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What are you doing, man? What are you

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doing?

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You guys are doing great, man. You're

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doing so you're doing such a better job.

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And honestly, this time it's going to what

6
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the hell? You call that a pass? You called

7
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that a catch. Your mom's a catch. She's

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your mom, too.

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Hey, get off the floor. What's the matter

10
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with you? You're playing like JV girls out

11
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there. And for the record, your mother is

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not a catch. She was sightedly unfaithful

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to your dad. Come on,

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Coach. Gabe gonna be all right. No,

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Gabe's not gonna be all right, David.

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Gabe blew his ACL and probably our chance

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at being state champ. But, Coach, you're

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already a state champ. Two time state

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champ. It's true for me. This is a

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minor step back. For you boys,

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this is it. This is your shot. No state

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championship means well. It means no

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making your parents proud. It means no

24
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scholarship to Michigan. But Michigan's my

25
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dream. It means Gabriel died in vain. You

26
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said it was his ACL. Well, he can't score

27
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points in the second half, so he's dead to

28
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me. What about me and Blaine? I mean, I'm

29
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being honest. I see you both ending up

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used car salesmen. Either way, nice. But

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you can kiss your chances with Rebecca

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VanderKamp goodbye. Damn. She isn't any

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you. No, she isn't any you.

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Come on, Coach. You must have something to

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help us win. I already threw three chairs

36
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on the sidelines, pal. I don't know what

37
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else you want from me. And that was

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inspiring, for sure.

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But what? You know,

40
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you want to pep talk Alex? Is that it?

41
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You think I'm like one of those coaches on

42
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TV who can just give a speech and change

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the face of every young man in a locker

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room? That I could, by dent of my rhetoric

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alone so stir the hearts of my team as to

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snatch victory from the jaws of certain

47
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defeat, that by the virtue of my soaring

48
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oratory alone I might muster the animal

49
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spirit in each and every one of you, that

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you might do the impossible. Strive

51
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harder, dig deeper. And say to that

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ancient enemy of man who promised an easy

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life with no suffering or glory no,

54
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not me, not today to call forth the future

55
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and all the wonderful and terrible

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possibility it holds. Not for the meek.

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But for the bold, for the brave, for those

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willing to risk it all that history might

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remember their names, remember their

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struggle, and remember what it means to be

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a tiger. To those who say in the voice of

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thunder, winners are just losers

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who win I said, winners are just losers

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who win. Winners are just losers who

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win. Winners are just losers who win.

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Winners are just losers who win. Let's get

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out there. Let's go. Let's go.

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You're a god among men, Coach. I am,

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Cowboy. I really am.

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It's Felix sake.

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It's over. But it's just starting,

72
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can't you see? Ain't going nowhere until

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the others finally see it takes a

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strong one to stand and face the

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cup me don't

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know about

77
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it ain't alphabetical

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they are calling you Coach Miracle. The

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coach of the new millennium, the future of

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basketball. What do you say to that?

81
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What do you say for yourself, lady? What

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can I possibly say that three state

83
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championships hadn't said already? Go

84
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Tigers. Nice. Any indication

85
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the future looks bright for Coach Miracle.

86
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Go Tigers.

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Go,

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Coach.

89
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What does it take to be a man? Is it

90
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money, fame? Respect?

91
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Maybe. But what do those things have in

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common? What do they take to achieve? You

93
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have to win. You have to be a winner

94
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tonight. I have a question before you

95
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gentlemen. You gonna go out there today

96
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and play like it's just another game? Or

97
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are you gonna go out there and play like

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this could be the beginning of dammit,

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Kevin, could you put the cell phone down,

100
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buddy, please? Dwayne guys,

101
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this is serious. Sports can be your

102
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pathway to a better life. Well, like

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yours. No, not like mine.

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Better like this.

105
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The global games. When I was a kid, you

106
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had to be an elite athlete just to try out

107
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for the games. Never let any loser try any

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loser. And if that loser happens to win,

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well, now he's

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not a loser at all, is he?

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He's a winner. Isn't that worth something?

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Isn't that worth a shot?

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Nothing? No.

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All right, good talk, boys. Please don't

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steal my catalytic converter again on your

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way out. Yo can't talk to us like that.

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You're right, Kevin. I'm sorry,

118
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buddy. You dropped your cordless

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reciprocating saw.

120
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Kevin really feel like

121
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he would have heard that?

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It's racism, Rob. You can't tell a bunch

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of teenage boys not to steal. Yes, you

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can, Gary. It's one of the most important

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things you should be teaching them. It's

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literally in the Bible. Which you also

127
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can't teach them. You're 86 from the rec

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center, pal. Come on, you know I need this

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job, Gary.

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You sorry,

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Miss Brethwell. I'm normally very

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punctual. This is the fourth time, Mr.

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Dibson. What's that?

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This is the fourth time. It's the

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obedience trap, lady. I can't hear

136
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anything through it. This is the fourth

137
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time. Crying out loud. I don't even have a

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catalytic converter. You got to speak up.

139
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This is the fourth time. See, there you

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go. You're a beautiful woman. It's a

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beautiful day. Maybe a little concealer

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next time.

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Put her there, kiddo. Hey, what's wrong?

144
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You were really late, Daddy. I know,

145
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baby girl. What can I say? Daddy was on

146
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the court. Okay? On the court. There she

147
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is. What'd that big brain of yours learned

148
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at school today? We learned all about the

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Cold War. Oh, yeah? Our history teacher

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led us in a moment of silence for all the

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workers exploited by the capitalistic

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system. You should ask your history

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teacher which side people ran to when the

154
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Berlin Wall fell. What's the Berlin Wall?

155
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Oh, and Mary Margaret showed me her penis.

156
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Some boy showed you his penis? What? No.

157
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Not a boy, daddy. Gross. Mary Margaret.

158
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She's a girl. Girls don't have penises,

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Winnie. Mary Margaret does. Penises are

160
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weird. Can we stop saying penis, please?

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Where'd this happen anyway? In the

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bathroom. Well, why are they letting boys

163
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in the girls bathroom? Why do you keep

164
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misgendering, Mary Margaret?

165
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Misgendering? What are you talking about?

166
00:11:33,020 --> 00:11:35,078
It's very transphobic of you. How do you

167
00:11:35,084 --> 00:11:36,854
know the word transphobic? I'm eight years

168
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old. Exactly. You're eight years old.

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Okay, boomer.

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You know what? It's fine. We'll just have

171
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to get you into a private school. Some of

172
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them have good sports programs. Private

173
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schools reinforce white patriarchal

174
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privilege. Teach you that at public

175
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school, did they? No. Mommy's boyfriend

176
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Chris told me he's an ally. Is he?

177
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We'll see about that.

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Hi. How are you? You have

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a good time? Yeah, Daddy. Who's. Okay. Is

180
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he late? Okay.

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Hey, we need to talk.

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Thank you for picking up Winnie, Robert.

183
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We're married for 15 years. Darby can call

184
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me Rob. Darby and Robert will do

185
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just fine, Coach. Rob. Oh, good. My

186
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lover's. Former lover.

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Okay.

188
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Look at us. One big unconventional family

189
00:13:24,350 --> 00:13:26,266
lover. I think your transition into

190
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divorce will be smoother if Coach moved in

191
00:13:28,448 --> 00:13:30,766
with us. Absolutely not. Never going to

192
00:13:30,788 --> 00:13:32,186
happen. Well, Coach, now that we're

193
00:13:32,218 --> 00:13:34,446
basically co, dads, I was wondering if

194
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you'd like to help me train for the

195
00:13:37,028 --> 00:13:38,270
Nashville runs.

196
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$5,000 prizes. My body's a sacred temple.

197
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I'm all about physical fitness, bug based

198
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foods, mRNA vaccines, equitable and

199
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inclusive hiking. There it is. My lover

200
00:13:50,654 --> 00:13:51,938
says you were a great coach back in the

201
00:13:51,944 --> 00:13:55,778
day. Honey, why don't you go help Winnie

202
00:13:55,794 --> 00:13:59,334
with her homework? Light and love,

203
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Coach. Light and love.

204
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Is this the guy you replaced me with?

205
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Seriously, I'm not having this

206
00:14:19,232 --> 00:14:20,618
conversation. Yeah, well, I don't like the

207
00:14:20,624 --> 00:14:21,818
things that he's teaching Winnie. How

208
00:14:21,824 --> 00:14:24,506
about that? Chris is a good man who cares

209
00:14:24,538 --> 00:14:26,110
about other people and the world around

210
00:14:26,180 --> 00:14:28,106
him? It's not just winning some stupid

211
00:14:28,138 --> 00:14:30,666
game. Hey, basketball is not a stupid

212
00:14:30,698 --> 00:14:33,534
game. And winning matters. It's the key

213
00:14:33,572 --> 00:14:35,918
ingredient in becoming a winner. Maybe you

214
00:14:35,924 --> 00:14:37,150
should try it sometime.

215
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Unbelievable.

216
00:14:45,530 --> 00:14:46,280
It.

217
00:15:01,870 --> 00:15:04,314
Can I help you? Yeah, I used to work here.

218
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They said I could come back anytime. How

219
00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:10,474
long ago was this? 25 years. Is this still

220
00:15:10,512 --> 00:15:13,214
compact disks forever? Not for the last 24

221
00:15:13,252 --> 00:15:16,800
and a half years. But it doesn't matter.

222
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:20,414
You're hired. Cool. You don't need to ask

223
00:15:20,452 --> 00:15:22,494
many questions first. We only have one

224
00:15:22,532 --> 00:15:24,894
question at the doll house. What's your

225
00:15:24,932 --> 00:15:25,840
bra size?

226
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What's up?

227
00:16:00,530 --> 00:16:05,326
It what

228
00:16:05,348 --> 00:16:06,560
a way to make a living.

229
00:16:08,850 --> 00:16:11,470
I just had no idea men could be so handsy.

230
00:16:12,130 --> 00:16:13,554
Really makes you think about how you treat

231
00:16:13,592 --> 00:16:15,730
women. Thanks, babe.

232
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What the heck happened to you, Coach?

233
00:16:22,790 --> 00:16:25,394
That's just it. Nothing happened to me. I

234
00:16:25,432 --> 00:16:27,534
stayed the same and the world changed.

235
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One day it's all about winning. The next

236
00:16:29,128 --> 00:16:30,710
day, they want you to lead from behind.

237
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Don't be mean to the kids. Don't push them

238
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so hard. Don't make fun of the losers.

239
00:16:35,450 --> 00:16:38,440
Are you supposed to win that way, man?

240
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What about you? You know,

241
00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:43,626
everyone always told me I could do

242
00:16:43,648 --> 00:16:45,914
anything I wanted. So what does any kid

243
00:16:45,952 --> 00:16:47,500
who can choose anything in the world?

244
00:16:48,110 --> 00:16:51,146
Actor. Actor. Always thought you were

245
00:16:51,168 --> 00:16:53,630
straight. I am straight.

246
00:16:54,530 --> 00:16:57,854
Who could doubt it? Well, either way,

247
00:16:57,972 --> 00:16:59,706
turns out white male of non exotic

248
00:16:59,738 --> 00:17:01,326
sexuality is the only ethnic group not

249
00:17:01,348 --> 00:17:03,486
being cast by Hollywood these days. Yeah.

250
00:17:03,588 --> 00:17:05,098
I hear Disney's gonna make the new snow

251
00:17:05,114 --> 00:17:06,858
white. And neurodivergent lesbians.

252
00:17:06,954 --> 00:17:10,926
Neurodivergent black lesbians. I don't

253
00:17:10,958 --> 00:17:13,394
understand the world wasn't that long ago

254
00:17:13,432 --> 00:17:15,926
we were champions. Winners. You're the

255
00:17:15,948 --> 00:17:18,898
fastest point guard in Tennessee. No, I'm

256
00:17:18,914 --> 00:17:21,160
still pretty fast. Yeah?

257
00:17:23,130 --> 00:17:24,520
How fast are we talking?

258
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:31,658
Just going to the end of the alley and

259
00:17:31,664 --> 00:17:34,074
back. Nothing to it. On your mark, get

260
00:17:34,112 --> 00:17:37,418
set. Coach, this is ridiculous. I got to

261
00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:39,580
get some sleep. I'm working nine to five.

262
00:17:40,510 --> 00:17:42,160
You hear yourself, right?

263
00:17:43,090 --> 00:17:45,470
Buddy, we're talking about $5,000 here.

264
00:17:45,540 --> 00:17:46,686
Think about what we could do with that

265
00:17:46,708 --> 00:17:50,126
money. Think about what we could not do

266
00:17:50,148 --> 00:17:51,040
with that money.

267
00:17:53,950 --> 00:17:56,542
I do miss being a winner. Yeah, you do.

268
00:17:56,596 --> 00:17:58,046
Knowing who you were, knowing your

269
00:17:58,068 --> 00:17:59,806
purpose. That's what I'm talking about.

270
00:17:59,908 --> 00:18:01,758
Your money could be nice. Damn right it

271
00:18:01,764 --> 00:18:05,246
would be. Fine. Hold my

272
00:18:05,268 --> 00:18:06,800
heels. Had a boy.

273
00:18:10,310 --> 00:18:22,370
On your mark, get a setup.

274
00:18:31,550 --> 00:18:33,850
We are definitely homeschooling.

275
00:18:54,610 --> 00:18:56,560
Not bad for a girl.

276
00:18:57,830 --> 00:18:59,474
Seriously, buddy, I think with some

277
00:18:59,512 --> 00:19:02,274
training and some excellent coaching, you

278
00:19:02,312 --> 00:19:04,740
could be competitive. No.

279
00:19:09,670 --> 00:19:10,820
How much?

280
00:19:14,790 --> 00:19:18,434
We're not actually, ladies I see

281
00:19:18,472 --> 00:19:22,700
it. How much wonder

282
00:19:49,750 --> 00:19:51,746
all right, Coach, you got this. Just like

283
00:19:51,768 --> 00:19:55,140
the old days. You get out there and win.

