1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,960
What's happening, cornflake head?

2
00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:04,960
'Ey, we need to be mates again,
you know.

3
00:00:04,960 --> 00:00:07,160
I've had to turn to drugs
to cope without ya.

4
00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:13,000
Not funny.

5
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,160
I can't believe 
you got me up early for this.

6
00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:19,960
Oh, just a little bit dirty.
Oh, just...

7
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:21,480
Just a little bit more there.

8
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:31,320
Argh!

9
00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:34,960
I can't.

10
00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:36,960
One more, come on push.

11
00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:41,960
Look, look at him. He's a baby boy.

12
00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:42,960
Congratulations.

13
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:50,800

A son. A son!

14
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:51,960
HE LAUGHS

15
00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:58,960
Fancy some FIFA after school later?

16
00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:01,960
I just need to hide a few things 
first so you can't steal them.

17
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:04,960

I'm joking.

18
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:06,960
Can you bring one of 
your controllers, too, though?

19
00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:09,640
I've lost one of mine.

20
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:10,960
THEY LAUGH

21
00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:20,960
HE SPEAKS ARABIC

22
00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:25,960
Didn't you pay for his lunches
last week?

23
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,960
Oh, he's still having problems

24
00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:28,960
getting the right ID 
for a bank account.

25
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:30,960
I don't wanna scare you, girl,

26
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:33,960
but you read about things like this
all the time.

27
00:01:33,960 --> 00:01:36,640
Foreign men scamming women
for money.

28
00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:37,960
What are you on about, girl?

29
00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:41,160
Like me nan, who met that Adama
fella from Gambia on Facebook.

30
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:43,960
He moved here, they got married,

31
00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:46,960
and then he divorced her so he could
take half of her life savings.

32
00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:50,960
I mean, no offence to ya nan, girl, 
but she was like 74, and he was 25.

33
00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:53,000
It was pretty obvious 
he wasn't with her

34
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:54,960
for her saggy tits and pancake arse.

35
00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:56,960
May she rest in peace.

36
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:58,960
Are you sure you can trust him?

37
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:00,800
He lied to you
about speaking English.

38
00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:01,960
Oh, my God, girl, are you jealous?

39
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,160
No, you were the one saying

40
00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:05,800
it's weird
you haven't been to his house yet.

41
00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:07,960
Yeah, well, yesterday, 
he had me waiting on the corner,

42
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:10,960
and I could definitely just about 
work out which house was his.

43
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:12,320
So there.

44
00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:13,800
wait on the corner?

45
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,960
Well, you're one to talk, 
chasin' after that posh bellend.

46
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:19,960
I mean, it's getting 
a bit embarrasin', to be honest.

47
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,960
He's not interested 
in girls like you,

48
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:23,960
but he doesn't wanna tell you

49
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:25,960
because he doesn't wanna look 
like a snob.

50
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:29,640

Oh, don't worry girl. I'm going.

51
00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:32,640
You see, I've actually got 
a meetin' with Netflix.

52
00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:35,960
Yeah, they wanna do a documentary 
on Ziad, The Libyan Swindler,

53
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:39,960
about how he manipulated a stupid, 
naive girl from Liverpool...

54
00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:41,320
for a fiver.

55
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:57,000
Oh, Nice 'n' Spicy
just edge it for me.

56
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:01,960
Aww, lad, if you're a Rib 'n' Saucy
type of guy, it's OK.

57
00:03:01,960 --> 00:03:04,960
They're both
two absolute heavyweights.

58
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,960
My mum's just emailed me.

59
00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:08,960
Oh, no. Have you lost the plot

60
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:11,960
cos I haven't been around
to keep you sane?

61
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:14,000
Before she died, she must have 
scheduled emails for me.

62
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:16,320
What does it say?

63
00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:21,160
"Hiya, son. Cancer must have got me 
by now. Or did it?

64
00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:22,960
"Maybe I faked my death

65
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:26,960
"and now live off-the-grid 
in Alaska with an impressive beard."

