1
00:00:00,883 --> 00:00:05,003
'The following programme contains
strong language and adult humour.'

2
00:00:10,043 --> 00:00:13,003
Might we have that chat today?
Sh-shh!That's your promotion.

3
00:00:13,043 --> 00:00:15,683
Ian, why are you here?I've set up
camp over by the shagpiles.

4
00:00:15,723 --> 00:00:17,483
LEE: It's Fight Club.
Argh!Sorry, Ian!

5
00:00:17,523 --> 00:00:19,603
A hundred days and I shall thee wed.

6
00:00:19,643 --> 00:00:22,483
Expensive things, weddings.
Mental the amount people spend.

7
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:25,843
About your suspension.
A lot of stuff DID go missing.

8
00:00:25,883 --> 00:00:27,683
Do you not fancy me any more...?

9
00:00:27,723 --> 00:00:28,723
Glen?

10
00:00:28,763 --> 00:00:30,443
STEVE: Someone's been a naughty boy!

11
00:00:30,483 --> 00:00:32,763
It's him, Ron. We're gonna
have to find his brother.

12
00:00:32,802 --> 00:00:35,243
Why are you here?!
It's really frickin' bad.

13
00:00:36,083 --> 00:00:39,123
I'll see you the same time tomorrow
for your next reading, yeah?

14
00:00:39,163 --> 00:00:42,323
Love and light, from me to you.
(CALMING MUSIC)

15
00:00:42,363 --> 00:00:44,523
CosmicSue72.

16
00:00:47,163 --> 00:00:52,043
Right. What do you want? Hm?
Please, I just wanna talk to her.

17
00:00:52,083 --> 00:00:54,563
Glen, I ain't seen her that upset
since Year 10

18
00:00:54,603 --> 00:00:56,803
when she found out that Darren
only went out with her

19
00:00:56,843 --> 00:00:58,563
cos we had a Sky dish.
What I wanted to say -

20
00:00:58,603 --> 00:01:01,123
So it's a "no" from me.
Christ, Sue!

21
00:01:01,163 --> 00:01:02,883
Sorry. I just, erm...

22
00:01:02,923 --> 00:01:04,562
I haven't really slept.

23
00:01:04,603 --> 00:01:08,003
I just need to see her,
to explain to her...

24
00:01:08,043 --> 00:01:10,483
What the fuck
were YOU up to last night, eh?

25
00:01:11,843 --> 00:01:13,963
(LAUGHS)
(GROANING)

26
00:01:15,043 --> 00:01:18,323
Nothing.
I'll tell her you swung by.

27
00:01:20,923 --> 00:01:23,283
(WHIRRING)

28
00:01:23,323 --> 00:01:25,723
(GRUNTS) Kirsty!

29
00:01:25,763 --> 00:01:28,763
(MUFFLED) Get out of it.
(MUFFLED) Kirsty! Kirsty! Kirsty?

30
00:01:28,803 --> 00:01:30,923
You shall not pass.
Please! Kirst!

31
00:01:30,963 --> 00:01:34,043
Let me explain!Go away, Glen!
I'm not talking to you!

32
00:01:34,082 --> 00:01:36,043
I told ya.
You ran off, Glen!

33
00:01:36,082 --> 00:01:38,603
You disappeared!
Lee made me!

34
00:01:38,643 --> 00:01:41,082
Oh, yeah, bloody Lee! Sod off!

35
00:01:43,883 --> 00:01:45,802
(GRUNTS)
Get out of it!

36
00:01:45,843 --> 00:01:48,522
Alright, yeah, yeah.
Bye, love. See you later!

37
00:01:48,563 --> 00:01:50,283
Dance class, yeah?
Maybe.

38
00:01:50,323 --> 00:01:52,323
Have a good day at work! Love you!

39
00:01:52,363 --> 00:01:54,963
Get out!
(GRUNTS) Alright, Sue!

40
00:01:55,003 --> 00:01:57,043
Clear off, will ya?
Sue, wait! Sue.

41
00:01:57,802 --> 00:02:00,603
Listen, just give her this, yeah?
For her lunch break.

42
00:02:00,643 --> 00:02:02,403
I've done her favourite.

43
00:02:03,163 --> 00:02:04,803
Whatevs.
Sue, Sue!

44
00:02:06,323 --> 00:02:08,203
Fuck!

45
00:02:08,242 --> 00:02:10,003
(UPBEAT MUSIC)

46
00:02:19,683 --> 00:02:21,843
Well?
She won't talk to me.

47
00:02:21,883 --> 00:02:24,203
So, you know, thanks for that.

48
00:02:24,243 --> 00:02:27,122
I was trying to help you, you prawn!
I didn't know she was upstairs -

49
00:02:27,163 --> 00:02:29,122
It don't matter now
because she won't even...

50
00:02:29,163 --> 00:02:30,683
Fucking Sue thinks that...

51
00:02:30,723 --> 00:02:33,523
And now you're stinking up
my upholstery with your bloody...

52
00:02:33,563 --> 00:02:35,363
Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, oi!

53
00:02:35,403 --> 00:02:39,003
Stress of the D'Urbervilles.
Chill out.

54
00:02:39,043 --> 00:02:41,683
You'll think of something
to win her over.