284
00:19:56,390 --> 00:19:57,460
Here we go.

285
00:20:00,870 --> 00:20:03,526
You're late. Tina made me clean all the

286
00:20:03,548 --> 00:20:05,446
fry traps again. I nearly got grease all

287
00:20:05,468 --> 00:20:07,426
over my good wig. Now we'll lose the wig,

288
00:20:07,458 --> 00:20:08,966
would you? We're in public, for crying out

289
00:20:08,988 --> 00:20:11,270
loud. Coach Rob.

290
00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:14,060
Daddy. Hey.

291
00:20:15,630 --> 00:20:19,034
There's my girl. Former lover. Don't call

292
00:20:19,072 --> 00:20:21,146
me that. You came to cheer me on?

293
00:20:21,248 --> 00:20:23,002
Actually, I'm here professionally. What

294
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:26,106
profession? You remember Alex, my former

295
00:20:26,138 --> 00:20:28,640
student? Oh, hey, Mrs. G.

296
00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:32,714
Yay, daddy. You're going to be a coach?

297
00:20:32,842 --> 00:20:34,000
Yes, I am.

298
00:20:36,710 --> 00:20:38,420
I see you.

299
00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:44,818
Okay, big guy. We feel seen. Thank you.

300
00:20:44,904 --> 00:20:46,066
Just going to go get seen by the

301
00:20:46,088 --> 00:20:48,130
registration lady. Good luck, pal.

302
00:20:54,330 --> 00:20:57,814
Thank you. I need

303
00:20:57,852 --> 00:20:59,526
to register my athlete, please. Name?

304
00:20:59,628 --> 00:21:00,870
Alex Cruz.

305
00:21:03,630 --> 00:21:05,994
I'm sorry, sir. The men's events are all

306
00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:08,746
full. Next. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you

307
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,918
talking about? You're late and there's

308
00:21:10,934 --> 00:21:13,846
nothing I can do, so next. That's

309
00:21:13,878 --> 00:21:17,878
bullshit. He's a

310
00:21:17,904 --> 00:21:20,734
white man. I've been here the whole time.

311
00:21:20,772 --> 00:21:23,342
Cut me some slack. I need to help the next

312
00:21:23,396 --> 00:21:25,146
athlete. Help him what? You said it's

313
00:21:25,178 --> 00:21:28,100
full. Are you going to move? I am not.

314
00:21:32,470 --> 00:21:34,946
Coach, I'm sorry. I couldn't find my

315
00:21:34,968 --> 00:21:39,170
wipes. Oh, my crap. You're a trans woman.

316
00:21:39,830 --> 00:21:42,310
Oh, my crap, I taste an ally.

317
00:21:44,650 --> 00:21:47,206
There you go, miss. This is everything you

318
00:21:47,228 --> 00:21:49,174
need for the women's heptathlon and all

319
00:21:49,212 --> 00:21:52,006
other events. And you know what? I'm just

320
00:21:52,028 --> 00:21:53,334
going to go ahead and waive that entry

321
00:21:53,382 --> 00:21:56,966
fee. It is so wonderful what you're

322
00:21:56,998 --> 00:21:59,580
doing. No, I'm not.

323
00:22:00,830 --> 00:22:02,634
I'm just glad we were able to get this

324
00:22:02,672 --> 00:22:04,942
worked out without having to get social

325
00:22:04,996 --> 00:22:08,814
media involved. Please, I have

326
00:22:08,852 --> 00:22:11,520
a family and a queer dog.

327
00:22:12,770 --> 00:22:16,658
Oh, she tastes me

328
00:22:16,664 --> 00:22:19,678
down. Let me down. Coach. What the heck

329
00:22:19,694 --> 00:22:20,500
was that?

330
00:22:23,670 --> 00:22:25,780
I'm not going to compete against women.

331
00:22:26,150 --> 00:22:28,146
Are you crazy? Do you have any idea how

332
00:22:28,168 --> 00:22:30,306
much faster even a man past his prime like

333
00:22:30,328 --> 00:22:32,726
you is than a female athlete past his

334
00:22:32,748 --> 00:22:35,506
prime? High school boys can run faster

335
00:22:35,538 --> 00:22:37,298
than world record female sprinters.

336
00:22:37,394 --> 00:22:38,738
You're going to get out there and you're

337
00:22:38,754 --> 00:22:41,320
going to beat these chicks. I'm a man.

338
00:22:41,930 --> 00:22:44,842
Says who? I have. That doesn't matter

339
00:22:44,896 --> 00:22:46,966
anymore. Look, my eight year old daughter

340
00:22:46,998 --> 00:22:48,538
told me all about it. This is the way the

341
00:22:48,544 --> 00:22:50,620
world is now. This is wrong.

342
00:22:53,150 --> 00:22:55,386
We wear a dress every freaking day.

343
00:22:55,568 --> 00:22:57,418
When's the last time you could say we were

344
00:22:57,424 --> 00:22:59,578
wearing the dress of a champion? When's

345
00:22:59,594 --> 00:23:00,922
the last time you could look in the mirror

346
00:23:00,986 --> 00:23:03,386
and say, this is the makeup of a winner?

347
00:23:03,498 --> 00:23:05,630
The tatas of a titan.

348
00:23:07,810 --> 00:23:09,454
You're wearing a thong, aren't you? Yeah.

349
00:23:09,492 --> 00:23:11,470
You're staying? Character unbelievable.

350
00:23:11,970 --> 00:23:14,546
This is the hand life of belchi. Are you

351
00:23:14,568 --> 00:23:16,946
going to waste it or are you going to get

352
00:23:16,968 --> 00:23:19,700
out there and be the best lady you can be?

353
00:23:21,030 --> 00:23:24,050
Best lady I can be. That's a spirit.

354
00:23:27,510 --> 00:23:31,860
There we go. So we

355
00:23:56,470 --> 00:24:00,446
not it alone. She knows she's

356
00:24:00,478 --> 00:24:04,722
got it all get

357
00:24:04,776 --> 00:24:07,634
it right. Keep it tight like a psycho girl

358
00:24:07,752 --> 00:24:09,410
burning brighter watch your fight,

359
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,954
lighten up the world. Keep your gucci,

360
00:24:12,002 --> 00:24:13,880
keep your coach and keep your product.

361
00:24:14,250 --> 00:24:16,470
She's okay with second hand and working

362
00:24:16,540 --> 00:24:19,846
harder. Go to sight every night like a

363
00:24:19,868 --> 00:24:22,954
psycho girl. She's a psycho girl. Be like

364
00:24:22,992 --> 00:24:25,580
a psycho girl. Go.

365
00:24:26,190 --> 00:24:29,062
Don't look at me. Run, you son of a bitch.

366
00:24:29,206 --> 00:24:31,974
Get it right. Keep it tight like a psycho

367
00:24:32,022 --> 00:24:34,250
girl burning brighter watch your fight,

368
00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:36,774
lighten up the world. Keep your gucci,

369
00:24:36,822 --> 00:24:38,700
keep your coach and keep your products

370
00:24:39,070 --> 00:24:41,290
she's okay the second hand and working

371
00:24:41,360 --> 00:24:44,666
harder. Golden sight every night like a

372
00:24:44,688 --> 00:25:03,294
cycle girl. She's there's

373
00:25:03,342 --> 00:25:05,382
breaking news tonight from the all city

374
00:25:05,436 --> 00:25:08,594
Heptathlon where Alex Cruz, a brave

375
00:25:08,642 --> 00:25:11,394
and beautiful trans woman, has taken gold

376
00:25:11,442 --> 00:25:13,754
in the female competition, winning in

377
00:25:13,792 --> 00:25:16,742
every single event by wide margins.

378
00:25:16,886 --> 00:25:20,246
That's right, drake and Wiaw's own Gwen

379
00:25:20,278 --> 00:25:23,194
Wilde is on the scene with more from this

380
00:25:23,232 --> 00:25:25,706
unprecedented moment. Thanks, Stacey.

381
00:25:25,818 --> 00:25:28,014
Indeed, history was made today as middle

382
00:25:28,052 --> 00:25:30,974
Tennessee's own Alex Cruz, a brave and

383
00:25:31,012 --> 00:25:32,794
beautiful former high school basketball

384
00:25:32,842 --> 00:25:35,438
state champion, absolutely dominated the

385
00:25:35,444 --> 00:25:37,666
women's heptathlon, setting new records in

386
00:25:37,688 --> 00:26:09,146
both javelin and shop putt the

387
00:26:09,168 --> 00:26:11,094
secret to her success, according to Alex,

388
00:26:11,222 --> 00:26:14,894
her coach. I want to thank my parents for

389
00:26:14,932 --> 00:26:17,374
always supporting me no matter what. And

390
00:26:17,412 --> 00:26:20,846
my coach, Rob Gibson. I've never once been

391
00:26:20,868 --> 00:26:22,160
a winner without him.

392
00:26:25,090 --> 00:26:27,678
Gwen. Stacey Santiago. O'Brien here.

393
00:26:27,764 --> 00:26:29,666
There's no question that good coaching can

394
00:26:29,688 --> 00:26:31,730
make a difference. But isn't there another

395
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:33,842
reason why Alex might have completely

396
00:26:33,976 --> 00:26:36,466
crushed the competition? I don't know what

397
00:26:36,488 --> 00:26:39,206
you're saying, Stacey. I think Stacey is

398
00:26:39,228 --> 00:26:41,686
referring to the obvious fact that Alex is

399
00:26:41,708 --> 00:26:44,566
a what? Well,

400
00:26:44,748 --> 00:26:48,070
I mean, as brave and beautiful as he is,

401
00:26:48,140 --> 00:26:51,880
she she is brave and beautiful,

402
00:26:52,190 --> 00:26:54,970
of course. But she does have certain

403
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,482
advantages over a real woman. Right.

404
00:26:57,616 --> 00:27:00,986
Well, Stacey Drake, all I can say to

405
00:27:01,008 --> 00:27:04,314
that is how dare you. Trans women are real

406
00:27:04,352 --> 00:27:06,406
women and thus have no innate differences

407
00:27:06,438 --> 00:27:08,974
with other women whatsoever. The only

408
00:27:09,012 --> 00:27:10,766
story here for which I fully intend to win

409
00:27:10,788 --> 00:27:13,038
a Pulitzer is that absolutely nothing out

410
00:27:13,044 --> 00:27:14,602
of the ordinary happened here tonight.

411
00:27:14,666 --> 00:27:16,758
And we should all celebrate the brave,

412
00:27:16,874 --> 00:27:20,260
beautiful woman who did it. Back to you.

413
00:27:35,930 --> 00:27:38,434
To you, bud. Probably the least sexy,

414
00:27:38,482 --> 00:27:41,830
elite female athlete of all time. Hold on.

415
00:27:41,900 --> 00:27:43,274
I've been informed that I am, in fact,

416
00:27:43,312 --> 00:27:46,026
not only brave, but also beautiful. You

417
00:27:46,048 --> 00:27:50,246
know what you are? You're $500 richer.

418
00:27:50,358 --> 00:27:52,940
That's what you are. 500.

419
00:27:53,390 --> 00:27:56,782
Cleaner taxes, attorneys fees, child

420
00:27:56,836 --> 00:28:00,474
support. Well, not cheers

421
00:28:00,522 --> 00:28:01,200
of that.

422
00:28:05,620 --> 00:28:09,092
What is that? Bud Light I'm sponsored now?

423
00:28:09,226 --> 00:28:11,156
No, buddy, they'll give that shit to any

424
00:28:11,178 --> 00:28:12,230
dude in the press.

425
00:28:30,300 --> 00:28:32,324
I better roll out. It's Wednesday.

426
00:28:32,372 --> 00:28:36,076
Tomorrow the only day with

427
00:28:36,098 --> 00:28:38,988
double DS. It's a pretty big deal at the

428
00:28:38,994 --> 00:28:41,916
doll house. Doll house? What are you going

429
00:28:41,938 --> 00:28:43,308
back to that place for when you got a

430
00:28:43,314 --> 00:28:45,064
corporate sponsorship and five Benjamins

431
00:28:45,112 --> 00:28:46,844
in your bra? I don't know. I guess I don't

432
00:28:46,892 --> 00:28:49,068
completely hate it there. And a man can't

433
00:28:49,084 --> 00:28:52,336
live on $500 for long. $500 is just the

434
00:28:52,358 --> 00:28:56,130
beginning, Gwen Wild. Come on,

435
00:28:57,160 --> 00:28:59,236
let's cut to the chase. I know you're not

436
00:28:59,258 --> 00:29:02,960
a woman. How? He identifies

437
00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:05,216
david, I'm a journalist. I literally

438
00:29:05,248 --> 00:29:07,924
cannot be shamed. And I don't care how you

439
00:29:07,962 --> 00:29:10,084
identify. Unless you've cried three times

440
00:29:10,122 --> 00:29:11,696
in the same day from the pain of menstrual

441
00:29:11,728 --> 00:29:13,444
cramps. Frustration with your boyfriend

442
00:29:13,492 --> 00:29:14,696
for not understanding the pain of

443
00:29:14,718 --> 00:29:16,536
menstrual cramps. And frustration with

444
00:29:16,558 --> 00:29:17,768
yourself for being so mean to your

445
00:29:17,774 --> 00:29:19,096
boyfriend for not understanding the pain

446
00:29:19,118 --> 00:29:22,708
of menstrual cramps. You are not a woman.

447
00:29:22,884 --> 00:29:25,116
That's strangely specific. It's cute that

448
00:29:25,138 --> 00:29:27,180
you think so. But you just did that entire

449
00:29:27,250 --> 00:29:29,996
story to what? To make a name for myself?