66
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,960
She had a weird sense of humour.

67
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:33,960
"I know your dad's birthday 
was always a tough day for us.

68
00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:36,960
"So I wanna remind you 
of the poem we wrote for him.

69
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:44,960
"The image is fading 
of what it was like...

70
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:47,960
"when you would hold me 
incredibly tight.

71
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:53,800
"But I'll give never forget 
the feeling you gave...

72
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:57,960
"..the feeling that 
everything was all right."

73
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,960
"I'll keep going
like you're by my side.

74
00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:10,960
"So, when I see you again,
and you ask me how it went,

75
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:14,480
"I'll tell you it was fun,
and I achieved everything I dreamt.

76
00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:17,960
"Love you, my son.
Hope those words are coming true."

77
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,160
Thanks for taking over.

78
00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:29,960
But did you have to do it 
with a mouth full of Nik Naks?

79
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:31,960
THEY LAUGH

80
00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:37,960
Do you know where your dad lives?

81
00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:41,480
Do you wanna meet him?

82
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:45,960
No, I'm not arsed.
I did as a kid, though.

83
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:48,960
You can still make some memories 
with your dad.

84
00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:53,160
I'd do anything to make some more 
with mine...

85
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:56,800
even for one day, one hour, 
one minute.

86
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:02,960
I wonder what your da's favourite
Nik Naks were.

87
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:06,960
I have a fading memory 
of him eating Rib 'n' Saucy.

88
00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:08,960
THEY LAUGH

89
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:10,960
Come 'ead, lad.

90
00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:15,960
Where the fuck's all this coming 
from, Reece?

91
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:19,160
Do you think I've done a bad job?

92
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:20,960
It's just
I was speaking to Christopher,

93
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,960
and he wrote this poem to his dad,
before he died,

94
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:25,960
and... just gets ya thinking,
doesn't it?

95
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:30,160
So what? We can write a poem 
to your dad if you want.

96
00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:33,960
Er... 'I know this poem's come 
out of the blue,

97
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,960
'but we've never needed ya, 
so fuck you.'

98
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:39,640
See? Easy.

99
00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:41,960
Ever since you were born, all 
I've done is try and make you happy.

100
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:44,960
And now I feel like you're tellin' 
me I haven't done enough.

101
00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:48,320
No, Mum, that's not true at all.
You have been enough.

102
00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:50,960
I am happy. I am.

103
00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:55,960
Sorry, Mum.
I didn't mean to upset ya.

104
00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:00,160
Are you sure you're ready for this, 
Reece?

105
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,960
Yeah, Mum.

106
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:05,960
Suppose I've always just pushed it
away.

107
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,960
But it's always been
in the back of me head.

108
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:13,800

OK.

109
00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,000
Well, I'm not ready.

110
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:20,640
But if you are, 
then I suppose I need to be.

111
00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:25,960
Your dad's name's Darren.

112
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:29,960
Disneyland Darren.

113
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:33,960
I know. Look, his mate said it was 
cos he was always goin' on about

114
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:35,960
this trip he took to Disneyland.

115
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:37,960
Even when we were having sex, 
he kept going on about

116
00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:40,800
how it reminded him 
of going down Splash Mountain.

117
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,960

I know. I know.

118
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,960
It was a one night stand, son.

119
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:49,960
After I found out I was pregnant, 
I tried to find him.

120
00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:53,480
I swear, I did, 
but... he's not from round here.

121
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:58,960
He's from Manchester. 
I'm sorry! I know!

122
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:03,480
I know! 
Oh, I tried me best to find him.

123
00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:05,960

No, son.

124
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:08,960
Once I realised 
I couldn't find him,

125
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:12,000
I knew I had to just focus on you.

126
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:18,960
And the day you were born... 
I promised ya...

127
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:21,960
that I'd be 
twice the mum that you deserved,

128
00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:23,960
to make up for the fact 
that ye never had your dad.

129
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:25,960
And ye have been, Mum.

