1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:09,423 --> 00:00:12,115 [ Hip-hop music plays ] -♪ Ha, ha, oh, yeah 4 00:00:12,219 --> 00:00:14,428 -Let's go, G. Thang. -What's up, G. Thang? 5 00:00:14,531 --> 00:00:15,808 Both: We in this, part two. 6 00:00:15,912 --> 00:00:17,879 -Yeah, I know you gon' tear it up tonight. 7 00:00:17,983 --> 00:00:20,744 -♪ Let's get it, get it, get it, get it, get it, get it ♪ 8 00:00:20,848 --> 00:00:22,125 -♪ Let's go 9 00:00:22,229 --> 00:00:23,540 -We're here for the premier taping 10 00:00:23,644 --> 00:00:25,439 of Gary "G. Thang" Johnson. 11 00:00:25,542 --> 00:00:27,372 My boy. -I done walked all the way 12 00:00:27,475 --> 00:00:28,545 from Michigan. 13 00:00:28,649 --> 00:00:33,792 ♪♪ 14 00:00:33,895 --> 00:00:36,484 [ Cheers and applause ] -Ladies and gentlemen, 15 00:00:36,588 --> 00:00:38,693 please welcome actor, producer, 16 00:00:38,797 --> 00:00:43,112 and now, NAACP Image Awards double-nominated director, 17 00:00:43,215 --> 00:00:46,253 Miss Vivica A. Fox. 18 00:00:46,356 --> 00:00:53,225 ♪♪ 19 00:00:53,329 --> 00:00:55,503 [ Cheers and applause continue] 20 00:00:55,607 --> 00:00:59,231 ♪♪ 21 00:00:59,335 --> 00:01:01,026 -Aw! 22 00:01:01,130 --> 00:01:02,752 [Singing] Hey! 23 00:01:02,855 --> 00:01:10,173 ♪♪ 24 00:01:10,277 --> 00:01:13,556 Hey! Hey, y'all, hey. 25 00:01:13,659 --> 00:01:15,937 [ Crowd ] Hey! -Whoo! 26 00:01:16,041 --> 00:01:18,423 -Okay, I know y'all said, "Dang, she got another job, 27 00:01:18,526 --> 00:01:20,114 now, she gonna try to do comedy." 28 00:01:20,218 --> 00:01:22,530 [ Laughter ] I'm not. I'm not. 29 00:01:24,187 --> 00:01:27,017 I know y'all probably wondering why I am here. 30 00:01:27,121 --> 00:01:30,607 But I'm here tonight, because I'm so proud of this brother 31 00:01:30,711 --> 00:01:32,368 that's about to come to the stage. 32 00:01:32,471 --> 00:01:34,991 [ Cheers and applause ] 33 00:01:37,752 --> 00:01:39,547 Now, I hate to say this, 34 00:01:39,651 --> 00:01:41,860 I know y'all been waiting, and he on a little bit of CP time, 35 00:01:41,963 --> 00:01:43,482 because we was supposed to start this earlier. 36 00:01:43,586 --> 00:01:44,794 [ Phone chimes ] Oh, wait, wait. 37 00:01:44,896 --> 00:01:45,759 Wait, wait, wait. 38 00:01:45,864 --> 00:01:47,140 My booty blowing up. 39 00:01:47,245 --> 00:01:49,178 Um. [ Chuckles ] 40 00:01:50,869 --> 00:01:52,353 Wowzers. 41 00:01:52,457 --> 00:01:54,907 G. Thang said he ready to pull up? Y'all Ready? 42 00:01:55,011 --> 00:01:57,082 [ Cheers and applause ] Y'all ready?! 43 00:01:57,186 --> 00:01:58,463 Alright. Alright. Alright. 44 00:01:58,566 --> 00:02:00,361 I need y'all to get hype. 45 00:02:00,465 --> 00:02:02,708 Ladies and gentlemen, 46 00:02:02,812 --> 00:02:06,505 please put your hands together for my boy, 47 00:02:06,609 --> 00:02:08,887 the very talented and hilarious -- 48 00:02:08,990 --> 00:02:12,132 Gary "G. Thang" Johnson! 49 00:02:12,235 --> 00:02:14,858 [ Cheers and applause ] 50 00:02:14,962 --> 00:02:16,826 [Hip-hop music plays] 51 00:02:16,929 --> 00:02:24,282 ♪♪ 52 00:02:24,385 --> 00:02:31,875 ♪♪ 53 00:02:31,978 --> 00:02:39,331 ♪♪ 54 00:02:39,435 --> 00:02:42,334 [ Cheers and applause continue ] 55 00:02:42,438 --> 00:02:45,165 [ Crowd cheering ] Go, Gary! Go, Gary! Go, Gary! 56 00:02:45,268 --> 00:02:50,239 ♪♪ 57 00:02:50,341 --> 00:02:53,587 -Man. Man. 58 00:02:53,690 --> 00:02:55,554 Man. 59 00:02:55,658 --> 00:02:56,866 Come on, y'all. 60 00:02:58,143 --> 00:03:00,318 Come on, y'all. 61 00:03:04,460 --> 00:03:06,910 We in this bitch. 62 00:03:07,014 --> 00:03:09,050 One more time for the legendary -- 63 00:03:09,154 --> 00:03:11,087 Miss Vivica A. Fox! 64 00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:13,193 [ Cheers and applause continue ] 65 00:03:15,125 --> 00:03:16,920 And she go... 66 00:03:17,024 --> 00:03:18,991 -I tried to get all the "Set It Off" people, 67 00:03:19,095 --> 00:03:21,546 but, uh... [ Laughter ] 68 00:03:21,649 --> 00:03:23,410 But I didn't want to get the shit slapped out of me 69 00:03:23,513 --> 00:03:24,756 by, uh... 70 00:03:24,859 --> 00:03:26,551 by Will, so, I didn't. 71 00:03:28,966 --> 00:03:31,176 So, I left Jada and them by themselves. Shit. 72 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:33,591 [ Laughter ] 73 00:03:33,696 --> 00:03:34,835 Y'all look good, man. 74 00:03:34,938 --> 00:03:36,768 You motherfuckers showed up. 75 00:03:36,871 --> 00:03:38,770 [ Cheers and applause ] 76 00:03:38,873 --> 00:03:40,944 Hey, man. 77 00:03:41,048 --> 00:03:42,739 I got this Deacon Rufus suit on, 78 00:03:42,843 --> 00:03:45,155 so, uh... 79 00:03:45,259 --> 00:03:46,295 y'all got to bear with me. 80 00:03:46,398 --> 00:03:47,503 I just got my teeth done, 81 00:03:47,606 --> 00:03:49,021 but these ain't the right size. 82 00:03:49,125 --> 00:03:51,300 So... [ Laughter ] 83 00:03:57,754 --> 00:03:59,687 -It ain't that goddamn funny! 84 00:03:59,791 --> 00:04:01,931 [ Laughter continues ] 85 00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:06,384 So, I might be spitting on all of those in the front row. 86 00:04:06,487 --> 00:04:08,213 I'll tell you that shit right now. 87 00:04:09,870 --> 00:04:13,667 I got a bunch of spit in my mouth right the fuck now. 88 00:04:13,770 --> 00:04:17,911 So, I'm gonna be doing a whole lot of swallowing and shit. 89 00:04:18,016 --> 00:04:19,603 I knew they weren't the right size 90 00:04:19,707 --> 00:04:21,295 when the dentist, mother fucker handed me 91 00:04:21,399 --> 00:04:22,952 the mirror, I'm like, "Nigga. 92 00:04:25,092 --> 00:04:26,990 You gave me these Denzel Washington teeth. 93 00:04:27,094 --> 00:04:29,199 [ Laughter ] 94 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,342 Putting curses on all you motherfuckers." 95 00:04:38,485 --> 00:04:40,072 I feel uncomfortable right now. 96 00:04:42,730 --> 00:04:44,663 So, I ain't gonna be doing a whole lot of smiling. 97 00:04:44,767 --> 00:04:45,940 I can tell you. 98 00:04:47,942 --> 00:04:50,462 I think the nigga done did dis ass for a ticket too. 99 00:04:50,566 --> 00:04:52,982 So, if you -- you in this motherfucker, 100 00:04:53,085 --> 00:04:56,330 I got to holler at you, motherfucker. 101 00:04:56,433 --> 00:04:57,987 I got a partner named Antonio. 102 00:04:58,090 --> 00:05:00,161 That nigga be smiling on, motherfucker. 103 00:05:01,956 --> 00:05:03,751 I'll be playing dominoes with the nigga. 104 00:05:03,855 --> 00:05:06,340 He always smiling. I'm like, "Nigga. 105 00:05:06,444 --> 00:05:07,824 When I get my check, nigga, 106 00:05:07,928 --> 00:05:10,102 I swear to God I'm gonna get that smile!" 107 00:05:10,206 --> 00:05:12,242 [ Laughter ] 108 00:05:12,346 --> 00:05:14,590 I couldn't wait to show the nigga my new smile. 109 00:05:14,693 --> 00:05:17,627 He like, he didn't even want to come, he like, "Ugh." 110 00:05:21,459 --> 00:05:23,184 I was waiting, nigga, 111 00:05:23,288 --> 00:05:24,703 I came to that nigga, like, "Hey, brother." 112 00:05:24,807 --> 00:05:25,980 Like, I scared him. 113 00:05:26,084 --> 00:05:27,879 "Hey, nigga, They'll make the right ones." 114 00:05:31,779 --> 00:05:33,609 We in this mother fucker, though, man. 115 00:05:33,712 --> 00:05:35,438 This goddamn LA. 116 00:05:35,542 --> 00:05:36,922 I thought I was gonna make it a long, 117 00:05:37,026 --> 00:05:38,890 long, long, long, long, long, goddamn time ago. 118 00:05:38,993 --> 00:05:40,892 I thought -- I thought I was gonna blow up in 2 weeks. 119 00:05:40,995 --> 00:05:44,102 I swear to God, I did. 120 00:05:44,205 --> 00:05:47,381 I thought I was gonna be famous like motherfucking Kevin Hart, 121 00:05:47,485 --> 00:05:49,487 Dave Chappelle, Katt Williams, 122 00:05:49,590 --> 00:05:51,074 without the motherfucking problems. 123 00:05:51,178 --> 00:05:54,457 I thought I was... [ Laughter ] 124 00:05:54,561 --> 00:05:56,079 Katt fucked niggas up, though, didn't he? 125 00:05:56,183 --> 00:05:57,771 Crowd: Yeah! 126 00:05:57,874 --> 00:06:00,256 Nigga, I listened to that whole tape, like, I ain't even know 127 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,396 I had 3 hours worth of time. 128 00:06:05,330 --> 00:06:06,987 I listened to that nigga whole tape 129 00:06:07,090 --> 00:06:08,989 just to see when the nigga gonna say my name. 130 00:06:09,092 --> 00:06:11,129 I did. 131 00:06:11,232 --> 00:06:13,649 [ Laughter continues ] 132 00:06:16,686 --> 00:06:19,517 That nigga Katt, when he fucked Steve Harvey up with that -- 133 00:06:19,620 --> 00:06:21,898 that fucking toupee, nigga, I hollered. 