1 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,257 - Earth. 2 00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:11,385 A cradle for unimaginable beauty 3 00:00:11,386 --> 00:00:14,763 and staggering wonder. 4 00:00:14,764 --> 00:00:18,475 Incomprehensible, overwhelming, 5 00:00:18,476 --> 00:00:23,731 this planet mocks our feeble power to describe it. 6 00:00:23,732 --> 00:00:28,777 Yes, to truly appreciate the astounding grandeur 7 00:00:28,778 --> 00:00:34,116 of this planet, sometimes you must defile it. 8 00:00:34,117 --> 00:00:37,536 Behold the defiler. 9 00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:43,459 His character is vile, base, and depraved. 10 00:00:43,460 --> 00:00:45,836 Once a proud talk show host, 11 00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:49,506 he has been driven by a changing ecosystem 12 00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:52,801 to a drier and harsher climate-- 13 00:00:52,802 --> 00:00:55,637 the weekly podcast. 14 00:00:55,638 --> 00:01:01,143 Here, without the nourishment of his studio audience, 15 00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:05,439 this clown with dull, tiny eyes, 16 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:08,317 the eyes of a crudely painted doll, 17 00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:12,613 is forced to feed on that meagerest of morsels, 18 00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:15,699 the random call-in fan. 19 00:01:15,700 --> 00:01:21,163 Unhinged by the feral scent of their mild enthusiasm, 20 00:01:21,164 --> 00:01:25,542 he scavenges in distant lands uninvited, 21 00:01:25,543 --> 00:01:29,296 fueled by a bottomless hunger for recognition 22 00:01:29,297 --> 00:01:31,673 and the occasional selfie. 23 00:01:31,674 --> 00:01:34,676 [dramatic orchestral music] 24 00:01:34,677 --> 00:01:39,598 ♪ ♪ 25 00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:42,476 This is madness. 26 00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:44,812 This is lunacy. 27 00:01:44,813 --> 00:01:46,564 This is chaos. 28 00:01:50,735 --> 00:01:54,405 This is "Conan O'Brien Must Go." 29 00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:01,703 [peaceful music] 30 00:02:01,704 --> 00:02:08,461 ♪ ♪ 31 00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:41,743 - ♪ I'm turning around like Julie Andrews ♪ 32 00:02:41,744 --> 00:02:47,666 ♪ When she did "The Sound of Music" here ♪ 33 00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:49,751 ♪ ♪ 34 00:02:49,752 --> 00:02:56,800 ♪ We asked about the rights to the song and lyrics ♪ 35 00:02:56,801 --> 00:03:01,263 ♪ The lawyer said no loud and clear ♪ 36 00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:02,973 ♪ ♪ 37 00:03:02,974 --> 00:03:05,767 ♪ We argued it was fair use ♪ 38 00:03:05,768 --> 00:03:08,896 ♪ They said nothing of the sort ♪ 39 00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:11,732 ♪ We argued it was parody ♪ 40 00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:14,109 ♪ They said, we'll see you in court ♪ 41 00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:15,694 ♪ Conan! ♪ 42 00:03:15,695 --> 00:03:21,617 ♪ And that is why you hear this knock-off melody ♪ 43 00:03:21,618 --> 00:03:24,786 ♪ We got from Warner Brothers ♪ 44 00:03:24,787 --> 00:03:31,835 ♪ For a nominal fee ♪ 45 00:03:31,836 --> 00:03:33,962 ♪ Ricola! ♪ 46 00:03:33,963 --> 00:03:37,925 ♪ Ricola! ♪ 47 00:03:37,926 --> 00:03:39,801 - Hi, Conan, my name is Montasser, 48 00:03:39,802 --> 00:03:41,303 and I'm calling from Linz, Austria. 49 00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:43,138 [laughter] 50 00:03:43,139 --> 00:03:44,556 - Hey, Montasser. 51 00:03:44,557 --> 00:03:45,974 Very nice to talk to you. 52 00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:48,435 And I love--looks like lederhosen you're wearing. 53 00:03:48,436 --> 00:03:49,770 - Yeah, exactly. 54 00:03:49,771 --> 00:03:55,192 I'm applying or trying to get the Austrian citizenship. 55 00:03:55,193 --> 00:03:57,653 So I have been wearing this for a month 56 00:03:57,654 --> 00:04:01,156 and running back and forth in front of the mayor's office. 57 00:04:01,157 --> 00:04:05,118 [laughter] 58 00:04:05,119 --> 00:04:07,663 - Montasser, where are you from originally? 59 00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:10,582 - So I am from Iraq, 60 00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:13,919 and I fled to Austria nine years ago, 2015. 61 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,420 - Wow. 62 00:04:15,421 --> 00:04:19,174 - From Turkey to Austria, I pretty much walked. 63 00:04:19,175 --> 00:04:21,176 And I'm teaching now 64 00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:24,304 in a private Catholic school in my city. 65 00:04:24,305 --> 00:04:26,848 - I have to say, Montasser, you're an impressive person. 66 00:04:26,849 --> 00:04:28,225 - Yeah. - Oh, my God. 67 00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:31,853 - What's your life like? - I go to the museum. 68 00:04:31,854 --> 00:04:36,942 I like to climb trees and pick walnuts, for example. 69 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:39,111 That is another thing I do. 70 00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:42,864 [laughter] 71 00:04:42,865 --> 00:04:44,950 - You are a fairy-tale man. 72 00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:49,538 You love to wear lederhosen, climb trees, and pick walnuts. 73 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:54,376 Montasser, I'm very-- I'm very impressed by you. 74 00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:56,712 I think your personal story is incredible. 75 00:04:56,713 --> 00:04:58,505 I would love to go to Austria, 76 00:04:58,506 --> 00:05:02,009 and I would love to meet you and personally shake your hand. 77 00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:06,596 So, that's just what I did. 78 00:05:06,597 --> 00:05:10,350 Montasser! 79 00:05:10,351 --> 00:05:12,227 Yes! 80 00:05:12,228 --> 00:05:14,062 Terrific. - Hi. 81 00:05:14,063 --> 00:05:15,856 - It's nice to meet you. - It's you! 82 00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:17,566 Your hair--can I touch your hair? 83 00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:19,693 - You can touch it briefly. Okay, okay. 84 00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:22,571 And you told me your story, and it's such an impressive story. 85 00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:24,906 - I fled to Austria from Iraq... 86 00:05:24,907 --> 00:05:25,907 - Iraq. 87 00:05:25,908 --> 00:05:27,534 - Because the situation where-- 88 00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:30,203 there was too chaotic and dangerous for me. 89 00:05:30,204 --> 00:05:31,955 - Yeah. Yeah. - So-- 90 00:05:31,956 --> 00:05:33,457 - That's why I left Cleveland. 91 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:35,417 - [laughs] I don't know about Cleveland. 92 00:05:35,418 --> 00:05:36,918 - Okay, sorry. Terrible. 93 00:05:36,919 --> 00:05:40,005 And I made light of what's a very serious situation, 94 00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:41,840 which is Cleveland. 95 00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:43,925 I said this on the Zoom, I'll say it again. 96 00:05:43,926 --> 00:05:45,719 I'm very impressed with you. You have an amazing-- 97 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:46,928 - Thank you. 98 00:05:46,929 --> 00:05:49,014 - This handshake is very weak. - Yeah. 99 00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:50,515 - What happened? - I'm a weak man. 100 00:05:50,516 --> 00:05:54,102 - It was like a fish that I think had died six weeks ago 101 00:05:54,103 --> 00:05:56,480 was placed into my hand by a mummy. 102 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:57,773 You mentioned one of your hobbies 103 00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:59,941 is climbing trees to get walnuts? 104 00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:01,109 - Yes. 105 00:06:01,110 --> 00:06:02,819 - Oh, look, people have carved--this is beautiful-- 106 00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:05,238 Straudi and Strudi. 107 00:06:05,239 --> 00:06:07,074 - Someone drew a penis on here. 108 00:06:07,075 --> 00:06:08,992 - You look at this and you saw a penis. 109 00:06:08,993 --> 00:06:10,369 - Yes. 110 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,745 - 'Cause I don't see-- mine doesn't come 111 00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:13,872 to a point like that, but maybe yours is different. 112 00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:15,415 - I mean, the size. 113 00:06:15,416 --> 00:06:17,793 I don't know, the size matches. 