- You ain't never met a judge like me.
- Your Honor, Your Honor!
- Shut the hell up and let me get this thing together!
Hey, y'all. I'm Ms. Pat.
I know the inside of a courtroom.
Went to jail for selling cocaine.
Now here I am sitting on this side of the bench.
- I put my faith in your hands.
- I ain't God. I don't love you.
These are real cases with real money on the line.
What did you do with the $5,000?
- I-I'll let you know.
- Well, I'm here. Let me know.
- Let's just wrap this up
because I'm getting very irritated.
- You keep running your mouth, you ain't going to get nothing.
Court is now in session.
Baby, don't do me, do Jesus,
'cause He got more patience with you, OK?
[dramatic hip-hop music]
- The law is about rules,
and this judge breaks every one of 'em.
[laughter]
All rise for the Honorable Ms. Pat.
♪ ♪
- Hello. Y'all can have a seat.
♪ ♪
All right, come on. Let's get started, baby.
- This is the case of Marie versus Germany.
- Plaintiff Lotto Marie is suing
her ex-best friend, Jennifer, for $900.
She says she agreed to do Jennifer's hair in exchange
for Jennifer to decorate her brother's baby shower.
She did her hair, but right before the shower,
Jennifer backed out.
Defendant Jennifer Germany says
shortly after Lotto did her hair,
her hair started falling out,
so Jennifer had every right
not to hold up her end of the bargain.
- Before we get started, I just want to let you know
that this is a jury of my peers.
Don't listen to nothing they say.
They can't make no decisions. - Cool, cool.
- And don't give DC Curry your phone number.
[laughter]
Lotto, tell us why we here.
- I am here today to sue my best--
my ex-best friend, Jennifer.
all: Ooh.
- We had a barter system set up.
I do hair on the side. I did her hair.
[scoffs] As you can see, she's not used to wearing nice wigs.
[laughter] Uh, yeah.
I made her a beautiful wig in exchange for her
to do the decorations at my brother's baby shower.
She called me days after to let me know that
the wig was coming loose and her hair was damaged
and she would not be doing the decorations.
So I had to hire someone last minute, which cost me $650.
- OK.
- She didn't do the decorations.
And I never got my wig back.
So I would like to sue her for the $900 in total.
- OK. - [scoffing laugh]
[laughter]
I'm sorry, Your Honor.
- Well, come on and tell me your side of the story,
sister Jennifer.
- [chuckles] First, I want to thank God for being here, amen?
[laughter]
Y'all, let me tell you what had happen.
- When they say, "what had happen,"
it's about to get good. [laughter]
- You thanking God and everything.
What that got to do with the story?
- Excuse me, I just-- - Ah.
Let this woman of God speak. - Thank you.
I ain't got time to be playing with this little girl.
- OK. All right. all: Ooh.
- Your Honor, this is what happened.
I went to let her do my hair.
- Mm-hmm. - OK?
Day one--bomb! - Yeah.
- I was like, [vocalizes excitedly]
[laughter]
- I got a video of her doing that.
- Like D, right?
He would be looking at me like, oh, that girl, yes.
[laughter] He would completely--
- Maybe DC, but DeRay don't want her.
[laughter] - What kind of shit is that?
[laughter] - I mean, I mean--
- Hey, why are you telling me that?
- He don't want her, bruh. [laughter]
- Why the hell you think I want her if DeRay don't want her?
What the hell? - I'm right here.
But, please.
[gavel bangs politely]
- Your Honor, she did my hair. It was bomb.
- Mm-hmm.
- But then that next day, hair started coming a-loose.
And I don't-- - Out of the wig?
- Off the wig.
- The wig had alopecia? - Yes!
[laughter] And it took my edges with it!
- I know Jennifer. - Your Honor, look at this.
This is what she did. all: Ooh.
- Oh, you bald. You bald.
That looks like years and years of not having edges to me.
- Thank you! all: Ooh.
- So did you perm her hair?
Because you know, the perm can burn the scalp.
- I did perm her hair, but I've been doing hair for ten years.
- On the side. [scattered laughter]
- It is my side job, but I do nice hair.
- Do you have pictures of the wig, Jennifer?
- Yes, I do.
- OK, get the pictures of the wig.
