1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:06,920 This programme contains strong language, scenes of nudity and scenes that some viewers may find upsetting 2 00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:10,680 # I'm the great pretender Pretending that I'm doing well 3 00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:18,560 # My need is such I pretend too much 4 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:23,600 # I'm lonely, but no-one can tell... # 5 00:00:26,520 --> 00:00:28,040 25 days ago... 6 00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:29,680 This is nuts. 7 00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:31,920 It's real, man. Woo. 8 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:34,360 ..11 ordinary people... Wow. 9 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:37,320 ..were each dropped alone across the Canadian wilderness. 10 00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:38,720 BEAR ROARS 11 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:40,560 Sneak attack. 12 00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:42,200 There's a bear. 13 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:45,000 They're filming their struggle... 14 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:47,080 I am starving. 15 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:48,960 Feel like I'm going crazy. 16 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:50,960 Ahh, ahh! 17 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,200 Fuck. 18 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:55,840 ..as they compete to last the longest... 19 00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:57,600 ..totally alone. 20 00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,120 SHE STRAINS 21 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:03,400 They've battled with predators... 22 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:04,920 Oh, my God. 23 00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:06,840 Hey! Go away! 24 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:09,400 Fear, panic, anxiety. 25 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:12,080 ..and suffered intense isolation. 26 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:15,480 Being alone here is like nothing I've ever felt before. 27 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:18,360 Ahh! Nailed myself. 28 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:22,000 For seven of them, the challenge was too much. 29 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:23,760 I don't know what's wrong with me. 30 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:26,640 I feel like a scared little boy. 31 00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:29,080 Now, four remain. 32 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:30,520 What the hell? 33 00:01:30,560 --> 00:01:32,320 "You've made it to the final four." 34 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:34,960 Oh, my God. Jeez. 35 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:37,360 Who has what it takes... 36 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:39,160 We're good to go! 37 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,520 ..to survive the longest... Yeah! 38 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:44,920 ..and win £100,000? 39 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:47,880 Freedoooom! 40 00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:14,640 Getting that news yesterday that we're down to the last four, 41 00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:17,480 it definitely has given me more invigoration. 42 00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:20,800 I feel more special, being in the last four. 43 00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:27,160 Being told I was in the final four was amazing. 44 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,480 Winning it would change everything. 45 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:35,840 I've surprised myself each day that I've been out here, 46 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:38,840 with my strength, my bravery. 47 00:02:38,880 --> 00:02:40,320 It's a good feeling. 48 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:47,680 But this final four could be a really strong four, you know? 49 00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:49,440 But I have to win it. 50 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:56,680 I've got a bit of a new lease of life. 51 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:02,520 I could be in with a chance here, it's absolutely incredible. 52 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:04,640 SHE LAUGHS 53 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:06,040 SHE SIGHS 54 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:10,640 For everyone, after 25 days, 55 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:14,200 finding enough food remains key to winning the competition. 56 00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:19,320 Big day today. 57 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:22,320 My fishing is just not working. 58 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:25,240 So, Operation Snare. 59 00:03:25,280 --> 00:03:28,040 And in honour of that... 60 00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:30,360 ..going to put some warrior paint on. 61 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:41,320 I'm going to channel the warrior queens from the past 62 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:45,640 to help me...catch my rabbits. 63 00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:51,080 When I was about 16, I read this book by this female explorer, 64 00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:53,200 Alexandra David-Neel. 65 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:56,200 She went on this 14-year journey all around Asia. 66 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:58,920 And her story was just so inspiring that it kind of 67 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:01,160 always stayed with me. 68 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:03,640 I decided to follow in her footsteps. 69 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:06,600 I chose to do it in the old equipment - 70 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:09,360 wooden backpack, yak wool coat. 71 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:13,440 One more for luck, where shall I put it? 72 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,040 There. 73 00:04:15,080 --> 00:04:17,880 If this woman could've done that back in 1900, 74 00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:20,920 when women weren't supposed to do these things, 75 00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:24,760 then I always think, "Well, I can be that brave now." 76 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:26,280 We're ready to go. 77 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:28,040 WHISPERS: Let's do it. 78 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:31,000 I am starving. 79 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:32,320 Gloves. 80 00:04:34,360 --> 00:04:37,080 This is the first time I've ever used snares. 81 00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:38,800 This is a lifeline. 82 00:04:38,840 --> 00:04:41,240 And we're going to catch some food. 83 00:04:42,480 --> 00:04:44,280 Watch this space. 84 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:53,760 Does Naomi get a fish today? 