(ENGINE WHIRRING DISTANTLY)
(DRUMS BEATING OMINOUSLY)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(LOUD CLANG)
(TENSE MUSIC INTENSIFIES)
(EXPLODES)
(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
(WIND WHISTLING)
(AIRPLANE CLATTERING)
(ALARM BLARING)
(LOUD EXPLOSION)
MAN: (OVER RADIO) Charlie Oboe Seven Sugar,
distress call acknowledged. Divert to new coordinates.
Heading 2-3-0. Negative.
MAN: Vector 2-3-0. Ascend... Negative. Negative.
Unable. Stay on course.
We're only losing altitude at 50 feet per second.
Let's clear that ridge, then reassess.
There might be a more survivable
crash site. (METAL CLINKS)
"More survivable crash site"?
(LOUD BANG) (WHIRRING SLOWS)
(WIND BLOWING SHARPLY)
I told you. I warned you!
Wet tarmac, short runway, 25-knot crosswind, lightning!
You disallowed me... (LOUD BANG)
...to complete a proper safety check
despite credible threats of sabotage.
You forced me to take off
and needled me and teased me and bullied me,
but I managed to get us airborne anyway.
And now, needless to say, we've been blown up
by somebody trying to assassinate you again
and we're going to crash after all.
If we survive I'm reporting you
to the Trans-European Aviation Authority.
(AIRPLANE RATTLING)
You're fired. What's that?
What'd you say? I'm fired? You're fired.
In the middle of emergency... Which button activates
the ejector seat? ...forced landing...
(RADIO BEEPS)
Mayday, mayday, mayday! Charlie Oboe Seven Sugar
request for immediate clearance.
I've got a cornfield and a...
looks like a soybean field. Which is going to be softer?
(RADIO BEEPS)
MAN: (OVER RADIO) inconclusive.
Never mind. I'll be in the cornfield.
(DISTANT EXPLOSION)
(TENSE AMUSING MUSIC PLAYING)
NEWSREADER: At this moment, rescue workers are laboring
to extinguish the fiery wreckage
of an ill-fated dual engine aircraft
in a perhaps futile attempt to recover and identify
the remains of Anatole "Zsa-zsa" Korda.
International businessman,
maverick in the fields of armaments and aviation.
Among the richest men in Europe.
This was Korda's sixth recorded airplane crash.
Dogged for years by accusations
of profiteering... (CAWS)
...tax evasion, price fixing, bribery,
Korda specialized in the mediation
of clandestine trade agreements.
(METALLIC CLANG) His moniker
in financial circles, Mr. Five Percent.
(CROWS CAWING)
He is survived by 10 children.
Nine boys, one novitiate nun, his daughter, Liesl,
and is predeceased by three wives.
A controversial figure.
Some will mourn his death, others, inevitably, will celebrate.
(GOAT BLEATING)
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Who was this man?
How do we recognize him?
Does he have even an identity?
(CHURCH BELL TOLLS)
Let us consider his life and deeds.
Born to an unscrupulous... Grandmother.
Why are we here?
PREACHER: One half-sister, one half-brother.
He was reared and weaned...
I don't know you.
PREACHER: ...in a cold house,
and brought that cold life...
(GASPS)
(QUAINT SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
(CHURCH BELL TOLLS) (SPITS)
(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
REPORTER: Captain, what exactly would Mr. Korda
have experienced during those final seconds of his life
before he was incinerated
while you rocketed through space strapped to a chair,
surely a horrific display of...
Actually, no, he's still alive.
Mr. Korda. Sir.
I'm fine.
What's that in your hand?
I don't know. I think it's a vestigial organ.
I tried to get it back in, it's not as easy as it looks.
(SOMBER CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(SOMBER CLASSICAL MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
Subtitle | www.movieddl.me
(MUSIC RISES)
(CLASSICAL MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
(KEYBOARD CLANKING) (COMPUTER WHIRRING)
(MACHINE BUZZES, CLANKS)
The chair recognizes the bureaucrat from Baltimore.
MAN: Thank you.
Subject: Zsa-zsa Korda,
our single common enemy who works consistently and relentlessly
against the interests of all our competing nations.
The one item only on our agenda, which unites us.
(PROJECTOR CLANKS)
He swindles our banks.
He dodges our tariffs.
He ties up our courtrooms in tactical lawsuits.
He provokes war as well as peace
in direct conflict with our shared diplomatic agenda.
Subject's new venture relies heavily
on personal capital and wildly overreaches liquid resources.
Our objective, with your approval,
disrupting, obstructing, impeding,
crippling Korda's enterprise in any manner possible.
With option to cancel
in event of subject's sudden and probable death.
All in favor? ALL: Aye.
(GRAVE MUSIC PLAYING)
(DOOR UNLOCKS)
MAN 1 : Your bag, Miss Liesl. I'll put it in the cupboard.
LIESL: I wish to retain it. Yes. No, no, I'm keeping it.
MAN 1 : I understand.
MAN 2: Be seated.
(DOOR UNLOCKS)
(DOOR OPENS) (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
KORDA: Liesl, I expect you received news of my death.
The reports were inaccurate,
needless to say.
Let me get directly to the point.
(FOOTSTEPS RECEDING)
I've appointed you sole heir to my estate,
which you may come into sooner rather than later
and provisionally manager of my affairs
after the event of my actual demise
on a trial basis.
Why? Why what?
Why sooner rather than later, since you survived again?
And why am I sole heir to your estate?
You have eight sons at last count.
Nine sons. Nine sons. What about them?
They're not my heirs. Why not?
I have my reasons. Which are what?
My reasons? I'm not saying.
I'm saying I'm not saying.
(SOMBER PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)
It's been six years since our last meeting.
I apologize. I apologize.
I forgive you. Are you dying?
Thank you. No.
But I keep getting assassinated, unsuccessfully so far,
and I can't allow my enemies to benefit from killing me.
That's the top priority in my life at this time.
If they get me, you get them.
Provisionally.
Like an audition.
Like a trial period.
Of being your daughter.
Of being sole heir to my estate,
and manager of my affairs
after the event of my actual demise.
The personal family aspect,
I agree that merits further discussion,
but for now there's much to explain
and it's all in these shoe boxes.
Korda Land and Sea Phoenician infrastructure Scheme.
My most important project of my lifetime,
30 years' work.
May I move? Over there?
KORDA: Over where?
Over there? Why?
They say you murdered my mother.
What?
They say you murdered my mother. Who said that?
Who said that?
They. It's what they say.
I feel the need to address it.
It's why I agreed to come here today.
KORDA: "They say that". Well, it's a...
Forgive me, I know you're pious.
It's a goddamn lie,
I never murdered anybody's mother in my life.
(ROSARY RUSTLING)
Okay. I have no choice but to take you at your word.
I never personally murdered anybody at all. Ever.
You arranged murders, perhaps?
Don't put words in my mouth.
Of course, I didn't and don't.
I've employed violent men to do violence
on occasion in the distant past.
I take no relish in it.
They say you murdered all your wives.
I'm going to sue them for libel in that case.
Whoever "they" are.
If you can provide me with their identities.
In fact, I was very fond of your mother
and never would have murdered her
under any circumstances whatsoever.
I didn't know her that well.
I thought you came here because I summoned you.
My plan is to be a nun.
Not anymore, right?
(MAN CLEARS THROAT)
Your brothers are there.
Jasper, David, Phillip, Michael, Harry,
Jamie, Samuel, Steven, Thomas.
Hello, boys.
Will they be joining us for luncheon?
KORDA: Of course not.
They live in a dormitory across the street.
I don't know... I don't know what they're doing here.
Is today a Saturday? That might explain it.
(ARROW CLANKS)
I bought Jasper a crossbow.
Be careful of your eyes. He's a very good shot.
You understand this changes your life?
Listen carefully.
(SOMBER PIANO MUSIC CONTINUES)
This shoebox contains my idea
for the dam we're going to build.
This shoebox contains my idea
for the canal we're in the middle of digging.
This shoebox contains my idea
for the tunnel we already finished drilling.
I think he sharpens them.
It's supposed to have a suction cup.
This shirt box contains
my plan to assemble the massive work force required for the project.