- There she is with the wig.
- That was luxurious?
- Exactly.
- The left side was the good hair.
I don't know that person in the right side.
[laughter]
- So Jennifer, to me,
it looked like you went to sleep in the wig...
- Mm-hmm.
- And did not comb the wig out the next few days.
- No, ma'am.
- Did you wrap the wig at night?
- I did. I had my baby's daddy help me wrap it.
- [scoffs] [laughter]
- What? - I got to ask you this.
- Uh-huh?
- Did you have sex when this wig was on your head?
- [clapping] I rest my case. [laughter]
- I can't remember, because, ma'am,
I be having out-of-body experiences.
She does what she wants and I just sit there.
- What? [laughter]
- That happened to me before. I ain't mad at it.
- Let's talk about the baby shower.
- Thank you.
- When did you find out
she wasn't gonna do the baby shower?
- It was three days before. all: Ooh.
- How much did you have to pay for the new decorations?
- $650.
- Can I--do you have any evidence?
- Yes, I have pictures of the decorations.
- Just give me the whole folder.
- Yes.
- 'Cause y'all gonna walk my bailiff to death.
- Well, he ain't doing nothing else.
- Oh. [laughter and oohs]
- Oh, contempt! Contempt! [laughter]
Contempt! Send her to jail.
- I mean, look at him. The man's just standing there.
He ain't did nothing. - She talking back.
Your Honor, bang the gavel. Send her to jail.
- Can you shut the hell up?
- Yes, Ma'am. I'ma shut up.
[laughter] - You paid $650 for this?
- [laughs loudly] [laughter]
- Everything came from The Dollar Tree.
I could see it. It's nice, but--
[laughter]
- That's what happens when you don't go to the best.
- You lying.
You didn't pay nobody for that raggedy-ass baby shower.
[laughter] - Thank you, ma'am.
- No disrespect.
- Why my brother baby shower got to be raggedy?
- It was bad. It was bad, baby.
- OK, Carmen. Bring us home.
- No, seriously. - I just don't understand.
Why did you perm her hair before you did it?
She wanted Diana Ross, not Rick Ross.
You don't give her no perm... - Jesus!
- Before you put a weave in there.
- Thank you!
- The decorations was clearly $6.50, not $650.
- Come on.
- And Jennifer, girl, I know you be blowing up balloons
'cause you full of hot air. - Ah!
- I can believe it, baby. [laughter]
- Oh, doctor! - He waiting on that moment.
You got the right one with that one.
- OK, I'm going to settle this right now.
- Let's go.
[suspenseful music]
- I'm ruling in favor of...
the defendant.
- What? - Jennifer.
- Ha! - Yes.
- Won't He do it?
- Are you serious?
- You gets nothing, because you did her and she did you.
And y'all are even.
- She didn't do no decorations.
- One thing I know
is your ass ain't paid nobody $650
for that $18 worth of decorations.
[laughter] Baby, don't do me.
Do Jesus, 'cause He got more patience with you, OK?
You put your brother baby shower together yourself.
I should actually sue both of y'all
for making me listen to this BS.
[laughter]
- Get the hell out my courtroom.
[gavel bangs] [laughter]
- Ah. - You are dismissed.
- I don't want to hear shit out from you.
- I don't get no money? - Go and dye your hair.
- I can't believe she won.
- [laughing] They did not want you, DC.
- I ain't want them, either. [laughter]
- Hey, that's what I would have said
if they ain't want me, either. [laughter]
- I don't feel I should be charged for massages.
I thought that was a part of our situationship.
That's what came with it.
- When we was friends with benefits.
- What is it with you young girls in this world?
Stop giving it away.
You making it hard for older bitches like me!
[laughter]
- I don't have on no glasses.
But Haha, do you have hair on your chest?
- No, I ain't got no hair on my chest.
That's a tattoo.
- I don't want to see it. I was just saying.
- Oh, I thought you wanted me to open it up a little more.
- No, I don't want you opening shit up.
Keep that little, bitty, tight church shirt on.
- OK, OK. [laughter]
- Go ahead, bailiff.
Send me the next set of fools, child.
- This is the case of Conrod versus Joshway.
