Tina.
Okay, so we were walking along the docks,
and Andrew was supposedly about to tell me something.
And then...
his head exploded.
- And then he's on the ground... - Bloody hell.
Forgot to start the recorder.
Suspect said he was walking along the dock with the victim...
Suspect?
...when the victim's head was blown open by a Barrett M90
from a third or fourth storey window.
No, no, no, I didn't say that. I've got no idea what kind of gun it was.
Why are you calling me a suspect? I've never even touched a gun before.
I'm the victim here.
Well, the dead victim's boss said that you assaulted him.
During a glute and chesticles class just last night.
Okay.
Look, someone named the Brutaliser
hired Andrew to trick me into kissing him, okay?
But we actually ended up falling for each other.
But the Brutaliser forbade Andrew from, like, ever seeing me again.
Well, now he's dead.
He's been killed, and the Brutaliser is the one who's done it.
Okay, it's definitely him, and I think he's gonna come after me. Probably.
And I think he's the person that made my boyfriend disappear five years ago.
Speaking of...
Where were you on the day Peter Ono was last seen?
I've said this a million times, okay? I was at the beach.
So the anonymous tip we received
about you leaving Athena Woods with a shovel on that day?
What's that all about?
His lawyer's here.
Convenient.
Elliot, what's happened? Your call scared me.
They think I, like, murdered... Will... Andrew...
Will's dead?
Tell me what happened.
This is what killed my dad.
- Shit. - It's from the church. It's been missing.
- Well, who put it in your bag? - Who do you think?
My brother's trying to frame me.
He killed my dad and put the murder weapon in my favourite Fjällräven.
Tina, I get your family are crazy, but how is it so bad that your own brother
has killed your dad and is trying to put it on you?
I had a kid.
And, of course, my family freaked out 'cause it happened out of wedlock.
I would never disrespect you.
Since they're religious, I thought I could try the whole Virgin Mary thing
and say it showed up in there out of nowhere,
but they weren't having any of it.
I don't know how it happened.
It was honestly awful.
But then my dad fell in love with Nico. Like, completely in love.
Obsessed, even. So much so that he told me that he believed me.
That Nico was my son through divine intervention.
That God had blessed the Megargees with the second coming of Christ.
Your dad thought Nico was Jesus?
Jess, he changed the will.
So that all the Megargee money and assets and stuff
would go to me, not my brother.
And so it would eventually go to Nico/toddler Jesus.
And then, before he could sign the new will, he was killed.
So, Will/Andrew was killed
by someone on Job Haven called the Brutaliser.
So that's the Brutaliser.
B-R-U-T-A-L...
Did you ask Will why he ghosted me?
No.
There wasn't a lot of time before he was killed.
- But you had time to make out. - Tim, he's dead. None of this matters.
So, your client's filled you in?
Yeah.
- He's not my client. - My God, Tim.
This man actually broke into my apartment three days ago
and came after me with a knife.
No. No. That's not what happened. We hooked up.
Like you hooked up with Will? And he's dead now, right?
I'll forward my building's CCTV footage to your office.
No, no, that's not what happened. You can't believe him.
It wasn't like that. I swear to you. Officer, please, please.
Tim, what the fuck is wrong with you? They're gonna arrest me.
Please. Just please... Just let me talk to him, please. I promise...
Who is Nico's dad? I never hear you talk about him.
Some guy. Sam.
Sam Kirkham.
- He ran off after I got pregnant. - Sounds like an arsehole.
It's complicated. That's actually why I want to go to Ireland.
I kind of think he's there.
You wanna take him back after he ditched you guys?
No.
Not exactly. After he left,
Chrysanthemum showed up at my house.
Sam had sent her as a baby gift.
I just knew then that he'd run out of fear, not because he didn't care.
You forgave him for abandoning you?
Not at first, obviously, but as time's gone on, I'm like...
I can't blame him for being scared, you know.
We were, like, babies ourselves.
And who'd want to get wrapped up with me anyway?
Look at my family.
Look what my brother did to our dad. To my home.
Seriously depraved stuff.
Also, he sent a ton of money with the horse,
so that helped me forgive him a bit.
It is a pretty sexy way to make amends.
Yeah. Well, Sam knew that all my money was controlled by the Megargees.
So, this is my freedom.
