Whoa!
Hello and welcome to The Great Indian Kapil Show!
No response today? Did your payment not go through?
Kapil…
Passengers of The Great Indian Kapil Show, please pay attention.
You may experience some inconvenience here today,
but we have no regrets about it.
This show is hijacked!
Silence.
Who are you, bhaisahab?
Who am I? What am I? Am I good or am I bad?
You have two kids, I have three.
I still don't recognize you. Half your face is covered.
Why are you hiding your face?
Because my aunt eloped with someone the day before yesterday.
Then you should have covered your whole face, not just half.
Well, she returned yesterday.
Go home and see if she has eloped again.
What are you doing? Let us start our show--
You're not in charge of the show today. I am.
Where is Archana ji?
Look with the other eye.
Sir, why have you hijacked our show? What do you want?
What I really want is Archana Puran Singh ji's fate.
Because all she does is sit at home, sit in the car,
and sit on the show as well.
She even sits on the plane.
But today…
Today, she will have to do what I tell her to.
What?
-Archana ji. -Yes?
Say a dialogue for me.
Which dialogue?
The dialogue that suits you.
Which one?
Sunny Deol's dialogue.
The dialogue is, "This is a laborer's hand, Katiya."
"This is a laborer's hand, Katiya!"
"It can melt iron and change its shape."
Wow!
This is the first time I've heard you say such a dialogue.
Both your hands and your dialogue are that of a laborer.
Wow!
Sir, if you're done, please leave.
-No, no, no! -Oh my!
Well, I…
I still have to watch you dance, my friend.
-Kapil! Kapil! Kapil! -Please, sir. No.
-I'm going to watch you dance today. -Let me help you with that.
It's wrapping around again.
I can't dance, sir.
I couldn't dance in the one movie I was in, so how can I dance here?
-Okay. -It's okay, sir. Leave the bandage on.
If you can't dance, then do some action.
I haven't done any action, sir. I don't know how to.
Then call someone who knows how to do action.
I know a guy who can both dance and do action.
Please welcome the one and only Varun Dhawan!
Oh my God!
Wow!
Thank you.
Wow!
Wow.
You look like the original Baby John.
-Really? I-- -I must applaud your choice, Kapil.
We have the SRK's original duplicate here as well as Varun Dhawan's duplicate. Wow!
Sir, you are the only duplicate here. Everyone else is original.
He is the real Varun Dhawan.
I don't understand one thing, Kapil paaji and Sunil paaji.
Why do you two always fight whenever you are in an airport setting?
Let's go. We're leaving.
-Sorry, I came ready with that joke. -It was a good joke.
But, yeah, I'm the original.
Only one man can tell the real from the fake.
And that is the dynamic director and producer, Atlee!
Wow!
Come on!
A big round of applause for Mr. Atlee!
Welcome, sir!
Sir, this man is saying he's the real Shah Rukh Khan.
There is one sun, one moon, and one Shah Rukh Khan in the world.
Welcome to the show, sir.
We now have the director of Jawan on the show.
In the film, I let you do whatever you wanted.
But today,
I'm going to tell you. Whatever I say, you will have to do it!
Because this show has been hijacked by me.
-Can I say one thing, sir? -Yes, sir.
And there is only one Sunil Grover in the world.
You won this hijacker's heart with just one dialogue.
He has melted.
Whatever you want to do, you do, sir!
But…
Kapil, I've noticed that you sing in front of all the heroines.
-Yes. -Yes.
Today, you will sing for the heroes.
You will have to sing!
Kapil Kapil! Kapil!
-Okay. -Varun and Atlee sir
-will dance to the song together. -Okay.
Don't leave me in such an unrest
Come back to me, for my sake
Don't leave me in such an unrest
Come back to me, for my sake
Don't leave me in such an unrest
Come back to me, for my sake
Don't leave me in such an unrest
Come back to me, for my sake
Have all your demands been fulfilled, sir?
No, I still have one demand left!
You are very demanding.
You must fulfill this demand of mine, or I will shoot you.
Just shoot us and end this for good.
You've been making demands left, right, and center since you arrived.
You even made her work, someone who has never done anything.
What else should we do?
All right. Okay.
-Here's what I want. Atlee sir. -Sir.
I'll tell you my demands and we can continue this conversation later.
I don't understand what you're saying.
Did you enjoy getting humiliated?
Come on, sir!
I just want to tell you something backstage.
You have to come with me.
-I'll tell you something. -Yeah.
Sir, be careful.
And I have one demand, sir.
Quickly start the show, sir.
We are coming back in two minutes.
Welcome to the finale of our second season, Varun.
-Thank you. Thank you, sir. -And Varun is looking fantastic.
Varun is sporting a full-length beard in Baby John.
Actually, he's sporting a face hidden somewhere under that beard!
He's got that dangerous look. Like a guy about to do some serious action.
Varun, this is your first time doing action while wearing a lungi.
-Did you face any problems? -I did have problems.
You need to take care of all the "internal" matters.
No, genuinely, those who wear a lungi, or have worn one,
know you don't get the same support as you do in jeans.
-What support do you want in a lungi? -We need support, sir. What if--
What can I say?
Didn't David Dhawan sahab tell you
that your family business is making people laugh through humor?
You are resorting to violence.
When he said this to me, he was wearing a lungi himself.
I see.
He sleeps in a lungi.
I don't know why I'm telling people this. But…
I think, for a long time, I wanted to enter
this mass commercial action genre.
But everyone used to tell me that I was too young.
"You have a baby face."
So, luckily for me, I was offered a film called Baby John,
which fits me perfectly.
But there is one thing.
Not just in India, there's a global craze for action films.
Whenever we watched action films… You know how kids play in the lanes?
They would imitate punching sounds.
You might remember Bachchan sahab's dialogue from Deewar.
He says, "Peter, keep these keys in your pocket."