- Plaintiff and massage therapist, Brittany Conrod,
is suing her former friend with benefits, Reggie,
for $420, which is the cost of massages she gave him
after the benefits ended.
Defendant Reggie Joshway says there was never an agreement
of any sort between them and claims Brittany
is just jealous he moved on to a new situationship.
[dramatic music]
- So Brittany, tell me why you here today.
- Judge, I'm here today
because my former friends with benefits, Reggie,
he owes me $420. - Mm.
- And I'm here to get my paper today.
I'm a licensed massage therapist.
And I own my own business.
And I've been doing massages for Reggie for free
for the last three years.
But that's because we was hooking up.
We're no longer hooking up no more.
- Damn. - Damn.
- I told Reggie from here on out,
he has to pay me for his massage.
And he hasn't paid me for the last two massages.
And I need my money.
- All right, Reggie Joshway with the free massages,
can you tell us your part of this story?
- Well, me and Brittany, we've been messing around.
- Friends with benefits, she says.
- Friends with benefits, Your Honor.
- Was it Blue Cross Blue Shield or Medicaid?
[laughter]
- Medicaid. [laughter]
- Wow. - OK.
Come on, Reggie.
- Your Honor, I believe Brittany really doing this
out of despite,
because I never wanted to put a title on our situationship.
- Situationship. Is that a word?
- Situationship. - It's going around.
- It's a new word. - Situationship.
- I don't feel I should be charged for massages.
I mean, I thought that was a part of our situationship.
- When we was friends with benefits.
We not. The benefits is out the window.
You're just a friend.
And you support your friends, right?
- Of course. all: Ooh.
- So who cut off the benefits?
- I cut it off. - Why?
- I really wasn't, like, feeling him no more.
Like, you kind of been slacking,
like, in the bedroom. - [clicks tongue]
all: Ooh! [scattered laughter]
- Uh-uh. Give this woman her money.
[laughter] - That pain and suffering.
Sorry.
- What about all the beginning and the middle?
You talking about the ending. - That was the beginning.
Yeah, it was good.
It's not good no more, Reggie, and I told you that.
- I should have been charging.
- Oh, you should have been-- [laughter]
- How did you guys meet, Brittany?
- Well, we met through Facebook.
I actually DMed him in first about a massage.
We became, like, talking.
And then, you know, I love dudes with dreads, so--
- So you just randomly DM guys--
- Just promoting my business. - OK.
- Like, I'm trying to build a big clientele.
So yes, I hit up anybody.
Who gonna deny a massage from a fine woman like me?
[laughter]
- Period. - Do you have a license?
- Yes, I have a--
- Or you just a chick that done bought you a bed off of Amazon?
- No, I'm 100% legit.
I have my business license right here, Judge.
You want to take a look?
- Yeah, please let me take a look.
- Yes, sure. I got receipts for everything, baby.
- I do want to make sure you just not making up
fake massages. - No.
I have all my, like, prices and everything.
- OK, she got a license.
All right, the license looks legit.
- She official. I looked her up. She official.
- Yeah. 100% official.
- Brittany, what are you usually charges for massages?
- So, I normally charge $175
for a 90-minute, full body massage.
But if you're late more than ten minutes,
it's a $35 extra fee.
And both of the last two times
where you're supposed to pay me, you were late.
all: Ooh.
- So he came late and you came late.
- Mm. [laughter]
- No, he came late to his appointment.
- And you never came.
- I was there already. He's supposed to come to me.
- Never mind. She from Saint Louis.
[laughter] She ain't get it.
No, never mind. - She a good woman!
- Never mind. - She a good woman!
- Oh, you were talking about--
- She a business professional. - All right.
- OK.
But how can you expect him to pay now
when you was never professional about it?
- Because I told--
- The first--it was free in the beginning.
And you liked Reggie. - Yes, I did.
But after the benefits part was gone,
I told him from here on out, you're going to have to pay
due to the benefits not there no more.
- So-- all: Ooh.
- So Reggie, let me ask you this.
The two times in question that she
said you owed her some money, did y'all sleep together?
- Yes.
- Jury, what do you guys think?
Help me out with it.
- Everybody loves a happy beginning.
- Mm!
- But when the ending ain't happy, shit hits the fan.
[laughter] - That's deep.
- And that's what's the problem here.
