1
00:00:07,843 --> 00:00:09,003
Whoa!

2
00:00:09,003 --> 00:00:11,203
That's 14 minutes
till your fucking bus, Reece.

3
00:00:11,203 --> 00:00:13,003
Bang out of order!

4
00:00:13,003 --> 00:00:15,003
Four shouts water rule!

5
00:00:15,003 --> 00:00:17,003
What if I stay in bed now?
What's the five shouts rule?

6
00:00:17,003 --> 00:00:19,363
Fucking fire!

7
00:00:19,363 --> 00:00:22,003
How am I supposed to go to school
if I don't even have my uniform?!

8
00:00:22,003 --> 00:00:25,003
I put it next
to your fucking bed, Reece!

9
00:00:25,003 --> 00:00:28,003
Oh. Thanks, Mum.

10
00:00:28,003 --> 00:00:30,003
You're fucking welcome.

11
00:00:37,523 --> 00:00:40,003
Go on. Oh, wait.

12
00:00:40,003 --> 00:00:41,203
You forgot my kiss.

13
00:00:43,003 --> 00:00:44,523
Hang on, what?
We don't even do that.

14
00:00:44,523 --> 00:00:47,003
You were gonna though, weren't you?
Soft shite!

15
00:00:47,003 --> 00:00:49,003
No, I weren't.
You're off you head, you, you know.

16
00:00:49,003 --> 00:00:51,843
Come here. Mwah!

17
00:00:51,843 --> 00:00:53,003
Have a good day. Love you.

18
00:00:53,003 --> 00:00:54,843
Love you.

19
00:00:56,003 --> 00:00:59,003
MUSIC: 'Don't Sweat The Technique'
by Eric B & Rakim

20
00:00:59,003 --> 00:01:00,683
Oh, my God.

21
00:01:02,003 --> 00:01:03,523
What's that?

22
00:01:07,003 --> 00:01:08,003
Morning, Pat, lad.

23
00:01:08,003 --> 00:01:09,843
♪ Don't sweat the technique

24
00:01:16,003 --> 00:01:19,003
♪ Don't sweat the technique

25
00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:29,003
♪ Let's trace the hints
And check the file

26
00:01:29,003 --> 00:01:32,003
♪ Let see who bit
To detect the style

27
00:01:32,003 --> 00:01:34,003
♪ I flip the script
So they can't get foul

28
00:01:34,003 --> 00:01:36,003
♪ At least not now
It'll take a while

29
00:01:36,003 --> 00:01:38,203
♪ I change the pace
To complete the beat

30
00:01:38,203 --> 00:01:41,003
♪ I drop the bass
Till MCs get weak... ♪

31
00:01:41,003 --> 00:01:44,003
Oh, there he is. Come on, lad!
What's happening?

32
00:01:45,003 --> 00:01:46,203
See you soon.

33
00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:53,003
CHEERING

34
00:01:53,003 --> 00:01:56,003
♪ Mo Salah, Mo Salah
Made it on the bus. ♪

35
00:01:56,003 --> 00:01:58,003
LAUGHTER

36
00:01:59,003 --> 00:02:02,003
♪ MCs wanna beef
Then I play for keeps

37
00:02:02,003 --> 00:02:04,003
♪ When they sweat the technique. ♪

38
00:02:04,003 --> 00:02:06,003
That's a tough one.
Mm.

39
00:02:08,003 --> 00:02:09,003
Mike Woodworth's.

40
00:02:09,003 --> 00:02:11,003
Yeah, how'd you get that?

41
00:02:11,003 --> 00:02:14,003
Kinda looks like him.
LAUGHTER

42
00:02:15,003 --> 00:02:18,523
You got 12 out of 15, girl. Go 'ead.
LAUGHTER

43
00:02:18,523 --> 00:02:20,003
What are you gonna do with them?

44
00:02:20,003 --> 00:02:22,003
It's ammunition, innit?
If they ever wind me up,

45
00:02:22,003 --> 00:02:25,003
then I'm putting their tiny cocks
on the Year 11 group chat.

46
00:02:25,003 --> 00:02:27,003
LAUGHTER
But if I'm just starving,

47
00:02:27,003 --> 00:02:29,003
like today, I actually forgot
to have my breakfast.

48
00:02:29,003 --> 00:02:32,003
So I threatened Sevo
unless he got me these.

49
00:02:32,003 --> 00:02:34,003
LAUGHTER

50
00:02:34,003 --> 00:02:35,003
Lads are so thick.
Hm.

51
00:02:35,003 --> 00:02:38,003
You ask,
and they send within seconds.

52
00:02:38,003 --> 00:02:40,003
We could make our own version
of Guess Who?

53
00:02:40,003 --> 00:02:44,003
Has your cock
got FIFA in the background?

54
00:02:44,003 --> 00:02:47,523
Hmm, has your cock got a wide base
but a narrow head?

55
00:02:47,523 --> 00:02:50,003
LAUGHTER

56
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:54,003
Hey, speaking of bell ends,
who's this?

57
00:02:54,003 --> 00:02:56,003
Looks like he's just tested positive

58
00:02:56,003 --> 00:02:58,003
for defo getting
his head caved in today.

59
00:03:03,003 --> 00:03:04,843
That's that posh muppet
from earlier.

60
00:03:04,843 --> 00:03:06,003
Eh?

61
00:03:08,003 --> 00:03:09,843
Dickhead.

62
00:03:09,843 --> 00:03:12,203
Ooh!
You're in trouble!

63
00:03:12,203 --> 00:03:15,003
That was dead funny, yesterday.

64
00:03:15,003 --> 00:03:17,003
Reckon she'll snitch, though?
Nah.

65
00:03:17,003 --> 00:03:20,003
Chinese people don't grass, lad.
It's not part of the culture.

66
00:03:20,003 --> 00:03:24,003
What I really need to know, Reece,
is was it racially motivated?