114 00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:20,213 - Are you talking to me or are you talking about yourself? 115 00:06:22,632 --> 00:06:24,383 [laughter] You know, the-- 116 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:27,094 the good news is, Montasser, where there's a penis, 117 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:28,178 there's usually nuts. 118 00:06:28,179 --> 00:06:30,180 [laughter] 119 00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:31,808 Whoa! 120 00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:42,234 That's incr-- that was impressive. 121 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,319 - Now you. - Now let's see if I can do it. 122 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:45,821 I'm coming! 123 00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:47,115 - Take your time. 124 00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:50,325 - Okay. This is good. 125 00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:51,326 - Yeah. 126 00:06:51,327 --> 00:06:52,828 - Oh, this is kind of-- 127 00:06:52,829 --> 00:06:54,287 ooh, okay. 128 00:06:54,288 --> 00:06:56,998 You know what? I'm gonna--oh, not unpleasant. 129 00:06:56,999 --> 00:06:58,667 - I can see some nuts there. 130 00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:00,669 - Oh, yeah, where? Where are they? 131 00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,170 - This is a walnut tree. 132 00:07:02,171 --> 00:07:05,799 - It is a walnut tree because our prop person got here-- 133 00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,677 - Can I cross? - Whoa! 134 00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:09,970 Ah! 135 00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:11,638 Ugh! 136 00:07:11,639 --> 00:07:14,850 I just saw my life and your testicles pass before my eyes. 137 00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:16,852 - Conan, I got some nuts! - Yes! 138 00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:21,690 [in German accent] Oh, I love the walnuts here in Austria. 139 00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:23,316 [normally] Here, have a walnut. - Thank you. 140 00:07:23,317 --> 00:07:26,361 - Doesn't this look like a really bad album cover 141 00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:28,864 for a folk duo called, like, the-- 142 00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,198 The Two Nuts. 143 00:07:30,199 --> 00:07:33,201 [folksy guitar music] 144 00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:34,703 ♪ ♪ 145 00:07:34,704 --> 00:07:37,706 But, Montasser, your goal is to become more Austrian 146 00:07:37,707 --> 00:07:40,417 so that you will get citizenship more quickly? 147 00:07:40,418 --> 00:07:41,668 - That is my goal. 148 00:07:41,669 --> 00:07:45,046 - The most Austrian thing I could think of is yodeling. 149 00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:46,339 - Mm-hmm. 150 00:07:46,340 --> 00:07:47,549 - Would you like to learn to yodel? 151 00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:48,550 - I would like to learn. 152 00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:51,720 - Marie, Laurentius, you are yodelers, yes? 153 00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:52,804 - Yes. 154 00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:55,182 - If I couldn't yodel, I would not be an Austrian. 155 00:07:55,183 --> 00:07:56,683 - Yeah. Okay, yes. - Right? 156 00:07:56,684 --> 00:08:00,562 And I guess when he's yodeling better than the president, 157 00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:02,731 then he should be an Austrian for sure. 158 00:08:02,732 --> 00:08:04,065 - Okay. 159 00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:05,275 I'll do the talking from now on 160 00:08:05,276 --> 00:08:07,235 'cause what you just said was crazy. 161 00:08:07,236 --> 00:08:09,237 I don't even know what happened right there. 162 00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:10,780 Does this attach to anything? 163 00:08:10,781 --> 00:08:13,241 - Yeah, it's my little clock. 164 00:08:13,242 --> 00:08:15,660 This shows perfectly when it's time. 165 00:08:15,661 --> 00:08:17,037 - It's an Austrian clock. 166 00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:18,413 - Oh, I see. 167 00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:21,333 So you carry alcohol with you all the time? 168 00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:22,417 - To measure the time. 169 00:08:22,418 --> 00:08:24,544 - Do you have a problem? 170 00:08:24,545 --> 00:08:26,588 - Austrians just have a problem if they're drinking alone, 171 00:08:26,589 --> 00:08:28,048 but we are not alone. - I see. 172 00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:29,216 Sure. Sure. 173 00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:30,592 You're fine. - [laughs] 174 00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:31,760 - Montasser, what do you think? 175 00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:33,136 Do you think he has a problem with the drinking? 176 00:08:33,137 --> 00:08:35,263 - I have alcohol with me as well. 177 00:08:35,264 --> 00:08:37,057 - Okay. 178 00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:39,100 Are you wearing leather pants? 179 00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:41,102 - Yeah. - Okay. Wow. 180 00:08:41,103 --> 00:08:44,940 You're like if Jim Morrison had a baby with a leprechaun. 181 00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:46,775 This is what you look like right now. 182 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:48,735 And that's a-- that's a compliment. 183 00:08:48,736 --> 00:08:51,279 We need to teach this gentleman how to yodel, 184 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:52,656 and we don't have a lot of time. 185 00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:55,158 - First, we have to develop our head voice. 186 00:08:55,159 --> 00:08:56,952 [yodels high-pitched melody] 187 00:08:56,953 --> 00:08:58,286 - Can you do that? 188 00:08:58,287 --> 00:09:00,288 - [repeats melody] - Yeah. 189 00:09:00,289 --> 00:09:01,665 - [repeats melody] 190 00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:03,416 - Yeah, that sounds good. - Oh, you're naturals. 191 00:09:03,417 --> 00:09:04,709 - Okay, now the chest voice. 192 00:09:04,710 --> 00:09:05,794 [yodels deep melody] 193 00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:07,587 - [repeats melody] - [repeats melody] 194 00:09:07,588 --> 00:09:09,756 - [yodels melody] - [repeats melody] 195 00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:11,883 - Yeah! That was very nice. 196 00:09:11,884 --> 00:09:14,386 - [repeats melody] - Wow. 197 00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:17,473 [yodeling] 198 00:09:20,851 --> 00:09:23,896 [all yodeling] 199 00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,029 - Hello, sir. - Hello, sir. 200 00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:34,823 - What is your name? - I'm Daniel. Hello. 201 00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,825 - Daniel. And who is this? - This is Otto. 202 00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:37,993 - Otto. 203 00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:39,494 Are you gonna teach him to yodel? 204 00:09:39,495 --> 00:09:41,037 - Of course, he's Austrian. 205 00:09:41,038 --> 00:09:44,166 - [yodeling] 206 00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:56,303 So is the idea that you do that up in the Alps, 207 00:09:56,304 --> 00:09:57,470 in the mountains? 208 00:09:57,471 --> 00:09:58,847 - More often at the bar. 209 00:09:58,848 --> 00:10:00,473 - You're doing this in a bar? 210 00:10:00,474 --> 00:10:03,476 [all yodeling] 211 00:10:03,477 --> 00:10:06,646 [soft folksy music playing] 212 00:10:06,647 --> 00:10:13,738 ♪ ♪ 213 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,326 [applause] 214 00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:22,329 - [singing in German] 215 00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:25,624 [bright folksy music] 216 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:29,378 ♪ ♪ 217 00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:34,799 [dramatic orchestral music] 218 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,885 - Of course, I have one staff member who claims to be 219 00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:38,595 an expert on every country. 220 00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,221 We all know who you are. Get in here. 221 00:10:40,222 --> 00:10:41,723 There's no big surprise. - Okay. 222 00:10:41,724 --> 00:10:42,724 - You know? 223 00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:43,933 Here you are. - Right. 224 00:10:43,934 --> 00:10:45,101 - Jordan Schlansky. 