85 00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:59,680 I've had one fish in a week, 86 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:02,760 and it wasn't a huge fish. 87 00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:05,480 So, I'm slowly starving myself. 88 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:08,560 With winter closing in, 89 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,640 water levels in the MacKenzie River have dropped, 90 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:13,400 making fish scarce. 91 00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:19,600 I'm desperate for some fish. 92 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:21,000 Just desperate. 93 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:26,440 I wonder if other people are as hungry as I am. 94 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,240 I'm going to do some hand-lining, 95 00:05:30,280 --> 00:05:34,720 because I'm still not giving up on the fish. 96 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:36,120 I know it's getting colder 97 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:38,880 but I don't want to give up on them just yet. 98 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:55,720 Got one! 99 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,000 Got one. 100 00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:01,960 No! 101 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:06,240 No! Ohh! 102 00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:10,080 I got one, and it frickin' went back in! 103 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:17,920 That is really frustrating. 104 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:21,400 SHE SCREAMS 105 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:33,080 Oh, fish on. 106 00:06:33,120 --> 00:06:35,440 Fuck! 107 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:36,480 Ohh. 108 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:41,320 Despite being the most experienced at fishing, 109 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:44,360 Tom has also been struggling to land a catch. 110 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:47,040 Come on, baby. Ohh! 111 00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,840 Man. 112 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:53,640 Most people think I've got my shit together. 113 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,560 I haven't got my shit together. 114 00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:00,240 People don't see the impostor syndrome that I have within. 115 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:06,560 This fat kid who came bottom of my school? 116 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:09,080 He's still there, I still live with him. 117 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:12,800 I can feel myself hangrier. 118 00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:18,040 Extremely hard to keep yourself motivated and upbeat 119 00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:19,360 when you're hungry. 120 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:22,880 My mum was a bit dysfunctional. 121 00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:26,960 She had a heart of gold, but she struggled with alcohol. 122 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:30,560 Probably didn't help towards me becoming bottom of my school. 123 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:36,160 So, my confidence has been crushed from childhood, 124 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:39,760 but winning this competition would change my life. 125 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:41,440 I would dispel my impostor syndrome. 126 00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:44,640 Maybe it'd exorcise my childhood, thinking that, 127 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:47,520 "Hey, you know, I'm not so bad after all." 128 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:54,640 Fish on. 129 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:00,360 Noooo! 130 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:03,680 Fuuuck. 131 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:10,600 Fuck! How close was that? 132 00:08:10,640 --> 00:08:14,520 Ohh. The agony. No fish. 133 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:18,000 If I don't catch any fish, I'm in real trouble. 134 00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:26,480 I'm sick, I feel really, really ill. 135 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:31,280 It's a very rich fat on the pike. 136 00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:33,960 My guts aren't happy at all. 137 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:36,600 Alan has struggled to digest fish, 138 00:08:36,640 --> 00:08:39,520 but has yet to find an alternative food source. 139 00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:43,400 I just had a sudden wave of feeling that... 140 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:46,760 ..if I died here, in the woods, away from my family, 141 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:50,320 and they never saw me again, that would be just awful. 142 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:55,120 Steffy and I have been together for ten years now, 143 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:58,000 and have two beautiful children. 144 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:00,040 She is wonderful. 145 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:02,880 Steffy and Killian are both diagnosed autistic, 146 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,880 so they get on pretty well in their own little way. 147 00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:11,040 Killian's just like, "Dad, I'll miss you, 148 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:14,000 "but you need to win and buy me a dog. 149 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:17,000 "And then we're cool." All right, son. 150 00:09:18,680 --> 00:09:21,400 And then, Lily, who's five, she's just like, 151 00:09:21,440 --> 00:09:23,760 "Daddy, come home straight away." 152 00:09:23,800 --> 00:09:25,800 And I'm sure she'll give me a very big cuddle, 153 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:27,320 and it'll be all right. 154 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:33,560 Oh, that was a sudden pang of grief for them. 155 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,680 If anything were to happen, 156 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:40,240 my beautiful wife and my beautiful kids... 157 00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:46,680 ..you know how much I love you. 158 00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:00,320 Oh, God. 159 00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,680 Totally exhausted. 160 00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:05,200 When you feel like this, you can't really do anything, 161 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:07,000 so you just have to sit. 162 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:10,000 And that's when you start thinking about food. 163 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:13,400 I'm going to appreciate every single thing I eat. 164 00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:16,480 Like, if I go to someone's house and there's nibbles out, you know, 165 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:19,080 "Oh, my God, nibbles." 166 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:22,200 Even just a crisp, you know? Oh... 167 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:32,480 Ohh. 168 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:35,080 Starving... 