- Liar! No way is that your name!
- W--Why would I lie?
Honest to God, that's my real name.
Ken Takakura.
- Ah, no! I don't wanna hear it!
- Crap, the curse! It's back!
Hurry, Miss Ayase! Use your power!
- Let me gobble your dong!
- [shouting]
[thuds]
- [groaning]
Thanks. That's so much better.
- [grunts] I'm makin' a new rule.
You're never to say your name again.
- Okay.
- You like the occult so your new name's Okarun.
- O--Okarun?
- If you use that other name, I'll kill you.
- B-- [exhales sharply]
But that's my real name.
Ah, well.
I guess I'm okay with it.
- Sounds like you're more than okay with it, Okarun.
- What? No! I hate it!
- Prove it. Show me your face.
[laughs] I knew it!
You look happy, Okarun.
[train wheels clacking]
[fart squelches]
Ew!
Don't you go fartin' at me!
What kind of pig are you?
- I can't help it!
You're putting all this pressure on me!
- Hang on a sec.
It's morning already!
[birds chirping]
Turbo granny won't pop out now, I think.
- Huh?
Is that true?
- Don't ghosts only come out at night?
'Kay, you're comin' to my place.
I mean...
You look worse than a ghost.
♪ DanDaDan, DanDaDan, DanDaDan, DanDaDan, DanDaDan ♪
♪ DanDaDan, DanDaDan, DanDaDan ♪
[Creepy Nuts singing in Japanese]
[Creepy Nuts' "Otonoke"]
♪ ♪
♪ DanDaDan, DanDaDan, DanDaDan, DanDaDan, DanDaDan ♪
♪ DanDaDan, DanDaDan, DanDaDan ♪
[glass squeaking]
[drums banging]
- My grandma's super strict about boys in the house,
so watch out.
She almost killed my last boyfriend.
- Huh? Wait!
You're telling me now?
[sizzling]
[screaming]
- [shouting]
- [screaming]
- What the hell's goin' on? - I'm burning up!
- [gasps]
[shouting]
- [wailing]
- Hey, are you okay?
[gasping]
What's that?
Sorry, Okarun. A barrier was up.
[sizzling]
- [whimpers] I thought I was gonna die.
[glass squeaking]
- 'Kay, you can come in.
- Uh, are you sure it's safe to?
- If you catch fire I'll just toss you in the ditch again.
Come on.
- [groans]
[gasps]
[groaning]
[whimpering]
Huh?
[gasps]
I made it!
- Safe!
How do you feel?
Any different?
- I got tingles running up and down my body.
Oh, my God! What happened to your hair?
[laughing] It looks like an old lady perm!
[laughing]
- [grunts] Stop it! It's not funny!
I almost burned to death a minute ago!
[gasps]
- Grandma!
Huh. Guess she's out.
Ah, well. Come up to my room.
- [gasps]
- R--Right behind you!
[footsteps tapping]
[gasps]
- Hold it.
Close the door so I can change.
- Oh. Sure.
[booms] [shouts]
Miss Ayase!
The curse it-- - Don't barge in! I'm changing!
Jerk! [grunts]
[thuds] Stay out and face the wall!
- [whimpering]
Right. My bad.
- God. This is such a pain.
[groans]
- [whimpers]
- Here.
These should work, Okarun.
They're my sweats, but they fit baggy.
- Thank you.
- So what's it feel like, not having your junk anymore?
- Huh?
Wha--how do you think?
[screams] Sorry, I didn't see anything!
- I'm dressed now.
[grunts]
[exhales]
Turn around.
Turbo granny said you're cursed
'cause she stole your thingie, right?
So we should check and see if it's really there or not.
- [shouts]
- Hmm? - [screams]
- No way. Is it really gone?
What's it look like? Show me!
- What are you, stupid? I'm not showing you!
- If nothing's there, what's the harm?
- It's not about if anything's there or not, dammit!
- Geez, don't be such a drag.
- Oh, this sucks!
What am I supposed to do now, huh? Huh?
- Don't get pissed at me. It's not my fault.
- You're the one who dared me, so it kind of is!
- Huh?
I was minding my business
when you came running your mouth about aliens.
Me daring you was the only way to make you shut up about it.
- [gasps]
[exhales]
I guess I didn't want to miss my chance.
I always wanted to...
Have a friend.
And then when you showed up I thought, "Here's my chance."
That's why I was so desperate to talk to you.
[footsteps approaching]
But in the end...
You live in a totally different world than I do.
