Come on, Max. Hey.
Yes. Come on. HE CLICKS TONGUE
Western Australians are fiercely proud of their way of life,
and they're not shy about telling you that this is
the greatest place on Earth - and always has been.
But apart from the white sand beaches
and the rolling surf and the endless sunshine
and the abundant produce and fine wines and artisan beers,
not to mention the high wages and the low population density
and the all-pervading sense of opportunity,
what exactly is it about the WA lifestyle that's so attractive?
DING
If you think you know Australia, think again.
Because there's an even wilder...
Here we go.
Phwoar!
...weirder...
Even the kookaburras are embarrassed.
...and more wonderful version of the land down under...
I don't think there's anywhere like this on Earth.
...and it's in the west.
There's so much space here.
You could put 13 Britains into West Australia.
Let me take you there.
Imagine a land of giants...
You look like Bill.
Yeah, you look like Luc.
...of alien landscapes.
I mean, where else in the world can you see a waterfall in the ocean?
whoa-ho!
...and a bunch of characters you won't find anywhere else on Earth.
Well, if you're Space Gandalf, I'll be...
What'll I be? Space Gimli.
PLAYS KEYTAR
# You play so fine! #
I know - sounds too good to be true. But it's not.
This is the real Western Australia right here. Oh, yeah.
I come in peace.
Because here it is - the most remarkable part
of this great southern land is the western bit. Who knew?
In our DNA, we want this. We want to be amongst this.
Western Australia cracks open your soul.
This Western Australian Adventure is a chance to explore
the unique nature of this massive state.
It's an odyssey to meditate on this vast landscape
while the road unfurls before me
and I immerse myself in quiet contemplation.
My car, though, has other ideas.
BEEPING
The car... The car's just saying, "Go back, go back!
"Go back! Go back to civilisation! There's nothing for you here!"
BEEPING CONTINUES
This is insane. CAR: Arrived at Gnomesville.
Yes, I know. I don't need you to tell me that -
there's BLEEP gnomes everywhere!
This is Gnomesville.
Apparently, it started out that somebody had a gnome, it broke,
and what they did was they left it outside their house to be fixed,
and then someone fixed it, but mysteriously.
It just became fixed overnight.
Word got out about this, and more people brought their gnomes here.
And then eventually more and more gnomes -
and look what's happened.
They've proliferated. They have bred.
KOOKABURRA LAUGHS And now...
...even the kookaburras are embarrassed.
Oh, my God.
This is just...deranged.
These tiny statues are left as mementos for loved ones.
Because nothing says "I love you," like an unblinking ceramic imp.
I've got to say, if that was my family, I'd be really annoyed.
Like, I'm hoping for a massive statue of myself.
You know, like a Greek God,
with a boulder on my back like a giant, like, Atlas.
And a massive shrine and lights
and people just weeping daily,
"Oh, my God, he's died, he's died!"
That's what I'm hoping for, not...
Not this.
So what I'm going to do is I'm going to leave a gnome.
I've brought a gnome, I'm going to write on it,
and then I'm going to leave it as a mark of respect, like I've...
I'm taking part, you know? I'm contributing.
All right, let's see if he's got any of his mates. There we go.
I'll stick him down here.
Yeah, see? Look.
"Help me!"
Let's get out of here.
With the car behaving itself,
I'm exploring the south-east of Western Australia,
from the artisanal hub of Margaret River,
to the buzzing metropolis that is the state capital in Perth.
It's here where the Indian and Southern Oceans crash together
in a salty standoff.
In Australia, this spectacular landscape is referred to
simply as the bush, and spending time in it is a rite of passage.
I've come to the Boranup Forest near Cape Leeuwin.
This unique pocket of national park was reborn 120 years ago
after the area was decimated by logging.
Hello! Oh, hello! How you going? Hi, Bill. Welcome. Lovely to meet you.
This is Gary, who's come up with an ingenious eco-friendly bit of kit.
Let me introduce you to the world's first electric quad bike.
Come on, we'll get you suited up and we'll get you out in the forest and see what you think.
OK. All right, let's go.
OK.
OK, Bill, let's go.
QUAD BEEPS
whoa-ho! HE CHUCKLES
It's lively!
Yes, you heard correctly, these are electric quad bikes.
Just listen to them...
QUIET WHIR Um...
...whir, I suppose.
You can just smell the aroma of the eucalyptus.
It's just overpowering.
It's this intoxicating sense of where we are.
I don't think there's anywhere like this on Earth.
This kind of forest, this kind of landscape
doesn't really exist anywhere else.