450
00:29:30,098 --> 00:29:33,196
To get clicks? To gain power? What part of

451
00:29:33,218 --> 00:29:36,176
I'm a journalist do you not understand? I

452
00:29:36,198 --> 00:29:38,816
guess all of it. Look, what do you know

453
00:29:38,838 --> 00:29:40,960
about the US. Opens for the Global Games?

454
00:29:42,340 --> 00:29:45,424
First time in history amateur athletes can

455
00:29:45,462 --> 00:29:48,484
compete to represent the USA. Exactly.

456
00:29:48,682 --> 00:29:50,656
The diversity and inclusion crowd decided

457
00:29:50,688 --> 00:29:53,172
to democratize the Global Games. Now

458
00:29:53,226 --> 00:29:55,190
anyone has a chance.

459
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:58,470
Any woman has a chance.

460
00:30:00,140 --> 00:30:03,428
Don't you see? Men are faster, stronger,

461
00:30:03,524 --> 00:30:06,116
meaner. The entire reason we created

462
00:30:06,148 --> 00:30:09,290
women's sports was to keep you out.

463
00:30:09,980 --> 00:30:10,970
But now.

464
00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:16,364
Soon all the best women will be men.

465
00:30:16,562 --> 00:30:20,492
Cheating, low life men like

466
00:30:20,546 --> 00:30:23,928
you. You want us to compete

467
00:30:23,944 --> 00:30:25,912
as women? Think of the sponsorships.

468
00:30:25,976 --> 00:30:28,432
Think of the fame. People will hate us.

469
00:30:28,486 --> 00:30:30,544
People will love you. How do you know?

470
00:30:30,742 --> 00:30:33,356
Because I'm going to tell them to. That's

471
00:30:33,388 --> 00:30:35,756
the deal. I won't tell the world the truth

472
00:30:35,788 --> 00:30:38,644
about you and in exchange, I get to tell

473
00:30:38,682 --> 00:30:41,300
them the lie. I get the exclusive,

474
00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:46,116
plus half the money. Half? Go home.

475
00:30:46,218 --> 00:30:48,390
Think about it. You'll see I'm right.

476
00:30:51,980 --> 00:30:54,730
Not you. Coach. You're going home with me.

477
00:30:55,260 --> 00:30:58,328
You're a winner now. Every woman wants a

478
00:30:58,334 --> 00:31:01,128
winner. You literally just called me a

479
00:31:01,134 --> 00:31:04,170
cheating, low life one.

480
00:31:05,020 --> 00:31:07,000
Now put your tongue down my throat.

481
00:31:56,560 --> 00:32:00,136
Coach. Alex, we could play basketball.

482
00:32:00,328 --> 00:32:01,868
Could be like the old day. We'd have to

483
00:32:01,874 --> 00:32:04,464
get the whole team back together. You

484
00:32:04,502 --> 00:32:05,570
think there's a chance?

485
00:32:12,900 --> 00:32:15,056
You know you always get a fair deal on

486
00:32:15,078 --> 00:32:17,904
wheels and three square meals here at

487
00:32:17,942 --> 00:32:19,010
Crane and Company.

488
00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:28,116
And if you need a ride to the airport, we

489
00:32:28,138 --> 00:32:30,120
can do that, too. Because we have two

490
00:32:30,190 --> 00:32:32,504
gently used love wagons and one of us is

491
00:32:32,542 --> 00:32:34,936
more than happy to give you the ride of a

492
00:32:34,958 --> 00:32:35,800
lifetime.

493
00:32:40,140 --> 00:32:43,052
Isn't that the hot little money? Since

494
00:32:43,106 --> 00:32:45,464
1987, we've had our own continuously

495
00:32:45,512 --> 00:32:47,950
operational smorgasbord on site.

496
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:56,124
Isn't that the hot little money? So

497
00:32:56,162 --> 00:32:58,956
whether that's wheels on meals or a ride

498
00:32:58,988 --> 00:33:01,904
to the airport, we do it all for you.

499
00:33:02,022 --> 00:33:03,520
Middle Tennessee.

500
00:33:06,580 --> 00:33:08,320
And we sell mailbox.

501
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:12,788
All right, ladies. Good job. Listen, if

502
00:33:12,794 --> 00:33:13,908
you don't have dinner later, just make

503
00:33:13,914 --> 00:33:15,590
sure you call me up. Just let me know.

504
00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:19,468
Should have gone to med school. Awake,

505
00:33:19,504 --> 00:33:23,176
Daddy. Boom, tell me

506
00:33:23,198 --> 00:33:24,840
the cameras are still rolling.

507
00:33:26,700 --> 00:33:28,984
You have lost your mind. You've lost your

508
00:33:29,022 --> 00:33:30,712
mind. What did you just say? You heard me.

509
00:33:30,766 --> 00:33:35,160
Look clean to me, boys. Tosh Alex.

510
00:33:43,620 --> 00:33:45,168
It's good to see you boys still love the

511
00:33:45,174 --> 00:33:48,144
game. Means we can get right to it. Yeah,

512
00:33:48,182 --> 00:33:50,016
coach, what's the deal with that? You need

513
00:33:50,038 --> 00:33:51,376
another catalytic converter again or

514
00:33:51,398 --> 00:33:55,056
something? Yes, I do, Jake. But that's not

515
00:33:55,078 --> 00:33:57,452
why we're here. We're here on serious

516
00:33:57,516 --> 00:34:00,768
business. Basketball business.

517
00:34:00,934 --> 00:34:03,360
I can get the blinds, please. Code eleven.

518
00:34:06,020 --> 00:34:36,640
You guys are going to love what

519
00:34:36,710 --> 00:34:38,370
fresh hell is this?

520
00:34:41,860 --> 00:34:43,330
Oh, yeah,

521
00:34:48,500 --> 00:34:50,610
it oh, yeah.

522
00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:59,400
This, my friends, is the Crane Cave.

523
00:35:03,420 --> 00:35:06,744
Alex, is that a purse? It's a

524
00:35:06,782 --> 00:35:07,480
purse.

525
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:13,260
It's a purse.

526
00:35:16,240 --> 00:35:19,804
What is this, my man? This is

527
00:35:19,842 --> 00:35:21,550
where the action happens.

528
00:35:25,380 --> 00:35:28,736
What's this one, my man? This is

529
00:35:28,758 --> 00:35:31,824
where the action happened. In the same

530
00:35:31,862 --> 00:35:33,810
room? Yeah.

531
00:35:34,820 --> 00:35:37,540
Gentlemen, take a seat.

532
00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:39,700
Let's talk basketball.

533
00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:43,924
We're getting the old state champs back

534
00:35:43,962 --> 00:35:47,396
together. For what? Just say.

535
00:35:47,418 --> 00:35:49,332
Alex and I are working on a new strategy.

536
00:35:49,396 --> 00:35:51,256
Something to get us back into the game

537
00:35:51,438 --> 00:35:54,708
professionally. Coach, we're old. We're

538
00:35:54,724 --> 00:35:57,416
out of practice. We're in. We're in.

539
00:35:57,438 --> 00:35:59,928
Coach. What, bro?

540
00:36:00,094 --> 00:36:03,188
Professionals. Honestly,

541
00:36:03,364 --> 00:36:05,356
when's the last time you felt like

542
00:36:05,458 --> 00:36:09,004
someone? I mean, I kind of always feel

543
00:36:09,042 --> 00:36:10,556
like someone, but when's the last time you

544
00:36:10,578 --> 00:36:13,816
got laid. We're in. Now, you guys got

545
00:36:13,858 --> 00:36:16,176
David already, right? Coach, we have to

546
00:36:16,198 --> 00:36:18,448
have the human tower. No one's heard from

547
00:36:18,454 --> 00:36:19,712
David since he blew that college

548
00:36:19,766 --> 00:36:22,496
championship game. But there have been

549
00:36:22,518 --> 00:36:23,280
sightings.

550
00:36:26,580 --> 00:36:28,400
I'll get my hiking boots.

551
00:36:31,060 --> 00:36:33,170
Hey, Coach, you didn't mention the hold.

552
00:36:34,100 --> 00:36:37,008
One thing at a time, Buddy. One thing at a

553
00:36:37,014 --> 00:36:37,570
time.

554
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:02,190
Got it. GBS says we're here.

555
00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:04,030
I don't see anything.

556
00:37:12,580 --> 00:37:14,640
Damn it. I lost the signal.

557
00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:18,470
The hell was that?

558
00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:27,940
David. Coach.

559
00:37:29,660 --> 00:37:31,530
What are you guys doing here?

560
00:37:32,140 --> 00:37:32,890
Stop.

561
00:37:36,220 --> 00:37:40,040
I mean, it's fine. You're all very safe.

562
00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:42,620
We are not safe,

563
00:37:59,700 --> 00:38:03,104
Coach. My life is here. I'm a man

564
00:38:03,142 --> 00:38:06,304
of peace. Now, how many badgers have you

565
00:38:06,342 --> 00:38:07,040
killed?

566
00:38:09,220 --> 00:38:13,056
All but one. Ma'am. This jerk

567
00:38:13,088 --> 00:38:16,500
is great. What is venison?

568
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:20,856
Squirrel? Look,

569
00:38:20,958 --> 00:38:23,940
David, I get it, man. You're fat, you're

570
00:38:24,020 --> 00:38:28,280
old, you're slow, you're very fat.

571
00:38:28,780 --> 00:38:31,924
Like Shaquille O'Neill if he was mediocre

572
00:38:31,972 --> 00:38:32,970
and white.

573
00:38:36,390 --> 00:38:39,010
That's it. That's the pitch. Yeah, coach,

574
00:38:39,090 --> 00:38:41,206
I'm not a good speech giver. I'm sorry.

575
00:38:41,388 --> 00:38:43,606
Look, buddy, we need you. You're the heart

576
00:38:43,628 --> 00:38:46,380
of the team. You're the center. I said no.

577
00:38:47,150 --> 00:38:53,562
I can't go back. Not after the not

578
00:38:53,616 --> 00:39:11,050
afternoon.

579
00:39:30,010 --> 00:39:32,150
What was that? Badger humping?

580
00:39:35,050 --> 00:39:37,866
I don't know, buddy. Maybe this is your

581
00:39:37,888 --> 00:39:41,370
shot at redemption. I have been redeemed

582
00:39:41,950 --> 00:39:44,586
through badger blood, redeemed through

583
00:39:44,608 --> 00:39:47,306
basketball. This whole badger murder thing

584
00:39:47,328 --> 00:39:48,910
is a weird tangent.

585
00:39:50,450 --> 00:39:52,080
You guys should leave.

586
00:40:00,930 --> 00:40:05,070
I'm not fat. Disgustingly fat.

587
00:40:06,450 --> 00:40:07,790
We miss you, pal.

588
00:40:10,530 --> 00:40:13,720
You're not not fat. You it.

589
00:40:37,970 --> 00:40:38,720
It.

590
00:40:55,670 --> 00:40:58,340
What if this isn't about revenge at all?

591
00:40:59,750 --> 00:41:01,970
What if it's just about basketball?

592
00:41:02,470 --> 00:41:04,806
Please let me go. Shut your mouth, you

593
00:41:04,828 --> 00:41:06,070
pervert. Badger.

594
00:41:09,290 --> 00:41:10,600
I'll be back.

595
00:41:27,970 --> 00:41:34,510
It coach.

596
00:41:36,530 --> 00:41:39,600
I'm in. Nice.

597
00:41:41,890 --> 00:41:44,874
Is that a purse? Play some basketball?

598
00:41:45,002 --> 00:41:45,680
No,

599
00:42:07,290 --> 00:42:08,998
we just need one more player to round out

600
00:42:09,004 --> 00:42:11,378
the squad. What about Jamal? Nah, he's

601
00:42:11,394 --> 00:42:13,286
dead. Found him in the middle of the

602
00:42:13,308 --> 00:42:15,126
street with a hole through the top of his

603
00:42:15,148 --> 00:42:17,046
head. Cops said it was almost like some

604
00:42:17,068 --> 00:42:20,014
type of laser from space and all over the

605
00:42:20,132 --> 00:42:22,846
weird. What about that little guy he was

606
00:42:22,868 --> 00:42:24,554
always picking on? Not a bad player.

607
00:42:24,682 --> 00:42:28,014
Moisha revealed he was Maasad even back in

608
00:42:28,052 --> 00:42:31,374
high school. Well, that's it.

609
00:42:31,572 --> 00:42:35,234
That's everybody. My man.

610
00:42:35,352 --> 00:42:37,886
Looking smooth. Man, you guys weren't

611
00:42:37,918 --> 00:42:39,826
kidding. These Jeremy's razors are

612
00:42:39,848 --> 00:42:42,606
amazing. And did you know that Jeremy's

613
00:42:42,638 --> 00:42:44,614
now offers a razor specially designed for

614
00:42:44,652 --> 00:42:48,422
women? And don't forget about

615
00:42:48,476 --> 00:42:51,846
Jeremy's shampoo and conditioner. They

616
00:42:51,868 --> 00:42:55,190
keep our hair silky and smooth.

617
00:42:57,370 --> 00:42:59,338
Didn't we just find someone else from the

618
00:42:59,344 --> 00:43:01,322
year before? No, it has to be somebody

619
00:43:01,376 --> 00:43:03,866
from this team. The championship team. I

620
00:43:03,888 --> 00:43:06,474
knew this was too good to be true. Hey,

621
00:43:06,512 --> 00:43:11,410
what about Felix towelboy?

622
00:43:11,510 --> 00:43:14,078
Felix guys. We used to shove him in the

623
00:43:14,084 --> 00:43:19,822
lockers after we total

624
00:43:19,876 --> 00:43:22,930
loser. I heard he's rich.

625
00:43:23,990 --> 00:43:25,060
He's in.

626
00:43:29,990 --> 00:43:31,060
I'm in.

627
00:43:38,170 --> 00:43:41,110
What's with the cat? Cindy Clawford.