130
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:32,960
Come here. Come on.

131
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:39,960

I love you, too.

132
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:44,960
Ooh, I love you so much. 
Me little gobshite.

133
00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:51,960
Hiya, what are you up to?

134
00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:53,960
Oh, I'm working 
on a history project with Ruby.

135
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:56,960
Hey, did you hear about me dad's 
acca comin' in at the weekend?

136
00:07:56,960 --> 00:08:00,480
He won 2,000 quid. 
It's crazy, eh?

137
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,960
Why'd you pick Ruby to be
your partner?

138
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:03,960
She sits by me in the class.

139
00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:08,960

You wha'?

140
00:08:08,960 --> 00:08:11,640
You haven't given him
your bank details, have ye?

141
00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:13,800
Oh, I'm sure
she'll use the winnings to buy you

142
00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:14,960
lunches and the PS5 you want.

143
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:19,960
Oh, and your dad defo could have won
more. He cashed out, the pussy.

144
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:22,960
He choked.
PSG were obvs gonna score.

145
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,320

Come on, Mia.

146
00:08:25,320 --> 00:08:28,960
Nice one for findin' him, lad,
the Disneyland discussion forums.

147
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,960
You're a genius. This is it?

148
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:34,960
Well, let's not judge him 
on where he lives.

149
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,960
He could still be 
a really respectable guy.

150
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:42,960
Which one of you is Reece?

151
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:00,960
HE SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY

152
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:09,960
You're home.

153
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:14,960
Hey, do you know what's strange, 
son?

154
00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:18,960
I've been havin' a lot of thoughts 
about your mum recently.

155
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,800
So, it's like a higher power's 
trying to tell me summat.

156
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,000
A lot of those thoughts 
was reaching into the wank bank.

157
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,960
But still... 
I know it don't look like much, son.

158
00:09:26,960 --> 00:09:29,960
But I've not been able to work 
because of me disability.

159
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:32,960
I have a severely stubbed toe,

160
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:36,960
and the pain... radiates 
through me legs.

161
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:39,960
But don't worry because I've got 
big, big money coming my way.

162
00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:41,960

Oh, yeah.

163
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:46,960
I'm always applying 
to Pointless, Millionaire.

164
00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:48,960
It's only a matter of time 
before I win big.

165
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:52,960
I made it onto The Chase once, son.

166
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,160
Well, I took the lower offer, 
and I still got knocked out,

167
00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:56,960
but I was very unlucky 
with the questions.

168
00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:59,960
Currently doing another application 
for Pointless now, as we speak.

169
00:09:59,960 --> 00:10:01,960
Oh, my God!

170
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:04,320
We should do one together 
as a father-and-son team!

171
00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:05,960
I'm all right, to be honest.

172
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:13,640
Fuckin' hell, 
me own son fuckin' hates me.

173
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:14,960
Hey, he doesn't hate you.

174
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:16,960
He just needs a bit of time 
to get to know you.

175
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:23,960
Oh, yeah... time.

176
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:26,960
And time's what we have got, son. 
Nothing but time.

177
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:29,960
And I'm gonna spend every single day

178
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,960
making up for the time 
that we've lost.

179
00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:36,000
Every... single... day.

180
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:40,960
Just you... and me... together.

181
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:44,800
I'm gonna get off.
It-It was nice to meet you.

182
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,960
Oh, really? Hey, 
do you wanna go go-karting tomorrow?

183
00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:50,960
I can take you swimming. 
Wait, that's it? You're going?

184
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,320
See the state of him?
16 years for him?

185
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,960
I'd rather not know where
I came from, if I came from that.

186
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:56,960
I need the toilet before we go.

187
00:10:56,960 --> 00:10:59,960
Oh, hurry up, before he asks me
to play catch or something.

188
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:02,960
Hey, son, 
do you know how to ride a bike?

189
00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:03,960
Because I could teach you.

190
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:07,000
I'll wait outside, lad.

