1
00:00:00,043 --> 00:00:05,003
The following programme contains
strong language and adult humour.

2
00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:13,603
You know how I feel about secrets.
There's this big one in the garden.

3
00:00:13,643 --> 00:00:16,122
Your dick pills, Glen.When are you
gonna stop letting people

4
00:00:16,163 --> 00:00:18,603
treat you like shit.
Dickwad!

5
00:00:18,643 --> 00:00:22,923
He, er, wants you to cover for him
tomorrow as acting assistant manager.

6
00:00:22,963 --> 00:00:25,683
Cheers, Ian!Someone's been
a naughty boy, ain't they?

7
00:00:25,723 --> 00:00:28,683
Promise me there's nothing dodgy
going on.Who you been talking to?

8
00:00:28,723 --> 00:00:30,563
I'm gone, so call 'em off!

9
00:00:30,603 --> 00:00:33,043
Does the name Bunny ring a bell?

10
00:00:34,083 --> 00:00:35,883
(ROUSING MUSIC)

11
00:00:40,923 --> 00:00:43,083
I'm the man.

12
00:00:43,123 --> 00:00:45,403
I'm the man!

13
00:00:47,163 --> 00:00:49,683
I'm the fucking... ..manager for
today, with Ian off sick.

14
00:00:49,723 --> 00:00:51,803
So, I thought, "Hey,
why not shake things up a bit?"

15
00:00:51,843 --> 00:00:53,723
Agh, mine's stale Glen,
can I swap it?

16
00:00:53,763 --> 00:00:57,483
I want your suggestions. What can we
do better? Throw it out there,

17
00:00:57,523 --> 00:00:59,483
whatever you wanna say.
This one's shit and all.

18
00:00:59,523 --> 00:01:02,843
Let's make this a more engaged
workplace environment.

19
00:01:02,883 --> 00:01:04,883
And maybe, just maybe,

20
00:01:04,922 --> 00:01:07,443
we'll sell a few more quality
flooring systems along the way!

21
00:01:07,483 --> 00:01:09,403
Bullshit.
Sorry?

22
00:01:09,443 --> 00:01:12,803
You're manager now? Just like that?

23
00:01:12,843 --> 00:01:16,923
Er, well, no, acting assistant
manager-Bullshit!

24
00:01:16,963 --> 00:01:19,323
Eugh!
I know what's going on here!

25
00:01:19,363 --> 00:01:21,243
Fuck me, there's custard in this?

26
00:01:21,283 --> 00:01:23,883
You think I'm dumb?
You think I'm a dumb fool?

27
00:01:23,923 --> 00:01:28,163
Oh, no...I heard you!
Chatting up Ian in the bogs!

28
00:01:28,203 --> 00:01:31,923
No, no, Bri-Brian that's not what
happened. It's not li-Rat!

29
00:01:31,963 --> 00:01:34,683
Rat tactics!
What?!

30
00:01:34,723 --> 00:01:37,123
Chill out, grandad!
Shush, you!

31
00:01:37,163 --> 00:01:39,323
Oh, OK, let's make this-
Did he... Did he just shush me?

32
00:01:39,363 --> 00:01:42,043
Simmer down. (LAUGHS)Don't shush
me, fucking liquorice breath!

33
00:01:42,082 --> 00:01:44,923
OK, not that sort of language-
Who even eats liquorice?

34
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Shits from the past. Like you!
Aysha, Aysha I've got this!

35
00:01:47,403 --> 00:01:49,843
I'm on your side, dickhead.
Go, and open up,

36
00:01:49,883 --> 00:01:52,003
it's nearly nine. Now, go!
Or what, Glen?

37
00:01:52,043 --> 00:01:53,763
You gonna throw noodles at me?

38
00:01:53,802 --> 00:01:56,603
What?
Yes, bruv. I've seen the video!

39
00:01:56,643 --> 00:02:01,243
Ian's not gotten sick. Ian's gotten
criminally insane. Look!

40
00:02:01,283 --> 00:02:04,363
(VIDEO LOOPS)
IAN: "Suck that! Suck that."

41
00:02:04,403 --> 00:02:07,763
Yes, bruv! You and Ian, is it?
Cheeky little date night?

42
00:02:07,803 --> 00:02:10,522
I bloody knew it!

43
00:02:10,563 --> 00:02:12,283
Erm...

44
00:02:12,323 --> 00:02:14,683
# EDWIN STARR: Time #

45
00:02:16,963 --> 00:02:18,083
# Well, well

46
00:02:18,122 --> 00:02:20,122
# Well, well, well, well, well. #

47
00:02:23,122 --> 00:02:25,763
(TAPPING NEARBY)

48
00:02:32,603 --> 00:02:34,443
(TAPPING CONTINUES)

49
00:02:41,523 --> 00:02:44,363
(MOANS)
Oh, no.

50
00:02:45,443 --> 00:02:47,323
(FUNKY MUSIC)

51
00:02:52,083 --> 00:02:55,403
Oh.Oh, sorry, won't be a minute.
I don't mind if you don't.