Now that shit's hit the fan,
I kind of feel like it's the right time to go find Sam, you know.
I don't want to keep my kid from his father.
Do you think we could just take that to the police?
Like, police that isn't your brother?
I mean, if he used that to kill your dad,
then surely it's evidence.
Yeah. With my prints all over it now.
God, I really hate looking at it.
You don't have to.
Thank you. I have something for us. We deserve it.
- You want to get a little high? - Yes.
Fuck. What a week.
- It's Elliot. - Jess, what?
What... Tina, what the fuck?
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. I...
My cop brother, he can trace our phones.
Okay, but, like, at least let me, like, back up my stuff.
- Don't you have the cloud? - No, I do not have the cloud.
Remember when all those celebrities got hacked and their nudes got leaked?
I'm sorry, Jess.
I should've let you back up your nudes before I tossed your phone in the sea.
Ha-ha.
Right. I'm gonna throw yours.
Shit!
Can you check something for me?
Can you look in my penis hole and tell me if you see a white pill?
It's just an antihistamine. I've got terrible allergies.
I think they might take it. You're barely even looking.
- Go on. - Oh, God. Stop.
Elliot Byrd.
I know you didn't kill anyone. Come on.
Put it away.
- It's just, the other cop said that... - She's a twat, Elliot.
Okay.
So, did you figure out who killed Andrew? Was it the Brutaliser?
Look, I'm not supposed to tell you this,
but with the night you've had, you deserve a bit of peace.
We've got the shooter in custody.
You've got the Brutaliser?
Sorry. Who's that?
Your friend was killed by a stray bullet from a youth gang incident.
Yeah, I did it. I killed that rando.
I was trying to shoot Big Bobby. He's actually small, though, so I missed.
A completely random freak accident.
Okay, but that's a kid. I've never seen him before in my life.
- That can't be the Brutaliser. - The Brutaliser didn't kill your friend.
- It was this little shit. - No, Andrew's death can't be random.
People die randomly every day, Elliot. It's just that cruel.
Okay, I get that. Really, I do.
But the Brutaliser told Andrew
that he was gonna come after him if he saw me again, okay?
So, like, maybe this kid was paid to do the dirty work or something.
The investigation is closed, Elliot. Unless we're missing something.
Where's your friend Jessica?
I don't know. I don't think we're friends any more.
You don't think?
No, she, like, ditched me for this crazy girl a couple of days ago.
- What crazy girl? - Christina Megargee.
Her and Jess matched on this DNA app. She says she's Jess' sister.
And I'm like, yeah, of course you are,
because what are the chances that she appears
right when that finger thing happened, and all the stuff with Andrew?
So a Christina Megargee got in touch with Jessica
to tell her that she's her sister?
Yeah.
And now they've run away together
to live their happy little secret sister life while I rot.
Okay. Well, thank you, Elliot. You are free to go.
- That's it? - That's it.
Get in touch if you hear anything.
Right. Yeah, sure.
I'm sorry about your friend.
- Both your friends. - Okay. Thank you.
See you.
Thanks.
- Who am I covering for, anyway? - The Brutaliser.
Hi, Grandma.
Oh, Elliot. Please tell me you're not ill.
Nearly all your aunt's hen party friends have come down with equestrian flu
and can't come to the wedding today.
- Wow. Today. - So I need you to bring some bodies.
Maybe that shabby friend of yours?
Jess and I aren't friends any more, Gran.
Good. Well, gather up who you can.
We need plenty of people in the room. Otherwise your aunt will look pathetic.
Grandma, she is pathetic. This wedding is for someone who isn't real.
Elliot, that's not helpful right now.
Someone is showing up, and whether your aunt's fiancé
is an American underwear model or a duck-billed platypus in a top hat,
she's getting married today,
and I need you here at 2:00 pm sharp to welcome McCoughley as his best man.
Got it, Grandma.
My sweet Elliot. I'm so lucky to have you.
We're in this together. Yes.
And when your friends come, make sure they're appropriate.
No transsexual dressing.
Yeah, no transsexuals at the platypus-top hat wedding.
- Got it. - Elliot...
Nico's dad lives here?
I did a bit of research, and there's not that many pygmy horse farms,
and there's only one with a clover in its logo,
so this must be where Chrysanthemum's from.