67
00:03:24,003 --> 00:03:26,003
YOU'RE racially motivated, lad.

68
00:03:26,003 --> 00:03:28,003
The mouse was in
Li Wei's pencil case.

69
00:03:28,003 --> 00:03:30,003
Li Hua is in 11E.

70
00:03:30,003 --> 00:03:33,003
So let's say we forget
about all this expelling silliness,

71
00:03:33,003 --> 00:03:35,363
and I'll say nothing to no-one
about you being...

72
00:03:35,363 --> 00:03:39,003
WHISPERS: ..the top dog
for the Ku Klux Klan Woolton branch.

73
00:03:39,003 --> 00:03:41,843
Sit down, Reece.

74
00:03:41,843 --> 00:03:45,003
I get it.
Practical jokes can be funny.

75
00:03:45,003 --> 00:03:48,003
A friend of mine found images of me
and his wife on my computer.

76
00:03:48,003 --> 00:03:50,003
He was convinced
that they were real,

77
00:03:50,003 --> 00:03:52,003
but they were just photoshops.

78
00:03:52,003 --> 00:03:56,003
Very real-looking photoshops.

79
00:03:58,003 --> 00:03:59,043
Anyway, Reece,

80
00:03:59,043 --> 00:04:02,003
this has been a continual pattern
of poor behaviour,

81
00:04:02,003 --> 00:04:04,523
and I can't ignore the complaints
of the East Asian Society.

82
00:04:04,523 --> 00:04:06,003
You what?

83
00:04:06,003 --> 00:04:08,683
She's not even Asian!

84
00:04:08,683 --> 00:04:12,003
We cannot, and we will not, stand by

85
00:04:12,003 --> 00:04:15,003
while toxic western men
like Reece Duffy

86
00:04:15,003 --> 00:04:18,003
exhibit abhorrent behaviour
aimed at our community.

87
00:04:18,003 --> 00:04:20,843
SPEAKS MANDARIN

88
00:04:20,843 --> 00:04:23,683
You gave me no choice, Reece.
I've already informed your mother.

89
00:04:23,683 --> 00:04:26,003
'You're gonna answer my FaceTime!

90
00:04:26,003 --> 00:04:28,003
'Expelled?

91
00:04:28,003 --> 00:04:30,003
'Are you fucking serious, gobshite?!

92
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:34,003
'You know, I've always thought
I was doing a good job with you.

93
00:04:35,003 --> 00:04:37,043
'I was determined I wasn't gonna
let you be affected

94
00:04:37,043 --> 00:04:39,523
'by your dad not being around,
and with this,

95
00:04:39,523 --> 00:04:42,003
'you're making me question whether
I've been a good mother at all.'

96
00:04:48,003 --> 00:04:50,003
Isn't it funny how we're mates,

97
00:04:50,003 --> 00:04:53,003
but if your mum would let me
bury my face in her arse,

98
00:04:53,003 --> 00:04:55,003
I would without hesitation?

99
00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:56,043
Isn't that weird?

100
00:04:56,043 --> 00:04:58,003
I've never really thought
about it, mate.

101
00:04:58,003 --> 00:05:00,003
Would we really not
be mates anymore?

102
00:05:00,003 --> 00:05:01,003
We'd get through it.

103
00:05:01,003 --> 00:05:02,003
I suppose, yeah, but...

104
00:05:02,003 --> 00:05:04,523
I doubt you'd ever come round
for tea again, though.

105
00:05:04,523 --> 00:05:07,003
Nah. See, now, that's a problem,

106
00:05:07,003 --> 00:05:10,003
cos your ma makes
a sick pork casserole.

107
00:05:10,003 --> 00:05:11,843
Oh, I'm gonna have to rethink.

108
00:05:17,203 --> 00:05:20,363
All right, Wigbert, lad.
All right, fucking Barnaby, lad.

109
00:05:20,363 --> 00:05:23,003
Fucking Norman, lad.

110
00:05:23,003 --> 00:05:25,003
Fucking Npeter
with a silent "N" at the start.

111
00:05:25,003 --> 00:05:26,363
Let me guess, then.

112
00:05:26,363 --> 00:05:28,003
What, your sisters have
hyphenated names

113
00:05:28,003 --> 00:05:32,003
to try and sound posher?
Like Ruby-Mae or Louise-Rose?

114
00:05:32,003 --> 00:05:35,203
Ted, how does he know
your little sister's name?

115
00:05:35,203 --> 00:05:37,003
You'll get pasted, lad.

116
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,003
Wait, I need him. Paste him later.

117
00:05:39,003 --> 00:05:43,003
Agree to everything I say
to Mr Meacher. Yeah?

118
00:05:43,003 --> 00:05:45,003
So, let me get this straight, Reece.

119
00:05:45,003 --> 00:05:49,003
You are offering
to look after Christopher here

120
00:05:49,003 --> 00:05:52,003
as a kind of last chance saloon?

121
00:05:52,003 --> 00:05:54,003
Well, I feel for him, being new.

122
00:05:54,003 --> 00:05:55,043
Look at the state of him.

123
00:05:55,043 --> 00:05:58,003
He looks so posh,
like he doesn't just play rugby,

124
00:05:58,003 --> 00:06:00,003
but he plays it with Prince William

125
00:06:00,003 --> 00:06:02,003
constantly bumming him
around the pitch.

126
00:06:02,003 --> 00:06:06,003
I know that I can't do great things,

127
00:06:06,003 --> 00:06:08,203
but I can do small things,

128
00:06:08,203 --> 00:06:10,523
and if we all do small things,

129
00:06:10,523 --> 00:06:13,003
then together
we can do a great thing,

130
00:06:13,003 --> 00:06:15,003
like Uncle Dale...

131
00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:20,003
...and turn it around.

132
00:06:25,003 --> 00:06:28,683
OK, Reece, then report back here
on Friday at 9am.