134 00:06:24,038 --> 00:06:27,317 When he said that nigga had a -- a -- a piece. 135 00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:29,492 What he have? Crowd: A wig. A Man Unit. 136 00:06:29,596 --> 00:06:31,114 A "Man Unit," when he said that nigga 137 00:06:31,218 --> 00:06:33,634 had a Man Unit. 138 00:06:33,738 --> 00:06:36,085 Nigga, nigga, I did this on the nigga. 139 00:06:41,262 --> 00:06:42,712 'Cause a nigga came up to me 140 00:06:42,816 --> 00:06:44,473 and asked me did I have one? 141 00:06:44,576 --> 00:06:46,406 -I'm like, "Nigga, get the fuck outta here." 142 00:06:46,509 --> 00:06:48,511 This all me right here, motherfucker. 143 00:06:50,479 --> 00:06:53,067 [ Laughter ] 144 00:06:53,171 --> 00:06:55,622 Nigga said he was gonna punch Steve in the stomach. 145 00:06:55,725 --> 00:06:57,796 I was like, "Damn. 146 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:01,421 That's some thug shit." 147 00:07:01,524 --> 00:07:03,837 "Nigga, I'll punch you in your motherfucking stomach." 148 00:07:03,940 --> 00:07:06,529 [ Laughter ] 149 00:07:08,704 --> 00:07:10,153 Nigga, I'm glad I wasn't on that block 150 00:07:10,257 --> 00:07:11,948 when he was shooting that bitch up. 151 00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:17,195 If one more motherfucker say, 152 00:07:17,298 --> 00:07:19,300 I look like Diddy, kill yourself tonight. 153 00:07:21,268 --> 00:07:23,822 I'd rather look like anybody else with no allegations. 154 00:07:23,926 --> 00:07:26,860 I swear to God. 155 00:07:26,963 --> 00:07:30,139 I'd rather look like Flavor Flav, Trick Daddy, motherfucker. 156 00:07:32,486 --> 00:07:34,764 "Nigga, take that. Take that, nigga. Take it." 157 00:07:38,596 --> 00:07:40,908 That nigga Diddy paying niggas right away too. 158 00:07:41,012 --> 00:07:42,600 Nigga, he don't be waiting. 159 00:07:42,703 --> 00:07:44,705 "So, you said I did something, well, well, how much you need?" 160 00:07:44,808 --> 00:07:47,605 [ Laughter ] 161 00:07:50,504 --> 00:07:53,265 Diddy want that shit over, motherfucker. 162 00:07:53,369 --> 00:07:54,888 That's how much money that nigga got. 163 00:07:54,991 --> 00:07:56,199 Niggas be trying to fight. 164 00:07:56,303 --> 00:07:59,133 "No, bitch, you won't know --" "Bitch, what?" 165 00:07:59,237 --> 00:08:00,549 We got you, motherfucker. 166 00:08:00,652 --> 00:08:03,552 That's -- That's why I video all the bitches I fuck. 167 00:08:03,655 --> 00:08:06,071 I ain't gonna never. 168 00:08:06,175 --> 00:08:07,279 I let 'em know. 169 00:08:07,383 --> 00:08:08,971 "You know, that camera on over there. 170 00:08:09,074 --> 00:08:11,145 [ Laughter ] 171 00:08:12,940 --> 00:08:14,321 And that's you enjoying yourself. 172 00:08:14,424 --> 00:08:15,943 You see that? 173 00:08:19,395 --> 00:08:21,155 You can talk all that shit if you want to, 174 00:08:21,259 --> 00:08:23,468 but, bitch, you having a good time." 175 00:08:27,403 --> 00:08:28,818 I brought my phone, 176 00:08:28,922 --> 00:08:31,718 because, uh, I got a little bitch named Tasha at the house, 177 00:08:31,821 --> 00:08:34,306 I don't trust, so, uh, 178 00:08:34,409 --> 00:08:35,894 and I'm watching her on my Ring, 179 00:08:35,998 --> 00:08:38,759 right fuck... 180 00:08:38,863 --> 00:08:40,658 I don't trust her, because she be stealing 181 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:42,280 all my quarters out my change drawer. 182 00:08:42,383 --> 00:08:44,212 I don't trust her. 183 00:08:44,316 --> 00:08:46,042 She must haven't got no washer and dryer. 184 00:08:46,146 --> 00:08:47,941 So, just... 185 00:08:51,772 --> 00:08:53,360 She be going in my medicine cabinet 186 00:08:53,463 --> 00:08:54,948 and all kind of shit, I'm like... 187 00:08:55,051 --> 00:08:56,743 'Cause everybody in here, when you get to a certain age, 188 00:08:56,846 --> 00:09:00,747 you gon' be on some pills, I ain't gonna lie. 189 00:09:00,850 --> 00:09:02,921 Everybody in here, when you get to a certain age, 190 00:09:03,025 --> 00:09:06,028 nigga, you on, uh, blood pressure pills, 191 00:09:06,131 --> 00:09:08,478 cholesterol. 192 00:09:08,582 --> 00:09:11,723 Lot of you young niggas on, uh, antibiotics, motherfucker. 193 00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:17,073 You got an itch you need to fill up, nigga? 194 00:09:18,696 --> 00:09:21,457 I keep my motherfucking pills that the Dr. ordered for me, 195 00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:23,217 I keep them in a vault. 196 00:09:23,321 --> 00:09:26,738 This bitch ain't gonna never crack that safe. 197 00:09:26,842 --> 00:09:28,602 My vitamins, I keep in the medicine cabinet. 198 00:09:28,706 --> 00:09:32,019 Yeah, I don't give a fuck if she gon' see them. 199 00:09:32,123 --> 00:09:33,883 'Cause motherfucker the ones that got my 200 00:09:33,987 --> 00:09:35,644 everything on, bitch. 201 00:09:35,747 --> 00:09:38,025 You know, my real age that ain't going... 202 00:09:38,129 --> 00:09:40,269 [ Laughter, applause ] 203 00:09:42,961 --> 00:09:44,584 I got that motherfucker in a vault. 204 00:09:44,687 --> 00:09:46,862 Motherfucker, there's 27 left, 205 00:09:46,965 --> 00:09:48,484 motherfucker. 206 00:09:49,968 --> 00:09:53,109 And I be watching her ass. She just be going through shit. 207 00:09:53,213 --> 00:09:54,801 "What are you doing now?!" 208 00:09:58,839 --> 00:10:00,703 Tasha the reason why I don't like dating, 209 00:10:00,807 --> 00:10:02,705 'cause I -- she -- I go over to her house. 210 00:10:02,809 --> 00:10:05,950 She ain't got no parking. I just be riding around. 211 00:10:06,053 --> 00:10:07,814 [ Laughter ] 212 00:10:07,917 --> 00:10:09,263 Talking 'bout, "You still coming, bitch?" 213 00:10:09,367 --> 00:10:11,438 "I'm trying to find parking. Shit." 214 00:10:13,578 --> 00:10:15,649 I ain't got that kind of car that can be around the corner. 215 00:10:15,753 --> 00:10:17,306 Shit. 216 00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:18,721 I knew I should of stopped fucking with her, 217 00:10:18,825 --> 00:10:20,654 because she ain't have no real furniture at the house. 218 00:10:20,758 --> 00:10:23,692 She -- She had that little mini bar refrigerator. 219 00:10:23,795 --> 00:10:25,590 You ever seen that little motherfucker? 220 00:10:25,694 --> 00:10:27,972 It's like she's going to college and shit. 221 00:10:28,075 --> 00:10:29,732 You know, that little mini bar refrigerator 222 00:10:29,836 --> 00:10:32,632 that you give your kid to go away? 223 00:10:32,735 --> 00:10:34,634 I knew I should've stopped fucking with her, 224 00:10:34,737 --> 00:10:36,566 because she had that little bitty refrigerator sitting 225 00:10:36,670 --> 00:10:38,707 where the big refrigerator was supposed to sit. 226 00:10:38,810 --> 00:10:40,985 [ Laughter ] 227 00:10:41,088 --> 00:10:45,127 I say, "You don't see all this space right here?" 228 00:10:45,230 --> 00:10:46,749 You could put four more of these bitches 229 00:10:46,853 --> 00:10:48,924 and fill that hole up, shit. 230 00:10:51,064 --> 00:10:53,445 I can't fuck with Tasha, man. 231 00:10:53,549 --> 00:10:55,482 I like her, but I don't like her, 232 00:10:55,585 --> 00:10:56,759 because she's a lingerer. 233 00:10:56,863 --> 00:10:59,382 You ever seen a motherfucker that lingers? 234 00:10:59,486 --> 00:11:02,144 Come over to your house. She don't never want to leave. 235 00:11:02,247 --> 00:11:05,423 She be sleeping like she's gonna be there for the week. 236 00:11:05,526 --> 00:11:06,769 I had to put the vacuum cleaner 237 00:11:06,873 --> 00:11:08,219 in the bed just to wake her ass up. 238 00:11:08,322 --> 00:11:10,290 [Imitates vacuum cleaner] 239 00:11:10,393 --> 00:11:12,085 "Got shit to do in the morning." 240 00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:16,710 Tasha came over to the crib and it's -- 241 00:11:16,814 --> 00:11:18,678 especially when they ain't got their own shit -- 242 00:11:18,781 --> 00:11:20,956 they be coming over seeing where they kid 243 00:11:21,059 --> 00:11:22,371 can stay, "This is nice. 244 00:11:22,474 --> 00:11:24,511 [ Laughter ] 245 00:11:25,788 --> 00:11:28,135 Is this taken? Is this room open right here?" 246 00:11:31,242 --> 00:11:33,278 And I knew I didn't want to date no more, 247 00:11:33,382 --> 00:11:36,316 'cause I took her -- I took Tasha to Nobu in Malibu. 