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Waiting for "Waterloo" by ABBA for Sweden.
I miss her incredibly.
Nearly not a day goes by where I don't think about her.
Agnetha Fältskog!
Do you have a favorite outfit?
Yes, personally I like jeans and pullover.
You and Frida always look, absolutely beautiful.
Sometimes, I think...
...that if I told people this...
...they'd think I'm just lying.
We loved each other.
We want ABBA!
The thing about fan worship...
...It's a fantasy.
Certain types of extreme fans truly believe that they know them.
You get a lot of letters and strange things from slightly sick people.
This was definitely idolatry at its most extreme.
He was the one who loved Abba the most.
From eight years old he was like, "I want her."
This was someone who took their infatuation
one step, two steps, three steps further.
Stalking is a pattern of unwanted, fixated, obsessive behavior.
It's very dangerous.
The Dutchman who for several months stalked and harassed Agnetha Fältskog
was today convicted at Solna Tingsrätt.
It was the beautiful blonde attacked by a terrible, ugly man,
but every story has two sides.
She wrote me a letter.
This is the proof I have of us having a good relationship.
This love story that he has created isn't love. It's a crime.
This man who stalked you, is he still bothering you?
I don't know if I can talk about that. Due to security reasons, I can't.
Today he was convicted of harassment.
I've rarely heard a story with such wild swings between euphoria and terror.
- Do you still love her? - Yes, I love her very much.
COEVORDEN, NETHERLANDS
22 YEARS AFTER THE VERDICT
"Hello, Agnetha."
"I will never send this letter, and you will never read it."
"But it feels good to write to you anyway."
"There's not a lot going on here in Coevorden."
"I still work at the warehouse."
"You don't have to think very much. I like that."
"I think way too much otherwise."
- Hello. - Welcome.
"I've begun seeing a therapist."
"We spoke about you today. About our relationship."
"He wondered why things came to an end."
"I didn't know how to reply."
"Why did you break up with me?"
It's very sensitive.
Because...
Because it's not over.
Not for my part, at least.
The thing is that I had a relationship with a famous woman.
And the woman keeps denying that there was ever a relationship.
And I'm in the papers again,
with "he's stalking me and ruining my life."
It sounds strange, but when I tell people, most people think:
"He's lying like crazy. It can't be true."
It's definitely a very unlikely story, unbelievable story, I have to say.
- Isn't it? - You're free to say so.
A man from the Netherlands that's no Brad Pitt, so to say.
That this has happened, so to say. This is very special.
When I heard about his story I only knew very little.
My picture was that he really did not have a relationship with her.
So I was just curious what is his real story?
Not only what's written in the media.
CLASSMATE
I went to elementary school with Gert van der Graaf.
And I remember him as a quiet boy. He kept to himself.
I don't remember Gert, probably because nobody noticed him.
But even then you should remember somebody. It's just strange.
It must have been hard on him as well.
I didn't have a lot of friends as a child.
I was a bit of a distant person.
When I turned eight, I got a turtle named Bram.
As soon as I got home from school, I gave him something to eat.
Some minced meat or a worm or something.
Bram was a sort of friend to me. I developed a bond with him.
He was always there for me.
My sibling always brought home classmates and they played together,
but I was always alone at home, alone in my room, playing with things I liked,
or listening to music.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to the 19th Eurovision Song Contest.
I remember that I was eight years old.
My dad sat down on the couch, and we watched the Eurovision Song Contest.
First it was England, then France...
...and after that, it's Sweden.
We move into Sweden, the largest of the Scandinavian countries.
Although we are looking at streets, it's full of mountains, lakes, and forests.
Of course it's full of blonde Vikings. This is why it's good for pictures.
These are ABBA. If all the judges were men,
I'm sure they would get a lot of votes. You will see why in a minute.
Their song is called "Waterloo."
I remember that Agnetha and Frida walked down some stairs
and started singing "Waterloo."
I've seen this a hundred thousand times.
That evening, my life was changed.
A new world opened up.
I was caught by Agnetha's eyes.
Those beautiful, blue eyes.
They were pretty to look at, her eyes.
I loved the song and started singing. "Waterloo, Waterloo, Waterloo!"
And I sang again. "Waterloo, Waterloo!" Until my dad said:
"Stop singing 'Waterloo'! You're driving me crazy!"
The winning song of the 1974 Eurovision Song Contest.
Sweden with "Waterloo," performed by ABBA.
ABBA won, and I was really happy.
After that night, I was mad about ABBA.
As soon as the Eurovision Song Contest ended,
I went up to my room and tried to set up the radio to listen to "Waterloo" again.
For the next number, would you kids like to join us here?
It's a song called "Waterloo"!
The magic that happens when ABBA plays is crazy.
It was such a good song, so catchy and fresh. They looked amazing.
We got the song that won by the Swedish group ABBA. It's about Waterloo.
Eurovision was the perfect launching pad to go international.
Suddenly we've reached take-off, and the rocket lifts off. "Oh my God."