133
00:06:28,683 --> 00:06:31,003
If I'm happy
and Christopher's happy,

134
00:06:31,003 --> 00:06:33,003
we'll discuss you staying here.

135
00:06:34,003 --> 00:06:36,003
Close the door on the way out.

136
00:06:37,203 --> 00:06:41,683
So, what did we think
of the character of Mr Darcy

137
00:06:41,683 --> 00:06:44,003
at the beginning of the story?

138
00:06:44,003 --> 00:06:46,003
Why are you worried about
what we think about Mr Darcy, sir,

139
00:06:46,003 --> 00:06:48,003
when our Lizzie
is the sound one here

140
00:06:48,003 --> 00:06:49,003
but nobody cares about her?

141
00:06:49,003 --> 00:06:51,003
Do you not care about women, sir?
Your wife left you

142
00:06:51,003 --> 00:06:54,003
and now you hate women, sir?
I'm not married or have been.

143
00:06:54,003 --> 00:06:57,003
You're about 40
and never been married?

144
00:06:57,003 --> 00:06:58,003
It's a bit dodgy, that, sir.

145
00:06:58,003 --> 00:07:00,363
Unless you think
you're too good for women, sir?

146
00:07:00,363 --> 00:07:03,003
Think you're all that, do you, sir?
Like all men do.

147
00:07:03,003 --> 00:07:05,003
LAUGHTER

148
00:07:05,003 --> 00:07:07,003
Erm, Con, are you messing?

149
00:07:07,003 --> 00:07:08,043
I tricked you into sending me nudes

150
00:07:08,043 --> 00:07:10,523
cos you thought
I was gonna send you one back.

151
00:07:10,523 --> 00:07:13,003
Even after the 50th nude,
you still didn't click on.

152
00:07:13,003 --> 00:07:14,003
Fifty, though?

153
00:07:14,003 --> 00:07:16,003
Did you not think
this ain't happening?

154
00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:18,003
I thought a fresh angle
might win her over.

155
00:07:18,003 --> 00:07:20,003
And Reece,
you defo think you're all that.

156
00:07:20,003 --> 00:07:22,003
Didn't stop you
from kissing us, though.

157
00:07:22,003 --> 00:07:24,003
I was drunk.
You'd only had one drink, though.

158
00:07:24,003 --> 00:07:26,003
It was two years ago.
You were fitter then.

159
00:07:26,003 --> 00:07:28,003
Paedo, then.

160
00:07:28,003 --> 00:07:29,003
OK, that's... that's enough.

161
00:07:29,003 --> 00:07:32,003
So, Mr Darcy.

162
00:07:33,003 --> 00:07:34,203
Nah, Mum.

163
00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:37,003
Come on, I'll call social services
and tell them you're starving me.

164
00:07:37,003 --> 00:07:40,003
I've already spoken to them.
I told them what you did.

165
00:07:40,003 --> 00:07:42,003
They said to starve
the little fucker.

166
00:07:42,003 --> 00:07:44,003
I've got a plan.

167
00:07:44,003 --> 00:07:46,363
I've agreed with Meachie
to mentor this new kid.

168
00:07:46,363 --> 00:07:49,003
Who the fuck
are they gonna let you mentor?

169
00:07:49,003 --> 00:07:51,003
Him there.

170
00:07:51,003 --> 00:07:54,003
What, him, the lanky one?

171
00:07:54,003 --> 00:07:56,003
Hiya, excuse me, hi.

172
00:07:56,003 --> 00:07:57,003
Yeah, you.

173
00:07:57,003 --> 00:07:59,003
Is our Reece mentoring you?

174
00:07:59,003 --> 00:08:01,003
Er... er...

175
00:08:01,003 --> 00:08:03,003
Oh, has he got a disability?

176
00:08:03,003 --> 00:08:05,003
Is that why you've gotta mentor him?

177
00:08:05,003 --> 00:08:07,003
No, Mum.

178
00:08:07,003 --> 00:08:10,003
Oi, hiya, yeah, hiya.

179
00:08:10,003 --> 00:08:11,003
Are you depressed?!

180
00:08:11,003 --> 00:08:13,363
Is that why you're sat on your own?
LAUGHTER

181
00:08:13,363 --> 00:08:16,003
What's he going red for?

182
00:08:16,003 --> 00:08:18,003
Oi, you wet fart!
I asked you a question!

183
00:08:18,003 --> 00:08:20,003
LAUGHTER

184
00:08:20,003 --> 00:08:24,003
Good luck with mentoring that one.
He's got no fucking manners.

185
00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:27,003
Trust me, it's gonna work.

186
00:08:35,003 --> 00:08:37,003
KNOCK AT WINDOW

187
00:08:42,003 --> 00:08:44,003
HE MOUTHS

188
00:08:48,003 --> 00:08:49,363
What the hell are you doing here?

189
00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:52,003
I'm just helping you settle in.
I don't need any help settling in.

190
00:08:52,003 --> 00:08:54,003
KNOCK AT DOOR
Christopher?

191
00:08:54,003 --> 00:08:58,003
Some Viennetta, love. We don't
always slum it here, you know.

192
00:08:58,003 --> 00:09:02,003
Oh, sorry, I didn't know
you were entertaining a guest.

193
00:09:02,003 --> 00:09:05,003
I'll leave you two, to er,
get to know each other.

194
00:09:06,003 --> 00:09:07,203
Why did you take your shirt off?

195
00:09:07,203 --> 00:09:11,003
Thought it'd be funny to make her
think we're shagging. Christopher?

196
00:09:11,003 --> 00:09:13,003
Would you like some juice?

197
00:09:13,003 --> 00:09:16,003
Sorry, Pat, it's just
Chrissy keeps insisting

198
00:09:16,003 --> 00:09:18,003
I'll be more comfortable
if I take my trousers off.

199
00:09:18,003 --> 00:09:20,003
I don't get it. I'm not hot.