225 00:10:45,102 --> 00:10:46,770 And what is it about Austria you love so much? 226 00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:48,438 - Well, first of all, I don't pretend to be an expert, 227 00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:49,773 but I enjoy the country... 228 00:10:49,774 --> 00:10:51,107 - I'm just gonna gesture as much as you do. 229 00:10:51,108 --> 00:10:52,734 And that's not mocking you, that's just mirroring you. 230 00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:53,860 Go ahead. 231 00:10:53,861 --> 00:10:55,570 - This is a human way of communicating, okay? 232 00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:57,614 This is articulation and gesticulation. 233 00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:58,907 Okay? - Yeah. 234 00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:00,075 - I might even call it punctuation. 235 00:11:00,076 --> 00:11:01,242 - Or masturbation. 236 00:11:01,243 --> 00:11:02,869 Do me a favor and get to the point. 237 00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:05,580 - I like the diversity-- the topographical 238 00:11:05,581 --> 00:11:06,998 diversity of the country. - Like what? 239 00:11:06,999 --> 00:11:08,375 Just say it in English. 240 00:11:08,376 --> 00:11:09,584 - Well, you've got your Alpine peaks, 241 00:11:09,585 --> 00:11:10,835 you've got your fields of green, 242 00:11:10,836 --> 00:11:12,170 and you've got your cosmopolitan 243 00:11:12,171 --> 00:11:13,505 and classical cities such as this one. 244 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:14,881 - Fields of green. 245 00:11:14,882 --> 00:11:16,675 - Yeah, we frolic through fields of green. 246 00:11:16,676 --> 00:11:18,259 - When have you ever frolicked in a field? 247 00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:21,096 - I've frolicked through fields on many continents. 248 00:11:21,097 --> 00:11:22,847 There's nothing wrong with frolicking through fields 249 00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:24,099 if they're available to you. 250 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,267 - What about the food? You're a big foodie. 251 00:11:26,268 --> 00:11:28,603 - Yeah, well, I love a wiener schnitzel, of course, 252 00:11:28,604 --> 00:11:31,272 the national dish of-- - That's what I hear. 253 00:11:31,273 --> 00:11:33,566 - Oh, you're making a reference to the wiener. 254 00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:35,735 So you've got Wien, the city, 255 00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:37,612 and something from Wien is Wiener. 256 00:11:37,613 --> 00:11:40,115 And you've got Wiener Wurst, the Viennese sausage, 257 00:11:40,116 --> 00:11:42,117 which might resemble a penis to some. 258 00:11:42,118 --> 00:11:46,287 Therefore, people have nicknamed a penis a wiener. 259 00:11:46,288 --> 00:11:48,123 And it all started right here. 260 00:11:48,124 --> 00:11:49,290 - Right here on this-- 261 00:11:49,291 --> 00:11:50,500 this is where it started? - Yeah, this is the land. 262 00:11:50,501 --> 00:11:51,711 - Someone whipped it out right here? 263 00:11:54,672 --> 00:12:00,009 We're here at the original Weiner Schneekugelmanufaktur. 264 00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:02,011 They make snow globes here. 265 00:12:02,012 --> 00:12:05,473 This, I'm told, is where the snow globe was invented. 266 00:12:05,474 --> 00:12:06,641 Is that true? 267 00:12:06,642 --> 00:12:08,351 - My great-grandfather invented the snow globe 268 00:12:08,352 --> 00:12:10,812 here in Vienna in 1900. - Wow. 269 00:12:10,813 --> 00:12:12,897 Well, can you show me your snow globe museum, please? 270 00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,107 - Of course. 271 00:12:14,108 --> 00:12:16,484 - And these are the tools you use to make the snow globes? 272 00:12:16,485 --> 00:12:18,820 - Many, many years ago, yeah. 273 00:12:18,821 --> 00:12:20,488 - Who is this guy right here? 274 00:12:20,489 --> 00:12:22,574 - That's my father. - This is your father? 275 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,325 - Yes. - Have they captured him yet? 276 00:12:24,326 --> 00:12:25,577 - [laughs] No. 277 00:12:25,578 --> 00:12:27,162 - He made snow globes? - Yes. 278 00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:28,663 - Okay. 279 00:12:28,664 --> 00:12:30,999 - I'm the fourth generation, actually, and so, yeah. 280 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,668 - You're the fourth generation making snow globes? 281 00:12:33,669 --> 00:12:35,003 - Mm-hmm. 282 00:12:35,004 --> 00:12:38,131 First woman in the family business, actually. 283 00:12:38,132 --> 00:12:39,674 - You broke the glass globe ceiling. 284 00:12:39,675 --> 00:12:42,010 - Yeah. - Congratulations. 285 00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:43,178 - Thank you very much. 286 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:44,345 - Hello. - Hello. 287 00:12:44,346 --> 00:12:45,346 - Guten tag. 288 00:12:45,347 --> 00:12:47,056 Wow, look at all these snow globes. 289 00:12:47,057 --> 00:12:48,558 When you come to a snow globe museum, 290 00:12:48,559 --> 00:12:50,852 you think you'll see some snow globes, right? 291 00:12:50,853 --> 00:12:53,563 But do you think you're gonna see this many? 292 00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:55,356 Kinda, yeah. 293 00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:56,524 Yeah. 294 00:12:56,525 --> 00:12:59,027 - Owls, frogs, teddies. 295 00:12:59,028 --> 00:13:00,361 - What is this? 296 00:13:00,362 --> 00:13:01,905 Toilet paper. 297 00:13:01,906 --> 00:13:04,574 - This was the special snow globe for the COVID. 298 00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:05,658 - How many orders did you get? 299 00:13:05,659 --> 00:13:07,035 - More than 5,000. 300 00:13:07,036 --> 00:13:09,370 - More than 5,000 people... - Yeah. 301 00:13:09,371 --> 00:13:11,372 - Now, pardon me, I don't mean any insult-- 302 00:13:11,373 --> 00:13:12,999 wanted this piece of shit? - Yeah. 303 00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:14,459 I'm very proud of this one. 304 00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:16,336 - My God, I just saw these. 305 00:13:16,337 --> 00:13:17,837 Look at this! 306 00:13:17,838 --> 00:13:19,464 This is impressive. 307 00:13:19,465 --> 00:13:22,634 Not to say the other stuff wasn't impressive, 308 00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:26,012 and it wasn't, but this is amazing. 309 00:13:26,013 --> 00:13:28,556 So your father made this? - Yes. 310 00:13:28,557 --> 00:13:31,684 - And you made the... - The toilet paper. 311 00:13:31,685 --> 00:13:34,062 - Stack of toilet paper? - Yeah. 312 00:13:34,063 --> 00:13:35,563 - Ah! What's this? 313 00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:37,649 Who's this? 314 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,150 - Yeah, that's my father. 315 00:13:39,151 --> 00:13:40,235 - What? 316 00:13:40,236 --> 00:13:42,153 [laughter] 317 00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:43,446 That's your father? - Yeah. 318 00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:46,241 - So this is your dad being a creep, looking out a window. 319 00:13:46,242 --> 00:13:47,534 - Exactly. 320 00:13:47,535 --> 00:13:48,952 - Now, quick question, is this how he would peer on you 321 00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:49,953 when you would have a date? 322 00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:52,413 Let's say that I'm Heinrich, okay? 323 00:13:52,414 --> 00:13:54,040 - Okay, yeah. - And you have a date with me. 324 00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:55,917 And let's say you and I are just about to kiss. 325 00:13:55,918 --> 00:13:57,210 How do you say that in in your language? 326 00:13:57,211 --> 00:13:58,378 Kussen. - Kussen. 327 00:13:58,379 --> 00:13:59,921 And I'm going like, "Mm, kussen, kussen." 328 00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:01,214 - Yeah. 329 00:14:01,215 --> 00:14:02,257 - And then, suddenly... 330 00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:05,885 [in German accent] Hey! I see you. 331 00:14:05,886 --> 00:14:08,221 None of the kussen-kussen! 332 00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:09,931 No kussen-kussen! 333 00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:12,475 Is that how he was? 334 00:14:12,476 --> 00:14:14,602 - No, actually not. 335 00:14:14,603 --> 00:14:18,565 He told me just to fuck around as many-- 336 00:14:18,566 --> 00:14:21,693 - Told you to what? - To... 337 00:14:21,694 --> 00:14:24,571 [laughing] Fuck around as much as I can 338 00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:26,406 as long as I'm not married. 