52
00:02:55,443 --> 00:02:57,323
(WATER RUNNING)
OK...

53
00:03:00,683 --> 00:03:03,323
(TOILET FLUSHES)

54
00:03:03,363 --> 00:03:06,123
Suits me, dunnit?
Er, yeah, erm...

55
00:03:06,163 --> 00:03:08,283
Oh, sorry.
(LAUGHS)(LAUGHS AWKWARDLY)

56
00:03:08,323 --> 00:03:11,403
Er, so, no work today, no?

57
00:03:12,363 --> 00:03:16,603
No. I've got a day off today,
so I'm taking my Mum out,

58
00:03:16,643 --> 00:03:19,163
bit of retail therapy!
How lovely.Mm.

59
00:03:19,203 --> 00:03:22,083
That's good of you that is,
using up your holiday.Yeah, well,

60
00:03:22,122 --> 00:03:24,523
she's helping us with the wedding
fund so...

61
00:03:24,563 --> 00:03:26,883
It's mental the amount people
spend nowadays. Huh?

62
00:03:26,923 --> 00:03:28,963
Fifteen, twenty grand, some of 'em.

63
00:03:29,003 --> 00:03:30,803
Well, it's our big day, so...
Course it is.

64
00:03:30,843 --> 00:03:33,563
And you want everything
to be just right.Yeah.

65
00:03:35,122 --> 00:03:38,243
Glen was saying you might be staying
with us for a couple of days?

66
00:03:39,643 --> 00:03:43,083
Only...if it's alright with you.

67
00:03:44,443 --> 00:03:48,243
Oh, yeah, absolutely, brilliant.
Yeah, great.

68
00:03:48,283 --> 00:03:50,883
Do you know, I might just...
I'm gonna give you some space,

69
00:03:50,923 --> 00:03:53,563
OK, thank you.
Oh! (LAUGHS)

70
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No! No! No! I'm not working my
butthole off...Please...

71
00:03:56,523 --> 00:03:59,243
Brian, Brian... Ugh...all day
just to make you look good!

72
00:03:59,283 --> 00:04:02,003
Fire him, Glen. Who cares?

73
00:04:02,043 --> 00:04:04,523
The man's a fucking incel.
You hear that?!

74
00:04:04,563 --> 00:04:06,283
Abuse! Right there!

75
00:04:06,323 --> 00:04:08,243
I've taken this from her
for too long!Shush man,

76
00:04:08,283 --> 00:04:10,203
you don't know shit about shit.
Look, Brian,

77
00:04:10,243 --> 00:04:12,643
m-m-m-maybe we could just talk
this through, yeah?

78
00:04:12,683 --> 00:04:16,562
M-m-m-m-m-maybe...
it's time I pulled the trigger.

79
00:04:16,603 --> 00:04:19,882
No.Let's see what HR
has to say about this.

80
00:04:19,923 --> 00:04:22,083
Please, Brian. Not... Brian no, no,

81
00:04:22,122 --> 00:04:24,243
Come on, man.
Helen.

82
00:04:25,563 --> 00:04:28,203
Get your fleece. We're leaving.

83
00:04:30,563 --> 00:04:33,083
Are those two shagging?
Huh.

84
00:04:33,123 --> 00:04:36,123
Brian? Br-Brian...

85
00:04:36,163 --> 00:04:39,363
No, don't, Brian...

86
00:04:39,403 --> 00:04:42,443
B-Brian...
And to think, Glen,

87
00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:45,323
I wasn't going to tell
anyone about your dick pills.

88
00:04:47,763 --> 00:04:50,243
Mic drop.

89
00:04:50,283 --> 00:04:52,083
(CLICKING CONTINUES)

90
00:04:55,843 --> 00:04:58,202
(SWISHING WATER)
Don't do that.Hmm?Don't rinse.

91
00:04:58,243 --> 00:05:01,123
Keep the fluoride in,
good for the enamel and that.Erm...

92
00:05:01,163 --> 00:05:03,683
Oh, well, I didn't know that.

93
00:05:03,723 --> 00:05:05,923
Right, thanks.
So, when is the big day?

94
00:05:05,963 --> 00:05:09,483
Erm, so it's just over three
months away now.

95
00:05:09,523 --> 00:05:13,203
So, will you...? Will you be joining
us?Well, obviously,

96
00:05:13,243 --> 00:05:15,363
if I can, you know, but, erm...

97
00:05:15,403 --> 00:05:17,563
Yeah, no, well it'll be
brilliant to have you there.

98
00:05:17,603 --> 00:05:21,163
I mean, like I say, I, you know...
Yeah, of course, hey.

99
00:05:21,203 --> 00:05:23,963
(TAP CREAKS)
Oh, do you know what, Lee?

100
00:05:24,003 --> 00:05:28,523
Erm, do you know what I just don't
quite understand, is, erm-Uh-oh.