191
00:11:11,960 --> 00:11:14,960
THEY LAUGH
Hey.

192
00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,960
Do you wanna come to me mum's
birthday meal tomorrow night?

193
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:20,960
She really wants to meet you,

194
00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:22,960
and we've got
an extra seat at the table

195
00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:25,960

Er... s-sure.

196
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:27,960
Last night, I was looking online,

197
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,960
and I found a local support group 
for family members of MS sufferers.

198
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,960
There's one tomorrow night, 
actually.

199
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,960
What an incredibly thoughtful 
gesture, Christopher.

200
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:38,960
It's great that me mental well-being 
is clearly your top priority.

201
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:40,960
Great, so you meet my parents,

202
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:42,960
and then after,
I'll go your house and meet yours.

203
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:45,960

Erm, sure.

204
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:48,960
Friday night at Ziad's house.
No waiting on the corner.

205
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:49,960
I know it sounds daunting,

206
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:51,960
but I could come with you, 
if that's OK?

207
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:55,960
Thanks, Christopher. I'd love to go 
there tomorrow... together.

208
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:58,960
So, actually, er, Mia-Louise, 
I finally opened the bank account.

209
00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:02,960
So I have the money 
that I owe you for the lunches.

210
00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:05,160
Ziad, you don't have to give me
the money back,

211
00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:07,960
but what a wonderful sign of trust
that you have done.

212
00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:09,480
MUSIC: 'Wet Dream'
by Wet Leg

213
00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:10,960
# Beam me up 
Beam me up

214
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,960
# Count me in 
Count me in

215
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:14,960
# Three, two, one 
Three, two, one

216
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:15,960
# Let's begin. #

217
00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:19,960

# It's not time to make a change

218
00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:23,960
# Just relax and take it easy

219
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:25,960
# You are young 
It's not your fault... #

220
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,800
What the fuck's that? 
Nonce alert.

221
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:30,640
# You need to know. #

222
00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:32,960

God, is that Reece's da?

223
00:12:32,960 --> 00:12:34,960
No... No... No. 
Check his hard drive.

224
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:36,960
No, it's a song about a father

225
00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:38,960
offering up his life experience 
for his son.

226
00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,960
Which is what I'm gonna do for you.

227
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:44,960
CLASS LAUGHS AND JEERS

228
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:45,960
I've got a surprise for you.

229
00:12:48,160 --> 00:12:49,960

The fringe on it.

230
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:51,960
I've got one for you an' all.

231
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:57,480
JEERING LAUGHTER

232
00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:58,960
For when I win it big 
on me quiz shows.

233
00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:01,960
Sir, have you met Reece's da?

234
00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:04,960
Step away from the kids... 
now.

235
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:16,960
Don't worry about it. 
So, wha'? It changes nothing.

236
00:13:16,960 --> 00:13:18,960
Hm...  Nothing. 
Chin up, lad.

237
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:20,960
THEY LAUGH

238
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:24,960
Nah, I can't do it. 
That's your dad in there.

239
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:26,480
Your life is ruined.

240
00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:29,960
I'm questioning your whole identity.

241
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:31,960
Reece, 
Disneyland Darren's not your dad.

242
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:32,960
If only, lad.

243
00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:33,960
No, when we were there,

244
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:35,960
I went to bathroom 
so I could get a hair sample.

245
00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:38,480
I ordered a DNA test, 
and I just got the results.

246
00:13:38,480 --> 00:13:41,960
He's not your dad.

247
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:45,960
You did that for me, lad? Nice one.
But, erm...

248
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,640
..how did you get
me hair sample, though?

249
00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:49,960
My bin still had your pubes in it

250
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:52,960
from when you thought it was funny 
to keep leaving them on my pillow.

251
00:13:52,960 --> 00:13:54,960
THEY LAUGH

252
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:57,960
I can't believe it, son.

253
00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:01,320
I was convinced 
he was your dad cos...

254
00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:02,480
Cos what, mum?