200
00:09:20,003 --> 00:09:22,003
I didn't ask him to... We're not...

201
00:09:22,003 --> 00:09:24,003
Chrissy, it's OK.
Don't be embarrassed.

202
00:09:24,003 --> 00:09:29,003
"The truth shall set you free."
The Bible.

203
00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:31,003
You should say the part
of the Bible,

204
00:09:31,003 --> 00:09:33,003
like "Matthew 8." Not just...
SCOUSE: "The Bible."

205
00:09:33,003 --> 00:09:34,003
That's a bit racist, that.

206
00:09:34,003 --> 00:09:36,003
Christopher.
Sorry!

207
00:09:36,003 --> 00:09:41,003
I'll go get you both some juice.
Give you more time to... you know.

208
00:09:41,003 --> 00:09:44,003
CHRISTOPHER GROANS
What are you doing here, then?

209
00:09:44,003 --> 00:09:46,683
Is that Secret Millionaire show
coming back for the posh kids?

210
00:09:46,683 --> 00:09:49,003
Oh, well, if you must know,
my mum died

211
00:09:49,003 --> 00:09:51,003
and now I have to live here
with my grandma.

212
00:09:57,003 --> 00:09:59,003
Who calls them "grandma"?

213
00:09:59,003 --> 00:10:02,203
"Ooh, Grandma,
what big ears you have."

214
00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:07,003
Nah, but yeah, lad,
soz about your ma.

215
00:10:07,003 --> 00:10:09,043
People always say they never think
it'll happen to you,

216
00:10:09,043 --> 00:10:12,003
but I think you do know
it can happen to you.

217
00:10:12,003 --> 00:10:14,003
But you can't live your whole life
being worried.

218
00:10:14,003 --> 00:10:15,683
Do you know what I mean?

219
00:10:18,003 --> 00:10:20,523
You need to get out
of this shitty room, lad.

220
00:10:20,523 --> 00:10:22,003
I bet you haven't even been
to Sweet Corner

221
00:10:22,003 --> 00:10:25,003
and smashed in
the pineapple and toffee cubes.

222
00:10:25,003 --> 00:10:26,843
Are they a part of your five a day?

223
00:10:26,843 --> 00:10:28,003
What do you watch on YouTube, lad?

224
00:10:28,003 --> 00:10:31,003
Posh prick reacts
to crushed avocado on toast?

225
00:10:31,003 --> 00:10:32,003
What do you watch, huh?

226
00:10:32,003 --> 00:10:34,683
Lazy chav reacts
to lack of life opportunities?

227
00:10:34,683 --> 00:10:39,003
BOTH STRAINING
AND GRUNTING

228
00:10:39,003 --> 00:10:41,003
Just put it in there, Chrissy!

229
00:10:44,683 --> 00:10:47,003
Hey, Reece.

230
00:10:47,003 --> 00:10:51,003
Lad... just seen
this new caretaker outside, yeah?

231
00:10:51,003 --> 00:10:54,003
And I know your ma says
your da done a runner,

232
00:10:54,003 --> 00:10:56,003
but he's got a massive snoz

233
00:10:56,003 --> 00:10:57,523
and he walks like he's got
a tiny cock.

234
00:10:59,003 --> 00:11:02,003
You should ask him for a DNA test.
LAUGHTER

235
00:11:02,003 --> 00:11:03,003
Do you get it?

236
00:11:03,003 --> 00:11:05,003
LAUGHTER

237
00:11:05,003 --> 00:11:08,003
He's a knob, that little...

238
00:11:08,003 --> 00:11:11,003
He's got too much tos-testerone.

239
00:11:11,003 --> 00:11:13,003
That's why he's always kicking off,

240
00:11:13,003 --> 00:11:15,363
and why he needs to have a wank
seven times a day.

241
00:11:15,363 --> 00:11:17,003
You what?

242
00:11:17,003 --> 00:11:20,003
He has to wank seven times a day,
just to function.

243
00:11:20,003 --> 00:11:21,523
Seven?
Swear.

244
00:11:21,523 --> 00:11:24,003
And you know that gay lad
in the sixth form, what's his name?

245
00:11:24,003 --> 00:11:26,523
Thomas.
He told me that Lewis was bragging

246
00:11:26,523 --> 00:11:28,003
about Aimee giving him her knickers

247
00:11:28,003 --> 00:11:30,003
because he needed them
for his big lunchtime wank,

248
00:11:30,003 --> 00:11:32,203
to get himself through the day.

249
00:11:32,203 --> 00:11:33,683
HE GASPS

250
00:11:33,683 --> 00:11:37,003
And there, lads,
is the drop-off in action.

251
00:11:37,003 --> 00:11:38,843
Oh, my God!

252
00:11:38,843 --> 00:11:40,003
Eee!

253
00:11:40,003 --> 00:11:42,003
Vile.
The dirty bastard.

254
00:11:42,003 --> 00:11:44,003
I mean, it's good he's having
an open dialogue

255
00:11:44,003 --> 00:11:46,003
about his sexual needs.

256
00:11:46,003 --> 00:11:48,003
It's important we encourage
the greater communication.

257
00:11:48,003 --> 00:11:51,003
But at the same time,
just stop wanking.

258
00:11:51,003 --> 00:11:54,203
But that's why I like talking about
me head being in your ma's arse.

259
00:11:54,203 --> 00:11:56,003
I'm all about open dialogue.

260
00:11:56,003 --> 00:11:57,003
Lad, I honestly don't think

261
00:11:57,003 --> 00:11:59,003
your head's going anywhere near
his ma's arse.

262
00:11:59,003 --> 00:12:01,003
All right, well, I have a plan B.

263
00:12:01,003 --> 00:12:02,003
Go 'ead.

264
00:12:02,003 --> 00:12:04,843
If I can't bury it in her arse,
I'll bury it in her tits.

265
00:12:04,843 --> 00:12:07,003
LAUGHTER
You're bad.