101
00:05:28,563 --> 00:05:31,443
(WATER DRIPPING)

102
00:05:31,483 --> 00:05:34,243
Mm...Glen been neglecting
his manly duties?

103
00:05:35,243 --> 00:05:37,963
Sorry?
Not keeping his end up?

104
00:05:40,723 --> 00:05:42,803
Your tap. Needs a washer.

105
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:46,603
Yeah.It's been like that
for a while, ain't it?Yeah.

106
00:05:46,643 --> 00:05:50,083
Yeah.
For God's sake, Glen.I know.

107
00:05:50,123 --> 00:05:52,563
(GROANS)
(TAP CREAKS)

108
00:05:52,603 --> 00:05:54,643
(STRAINS) (SIGHS)

109
00:05:54,683 --> 00:05:56,403
I'll slip out today,

110
00:05:56,443 --> 00:05:58,443
go get you one.
Brilliant.

111
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:02,363
Make myself useful while I'm here.
Yeah, that'd be great, thank you.

112
00:06:03,883 --> 00:06:06,083
He's put in a formal complaint.

113
00:06:06,123 --> 00:06:08,723
Harassment, discrimination
and unfair promotion.

114
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:12,163
It's... I'm fucked.

115
00:06:12,203 --> 00:06:14,883
Let it go, bruv, Brian's a poosio.

116
00:06:14,923 --> 00:06:17,043
Man's like a Tik Tok lesbian.
(CLICKS TONGUE)

117
00:06:17,083 --> 00:06:19,083
Aysha...

118
00:06:19,123 --> 00:06:21,083
don't take this the wrong way,
but...

119
00:06:21,123 --> 00:06:23,203
are you never
worried, like, you might get fired?

120
00:06:23,243 --> 00:06:24,963
Only cos, like, I'm not being funny,

121
00:06:25,003 --> 00:06:27,883
but you are... You're sort of
quite bad at your job, aren't you?

122
00:06:27,923 --> 00:06:31,083
Mate. You gotta let that energy go.

123
00:06:31,123 --> 00:06:34,403
It's just like, fate or whatever,
you know? Like 'YOLO' and that.

124
00:06:34,443 --> 00:06:38,523
(CLICKS TONGUE) (SIGHS)
Also, my family own the company.

125
00:06:38,563 --> 00:06:42,523
What?
World of Carpets, yeah.

126
00:06:42,563 --> 00:06:44,603
Fourteen stores
across the Southeast.

127
00:06:44,643 --> 00:06:47,803
We're like...minted.
Don't tell no one, though.

128
00:06:47,843 --> 00:06:51,803
Alright.And I won't tell no one
about your... Yeah?

129
00:06:52,883 --> 00:06:54,803
Alright?
Yeah, yeah.

130
00:06:54,843 --> 00:06:57,003
Christ, like,
it's nearly one o'clock.

131
00:06:57,043 --> 00:06:59,363
How's not one person
come through those doors?

132
00:06:59,403 --> 00:07:01,523
(GASPS) Wait,

133
00:07:01,563 --> 00:07:03,963
I knew there was something.
I knew it!

134
00:07:04,003 --> 00:07:05,723
(LAUGHS)
What?

135
00:07:05,763 --> 00:07:08,443
Cos you asked me to unlock them,
didn't you?!

136
00:07:08,483 --> 00:07:10,323
(LAUGHS)

137
00:07:14,083 --> 00:07:15,923
Fuck!
(DOOR RATTLES)

138
00:07:15,963 --> 00:07:18,043
(LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY)

139
00:07:19,323 --> 00:07:20,723
(HULA HOOPS CRUNCH)

140
00:07:20,763 --> 00:07:22,563
(EASY-GOING MUSIC)

141
00:07:35,643 --> 00:07:37,763
What, mate, don't take them all!
(SCOFFS)

142
00:07:37,803 --> 00:07:40,563
Oi? I only want...

143
00:07:40,603 --> 00:07:42,363
one pack.

144
00:07:42,403 --> 00:07:44,843
Chill out, bruh, it's not that deep.

145
00:07:44,883 --> 00:07:46,603
(SCOFFS)

146
00:07:46,643 --> 00:07:48,363
(LAUGHS)

147
00:07:50,443 --> 00:07:52,803
(SNIFFLES)
Believe me, Ron, I'm looking.

148
00:07:52,843 --> 00:07:54,683
Lee fucking Campbell.

149
00:07:56,003 --> 00:07:58,043
When I find him, I'll fucking...

150
00:07:58,083 --> 00:08:01,043
It's like... It's like...
It's like...

151
00:08:01,083 --> 00:08:03,763
looking for a cunt in a haystack.

152
00:08:07,283 --> 00:08:09,243
I was standing there first,
and you saw me.

153
00:08:09,283 --> 00:08:11,603
They'll have more in the back!
I couldn't give a fuck

154
00:08:11,643 --> 00:08:14,043
what's in the back.
It's about the fucking principle.