55
00:02:41,723 --> 00:02:43,963
What is this, anyway? (SNIFFS)

56
00:02:44,963 --> 00:02:46,843
Smells like Nan's.

57
00:02:46,883 --> 00:02:49,763
RADIO: 'This one is
Power Of A Woman by Eternal.'

58
00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,803
(SONG PLAYS)

59
00:02:54,403 --> 00:02:56,443
Alright, love? Bit sad?

60
00:02:56,483 --> 00:02:58,363
I get it. Men.

61
00:02:58,403 --> 00:03:01,363
I see Glen still don't know
you're a jobless wonder.

62
00:03:02,283 --> 00:03:03,763
Let's have a chill-out day.

63
00:03:03,803 --> 00:03:06,603
Bargain Hunt's on in a bit.
I think I might go into town.

64
00:03:06,643 --> 00:03:10,523
Oh. Alright. Well, I'll do me hair -
On my own.

65
00:03:11,443 --> 00:03:13,083
I see.

66
00:03:13,123 --> 00:03:16,363
Well, at least have your breakfast,
seeing as I've made it.

67
00:03:16,403 --> 00:03:19,122
No, I'm alright, thanks.
Hm...

68
00:03:19,883 --> 00:03:21,443
Ungrateful cow.

69
00:03:21,483 --> 00:03:23,283
'Talk me through this
one more time!'

70
00:03:23,323 --> 00:03:26,443
Your situation.
Fuck's sake. I've told ya.

71
00:03:26,483 --> 00:03:28,923
I borrowed some money
off some naughty people.

72
00:03:28,963 --> 00:03:30,483
I gotta lie low. It's nothing.

73
00:03:30,523 --> 00:03:33,803
How is that nothing? Eh? Fuck!

74
00:03:33,843 --> 00:03:36,803
I tell you what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna get out of your hair

75
00:03:36,843 --> 00:03:38,923
and I'm gonna go find a hotel
or summink.

76
00:03:38,963 --> 00:03:41,763
What? No! No, you can't go anywhere!
It's not safe.

77
00:03:41,803 --> 00:03:44,163
These blokes who are
looking for you, right,

78
00:03:44,203 --> 00:03:46,283
they don't know where I live.
So, stay at mine.

79
00:03:46,323 --> 00:03:49,443
It's fine, but we need a plan.
Tonight, when I come home from work,

80
00:03:49,483 --> 00:03:51,603
we'll...think of something.

81
00:03:55,243 --> 00:03:57,203
(RATTLING)

82
00:03:57,243 --> 00:03:59,122
Like Mum used to say. Remember?

83
00:03:59,163 --> 00:04:02,083
"When your head is in a spin,
take a mint and pop it in."

84
00:04:02,123 --> 00:04:03,843
(CHUCKLES)

85
00:04:04,843 --> 00:04:06,403
She weren't wrong.

86
00:04:07,643 --> 00:04:09,323
Thanks, Glen.

87
00:04:09,363 --> 00:04:10,683
Oh, shit.

88
00:04:10,723 --> 00:04:13,363
What if someone comes to ME
looking for YOU? One of these men?

89
00:04:14,043 --> 00:04:15,643
You'll be sweet.

90
00:04:15,683 --> 00:04:17,562
You just gotta keep your eyes open

91
00:04:17,603 --> 00:04:19,803
for geezers driving about
in blacked-out motors,

92
00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:22,883
with tattoos on their faces
and shooters. OK? So...

93
00:04:24,003 --> 00:04:26,643
You know, the er... (LAUGHS)

94
00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:28,883
I'm joking.
I can't even have a laugh!

95
00:04:28,923 --> 00:04:31,803
Jesus Christ!
You're gonna be fine!

96
00:04:31,843 --> 00:04:34,603
Anyone asks you anything,
you just say...

97
00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:38,283
.."I ain't seen him in years."
Alright.

98
00:04:38,323 --> 00:04:40,083
(MIMICS)
"I ain't seen him in years."

99
00:04:40,123 --> 00:04:41,963
"I ain't seen him in years."

100
00:04:42,003 --> 00:04:44,763
Excuse me. I'm looking for —
I ain't seen him in years.

101
00:04:44,803 --> 00:04:48,483
..your laminates.
Sorry. Um...

102
00:04:49,202 --> 00:04:52,202
It's back that way.
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

103
00:04:53,403 --> 00:04:54,923
Mm.

104
00:04:55,603 --> 00:04:57,403
Psst! Psst!

105
00:05:06,763 --> 00:05:09,243
(DRUNKENLY) Hello, Glen!

106
00:05:10,363 --> 00:05:12,163
(THUD)

107
00:05:13,363 --> 00:05:15,803
Ian, where's your trousers?

108
00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:17,843
They're gone.

109
00:05:18,643 --> 00:05:19,763
Oh.

110
00:05:19,803 --> 00:05:22,643
# WHITNEY HOUSTON:
Million Dollar Bill

111
00:05:23,843 --> 00:05:28,563
# If he makes you feel
like a million dollar bill, say... #

112
00:05:28,603 --> 00:05:31,883
# Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh!

113
00:05:31,923 --> 00:05:34,523
# Go left right, up down... #

114
00:05:34,563 --> 00:05:38,243
But, Ian...
Ian, have you not slept? Ian?