266
00:12:07,003 --> 00:12:09,003
BEEP

267
00:12:13,003 --> 00:12:15,003
BEEP

268
00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:18,003
HE SIGHS

269
00:12:27,003 --> 00:12:30,003
LAUGHTER FROM OUTSIDE

270
00:12:30,003 --> 00:12:32,003
REECE: Bow!

271
00:12:32,003 --> 00:12:35,003
Oh, my God.
What's your pronouns, girl?

272
00:12:35,003 --> 00:12:39,003
Oh, her pronouns are "as if",
"no chance" and "not interested".

273
00:12:39,003 --> 00:12:41,003
And we'll tell her yours -

274
00:12:41,003 --> 00:12:44,003
"disgusting little perverted rat".

275
00:12:44,003 --> 00:12:46,003
They're conjunctions and verbs, mate.

276
00:12:46,003 --> 00:12:49,003
And you should respect
that I identify

277
00:12:49,003 --> 00:12:53,003
as a disgusting little
perverted rat.

278
00:12:53,003 --> 00:12:56,003
And the DLPR community
strives for equality.

279
00:12:57,683 --> 00:12:59,003
Eurgh!

280
00:13:08,363 --> 00:13:10,043
Another tough one?
Hmm.

281
00:13:16,003 --> 00:13:19,003
Adam Costello's.
Yeah, how'd you get that?

282
00:13:19,003 --> 00:13:21,003
I'm good with people's eyes, girl.

283
00:13:21,003 --> 00:13:23,043
And there's something about his
that screams "vile racist".

284
00:13:23,043 --> 00:13:25,003
Mm.

285
00:13:27,003 --> 00:13:29,843
Must take you a while to, like,
go back and find them.

286
00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:33,003
Oh, yeah. I mean, this one
was from when he was about 13.

287
00:13:33,003 --> 00:13:34,683
I had to go back, like, three years.

288
00:13:34,683 --> 00:13:36,003
Do you know what?
It was worth it, though,

289
00:13:36,003 --> 00:13:40,003
when I blackmailed him
into getting me these.

290
00:13:40,003 --> 00:13:43,003
LAUGHTER, TEXT ALERT

291
00:13:43,003 --> 00:13:45,003
Oh, Chantal's sent
a new dick pic in the group.

292
00:13:45,003 --> 00:13:47,003
Let's see. I'm on form today
with my guesses, me.

293
00:13:47,003 --> 00:13:50,003
Eee, that looks like a traffic cone!

294
00:13:50,003 --> 00:13:53,003
That's Lewis's.

295
00:13:53,003 --> 00:13:56,003
The little rat!
Aw, Aims.

296
00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:59,003
I mean, maybe he could get it,
like, flattened out or something?

297
00:13:59,003 --> 00:14:02,003
Traffic-cone-cock cheating bastard.

298
00:14:10,003 --> 00:14:13,003
So, yesterday's poetry homework.

299
00:14:13,003 --> 00:14:15,003
Who wants to read theirs?

300
00:14:16,003 --> 00:14:18,003
No.

301
00:14:18,003 --> 00:14:22,003
Well, someone needs to reads theirs
so I'm doing my job.

302
00:14:22,003 --> 00:14:25,003
New boy.

303
00:14:25,003 --> 00:14:26,523
Er, I didn't know
we would read it out.

304
00:14:26,523 --> 00:14:29,003
And I didn't know teaching
would be so damn tiring.

305
00:14:29,003 --> 00:14:31,003
Read.

306
00:14:31,003 --> 00:14:34,363
MO IMITATES FART,
LAUGHTER

307
00:14:34,363 --> 00:14:37,003
The sky is full of faces now

308
00:14:38,843 --> 00:14:41,003
Your face

309
00:14:41,003 --> 00:14:45,003
Laughing, crying, scared...

310
00:14:46,043 --> 00:14:49,003
...happy.
MUFFLED LAUGHTER

311
00:14:49,003 --> 00:14:52,003
The face I love and miss the most...
MUFFLED LAUGHTER

312
00:14:53,523 --> 00:14:55,003
Is he starting to cry?

313
00:14:55,003 --> 00:14:57,003
But how do I say...

314
00:14:57,003 --> 00:14:59,003
I wanna read mine, sir.

315
00:14:59,003 --> 00:15:01,843
Er...
It's, er, it's called...

316
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:04,003
...The Door.

317
00:15:05,003 --> 00:15:07,003
The door

318
00:15:08,523 --> 00:15:10,003
Let me in

319
00:15:10,003 --> 00:15:12,003
Who's in there?

320
00:15:12,003 --> 00:15:14,003
It's Brexit

321
00:15:15,003 --> 00:15:18,363
Was I right? Was I wrong?

322
00:15:18,363 --> 00:15:20,003
Am I now forgotten?

323
00:15:22,003 --> 00:15:27,003
Brexit, Brexit, Universal Credit

324
00:15:28,363 --> 00:15:31,003
Don't get angry, get evil.

325
00:15:31,003 --> 00:15:32,003
Cheers.

326
00:15:34,523 --> 00:15:38,003
Go 'ead, lad.
Heavy poetry, that, you know.

327
00:15:38,003 --> 00:15:40,003
OK, but where was the imagery
and alliteration

328
00:15:40,003 --> 00:15:42,003
that was the point of the task?

329
00:15:42,003 --> 00:15:45,003
I don't know, sir. Brexit took them.
LAUGHTER

330
00:15:49,003 --> 00:15:50,843
AIMEE: Was that about your dog?

331
00:15:50,843 --> 00:15:54,003
I lost my hamster, Angelica,
last year.

332
00:15:54,003 --> 00:15:56,003
Dark times.

333
00:15:56,003 --> 00:15:57,523
He's a vile creature, anyway,
that Mr Dunn.

