1
00:00:01,003 --> 00:00:02,683
Feel like you're holding back, mate.

2
00:00:02,683 --> 00:00:05,003
If we're gonna put this online,
we're gonna need more from you.

3
00:00:05,003 --> 00:00:07,003
Like more arrogance in your face.

4
00:00:07,003 --> 00:00:08,003
Yeah.
Yeah.

5
00:00:08,003 --> 00:00:10,003
Yeah, that's it.
That's it.

6
00:00:10,003 --> 00:00:12,683
CHEERING

7
00:00:12,683 --> 00:00:15,003
FOOTBALL COMMENTARY PLAYS

8
00:00:15,003 --> 00:00:16,523
BOOING

9
00:00:16,523 --> 00:00:18,003
'Who's that?'

10
00:00:18,003 --> 00:00:20,003
It's just the morons outside.
They think they're funny,

11
00:00:20,003 --> 00:00:23,003
making my grandma do random things,
then they put it on TikTok.

12
00:00:23,003 --> 00:00:25,203
"Scounsenancausingmayhem"
or something.

13
00:00:25,203 --> 00:00:29,003
'That's your nan? No way!
Are they live now?'

14
00:00:29,003 --> 00:00:32,003
CHEERING

15
00:00:32,003 --> 00:00:34,043
WHOOPING

16
00:00:34,043 --> 00:00:38,003
Did I miss the Ronaldo? Siuuuu!

17
00:00:38,003 --> 00:00:40,683
Hey, great shout with the shirt off,
Pat.

18
00:00:40,683 --> 00:00:43,203
You absolutely smashed it.
Completely silenced the Bernabeu.

19
00:00:43,203 --> 00:00:45,843
Last one now, eh, boys?

20
00:00:45,843 --> 00:00:49,003
THEY LAUGH
She doesn't like you.

21
00:00:49,003 --> 00:00:50,363
'Ooh, what's she gonna do now?'

22
00:00:50,363 --> 00:00:53,003
COMMENTARY CONTINUES

23
00:00:53,003 --> 00:00:56,003
CHEERING

24
00:00:58,003 --> 00:01:00,363
You said you were gonna get me
free bingo tickets.

25
00:01:00,363 --> 00:01:03,003
I did. I got you them
for last Saturday, lad!

26
00:01:03,003 --> 00:01:08,003
You know I go to Angie's tango class
on a Saturday. You know that, Reece.

27
00:01:08,003 --> 00:01:10,003
LAUGHING

28
00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:11,003
That's heavy, that, lad.

29
00:01:11,003 --> 00:01:14,003
Lingering beef about that quid
I took for going the shop for her!

30
00:01:14,003 --> 00:01:15,043
Let me do one. Let me do one.

31
00:01:15,043 --> 00:01:17,003
If I was a professional,

32
00:01:17,003 --> 00:01:20,003
my trademark celebration
would be running into the crowd,

33
00:01:20,003 --> 00:01:22,003
putting me face
right into Reece's ma's arse

34
00:01:22,003 --> 00:01:25,003
and while I am in there,
pointing to the heavens.

35
00:01:25,003 --> 00:01:26,003
CHEERS

36
00:01:37,003 --> 00:01:40,683
Hi, everyone.
Oh, here we go!

37
00:01:40,683 --> 00:01:44,003
Sorry to disturb your lunchbreak,
but I have sent out an email

38
00:01:44,003 --> 00:01:47,003
because it's National Diversity
and Inclusion Week.

39
00:01:47,003 --> 00:01:49,683
When's it gonna be
you leave us alone week?

40
00:01:49,683 --> 00:01:52,003
I don't care if
a Jaffa Cake identifies as a cake.

41
00:01:52,003 --> 00:01:53,843
Belongs in the biscuit tin.

42
00:01:53,843 --> 00:01:57,003
Mr Meacher and I have set up
a homework task.

43
00:01:57,003 --> 00:02:00,003
You need to pair yourselves up
with someone who is your opposite

44
00:02:00,003 --> 00:02:04,003
and experience their lives
over the next few days.

45
00:02:04,003 --> 00:02:05,003
Just sit down, Brimble!

46
00:02:05,003 --> 00:02:10,043
ALL CHANT: Sit down, Brimble.

47
00:02:10,043 --> 00:02:13,203
Sit down, Brimble.

48
00:02:13,203 --> 00:02:15,003
Sit down, Brimble.
Sit down, Brimble.

49
00:02:15,003 --> 00:02:19,003
On Wednesday...
you will both do a presentation

50
00:02:19,003 --> 00:02:21,003
in front of the whole school.
GROANING

51
00:02:21,003 --> 00:02:25,003
You'll speak about your differences
and what common ground you found.

52
00:02:25,003 --> 00:02:28,003
Diversity...
No-one cares.

53
00:02:28,003 --> 00:02:31,003
Embrace it. Share it.