She recognises the grass.
Come on.
So we'll always remember...
our little family.
...it's not productive.
Oh, my fuck.
Elliot!
What are you doing here?
- I got arrested. - Yeah.
She peed behind a car, which turned out to be a hearse,
and there was a body inside.
It was Charlie's fault. He ordered absinthe like a total dick.
You know what it does to me, girl.
What about you, Elliot? Why are you here? Is it Jess?
Was she thrown into the clink for being a hot bitch?
No. She has run away with her sister.
- Jess has a sister? - Yes, apparently.
She got this DNA match with some rando from uni
and, well, she's throwing her life away.
Oh, Jess. That's classic.
- Wait. What rando from uni? - Christina Megargee.
Oh, my God. Tina.
Yeah, we did a creative writing class together.
I loved her. She's amazing. So talented.
Wait. She's Jess' sister?
Guys, did Peter ever say anything about wanting to break up with me?
- Absolutely not. - No.
- That's crazy. - No.
- Well, Jess said he did. - Jess is so fucking dumb, Elliot.
And she always lies.
Remember when she told me Wakanda wasn't a real country?
Wait. So why are you here?
And why have you got blood all over you?
This guy... I went on a date with him last night.
He got... He was shot. Got shot in front of me. In the head.
- Did he die? - Yeah, immediately.
Oh, Elliot. How dramatic.
You should not be alone right now.
Yeah, Elliot, you need to talk about it. You can't just keep it bottled in.
I'm sorry. I think I do need to talk about it, 'cause it's just been a lot...
Wait. It's so cold. Maybe your place is closest.
Come on. Karis, order a taxi.
And I'm literally locked up all night,
and the police are saying that this kid shot Andrew.
But they're fucking idiots. I mean, obviously, this Brutaliser did it.
Right? I mean, he's trying to ruin my life.
- But why, Elliot? - Yeah.
And you've also had your life-ruining moment
with the whole Peter thing.
Wait. You don't think Brutey killed Peter, do you?
We don't know if Peter's dead.
Well, he's not just bumbling around without a finger
and half his blood, Karis. Grow up.
- Charlie. - Well, I'm not gonna romanticise it.
- Enough. - Enough yourself.
Okay. Let's get to it.
What do we know about the Brutaliser guy, Elliot?
Well, just only that his name is the Brutaliser
and that he's on Job Haven.
Okay. I've tracked down guys with way less.
Okay, so first, we'll keyword search the word "Brutaliser" under listings.
That's not the killer. I know it.
"Meet and greet with the Brutalizer"? No.
"The Brutalizer action figure." No.
Okay. So now we'll get more specific.
"The Brutaliser gay"?
"Looking for a twink to brutalise my..." Okay. Not that.
"Seeking male actors, 20s, for gay interactive theatre."
Wait. Oh, my God. That's it.
"Seeking male actor, 20s, for gay..."
I was the one reading it, Charlie.
Oh, my God. Who cares? It's not drama class.
"Must be comfortable with kissing, light groping and manipulation.
"Five-figure compensation."
Holy shit, Elliot.
Why you read like a news anchor? Like, what was that?
Okay, let me hear you read it then.
"Must be comfortable with kissing, light..."
- Shut up. - What's wrong with you?
- Just didn't... It was shit. Honestly. - Why are you coming for me?
I'm not here for you.
I'm here for Jess, so I can look her in the eye while I fire her.
- Well, she's run away with her sister. - Like, why didn't she tell me?
I really don't ask for much.
I really don't ask for much from either of you. Just decency.
Wait, Raphael.
I'm really sorry, okay?
I shouldn't have blown you off like that the other night.
It's just, I was really drunk, and... But that's not an excuse, okay?
It was rude to ignore your messages like that.
Like, that's all fine. Like, we didn't have to date.
You just didn't have to make me feel stupid.
I know.
No, I handled it like shit and it wasn't fair to you.
Elliot, who's there?
You need to see what we found.
Oh, my God. Hi.
- What did you find? - The Brutaliser's fucked up, Elliot.
Come hang. Did Elliot tell you we are solving an actual murder?
He's got one other post, and it's about poisoning people.
Nearly all your aunt's hen party friends have come down with equestrian flu.