No, it doesn't. It only exists in the Boranup Forest.
That's why the Boranup Forest is called the jewel
of Leeuwin Naturaliste National Park.
So it only exists in this little pocket around here.
Gary, what are these tress here? They're absolutely huge.
These are called karri trees. Yeah. Eucalyptus diversicolor. Right.
They're arguably the tallest tree in the world.
They grow to 80, 90 metres tall,
and they're also known as a widow-maker,
because they regularly drop their limbs as they grow taller.
So, yeah, if you hear a big crash or a creaking sound, run.
Just run? Yeah. Any direction. Doesn't matter.
Right, OK.
Widow-maker? That's the Kalashnikov, isn't it?
A tree named after the AK-477?
This country is not for the faint-hearted!
What's this one here, this little one?
That one in front of us there, that's a peppermint tree.
You can use the leaves to wash your hands
and disinfect your hands. And if you rub the leaves,
it's got a wonderful peppermint smell. Really strong. Oh.
I'll probably get my licence taken off me by the park managers
for desecrating... Oh, yeah, exactly. No, say I did it.
Yeah, that's right. "Yeah, Bill Bailey made me do it."
Righto, so grab some of these guys. OK. Yeah.
Now just scrunch it up.
Smell that.
I mean, that's just...
God, that's such a strong smell, isn't it?
Lovely, isn't it? Yeah. It's like...
I'd have aftershave made of that. There you go.
It's really good, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, that's...
It's what they call now native botanicals.
And they infuse things like gin
and all sorts of stuff with these native flavours. Yeah.
Yeah. I can just imagine that in a gin and tonic actually. I just...
Absolutely. Is it five o'clock?
Well, it must be somewhere.
Yeah. OK, let's go. THEY CHUCKLE
I mean, this is just absolute classic Australian bush.
Beautiful tall gum trees spreading out
as far as the eye can see.
You can hear magpies, butcherbirds.
I mean, this is just beautiful.
Best trip to a G&T ever.
No sign of Gary, so it'll be a cheaper round, then!
Just south of Cape Leeuwin is this historic corner
of Western Australia. The local indigenous people,
the Wadandi Boodja, call it Wooditjup,
or "the meeting place between land and sea."
In the 1830s, the British explorer John Garrett Bussell thought
he could improve on "meeting place between land and sea."
He said, "I'll name it after my second cousin, Margaret."
So on the map Wooditjup now goes by the name of Margaret River.
Just a few miles inland, it's also home to some mighty fine wines.
About ten years ago, I heard about a bottle of wine
called the Bill Bailey Shiraz,
and I've always been intrigued to know why a bottle of wine
made on the other side of the world bears my name.
Well, today I've come to the Brown Hill winery,
where the Bill Bailey Shiraz is made, to get the full story.
Well, we're in the right place.
There's a lot of Bill Bailey barrels.
Hello! Oh, g'day, Bill. Hey. How are you? Nice to meet you.
Nathan, is it? Yes, it is.
Well, I was just wondering, am I in the right place?
But clearly I am! You are in the right place!
THEY CHUCKLE
Yeah, there's about 3,000 litres of Bill Bailey here.
Roughly 4,000 bottles.
I heard about this wine years ago,
probably more than ten years ago now. Yep.
And I was intrigued by it.
The name comes from my uncle.
Yeah, my uncle Bill. Right.
Yeah, he was sort of the glue that tied
the whole family together. He was quite unique.
When he passed away, I thought, this wine is so nice,
I'm going to name it after him. Right.
And now he's immortalised...
He is immortalised. ..in wine.
When I tell them that it's named after my uncle, they sort of go,
"Oh. OK." "Ah, OK!"
So they all think it's named after you.
Oh, right. There you go! THEY LAUGH
Drop of Bill Bailey.
THEY LAUGH
Let's give it a go.
Oh, yeah. This is delicious.
I'll give you some tasting notes on Bill Bailey.
It's got, like, a big forehead. Ah...
NATHAN CHUCKLES It's complex.
Couple of notes of, um...
Couple of musical notes in there. And, um...
...it's got a good heart.
It's kind. Good finish.
What it needs is a nice big juicy steak.
It does. It does.
I guess you're not a vegetarian, Bill?
Um, I'm a postmodern vegetarian.
Oh, right. Which means I only eat anything that,
you know, lives in water.
OK. Or near water, like cows.
Oh, right, yeah! THEY LAUGH
I'm glad I finally learned the story of the Bill Bailey wine,
and the fact it's delicious is a relief.