248 00:11:36,419 --> 00:11:38,974 Them motherfuckers been there before. 249 00:11:39,077 --> 00:11:41,286 Well, three of you motherfuckers been in there, uh... 250 00:11:42,978 --> 00:11:45,118 Y'all can't afford it either. I see. 251 00:11:48,017 --> 00:11:49,501 I knew I didn't want to go back, 252 00:11:49,605 --> 00:11:51,434 'cause, uh, when I saw the valet 253 00:11:51,538 --> 00:11:55,818 was $25, I -- I said, "Shit, hold on, uh..." 254 00:11:55,922 --> 00:11:57,164 I told the valet, 255 00:11:57,268 --> 00:11:58,787 "Don't get neither one of our doors, nigga. 256 00:11:58,890 --> 00:12:00,167 We good. 257 00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:06,726 I'm gonna park this bitch in a free spot. Shit." 258 00:12:06,829 --> 00:12:09,314 I told Tasha, "Go on in there and get us a table. 259 00:12:09,418 --> 00:12:11,800 I need to holler at this nigga for a minute, shit." 260 00:12:11,903 --> 00:12:14,216 [ Laughter ] 261 00:12:14,319 --> 00:12:15,804 I told the waiter, I said, "Hey, player, 262 00:12:15,907 --> 00:12:18,634 Let me tell you what I got, uh... 263 00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,360 I got $136. 264 00:12:20,463 --> 00:12:22,051 Let's, uh... 265 00:12:22,155 --> 00:12:23,501 Let's take care of you, 266 00:12:23,604 --> 00:12:25,952 the food, and the drinks, can you make it happen? 267 00:12:26,055 --> 00:12:28,678 [ Laughter, applause ] 268 00:12:32,821 --> 00:12:34,615 This motherfucker said, "Yeah. Yeah, Yeah, sure, sure. 269 00:12:34,719 --> 00:12:36,134 Sure. I got you." 270 00:12:36,238 --> 00:12:37,687 This motherfucker came over to the table 271 00:12:37,790 --> 00:12:39,897 and took all the lighted menus 272 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:42,658 off the motherfucking table. 273 00:12:42,762 --> 00:12:45,454 Handed me some laminates. Motherfucker, I -- 274 00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:46,904 Like, "Nigga, this food ain't even 275 00:12:47,007 --> 00:12:48,422 from this goddamn restaurant. 276 00:12:48,526 --> 00:12:50,631 [ Laughter ] 277 00:12:52,668 --> 00:12:54,877 Nigga gave me a Denny's menu, motherfucker. 278 00:13:00,572 --> 00:13:02,540 So, I order me a Grand Slam. 279 00:13:02,643 --> 00:13:05,094 Yeah. 280 00:13:05,198 --> 00:13:08,304 I got the fuck on out of there. 281 00:13:08,408 --> 00:13:09,754 I like them hood chicks. 282 00:13:09,858 --> 00:13:11,514 I don't know what it is about me, man. 283 00:13:11,618 --> 00:13:13,965 I like a chick who ain't got all her tattoos done yet. 284 00:13:14,069 --> 00:13:15,484 I don't know what it is. 285 00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:18,245 [ Laughter, applause ] 286 00:13:18,349 --> 00:13:19,591 She just got the outlines. 287 00:13:19,695 --> 00:13:21,524 Nigga, that do something for my spirit. 288 00:13:24,286 --> 00:13:25,874 "When I get my check, 289 00:13:25,977 --> 00:13:28,221 I swear to God I'm gonna color these bitches in!" 290 00:13:28,324 --> 00:13:30,464 [ Laughter, applause ] 291 00:13:33,847 --> 00:13:35,297 I like them hood chicks. 292 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,057 Man, I was dating a hood chick, this... 293 00:13:37,161 --> 00:13:38,507 I lie to you not, out here in LA. 294 00:13:38,610 --> 00:13:40,474 She didn't have no front doors. 295 00:13:40,578 --> 00:13:43,236 When I went to go pick her up, she came through that curtain. 296 00:13:43,339 --> 00:13:46,687 "I'll be right out" I'm like, "Sh... 297 00:13:46,790 --> 00:13:49,483 Man, I won't be waiting on your ass. Pssh." 298 00:13:51,002 --> 00:13:52,832 Yeah, dating them hood chicks, they -- 299 00:13:52,935 --> 00:13:54,247 they do a lot of shit, though. 300 00:13:54,350 --> 00:13:56,594 She wants -- She wants to fuck with the lights on. 301 00:13:56,697 --> 00:13:58,768 I'm like, "Shit. 302 00:13:58,872 --> 00:14:01,599 I ain't got no light on type of body. Shit." 303 00:14:04,740 --> 00:14:06,846 You know what I'm saying, Dante? You understand what I'm... 304 00:14:06,949 --> 00:14:08,882 [ Laughter, applause ] 305 00:14:08,986 --> 00:14:12,713 She be clapping a lot louder than yours. 306 00:14:12,817 --> 00:14:15,440 I got a candle lit type of body, motherfucker. 307 00:14:15,544 --> 00:14:18,340 I light some candles, and I don't put them in the bedroom. 308 00:14:18,443 --> 00:14:21,999 I put them motherfuckers in the bathroom. Shit. 309 00:14:22,102 --> 00:14:25,312 I crack the door just a little bit. 310 00:14:25,416 --> 00:14:27,038 This bitch ain't gonna never see my silhouette. 311 00:14:27,142 --> 00:14:29,592 I swear to God. [ Laughter ] 312 00:14:29,696 --> 00:14:31,560 You ain't gonna never see me looking like Rick Ross. 313 00:14:31,663 --> 00:14:33,079 I swear to God! 314 00:14:35,357 --> 00:14:38,843 I don't even take my clothes off until I get fully in the bed. 315 00:14:38,947 --> 00:14:40,603 Shit. 316 00:14:40,707 --> 00:14:43,365 I'm in the covers, nigga, I -- The -- The drawer. 317 00:14:43,468 --> 00:14:45,885 [ Laughter ] 318 00:14:52,167 --> 00:14:53,754 'Cause I ain't confident like Rick Ross. 319 00:14:53,858 --> 00:14:55,549 That nigga has confidence. 320 00:14:55,653 --> 00:14:57,310 I guess that's the money, that nigga, 321 00:14:57,413 --> 00:14:59,312 titties be slinging and shit. 322 00:15:01,072 --> 00:15:03,247 Nigga don't have no shirt to pluck on. 323 00:15:03,350 --> 00:15:05,594 I'm like, "Nigga. That's confidence." 324 00:15:07,251 --> 00:15:08,735 I went in and got in my pool. 325 00:15:08,838 --> 00:15:10,737 Well, it wasn't my pool, it was the community. 326 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:12,877 Um... [ Laughter ] 327 00:15:16,467 --> 00:15:19,297 Let me stop acting like I'm doing something with myself. 328 00:15:22,611 --> 00:15:24,475 So, I went into the community pool 329 00:15:24,578 --> 00:15:28,306 and, uh, had my little T-shirt on in the motherfucking water, 330 00:15:28,410 --> 00:15:30,481 start raising, I'm like, "Hey, nigga? Not right now. 331 00:15:30,584 --> 00:15:33,070 Motherfucker. It's a public pool. 332 00:15:33,173 --> 00:15:34,726 Motherfuckers watching us. 333 00:15:37,764 --> 00:15:39,386 They're should be motherfuckers. 334 00:15:39,490 --> 00:15:41,871 I see some chubby motherfuckers in here too with -- 335 00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:42,942 with a terrible body. 336 00:15:43,045 --> 00:15:45,875 What's up, Earl? [ Laughter ] 337 00:15:45,979 --> 00:15:47,601 I don't know your name, 338 00:15:47,705 --> 00:15:50,156 but you got a Earl spirit, I swear to God. 339 00:15:50,259 --> 00:15:52,675 [ Laughter, applause ] 340 00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:58,336 Done fucking with Tasha's ass. Motherfucker. 341 00:15:58,440 --> 00:15:59,959 Went over that shit. 342 00:16:00,062 --> 00:16:01,995 Now, I'm fucking with this little chick named Pam, 343 00:16:02,099 --> 00:16:05,171 and, uh, 'cause I'm trying to move around. 344 00:16:05,274 --> 00:16:07,587 You know, enough. 345 00:16:07,690 --> 00:16:09,761 Pam was a motherfucker, though, 'cause 346 00:16:09,865 --> 00:16:11,453 it's hard dating, y'all, though, 'cause... 347 00:16:11,556 --> 00:16:13,006 -No, it ain't. -'Cause y'all compliment 348 00:16:13,110 --> 00:16:14,801 a motherfucker and talk shit about him 349 00:16:14,904 --> 00:16:16,527 at the same goddamn time. 350 00:16:18,184 --> 00:16:19,806 Pam came over to the house and said, 351 00:16:19,909 --> 00:16:21,325 "This a nice ass little one bedroom." 352 00:16:21,428 --> 00:16:23,568 We're like, "What?" 353 00:16:26,744 --> 00:16:28,711 "You don't know. I got another room upstairs. 354 00:16:28,815 --> 00:16:30,817 You don't know about that other room. 355 00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:32,370 It's a nice ass little half bath. 356 00:16:32,474 --> 00:16:35,132 Bitch, [Mumbles]. 357 00:16:35,235 --> 00:16:37,134 I got another bathroom. 358 00:16:38,859 --> 00:16:40,930 -Nice little one bedroom. -I just found out 359 00:16:41,034 --> 00:16:42,932 that black women do not like white refrigerators. 360 00:16:43,036 --> 00:16:44,900 I just found that shit out. 361 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:47,834 She came up, "You ain't got no goddamn stainless steel? 