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[soft piano music playing]
2
00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:31,320
[cheering]
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00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:36,080
[Robbie] You're onstage,
4
00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:39,720
and you don't know the script,
or you don't know what you're doin'.
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00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:43,600
"You don't deserve it."
6
00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:46,600
"You can't do it."
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You know, constantly havin' to deliver,
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00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:55,920
it just makes you feel queasy.
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00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:57,640
[cheering]
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00:00:57,720 --> 00:00:59,720
[soft music continues]
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00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:04,640
You just wanna run away sometimes.
12
00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,640
I'm in a situation
that's completely unreal.
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00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:30,160
It came true for me
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onstage in Leeds.
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People are just waitin' for me to fuck up.
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[groans]
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Yesterday, with Leeds,
18
00:02:09,640 --> 00:02:11,720
I had to experience an awful lot.
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I feel as though I'm wearing it today.
It was a prolonged car crash.
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As the days have progressed,
doing this process, it seems that I've...
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I've been on...
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The dark night of the soul
turned into a long weekend.
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[muffled audio begins playing]
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{\an8}Hello.
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{\an8}Very gonzo, this.
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{\an8}This filming.
Not a fuckin' clue what I'm doing.
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{\an8}Um...
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{\an8}But that's my life.
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I've already done an hour's blog
on this camera in this room,
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but we didn't turn the mic on.
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It would be good
for people that can lipread.
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I can't remember this.
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- [man] At all?
- No.
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- What... What year is it?
- [man] So this is 2007.
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2007.
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I can't remember
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anythin' about this.
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[sighs] It's... It's an instantly
uncomfortable watch for some reason
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'cause I'm getting
some sort of energy from me that's...
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All is not well.
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[audio resumes]
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This video blog has turned into somethin'
different than I thought it was gonna be.
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♪ Don't tell anyone I'm Jesus ♪
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♪ All men are fools ♪
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- ♪ And what makes them fools... ♪
- [current Robbie] I remember that now.
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[singing continues on video]
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I started to write a song today,
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and it's called,
"Don't Tell Anybody I'm Jesus."
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It's a bit like "Mack The Knife" but, um...
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sacrilegious.
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[current Robbie] I'm off the wagon.
That's where I am.
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{\an8}[sighs] Change the battery pack.
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[current Robbie] Addicted
to, um, prescribed speed...
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Is it not plugged in?
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[current Robbie]...OxyContin, Adderall,
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Vicodins, morphine.
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00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:15,840
You know, the greatest hits.
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{\an8}Fuckin' 'ell. Dunno if you can see
the shiner I've got on my eye.
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00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:23,400
{\an8}I had an altercation with, uh,
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{\an8}the bathroom floor.
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{\an8}Slipped
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{\an8}and took out the lighting... buttons.
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{\an8}What they called? Lighting buttons?
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Light switches.
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00:04:35,840 --> 00:04:38,200
In the middle of the night,
I got up to go to the toilet,
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00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:41,600
and my legs weren't working
because I'd just taken a load of stuff.
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00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:44,640
I literally couldn't figure out
how to use my legs,
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00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:48,960
but I needed to go the toilet,
and I collapsed and fell into the wall.
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00:04:52,280 --> 00:04:54,200
I've also decided that
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00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,800
I'm not fit for purpose
when it comes to relationships.
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I'd be with somebody
but then see somebody else and think,
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00:05:01,280 --> 00:05:02,800
"Oh. Want that one."
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I'm a want monster, I...
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00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:08,480
I need... everything.
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[young Robbie]
Concerning who I sleep with,
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it's as old as time,
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the rock star
sleeping with the groupie or the fan.
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You know, I'm not the first,
and I won't be the last.
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[current Robbie] A friend of mine
suggested that I have a date
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00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:28,800
with this person
that was a good friend of his,
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00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:31,760
and, uh, I looked her up
and was like, "Oh yeah!"
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- Please welcome the lovely Ayda Field.
- [cheering]
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[jazz music playing]
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[cheering, applause]
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- Well, hello.
- Yeah. [chuckles]
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Hello! [chuckles]
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[Ayda] I was actually
in a really good place, I think,
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when I met Rob.
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00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:03,720
I had this dinner party I was going to.
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00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:06,440
I was like, "Do you wanna go
to the dinner party with me?"
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00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:08,920
He's like, "I'd rather
stick knives in my eyes."
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I was like,
"Okay, that's a strong response."
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He's like, "Let's meet up afterwards,"
and I was like, "Okay."
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♪ My love must be a kind of blind love... ♪
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[current Robbie] She came over to my house
after being at a party.
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I'd just seen off my dealer,
that I was sleeping with at the time.
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[Ayda] The house
is completely fuckin' dark.
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No candles. No lights.
I'm like, "Ooh, this is weird."