They are ABBA and their song that everyone wants to hear is at number 1.
In the '70s, there was an ABBA hysteria.
They had millions of fans from all around the world.
In Australia, more people watched ABBA on TV
than watched the coverage of the first man landing on the moon.
They had the whole package.
Geeky guys, gorgeous girls, fabulous music. It's irresistible.
ABBA is already selling hundreds of thousands
of records in the US.
They were touring, revered, loved, cracking America, cracking countries.
They were huge.
We're proud of what we've accomplished,
and that's what we want the world to know.
They were the modern Beatles.
How does it feel to be an idol?
I'm exhausted!
Gert sets his sights on Agnetha from a very young age.
This attraction was about her beauty and what she symbolized.
It wasn't that she was a great singer or that they were a great band.
"I love their music. It makes me want to dance." It was all about her.
Gert has loved Agnetha since he was eight years old.
It's hard to get rid of an obsession like that.
Here is a collection of CDs.
Agnetha's complete Swedish repertoire.
And here I've got lots of movies, Swedish movies.
Fifteen years ago, I wrote the book "Fans" about idolatry and obsession.
That's when I met Gert van der Graaf.
I've got a few t-shirts as well.
Everything I have is Swedish.
I interviewed Gert van der Graaf for three days.
One reason why I wrote "Fans"
was that I myself have been a fan of a number of artists.
So I could relate, in part, to his extreme devotion.
My room was in the attic. There I could be alone,
and I started gathering information about ABBA and Sweden.
I collected things, I read magazines, and I watched Swedish movies.
Emil of Lönneberga, Pippi Longstocking.
Gert loves Sweden, and he has a pretty idealized,
Astrid Lindgren-based image of Sweden as a nation.
I liked Volvo, Saab, Scania, Volvo trucks.
Electrolux, Ikea, Husqvarna.
Swedish food.
Salisbury steak, minute steak, hot dogs, falukorv sausage...
I loved everything that had to do with Sweden and ABBA.
Perhaps this can be compared with how some people have a hole inside,
and then they find Jesus.
ABBA may have become an ersatz family or circle of friends.
Since he didn't have any other friends, other than a turtle,
he could dive into these records,
into the glittering world that ABBA offered.
He found something that he could focus on, fixate on, and fantasize about.
Then it became... It grew into a fixation, a delusion, a fantasy.
ABBA's music worked as a medicine for him.
It healed his soul,
and Agnetha Fältskog became his obsession, his love, and his worship.
When I was a teenager, the others in my class
started getting boyfriends and girlfriends.
I went home and listened to ABBA.
I became more and more interested in Agnetha.
A very Happy New year to all our Dutch viewers.
- From Frida. - From Benny.
- And from Björn. - And from Agnetha.
It could feel deep down inside that Agnetha was becoming interesting.
I think she's amazing.
Where did you meet? Is it a long story?
Oh, it's a long story.
At first I met Björn, and Frida met Benny. Then we got together later.
- And joined up as a foursome. - But we met as friends.
Agnetha was my first true love.
But unfortunately, she was married to Björn.
You've almost been promoted as...
From the beginning it's been very clear that you are two couples.
You're a tight unit where you're not only recording, singing, touring,
but you're married to each other! It's not like they, "How was your day at work?"
"I've been with you in the studio. We're writing songs, singing, arguing, touring."
That's intense.
Something earth-shattering is happening
in the personal lives of Agnetha and Björn,
causing upheaval in journalists' minds: a divorce.
- As you can see, we are good friends. - Oh.
In 1979, she divorced Björn.
We don't want to discuss it anymore, at least not I.
And there I saw an opening for perhaps getting a close contact with her.
Gert and I were members of an ABBA fan club.
GERT'S PEN-PAL
He was one of the many people who I used to exchange letters with.
He always focused on Agnetha.
I myself was a big fan of Frida. She was my idol.
So we talked a lot about such things,
but for him it was always about Agnetha.
The goal was to meet Agnetha.
The very first letter, I wrote from the Netherlands.
I didn't speak Swedish then, so I tried writing in English,
which I had learnt a bit in school.
I didn't have her address, so I just wrote "ABBA, Agnetha, Sweden."
I didn't get a reply, so I continued to write letters,
hoping they would arrive.
Many fans could handle it normally.
Posters on the wall, perhaps go to a concert
and perhaps get a chance of meeting them to get a picture and an autograph.
That would be enough for them. But never for him.
Being a fan is a part of growing up. I think that's healthy, actually,
to feel that you belong to something, a group, a collective, a shared identity.
But the problem comes when fan becomes fanatical.
This is where things can really mushroom and blow out of all proportion.
Please sit down.
The papers have been full of stories that you're going to split, eventually.
- You're not? - No.
- Are you quitting, or will you keep going? - We've been asked that from the beginning.
When will we stop? When will ABBA fall apart?
That's still just as difficult to give an answer to.
We've said that we'll continue as long as it's fun,
and as long as we have something to give, musically.