155
00:08:14,083 --> 00:08:16,243
Fuck off, you fucking nonce!

156
00:08:18,003 --> 00:08:19,843
I know, Ron, I know.

157
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:25,123
I heard what you said, I know,
I'm fucking...

158
00:08:25,163 --> 00:08:27,003
My eyes are peeled, yes...

159
00:08:27,043 --> 00:08:29,243
(TRANQUIL MUSIC)

160
00:08:35,082 --> 00:08:38,563
Just taking a little break. Just
picking up a few things, yeah?Oi!

161
00:08:40,803 --> 00:08:43,003
Hang on a sec, shut up, will ya?

162
00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:46,803
Shush!(PA CHIMES)MAN:
(VIA PA): "Gavin to wood flooring."

163
00:08:46,843 --> 00:08:49,883
"Gavin to wood flooring, please."
Ron,

164
00:08:49,923 --> 00:08:52,043
you are not gonna believe this!

165
00:09:06,363 --> 00:09:08,083
Ugh!
(WHISTLES JOVIALLY)

166
00:09:08,123 --> 00:09:09,843
Here you are.

167
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,883
(COIN CLINKS)
Keep the change, my darling.

168
00:09:12,883 --> 00:09:14,883
You're 5p short.
(WHISTLING CONTINUES)

169
00:09:19,443 --> 00:09:22,883
It's him, Ron.
It's actually fucking him!

170
00:09:22,923 --> 00:09:25,243
He's here in Loughton. Yeah.

171
00:09:27,723 --> 00:09:30,683
Looks like we're gonna
have to find this brother of his.

172
00:09:44,723 --> 00:09:47,363
Bloody swines!
Tried to turn me away.

173
00:09:47,403 --> 00:09:50,043
You can't use the loos
unless you make a purchase.

174
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:53,803
Fucking Nazis! I mean, I said,
"It's Costa Coffee love,

175
00:09:53,843 --> 00:09:57,163
"not Dachau!"Mother!He backed down
when I pointed out I'm on my stick.

176
00:09:58,203 --> 00:10:00,483
I do need it, Kirsty.
My symptoms come and go.

177
00:10:00,523 --> 00:10:03,763
Now... (CLEARS THROAT)
Right, I need some "eyeshadder".

178
00:10:03,803 --> 00:10:06,723
I've had my colours done,
turns out I'm fucking "winter"!

179
00:10:06,763 --> 00:10:08,883
Right, I'll wait here.
You what?

180
00:10:08,923 --> 00:10:12,043
I'll wait here. I'll wait here.
I just wanna look at...

181
00:10:12,083 --> 00:10:14,323
things.
Oh, right. OK.

182
00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:17,803
I'll just ask some rando shall I,
what suits me best? Don't worry,

183
00:10:17,843 --> 00:10:20,443
cos I've only lumped you half my
fucking life savings

184
00:10:20,483 --> 00:10:23,483
for your wedding,
but no, you wait there, why not(?)

185
00:10:29,043 --> 00:10:31,803
What do ya think?
Yeah.

186
00:10:31,843 --> 00:10:35,443
Yeah?It's nice, yeah.
I want a second opinion.

187
00:10:35,483 --> 00:10:38,483
No! Come on.Honestly! What the shit
has crawled up your arse and died!

188
00:10:39,563 --> 00:10:41,563
Oh, right. That again.

189
00:10:41,603 --> 00:10:44,803
What?No. It's your business.No.
What are you, erm...?No, no, no.

190
00:10:44,843 --> 00:10:47,603
Just as long as you sort it out
before your wedding.No... (SCOFFS)

191
00:10:47,643 --> 00:10:49,523
OK, it has nothing to do with-
No.

192
00:10:49,563 --> 00:10:52,283
Everything's really good, actually.
Yeah, we're really...

193
00:10:52,323 --> 00:10:55,763
Yeah, Glen's, erm, actually up
for promotion at the moment, so...

194
00:10:55,803 --> 00:10:58,523
Least one of yous working, aye?
Look, I've said it before,

195
00:10:58,563 --> 00:11:00,403
I'll say it again.
Fucking and feeding,

196
00:11:00,443 --> 00:11:03,563
that's all men need. You keep that
up, you're laughing.Hmm.

197
00:11:03,603 --> 00:11:06,363
That's where it went wrong with your
dad. Always with a Fray Bentos

198
00:11:06,403 --> 00:11:09,843
but when it come to intercourse-
We are nothing like you and Dad! OK?

199
00:11:09,883 --> 00:11:12,203
Oh?No, actually,
yeah, Glen, if anything...

200
00:11:12,243 --> 00:11:16,163
(EXHALES SHARPLY) ..my God, he wants
it too much, so...Bully for you.

201
00:11:16,203 --> 00:11:18,803
Right, Matalan.