115
00:05:39,283 --> 00:05:42,843
I am not the Ian
you once knew, Glen.

116
00:05:42,883 --> 00:05:46,443
But I see it now. Lee showed me!

117
00:05:47,603 --> 00:05:49,723
(WHISPERS) None of this matters!

118
00:05:49,763 --> 00:05:51,643
Boom!

119
00:05:51,683 --> 00:05:54,323
See? No consequences!

120
00:05:54,363 --> 00:05:56,883
Because the truth is, Glen,

121
00:05:56,923 --> 00:06:00,683
everything is completely meaningle-
(BROKEN GLASS CRUNCHES)

122
00:06:00,723 --> 00:06:02,883
Ow! Ow! Ow!
OK, alright, alright.

123
00:06:02,923 --> 00:06:04,643
I don't need any of this.

124
00:06:04,683 --> 00:06:06,723
(SOBS) I'm gonna fucking quit.

125
00:06:06,763 --> 00:06:08,843
Ian, Ian, please don't do that.
No, no.

126
00:06:08,883 --> 00:06:11,843
You just want
your little promotion, eh?

127
00:06:11,883 --> 00:06:14,563
Well, tough tits, big boy.

128
00:06:15,803 --> 00:06:17,723
I'm off, baby.

129
00:06:17,763 --> 00:06:21,043
I'm out of here for good.
OK.

130
00:06:21,083 --> 00:06:24,083
Just as soon as
I can find my trousers.

131
00:06:24,923 --> 00:06:27,043
Find...my...

132
00:06:28,963 --> 00:06:31,563
(MUMBLES) Find...
Ian?

133
00:06:31,603 --> 00:06:34,202
(SNORES SOFTLY)
Ian...

134
00:06:36,003 --> 00:06:37,243
Uh...

135
00:06:38,003 --> 00:06:39,243
Ooh-ooh.

136
00:06:41,083 --> 00:06:42,803
(SNORING CONTINUES)

137
00:06:47,643 --> 00:06:50,283
Yo, Glen! (GASPS)

138
00:06:50,323 --> 00:06:54,043
Mate...you can do better than THAT.

139
00:06:54,083 --> 00:06:55,843
What?
Uh...

140
00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:58,123
Aysha, no, no, no. Aysha, he's...
Aysha!

141
00:06:58,163 --> 00:07:00,643
Have some of this.
It's what rappers drink.

142
00:07:00,683 --> 00:07:03,243
Er, I'm good, thanks, Ian.
Cos it's haram.

143
00:07:03,283 --> 00:07:05,243
Also, it's half nine in the morning!

144
00:07:05,283 --> 00:07:10,043
Aysha? Aysha, we need to keep him
here and sober him up.

145
00:07:10,083 --> 00:07:11,723
Chris Tarrant!

146
00:07:11,763 --> 00:07:13,763
Right?
What about him, eh?

147
00:07:13,803 --> 00:07:15,883
Right, you'll have to go out front.
What? Why?

148
00:07:15,923 --> 00:07:19,043
Cos there's these two fuckers
asking for the manager, innit?

149
00:07:19,083 --> 00:07:21,963
Scary cunts. I'LL deal with him.

150
00:07:22,003 --> 00:07:24,603
It's SIR Trevor McDonald to you!

151
00:07:24,643 --> 00:07:26,163
Oi, Glen?
Hm?

152
00:07:26,203 --> 00:07:29,843
If shit gets nasty,
can I fuck him up or what?

153
00:07:31,323 --> 00:07:34,283
# ETERNAL: Power Of A Woman

154
00:07:35,963 --> 00:07:38,243
# Let me take control

155
00:07:38,283 --> 00:07:40,883
# Body, mind and soul

156
00:07:40,923 --> 00:07:43,883
# Ahhh, doo doo doo... #

157
00:07:43,923 --> 00:07:47,803
How's that for you?
Er, yeah! It looks great, thank you.

158
00:07:47,843 --> 00:07:50,723
Lovely. My Auntie Janet
wore that to ABBA Voyage.

159
00:07:51,643 --> 00:07:53,003
(TANNOY CHIME)

160
00:07:53,043 --> 00:07:56,043
'Belinda, please come
to the lingerie department.'

161
00:07:56,083 --> 00:07:58,083
(FAINT MUSIC)
(CHILD BAWLS NEARBY)

162
00:08:04,403 --> 00:08:06,883
Hi, there! How can I...

163
00:08:09,363 --> 00:08:11,163
..help?

164
00:08:11,203 --> 00:08:14,603
Glen Campbell.
How do you know my...?

165
00:08:14,643 --> 00:08:19,323
Oh, it's... It's on my badge!
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

166
00:08:19,363 --> 00:08:22,963
Glen Campbell. Like country singer?
Uh, yeah, yeah.

167
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:26,923
Er, Rhinestone Cowboy! Yeah, our mum
was a big country music fan.

168
00:08:26,963 --> 00:08:28,363
So, er -
And your brother?

169
00:08:29,523 --> 00:08:32,443
Some naughty people.
You said "Our mum".

170
00:08:32,483 --> 00:08:34,443
Your brother, what's his name?