362 00:16:49,974 --> 00:16:52,218 You ain't got no ice maker in this bitch?" 363 00:16:54,254 --> 00:16:55,738 'Cause Pam wanted a Crown on the rocks. 364 00:16:55,842 --> 00:16:57,326 I-I ain't have no ice maker. 365 00:16:57,430 --> 00:16:59,432 I'm still putting water in trays, Dante. 366 00:16:59,535 --> 00:17:01,744 I don't know your name. 367 00:17:01,848 --> 00:17:04,057 But you got a Dante spirit, motherfucker. 368 00:17:04,161 --> 00:17:06,196 [ Laughter, applause ] 369 00:17:08,268 --> 00:17:09,683 I'm still putting water in trays. 370 00:17:09,787 --> 00:17:11,167 I said -- I told Pam, 371 00:17:11,271 --> 00:17:13,929 "You got 2 hours before that ice get cold. Shit." 372 00:17:19,175 --> 00:17:20,798 She talking about, "Go out there and check it to see 373 00:17:20,901 --> 00:17:22,144 if it cold yet." 374 00:17:22,248 --> 00:17:24,353 "I know my freezer, Pam. 375 00:17:25,837 --> 00:17:28,357 I don't know your name. 376 00:17:28,461 --> 00:17:30,014 But you got a Pam spirit. 377 00:17:30,118 --> 00:17:31,809 Goddamn. 378 00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:34,915 Went out there and checked the ice. 379 00:17:35,019 --> 00:17:39,644 I done fucked around and punched a hole in the goddamn ice. 380 00:17:39,748 --> 00:17:42,337 I said, "Pam, we got to start all over again." 381 00:17:44,304 --> 00:17:46,617 You better take a shot. Shit. 382 00:17:50,897 --> 00:17:52,243 Pam was a motherfucker, though, man. 383 00:17:52,347 --> 00:17:53,900 I-I fuck with Pam, though. 384 00:17:54,003 --> 00:17:55,557 'Cause Pam is -- She had her shit together. 385 00:17:55,660 --> 00:17:57,317 She had a -- She had a washer and dryer. 386 00:17:57,421 --> 00:18:00,493 She -- She had me being a lingerer at her house. 387 00:18:02,253 --> 00:18:03,634 'Cause I go to her house, and I'm thinking 388 00:18:03,737 --> 00:18:05,153 I'm gonna spend the night, I, you know, 389 00:18:05,256 --> 00:18:06,361 I fucked pretty good. 390 00:18:06,464 --> 00:18:08,225 You know, I gave myself a 10. 391 00:18:08,328 --> 00:18:10,330 [ Laughter, applause ] 392 00:18:12,263 --> 00:18:13,851 I gave myself a 10. 393 00:18:13,954 --> 00:18:17,751 I don't know what her score was, but to me... 394 00:18:17,855 --> 00:18:20,029 I put that thing on her. You hear me? 395 00:18:22,135 --> 00:18:23,792 And then, I, you know, I'm ready to go to sleep 396 00:18:23,895 --> 00:18:25,242 'cause I'm tired, and I gave her -- 397 00:18:25,345 --> 00:18:27,416 I gave her a 10, you know? 398 00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:28,935 And then, here come Pam -- 399 00:18:29,038 --> 00:18:30,937 here come Pam come tapping me on the shoulder 400 00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:32,663 and say, "What -- What you about to do?" 401 00:18:32,766 --> 00:18:34,216 Like, "What? 402 00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:35,942 I'm about to go back to sleep." 403 00:18:36,045 --> 00:18:37,564 "No, you ain't, nigga, my son about to get up. 404 00:18:37,668 --> 00:18:40,636 You got to get the fuck out of here. Shit. 405 00:18:40,740 --> 00:18:43,363 I don't even know why I'm fucking like this." 406 00:18:45,469 --> 00:18:46,608 So, I left. 407 00:18:49,852 --> 00:18:52,269 Plus, I, you know, I wasn't doing good, you know, 408 00:18:52,372 --> 00:18:54,305 last year, uh, 409 00:18:54,409 --> 00:18:57,619 year -- year before that, uh... 410 00:18:57,722 --> 00:19:00,415 Shit. I ain't doing good too much this year either. 411 00:19:00,518 --> 00:19:02,486 And, uh... 412 00:19:02,589 --> 00:19:05,316 [ Laughter ] 413 00:19:05,420 --> 00:19:06,800 'Cause I had a lot of shit cut off. 414 00:19:06,904 --> 00:19:08,906 And, uh... 415 00:19:09,009 --> 00:19:10,459 And Pam was over to the house one time, 416 00:19:10,563 --> 00:19:12,634 and, uh, I got there and my electric got cut off. 417 00:19:12,737 --> 00:19:14,670 And, uh, I was surprised too, 418 00:19:14,774 --> 00:19:16,120 because I actually heard 419 00:19:16,224 --> 00:19:17,501 the motherfucking electric get cut off. 420 00:19:17,604 --> 00:19:20,124 You ever heard the electric get cut off, Dante? 421 00:19:20,228 --> 00:19:21,953 I don't know your name. 422 00:19:22,057 --> 00:19:25,060 But you got a Dante spirit, nigga. 423 00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:26,924 I actually heard my electric get cut off. 424 00:19:27,027 --> 00:19:30,238 That motherfucker said, [Imitates electricity]. 425 00:19:30,341 --> 00:19:32,792 I said, "These motherfuckers got me." 426 00:19:32,895 --> 00:19:34,207 Now, Pam don't know what's going on. 427 00:19:34,311 --> 00:19:35,622 She said, "What -- What's happening?" 428 00:19:35,726 --> 00:19:37,141 I'm like, "Bitch, it's in the neighborhood. 429 00:19:37,245 --> 00:19:38,936 Everybody's shit off around..." 430 00:19:41,283 --> 00:19:44,321 She said, "Well, they shit still on over there." 431 00:19:44,424 --> 00:19:47,186 I said, "That nigga must got a generator or something. 432 00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:51,190 Where'd you get that generator at, nigga? 433 00:19:51,293 --> 00:19:53,744 Best Buy? I'm gonna get me one of them." 434 00:19:53,847 --> 00:19:55,884 [ Laughter ] 435 00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:59,405 My fucking cable got cut off while she was over too. 436 00:19:59,508 --> 00:20:00,958 I was doing bad, I told you motherfuckers. 437 00:20:01,061 --> 00:20:02,511 I was, and it was bad. 438 00:20:02,615 --> 00:20:04,064 Because if you work for Spectrum, 439 00:20:04,168 --> 00:20:06,998 I want you to kill yourself right now. 440 00:20:07,102 --> 00:20:08,724 Because when your cable get cut off, 441 00:20:08,828 --> 00:20:11,071 I saw the Spectrum sign start floating. 442 00:20:14,282 --> 00:20:16,180 If you see your Spectrum sign start floating, 443 00:20:16,284 --> 00:20:19,839 that means you got 10 seconds... 444 00:20:19,942 --> 00:20:23,429 to finish watching that motherfucking program. 445 00:20:23,532 --> 00:20:25,189 And I saw the motherfucker come on. 446 00:20:25,293 --> 00:20:27,295 Nigga, I-I tried to hurry up and cut the goddamn TV off. 447 00:20:27,398 --> 00:20:28,951 I was like, "Hey." 448 00:20:29,055 --> 00:20:30,953 [ Laughter, applause ] 449 00:20:32,990 --> 00:20:35,095 I did not want Pam to see that motherfucker. 450 00:20:35,199 --> 00:20:36,994 "Oh. Hey. No. Damn. Bitch." 451 00:20:39,928 --> 00:20:41,895 'Cause I had my shit cut off cut off. 452 00:20:41,999 --> 00:20:44,312 You ever had your shit cut off cut off? 453 00:20:44,415 --> 00:20:45,796 That mean you can't call it in. 454 00:20:45,899 --> 00:20:49,455 You got to go the fuck down that bitch. 455 00:20:49,558 --> 00:20:51,077 I heard Spectrum on the roof, too. 456 00:20:51,180 --> 00:20:54,080 I was like, "These niggas up there." 457 00:20:54,183 --> 00:20:55,978 I was like Joe Clark from "Lean on Me." 458 00:20:56,082 --> 00:20:58,705 "Get them chains on the door! The enemy is near!" 459 00:21:02,606 --> 00:21:05,816 A cable company gonna come in the house 460 00:21:05,919 --> 00:21:07,335 and ask for the equipment. 461 00:21:07,438 --> 00:21:09,268 Like "Sir, we need to... 462 00:21:11,511 --> 00:21:14,273 We need to get all the equipment." 463 00:21:14,376 --> 00:21:17,517 I said, "Come on in here. Dere it is. Shit." 464 00:21:17,621 --> 00:21:19,450 There gonna be a dead ass cable guy. 465 00:21:19,554 --> 00:21:21,314 Motherfucker. 466 00:21:21,418 --> 00:21:23,730 I need that cable time -- I need that box for the time. 467 00:21:23,834 --> 00:21:24,904 Fuck you. 468 00:21:25,007 --> 00:21:27,458 [ Laughter, applause ] 469 00:21:30,910 --> 00:21:32,498 You get your cable cut off, nigga, 470 00:21:32,601 --> 00:21:35,777 don't nothing work on that box but the motherfucking time. 471 00:21:38,676 --> 00:21:41,507 That other shit is over with. 472 00:21:41,610 --> 00:21:45,925 I told him, "Nigga, come get this shit, then. Fuck you." 473 00:21:46,028 --> 00:21:48,030 Fuck him, 'cause I'm cutting back, nigga. 474 00:21:48,134 --> 00:21:50,309 I'm gon' tell you right now, I told T-Mobile today 475 00:21:50,412 --> 00:21:52,828 to cut all that shit off my phone. 