In short, we're going to need slave labor,
but that's available to us.
This hatbox contains my negotiations
with barons in shipping, mining and railroads.
These littler sock boxes contain
my agreements with titans in banking,
real estate, and black-market syndicates.
(METAL CLANGS)
Excuse me.
(QUICKENED FOOTSTEPS)
(BOYS TALKING INDISTINCTLY) (OBJECT SMASHES)
(SCUFFLING)
(FOOTSTEPS SCUFFLING)
Hello.
Yes.
(GLASS SMASHING) (BOY CRIES)
KORDA: You're not my heirs!
(PAGING CHIME)
Who the deuce is that? He's been eavesdropping on us.
I'm the new tutor.
KORDA: Ah, of course.
Welcome.
Bring me the polygraph.
I always keep a tutor on staff
to give lessons during intervals of my free time.
He's going to teach us about insects and related subjects.
He's an expert in that field.
We'll be with you shortly. This is my daughter, Liesl.
This is Professor...
BJORN: Bjorn.
Professor Bjorn.
(PAGING CHIME)
(CROSSBOW CLANGS, CLATTERS) BOY: Watch out.
In summation, the boxes on this carpet
all together present a blueprint
to set the wheels of commerce in motion
throughout a potentially rich, now dormant region.
Then to retain an appropriate
but extremely valuable 5% of the revenues
for the next 150 years.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(BELL CHIMING)
This is just...
crazy.
Yes, I admit, if it works,
it's a miracle. (MATCHSTICK STRIKES)
But it's going to.
LIESL: What's in the glove box?
That's The GAP.
We'll discuss that later.
You still didn't sign it.
LIESL: I told you, I take my vows at the end of the month.
I told you, unfortunately, no.
The church could claim a lien on our family business.
You can still believe in God
if you wish. (METAL CLANKS)
The pigeons are there.
Not for me. I take only a few crusts of bread in the daytime.
KORDA: How about you?
Hmm? Me?
I could eat a horse and easily a pigeon.
KORDA: You're invited to lunch in that case.
Oh, thank you, sir.
Point your finger.
(DEVICE CLANKS)
Full name? Bjorn Lund.
Place of birth? Oslo.
Are you wearing a bow tie? Yes.
(DEVICE BEEPING)
Are you now, or have you ever been employed
in the conduct of industrial espionage?
No, no, no. Or engaged as a professional
contract assassin for hire? Goodness, no.
(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)
(DEVICE CLANKS)
Give him the overcooked one.
Your breadcrusts, Miss Liesl.
LIESL: Peace be with you, Reverend Mother.
I write with perplexing tidings...
See what I mean? Poisoned.
Oh, it's poisoned. Why did it turn black?
LIESL: My father has appointed me provisional successor
and prospective beneficiary of his vast fortune,
gained entirely, as you know, through unholy mischief.
How will your slaves be compensated?
I believe they will receive a small stipend.
It's really up to the king.
We can't interfere on that level.
God may have something to say about that.
Is he against slavery in the Bible?
I'm against it.
LIESL: What worth is the pledge of a swindling rogue?
There's a terrible famine in this region.
This shoebox, I mean.
I know, that's us.
LIESL: This friendless man bewilders me.
In what sense that's you?
We... We did that.
Normally, there'd just be the normal level of poverty there
but presently, we control the grain.
Now we make our move and we supply provisions on our own terms.
My word! Is that ethical?
It's damnable. To Hell.
LIESL: Nevertheless, I foresee an opportunity to accomplish,
by the grace of God,
significant good works with the enormous resources
he proposes to place at my disposal.
Memorize this combination. I can't tell you where the safe is.
That will be in my will. (MATCHSTICK STRIKES)
LIESL: Perhaps this could be even his deeper intention.
Where does it come from?
Mexico.
Not the cactus.
I mean this ruthless brutality.
You don't know me. The boys live across the street.
There's no love in this house as far as I can observe.
God is absent.
Why?
LIESL: I remain profoundly reluctant to leave the order
and long for the hour of my return to sanctuary.
I think it's not my fault.
It's a self-fulfilling prophecy,
which starts in the nursery.
No one cared about or for me except my nanny.
And she was dismissed and put to shame.
What for?
She overstepped her position. It had to be done.
LIESL: Also, his poor boys, my brothers,
thirst and hunger for sisterly affection.
The wings have a scent
which gets on your fingers if you catch them.
Some smells like lemons. Some smell like chocolate.
Some smell like urine.
Are you interested in butterflies?
Is that a real question?
Is this an act?
I'm interested in the welfare of all living creatures.
Very good. Very good.
LIESL: What advice can you afford your humble servant, me?
She was murdered, by the way.
Not a suicide, the official ruling.
I think I know who did it.
But I've tried to stay out of it, frankly.
The son of my father.
He's the murderer, I suspect.
The son of your father? In other words, your brother.
Half-brother. Uncle Nubar.
He is my mother's murderer?
I suspect.
We always hated each other, of course,
but we do conduct business together
through an intermediary
because he's very clever.
"Thou shalt not kill." I agree.
We must bring that man to justice if what you say is true.
(SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
Broadcloth, wake up my notary.
Yes, sir.
KORDA: Sign the paper in front of you...
and I swear my word of solemnest honor
we shall bring ferocious revenge
down upon this cold-blooded butcher,
your uncle Nubar.
Meaning get him arrested.
I think so.
He is one of our principal partners, of course.
LIESL: I'll pray on the matter.
(SOFTLY) Heavenly Father, please grant me with some guidance
for this difficult decision.
(NORMAL VOICE) Amen.
God has called me here for a purpose.
No slaves, no famine, no dormitory.
You're on a trial period.
We've annulled your sacred covenant, Miss Liesl.
A secular rosary will arrive
from the jeweler later this afternoon.
I hope you'll find it to your liking.
LIESL: PS, how is your rheumatism?
I pray for your health and comfort.
LIESL: Jasper.
Bless us and these, thy holy gifts,
which we are about to receive, we pray for the poor,
we pray for the sick. What's this about?
Don't make 'em be religious. We pray for the needy.
I already did. We're reading Genesis.
...in thy name. Amen. Amen.
Why would anybody do something I didn't tell them to do?
Does this soup come from our usual kitchen?
I feel it tastes better.
It does taste better.
I have a French cook, you have a Belgian cook.
(LOUD THUDDING)
(SOFTLY) Yes.
(BOYS GASP)
What? What? What?
What are you afraid of? BJORN: Don't worry.
They eat only worms and crickets
and sometimes their own mates.
Are you men or mice?
You should be lions! (CUTLERY CLANGS)
No bugs at the table.
(SOFTLY) I am sorry. Of course. (DOOR OPENS)
Yes, sir?
The snails are good.
Thank you, sir.
They're good.
Also, he likes your soup.
(DOOR CLOSES)
Did you eat dinner with your father
when you were a little boy?
No.
A new rule.
From this day forward,
you're allowed a maximum of two authorized friends.
Each of you. And we're going to make a list.
Nobody not on that list
will be permitted to enter these premises at any time.
Also a new motto.
"Break, but don't bend."
(DROPLETS PLOPPING)
I didn't know you live in a slum.
(MUTED CHUCKLES)
Fix the leak.
Never buy good pictures,
buy masterpieces.
Why do you adopt children into this madness?
I play the odds.
Of course, I have my boys
but the adopted ones might turn out to be better.
This fella could be smarter than Einstein for all we know.
MAN: This is a bashable rivet.
Perhaps the most effective device
of mechanical hardware ever conceived
for the purpose of permanently coupling
two beams, rods, posts or pillars.
It's the foundation of modern civil engineering
though its usage, of course, dates from the Bronze Age.
Regular price, 10 for a nickel.
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
(BRIGHT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(BELL RINGING)
(DEVICE WHIRRING)
(DOOR OPENS)
Wake up. The new plane is on the tarmac.
We're leaving in 10 minutes. LIESL: What?
Wake up. Wait.
Why? Where are we going?
I'll tell you in the air. Tell me now.
I'll tell you in the car. Tell me now.
Obey me. I'm going back to sleep.
It's sabotage.