Folks like me shouldn't talk to folks like you.
I'm so sorry.
It's 'cause of me you're in danger now.
When this is over,
you can go back to ignoring me. I won't mind.
- [exhales]
The only problem with you
is that you think like that.
You think you know about how people feel
and then go jumping to conclusions.
You wanna know why you don't have friends?
It's 'cause you push everyone away.
- [whimpers]
- I won't ignore you 'cause you tell me to.
Who will I talk to about weird paranormal things?
- [sniffles]
- Say something.
Hello?
Poke, poke.
- [exhales]
Bitch.
- Huh? What did you just call me?
- Do you think I like you calling out my faults?
Could you be any more gauche?
- I don't even know what gauche means!
[doorbell warbling] [both gasping]
- Should I be up here with you?
That might be your grandma. - [shushes[
That's not her.
I've never heard that doorbell before.
- Why are we whispering?
- Years ago my grandma said
the house had two doorbells installed.
One's for humans. The other's for...
Evil spirits.
Crap! I didn't put the talisman back!
It'll only be off for a little bit.
- Ah! It looks really big!
What are we gonna do?
- I'll put the talisman back.
If it's evil, it'll catch fire like you.
- But then I'll catch fire again!
- As long as you're off the property, you'll be fine.
- If you say so.
Just make sure I made
it out before you put it back.
- [gasps]
Where the hell is it? Did it leave?
- You see that? Over there!
- [gasps]
[exhales]
[static buzzing]
Uh-oh!
Holy crap, we gotta get off the property!
Go that way! Run, go! Hurry!
- Uh, Miss Ayase! - What?
- We're trapped.
[knocking]
How do we get out
with this wall here?
- The torii gate.
I'll put the talisman back!
- Whoa, hold on! That would be a bad idea now!
- What do you mean?
- The gate's embedded in the wall,
and if I can't get out, I'll be incinerated!
- Dammit. If we don't do something, we're screwed.
What the...
Okay, now we're in trouble.
- Miss Ayase.
[gagging]
Help me!
- What's wrong? Are you okay?
Come on, show me! - [screams]
It's blood!
[groaning] - [gasps]
[gasps]
That black fog's doing this.
- [groaning]
- [gasps]
[whimpers]
- I have found you.
You are bad humans.
You did not keep your promise!
[clangs]
[both groaning]
[roaring]
[both grunting]
[booming]
[rumbling]
- [whimpering]
[whimpers]
- [grunts]
[both screaming]
- [roaring]
[both shouting] [glass cracks]
- [gasping]
- [shouts] - [grunts]
Give me your banana!
[thuds] [both shouting]
- What kind of evil spirit is that?
Wait. Banana?
Do you have another one down there?
- No, of course I don't!
That's no spirit! That's an alien!
- What? - There's no doubt about it.
That hood! It's a Flatwoods monster!
They were first seen in America in a town called Flatwoods.
Later they were seen here in Japan in Yamanashi!
They're usually three meters tall
but this one's bigger!
- Okay, if it's an alien then how come
the other doorbell rang? It's only for evil spirits!
- I read studies that said people who see psychic phenomena
also see stuff like UFOs!
[chattering]
[clangs]
[hissing]
Facts seem to point to ghosts
and aliens having something in common!
- Then the aliens from yesterday sent him?
Those stubborn jerks!
If we don't figure out how to deal with him fast,
that fog'll kill us.
There's no way I can use my power to fight that thing
and keep a lid on your curse. - Um--
- [gasps]
[bones snapping]
[booming]
[both screaming]
- [groaning]
- This is getting old!
- [whimpering]
- Huh?
Dang it!
[groans]
[snarling]
- [gasps]
[grunts]
[gasps]
[crackling]
Miss Ayase-- - I'm concentrating!
- I'll fight that thing.
Let the curse take me!
- You wanna do what?
- If it's an alien, I'm not scared of it.
If you let the curse take my body over but not my mind,
I'll have the strength to fight.
- Ooh? [both gasping]
[both stammering]
[whooshing]
[crashing]
[snarls]
- Holding your curse back ain't easy!
I barely even know how to use my power!
- I know if my head's clear I can control turbo granny!
- I don't know if I can do it right!
- Just try it! - [grunts]
[earrings jingle] [exhales]
- [grunts]
[whooshing]
[wind blowing]
[gasps]
[crackling]
[gasps]
Ah, Miss Ayase! Hurry! - Give it to me!
- Hurry, hurry, hurry!