628
00:43:41,450 --> 00:43:43,986
She was my grandma's cat, and now she's

629
00:43:44,018 --> 00:43:46,698
mine. I love her more than anything in the

630
00:43:46,704 --> 00:43:50,490
whole world, bro. I'm allergic to cats.

631
00:43:53,070 --> 00:43:56,620
Cats are stupid. More of a dog guy.

632
00:44:00,370 --> 00:44:02,320
I can't wait to show you guys around.

633
00:44:07,010 --> 00:44:09,854
Who is this guy at the Willy Wonka the

634
00:44:09,892 --> 00:44:12,320
Towel game? Oh, my God.

635
00:44:14,770 --> 00:44:18,274
Come on. Towel boy has

636
00:44:18,312 --> 00:44:20,100
become the towel man.

637
00:44:24,950 --> 00:44:27,494
What do you do? Gym in your house? Oh,

638
00:44:27,532 --> 00:44:30,022
yeah. After I sold my company, I thought,

639
00:44:30,076 --> 00:44:31,814
I'm going to build the sickest gym for

640
00:44:31,852 --> 00:44:33,480
when my bros come over.

641
00:44:36,990 --> 00:44:38,506
But this is the first time we've ever come

642
00:44:38,528 --> 00:44:42,154
over here, so it was

643
00:44:42,192 --> 00:44:45,718
totally worth it. It's a draino

644
00:44:45,734 --> 00:44:49,390
festival. Bring the kids. Oh, my goodness.

645
00:44:50,770 --> 00:44:52,190
Nothing's changed.

646
00:44:58,050 --> 00:44:59,726
Feels good to be back on the porch, big

647
00:44:59,748 --> 00:45:04,130
guy. Oh, my God. Is that our mascot?

648
00:45:21,590 --> 00:45:23,414
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy, big guy.

649
00:45:23,452 --> 00:45:26,518
That's our old tiger mask. Dude, that's

650
00:45:26,534 --> 00:45:29,260
not nurse. This is a purse, bro.

651
00:45:33,470 --> 00:45:37,434
Hey, bud. Hey, dad not

652
00:45:37,472 --> 00:45:39,514
dead. Come on. Dinner, please. I'll never

653
00:45:39,552 --> 00:45:42,300
hurt you. I'll never hurt you.

654
00:45:42,610 --> 00:45:44,846
Always love you. What are you doing? You

655
00:45:44,868 --> 00:45:47,198
know, our boys got serious PTSD issues.

656
00:45:47,284 --> 00:45:49,566
You've got PTSD? That doesn't even make

657
00:45:49,588 --> 00:45:51,700
any sense. You don't make sense.

658
00:46:01,350 --> 00:46:03,334
Welcome to Epstein's Island. You know,

659
00:46:03,372 --> 00:46:07,510
too much lifted.

660
00:46:09,050 --> 00:46:11,910
Whoa, ELO.

661
00:46:16,510 --> 00:46:18,860
Hey. What the hell's the matter with you?

662
00:46:20,430 --> 00:46:22,380
That is enough.

663
00:46:23,790 --> 00:46:26,586
You have a coach whistle. That's funny. I

664
00:46:26,608 --> 00:46:29,450
have a race whistle. That's not funny.

665
00:46:29,810 --> 00:46:33,066
This is the Dream Team. Seriously,

666
00:46:33,258 --> 00:46:35,722
what's up? I'm Jake, and I love poetry.

667
00:46:35,786 --> 00:46:37,694
No one cares. What's up. I'm Blaine, and I

668
00:46:37,732 --> 00:46:41,220
hate poetry. Easy, boys. This is my

669
00:46:41,590 --> 00:46:42,610
girlfriend.

670
00:46:44,550 --> 00:46:47,506
I'm a reporter, and I'm here to start my

671
00:46:47,528 --> 00:46:50,466
profile on the scene. Profile? Why would

672
00:46:50,488 --> 00:46:52,194
we need a profile? We're just getting

673
00:46:52,232 --> 00:46:52,820
started.

674
00:46:56,890 --> 00:47:00,120
You haven't told them? Told us what?

675
00:47:02,010 --> 00:47:03,240
Told us what?

676
00:47:18,530 --> 00:47:43,734
Ray bad.

677
00:47:43,852 --> 00:47:47,474
It's not that bad. Really? Have you lost

678
00:47:47,522 --> 00:47:49,282
your mind? You know the name Crating

679
00:47:49,346 --> 00:47:50,966
Company, it still means something in this

680
00:47:50,988 --> 00:47:52,966
town. And we're not going to besmirch it

681
00:47:52,988 --> 00:47:56,874
in this way. I'm going back

682
00:47:56,912 --> 00:47:58,726
to the woods. I've never been so disgusted

683
00:47:58,758 --> 00:48:01,420
in my life. I ain't no chick, bro.

684
00:48:04,270 --> 00:48:07,066
I'd cut my dick off for you, Coach. Just

685
00:48:07,088 --> 00:48:09,420
say the word and it's gone.

686
00:48:10,290 --> 00:48:12,926
And I'm not dragging him into it. I'm not

687
00:48:13,028 --> 00:48:14,640
doing some stupid thing.

688
00:48:16,130 --> 00:48:18,830
Come on, take a knee,

689
00:48:23,990 --> 00:48:27,714
boys. No men.

690
00:48:27,912 --> 00:48:29,794
I know I'm asking a lot of you. Hell,

691
00:48:29,832 --> 00:48:31,954
I've always asked a lot of you, even when

692
00:48:31,992 --> 00:48:33,610
no one else would. Even when you didn't

693
00:48:33,630 --> 00:48:36,406
think you had anything left to give. Do

694
00:48:36,428 --> 00:48:40,040
you remember where that got us? I do.

695
00:48:40,650 --> 00:48:42,918
I remember holding that trophy in my hands

696
00:48:43,004 --> 00:48:46,246
with you boys by my side. And where have

697
00:48:46,268 --> 00:48:47,834
you gotten since I stopped asking too much

698
00:48:47,872 --> 00:48:51,130
of you? Jake and Blaine running the

699
00:48:51,200 --> 00:48:53,546
Skeeziest car lot on the skeeziest side of

700
00:48:53,568 --> 00:48:57,114
town. David too afraid to even leave

701
00:48:57,152 --> 00:49:00,830
the woods. It's so fat. I've gained three

702
00:49:00,900 --> 00:49:03,774
pounds since high school. You're fat. And

703
00:49:03,812 --> 00:49:07,166
Felix. I mean

704
00:49:07,188 --> 00:49:08,814
Felix. You did all right. Nobody saw that

705
00:49:08,852 --> 00:49:11,666
coming. You know what I'm offering you

706
00:49:11,688 --> 00:49:15,138
now? Something nobody's offered you in a

707
00:49:15,144 --> 00:49:18,434
long time. A chance. A chance at

708
00:49:18,472 --> 00:49:22,290
success. A chance at dignity.

709
00:49:23,830 --> 00:49:25,350
A chance at redemption.

710
00:49:27,610 --> 00:49:30,498
What about me, coach kind of already ended

711
00:49:30,514 --> 00:49:31,590
the speech, buddy.

712
00:49:35,010 --> 00:49:37,520
Screw it. I'm in.

713
00:49:39,890 --> 00:49:40,640
Fine.

714
00:49:43,590 --> 00:49:47,700
There's my boys. Me too.

715
00:49:50,470 --> 00:49:53,006
So are we or aren't we cutting our dicks

716
00:49:53,038 --> 00:49:54,626
off? Nobody's cutting their dicks off,

717
00:49:54,648 --> 00:49:56,726
budy. I totally would, though, just for

718
00:49:56,748 --> 00:50:00,566
the record. Dude, what's the

719
00:50:00,588 --> 00:50:04,194
deal with those two heteropaternal

720
00:50:04,242 --> 00:50:07,542
superfuckendation? They're half

721
00:50:07,596 --> 00:50:09,110
brother twins.

722
00:50:11,390 --> 00:50:14,060
Same mom, same time,

723
00:50:14,590 --> 00:50:17,920
different dance. Sounds hot.

724
00:50:18,850 --> 00:50:21,360
Daddy. Hey,

725
00:50:21,890 --> 00:50:25,166
where's my little athlete? Oh, this is

726
00:50:25,188 --> 00:50:28,706
Miss Gwen. Alex. Boyce, it's good to

727
00:50:28,728 --> 00:50:30,740
see you. What's up, Mrs. G?

728
00:50:32,790 --> 00:50:33,940
Hey, you.

729
00:50:36,870 --> 00:50:40,530
Hello, Robert. Hello, Darby. Your hands

730
00:50:40,600 --> 00:50:41,890
off my boyfriend.

731
00:50:44,230 --> 00:50:46,534
Thanks for ringing by. Huh? I got a little

732
00:50:46,572 --> 00:50:49,414
caught up. Look at this.

733
00:50:49,532 --> 00:50:51,638
You got the state champs back together.

734
00:50:51,804 --> 00:50:53,474
Yeah, we got a little something cooking,

735
00:50:53,522 --> 00:50:56,174
if you can believe it. And a girlfriend.

736
00:50:56,322 --> 00:50:57,754
She's a journalist. You can't believe

737
00:50:57,792 --> 00:51:00,698
anything she says. No, it's fine.

738
00:51:00,784 --> 00:51:03,260
I mean, why wouldn't you date?

739
00:51:06,110 --> 00:51:09,210
I hope you're finally happy, Doc.

740
00:51:12,610 --> 00:51:14,830
That's right. Walk away, bitch.

741
00:51:16,370 --> 00:51:18,320
It's the mother of my child, okay?

742
00:51:19,410 --> 00:51:21,658
Plus, I owe her a mortgage payment. It's

743
00:51:21,674 --> 00:51:23,362
the newest one. This came out this year.

744
00:51:23,496 --> 00:51:26,366
I saw a commercial for it. Lady Balders.

745
00:51:26,558 --> 00:51:29,220
Man up. Come on.

746
00:51:31,670 --> 00:51:34,774
Yes, sir. Ladies. Ladies. You look

747
00:51:34,812 --> 00:51:37,286
ridiculous. Felix, get that bra off your

748
00:51:37,308 --> 00:51:39,154
head. And you gotta shave your beard.

749
00:51:39,202 --> 00:51:40,886
Girls don't have beards, right? Lots of

750
00:51:40,908 --> 00:51:43,026
girls have beards, Daddy. My aunt

751
00:51:43,058 --> 00:51:45,606
teacher's a girl. Her beard is gray.

752
00:51:45,798 --> 00:51:47,898
Daddy's a little busy, so we're just going

753
00:51:47,904 --> 00:51:49,706
to put those headphones right back your

754
00:51:49,728 --> 00:51:52,314
little spawn is right. Girls can have

755
00:51:52,352 --> 00:51:54,810
beards. It's a great headline.

756
00:51:55,890 --> 00:51:58,480
What else has your teacher told you?

757
00:52:07,330 --> 00:52:09,362
Heterosexual is a whole different

758
00:52:09,416 --> 00:52:12,286
category. But really you only need a crap

759
00:52:12,318 --> 00:52:15,154
ton of drugs or complicated surgery every

760
00:52:15,192 --> 00:52:16,914
seven or eight months if your body gets a

761
00:52:16,952 --> 00:52:20,434
big. So a guy can

762
00:52:20,472 --> 00:52:23,126
become a girl with no physical changes at

763
00:52:23,148 --> 00:52:25,240
all? They were always a girl.

764
00:52:25,770 --> 00:52:28,854
Unless they decide they're guys again, in

765
00:52:28,892 --> 00:52:32,006
which case they were always guys. But what

766
00:52:32,028 --> 00:52:34,470
if they, like, go back and forth? Oh,

767
00:52:34,540 --> 00:52:38,266
that's called jigger fluid. So I can be a

768
00:52:38,288 --> 00:52:41,386
woman on the court and a man in the

769
00:52:41,408 --> 00:52:44,886
bedroom? I can't believe it. Nice. You

770
00:52:44,928 --> 00:52:46,350
mean when you're sleeping?

771
00:52:48,610 --> 00:52:52,026
Yes. Okay, I think that's enough knowledge

772
00:52:52,058 --> 00:52:53,790
for one day. Thank you, sweetie.

773
00:52:54,770 --> 00:52:57,600
So any questions?

774
00:52:58,870 --> 00:53:03,330
Yeah, coach? What is a woman?

775
00:53:05,670 --> 00:53:08,610
Guys, it's easy. Women are just like men,

776
00:53:08,680 --> 00:53:12,002
only better. Just shave your legs,

777
00:53:12,146 --> 00:53:13,846
tell each other how brave you are for

778
00:53:13,868 --> 00:53:15,794
things that require absolutely no physical

779
00:53:15,842 --> 00:53:18,486
courage. And don't be afraid to cry at

780
00:53:18,508 --> 00:53:20,550
work. Easy peasy.

781
00:53:24,570 --> 00:53:27,282
All right, I think that's enough, ladies.

782
00:53:27,346 --> 00:53:30,374
Better get some sleep. Tomorrow we start

783
00:53:30,412 --> 00:53:35,400
winning. Let's go, brave you.

784
00:53:49,330 --> 00:53:51,266
History is being made today, as for the

785
00:53:51,288 --> 00:53:53,234
first time ever, the United States will

786
00:53:53,272 --> 00:53:54,738
choose the athletes they send to the

787
00:53:54,744 --> 00:53:57,090
Global Games. From a competition open to

788
00:53:57,160 --> 00:54:00,590
all Americans. It's nice to know the

789
00:54:00,600 --> 00:54:03,330
little guy has a chance for once. Gwen.

790
00:54:03,490 --> 00:54:05,474
During my two weeks of sensitivity

791
00:54:05,522 --> 00:54:08,310
training, I discovered that I am not only.

792
00:54:08,380 --> 00:54:13,234
A raging scoliosexual, but also one 2048th

793
00:54:13,282 --> 00:54:15,986
pure Dakota Indian, so I know what it's

794
00:54:16,018 --> 00:54:18,774
like to overcome adversity. Right,

795
00:54:18,812 --> 00:54:21,986
Stacy? Stacy Santiago O'Brien

796
00:54:22,018 --> 00:54:23,640
is my slave name.