334
00:15:57,523 --> 00:16:00,363
He once made me read out
my essay about my dreams,

335
00:16:00,363 --> 00:16:04,003
and well, my dream is to be
the first person from Merseyside

336
00:16:04,003 --> 00:16:07,003
to win an Oscar
since Glenda Jackson in 1973.

337
00:16:07,003 --> 00:16:09,843
And I swear, he started laughing.

338
00:16:09,843 --> 00:16:12,003
Well, remember that you're
the captain of your soul.

339
00:16:12,003 --> 00:16:15,003
You what?
It's a quote from Nelson Mandela.

340
00:16:15,003 --> 00:16:17,003
It means you're in the driver's seat
of your life.

341
00:16:17,003 --> 00:16:18,003
Don't listen to others.

342
00:16:18,003 --> 00:16:20,003
Who's Nelson Mandela?

343
00:16:27,003 --> 00:16:29,003
I'm only messing. I know who he is.

344
00:16:29,003 --> 00:16:31,003
I know you probably came
from some fancy school

345
00:16:31,003 --> 00:16:32,683
with your whiteboards and that,

346
00:16:32,683 --> 00:16:35,003
but we do get taught stuff
at this school too, you know.

347
00:16:35,003 --> 00:16:36,003
Is that Uncle Ben, the rice fella?

348
00:16:36,003 --> 00:16:39,203
That's Nelson Mandela,
the first South African President,

349
00:16:39,203 --> 00:16:42,003
beacon of social justice
and democracy.

350
00:16:42,003 --> 00:16:43,003
Hey, they're my bird's.

351
00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:44,843
He dismantled apartheid.

352
00:16:44,843 --> 00:16:46,003
Not a clue.

353
00:16:46,003 --> 00:16:48,003
Reece - toilet, now!
I need your help.

354
00:16:48,003 --> 00:16:51,003
The memories of our kiss
come flooding back now, yeah?

355
00:16:51,003 --> 00:16:55,003
Your foo-foo's hungry.
I've got the "Reece-ipe".

356
00:16:55,003 --> 00:16:56,003
LAUGHTER

357
00:16:56,003 --> 00:16:57,843
Shut your gob,
or I'll change my mind.

358
00:16:59,003 --> 00:17:02,003
Go 'ead, Reece!
Go and get her, lad!

359
00:17:04,003 --> 00:17:06,003
Reece.

360
00:17:06,003 --> 00:17:07,003
You went to Sweet Corner?

361
00:17:07,003 --> 00:17:09,003
Boss, aren't they?
Better than boss.

362
00:17:09,003 --> 00:17:11,003
Life-changing.

363
00:17:11,003 --> 00:17:13,003
In fact, you've changed my life.

364
00:17:15,003 --> 00:17:16,523
I've been lonely here.

365
00:17:16,523 --> 00:17:18,003
But you make me smile.

366
00:17:18,003 --> 00:17:20,203
You give me hope.

367
00:17:20,203 --> 00:17:22,843
Nobody's seen me
since I've been here.

368
00:17:22,843 --> 00:17:28,003
But you, Reece... you see me.

369
00:17:28,003 --> 00:17:32,003
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you off your head?

370
00:17:32,003 --> 00:17:34,003
But I thought the stuff
in the bedroom was...?

371
00:17:35,003 --> 00:17:38,043
LAUGHTER

372
00:17:38,043 --> 00:17:41,003
Not bad, that, lad. Not bad.

373
00:17:52,003 --> 00:17:53,003
Good, good.

374
00:17:55,043 --> 00:17:57,003
OK.

375
00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:10,003
HE GROANS

376
00:18:10,003 --> 00:18:11,683
Ladies.

377
00:18:14,003 --> 00:18:17,003
Are you looking for your mentor?

378
00:18:17,003 --> 00:18:19,003
Reece Duffy?

379
00:18:19,003 --> 00:18:21,003
The whole school heard it
in the canteen.

380
00:18:21,003 --> 00:18:24,523
Oh, yeah - stupid, isn't it?
Him as my mentor?

381
00:18:24,523 --> 00:18:27,003
No, no, I'm looking for a book, actually.

382
00:18:27,003 --> 00:18:30,003
It's called, erm, Social Equality...

383
00:18:30,003 --> 00:18:33,003
Social Equality: The Prospects
Of Tomorrow by Florian Schuppert?

384
00:18:33,003 --> 00:18:36,003
Yeah, that's the one, Schuppert.

385
00:18:36,003 --> 00:18:37,003
Hm.

386
00:18:41,003 --> 00:18:43,003
Sorry, it turns out Reece Duffy

387
00:18:43,003 --> 00:18:45,003
actually took
that book out yesterday.

388
00:18:45,003 --> 00:18:47,003
Oh, damn it.

389
00:18:47,003 --> 00:18:50,003
He's probably got the whole
political sociology section on hold.

390
00:18:50,003 --> 00:18:51,203
THEY LAUGH

391
00:18:51,203 --> 00:18:54,043
I heard him and his cronies,
saying things to you.

392
00:18:54,043 --> 00:18:56,363
I mean, they're gonna have
to grow up one day.

393
00:18:56,363 --> 00:18:59,003
Although, can you imagine them
having an actual job

394
00:18:59,003 --> 00:19:00,003
that contributes to society?

395
00:19:00,003 --> 00:19:01,363
Exactly.

396
00:19:01,363 --> 00:19:04,003
A cleaning job, maybe.
You know his mum's a dinner lady?

397
00:19:04,003 --> 00:19:07,003
It makes perfect sense.
What else would she do?

398
00:19:07,003 --> 00:19:09,003
SCOUSE: "Erm, please give
our Reece a job!

399
00:19:09,003 --> 00:19:12,003
"Yeah, he'll steal all your laptops,
but he's a good lad, honestly."

400
00:19:12,003 --> 00:19:14,003
No, I didn't mean it like that.

401
00:19:14,003 --> 00:19:16,523
My mum was a dinner lady.