169 00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:39,480 ..is not very much fun. I would say zero fun. 170 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:43,840 And no way to go about your business. 171 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:48,240 I live in a constant anxiety over food. 172 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:50,000 It's so depressing. 173 00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:52,560 You go into that spiral. 174 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:56,680 It really mentally...knocks you. 175 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:13,920 It's hard to move, really genuinely drained. 176 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:16,800 Obviously, I've got no fuel in me. 177 00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:18,480 Minimal fuel. 178 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,360 Erm... 179 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:25,200 That's only going to get worse. 180 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:29,920 I feel really weak, dizzy... just bad. 181 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,000 I'm just torturing myself. 182 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:35,400 I've got to eat today. 183 00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:41,320 I'm going to check my trap line. 184 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:44,240 And if there's nothing in it, I'm going home. 185 00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:02,160 Last roll of the dice. 186 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:05,960 Do want that 100 grand. 187 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:08,480 There's a possibility that there's no-one here who's been 188 00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,320 able to snare animals. 189 00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:14,200 There's a small chance I could get it. 190 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:19,960 Right, I am off, wish me luck. 191 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,440 No? All right. 192 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,640 If there's one animal, then I can stay. 193 00:12:27,560 --> 00:12:31,440 Alan has set 18 snare traps across the forest. 194 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,400 Could still get something, it can still happen. 195 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:38,600 Nothing in there. 196 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:44,240 I'm out here for my kids, you know, 197 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:47,320 making a better future for my kids. 198 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,320 I'm well out of breath. 199 00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:58,800 I'd love to go back with 100,000, just to be like, 200 00:12:58,840 --> 00:13:01,080 "OK, just for a bit... 201 00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:05,960 "..let's just not worry about money." 202 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:09,120 I don't want nothing forever. 203 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:10,920 What about this one? 204 00:13:12,840 --> 00:13:14,840 No good. 205 00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:17,600 Something's been through and knocked that one over. 206 00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:22,280 "Close but no cigar," so they say. 207 00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:26,320 I'm losing hope. 208 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:29,200 Ohh. 209 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:32,440 I've got one more trap. 210 00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:36,840 And there it is. 211 00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:40,000 That's the end of this trap line... 212 00:13:40,040 --> 00:13:41,880 ..and there's nothing. 213 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:04,880 It's all right if... HE SNIFFLES 214 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:09,480 ..the first time I cry in 15 years is off-camera. 215 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,320 Shall we do it? 216 00:14:15,360 --> 00:14:17,640 We have to do it. 217 00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:20,160 There's no way round it. 218 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:21,480 Ohh. 219 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:29,040 I'm tapping out, I'm really, really sick, and I need to go home. 220 00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:38,920 I've cried. 221 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,920 That's a win. 222 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,920 That's a win for Alan's personal development. 223 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:55,760 They're coming. 224 00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:58,120 There he is. 225 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:01,040 Here's a chopper. 226 00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:11,480 Alan? I heard a human voice. 227 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:17,120 You all right? Not feeling the best. 228 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:22,200 I did everything I could to stay in. 229 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,800 But I'm sick. Really sick. 230 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:34,440 Unbelievably hardcore. 231 00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:35,960 It was mad. 232 00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:40,720 I just had to give up on fighting, I had to stop. 233 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:46,800 I want to see my loved ones, 234 00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:49,800 but, you know, I feel like I've let them down. 235 00:15:56,400 --> 00:16:00,760 Gotta tell my wife I've not won the 100,000. 236 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:04,200 Their life isn't going to be vastly easier when we get home. 237 00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:07,520 I'm really sad about it. 238 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:32,560 I'm going to check my gillnet. 239 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:34,760 I want to know if I've got any fish. 240 00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:39,680 I'm not really expecting anything. 241 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:46,840 Look at that. 242 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:50,520 I just can't believe it. 243 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:53,760 That's madness. 244 00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:59,440 I got a fish! Yes! 245 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,040 Fish dance. 246 00:17:06,920 --> 00:17:11,440 The starvation - I was getting beyond hungry. 247 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:19,840 OK. That should keep me going for a couple of days. 248 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:24,040 Yeees! 249 00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:33,640 It is a small fish, but it's food. 250 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:39,280 To win this competition is not something I've allowed myself 251 00:17:39,320 --> 00:17:41,480 to think about. 