255
00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:04,960
Cos... 
when I slept with someone else

256
00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:06,640
the next weekend, 
we used protection.

257
00:14:06,640 --> 00:14:08,480

Don't look at me like that!

258
00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:10,320
Me nan had just died.

259
00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:13,800
I was bladdered for three months, 
out looking for distractions.

260
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:18,960
Which is why I admire you so much, 
just processing all the emotions.

261
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:19,960
So, who is he, then?

262
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:22,960
And please don't say
Universal Studios Steve.

263
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:25,480
I didn't get his real name.

264
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:29,960
He went by Mr 997. 
I met him in the Farmer's Arms.

265
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:31,960
Afterwards, I moved away.

266
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:34,960
I didn't get his phone number, 
and... I never saw him again.

267
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:37,960
I'm sorry, son.

268
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:45,640
Fucking hell... Fucking hell.

269
00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:47,960
Even DNA fucking hates me.

270
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:49,960
I'm absolutely devastated, son.

271
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,960
Brought this with me 
so we could build it today.

272
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,960
Never gonna get the chance now, 
am I?

273
00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,960
You know, I bet 
your dad's that bean head fella,

274
00:14:58,960 --> 00:14:59,960
the lucky bastard.

275
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:02,960

Mr 997?  Well...

276
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:05,960
..the next weekend, 
I went back to your mum's house

277
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:07,000
with some flowers cos...

278
00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:09,960
..I was smitten, lads.

279
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:12,160
Anyway, I rang the doorbell, 
and there was no answer.

280
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,960
So then I look through the window, 
and that's when I see

281
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:17,960
this hook-nosed fella 
with a massive bean head,

282
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:19,960
shaggin' your mum on the couch.

283
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,960
It was gutting! 
You know, I saw him years later.

284
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:24,800
I was in Liverpool, 
and I saw his face on a poster.

285
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:26,960
He was giving a talk 
on one of his books.

286
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:30,160
I tell you what, lads, 
you never forget a cum face.

287
00:15:30,160 --> 00:15:32,480
Do you remember 
the name of the book?

288
00:15:32,480 --> 00:15:34,480
Nah, I was smashed off my tits.

289
00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:36,960
But I think it was something weird

290
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:39,960
about looking 
through doors or windows

291
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:40,960
because I remember thinking...

292
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:44,960
"Has he written a book 
all these years later

293
00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:46,960
"about me seeing his cum face?"

294
00:15:46,960 --> 00:15:50,960
# When I think about 
What you've become

295
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:54,960
# I feel sorry for your mum

296
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:58,800
# You say we're all having fun

297
00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:01,960
# Do you know you're the only one?

298
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:03,960

# And when the lights go down

299
00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:05,960
# On this fucking town

300
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,960
# I know it's time to go

301
00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:12,960
# And when the radio plays 
And the static stays

302
00:16:12,960 --> 00:16:14,960
# Yeah, I know it's time to go. #

303
00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:17,960
'He was giving a talk 
on one of his books.

304
00:16:17,960 --> 00:16:19,800
'I think it was something weird

305
00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:21,960
'about looking through doors 
or a window.

306
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:23,960
'Has he written a book 
all these years later,

307
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:25,480
'about me seeing his cum face?'

308
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:26,960
'Do you remember 
the name of the book?'

309
00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:28,960
'No, I was smashed off my tits.

310
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:30,640
'Hook-nosed fella 
with a massive bean head,

311
00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:33,320
'shaggin' your mum on the couch... 
bean head... bean head.

312
00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:34,960
'You never forget a cum face.'

313
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:36,960
'The lucky bastard.'

314
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:43,960
Mr 997!

315
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:47,960
Oh, my God. Look at this place.

316
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:50,960
I just wanna say
thanks for all your help.

317
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:53,960
And you know
you said about going down to Surrey

318
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:54,960
to see your dad's grave?

319
00:16:55,960 --> 00:16:57,960
I'll come with ya.

320
00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:00,960
We'll make a day out of it,
pull some posh birds.