339 00:14:26,407 --> 00:14:28,074 - Your father's advice to you... 340 00:14:28,075 --> 00:14:29,200 - Yeah. 341 00:14:29,201 --> 00:14:30,451 - Was to fuck around as much as you can... 342 00:14:30,452 --> 00:14:31,870 - Yeah. - Before you get married. 343 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:33,746 - Mm-hmm. Have a good time. 344 00:14:33,747 --> 00:14:35,499 [laughs] 345 00:14:36,667 --> 00:14:40,211 - That's very forward-thinking of him. 346 00:14:40,212 --> 00:14:41,462 - Yeah. - Yeah. 347 00:14:41,463 --> 00:14:44,549 So this is him actually hoping to see a little action, right? 348 00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:47,260 - Yeah. - Are you going to fuck around? 349 00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:50,013 Is a little fucking going to happen? 350 00:14:50,014 --> 00:14:52,098 I would like to peer through the window. 351 00:14:52,099 --> 00:14:53,850 - Take some pictures maybe as well. 352 00:14:53,851 --> 00:14:54,851 - Jesus. 353 00:14:54,852 --> 00:14:55,977 [laughter] 354 00:14:55,978 --> 00:15:00,773 And then I turn it into an X-rated snow globe 355 00:15:00,774 --> 00:15:02,650 of the fucking. 356 00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:05,486 What's the most valuable or unusual 357 00:15:05,487 --> 00:15:06,529 snow globe you have here? 358 00:15:06,530 --> 00:15:07,864 Could you show me that? 359 00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:10,533 - Oh, my God, look at this. 360 00:15:10,534 --> 00:15:12,035 This is amazing. 361 00:15:12,036 --> 00:15:13,620 You did a beautiful job with this. 362 00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:14,996 - Thank you very much. 363 00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:16,831 Well, we could maybe fit a small toilet paper 364 00:15:16,832 --> 00:15:19,125 inside as well. 365 00:15:19,126 --> 00:15:22,587 - We don't need to put your signature toilet paper in here. 366 00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:25,340 I'm very impressed with your museum. 367 00:15:25,341 --> 00:15:26,799 - Thank you very much. 368 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:28,259 - I'm not very impressed, I'm impressed... 369 00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:29,594 - Okay. - With your museum. 370 00:15:29,595 --> 00:15:31,638 - Yeah. - Impressed. 371 00:15:31,639 --> 00:15:33,640 I'm happy that you have this museum. 372 00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:35,183 This is a museum. - Yeah. 373 00:15:35,184 --> 00:15:36,851 - How about that? We'll just leave it at that. 374 00:15:36,852 --> 00:15:37,977 - Okay. 375 00:15:37,978 --> 00:15:39,687 - This is a building that stores snow globes. 376 00:15:39,688 --> 00:15:40,772 - Yeah. 377 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,523 - But I like you. You're really fun. 378 00:15:42,524 --> 00:15:44,692 - Let's dance out. - You wanna dance out? 379 00:15:44,693 --> 00:15:45,818 - Yeah. - Okay. 380 00:15:45,819 --> 00:15:47,236 [bright Austrian folk music] 381 00:15:47,237 --> 00:15:48,363 I like this. 382 00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:50,031 Is this an Austrian kind of dance? 383 00:15:50,032 --> 00:15:51,741 - Yes, I think so. 384 00:15:51,742 --> 00:15:53,660 - Okay, very strange. 385 00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:56,663 ♪ ♪ 386 00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:58,706 Okay, here's the deal. 387 00:15:58,707 --> 00:16:01,542 We just drove for an hour and a half up high 388 00:16:01,543 --> 00:16:03,378 into the Alps... - Right. 389 00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:05,046 - Because you said you wanted to have 390 00:16:05,047 --> 00:16:07,256 this ultimate ski experience. 391 00:16:07,257 --> 00:16:11,010 And then you tell me that you don't ski. 392 00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:16,766 - Yeah, I don't actually ski, but I do enjoy the ski culture. 393 00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:19,060 - I look like a Serbian astronaut. 394 00:16:19,061 --> 00:16:23,731 You look like Jackson Pollock ate a bunch of Starbursts 395 00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:27,568 and then vomited on an asshole who was standing nearby. 396 00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:29,070 But you don't ski. 397 00:16:29,071 --> 00:16:32,198 - I had an incident in British Columbia. 398 00:16:32,199 --> 00:16:34,909 - Well, we've all done that. 399 00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:36,828 What was yours? 400 00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:39,914 - There was an injury to the ACL. 401 00:16:39,915 --> 00:16:42,750 - Why is it "there was an injury to an ACL"? 402 00:16:42,751 --> 00:16:43,751 - Well, it's understood that it's mine 403 00:16:43,752 --> 00:16:45,420 because I'm talking about me. - Okay. 404 00:16:45,421 --> 00:16:46,921 - You see, I don't like to be redundant. 405 00:16:46,922 --> 00:16:49,924 I'm just telling you I don't propel my body 406 00:16:49,925 --> 00:16:52,301 at high rates of gravitational travel. 407 00:16:52,302 --> 00:16:53,386 That's all. 408 00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:54,929 But I enjoy the culture around it. 409 00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:56,723 I enjoy the hot chocolate after. 410 00:16:56,724 --> 00:16:58,433 I enjoy the melting cheese. 411 00:16:58,434 --> 00:16:59,767 I enjoy the wine. 412 00:16:59,768 --> 00:17:01,144 I enjoy coziness. 413 00:17:01,145 --> 00:17:02,895 You have to experience discomfort 414 00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:05,606 to appreciate comfort. 415 00:17:05,607 --> 00:17:08,109 - Oh, there's a very young child skiing. 416 00:17:08,110 --> 00:17:10,570 There's another young person skiing. 417 00:17:10,571 --> 00:17:12,780 - I was a deep thinker as a child. 418 00:17:12,781 --> 00:17:14,407 I didn't need to move my body. 419 00:17:14,408 --> 00:17:15,950 - Let's have a new rule, okay? 420 00:17:15,951 --> 00:17:18,244 When I have an open palm, you may speak. 421 00:17:18,245 --> 00:17:20,329 Okay? You'll never see this again. 422 00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:21,414 - Okay. 423 00:17:21,415 --> 00:17:22,623 - Do you do this every day? 424 00:17:22,624 --> 00:17:23,958 Maybe you wouldn't have an injury. 425 00:17:23,959 --> 00:17:25,877 - No. I had an injury. 426 00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,962 I don't have an injury now because I don't ski anymore. 427 00:17:27,963 --> 00:17:29,130 I don't need to ski. 428 00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,590 I get my thrills in other ways-- 429 00:17:30,591 --> 00:17:33,718 sitting in a corner thinking about things. 430 00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:35,470 - You get your thrills sitting in a corner? 431 00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:36,596 - Yeah. 432 00:17:36,597 --> 00:17:38,139 - Do me a favor and do not move these. 433 00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:39,599 - Okay, I can't see a thing right now. 434 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,101 - Well, let me tell you something, friend. 435 00:17:42,102 --> 00:17:44,145 I just want you to know... - Yes. 436 00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:45,772 - That I value you. - Okay. 437 00:17:45,773 --> 00:17:47,815 - You're a good friend and I'm glad we came up here. 438 00:17:47,816 --> 00:17:50,485 And I don't mind that I rented us skis and ski outfits. 439 00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:51,652 - Okay. 440 00:17:51,653 --> 00:17:52,987 - That doesn't bother me at all. 441 00:17:52,988 --> 00:17:54,280 How's the vision? 442 00:17:54,281 --> 00:17:56,115 - I can't see a thing. - Perfect. 443 00:17:56,116 --> 00:18:00,161 [soft polka music] 444 00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:04,791 We are here for après-ski, only he doesn't ski. 445 00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:06,959 - That's fine. - It's not fine. 446 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,003 It's bad. [laughter] 447 00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:10,630 Oh, hi, how are you? - Welcome. 448 00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:11,964 - Nice to see you, a fellow redhead. 449 00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:13,174 - Nice to see you too. 450 00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:14,801 - Yes. - Nice hair. 451 00:18:14,802 --> 00:18:16,803 - Prost. - Prost. 452 00:18:16,804 --> 00:18:19,347 - Après-ski. 453 00:18:19,348 --> 00:18:20,515 Mmm. 454 00:18:20,516 --> 00:18:24,310 - I know sometimes you might find me frustrating, 455 00:18:24,311 --> 00:18:26,354 but I think through the lessons that you learn 456 00:18:26,355 --> 00:18:27,855 through these shared experiences, 457 00:18:27,856 --> 00:18:30,525 you'll start to value my place in your life. 458 00:18:30,526 --> 00:18:32,944 Like I say, I enjoy things that communicate 459 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,195 warmth and coziness. 