171
00:08:37,643 --> 00:08:41,123
Is Johnny Cash?
(LAUGHS AND EXPLAINS IN BOSNIAN)

172
00:08:42,602 --> 00:08:45,323
Nah. No, no, it's just, erm...

173
00:08:45,363 --> 00:08:47,603
(CLEARS THROAT) No, I don't...
I don't have a brother.

174
00:08:47,643 --> 00:08:52,243
Just me and my sister. Dolly Parton.
(LAUGHS)

175
00:08:52,283 --> 00:08:54,963
(LAUGHS)
Oh, you are funny guy.

176
00:08:55,003 --> 00:08:58,243
Thank you.
Yes, well, trying to be, yeah...

177
00:08:59,923 --> 00:09:02,043
..with tattoos on their faces.

178
00:09:06,003 --> 00:09:08,923
What?
Nothing, no, no. It's j... Um...

179
00:09:08,963 --> 00:09:11,243
(CLEARS THROAT) You have...

180
00:09:11,283 --> 00:09:13,603
lovely...eyes.

181
00:09:13,643 --> 00:09:19,283
You know, I think we will
get along very well. Yes?

182
00:09:19,323 --> 00:09:22,763
IAN: I need Lee! Where's Lee?
Dickhead, bruv!

183
00:09:22,803 --> 00:09:24,963
(GRUNTING)
Oh, I'm s...

184
00:09:25,003 --> 00:09:26,683
I'm just gonna go and see...

185
00:09:29,243 --> 00:09:31,963
(TINNY SOUND QUALITY)
# And don't it feel good, hey

186
00:09:32,003 --> 00:09:33,403
# Alright

187
00:09:33,443 --> 00:09:35,603
# And don't it feel good? #

188
00:09:41,643 --> 00:09:43,923
(MUFFLED MUSIC CONTINUES)

189
00:09:43,963 --> 00:09:45,643
It's alright. I'll come now.

190
00:09:45,683 --> 00:09:49,483
There's only one woman here trying
on that horrible sequined thing.

191
00:09:56,603 --> 00:09:59,603
Argh!What did I say, bitch?
Don't try me!

192
00:09:59,643 --> 00:10:02,683
This prick's had a second wind!
Lee!

193
00:10:02,723 --> 00:10:04,883
Who's he talking about, anyway?
(MUFFLED GROANS)

194
00:10:04,923 --> 00:10:06,883
Alright, it's about my brother.

195
00:10:06,923 --> 00:10:08,883
He's staying with me,
he's in a bit of trouble

196
00:10:08,923 --> 00:10:11,043
and I think those men outside
are looking for him.

197
00:10:11,083 --> 00:10:13,243
Don't tell anyone, alright?
(MUFFLED GROANS)

198
00:10:13,283 --> 00:10:17,283
We need to call Sheila, his wife!
Have you got her number, though?

199
00:10:18,723 --> 00:10:21,203
Fuck!
Give me the fucking -No!

200
00:10:21,243 --> 00:10:25,163
Give me!Get the tape, Aysha!
Lee!Get the fucking tape!

201
00:10:25,203 --> 00:10:27,203
(BROODING GUITAR MUSIC)

202
00:10:32,603 --> 00:10:35,203
SECURITY WOMAN: Is that you?

203
00:10:36,163 --> 00:10:39,123
I-I did it because I... Oh!

204
00:10:42,363 --> 00:10:44,163
Oh.

205
00:10:46,763 --> 00:10:51,083
Is there someone you want to call?
My fiance!

206
00:10:52,643 --> 00:10:53,963
(BLOWS NOSE NOISILY)

207
00:10:54,003 --> 00:10:56,803
(MUFFLED CRIES)
Hold him still, man!
What's wrong with you?

208
00:10:56,843 --> 00:10:58,683
Do it!
(PHONE PINGS)

209
00:10:58,723 --> 00:11:00,403
Got it! Suck it, bruv!

210
00:11:00,443 --> 00:11:02,643
Suck your mum!
(MUFFLED CRIES)

211
00:11:03,403 --> 00:11:05,723
You call Sheila.
I'm gonna deal with these blokes.

212
00:11:05,763 --> 00:11:07,803
Bro, bro. You got this, bruv!

213
00:11:09,283 --> 00:11:10,643
Spud me, then, dickhead!

214
00:11:10,683 --> 00:11:12,843
(WEAK MOANING)

215
00:11:14,803 --> 00:11:15,963
(MUFFLED SCREAM)

216
00:11:16,003 --> 00:11:17,883
(MAN TALKING ON TV)

217
00:11:17,923 --> 00:11:19,323
(PHONE BUZZES)

218
00:11:19,363 --> 00:11:21,643
MAN ON TV: 'The way
you've been talking suggests

219
00:11:21,683 --> 00:11:24,323
that there's quite a lot of...'
(PHONE BUZZES)

220
00:11:24,363 --> 00:11:26,643
'..high stress situations
that you have to deal with.'

221
00:11:26,683 --> 00:11:30,603
'Yes, the stresses of modern life
make it hard to get some peace.

222
00:11:30,643 --> 00:11:32,723
Our minds are constantly whirring.