If there's a Bill Bailey cheese, I'll die a happy man.
Nathan has also imparted some local knowledge.
As I venture north, the soil will turn red,
its nutrients scorched under the harsh WA sun.
So while I'm in this lush southern corner,
there's still a chance to get some rich, dark earth
under my fingernails.
This is fertile ground, like my West Country roots,
and my new best friend is a good boy named Max,
who has a finely tuned nose and a taste for leather boots.
Max also has a nose for the good life,
and I mean that literally.
With his humans, Mel and Gavin, they've built up
one of the world's great truffle farms.
Helped by Max, the earth gives up its nuggets
of black gold for export far and wide.
This is our orchard.
We've got oaks and hazelnut trees in here.
The truffles grow on the roots of those.
At this time of year - winter, obviously, cos it's raining -
they ripen and we use dogs to find them.
They've got an amazing aroma, amazing flavour...
I know about that! ..and that's what the dogs are seeking out.
He's not bothered about digging.
Yeah, no, no, he's not interested in digging them up.
No. Find it, buddy. Go on.
He's got one. Oh, that's a...
Jackpot! Look at the size of this one!
Call that a truffle? Oh-ho!
This is the...Koh-1-Noor of truffles.
It's the size of a flipping tennis ball! Look at that.
Whoa, my goodness. Jackpot!
Well done, Max. Cor!
I hear what you're thinking - what's so WA about truffles?
Having made its name mining gold,
iron ore and minerals from the Earth,
Western Australia is now earning a fortune form precious fungi too.
This place just keeps on giving.
That's a pretty good size of a truffle.
I mean, do they get much bigger than that?
Yeah, they can do. What's the biggest one you've ever got?
Ah, 998 grams is the biggest truffle we've ever dug up.
What?! It was about the size of Max's head.
BILL LAUGHS And it was the shape of
a light bulb. It was in the soil...
It went to a children's charity auction in Singapore,
and I think it went for...
It was a few years ago now. It was about US $68,000.
That's £52,000!
Yeah, you got yourself a bone for that there, Max. Well done.
There you go. Where's your bag of dreams?
Bag of dreams! Yep.
There you go. Lovely.
Wet dogs are also very good at cleaning your hands.
Oh, yeah! THEY LAUGH
Sorry, mate! I don't want to...
Are you a chocolate Labrador now?
Don't want to use you as a towel, but, you know.
Fine wines and rich truffles tempt me to stay,
but the north beckons, and the city of Perth,
named after the austere Scottish version.
Oh, they love a renaming, those explorers.
For 45,000 years, the locals called it lyrical names like Mooro,
Beeloo and Beeliar.
But now the state capital is just...
...Perth.
Perth is known as the most remote city on Earth,
but not in a bad way.
Being isolated has its advantages.
Take music. While the rest of the world embraces The Weeknd,
Dua Lipa and Lady Gaga,
Perth has defiantly declared itself a proud child of the '80s.
Not only is Perth the state capital of West Australia,
it's also the undisputed capital
of progressive rock for an entire continent,
thanks to the presence of epic synth metal tigers,
keytar-shredding progsters,
Eurovision conquerors, Voyager.
Voyager smashed it at the Eurovision finals in 2023,
representing guest entrants Australia with their song Promise.
CHATTER
ANNOUNCER: Australia!
CHEERING
For extra '80s flair, they brought along this design classic,
a 1988 Toyota MR2...
...in which I get to go for a spin with lead singer Danny Estrin.
Do you like living here?
I haven't always liked it. I didn't like it as a teenager.
I thought it was boring and dull,
and I wanted to live in cool places like Melbourne and Berlin,
and all that sort of stuff. But now I love it.
I'm a big, big pro-Perth guy. I love it.
People have a good standard of living and... They do.
...people are looked after, by and large, you know...
Yeah, absolutely. And like, you know, Eurovision, for instance,
Tourism WA helped us with funding, the Western Australian
and the Australian government helped us with funding. Ah!
Which other country does the government fund
a heavy metal band going to Eurovision?
That's pretty crazy. Yeah, I know!
But 20-o0dd years of prog metal magic can't come from just one man.
Oh, hello! Hey! Hey!
Look what the cat dragged in, eh? Hey! Hello!
Wow, look, you're already rehearsing and everything.
Yeah. Ready to go. Good to go.
So I just want to ask you about Eurovision, how it all came about?
It's just one those kind of surreal things that if someone had told us
25 years ago that we were going to be playing Eurovision,
a Perth progressive, epic, power-pop metal band...