Look, over the past 50 years,
the market value of bashable rivets has risen calmly,
measuredly from three and a quarter
to 27 and a half Yankee dollars per keg barrel.
Last night, rivets rocketed to 900.
What does that mean for us? It means the gap explodes.
There's a run on bolt spikes and pulverized gravel too.
All category of construction materials
across the entire western Near East.
My enemies are manipulating
the markets we manipulated. (SOFT THUD)
LIESL: Who's that? KORDA: Arsonists.
I hired them to burn the house down,
if necessary, for insurance purposes.
They're just doing an assessment right now.
That's not my suitcase.
KORDA: I got you a new one.
The other one wouldn't be suitable for this voyage.
It looks like a picnic basket.
Today, tonight and tomorrow
we'll rendezvous with every titan in every shoebox
and pretend we agree what we already agreed,
but in fact, we don't. We can't.
Somebody's got to cover the gap.
How much is the gap?
The gap? The gap is not like that.
Yes, it's partly a deficit in funding
against our total projected revenues
but more precariously, it's a missing slice of a pie
that was baked too big for the pan.
LIESL: I mean, the amount.
Everything we got.
Our entire fortune, plus a little bit more.
Wake up the tutor.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
MAN 1 : Initial countermeasures rendered
highly effective results as you can see.
(PROJECTOR CLANKING) Subject now engaged
in desperate campaign of clandestine site visits.
Crisscrossing region to confront
each principal partner in effort to re-renegotiate
terms of charter agreement and salvage enterprise
before official signature
signing ceremony end of month.
Also, newly obtained medical report indicates
subject may be suffering trauma from blunt force head injury.
MAN 2: Are those screws or bolts?
Possibly both.
Likely accumulated over several incidents.
(AIRPLANE WHIRRING)
(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
What's in the fruit crate?
Leave that alone. It's fragile.
What is it?
That? It's fragile.
Leave the fruit crate alone.
But what is it? Just...
It's hand grenades. Are you satisfied?
Can you accept now to be careful around it?
Why are we travelling with a boxful of hand grenades?
I have extras. A large number of them.
For me, at this time,
a hand grenade is cheaper than a bullet.
Do you use them?
That's not really the point.
Point your finger.
(POLYGRAPH CLATTERS, BEEPS)
You'll be acting as my administrative secretary
for the time being.
The last one got blown in two as you know.
Oh, marvelous.
That rucksack, which you're responsible for
contains all the liquid currency
to my name at this moment.
Keep it on your person at all times
and don't lose it. I'll do my best.
Great Scott! Look at this one.
Isn't it remarkable how he's able to hang on at this airspeed?
How does he hang on at this airspeed?
Should we do a lesson now or should I talk to you?
I expect you know about tarsal segments,
the tiny hairs with claw-like structures
that grip microscopic irregularities
on an apparently smooth surface.
But the dragonfly is also furnished with little pads...
Hold that thought.
...called pulvilli. (DOOR CLOSES)
(SIGN CLANKS)
When was your last confession?
I think I was 14. LIESL: Oh, dear.
Do you still believe in God?
Sadly, no.
Are you an atheist?
I'm a scientist.
LIESL: You're an atheist.
Are you chaste?
Well, not particularly.
Is that important?
I don't really know.
Are you very, terribly pure yourself?
Obviously. How can you ask me such a thing? Look at me.
It wouldn't matter in the least,
even if you were the cheapest girl
at the filthiest brothel
in the seediest red-light district...
Oh, dear. ...on this swirling orb.
Nothing could detract from your loveliness.
Thank you.
You're welcome. I speak my heart.
I'm a bohemian.
I thought you were born in Oslo.
Not literally bohemian.
Actually, I've only been to one brothel.
It left me cold.
We're starting our descent.
Prepare your documents before we deplane
so you never delay my schedule.
Passports.
(PAPER RUSTLES)
Where's yours?
I don't have a passport.
Normal people want the basic human rights
that accompany citizenship in any sovereign nation.
I don't.
My legal residence is a shack in Portugal.
My official domicile is a hut on the Black Sea.
My certificated abode is a lodge perched on the edge of a cliff
overlooking the sub-Saharan rainforest,
accessible only by goat path.
I don't live anywhere.
I'm not a citizen at all.
I don't need my human rights.
(MUFFLED THUD)
What was that?
I think nothing.
It's the same sound I heard last time before the plane exploded.
But this time, it didn't.
So, nothing to worry about.
Myself, I feel very safe.
(AIRPLANE WHIRRING CONTINUES)
(SOMBER PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)
(DISTANT TOOLS CLATTERING)
(WIND BLOWING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) (BIRD SCREECHING)
BJORN: You have a long journey, don't you?
You must find a suitable place to bury it.
Yes.
I never lost interest in you, by the way.
I always followed your progress with great interest.
Followed how? Bjorn!
Hmm?
Where's the rucksack? In the car.
Followed how?
Well, I generally kept various operatives
observing your activities, your report cards,
your medical history, your personal correspondence,
et cetera. You've been spying on me all my entire life?
It's not called spying when you're the parent.
It's called nurturing.
Or at the very least, interest.
(BIRD SCREECHES)
Here comes the prince.
(CAMEL GRUNTS)
Actually, that's some other fellows.
I think assassins.
Driver, get the hand grenades.
(KNIFE CLANKS)
Driver!
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
(GUNSHOT)
(BODY THUDS) (RAPID GUNFIRE)
(ASSASSINS GRUNTING)
(GUNFIRE CONTINUES) (BELL RINGS)
MAN: Ahoy!
You armed yourself. Good girl.
Oh, no, the assassins shot your driver.
I pledge to compensate his family
on behalf of the king who regrets the presence
of devilish brigands in the imperial realm.
I think I recognize that assassin.
He used to work for me maybe.
(ENGINE CLATTERS DOWN)
Who's this? My daughter, Liesl.
How do you do, Your Highness?
Oh, she's a bride of Christ. What a pity.
You may address me directly.
I beg your pardon. You're stunning.
Thank you. They got him
right through the pump. The driver, I mean.
Poor man. He didn't suffer. I believe he did suffer.
I brought you a humble symbol of the gratitude
of my father's people for your heroic endeavours
toward the prosperity of our commonwealth.
Another knife. She's got one, too,
under the habit. Show him.
Holy moly! I bought it at the airport.
Help yourself to a hand grenade.
You're very kind.
(LOCOMOTIVE SCREECHING)
How confident are we in this tunnel?
At the current stage of construction?
One hundred percent. Don't be alarmed
by that tremor. Miss Liesl...
Would you like to hold my hand?
I was going to suggest the same thing.
Thank you both.
It's a very good tunnel.
Myself, I feel very safe.
Yes, but you're in the habit of surviving.
MAN: Stop! (LOCOMOTIVE SCREECHES)
(TOOLS CLATTERING)
I beg your pardon.
(TRAIN HORN WHISTLING)
Right on schedule.
(TRAIN CLICKETY-CLACKS)
(TRAIN WHOOSHES, SQUEALS)
This is not the document we agreed to validate.
What? Of course it is.
You've been fiddling with it!
T-The deal's already in place.
This is just a symbolic meeting
to connect the unfinished tracks. It's a formality.
Not anymore.
(HESITATES) Help yourself to a hand grenade.
Have you been fiddling with it?
Barely.
Liar! How dare you? What in the hell
made you think you... It's not my fault!
(ALL ARGUING INDISTINCTLY)
Goddamn liar!
Somebody's got to cover the gap.
Somebody else.
I'll change it back. We concede the point.
We're walking away.
The resources of our bountiful treasury
have been acutely depleted during the drilling of this...
That's not our problem. It's his. And yours.
Goodbye. (BLOWS WHISTLE)
(TRAIN HORN WHISTLES) (WHOOSHES)
Halt!
Let's resolve it the way we did in Colorado
with the dispute over the Fourth Junction claim.
Two on two, first to five.
(ENGINE IDLING)
(MACHINE SPUTTERING)
(LIGHT CLANGS)
This puts us at a spectacular disadvantage.
I've never played the game in my life.
I don't even know the regulations.
We're the underdog, yes.
I still like our chances.
Basketball, by the way, is their greatest strength
but it's their greatest weakness.