54
00:02:32,003 --> 00:02:36,003
Celebrate it.
BOOING

55
00:02:36,003 --> 00:02:41,043
And Mr Meacher is offering a £500
prize for the winning presentation.

56
00:02:41,043 --> 00:02:43,043
CHEERING

57
00:02:46,003 --> 00:02:48,003
Who would your opposite be?

58
00:02:48,003 --> 00:02:52,043
Probably just
someone really unpopular, like...

59
00:02:54,003 --> 00:02:55,003
...like her.

60
00:02:57,003 --> 00:02:59,003
God, you know, I can't be arsed
with these presentations.

61
00:02:59,003 --> 00:03:00,843
I'm just not gonna win, am I?

62
00:03:09,003 --> 00:03:12,003
Oh, yous are so cute together.

63
00:03:12,003 --> 00:03:14,003
Cheers, girl. And do you know what?

64
00:03:14,003 --> 00:03:16,003
It doesn't matter that
he doesn't speak English

65
00:03:16,003 --> 00:03:19,003
cos I know exactly what he's saying
through his eyes.

66
00:03:19,003 --> 00:03:23,523
Like just then, he said,
"I'm going for me lunch."

67
00:03:23,523 --> 00:03:26,003
So, the Brimble just came up to you
and asked to be partners?

68
00:03:26,003 --> 00:03:29,003
Well, she asked us
if I was a practising Muslim first.

69
00:03:29,003 --> 00:03:32,003
I told her "na'am",
which is "yeah" in Arabic.

70
00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:35,003
You won't get away with that, lad.
What do you mean?

71
00:03:35,003 --> 00:03:38,003
Aw, we should be partners, mate.
I could win this.

72
00:03:38,003 --> 00:03:41,003
Diversity loves a gay.
CHUCKLING

73
00:03:41,003 --> 00:03:43,003
That's one of
the most beautifully tolerant things

74
00:03:43,003 --> 00:03:48,003
you've ever said to me. Thank you.
Knob!

75
00:03:49,003 --> 00:03:53,003
I'm fuming. How am I supposed
to show my acting skills

76
00:03:53,003 --> 00:03:54,003
when this is who I'm put with?

77
00:03:54,003 --> 00:03:57,003
Smoked someone the other day.
A Manchester United fan?

78
00:03:57,003 --> 00:03:59,003
Oh, yeah, fucking scruff. Divvy.

79
00:03:59,003 --> 00:04:01,003
Oh, Romeo, Romeo.
Wherefore art thou, Romeo?

80
00:04:01,003 --> 00:04:04,003
Oh, sorry, he's just finishing
Pro Clubs on FIFA.

81
00:04:04,003 --> 00:04:05,843
Do you know, I feel for you, girl.

82
00:04:05,843 --> 00:04:07,003
Cos you know, me and Ziad,

83
00:04:07,003 --> 00:04:10,003
we were practising our audition
this morning,

84
00:04:10,003 --> 00:04:13,003
and you can proper get in the zone
with the right partner.

85
00:04:13,003 --> 00:04:16,003
Sir, me and Ziad,
we're gonna audition next.

86
00:04:16,003 --> 00:04:18,003
Now, he is from Libya,
so he doesn't speak English,

87
00:04:18,003 --> 00:04:20,843
so we're gonna do, like,
a non-verbal audition.

88
00:04:20,843 --> 00:04:23,003
Well, that's not gonna work.
Why?

89
00:04:24,043 --> 00:04:27,043
Are you racist against people
who don't speak English, sir?

90
00:04:27,043 --> 00:04:30,003
Are you a big, bad Nazi,
are you, sir?

91
00:04:30,003 --> 00:04:32,003
Why do you look so guilty, sir?

92
00:04:32,003 --> 00:04:33,003
We...
Get your kit off.

93
00:04:33,003 --> 00:04:35,043
Show us you haven't got
a swastika tattoo, sir.

94
00:04:35,043 --> 00:04:42,003
Erm... Ziad,
in no way did I intend...

95
00:04:42,003 --> 00:04:44,003
Sir, he doesn't speak English.

96
00:04:44,003 --> 00:04:46,003
Oh, now
you're just a patronising racist!

97
00:04:46,003 --> 00:04:48,363
Come on, Ziad,
let's prove to the racists

98
00:04:48,363 --> 00:04:53,003
that we can show Romeo and Juliet's
connection without language.

99
00:04:56,003 --> 00:04:57,203
Sorry.

100
00:04:57,203 --> 00:05:01,003
♪ Baby, I'm

101
00:05:01,003 --> 00:05:04,003
♪ Dancing in the dark

102
00:05:04,003 --> 00:05:09,003
♪ With you between my arms... ♪

103
00:05:09,003 --> 00:05:10,003
Down.