I mean, you're quite remote here, a bit out on a limb.
Yeah. That's right. I think that's actually why it's forced bands
in Perth to become so...
...I guess, so big in their sound, because we've...
I mean, when we were growing up, it was Sweden... Yeah.
...and Scandinavia were the ones that we were looking to
to craft our sound. Yeah. And, you know, it just forced everyone
to level up in our own back yard. Someone did a PhD thesis
on whether there was an Australian heavy metal sound,
and I think the answer, the conclusion was no.
"You've wasted your life." THEY LAUGH
"Years and years of studying! Oh"
I did say I was going to do this. This is a little treat for you. OK.
Over the years of me touring Australia,
I ask my audiences, "Are there any metal bands in?"
And if they say "Yes," I say, "What's the name?"
And I've collected a few just for your pleasure. Ooh!
You might even know some of these. All right, here's a few.
Dissonant Bliss.
Ooh, that's a good one. That's a good one, right? That's a good one.
Yeah. I like that. The bliss of dissonance. Bliss-onance!
OK, here's another one.
OK, here's a good one - Chronolyth.
Ooh! LAUGHTER
Edgy! That's great. It's good, though, right?
That's a really good name! It sounds like something...
Yeah, but it's not. ..but it's just rubbish.
Chronological monolith! It's just nonsense. It's gibberish.
It's like a stone clock that doesn't work.
Oh, no, this might be the next one.
Heavy Tits.
THEY LAUGH
Anyone know them?
No! I've had some experience, yeah.
That might have just been a heckle.
THEY LAUGH
Well, I got to hang out with Voyager.
What a great bunch they were. What fun that was.
A fantastic embodiment of a West Australian success story -
Perth band, struggling for years and years,
they get a bit of success, a record deal here, an album here,
and all of that hard work pays off at Eurovision.
THEY JAM
# Oh, damn!
# You play so fine! #
And now they're getting the recognition
and the attention that they have earned
and which they deserve. I am so happy for them.
What a brilliant bunch they are.
And I got to play the keytar on the back of my neck!
I mean, that has never been done. I just want to say that now.
I have never seen a keytar being played on the back of the head.
That could be a first. On television, at least.
So I will now die a happy man.
Thank you, Voyager. Keep rocking!
We're Heavy Tits, thank you.
THEY LAUGH
I knew that was going to come in!
Would the owner of a blue Ford Cortina
please remove it from the... LAUGHTER
KEYTAR PLAYS
# You play so fine! #
All right.
There it is - Perth, the City of Light.
It's quite a unique place in many ways.
You know, there's a lot of money in the city,
there's a lot of mining money.
Um, I think it's got the most number of millionaires...
...anywhere in Australia.
But it's also got the most number of serial killers.
So...
...maybe those two things are connected. I don't know.
Perth's got some quite famous alumni -
Heath Ledger, our own Ben Elton has made his home here -
but there's one Hollywood legend who didn't quite make it.
In the '60s, America was in a state of paranoia
about nuclear war with the Soviet Union.
There'd been the Bay of Pigs disaster, the Cuban Missile Crisis,
and Americans were rightly jittery
about the real prospect of nuclear war.
And one of these was legendary
Hollywood film director Stanley Kubrick.
And Kubrick wanted to get away from America
and find some sleepy corner of the planet
that the Russians might not be interested in.
Somewhere low-key and understated.
And he chose Perth.
And what he did was,
he'd actually gone to some lengths to arrange this.
He got tickets, travel documents, visas, passports.
He looked into the prospect of film projects
that he could pursue when he got here.
He even transferred funds to Australian bank accounts.
And he was all set to go until his wife, Christiane, pointed out
that on the six-week sea voyage,
because they weren't going to fly because of Kubrick's fear of flying,
she said, "There's no en-suite bathroom in the cabin. You're going
"to have to share a bathroom with strangers for six weeks."
And Kubrick was so repulsed by that prospect
that he just abandoned the whole thing.
So, for him, the idea of sharing a bathroom with strangers
was more abhorrent than the prospect of nuclear war.
But I've got to say, if it meant picking someone else's hair
out of the plug hole for six weeks, I think, like Kubrick,
I'd take my chances with the mushroom cloud.
Perth is a city that's done very well for itself.
The money's come from mining and agriculture.
It's basically what Swindon could have been
if they'd discovered gold under the M4.
But it's also got a kind of frontier-sy spirit -
a place where you think if you come here and work hard,
the sky's the limit.
I'm about to meet someone who's done exactly that.
In a haven for self-made success stories,
I've lined up a chat with one of WA's greatest.