IS ABBA BREAKING UP?
The fact that you only had two couples and they both divorce.
You've got no band anymore.
So really, the end of those two marriages was the end of ABBA.
It was a very sad time.
To have such an amazing, euphoric career and success in the music business
and then you are splitting as a group and as a couple.
For them it was awful.
For the fans, too.
In 1982, when ABBA broke up, Gert was heartbroken.
Until he read that Agnetha Fältskog was going for a solo career.
Agnetha Fältskog, welcome to Britain.
You're here to promote an album coming out later in the month.
The album comes the last of May, and it's called "Wrap Your Arms Around Me".
I might.
She went on a promotion tour of Europe and performed in a Dutch TV program.
I knew that Agnetha was coming. But I wasn't allowed to go by my mom and dad.
So I skipped school and biked as quickly as I could
about 50 kilometers to Aalsmeer.
Hi. Welcome to Holland, Agnetha.
It's a great honor for us to have you here in our show.
- It's so nice to be here. - Yeah.
There she was, for real, in front of me.
Live in RAI, Agnetha Fältskog.
It was the greatest dream I'd had.
She looked out into the audience when she was singing,
and I felt that she looked straight at me.
She gave me a very special look.
- We love you. - I love you.
I wanted to get even closer.
That's when I decided that one day, I would go to Sweden.
And try to find her.
The delusions that come from stalkers are the stories
that they play over and over, the fantasies.
It comes from, "Oh, they looked at me. They were seeking me out."
Then this whole story plays out in their head.
In his mind, now it's just cemented, these feelings that he's had.
He is determined that he will get her attention and win her affection.
I had no money, no car, not even a driver's license,
and I couldn't speak Swedish.
So I worked really hard to realize my dream.
Gert gathered return bottles, worked at a patisserie, in a warehouse.
He saved all his money and allowed himself no excesses.
The goal was to get to Sweden.
He devoted his entire existence to getting to this woman.
His role on this planet, this Earth, this life was to be with her.
He just went for it. "What the heck? I don't have anything."
"Let's go for it. Let's see what happens."
I got my driver's license, I bought a Volvo, and I took lessons in Swedish.
It took many years, but when I was 28, I could at last make my dream come true.
She's celebrated, successful and beautiful.
He's a Dutch weirdo. All the odds are against a romance.
All the odds were against a romance.
You watching "Waterloo", ABBA videos and concerts...
That's a one in ten million chance that you will have a relationship with her.
It's unbelievable.
It felt absolutely wonderful. I almost kissed the ground when I arrived.
I was finally in my dream country.
The first time I went to Sweden, I had a map exactly like this one.
So I ended up in Halmstad and followed the E6 to Gothenburg.
Gert drove along the west coast.
He had heard that Agnetha had a house near the Norwegian border...
...which she didn't.
He visited cities in Sweden, and in every city,
he went to a phone booth and checked the phone book
looking up Fältskog to see if she lived there.
Finally, he came to Jönköping, the city that Agnetha Fältskog is from.
I was hoping to find her there.
I found the address of an Agnetha Fältskog.
I could barely believe it.
I bought flowers and chocolate and went to the address.
I pressed the buzzer and waited. I was so nervous.
And when the door opened...
...it was the wrong Agnetha.
That made me a bit disappointed, but in Jönköping, I met another ABBA fan.
She told me that Agnetha lived in Stockholm.
Stockholm was so beautiful, an old city yet at the same time modern.
But it was big, a lot bigger than I'd expected.
When I realized how big Stockholm was, I started to lose hope.
I got lost everywhere I went. I was thinking that I'd never find her here.
Agnetha Fältskog lived out on Ekerö and rarely came into the city.
She was a very reclusive artist surrounded by myths, Pop Sweden's Greta Garbo.
You won't believe this,
but by coincidence I ended up at Skytteholm, a hotel on Ekerö.
He claims he went there looking for cheap accommodation,
not because he knew that Agnetha Fältskog lived on Ekerö.
He claims that he ended up there by coincidence.
There's never a coincidence.
They plan out how they're going to get up close and personal.
For the stalker, that's when they come alive and are connected to this person.
At the hotel, I met a bartender.
I told him that I was a fan and was looking for Agnetha in Stockholm.
He took paper and a pen and started drawing a map.
Apparently, she lived ten minutes from there.
So I drove there.
Gert drove out to her large estate thinking, "Wow, this is where she lives."
I think he brought Dutch Gouda cheese and some tulips with him.
Agnetha was driving out, and the two nearly crashed into each other.
Gert was thinking, "Oh, no. What if I had crashed into my great idol?"
It was the first time I saw her.
I was a bit sorry that I did something like that.
Maybe she got shocked or scared.
I drove back to Skytteholm and drank a coffee to calm my nerves a bit.
I was thinking about how the next time would be.
But then it happened.
According to Gert, they met at a parking lot at Skytteholm.
Agnetha was out on a walk, and it was her birthday.
I couldn't believe my eyes.