Two beers, please.
Uh, not for me.
I've never tasted hard liquor in my life, except Communion wine.
Communion... That is not hard liquor.
Anyway, on a hot day in a dark tunnel, beer's delicious.
You should drink this.
Okay. Two beers.
(BALL THUDDING OUTSIDE)
(WHOOSHING)
(PLEASANT SONG PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)
Call it. BOTH: Heads.
Heads.
(BALL THUDS)
(LOUD CLANG)
(OBJECTS CLATTERING) One zip.
(BALL BOUNCING) A respectable attempt.
Classic backhand layup.
(WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY)
I beg your pardon?
MAN: I didn't say anything.
Did you hear what Mr. Reagan just spoke to me?
When he refers to my mother, he refers to the sovereign queen
of a population of 10 million loyal subjects.
He didn't say anything about the sovereign queen.
Don't listen to that. He's trying to get in your head.
Just play your game, Farouk, if I may call you that, Your Highness.
I don't know how to play my game.
It's utterly foreign to me.
You're good.
I'm not good!
Two zip.
Does that count?
It doesn't count, but I've never seen it done before.
You've got to bounce it when you move.
That's a rule I should've mentioned.
How well do you know him? (SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
How well do I know... Anatole Korda.
Zsa-zsa. Your father.
Not well. Mostly by reputation.
I see.
What's your directive in that case, here?
My directive? If you have one.
I would say, I think, to prove himself to me.
Also, the other way around.
Am I prying?
Are you prying? Maybe. Half and half.
Prying, and for selfish reasons,
genuinely concerned for your future welfare.
LELAND: Double hop back jump shot. Hmm.
(SHOES SQUEAK) (EXHALES SHARPLY)
What's it like... I wonder.
...plummeting to Earth on fire?
How many times? Six so far.
Yikes. Sportsmanship, gentlemen.
Part of the game. LELAND: Nothing personal.
Get it right this time, you twerp.
(INHALES SHARPLY, GROANS)
(BALL THUDS, BOUNCES)
Could you imagine falling in love with a man like me,
by the way? Hypothetically.
You're drunk. On three beers.
I think I mean it as a genuine question.
Sisters of the cloth do not engage
in romantic behavior of any kind.
Oh, really? It's a vow.
In that case, stop flirting with the prince!
Besides, I thought, you're not a nun anymore.
You're a business lady.
Is this an act?
You asked me that before.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Left-handed blind man over-the-shoulder swoop.
(BALL CLANGS, THUDS) Yow!
That was the worst plane crash I ever survived in my life.
I think I died actually,
for about a minute and a half.
(OBJECTS CLATTERING) It's coming back now.
(METAL RATTLING)
REAGAN: What's going on? LELAND: I don't know.
FAROUK: Did we give up?
Just, sir Zsa-zsa, as you say, play your game.
I'm not really a sportsman.
I'm more interested in gardening, for instance.
My enemies are everywhere.
I'd like my daughter to come to me.
She's drinking beer in the dining car
with your administrative secretary.
Fetch the nun.
He's actually a tutor.
Insects and related subjects.
Sorry for my bad manners. The beers were too strong.
Hush.
I was present at your birth.
The midwife was a leathery old hag.
I cut the umbilical cord with hedge clippers of my own design.
I was very fond of your mother
and never would've murdered her
under any circumstances whatsoever.
How'd you get so religious?
My surviving parent sent me
to live in a convent at age five.
To keep you away from boys.
Didn't expect you to get brainwashed.
You're the only child I did wish to try to be a proper father to.
But it wasn't possible.
You're named for my grandmother.
She didn't recognize me.
Is this typical of him? In my experience? Not at all.
Normally, I'd say he's the shrewdest,
most resourceful businessman alive.
(SCOFFS) Ha!
One last shot.
From the end of the train tracks.
If Farouk succeeds, the deal proceeds according
to the original document before I fiddled with it.
But you cover 10% of the gap and I swear my word
of solemnest honor... Skip it.
Me? You.
He misses,
there's half a million Swiss francs in that rucksack.
It's yours.
The rucksack.
Okay, Farouk, if I may call you that, Your Highness, take the shot.
(KORDA BREATHES DEEPLY)
Is it acceptable for me to propel the ball in this manner?
We knew your mother.
One moment.
(SOFTLY) Dear merciful and heavenly Father,
please grant us good luck and fortune
in the circumstance of my father's
business dealings with the Sacramento...
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
(DRUMS BEATING OMINOUSLY)
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
(ANTLERS CLATTERING)
(COINS CLATTERING)
Good husband,
what tribute is this?
Money.
(THUNDER CRACKING) (INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
She's not your daughter.
(AIRPLANE WHIRRING)
KORDA: You do have my eyes.
Do people not tell you that?
Nobody ever told me I have anybody's anything.
I think I see it.
Except yours aren't blue.
(BUZZER RINGS) What's that?
I don't know. Go find out.
He has my eyes, too.
Uncle Nubar.
He's not human.
He's biblical.
What did you pray specifically?
To get Prince Farouk to make that impossible granny shot?
Even as an atheist without God's will,
he would've botched it by a mile.
It's not witchcraft.
The phrasing of it, which I don't recall, doesn't matter.
What matters is the sincerity of your devotion.
That's it.
That's what? No, that's it.
What?
That's it.
The pilot says you got a telephone call.
On an airplane. Who is it?
A mister Savarin-Montrachet.
Marseille Bob.
(SPEAKS FRENCH)
(IN ENGLISH) Hello, hello.
(SPEAKS FRENCH) (ROBERT SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)
(RECEIVER CLATTERS)
(DOOR OPENS)
(IN ENGLISH) Did you just tell Marseille Bob
the Sacramento Consortium agreed to cover the gap?
No. "All of it," you said.
I speak French. Of course, you're fiddling with it again.
Okay, yes, but I'm doing a strategy. Listen carefully.
Is this supposed to be here?
It was under the lunch trolley.
Oh, dear. How much time does it say?
Eighteen minutes.
Perfectly fine. We land in 10.
Myself, I feel very safe.
(WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY)
One, two, three.
(BAND PLAYING JAZZ MUSIC)
(LIVELY CHATTER)
(CROWD LAUGHING)
(JAZZ MUSIC CONTINUES)
(SPEAKS FRENCH)
(IN ENGLISH) I've arranged a light supper in the meantime.
Help yourself to a hand grenade.
You're very kind. May I offer you a champagne cocktail?
(HESITATES) Not for me.
I've never tasted hard liquor in my life except beer
and communion wine.
That's not hard liquor. It's a delicious concoction
with cherries and a sugar cube.
Okay. Two champagne cocktails.
I knew your mother.
(RHYTHMIC KNOCKING)
(SPEAKING IN OTHER LANGUAGE)
(DOOR LOCK BUZZES)
(WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY)
BODYGUARD: Who's this for? What's this?
You don't know? WOMAN: No.
(DOOR LOCK BUZZES)
(CRUNCHING)
I recognize your handwriting.
This is you?
Obviously, the Sacramento Consortium refused to cover the gap
and you're trying to secretly blackmail me
to salvage the agreement.
Actually, I suppose it's extortion, it's so crude.
You've been fiddling with it.
That's absurd. It's far-fetched.
Where do you get such suspicious ideas?
It's very French. How could we know you were going to receive
an anonymous letter in the middle of a...
Nothing you say will convince me.
I'm absolutely, unflinchingly certain
you are responsible for this, as you say, anonymous letter.
If you deny it again, I'm throwing you out.
Is that a threat? (ARGUING IN FRENCH)
(IN ENGLISH) Somebody's got to cover the gap. It's sabotage!
The bashable rivet's not my fault.
Somebody's manipulating... The markets were manipulated.
Well, anyway, you're wrong about my handwriting.
Bjorn redrafted it. Why'd you just do that?
You just admitted everything
after swearing us to never reveal your deceitfulness
even under pain of torture for the rest of our lives.
You call that a strategy? He doesn't fall for it.
They cover 10%, plus Farouk another five.
What's become of you?
Too many airplane crashes, I think.
I'm walking away. One taxi.
I'll change it back. We concede the point.