202
00:11:18,843 --> 00:11:20,883
They'll try and give you grief
about not being able

203
00:11:20,923 --> 00:11:23,363
to return underwear, but say
I've been on martinlewis.com,

204
00:11:23,403 --> 00:11:25,083
I know my rights.
Mm-hmm.

205
00:11:28,283 --> 00:11:30,723
(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

206
00:11:30,763 --> 00:11:33,283
Alright, love!
Fuck. Sorry.

207
00:11:33,323 --> 00:11:36,243
Hiya, love, hiya.
What?

208
00:11:36,283 --> 00:11:38,643
What?
Y-You're...

209
00:11:38,683 --> 00:11:41,563
You're doing a face.
What? I'm not.

210
00:11:41,603 --> 00:11:44,003
You are a bit.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)Am I?

211
00:11:44,043 --> 00:11:46,723
Oh, erm...

212
00:11:46,763 --> 00:11:49,123
(SIGHS) OK, well,

213
00:11:49,163 --> 00:11:52,683
I was gonna wait to talk to you
about this, but, erm...

214
00:11:52,723 --> 00:11:55,563
Yeah, I've just...
I found these, so...

215
00:11:57,003 --> 00:11:59,883
Erm, and I-I'm not cross,
not at all, no.

216
00:11:59,923 --> 00:12:02,803
I just...
We'd said no secrets, hadn't we?

217
00:12:02,843 --> 00:12:05,243
So...
I don't need 'em. So...What?Er,

218
00:12:05,283 --> 00:12:07,243
just in case, but you know I don't
need em, so-

219
00:12:07,283 --> 00:12:09,243
Yeah, but I'd
like to talk to you about it, Glen.

220
00:12:09,283 --> 00:12:11,683
It's fine, Kirsty. Can you just-
OK, no, but can you,

221
00:12:11,723 --> 00:12:14,403
because we did used to didn't we?
Like, quite often.

222
00:12:14,443 --> 00:12:16,883
It's nothing, if you just-
Do you not fancy me anymore?

223
00:12:16,923 --> 00:12:19,443
I love you to bits, Kirst.
But you don't...

224
00:12:19,483 --> 00:12:21,483
Course! I... Kirst... Kirsty!

225
00:12:21,523 --> 00:12:24,243
I'm actually, just gonna, because...
Yeah, no. Well, don't...

226
00:12:24,283 --> 00:12:26,763
What I'm saying is...You
don't need to throw them in the bin,

227
00:12:26,803 --> 00:12:29,323
Glen.The thing is, I don't need
them Kirst! So...(DOOR OPENS)

228
00:12:29,363 --> 00:12:31,963
Alright?
Hiya!Alright?

229
00:12:32,003 --> 00:12:34,003
Got the washer for your tap.

230
00:12:34,043 --> 00:12:36,603
Oh, brilliant, brilliant!

231
00:12:36,643 --> 00:12:39,723
Cup of tea?Yeah.
Yes, please.Lovely.Thank you!

232
00:12:41,323 --> 00:12:43,043
(CUPS CLINK)
What don't you need?

233
00:12:43,083 --> 00:12:45,083
Hmm?

234
00:12:46,363 --> 00:12:48,123
You were just saying.
Erm...

235
00:12:48,163 --> 00:12:50,403
Right, yes, er, we...we...we...we...

236
00:12:50,443 --> 00:12:52,803
we were just talking about-
About Orthopaedic insoles.

237
00:12:52,843 --> 00:12:55,563
Orthopaedic insoles.Yeah.Yeah,
I don't need em. So... (LAUGHS)

238
00:12:55,603 --> 00:12:58,603
Right.
Yes.Congratulations.

239
00:12:58,643 --> 00:13:01,003
(LAUGHS)Mm. Thank you,
yeah, cos I... I bought some.

240
00:13:01,043 --> 00:13:03,123
For the dance.
For the wedding dance, yeah.Yeah,

241
00:13:03,163 --> 00:13:04,923
we've been practising for months!
Yeah.

242
00:13:04,963 --> 00:13:07,723
And I often get a twinge on the-
On the pas de bourree.Yeah,

243
00:13:07,763 --> 00:13:10,603
yes so I bought some, yeah.
(CLEARS THROAT) But I, erm...

244
00:13:10,643 --> 00:13:13,483
I... I don't need them, actually.
(CUP CLINKS)

245
00:13:13,523 --> 00:13:15,523
So...
You sure?

246
00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:19,643
Yeah, I'm...I'm...I'm feeling much
better so, erm...

247
00:13:20,563 --> 00:13:24,523
..maybe later let's, erm...
have a bash at the paso doble.

248
00:13:25,963 --> 00:13:28,083
Tea for ya.
Oh, aha!(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

249
00:13:28,123 --> 00:13:30,963
Thank you.Now, go and put your
trotters up. I'll fix your tap.

250
00:13:31,003 --> 00:13:32,963
Go on.
Ah... Yeah.

251
00:13:33,923 --> 00:13:36,283
(WHISPERS):
Why is he wearing my shorts?