104
00:05:16,363 --> 00:05:20,003
OK.
SHE GROANS

105
00:05:26,003 --> 00:05:27,003
No.

106
00:05:29,523 --> 00:05:32,203
SHE GROANS

107
00:05:35,003 --> 00:05:38,003
SHE SIGHS

108
00:05:40,003 --> 00:05:45,003
SHE MOANS LOUDLY

109
00:05:47,003 --> 00:05:50,003
Thank you.

110
00:05:50,003 --> 00:05:52,003
IN ARABIC:

111
00:05:52,003 --> 00:05:54,003
Lucky bastard!

112
00:05:55,003 --> 00:05:57,003
BUZZING

113
00:05:57,003 --> 00:05:58,683
Dad, I'm bringing this girl over,

114
00:05:58,683 --> 00:06:01,003
but I kinda told her
I was a proper Muslim

115
00:06:01,003 --> 00:06:04,003
so I could do
this opposites homework with her.

116
00:06:04,003 --> 00:06:06,003
Astaghfirullah! I tell you
never to bring evil white girl

117
00:06:06,003 --> 00:06:08,003
to this house, Mohammed.
Dad, I'm being serious.

118
00:06:08,003 --> 00:06:12,003
We need to be Muslim.
I don't care how serious you are.

119
00:06:12,003 --> 00:06:15,003
Your grandad's been trying to get
you in a mosque for years.

120
00:06:15,003 --> 00:06:19,003
Now some girl comes along,
and you wanna pretend to be Muslim.

121
00:06:19,003 --> 00:06:20,003
Are you having a laugh?

122
00:06:20,003 --> 00:06:23,003
All right.
Son, what's this girl like?

123
00:06:23,003 --> 00:06:27,003
Two words, Mum - su-perb.
That's one word.

124
00:06:27,003 --> 00:06:30,003
And we're celebrating
Eid "al-Hadda".

125
00:06:30,003 --> 00:06:31,003
Adha.

126
00:06:31,003 --> 00:06:34,003
Adha. Yeah, Dad, are you gonna help?

127
00:06:34,003 --> 00:06:37,003
'Yeah. Go on, then.'
Sound.

128
00:06:39,003 --> 00:06:41,003
So, like, I know you're gay,

129
00:06:41,003 --> 00:06:44,003
but surely if that bird who played
Wonder Woman wanted you,

130
00:06:44,003 --> 00:06:45,003
you obviously would?

131
00:06:45,003 --> 00:06:47,043
Oh, yeah, I'd completely abandon

132
00:06:47,043 --> 00:06:51,003
me whole genetic and hormonal
make-up for her. Yeah.

133
00:06:51,003 --> 00:06:54,843
I thought so, mate.
She's fit, isn't she? Yeah.

134
00:06:54,843 --> 00:06:58,003
You see, what's good is
you're gonna get to experience

135
00:06:58,003 --> 00:07:00,003
a progressive, modern-day
Muslim family.

136
00:07:00,003 --> 00:07:04,003
I mean, sometimes you wouldn't
even guess we're Muslim. Yeah. Wow.

137
00:07:04,003 --> 00:07:07,523
They're here. Press play.
MUSIC

138
00:07:07,523 --> 00:07:10,523
Astaghfirullah!
SPEAKS IN ARABIC

139
00:07:10,523 --> 00:07:13,003
You are a disgrace!

140
00:07:13,003 --> 00:07:17,003
I shall never forgive you.
Dad!

141
00:07:17,003 --> 00:07:19,003
Eid Mubarak.

142
00:07:19,003 --> 00:07:23,003
Apologies for my wife's behaviour.
Er, she is practising seclusion

143
00:07:23,003 --> 00:07:28,363
from public observation and
had the audacity to show her feet.

144
00:07:28,363 --> 00:07:30,003
I still see your toeys.

145
00:07:30,003 --> 00:07:34,843
Dad, it's Eid, and
women celebrate with us. Remember?

146
00:07:34,843 --> 00:07:39,003
You're right.
She may join us for five minutes.

147
00:07:43,003 --> 00:07:44,523
Mum!

148
00:07:48,003 --> 00:07:50,003
NOISE FROM PHONE

149
00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:53,003
I thought you wanted me to teach you
how to be more earnest in life?

150
00:07:53,003 --> 00:07:55,003
I am earnest, me.

151
00:07:55,003 --> 00:07:57,843
Today, I taught Miss Prescott
that if she had an OnlyFans,

152
00:07:57,843 --> 00:08:00,003
I'd defo subscribe.
But I actually wanna do this task.

153
00:08:00,003 --> 00:08:04,003
Why, when you've already made
your mind up about me?

154
00:08:04,003 --> 00:08:05,003
So just put a slide up saying,

155
00:08:05,003 --> 00:08:08,003
"The difference between me and Reece
in ten years."