223
00:11:32,763 --> 00:11:36,603
but I do know that there's always
one thing that I can count on

224
00:11:36,643 --> 00:11:38,443
to bring me some relief.'

225
00:11:39,843 --> 00:11:41,603
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS)

226
00:11:41,643 --> 00:11:43,643
# You know, baby

227
00:11:43,683 --> 00:11:45,763
# I want you to feel it

228
00:11:46,923 --> 00:11:48,403
# You see

229
00:11:49,323 --> 00:11:51,323
# I want you to feel the tempo

230
00:11:52,403 --> 00:11:55,523
# So, just listen to me, baby

231
00:11:55,563 --> 00:11:57,643
# Can't stop me now

232
00:11:57,683 --> 00:11:59,283
# Hear what I say

233
00:11:59,323 --> 00:12:02,523
# My feet want to move
so just get out my way

234
00:12:02,563 --> 00:12:05,283
(CLATTERING)
# I'm gonna have my say

235
00:12:05,323 --> 00:12:07,283
# I'm gonna introduce your dance

236
00:12:07,323 --> 00:12:10,443
# I'm gonna dance, dance, dance, ooh

237
00:12:10,483 --> 00:12:12,283
# If you make the chance

238
00:12:12,323 --> 00:12:15,243
# Shame, shame, shame, shame, shame

239
00:12:15,283 --> 00:12:17,923
# Oh, shame on you

240
00:12:17,963 --> 00:12:19,883
# If you can't dance too

241
00:12:19,923 --> 00:12:22,803
# I said shame, shame, shame, shame
(RATTLES)

242
00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:24,363
# Shame, shame, shame

243
00:12:24,403 --> 00:12:26,323
# Shame on you

244
00:12:26,363 --> 00:12:28,683
# If you can't dance too

245
00:12:29,443 --> 00:12:31,403
# Don't stop the motion

246
00:12:31,443 --> 00:12:33,283
# If you gets the notion

247
00:12:33,323 --> 00:12:37,203
# You can't stop the groove
cos you just don't move

248
00:12:37,243 --> 00:12:39,283
# Got my salmon down

249
00:12:39,323 --> 00:12:41,403
# Got my diamond in the back

250
00:12:41,443 --> 00:12:43,563
# Pull off the shirt
and wiggle around me

251
00:12:43,603 --> 00:12:45,763
# You're gonna do your thing

252
00:12:45,803 --> 00:12:49,043
# Shame, shame, shame, shame, shame

253
00:12:49,083 --> 00:12:51,363
# Oh, shame on you... #

254
00:12:54,129 --> 00:12:56,603
He's here. Your fiance.

255
00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:06,683
(BROODING GUITAR MUSIC)

256
00:13:08,603 --> 00:13:10,443
Alright, my darling?

257
00:13:17,443 --> 00:13:20,203
So tell me, Glen Campbell...

258
00:13:20,243 --> 00:13:22,683
do you live around here?

259
00:13:22,723 --> 00:13:25,363
Uh, no, no. Far, very far.

260
00:13:25,403 --> 00:13:27,083
Really?

261
00:13:28,243 --> 00:13:32,603
So, um, let's take a look...
at fabrications.

262
00:13:32,643 --> 00:13:35,643
I think you know we're not
only here for carpet, Glen.

263
00:13:35,683 --> 00:13:37,443
We're looking for someone, Glen.

264
00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:39,763
You understand?
Yeah.

265
00:13:42,563 --> 00:13:44,883
(CLEARS THROAT) Tell you what.

266
00:13:44,923 --> 00:13:48,803
I might just pop and get
the very big sample book. Ha-ha...

267
00:13:48,843 --> 00:13:52,723
So, if you just bear with me
for a moment...Hey!

268
00:13:52,763 --> 00:13:54,243
Come back soon.

269
00:13:55,083 --> 00:13:56,963
We will wait.

270
00:14:01,403 --> 00:14:02,803
(SHAKILY) Fuck.

271
00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:04,003
Fuck!

272
00:14:04,043 --> 00:14:05,883
(MUFFLED) What? What is it?

273
00:14:05,923 --> 00:14:07,403
Fuck.

274
00:14:07,443 --> 00:14:09,683
Fuuuck! Fuck.

275
00:14:09,723 --> 00:14:12,483
Pick up! Fucking pick up, Lee!

276
00:14:12,523 --> 00:14:15,283
What? Is he here?
I don't know what to do.

277
00:14:16,443 --> 00:14:18,563
I don't know what to do.
(SOBERLY) Glen!

278
00:14:18,603 --> 00:14:20,683
Hang up the phone, Glen.

279
00:14:21,763 --> 00:14:24,963
You DO know what to do, Glen.
Lee showed us.

280
00:14:25,843 --> 00:14:30,883
We're men, Glen!
We don't run from our problems!

281
00:14:32,043 --> 00:14:36,843
Lee helped us last night.
Now it's time we helped HIM.

282
00:14:38,363 --> 00:14:41,483
Just think, "What would Lee do?"

283
00:14:46,643 --> 00:14:49,003
She's been detained for questioning.

284
00:14:49,043 --> 00:14:52,243
After that, I'll call the police.
Not really being detained, is it?

285
00:14:52,283 --> 00:14:54,523
Cos there's a treacle
waiting to get her sandwiches.