476 00:21:52,932 --> 00:21:55,624 "I don't want no incoming, no outgoing, 477 00:21:55,728 --> 00:21:58,109 no voicemail, no texts, just cut the bitch off." 478 00:21:58,213 --> 00:22:00,664 I just want to call T-Mobile to see who called me. 479 00:22:00,767 --> 00:22:03,252 Shit. 480 00:22:03,356 --> 00:22:06,704 I'm going back to a pager, Earl, you hear me? 481 00:22:06,808 --> 00:22:08,672 $0.39 a year, nigga. 482 00:22:08,775 --> 00:22:10,639 [ Laughter ] 483 00:22:12,607 --> 00:22:15,679 Only your old school niggas know about that pager. 484 00:22:15,782 --> 00:22:16,990 You young niggas don't know nothing about 485 00:22:17,094 --> 00:22:18,475 that goddamn pager, nigga. 486 00:22:18,578 --> 00:22:20,200 You don't even need to put the area code. 487 00:22:20,304 --> 00:22:23,997 You just got to understand what the number is. 488 00:22:24,101 --> 00:22:26,172 You know how you got to give your last four digits 489 00:22:26,275 --> 00:22:28,312 of your Social Security, that's what you got to -- 490 00:22:28,416 --> 00:22:30,590 Oh. Okay? That's 863. Oh, that's Pam number. 491 00:22:30,694 --> 00:22:31,867 Okay. 492 00:22:34,732 --> 00:22:36,009 Trying to get it together, though. 493 00:22:36,113 --> 00:22:37,908 I'm trying to get my life together, you know? 494 00:22:38,011 --> 00:22:40,324 You know, I had -- still had that big back TV. 495 00:22:40,428 --> 00:22:43,223 And it was a... [ Laughter ] 496 00:22:43,327 --> 00:22:44,915 The old school niggas remember. 497 00:22:45,018 --> 00:22:46,123 You remember that big back TV? 498 00:22:46,226 --> 00:22:48,505 You remember that TV with a fuse box? 499 00:22:48,608 --> 00:22:50,921 You remember that motherfucker? 500 00:22:51,024 --> 00:22:54,545 Pam came over, she saw that I had the big back TV, 501 00:22:54,649 --> 00:22:56,271 but I tried to trick her the next time 502 00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:57,721 she came over to the house. 503 00:22:57,824 --> 00:23:00,896 So, I cut a hole in the wall. 504 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,554 Now, my TV all in another nigga house and shit. 505 00:23:05,660 --> 00:23:09,595 My neighbor pushing it out. I'm pushing it back in. 506 00:23:09,698 --> 00:23:12,183 I said, "I'm trying to watch the Lakers, motherfucker!" 507 00:23:12,287 --> 00:23:14,703 [ Laughter] 508 00:23:17,534 --> 00:23:20,157 Black man, nigga. 509 00:23:20,260 --> 00:23:21,572 Hey, get that cough together. 510 00:23:21,676 --> 00:23:23,505 Hey. [ Laughter ] 511 00:23:26,508 --> 00:23:30,339 I don't know who said that it's okay to cough now. No. 512 00:23:30,443 --> 00:23:33,998 That shit's still out here, motherfuckers. Shit. 513 00:23:34,102 --> 00:23:36,415 Niggas just coughing, they ain't even saying nothing. 514 00:23:36,518 --> 00:23:37,726 Openly coughing. "[ Coughs ]" 515 00:23:37,830 --> 00:23:39,418 It's like, "Hey?" 516 00:23:41,937 --> 00:23:43,663 People don't even cover up they mouth no more. 517 00:23:43,767 --> 00:23:47,460 They like, "[ Coughs ]" "Nigga, [Mutters]." 518 00:23:47,564 --> 00:23:49,289 Then, if they do cover it up, they do this. 519 00:23:49,393 --> 00:23:52,051 [ Coughs ], like it can't go up under your arm. 520 00:23:52,154 --> 00:23:54,709 [ Laughter, applause ] 521 00:23:57,539 --> 00:24:00,439 I love my black people, nigga, I fucks with us. 522 00:24:00,542 --> 00:24:02,958 But I don't really got a lot of black neighbors. 523 00:24:03,062 --> 00:24:06,168 I-I experienced that, and I got out of that. 524 00:24:06,272 --> 00:24:09,240 Because... 525 00:24:09,344 --> 00:24:10,725 'cause when you got black neighbors, 526 00:24:10,828 --> 00:24:13,244 they watch your house, not for you, but for them. 527 00:24:13,348 --> 00:24:15,005 Motherfucker. 528 00:24:15,108 --> 00:24:17,801 I fucked around and got that Ring. 529 00:24:17,904 --> 00:24:19,147 That motherfucker do not work. 530 00:24:19,250 --> 00:24:21,287 Whoever created that motherfucker, 531 00:24:21,390 --> 00:24:23,289 probably, was a criminal. 532 00:24:23,392 --> 00:24:25,153 That doorbell Ring, that motherfucker 533 00:24:25,256 --> 00:24:27,776 that you can see motherfuckers coming. 534 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:30,503 Them niggas know you ain't at the house. 535 00:24:30,607 --> 00:24:33,713 I saw a motherfucker in my phone. I saw the motherfucker. 536 00:24:33,817 --> 00:24:36,164 I did. Real. Can't hate, player. 537 00:24:36,267 --> 00:24:37,890 "What you want?" 538 00:24:37,993 --> 00:24:40,099 He said, "Nigga, I know you ain't in there. 539 00:24:40,202 --> 00:24:43,033 [ Laughter, applause ] 540 00:24:43,136 --> 00:24:46,450 I just saw you pull out. Don't you drive a Kia? 541 00:24:46,554 --> 00:24:49,936 License plate '3495O9,' motherfucker? 542 00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:51,490 You got a slow leak in that left tire, 543 00:24:51,593 --> 00:24:54,320 motherfucker." [ Laughter ] 544 00:24:54,423 --> 00:24:57,703 So, I turned around. 545 00:24:57,806 --> 00:25:00,257 And my little pussy ass dog, this motherfucker, 546 00:25:00,360 --> 00:25:01,776 he ain't even barking or nothing, 547 00:25:01,879 --> 00:25:04,295 he hiding under the bench. 548 00:25:04,399 --> 00:25:06,677 I see his ass, and I'm like, "Hey, hey, motherfucker. 549 00:25:06,781 --> 00:25:09,438 You better go bark at the fucking front door! 550 00:25:09,542 --> 00:25:11,579 You 'bout to get taken, motherfucker." 551 00:25:15,237 --> 00:25:18,171 That ring ain't worth a buck. 552 00:25:18,275 --> 00:25:19,656 Some of y'all got that shit. 553 00:25:19,759 --> 00:25:21,727 You'd just looking to see -- you in an apartment 554 00:25:21,830 --> 00:25:22,935 and you be looking. 555 00:25:23,038 --> 00:25:25,213 [ Laughter ] 556 00:25:27,526 --> 00:25:29,286 That Ring ain't shit for nothing 557 00:25:29,389 --> 00:25:32,220 but to see your delivery come, motherfucker. 558 00:25:32,323 --> 00:25:35,982 "Oh, yeah. FedEx showed up. Okay. Yeah." 559 00:25:36,086 --> 00:25:37,570 You got one motherfucking camera. 560 00:25:37,674 --> 00:25:39,227 Fuck you. 561 00:25:39,330 --> 00:25:41,332 You act like you got surveillance and shit. 562 00:25:41,436 --> 00:25:43,542 [ Laughter ] 563 00:25:45,613 --> 00:25:48,236 I see you motherfuckers. 564 00:25:48,339 --> 00:25:51,619 Then, you got the nerve to have all that shit on your phone too. 565 00:25:51,722 --> 00:25:53,655 You got cameras that ain't even loaded yet. 566 00:25:53,759 --> 00:25:55,795 You're like, "Yeah, when I get my check, 567 00:25:55,899 --> 00:25:58,108 I'm gonna get that one in the living room." 568 00:25:58,211 --> 00:26:00,248 [ Laughter, applause ] 569 00:26:03,009 --> 00:26:04,735 I got a damn White neighbor, then motherfuckers, 570 00:26:04,839 --> 00:26:06,668 they're -- Boy. 571 00:26:06,772 --> 00:26:08,670 She was supposed to be my doorbell ring 572 00:26:08,774 --> 00:26:12,156 before I bought my doorbell Ring, yeah. 573 00:26:12,260 --> 00:26:13,744 'Cause white people watch your house. 574 00:26:13,848 --> 00:26:15,297 I don't give a fuck what you're talking about. 575 00:26:15,401 --> 00:26:17,058 You live next door to white people, 576 00:26:17,161 --> 00:26:19,094 you don't even ask them to watch your house. 577 00:26:19,198 --> 00:26:21,165 They volunteer 578 00:26:21,269 --> 00:26:23,167 to watch your motherfucking house. 579 00:26:23,271 --> 00:26:24,997 They ain't gon' let a nigga get on your porch. 580 00:26:25,100 --> 00:26:26,688 "Hey! 581 00:26:29,001 --> 00:26:31,451 That's not your shit, buddy! Hey!" 582 00:26:34,351 --> 00:26:36,733 I'm calling the fucking cops! 583 00:26:39,943 --> 00:26:42,152 White people will water your grass while you on vacation. 584 00:26:42,255 --> 00:26:44,223 You ain't gonna fuck with their property value. Shit. 585 00:26:44,326 --> 00:26:45,569 They're out there watering. 586 00:26:45,673 --> 00:26:47,467 "I don't know where G. went. Shit. 587 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,887 He leaves every fucking Thursday! Motherfucker." 588 00:26:52,990 --> 00:26:55,199 I ain't gone. I'm looking in the window at his dumb ass. 589 00:26:55,303 --> 00:26:56,684 "Look at him. Hey. Come here, Pam. 590 00:26:56,787 --> 00:26:59,065 That nigga doing it again. Look out." 591 00:27:01,378 --> 00:27:03,207 And they walk they dog on a schedule. 592 00:27:03,311 --> 00:27:04,346 Have you ever seen a neighbor? 