156
00:08:08,003 --> 00:08:11,683
Then photoshop a pic of you
in a suit with a £50 note,

157
00:08:11,683 --> 00:08:15,003
snorting cocaine
off Jacob Rees-Mogg's bum cheeks.

158
00:08:15,003 --> 00:08:18,003
Then me, in a pair of
Reebok Classics, looking chavtastic,

159
00:08:18,003 --> 00:08:21,003
standing outside the job centre
with me 13 kids.

160
00:08:21,003 --> 00:08:23,003
WOMAN: Christopher, I'm home.
HE PLAYS PORN ON PHONE

161
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:25,003
What are you doing that for?

162
00:08:25,003 --> 00:08:27,043
You don't seem to care
about doing any work.

163
00:08:27,043 --> 00:08:30,003
Are you even going to uni or
is that a bit too grown-up for you?

164
00:08:30,003 --> 00:08:33,003
Lad, I'm starting
a joinery apprenticeship as soon as.

165
00:08:33,003 --> 00:08:36,003
I'll be earning
a decent wage for a nice house

166
00:08:36,003 --> 00:08:38,003
whilst you're sucking off
the manager of Lidl,

167
00:08:38,003 --> 00:08:41,003
desperate for a job cos
you're 50 grand in debt after uni.

168
00:08:41,003 --> 00:08:43,003
Then who'll be the grown-up one?
Christopher!

169
00:08:43,003 --> 00:08:45,003
TURNS THE VOLUME UP
What are you doing that for?

170
00:08:45,003 --> 00:08:47,003
I don't know. It's funny, innit?

171
00:08:47,003 --> 00:08:49,003
I just want her to think that
we're shagging.

172
00:08:49,003 --> 00:08:51,003
Turn it off!

173
00:08:52,203 --> 00:08:54,003
What are you doing? Get off me top!

174
00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:59,003
Come 'ead!

175
00:09:00,003 --> 00:09:06,003
OPERA MUSIC

176
00:09:07,003 --> 00:09:10,003
MOANING FROM PHONE

177
00:09:19,523 --> 00:09:21,843
GROANING FROM PHONE

178
00:09:21,843 --> 00:09:23,683
You boys are certainly throwing
yourselves

179
00:09:23,683 --> 00:09:25,363
into this get to know each other
homework.

180
00:09:25,363 --> 00:09:29,003
Soz, Pat.
Chrissy's a bit of a squealer.

181
00:09:29,003 --> 00:09:30,043
SQUEALS

182
00:09:33,203 --> 00:09:37,003
It is great that
you all eat from the same plate.

183
00:09:37,003 --> 00:09:41,003
It's uniquely intimate. So bonding.

184
00:09:41,003 --> 00:09:44,003
I have something for you.
Oh!

185
00:09:44,003 --> 00:09:46,843
SHE LAUGHS

186
00:09:55,683 --> 00:09:57,003
Erm...

187
00:09:59,003 --> 00:10:02,003
Mohammed, why is she looking
so confused, huh? Is she not happy?

188
00:10:02,003 --> 00:10:04,203
You said the mahr for the marriage
had been agreed.

189
00:10:04,203 --> 00:10:07,003
Yeah.
Dad!

190
00:10:07,003 --> 00:10:09,003
It's such an honour to welcome you
to our family,

191
00:10:09,003 --> 00:10:11,003
you know,
as my future daughter-in-law.

192
00:10:11,003 --> 00:10:12,043
Sorry, what?
That's not...

193
00:10:12,043 --> 00:10:14,003
He's always wanted to control
the woman.

194
00:10:14,003 --> 00:10:16,523
You have. You have.

195
00:10:16,523 --> 00:10:20,003
Remember when you were a little boy?
You used to take that Barbie.

196
00:10:20,003 --> 00:10:21,003
He'd say, "You're my wife.

197
00:10:21,003 --> 00:10:24,003
"You're my wife,
and I'm gonna hide your passport,

198
00:10:24,003 --> 00:10:26,363
"tie you to a radiator."
It was so cute. It was so funny.

199
00:10:26,363 --> 00:10:28,003
You can't say that!

200
00:10:28,003 --> 00:10:30,363
Sorry, I think
there's been a misunderstanding.

201
00:10:30,363 --> 00:10:33,003
I am not here to be Mo's wife.

202
00:10:34,003 --> 00:10:37,043
I-I am here to learn
about your religion.

203
00:10:37,043 --> 00:10:41,003
Yes, Mum, she's here to learn.
Apologies.

204
00:10:41,003 --> 00:10:44,363
Would you please excuse him, just
while he prepares the main course?

205
00:10:44,363 --> 00:10:47,003
Dad...
Mm!

206
00:10:47,003 --> 00:10:50,003
BLEATING

207
00:10:50,003 --> 00:10:51,003
What's he playing at?

208
00:10:53,203 --> 00:10:58,003
We will now begin
our Eid Qurbani celebration.