Too late. KORDA: No, no.
I'll change it back. We concede the point.
BOB: Still too late. No, no, no, no.
I'll change it back.
We concede the point.
(RAPID GUNFIRE)
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)
What was that? (GLASS SMASHING)
(RAPID GUNFIRE)
This is a robbery on behalf of the Jungle Unit
of the Intercontinental Radical Freedom Militia Corps.
All money, jewels and watches into the bags, please.
(RAPID GUNFIRE) BOB: We're outgunned.
Who are they? I don't know these terrorists.
Must come from out of town. (RIFLE COCKS)
The proceeds of this seizure will benefit
not only the administrative activity of our organization,
but also orphans and widows,
the blind, the sick, the wounded,
farmers, teachers and the construction
of hygienic waste water disposal systems.
(GUNFIRE) (LIGHTS SMASHING)
Why is he shooting my ceiling?
Just rob my customers and make your getaway.
Bjorn, get the hand grenades. No.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
None of the funds generated
by the sale of your property will be squandered.
These pamphlets articulate our policies.
(RAPID GUNFIRE)
It's too much.
Why are you shooting my ceiling?
This is a robbery on behalf of the Jungle Unit...
No, no, I understand that. I'm asking about my ceiling.
You idiots are destroying a magnificent nightclub.
Grab the loot and get out!
(GUN COCKS) Let's communicate.
(GUN FIRES) (CROWD GASPS)
(KORDA THUDS)
He took a bullet for me?
I took a bullet for you.
I'm aware of that. I witnessed the event. Where's the wound?
Right here where the blood is gushing out of me.
Okay.
(GRUNTS)
It's not too bad, actually.
I think your diplomatic credentials slowed it down.
Excuse us for that needless violence.
(WHISTLES)
LIESL: Did they shoot you? They shot me,
but your father did something heroic, I suppose.
It should have been him, actually.
Pluck it out.
Me?
Go ahead.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
(SPEAKING IN FRENCH)
(KORDA INHALES SHARPLY) (GLASS SMASHES)
(BULLET POPS) (CROWD GASPS)
(IN ENGLISH) The meeting's at midnight.
Are you still walking away?
How can I, now?
Two taxis.
(AIRPLANE WHIRRING)
(SOMBER PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)
(INSECTS TRILLING)
KORDA: Don't mention anything.
To Marty about the gap. Just pretend our job is
building trust and cementing it.
Bjorn. Hmm.
KORDA: Where's the rucksack?
Oh, I shouldn't keep it in the taxi.
(ALARM RINGS)
(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)
Any of you folks allergic to powdered insecticides?
KORDA: Of course not.
Any of you folks bearing firearms or other weapons
on your person? I carry a dagger.
May I ask the purpose of the hand grenades
you folks brought onboard?
It's a gift, I think. He has extras.
(LEVER CLANGS)
(KNOCKS)
(BRIGHT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
Do I need a blood transfusion?
(DOOR LOCK CLATTERS, DOOR OPENS)
Hiya. Hiya. Come in. Good to see you, man.
Come in. Hi. How are you, man?
Come in. Hiya. Hiya.
Come in. KORDA: I've been shot,
but my diplomatic credentials slowed it down.
This is my daughter, Liesl.
Do you need a blood transfusion?
I'm O-negative, universal donor,
if that's what you're looking for. Who shot him?
Terrorists from out of town. Jeez, man.
You shoot them back? Not yet.
This is Professor Bjorn, my administrative secretary.
Welcome aboard. Make yourself at home, man. Have a seat.
You sit there, you sit there, you sit there,
you sit there, I sit here.
Don't ask me to cover the gap, man.
I know about the bashable rivets.
Oh, of course not. This is just a symbolic meeting.
It's a formality. Give me a pretzel.
BJORN: Certainly. Help yourself
to a hand grenade. You're very kind.
(CRUNCHING)
(BANGS) Damn it!
Oh, dear. MARTY: Hey.
(BOB SPEAKING IN FRENCH)
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) (IN ENGLISH) I woke up
in the middle of the night to a commotion downstairs.
Shouts and slams and breaking glass.
A shriek like a cat trapped in a cupboard.
I got up and snuck out through the hatch in the upstairs scullery.
They locked me in at night.
I slid down the spiral banister.
Deadstock didn't see me, the under butler at the time.
I walked down the long front room gallery,
Bun-Bun in one hand, Mousey in the other.
The grandfather clock chimed 3:00 a.m.
The door opened and my father stepped out into the light.
He was wearing white pajamas and a white dressing gown.
His face was covered with cuts from a plane crash as usual.
His hair was wild.
(THUNDER CRACKING)
"Go to bed," you said.
"Where's Mama?" I said.
"Asleep," you said.
But it wasn't true. She was there.
Standing in the reflection in the mirror
in the doorway behind you at the back of the room.
She had on gloves and a coat.
Her blouse was unbuttoned. Her breasts were naked.
"Your mother won't be living with us anymore," you said.
"Go to bed."
I walked in reverse to the stairs, then I ran.
They sent me away in the spring.
ATTORNEY: Objection, Your Honors.
That's such a distorted version of the story.
It's told from a child's point of view,
which is forgivable, but maddening.
I never saw her again.
I'm not on trial here, am I?
(CHAINS CLATTERING)
(SOFT JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
I'm going to confess something terrible
which you may never forgive me.
Take five, man.
(DOOR OPENS)
The reason I know who killed your mother, which I didn't do,
is because I did do something else,
which maybe caused it to happen.
(BLOOD SLOSHING SOFTLY)
Your mother wasn't a nun like you.
She took lovers.
One... One was your Uncle Nubar.
I profoundly resented this insult
in spite of my own infidelities
and I tricked him, not in my own handwriting,
into thinking your mother was betraying him behind his back
with my administrative secretary at that time.
The result, he murdered them both, I think.
Did you love her?
I was very fond of her. No.
(SMACKS) (PEOPLE GASP)
LIESL: We must bring that man to justice.
Meaning, get him arrested if what you say is true.
I swear my word of solemnest honor.
Oh, skip it. I apologize.
I forgive you.
Just like that?
That was my confession of something terrible.
I told a poisonous lie and your mother's dead.
(SMACKS) BJORN: Ooh!
I always expected the worst from you.
I forgive you. We're taught to.
(TRANSFUSION PUMP HISSING)
KORDA: We can no longer honor
the precise terms we agreed to validate.
This document outlines our revised proposal.
That's enough blood, man.
(DOOR CLOSES)
How dare you! How dare you, you liar!
Somebody's got to cover the gap.
What in the hell made you think you had the gall
and the guts to get away with anything.
But wait. No! (SHOUTING IN FRENCH)
(IN ENGLISH) It's sabotage! It's not my fault!
MARTY: I know about the bashable rivets.
I told you so! It's the bashable rivets.
(ARGUING STOPS)
Prince Farouk and his father covered 5%.
The Sacramento Brothers covered 10.
Marseille Bob agreed to 15.
You're the richest, 25.
Why would I do that?
We made an airtight, legally binding contract.
No, I said 12.5.
Fifteen because I took a bullet for you.
Why? It's because if you don't,
I refuse to put the pin back in.
A very live hand grenade.
KORDA: It's a great scheme, which, if it works is going to benefit
all our partners for generations to come
and we're privileged to thank you for your participation.
Liesl, out.
I'm not leaving the room so you can hand grenade yourself as a business tactic.
You asked me my strategy. This is my strategy.
Will it work?
Not with my daughter in range of the shrapnel, it won't.
Liesl, out. You should go.
Why wouldn't I just say yes now and betray you later?
You're putting a hand grenade to my head.
I trust you.
(CHUCKLING)
(BOB AND MARTY LAUGHING)
(CHUCKLES)
I think I trust you, too, in return.
Not to tell the truth or keep your word, obviously,
but I suppose I'm moved by this absurd performance.
I'll pitch in, man. 20%.
Sharply compromising my chances of profitability
in an already extremely high-risk venture.
Just to watch you conduct the grand finale.
Thank you for the blood.
You're welcome.
(GRENADE PIN CLINKS)
MAN: Intercepted message from subject in transit
suggests possible strategic merger
with House of Sussman-Korda.