460 00:18:34,196 --> 00:18:37,615 I don't need external activity to turn myself on. 461 00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:40,827 I'm able to turn myself on within the confines 462 00:18:40,828 --> 00:18:42,036 of my own mind. 463 00:18:42,037 --> 00:18:44,372 Are you familiar with raclette, the Swiss cheese that 464 00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:47,208 will melt over-- sometimes even an open flame 465 00:18:47,209 --> 00:18:48,376 right into your bread? 466 00:18:48,377 --> 00:18:49,377 - You know what's funny? 467 00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:51,546 I really envy that table. 468 00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:54,675 [all chanting in German] 469 00:18:57,845 --> 00:18:59,428 [laughter] 470 00:18:59,429 --> 00:19:00,847 - You guys are the best! 471 00:19:00,848 --> 00:19:03,934 [laughter] 472 00:19:05,853 --> 00:19:08,187 Best guys ever. 473 00:19:08,188 --> 00:19:10,940 ♪ ♪ 474 00:19:10,941 --> 00:19:12,567 - My name is Katherina. 475 00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:14,777 I am calling from Austria, from Feldkirch. 476 00:19:14,778 --> 00:19:16,863 - Tell us a little bit about yourself. 477 00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:18,406 - I work as a psychologist. 478 00:19:18,407 --> 00:19:21,242 I like to make metal music. 479 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:22,869 - Oh, my God. Okay. 480 00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:26,664 - Cringe Blizzard is slush metal, but also death metal, 481 00:19:26,665 --> 00:19:30,042 but also thrash metal, but also whatever. 482 00:19:30,043 --> 00:19:31,711 - Is it a lot of yelling? 483 00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:33,004 - Yeah. 484 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:35,548 - Do you think I could be maybe a guest vocalist 485 00:19:35,549 --> 00:19:36,883 for Cringe Blizzard? 486 00:19:36,884 --> 00:19:38,176 - Fucking hell yeah. 487 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,261 [laughter] - Do you think so? 488 00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:41,762 You used to watch the television show 489 00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:42,930 back when I was doing a TV show. 490 00:19:42,931 --> 00:19:44,098 Is that correct? 491 00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:45,391 - Oh, yeah, I was actually featured 492 00:19:45,392 --> 00:19:47,602 on a fan correction video. 493 00:19:47,603 --> 00:19:49,520 When I sent in the fan correction, 494 00:19:49,521 --> 00:19:52,023 it said that people who get featured on the show 495 00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:55,109 will get the Team Coco T-shirt, and I never received one. 496 00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:56,444 - We'll find you a T-shirt, 497 00:19:56,445 --> 00:19:58,112 and I will get it to you somehow, okay? 498 00:19:58,113 --> 00:19:59,280 Because I wanna right this wrong. 499 00:19:59,281 --> 00:20:00,740 You should get your T-shirt. 500 00:20:00,741 --> 00:20:03,743 [jaunty polka music] 501 00:20:03,744 --> 00:20:09,416 ♪ ♪ 502 00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:14,462 - Katherina. Hi! 503 00:20:14,463 --> 00:20:16,172 Come on out. Come on out. - [laughing] 504 00:20:16,173 --> 00:20:18,132 - Hi! Hi! 505 00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:19,342 How are you? 506 00:20:19,343 --> 00:20:21,636 Oh, look at this. What's the--what's-- 507 00:20:21,637 --> 00:20:23,471 - That's David Hasselhoff. - Is this David Hasselhoff? 508 00:20:23,472 --> 00:20:24,805 - Yeah. 509 00:20:24,806 --> 00:20:26,474 - That's right, he's very big in Germany and Austria, right? 510 00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:27,600 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. 511 00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:29,227 And AI Conan, of course, as well. 512 00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:30,603 - Oh, look at this. 513 00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:32,813 You really are a fan. 514 00:20:32,814 --> 00:20:36,317 And to be up on the same wall with Hasselhoff, 515 00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:38,319 terrible honor-- I mean, a great honor. 516 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:39,570 What's happening here? 517 00:20:39,571 --> 00:20:41,614 This looks like it could be a satanic flag. 518 00:20:41,615 --> 00:20:43,991 - That's good. It gives good energy, right? 519 00:20:43,992 --> 00:20:45,326 - Good energy? No. 520 00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:46,953 Do you mind that I'm touching your ceiling? 521 00:20:46,954 --> 00:20:48,120 - No, it's fine. 522 00:20:48,121 --> 00:20:50,164 You could also, like, get rid of some of the spider webs 523 00:20:50,165 --> 00:20:51,457 if you're at it. - I'll do that later. 524 00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:52,583 I like to eat-- - [burps] 525 00:20:52,584 --> 00:20:55,002 - What the heck was that? - [laughs] 526 00:20:55,003 --> 00:20:58,673 - That was the loudest burp I've heard from man or woman 527 00:20:58,674 --> 00:20:59,799 in my life. 528 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,550 Let's hear that again. 529 00:21:01,551 --> 00:21:03,636 I'll do that later. I like-- - [burps] 530 00:21:03,637 --> 00:21:06,389 - I would love to meet your husband if he's around. 531 00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:08,015 - Yeah, sure. - Hey, how are you? 532 00:21:08,016 --> 00:21:09,183 - Hi, I'm Chris. 533 00:21:09,184 --> 00:21:10,393 - Chris, good to meet you. 534 00:21:10,394 --> 00:21:12,144 Let's talk about the band you're in. 535 00:21:12,145 --> 00:21:13,521 - Cringe Blizzard. - Cringe Blizzard. 536 00:21:13,522 --> 00:21:15,648 - Mm-hmm. - Are you in Cringe Blizzard? 537 00:21:15,649 --> 00:21:17,024 - No, I'm the manager. 538 00:21:17,025 --> 00:21:18,818 - You're the manager? Oh, I can tell. 539 00:21:18,819 --> 00:21:20,528 You've got your arms folded and you're not doing much. 540 00:21:20,529 --> 00:21:21,821 - [laughs] 541 00:21:21,822 --> 00:21:23,197 - Oh, we got a music room in here. 542 00:21:23,198 --> 00:21:26,534 [playing chaotic rhythm] 543 00:21:26,535 --> 00:21:27,994 I could do this all day. 544 00:21:27,995 --> 00:21:30,037 In fact, I think I will. 545 00:21:30,038 --> 00:21:32,707 [playing energetic rhythm] 546 00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:34,292 How many gigs do you play, like, in a month? 547 00:21:34,293 --> 00:21:36,877 - Tonight is our second gig. 548 00:21:36,878 --> 00:21:38,713 - Of all time? - Of all time. 549 00:21:38,714 --> 00:21:39,797 [drumsticks clatter] 550 00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:40,798 - Check this out. 551 00:21:40,799 --> 00:21:43,884 "Secret plan to become Conan's BFF. 552 00:21:43,885 --> 00:21:46,012 "Meet through 'Conan O'Brien Must Go,' 553 00:21:46,013 --> 00:21:47,888 which is happening now." - Exactly. 554 00:21:47,889 --> 00:21:49,974 - So we can check that one off. - Perfect. 555 00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:52,727 - "Meet on skiing trips in 'Shtaad.'" 556 00:21:52,728 --> 00:21:53,728 I don't know if we're gonna be able to-- 557 00:21:53,729 --> 00:21:54,729 - Gstaad. - What's that? 558 00:21:54,730 --> 00:21:56,063 - Gstaad. - What did I say? 559 00:21:56,064 --> 00:21:57,481 - "Shtaad." - And what did you say? 560 00:21:57,482 --> 00:21:59,400 - Gstaad. - And now what did I say? 561 00:21:59,401 --> 00:22:00,901 - "Shtaad." - What did you say? 562 00:22:00,902 --> 00:22:02,403 - Gstaad. - It's the same thing! 563 00:22:02,404 --> 00:22:04,238 - It's not. - It is, "Shtaad." 564 00:22:04,239 --> 00:22:06,198 - Gstaad. - Sh-sh-sh-guh-shtaad. 565 00:22:06,199 --> 00:22:07,700 - Guh-guh-guh-guh. Gstaad. 566 00:22:07,701 --> 00:22:10,244 - You barely hear the G. You're like, there's a G there, 567 00:22:10,245 --> 00:22:11,912 but you don't pronounce it. - You do. 568 00:22:11,913 --> 00:22:13,039 - Gstaad. - Yeah. 569 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,207 - Guh-staad. - No, not "guh." Guh. 570 00:22:15,208 --> 00:22:17,293 - You're saying say a G. Guh-staad. 571 00:22:17,294 --> 00:22:18,711 - It's Gstaad. 572 00:22:18,712 --> 00:22:19,712 - How do you say good night? 573 00:22:19,713 --> 00:22:20,755 I say "ood" night. 574 00:22:20,756 --> 00:22:22,214 - [laughs] 575 00:22:22,215 --> 00:22:24,050 - What do you say when someone sneezes? 576 00:22:24,051 --> 00:22:25,217 - Fuck you. 577 00:22:25,218 --> 00:22:27,428 [laughter] 578 00:22:27,429 --> 00:22:29,221 - It's incredible. You stand on this chair. 