I was caught by surprise that she was at the same place as me.
She was walking with a man. I didn't know who that person was.
I was both happy and worried at the same time.
I said, "Happy birthday, Agnetha."
I saw it in her eyes that she got a bit happy.
Already by that time, I felt there was something between us.
In some way, we had a strong connection. I felt that something clicked between us.
You've got to look at it from Agnetha's point of view.
A fan says "Happy birthday". She's going to respond in a nice way.
But the way Gert's taken that, is completely different
and he's built his own fantasy of what that means.
Gert felt that something magical happened between them when they first talked.
I have a hard time believing that Agnetha Fältskog felt something similar.
Agnetha Fältskog.
- I think you didn't expect that. - Did you just fall?
I can understand that people are big fans of Agnetha.
She is such a great artist.
I can imagine many boys must have had a crush on her.
Agnetha has to put up with her butt all the time.
And her blonde hair, I guess.
I see that as a positive thing, but other things may be less positive.
She's more than "I'm so pretty." She had the talent as well.
Obviously, the looks are great. Lots of pop stars just look good,
but she was also an amazing performer.
How long did it take you to record the album?
- Between two and three years. - That's quite a long time.
Everybody was in love with Agnetha. She was a fantastic songwriter.
We love you!
- Thank you. - What did that woman say?
"I love you. We love you."
Agnetha Fältskog is one of the most iconic Swedish women of all time.
Her charisma, her presence and her look left a deep impression in music history.
My name is Leif Schulman. I've worked as a journalist since the seventies.
Through my work I've often come into contact with ABBA throughout the years.
We met privately at different parties. I have a memory of one of these parties
seeing Agnetha getting up and going to the living room floor
where people were dancing.
She stood there listening, humming, and dancing a bit to the music. As people did.
In my view, she was this great artist, but here she was just a normal girl.
She loved to sing and stand on the stage,
but what she didn't like was the touring.
ABBA on one side and the children and family on the other.
- How does it work, Agnetha? - Of course it's also a problem.
Because you always feel guilty that you don't have enough time for them.
The children always need you. Even though they're ten they need you as much.
She definitely wasn't comfortable in the star roll.
She has always been the girl next door. She was never really the star.
She was and still is the girl from Jönköping.
It shines through her.
- I am like everybody else. - That's exactly what you are not.
Yes, I am. I'm so very ordinary.
I got such a strong feeling from our first encounter.
So I started dreaming of Agnetha becoming my girlfriend.
When I got back home to Holland, I started planning my next trip to Sweden.
I traveled perhaps 30 times between Holland and Sweden.
Back and forth, back and forth.
I wrote a hundred letters, at least.
In the letters, I wrote which dates I was in Ekerö.
I didn't get any replies, but I never gave up.
I tried to be in places
where I could I get a feel of where she used to go.
Everybody needs to go out to eat sometimes where you live.
- So that was only a plan, then? - It was already a plan, yes.
Then I knew which sushi bar she used to get take-away,
where she went to eat out, and where she used to shop.
I knew where she went on walks, which car she drove...
Yes, I kept track of that. I kept an eye on it.
It's terrifying when another human being spends all their time
and commits to researching and hunting another human being.
That's what we should call it. Hunting humans.
In order for a stalker to stop, they must recognize that it's wrong.
I think that's where the problem lies,
because if you allow this delusion, this fixation, to fester
it just evolves.
I commuted every weekend to Ekerö. It was really frustrating.
Staying at hotels was getting expensive.
Later on, he discovered that there was a small house nearby, on Ekerö.
This small house was for sale.
He thought that if he stayed there, he could even get to know Agnetha.
So in May of '97, I bought a house on Ekerö.
Eight hundred meters from Agnetha's house?
It takes his stalking to another level.
It shows how obsessed he was with her and how extremely fixated he was on her.
It must be quite unusual even for a stalker
to get a mortgage and buy a cabin
to live near the person you're fixated on.
For ten years, I was followed and chased wherever I went.
It felt difficult sometimes to never be left alone.
Sometimes I just long for a place where I can be by myself.
Agnetha, the blonder singer of ABBA.
The songs are still heard, but Agnetha is no longer seen.
The superstar has turned her back against the music and the audience.
From '92 to '93, Agnetha Fältskog disappeared from public life completely.
She says no to every interview, shuns the outside world,
and has even employed a security company to keep curious people far away.
I've had it with traveling and barren hotel rooms over the years.
Many times I've been in some place missing home,
where I can be myself with the kids.
AGNETHA'S DARKEST SECRET REVEALED
In the early nineties Agnetha had some difficulties in her family.
THIS IS WHERE HER MOM FELL
Her father died. Her mother committed suicide. Terrible. You're in shock.
You need comfort, you need compassion. Someone has to understand you.
Agnetha Fältskog had recently been through her second divorce.
She had also lost both her parents.
Not long after that, Stikkan Anderson passed away.
ABBA's discoverer and manager.
Stig Anderson is first out.
