we had shock collars. They really hurt. 133 00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:10,430 You'd be getting all mad, and you'd be like... 134 00:07:14,392 --> 00:07:16,478 You used to part your hair on the other side. 135 00:07:16,561 --> 00:07:18,021 I think I liked it better. 136 00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:21,358 Have you or a loved one been injured 137 00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:24,027 by a defective spell or faulty incantation? 138 00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:25,862 Call me, Abramowitz the Grey. 139 00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:29,616 Over 700 years' experience in magical litigation. 140 00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:32,827 Now what? 141 00:07:36,081 --> 00:07:37,457 Hey, Stuart. Kripke. 142 00:07:38,457 --> 00:07:39,876 -You know us? -Of course I know you. 143 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,544 -What do you want? -Can we come in? 144 00:07:42,337 --> 00:07:44,798 I'm kind of busy, but okay. 145 00:07:46,591 --> 00:07:49,177 Excuse the mess. I gave up giving a shit. 146 00:07:51,554 --> 00:07:53,390 So, what's up, buttercup? 147 00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:58,561 Well, this is gonna sound crazy, but we've got this machine 148 00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:01,314 that allows you to travel between alternate universes. 149 00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:04,317 And we just need a wittle abwacadabwa to jump-start the damn thing. 150 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,612 Sorry to disappoint you, but I'm all out of abracadabra. 151 00:08:07,696 --> 00:08:11,241 Word on the street is you're wike a worwd-wenowned sowcewess. 152 00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,243 -Used to be. -What happened? 153 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:16,830 Not that it's any of your business, but the Wizards Guild of America 154 00:08:16,913 --> 00:08:19,290 claimed I used my powers while we were on strike. 155 00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:20,792 What were you on stwike for? 156 00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:23,253 Better dental, residuals for eternal spells. 157 00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,588 It's ridiculous. We were out for six months, 158 00:08:25,672 --> 00:08:28,341 and basically, everyone got a handful of magic beans. 159 00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:31,386 So, did you use your powers during the strike? 160 00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:36,850 My neighbor's son had a dog. A little rescue. Adorable. 161 00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:39,561 Called him Chocolate Chip because he kind of looked like a cookie. 162 00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:43,648 Anyway, he ran out into traffic and a car hit him. 163 00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:45,900 Then another car. 164 00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:48,403 Then another one. 165 00:08:50,238 --> 00:08:53,074 -Then another one. -Got it. Cars. 166 00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:56,536 The kid's crying. I couldn't stand there and do nothing. 167 00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:59,914 So, I used my powers to bring Chocolate Chip back to life. 168 00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:02,709 -I don't see how that's bweaking a stwike. -Exactly. 169 00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:05,587 Let me tell you something about Wizards Guild of America. 170 00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:08,882 Ninety percent of 'em don't even work, and yet they get to vote. 171 00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:10,341 Ninety. Wow. 172 00:09:10,425 --> 00:09:12,510 Isn't there something that you can do? 173 00:09:12,594 --> 00:09:14,846 -Can you fiwe an appeaw? -Not really. 174 00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:19,893 I mean, there is a reversal spell that would give me my powers back, 175 00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:22,562 but the key ingredient's impossible to find. 176 00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:26,858 What are we talking about? Saffwon? Twuffews? 177 00:09:27,942 --> 00:09:31,696 Blood of an innocent. Not a lot. Two teaspoons. 178 00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:33,531 Maybe a cup. 179 00:09:33,615 --> 00:09:36,785 Bwood of an innocent. I'm out. 180 00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:38,161 How about you? 181 00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:42,790 Me? No. No, I'm not innocent. I've had... I've had girlfriends. 182 00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:44,375 How many? 183 00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:53,676 -One. -I can work with that. 184 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,678 You heard the wady. Start bweeding. 185 00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:04,854 That was more than a cup. 186 00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:08,525 We're gonna need some backup in case your bwood doesn't do the twick. 187 00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:11,694 You're right. Hey, Alexa. 188 00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:15,240 Hey, Alexa. 189 00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:19,410 I was taking a dump. What do you want? 190 00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:22,705 -Where would we find Sheldon Cooper? -Searching. 191 00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:25,834 Sheldon Cooper is currently starring 192 00:10:25,917 --> 00:10:29,129 in a revival of Man of La Mancha on Broadway. 193 00:10:29,838 --> 00:10:32,507 Damn it. We'll never get him to help us. 194 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,885 I saw that with, John Withgow. 