- I believe that he be rushing stuff.
He didn't even iron that shirt!
Took it right off the packet, put it on today.
He was rushing! [laughter]
Come on, now. Come on, now.
Give her double her money, you know what I'm saying?
Because she done did the work. And let her get paid.
[laughter]
- Come on, Brittany. Tell me what your final statement is.
- Reggie, he stated that he was gonna pay me
for the last two massages.
And I felt like he should give me my money.
I needs that 420. I got bills to pay.
- OK, Reggie. What is your final words?
- Your Honor, I honestly believe if I would have been
in a relationship with Brittany,
if it wasn't just a situationship,
if I was able to put a title on us, I wouldn't be here today.
- Mm-hmm.
- And I liked Brittany for, you know,
what we had, what we was doing.
- You want some more? - Of course.
- I'm gonna be honest with you, Brittany.
You cannot start something and then try to change it
in the middle, especially with sex.
I mean, if you start out giving it to them free,
they gonna always expect it free.
And Reggie, you are a free loader!
Snatch don't grow on trees. [laughter]
So after considering the facts of this case,
I'm gonna settle it right now.
[suspenseful music]
And I'm gonna rule in favor of...
Brittany for $420.
You took advantage of her. Your greedy behind gonna pay.
- Thank you. [applause]
Thank you. - That's all I got to say.
Bye. - You are dismissed.
- What is it with you young girls in this world?
Stop giving it away.
You making it hard for older bitches like me.
[laughter and applause]
[upbeat music]
- Derek Edwards stole my shoes after our breakup.
- You think she gonna love you more
after you done took her shoes?
- I love you and I want to be with you.
all: Aw.
- I love my shoes. - Jesus!
[laughter]
[gavel bangs] - Hello, jurors.
How y'all doing? - Hey. I'm amazing.
- Good, Your Honor.
[dramatic music]
- Y'all ready? - Yep.
- We ready. - All right, call them in.
- This is the case of Wilson versus Edwards.
You may now enter.
- Plaintiff Alexiah Wilson
is suing her ex for $1,300,
the cost of five pairs of Jordans
that Kenderrick stole after she kicked him to the curb.
But defendant Kenderrick Edwards
stole the shoes to ensure his chance to see Alexiah
one more time so he could woo her back.
He doesn't owe her any money,
but she owes him a second chance.
- All right, Alexis, please tell me why we here.
- Well, Judge, I am here because
I am suing Kenderrick Edwards for $1,300
because he stole my shoes after our breakup.
all: Ooh.
- We was dating, and it wasn't working for us.
So after I told him to get out of my house
and I came back, my shoes was missing.
- He didn't want you to walk out on him.
[laughter]
- What kind of shoes did he steal?
- He stole five pair of my Jordans.
[scattered murmuring] - Damn, man.
[laughter]
- These Jordans are really important to me.
I'm a dance instructor.
So I give my shoes to my low-income kids.
And we put them for shows and all this stuff.
And these five pair particularly
was going to my students.
- You stole the kids' shoes?
- Oh, you going to jail, boy. You're going down.
- They was not the kid's shoes. Them the shoes you mainly wear.
- All right, tell me your side of the story.
- It's like, the only reason I took the shoes
because I know for a fact
she would have to contact me to get them back.
And that can be my reason part for me
to try and get another chance at the relationship.
- Aw, right on. - Um?
- Why you take five though, bro?
- Because, like, it's good collateral.
[laughter] - Five chances?
- Five chances.
- You think she gonna love you more
after you done took her shoes? [laughter]
- It's worth a try. [laughter]
- How did y'all even get into a relationship?
- We was high school sweethearts.
all: Aw. And then we moved in together.
And then after that, he just started falling off.
all: Ooh. - I saw this movie.
- How did he fall off?
- Not paying bills, leaving me with all the struggle.
- So what you got to say about that, Kenderrick?
- I object.
[laughter]
- What are you objecting to?
- Because it's like I fell behind on things,
but it never got cut off or nothing.
- What did you fall behind on?
- Probably the gas and the lights.
- The most important utilities in the house.
[laughter] - You don't need both of them.
Them ain't necessities.
[laughter] - Just the heat.
We a'ight, though.