593 00:27:04,450 --> 00:27:05,762 White people walk they dog 594 00:27:05,865 --> 00:27:08,730 06:00 in the morning, every motherfucking morning, 595 00:27:08,834 --> 00:27:11,284 Motherfuckers walk they dog. They don't even be up yet. 596 00:27:11,388 --> 00:27:13,770 They just be -- The dog be walking them. 597 00:27:13,873 --> 00:27:16,324 [ Laughter ] 598 00:27:16,427 --> 00:27:18,257 And they put shoes and clothes 599 00:27:18,360 --> 00:27:20,190 on the motherfucking dog. 600 00:27:20,293 --> 00:27:23,124 I heard their little dog pass my house every morning, 601 00:27:23,227 --> 00:27:24,953 06:00 in the morning with some shoes. 602 00:27:25,057 --> 00:27:27,438 That nigga be tap dancing, like he doing the river dance. 603 00:27:27,542 --> 00:27:29,682 And shit. This mother -- 604 00:27:31,442 --> 00:27:34,860 And here my dog, he don't even know when he going outside. 605 00:27:34,963 --> 00:27:37,897 [ Laughter continues ] 606 00:27:38,001 --> 00:27:40,382 He looking at me like he ready to go out at 6:00. 607 00:27:40,486 --> 00:27:44,076 I said, "Not today, motherfucker. 608 00:27:44,179 --> 00:27:46,423 It's raining and everything out there." 609 00:27:49,737 --> 00:27:51,083 My white neighbor, them motherfuckers 610 00:27:51,186 --> 00:27:54,017 cut a hole in they front door... 611 00:27:54,120 --> 00:27:56,778 for they dog, can come in and out the house anytime they want, 612 00:27:56,882 --> 00:27:58,159 if it's raining. 613 00:27:58,262 --> 00:28:01,024 Let you niggas cut a hole in your front door... 614 00:28:01,127 --> 00:28:02,301 and you live in Compton. 615 00:28:02,404 --> 00:28:04,303 See what the fuck happens. 616 00:28:04,406 --> 00:28:06,443 There'll be a nigga all inside the hole. 617 00:28:06,546 --> 00:28:08,652 [ Laughter, applause ] 618 00:28:11,793 --> 00:28:14,175 "Hey, Craig, I'm stuck in the hole, motherfucker!" 619 00:28:17,523 --> 00:28:19,007 A nigga leave you in the hole. 620 00:28:19,111 --> 00:28:21,147 "You good? You cool? 621 00:28:21,251 --> 00:28:22,701 You want something to drink?" 622 00:28:26,739 --> 00:28:28,568 Yeah, man. I fuck with that shit, man. 623 00:28:28,672 --> 00:28:30,122 I'm gonna tell you another thing that get on my nerves 624 00:28:30,225 --> 00:28:32,020 and that's that motherfucking self-checkout. 625 00:28:32,124 --> 00:28:34,367 I don't know who came up with that shit. 626 00:28:34,471 --> 00:28:37,405 But I'm safe. I'm-- I go to church and save. 627 00:28:37,508 --> 00:28:39,856 I don't want to steal but don't push it. 628 00:28:39,959 --> 00:28:41,927 [ Laughter, applause ] 629 00:28:43,929 --> 00:28:47,208 "I ain't no stealer, but don't push me, Lord! 630 00:28:47,311 --> 00:28:49,831 And these motherfuckers leave the m&m's 631 00:28:49,935 --> 00:28:51,039 by the bags. 632 00:28:51,143 --> 00:28:53,490 [ Laughter ] 633 00:28:53,593 --> 00:28:56,320 If I bag $175 worth of groceries, 634 00:28:56,424 --> 00:28:58,737 I deserve two bags of m&m's. 635 00:29:00,221 --> 00:29:02,671 The fuck wrong with you? 636 00:29:02,775 --> 00:29:04,156 I ain't even stealing them. 637 00:29:04,259 --> 00:29:07,366 I'm taking the motherfuckers now. 638 00:29:07,469 --> 00:29:10,403 $175 worth of motherfucking groceries. 639 00:29:10,507 --> 00:29:12,923 If I bag $175 worth of groceries, 640 00:29:13,027 --> 00:29:17,928 I can go in the break room if I fucking want to. 641 00:29:18,032 --> 00:29:20,068 I'm in that motherfucker, "Hey, player, how y'all doing? 642 00:29:20,172 --> 00:29:22,277 Y'all good? 643 00:29:22,381 --> 00:29:24,486 It's crowded than a motherfucker out there today." 644 00:29:26,316 --> 00:29:29,284 Here come the manager. "Sir. Sir. Sir." They always start. 645 00:29:29,388 --> 00:29:32,494 But "Sir, Sir, sir, you're not supposed to be in here." 646 00:29:32,598 --> 00:29:34,358 "The fuck, I ain't? 647 00:29:34,462 --> 00:29:39,156 I just bagged $175 worth of groceries. 648 00:29:39,260 --> 00:29:40,986 You welcome. The fuck is you? 649 00:29:44,403 --> 00:29:45,818 You got a cigarette? 650 00:29:45,922 --> 00:29:48,096 [ Laughter ] 651 00:29:49,580 --> 00:29:51,203 -That motherfucking self-checkout. 652 00:29:51,306 --> 00:29:52,791 'Cause black people, we done fucked up a lot -- 653 00:29:52,894 --> 00:29:55,379 We made people change they company policies. 654 00:29:55,483 --> 00:29:57,865 Black people, we done made Southwest Airlines 655 00:29:57,968 --> 00:30:00,384 change they motherfucking policies. 656 00:30:00,488 --> 00:30:03,042 Because when you used to fly Southwest back in the day, 657 00:30:03,146 --> 00:30:06,356 it was like first come, first serve, go, come on, get on. 658 00:30:06,459 --> 00:30:09,669 Now, motherfucker, they got a little number system for you. 659 00:30:09,773 --> 00:30:11,844 A, B, and C. 660 00:30:11,948 --> 00:30:15,158 1-53, them motherfuckers, and don't be in the wrong number. 661 00:30:15,261 --> 00:30:17,919 White people, they take that number shit serious. 662 00:30:19,852 --> 00:30:21,750 Your ass just snuck up to 8. 663 00:30:24,339 --> 00:30:26,203 White lady come up. "Hey, how you doing, sir? 664 00:30:26,307 --> 00:30:28,240 Yeah. What's your number?" 665 00:30:28,343 --> 00:30:30,345 [ Laughter, applause ] 666 00:30:34,625 --> 00:30:35,834 And white people be bold. 667 00:30:35,937 --> 00:30:37,870 Let me -- Can I see? Yeah. 668 00:30:39,458 --> 00:30:40,528 You're 33. 669 00:30:40,631 --> 00:30:42,461 You way back here, motherfucker. 670 00:30:45,119 --> 00:30:46,465 You know black people, nigga. 671 00:30:46,568 --> 00:30:49,433 "What the fuck you asking me for. [Mutters] Bitch." 672 00:30:49,537 --> 00:30:52,402 [ Cheers and applause ] 673 00:30:52,505 --> 00:30:54,645 We know we in the wrong, but we got to get an attitude. 674 00:30:54,749 --> 00:30:59,374 "Fuck this. What? Say something then, bitch!" 675 00:30:59,478 --> 00:31:02,895 Like, I felt like my teeth was gonna fall out that time. 676 00:31:02,999 --> 00:31:05,656 [ Laughter, applause ] 677 00:31:10,799 --> 00:31:11,973 And I ain't gonna lie. 678 00:31:12,077 --> 00:31:14,113 You niggas want them to fall out, too. 679 00:31:16,564 --> 00:31:18,290 My spirit is telling me, like, "Nigga, they -- 680 00:31:18,393 --> 00:31:20,430 they gonna come out now, yeah." 681 00:31:24,744 --> 00:31:26,608 Black people done fucked up 682 00:31:26,712 --> 00:31:28,024 the company policies. 683 00:31:28,127 --> 00:31:30,681 Red Lobster, you niggas done fucked they policy up. 684 00:31:30,785 --> 00:31:33,339 Remember back in the day, you could go into Red Lobster 685 00:31:33,443 --> 00:31:34,893 and get you some Cheddar biscuits, 686 00:31:34,996 --> 00:31:36,929 and they give you a complimentary salad. 687 00:31:37,033 --> 00:31:38,413 And you'd just eat them biscuits. 688 00:31:38,517 --> 00:31:41,071 Nigga don't order a motherfucking thing! 689 00:31:42,866 --> 00:31:44,661 Now, you can't do that shit now. 690 00:31:44,764 --> 00:31:46,076 You'll be waiting on the biscuit. 691 00:31:46,180 --> 00:31:48,285 You like, "Hey, you ain't brought me no biscuits." 692 00:31:48,389 --> 00:31:51,910 "Nigga, you ain't order shit either, motherfucker. 693 00:31:52,013 --> 00:31:55,361 Better get you an entree if you want some biscuits, nigga." 694 00:31:58,709 --> 00:32:00,366 'Cause I don't know, back in the day, 695 00:32:00,470 --> 00:32:02,990 you motherfuckers don't know that goddamn Red Lobster 696 00:32:03,093 --> 00:32:05,302 was the restaurant. 697 00:32:05,406 --> 00:32:07,339 All you little young motherfuckers. 698 00:32:07,442 --> 00:32:09,755 You motherfuckers, what -- what -- Mastro. 699 00:32:09,858 --> 00:32:12,861 You be taking the pictures and all... 700 00:32:12,965 --> 00:32:14,760 Some of you niggas be taking the pictures, 701 00:32:14,863 --> 00:32:16,451 you don't even order nothing in that bitch. 702 00:32:16,555 --> 00:32:18,453 [ Laughter ] 703 00:32:18,557 --> 00:32:20,731 Some of you niggas just go up there just to get the picture. 704 00:32:20,835 --> 00:32:24,356 Like, "Oh, you was in Mastro's, [Exclaims]." 705 00:32:24,459 --> 00:32:26,323 And you gotta bag or purse. 706 00:32:27,842 --> 00:32:30,224 Nigga, I used to go to Red Lobster, that was my shit. 707 00:32:30,327 --> 00:32:32,295 Took dates to Red Lobster. 708 00:32:32,398 --> 00:32:34,331 Nigga, I used to take a picture by the crab that, 709 00:32:34,435 --> 00:32:35,815 you know, the fish tank. 710 00:32:37,956 --> 00:32:39,060 Hey, nigga. 711 00:32:39,164 --> 00:32:40,544 Nigga, I'm all 'bout that fish steak 712 00:32:40,648 --> 00:32:41,821 with the crab leg, nigga. 