Stikkan Anderson is dead, the music publisher,
lyricist, and father of ABBA.
That is how he will be remembered by the world.
I thought Agnetha would be broken by sorrow.
And I wanted to be there when she needed me.
He gets into his car after a long shift at the warehouse
and speeds off toward Sweden to help her in this difficult moment.
I wanted to help and support her, the same way her music had done for me.
I fell asleep by the wheel and overturned my car.
I lost control of the wheel.
I overturned all the way up to that bridge, the viaduct.
The car was totaled, and I was brought to the hospital in Södertälje.
It wasn't that bad. I was tired, that was pretty much it.
But this accident turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
He writes a letter to Agnetha from his hospital bed.
He goes back to his house on Ekerö,
and the following evening, there's a knock on his door.
I was doing the dishes and looked out the window.
Then I suddenly see two women approaching my house.
It was Agnetha and her friend.
I couldn't believe my eyes.
My greatest idol, the one who I'm in love with, knocked on my door.
She wanted to know how I was feeling after the accident.
I was really, really nervous.
I had worked so hard to get close to Agnetha.
And now, she was the one who came to me.
I still cannot believe it.
According to Gert, Agnetha Fältskog came back later that night.
That's when they got more acquainted with each other.
We had an amazing time.
I could never have imagined that I was going to have an evening like that.
Agnetha was the first woman I had sex with.
It was magical. It was like a force from within.
I was so happy to have spent my first night with my idol.
I fell in madly love with her. It was incredible.
It's an incredible dream story, to be honest.
You could never have predicted that when you were 16.
You might hope or fantasize. A lot of people do.
You don't make things like that up, do you?
You're not making this up?
You have to tie a lot of threads together to make up a story like that.
A very special one.
- Yes. Is it strange? - Not strange but rare, maybe. Isn't it?
You're a psychologist, do you find it strange?
Yes, well, it's rare. It's something you wouldn't expect.
What I find insulting is that when you say something no one believes you.
People don't believe the things you're telling me.
He claims he slept with Agnetha. He had sex with her. I doubt it.
But there was one thing that was strange for me.
When I was reading the magazines, I saw a picture of that man and Agnetha.
In this photo, I'm sitting next to Agnetha.
We're sitting here, holding hands and in love. You can tell we are.
Wow. Wow.
She looks very happy. That's not her ABBAtar, is it?
He claims they were sitting on a couch, hand in hand.
You can see them on the couch, but not hand in hand.
They are sitting close, so they must've been more than celebrity and stalker.
There must have been some kind of connection.
Otherwise you won't sit that close together on the couch.
Do you have more photos of the two of you?
Of us together? Not really.
But this one is important.
I have seen so many photos of people with their arms around stars.
I have no idea what that photo means. It means there was a photo taken.
Fine. There are two people. One of them appears to be Agnetha.
Where are you?
My mom took this picture of us in my house, on my birthday.
I have these floral wallpapers in my house.
I've been to that cabin and have seen the photos of her in that couch.
The same couch I and Gert sat in...
So, she's been to his home and it's absolutely incredible.
When you see the photo, you don't really think that they're crazy in love.
They're sitting in the couch together, but something about the photo is off.
This is the proof I have of us having a good relationship.
Unbelievable.
I couldn't believe it.
It was a fairytale.
We met up several times a week.
We went for walks and had organic meals.
We drove to the city and did smaller excursions.
We did things together just like any other couple.
We enjoyed the nature here.
She said that she had started to like me and was falling in love.
It was nice to sit here with her, having a cinnamon bun.
I thought Agnetha would fall in love with an artist or something else.
Not with me.
I was a regular warehouse worker. But that's what happened.
Agnetha, she was, at that stage, quite reclusive.
It was a time where she basically was vulnerable.
There were a lot of negative things in her life.
And I feel that that retreatment made her more vulnerable to certain types.
Did the media, press or friends know that she had that relationship with you?
No, we were really careful about not being caught on camera together.
- Why? - Why? Yeah...
I think Agnetha thought it was a bit too exciting.
We went into town and had dinner in the evenings
or went to Stockholm, picked up sushi or something.
But she mostly stayed in the car.
When you're in love and with that person,
you can be afraid of losing the one you love.
Then you'll get jealous.
Gert and Agnetha once went to the cinema to watch Colin Nutley's "Under the Sun."
We sat next to each other watching the movie.
Agnetha felt that I stared too much at Helena Bergström.
We had a huge fight in the car.
I explained to her that she's the only one I want.
It didn't help.
After nearly a year together, she broke up with me.
I wrote her letters where I explained that I only loved her.
One beautiful day, Agnetha called me and wanted to talk by the church in Ekerö.
Agnetha called me.
"I'll be by the church at half past seven."
"Will you be there?"
"Yes, I will. I want to talk with you."
"If you don't come, we'll never talk again."
She didn't go out, but waved at me to come over to her car.
We didn't have to say anything.
She gave me a hug and said that she had missed me.