209
00:10:58,003 --> 00:11:01,843
The ritual slaughter of a goat.

210
00:11:01,843 --> 00:11:08,523
Would our guest of honour...
like to perform the sacrifice?

211
00:11:09,523 --> 00:11:14,003
Erm... No, I respect your religion,
but I would rather not.

212
00:11:14,003 --> 00:11:17,843
Well, then,
Cutthroat Mo takes the reins again.

213
00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:20,363
That's what we call him cos
when he was five, he was a natural,

214
00:11:20,363 --> 00:11:22,683
real thirst for blood.

215
00:11:22,683 --> 00:11:24,003
Hm, so murderous.

216
00:11:24,003 --> 00:11:28,003
Mum. Dad, that is no longer
a tradition we follow.

217
00:11:28,003 --> 00:11:31,003
Dad!

218
00:11:31,003 --> 00:11:34,003
Just... Yeah, just give me a second.
Sorry.

219
00:11:34,003 --> 00:11:36,003
LAUGHING,
BLEATING

220
00:11:36,003 --> 00:11:39,003
Yous aren't funny!

221
00:11:39,003 --> 00:11:42,003
Cutthroat Mo strikes again.

222
00:11:56,003 --> 00:11:59,363
Sir, why are you only seeing
lads and girls audition?

223
00:11:59,363 --> 00:12:02,003
Are you a homophobe
as well as a racist?

224
00:12:02,003 --> 00:12:03,043
Romeo and Ricardo for the win.

225
00:12:03,043 --> 00:12:05,003
Ted makes a great point,

226
00:12:05,003 --> 00:12:08,003
and we need to be more inclusive
with the languages for Ziad.

227
00:12:08,003 --> 00:12:11,003
I've popped an Arabic translation
I found in the WhatsApp group.

228
00:12:11,003 --> 00:12:13,523
Maybe Mo and Ziad
would like to audition as a pair?

229
00:12:15,003 --> 00:12:19,003
Erm... Yeah. Sound.

230
00:12:23,003 --> 00:12:28,003
IN ARABIC:

231
00:13:08,003 --> 00:13:10,003
Yeah.

232
00:13:24,003 --> 00:13:26,003
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

233
00:13:31,003 --> 00:13:34,003
Classic Shakespeare.

234
00:13:34,003 --> 00:13:38,043
Conflict... to resolution.
Fantastic, boys.

235
00:13:41,003 --> 00:13:45,003
Oh, there you are, mate.
Listen, I really need your help.

236
00:13:47,003 --> 00:13:49,003
Reckon you've got any pictures
of Pat when she was younger?

237
00:13:49,003 --> 00:13:52,523
Cos I'm seeing hallmarks
of a decent bum, you know.

238
00:13:52,523 --> 00:13:54,003
I'm only messing.

239
00:13:54,003 --> 00:13:56,843
Though if you had any, I'd probably
wanna look out of curiosity.

240
00:13:56,843 --> 00:13:59,003
But anyway, you know Reece's ma?

241
00:13:59,003 --> 00:14:01,003
That really shy and retiring woman?

242
00:14:01,003 --> 00:14:03,003
Yeah. She came onto me.
No, she didn't.

243
00:14:03,003 --> 00:14:08,003
Mate, swear down. We were in the
canteen, brought me over Alphabites,

244
00:14:08,003 --> 00:14:11,003
gave me a wink and I looked at them
and I realised,

245
00:14:11,003 --> 00:14:15,003
if I moved them round, it spelt out,
"I want you, Con."

246
00:14:15,003 --> 00:14:17,003
I had to use the "O" more than once,

247
00:14:17,003 --> 00:14:19,003
but that's just a mistake
on her part.

248
00:14:19,003 --> 00:14:22,003
That wasn't a coincidence. There's
a lot of things that could spell.

249
00:14:22,003 --> 00:14:25,003
No, mate, secret code.

250
00:14:25,003 --> 00:14:26,043
SIGHS

251
00:14:26,043 --> 00:14:30,003
Proper torn now, lad.
Cos it's banter.

252
00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:35,003
But it's not banter because...
I wanna do it.

253
00:14:36,003 --> 00:14:37,683
Just, Reece is me mate.

254
00:14:39,843 --> 00:14:41,003
You should go for it.

255
00:14:41,003 --> 00:14:44,003
Well, if this week at school
has taught us anything,

256
00:14:44,003 --> 00:14:47,003
it's to be your authentic self,
and people should accept that.

257
00:14:47,003 --> 00:14:51,523
Yeah. And my authentic self wants
his head right up Jodie's arse.

258
00:14:53,003 --> 00:14:55,683
Nice one, lad. I'll see you later.

259
00:15:00,043 --> 00:15:04,043
Aye, pilgrim,
lips that they must use in prayer.