713 00:32:41,925 --> 00:32:43,685 Yeah. [ Cheers and applause ] 714 00:32:46,550 --> 00:32:48,104 See, a lot of my -- 715 00:32:48,207 --> 00:32:49,968 See, a lot of my friends had heard that 716 00:32:50,071 --> 00:32:54,765 I had invited I done called you motherfuckers 13 times, sent... 717 00:32:54,869 --> 00:32:56,250 I done e-mailed you. 718 00:32:56,353 --> 00:32:57,630 You see them coming to the show, nigga, 719 00:32:57,734 --> 00:32:59,805 'cause I'm doing something. 720 00:32:59,908 --> 00:33:01,669 This is when you ain't all the way made it yet. 721 00:33:01,772 --> 00:33:04,361 What? What? What? You gonna call me? Call me? 722 00:33:04,465 --> 00:33:06,674 [ Laughter ] 723 00:33:06,777 --> 00:33:08,227 I don't wanna call no names. 724 00:33:08,331 --> 00:33:10,678 What's up, Tisha? And I... 725 00:33:13,646 --> 00:33:16,511 I called Vivica and Tisha 1,000 goddamn times. 726 00:33:16,615 --> 00:33:19,342 I FaceTimed, them motherfuckers sending me right to voicemail. 727 00:33:19,445 --> 00:33:21,206 Not right now, motherfucker. 728 00:33:23,898 --> 00:33:25,865 I got a few -- I got a few celebrity friends, man. 729 00:33:25,969 --> 00:33:29,628 I got like three, four, and, uh... 730 00:33:29,731 --> 00:33:31,009 I don't never ask for nothing 731 00:33:31,112 --> 00:33:33,390 but, you know, little favors, like, you know, 732 00:33:33,494 --> 00:33:36,566 take a picture with me, so, I can get my Instagram page up. 733 00:33:36,669 --> 00:33:39,776 [ Laughter ] 734 00:33:39,879 --> 00:33:42,158 Ha, I take a picture with one of them. 735 00:33:42,261 --> 00:33:47,128 Tisha and Vivica, I get like about 400,000 likes. 736 00:33:47,232 --> 00:33:50,925 I take a picture with my mom, I get two likes on the picture. 737 00:33:54,066 --> 00:33:56,034 And I love my mama. I-I don't know about y'all. 738 00:33:56,137 --> 00:33:58,519 But I'm a mama's boy, nigga. 739 00:33:58,622 --> 00:34:00,383 [ Cheers and applause ] 740 00:34:00,486 --> 00:34:02,971 Only thing is my mama got a gambling problem right now. 741 00:34:03,075 --> 00:34:05,043 She -- She loves Vegas. 742 00:34:05,146 --> 00:34:06,492 And I'm gonna tell you something, 743 00:34:06,596 --> 00:34:08,253 Vegas is not for black people. 744 00:34:08,356 --> 00:34:09,771 -I'm gonna tell you that shit right now. 745 00:34:09,875 --> 00:34:12,981 That's a white sport, we... 746 00:34:13,085 --> 00:34:15,053 White people are the only motherfuckers 747 00:34:15,156 --> 00:34:19,264 that go over there and have fun and not trip about losing shit. 748 00:34:19,367 --> 00:34:21,161 We pray that we bring back the money 749 00:34:21,266 --> 00:34:23,025 we took down to that bitch. 750 00:34:24,786 --> 00:34:27,962 Heavenly Father, don't let me lose this goddamn rent money. 751 00:34:30,482 --> 00:34:32,725 I was playing Blackjack next to a white dude, 752 00:34:32,829 --> 00:34:34,348 his name was Tom, this motherfucker 753 00:34:34,451 --> 00:34:36,728 lost $1,000 in front of me. 754 00:34:36,833 --> 00:34:39,353 I felt bad for his ass. 755 00:34:39,456 --> 00:34:42,563 I lost $30. I was ready to blow that motherfucker up. 756 00:34:42,666 --> 00:34:45,876 [ Laughter, applause ] 757 00:34:45,980 --> 00:34:47,464 I'm looking at the dealer. 758 00:34:47,568 --> 00:34:49,984 "What the fuck you smiling for, motherfucker?" 759 00:34:52,159 --> 00:34:53,987 You can tell when black people lose in Vegas. 760 00:34:54,092 --> 00:34:56,094 They be walking through that casino, like, 761 00:34:56,197 --> 00:34:59,131 Tupac was looking for the nigga to beat they ass. 762 00:34:59,235 --> 00:35:00,995 Duck. 763 00:35:04,757 --> 00:35:06,380 We'll be walking through that motherfucker 764 00:35:06,483 --> 00:35:07,657 like we looking for chips. 765 00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:09,590 [ Laughter ] 766 00:35:14,940 --> 00:35:16,493 We be checking all the slot machines 767 00:35:16,597 --> 00:35:18,116 to see if they... 768 00:35:18,219 --> 00:35:20,290 [ Laughter ] 769 00:35:23,328 --> 00:35:26,745 Fuck Vegas. I ain't going back ever. 770 00:35:26,848 --> 00:35:29,196 There's always the niggas that go to Vegas, though, 771 00:35:29,299 --> 00:35:33,855 they out of money, but they want to tell you how to play. 772 00:35:33,959 --> 00:35:36,755 This one nigga was behind me. Yeah. I was double them tens. 773 00:35:36,858 --> 00:35:39,240 "Get the fuck from behind me! 774 00:35:39,344 --> 00:35:41,794 [ Laughter, applause ] 775 00:35:41,898 --> 00:35:45,281 You ain't got a chip to verse in front of you. 776 00:35:45,384 --> 00:35:48,180 Double them tens, nigga. 777 00:35:48,284 --> 00:35:50,734 And my mama love Vegas, nigga, I'ma tell you something. 778 00:35:50,838 --> 00:35:52,805 My mama live for Vegas. 779 00:35:52,909 --> 00:35:55,567 My mama saved, she take Jesus 780 00:35:55,670 --> 00:35:57,948 to the casino with her. 781 00:35:58,052 --> 00:35:59,571 She sanctified that motherfucker. 782 00:35:59,674 --> 00:36:01,918 Holy Ghosted that slot machine. 783 00:36:02,021 --> 00:36:05,577 Put that holy water on that goddamn handle. 784 00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:07,820 And when she pull it, it like she giving the motherfucker 785 00:36:07,924 --> 00:36:10,271 the electric shock. [Imitates slot machine] 786 00:36:10,375 --> 00:36:13,688 [ Laughter ] 787 00:36:13,792 --> 00:36:15,103 Fuck! 788 00:36:15,207 --> 00:36:16,277 I said, "Come on, Mom. Let's go." 789 00:36:16,381 --> 00:36:20,074 "Fuck you! You lost all your money! 790 00:36:20,178 --> 00:36:22,732 I'm trying to get your rent money back, motherfucker!" 791 00:36:26,839 --> 00:36:29,048 My mama roped off that goddamn slot machine. 792 00:36:29,152 --> 00:36:31,672 Ain't nobody getting none of that. 793 00:36:31,775 --> 00:36:33,605 And she ain't trying to win a lot 794 00:36:33,708 --> 00:36:34,709 'cause my mom be playing penny slots. 795 00:36:34,813 --> 00:36:36,263 You know? 796 00:36:36,366 --> 00:36:38,403 I said, "Ma, I'm not gonna use this little pussy ass $20. 797 00:36:38,506 --> 00:36:40,646 Come on, let's get fuck out of here." 798 00:36:40,750 --> 00:36:42,683 [As Mother] "I'm having fun." 799 00:36:44,236 --> 00:36:45,720 I love my mama 'cause my mama, 800 00:36:45,824 --> 00:36:47,653 you know, she used to take me to work with her 801 00:36:47,757 --> 00:36:49,517 so, she -- she cared for me. 802 00:36:49,621 --> 00:36:51,174 See, white people, y'all take y'all kid to work, 803 00:36:51,278 --> 00:36:53,072 but that's -- that's fun to y'all. 804 00:36:53,176 --> 00:36:56,386 I had to go to work with my mama. 805 00:36:56,490 --> 00:36:58,043 My mama sent me up under the desk 806 00:36:58,146 --> 00:37:00,356 and said, "Don't say shit. 807 00:37:00,459 --> 00:37:04,187 Or we both get fired." 808 00:37:04,291 --> 00:37:06,638 How the fuck we both get fired? Shit. I'm only 6. 809 00:37:06,741 --> 00:37:08,709 She... 810 00:37:08,812 --> 00:37:11,194 She feeding me at lunchtime, up under the desk, 811 00:37:11,298 --> 00:37:13,092 like, I'm a Rottweiler and shit. 812 00:37:13,196 --> 00:37:15,957 [ Laughter ] 813 00:37:21,584 --> 00:37:24,138 And that's before I had these big ass teeth, too. 814 00:37:30,662 --> 00:37:32,940 I wasn't born with these motherfuckers, y'all. 815 00:37:33,043 --> 00:37:36,426 [ Laughter continues ] 816 00:37:36,530 --> 00:37:37,910 I love my mama. 817 00:37:40,637 --> 00:37:43,399 Fucked around, man, I went to... 818 00:37:43,502 --> 00:37:45,055 I saved up $2,900, 819 00:37:45,159 --> 00:37:48,058 and I flew myself to Africa, you know? 820 00:37:48,162 --> 00:37:49,750 Yeah. [ Cheers and applause ] 821 00:37:49,853 --> 00:37:51,441 Well, I took Pam with me too. 822 00:37:51,545 --> 00:37:54,064 I saved up $2,900... 823 00:37:54,168 --> 00:37:55,342 and I flew to Africa. 824 00:37:55,445 --> 00:37:57,930 And, uh, now... 825 00:37:58,034 --> 00:37:59,691 I only had one 826 00:37:59,794 --> 00:38:03,004 $2,900, so... 827 00:38:03,108 --> 00:38:07,250 So, I ain't have another $2,900 for Pam. 828 00:38:07,354 --> 00:38:11,599 So -- So, she was in coach and, uh... 829 00:38:11,703 --> 00:38:13,118 but I got her an exit row, 830 00:38:13,221 --> 00:38:16,363 that's like the motherfucking supreme. 831 00:38:16,466 --> 00:38:18,917 That's first class in motherfucking coach. 