Dinesh was a big fan of Bachchan sahab. He said this dialogue in college.
He said, "Here are the keys. I'll take them from you and walk out."
He couldn't get the keys.
Moreover, they thrashed him and even took his pants off.
The college finishes at three, but he waited until midnight.
He came home at midnight. Yet, the next day, there was a rumor
that an alien was spotted walking around naked at night.
Varun, what differences do you see between the action sequences of the 70s
and the action being done today?
There is a lot of difference. Let me give you an example.
There is a lot of difference. See this…
The key is that everything must appear real to the audience now.
-Obviously, this glass is fake. -Candy glass.
-But you have to do it on your own.
At times, when things don't go as planned, you end up getting hurt.
Sometimes, you bleed. So you just have to roll with the punches.
No one ever told us this before, but Varun did.
I used to wonder why they'd break so many bottles.
It's actually made of sugar.
Paaji, people also eat it.
I have often seen Akshay paaji eating this.
Really?
In earlier movies, villains didn't typically have such big gangs.
-But these days-- -No. In earlier movies,
the villain was always surrounded by a dozen men.
-There'd be a big burly guy… -Yes.
-…who could bend an iron rod. -Bend it.
I'm sure you remember, Archana ji.
-She was the one who did it! -Hey!
These days, becoming a don has turned into an expensive game.
-Why? -As soon as the hero enters,
he kills hundreds of people before he can get to the main villain.
Earlier, they used to have a dozen goons.
These days, they have to post a job opening and hire 1,000 or 1,200 men.
That's why the ransom amounts have gone up.
Otherwise, it's hard to cover the salary of all the goons.
So, these are the ongoing problems
-in the market. -Paaji, in earlier films,
-the hero wouldn't even bleed so much. -Right.
The actresses would tear off their veil and use it to cover him up.
-Like a bandage. -But these days, the heroes bleed a lot.
Even a sari wouldn't be enough to act as a bandage.
There's already a dearth of saris these days
since everyone wears miniskirts now.
If the heroine gets hurt, she ends up grabbing the hero's lungi.
Things have changed.
You all know that Varun has done films with the word "dulhania" in the title.
Badrinath Ki Dulhania, Humpty Sharma Ki Dulhania.
Now, you've suddenly switched over to action.
How did you get bored of the dulhanias, Varun?
I had a child, paaji.
-You became a father. Congratulations! -Yes. Thank you.
-Thank you. -Your first child, and it's a daughter.
-It's truly a blessing. Wow. -Yes, it is a blessing, sir.
-Hundred percent. -Any changes in you after becoming a dad?
-Do you see any changes? -You see, earlier,
I used to get scolded by one woman, but now I get scolded by two.
I'm still figuring things out myself.
Like making her burp and swaddling her.
Sometimes, when the child starts crying, I feel terrified.
-Terrified? -Yes, I feel terrified.
Does she also wake up in the middle of the night?
Suddenly, you hear her crying and you're completely exhausted.
I'm sure most of the fathers-- I mean, they must all be like that.
-Yes, it's normal. -So you are extremely tired
and she is crying inconsolably.
You look at your wife, who is also extremely tired, obviously,
-because she is with the baby 24/7. -Actually.
You are pretending to get up.
"I'm going. I'll get her…"
-So that she gets up before you do! -She gets there before I do.
I say, "Okay, I'll see her in the morning."
No, but you have to go because you feel anxious.
The same thing would happen to me, bhai. Nobody used to wake me up at home.
Neither my mother nor my wife. I used to sleep and wake up whenever I wanted.
But when there's a child at home,
even if your sleep is disturbed, it doesn't bother you.
-Right, it doesn't. -You see--
You'll have even more fun once she starts talking.
-Congratulations, bhai. God bless you. -Thank you.
Let me tell you that Varun's wife Natasha is a fashion designer.
I'm telling you this because I want to know,
did you pick out this outfit yourself, or did Natasha make you wear it?
-You know why I asked Varun this question? -Why?
Because I've heard that sometimes, out of confusion,
he wears Natasha's jeans and heads out.
-Really? -Paaji, I'm not Ranveer Singh.
I love Ranveer. I love you.
No, what I mean to say is, sometimes, it happens by mistake.
Sometimes, I end up wearing her T-shirts by mistake.
They are extremely tight.
I like wearing them because it feels like my muscles have grown.
But she's like, "What are you doing? This is mine!"
It's time to welcome the other stars from the film onto the stage.
With a big round of applause, please welcome
the very beautiful Keerthy Suresh, Wamiqa Gabbi,
and blockbuster producer and director Mr. Atlee!
Welcome, Keerthy. Welcome.
Welcome!
This is your first time on the show. Congratulations!
What's up, sir? Atlee sir is here for the second time!
Paaji, are you going to speak in Punjabi, and Atlee sir in Tamil?
You know, in today's scenario, there are subtitles, man.
Yeah.
Bro, I've directed an entire film not knowing the language.
Come on. Everything is possible.
-What did he say? -He spoke in English.
As if I know English that well!
He said that he directed an entire film without knowing Hindi.
Yes, very nice.
Not even one word.
Whether you speak in Hindi, or I speak in English,
the audience is going to enjoy either way. Right, sir?
-Right, sir. -"Right, sir."
I'm meeting Atlee sir for the second time. I met him on a flight once.
-I hope you didn't fight with him. -He was returning from some award--
Come on! Stop saying that!
When Jawan crossed the 1000-crore mark,
I knew instantly that this guy would enter with two heroines.
And when he made Jawan with Shah Rukh sahab,
I knew this guy had the potential to be on our show one day.
I didn't understand that.
Do you feel, sir, you are so fortunate that
you are coming in my show second time in a single day?
-Yeah, sir. I'm very blessed to-- -You just came 15 minutes back.
I'm very blessed to be here.
Sir, 500 plus 500 is 1000. Total.