286
00:14:54,563 --> 00:14:57,203
(DOOR OPENS)
Sorry! Won't be a min!

287
00:14:58,523 --> 00:15:01,803
What you gone for? Nice bit of ham?
Yeah. Thanks.

288
00:15:01,843 --> 00:15:04,603
Fine! We'll skip
straight to calling the police.

289
00:15:04,643 --> 00:15:07,403
Good. Can we do that, please?
Do me a favour while you're at it.

290
00:15:07,443 --> 00:15:09,923
Tell them to bang her up
for a very, very long time.

291
00:15:09,963 --> 00:15:12,803
What?What?
I've had enough, Kirst!

292
00:15:12,843 --> 00:15:15,003
I've had enough of this, alright?

293
00:15:15,683 --> 00:15:17,363
You're not well.

294
00:15:17,403 --> 00:15:20,283
If this is the kick up the bollocks
you need, so be it.

295
00:15:20,323 --> 00:15:21,683
No! I...
No, no, no.

296
00:15:21,723 --> 00:15:24,043
Doing it for charity
doesn't mean it's OK.

297
00:15:24,083 --> 00:15:26,043
(SPLUTTERS)

298
00:15:26,083 --> 00:15:27,723
Yeah...

299
00:15:28,443 --> 00:15:30,683
Yeah, yeah, you're right.
You're right.

300
00:15:30,723 --> 00:15:35,003
It started off really small,
er, the Ice Bucket Challenge,

301
00:15:35,043 --> 00:15:36,923
then we had, what was it,
the Couch To 5K?

302
00:15:36,963 --> 00:15:38,523
Then she got a real taste for it,

303
00:15:38,563 --> 00:15:40,323
then we went on
to the Tsunami Relief,

304
00:15:40,363 --> 00:15:42,603
then the Syrian earthquake -
Help For Heroes.

305
00:15:42,643 --> 00:15:44,043
Then we had the Help For Heroes.

306
00:15:44,083 --> 00:15:46,323
Honestly, if you hadn't
had stopped her... See this?

307
00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:48,003
This would've been straight on eBay,

308
00:15:48,043 --> 00:15:51,243
all the money going straight
to fucking...Autism Awareness.

309
00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:54,403
Is that right?
Yeah. I just... I really...

310
00:15:54,443 --> 00:15:58,563
I just care a lot, like, too much.
She does.Yeah, I can't help it.

311
00:15:58,603 --> 00:16:01,523
She can't.And I, you know,
I just, I've got a...

312
00:16:01,563 --> 00:16:05,643
I've got a big heart, see, and just
ain't nobody gonna change that!

313
00:16:07,363 --> 00:16:09,643
So just, er, just get it done.

314
00:16:09,683 --> 00:16:14,043
Call 'em. Cos she needs to learn...
to stop being so fucking generous.

315
00:16:14,083 --> 00:16:15,203
Yeah.

316
00:16:16,643 --> 00:16:18,803
Honestly... (SIGHS)

317
00:16:18,843 --> 00:16:21,083
I feel sort of...

318
00:16:22,003 --> 00:16:25,563
..insulted that you thought
that would work.

319
00:16:26,803 --> 00:16:29,923
I mean, you're a white woman
in a tea dress.

320
00:16:29,963 --> 00:16:32,363
The worst you're gonna get
is a caution.

321
00:16:32,403 --> 00:16:34,563
You know what, just piss off!

322
00:16:34,603 --> 00:16:36,803
And take your eyelashes with ya!

323
00:16:36,843 --> 00:16:38,843
(UPBEAT SOUL RHYTHM)

324
00:16:46,363 --> 00:16:49,043
I'm sorry. We don't have
anything else in store

325
00:16:49,083 --> 00:16:52,803
that would be suitable for you.
So... (CLEARS THROAT)

326
00:16:52,843 --> 00:16:55,403
..I'm afraid you might be
best to go elsewhere.

327
00:16:55,443 --> 00:16:57,563
Come, Glen. We go.

328
00:16:57,603 --> 00:16:59,483
Blago is getting impatient.

329
00:17:01,803 --> 00:17:03,363
(GRUNTING)

330
00:17:03,403 --> 00:17:04,963
Fine.

331
00:17:05,003 --> 00:17:06,843
(INHALES DEEPLY)

332
00:17:06,882 --> 00:17:09,162
Yeah, you wanna do this? Yeah?
Let's just do it.

333
00:17:09,203 --> 00:17:12,763
You wanna fuck me up?
Yeah! Fuck me up. Sure.

334
00:17:12,803 --> 00:17:14,963
I won't go down without a fight.

335
00:17:15,723 --> 00:17:16,963
(GRUNTS AND GROANS)

336
00:17:17,003 --> 00:17:20,043
You can do what you want to me,
but I swear...

337
00:17:20,083 --> 00:17:22,723
I'm never gonna show you
where I live!

338
00:17:26,162 --> 00:17:28,003
(CALMLY) OK, no problem. We host.

339
00:17:29,683 --> 00:17:32,043
Sorry?
Yeah, sure. We host.

340
00:17:32,723 --> 00:17:34,963
I'm sorry.
I'm not quite sure what you...