My grandma said that half my aunt's wedding guests
can't come to the wedding today
because they got sick from the troughs at her hen do.
The Brutaliser is fucking with Bonnie's wedding as well.
Sorry. Why were there people drinking out of troughs at your aunt's hen do?
She put punch in them. She's obsessed with horses. It's a joke.
The whole wedding's a joke. She never even met the fiancé.
They've never video-chatted or anything.
But he says he's an American underwear model.
Your aunt has fallen in love with a picture on the Internet.
Oh, my God. I think Bonnie's getting married to the Brutaliser.
Wait, wait, wait. Elliot, slow down. I am so lost.
How do you all feel about a free bar at my grandma's?
- Yes. Yes. - Fucking yes.
Francine is Elliot's loaded grandma. We used to go to her holiday home.
And she thinks he's gay, but, you know,
she thinks he's straight now, so it's all good, you know?
- I'm sorry. - Okay.
He ain't got a clue about anything.
They sold the foals through a third-party site and he didn't know Sam.
Oh, my God. I knew it was a leap, but fuck.
This was my only lead.
Let's just find a place to stay for the night.
Okay.
Come on, Nico.
Why is that foal I sold you years ago back at my farm?
- Can we rent your Pine Hideout, please? - I don't see why not. Thank you.
Honestly, I don't know why I was so worried. Life is good.
Like, this place looks like a Pixar movie.
My son's happy, and I've got you, my sister.
Real family.
- I love you. - I love you, sis.
- Okay, I need to wee. I'll be back. - I'll miss you.
In case we're lost or taken or found dead,
we are each other's emergency contact permanently.
I can feel it in my balls.
- You've reached the voicemail of... - Elliot Byrd.
Please leave a message after the tone.
Elliot, it's me.
I'm so fucking sorry.
I love you, okay? And I need you to know that
because I don't know if I'm ever gonna see you again.
I'm in a pub in literal Ireland,
and this town is, like, a fairytale village.
Like, we went to this mini-horse farm,
and the place we're renting is, like, this little Irish cottage.
It is so cute. It's in the middle of these, like, green fields,
and there's this big fucking tree in the front of it.
And it has this little green Irish door, and it's all really camp.
You would actually die. It's... Yeah.
And obviously, I'm here with Tina, and I love her.
You know? She is my sister.
But you're my soul person.
I wish I was doing it all with you.
But...
Important thing.
The sexy police officer, the hot one from Will's flat?
He is a Megargee.
He's Tina's half-brother and he tried to kill me. And Tina.
And he probably killed her dad. He's some sexy psycho killer.
What the fuck, Jess?
What the fuck? I was just telling Elliot where I was.
You can't be telling people where we are. I'm scared for Nico, and for you.
Whatever. Let's just go then.
Elliot, you are the most handsome man to grace this earth.
Thank you, Grandma.
Only second to Bonnie's fiancé, the underwear model.
Look, Grandma, I don't want to stress you out or anything,
but, like, what if McCoughley turns out to be someone dangerous?
Anything you've thought of, I've thought of.
Honeysuckle is a former SAS officer.
I just don't trust him. He's definitely hiding something.
Yes, Elliot. His face and his entire physical being.
Well, if you know he's not real, then why are you letting this wedding happen?
Because your aunt is a fool, and I can't do anything to stop her.
What happened to that child you were babysitting?
- He moved. - Elliot, you seem very on edge.
Is there something you're not telling me?
No, no, no. Sorry. I'm just tired, Grandma.
Mr Hamburgerson's car is approaching, my lady.
Don't let him see me.
- Okay, let's go. - Yes.
Wow.
Wait, Grandma.
Do you think it's possible that Bonnie is the one who used a fake photo?
Stop it, Elliot. She's not stupid or smart enough to do such a thing.
Mrs Byrd, I am so chuffed to be finally meeting.
You look so much like your daughter.
- What photograph did Bonnie show you? - Just the one.
- Where is the similarity to me? - The beauty, of course.
McCoughley. Am I pronouncing that correctly?
Yes. Cough, like...
- It's a family name. - You're not ill, are you?
- We can't afford to have any more illness. - I'm not, no.
Elliot, would you show Mr Hamburgerson to the groom's suite?
Elliot. My best man.
Thank you so much.
- I'm confused by you, McCoughley. - Why is that?