579 00:22:29,222 --> 00:22:31,432 Look at the view you have that you don't even see. 580 00:22:31,433 --> 00:22:32,725 Look at that! 581 00:22:32,726 --> 00:22:34,435 That is the feature of this house. 582 00:22:34,436 --> 00:22:36,270 Why? Why don't you cut this down? 583 00:22:36,271 --> 00:22:38,064 - I like my privacy. 584 00:22:38,065 --> 00:22:40,107 - Well, what are you doing here that needs privacy? 585 00:22:40,108 --> 00:22:42,276 All you're doing is worshipping Satan and-- 586 00:22:42,277 --> 00:22:43,611 - [giggles] 587 00:22:43,612 --> 00:22:45,446 - Oh. 588 00:22:45,447 --> 00:22:48,282 I'm a little musical. I just wrote a song about you. 589 00:22:48,283 --> 00:22:50,034 Would you like to hear it? - Of course. 590 00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:52,203 - It may not be your style. 591 00:22:52,204 --> 00:22:53,245 - That's fine. 592 00:22:53,246 --> 00:22:54,288 - But it's close to heavy metal. 593 00:22:54,289 --> 00:22:55,373 - Okay. 594 00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:57,792 [gentle guitar music] 595 00:22:57,793 --> 00:23:00,461 - ♪ Katherina has a real cool band ♪ 596 00:23:00,462 --> 00:23:04,131 ♪ But they've only played two gigs in all the land ♪ 597 00:23:04,132 --> 00:23:07,134 ♪ I think calling herself a musician is a scam ♪ 598 00:23:07,135 --> 00:23:08,427 ♪ Katherina ♪ 599 00:23:08,428 --> 00:23:10,638 ♪ ♪ 600 00:23:10,639 --> 00:23:13,808 ♪ Katherina, she burps all the time ♪ 601 00:23:13,809 --> 00:23:17,144 ♪ It sounds just like a land mine ♪ 602 00:23:17,145 --> 00:23:19,814 ♪ I get frightened when Katherina burps ♪ 603 00:23:19,815 --> 00:23:21,273 ♪ She's Katherina ♪ 604 00:23:21,274 --> 00:23:23,192 ♪ ♪ 605 00:23:23,193 --> 00:23:26,529 ♪ Katherina gets mad when I say "Shtaad" ♪ 606 00:23:26,530 --> 00:23:29,532 ♪ She says that instead I should call it "Shtaad" ♪ 607 00:23:29,533 --> 00:23:31,826 ♪ I don't hear the fucking difference ♪ 608 00:23:31,827 --> 00:23:33,494 - It's Gstaad. - Gstaad. 609 00:23:33,495 --> 00:23:35,788 - Gstaad. - Gstaad. 610 00:23:35,789 --> 00:23:37,123 - Yeah. - Gstaad. 611 00:23:37,124 --> 00:23:38,833 - All close. 612 00:23:38,834 --> 00:23:41,001 [soft polka music] 613 00:23:41,002 --> 00:23:43,421 [screaming] 614 00:23:43,422 --> 00:23:46,507 [energetic heavy metal music] 615 00:23:46,508 --> 00:23:53,056 ♪ ♪ 616 00:24:03,024 --> 00:24:04,525 - Katherina! 617 00:24:04,526 --> 00:24:06,819 [cheers and applause] 618 00:24:06,820 --> 00:24:10,656 Right now, I'd like to keep a promise to you, Katherina. 619 00:24:10,657 --> 00:24:14,326 Many years ago, she did a contest on our show 620 00:24:14,327 --> 00:24:16,662 and I promised her a T-shirt. 621 00:24:16,663 --> 00:24:18,832 Katherina! 622 00:24:21,793 --> 00:24:23,919 Come on! 623 00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:25,880 ♪ Feldkirch ♪ 624 00:24:25,881 --> 00:24:27,756 ♪ I've seen much worse ♪ 625 00:24:27,757 --> 00:24:29,216 ♪ The people here are fine ♪ 626 00:24:29,217 --> 00:24:30,342 ♪ It looks like Liechtenstein ♪ 627 00:24:30,343 --> 00:24:32,052 ♪ Feldkirch ♪ 628 00:24:32,053 --> 00:24:34,221 [both screaming] 629 00:24:34,222 --> 00:24:38,517 ♪ ♪ 630 00:24:38,518 --> 00:24:40,561 ♪ It could be much worse ♪ 631 00:24:40,562 --> 00:24:41,896 - [screaming] 632 00:24:41,897 --> 00:24:43,189 [burp] 633 00:24:43,190 --> 00:24:46,233 [gentle folksy music] 634 00:24:46,234 --> 00:24:47,985 - Hey, quick fun fact-- 635 00:24:47,986 --> 00:24:52,490 the symbol of Austria is an eagle with a migraine. 636 00:24:52,491 --> 00:24:54,492 The other symbol of Austria-- 637 00:24:54,493 --> 00:24:56,660 the lion vaping. 638 00:24:56,661 --> 00:24:58,579 They were way ahead of the curve. 639 00:24:58,580 --> 00:25:00,080 Hey, quick question. - Yeah? 640 00:25:00,081 --> 00:25:03,542 - Who gave you the scarf, Groot? 641 00:25:03,543 --> 00:25:06,587 Groot called and he wants his scarf back. 642 00:25:06,588 --> 00:25:08,047 - It's actually Gru. 643 00:25:08,048 --> 00:25:10,090 - I said Gru. - I thought you said Groot. 644 00:25:10,091 --> 00:25:11,133 - No, I said Gru. 645 00:25:11,134 --> 00:25:12,760 - What is the fascination with Gru? 646 00:25:12,761 --> 00:25:14,053 I don't understand. - I'm doing reference-- 647 00:25:14,054 --> 00:25:15,429 - I'm wearing a scarf 'cause we're in the mountains. 648 00:25:15,430 --> 00:25:17,389 - This is what comedians do. They walk around. 649 00:25:17,390 --> 00:25:19,558 - How do you associate this with Gru? 650 00:25:19,559 --> 00:25:21,101 Does he wear a scarf? - He wears a scarf... 651 00:25:21,102 --> 00:25:22,436 - Okay. - A dark scarf. 652 00:25:22,437 --> 00:25:23,729 - But certainly, other people wear scarves. 653 00:25:23,730 --> 00:25:24,980 That guy over there is wearing a scarf. 654 00:25:24,981 --> 00:25:26,273 - Okay, look. 655 00:25:26,274 --> 00:25:28,442 Gru has a-- has some stripes in his. 656 00:25:28,443 --> 00:25:30,653 But the fact that you're just wearing a scarf, 657 00:25:30,654 --> 00:25:32,112 I think, gets-- - That's enough. 658 00:25:32,113 --> 00:25:33,739 - It gets me 40% of the way there. 659 00:25:33,740 --> 00:25:35,157 - Half the time you call him Gru, 660 00:25:35,158 --> 00:25:36,992 and half the time you call him Groot. 661 00:25:36,993 --> 00:25:40,246 - I don't know. It depends on how we edit it. 662 00:25:40,247 --> 00:25:42,957 And I'm usually the one that stops by editing 663 00:25:42,958 --> 00:25:45,709 and figures things out in my favor. 664 00:25:45,710 --> 00:25:48,045 Groot called and he wants his scarf back. 665 00:25:48,046 --> 00:25:50,214 Who gave you the scarf, Groot? 666 00:25:50,215 --> 00:25:51,715 Did Groot sell you this scarf? 667 00:25:51,716 --> 00:25:53,634 Who gave you the scarf, Groot? 668 00:25:53,635 --> 00:25:56,470 It turns out Feldkirch was just a short walk 669 00:25:56,471 --> 00:25:59,098 to the Austrian border, and I couldn't resist getting 670 00:25:59,099 --> 00:26:01,141 another stamp on my passport. 671 00:26:01,142 --> 00:26:02,977 Hey, check this out. 672 00:26:02,978 --> 00:26:07,481 Austria borders a tiny little country called Liechtenstein. 673 00:26:07,482 --> 00:26:11,151 It is the sixth smallest country in the world. 674 00:26:11,152 --> 00:26:13,028 It's right there. 675 00:26:13,029 --> 00:26:17,616 My deal with Max is that they pay me per country. 676 00:26:17,617 --> 00:26:20,287 [giggles] You see where I'm going with this? 677 00:26:22,372 --> 00:26:23,664 - Earth. 678 00:26:23,665 --> 00:26:25,457 Blah, blah, blah, defiler. 679 00:26:25,458 --> 00:26:27,793 Blah, blah, blah, Liechtenstein. 680 00:26:27,794 --> 00:26:30,337 [energetic polka music] 681 00:26:30,338 --> 00:26:34,633 ♪ ♪ 682 00:26:34,634 --> 00:26:36,343 - Liechtenstein! 683 00:26:36,344 --> 00:26:38,637 [laughs] 684 00:26:38,638 --> 00:26:45,604 ♪ ♪ 685 00:27:03,455 --> 00:27:05,456 That was Liechtenstein. 686 00:27:05,457 --> 00:27:06,665 Pay up, Max. 687 00:27:06,666 --> 00:27:08,125 [cash register dings] 688 00:27:08,126 --> 00:27:12,881 ♪ ♪ 689 00:27:16,384 --> 00:27:17,551 Don't scowl at me. 690 00:27:17,552 --> 00:27:20,512 [mellow polka music] 691 00:27:20,513 --> 00:27:22,264 - This is deranged. 692 00:27:22,265 --> 00:27:25,267 [jaunty polka music] 693 00:27:25,268 --> 00:27:26,935 ♪ ♪ 694 00:27:26,936 --> 00:27:30,397 - I gotta tell you, Jordan, what I love about Austria, 695 00:27:30,398 --> 00:27:31,774 or as you call it... 696 00:27:31,775 --> 00:27:34,234 - Oesterreich. - Oesterreich, 697 00:27:34,235 --> 00:27:36,779 is that every single building just looks 698 00:27:36,780 --> 00:27:38,405 old and cool and amazing. 699 00:27:38,406 --> 00:27:42,117 Did you know that this is a Popeyes fried chicken? 700 00:27:42,118 --> 00:27:44,328 Did you know what this is right here? 701 00:27:44,329 --> 00:27:46,664 - What's that? - That's a Waffle House! 702 00:27:46,665 --> 00:27:48,207 - A "vaffle" house? - It's gorgeous. 703 00:27:48,208 --> 00:27:49,583 Do you know what this is right here? 704 00:27:49,584 --> 00:27:51,585 - What's that? - It's a Lens Crafter. 705 00:27:51,586 --> 00:27:52,753 Do you know what that is right there? 706 00:27:52,754 --> 00:27:55,255 - What's that? - That's a Chipotle. 707 00:27:55,256 --> 00:28:01,345 I was there half an hour ago, and I got myself a chimichanga. 708 00:28:01,346 --> 00:28:07,602 And by the way, Gru called and wants his fucking scarf back. 709 00:28:11,481 --> 00:28:13,607 Clearly, the combination of jet lag and Jordan 710 00:28:13,608 --> 00:28:16,068 was putting a strain on my mental health. 711 00:28:16,069 --> 00:28:19,279 Luckily, I was in the birthplace of psychotherapy. 712 00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:22,074 I'm at the Freud Museum. 713 00:28:22,075 --> 00:28:28,414 This is the actual office where Freud practiced psychoanalysis. 714 00:28:28,415 --> 00:28:33,252 He was here from 1891 to, I believe, 1938. 