I'm imagining some sort of elegantly groomed CEO
in an ocean view office suite.
So why am | at a fruit and veg market
at four in the morning wearing high-vis?
Or trying to.
BLEEP
thing!
Tony! Hello! Bill. Bill, is it? Yeah. G'day, mate. How are you?
How are you? It's a little chilly today,
but here you are in your short singlet.
It's probably all the fur that I've got!
Actually, I've got a bit of fur, I've got to say, yeah.
Got another layer of insulation. Yeah, I know.
Tony Galati may not sport the sharp suits,
but that didn't stop him from building
a 17-store empire of Spudsheds.
He's the quintessential Western Australian zero to hero battler.
He even sued big potato - that's the WA Potato Marketing Corporation -
to break their iron grip on the spud market.
The hairy guy wins again.
We fought it for about 20 years till we got rid of it. Right.
It's been pretty good since they've gone. Yeah.
Yeah, they were breaking all the laws, market laws.
They were trying to control the prices, trying to control the supply. Yeah.
It was totally wrong. You can't do it now.
So if Tony can take on the system,
maybe I can learn a thing or two about negotiation from him.
Do you like watermelon? Yeah.
We're getting $1.80 a kilo.
No, I'm not paying that.
He says no all the time. Just says no.
OK, lesson one, just say no and you'll make a fortune.
I like the way this city woks.
Tony's secret is to always drive a hard bargain...
...right down to the last apple.
Morning. Morning, Joe, how you going, mate? Hello, Bill.
Good morning, hello there. How's it going? Nice to meet you.
Joe. Fellow Englishman.
It seems that every second person in Perth was born somewhere else.
Even Tony is the child of Italian immigrants who started with nothing.
But can anyone live the dream here in the City of Lights?
I'm just going to make an assumption here,
but I reckon people come here and they get a better lifestyle.
Oh, definitely. Oh, yeah. You know? Definitely. Yeah?
But there's more opportunities here, I think, especially for the youngsters.
If you want to work, there's the opportunities there... In this country, if you want to get ahead
and work, this is the place to do it. Yeah. If you're prepared to put a shift in. Yep.
These look good. How much do you want for them?
$3.50 a kilo.
Right, OK. That's pretty good, though.
The maximum I can pay for these is two bucks. I got to make 50 cents.
Can't do it, mate. You're too hard.
Harder than granite, he is. Are we dealing or not?
You know my price.
Not today, then. Not today.
Oh, God, he's harsh, isn't he?
Tony, he's not having it. He's just not having it.
He's trying to get the best deal for his customers,
so why wouldn't he drive a hard bargain?
Plus the fact he turns up in shorts and singlet.
And by the way, these apples are bloody delicious!
It's a bit early, though, for me. It's just...
It's gone to my head a little bit. I'm getting a bit of a sugar rush.
Might have to have a lie-down in @ minute.
All right. We going? That's it, then.
I'll get rid of this apple. Just throw it down there.
Just put it in there? Yeah, just put it in there. That's what I do.
All right. THEY LAUGH
The poms can sort it out.
"The poms can sort it out"! HE LAUGHS
Ah, the poms! They brought their kitchen staples
and tried to turn the great southern land into an English garden.
But I reckon they missed a trick.
After centuries of ignoring indigenous culture,
food lovers have begun to realise that the local Noongar nation
enjoyed greater flavours than just apples and spuds,
even by Tony's eyebrow-raising standards.
WOMAN SPEAKS NOONGAR
Today we are in Whadjuk country.
Wand ju, welcome.
SHE SPEAKS NOONGAR
So I've just paid respects to the ancestors and elders past,
present and emerging of this country, Whadjuk country.
This is Dale. She runs a bush culture business
that makes taste buds dance on the tips of everyone's tongues.
Her knowledge comes infused with the enduring experience
of First Nations people here in WA.
This land was part of the first land grant
of 3,000 acres given to John Septimus Roe,
who was not a great friend of Aboriginal people -
one of the plotters of the Pinjarra massacre.
So, for us, there was a lot of poetic justice...
That you now occupy this property?
...we now occupy the homestead.
And we think he must sometimes turn in his grave
thinking that the black fellas have taken over.
BILL LAUGHS
There's poetic justice
to Western Australia's Indigenous people finally having a say.
And I don't mind Dale's idea of a feed either.
This plant is one of our local salt bushes,
and it's got a lovely big leaf.
So...I always eat one first.
I always say to people, if you're going to eat from the bush,
get a good local guide, and watch them eat the first one. OK.