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So we're just sitting there talking.
We have nothing in common.
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[current Robbie] And I was like,
"Oh, this is not working out."
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"I'd better take her back
to the party she's just come from."
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00:06:47,480 --> 00:06:51,040
♪ Are the stars out tonight? ♪
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[Ayda] Unbeknownst to me, Rob is actually
gonna ditch me at this party.
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I guess we start... Maybe 'cause
we'd both surrendered to the fact
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that we were not each other's person,
and this was a total mess,
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we were completely loose with each other.
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We were saying funny shit in the car,
and I was like, "Oh, he's funny."
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[Robbie] And I was like,
"Oh. I'll come in for five minutes."
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["Too Late to Turn Back Now" playing]
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[Ayda] And there was just this moment
we were laughing,
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and I cannot even tell you what happened.
It was like the universe opened up.
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[current Robbie] And I had this moment
where I felt I'd known her forever.
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I guess I chose to ignore it.
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[Ayda] All of a sudden, Rob's like,
"I need to go to the bathroom."
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I'm, like, waiting.
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I'm like, "God.
Is he, like, taking a dump?"
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[current Robbie] Um...
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I then did some coke.
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I got this tic. It was like...
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[gasps, gasps, exhales]
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[gasps, exhales, gasps exhales]
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So I'm like, "I'm gonna get out
and see what's happened."
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There he is, pacing.
He's thrown up, and he's clucking.
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I was like, "Ah, we gotta go."
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[current Robbie] She ended up comin' home
and nursing me.
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[Ayda] Then we just talked all night.
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I think he explained
that he'd been sober for a very long time.
128
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He had just relapsed.
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It was like my entryway into addiction.
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[Robbie on video] I shall try and remember
what it was that I was sayin'.
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{\an8}[Ayda] You wouldn't notice
his personality change,
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but all of a sudden,
he would just throw up, like, watching TV.
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00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:44,560
"Robbie Williams is music
for people who don't feel."
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00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:48,000
[Ayda] I didn't know this... this area
where someone could be doing drugs
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00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:51,200
and have a problem
and it be, like, deadly.
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00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,280
{\an8}"Robbie's a showbiz chancer." Yeah, I am.
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The meanness, nasty, vitriolic bollocks,
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that "Robbie Williams is a shit joke."
139
00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:02,960
I remember that being very scary
'cause all of a sudden, I was, like...
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00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:06,320
I was really... liking this person a lot.
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00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:09,840
[young Robbie] Do I hate music, then?
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00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:11,160
Is that what I do?
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00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:15,280
{\an8}"To me, Robbie Williams
is a crime against music."
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00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:18,080
{\an8}"What don't I love about music?"
"You have so much rage."
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{\an8}Fuckin' hate...
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00:09:20,320 --> 00:09:22,960
Do you really think God is more proud
147
00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:24,360
of Bobby Gillespie
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00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:26,160
or Gareth Gates?
149
00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:28,560
{\an8}...wants to set me on fire.
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00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:29,720
{\an8}Somebody to hate.
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00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,200
{\an8}[Ayda] Here was
this incredibly troubled soul
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00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:35,160
{\an8}who was, like,
a rock star in some other country
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00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:40,000
{\an8}and clearly fucked up about it
and a complete mess
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00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,360
and yet so
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00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,320
my person. Like, my fucking soulmate.
156
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[young Robbie]
...didn't know who the fuck I was.
157
00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:58,720
Yeah, I mean, that, um...
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00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:02,560
that stare there doesn't look like mine.
159
00:10:06,680 --> 00:10:09,520
I did have a sense
of what I was doin' to myself.
160
00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:13,840
And I didn't care.
161
00:10:17,560 --> 00:10:20,240
And... And there is a... a sense of
162
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,440
"It would be best if I sorta passed away."
163
00:10:26,840 --> 00:10:28,000
Um...
164
00:10:31,680 --> 00:10:33,800
I didn't care, and it'd be all right.
165
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:37,840
[poignant music playing]
166
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:54,440
That's where your addiction takes you.
167
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:56,960
That's where it ends up.
168
00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:02,200
The natural progression
169
00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:07,240
of "Let's see how far we can take this."
170
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:11,280
[young Robbie] "Robbie Williams is music
for people who don't feel."
171
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:15,000
[cheering]
172
00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:18,920
[current Robbie] The thing
that would destroy me
173
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,720
has also made me successful.
174
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:24,360
Big. More.
175
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:29,080
Touch the fire. Touch the button.
Push when it says "pull."
176
00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:33,880
All of those things
have given me my career,
177
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:36,800
but there's also
a detrimental side to it too.
178
00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:40,240
Depends which wolf you feed.
179
00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:42,000
[cheering]
180
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:48,040
For me to change, I've gotta be dyin'.