252
00:13:46,003 --> 00:13:49,083
# JOAO GILBERTO: Bim Bom #

253
00:13:49,123 --> 00:13:51,403
# Bim bom bim bim bom bim bim

254
00:13:51,443 --> 00:13:55,083
# Bim bom bim bim bom bom... #

255
00:13:59,843 --> 00:14:02,923
Sorry,
I do just keep thinking about Ian.

256
00:14:03,963 --> 00:14:05,763
Right.

257
00:14:09,243 --> 00:14:11,963
Just... Just, like, if-if, you know,
he's not there tomorrow,

258
00:14:12,003 --> 00:14:14,243
then am I manager still?
Is he manager-Glen!

259
00:14:15,123 --> 00:14:17,483
Shall we...Pasa doble?

260
00:14:18,403 --> 00:14:20,603
Yeah.
Yeah?Yes.(CHUCKLES)

261
00:14:23,123 --> 00:14:24,963
I might just actually just...

262
00:14:25,003 --> 00:14:28,883
Er, do you mind if I, erm,
just b--b-brush my teeth.

263
00:14:28,923 --> 00:14:31,203
Mm-hmm.
(DOOR OPENS)

264
00:14:31,243 --> 00:14:32,923
Yep.
(DOOR SLAMS)

265
00:14:37,003 --> 00:14:38,883
(OWL HOOTS)

266
00:14:39,923 --> 00:14:41,643
(CAR DRIVES PAST AT SPEED)
(DOG BARKS)

267
00:14:45,603 --> 00:14:47,363
(LIGHTER CLICKS)

268
00:14:59,003 --> 00:15:02,203
WOMAN: "You are a tower of strength.

269
00:15:04,243 --> 00:15:07,883
"A volcano of masculine energy.

270
00:15:10,523 --> 00:15:13,003
Won't be a minute, Kirst!
"Your penis is..."

271
00:15:13,043 --> 00:15:14,923
(WATER RUNNING)

272
00:15:31,843 --> 00:15:34,283
(WATER RUNNING)
"You are a totem of virility.

273
00:15:34,323 --> 00:15:37,643
"Your penis is a mighty redwood."

274
00:15:37,683 --> 00:15:40,563
Coming, I'll be right there.
Mm-hmm.

275
00:15:58,443 --> 00:16:00,803
"You are strong,

276
00:16:00,843 --> 00:16:02,803
"magnificent.

277
00:16:04,683 --> 00:16:07,963
"You are a totem of virility.

278
00:16:09,523 --> 00:16:12,363
"A volcano of masculine energy...

279
00:16:14,163 --> 00:16:16,683
"a tower of strength."Agh!
(VIA LOUDSPEAKER): "Your penis

280
00:16:16,723 --> 00:16:18,843
is a mighty redwood.

281
00:16:18,883 --> 00:16:20,643
"You are st..."

282
00:16:22,003 --> 00:16:24,283
How long?

283
00:16:26,523 --> 00:16:28,603
Right.

284
00:16:28,643 --> 00:16:32,323
(SIGHS)
Get your fucking shoes on.

285
00:16:32,363 --> 00:16:34,363
(DOOR SLAMS)

286
00:16:34,403 --> 00:16:36,803
(CAR ENGINE STARTS)
(ENGINE REVS)

287
00:16:36,843 --> 00:16:39,243
Glen?
(CAR DEPARTS)

288
00:16:40,763 --> 00:16:42,563
Glen?

289
00:16:45,443 --> 00:16:47,883
Wait... Wait!

290
00:16:50,603 --> 00:16:52,363
We cannot be here!

291
00:16:52,403 --> 00:16:55,163
I'm not even supposed to be bloody-
Shut your fucking mouth

292
00:16:55,203 --> 00:16:57,123
and get your clothes off.
What?

293
00:16:57,163 --> 00:16:59,323
Get your clobber off...
(TORCH THUDS SOFTLY)

294
00:16:59,363 --> 00:17:01,163
..down to your pants.

295
00:17:01,203 --> 00:17:03,123
OK. No.

296
00:17:03,163 --> 00:17:06,122
That is actually... Argh!
I want it off.

297
00:17:06,162 --> 00:17:08,563
Get off. Get off me.

298
00:17:08,603 --> 00:17:11,603
Argh. Alright! Alright!

299
00:17:11,642 --> 00:17:15,283
Just fucking tell me what we're
supposed to be doing.I know you.

300
00:17:15,323 --> 00:17:18,362
Now, you might have the world
fooled with your old man trousers

301
00:17:18,402 --> 00:17:21,603
and your tidy little borders but you
can't fool me, son, I'm your brother.

302
00:17:21,642 --> 00:17:24,882
There's a mad cunt inside you,

303
00:17:24,923 --> 00:17:27,843
and we gotta get him out.
So, we're gonna fight.

304
00:17:27,882 --> 00:17:30,523
Man to man, skin to skin.

305
00:17:30,563 --> 00:17:33,403
Because that Glen,
that's what you need.