260
00:15:04,043 --> 00:15:09,003
Oh, then, dear saint,
let lips do what hands do.

261
00:15:09,003 --> 00:15:12,003
Saints do not move,
though grant for prayers' sake.

262
00:15:12,003 --> 00:15:15,003
Then move not
while my prayer's effect I take.

263
00:15:16,683 --> 00:15:22,003
Nah, no, I'm not havin' this, me.
Right in me face like that.

264
00:15:22,003 --> 00:15:26,203
I'm back tomorrow.
You're dead, you sweaty lizard.

265
00:15:28,003 --> 00:15:32,003
Oi, you liar! What's all this about?
Gold star English student.

266
00:15:32,003 --> 00:15:36,683
HE SPEAKS
ENGLISH WORDS SLOWLY

267
00:15:36,683 --> 00:15:39,003
Aims found it on your Facebook.
Look...

268
00:15:39,003 --> 00:15:41,003
Oh, my God, he's still pretending.

269
00:15:41,003 --> 00:15:43,003
And here's me telling Aims
we don't need to vet you

270
00:15:43,003 --> 00:15:44,003
cos I know you'll pass.

271
00:15:44,003 --> 00:15:46,003
I vetted you anyway
because she's my mate,

272
00:15:46,003 --> 00:15:48,003
and something about you is dodgy.

273
00:15:48,003 --> 00:15:49,003
In a non-racist way.

274
00:15:49,003 --> 00:15:52,843
We did the usual background check of
all your socials for any scandals,

275
00:15:52,843 --> 00:15:55,003
looking at your internet history
to make sure

276
00:15:55,003 --> 00:15:57,003
you're not a perv
and no naughty shoes.

277
00:15:57,003 --> 00:15:59,843
And you only just passed that one,
by the way.

278
00:15:59,843 --> 00:16:01,043
You've been added, lad.

279
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:04,003
Yeah, you have.
So, don't you ever speak

280
00:16:04,003 --> 00:16:07,003
to either of us again in English...

281
00:16:08,523 --> 00:16:11,003
...or with your sexy brown eyes.
Mia-Louise!

282
00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:12,003
SPEAKS ARABIC

283
00:16:12,003 --> 00:16:14,003
Come back.
Still pretending!

284
00:16:19,003 --> 00:16:21,043
So, what was Reece like as a kid?

285
00:16:24,003 --> 00:16:25,003
He struggled.

286
00:16:26,043 --> 00:16:30,683
Wasn't his fault.
He had a lot to deal with.

287
00:16:30,683 --> 00:16:33,003
We didn't have any heating.

288
00:16:33,003 --> 00:16:37,843
Sometimes, the only food
we could afford was 9p Netto beans.

289
00:16:37,843 --> 00:16:39,003
I'm sorry.

290
00:16:39,003 --> 00:16:43,003
Sometimes, I had to send him
out into the street to steal

291
00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:48,003
other people's hubcaps and...
when we were really desperate...

292
00:16:48,003 --> 00:16:50,203
I had to shove him
through people's cat flaps,

293
00:16:50,203 --> 00:16:53,003
to break into their houses.
He was only four years old.

294
00:16:53,003 --> 00:16:55,003
HE SIGHS

295
00:16:55,003 --> 00:16:57,003
Well, I see now
why he is the way he is.

296
00:17:05,003 --> 00:17:08,683
I'm winding you up, soft arse.

297
00:17:08,683 --> 00:17:11,003
Never mind
what you see on the telly.

298
00:17:11,003 --> 00:17:14,003
We're not all sitting round,
eating crack out of a bin bag.

299
00:17:15,003 --> 00:17:18,003
Look, I suppose you can say...

300
00:17:19,523 --> 00:17:22,003
...that it's only ever been
me and him.

301
00:17:22,003 --> 00:17:27,003
So, I'm very proud...
of the man that he's becoming.

302
00:17:29,003 --> 00:17:33,003
Oi, oi, here he is.
Here's that tenner, son.

303
00:17:33,003 --> 00:17:35,003
Ah! Nice one, Mum.

304
00:17:35,003 --> 00:17:36,003
Oh, so you can bend down?

305
00:17:36,003 --> 00:17:39,003
Well, in that case, you can go
and pick up your dirty plate

306
00:17:39,003 --> 00:17:42,003
and put it in the dishwasher,
lazy arse.

307
00:17:42,003 --> 00:17:45,003
Right, I'm off to work.
Give us that tenner back.

308
00:17:45,003 --> 00:17:50,003
Nice one. G'wed.
See you later. Love you. Love you.

309
00:17:53,043 --> 00:17:56,683
I think it's really great you're
so committed to your schoolwork.

310
00:18:00,003 --> 00:18:03,003
Bet your mum would have been
dead proud of you.

311
00:18:06,843 --> 00:18:09,043
Hey, Connor came onto me ma
last night.