181
00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:52,000
Die or stop what you're doin'.
182
00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:57,480
[Ayda] I remember it was, like, 2 a.m.
183
00:11:57,560 --> 00:12:00,040
I called him.
I was just getting on the highway.
184
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:01,920
"Are you driving?"
"Just got on the highway."
185
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,640
He was like, "Call me when you get home."
186
00:12:03,680 --> 00:12:06,280
[current Robbie] I tell her,
"Look, my management have come,
187
00:12:06,360 --> 00:12:10,720
and they've done an intervention,
and they're gonna take me to rehab."
188
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:13,640
[Ayda] And he is like,
"I can't be in a relationship."
189
00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:16,600
"I have to get better,
and I can't be with you."
190
00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:19,480
"I have to break up with you."
I was just like... [exhales]
191
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:24,200
And it was, like, I un...
I understood it 'cause I was like...
192
00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:27,520
I saw that he was unwell,
and I... I remember thinking,
193
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:30,600
"I just want you to get better.
Whatever you need to do,"
194
00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:32,240
and I was just so crestfallen.
195
00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:35,840
He was my soulmate, and then he was gone.
196
00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:51,880
[woman 1] Robbie Williams is waking up
in rehab this morning
197
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:53,640
on his 33rd birthday.
198
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:56,560
[man] You can't miss
the front pages this morning.
199
00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:59,000
Full of the tragedy
that seems to follow in the wake
200
00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:01,280
of Robbie Williams
and his turbulent lifestyle.
201
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:03,480
It's claimed today
that he's gone into rehab
202
00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:05,560
to avoid doing himself some harm.
203
00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:12,000
[woman 2] After admitting to being hooked
on a cocktail of prescription drugs,
204
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:15,720
he needed to check into rehab
before, in Robbie's words,
205
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:17,600
he did "something silly."
206
00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:20,760
[tense music playing]
207
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,400
[current Robbie] Rehab.
It's not a country club.
208
00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:26,000
It's a hospital.
209
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:33,200
Some people can envision rehab
as being like, um,
210
00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:35,040
a health retreat.
211
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:37,200
It's not that.
212
00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:41,360
Surrounded by
213
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:44,440
other people that are completely depressed
214
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:48,560
and, um, have just fucked up their lives.
215
00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:19,520
Understanding the nature
of what and who you are.
216
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:21,880
An addict.
217
00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:26,080
Rehab cut the circuit on the addiction.
218
00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:29,720
It gave me a moment to recalibrate
219
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:32,040
and see if I can live.
220
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,280
[gasps]
221
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,240
My professional career
had become that big,
222
00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:11,880
the only thing
that I could do for self-preservation
223
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:13,680
was to take myself out of it.
224
00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:16,920
If you don't start the process,
225
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:21,080
then the process seldom finds you.
226
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,200
[air-traffic-control radio chatter]
227
00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:28,160
[relaxed guitar playing]
228
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:32,440
[current Robbie] At this period
in my life, I know I'm retired.
229
00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:34,880
Taking down the dam.
230
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:40,280
Tryin' to undo all pop-starry apparel.
231
00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,520
Me and Ayda got back together again.
232
00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:47,680
I remember we went to Morocco,
233
00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:50,720
Egypt.
234
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:54,520
I thought, "Better go and see these places
235
00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:57,480
that I've been to for work
and never seen."
236
00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:03,160
I remember me mate, Calvin,
takin' a picture of Ayda.
237
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,080
She was dancin' on somethin'.
238
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:08,280
I just remember
lookin' at the picture and just goin',
239
00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:09,800
"What a life force."
240
00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:12,520
"What a spirit."
241
00:16:15,440 --> 00:16:17,600
But I remember that photo. It's...
242
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:19,160
It's burned into my mind.
243
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:25,800
There was a cementing of a relationship
between me and my future wife.
244
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:27,360
But, um...
245
00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:31,160
if you'd have asked me
what I was doing during that,
246
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,680
I wouldn't have known that.
247
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:38,200
There became enough space
between me and my career...
248
00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:40,120
[inhales deeply]
249
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,480
[sighs]
250
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,240
...to fall in love.
251
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:53,520
[tranquil music playing]
252
00:16:58,160 --> 00:16:59,376
- [Ayda] Okay.
- [woman] Do her.
253
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:01,640
- I'll just do... I'll do Sarah.
- [woman] Do Sarah.
254
00:17:01,720 --> 00:17:03,040
[Ayda] I'll do Sarah.
255
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,360
I've lost 17 inches in my face.
256
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:09,640
Three in my dimples alone.
All while eating cheesecake.
257
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:11,520
- [woman] Very good.
- Love creamy foods.
258
00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:13,360
Really creamy foods.
259
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:16,640
[man] That is unbelievable.
260
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:18,880
- [woman] Isn't it?