306
00:17:33,443 --> 00:17:36,603
What?! No, I don't need that...

307
00:17:36,643 --> 00:17:39,443
Argh!You wanna get hard?
Get off me! Ugh!

308
00:17:39,483 --> 00:17:42,283
Get off! (GROANING)
Off!

309
00:17:42,323 --> 00:17:45,243
Come on, mate, let's get you hard!
Argh.

310
00:17:45,283 --> 00:17:47,683
Huh?
Who is it?!

311
00:17:47,723 --> 00:17:49,963
Reveal yourself!

312
00:17:51,883 --> 00:17:53,923
I can't fucking believe this!

313
00:17:59,843 --> 00:18:03,083
(SIREN WAILS OUTSIDE)

314
00:18:05,763 --> 00:18:07,723
So, it's fight club?
It's not fight club.

315
00:18:07,763 --> 00:18:10,363
Yes, it's fight club.It sounds a
lot like-It's not fight club.

316
00:18:10,403 --> 00:18:12,483
It's fight club.
Ian, why are you here?

317
00:18:12,523 --> 00:18:15,723
I got booked by the rozzers, Glen!
Why didn't you just go home?

318
00:18:15,763 --> 00:18:19,523
Sheila takes a dim view of...
I thought it best I stay away.

319
00:18:19,563 --> 00:18:21,283
So, after everyone left today,

320
00:18:21,323 --> 00:18:23,363
I set up camp over by the shagpiles,

321
00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:25,563
haven't looked back! So, Lee...

322
00:18:25,603 --> 00:18:27,963
fight club. Where do I sign up?

323
00:18:28,003 --> 00:18:30,563
Mm.

324
00:18:44,763 --> 00:18:46,963
(PAGES CRINKLE)

325
00:18:50,323 --> 00:18:52,203
(EXHALES HEAVILY)

326
00:19:06,843 --> 00:19:09,963
Now you got some issues,
but this ain't about you

327
00:19:10,003 --> 00:19:11,723
This is about you.

328
00:19:13,163 --> 00:19:15,843
So, are we gonna have a tear up or
what?No, no, no. I'm leaving.

329
00:19:15,883 --> 00:19:19,083
I'm sorry. Yeah,
but I-I've...I've got work tomorrow,

330
00:19:19,123 --> 00:19:21,603
actually. A-A-A-And
they're not "old man" trousers,

331
00:19:21,643 --> 00:19:24,003
they're dri-fit chinos,
they're breathable activewear.

332
00:19:24,043 --> 00:19:26,883
Ooh, you getting annoyed are ya?
I am, actually!

333
00:19:26,923 --> 00:19:28,843
Yeah,
I'm...I'm getting...frigged off!

334
00:19:28,883 --> 00:19:32,603
Well, fucking show me, then!
I won't, Lee! I shan't be drawn!

335
00:19:32,643 --> 00:19:36,643
Oh, he shan't be drawn, Ian.
I will. I'll be drawn.

336
00:19:37,323 --> 00:19:39,163
Take your weight off my chinos.

337
00:19:39,203 --> 00:19:41,483
No, no, I think Glen does need
to run home to Kirsty.

338
00:19:41,523 --> 00:19:44,123
I reckon she'd rather be on
her own tonight.You are creasing

339
00:19:44,163 --> 00:19:47,403
the hem, Lee!That way she can
invite in the pizza boy.

340
00:19:47,443 --> 00:19:50,083
Cos she's gotta get a bit of cock
from somewhere ain't she?Fu...

341
00:19:50,123 --> 00:19:53,443
Oh! There he is!
I knew he was in there,

342
00:19:53,483 --> 00:19:57,563
the Old Angry Beaver.Yeah
(PANTING) I've got the plums son.

343
00:19:58,803 --> 00:20:00,883
Ruddy big ones!

344
00:20:00,923 --> 00:20:04,403
Come on then, you nutty bollocks!
Let's fucking have it!

345
00:20:04,443 --> 00:20:07,643
(YELLS)
Argh!

346
00:20:07,683 --> 00:20:10,603
Yes! Oh yes!

347
00:20:41,243 --> 00:20:44,563
Oh, well, Ian, looks like it's just
me and you...

348
00:20:44,603 --> 00:20:46,403
My little brother wants to tap out.

349
00:20:47,403 --> 00:20:49,923
You know my mother,
she swore she never smoked

350
00:20:49,963 --> 00:20:53,203
when she was pregnant with him
but I think it's open for debate.

351
00:20:53,243 --> 00:20:55,763
Some of my earliest memories
were plumes of smoke

352
00:20:55,803 --> 00:20:59,043
coming underneath the pantry door
while I was watching Button Moon!

353
00:20:59,083 --> 00:21:01,243
So, think it's safe to say

354
00:21:01,283 --> 00:21:05,083
that that old girl was lying through
her fucking-(GRUNTS)(GROANS)

355
00:21:06,323 --> 00:21:08,523
That woman was a saint!