797
00:54:36,370 --> 00:54:38,740
Stacey drake, back to you.

798
00:54:41,430 --> 00:54:43,538
Remember that feeling, boys. The thrill of

799
00:54:43,544 --> 00:54:44,370
the crowd.

800
00:54:48,950 --> 00:54:51,060
Are you crazy? What?

801
00:54:54,150 --> 00:54:57,366
All right, pack it up. Pack it up. Here we

802
00:54:57,388 --> 00:54:58,520
go. Here we go.

803
00:55:01,450 --> 00:55:03,494
That's the end of the men's qualifying

804
00:55:03,542 --> 00:55:07,034
round. Up next, the women who

805
00:55:07,072 --> 00:55:09,754
owns this game, ladyball who was born for

806
00:55:09,792 --> 00:55:12,454
this game, ladyball who loves America.

807
00:55:12,582 --> 00:55:15,282
Ladyballers who can keep a secret.

808
00:55:15,446 --> 00:55:20,014
Ladyballers. Ladyballers on 3123.

809
00:55:20,132 --> 00:55:54,818
Ladyballers Sadie's.

810
00:55:54,834 --> 00:55:58,662
Basketball, boys. Nobody watches. You said

811
00:55:58,716 --> 00:56:01,286
the thrill of the crab. That was

812
00:56:01,308 --> 00:56:04,840
rhetorical. How'd they clear out so fast?

813
00:56:05,330 --> 00:56:07,120
It I don't know.

814
00:56:20,470 --> 00:56:23,058
Hey, what's your problem? Never seen a

815
00:56:23,064 --> 00:56:25,634
ladies basketball team before? Those

816
00:56:25,752 --> 00:56:27,780
aren't like aren't what?

817
00:56:32,740 --> 00:56:34,596
Guys, I'm getting paid, like, $50 to be

818
00:56:34,618 --> 00:56:36,070
here. I don't care.

819
00:56:40,520 --> 00:56:41,270
Hey,

820
00:56:44,120 --> 00:56:48,200
I'm a lesbian. I'm a lesbian.

821
00:56:55,820 --> 00:56:58,008
All right, ladies, keep it clean. Keep it

822
00:56:58,014 --> 00:57:03,484
tucked. Just throw it back

823
00:57:03,522 --> 00:57:04,940
on deep. Back on deep.

824
00:57:08,160 --> 00:57:09,688
What are they doing? I think they're

825
00:57:09,704 --> 00:57:11,784
running a set. They're making me nervous.

826
00:57:11,912 --> 00:57:13,630
Hey, watch out. Watch out.

827
00:57:14,880 --> 00:57:17,948
Oh, my God. I am so sorry.

828
00:57:18,114 --> 00:57:19,580
Get down the corn.

829
00:57:22,800 --> 00:57:40,768
You that's

830
00:57:40,864 --> 00:57:44,032
garbage technical.

831
00:57:44,096 --> 00:57:46,740
And you shut the up. Franz phobic mother.

832
00:57:47,640 --> 00:58:11,072
Oh, it welcome

833
00:58:11,126 --> 00:58:14,980
to my rodeo welcome to my rodeo

834
00:58:15,960 --> 00:58:19,284
welcome to my rodeo welcome to

835
00:58:19,322 --> 00:58:22,900
my welcome to my welcome to my rodeo.

836
00:58:52,960 --> 00:58:55,016
This is great. It's like watching men's

837
00:58:55,048 --> 00:58:55,980
basketball.

838
00:59:38,480 --> 00:59:41,400
We're hugging. We're hugging. It's weird.

839
00:59:41,480 --> 00:59:43,420
Ladyball forever, baby.

840
00:59:45,360 --> 00:59:48,430
Davina. Yeah.

841
01:00:13,660 --> 01:00:16,088
Guys, I'm on the team now.

842
01:00:16,254 --> 01:00:19,208
That felt good.

843
01:00:19,374 --> 01:00:22,588
The crowd loved us. Have you seen the

844
01:00:22,594 --> 01:00:26,328
reaction on Social? We're heroes. I didn't

845
01:00:26,344 --> 01:00:27,756
know it was going to feel this good. I

846
01:00:27,778 --> 01:00:29,500
want to stuff myself in a locker.

847
01:00:32,420 --> 01:00:34,640
How's it feel to be winners again, boys?

848
01:00:35,700 --> 01:00:37,570
Amazing. Incredible. Amazing.

849
01:00:38,820 --> 01:00:40,290
David, what's your problem?

850
01:00:42,260 --> 01:00:44,780
I don't know, Coach. It's just some of

851
01:00:44,790 --> 01:00:46,192
those girls we're out there beating,

852
01:00:46,256 --> 01:00:48,004
they've worked their entire lives for this

853
01:00:48,042 --> 01:00:50,384
opportunity. I didn't make the rules,

854
01:00:50,432 --> 01:00:53,748
pal. Okay, but aren't we just using our

855
01:00:53,834 --> 01:00:57,144
innate strength and speed to wail on

856
01:00:57,182 --> 01:01:00,024
a bunch of girls in a competition where we

857
01:01:00,062 --> 01:01:02,440
wouldn't stand a chance against other men?

858
01:01:02,590 --> 01:01:06,184
None. I mean, Coach, what's that

859
01:01:06,222 --> 01:01:09,644
make us? Winners? I'll take a course.

860
01:01:09,682 --> 01:01:12,764
I would for a thousand growing couch. Not

861
01:01:12,802 --> 01:01:15,020
cases. Cups of daily double.

862
01:01:21,440 --> 01:01:25,040
Put a baby in me. What? No, you're right.

863
01:01:25,190 --> 01:01:27,036
The last thing I need is another abortion

864
01:01:27,068 --> 01:01:30,850
this year. You're a monster. What?

865
01:01:31,220 --> 01:01:32,768
You have any idea what it takes to be a

866
01:01:32,774 --> 01:01:35,024
female field reporter in the 29th biggest

867
01:01:35,072 --> 01:01:36,870
media market? No.

868
01:01:38,200 --> 01:01:41,412
Whatever. I just think what we're doing

869
01:01:41,466 --> 01:01:46,324
here isn't right. No way.

870
01:01:46,522 --> 01:01:49,480
I just got sponsored by Maybelline.

871
01:01:50,540 --> 01:01:52,600
Nike wants me to be in a commercial about

872
01:01:52,670 --> 01:01:55,256
tolerance or some crap. Nike wants me to

873
01:01:55,278 --> 01:01:56,984
be in a commercial about tolerance or some

874
01:01:57,022 --> 01:01:59,704
crap. I was just invited to the White

875
01:01:59,742 --> 01:02:02,632
House to give a talk on women's rights.

876
01:02:02,696 --> 01:02:04,876
You earn that, you own it. Slight girl you

877
01:02:04,898 --> 01:02:06,856
go, girl. Welcome to the Virtue economy,

878
01:02:06,888 --> 01:02:09,436
girls. And that's just from one game of

879
01:02:09,458 --> 01:02:12,832
basketball. You could win at any

880
01:02:12,966 --> 01:02:16,032
sport. You could win at every

881
01:02:16,166 --> 01:02:19,536
sport. No. All right,

882
01:02:19,558 --> 01:02:22,348
focus up, focus up. She's right, Coach.

883
01:02:22,444 --> 01:02:25,200
We could dominate every woman's sport.

884
01:02:25,360 --> 01:02:28,704
Running, swimming, soccer. I said sport,

885
01:02:28,752 --> 01:02:31,350
Felix. Hey, we talked about this.

886
01:02:31,800 --> 01:02:34,500
We should be kings. Queens.

887
01:02:35,000 --> 01:02:37,368
No, that's not the plan. We're here to

888
01:02:37,374 --> 01:02:39,428
play basketball. We still have four games

889
01:02:39,444 --> 01:02:41,236
to go before we even qualify. You can't

890
01:02:41,268 --> 01:02:42,890
assume they're all going to be this easy.

891
01:02:43,820 --> 01:02:45,050
I'm with her.

892
01:02:48,080 --> 01:02:51,070
Holy crap. They are going to be this easy.

893
01:03:13,560 --> 01:03:17,552
It out in the streets,

894
01:03:17,616 --> 01:03:21,092
you're fighting coming up in

895
01:03:21,146 --> 01:03:26,472
a time where you

896
01:03:26,526 --> 01:03:31,370
made it no one can take history

897
01:03:33,420 --> 01:03:36,196
one small step for dudes one giant leap

898
01:03:36,228 --> 01:03:37,160
for lesbian.

899
01:03:43,360 --> 01:03:46,652
Always reaching, driving, sweating for it.

900
01:03:46,706 --> 01:03:49,324
You're number one, so you know that got

901
01:03:49,362 --> 01:03:52,144
him focused. There's a sleeping in when

902
01:03:52,182 --> 01:03:54,080
you live the dream,

903
01:03:55,060 --> 01:04:02,576
brother can't you see what

904
01:04:02,598 --> 01:04:04,310
can take it for you?

905
01:04:07,800 --> 01:04:11,652
You always had a day one of being a girl

906
01:04:11,706 --> 01:04:13,696
athlete. I've already eaten a whole pint

907
01:04:13,728 --> 01:04:15,616
of pistachio ice cream, given up on

908
01:04:15,658 --> 01:04:18,376
parallel parking twice. Reread Sense and

909
01:04:18,398 --> 01:04:20,936
Sensibility and started washing down

910
01:04:20,958 --> 01:04:25,048
Benzodiazepines with Rose. I love you,

911
01:04:25,134 --> 01:04:28,744
girl how'd I do? Ladies, this is

912
01:04:28,782 --> 01:04:31,564
going to count on you.

913
01:04:31,682 --> 01:04:34,344
Butterfly, just look inside we're waiting

914
01:04:34,392 --> 01:04:38,140
on you you always had the freedom

915
01:04:38,640 --> 01:04:42,536
take any commerce and be my pronouns

916
01:04:42,568 --> 01:04:46,684
are I'm wrong you always

917
01:04:46,802 --> 01:04:53,060
had the freedom no

918
01:04:53,250 --> 01:06:36,750
mo ras.

919
01:06:36,770 --> 01:06:39,562
If I'm really being honest, I've never

920
01:06:39,616 --> 01:06:43,210
completely known myself. Or been known

921
01:06:44,110 --> 01:06:47,694
until now. You've all overcome so many

922
01:06:47,732 --> 01:06:51,530
obstacles. I've developed body positivity

923
01:06:51,610 --> 01:06:55,258
issues. She's a. Yeah, it still hasn't

924
01:06:55,274 --> 01:06:58,478
been easy. Some people wouldn't even let

925
01:06:58,484 --> 01:07:02,130
us use the women's showers. No such

926
01:07:02,200 --> 01:07:04,178
bigotry. You know, it's been especially

927
01:07:04,264 --> 01:07:07,234
hard for Felix here, who was bullied in

928
01:07:07,272 --> 01:07:10,690
high school. It's. She L coach.

929
01:07:11,430 --> 01:07:13,346
Maybe you can just, like, not dead name me

930
01:07:13,368 --> 01:07:16,598
for five freaking seconds. Okay. You know,

931
01:07:16,604 --> 01:07:18,230
as my daughter Winnie has informed me,

932
01:07:18,300 --> 01:07:20,454
one can even be trans age now, which

933
01:07:20,492 --> 01:07:21,954
provides Shealix with a wonderful

934
01:07:22,002 --> 01:07:23,906
opportunity to relive all the experiences

935
01:07:23,938 --> 01:07:27,094
that she missed out on in school. Like

936
01:07:27,132 --> 01:07:30,120
having my period never happened. Yes.

937
01:07:30,570 --> 01:07:32,230
Let's go to the package.

938
01:08:19,390 --> 01:08:21,434
What do you say, Coach, to people at home

939
01:08:21,472 --> 01:08:24,214
who suggest your athletes have unfair

940
01:08:24,262 --> 01:08:26,982
natural advantages and LeBron doesn't?

941
01:08:27,046 --> 01:08:29,126
Tiger doesn't. We're talking about elite

942
01:08:29,158 --> 01:08:30,686
athletes, Quinn. Of course they have

943
01:08:30,708 --> 01:08:32,686
natural gifts. What about people who say

944
01:08:32,708 --> 01:08:34,714
that women could never compete in men's

945
01:08:34,762 --> 01:08:37,338
sports? Well, that's a lie. Caitlin Jenner

946
01:08:37,354 --> 01:08:40,574
won the men's decathlon in 1976. My ladies

947
01:08:40,622 --> 01:08:42,686
were high school state champions in boys

948
01:08:42,718 --> 01:08:46,206
basketball. Some would say they were boys

949
01:08:46,238 --> 01:08:48,980
back then. Well, anyone who would say that

950
01:08:49,670 --> 01:08:51,410
doesn't understand science.

951
01:08:57,150 --> 01:08:59,854
That was fun. You want to grab some

952
01:08:59,892 --> 01:09:01,466
avocado toast and time into the furnace

953
01:09:01,498 --> 01:09:03,374
again? I think the blisters are starting

954
01:09:03,412 --> 01:09:05,486
to heal from last time. Not here, you

955
01:09:05,508 --> 01:09:08,346
idiots. That was awesome. Mr.

956
01:09:08,388 --> 01:09:10,500
Wild. Who said you could speak to me.

957
01:09:10,950 --> 01:09:13,874
Okay. You did it,

958
01:09:13,912 --> 01:09:16,994
Daddy. Hey, there she

959
01:09:17,032 --> 01:09:19,698
is. Okay, daddy's going to talk to the

960
01:09:19,704 --> 01:09:21,958
girls. Score 1 minute. Can you wait for me

961
01:09:21,964 --> 01:09:22,680
over there?