321
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:02,960

Yeah, let's do it.

322
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:06,320
PHONE DINGS

323
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:07,960
Whoa, look at the size
of this place!

324
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:28,960
You're me dad.

325
00:17:33,960 --> 00:17:34,960
Look at his awards.

326
00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:38,960
That was 
my first-ever published book.

327
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:41,000
It's a research study into NDEs.

328
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:43,960
Near death experiences?
Common, aren't they?

329
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:47,960
Like, 20% of people
who come close to death have them.

330
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,960
That's exactly right, and people 
don't realise how common they are.

331
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:54,960
And please, 
help yourself to Caramel Hobnobs,

332
00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:56,960
my favourite biscuit to dunk.

333
00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:58,960
The... The caramel 
acts as a strengthener

334
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:00,960
so it doesn't break, ensuring a...

335
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:02,960
..sufficiently saturated 
biscuit.

336
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,960
Oh, my God, it's extraordinary.

337
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:11,960
It's extraordinary.

338
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:14,960
So... how's your mother?

339
00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:16,960

Is she still debating?

340
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:18,480
What do you mean, debating?

341
00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:21,480
She was captain of the opposing 
debate team. That's how we met.

342
00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:23,960
Camilla's arguments to why 
water-heavy agricultural systems

343
00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:26,000
should be illegal 
really... blew me away.

344
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:27,960
Camilla? 
No!

345
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,480
We're talking about Jodie. 
Don't you remember?

346
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:32,960

You were shagging Jodie from behind.

347
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:35,960
And I was in the window 
when I saw you cum.

348
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:38,160
What is it about us and windows, 
eh? We're at it again.

349
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:39,960
So you're not Camilla's boy?

350
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:41,960
Hey, did you and Jodie ever do 
that position

351
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:43,960
where she put her legs like that...?

352
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:45,960

All right.

353
00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:47,960
You're sick. Get out!

354
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,960
So you didn't sleep with Jodie 
17 years ago?

355
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:51,320
You met her 
at the Farmer's Arms pub?

356
00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:54,960
No, I don't know any Jodie. 
Get out before I call the police.

357
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:57,960
Come on. Get out. Move!

358
00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:00,960
Your angry face looks 
like your cum face, to be honest.

359
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,640
The three of ya, 
get off my property!

360
00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:07,160

Get out!

361
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,960

I've been following you, son.

362
00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:15,320
It's my duty to look out for you.

363
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:20,960
Guardian... protector... father.

364
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:22,960
HE EXHALES SHAKILY

365
00:19:24,960 --> 00:19:26,960
Sorry, 
it's still really tough to hear.

366
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:28,960
And that's obviously not the fella,
is it?

367
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:31,960
Do you know, for a second,
I thought I'd found the reason

368
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:34,960
why I've always felt
like the black sheep of me family.

369
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:36,960
I finally felt a sense of...

370
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:38,960
..belonging.

371
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:41,480
But it wasn't real.

372
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:47,960
Just don't embarrass me, OK?

373
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:50,320
When do I ever embarrass you,
love, eh?

374
00:19:50,320 --> 00:19:52,960
# I'm singing in the rain... #

375
00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:56,320
Hello!
# Just singing in the rain. #

376
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:57,960
HE CHUCKLES

377
00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:00,800
I'm only joking with you.

378
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:02,960
Look, it'll be really nice
to meet him.

379
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:07,000

Hey!

380
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:11,960
# Why did I fall 
Fall into your arms

381
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,960
# Will we ever be 
Like the way we used to be

382
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:18,480
# Or have we lost ourselves

383
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:21,960
# Thought I knew you better... #

384
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:23,160
You lying, cheating prick!

385
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:26,960
Mia-Louise! Mia-Louise!

386
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:30,640
Please, habibti, wait, wait. 
Mia-Louise!

387
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:32,960
Wait, habibti, 
please, please, please.