252 00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:45,440 But now "what if I won this" does come to your mind. 253 00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:50,920 I want people to see the tough side of me, the strong side of me, 254 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:54,600 because I really struggled in day-to-day life to find that. 255 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,880 Oh! 256 00:17:56,920 --> 00:18:00,120 It's really good to finally put something in my body again. 257 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:12,360 I can feel my wrist hurting, which is not a good sign. 258 00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:16,080 It's making this kind of rubbing feeling inside. 259 00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:20,320 I think I've managed to get repetitive strain injury. 260 00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:23,840 Just can't deal with two, three hours a day of fishing. 261 00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:28,960 I'm so vulnerable right now. 262 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,680 I've really gotta think about alternative food sources 263 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:34,160 or I'm done. 264 00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,400 With fishing no longer an option, 265 00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:40,320 Tom must rely on his rabbit snares for food. 266 00:18:40,360 --> 00:18:42,200 Let's go and check the snares. 267 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,360 I've never done snaring before. 268 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:50,400 This one's been moved over here and made smaller. 269 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:52,240 And it's happened there again. 270 00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:56,640 Is that something getting its leg caught in it 271 00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:58,120 and then pulling it out? 272 00:18:58,160 --> 00:19:01,000 Cos it's not getting its head caught in it. 273 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:03,480 But that is something going on, isn't it? 274 00:19:05,760 --> 00:19:08,920 I do have some worry about the fact I've not done much snaring, 275 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:12,000 and most of my experience comes from watching YouTube videos. 276 00:19:13,240 --> 00:19:16,280 Same thing's happened again. 277 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:18,680 I'm rolling the dice with a lot of this stuff. 278 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:21,960 I'm having to learn on the job, so, yeah, it's kind of scary. 279 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,320 They're closing my snares down to this... 280 00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:31,680 ..and getting away. I'm at a bit of a loss, to be honest. 281 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:40,840 If I'm not catching rabbits and you don't catch fish, 282 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,280 you tap out pretty quickly. 283 00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:45,200 You don't just sit there and starve. 284 00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:48,000 Fuck! 285 00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:07,040 I'm literally walking tiny, tiny steps. 286 00:20:08,840 --> 00:20:13,040 I've never been this tired. I can barely walk. 287 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:15,480 Elise has left the safety of camp 288 00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:17,760 to check her snares for small game. 289 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,720 There's nothing in this one. 290 00:20:24,320 --> 00:20:28,040 Just plays so much with your mind. 291 00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:32,400 I'm not catching any food, everything becomes a lot darker... 292 00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:34,160 ..and really tough. 293 00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:42,080 Crazy how much your mind turns to jelly. 294 00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:46,600 It's just completely deteriorated today. 295 00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:52,120 I'm sure I walked towards the forest. 296 00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,320 WHISPERING: Jesus Christ. 297 00:20:59,640 --> 00:21:01,720 Feel like I'm being played with. 298 00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:12,760 I've just got totally lost. 299 00:21:16,120 --> 00:21:18,200 All looks the fucking same. 300 00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:26,200 My mind is so tired, I can't even, like, think. 301 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:30,360 Come on, Lise, please. 302 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:33,400 Oh, God. 303 00:21:36,120 --> 00:21:37,560 Fuck's sake. 304 00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:43,800 I'm just gone. 305 00:21:45,920 --> 00:21:50,120 Not sure how much more I can last, to be honest. 306 00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:52,200 Like, if I was left here... 307 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:56,680 ..I would probably die, at the rate I'm going. 308 00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:17,320 I walked ten metres just to check my trap. 309 00:22:19,360 --> 00:22:20,760 Totally lost. 310 00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:26,480 I mean, I think it's that way. 311 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,040 I could just walk and hope. 312 00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,040 Elise has become disorientated 313 00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:38,560 while checking snares close to her shelter. 314 00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:40,640 I'm completely exhausted, 315 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:43,240 just like mentally and physically. 316 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:50,040 OK, which way now? 317 00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:58,640 Oh, thank God. 318 00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:00,440 There's a piece of paracord. 319 00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:10,680 Crazy, so thank God I marked my trail, 320 00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:14,160 otherwise I'd be lost still, I'm sure of it. 321 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:17,960 I need to be more careful. 322 00:23:19,680 --> 00:23:22,800 I live to fight another day. 323 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:24,400 It's all I can do. 324 00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:49,920 I've been in a bit of a down mood, 325 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:52,720 and it's... I don't like it. 326 00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:57,600 As strong as I've been, 327 00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:00,240 more than the hunger or the exhaustion, 328 00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:05,680 I've never been away... from my son this long. 329 00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:07,800 Sorry, I'm just having... 330 00:24:09,360 --> 00:24:11,400 TEARFULLY: Just having a hard day. 331 00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:24,840 Can't believe how much I've aged. 332 00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:28,560 Need to charcoal my teeth again. 333 00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:34,840 I just put my trousers on this morning, 334 00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:37,080 and I went into my last buckle. 