356
00:21:08,563 --> 00:21:10,563
So, you won't throw a punch at me,

357
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,563
but you'll whack me
with a fucking pipe?

358
00:21:12,603 --> 00:21:14,443
It's a D40 inner tube!

359
00:21:14,483 --> 00:21:18,283
Ugh!(GROANS)
Yes! Come on! Yes Glen! Come on!

360
00:21:18,323 --> 00:21:20,923
Yes! Let it out!

361
00:21:20,963 --> 00:21:23,163
I'm not letting anything out!

362
00:21:23,203 --> 00:21:25,083
Yeah. I'm a...
Argh.

363
00:21:25,123 --> 00:21:28,163
Sorry, Ian, sorry!
Oh, God. There's... There's blood!

364
00:21:28,203 --> 00:21:30,683
(WHIMPERS)I knew there was
a bit of Dad inside you!

365
00:21:30,723 --> 00:21:33,723
First... First aid!
FUCK YOU, LEE!

366
00:21:33,763 --> 00:21:36,043
(YELLS)
Oh!

367
00:21:44,523 --> 00:21:46,963
(GROANS)
Feels good that dunnit, Glen, huh?

368
00:21:47,003 --> 00:21:49,763
All that aggression running through
ya!It's not...

369
00:21:49,803 --> 00:21:52,443
(LAUGHS)
I'm not... Ugh!

370
00:21:52,483 --> 00:21:55,043
Yes, alright. Yes, it fucking does.

371
00:21:55,083 --> 00:21:57,563
Yeah. Cos who are ya?
I'm...

372
00:21:57,603 --> 00:21:59,563
I'm...
Who are ya!?Ugh!

373
00:22:00,763 --> 00:22:02,563
I'm the angry fucking beaver!

374
00:22:02,603 --> 00:22:04,803
Yeah! (LAUGHS)

375
00:22:04,843 --> 00:22:07,643
(GRUNTS)
(YELLS)

376
00:22:07,683 --> 00:22:09,643
(GROANING)

377
00:22:11,323 --> 00:22:14,763
Yes! You use that energy.Yeah.
And you take it into the world,

378
00:22:14,803 --> 00:22:17,043
and you go and get whatever you
fucking want!Yeah!

379
00:22:17,083 --> 00:22:19,483
Do you understand me?
Yes!How do you feel?

380
00:22:19,523 --> 00:22:21,243
I feel... I feel livid.

381
00:22:21,283 --> 00:22:24,123
What about?About Roger next door
parking on our drive.

382
00:22:24,163 --> 00:22:26,363
What else?
A-And... And...fruity vapes!

383
00:22:26,403 --> 00:22:28,763
And?
And people calling me "big man"

384
00:22:28,803 --> 00:22:32,643
and...and teenagers playing their
music without earphones, like,

385
00:22:32,683 --> 00:22:34,883
I don't wanna hear Cardi B saying
the N word,

386
00:22:34,923 --> 00:22:37,763
I'm in Holland and fucking Barrett!
Yeah!Yeah!

387
00:22:37,803 --> 00:22:39,883
And... And there's you!
What?Yeah!

388
00:22:39,923 --> 00:22:42,723
You!I'm trying to help ya!
No! You're not!

389
00:22:42,763 --> 00:22:45,243
We both know you're
not here to reconnect, Lee!

390
00:22:45,283 --> 00:22:47,723
Mum knew it.
"Don't rely on him," she said.

391
00:22:47,763 --> 00:22:50,563
"Cos he won't be there for you when
you need him!"What, she said that?

392
00:22:50,603 --> 00:22:53,003
Yeah.
Now, here you are, eh? In my house,

393
00:22:53,043 --> 00:22:55,523
eating my fucking
Muller Fruit Corners!

394
00:22:55,563 --> 00:22:58,123
Easy! Easy!
Why are you really here? Huh?

395
00:22:59,163 --> 00:23:02,763
Why are you here, Lee? Eh?
Why are you here?!

396
00:23:02,803 --> 00:23:04,803
(BREATHING HEAVILY)

397
00:23:04,843 --> 00:23:08,043
It's bad, Glen.
It's really fucking bad.

398
00:23:12,163 --> 00:23:14,483
Uh cleaning?

399
00:23:17,403 --> 00:23:20,083
# JOAO GILBERTO: Bim Bom #
# Bim bom bim bim bom bom

400
00:23:20,123 --> 00:23:23,443
# Bim bom bim bim bom bim bim

401
00:23:25,723 --> 00:23:28,043
# Bim bom bim bim bom bom

402
00:23:28,083 --> 00:23:31,803
# Bim bom bim bim bom bim bim

403
00:23:33,603 --> 00:23:35,923
(SINGING IN BRAZILIAN PORTUGESE)

404
00:23:43,963 --> 00:23:45,963
# Bim bom bim bim bom bom. #

405
00:23:47,283 --> 00:23:50,043
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