It's Keerthy's first appearance on our show.
She has such a cute face. Look carefully.
Girls like her need a protective charm against the evil eye,
even before getting their hepatitis and tetanus shots.
You know, Keerthy, famous celebrities like MS Dhoni,
Sachin Tendulkar, and Rajinikanth sahab
haven't had the chance to come on the show yet.
But I'm here.
-You agree you are very lucky? -I am.
-We are so… -Very, very lucky.
-We are so happy to have you. -Thank you.
Sorry, the thing about us is we have to promote ourselves.
Netflix said, "We won't bring someone in to promote you separately."
"Do it yourself."
This is Wamiqa's first appearance on our show as well.
She's been doing such tremendous work.
Wamiqa, I've watched all your web series, films, everything.
I didn't know you were from Punjab. We never met in Punjab before.
-Haven't we? -No.
-I wonder why. -Why?
-I don't know.
Normally, whenever we visit a doctor for an eye checkup,
they charge us money.
You have such beautiful eyes.
Do you pay the doctor, or does the doctor pay you
to just look into your eyes?
You're getting what I'm saying, Atlee sir?
Yeah. I think you're talking about her eyes.
Wow!
He understands all the flirtatious conversations.
He knows that kind of Hindi.
You won't believe this, sir, but on our way to your show--
Whatever scenes we shot with Keerthy, be it in Bombay or other places,
she was always very--
-I mean, she has done a lot of films. -Yes.
But when she found out we were coming on this show,
she messaged me, "Varun, tomorrow we're going on Kapil's show!"
"What should I do? What should I wear?" She was super excited.
-She wasn't during the shoot-- -I didn't ask you that.
I got a voice note, I'll play it.
Take my number. Next time, just direct message me.
No, I was actually very excited about coming to your show.
-Thank you. -Varun was like…
That excitement he didn't see when I was going to act with him.
Come on, bro!
-Please come. Welcome to the show! -Oh God!
Keerthy, I saw your Dasara movie.
-It's a very nice movie. -Thank you.
Looking at your character in the movie
and then seeing you now, it's hard to believe that was you.
This is a compliment for you. You did it so well.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
Wamiqa, I have a question. I've never heard the name Wamiqa before.
-It's a very unique and beautiful name. -Yes.
What does it mean?
Actually, for a long time, my dad told me it meant "goddess of wind."
-Goddess of wind. -Goddess of wind.
So I believed him, thinking it must mean that.
It's an Arabic name.
Dad went through a lot of books and chose this name.
Then I was having a conversation about something with Anubhav Sinha sir.
He asked me my name and all that.
And he called up one of his Arabic friends.
He said, "That's not what it means."
What does it mean then?
"Process of love."
-The process of love. -Wow.
-Process of love. -Wow. Yeah, exactly.
If anyone calls you up, you can say, "I'm in the middle of wamiqa."
-Varun! -Seriously, man?
-Atlee sir-- -It means the process of love though!
Why is her name Archana Puran Singh?
-Why? -Yes.
Because she's a great admirer of the dacoit Mohar Singh.
There was a guy in his gang.
She was named after him. Archana Puran Singh.
-Anything else? -Don't pull her legs, sir.
She's the only savior on this show for me.
Because whenever she's gonna laugh, I'm gonna laugh
because I know nothing. I'm just waiting for the cue.
Wow!
-Well said, Atlee! -Love it!
-You and I are a team now. -Yeah, ma'am.
You're always eager to team up with top directors!
Our show has been on air for ten years now,
and you're still not on our team!
Kapil sir, I think you should also get Wamiqa's number.
It was just the two of you talking for five minutes.
We were just looking at the set.
Sir, what does your name mean? Atlee?
-What is Atlee? -"Rising sun," sir.
-Rising sun? -Wow! Love it.
-Rising sun! Wow! -In Greek, it's called "the rising sun."
You have risen already, my bro.
Atlee sir, you are so young. I mean…
And you are already a big producer and director.
Has it ever happened that
you went to meet a star, and they didn't believe you were Atlee?
He asked, "Where is Atlee?"
Sir, in a way, I understood your question.
Okay. I'll try to answer.
I'm actually very thankful to A.R. Murugadoss sir.
Because he produced my first film.
Oh, wow.
He asked for the script, but he didn't see how I look,
whether I'm capable of it or not.
But he loved my narration. I think the world should see that.
We should not judge by appearance.
We should judge by the heart.
-Oh my! -Oh my!
-Love it! -You're marvelous, Atlee sahab!
Let me share a fact about Atlee sir.
He did Jawan with Shah Rukh sahab.
The film made so much money
that SRK became the highest taxpayer of 2023 to 2024 in our industry.
Before that, Atlee did a couple of films with Thalapathy Vijay ji.
Last year, Vijay was the second-highest taxpayer in the industry.
Now, Varun is working with him.
Did you actually want to do action,
or become one of the highest taxpayers in the industry, Varun?
Sir, all I wanted was a little space in people's hearts.
And with Atlee sir by your side, you can win over anyone's heart
because he truly knows the pulse of the masses, sir.
-That's true. -So I believe that.
Sir, hereafter, whichever hero I'm going to meet,
I'm going to tell them, "You will be the highest taxpayer."
-Yes. -And I think
the government should support me, I bring a lot of tax money to the country.
-Yeah. -Thank you, sir. Thank you.
Thanks for that. Thank you.
Atlee sir is so witty.
You should make a comedy film. I will suggest you one name.
Give me a script, sir.
Look at all his films. He made Raja Rani.
We heard that he made it for 25 crores, and the money doubled.
Then he made Theri.
He made that for 75 crores, and the film grossed 150 crores.
Then came Shah Rukh bhai's film. The budget was 300 crores,
and the film grossed over 1000 crores. Do people come to you saying,
"Please take our money, 'cause you get better returns than a bank"?
Actually, even FDs don't give such good returns, sir.