- [Ayda] I know, isn't it weird?
261
00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:22,080
[man] Change to normal face...
So, high five!
262
00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:24,400
- [man] Change back.
- [woman] "Change back"!
263
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:26,880
- [man] That is...
- [woman] It's a new game. Change!
264
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,960
[Ayda] I've no idea
how I developed this talent.
265
00:17:30,040 --> 00:17:31,720
[woman] Do you think it's because
266
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:34,800
you can fit more marshmallows
in your mouth?
267
00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:37,600
Yeah, I mean, what a package, man.
268
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,040
Silly and, uh,
269
00:17:41,120 --> 00:17:45,480
doesn't take herself seriously
and smart and beautiful.
270
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:48,880
Makes me feel great,
271
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:50,520
you know?
272
00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:55,000
When you look there, it's obvious that
273
00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:58,960
something really special's happenin'.
274
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:01,040
It's really cool.
275
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:05,120
- [woman] You know why he doesn't like it?
- [Ayda] Why?
276
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:09,480
- [woman] He has to win at everything.
- [woman 2] He did it when he was watching.
277
00:18:09,560 --> 00:18:11,480
- [woman] Yeah, he was like...
- Try and do it.
278
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:14,560
- [woman 2] You do it and watch Rob.
- Come on, Boozy, you can do it.
279
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,920
[Robbie] She sees the best in me,
and I see the best in her.
280
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,840
[laughter]
281
00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:20,960
[woman] Fuck you.
282
00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,040
- You know how I like to eat a lot?
- Yeah.
283
00:18:26,120 --> 00:18:28,640
- That's the face of the future.
- [laughter]
284
00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:32,280
- Yeah, you've seen mine, so that's okay.
- Aw.
285
00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:52,960
[Robbie] So I don't do anything
for three years.
286
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,120
The powers had gone. The mojo had gone.
287
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:03,280
I... I had a big realization
that I needed purpose.
288
00:19:03,360 --> 00:19:07,400
That I needed to be creative
and have a voice.
289
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:11,120
[young Robbie] This is Robbie Williams.
This is what I do for a livin'.
290
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:12,240
Right here.
291
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:17,240
I'm a singer, I'm a songwriter,
and I'm a born entertainer.
292
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:20,000
[cheering]
293
00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:21,360
Thank God for Ayda.
294
00:19:22,040 --> 00:19:24,920
Solace and safety and sanctuary and...
295
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:29,760
all of the good things.
296
00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:33,840
She gave me enough space
297
00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:37,440
for it to be a possibility.
298
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:43,640
[Ayda] You're so pretty, aren't you?
299
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:47,120
Yes, you are!
You doing your little sashay for us?
300
00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:49,560
Are we in the right house? Think we are.
301
00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,000
[Ayda] Ah, pretty girl.
302
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:59,080
- [man] What you calling the new album?
- [Robbie] Reality Killed the Video Star.
303
00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:02,720
Or Il Protagonista.
304
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:06,720
Or PoliteBox
'cause the last one was RudeBox.
305
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:09,520
Ding When You're Ding-Dong Dingin'.
306
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:11,080
Uh...
307
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,840
Or... What were the good ones, bab?
308
00:20:15,120 --> 00:20:18,800
Oh yeah. Robbie Williams
and the Cock of Justice. I love that.
309
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:23,200
[current Robbie]
It was gonna take a while,
310
00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:27,960
but Reality Killed the Video Star
was a tentative step back
311
00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:30,560
into public life.
312
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:32,640
["Morning Sun" playing]
313
00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,080
After the RudeBox album,
314
00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:43,600
I head into very safe musical waters.
315
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:47,440
♪ How do you rate the morning sun? ♪
316
00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:53,480
♪ Good morning Mr. McCarrower ♪
317
00:20:53,560 --> 00:20:56,720
♪ We'll love the same old Jesus again ♪
318
00:20:56,800 --> 00:21:00,680
♪ Stoke the flames lit by the fuse... ♪
319
00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:03,720
[current Robbie] I have to collect myself
and... and... and...
320
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,080
put some real thought
behind this fuckin' thing.
321
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:09,040
Or else my career's gonna fall to shit.
322
00:21:09,120 --> 00:21:11,960
♪ I always wanted more from life ♪
323
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:14,920
♪ But you didn't have the appetite ♪
324
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:16,680
[song continues on video]
325
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:18,120
"Find a hit, fatty."
326
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,200
[sings to "Morning Sun" tune]
327
00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:26,200
♪ Tell me how do you
Raise the morning sun? ♪
328
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,800
{\an8}[current Robbie] Trevor had made
a lot of albums that I love,
329
00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:37,400
{\an8}and everybody that I work with and me
knew that we were just in safe hands.
330
00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:41,680
- [Trevor] Hey, it's not bad.