341
00:17:35,003 --> 00:17:36,603
OK, look...

342
00:17:36,643 --> 00:17:39,203
Two tops...looking for a bottom.

343
00:17:39,243 --> 00:17:40,843
Casual hookups. No strings.

344
00:17:41,803 --> 00:17:43,843
I enjoy...

345
00:17:44,763 --> 00:17:46,243
..nipple play.

346
00:17:46,283 --> 00:17:48,763
Yeah, me not so much. You?

347
00:17:49,723 --> 00:17:51,883
Oh. Oh, I'm...

348
00:17:52,683 --> 00:17:56,363
Sorry, I'm...I'm not... I don't...

349
00:17:56,403 --> 00:17:57,963
Oh!

350
00:17:58,683 --> 00:18:00,883
(SPEAKS BOSNIAN) ..Dolly Parton?

351
00:18:00,923 --> 00:18:02,563
So... Sorry.

352
00:18:02,603 --> 00:18:05,363
So, you're not interested
in my brother?

353
00:18:05,403 --> 00:18:07,083
Erm, is he cute?
(DOOR BANGS)

354
00:18:07,123 --> 00:18:09,803
IAN: Lee, I'm coming! WAAARGH!

355
00:18:09,843 --> 00:18:11,883
Ian, no! They're just gays!
Aaaargh!

356
00:18:11,923 --> 00:18:13,323
SHEILA: Ian!

357
00:18:14,043 --> 00:18:16,763
What are you doing?
Hello, Sheila.

358
00:18:17,443 --> 00:18:19,483
I'm so sorry about this.

359
00:18:19,523 --> 00:18:23,323
Ian, love, where are your trousers?

360
00:18:23,363 --> 00:18:25,363
(MUMBLES) My...

361
00:18:27,283 --> 00:18:28,883
Oh.

362
00:18:28,923 --> 00:18:30,563
I'm sorry. So...

363
00:18:30,603 --> 00:18:33,443
you and Ian...
Separated, yes.

364
00:18:33,483 --> 00:18:37,243
It's been six months. But I don't
think it's sunk in for him just yet.

365
00:18:39,323 --> 00:18:43,683
I'm sorry. Ian. Ian!
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry, Ian. Sorry...

366
00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:48,083
Sorry. You DID say, didn't you,
you know, about the promotion...

367
00:18:48,123 --> 00:18:51,203
There is no promotion, Glen.
What?I just...

368
00:18:52,803 --> 00:18:56,603
One time, it slipped out,
"Oh, you'll be due a promotion."

369
00:18:56,643 --> 00:18:59,483
And then you just kept
bringing it up.

370
00:19:00,283 --> 00:19:03,163
No, no, no. Ian, Ian...
Come on, Ian. No, I'm sorry.

371
00:19:03,203 --> 00:19:05,723
Ian, Ian, Ian! Ian! Ian...

372
00:19:07,323 --> 00:19:09,723
# Un Homme Et Une Femme

373
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:12,643
AYSHA: I think I finally get it,

374
00:19:12,683 --> 00:19:15,043
what people mean
when they say "job satisfaction".

375
00:19:15,083 --> 00:19:18,003
When you was like,
"Restrain Ian! Fuck him up!"

376
00:19:18,043 --> 00:19:21,323
And I was like, "Biiitch!" (LAUGHS)

377
00:19:21,363 --> 00:19:23,163
Best day!

378
00:19:24,443 --> 00:19:28,283
Why are you being like this, bro?
Why are you killing my vibe?

379
00:19:28,323 --> 00:19:30,683
What am I gonna tell Kirsty?
You know?

380
00:19:30,723 --> 00:19:34,803
We've planned our wedding around
a promotion that don't exist.
I'm a fucking idiot.

381
00:19:34,843 --> 00:19:36,923
I didn't even know
you was getting married.

382
00:19:36,963 --> 00:19:40,163
This is your problem - you keep
your shit locked down. (TUTS)

383
00:19:41,163 --> 00:19:42,963
I'll sort it.

384
00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:46,123
Pardon?
(MIMICS) "Pardon?"

385
00:19:46,163 --> 00:19:49,203
Honestly, you crack me up.
You're like Mr Bean or summink.

386
00:19:49,243 --> 00:19:51,923
I'll sort it.
Just like I sorted Brian.

387
00:19:52,723 --> 00:19:56,283
What?
My family own this place, remember?

388
00:19:56,323 --> 00:20:00,883
I told my dad that Brian showed me
his dick in the stock overflow area,

389
00:20:00,923 --> 00:20:03,003
and now he don't work here no more.

390
00:20:03,043 --> 00:20:06,083
So I'll get Dad to make you manager
while Ian's away.

391
00:20:06,123 --> 00:20:08,483
And you'll get paid
like double or summink.

392
00:20:09,163 --> 00:20:10,763
You're joking?

393
00:20:10,803 --> 00:20:12,043
Aysha?

394
00:20:12,083 --> 00:20:13,803
Aysha, oh, my God.

395
00:20:13,843 --> 00:20:16,083
Are you sure? (SPLUTTERS)

396
00:20:16,123 --> 00:20:17,323
(LAUGHS)

397
00:20:17,363 --> 00:20:19,803
I've gotta tell Kirsty.
She's gonna be, erm...