Yeah, sir. That's what I'm saying. Give your money to me.
I'll return it three times.
-Three times? -Yeah, sir.
Guys, come to me.
Look at my research work.
Keerthy's mother Meneka ji was a film actor herself.
-She did more than 125 films. -Wow!
Her father Suresh Kumar ji is a film producer.
Her older sister Revathy is a VFX specialist.
-She handles the home production. -Yeah, sir.
Everyone in your family is linked to cinema.
So, did you get a newspaper at home, or movie scripts?
Actually, you missed my grandma.
After she saw all of us acting, she also started acting.
She's also interested now.
-What? -Yeah.
Which film has she done?
-Actually, she has-- -They don't sit idle at home.
They want to be in films.
She started in this film called Remo.
-It's a Tamil film of mine. -Yeah, I've heard of it. Yeah.
She was my grandmother in that, so…
She's very naughty. So she wanted to act.
Everyone in the family is an actor.
You could even host an award show within your family.
-Call some people from outside-- -There are only four or five people.
That's the actual number of people at an award show.
The rest are just cheat shots.
Atlee recently became a father. How old is your baby now?
One and a half years, sir.
-Congratulations, brother. -Thank you.
We have some Baby Johns.
-Little ones. -Yeah.
We want to see how well-trained you've become after becoming a father.
-Oh God! -Because Varun here
-made many big claims in the beginning. -Yes!
"I tuck the baby in. I know everything."
-No, I don't tuck her in-- -Diaper change.
Well, we're about to find out. Bring our little Baby Johns.
I'm so excited for this!
Come, Atlee sir. Come, Varun.
Let's see how many babies you can put a nappy on in 30 seconds. Okay?
Let me take off my jacket first.
-Ready. -Let's do it!
-Let's go. -Come on!
-Wait. -Okay, your time starts now!
Oh my!
-What kind of nappies are these? -Do it fast!
Yeah, Varun! Go!
These babies are stout.
-They all look wrong. -A father's job is not a race.
It needs care.
-Yes! -It needs love.
You can't do it like a factory.
Wow!
Varun was doing well in the beginning.
But when he saw Atlee had finished three, this is what he did!
-What is this? -Sir, this…
This makes it easier for the baby to take a poop.
I left it loose.
Even Atlee wrapped it around once or twice, then tucked it in like a lungi.
Yeah!
-But nice job! -That's good. See?
-Wow! -Take it away.
Good.
-But very smart. -The babies look so happy.
-They are happy. -Wow! I love this.
No, one of them was crying.
Do they also cry?
No, he's laughing.
-The baby says, "Varun won." -I see.
Wow.
-Come on, sir. -No!
No, but, genuinely, when I became a father…
Obviously, everyone is terrified. Everyone is scared and unaware at first.
I would ask Atlee sir for tips
and he would say, "Just support your wife."
-So true. -Whatever the wife says is right.
In my life, I've changed my boy's diaper three times.
My wife is an angel.
-She never lets me work on anything. -So sweet.
Oh! Jackie sir.
Love you! Love you, bhidus!
Fantastic, bhidu!
Holy smokes! You're too good.
"Holy smokes!"
You've done an excellent job, bhidu!
There's a huge demand in the market for just one director, Atlee!
Bhidu!
There is so much demand for Atlee that,
these days, people want sambar with Atlee, not idli.
They want tea with Atlee, not the kettle!
In fact, even on their wedding nights, people don't put the latch on.
-They put Atlee? -No, man, they put a lock.
What are you saying?
Varun, my boy. Love you, bhidu.
-Thank you, sir. -Amazing, bhidu. I love you.
I love you too.
I've got a big gift for you, Varun.
-Really? -Yes, one minute. Where is it?
What's that?
Here you go, bhidu. I got steel underwear for you.
And it's branded. Varunsace.
-Varunsace! -Why did you get steel underwear?
I watched his movie Bhediya.
Whenever he turned into a bhediya, his underwear would rip off first!
Mind-blowing!
I suggest you wear this steel underwear.
-Does it fit? -Honestly…
-Will you get into that? -I'll try.
Varun! Varun! Varun!
He is a superhero.
-Mass hero! -That is possible.
I was going to say, "Bhediya will split in half, but the underwear won't budge!"
Oh God.
Anyway, bhidu, what a coincidence! What a coincidence!
His film Baby John is getting released.
Even my film called Baby John is getting released.
-Dada… -Even that has some Varun Dhawan.
-Yeah? -It's the same film, Dada.
-It's the same film. -You're in the trailer.
If it's the same film, then why didn't you invite me?
Dada!
-I… -Why didn't you invite me?
Dada, are your pants made of steel?
-Oh my God. -What do you care?
Just answer me, bhidu. Why didn't you invite me?
Anyway, Kapil, I'm part of the cast.
-Atlee. Am I not? -Yes, sir.
Yes, sir. Of course.
I'm going to sit with them. You will have to interview me.
Come on. Ask me about my life.
Ask me how it feels to work with people in the industry.
-Ask me all that. -Too good!
Yeah!
Dada, how did you like working with Atlee--
He's a young talent. He's excellent. Ask me something else.
Ask me about someone else.
-How did you like working with Varun? -He's young, versatile, and dashing.
Ask me about someone else.
How did you like working with Archana ji?
What the-- Can't you look past her when it comes to other women?
Now that it's my turn, he's asking me about Archana Puran Singh!
But you keep looking in that direction.
You haven't looked at her even once!
Well, anyway, forget about it.
Bhidu, I…
-I noticed something about Varun. -What?
All your heroines have names that start with K.
You see? Bhediya, Kriti Sanon.
-Yeah! -Now look, Keerthy Suresh.
The day isn't far when he takes Kapil Sharma as his heroine! KS!
Dada, I'm a guy. How could I possibly be a heroine?
Now, when it's your turn, you call yourself a guy!