335 00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:39,440 After that, I need to make a new hole - 336 00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:42,920 and that's the fifth inch I've gone down in my waist. 337 00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:44,440 It's terrifying. 338 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:48,360 QUIETLY: # Don't worry 339 00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:53,160 # About a thing 340 00:24:57,800 --> 00:24:59,840 # Cos every little thing 341 00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:03,680 # Gonna be all right... # 342 00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:24,240 Today, the thought of getting up and starting my day 343 00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:28,680 and then getting back into that shelter without my family.... 344 00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:34,840 ..I couldn't bring myself to go through that another night. 345 00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:44,600 I have struggled with depression. 346 00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:50,000 And so, when I feel like I'm going slowly into that depression again, 347 00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:52,840 I know that's my limit. 348 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:56,000 I can't be that person again, I can't be that mum. 349 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:04,120 The thought of forcing myself to the end, 350 00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:07,320 but putting myself in that mental state, 351 00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:09,600 it's not worth it. 352 00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:15,680 No amount of money is worth going back to that. 353 00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:20,000 Today is the first time I've really experienced that change, 354 00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:21,840 and that's why... 355 00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:25,600 ..my journey needs to end today. 356 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:49,360 Wow, that was really hard. 357 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,520 I didn't think it'd be that hard to send that message. 358 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:05,240 But I know it's the right decision for me. 359 00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:07,720 Mummy's coming home, Barnaby. 360 00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:13,080 I'm coming home. 361 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:28,040 I'm so much stronger than I ever imagined. 362 00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:33,720 I can be cold, I can go hungry. 363 00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:36,400 They were never going to be my reasons for leaving, 364 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:40,440 but I miss my son, I miss my family. 365 00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:43,800 I want to go home. I want to see Barnaby. 366 00:27:43,840 --> 00:27:46,200 I know he's going to love what I've done out here 367 00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:49,240 and I know he's going to be really proud of me. 368 00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:02,240 Despite the pain in his wrist, 369 00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:05,280 Tom has decided to try fishing again. 370 00:28:05,320 --> 00:28:07,720 Fish on. 371 00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,080 Come on, baby. Come on, baby. 372 00:28:10,120 --> 00:28:13,920 Ah, so hungry. Come on, swallow it. 373 00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:17,400 Fish on, fish on. Fish on. 374 00:28:17,440 --> 00:28:20,320 This time I've got you. This time I've got you! 375 00:28:20,360 --> 00:28:24,000 You are my...fucking big fish. 376 00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:26,800 He's a whopper! 377 00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:29,320 Oh-hoooo! 378 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:32,840 Wow! Oh, my God. 379 00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:40,440 That's insane. 380 00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:43,640 I'm lost for words, really. 381 00:28:45,280 --> 00:28:50,120 I know I'm a one-trick pony with these pike, but it's survival, 382 00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:51,720 and this is a game of survival. 383 00:28:56,080 --> 00:28:57,920 And I managed to fish 384 00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:01,720 locking in my wrist and just using this hand to reel in, 385 00:29:01,760 --> 00:29:05,400 and so I was not exacerbating this, which really, that's... 386 00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:08,440 That was almost as good as catching the fish, 387 00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:12,920 realising I can do this even with a messed-up wrist. 388 00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:23,000 I feel so weird. 389 00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:25,400 My skin's, like, crawling. 390 00:29:26,520 --> 00:29:28,960 I just feel... 391 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:31,440 ..like my body isn't attached to my head. 392 00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:35,360 I was having food visions. 393 00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:39,200 It's like I'm dreaming but I'm not, I'm awake. 394 00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:41,920 I was making a frittata just then. 395 00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:45,520 SHE MOANS Oh, God. 396 00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:50,000 My body is just...completely fucked. 397 00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:57,000 I don't even have, like, the energy... 398 00:29:58,240 --> 00:29:59,560 ..to cry. 399 00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:24,880 So, I've woken up today feeling... 400 00:30:24,920 --> 00:30:28,000 Oh, my God, like, really weird. 401 00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:31,520 I really don't feel good, I don't feel like me. 402 00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:43,360 I don't want to be here like this. 403 00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:46,880 And I think it's time just to quit while I'm still 404 00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:49,160 of slightly stable mind. 405 00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:55,200 Thinking about pressing the button...and leaving. 406 00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:57,200 It's quite daunting. 407 00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:03,360 SHE SIGHS 408 00:31:11,920 --> 00:31:14,600 Oh, my God, my heart is racing. 409 00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:17,120 Just do it. 410 00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,480 I don't know why this is so hard. 411 00:31:22,520 --> 00:31:24,960 I'm terrified of pushing the button. 412 00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:26,480 Really terrified. 413 00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:29,800 Oh, God. 414 00:31:33,040 --> 00:31:34,880 But I have to do it... 415 00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:38,400 ..because I can't go on like this. 416 00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:42,720 I feel out of myself. 