398
00:20:19,843 --> 00:20:21,803
Right. Tell you what.
(CLEARS THROAT)

399
00:20:21,843 --> 00:20:24,243
(PHONE RINGS)
As temporary interim acting manager,

400
00:20:24,283 --> 00:20:26,443
my first executive order is...

401
00:20:27,923 --> 00:20:29,883
Ha! We're closing early!

402
00:20:29,923 --> 00:20:32,923
Yeah. In fact, I tell you what...
YOU'RE...closing early, Aysha.

403
00:20:32,963 --> 00:20:35,563
Because I have got a fiancee
to win back.

404
00:20:36,443 --> 00:20:39,443
Yes, Glen! Go off, short king!

405
00:20:39,483 --> 00:20:41,363
(CHUCKLES) "Pardon?"

406
00:20:41,403 --> 00:20:44,403
This bloody guy.
Honestly, he cracks me up.

407
00:20:45,163 --> 00:20:47,843
Oh, soz, mate. Closing early.

408
00:20:47,883 --> 00:20:49,883
Honestly, it's been a mad one.

409
00:20:49,923 --> 00:20:51,923
Glen, yeah, the one that just left,

410
00:20:51,963 --> 00:20:54,963
he's got this brother
who's staying with him, right?

411
00:20:55,003 --> 00:20:57,043
'Fucking trouble,
ya know what I'm saying?

412
00:20:57,083 --> 00:20:59,283
Like, I'M bad, innit...'

413
00:21:00,003 --> 00:21:02,603
KIRSTY: I only called you because...
Yeah.

414
00:21:03,323 --> 00:21:05,483
So there's no need to tell -
No.

415
00:21:06,363 --> 00:21:08,003
God, no.

416
00:21:10,203 --> 00:21:12,203
And actually...

417
00:21:13,843 --> 00:21:16,963
..I had it all under control...

418
00:21:17,003 --> 00:21:18,643
before.

419
00:21:21,043 --> 00:21:23,363
Cos it was only meant to be like...

420
00:21:24,083 --> 00:21:25,923
..little things, like...

421
00:21:25,963 --> 00:21:29,563
I don't know, like mascara
or whatever, but just...

422
00:21:37,003 --> 00:21:39,843
Now I've got barbecue sauce
on my top.

423
00:21:42,363 --> 00:21:44,283
(SNIFFLES)
Here.

424
00:21:44,323 --> 00:21:45,923
Thank you.

425
00:21:48,323 --> 00:21:49,643
Lee...

426
00:21:52,123 --> 00:21:55,043
..do you ever feel like
you're just, like...

427
00:21:57,123 --> 00:21:59,563
..the worst person in the world?

428
00:22:05,363 --> 00:22:09,443
(CRYING) You try,
you really try, but you just...

429
00:22:09,483 --> 00:22:11,803
You just... (SOBS)

430
00:22:14,883 --> 00:22:16,803
You, er...

431
00:22:18,563 --> 00:22:20,803
You've got a chip...

432
00:22:24,443 --> 00:22:27,963
(POP MUSIC RINGTONE)
# Jump for my love!

433
00:22:28,003 --> 00:22:29,723
# Jump in!

434
00:22:29,763 --> 00:22:31,803
# And feel my touch

435
00:22:31,843 --> 00:22:35,003
# Jump, if you want to taste
my kisses in the night

436
00:22:35,043 --> 00:22:38,643
# Then jump for my love

437
00:22:39,363 --> 00:22:41,083
# I know my heart... #

438
00:22:41,123 --> 00:22:43,323
Hey, love!

439
00:22:43,363 --> 00:22:48,123
Yeah, erm, I'm just staying
late at work, with Jen.

440
00:22:48,163 --> 00:22:50,203
I'm snowed under.

441
00:22:51,843 --> 00:22:55,283
Yeah? OK, yeah! See you later.
See you at dance class.

442
00:22:55,323 --> 00:22:58,043
Alright, love. No worries.

443
00:22:58,083 --> 00:23:00,283
See you later.
(LIFT BELL PINGS)

444
00:23:03,923 --> 00:23:05,523
Thanks, Jen.

445
00:23:06,243 --> 00:23:07,963
Glen, I...

446
00:23:08,003 --> 00:23:10,763
I think you might want
to talk to Kirsty...

447
00:23:10,803 --> 00:23:12,483
about her suspension?

448
00:23:19,843 --> 00:23:22,523
# CW STONEKING: The Love Me Or Die

449
00:23:27,083 --> 00:23:30,363
# I studied evil, I can't deny

450
00:23:30,403 --> 00:23:33,923
# Was a hoodoo charm
called a Love Me Or Die

451
00:23:33,963 --> 00:23:36,723
# Some fingernail,
a piece of her dress

452
00:23:36,763 --> 00:23:39,963
# Apothecary, Devil's behest

453
00:23:41,123 --> 00:23:46,283
# I will relate
the piteous consequence, my mistake

454
00:23:46,323 --> 00:23:49,483
# Fallin' slave to passing desire

455
00:23:49,523 --> 00:23:53,323
# Makin' the dreaded
Love Me Or Die #

456
00:23:55,763 --> 00:23:59,003
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