He turns everyone into a girl.
Men dress as women on this show. So…
What about all those times you made me wear a petticoat?
-Talking rubbish! -Dada!
-Let go of your anger. -Oh my God!
I'm losing my mind, bhidu.
Why are you here today?
I came to meet Varun, Kapil.
I see.
-Bhidu… -Why are you standing? Sit here.
Dada, tell me something. How do you mimic Krushna so well?
Not just that, I can even dance like Krushna!
I can do everything.
But that's not Krushna's dance, Dada.
-Bhidu… -Ouch!
That was fun. Love you, bhidu.
-Varun, I… -Sir, you also mimic Pathaan.
Like this.
I can do everything.
I have everything you ask for. I have an entire menu.
Dada, you can also mimic Govinda!
I've been doing that for 18 years and have built bungalows for myself.
Dada, get back to the script. Your mustache is about to fall off!
Yes, bhidu. So…
What was I saying?
-Varun. -Yes, sir.
I saw that in Bhediya, the bhediya possesses you
and you transform into something with intense passion.
My Tiger went into the jungle yesterday, flipping through the air.
And even he got bitten by a bhediya.
I'm really worried for him. Only you can fix him now.
Tiger!
Oh my God!
Tiger!
-Hi, Dad. Hi. -Tiger, my child.
You saw my flips?
-Yeah, we did. We did. -You saw that?
-Yeah. -It gets very exhausting, you know?
When I keep doing it.
You know, these flips? Not everyone can do it, and I just can't lose it.
Yeah. How's it going?
-Good? Yeah? All good? -Very good.
-What's up, brother? -How are you?
-I'm good. -Varun!
Tiger, my child! You are Tiger!
You should be roaring. Why are you howling?
Dad, I don't know what's happening to me.
I just can't master a tiger's roar,
and I can't lose this bhediya's howl!
Something's happening to me, Dad.
-Don't worry. I-- -Something's happening to me.
Don't be scared, bhidu.
Look, Varun is right here. The entire cast is right here.
Entire? There are just four of them.
Come on, Dad. You can't do a basic calculation.
Are you a little child?
Did you get bitten by a werewolf or a donkey?
Holy smokes!
-Holy smokes! -Hey! Dad, what are you doing?
-What are you doing, Dad? -Didn't I give you a jhaad?
-Yes, you did. -So now, I'm watering it.
It's well known that whenever there's a jhaad,
-I make sure to water it, bhidu! -Yeah!
-Bhidu. -Okay, Dad.
While you are busy planting trees,
your son is slowly turning into a bhediya.
Hey!
My God! That smile!
Hey! Why are you so happy?
Because when Varun Dhawan turned into a bhediya,
he got Kriti Sanon.
Maybe when I turn into a bhediya,
I will get Wamiqa Gabbi.
Maybe with Wamiqa Gabbi, I can get lovey-dovey.
Maybe I can be Wamiqa Gabbi's hubby.
Oh God.
Perhaps Wamiqa Gabbi will smack you in the gut with her sandal!
And perhaps Varun Dhawan will end your life!
You are not even a fake Tiger!
Enough, Dad! Enough! I've had enough.
Now be quiet!
Be quiet.
You're howling again.
Got bitten by a werewolf!
You should have been bitten by a sheep.
We'd at least get wool from you.
We could have made sweaters and sold them in Kashmir.
-Unbelievable. -Bravo, Dad!
That's some logic you have!
So if you need eggs, are you going to have chickens bite me?
Bhidu, you're my child.
Do you really think I would get you bitten by chickens for just five rupees?
Thank you, Dad.
What thank you? I want a buffalo to bite you instead!
So you can produce 12 liters of milk every day!
Just imagine the annual turnover!
And Tiger's milk will sell for a high price, bhidu.
-Oh God! -Oh God!
-Look at him. He's still like… -Bhidu.
Varun, something's happening to me.
-What is happening? -Something's happening on the inside.
-It's gas. -Gas.
No, no!
I feel something happening to me like a werewolf.
-What's happening? -Something's happening here.
-Here? -No, up here.
-Here? -Over here.
-Here? -Here. Over here.
-Here? -Yeah, behind.
-Here? Here? -Go lower. Lower.
Where are you taking me?
Something's happening to me, Dad.
Wait a minute. Bhidu!
What is this?
What happened?
Oh my God!
-Bhidu, tail! -Tell what? Tell who?
No, bhidu. I mean tail.
-Tell what? -Tell what?
You've grown a tail!
Where is it?
Does a tail grow out of the skull?
Look behind you. You've grown a tail!
-Where? -Here!
-Where? -Over there! Look!
-Where? -Here.
-Dad. -Did you get bitten by a bhediya or a dog?
-What are you… -Something's happening to me, Dad.
Something's happening to me.
Bhidu…
Oh my goodness!
Oh my God!
Dad. You like it, Dad?
Should I bite you?
No, you're my child.
My child, bhidu!
What happened?
Hey!
Aren't you ashamed to give your father a love bite?
Aren't you ashamed?
In front of all these esteemed guests sitting here, bhidu…
What just happened?
-Dad. -Bhidu!
-What's wrong? -Something's happening to me, bhidu.
-Bhidu, I… -Oh God!
-Come here, Dad. -What's wrong with me?
-What… -Let's go hunting!
At least let my tail grow out first!
Varun… bhidu.
Look, two bhediyas have gathered here.
Aren't you doing Bhediya 2?
I'm telling you, put on a tail and we'll pitch Bhediya 3 to Netflix!
-One, two, three. -Okay?
And let's make a promo for Netflix. Where is the tail?
We only have to howl, Varun.
-Here. It's easy. -It's easy?
-It's easy. -Put it on properly.
Just like the way you howled.
Teach us too.
Should we do a profile?
-How… -Your tail is kind of…
What happened?
Hey!
The other way.