962
01:09:25,450 --> 01:09:28,498
Bella's? Where's the after party? No party

963
01:09:28,514 --> 01:09:30,914
for me, Coach. Gotta work on my backhand

964
01:09:30,962 --> 01:09:32,662
so I can make the women's tennis team

965
01:09:32,716 --> 01:09:35,874
tomorrow. Yeah, we're out, too, Coach.

966
01:09:35,922 --> 01:09:37,866
Got a couple hawkheads coming over to the

967
01:09:37,888 --> 01:09:40,490
office for an old fashioned sleepover.

968
01:09:41,230 --> 01:09:43,066
Y'all know girls don't have sex with each

969
01:09:43,088 --> 01:09:45,290
other at sleepovers, right? Wait, what?

970
01:09:45,360 --> 01:09:47,166
Look, they told me Internet made a

971
01:09:47,188 --> 01:09:48,158
mistake. I didn't make this. That's why I

972
01:09:48,164 --> 01:09:51,338
gave you lying. Well, that's why mom hated

973
01:09:51,354 --> 01:09:55,198
you. Felix got a

974
01:09:55,204 --> 01:09:57,694
blog, babe. Day three of being a girl

975
01:09:57,732 --> 01:09:59,870
athlete. I already have 2 million

976
01:09:59,940 --> 01:10:02,910
followers. Like and subscribe bitch.

977
01:10:04,210 --> 01:10:05,746
Well, hey, I need you fresh tomorrow for

978
01:10:05,768 --> 01:10:07,154
the game. How? I don't stay up all night.

979
01:10:07,192 --> 01:10:08,740
I'm always fresh, girl.

980
01:10:12,570 --> 01:10:14,246
Hey, that was quite a display back there

981
01:10:14,268 --> 01:10:16,326
with the waterworks. You all right? I

982
01:10:16,348 --> 01:10:18,054
meant every word. This is the best

983
01:10:18,092 --> 01:10:20,886
experience of my life, Coach. I feel like

984
01:10:20,908 --> 01:10:23,880
a brand new woman. Brand new man.

985
01:10:24,250 --> 01:10:27,094
What? Oops. Where is my head?

986
01:10:27,132 --> 01:10:29,058
I've got to get to the spa for a manipetty

987
01:10:29,074 --> 01:10:30,230
before the game tomorrow.

988
01:10:34,850 --> 01:10:36,110
That was weird.

989
01:10:49,190 --> 01:10:52,850
Mommy. Hi, sweetie.

990
01:10:54,790 --> 01:10:56,418
Can you go wait with Chris in the car for

991
01:10:56,424 --> 01:10:58,098
a second? Mommy needs to talk to Daddy for

992
01:10:58,104 --> 01:10:58,850
a minute.

993
01:11:01,770 --> 01:11:04,754
What's up? You have to stop, Rob.

994
01:11:04,882 --> 01:11:07,174
Stop what? The Crane boys. Really? What

995
01:11:07,212 --> 01:11:09,078
about them? They barely even bother to

996
01:11:09,084 --> 01:11:12,374
shave their legs. My former lover the

997
01:11:12,412 --> 01:11:14,938
turf. Oh, please. Look, I don't know what

998
01:11:14,944 --> 01:11:16,806
to tell you. My girls say they're girls,

999
01:11:16,838 --> 01:11:18,506
so they're girls, but they don't even

1000
01:11:18,528 --> 01:11:21,914
believe it. Except maybe Alex. That kid

1001
01:11:21,952 --> 01:11:23,980
isn't well. No.

1002
01:11:26,930 --> 01:11:31,646
You know what? I think they need a

1003
01:11:31,668 --> 01:11:32,350
hug.

1004
01:11:36,690 --> 01:11:38,446
Half of these ideas come from Winnie. You

1005
01:11:38,468 --> 01:11:40,398
know, between your stupid woke school and

1006
01:11:40,404 --> 01:11:42,026
your stupid woke boyfriend. That's

1007
01:11:42,058 --> 01:11:44,298
different. How is it different? Chris,

1008
01:11:44,474 --> 01:11:47,854
he's big hearted. You're taking

1009
01:11:47,892 --> 01:11:50,214
advantage so guys like Chris get to just

1010
01:11:50,252 --> 01:11:52,166
make this crap up, and if I go along with

1011
01:11:52,188 --> 01:11:53,734
it, I'm taking advantage? That's real

1012
01:11:53,772 --> 01:11:55,330
nice. You're better than this, Rob.

1013
01:11:55,410 --> 01:11:56,566
You're the one who couldn't handle being

1014
01:11:56,588 --> 01:11:58,006
married to a loser. You're the one who

1015
01:11:58,028 --> 01:12:00,022
told me to try winning sometime. I never

1016
01:12:00,076 --> 01:12:02,374
cared if you won or lost. I just wanted

1017
01:12:02,412 --> 01:12:04,682
you to be happy. You were always so

1018
01:12:04,736 --> 01:12:06,506
unhappy. Well, take a good look, because

1019
01:12:06,528 --> 01:12:09,082
I'm happy. Baby, you know this is wrong.

1020
01:12:09,216 --> 01:12:11,238
I'm happy and my girls are happy. They're

1021
01:12:11,254 --> 01:12:12,730
not real girls,

1022
01:12:18,130 --> 01:12:18,910
Chris.

1023
01:12:22,050 --> 01:12:26,160
No, you know what? Fine. I'm the bad guy.

1024
01:12:27,090 --> 01:12:28,430
Come on, Winnie.

1025
01:12:37,090 --> 01:12:38,880
At least we still have each other.

1026
01:13:02,410 --> 01:13:05,200
Alexa. What's? Get in the game.

1027
01:13:17,170 --> 01:13:18,240
Come on.

1028
01:13:34,250 --> 01:13:37,080
Excuse me. Are these seats open?

1029
01:13:39,050 --> 01:13:42,146
Never mind. Told you we should have sprung

1030
01:13:42,178 --> 01:13:43,430
for the box seat.

1031
01:13:45,610 --> 01:13:47,594
Put your prop I think the girl broke my

1032
01:13:47,632 --> 01:13:49,580
nail. Get off my foot.

1033
01:13:50,670 --> 01:13:53,260
You tennis looks so easy.

1034
01:13:54,670 --> 01:13:56,474
Flair. Would you run a freaking marathon

1035
01:13:56,522 --> 01:13:59,054
last night? Let's just say david was wrong

1036
01:13:59,092 --> 01:14:00,654
about the girl's sleepover last night.

1037
01:14:00,692 --> 01:14:03,738
Coach jake.

1038
01:14:03,834 --> 01:14:05,598
Let's just say David was wrong about the

1039
01:14:05,604 --> 01:14:07,470
girl's sleepover last night, Coach.

1040
01:14:07,890 --> 01:14:10,238
Monica from the Hawkettes played a little

1041
01:14:10,244 --> 01:14:12,046
one on one with her last night. Shirts and

1042
01:14:12,068 --> 01:14:14,494
skin style. Kept me up like half the

1043
01:14:14,532 --> 01:14:16,846
night. What? Monica kept me up half the

1044
01:14:16,868 --> 01:14:21,846
night. Which half? Do you told

1045
01:14:21,868 --> 01:14:43,430
you not to talk. You must have that's.

1046
01:15:08,890 --> 01:15:11,320
It all right.

1047
01:15:12,970 --> 01:15:15,174
What can I say? It wasn't a pretty win,

1048
01:15:15,212 --> 01:15:17,238
but it was a win. My girls look forward to

1049
01:15:17,244 --> 01:15:18,694
participating in the championship game

1050
01:15:18,732 --> 01:15:21,080
tomorrow. That's it. Any questions?

1051
01:15:40,820 --> 01:15:44,448
Daddy, can we talk? Daddy's a

1052
01:15:44,454 --> 01:15:46,450
little busy right now, honey. Can we?

1053
01:15:51,080 --> 01:15:53,540
Of course you can, baby. Anytime.

1054
01:15:55,560 --> 01:15:57,910
Come on, sit down. Yeah.

1055
01:16:00,520 --> 01:16:02,268
I'm sorry you saw mom and dad fighting

1056
01:16:02,304 --> 01:16:05,448
last night. That's not for you. I want to

1057
01:16:05,454 --> 01:16:06,330
be a boy.

1058
01:16:09,550 --> 01:16:12,074
What? I want to be a winner just like you,

1059
01:16:12,112 --> 01:16:12,810
Daddy.

1060
01:16:17,970 --> 01:16:20,000
What's that have to do with being a boy?

1061
01:16:20,450 --> 01:16:23,870
Boys are better at everything. Honey,

1062
01:16:25,410 --> 01:16:27,246
that's just not true. They're better at

1063
01:16:27,268 --> 01:16:29,874
basketball. Okay, yeah, basketball and

1064
01:16:29,912 --> 01:16:32,882
swimming. Okay, MMA. That goes without

1065
01:16:32,936 --> 01:16:35,154
saying. And running and javelin, power

1066
01:16:35,192 --> 01:16:37,310
lifting, shot putt. Hockey, karate,

1067
01:16:37,390 --> 01:16:39,678
football, hole vault driving, parking,

1068
01:16:39,774 --> 01:16:42,142
most of the stem fields. Rock and roll.

1069
01:16:42,206 --> 01:16:44,440
Opening pickle jars. Okay,

1070
01:16:45,370 --> 01:16:47,014
yeah, boys are better at all of those

1071
01:16:47,052 --> 01:16:49,302
things. But those are just things,

1072
01:16:49,356 --> 01:16:51,686
Winnie. Things boys made up so we'd have

1073
01:16:51,708 --> 01:16:53,000
something to be good at.

1074
01:16:55,390 --> 01:16:58,774
Doesn't matter anyway, because girls can't

1075
01:16:58,822 --> 01:17:02,566
become boys. Boys clearly can't

1076
01:17:02,598 --> 01:17:05,820
become girls. Listen,

1077
01:17:06,590 --> 01:17:08,640
women are better at all kinds of things.

1078
01:17:09,090 --> 01:17:11,646
They can be nurturing and sensitive and

1079
01:17:11,668 --> 01:17:14,174
empathetic. Better at doing lots of things

1080
01:17:14,212 --> 01:17:15,934
at once and caring for a lot of people at

1081
01:17:15,972 --> 01:17:18,862
once. They're better at communicating and

1082
01:17:18,916 --> 01:17:19,920
building community.

1083
01:17:22,930 --> 01:17:24,660
And they civilize men.

1084
01:17:25,910 --> 01:17:27,218
It's the only reason we have a

1085
01:17:27,224 --> 01:17:29,540
civilization. No women,

1086
01:17:31,370 --> 01:17:35,746
no world. Did Mommy civilize

1087
01:17:35,778 --> 01:17:36,360
you?

1088
01:17:41,610 --> 01:17:42,600
She tried.

1089
01:17:46,750 --> 01:17:48,300
I think she's still trying.

1090
01:17:50,270 --> 01:17:52,220
Plus, Mommy brought you into the world.

1091
01:17:52,590 --> 01:17:54,650
That's a superpower no man will ever have.

1092
01:17:54,720 --> 01:17:56,880
Yeah. Okay.

1093
01:17:59,970 --> 01:18:02,206
You go with Mommy. Daddy's got a few

1094
01:18:02,228 --> 01:18:03,360
things to figure out.

1095
01:18:16,290 --> 01:18:19,602
The sunset is rising the love we feel

1096
01:18:19,656 --> 01:18:21,826
despite our faults could change hearts for

1097
01:18:21,848 --> 01:18:25,206
some just a sip more brandy seems

1098
01:18:25,308 --> 01:18:28,678
perfectly sad or at least

1099
01:18:28,764 --> 01:18:33,734
the feel is fine we

1100
01:18:33,772 --> 01:18:36,982
break bread again we see our

1101
01:18:37,036 --> 01:18:42,554
wicked truth and make plans my

1102
01:18:42,592 --> 01:18:44,426
God, you're weak. How the hell did you get

1103
01:18:44,448 --> 01:18:47,386
in here? You gave me a key. I absolutely

1104
01:18:47,488 --> 01:18:49,306
did not give you a key. You're right. I

1105
01:18:49,328 --> 01:18:52,762
picked the lock. What do you want, Gwen?

1106
01:18:52,906 --> 01:18:55,066
What do I want? How about for you to stick

1107
01:18:55,098 --> 01:18:56,906
to your end of the deal? Your merry band

1108
01:18:56,938 --> 01:18:59,102
of losers almost shit the bed out there.

1109
01:18:59,156 --> 01:19:00,858
Yeah, we won, didn't we? And what's with

1110
01:19:00,884 --> 01:19:02,562
all this boys and girls are different,

1111
01:19:02,616 --> 01:19:05,054
honey? At least you can have babies crap.

1112
01:19:05,102 --> 01:19:06,820
Would you bug the locker room?

1113
01:19:08,790 --> 01:19:10,818
What if that had been for a different

1114
01:19:10,904 --> 01:19:13,250
network, idiot?

1115
01:19:14,310 --> 01:19:16,520
I'm sorry. I forgot I was Micked. Okay.

1116
01:19:19,850 --> 01:19:22,550
I just need you to be a winner, Coach.

1117
01:19:23,470 --> 01:19:27,926
Okay. No, I'm sorry. It's this divorce.

1118
01:19:28,118 --> 01:19:29,866
I think it's really starting to affect my

1119
01:19:29,888 --> 01:19:32,570
daughter. Seriously?