Also, encrypted dispatch from undercover operative
reports as follows... (PROJECTOR CLICKS)
"Target's resources continue to dwindle
"as partners grow dubious and bewildered."
(AIRPLANE WHIRRING)
"Target repeatedly places significant cash funds
"directly into operative's personal possession.
"Tried to misplace, however,
"operative does not have heart to steal or destroy.
"Too cruel under circumstances."
I'll debate that with him. (AIRPLANE CLATTERS)
"Further, target has appointed daughter his official successor.
"Currently, a nun.
"Not for long, I hope."
(ALL TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
(AIRPLANE WHIRRING)
(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)
(TOOLS CLATTERING)
Should I be kneeling?
The only terms I dictate is our marriage on a statutory basis,
would have to be a purely romantic union.
I'm obliged to keep my daughter sole heir to my estate.
(AMUSING MUSIC PLAYING)
My father and his father, your grandfather, I mean,
nearly killed each other.
Maybe you know that, do you?
No. I'm new to my family.
Best friends, whatever it means in their case,
they went into business together,
formulated a very effective poison gas,
killed tens of thousands of soldiers,
made tens of millions of dollars.
One day in their laboratory,
a heated argument erupted into a slugging match.
They attacked each other
with lethal measures of an experimental, new version
of their weaponized aerosol
which fortunately turned out to be less effective
than the original compound.
Both survived,
but that was the end of their partnership.
I asked my father 40 years later,
nearly on his deathbed still suffering
minor neural effects from the incident,
"What was the argument about?"
You know what he said? Mmh-mmh.
"Who could lick who, I guess.
"Or whom."
That, maybe, is the source of most of our problems on this barren earth.
"Who could lick who or whom, I guess."
"If something gets in your way, flatten it."
That was my father's advice before he cut me out of his will.
(WIND BLOWING)
(PLEASANT MUSIC PLAYING OVER RADIO)
He asked to be mummified and buried in a pyramid.
We bought the land and drew up the plans,
but never built it.
We had him cremated instead.
Nothing he can do about it.
Is this paste? KORDA: Of course.
It's a proxy for the real one
which I'm unable to pay for at this time.
If you care to advance me a portion of the funds,
I'm more than... I'm not paying for anything.
I authorize a 150-year lease on the property and water rights.
Maybe I might consider briefly marrying you
as an experience, like a chapter in a book,
depending on the advice of my tax attorney,
but I'm not going to help you cover the gap.
It's against the interest of my utopian outpost.
I'm not asking you.
I'm telling you as your potential future husband.
No.
I'm not asking you.
I'm begging you as your favorite second cousin.
No.
Obey me.
Why?
(WATER TRICKLING DISTANTLY)
If she does marry me,
I'm not sure we can't compel her to cover the gap,
depending on the jurisdiction where the wedding takes place.
(STAIRCASE CREAKING)
Do you believe the official ruling
my mother's death was caused by suicide?
No.
Who murdered her then in that case?
In your opinion.
I only know what they say.
Is my uncle my father?
(AIRPLANE WHIRRING)
The diplomatic pouch arrived.
Open it. (DOOR CLOSES)
"List of contents.
"One, fresh socks, 10 pairs.
"Two, a book.
"Fleas of the Americas by Karlsen and Voit.
"Three, financial reports
"for review.
"Four, bills to be paid.
"Five,
"emergency directive, urgent.
"Six, fresh handkerchiefs, a bundle."
KORDA: Go back to five.
Ah, yes, might be important, looks like.
KORDA: Bring it to me.
It's sabotage again.
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
Give this to the pilot. New flight plan.
Where are we going? KORDA: Home.
A parliamentary motion just passed
intended to thwart me specifically.
I need to be there with the notary by noon tomorrow.
BJORN: What happens if you don't?
I become an English subject.
Then they seize our worldwide assets,
extradite me, and send me to prison.
Ah, got it.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
This is for you.
Happy birthday.
How old are you?
Twenty-one. (DOOR UNLOCKS)
BJORN: We can't read your handwriting.
Is this a one or a seven?
It's... Goddamn it!
It's a G.
(BJORN TAPPING)
He's been fiddling with it.
What?
You're tapping in Morse code.
Am I? Was I?
I didn't notice. How strange.
(TAPPING) He's been
fiddling with it.
You speak Morse code.
Oh, no, no, not fluently. I learnt it as a school boy.
You speak Morse code.
I'm the librarian of our back at the convent
collection of classical Latin scrolls and codices.
I do deciphering. Fascinating.
(ALARM BUZZES)
(ALARMS BEEPING)
Golly! Oh, dear.
Somebody poisoned his beer. We should have tested it.
You let him drink in the cockpit?
Just beer.
Stand back and hang on.
(LOUD POP AND HISSING)
(INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
Uh-oh.
(JET WHISTLING)
Why am I up here being stalked by a fighter jet?
I have a vocation.
I think I recognize that assassin, too.
He used to work for me also.
I'm disinheriting myself from you.
What a terrible thing to say to a father.
Especially during your trial period.
Good heavens, he's back! (RAPID GUNFIRE)
Next time he strafes us, peg him with a hand grenade.
(INSECTS TRILLING) (BIRDS CHIRPING)
It is an act.
I bear no hostility towards your father or his interests.
Your father, however, on occasion,
bears decisive hostility to the United States government
and its allies and enemies.
It's my job to observe,
report and maintain... You're a spy.
Well, it's an interesting story, I suppose.
After the war, my own primary interests
are very similar to the persona
I present to you as Professor Bjorn.
I completed my studies at Princeton and helped establish
an expatriate scientific journal
publishing poetry, drawing and ecological prose.
Eventually, our government offered to subsidize the magazine
in an effort to promote American cultural interests.
But really, they just wanted us all
to become intelligence operatives.
I hope you don't feel betrayed.
I could go ahead and turn back into
my normal self right now, if you like.
It's not that different from how you've seen me already.
(SHUFFLING)
See what I mean? Basically the same person.
No. You're different.
(MATCHSTICKS RUSTLING)
(LIGHTER CLINKS)
I'm not actually a bohemian,
I'm a moderate conservative, politically.
Also, I'm not from Oslo.
I'm from Wilmington, Delaware.
Also, I know how to drink,
although I do find I'm less inhibited when I pretend to be drunk.
Also, I wrote that book.
I was going to recommend it to us.
Is that a fake moustache?
No. Yes.
Based on my real one, which I usually have.
I do feel betrayed.
Me, too.
(BODIES THUD) You lunatic!
(GRUNTS)
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
I feel deeply terrible about this.
You employed me in good faith to teach you about insects.
This is a wonderful setting for us to continue our lessons.
I've never seen so many bugs in one place in all my life.
With the possible exception of a garbage dump near Rome,
which was equally breathtaking.
(DRUMS BEATING OMINOUSLY)
Why'd you ask if I could imagine falling in love
with a man like you? Uh...
Hypothetically. Yes.
Was it part of your mission? No.
It wasn't part of my anything.
I might justify it as trying to infiltrate your family business.
But to tell you the truth,
I still mean it as a genuine question.
Both as Professor Bjorn and as Agent Karlsen of the Covert North American...
KORDA: Then don't help me!
(FLIES BUZZING)
Don't help me.
Wrap this around a tree trunk.
I may go under for a moment, but I'll save him.
No, you won't. I'll save myself myself.
(QUICKSAND BUBBLING)
(BRIGHT SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)
Bless us and these thy holy gifts which
we are about to receive... What's this about?
...through thy merciful bounty.
We humble ourselves meekly... Dost thou not fear God?
...before thee in thy name. Amen.
Amen. Amen.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
Are you against slavery in the Bible?
It's damnable to Hell.
I believe they receive a small stipend.
The yield of Adam's loins
crucified my only begotten son.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
I know, I know.
Jesus.
(WIND BLOWING) (THUNDER CRACKS)
(COUGHS, GASPS)
I'm not dead yet.
Why didn't you let me sink? It's redundant.
BJORN: Our mission is strictly dedicated
to sabotaging your business interests.
We never resort to extralegal violence.
(SCOFFS) I'm not gullible.