402
00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:23,003
Take your privileged white male
micro aggressive attitude elsewhere.

403
00:19:23,003 --> 00:19:25,043
Schuppert would be disgusted.

404
00:19:28,003 --> 00:19:30,003
KNOCKING

405
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,003
Yeah?

406
00:19:32,003 --> 00:19:34,003
Can I quickly use your bog, Pat?

407
00:19:34,003 --> 00:19:37,003
I've come home for my lunch
and I forgot my key.

408
00:19:37,003 --> 00:19:39,003
It's in there.

409
00:19:55,003 --> 00:19:58,003
Yeah, very funny (!)
Let's bum, whoo!

410
00:19:58,003 --> 00:20:01,003
Oh, Grandma, I'm bumming Reece
to death, because I'm so gay!

411
00:20:01,003 --> 00:20:02,003
Ho-ho-ho (!)

412
00:20:02,003 --> 00:20:04,003
Grow up.
SQUELCH

413
00:20:05,843 --> 00:20:07,003
What the hell's that?

414
00:20:07,003 --> 00:20:10,003
You're disgusting!
What's your problem? I thought...

415
00:20:10,003 --> 00:20:12,003
You thought what?
We were gonna play PlayStation?

416
00:20:12,003 --> 00:20:14,003
Suck each other's nutsacks?

417
00:20:14,003 --> 00:20:17,003
You don't wanna be mates with me,
lad. My ma's only a dinner lady,

418
00:20:17,003 --> 00:20:19,003
and who knows what job
I'll end up doing, eh?

419
00:20:25,683 --> 00:20:28,003
VOICEMAIL ALERT

420
00:20:28,003 --> 00:20:30,003
RODERICK: 'Cheer up, mate.

421
00:20:30,003 --> 00:20:32,003
'You're acting like
your mum's just died

422
00:20:32,003 --> 00:20:34,003
'and someone's shat
on your bedroom floor.

423
00:20:34,003 --> 00:20:36,003
'Seriously, I can see why
you need to leave.

424
00:20:36,003 --> 00:20:38,003
'My mum says you can stay with us
as long as you want

425
00:20:38,003 --> 00:20:39,683
'as long as we don't stay up
gaming all night.

426
00:20:39,683 --> 00:20:42,003
'But I told her you're normally dead
within five minutes,

427
00:20:42,003 --> 00:20:44,003
'so it'll be fine.
See you later, mate.'

428
00:20:44,003 --> 00:20:45,843
BEEP

429
00:20:59,003 --> 00:21:00,043
I've waited long enough, Reece.

430
00:21:00,043 --> 00:21:04,003
I'm afraid you're about to be...
CHRISTOPHER: Sorry I'm late, sir.

431
00:21:04,003 --> 00:21:09,003
Now then, Christopher,
what I'd like to know is...

432
00:21:09,003 --> 00:21:11,003
has Reece helped you this week?

433
00:21:12,003 --> 00:21:14,003
Not really.

434
00:21:14,003 --> 00:21:16,003
He threatened to paste me.

435
00:21:16,003 --> 00:21:19,003
He pretended to have sex with me
in front of my grandma

436
00:21:19,003 --> 00:21:21,363
and he finished the week
with the piece de resistance

437
00:21:21,363 --> 00:21:23,003
of defecating on my bedroom floor.

438
00:21:25,843 --> 00:21:28,003
But he only did that to me
because I did something to him

439
00:21:28,003 --> 00:21:31,003
which was wrong, and I'm sorry.

440
00:21:32,523 --> 00:21:34,003
He's actually been trying to help.

441
00:21:34,003 --> 00:21:36,683
Told me how I need
to get out of my room,

442
00:21:36,683 --> 00:21:39,003
embrace my new life here.

443
00:21:39,003 --> 00:21:42,003
But with what happened to my mum,
the motivation...

444
00:21:43,043 --> 00:21:45,003
...it's hard.

445
00:21:49,003 --> 00:21:51,003
Looks like you've done well here.

446
00:21:51,003 --> 00:21:54,003
Stay of execution.

447
00:21:54,003 --> 00:21:56,003
Great work, Reece.

448
00:21:56,003 --> 00:21:58,003
I mean, it won't bring his mum back
from the dead,

449
00:21:58,003 --> 00:22:00,003
but it's a step
in the right direction.

450
00:22:00,003 --> 00:22:02,003
Thanks, sir.

451
00:22:02,003 --> 00:22:03,523
Close the door on the way out.

452
00:22:03,523 --> 00:22:07,003
Mum, I'm staying. It worked!

453
00:22:07,003 --> 00:22:10,003
'Oh, get in, son!
I knew you had it in you.

454
00:22:10,003 --> 00:22:13,003
'Now, do me a favour,
don't mess the rest of the year up.

455
00:22:13,003 --> 00:22:15,003
'Maybe that posh bell end
is having a good influence

456
00:22:15,003 --> 00:22:17,003
'on you after all.'

457
00:22:17,003 --> 00:22:19,003
Let's not get carried away, Mum.

458
00:22:19,003 --> 00:22:21,003
Oh, what's for tea later?

459
00:22:24,003 --> 00:22:26,003
Nice one.

460
00:22:26,003 --> 00:22:28,003
Girls look hot in boxies.

461
00:22:28,003 --> 00:22:30,003
Like, when you wear a footie shirt.

462
00:22:31,003 --> 00:22:33,003
I'm into it, me.
Aw.

463
00:22:35,003 --> 00:22:37,003
It's a shame these aren't mine, then.

464
00:22:37,003 --> 00:22:39,003
You what?
Aw, there they are.

465
00:22:39,003 --> 00:22:41,003
I've been looking for them.
I wore these last night.

466
00:22:41,003 --> 00:22:43,003
Very hot night.