- It's not bad.
331
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:43,280
- [Trevor] It's not bad, yeah.
- Yeah.
332
00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:47,760
I don't think I've ever been
this much unsure of myself, comin' back.
333
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:51,040
Returning to the scene of the accident.
334
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,960
[young Robbie] Press release was in, uh...
335
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:05,680
has gone out sayin' the new album's called
336
00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:08,040
Reality Killed the Video Star.
337
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:09,720
And, uh...
338
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:14,480
it's number two in the BBC News most read,
339
00:22:14,560 --> 00:22:15,560
so that's cool.
340
00:22:16,360 --> 00:22:17,360
Uh...
341
00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:20,800
And apparently, the, uh,
342
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:24,560
website statistics
have gone through the roof.
343
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:26,520
I'm very 'appy. Very 'appy.
344
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:29,520
Uh, day two. "Bodies."
345
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:35,080
- ["Bodies" plays quietly]
- [wistful music overlaps]
346
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:46,040
We had three years
of our relationship with Rob
347
00:22:46,120 --> 00:22:48,320
before I was really introduced to Robbie.
348
00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:51,840
Robbie is like
a completely different person.
349
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:55,640
I was excited for him,
but I was a little worried
350
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:59,960
because I don't know what it's like
to have 80,000 people looking at you
351
00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:03,120
on a nightly basis
and what that does to your psychology.
352
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:07,520
[current Robbie] I've gotta
get back on this wild horse
353
00:23:08,040 --> 00:23:09,720
that keeps buckin' me off.
354
00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:11,960
Yeah, it's weird. I've not done any
355
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:14,840
singin' and dancin' for three years.
356
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:19,080
Last time, this wild horse
did the equivalent of breakin' my neck.
357
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:20,640
What's it gonna do this time?
358
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:27,080
{\an8}[Dermot O'Leary] Now he's back,
and boy, is he back.
359
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:31,720
He is one of the greatest entertainers
this country's ever known. We love him.
360
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:35,320
This is Mr. Robbie Williams.
361
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:38,120
- ["Bodies" playing]
- [cheering]
362
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:42,960
[current Robbie] When I came back in 2009,
363
00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:45,800
I did a performance
of "Bodies" on The X Factor
364
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:48,080
and just completely had a freak-out.
365
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:49,800
♪ God gave me the sunshine ♪
366
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:51,720
♪ Then showed me my lifeline ♪
367
00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:53,400
♪ I was told it was all mine ♪
368
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:55,240
♪ I got laid on the ley line ♪
369
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:57,240
♪ What a day, what a day ♪
370
00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:59,440
♪ And then Jesus really died for me ♪
371
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:00,720
How you doin'?
372
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:02,600
[cheering]
373
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:05,416
- [current Robbie] Robbie didn't come.
- ♪ Jesus really tried for me... ♪
374
00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:09,480
[current Robbie] And the everyday Rob
was there instead.
375
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:11,040
♪ Wanna feed off the energy ♪
376
00:24:11,120 --> 00:24:13,040
♪ I love living like a deity ♪
377
00:24:13,120 --> 00:24:14,800
♪ One a day, one day ♪
378
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:17,560
♪ And then Jesus really died for me ♪
379
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:19,880
What a pleasure. What a pleasure.
380
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:23,280
- ♪ Jesus really tried for me... ♪
- [audio distorts]
381
00:24:23,360 --> 00:24:25,680
[current Robbie] I just couldn't
latch onto anythin'
382
00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:28,360
to make it make sense
while I was performin'.
383
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:31,000
[uneasy music playing]
384
00:24:32,120 --> 00:24:35,440
{\an8}Everything felt
completely unnatural and scary.
385
00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:37,720
♪ Oh ♪
386
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:41,400
[current Robbie] It's just everythin' was
so overwhelming, and I couldn't hide it.
387
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:42,800
I loved it. I loved it.
388
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:45,800
Great audience.
What a fantastic audience. Thank you!
389
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:48,016
[current Robbie] The whole thing
that happened in Leeds
390
00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:53,800
had a... a lasting effect
that had damaged me psychologically.
391
00:24:53,880 --> 00:24:55,880
[uneasy music playing]
392
00:24:57,520 --> 00:24:58,560
I'm just unsure
393
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:01,200
of everythin', everybody, and everything.
394
00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:02,760
Apart from Ayda.
395
00:25:05,720 --> 00:25:07,920
I'm so uncomfortable in my skin 'ere.
396
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:11,160
[quiet instrumental music playing]
397
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:14,520
[Mark Owen] The door's always open
for Rob.
398
00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:19,360
If ever he's bored one day,
and we're on the road,
399
00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:21,520
and he's sat at home,
and he wants to come up and,
400
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:23,040
you know, sing a song,
401
00:25:23,120 --> 00:25:27,400
he's more than welcome to do that.