715 00:28:33,253 --> 00:28:35,003 And this is Peter. Is that right, Peter? 716 00:28:35,004 --> 00:28:36,839 - Yeah. - It's very nice to see you. 717 00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:38,132 - Nice to see you, Conan. 718 00:28:38,133 --> 00:28:41,468 - This is the actual couch that his patients 719 00:28:41,469 --> 00:28:43,262 lay on as he analyzed them. 720 00:28:43,263 --> 00:28:44,346 Is that true? 721 00:28:44,347 --> 00:28:46,098 - That's incorrect. 722 00:28:46,099 --> 00:28:48,392 This is the couch where the people were waiting. 723 00:28:48,393 --> 00:28:50,270 The actual couch is in London. 724 00:28:51,855 --> 00:28:54,899 [laughter] 725 00:28:57,026 --> 00:29:00,821 - I was under the impression that, to come here today 726 00:29:00,822 --> 00:29:04,283 and to visit the museum, I needed to be dressed as Freud. 727 00:29:04,284 --> 00:29:05,743 Is that correct? 728 00:29:05,744 --> 00:29:08,912 - It's not necessary, but it's very nice to do so. 729 00:29:08,913 --> 00:29:12,000 [laughter] 730 00:29:15,253 --> 00:29:17,004 - Have you been in analysis? 731 00:29:17,005 --> 00:29:18,881 - No, I have not. 732 00:29:18,882 --> 00:29:20,716 - [in German accent] What is your name, please? 733 00:29:20,717 --> 00:29:22,342 - Helmut is my name. 734 00:29:22,343 --> 00:29:24,178 - Helmut. 735 00:29:24,179 --> 00:29:27,055 And tell me, Helmut... 736 00:29:27,056 --> 00:29:29,183 do you hate your father? 737 00:29:29,184 --> 00:29:32,186 - My father is a very respectable person. 738 00:29:32,187 --> 00:29:38,400 - Do you wish to kill your father and marry your mother? 739 00:29:38,401 --> 00:29:39,860 - I do not think so. 740 00:29:39,861 --> 00:29:42,696 - I am not asking you what you think. 741 00:29:42,697 --> 00:29:45,866 Do you wish to kill your father? 742 00:29:45,867 --> 00:29:48,994 If so, I know a guy who'll do it real cheap. 743 00:29:48,995 --> 00:29:50,454 He's very good. 744 00:29:50,455 --> 00:29:53,624 He'll make it look like a bicycle accident. 745 00:29:53,625 --> 00:29:57,795 Have you had any disturbing dreams recently, Helmut? 746 00:29:57,796 --> 00:30:02,883 - There is something like a motorized vehicle driving 747 00:30:02,884 --> 00:30:04,635 in and out of a tunnel. 748 00:30:04,636 --> 00:30:07,054 - Like an automobile? 749 00:30:07,055 --> 00:30:09,139 - Yes, correct. 750 00:30:09,140 --> 00:30:14,729 - Is the automobile shaped like your father's penis? 751 00:30:16,314 --> 00:30:19,358 - I do not know the looks of my father's penis. 752 00:30:19,359 --> 00:30:22,069 - Have you ever walked in on your father when he's stepping 753 00:30:22,070 --> 00:30:24,279 out of the shower and said, 754 00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:26,950 "Father, your scheidenhouser's out?" 755 00:30:28,535 --> 00:30:30,077 - No, I never did that. 756 00:30:30,078 --> 00:30:36,041 - When the automobile goes into the tunnel, does it says, 757 00:30:36,042 --> 00:30:37,084 "Here comes Daddy"? 758 00:30:37,085 --> 00:30:38,919 [laughter] 759 00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:40,254 I'd like to go through the five stages 760 00:30:40,255 --> 00:30:42,256 of psychosexual development. 761 00:30:42,257 --> 00:30:44,132 The oral stage. 762 00:30:44,133 --> 00:30:45,926 Then there's the anal stage. 763 00:30:45,927 --> 00:30:48,095 This is where you're putting food in your bottom 764 00:30:48,096 --> 00:30:51,765 while you're having sex, usually a goulash. 765 00:30:51,766 --> 00:30:53,600 Then there's the phallic stage. 766 00:30:53,601 --> 00:30:56,687 - Is eating cucumbers and carrots a symbol 767 00:30:56,688 --> 00:30:58,021 for the phallic stage? 768 00:30:58,022 --> 00:30:59,940 - Do you just eat the carrot and the cucumber? 769 00:30:59,941 --> 00:31:01,275 - Yes. 770 00:31:01,276 --> 00:31:03,277 - But first you lick it for a long time 771 00:31:03,278 --> 00:31:05,779 and then push it in and out of your mouth repeatedly. 772 00:31:05,780 --> 00:31:07,781 And then do you realize it's a penis 773 00:31:07,782 --> 00:31:11,619 and that you're in an alley with a guy named Ongee? 774 00:31:13,788 --> 00:31:15,622 - I never experienced that. 775 00:31:15,623 --> 00:31:17,291 - You have not? - No. 776 00:31:17,292 --> 00:31:18,917 - Well, I have. 777 00:31:18,918 --> 00:31:21,129 Ongee, call me if you see this. 778 00:31:22,839 --> 00:31:24,131 I had a good time. 779 00:31:24,132 --> 00:31:26,633 I'd like to see you again. 780 00:31:26,634 --> 00:31:28,468 Freud famously didn't say much. 781 00:31:28,469 --> 00:31:30,137 He just let the patients talk. 782 00:31:30,138 --> 00:31:33,098 My take on Freud is that he talked a lot 783 00:31:33,099 --> 00:31:36,476 and just did a lot of bits and said silly things 784 00:31:36,477 --> 00:31:38,645 that might play well on HBO Max. 785 00:31:38,646 --> 00:31:40,981 Or just Max, as they like to call it now. 786 00:31:40,982 --> 00:31:43,150 Because for some reason, they decided HBO 787 00:31:43,151 --> 00:31:46,111 was too prestigious a name. 788 00:31:46,112 --> 00:31:48,989 By the way, this is just a tape-on, not a glue-on beard. 789 00:31:48,990 --> 00:31:50,532 'Cause I've done so many travel shows, 790 00:31:50,533 --> 00:31:52,659 I didn't wanna put on a fucking glue-on beard. 791 00:31:52,660 --> 00:31:54,578 I just hosted the Oscars and you want me 792 00:31:54,579 --> 00:31:57,331 to glue a beard on like I'm in a high school production 793 00:31:57,332 --> 00:31:58,957 of "12 Angry Men?" 794 00:31:58,958 --> 00:32:01,293 They just keep pushing and pushing and pushing. 795 00:32:01,294 --> 00:32:04,004 But what about me? I just go and go and go and go. 796 00:32:04,005 --> 00:32:05,464 I'm like an old mule. 797 00:32:05,465 --> 00:32:07,257 My concern is that, in our business, 798 00:32:07,258 --> 00:32:11,011 they tend to age people out, especially in comedy. 799 00:32:11,012 --> 00:32:13,597 Now it's all about Nate Bargatze. 800 00:32:13,598 --> 00:32:17,517 Oh, Nate Bargatze, did you see him on "SNL"? 801 00:32:17,518 --> 00:32:18,685 He's so funny. 802 00:32:18,686 --> 00:32:22,356 And so here I am, dressed as Freud, 803 00:32:22,357 --> 00:32:24,900 doing this travel show thing again. 804 00:32:24,901 --> 00:32:26,985 I haven't seen my wife in months. 805 00:32:26,986 --> 00:32:28,236 My children hate me. 806 00:32:28,237 --> 00:32:30,197 And then I look at the other travel shows. 807 00:32:30,198 --> 00:32:34,034 Eva Longoria, she just goes to Mexico City. 808 00:32:34,035 --> 00:32:35,369 And oh, look at me. 809 00:32:35,370 --> 00:32:37,371 I'm all dressed up and I'm all pretty and look at me. 810 00:32:37,372 --> 00:32:41,041 Oh, I just ate some delicious food and I had a glass of wine. 811 00:32:41,042 --> 00:32:43,377 That was delicious. And cut. 812 00:32:43,378 --> 00:32:45,045 Go back to your hotel room. 813 00:32:45,046 --> 00:32:47,547 It's a five-star, Eva Longoria. 814 00:32:47,548 --> 00:32:50,175 Or Stanley Tucci, what the fuck? 815 00:32:50,176 --> 00:32:53,011 He just tastes things and says, "This is delicious," 816 00:32:53,012 --> 00:32:54,513 and they go, "Oh, you like it?" 817 00:32:54,514 --> 00:32:56,515 And "Oh, boy, I feel like there's an explosion 818 00:32:56,516 --> 00:32:58,058 of joy in my mouth." 819 00:32:58,059 --> 00:32:59,643 And cut. 820 00:32:59,644 --> 00:33:03,981 Go back to your hotel room, Stanley Tucci, we got it. 821 00:33:03,982 --> 00:33:05,482 Hey, what's Conan doing? 822 00:33:05,483 --> 00:33:07,818 Well, he's got a glue-on beard, he's dressed as Freud, 823 00:33:07,819 --> 00:33:10,237 and he's doing a whole bit. 824 00:33:10,238 --> 00:33:11,738 He's getting old. 825 00:33:11,739 --> 00:33:14,324 In ten minutes, we're gonna put him on a trapeze. 826 00:33:14,325 --> 00:33:15,909 He's gonna fall and break his hip, 827 00:33:15,910 --> 00:33:16,994 and then we're gonna say, 828 00:33:16,995 --> 00:33:18,912 "Now it's time for you to go to Guam. 829 00:33:18,913 --> 00:33:20,747 "Hurry, Conan. 830 00:33:20,748 --> 00:33:22,332 "We're not gonna pay you the old rates 831 00:33:22,333 --> 00:33:23,750 "'cause it's streaming now. 832 00:33:23,751 --> 00:33:25,252 "We don't have that kind of money anymore. 833 00:33:25,253 --> 00:33:26,962 You're just gonna get what you get." 834 00:33:26,963 --> 00:33:28,714 And then it comes out and someone says, 835 00:33:28,715 --> 00:33:31,967 "I saw it on an airplane. It was pretty funny." 836 00:33:31,968 --> 00:33:34,594 And I'm like, "Pretty funny? I broke my hip." 837 00:33:34,595 --> 00:33:35,762 They push me and push me, 838 00:33:35,763 --> 00:33:38,265 and Jeff Ross is in the background chewing gum 839 00:33:38,266 --> 00:33:40,267 and saying it looks pretty good. 840 00:33:40,268 --> 00:33:41,768 And he shrugs and says, "I don't know. 841 00:33:41,769 --> 00:33:43,770 I don't eat bread these days." 842 00:33:43,771 --> 00:33:46,231 And I'm like, well, what the fuck? 843 00:33:46,232 --> 00:33:47,607 So you don't eat bread? 