I just can't understand how someone
who looks and acts like you would want to marry Bonnie.
I know you and your aunt have a strained relationship, Elliot,
but she's the most wonderful person in the world to me.
Just tell me. Were you hired to marry her?
- Jesus, Elliot. No. - Do you have a Job Haven account?
No. I have a job. I'm a model.
Look, I get why you're wary of me.
I admire that you're protective of your family,
but I am truly and deeply in love with Bonnifred.
Okay, but how? I mean, why?
Because of everything she is and everything she makes me feel.
- Yes, but what specifics? - All of them.
She challenges me, she makes me laugh,
she's been through hell and come out stronger.
Sorry. What has Bonnie been through?
An absentee father, a sister, your mom dying tragically young.
Yeah, I guess, but that's...
And from what I heard, your grandmother wasn't the easiest to grow up with.
No, Francine is not that bad.
Not that bad if you're who she wants you to be.
And I think we can both agree it's impossible for Bonnie
to be anything but herself.
Have you ever been in love, Elliot?
- Yes. - Do you wanna love again?
- No. - No?
No.
I found the love I want,
but then they disappeared off the face of the earth.
So there's literally nothing left out there for me.
That's how I felt before Bonnie.
I had my heart broken when the woman I thought I'd marry
told me she got pregnant and wanted to raise our child without me.
- Fuck. - Yeah, big fuck.
Thought I was gonna die over it.
But then, Bonnie and I connected on a horsing subreddit and fell in love.
The kind of love that made all old ones irrelevant.
The kind that makes you wonder if you ever truly loved before it.
I don't want to feel that way about the old one, so...
But doesn't that kill you? I mean, to hold onto that?
To believe that it's the only love you could ever experience?
I know you haven't had it easy with Francine either.
Maybe you've sacrificed some of your own happiness to appease her?
I mean, that's just part of being in a family, isn't it?
Will you help me with my blindfold?
Yeah.
So, is this some sort of religious thing or...
No, it's not that. It's just...
The only thing Bonnie and I have seen of each other is our profile pics,
and our hearts through written word.
That's been enough to get us here, so why not save the rest till marriage?
I want to fully trust our connection.
It is time for the nuptials.
It is time for the beginning of my life.
No, no. Sorry. That's the bed.
- Okay, just... - Yeah, just this way.
Just straight, just straight. Yeah, there you go.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's a harp.
Just sit down. Sit down.
Petals.
- See? No one else is wearing ears. - Okay. Your point?
What gorgeous ears.
- I thought so too. - Really, they're... Wow.
Seeing you here like this is the greatest thing I've ever seen.
But how do you have the bravery to do it all?
Let's chat later.
You've seen him then? And?
You're really lucky, Bonnie.
I don't know how you did it, but he's the real deal.
I knew it.
- He's amazing, isn't he? - Literally no clue how you pulled him.
- Elliot. - He's so hot.
- Is he right there in front of me? - Yeah, yeah, he is.
It's you.
We will now begin.
Do you, Bonnifred Byrd,
take McCoughley Hamburgerson as your lawfully wedded husband?
I do.
And do you, McCoughley Hamburgerson,
take Bonnifred Byrd as your lawful wedded wife?
I do.
You may now remove your blindfolds and kiss the bride.
- That's my nose. - Sorry. Sorry.
Yes!
Yeah. Thank you very much.
No problem, Mummy.
- Nico, how do you like your new house? - It's my favourite.
Go in and pick out your room.
Wow.
He's obviously emotionally disturbed, but good for Bonnie.
I don't know. Maybe Bonnie's not so bad with other people.
Don't give her credit, Elliot. Your aunt is not a good person.
- She's literally your daughter. - So I should know.
Hello, Elliot.
Janelle.
I see you kept your word.
Whatever else you saw on those tapes,
if you tell a soul, I promise to ruin your life.
Glad to see the equestrian virus didn't get you.
Why would I drink from a horse trough?
- I'm not an animal. - What are you hiding, Janelle?
I get that she's your aunt, but that is a wild couple.
Okay, so McCoughley isn't the Brutaliser, but I think I figured out who is.
Who?
Can you please take those off before my grandma has an aneurysm?
But this is how I dress.
Okay, but you're not supposed to express yourself here.