Yes, it's sad.
We went to the west coast for a holiday.
Skummeslövsstrand is a special place.
We walked all this way here.
And then we stood there,
and listened to the water and the sound of the waves and had a good time.
Agnetha started a serious conversation about our relationship,
and if we could live together.
In the fall '97, I decided to move permanently to Sweden.
For me, there was only one person. One woman.
I used to tell her, "You must never leave me."
He asked me if he could work for me.
We're an agency for warehouse workers around Stockholm.
I was impressed because he had come from the Netherlands to Sweden,
and that he spoke Swedish.
He told me that it was love that brought him to Sweden.
His girlfriend's name was Agnetha and she lived in Stockholm.
I promised Agnetha not to talk about us.
I said that I have a girlfriend and her name is Agnetha, and that's all.
I didn't find it strange. I understood. Because love...
Love can push any man incredibly far.
I got the job, and I really enjoyed it.
He did well. He got to work on time, he was never sick. He was great.
I felt so happy in Sweden, but since we kept the relationship to ourselves,
it didn't feel right.
Gert was supposed to get hired by a client.
They interviewed him.
After that, the client calls me and says: "I can't hire Gert."
I was surprised. "Why not?"
"He's a liar."
"A liar?" "He says he's in a relationship with Agnetha Fältskog."
It was unbelievable.
I can imagine her being his idol, but...
But that Agnetha Fältskog and Gert would meet
and fall in love...
That's... I couldn't see it. I don't think anyone could.
You don't hear those stories every day.
I knew where he lived. I had his address. So I started to examine it.
It was very unlikely that they would be together.
I was more concerned about him moving here to be able to stalk her.
I called him up to my office
and told him that he can't say things like that.
"But I am in a relationship with her."
That can't be real. Agnetha is an icon in Sweden.
She's famous, and you're from the Netherlands and work in a warehouse.
"I struggle to believe this, Gert."
I called the police and asked them,
"Do you know if Agnetha Fältskog is stalked by anyone?"
They said no.
I guess they wouldn't have told me even if she was.
I can understand why people didn't believe me, because it was a bit odd.
That made me sad, so sad that I stayed home from work.
He got angry with me.
"Why are you lying?"
That's what I was thinking. Why would he lie about things like this?
I was told in a letter
that he was in a relationship with Agnetha.
That it was a secret that I couldn't tell anyone.
I was told that if I wanted to make a trip to Sweden,
I would get to meet Agnetha, and he said...
Frida was my big idol. Maybe something could be arranged.
I suspected something wasn't quite right.
I thought it was some sort of fantasy that he was trying to involve me in.
I ignored that letter and didn't reply. I moved on with my life.
But I've often thought, "If I had gone, what would have happened?"
Let's see...
Let's see... This one...
She missed the tenderness and there has to be a way for us to continue.
She wrote me a letter.
"Thank you for all the love you've shown me."
"Thanks for not giving up on looking for me."
Gert showed me a letter Agnetha Fältskog had given him.
She had written, "Thanks for not giving up on looking for me."
She thanked him for his strong devotion.
Here... October 12, 1998.
"Hello, Gert. I have wanted to leave everything at home so many times."
"To run up to you to tell you"
"how much I love you. I miss you incredibly much."
The letters I have from her... They're not many,
but she wrote letters. That's the truth.
If these go missing...
That would destroy me.
I would never be able to handle that. I look after these.
Do you think that Agnetha wrote these letters?
Or is there anything that speaks against it?
I think they're real. I'm almost sure of it.
What do you think? Have you heard anything suggesting they're not?
I wanted to take the next step, to live together.
But she pushed the brakes all the time.
Everything was on her conditions.
She snuck out to my house. I wasn't allowed to go to hers.
FÄLTSKOG'S SECRET 50TH BIRTHDAY PARTY
Agnetha was turning 50 and was having a big party.
I wasn't invited to the party.
That was quite sad for me.
One evening after work, I was at Agnetha's place.
She said that she had something important to tell me.
She didn't want to see me anymore, so she broke up with me.
That was hard to take in.
At that time, Bram died.
My beloved turtle.
I lost the two that I loved the most in the whole world.
Thank you.
I'm still trying to understand...
her reasons.
Why she broke up with me.
I haven't really received an answer to that question.
You don't think the reason can be that she wasn't in love with you anymore?
I don't think so. To first be in love,
so in love that she once wrote
that our relationship just kept growing,
and then choose to end it two months later...
I don't understand that.
It's impossible.
In my experience... I don't know any stalker that would accept no.
For them it's their right, and their entitlement,
to behave in the way that they are. It's all about them.
They won't accept no, and it's difficult to take them off this pathway.
They don't want to stop this behavior. They want to carry on.
It was hard to understand that it was completely over.
I wrote a letter to her and asked her to meet me at Ekerö Church.
Just like she told me over the phone earlier.
I went there and waited, but she never showed up.
Unfortunately.
I did my best too, of course,
and she's told me that a few times as well.