BJORN: I'm aware of that.
What's the idea?
To demolish your enterprise and pillage all its assets.
LIESL: That was horrible. I'll never forget it.
I'll feel the traumatic effect on myself
until the day I die.
KORDA: Really?
I don't know if I feel terrible or flattered,
or both.
Like maybe I matter.
What did they do to you? Our family?
I'm sorry I frightened you. It won't happen again.
How'd you pass my polygraph?
We're taught to. It's not difficult.
KORDA: You do karate? Of course.
I'll teach you if you like.
Nah. It's too late.
I don't know how many more times I can die.
These filthy books should all be burned.
Except this one.
It's sacrilegious, but it speaks to me.
Keep it. It's yours. Open your birthday present.
I love it.
BJORN: It's a beautiful piece.
LIESL: What's your real first name, Agent Karlsen?
I'm happy to just go by Bjorn.
(PLEASANT MUSIC PLAYING)
My only pleasant memories of a miserable childhood,
take place below stairs.
I was allowed to dine with the household staff once a week.
They pretended to love me.
What choice did they have?
To this day, I'm a very good cook and dishwasher.
6: 15, the cock crows.
The robin brings worms to its chicks
in the nest on my windowsill.
Sister Mary pumps the water pump at 7:00.
The bell rings for morning prayers.
The shape of the day each day is exactly the same.
We like it that way.
As a little boy, I kept fleas in plastic bags in my bedroom
and did my morphology and microscopy at night.
I lived with my mother's sister.
My parents conducted their research abroad.
Aunt Beth was very kind, but she never approved of my practices.
(RADIO STATIC) The house was regularly fumigated,
resulting in a great loss of specimens.
And later out of jealousy and loneliness that I betrayed them,
the kitchen staff...
I told my father the truth. They steal.
I thought I would become his ally,
instead he gave me a tremendous beating
and didn't speak a word to me for 90 days.
He fired them all, just the same.
I'm going back to the sisters.
No, you don't. How can you? We're marooned.
Besides, you're my sole heir.
On a trial basis.
That's finished. You're hired.
I don't forgive you after all, I'm ashamed to say.
Plus we got to get revenge on your Uncle Nubar.
Or bring him to justice if you prefer.
I'll leave that to you and your conscience.
I don't have one.
Plus, what about the poor slaves and the famine?
I'm going back to the sisters.
To pray and study and work diligently
to overcome my weaknesses of character
which are probably genetic.
(ENGINE SPUTTERS DOWN)
In other words, it's all my fault again.
You can burn the house down after all, if we survive.
(KNOCKING)
(LIGHT CLICKS)
There you are.
Hello again, here in the middle of the jungle.
How extraordinary to stumble across your crash site, I gather.
Hello, hello, hello.
(HELICOPTER WHIRRING) (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
I'm not a businessman. On the contrary,
I'm a communist revolutionary, heavily armed
and living in a secret jungle encampment
with a band of freedom fighters.
However, even I can see your plan on its surface
defies the basic laws of economics.
That's why it's never been done before.
My plan defies everything!
(SOLDIERS CHEERING) (GUNFIRE)
What's your connection to the company?
Me? I pretend to be his administrative secretary,
but really, I'm the tutor.
But actually, in fact, I'm a spy
for the United States government.
Wow.
Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature.
It's a protest against suffering.
I agree!
You're not an atheist.
Of course I am.
Some of my colleagues, however, only claim to be.
I had a private army once. Big headache.
KORDA: Fifteen minutes to spare. Where's my notary?
We need fingerprints and signatures.
You're all official witnesses.
Mother Superior. KORDA: Including the terrorists.
Peace be with you, my child.
A fighter jet shot us down in the jungle.
By the grace of God, we survived.
You received my letter?
Yes. I wrote you back.
I am prepared to take my vows.
Read the letter first.
We received a marriage license and antenuptial contract.
I assume you're aware of the proposal.
I didn't know she says yes.
(RHYTHMIC BEEPING)
MOTHER SUPERIOR: You're very pious, Sister Liesl,
but you're not plain.
The stones on your pipe, for instance.
(MORSE DOTS BEEPING) Not to mention
the opulence of your rosary.
And this astonishing dagger.
A gift from a prince.
Mother Superior, you reproach me
when I most require your trust and guidance.
(CHURCH BELL TOLLS) (LIGHT WHIRS)
Worldly adornments do serve certain good people for the good.
We're not all destined to deny ourselves man's earthly pleasures.
Some thrive in tranquil simplicity.
Others find beauty in color, splendor, and jubilation.
This is no reproach, my child.
You are a rich girl, always were.
Of course, we would continue to cherish
your ongoing patronage of the abbey.
You just won't be a nun anymore.
Is God more interested in my money or my soul?
I can't speak for Him.
(KORDA CLEARS THROAT)
Maybe I can assist in this area
both as a father and as an expert mediator.
I gather you kicked her out.
I'm urging Liesl to return to her family and greater society.
Mother Superior still wants us to fund
construction of the new refectory.
With gratitude. Of course.
Are you authorized, by the way,
to do a baptizing if somebody wants to be Catholic? Me.
You're an atheist.
I feel I have a religious awakening now,
if that's what we call it.
Tell me how this awakening came to pass.
Well, I would say, partly, it's because of my near-death episodes.
I get... I get a kind of visions.
Never mind the details.
Then, partly, there was a fiduciary benefit.
And mostly, and I would weight this factor up to maybe 75%
is simply the influence of my daughter's influence,
which has a profound effect on me.
And I think, at my age, in the end, finally,
it's better I just go on her side.
(METALLIC CLANG)
The point is to be delivered from sin and purified.
It doesn't work if you're lying.
I'm not lying.
I'm capable of and willing to genuinely believe
in the opposite of my personal convictions.
(SWITCH CLICKS) I can do that in certain situations.
You remember the combination?
(LOCK CLICKING)
LIESL: Another shoe box?
This one's older.
What's inside? I don't know.
Supposedly, a reliquary of our family history
sealed half a score ago by my father's notary.
I willed it to you, but since we're here,
take it.
I'll open it later.
(BRIGHT MUSIC PLAYING)
My great-grandfather built the hotel.
Liesl would have been the fifth-generation proprietor
except my father sold it to an American conglomerate
who ruined it, of course.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)
(PEOPLE TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
KORDA: The venue is situated on a precarious border
among three fiefdoms, two of which remain under martial law
after a military coup.
In exchange for me allowing you to steal the painting
rolled up in that shipping tube,
you and your terrorists provide security services
to our entire party throughout the event.
Ah, they stole the painting.
KORDA: You'll officiate.
It's good timing in a business sense.
Function hall number five has been duly sanctioned
in accordance with the laws of this territory for a civil ceremony...
KORDA: Even an immediate divorce might bear a profit.
Grazie, ciao.
KORDA: You reach him? Yes.
His Holiness refuses to cover the Gap. Any of it.
I know Felix. He's stubborn.
We'll need to sweeten the pot.
(PRAYING IN LATIN)
KORDA: (IN ENGLISH) Tell him I offer nine more souls.
Are you still an enemy spy?
At the moment, no.
I thought I might be more useful as a double agent.
I couldn't pay you any extra.
Oh, no. Naturally, it would be included in my tutorial fees.
My operational handler, code name Excalibur.
Agent Karlsen. Excalibur.
I know about the bashable rivets
and the bolts, spikes and pulverized gravel, too.
This office can neither confirm nor deny any such knowledge.
Nor would it elect to acknowledge said knowledge
if it did in fact... It's sabotage!
I swear my word of solemnest honor,
I'll never let you win.
Ah.
(PRAYING INDISTINCTLY) I've arranged for you
to accuse him in person, by the way, your Uncle Nubar.
Really? Of course.
It's crucial we confront this unspeakable evil.
BOTH: Amen.
Also, it's even more crucial we secure
his financial investment position.
As you know, I'd never admit the possibility of and even avoid the word failure.
Maybe that's a weakness.
On the other hand, we're only missing one slice of the pie
that was baked too big for the...
(AIRPLANE CLANGS)
Just a dud. Just a dud.
Myself, I feel very safe.