So there you go. You can eat one. So take a leaf?
Just take a leaf and eat it. Yeah?
Salty, sage-y, thyme-y.
Mm!
If you feed sheep on salt bush,
not only is the meat a better texture and flavour,
but it actually elevates the nutritional value as well,
particularly vitamin E. Right.
This looks like a peppercorn. Yes. It's called a native pepperberry.
A native pepperberry, right.
Can you taste the aromatics?
Mm. Then a little bit of heat will come.
Oh, yeah. Quite...
Little bit of heat? Bit of kick, yeah.
And there'll be more.
Oh.
Oh, I see, it keeps going.
I call it the gift that keeps on giving!
THEY LAUGH
Oh, yeah!
Gosh, that is... That is fantastic.
We use that for seasoning, but it's also so full of antioxidants...
Yeah. ..that, you know, it's medicine as well. Yeah.
So, you know, by the time you've had your lemon myrtle tea,
and some native pepperberries,
no bugs will be allowed into your body at all.
No, they wouldn't dare! No. They wouldn't dare, no.
How do you feel about the fact that all of this now
is being adopted by chefs
and, you know, sort of incorporated into these fine cuisines?
It's a great shame that more acknowledgement
and benefit doesn't go back to Aboriginal people.
Because, you know, people are very interested
about the provenance of their food.
They want to know where it comes from.
Of course. Yep. Absolutely.
I just got another wave of the pepperberry then.
Mm-hm. Sorry, just... THEY LAUGH
The gift that keeps on giving.
You're absolutely right!
Yeah, just suddenly, I went, "Oh, that's just another little..."
A little reminder. "..wave of heat.”
But it's time to move on before I eat any more pepperberries
and I need a lie-down.
Every country has a glue that holds it together.
It could be history or culture or religion -
something that binds people into a shared heritage.
Australia is no different.
But this is a country of immigrants,
a smorgasbord of humanity, so what binds it?
Sport - in particular, footy.
And 14 miles south of Perth lies the port city of Fremantle,
where the Dockers ply their trade.
You need to be careful not to call it football.
No, it's footy, formally known as AFL.
The AFL is as Australian as the red earth,
the blue skies or...London bar staff.
And every time I've come to Australia
over the last 20, 30 years, I've always gone to a game.
It's full of action, it's fast paced.
The speed, the skill, the stamina,
the athleticism is really impressive.
But I've got to say, in all this time I've been coming here,
I'm slightly baffled by the rules.
I haven't quite wrapped my head around it,
so I'm hoping to learn a bit more about that today.
Two stars of the Fremantle Dockers Women's AFL team have volunteered
to enlighten me with a few tips on the game.
Hello! Hello, Bill. Hello, mate. Bill. Welcome. Is it Aine? Aine.
Hayley. Hayley, how are you? Lovely to meet you.
Aine, that sounds like bit of an Irish name, isn't it?
Not very Australian, is it? No. Yes, yeah.
Gets me in a lot of trouble over here, but that's OK.
And was it the game that brought you here?
It was. Yeah. Yeah, so, I got scouted playing some Gaelic at home,
and they asked me to come across and would I give it a try? So, yeah, I said, "Why not?" Brilliant.
And you're a bit of a local, then, are you?
Yes, I'm born and bred in Perth,
so have always grown up around football. You know, supporting it
when I was a kid, family's all for it.
My brother played just sort of local league,
so I've overtaken him now, which is fantastic.
Your game, though, as I understand it,
has now been incorporated into the AFL.
Has that made a big difference in terms of attendance
and awareness of the game?
Oh, massively, I think, since the AFLW itself has come in.
So there's obviously national exposure
and the young girls can see that there's a pathway to go.
The numbers have... I think it's something ridiculous -
a 300%, 400% increase. And it's just growing all the time.
Incredible. That's brilliant. Well, OK, now this is the bit
where I just need to ask you some technical questions, right?
Because I enjoy watching the game,
but there's a few things I need to know.
OK. And what is the action when you actually sort of punt the ball?
What is that? What's that called?
That's called a handball. A handball? Yep. Yeah.
So if you handball to someone, they can then get tackled.
But if you kick to someone and they mark it, then they can't get talked.
Yeah? You show me how you do that, then. All right.
So basically you're holding it in one hand. Yeah.
You can't throw it with this hand. It has to be sort of a punch
from here. Right. You want to hit that
to try and get it to spin backwards like that.
To spin backwards? Yeah. So you always want it to spin backwards.
Yeah. Yeah, there we go. Oh, OK. I see. Right.