195 00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:37,679 He's always good. 196 00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:41,766 To bear with unbearable sorrow 197 00:10:42,684 --> 00:10:44,310 Hey, Stuart. 198 00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:47,981 -Bert! -Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit! 199 00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:51,192 What was that? 200 00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:54,362 Oh, yeah. I'm magic now. Watch. 201 00:10:59,534 --> 00:11:00,743 Weawwy? 202 00:11:00,827 --> 00:11:02,829 I'm terribly sowwy, Bert. Pwease forgive me? 203 00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:04,706 You let them set me on fire. 204 00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:08,001 It was peer pwessure. I am fiwwed with wegwet. 205 00:11:08,084 --> 00:11:11,337 They were gonna burn me at the stake, and he did nothing! 206 00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:12,630 Oh, Barry! 207 00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:15,258 I know. I'm tewwible. Pwease change me back. 208 00:11:15,341 --> 00:11:17,886 Change you back? I should turn you into a maggot. 209 00:11:17,969 --> 00:11:20,013 No, penguin's fine! Happy to be a penguin. 210 00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:23,808 -Who are they? -Oh, yeah. They're my acolytes. 211 00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,519 -Acolytes? -Yeah. 212 00:11:26,603 --> 00:11:29,189 They worship me. See the really pretty one? 213 00:11:30,607 --> 00:11:32,734 -I got to first base. -Oh, happy for you. 214 00:11:32,817 --> 00:11:34,903 Stuart Bloom! 215 00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:42,785 Wil Wheaton? 216 00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:46,414 Did you give blood to Bernadette Rostenkowski? 217 00:11:46,497 --> 00:11:48,082 A little. Why? 218 00:11:48,165 --> 00:11:53,838 Oh, you stupid, stupid man. The guild sanctioned her for a reason. 219 00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:55,340 Oh, yeah, the dog. 220 00:11:56,341 --> 00:11:58,301 What dog? She's a demon. 221 00:11:58,384 --> 00:12:00,887 Oh, she can be a little bitchy. I wouldn't call her a demon. 222 00:12:01,596 --> 00:12:03,389 Okay, I have no time for this. 223 00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:09,729 It is the ruling of the guild that you have enabled a demon, 224 00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:12,357 and therefore, you must be destroyed. 225 00:12:13,608 --> 00:12:15,109 No! 226 00:12:16,861 --> 00:12:19,405 Don't throw magic fireballs at my friend. 227 00:12:22,617 --> 00:12:23,868 No! 228 00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:30,959 Shitty fucking penguin wings. 229 00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:45,890 -What the hell? -Over here! 230 00:12:47,850 --> 00:12:49,519 What is happening? 231 00:12:49,602 --> 00:12:52,397 Well, let's see. Bert's magic, Kripke's a penguin. 232 00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:53,606 Hey. 233 00:12:55,692 --> 00:12:58,403 And Wil Wheaton's mad 'cause I gave blood to Bernadette. 234 00:12:58,486 --> 00:12:59,904 -Why? -She may or may not have 235 00:12:59,988 --> 00:13:01,906 -saved Chocolate Chip. -A cookie? 236 00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:03,700 A dog. 237 00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:32,937 Oh, you idiot. 238 00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:34,981 Can't you see I'm trying to save the world? 239 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:36,482 Nope. 240 00:13:46,492 --> 00:13:48,202 Oh, baby! 241 00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:57,962 Bernadette is not who you think she is! 242 00:13:58,588 --> 00:14:03,426 She is a demon! A real, actual demon! 243 00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:11,684 Is it over? 244 00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:15,063 Yeah. I think maybe I overdid it. 245 00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:18,191 Oh, don't feel bad, buddy. He started it. 246 00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:24,155 What's that for? 247 00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:26,616 Maybe you're great. 248 00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:28,368 Maybe there is something here. 249 00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:29,994 Really? 250 00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:31,788 Aww. 251 00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:38,169 Guys... guys, you need to see this. 252 00:14:41,255 --> 00:14:45,968 Excuse me. Sorry. Oop, coming through. Oop. 253 00:14:46,636 --> 00:14:48,513 Sorry. Oopsie. 254 00:14:54,268 --> 00:14:56,104 I like your shoes. 255 00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,733 "Demon" was witeral! "Demon" was witeral! 256 00:15:05,696 --> 00:15:06,864 No! 257 00:15:08,449 --> 00:15:11,744 You have the machine that spans worlds. 258 00:15:13,704 --> 00:15:17,458 -I want it. -Bert, quick, fix the machine! 259 00:15:17,542 --> 00:15:19,460 -How? -Magic. Do magic. 260 00:15:19,544 --> 00:15:21,170 I don't know this magic! 261 00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:24,298 -Try anything! -Work. 262 00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:29,720 Turn on. Turn on more. 263 00:15:30,721 --> 00:15:34,058 I want to rule them all! 264 00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:37,103 Ah, shit! 265 00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:15,391 Mr. Bloom. How are we today? 266 00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:18,311 -What? -Time for your meds. 267 00:16:19,187 --> 00:16:21,481 -Meds? -Mm-hmm, three o'clock. 268 00:16:22,523 --> 00:16:23,524 Okay. 269 00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:34,660 Isn't that nice? 270 00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:36,496 You're very talented. 271 00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:54,388 Oh, this is not good.