Sir Nubar has arrived.
KORDA: Off the record,
the Gap might be bottomless, closer to an abyss.
In fact, there is even more to it now,
a further dimension than I previously anticipated.
The emotional gap. If it turn...
You used to work for me.
Who? Him? Who?
I'm sorry. Me? No.
I was in disguise.
Oh, Doctor Lanzmann.
I recognize this assassin.
(GUN COCKS) (KNIFE CLANKS)
Who hired you to kill me?
(ELEVATOR CLANGS)
Oh, no.
Suicide pill. (SIGHS)
Father... (PRAYING INDISTINCTLY)
(BELL RINGS) (ELEVATOR WHIRRING)
(FAN WHIRRING)
If it turns out you're not my daughter,
can I adopt you?
With your permission.
Yes.
Well, in that case, whatever happens,
we'll be fine.
(KNOCKING)
(FANS WHIRRING)
Restate the purpose of this visit.
KORDA: Exactly as we agreed, my dear Nubar,
the validation of your proprietary shares
after 55% advance against the interim shortfall.
This is just a symbolic meeting. It's a formality.
Mmm.
Liesl has additional objectives,
of course, as you're aware.
My father promised to arrange for me
to accuse you in person. That's what I'm here to do.
Why would I murder her? She wasn't my wife.
Help yourself to a hand grenade.
Oh, you're very kind. I have my own.
(UNSETTLING MUSIC PLAYING)
What's your blood type, Liesl?
I don't know. They never tested it to my knowledge.
You have my eyes.
Do people not tell you that?
Nobody ever told her she has anybody's anything.
I'll wait outside.
(DOOR CLOSES)
She's not your daughter.
I don't care.
One thing you'll never know because you can't.
The truth.
Although in my opinion, it was probably your
administrative secretary at that time.
He's the father.
Actually, I think I know it for a fact.
I'm astonished you didn't see it already.
And if I did kill him, I'd never admit it.
KORDA: I invented that lie
to trick you. NUBAR: Of course you did,
but it was true.
The blood types prove it. Probably.
You've got my blood? And hers?
I've got everybody's blood.
KORDA: No, you don't. Yes, I do.
No, you don't. Of course, I do.
No, you don't.
They say you murdered all your wives.
Wait.
I'm putting this on just so I don't lie.
(LIE DETECTOR BEEPING)
I didn't murder that wife, your mother, or any other.
I would even go so far as to say I'm incapable of it.
Whatever "they" say about me
behind my back, whoever "they" are. (DOOR OPENS)
I wasn't taught to either.
To beat the polygraph.
(LIE DETECTOR CLATTERS)
Where did he come from?
I can't remember.
I'll open the shoebox.
(DRUMS BEATING OMINOUSLY)
My father on his birthday.
My uncle. All A's.
My mother on her wedding day.
A carton of six poison gas ampoules.
A rare stamp, a gold coin,
a skeleton key...
secret letters...
my grandfather.
(URN RATTLES)
Some of him, just ashes.
NUBAR: I'll take one.
It's a staggeringly ambitious project
but situated entirely in a perpetual war zone.
For the next 150 years,
I'd rather sell guns, bombs, and ammunition.
It's our family business.
My no is final.
Wow, you're pulling out your entire investment
and breaking your promise to me.
Stabbing everybody all at once simultaneously in the back.
NUBAR: Yes.
Why'd you come here, in that case?
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
I couldn't resist.
(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)
It's me. I'll cover the Gap.
Everything we got, our entire fortune, plus a little bit more.
I proceed as a silent partner,
taking a complete loss of all my assets
with no opportunity for any future upside.
And I'm still on the hook for unlimited debts and deficits.
Fine. I'll do it.
The slaves will be paid.
The famine will be finished.
We'll beat those bureaucrats.
(OVER RADIO) We'll beat those bureaucrats.
And my most important project of my lifetime comes to pass.
Without us.
I don't want a fortune.
(TENSE MUSIC CONTINUES)
(TRUMPET FLOURISH)
(TRAIN HORN RINGING)
I present to you now at this time,
the first symbolic demonstration
of our abundant desert harvest,
born from deep within the Earth's rich elemental...
Sir Nubar asks for another word.
Oh, shit.
I'll be right back.
(DOOR CLOSES) (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
Yes, my dear Nubar, how can I assist you?
I've changed my mind. I'll do it myself.
Stupendous! I knew it.
No, not the business deal. My no is final.
I mean your assassination.
(GRUNTING)
(BOTH GRUNTING)
(GRUNTING)
(OBJECTS CLATTERING) (FOOTSTEPS STOMPING)
So, it is you, the enemy trying to murder me all along.
Yeah. (BREATHING HEAVILY)
The son of my father, my own half-brother.
Yeah. (POT CLATTERS)
(GRUNTING, PANTING)
I've got everybody's blood.
No, you don't. Yes, I do.
(BOTH PANTING)
(BOTH GRUNTING) (ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)
I won't die.
I never do.
(GROANS)
(GLASS SMASHES)
(BREATHING HEAVILY) (GROANS)
You're worse than me.
You're not human. You're biblical.
(GRUNTS)
(PANTING)
(GRUNTS)
(KORDA THUDS)
(SIGHS)
Can't you stop? Can't you leave me alone?
Why do you need to always keep assassinating me all the time?
You know the answer. I don't need to say it.
"Who could lick whom, I guess."
Ah...
(EERIE MUSIC PLAYING)
(FOOTSTEPS STOMPING)
(DOOR CLOSES)
(SIGHS)
(LOUD CLATTERING)
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)
(MAN SCREAMS) (FOOTSTEPS SCUFFLING)
(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
(LIGHT CLANGS) (ALARM BEEPING)
(MAN GRUNTS) (LOUD THUD)
(TRAIN WHISTLING)
(TRAIN CONTINUES WHISTLING)
(GRENADE CLINKS)
Let's communicate.
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
(SOMBER CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
(SOMBER CLASSICAL MUSIC CONTINUES)
(LOCK CLICKING)
When I pray, no one answers.
I only pretend He does.
Then I do whatever I think God probably would have suggested.
Usually, it's obvious.
Amen.
LIESL: Peace be with you, Reverend Mother.
"Chapter One. Cedric himself knew nothing..."
Our new quarters, though modest, cramped, meager and shabby
are nevertheless charming and versatile.
"But then his papa had died when he was a little boy."
The boys, to my delight, finally begin to thrive and flourish.
I do serve a purpose here.
"Since his papa's death, Cedric had found out that it was best..."
Agent Karlsen resigned as a double agent
and accepted a staff position at our local grammar school.
Predators, much like our friend, the plebius beetle,
who has a similar kind of casing
and he doesn't mind predators at all.
LIESL: My stepmother annulled
her brief union with my father.
And one and two and three and four.
LIESL: My father's entrepreneurial energies remain robustly invigorated
by the austerity of our poverty.
Tell him he's welcome, but don't let him leave.
LIESL: I do admire his resilience and ambition.
Though I don't believe these come from God.
The Phoenician Scheme continues to deepen and widen.
It may be a sizable step backwards for civilization.
But it will produce some good works, I'm sure of it.
Could you imagine marrying a man like me?
I mean it as a genuine question
Is that paste?
No. Yes. I think so. I don't know.
It's the same one. Cousin Hilda sent it back.
I asked your father for his consent,
and he loaned it to me to give to you.
(CHURCH BELL TOLLS)
LIESL:PS, to this day, he's a very good cook.
And dishwasher.
(DISHES CLATTERING)
(CLATTERS)
(UTENSIL CLINKS)
(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
(COINS JINGLING)
(COINS CLATTER)
LIESL:Two whiskeys.
(BOX CLANGS)
(SWITCH CLICKS) (GLASS CLINKS)
(RADIO SPUTTERS, PLAYS PLEASANT MUSIC)
You say yes?
(CHOIR SINGING ON RADIO)
On a trial basis.
(RUMBLING) (OBJECTS CLATTERING)
Hearts.
(CHOIR MUSIC CONTINUES)
(MUSIC ENDS)
(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)
(BRIGHT AMUSING MUSIC PLAYING)
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(CRESCENDO)
(MUSIC ENDS)