First of all, you wear your pants so low!
-One, two, three… -One, two, three…
Bhidu, I'm not sure when Bhediya 3 will be made,
-but Baby John is bound to be a super hit! -It will get made.
You have our best wishes, bhidu.
-Love you, guys. -Thank you.
-Love you.
Love you, Atlee!
Bye, guys.
Let's go from here. Come on!
-Thank you. -Let's go from here.
Let's go.
-Let's play a game, Atlee sir. -Yes.
You have to pick a card. There will be two options.
-Truth or dare. -Okay.
We'll place an object in front of you based on the card you choose.
Varun, your turn.
Here you go. Dare.
-Dare. -Dare!
-I love it that you got dare! -I don't…
-Varun, you have to do a pole dance. -No…
There's no pole here.
-We want-- -Why not?
Look at the audience.
You can't say no to them.
We want a pole dance!
But where's the pole?
Take the T-shirt off.
Wow!
Too good!
I've not seen a boy's pole dance. First time I'm seeing one. Oh my God!
-Wow! -Too good.
Most entertaining, sir.
How many girls' pole dances have you seen?
I think I…
Ma'am, we are film-makers. We have to entertain.
-We have a different eye. -I see. Okay.
So, if we want to entertain the audience,
we need to find what other dances are there.
Yes.
-Research, ma'am. R&D. -Only research!
-R&D. -Only R&D.
Nothing… Nothing for myself, ma'am.
-No. Yeah. -Only for the public.
-So smartly you covered, sir. -Yeah!
-Good cover-up. -Yeah, sir. What a comeback!
-Okay, Keerthy. Your turn now. -Dangerous pole dance.
No, I could have gone more rounds.
Truth.
Who did you have a crush on?
I can name anyone?
-You say it. Say it. -Anyone. Not an actor.
-Oh, anyone? -Say it.
Shahid Kapoor.
-Shahid Kapoor. -Oh, wow!
My, God.
Atlee sir, it's your turn.
-Okay, let me do one thing. -Okay.
-I will pick it up for you.
Dare. See?
-You saw it, right? -No, I didn't see it.
Sir, people want your dance.
He's a really good dancer.
-Yes! -We will dance, sir.
-Yes! -He's a very good dancer.
Come on, sir!
Come on, sir.
Okay, I will copy you.
I'll copy you.
Superb!
Amazing!
-My God! -Wow!
Thank you, sir.
Such an entertainer he is!
He should be in front of the camera, not just behind the camera.
-Soon! Something is coming soon. -Correct.
Wamiqa picked dare.
-Dare! -Dare!
Here's your dare.
We'll call a guy from the audience, and you have to flirt with him.
-You have to come up with your own lines. -Superb!
Come, sir.
Are you married yet?
-No. -Do you want to get married?
-He's so embarrassed. -What is your name?
-Raja Khan. -Raja Khan!
-Where are you from? -Pratapgarh.
-Pratapgarh. Raja Khan. -Raja Khan sahab from Pratapgarh.
Swallow the tobacco in your mouth.
Even I was wondering the same!
Raja--
He looks like he'll be gone with the wind!
Raja…
I have never flirted with anyone before.
But you have forced me to flirt with you today.
Say something.
-I've written something. I'll just-- -Where?
Did you write it on a wall?
You mean poetry? I see!
I want to dedicate it to you.
-Okay. Please do. -Okay. Go ahead.
Spare me a glance If you ever have the time
Look at her, not us.
-Spare me a glance-- -No.
Spare me a glance If you ever have the time
It's as if the moon itself Has descended to Earth
Wow!
Get a haircut If you ever have the time
It's as if A tree is growing out of your hair
-Thank you, Raja Khan. -No.
Anything else you want to say to her?
-Raja, you have nice hair. Don't cut it. -Wow!
-Thank you, ma'am. -All the best, brother.
-Thank you. Thank you so much. -All the best.
All the best, Raja.
Thank you so much.
Good luck, brother.
It's time to invite the director of Baby John on stage.
Please welcome Mr. Kalees!
-Sir, new haircut! -Thank you so much.
-Hello, Mr. Kalees. Welcome! -Hi.
-Thank you. My pleasure. -A big round of applause for the director!
Kalees, do you want to sit with Atlee sir or do you want to sit with your heroines?
-No, with my friend. -Friend. Okay.
-Aren't we your friends? -Another sofa's on the way.
Kalees, it's your first Hindi movie?
Yeah, sir.
So, in your first Hindi movie, you worked with Varun, Wamiqa,
Keerthy, and Salman sir also.
Wow, I'm so impressed. You worked so hard to meet me.
Nice.
Sir, you said you practiced Hindi. Are you gonna…
How are you, sir?
Sir, the movie you did before this was called Kee.
-Yes. -Yes.
-You did that five years ago. -Yes.
Are you from a political family since you only show up every five years?
No, sir. We're a magical family, sir.
You know, magical things happen…
They don't happen immediately. It takes time.
-We are very special. -Seems like you shaved in a hurry today.
-You missed a spot here. -Thank you.
It's looking nice.
But, sir, your fans have said since he's the director
and you are the producer of the film-- Well, you are also a director.
You make all the actors work.
These are some dialogues they want to hear from you.
Hindi dialogues, sir.
-Come on, sir. -Listen. Yeah? Let's go.
See one dialogue is from your movie only, sir.
"Deal with the father before laying a finger on the son."
"Deal the…"
"Deal with the father before laying a finger on the son."
"Once, a farmer in a village…"
Okay. First, I will say in Tamil…
-Yes. -Okay.
…in which I am very comfortable. And I wrote this dialogue in Tamil.
"Deal with the father before laying a finger on the son."
"Deal the…"
"Deal with…"
"Deal with the father…"
-"…before laying a finger on the son." -"…before laying a finger on the son."
Wow! Sit, sir.
-Full expression and all! -Atlee sir.