We'll 'ave a spare mic ready for 'im.
402
00:25:28,200 --> 00:25:31,440
[woman] One of Britain's
biggest boy bands, Take That, split up.
403
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:35,560
But, a decade on, they're back together,
albeit without Robbie Williams,
404
00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:37,760
and they're back at the top of the charts.
405
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:40,200
[current Robbie] I watched
the Circus tour.
406
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:42,360
It's one of the best shows I'd ever seen.
407
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:44,040
And I got
408
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:46,880
incredibly excited by it.
409
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,520
And then a door opened where I was like...
410
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:54,600
"Cor, I wanna...
411
00:25:56,000 --> 00:25:57,400
wanna experience that."
412
00:25:57,480 --> 00:25:59,040
[instrumental music playing]
413
00:26:10,760 --> 00:26:13,520
[current Robbie] There's a reason
why I left Take That so angry.
414
00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:16,960
[young Robbie] I want you to know
that I probably will be a bit quiet.
415
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:21,480
I'm just a bit nervous and a bit scared,
and I have been for a few days, you know,
416
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:22,760
and I wanna, um...
417
00:26:22,840 --> 00:26:25,640
It's gonna take a while though, mate.
It's took us four years.
418
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:29,000
Shoulda seen us lot
when we got back together after that time.
419
00:26:29,080 --> 00:26:31,600
Took us a long time to get to know
each other again, didn't it?
420
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:34,840
[current Robbie] My anger
has dissipated and gone now,
421
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:37,720
and all that's left
is the four lads in a room,
422
00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:41,680
and I realized very quickly
that they love me, and I love them.
423
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:44,400
[Gary] To me, it seems like
just a beautiful moment
424
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:46,880
for us to be intro-ing you,
saying hi to you.
425
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:49,040
"Here's our friend, Robbie." Off you go.
426
00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:51,840
[current Robbie] I remember
havin' a meetin' with my management,
427
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:54,640
Dave and Tim, at the time,
and they got these flip charts out.
428
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:57,040
They were just, like, "Right, okay."
429
00:26:57,120 --> 00:26:59,840
[posh accent] "So, if you went on tour
by yourself,
430
00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:01,360
this is what you would make."
431
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:04,360
[normal voice] It was just, like,
unbelievable amounts of money.
432
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:09,480
[posh accent] "And if you work
with Take That, you get this."
433
00:27:10,320 --> 00:27:11,840
[normal voice] And I was like,
434
00:27:12,360 --> 00:27:15,960
"Lads, I'm still gonna
be joinin' Take That."
435
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:19,840
[posh accent] "Okay."
436
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:21,920
["The Flood" playing]
437
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:25,120
♪ Standing ♪
438
00:27:25,840 --> 00:27:29,640
♪ On the edge of forever ♪
439
00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:34,160
♪ At the start of whatever ♪
440
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:39,680
♪ Shouting love at the world... ♪
441
00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:41,640
[current Robbie] When I'm in Take That,
442
00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:47,920
there's four other bodies next to you
displacing the responsibility of
443
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:49,720
the eyes on you.
444
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:53,480
♪ Although no-one understood ♪
445
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:55,920
♪ We were holding back the flood ♪
446
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:59,240
♪ Yeah, we danced against the rain ♪
447
00:28:00,360 --> 00:28:02,680
♪ We were holding back the flood ♪
448
00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:07,720
♪ They said we'd never dance again ♪
449
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,160
- ♪ We will meet you ♪
- [audience screaming]
450
00:28:12,240 --> 00:28:14,520
♪ Where the lights are ♪
451
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:19,080
♪ The defenders of the faith we are ♪
452
00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:21,240
♪ When the thunder turns around ♪
453
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:27,080
♪ They'll run so hard
We'll tear the ground away... ♪
454
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:30,160
[current Robbie] Rejoining Take That
really helped me.
455
00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:31,720
Propelled me back in.
456
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:35,360
Helped me to hide in public,
to be camouflaged but seen.
457
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:37,440
♪ Yeah ♪
458
00:28:38,240 --> 00:28:43,960
♪ Yeah ♪
459
00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:47,680
[current Robbie] Great Britain was ours
for that summer.
460
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:50,480
♪ Although no-one understood ♪
461
00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:53,120
♪ There was more of them than us ♪
462
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:56,920
♪ Learning how to dance the rain ♪
463
00:28:57,520 --> 00:29:00,240
♪ There was more of them than us ♪
464
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:04,800
♪ Now they'll never dance again... ♪
465
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:07,920
[current Robbie] I felt
like pop star Robbie Williams.
466
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:10,480
And rejoining Take That
467
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:14,360
was a vitally important part of my journey
468
00:29:15,040 --> 00:29:16,520
to where I am now.