1120
01:19:33,710 --> 01:19:35,466
Of course your divorce is affecting your

1121
01:19:35,488 --> 01:19:37,786
daughter. 70% of all people in prison come

1122
01:19:37,808 --> 01:19:39,626
from broken families. She's twice as

1123
01:19:39,648 --> 01:19:41,338
likely to do drugs, twice as likely to

1124
01:19:41,344 --> 01:19:43,178
drop out of school, four times as likely

1125
01:19:43,194 --> 01:19:44,718
to have trouble fitting in, three times as

1126
01:19:44,724 --> 01:19:46,366
likely to end up in therapy, twice as

1127
01:19:46,388 --> 01:19:48,798
likely to commit suicide, 50% more likely

1128
01:19:48,814 --> 01:19:52,786
to have health problems. Do you people not

1129
01:19:52,808 --> 01:19:54,354
even do a freaking Google search before

1130
01:19:54,392 --> 01:19:56,434
you decide to blow up the planet your kids

1131
01:19:56,472 --> 01:19:57,300
live on?

1132
01:20:00,070 --> 01:20:08,866
Greeters Winnie's

1133
01:20:08,898 --> 01:20:12,018
going to be fine. Just keep fighting

1134
01:20:12,034 --> 01:20:14,474
with her mom and get her into a school

1135
01:20:14,512 --> 01:20:17,994
journalism program. She could end up like

1136
01:20:18,032 --> 01:20:20,860
me. Oh, God.

1137
01:20:33,890 --> 01:20:36,766
I just need you to focus on what really

1138
01:20:36,948 --> 01:20:39,490
matters. Winning.

1139
01:20:40,550 --> 01:20:43,746
Winning tomorrow and becoming the most

1140
01:20:43,848 --> 01:20:47,602
important news story in the history of

1141
01:20:47,656 --> 01:20:50,100
sports. Okay?

1142
01:20:53,450 --> 01:20:55,126
What we're doing to these women. The

1143
01:20:55,148 --> 01:20:57,560
entire concept of women's sports is wrong.

1144
01:21:06,510 --> 01:21:09,194
Stop It. You listen to me, Coach. These

1145
01:21:09,232 --> 01:21:12,554
are not sexy slaps. Do you hear me? Do not

1146
01:21:12,592 --> 01:21:14,780
get aroused right now. Not even a little.

1147
01:21:16,510 --> 01:21:20,306
I stake my entire future on this deep

1148
01:21:20,358 --> 01:21:22,826
transhumanist tech oligarchs and nihilist

1149
01:21:22,858 --> 01:21:24,586
college professors have already convinced

1150
01:21:24,618 --> 01:21:26,286
every self righteous housewife with

1151
01:21:26,308 --> 01:21:28,366
munchausen by proxy to sacrifice their

1152
01:21:28,388 --> 01:21:30,370
kids on the altar of false virtue.

1153
01:21:31,910 --> 01:21:34,500
The least we could do is get rich off it.

1154
01:21:36,150 --> 01:21:39,554
Gracie. You ruin this for me, and I'll cut

1155
01:21:39,592 --> 01:21:43,990
you in ways that don't lead to orgasm.

1156
01:21:45,050 --> 01:21:48,070
I'll cancel you. Robert.

1157
01:21:53,210 --> 01:21:56,746
Are we ever even going to have sex? How

1158
01:21:56,848 --> 01:21:57,500
Much?

1159
01:22:02,270 --> 01:22:04,518
It's an amazing day for Middle Tennessee

1160
01:22:04,614 --> 01:22:07,670
as 10,000 people are gathered right here

1161
01:22:07,760 --> 01:22:10,762
in Music City for the women's championship

1162
01:22:10,826 --> 01:22:13,662
basketball match in the first ever US.

1163
01:22:13,716 --> 01:22:16,286
Open for the Global Games. A big day for

1164
01:22:16,308 --> 01:22:19,514
sports and a big day for trans rights,

1165
01:22:19,642 --> 01:22:22,670
which are women's rights, which are human

1166
01:22:22,740 --> 01:22:24,962
rights. Why do you always get to talk

1167
01:22:25,016 --> 01:22:27,474
first? I beg your pardon? It's just

1168
01:22:27,512 --> 01:22:29,774
evidence of systemic sexism and racism.

1169
01:22:29,822 --> 01:22:31,940
Drake you Are Very White,

1170
01:22:39,510 --> 01:22:43,234
ladies and gentlemen and in between from

1171
01:22:43,272 --> 01:23:04,970
mass

1172
01:23:07,790 --> 01:23:11,122
and from Santa fe the

1173
01:23:11,176 --> 01:23:43,546
skinless cowgirl why

1174
01:23:43,568 --> 01:23:45,850
is Gwen Wilde talking to their Coach?

1175
01:23:47,650 --> 01:23:49,470
What's wrong with his neck?

1176
01:23:51,090 --> 01:23:53,838
Ernest Burns. I dated girl like that once.

1177
01:23:53,924 --> 01:23:56,222
The Cowgirls seem to have made some last

1178
01:23:56,276 --> 01:23:59,634
minute substitutions. Keep talking, big

1179
01:23:59,672 --> 01:24:00,260
man.

1180
01:24:03,110 --> 01:24:05,726
Those aren't the Santa Fe cowgirls. Let's

1181
01:24:05,758 --> 01:24:08,526
just say I made some substitution. Can't

1182
01:24:08,558 --> 01:24:10,046
substitute players in a qualification

1183
01:24:10,158 --> 01:24:11,878
match. Qualifying the players is the

1184
01:24:11,884 --> 01:24:14,600
entire point. There's no rule against it.

1185
01:24:16,570 --> 01:24:18,726
Yeah, pretty much. Just making it up as we

1186
01:24:18,748 --> 01:24:22,680
go. But they're not real. They're not what

1187
01:24:28,910 --> 01:24:31,046
she told me. There's a sniper here. It's

1188
01:24:31,078 --> 01:24:34,300
raptors right now. Help Me.

1189
01:24:38,370 --> 01:24:39,120
Okay.

1190
01:24:41,410 --> 01:24:43,150
What's the story there, Coach?

1191
01:24:44,130 --> 01:24:46,750
Gentlemen, alex.

1192
01:24:47,890 --> 01:24:49,950
I've known you men since you were boys.

1193
01:24:50,690 --> 01:24:52,070
This isn't the first time we've walked

1194
01:24:52,090 --> 01:24:54,446
into a championship game as the underdogs.

1195
01:24:54,638 --> 01:24:57,538
Remember what happened last time. We won.

1196
01:24:57,624 --> 01:25:00,740
We won. So ask yourselves this.

1197
01:25:01,350 --> 01:25:02,834
What do we have then that we don't have

1198
01:25:02,872 --> 01:25:05,458
now? Practice. Youth? A black guy on the

1199
01:25:05,464 --> 01:25:08,758
team? Heart. We had heart. We had love of

1200
01:25:08,764 --> 01:25:11,286
the game. We had the desire to win and the

1201
01:25:11,308 --> 01:25:14,326
determination to do it. It wasn't about

1202
01:25:14,428 --> 01:25:17,718
money. Then sponsorships, fame. Trying to

1203
01:25:17,724 --> 01:25:19,066
keep the psychojournalists I've been

1204
01:25:19,088 --> 01:25:20,458
trying to sleep with from shooting us all

1205
01:25:20,464 --> 01:25:23,546
with sniper rifles. What? It was

1206
01:25:23,568 --> 01:25:26,106
about basketball. Wait, you got tied to a

1207
01:25:26,128 --> 01:25:29,166
furnace and didn't get laid? I like to

1208
01:25:29,188 --> 01:25:32,510
move slow, Blaine. It's called respect.

1209
01:25:33,410 --> 01:25:35,646
It was about love of competition, then

1210
01:25:35,828 --> 01:25:38,190
love of your teammates. Love of America.

1211
01:25:38,690 --> 01:25:41,458
And it was about one simple, beautiful

1212
01:25:41,544 --> 01:25:45,570
truth. Winners are just losers

1213
01:25:46,150 --> 01:25:49,842
who win. There he is. I said winners are

1214
01:25:49,896 --> 01:25:53,506
just losers, sir. Winners are

1215
01:25:53,528 --> 01:25:56,642
just losers who win. Winners are just

1216
01:25:56,696 --> 01:25:59,854
losers who win. Winners are just losers

1217
01:25:59,902 --> 01:26:02,546
who win. Winners are just losers. I'm so

1218
01:26:02,568 --> 01:26:04,226
sick of you doing that. How was I supposed

1219
01:26:04,248 --> 01:26:05,610
to know when to stop? Did you guys

1220
01:26:05,640 --> 01:26:08,374
practice? How are you, Rich?

1221
01:26:08,422 --> 01:26:11,690
Yeah, let's play some basketball.

1222
01:26:32,000 --> 01:26:32,750
SA,

1223
01:27:59,330 --> 01:28:02,814
bro, you know tampons are for real girls,

1224
01:28:02,862 --> 01:28:05,554
right? No. Now they're for people who

1225
01:28:05,592 --> 01:28:07,860
bleed. Where'd you even get those things?

1226
01:28:08,390 --> 01:28:10,450
I found them in Alex's purse.

1227
01:28:11,830 --> 01:28:14,006
Oh, Lordy. Where does he put oh, great

1228
01:28:14,028 --> 01:28:15,080
balls of fire.

1229
01:28:21,540 --> 01:28:24,416
Jake. Blaine. Hey,

1230
01:28:24,438 --> 01:28:27,776
Monica. Hey. There's something I have to

1231
01:28:27,798 --> 01:28:28,690
tell you both.

1232
01:28:33,820 --> 01:28:37,400
I'm pregnant. Who's the father?

1233
01:28:38,940 --> 01:28:40,090
Both of you?

1234
01:28:46,260 --> 01:28:50,210
Heteropaternal superfacendation man.

1235
01:28:53,060 --> 01:28:55,410
How did she know any of that? This soon?

1236
01:28:59,140 --> 01:29:01,772
And the sins of the father will be visited

1237
01:29:01,836 --> 01:29:04,672
upon the son even until the third and

1238
01:29:04,726 --> 01:29:06,570
fourth generation it.

1239
01:29:32,630 --> 01:29:33,380
Ah.

1240
01:29:50,170 --> 01:29:51,750
What are we going to do? Coach?

1241
01:29:54,330 --> 01:29:55,190
Coach.

1242
01:29:58,750 --> 01:30:02,540
Coach Gibson. Drake diamond wiaw news.

1243
01:30:02,910 --> 01:30:06,426
How, Coach. Win or

1244
01:30:06,448 --> 01:30:08,826
lose, you have clearly changed the game of

1245
01:30:08,848 --> 01:30:11,070
women's basketball forever.

1246
01:30:11,890 --> 01:30:14,314
Inasmuch as, no matter the outcome,

1247
01:30:14,362 --> 01:30:16,734
tonight, for the first time ever, the

1248
01:30:16,772 --> 01:30:19,422
American team won't include a single real

1249
01:30:19,556 --> 01:30:22,666
biological woman. How does it feel to

1250
01:30:22,708 --> 01:30:25,966
change the world? All right, that's

1251
01:30:25,998 --> 01:30:27,700
enough. Whoa. All right.

1252
01:30:28,870 --> 01:30:31,700
Don't push me off my land, white man.

1253
01:30:34,310 --> 01:30:37,330
Is literally every journalist a lunatic.

1254
01:30:39,750 --> 01:30:42,260
Coach, you all right?

1255
01:31:18,870 --> 01:31:22,066
Boys, we've taken this thing about as far

1256
01:31:22,088 --> 01:31:24,226
as we're going to take it. Coach is right.

1257
01:31:24,328 --> 01:31:26,406
They're not even real girls. We're not

1258
01:31:26,428 --> 01:31:28,870
even real girls. No, we're not. Jake.

1259
01:31:29,210 --> 01:31:32,614
We're not men, either. Maybe we still can

1260
01:31:32,652 --> 01:31:35,830
be. We just have to lose.

1261
01:31:37,530 --> 01:31:40,346
You mean we'll never be going to the

1262
01:31:40,368 --> 01:31:43,546
Global Games? I am already qualified in

1263
01:31:43,568 --> 01:31:45,446
powerlifting. I landed a spot on the swim

1264
01:31:45,478 --> 01:31:47,910
team and the marathon. 100 meters hurdles.

1265
01:31:47,990 --> 01:31:50,454
400 meters hurdles. I am the fastest

1266
01:31:50,502 --> 01:31:52,666
female jockey in the world right now. Not

1267
01:31:52,688 --> 01:31:55,198
to brag, but you're going to forfeit all

1268
01:31:55,204 --> 01:31:57,950
of those positions. Coach. Coach.

1269
01:31:58,610 --> 01:32:01,310
Guys, you don't want your legacy to be

1270
01:32:01,380 --> 01:32:03,630
erasing women from women's sports.

1271
01:32:04,850 --> 01:32:06,480
It's time to man up.

1272
01:32:09,690 --> 01:32:13,066
So what's the plan, Coach? Think I've got

1273
01:32:13,088 --> 01:32:14,586
it all figured out. But I'm going to need

1274
01:32:14,608 --> 01:32:16,266
you boys to buy me some time. Can you do

1275
01:32:16,288 --> 01:32:18,000
that? Yes, sir.

1276
01:32:21,410 --> 01:32:24,046
Coach, there's a little red dot on my

1277
01:32:24,068 --> 01:32:27,870
forehead. I know, but I know Gwen.

1278
01:32:28,290 --> 01:32:30,578
She's a vindictive little minx, but I

1279
01:32:30,584 --> 01:32:32,100
don't think she'd actually hurt anybody.

1280
01:32:33,030 --> 01:32:36,866
Hold up a

1281
01:32:36,888 --> 01:32:37,890
lucky penny.

1282
01:32:43,430 --> 01:32:44,420
Damn it.

1283
01:32:49,190 --> 01:32:52,466
Coach. You what,

1284
01:32:52,488 --> 01:32:55,642
pal? I understand why this is wrong.

1285
01:32:55,776 --> 01:32:57,658
I mean, Shake and Blaine as real women?

1286
01:32:57,744 --> 01:33:00,218
Please. It's a miracle we got away with it

1287
01:33:00,224 --> 01:33:04,874
as long as we have. But I do.

1288
01:33:04,912 --> 01:33:09,050
What? I am a woman.