Sir, I didn't go to school because of this.
When someone asks me to say something, I can't.
I will say one dialogue, okay? You just have to repeat.
-Okay. -"Mangal's blood…"
"Mangal's blood…"
"…is not like lemon soda…"
"…which you can just uncork and gulp down."
"…which you can just uncork and…"
-"Gulp down." -"…gulp down."
I did it.
-I passed it. I passed the exam. -Wow! Nice!
That was a lengthy dialogue.
Sir, beware of my team.
-Yes. -They are very dangerous.
-Hurry up, sir. Please. -Yes.
"When you drape a white sari and sport a red bindi…"
-What-- -Sir, it's too much.
What? Too much?
Make it shorter, sir.
"Make it shorter"!
-"When you drape…" -Should we use a skirt instead of a sari?
"…a white sari and sport a red bindi…"
Sir, it's very easy.
"When you drape a white sari…"
-Sir. Say it, sir. -"When you sport a red bindi…"
"When you…" -"When you sport a red bindi…"
"When you sport a red bindi…"
-"…I swear…" -"…I swear…"
-"…you look like an ambulance." -"…you look like an ambulance."
-Kalees sir! -Sir, it's hot.
-Too good! -Okay, Atlee sir. The last one.
-God! -Sir.
We will-- This is called role reversal.
Let me say a Tamil dialogue, and let them repeat it.
-Yes! -Okay.
-Yes! Yes! -Okay.
-It's a famous Rajinikanth dialogue. -Oh, Rajini sir!
"The way you demolished my house…"
-"The way you demolished my house…" -"The way you demolished my house…"
-Super, sir! Very good! -Super!
-Oh, that wasn't… -"The way you demolished my house…"
-"The way you demolished my house…"
"…if I don't demolish your house…"
Heard that?
Nice, sir.
Sir, the show is a hit in the South as well.
-Oh, wow! Superb! -Particularly this episode, sir.
Superb. This is going to be.
Atlee sir, I know you have several stories that inspire people.
Do you have anything to tell our audience?
-Kutty story, sir. -Kutty story.
-Yes. -Wow.
A kutty story means a short story
with one good moral.
Today, I will tell you a kutty story. It will only take two minutes.
But it will have two morals. Okay?
There is a rich man who is driving his car in his estate.
When he is about to enter his estate, he sees a beggar
who is wearing thin clothes, and it's snowing and it's windy.
So he gets down and says, "Why are you in a single cloth?"
"Don't you have a blanket?"
He says, "No."
"Okay. Wait here. Let me go in and bring you a blanket."
He gets into his home. He sees his kid. He sees his pet.
Home stress, family stress, talks, dinner. At night, he slept off.
In the morning, he thinks, "Oh!"
"Yesterday night, I promised that guy outside."
Then he takes a blanket, rushes outside and sees that the beggar is dead.
So, in this, there are two morals.
If you can't do something, don't promise anyone.
True.
Okay?
And the second moral…
the guy would have survived with his hope and trust within him.
When he trusted someone,
when he depended on someone, he lost himself.
So, never allow anyone to come into your life.
Don't depend on them.
-Wow. -You depend on your wife, mother, and kid.
-Wow. -They will give their life for you.
-Yeah. -But don't depend on any fake promises.
I'm saying this out of my experience in the system.
So, this is what I want to communicate to the next generation.
-Lovely! -The best!
Mithun Da!
Mithun Da?
-Ever seen a dancer like me? -No.
Can anyone dance like me?
Yes, Dada. He's right here.
-He can dance? -Yes.
Can anyone do action like me?
Yes. He can.
I see.
Can anyone do romance like me?
He can do it.
I see.
Here you go then.
What is it?
It's the electricity bill.
Why are you giving it to him?
If he can do everything that I do, then he can do this as well.
He can pay the electricity bill.
What is going on?
You are getting furious, Dada.
Well, absolutely!
It's okay, Dada. Why don't you dance it off? You will feel better.
Are you kidding me?
Dance it off? Play the music at least.
Finally, I feel zihaal-e-miskeen makun ba-ranjish.
-What was that? -I'm feeling better.
Varun, you did a movie called Coolie No. 1.
You know, even my kulli is number one.
Which film is that?
It's not a film. My kulli is number one.
I can do a kulli and spit six feet away.
-Kulli! -I do kulli with my mouth.
-Kulli! -I will sling my kulli from here.
-No! -It will fall right across you.
-No. Hey, Dada! -Do you doubt me?
Do you doubt me?
Dada, turn the other way.
Here's the thing about kulli.
It drips on its way out, and it also drips on its way back.
-At least you would know this. -"At least!"
-"At least." -"At least."
Dada, why are you doing this? What is this action?
Forget that action. Look at this.
Does it look nice for someone your age to be doing that?
Hey!
I'm doing this because my underwear is tight.
I bought a new one.
It's practicing to hold on to the body.
It will grab on eventually.
At least you would know.
-You know… -"At least"!
At least you would know, sir.
-What? -Just one moment, sir.
How to make jawan?
Jawan?
Homeopathy, allopathy, or Ayurveda? What will keep you jawan?
Dada, Jawan is a film. He made a film.
Oh, my mistake. Sir, please sit.
You sit, sir.
Varun, I want to ask you.
In Baby John, you cast Jaggu Dada.
What problem did you have with casting Mithun Dada?
Jaggu’s Dada suits you, but Mithun's Dada doesn't suit you.
-Tell me. -Dada, Varun doesn't do the casting.
Why are you troubling him?
My mistake. Sit.
At least you would know about it!
"At least"!
-You took Jaggu sir. -At least.
-Jaggu Dada is in the film. -Yeah.
Why is there a problem with my Dada?
I have already worked with Jaggu Dada in a Tamil film,
Bigil, so I wanted to repeat it.
Why don't you work with Mithun Dada in a Tamil film?