Wow. Why are you suddenly so bothered about how I dress, Elliot?
Wait, wait, wait, Elliot. Who is the Brutaliser?
My ex-boss, Janelle.
She hates me, and she didn't drink from the hen party troughs.
- She's definitely hiding something. - God, Elliot.
Are you sure it's your grandma who's the bigot?
What are you talking about?
That woman is not trying to ruin your life.
She's just a furry like me, but buried deep in the closet.
Okay. Be honest. Is it a sex thing?
It's not a sex thing.
- Really? - I mean, it's part of it, but...
Elliot. Over here, best man. Yo.
Sorry.
This country is weird.
- Hey. - What is up, best man?
I got you a best man gift.
Just a small token of gratitude and a little piece of my heart
for my cool-ass nephew.
- Thank you. - Yeah.
I'll see you by the cake.
Fuck.
I love you with all my heart, baby.
I can't wait to show you Asprey.
Bruce!
- Can I get a best man's speech? - Yeah.
- Yeah? Yeah? Okay. - That's amazing.
- Hi, everyone. - Elliot, what are you gonna say?
- It's got nothing to do with you, Bonnie. - It's my wedding, Elliot.
I hope you're not going to embarrass me on the happiest day of my life.
- Okay. Let's talk privately then. - Darling, what's this about?
- Don't "darling" her, you phoney. - Elliot.
What? Ask him. Ask him who the Brutaliser is.
Bonnie knows and loves the Brutaliser, Elliot.
He's the iconic mascot of the greatest football team on earth,
my New Jersey Mobsters.
What's the matter, Elliot? Do you not like your gift?
No, I don't like my gift, you freak.
These are Brutaliser cufflinks.
The same Brutaliser who hired Andrew.
Don't you fucking tell me it's a lie, because I know...
I'm the Brutaliser, you arse wipe.
I paid that guy to go out with you.
All in the name of true love. My true love, Elliot. Not yours.
- What are you even talking about? - McCoughley and I fell in love.
Real love.
And when you love somebody, sometimes you send them money.
And I did that for my love, McCoughley.
And then my bitch of a mother cut me off, and literally left me in squalor.
And then McCoughley proposed to me because he loves me.
We applied to 90 Day Fiancé
so that they'd sponsor his visa and the wedding,
but those idiots turned us down.
We couldn't afford the wedding we deserve,
and all this time, Mum is sending your lying gay arse as much cash as you want.
I knew you didn't just stop being gay. You're such a liar, Elliot.
So, I had the genius idea of exposing your lies to Francine.
So she'd hate you again and only like me, and send me money and not you.
So, I went online and I hired an actor.
Someone I could get you in a gay pic with. And I got that gay pic.
- Well, why didn't you show Grandma? - I did show her, immediately.
And she said never to mention it again,
and if I shut up about it, she'd carry on paying for everything.
Thank God you picked up. I've had a horrible day.
But she made me swear never to tell you what I'd done.
You're still the favourite, Elliot.
But I got the wedding I wanted,
and the chance to watch you suffer like the ugly little loser that you are.
Do you know it was actually you who gave me the idea for this whole thing?
Yeah. I heard you talking with Mum
about how the only way someone who looks like McCoughley
would ever give someone like me the time of day
was if he were a paid actor.
You made Andrew leave a fake finger?
And you killed him when you saw us together.
Please.
The only thing I did was tell him to kiss you and then fuck off forever.
I didn't do anything with a finger,
and I certainly didn't murder him, you shit bag.
But then why would you poison your own troughs?
I didn't want any competition showing up,
in case McCoughley liked them more than me.
Hey. Never.
How awkward.
This family.
Okay. Don't look now,
but is that guy over there checking me out or what?
Elliot.
Why didn't you say anything if you knew, Grandma?
I know what happened to Peter Ono.
Here, we see the distinctive keel-shaped tail of the great-tailed...
- I'll go get another bottle. - Yes.
...perch on branches with its toes, feet pointing forward...
Can I have some juice, Aunty Jess?
Yeah, go on.
- Where does your mum keep them? - In the bag.
Right.
Holy shit.
I loved that jumper. I can't believe we never found it.
Peter...
He was killed by the reverend's daughter.
That's my daddy.
Why are you snooping, Jess?