- Nothing crazy. - Got heat in the car.
[laughter]
- Well, Alexiah, you looking for $1,300.
How did you come to that amount?
- Because that's how much my shoes cost.
- Do you have any proof? - I got proof.
- OK, come on, bailiff. - Mm-hmm.
- Hey, Kenderrick Robert Johnson--
[laughter] A lot of names, man.
Did you pay for the shoes, Kenderrick?
[laughter] - That's why I'm broke now.
- You have five pairs at 140.
You even got a pair of 11 for 394.
Kourtlyn, you know Jordan.
Are these good shoes? Those are collectors?
- Oh, yeah. Especially them 11s.
- According to this Jordan fanatic,
you got some good stuff, young lady.
And he know. He got a lot of them.
- A lot of them. [laughter]
- Where the shoes at right now?
- Bailiff got them. - You got them?
- I get them. - He got the Js?
And he a sneaker head.
You can't give a sneaker head no Js.
He a bailiff by day, he a sneaker head by night.
- I got them red ones.
Them's some big-ass kid you giving them shoes.
[laughter]
- Miss Pat, it's supposed to be five of them.
That's clearly two. - Where's the other three?
- You can't show all the dope when you go.
You know that, Miss Pat. [laughter]
- Alexiah's ex, Kenderrick,
ran off with five pairs of her Js after their breakup.
And now, she's looking to settle the score.
Miss Pat is about to take it to the house.
- Where's the other three?
- In the car.
- That's proof of life that the shoes exist.
- Yeah! [laughs] - Proof of life.
[laughter]
- All right, jury, help me out here.
- You know, I actually feel bad for Kenderrick.
I've been there.
My boyfriend, I was trying to keep him from leaving me,
and it was the winter time.
And I took all his coats because I was like,
he can't leave now, I got all his coats.
It was 3 degrees outside.
At the end of the day, he left out
with the comforter on his back, so I still lost him.
[laughter]
There ain't nothing you can do to keep her from leaving.
Them shoes ain't gonna stop nothing.
- Got you.
- Kenderrick, do you love her?
- Yes, Ma'am. Yes, I do. all: Aw.
- How you gonna win her back?
- Mm, I could always ask--make actions--
- What do you want to say to her?
Don't say it to me. I don't want you.
[laughter]
- I would like to have another chance.
And if I could do anything, I will,
in my power, to prove it.
- DC, tell him what you would have said
if that was you getting your girl back.
How would you have said it?
- I would say, look here. I got my own place now.
[laughter]
[applause]
You take your little funky gym shoes.
[laughter]
You got to man up, man.
- DC is single. Don't listen to him.
- I will.
- Look at Alexiah and tell her you love her,
and you want her back.
- I love you and I want to be with you.
all: Aw.
- I love my shoes. [laughter]
- Jesus. - See that?
See what that nice shit get you?
[laughter]
- Kenderrick? - Yes, ma'am?
- You up here being a selfish-ass grown person,
holding this woman stuff hostage
because she don't want you anymore.
You can't do that to somebody.
I would have cracked your head,
but you know, I'm on the other side of the law now.
So we can't be cracking nobody head.
What you should have did is went over there
and play it like you were gonna give him some
and tell him you wanna get freaky
and put him in handcuffs.
[laughter] - And leave him there, Judge?
- [chuckling] Yeah, with the front door open
so mosquitoes could have ate his ass up.
- Damn. - Damn! Hey!
- Damn! [laughter]
- Alexiah, sometimes you have to go through something
to get to something.
When you have a bad one,
they'll teach you how to find a good one.
- Yes, ma'am.
- All right, with that said, I'm ready to settle it.
[suspenseful music]
I'm ruling in favor of...
the plaintiff.
- Thank you, Judge.
- Boy, you better give her those shoes or $1,300.
Now, how you want to do it?
- She can get the shoes back.
- I'm gonna send my bailiff out with you to make sure you
give her all her shoes back. - I'm going to.
- Do you hear me? - Yes, ma'am.
- 'Cause I'm gonna tell you right now,
we're gonna put handcuffs on your nipples.
[laughter]
Now that settles it.
[gavel bangs] - You are dismissed.
- You think you need to fix a man, don't.
Give them back to they mama. [laughter]