Dada, you are pestering our guests now.
What pestering them?
If you have a problem, I will leave!
Dada, if you are in a bad mood, then dance it off. You will feel better.
Are you kidding me?
Mood? Play some music first.
Finally, I feel zihaal-e-miskeen makun ba-ranjish.
-What do you mean? -It means that I'm enjoying this.
What are you doing here, Dada?
What kind of guy are you?
You don't know what I am here for?
-What? -I've come to trade punches.
Dada, who will trade punches here? This is a comedy show.
I've been asking, "Are you kidding me?" You should have said, "Yes, we are!"
-Well, we are kidding! -I've been asking for so long.
-He's unbelievable! -Right. You got a point!
You should have mentioned earlier that everyone is joking here.
Now, I'll show you some real comedy.
Bring out the props.
Today, I'm going to do stand-up.
-No. -First time-
-Stand-up comedy, sir. -He means stand-up comedy.
I will tell a joke.
You said "stand-up" and they were standing up.
-They almost stood up. -They thought--
They thought "stand up".
You sit down, I do stand-up.
So…
I will crack a joke on everyone…
-Mic. Mic. Mic. -Hey!
I will crack…
He moved. The character moved.
I will crack a joke and all of you…
Oh my God!
The joke will make you laugh…
Each and every individual…
It's going to be a lot of fun!
-Superb. -Amazing.
-What's wrong? Can't you hear me? -No.
Yes, Dada. You move away from the mic at times.
Curse you, little wreck!
Oh God!
-Okay. My first stand-up joke… -Yes.
-…will be on Netflix. -I see.
-Okay. -I was in a lift.
-Okay. -And someone from Netflix was also there.
My hand brushed lightly against that guy from Netflix.
-Then? -I got furious.
I said, "I will see you!"
He was delighted and gave me a hug.
He said, "I've gained another viewer."
Look at their faces.
Atlee sir, I will send you the translation of this later.
And Kalees sir is enjoying this joke so much,
I can't tell you!
I don't know. Just figuring it out.
If that lady is laughing, you also laugh.
-That is the cue. -Cue.
Yes, I'm looking at her.
-When she laughs, you laugh. -Yes, sir.
But I have seen one thing, sir.
She laughs more at his jokes.
-You are laughing more at his jokes. -No.
Well, that's all right. There's nothing to worry about.
I always travel with my laughing guy.
Play it!
Look, brother!
This guy won't fall for any tricks! This guy won't fall for any tricks!
Whether they laugh or not This Sardar will always get his kicks!
My God!
Bravo!
That's him.
Enough.
-Archana ji. -Yes?
-Too good! -There's nothing to worry about.
Okay.
Since this is Kapil's show, my second joke will be on Kapil.
-Okay. -Amazing.
Once someone invited Kapil over on a weekend.
I see.
At five o'clock in the evening, but Kapil arrived at eight o'clock.
-Do you know why? -Why?
Because on Saturdays, Kapil arrives at eight!
Right? Play it!
-Clap! -One, two, three, four!
-Wait. -Very good.
The next joke is on Varun.
Okay.
Varun once bought a house in a village.
-Do you know what he named it? -What?
-Varun Bhawan. Get that? Hit it! -Varun Bhawan!
Four, five, six! Let's go!
Okay, enough.
-Sir. -Good one.
-At least one joke on you! -At least!
-"At least." -"At least."
Yours is an action film.
So, a man was walking
when someone shot him four times from behind.
However, there were only three bullet wounds.
Where did the fourth bullet hit?
Where?
The fourth bullet hit the mark!
Dirty!
-Dirty! -Why dirty?
What mark did you think, sir?
I didn't think anything, sir.
-Okay. -Don't get me wrong.
Now, sir, before I leave…
Everybody, this is a mathematical thing.
-I will say "ha." -Ha!
-Next time, you add a "ha" to it. -Okay.
-Ha-ha! -Add another "ha" to it,
-and then add one more "ha." -Okay.
-Okay? Every time, you add another "ha." -Yes.
Create your very own Archana Puran Singh from the comfort of your home!
Oh God!
This is not good, Kapil.
Not good at all.
-What? -This thing that you did.
-What? -What did he do?
-You made me angry. -Why?
Yes, you won't play the song until I don't get angry.
Are you angry, Dada?
We mixed it up.
This is…
Dada, why are you getting angry?
I'm angry because you won't play the music until I get angry!
I won't get a chance to dance.
Dada, fix your mood. Dance it off.
Keep watching The Great Indian Kapil Show.
Kalees sir!
Come here.
A big round of applause for the entire cast of Baby John!
For director sahab and producer sahab!
Thank you so much for coming here today.
We had a lot of fun.
Lots of best wishes for Baby John.
-Thank you. -Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Atlee, you were the superstar of this whole show today.
I really enjoyed.
When we got the information
that Kapil Sharma's team is ready to do a show on us,
my wife, who is the producer of the film,
she said, "This one show will take your film everywhere in the world."
-How sweet! Thank you. -Thank you.
Our country really needs your show.
-Thank you. Thank you, bhai. -I mean it.
Genuinely, people forget all their worries.
They let go of all their stress and tension.
Everyone experiences stress in their life.
I just came here and laughed.
-Thank you. Thank you, bhai. -Thank you so much.
-Absolutely. My jaw has been hurting. -That's right.
-All three of us. -We are talking about it.
-It's been hurting. -Our jaw is hurting.
-Thank you for inviting us. -Thank you.
-Keep entertaining the people like this. -Thank you so much.
-Thank you. -Thank you.
Give a big round of applause for our guests!
Friends, the second season of The Great Indian Kapil Show ends today.
Thank you very much for all your love.
Keep laughing, keep smiling.
Stay happy and spread happiness to others.
We'll see you soon in the next season.
Until then, good night, goodbye, God bless.
Thank you so much!
Thank you!