469
00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:18,840
[cheering on video]
470
00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:22,840
Where I've gotten to and what's happened
to my career since then...
471
00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:26,240
is a miracle.
472
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:29,960
The thing that's made me
feel safe a lot of the time,
473
00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:33,960
is no matter about the slings and arrows
or how I feel about myself in my head,
474
00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:37,320
there's this incredible audience
that comes and sees me.
475
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:39,400
[cheering]
476
00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:43,320
My audience has protected me
through the years.
477
00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:48,000
It's funny as I get older,
if somebody says,
478
00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:51,480
"I've been to a show
and really enjoyed it," I almost cry.
479
00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:54,320
W... We did that together.
480
00:30:00,080 --> 00:30:04,320
We understood each other,
and we created a moment together
481
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:08,160
that will remain
etched in our souls and our spirit.
482
00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:14,080
And I'm... I'm ever so grateful
that we get to share that experience.
483
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:17,360
[tranquil music playing]
484
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:29,520
[man] How has this process been for you?
485
00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:31,960
[current Robbie] It's a tough watch.
486
00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:34,800
But I feel good because...
487
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:40,720
there was a lot of levity
and a lot of humor and a lot of silliness.
488
00:30:41,240 --> 00:30:42,920
There was a softness...
489
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:48,160
in this footage
that I wasn't expectin' to see.
490
00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:54,480
It is cathartic.
491
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:56,840
I will walk out of here
492
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:02,120
less heavy, emotionally,
than I was before.
493
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:05,400
I can stick a pin in this now and move on.
494
00:31:06,760 --> 00:31:07,800
[plays piano softly]
495
00:31:07,880 --> 00:31:09,880
♪ So many tears ♪
496
00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:15,920
♪ I've cried over you... ♪
497
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:18,000
[song continues]
498
00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,640
[current Robbie] I have, uh...
some acceptance and love for me.
499
00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:26,600
[man] That... That feels huge, man.
500
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:29,240
Yeah, that does feel... that does feel big.
501
00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:33,480
That's not what I was expecting
to feel at the end of this.
502
00:31:33,560 --> 00:31:35,560
♪ And I bite my tongue ♪
503
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:44,440
♪ Even though it causes the pain... ♪
504
00:31:45,000 --> 00:31:46,720
[current Robbie]
I'm a different person now.
505
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:48,240
♪...inside me ♪
506
00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:50,240
Thank the Lord.
507
00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:54,360
There is a happy endin'.
508
00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:56,160
For me, anyway.
509
00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:58,480
[Teddy] ♪ Running across the field ♪
510
00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:01,720
♪ Screaming full of joy ♪
511
00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:04,560
♪ Now, baby, I can see ♪
512
00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:07,400
♪ That I'm pretty perfect ♪
513
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:10,960
♪ And everybody can see... ♪
514
00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:15,040
I guess the god-shaped hole
has been filled with four kids and a wife.
515
00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:20,440
♪ Everybody can see-ee-ee ♪
516
00:32:21,440 --> 00:32:22,560
[current Robbie] Good.
517
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:26,160
♪ Life's pretty perfect to me ♪
518
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:27,960
Full marks.
519
00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:30,680
[song continues playing]
520
00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:43,680
[song ends]
521
00:32:56,960 --> 00:32:58,880
- [woman] Morning, my love.
- Mornin', darlin'.
522
00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:01,920
- Can I get you anything?
- [Robbie] Uh, no, thank you.
523
00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:03,000
All good.
524
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:06,640
Okay, I'll put this on.
525
00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:12,840
[Ayda] Daddy's going on a plane,
Beau-beaus.
526
00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:13,760
[Beau] Why?
527
00:33:13,840 --> 00:33:16,520
- [Ayda] He's gotta go to work.
- [Beau] I wanna go on plane.
528
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:19,120
- [Ayda] You wanna go with Daddy to work?
- [Beau] Yeah.
529
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:21,640
- [Ayda] Are you gonna sing?
- [Beau] Yeah.
530
00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:24,120
- [Robbie, Ayda] What you gonna sing?
- [Beau] Uh...
531
00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:27,680
[Beau] ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
532
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:29,200
Can I have a goodbye cuddle?
533
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:30,280
[Beau] Yes.
534
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:35,760
- [Robbie] I love you.
- [Beau] Okay.
535
00:33:35,840 --> 00:33:38,040
- Who loves you?
- [Beau] Uh...
536
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:39,440
- Mummy.
- [Ayda] Yes!
537
00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:41,280
[Robbie] Who else loves you?
538
00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:42,600
- You!
- [chuckles] Yeah.
539
00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:45,320
Yeah, I do.
540
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:47,320
[Ayda] We love you so much, Beau-beaus.
541
00:33:47,400 --> 00:33:48,400
[Beau] Yeah.