OK, that's the first question. And the next question is,
when you kick the ball and you catch it... Yes.
...then everything stops... Yes.
...is that the mark? That's the mark, yep. That's the mark. Yep.
So if it's been kicked, it has to go
ten, 15 metres, and if it's kicked from either team and you catch it,
it means nobody can tackle you. So I've got seven or eight seconds
to take my time, kick. Ah!
I can play on, I can handball if I want, but I can't be tackled.
So, then, once you've caught it, once you've had the mark,
then what's the strategy then?
So, say if you've marked it, I'll then stand on the mark,
so you have to walk...you have to move backwards. I have to go back.
Otherwise you'll kick it into me. Right.
So then you decide whether you're either going to handball it
or you're going to kick it. So I could handball it to you. Yeah.
Like that. Or better than that! Yeah.
Yeah. You've got the right idea. It's the right idea.
Yeah, the right idea. And then it's play on. And then it's play on.
Right, OK. And then the next thing is...
Well, that's interesting, though, cos that's a bit of the rule I didn't understand.
So when you're kicking it as well, what's the technique
for kicking a goal? Or kicking it to anyone?
So basically the same as what you did with the handball.
You want it to spin backwards. Backwards? Yep.
So laces at the front. Laces at the front, yeah.
So this is what we teach the kids - laces to faces.
Laces to faces, I like that! Yep. And then nose - so your nose...
...to toes. Nose to toes. Yep.
Laces to faces. Yep. Nose to toes. Nose to toes.
Happy days.
There we go! Oh, right!
That's it, it's easy. You see? Easy as. Wow.
Well, I wouldn't say that. You're ready for a game!
Oh, that was brilliant.
No, that was great.
No, it's brilliant chatting to the girls
and to see the women's game, talking about 300%, 400% rise in attendance.
And it's good to get all the rules. That was the key.
I wanted to get the rules and the tactics, and I got that.
And now I think I've got a better chance of scoring a goal.
All right, watch this. Watch this!
I've just got to get it through the middle posts.
Come on! The other side!
Yes!
Oh, gone!
Bollocks!
It's hard not to see Western Australia as a land of opportunity.
It's sustained people for 65,000 years.
Longer, some think.
But you know when a civilisation's really taken off
is when you build yourself a jail,
and Fremantle is a beaut.
Not everyone was the beneficiary of the great WA lifestyle.
For many, life here was pretty bleak.
About 10,000 convicts were transported here
to Western Australia from overseas.
Many of them ended up here at Fremantle Prison.
But today it's a Heritage listed building
with 200,000 visitors every year.
Courtney, my guide back in time today,
has stories to share that are as dark as a windowless cell.
After you. Thank you so much.
So just let me get this straight, the convicts built this?
Yes. The prisoners built their own prison?
Yes. Talk about a psychological punishment!
Build your own cell... Mm!
That's quite a psychological minefield right there.
I love a good prison. If the walls could talk,
you'd hear great stories of jail breaks and hardship
and people done wrong.
But here the walls talk of tunnelling - with a twist.
Come on in. Thank you.
All right, so this is where we will be going.
Have a look down.
Oh, wow! That's quite deep.
It's nearly 20 metres to the bottom.
All right, let's get a harness on you.
All right, two words you don't want to hear in prison,
but turn around. OK. SHE LAUGHS
All right. I'm glad you said that! I'm going to throw this
over your head. Right, OK.
And then if you can, wriggle it down as low as it'll go.
OK, yeah.
And I'm going to pass you through a leg loop
if you're comfortable. Yes. I'm ready. Going to work for you?
OK. Hang on a second.
That seems OK. That seems all right. Snug as a bug in a rug.
Yep. Absolutely. Right, next thing.
This... Yep. ..is a fall arrester,
and that's what we're going to use to... A what, sorry?
A fall arrester. A fall arrester?
Yes. OK.
As the name suggests, it will arrest you if you fall...
So it will arrest me if I fall. So be grateful, cos the prisoners
of yesteryear that dug these tunnels did not have such fancy equipment.
No. Why did they dig these tunnels?
Um... What can't you survive without?
Ah... Oh...
...broadband. SHE LAUGHS
Something a little bit more elemental. Oh, OK, water?
Yes. Ah. Fresh water. Oh, right.
That's what's down there. Oh, I see, so this was literally
just to dig a well, effectively, wasn't it? Yeah.
To get the water out. Not just for the convict establishment,
but eventually for the town of Fremantle. Right.