417 00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:45,800 I can't think straight, 418 00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:47,640 I'm just going to do it. 419 00:31:49,800 --> 00:31:51,920 I'm doing it. 420 00:31:51,960 --> 00:31:53,960 I'm doing it, oh, my God. 421 00:31:56,560 --> 00:32:00,080 Hello? I'm tapping out. 422 00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:10,200 Hi. 423 00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:14,600 How are you? 424 00:32:14,640 --> 00:32:19,800 I'm OK, I'm just, like... totally done. 425 00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:23,920 You are second. I'm second? Yeah. Oh, fuck! 426 00:32:23,960 --> 00:32:25,640 SHE LAUGHS 427 00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:30,360 That's crazy! 428 00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:33,640 I don't actually think I could've done another night. 429 00:32:35,360 --> 00:32:39,440 Just all these, like, almost like hallucinating, like, thoughts, 430 00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:43,160 I think my mind kind of went after, like, 431 00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:45,760 having nothing for so long. 432 00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:50,080 Over the last ten years, I had, like, really bad issues 433 00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:53,040 with anxiety and panic attacks, like, all through my 20s, 434 00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:56,160 I totally lost myself. I didn't know who I was. 435 00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:59,040 So, for me, it's been really kind of calming, 436 00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:01,480 apart from, like, the last few days, 437 00:33:01,520 --> 00:33:04,040 I've felt quite calm the whole time. 438 00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:12,680 I'm happy in myself, which I haven't been for a long time. 439 00:33:15,640 --> 00:33:19,720 I think I'll take that forward, and just remember what I did here. 440 00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:46,720 PHONE RINGS 441 00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:56,120 Hello. 442 00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:59,240 We wanted to let you know you've won. 443 00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:00,960 LAUGHING: Shut up! 444 00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:03,160 What? No! 445 00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:06,360 My heart is pounding out of my chest. 446 00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:09,160 It feels like a dream. Well done. 447 00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:17,160 Did that just happen? 448 00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:18,760 Oh, my God. 449 00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:23,360 Oh, I'm shocked, I'm completely shocked. 450 00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:25,400 God, I can't believe it. 451 00:34:27,680 --> 00:34:29,600 I just won 100 grand! 452 00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:31,080 HE LAUGHS 453 00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:36,320 Ohh! LAUGHTER CONTINUES 454 00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:44,000 That's his zone. 455 00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:45,480 There they are. 456 00:34:47,240 --> 00:34:49,640 It's my ticket outta here! 457 00:34:49,680 --> 00:34:52,680 We're going hoooome! 458 00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:56,280 Can I have a hug? 459 00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,000 I haven't had a hug for a while. 460 00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:05,760 I'm completely shocked and, erm, overwhelmed. 461 00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:09,880 It's definitely given me a confidence boost. 462 00:35:09,920 --> 00:35:11,720 I struggled academically at school, 463 00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:15,440 and I was always labelled stupid and a failure. 464 00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:18,440 I've never been able to shake off those kind of labels. 465 00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:21,920 That feeling of self-doubt, it's a heavy burden to carry, 466 00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:26,000 but this experience has been an amazing opportunity to prove myself. 467 00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:32,120 Now it's starting to feel a bit more real. It sure is, huh? 468 00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:38,960 I feel pretty overwhelmed with emotion, leaving this place. 469 00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:43,040 That's my island. 470 00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:46,560 See you later. 471 00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:48,600 Thanks for all the fish. 472 00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:54,880 I'm immensely proud of myself for adapting to this environment. 473 00:35:56,720 --> 00:36:01,960 It'll punish you. Every day was a struggle to stay alive. 474 00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:03,360 This was my Everest. 475 00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:07,400 This is the survival Olympics. 476 00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:23,600 I'm back. He's back! 477 00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:25,280 Got my Grace. 478 00:36:25,320 --> 00:36:29,840 We're just off on a lovely little walk in the Malvern Hills. 479 00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:34,520 A lot more tamer than the wilderness of Canada. 480 00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:36,000 Woo! 481 00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:41,240 So, I'll sort my hair out, fabulous. 482 00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:46,640 Trying to get over the fact I tapped out was probably 483 00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:49,240 the hardest pill to swallow. 484 00:36:49,280 --> 00:36:52,520 But I realised, going from feeling like you were a failure 485 00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:55,000 to feeling on top of the world, 486 00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:57,880 that journey within itself is probably the biggest thing 487 00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:01,600 I can take away from this. May not have seemed it at the time, 488 00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:05,280 but it's probably one of the best things that's ever happened to me. 489 00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:10,240 What you were seeing in Canada was just pure instinct. 490 00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:11,560 It's a squirrel. 491 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:15,640 HE BREATHES DEEPLY 492 00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:20,200 Oh, fuck, I got him! 493 00:37:20,240 --> 00:37:22,760 If I could have this feeling every day, 494 00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:24,840 I'd die the happiest man in the world. 495 00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:27,960 Fuck, yeah! Fuck, yeah! Fuck, yeah! 496 00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:31,480 This is what pure joy looks like. 497 00:37:31,520 --> 00:37:33,680 Champion! 498 00:37:33,720 --> 00:37:35,920 I feel like I adapted very, very well. 499 00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:38,720 I submerged myself in the wilderness. 