542
00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:52,520
Who loves you?
543
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:54,840
Daddy. Who loves you?
544
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:56,440
- [Robbie] Mummy.
- Mm-hmm.
545
00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:03,080
I really, like,
have had a knot in my stomach all day.
546
00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:08,000
[poignant music playing]
547
00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:29,440
[Robbie] I'm about to leave
for the longest that I've ever left them.
548
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:31,320
I hate it.
549
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:34,120
But it makes me feel happy,
550
00:34:34,200 --> 00:34:37,240
knowing what I can provide
for my kids and my wife.
551
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:41,320
It gives me purpose, and I need purpose.
552
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:44,080
Ted, come and give me a cuddle.
Mummy, will you get Charlie?
553
00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:45,160
[Ayda] Charlie!
554
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:48,160
- Come here, Charlie.
- [man] Oh, there he is.
555
00:34:48,240 --> 00:34:50,400
- [Ayda] Where's Coco?
- I love you, mate.
556
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:52,680
- [Ayda] Where's Coco?
- I love you, mate.
557
00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:56,960
- [Ayda] Will you get Coco?
- Look at me. I'm really proud of you.
558
00:34:57,040 --> 00:34:58,800
- [Charlie] Do you have to go?
- Yeah.
559
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:08,600
- [Ayda] I love you, Boozy.
- Love you, guys.
560
00:35:19,080 --> 00:35:20,600
[exhales deeply]
561
00:35:27,840 --> 00:35:29,840
[emotional music playing]
562
00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:08,520
[current Robbie] Who knows what's to come?
563
00:36:09,040 --> 00:36:11,480
But now I realize that in this period,
564
00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:14,720
and for the longest period
in my life ever, I suppose,
565
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:18,360
yeah, this is, um... a golden period.
566
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:32,680
[cheering]
567
00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:37,440
I live in a different way now.
568
00:36:37,960 --> 00:36:39,800
I live in a different manner.
569
00:36:41,640 --> 00:36:45,720
There is an acceptance to what my life is.
570
00:36:48,240 --> 00:36:51,440
And I don't try
to push against it or fight against it.
571
00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:54,520
And I've figured out how to live in it.
572
00:36:57,920 --> 00:36:58,920
I'm comfortable.
573
00:36:58,960 --> 00:37:02,320
I'm a dad of four
in a lovin' marriage with a lovin' wife.
574
00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:05,760
I'm on my way
to bein' really, really happy.
575
00:37:20,840 --> 00:37:24,280
The miracles that have been
bestowed upon me in this life...
576
00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:28,920
are so bountiful
577
00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:32,040
and so incredible,
578
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:37,080
there is a need and a want in me
579
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:42,120
to be able
to figure out how to enjoy this,
580
00:37:42,680 --> 00:37:44,360
by any means necessary.
581
00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:47,040
[cheering]
582
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:51,440
It's different now.
583
00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:53,720
What a joy.
584
00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:56,480
What a glorious adventure.
585
00:37:57,880 --> 00:38:00,520
[music intensifies]
586
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:07,560
[cheering]
587
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:13,400
["Feel" playing]
588
00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:22,720
♪ Come on, hold my hand ♪
589
00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:27,480
♪ I wanna contact the living ♪
590
00:38:29,320 --> 00:38:32,240
♪ Not sure I understand ♪
591
00:38:34,240 --> 00:38:37,600
♪ This role I've been given ♪
592
00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:41,960
♪ I sit and talk to God ♪
593
00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:47,240
♪ And he just laughs at my plans ♪
594
00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:51,880
♪ My head speaks a language ♪
595
00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:56,560
♪ I don't understand ♪
596
00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:03,200
♪ I just wanna feel real love ♪
597
00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:06,200
♪ Feel the home that I live in ♪
598
00:39:08,680 --> 00:39:10,840
♪ 'Cause I got too much life ♪
599
00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:13,160
♪ Running through my veins ♪
600
00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:16,000
♪ Going to waste ♪
601
00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:20,920
♪ I don't wanna die ♪
602
00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:25,640
♪ But I ain't keen on living either ♪
603
00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:30,720
♪ Before I fall in love ♪
604
00:39:32,720 --> 00:39:36,400
♪ I'm preparing to leave her ♪
605
00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:40,440
♪ I scare myself to death ♪
606
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:45,640
♪ That's why I keep on running ♪
607
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:50,400
♪ Before I've arrived ♪
608
00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:55,320
♪ I can see myself coming ♪
609
00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:02,040
♪ I just wanna feel real love ♪
610
00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:05,080
♪ Feel the home that I live in ♪
611
00:40:07,480 --> 00:40:09,600
♪ 'Cause I got too much life ♪
612
00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:11,840
♪ Running through my veins ♪
613
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:14,360
♪ Going to waste ♪