388
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:35,960
I'm not cheating on you, OK? 
She's from another Libyan family,

389
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:36,960
and my mum and uncle 
wanted me to meet her.

390
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:38,960
But why? You're going out with me.

391
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,960
They're scared I'm gonna lose 
my culture and forget my heritage.

392
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:46,960
That's why you didn't want
me coming round to your house,

393
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:48,640
they don't want you to be with me?

394
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:51,000
I don't know 
what I'm supposed to do.

395
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,960
Just... Just talk to them.

396
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,480
Just tell them how you feel
about me.

397
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:55,960
I've tried. I have tried.

398
00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,320
Do you like this girl?

399
00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:01,960
How could I like her, 
when I'm in love with you?

400
00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:04,960
But they're my family.

401
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:08,960
And they sacrificed so much 
for me to be here.

402
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,960
I'm... I'm sorry.

403
00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:13,960
I... I can't.

404
00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,960
Are you sure this is the place?

405
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:23,480
I know it was 17 years ago,

406
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:25,960
but maybe someone at The Farmer's 
Arms will recognise her.

407
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:27,480
What are yous doing here?

408
00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:30,960
Christopher text us, telling us 
to come to The Farmer's Arms,

409
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:32,960
to ask around about Mr 997.

410
00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:36,960
But as soon as we got here, 
some bloke accused me

411
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:38,960
of being Trevor 
that broke up his marriage.

412
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:40,960

Dead weird.

413
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:44,000
This other fella, 
he's made me buy meat.

414
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,960
Oh, lad, that stinks.

415
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,960
They're not approaching normal 
people here.

416
00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,960
He was in the cubicle next to me 
and slid it under the door.

417
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:53,960
Look, you either find him 
or you don't.

418
00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:55,960
But we'll always have each other, 
OK?

419
00:21:56,960 --> 00:22:00,960
Now, I know you didn't like it when 
Disneyland Darren serenaded you,

420
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:03,960
so I'm not gonna do that. I just...

421
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:07,160
I want you to know 
you're so special, Reece.

422
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,960
Ignite that light.

423
00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:10,960
Let it shine.

424
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:15,960
# Just own the night... #

425
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:18,960
# Like the 4th of July... #

426
00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:19,960
You're off your head, you know.

427
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:23,960
# Baby, you're a firework... # 
Yes, kid!

428
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:27,960
# Come on, let your colours burn. #

429
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:30,160

All right, love you!

430
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:32,320
You followed us here?

431
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:35,960
You are my dad, I knew it.
But why did you lie?

432
00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:37,960
I've got no idea 
what you're chatting, lad,

433
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:39,960
but if yous keep staring, 
the biggest one's getting chinned.

434
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:43,960
You with me? Eh? 
'Ey, Martin didn't have a tattoo.

435
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:49,160
Ah, yous think I'm Martin. 
No, no, I'm Alan, his twin.

436
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,960
But they call me Mr 997 
cos I got the highest score

437
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:53,960
on the boxing machine in this place.

438
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:56,640
20 years, 
and the record still stands. Oosh!

439
00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:58,960
BEEPING FANFARE

440
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,960
These new iBoxer machines 
don't count, lad. Proper jarg.

441
00:23:01,960 --> 00:23:03,960
Scoring 1,000 on them 
is like scoring 600 in my day.

442
00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:06,960
The game's gone, lad. 
Do you remember a Jodie?

443
00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:09,320
You met her at this pub, like, 
17 years ago?

444
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,960
Jodie... Jodie...

445
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:13,960
Bloody hell, yeah.

446
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:17,640
Jodie! Fuck, that's a blast 
from the past, that, lad.

447
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:19,960
This is Reece, Jodie's son. 
Right.

448
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:24,800
We thought Martin was his dad, 
but... you're his dad.

449
00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:29,000
Are you having me on, fella?

450
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:35,960
You're my boy?

451
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:40,960
Let's get a look at you, then, 'ey!

452
00:23:40,960 --> 00:23:42,960
'Ey! 
Hey, you know what, I see it now.