Thank you. There you go. I hope that's going to... Oh, there we go, that's all right.
Is that going to fit? Pretty good, yeah. It's a good look, isn't it?
I know. Yeah.
Well, thanks. Thanks! I'L be off now.
SHE LAUGHS OK!
I'll be off round the markets.
Watch out. So I notice you're not wearing a helmet.
I will kit myself out now. Oh, OK. Yes.
I thought this was like some kind of hazing for new...
No! No, here, look.
.For first-time visitors.
"Yeah, we dress 'em up with all this, just brilliant. We have a right laugh!
It's all going on some camera somewhere."
OK. OK, great. All right, then.
All right. Let's go.
This is the part we call leap of faith. So you can see where the terror has stripped away
the galvanising from all the other people that have done this before. Yes, I can see that.
So, hand. Hand, yes. Foot. Foot.
Turn the sponge up. Turn the sponge up.
Oh, I see. And that's it. Down we go. And that's it, I'm done?
Well, you'll be done when you get to the bottom.
Done when I get to the bottom, yeah! OK.
All right. And this is it, we're doing it. This is it, we're doing it!
Yes! Woohoo!
Descending into the tunnels. Yeah.
I'm on the full tour of these tunnels today,
but the convicts who were sent down here 150 years ago
had a very different experience.
No ladders, harnesses or cosy little canoes.
Just shovels, sweat and darkness.
Comfortable? Very good. I shall sit in the Buddha position.
Excellent. Al right, off we go.
Oh, this water is actually quite warm. Yeah.
Not bad for a dip.
Except that I won't, because this once drinkable water
was contaminated by a diesel spill not long ago.
I-I'm just kind of trying to get my head round...
Where were the prisoners kept while they were digging this out?
Was the prison built by this stage?
Yes. So this is... The tunnels were excavated in the late 1880s,
but it's hard because we don't actually have any
very in depth first-hand accounts of people that were down here.
The only thing we do have is an excerpt of a prison guard's diary,
and he talked about the fact that a lot of the prisoners sent down here
to tunnel were actually long term, which potentially meant
that they were in prison for fairly evil things. Hmm. Yes.
So to give them pickaxes and shovels and crow bars and hammers
and send them underground is an interesting prospect... Yes.
...for a prison officer having to watch after them.
Yeah, count the hammers in and count the hammers out.
It's...
It's very peaceful down here. It is.
Don't know why I'm whispering.
Well, because the limestone absorbs the sound,
so when you're sitting down here it's almost completely silent.
Yes. Quite peaceful.
I can imagine coming down here, just...
Good part of the gig.
Yeah, just, kind of just for a bit of peace and quiet. Yeah.
After a while you do feel a bit like a troll living down here.
I know.
And I could be like Charon.
You know, the bloke that rowed people across to the underworld.
I'd quite like to do that.
"Where are you going? Underworld? All right."
"Good week? How was your weekend?" IIOK.II
"We're going to Hades anyway,
so whatever you've been doing, it's going to get a lot worse."
OK. Ready? BANG
Whoa! Easy, tiger.
Sorry! Sorry. BILL LAUGHS
I'm still on my I plates, there we go.
Coming about!
God, it's quite an amazing feat of engineering, really.
It's just the volume of rock and dirt, it's just...
I can't quite get my head round it. It's incredible.
There we go. Right, one out.
So this is where the potential for it to go wrong... Yeah. Disaster.
Oh! Agile.
Oh. Like a mongoose. Like a mountain...lion.
OK. Ready? Here we go.
A small leap... I've got you. Ready?
Don't pull me in, though.
That's it. OK, there we go. Yay!
Yay. All right. Thanks for that.
Pleasure! Fantastic. After you.
It wasn't an escape tunnel, as you would imagine under a prison.
It was actually a very vital water source.
That's the first thing.
And the amount of dirt
and rock that was hauled out of there is just
an extraordinary testament to the sort of convict workforce.
It was quite sort of staggering, really.
But also, the other thing I learned
is that I'm very comfortable in enclosed spaces.
I don't know what that is.
I must have some little flicker
of neanderthal DNA just still twitching in my cerebral cortex,
which means I like being in caves.
I'm a cave dweller.
So what do I make of the great Western Australian lifestyle?
Well, between the prog rock, the vintage Bailey booze,
the spud kings and the five-star bush tucker,
it's a hell of place to live.
Just lock me up and throw away the key.
On the next episode...
What a thrill to just drive onto the beach.
This is the classic Broome sunset view.
Oh, hang on.
Bloody hell!
Just all part of the Western Australian experience.