That she liked that I never gave up looking for her,
and eventually it worked, and then...
...she slammed the door in my face.
I couldn't understand or accept that she broke up with me.
I got angry.
She has said that she was glad that I never gave up looking for her.
So I continue writing letters to her.
Eventually, I received a response.
This is a letter that should really be burned, not read.
I got very upset from reading this letter.
I wrote many letters in response to this letter.
- How many letters? - Well...
By 1999, around 350 letters.
But I never got a response from her.
This is a letter that was referred to in the trial.
It's dated January 18, 2000.
"Gert, the reason why I'm writing you is that I want to be left alone."
"I stick by my decision. There's no hope for us together."
"I'm asking you now to respect this on every level."
"I don't want any more letters or anything else. Agnetha."
Now he knows that she's saying no.
There's no imagination, there's no "were going to be together."
It's an absolute rejection.
He turns into the rejected and vengeful.
That's when she starts to become concerned for her safety.
Over many years he's been obsessing and fantasizing
about his potential of meeting Agnetha and this relationship.
It then overlaps that stalking,
from strangers stalking into ex-intimate partner stalking.
That's when there is fear of violence.
They are the most dangerous type of stalker.
Gert starts to write a huge amount of letters to Agnetha.
He tries to contact her children, her friends, her neighbors.
He makes her life a living hell.
This is what it says in Agnetha's statement:
"From '97 to '99, the suspect wrote"
"around 300 letters to Fältskog."
"He called very often, around one to three times a day."
"He also followed Fältskog wherever she went."
Mm...
Is that how it was?
I have written a lot of letters to her
in an attempt for us to get back together. That's correct.
But that I followed her is not correct.
- I'll continue. - Mm.
She's being stalked,
like so many other women who have ended a relationship.
This is a controlling behavior,
which men use in order to harass women.
"From '97 to September '99,"
"the suspect has also surveyed places which Fältskog visited,"
"followed her car, stood in places where she would often go for walks..."
- "...for example, Ekerö Church..." - That was maybe one time.
- "...Skytteholm..." - Mm.
Being stalked is being hunted.
You feel like a sitting duck.
You are constantly on edge, waiting for the next thing to happen.
And your space is closed down.
"Her life has become incredibly restricted."
"She doesn't dare to go outside"
"without being accompanied by her neighbor."
But I wrote that I want to speak with her,
in this... in this letter.
He says that he loves her, and everything else,
but if someone's telling you not do something and they want it to stop,
but you continue, how do you see that as love? It's a crime.
Can you understand, when you hear this,
that she was afraid?
No.
The fantasies in their head becomes their reality.
In their world, what they believe to be true.
In Gert's case he believes that they are in love and can be together.
Good afternoon, and a very warm welcome to you all.
Now things are as usual. My light burns for each and every one of you.
For the last months, he's been counting down the days.
He writes that something big is about to happen.
On Christmas Eve '99, I went to her house, despite not being allowed to.
Me going there was meant to be. It was destiny.
I entered her property with all the security equipment.
I know it wasn't right, maybe it was stupid...
...but I really wanted to see her.
This time it was me coming to her.
Why can't I talk to her? I couldn't understand it.
I would never want to hurt her.
I was always so kind to her.
And then I was arrested by the police who said she feared for her life.
Gert was given so many different indications. "Leave her alone."
Who knows what would've happened if she hadn't called the police
and gotten him arrested?
ARRESTED AT AGNETHA'S
He has stalked and harassed her for more than a year,
but when the trial started at Solna Tingsrätt,
the besieged singer did not have to meet her fanatical admirer.
I was here because I was accused of harassment.
But I didn't exactly feel like I was guilty of that.
I knew for certain that I had not done anything wrong.
It's a crime of mental terror. That's what stalking is.
It's to destroy the victim's mind, to gain that power over them.
"I'm obsessed with her"
He explained to the court that Agnetha Fältskog means everything to him.
He denies that he ever hurt or offended her.
Gert knows exactly what he did.
ABBA-Agnetha tells of the terror: "I fear for my life"
It boosted his ego that here is this woman who is a big celebrity,
her name is known all over the world, and he is controlling her.
He's making her fearful. And now he has all this power.
And that's what it's about.
When Agnetha Fältskog stepped into the court room this morning,
the 34-year-old Dutchman had been taken to another room.
That was something that Agnetha arranged,
so she wouldn't have to see me in the court room.
Why, I still don't know.
This whole affair, with the stalker,
had a profound effect on Agnetha.
It confirmed all the fears she had when she was considering...
She decided to step out of the limelight to get away from intrusive fans.
"I want a normal life again"
And then that exact thing happens.
A doctor that examined him said that he had Paranoia erotica,
or De Clerambault Syndrome, as it's also known.
You believe you're loved by another person,
despite all facts pointing to the opposite.
I had to see a forensic psychologist.
He said: "Don't imagine that I believe that you've had a relationship"
"with Agnetha, because I really don't." That's what he said.