1289
01:33:09,790 --> 01:33:12,106
I mean, all those years playing

1290
01:33:12,138 --> 01:33:14,254
basketball, I never really felt like

1291
01:33:14,292 --> 01:33:16,558
myself. Decade in Hollywood trying to

1292
01:33:16,564 --> 01:33:18,638
figure out who I really was. And then I

1293
01:33:18,644 --> 01:33:22,034
started working at the Dollhouse. And this

1294
01:33:22,072 --> 01:33:25,620
is the real me, Coach. This is who I am.

1295
01:33:27,110 --> 01:33:29,714
Proud of myself. For the first time, my

1296
01:33:29,752 --> 01:33:32,526
parents are proud of me. Would parents

1297
01:33:32,558 --> 01:33:35,078
ever not been proud of you, Bud? What do

1298
01:33:35,084 --> 01:33:37,314
you mean? Your parents love you, Alex.

1299
01:33:37,362 --> 01:33:38,726
That's a good thing. Parents should love

1300
01:33:38,748 --> 01:33:42,374
their kids. I shouldn't be proud of you?

1301
01:33:42,412 --> 01:33:44,938
Unconditionally. Should only be proud of

1302
01:33:44,944 --> 01:33:46,454
you when you do what's right. What we've

1303
01:33:46,502 --> 01:33:50,140
done here, this isn't right.

1304
01:33:51,790 --> 01:33:54,186
You're confused. I get that. We all get

1305
01:33:54,208 --> 01:33:55,674
confused sometime. And if you need help,

1306
01:33:55,712 --> 01:33:58,300
Buddy, I'm going to help you get it.

1307
01:33:59,230 --> 01:34:00,894
You got to believe me when I tell you

1308
01:34:00,932 --> 01:34:03,950
this. You are not a woman.

1309
01:34:04,690 --> 01:34:06,894
You're just a lost man in a lost world

1310
01:34:06,932 --> 01:34:08,586
with shitty parents and a real shitty

1311
01:34:08,618 --> 01:34:10,906
coach who've all gone along with this lie

1312
01:34:10,938 --> 01:34:12,466
instead of just hurting your feelings and

1313
01:34:12,488 --> 01:34:15,234
telling you the truth. How can you be so

1314
01:34:15,272 --> 01:34:16,610
sure I'm not a woman?

1315
01:34:24,310 --> 01:34:27,140
Good talk. Good talk.

1316
01:34:35,910 --> 01:34:39,074
And Tim, it's your boy Deuce

1317
01:34:39,122 --> 01:34:42,070
Johnson here. Let's play the basketball.

1318
01:34:50,890 --> 01:34:53,880
No. I have to do this.

1319
01:34:56,510 --> 01:34:59,066
Ladies and gentlemen, I have an

1320
01:34:59,088 --> 01:35:01,340
announcement to make. I,

1321
01:35:01,710 --> 01:35:04,886
Blaine Crane of Ladyball Is Fame,

1322
01:35:04,998 --> 01:35:08,240
am not only a woman, which is obvious,

1323
01:35:09,250 --> 01:35:11,390
but I'm also a hot lesbian.

1324
01:35:12,290 --> 01:35:13,920
A lesbian in love.

1325
01:35:14,930 --> 01:35:18,226
Monica, my love. I knew I was

1326
01:35:18,248 --> 01:35:20,740
gay views since the first time I saw you.

1327
01:35:21,110 --> 01:35:23,780
Please come down here.

1328
01:35:26,870 --> 01:35:28,660
That's fine. I'll do it from here.

1329
01:35:28,970 --> 01:35:33,302
Monica, will you be my

1330
01:35:33,356 --> 01:35:36,018
lesbian wife? And I jake Clayton plays

1331
01:35:36,034 --> 01:35:38,130
lost fame. Of all he's super lesbian,

1332
01:35:38,210 --> 01:35:39,622
people say I'm the best upstairs around

1333
01:35:39,676 --> 01:35:41,158
right now. Monica, I love you. You're the

1334
01:35:41,164 --> 01:35:42,914
one for me. I'm trying to get married,

1335
01:35:42,962 --> 01:35:44,886
you dick. I'm getting married. I am, but

1336
01:35:44,908 --> 01:35:50,630
I'm hey, you're fighting.

1337
01:35:52,010 --> 01:35:53,118
Oh, no. She did.

1338
01:35:53,164 --> 01:36:02,830
Here's.

1339
01:36:06,230 --> 01:36:07,540
How much?

1340
01:36:08,950 --> 01:36:11,026
That's the biggest dick I've ever seen on

1341
01:36:11,048 --> 01:36:11,890
a lady.

1342
01:36:18,570 --> 01:36:20,854
Come on. We're here to topple the

1343
01:36:20,892 --> 01:36:23,080
patriarchy, not each other.

1344
01:36:25,450 --> 01:36:28,886
Wait. The Ladyballers are making some

1345
01:36:28,908 --> 01:36:29,830
substitution.

1346
01:36:43,490 --> 01:36:46,480
Come on, Coach. What is this?

1347
01:36:55,330 --> 01:36:57,674
What, you never seen a ladies basketball

1348
01:36:57,722 --> 01:36:58,640
team before?

1349
01:37:47,830 --> 01:37:50,286
What are they doing? I think they're

1350
01:37:50,318 --> 01:37:52,850
running a set. They're making me nervous.

1351
01:38:03,110 --> 01:38:50,566
Deeper. You get

1352
01:38:50,588 --> 01:38:52,086
on your man. Get on your man. Come on.

1353
01:38:52,108 --> 01:38:55,080
Hustle. Hustle. Proud of yourself?

1354
01:38:56,190 --> 01:38:57,420
Proud of the team.

1355
01:38:59,150 --> 01:39:01,734
Come on now. Hustle. I can still cancel

1356
01:39:01,782 --> 01:39:05,500
you. I can cancel all of you. You can.

1357
01:39:05,870 --> 01:39:08,910
You probably should. I won't.

1358
01:39:10,050 --> 01:39:13,646
You gave me a good story. It pains me

1359
01:39:13,668 --> 01:39:16,830
to say it, but you're a winner, Rob.

1360
01:39:18,050 --> 01:39:21,550
A reluctant winner, but still a winner.

1361
01:39:22,530 --> 01:39:25,678
I don't ever want to have sex with you.

1362
01:39:25,844 --> 01:39:28,946
No, I don't ever want to have sex with

1363
01:39:28,968 --> 01:39:33,038
you, either, Gwen. Really? Oh, no, I do.

1364
01:39:33,224 --> 01:39:35,160
I really, really do.

1365
01:39:36,090 --> 01:39:38,150
But I think our time together is heading.

1366
01:39:45,450 --> 01:39:47,030
See you around, Coach.

1367
01:39:51,130 --> 01:39:54,694
See you around, Gwen. All right,

1368
01:39:54,732 --> 01:39:56,680
ladies, form up. Form up.

1369
01:39:57,490 --> 01:39:58,240
It,

1370
01:40:22,490 --> 01:40:27,734
um and

1371
01:40:27,772 --> 01:40:30,274
that was the heartwarming scene at today's

1372
01:40:30,322 --> 01:40:33,862
Global Games final qualifiers. Just about

1373
01:40:33,916 --> 01:40:36,762
the cutest thing I have ever seen. A true

1374
01:40:36,816 --> 01:40:39,302
testament to the power of sportsmanship.

1375
01:40:39,446 --> 01:40:42,154
Absolutely. Though ultimately, the little

1376
01:40:42,192 --> 01:40:46,182
girls were trounced. Final score 418

1377
01:40:46,326 --> 01:40:51,850
to 16.

1378
01:40:56,530 --> 01:40:59,326
Welcome to the grand reopening of the

1379
01:40:59,348 --> 01:41:01,898
Crane and Company luxury used cars and

1380
01:41:01,924 --> 01:41:03,714
youth sports center, where you can still

1381
01:41:03,752 --> 01:41:06,786
get a deal on new wheels. And now you can

1382
01:41:06,808 --> 01:41:09,134
help kiddos learn how to dunk and steal

1383
01:41:09,262 --> 01:41:11,860
here at Craning Company.

1384
01:41:17,050 --> 01:41:19,266
Still sell bail bomb? You still sell bail

1385
01:41:19,298 --> 01:41:22,806
bomb. Plus, kids will have a chance to

1386
01:41:22,828 --> 01:41:24,838
figure out who they really are from the

1387
01:41:24,844 --> 01:41:27,126
best coach anyone could hope for. Coach,

1388
01:41:27,158 --> 01:41:28,780
you want to come say a few words?

1389
01:41:30,590 --> 01:41:32,570
Sellers. Sellers. Fellas,

1390
01:41:37,390 --> 01:41:40,686
I look out at all your faces. Some of you

1391
01:41:40,708 --> 01:41:42,480
loved me even when I didn't deserve it.

1392
01:41:44,290 --> 01:41:46,186
Some of you slapped me when I clearly

1393
01:41:46,218 --> 01:41:50,654
deserved it. You tased me precious

1394
01:41:50,702 --> 01:41:54,466
little provocation. I'm sorry. I think

1395
01:41:54,488 --> 01:41:56,354
I have a restraining order against you.

1396
01:41:56,472 --> 01:42:00,162
Oh, I said was too much. Look at all these

1397
01:42:00,216 --> 01:42:04,278
families and children. How do

1398
01:42:04,284 --> 01:42:06,226
these people live like this? It's

1399
01:42:06,258 --> 01:42:09,078
disgusting. All of you helped me learn an

1400
01:42:09,084 --> 01:42:11,606
important lesson. There's only one win

1401
01:42:11,628 --> 01:42:14,886
that matters now. Let's play some

1402
01:42:14,908 --> 01:42:15,670
basketball.

1403
01:42:18,990 --> 01:42:20,874
How big an investment did you make in

1404
01:42:20,912 --> 01:42:23,066
training company anyway? Oh, I own it

1405
01:42:23,088 --> 01:42:25,706
outright. Makes sense. Probably sell it

1406
01:42:25,728 --> 01:42:27,450
next week. Touche.

1407
01:42:34,930 --> 01:42:38,062
You're a good dad, Rob. You're a good mom.

1408
01:42:38,116 --> 01:42:40,786
Garb, I was thinking, why don't the three

1409
01:42:40,808 --> 01:42:42,098
of us get together this weekend, have a

1410
01:42:42,104 --> 01:42:44,820
little picnic? Oh, yeah. Why not?

1411
01:42:46,390 --> 01:42:49,538
Why not? Hey,

1412
01:42:49,704 --> 01:42:52,226
baldilock, I want to see a rebound. Come

1413
01:42:52,248 --> 01:42:55,438
on. Run that set again. Remember, winners

1414
01:42:55,454 --> 01:42:58,134
are just losers who do what's right. Come

1415
01:42:58,172 --> 01:43:01,174
on, now. Hustle, hustle, hustle. Use his

1416
01:43:01,212 --> 01:43:02,200
favorite line.

1417
01:43:09,130 --> 01:43:11,480
Here we go.

1418
01:43:14,250 --> 01:43:17,830
We'll get him next time. So silly.

1419
01:43:28,450 --> 01:43:30,622
Another sweet Daddy Walsh adventure comes

1420
01:43:30,676 --> 01:43:33,694
to a satisfying conclusion. What are you

1421
01:43:33,732 --> 01:43:36,654
talking about? I don't understand how

1422
01:43:36,692 --> 01:43:38,286
anything you did helped to make this

1423
01:43:38,308 --> 01:43:41,280
situation better. Don't you?

1424
01:43:42,130 --> 01:43:42,614
Why?

1425
01:43:42,692 --> 01:44:05,990
Han,

1426
01:44:14,850 --> 01:44:18,734
think it's over. But it's just starting.

1427
01:44:18,852 --> 01:44:23,694
Can't you see? Ain't going nowhere until

1428
01:44:23,812 --> 01:44:27,150
the others finally see it takes a strong

1429
01:44:27,220 --> 01:44:31,070
one to stand and face the coming

1430
01:44:31,220 --> 01:44:37,430
dark don't be our

1431
01:44:37,500 --> 01:44:40,520
heart no,

1432
01:44:45,050 --> 01:44:56,518
it ain't our heart it

1433
01:44:56,604 --> 01:45:01,120
ain't our burp S-A-O-F

1434
01:45:17,510 --> 01:45:20,194
grade Lacey Logan called me pretty. Not

1435
01:45:20,232 --> 01:45:24,260
handsome pretty. And that felt good.

1436
01:45:24,570 --> 01:45:27,746
Everybody loves a compliment. In 7th

1437
01:45:27,778 --> 01:45:30,114
grade, Moisha convinced me to steal Carly

1438
01:45:30,162 --> 01:45:32,226
Truitt's underwear from the girls locker

1439
01:45:32,258 --> 01:45:35,834
room. And I did. And god, they were so

1440
01:45:35,872 --> 01:45:39,466
soft, silky, you know, why don't they make

1441
01:45:39,488 --> 01:45:40,940
men's underwear more?

1442
01:45:43,070 --> 01:45:46,122
And in 8th grade, I had it down bad for

1443
01:45:46,176 --> 01:45:48,838
Jessica Montgomery. And I didn't feel like

1444
01:45:48,864 --> 01:45:50,958
a girl at all that year, you know what I

1445
01:45:50,964 --> 01:45:54,718
mean? But in 9th grade, Jessica broke up

1446
01:45:54,724 --> 01:45:57,790
with me. And I had a good cry.

1447
01:45:58,930 --> 01:46:02,398
Jake called me a sissy. And I don't

1448
01:46:02,404 --> 01:46:04,510
know why it's so wrong for men to cry.

1449
01:46:05,330 --> 01:46:06,750
Who made that rule?

1450
01:46:12,970 --> 01:46:16,630
You waiting for you. You always have the

1451
01:46:16,700 --> 01:46:21,110
freedom. Take it. Cover the freedom.