312
00:18:09,043 --> 00:18:12,003
Nah, it's not funny, lad.
He told me you told him to do it.

313
00:18:12,003 --> 00:18:13,003
He actually did it?

314
00:18:13,003 --> 00:18:16,523
What did you say that to him for?
I don't know. Funny, innit?

315
00:18:16,523 --> 00:18:21,003
Nah, banter's funny.
But nobody treats me ma like that.

316
00:18:21,003 --> 00:18:24,003
Then be angry at him, not me.
No, you should know better.

317
00:18:24,003 --> 00:18:27,003
You're lucky if
I even do this presentation later.

318
00:18:27,003 --> 00:18:29,003
Though I suppose
we can tell everyone

319
00:18:29,003 --> 00:18:33,003
how we're so different, then, cos
one of us is proper disrespectful.

320
00:18:36,003 --> 00:18:39,003
APPLAUSE

321
00:18:40,003 --> 00:18:41,003
Good afternoon to you all.

322
00:18:41,003 --> 00:18:45,043
Here at Allsbrooke, we are proud
to promote a school culture

323
00:18:45,043 --> 00:18:47,003
that values diversity.

324
00:18:47,003 --> 00:18:49,003
So, without further ado,

325
00:18:49,003 --> 00:18:53,003
first up, we have Connor and Ted.

326
00:18:53,003 --> 00:18:55,003
It's mad cos...

327
00:18:55,003 --> 00:18:57,003
CHUCKLING

328
00:18:57,003 --> 00:18:59,003
...I love girls' arses,

329
00:18:59,003 --> 00:19:03,003
and he loves lads' arses, don't you?

330
00:19:03,003 --> 00:19:04,203
Kieran and Lewis.

331
00:19:07,003 --> 00:19:11,003
Our main differences are,
he benches 270...

332
00:19:11,003 --> 00:19:13,203
I bench 275.

333
00:19:13,203 --> 00:19:16,003
And if you look,
they're not really that different.

334
00:19:16,003 --> 00:19:21,003
Mine and Kieran's common ground is
we both generally love a good scrap.

335
00:19:21,003 --> 00:19:25,203
We'll batter anyone who wants it
and batter them again if needs be.

336
00:19:25,203 --> 00:19:29,003
Just slightly different in shape.

337
00:19:29,003 --> 00:19:33,003
So, maybe me and Ted aren't
that different, either.

338
00:19:33,003 --> 00:19:34,843
HE SOBS

339
00:19:34,843 --> 00:19:36,003
APPLAUSE

340
00:19:36,003 --> 00:19:40,683
But we're most similar...
cos we're both humans,

341
00:19:40,683 --> 00:19:43,003
and humans make mistakes.

342
00:19:43,003 --> 00:19:49,003
I bet any one of them sound lads
there on that picture made mistakes.

343
00:19:54,003 --> 00:19:55,203
Will you?

344
00:19:55,203 --> 00:19:56,523
BOY: Is that a pebble?

345
00:19:56,523 --> 00:19:59,003
Lewis, are you messing?

346
00:19:59,003 --> 00:20:01,003
It's not about the mistake.

347
00:20:01,003 --> 00:20:03,003
I want someone that'll push me
out of me comfort zone.

348
00:20:03,003 --> 00:20:04,003
GIRL: She's had you off!

349
00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:05,003
You're not me Romeo.

350
00:20:05,003 --> 00:20:09,203
LAUGHTER

351
00:20:09,203 --> 00:20:11,003
Fuck off!

352
00:20:11,003 --> 00:20:15,003
CHANTING

353
00:20:15,003 --> 00:20:18,363
I asked Mo's parents to tell me
a Muslim prayer

354
00:20:18,363 --> 00:20:22,003
because I wanted to share it
with all of you today... What?

355
00:20:22,003 --> 00:20:25,003
So, if you could please all join me
in a call to Salah.

356
00:20:25,003 --> 00:20:28,003
No, no...
Which means prayer in Arabic.

357
00:20:29,003 --> 00:20:34,203
♪ Sal-ah, la-la-la-la. ♪

358
00:20:34,203 --> 00:20:37,003
Is this real?
SHE CONTINUES SINGING

359
00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:39,523
I can't believe he said that to her.

360
00:20:39,523 --> 00:20:45,003
If he's good enough for you...
he's good enough for me.

361
00:20:45,003 --> 00:20:48,683
AUDIENCE: # Sitting in a mosque
That's where I wanna be

362
00:20:48,683 --> 00:20:56,003
♪ La-la-la-la-la

363
00:20:56,003 --> 00:21:00,003
♪ If he's good enough for you
He's good enough for me. ♪

364
00:21:00,003 --> 00:21:03,043
OK. OK...

365
00:21:05,003 --> 00:21:07,003
OK.