"You're stupid to say such a thing, because no one will believe you."
In less than five minutes, I'd been labeled.
- That is very irritating. That hurts, yes. - It hurts.
For over a year, Gert van der Graaf stalked and harassed
the former ABBA star.
Today he was convicted of harassment
and will be deported and can't return for two years.
The verdict means that Agnetha's tormentor will return to Holland,
and she can breathe easier.
Gert was convicted.
His punishment was to be deported and he was given a restraining order.
My experience with stalking cases and victims... It's a piece of paper.
It means little or nothing to the stalker.
Gert's punishment wasn't strong enough to make him stop.
It's no surprise to me that he continues his behavior.
He goes to Sweden. He continues to write to her.
And he's spotted multiple times close to where she lives.
I had two weeks to leave Sweden.
I had to leave all of this that made me so happy.
I returned to Waddinxveen. I didn't have a house there.
I lived with my mom, temporarily.
After the stalking scandal, Gert van der Graaf was ostracized
by ABBA fans throughout Europe. They wanted to defend Agnetha.
They sent him threatening letters, called him,
and some even threatened to kill him.
Then came the big scoop, the bomb.
Look! You really were dating her?
They did have a relationship. Gert and Agnetha Fältskog had a relationship.
It's here, in black and white, and Agnetha Fältskog confirms it all, too.
They had a secret affair Agnetha tells about the stalker
It's incomprehensible.
He, the guy that saw his crush on TV when he was eight years old.
He now had a relationship with that same crush.
It's crazy when you think about it. What are the odds?
That doesn't happen in real life. It really doesn't happen.
"We were both very sad"
How can he... I can't wrap my mind around it.
You're telling me... Again, I'm processing it.
Really, my god. She could have had any man she wanted. Why him?
I think she needed something different.
Maybe she needed a chubby, Dutch warehouse worker.
Here at last, was somebody here for her. Only here for her.
Who didn't care about anybody else, who had eyes only for her.
Gert tells about the affair with the ABBA star
He wore her down. She said that she couldn't resist him anymore.
It was so intense. She used those words.
"I will never give up"
Even though they had a relationship there is no blame to be placed on her.
The blame is placed on Gert.
Agnetha refused to even mention him or give a comment on their relationship.
This man who stalked you, is he still bothering you?
I don't know if I can talk about that. I don't think I will.
Due to security reasons, I can't.
He was once lucky to have that beautiful woman, that star,
but now the love is gone, but what's tragic is
Agnetha is famous, so she's everywhere.
ABBA has never left us. The music is a part of us.
I see her almost every day, and ABBA is topical again.
I see her on stage and read the papers.
Of course I miss her.
He will never get rid of that image in his life, of Agnetha.
The situation is impossible. It's a trap. He's trapped.
It must be a hell.
I can imagine it's hard for you to let it go?
It's been many years now.
It keeps spinning around in my head. It comes back, again and again.
It was a period in your life that was exceptional and beautiful.
It might be something I can never give up,
not until my last breath.
It may sound strange, but... As Agnetha said...
She said she was glad that I never stopped looking for her.
- And therefore, you'll never stop. - Then I never stop.
- Okay. Done. - Thank you for the talk.
You're welcome.
Can you really love somebody
who is not answering your love?
Why not?
Loving somebody who's not answering your love is a way of life.
It could be fulfilling something in your life, maybe.
Particularly if you don't have anything else in your life.
I'm definitely not religious,
but sometimes I turn to God for strength.
It's possible that there's something out there that can...
...hopefully...
...help me deal with my issues.
"Hi, Agnetha. I hope you're well."
"It's nice here in Coevorden."
"I still work at the warehouse."
"I have many great colleagues."
"Sometimes we have a beer on the weekends."
Some maintenance is needed, huh?
- You're not much of a gardener. - No, I never have been.
"My neighbor Vigent came over today."
This is all weeds, and this is weeds. You can just...
"'We have to fix your garden, Gert', he said."
And because you're not doing anything about it, I'm getting very annoyed.
So that's why I do it for you.
"I don't know if I should tell you this,"
"but I've been chatting with a girl a few times. Her name is Berna."
"We're just friends, but I think she would like us to be more than friends."
"I will never send this letter."
"And you will never read it. It's for the best."
"Lots of love, Gert."
People often think that stalking is isolated cases.
It's celebrities, it's royalties, it's politicians who are stalked.
Anyone can be a victim of stalking. And anyone can be a stalker.
Stalking is not an isolated problem.
In Sweden over 600.000 people have claimed to have been stalked.
Even more here in the United States.
The victim never gets over being stalked,
they've lost that sense of safety in the world.
My advice for anyone being stalked is to keep a diary.
Take pictures, alert the authorities.
Let your friends and family know.
What kind of advice do you have for the stalkers?
I don't think they'd recognize the advice.
They wouldn't recognize they're a stalker.
AGNETHA DID NOT WISH TO PARTICIPATE IN THE DOCUMENTARY