500 00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:42,400 Oh, there's berries. Just going to have a little munch. 501 00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:45,560 Hey-ya, hey-ya, hey-ya, hey-ya. 502 00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:49,440 But the mental side, I just really wasn't expecting... 503 00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:52,680 ..how it truly is to be alone. 504 00:37:52,720 --> 00:37:54,440 TEARFULLY: What is wrong with me? 505 00:37:55,640 --> 00:38:00,480 I really, really miss the love of my life, Grace. 506 00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:02,680 And the reason why I was sad out there, 507 00:38:02,720 --> 00:38:04,920 it didn't feel the same as just missing family. 508 00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:06,720 It did, it just felt like grief, 509 00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:08,920 like I was never going to see anyone again. 510 00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:12,320 At the time, it sucked, but now I just feel fearless, 511 00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:14,400 like I could take on anything. 512 00:38:20,760 --> 00:38:22,640 There's been lots of really, 513 00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:24,520 really big changes since I came home. 514 00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:26,960 I just felt like I was living somebody else's life, 515 00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:30,000 so I quit my nine-to-five. 516 00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:33,800 Just couldn't bear to be on a laptop for almost a second longer. 517 00:38:33,840 --> 00:38:36,920 The new job is bushcraft instructing. 518 00:38:38,240 --> 00:38:40,440 Cool. Yeah, that's on. 519 00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:44,160 When I look back on my experience in Canada, 520 00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:46,680 you know, that was the biggest, bravest, 521 00:38:46,720 --> 00:38:48,800 scariest thing I've ever done. 522 00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:50,480 There's a bear. 523 00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:53,000 Pretty fucking scared, to be honest. 524 00:38:57,040 --> 00:38:59,240 The whole experience has pushed me harder than 525 00:38:59,280 --> 00:39:00,800 I've ever been pushed before. 526 00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:02,960 Oh, my God, oh, my God! A duck. 527 00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:05,840 My heart's literally going out of my chest. 528 00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:07,360 I'm sorry. 529 00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:11,480 That was really hard. 530 00:39:11,520 --> 00:39:13,400 It's been life-changing. 531 00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:17,560 I can do things that seem like they're impossibly difficult things, 532 00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:18,800 and be OK. 533 00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:21,760 Oh, my God. Wow. 534 00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:24,760 I feel braver, I feel more resilient. 535 00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:26,880 That feels like a win to me. 536 00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:35,800 Here I am with my family. There's Lily and my lovely wife, Steffy. 537 00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:37,880 Just wave or something, honey, wave. 538 00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:42,120 And my charming boy, Killian. 539 00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:44,600 Lily, how was it while I was gone? 540 00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:47,280 How did you get along without me? Bad. 541 00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:49,800 Steffy was very clear that, while she missed me, 542 00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:53,520 if I'd have come back because I missed them, she'd have beat me up. 543 00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:56,000 But it made me feel nice that everyone needed me. 544 00:39:56,040 --> 00:39:58,080 Are you filming me? Are you filming me? 545 00:39:58,120 --> 00:39:59,280 HE LAUGHS 546 00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:01,480 It's always hard to tell in a house full of autistics 547 00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:03,800 whether anyone even wants you there at all, 548 00:40:03,840 --> 00:40:07,000 and it was nice to feel wanted. 549 00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:09,200 It's an autistic paradise. 550 00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:12,440 HE LAUGHS 551 00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:16,720 I don't care any more what day it is, what time it is, 552 00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:20,480 it doesn't matter, it's fucking wonderful. 553 00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:23,600 There were definitely moments where I was like, "This is epic." 554 00:40:23,640 --> 00:40:25,800 But I left in a pretty bad way, really. 555 00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:27,640 I'm losing hope. 556 00:40:29,720 --> 00:40:31,040 Ohh. 557 00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:32,920 Got one more trap... 558 00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:34,600 ..and there's nothing. 559 00:40:37,760 --> 00:40:39,720 HE SOBS QUIETLY 560 00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:47,520 It would've been nice to win it. I would've really liked 100 grand, 561 00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:50,840 but it made me re-prioritise things about my life 562 00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:53,240 and my family and myself. 563 00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:56,000 Letting them know that I love them and spending time with them 564 00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:57,840 more than I had in the past. 565 00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:00,640 Emotionally, it was a good journey to go on. 566 00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:02,760 An unforgettable adventure, really. 567 00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:06,560 SHE GIGGLES Mm-mm-mm! 568 00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:13,600 LOUD GIGGLING 569 00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:19,840 Coming back and seeing Barnaby for the first time was 570 00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:22,840 the most joyful moment of my life. 571 00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:28,200 Where did I go and live in the wild? Do you remember? 572 00:41:28,240 --> 00:41:30,640 Canada. 573 00:41:30,680 --> 00:41:36,600 I'm so incredibly proud of myself to make it to the top three. 574 00:41:36,640 --> 00:41:39,320 Who was living in my shelter, was it Mummy? 575 00:41:39,360 --> 00:41:41,560 No. No? Only bears. 576 00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:43,000 RUSTLING 577 00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:45,840 There is something right outside my shelter. 578 00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:48,280 Go away! BEAR GROWLS 579 00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:50,520 Hey, bear! 580 00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:53,600 And I knew it was close, I could hear it huffing, 581 00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:56,400 and it leaned right next to where my head was. 582 00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:58,520 That's where I really surprised myself, 583 00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:02,320 with just how strong I was when it came to facing 584 00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:05,760 these predators that I'd never had to face before. 