[screaming]
- [groaning]
[popping]
[gasping]
- Yeah, I'm surging with power now.
Feeling pretty gloomy, though. - Whoa!
He changed his personality!
- My head's clear as hell but now I'm bummed A.F.
- Why are you talking like that? Stop it.
- Yeah, sorry. I'm an awkward guy, yo.
- [gasps]
Don't ever say that line again!
You hear? - I don't know why I'm alive.
I'd be better off dead, yo.
- Stop talkin' like that! It's pissin' me off!
- Back in a sec.
Not sure I'll survive, but you know, whatevs.
- Hey, dummy! Look out!
It's attacking!
[booming] [gasps]
- [snarling]
- Damn. I dodged without even thinkin'.
Turbo granny powers rock, yo.
But I'm still bummed.
- [gasps]
No way! I didn't even see him move!
Hell yeah! You totally got this!
- [gagging]
- What the-- what's going on with you?
- [gasping]
- [snarling]
[thuds] - Okarun!
[thuds]
- Give me your banana! - Oh, no!
[grunts]
- [groans]
- Ah, are you okay?
- I can't do this!
My body can't handle the curse's power!
I feel like I'm gonna bust apart into a million pieces!
Humans aren't made to move that fast!
I mean, all I did was cut off five of its fingers!
How the hell are we supposed to kill it?
Tell me! How?
- Don't you go yellin' at me! I don't know!
If I did we wouldn't be sitting here arguing about it!
[gasps]
Is that a...
Sumo pose?
- What?
- Maybe we can beat it by making its hand touch the ground.
Maybe.
- Miss Ayase, you are a genius.
- Yeah, I know.
- I can survive one more try. - [grunts]
You go for its legs.
I'll use my power to pull it the other way
and trip the bastard.
- So bummed right now.
- I need to get closer so don't let it stomp on me.
You got that? - What a drag.
- Give me your banana!
[rumbling]
[whooshing]
- [groans]
[blow lands]
- Can't take it!
- I'll hold the curse with my right hand
and trip the big guy up with my left.
Take this, ya lard ass!
- [gasps] What?
- Sorry, Okarun!
- [roaring]
[booming]
- All right! His hand's melting!
- Exactly like we planned!
- [grunts]
- You're kidding!
- Miss Ayase, run!
- [groans]
- [grunts] - [shouts]
[booming]
- [grunts]
- Miss Ayase!
[crackling]
Crap, granny's taking me over!
[bones snapping]
- I didn't change. - No.
You're such a pain to deal with.
Hey, sumo alien.
Your hand hit the ground just now.
You lost, ya cheating scumbag.
- Miss Ayase! Hurry!
Release the curse on me again!
I don't care if it tears me apart!
Do it!
- No. You take a break.
I'm gonna kick this thing's ass.
It totally cheated and I can't let it get away with that!
- W--What are you talking about?
- Nothin' pisses me off more than a cheater.
Bring it, wimp.
- [grunts]
- [groans]
- Leave her alone!
- Is that all you got?
[screams] - Please Miss Ayase!
You have to let the curse take me again, please!
I can't stand here and watch it kill you!
- Nah, it won't. - [gasps]
- We're good to go.
The crater's deep enough now.
From this position I'm outside the torii gate!
[grunts] - [shouts]
[shouts]
- [grunts]
[both grunting]
[grunts]
- [roaring]
[roaring continues]
[both gasping]
- [gasps]
It's gone.
We're safe now.
You hear that?
Everything's back to normal! Look!
- Okay.
- Ah, man! For a sec there I thought we were goners!
- Ah, the curse! The curse! - [groans]
Geez. Will you let me catch my breath?
I swear, you're so high-maintenance.
- I know but I can't do anything about it!
- Hang on. You change your hairstyle?
- Oh, give me a break.
- Nah, it looks good like that.
I kinda dug the old lady perm more, though.
- Then why'd you make fun of it?
- Whoa, suddenly I'm all dizzy.
Ah, crap. - [gasps]
[thuds] Miss Ayase?
Miss Ayase! Wake up!
[bones snapping]
[gasping]
[whimpering]
[shouting]
[groaning]
[Zutomayo's "Taidada"]
♪ ♪
[Zutomayo singing in Japanese]
♪ ♪
- In 1952 a mom, six boys, a dog, and a soldier saw
the Flatwoods monster-- - Yep, you look better with
the old lady perm. - I'm telling a story!
both: Next time, "It's a Granny Versus Granny Clash."
They're aliens who are usually three meters tall!