844 00:33:47,608 --> 00:33:49,276 Is that something we're gonna talk about now? 845 00:33:49,277 --> 00:33:50,986 We're gonna die soon and we're talking 846 00:33:50,987 --> 00:33:52,612 about not eating bread? 847 00:33:52,613 --> 00:33:53,989 And the writers, they don't care. 848 00:33:53,990 --> 00:33:56,158 You know, I just say shit that comes out of my head 849 00:33:56,159 --> 00:33:58,452 and then written by those guys. 850 00:33:58,453 --> 00:33:59,619 Oh, wow. 851 00:33:59,620 --> 00:34:01,246 That sounds great. 852 00:34:01,247 --> 00:34:03,790 Emmys for everybody. 853 00:34:03,791 --> 00:34:08,211 - Dr. Freud, I'm sorry, I think your session is over. 854 00:34:08,212 --> 00:34:11,299 [air hissing] 855 00:34:44,999 --> 00:34:48,086 - So same time next week? 856 00:34:49,879 --> 00:34:52,672 [somber music] 857 00:34:52,673 --> 00:34:55,175 ♪ ♪ 858 00:34:55,176 --> 00:34:57,302 Here's another symbol of Austria-- 859 00:34:57,303 --> 00:35:01,181 Zeus leaving a strip club at 4:00 in the morning. 860 00:35:01,182 --> 00:35:05,644 Oh, I can't find my pants. 861 00:35:05,645 --> 00:35:09,189 Jordan, remember earlier when I was doing that kind of riff 862 00:35:09,190 --> 00:35:10,982 about you being Gru? 863 00:35:10,983 --> 00:35:12,192 - Yes, I did. 864 00:35:12,193 --> 00:35:13,693 - Well, I got a little present for you right here. 865 00:35:13,694 --> 00:35:16,113 Yeah. Yeah. Look at that. 866 00:35:16,114 --> 00:35:17,155 Perfect. 867 00:35:17,156 --> 00:35:19,783 Hey, Austria, check it out. 868 00:35:19,784 --> 00:35:21,368 It's Gru. 869 00:35:21,369 --> 00:35:22,869 Hey, you don't like the scarf? 870 00:35:22,870 --> 00:35:25,038 Don't worry. It'll Gru on you. 871 00:35:25,039 --> 00:35:28,291 [laughs] 872 00:35:28,292 --> 00:35:31,378 We got Gru over here, and I'm a minion. 873 00:35:31,379 --> 00:35:33,505 Bleep. Bleep. Blurp. Blurp. 874 00:35:33,506 --> 00:35:34,674 - No one's with you. 875 00:35:36,592 --> 00:35:38,051 - Hi. Where are you from? 876 00:35:38,052 --> 00:35:40,011 - I'm from Kazakhstan. - You're from Kazakhstan? 877 00:35:40,012 --> 00:35:41,012 - Yeah, yeah. 878 00:35:41,013 --> 00:35:42,389 - Have you seen "Despicable Me"? 879 00:35:42,390 --> 00:35:43,932 - No. - Okay, well, guess what? 880 00:35:43,933 --> 00:35:46,059 There's a guy in it, and his name is Gru. 881 00:35:46,060 --> 00:35:48,353 - I guess it's you. 882 00:35:48,354 --> 00:35:50,063 - Yes! Yes! 883 00:35:50,064 --> 00:35:51,565 - Actually, Kazakhstan loves you. 884 00:35:51,566 --> 00:35:53,525 - Kazakhstan loves me? - Yeah, very much. 885 00:35:53,526 --> 00:35:55,235 - I should go to Kazakhstan. - Yes. 886 00:35:55,236 --> 00:35:56,570 - You know who should I bring with me? 887 00:35:56,571 --> 00:35:57,696 Gru. - Gru. 888 00:35:57,697 --> 00:35:59,573 - I should bring Gru with me. 889 00:35:59,574 --> 00:36:01,199 - Okay, it was so nice to meet you. 890 00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:02,742 - Yeah, when a fan is cutting it off... 891 00:36:02,743 --> 00:36:04,077 - Bye-bye. 892 00:36:04,078 --> 00:36:05,745 - You know that I've gone too far. 893 00:36:05,746 --> 00:36:07,665 [laughter] 894 00:36:13,254 --> 00:36:14,171 - Please don't. 895 00:36:14,172 --> 00:36:17,257 - I think I'm losing my mind. - Sure. 896 00:36:17,258 --> 00:36:20,719 [choral singing] 897 00:36:20,720 --> 00:36:23,221 - The Vienna Boys Choir, 898 00:36:23,222 --> 00:36:25,265 just known throughout the world, 899 00:36:25,266 --> 00:36:28,768 a 525-year tradition. 900 00:36:28,769 --> 00:36:31,521 These are three members of the Vienna Boys Choir? 901 00:36:31,522 --> 00:36:32,606 - Yes. 902 00:36:32,607 --> 00:36:33,815 - These are the hats that you wear. 903 00:36:33,816 --> 00:36:35,066 - Yes. - Can you put the hats on? 904 00:36:35,067 --> 00:36:36,651 Can I see them with the hats? 905 00:36:36,652 --> 00:36:39,154 It looks like you three would have a tiny submarine together. 906 00:36:39,155 --> 00:36:40,947 What does it say up on top there? 907 00:36:40,948 --> 00:36:42,282 - Wiener Sangerknaben. 908 00:36:42,283 --> 00:36:43,993 - Which is? - Vienna Boys Choir. 909 00:36:45,328 --> 00:36:46,953 - Right. 910 00:36:46,954 --> 00:36:48,788 Do you all live in bunk beds, you know, 911 00:36:48,789 --> 00:36:50,457 one bed on top of another? 912 00:36:50,458 --> 00:36:52,167 - Well, there's one bunk bed. Yes. 913 00:36:52,168 --> 00:36:55,754 - One bunk bed with like-- that's 100 feet high? 914 00:36:55,755 --> 00:36:57,297 And the top kids sometimes rolls over 915 00:36:57,298 --> 00:36:59,591 and falls to his death? 916 00:36:59,592 --> 00:37:01,092 - There's nothing you can do about it. 917 00:37:01,093 --> 00:37:02,093 - Yeah. 918 00:37:02,094 --> 00:37:03,261 Hey, every now and then you lose a kid. 919 00:37:03,262 --> 00:37:04,971 That's what happens, right? 920 00:37:04,972 --> 00:37:06,139 - Yes. 921 00:37:06,140 --> 00:37:07,224 - You ever hear him just go by-- 922 00:37:07,225 --> 00:37:08,391 [screams] 923 00:37:08,392 --> 00:37:10,603 And you're like, he's a little off pitch. 924 00:37:13,481 --> 00:37:14,773 Oh, wow. - Hey. 925 00:37:14,774 --> 00:37:16,233 - Look at this. - Yeah. 926 00:37:16,234 --> 00:37:17,651 - They all stood up. Thank you. 927 00:37:17,652 --> 00:37:20,737 [choral singing] 928 00:37:20,738 --> 00:37:25,617 ♪ ♪ 929 00:37:25,618 --> 00:37:27,827 [singing mock German] - Very nice. 930 00:37:27,828 --> 00:37:32,165 ♪ ♪ 931 00:37:32,166 --> 00:37:35,168 - [singing mock German] 932 00:37:35,169 --> 00:37:41,675 ♪ ♪ 933 00:37:41,676 --> 00:37:45,470 [singing high-pitched mock German] 934 00:37:45,471 --> 00:37:49,516 ♪ ♪ 935 00:37:49,517 --> 00:37:53,144 How am I supposed to do this if you're laughing? 936 00:37:53,145 --> 00:37:56,481 I am now your conductor, okay? 937 00:37:56,482 --> 00:38:02,195 Everything I do, you keep your eye on me, okay? 938 00:38:02,196 --> 00:38:05,365 Stare right into these eyes. 939 00:38:05,366 --> 00:38:08,702 Never lose concentration. 940 00:38:08,703 --> 00:38:10,870 Do you understand? Good. 941 00:38:10,871 --> 00:38:12,539 Go to the bank. 942 00:38:12,540 --> 00:38:14,708 Rob the bank. 943 00:38:14,709 --> 00:38:17,377 Give me the money. 944 00:38:17,378 --> 00:38:21,047 Yes, my perfect robot. 945 00:38:21,048 --> 00:38:22,591 [choir sings note] 946 00:38:23,718 --> 00:38:25,594 [choir sings three notes] 947 00:38:27,388 --> 00:38:29,889 [choral singing] 948 00:38:29,890 --> 00:38:37,023 ♪ ♪ 949 00:38:42,028 --> 00:38:43,445 choir: ♪ Bom, bom, ding, ding ♪ [triangle dings] 950 00:38:43,446 --> 00:38:47,741 ♪ Bom, bom, ding, ding ♪ [triangle dings] 951 00:38:47,742 --> 00:38:50,744 [choral singing] 952 00:38:50,745 --> 00:38:57,877 ♪ ♪ 953 00:39:01,505 --> 00:39:02,715 [singing stops] 954 00:39:08,512 --> 00:39:11,557 - [speaking German] 955 00:39:24,445 --> 00:39:27,448 [applause] 956 00:39:32,661 --> 00:39:34,454 [choral singing] 957 00:39:34,455 --> 00:39:37,457 [Conan singing along in high-pitched tone] 958 00:39:37,458 --> 00:39:44,590 ♪ ♪ 959 00:40:17,915 --> 00:40:20,960 [cheers and applause] 960 00:40:23,712 --> 00:40:26,757 - [speaking German] 961 00:40:30,678 --> 00:40:34,180 - Despite its cold climate, I found the people of Austria 962 00:40:34,181 --> 00:40:37,809 to be warm, funny, 963 00:40:37,810 --> 00:40:41,855 and most of all, hygienic. 964 00:40:41,856 --> 00:40:43,064 And I've never been to a country 965 00:40:43,065 --> 00:40:45,066 that was more tolerant of my singing. 966 00:40:45,067 --> 00:40:46,568 [yodels] 967 00:40:46,569 --> 00:40:47,735 [screams] 968 00:40:47,736 --> 00:40:49,988 [singing out-of-tune notes] 969 00:40:49,989 --> 00:40:51,865 Thank you, Austria. 970 00:40:51,866 --> 00:40:53,700 You gave me so much. 971 00:40:53,701 --> 00:40:56,579 It's only fair I give you something in return. 972 00:40:58,956 --> 00:41:01,708 [Beethoven's Symphony No. 9] 973 00:41:01,709 --> 00:41:08,799 ♪ ♪ 974 00:41:17,266 --> 00:41:19,184 - [in German accent] The id is the primitive urges. 975 00:41:19,185 --> 00:41:22,520 Those are the urges for the food and the sex, 976 00:41:22,521 --> 00:41:25,565 things that the caveman would be interested in. 977 00:41:25,566 --> 00:41:28,985 The ego, or the Eggo, is a waffle. 978 00:41:28,986 --> 00:41:30,570 It can be reheated. 979 00:41:30,571 --> 00:41:32,363 It is frozen but can be reheated. 980 00:41:32,364 --> 00:41:34,407 It's popular for the children in the morning 981 00:41:34,408 --> 00:41:36,659 when they're trying to get to school. 982 00:41:36,660 --> 00:41:39,829 The super-Eggo is a more expensive Eggo. 983 00:41:39,830 --> 00:41:44,542 It is an Eggo that has a buttermilk mixture in it 984 00:41:44,543 --> 00:41:46,252 and it is used with the syrup. 985 00:41:46,253 --> 00:41:49,088 It costs a little more, but if you love your children, 986 00:41:49,089 --> 00:41:50,757 it's worth it. 987 00:41:50,758 --> 00:41:53,760 [bright classical music] 988 00:41:53,761 --> 00:42:00,893 ♪ ♪