453
00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:44,960
You've got them boxers arms like me.

454
00:23:44,960 --> 00:23:46,960
Let's test your jaw out, 
see if you've got mine.

455
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:48,960

Come here.

456
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,320
Bet you're glad that boring 
soft shite weren't your dad, eh?

457
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:54,960
'Ey, got a proper schnozz on you 
there, lad. That's not from me.

458
00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:57,000
But if you've got a big dick, 
that is.

459
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:58,960
Know what I mean?

460
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:02,960

Hey, fellas, this is Reece, my son!

461
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:05,000
G'wed.

462
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:06,960
Go on, say something.

463
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:08,960
He's too happy. 
Doesn't know what to say.

464
00:24:08,960 --> 00:24:10,960
Soppy little blurt. Go on!

465
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:14,480
# He's one of our own 
He's one of our own... #

466
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:15,960
Fuck.

467
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:18,960
# Reece Duffy, he's one of our own

468
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:22,960
# He's one of our own 
He's one of our own

469
00:24:22,960 --> 00:24:26,960
# Reece Duffy 
He's one of our own. #

470
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:30,960
# Not an easy thing

471
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:32,960
# To choose. #

472
00:24:32,960 --> 00:24:36,960

# He's one of our own... #

473
00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:37,960
Sorry, something's come up.

474
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:39,960
Are you at a party?

475
00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:42,960
# Christopher 
He's one of our own! #

476
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:45,800
Is that Mo? Are you with them lot?

477
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:47,960
Yeah, but...

478
00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:50,800
Why didn't you just tell me
you weren't interested, you snob?

479
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:54,960
CHEERING

480
00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:59,960
APPLAUSE

481
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:04,960
# Not an easy thing to do... #

482
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:06,960
You all right?

483
00:25:09,960 --> 00:25:10,960
Where's Christopher?

484
00:25:11,960 --> 00:25:12,960
Town.

485
00:25:12,960 --> 00:25:16,960
# Cos my heart stays with you... #

486
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:19,960

Dunno.

487
00:25:19,960 --> 00:25:22,960
# My heart stays with you. #

488
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:26,960
Oh, my God, that's Mr Dunn!

489
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:31,960
Holding the door open for her

490
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:33,960
cos you think
she's weak and incompetent, Sir?

491
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:35,960
Is she allowed her own money, Sir?

492
00:25:35,960 --> 00:25:39,960
"Let her out the cage for tonight, 
did you, Sir?"

493
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:42,960
I did, yeah, 
but she'll be back in by nine.

494
00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:43,960
MIA-LOUISE CHUCKLES

495
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:47,960
See, we're outside school, so 
I don't have to take this shit here.

496
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:49,960

Boom!

497
00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:51,960
THEY LAUGH

498
00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:58,960
Look, I should have listened to you, 
looking out for me, girl,

499
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:00,960
instead of 
just getting pissed off...

500
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:02,960
cos I was worried 
what you were saying might be true.

501
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:06,960
I would say the same. I should know
you've always got my back.

502
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:08,480
I don't think I'll ever meet anyone

503
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:10,000
who I'll have more of a laugh
with than you.

504
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:12,960
Same here, girl.

505
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:15,960
We are gonna smash 
the rest of this year.

506
00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:17,960
Love you, girl.

507
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:20,320
# Reece Duffy, you're the one

508
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:22,960
# This is where you belong

509
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:25,640
# Alan's kid is home again. #

510
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:29,160
Good one again! My son! Yeah!

511
00:26:29,160 --> 00:26:32,960

# Looking back on where we first met

512
00:26:32,960 --> 00:26:38,160
# I cannot escape 
And I cannot forget

513
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:43,000
# Baby, you're the one 
You still turn me on

514
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:46,960
# You can make me whole again... #

515
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:48,960
Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com

516
00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:53,960
# For now, I'll have to wait

517
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:56,000
# But, baby, if you change your mind

518
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:59,960
# You can make me whole again. #