366
00:21:07,003 --> 00:21:13,003
And now for the final pairing,
we have Reece and Christopher.

367
00:21:16,003 --> 00:21:19,043
There were many differences
I experienced when being with Reece,

368
00:21:19,043 --> 00:21:22,203
but in truth,
I started to understand them.

369
00:21:22,203 --> 00:21:27,003
I now understand that a family
can abuse each other non-stop

370
00:21:27,003 --> 00:21:29,003
but love each other very much.

371
00:21:29,003 --> 00:21:33,683
And I think love was our
common ground, a love for our mums.

372
00:21:33,683 --> 00:21:36,003
LAUGHTER

373
00:21:36,003 --> 00:21:40,003
You all laugh,
but you love your parents, too.

374
00:21:40,003 --> 00:21:43,003
It's just Reece has got the balls
to show it.

375
00:21:43,003 --> 00:21:46,003
He always sticks up for her,
and he always defends her.

376
00:21:47,203 --> 00:21:50,003
I remember
a time I was out with my mum,

377
00:21:50,003 --> 00:21:55,003
and... these idiots my age
were... harassing her,

378
00:21:55,003 --> 00:21:59,003
saying idiotic things about her...

379
00:21:59,003 --> 00:22:01,003
and I did nothing.

380
00:22:02,003 --> 00:22:05,003
So, I guess
our biggest common ground was

381
00:22:05,003 --> 00:22:06,843
our fondness for our mums.

382
00:22:06,843 --> 00:22:10,003
I just wish
I'd shown my fondness more.

383
00:22:11,003 --> 00:22:15,003
Show your loved ones you care...
before it's too late.

384
00:22:17,003 --> 00:22:23,003
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

385
00:22:27,203 --> 00:22:32,003
I think we have our winners.
CHEERING

386
00:22:33,363 --> 00:22:35,363
Lad, we're loaded!

387
00:22:35,363 --> 00:22:38,003
Do you reckon we try and get tickets
for the Liverpool game?

388
00:22:47,003 --> 00:22:49,003
Good afternoon, everyone.

389
00:22:49,003 --> 00:22:52,003
This... is the moment
we've all been waiting for,

390
00:22:52,003 --> 00:22:56,003
the moment we announce
the cast of the school play.

391
00:22:56,003 --> 00:23:00,363
You see here at Allsbrooke,
character is destiny,

392
00:23:00,363 --> 00:23:05,003
and playing the characters
of Romeo and Juliet are...

393
00:23:05,003 --> 00:23:08,003
Who-a-a-a-a!

394
00:23:08,003 --> 00:23:12,003
...Aimee and Christopher.
CHEERING

395
00:23:25,523 --> 00:23:29,003
But soft, what light
through yonder window breaks?

396
00:23:30,003 --> 00:23:34,843
It is the east.
And Mia-Louise is the sun.

397
00:23:34,843 --> 00:23:37,363
Do one, you liar.
I was afraid.

398
00:23:37,363 --> 00:23:40,523
Look, when we first met,
you assumed I didn't speak English,

399
00:23:40,523 --> 00:23:42,003
and you seemed to like
that about me,

400
00:23:42,003 --> 00:23:45,043
so I played along because...
cos you are so beautiful.

401
00:23:47,003 --> 00:23:49,003
I-I wanted to tell you the truth,

402
00:23:49,003 --> 00:23:51,003
but you kept talking
about our eyes communicating.

403
00:23:51,003 --> 00:23:54,003
I was afraid you'd think
our connection wasn't real.

404
00:23:54,003 --> 00:23:59,003
But it is.
Because it's not about our mouths.

405
00:23:59,003 --> 00:24:01,003
It's not even about our eyes.

406
00:24:02,003 --> 00:24:04,003
It's about our hearts.

407
00:24:08,003 --> 00:24:10,843
Well, just give me a sec, then.

408
00:24:16,363 --> 00:24:18,003
PHONE PINGS

409
00:24:24,843 --> 00:24:28,003
Pass the ball, lad.
KNOCK ON DOOR

410
00:24:29,003 --> 00:24:31,523
I found these on the kitchen table.

411
00:24:31,523 --> 00:24:34,003
It's two tickets for Friday
off Mo's ma.

412
00:24:34,003 --> 00:24:36,523
You can take one of your bessies
from Angie's tango class.

413
00:24:36,523 --> 00:24:38,003
I wanna squash this beef, Pat.

414
00:24:38,003 --> 00:24:41,003
I'm sick
of always looking over me shoulder.

415
00:24:41,003 --> 00:24:44,003
Oh, get in!
'What a goal!'

416
00:24:44,003 --> 00:24:46,003
Siuuu!

417
00:24:46,003 --> 00:24:48,003
Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com

418
00:24:50,003 --> 00:24:52,003
Siuuu!

419
00:25:03,683 --> 00:25:06,003
Siuuu!