467
00:22:43,003 --> 00:22:45,003
Let rip a fair few times, like,

468
00:22:45,003 --> 00:22:48,003
but shame I ain't got a dad
to buy me a new pair, eh?

469
00:22:48,003 --> 00:22:50,003
LAUGHTER
What d'you do that for?

470
00:22:50,003 --> 00:22:51,843
You deserve it.

471
00:22:51,843 --> 00:22:55,003
I was only giving you the knickers
cos I felt sorry for you.

472
00:22:55,003 --> 00:22:58,003
Why can't you use your imagination
to wank, like girls do?

473
00:22:58,003 --> 00:23:00,043
Eh? What's wrong with youse all?

474
00:23:00,043 --> 00:23:03,003
Why do youse always need
something pervy to look at,

475
00:23:03,003 --> 00:23:04,003
like knickers or nudes?

476
00:23:04,003 --> 00:23:07,683
And while I'm here,
why d'youse all love feet?

477
00:23:07,683 --> 00:23:09,003
You freaks.

478
00:23:09,003 --> 00:23:10,203
Feet-licker!

479
00:23:10,203 --> 00:23:12,003
You're on one, you!

480
00:23:12,003 --> 00:23:14,003
Yeah, I'm on one,
because I can't trust you.

481
00:23:14,003 --> 00:23:16,003
I'm one on
cos I'm sick of being nice

482
00:23:16,003 --> 00:23:17,363
and getting nothing back.

483
00:23:17,363 --> 00:23:19,003
I'm fed up for not being me.

484
00:23:19,003 --> 00:23:21,363
We're done!
LAUGHTER

485
00:23:21,363 --> 00:23:23,003
GIRL: Good for you, queen.

486
00:23:24,003 --> 00:23:26,003
Because I'm the captain of my soul.

487
00:23:26,003 --> 00:23:28,003
Oh!

488
00:23:30,003 --> 00:23:32,003
That's from him, that, innit?

489
00:23:32,003 --> 00:23:33,003
That posh nonce!

490
00:23:33,003 --> 00:23:37,003
Talks like he's got
Benedict Cucumber up his arse!

491
00:23:37,003 --> 00:23:39,003
Somebody needs another wank.

492
00:23:39,003 --> 00:23:41,003
And you - argh!
GIRL: Oh, my God!

493
00:23:43,003 --> 00:23:45,003
MEACHER: Lewis! Lewis!

494
00:23:46,363 --> 00:23:49,003
You never learn, do you, Lewis?

495
00:23:49,003 --> 00:23:51,003
Well, that's another suspension
with immediate effect.

496
00:23:51,003 --> 00:23:53,003
LAUGHTER

497
00:23:53,003 --> 00:23:57,003
♪ Cheerio, cheerio, cheerio. ♪

498
00:23:57,003 --> 00:23:58,003
Listen...

499
00:23:58,003 --> 00:24:01,003
you even speak to my bird
when I'm gone, lad,

500
00:24:01,003 --> 00:24:03,003
and you're dead. Watch!

501
00:24:05,843 --> 00:24:08,003
MEACHER: OK, fun's over. Go home.

502
00:24:08,003 --> 00:24:09,003
Go on!

503
00:24:15,003 --> 00:24:17,003
These boxers are a bit tight,
aren't they, lad?

504
00:24:17,003 --> 00:24:19,003
I like my nut sack to feel
like it's being held.

505
00:24:19,003 --> 00:24:20,003
CONNOR LAUGHS
Come 'ead.

506
00:24:20,003 --> 00:24:22,003
Ow!

507
00:24:24,203 --> 00:24:27,003
GAMER 1: 'Roderick said
you're not coming back now.'

508
00:24:27,003 --> 00:24:29,843
GAMER 2: 'Liverpool's grabbed him
by the bollocks already.'

509
00:24:29,843 --> 00:24:33,003
I wouldn't go quite that far.
It's a... mum thing.

510
00:24:33,003 --> 00:24:35,003
TEXT ALERT

511
00:24:40,003 --> 00:24:42,003
CHRISTOPHER'S MUM: 'Relax, son.

512
00:24:42,003 --> 00:24:45,523
'I've set this email for you
to receive after I've gone.

513
00:24:47,003 --> 00:24:50,003
'But if I'm still alive and still
fighting this cancer prick,

514
00:24:50,003 --> 00:24:53,003
'then yay to me.

515
00:24:53,003 --> 00:24:56,003
'Although, then,
this would be kind of awkward,

516
00:24:56,003 --> 00:24:59,003
'and you know how much
I hate awkwardness,

517
00:24:59,003 --> 00:25:01,003
'so let's hope I'm gone.'

518
00:25:01,003 --> 00:25:02,003
HE LAUGHS

519
00:25:02,003 --> 00:25:04,363
'I know you weren't keen
on living with your grandma.

520
00:25:04,363 --> 00:25:06,003
'But you realise what family means

521
00:25:06,003 --> 00:25:08,003
'when you know
you won't be around forever.

522
00:25:08,003 --> 00:25:12,003
'I still feel guilty
for moving away from your grandma

523
00:25:12,003 --> 00:25:15,683
'all those years ago,
and this'll mean so much to her.

524
00:25:15,683 --> 00:25:17,523
'It means so much to me.

525
00:25:17,523 --> 00:25:21,003
'I wasn't there for your grandma,
but you can be.

526
00:25:22,003 --> 00:25:24,003
'Keep doing me proud, son.

527
00:25:25,003 --> 00:25:27,003
'I love you.'

528
00:25:27,003 --> 00:25:28,843
HE SNIFFS

529
00:25:36,363 --> 00:25:39,003
GAMER 2: 'Say no more.
Mums are mums.'

530
00:25:39,003 --> 00:25:42,003
GAMER 1: 'Yeah, big up
to all the mums out there.'

531
00:25:42,003 --> 00:25:45,003
I'll fuck all your mums,
you little mings!

532
00:25:45,003 --> 00:25:47,003
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