585 00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:07,920 Today is my son's birthday. 586 00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:11,600 TEARFULLY: It kills me that I'm away. 587 00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:15,400 Despite it being a very physical challenge, 588 00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:18,080 it was also an extremely mental challenge. 589 00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:22,160 I'm here because I want to make him proud, I want him to be able to go, 590 00:42:22,200 --> 00:42:25,520 "Look at my mummy, look what she's doing." 591 00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:29,280 Now, knowing that I can do it, I can face challenges, 592 00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:33,640 I've come home a much happier mum, a much more understanding mum. 593 00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:35,800 I know myself better, 594 00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:38,560 and he definitely sees this side of me. 595 00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:50,040 Feels like, a bit like a dream, the whole thing that happened, 596 00:42:50,080 --> 00:42:52,840 especially now I'm back in London. 597 00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:55,720 I still appreciate really small things, like, even just 598 00:42:55,760 --> 00:42:58,960 being able to go and get a cup of tea is quite amazing to me now, 599 00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:00,680 I don't have to make a fire. 600 00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:05,200 So, I went into this with a real devil on my shoulder, 601 00:43:05,240 --> 00:43:08,040 you know, that horrible voice that's always telling you, 602 00:43:08,080 --> 00:43:10,680 "You're not doing good enough, you're doing something wrong." 603 00:43:10,720 --> 00:43:14,960 And I'm a lot stronger than I ever gave myself any credit for. 604 00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:17,800 Oh, my God. That is so nuts! 605 00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:19,960 How amazing is that? 606 00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:22,000 Because of my anxiety, 607 00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:26,160 I've never really thought I'd have the mental strength. 608 00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:29,400 But I just know that I can deal with it now. 609 00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:32,680 It's really changed the way that I see myself. 610 00:43:32,720 --> 00:43:35,520 Oh, my God. Yes! 611 00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:37,400 Oh, my God, I got a fish! 612 00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:40,200 Oh, it's so small - but you're so edible. 613 00:43:40,240 --> 00:43:43,400 I never thought I'd be so happy over a fish. 614 00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:48,160 As long as you have that positive attitude and, like, perseverance, 615 00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:50,760 you can do a lot better than you think. 616 00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:53,680 And I think I take that into everyday life with me now. 617 00:43:53,720 --> 00:43:55,520 SHE LAUGHS 618 00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:04,280 I've moved to Portugal! 619 00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:07,760 I'm here with my family, Anna and Edward. 620 00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:09,800 It's our new home. We love it here. 621 00:44:12,200 --> 00:44:14,920 All right, is it recording, Ed? 622 00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:16,360 When I went into the wilderness, 623 00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:18,800 I never really thought too much about winning. 624 00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:21,040 Taking part in this competition, 625 00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:23,680 it's hard a profound impact on me. 626 00:44:23,720 --> 00:44:27,400 I had some of the hardest times of my life out there. 627 00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:30,600 I thought fishing was going to be the easy bit. 628 00:44:30,640 --> 00:44:32,280 Fish on. 629 00:44:32,320 --> 00:44:34,080 Ahh! Snapped the line. 630 00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:37,280 If I don't get fish, I don't last here very long. 631 00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:39,600 I think when you go and do something like this, 632 00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:42,480 something so momentous and challenging... 633 00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:45,560 There is so little food on you, dude. 634 00:44:45,600 --> 00:44:48,680 ..you know, you have to go so far out of your comfort zone... 635 00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:53,120 ..that it becomes easier to deal with other challenges. 636 00:44:53,160 --> 00:44:55,880 I really hope I don't get sick. 637 00:44:55,920 --> 00:44:59,560 I'm so glad I took part. I'm a better person for it. 638 00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:03,960 Undoubtedly, it's chiselled away at my impostor syndrome and, yeah, 639 00:45:04,000 --> 00:45:06,280 it's something I'll be proud of for the rest of my life. 640 00:45:06,320 --> 00:45:10,080 Come on, Daddy, you can get in the cold! 641 00:45:10,120 --> 00:45:13,280 When I've closed my eyes and take myself back to being out 642 00:45:13,320 --> 00:45:16,360 in the wilderness in Canada... 643 00:45:16,400 --> 00:45:18,560 ..suddenly my senses open up again. 644 00:45:21,160 --> 00:45:23,360 I can hear everything. 645 00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:25,800 You become so much more hyper-aware. 646 00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:28,560 There's so much of it you want to hold on to. 647 00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:32,560 All you have to listen to is nature. 648 00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:36,360 The sound of the water is so loud, 649 00:45:36,400 --> 00:45:38,840 the silence is deafening. 650 00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:40,680 It's really powerful. 651 00:45:40,720 --> 00:45:42,640 It's magnificent. 652 00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:45,080 The Northern Lights are above you. 653 00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:47,080 It's like the land is alive. 654 00:45:47,120 --> 00:45:50,960 It is overwhelming because it's so vast. 655 00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:55,360 And I got to immerse myself in one of the last wildernesses 656 00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:58,960 left on Earth, and that is really special. 657 00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:04,000 It's just the rawest, realest, beautiful experience. 658 00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:07,200 I'll forever be grateful. 659 00:46:08,400 --> 00:46:11,720 I'm never going to forget everything it made me feel. 660 00:46:21,280 --> 00:46:24,720 If you would be interested in taking part in a potential new series 661 00:46:24,760 --> 00:46:28,080 of Alone UK, go to the Channel 4 website... 662 00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:33,040 Subtitles by Red Bee Media