832 00:38:20,919 --> 00:38:22,265 "Don't know the fuck you talking about, 833 00:38:22,369 --> 00:38:25,268 you see all that leg room, nigga, you got in there?" 834 00:38:25,372 --> 00:38:27,857 That exit row, only thing about flying in 835 00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:29,997 that goddamn coach in the exit row, 836 00:38:30,100 --> 00:38:33,587 it comes with some responsibilities. 837 00:38:33,690 --> 00:38:37,522 If that bitch ask you, "Can you lift this door?" 838 00:38:37,625 --> 00:38:39,903 -And every one of you dumb ass motherfuckers said, 839 00:38:40,007 --> 00:38:42,492 "Yeah, yeah, I can lift it." 840 00:38:42,596 --> 00:38:46,462 And I'm looking at your arm all like this, nigga. 841 00:38:46,565 --> 00:38:49,327 How the fuck you get this seat, nigga? 842 00:38:49,430 --> 00:38:52,019 I be wanting to tell, "Hey, playa, this nigga's handicapped. 843 00:38:52,122 --> 00:38:55,712 How the fuck... 844 00:38:55,816 --> 00:38:59,613 How the fuck he get a fucking exit row seat? 845 00:38:59,716 --> 00:39:01,511 I hit that button immediately. Bing! 846 00:39:01,615 --> 00:39:04,031 Motherfucker. I need him to be reseated. 847 00:39:04,134 --> 00:39:07,172 [ Laughter ] 848 00:39:07,275 --> 00:39:08,898 -That's how you motherfuckers be on Southwest. 849 00:39:09,001 --> 00:39:10,140 You motherfuckers now. 850 00:39:10,244 --> 00:39:12,039 You act like you handicapped. 851 00:39:12,142 --> 00:39:14,904 You know, you going on, you want to pre-board and shit. 852 00:39:15,007 --> 00:39:17,458 [ Laughter continues ] 853 00:39:19,460 --> 00:39:22,290 You ever see a nigga get out of a car -- out the car, nigga, 854 00:39:22,394 --> 00:39:24,396 he got the handicapped placard, 855 00:39:24,500 --> 00:39:26,743 and he get out, like, 'cause he see another nigga, 856 00:39:26,847 --> 00:39:29,401 and he get out like something wrong with him. 857 00:39:37,202 --> 00:39:38,617 And that motherfucker be looking at you, 858 00:39:38,721 --> 00:39:40,930 the real handicapped nigga, he be looking at... 859 00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:45,313 'Cause you know you fucked up. 860 00:39:45,417 --> 00:39:48,006 You did. [ Laughter ] 861 00:39:48,109 --> 00:39:50,146 All right, nigga. I'm gonna stop playing. Nigga. 862 00:39:51,941 --> 00:39:54,012 I'ma move my car. I'ma move my car. 863 00:40:00,052 --> 00:40:02,261 Motherfuckers are acting, like, they handicapped. 864 00:40:05,748 --> 00:40:07,922 I don't know about coach, I-I just... 865 00:40:08,026 --> 00:40:10,511 if you fly coach, it just look like your credit score go down. 866 00:40:10,615 --> 00:40:13,480 It's just... 867 00:40:13,583 --> 00:40:15,861 Look at the niggas that fly coach, like... 868 00:40:19,002 --> 00:40:20,590 When I'm in first class, 869 00:40:20,694 --> 00:40:22,454 I don't give no nigga, no eye contact. 870 00:40:22,558 --> 00:40:23,628 I just... 871 00:40:23,731 --> 00:40:25,802 [ Laughter ] 872 00:40:33,776 --> 00:40:35,812 'Cause you give a nigga eye contact, 873 00:40:35,916 --> 00:40:37,124 they make you feel bad, 874 00:40:37,227 --> 00:40:40,196 "Oh, you a first class nigga now. 875 00:40:40,299 --> 00:40:43,026 You act like you got a washer and a dryer now." 876 00:40:46,374 --> 00:40:48,135 I'm the first class police, too, 877 00:40:48,238 --> 00:40:50,793 when I'm on that bitch, if you in that coach, nigga, 878 00:40:50,896 --> 00:40:53,105 don't come up here with the bullshit, nigga. 879 00:40:53,209 --> 00:40:54,521 I meet you at the curtain. "Hey, playa. 880 00:40:54,624 --> 00:40:58,076 What -- What's popping? 881 00:40:58,179 --> 00:41:00,492 Our bathroom is full, motherfuckers." 882 00:41:02,943 --> 00:41:04,945 People come on there and leave they luggage 883 00:41:05,048 --> 00:41:07,430 and walk they ass back to 42A. 884 00:41:09,156 --> 00:41:13,298 I stop a nigga, "Hey, playa, you left something up here. 885 00:41:13,401 --> 00:41:15,369 This for us. 886 00:41:15,473 --> 00:41:18,786 $2,900, motherfucker. 887 00:41:18,890 --> 00:41:21,479 Take your Groupon ass on towards the back." 888 00:41:24,896 --> 00:41:27,001 I only saved it up one time. Don't act like that. 889 00:41:27,105 --> 00:41:30,004 I just saved it up one time. I fly coach a lot. 890 00:41:33,283 --> 00:41:35,216 Went to Africa, got off the plane. 891 00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:37,943 It wasn't Zamunda like I thought it was going to be. 892 00:41:38,047 --> 00:41:41,222 [ Laughter ] 893 00:41:41,326 --> 00:41:43,535 I thought when I get off that motherfucker, and I go, 894 00:41:43,639 --> 00:41:46,883 "Hoo, ha, ha." I thought I was gonna hear that shit. 895 00:41:46,987 --> 00:41:48,575 I got off the plane, nigga, I fucked up 896 00:41:48,678 --> 00:41:50,646 all my good white shoes, nigga. 897 00:41:52,889 --> 00:41:55,443 So much dirt on them motherfucking roads. 898 00:41:55,547 --> 00:41:57,860 Now, I see why over in Africa they don't wear no shoes. 899 00:41:57,963 --> 00:42:00,828 I get it. I took mine off too. 900 00:42:04,349 --> 00:42:05,384 How many of y'all been to Africa? 901 00:42:05,488 --> 00:42:06,731 Anybody been to Africa? 902 00:42:06,834 --> 00:42:09,354 Three people, four, five. 903 00:42:09,457 --> 00:42:10,942 Okay. All right. 904 00:42:11,045 --> 00:42:13,807 Huh? -Michelle's world travels. 905 00:42:13,910 --> 00:42:17,465 -Michelle world's travel. Oh, that's what's up. 906 00:42:17,569 --> 00:42:19,329 Yeah. -You can go to Africa next year. 907 00:42:19,433 --> 00:42:21,746 -I can go to Africa next year. Okay. 908 00:42:21,849 --> 00:42:24,231 20 -- Is it cheaper than $2,900? 909 00:42:24,334 --> 00:42:26,785 -2,500. -2,500. 910 00:42:26,889 --> 00:42:28,960 You ain't saving me a motherfucking thing. 911 00:42:29,063 --> 00:42:32,480 [ Laughter, applause ] 912 00:42:32,584 --> 00:42:34,344 I said, I say, 29. 913 00:42:34,448 --> 00:42:36,001 I said, "Well, how much on your discount?" 914 00:42:36,105 --> 00:42:37,071 She said, "2,500." 915 00:42:37,175 --> 00:42:39,280 Bitch. [Mutters] 916 00:42:41,524 --> 00:42:44,251 That's black people. 917 00:42:44,354 --> 00:42:46,564 I'm gonna try -- I'm going to use your shit, though, I'm... 918 00:42:46,667 --> 00:42:49,670 Not this year 'cause I told you I ain't doing it, so... 919 00:42:53,778 --> 00:42:55,124 Huh? -I'll put you to work. 920 00:42:55,227 --> 00:42:57,298 You'll put me to work? 921 00:42:57,402 --> 00:42:58,783 Oh, I can go for free. 922 00:42:58,886 --> 00:43:00,957 Oh, I ain't... 923 00:43:01,061 --> 00:43:03,891 I kind of ain't looking for a job right now. 924 00:43:03,995 --> 00:43:05,617 [ Laughter, applause ] 925 00:43:07,446 --> 00:43:12,106 I know I've been saying some shit like I ain't doing... 926 00:43:12,210 --> 00:43:14,661 I know y'all kind of believing that I ain't doing shit, 927 00:43:14,764 --> 00:43:17,491 but, uh... 928 00:43:17,595 --> 00:43:20,425 I'm doing all right right now, motherfuckers. 929 00:43:20,528 --> 00:43:22,945 [ Cheers and applause ] 930 00:43:23,048 --> 00:43:25,223 I'm doing aight. 931 00:43:27,121 --> 00:43:29,572 I got a front yard, backyard, now, shit. 932 00:43:32,126 --> 00:43:34,991 I got a laundry room. 933 00:43:35,095 --> 00:43:36,614 Women love a nigga with a laundry room. 934 00:43:36,717 --> 00:43:38,443 I ain't gonna lie. 935 00:43:38,546 --> 00:43:41,377 Women, if you date the motherfucker and he in his 50s 936 00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:42,827 and he ain't got no checking account, 937 00:43:42,930 --> 00:43:45,277 you should sit your ass down. 938 00:43:45,381 --> 00:43:47,279 He pay all his bills through 7-Eleven. 939 00:43:47,383 --> 00:43:49,316 Shit. 940 00:43:49,419 --> 00:43:51,490 Yeah, let me get two $500 money orders, please. 941 00:43:51,594 --> 00:43:53,492 Hurry. 942 00:43:53,596 --> 00:43:55,080 They about to foreclose my house today. 943 00:43:55,184 --> 00:43:57,635 Hurry up, motherfucker. 944 00:43:57,738 --> 00:44:00,499 Date a motherfucker in his 40s and 50s 945 00:44:00,603 --> 00:44:05,850 and you calling him a king but you sleeping on a queen bed... 946 00:44:05,953 --> 00:44:09,474 that ain't nothing but a twin and another one. 947 00:44:09,577 --> 00:44:12,373 Look at the niggas that ain't laughing. I see y'all. 948 00:44:15,376 --> 00:44:18,483 You can't do nothing but two positions in a queen. 949 00:44:18,586 --> 00:44:21,728 That's up and down, motherfucker. 950 00:44:21,831 --> 00:44:24,834 You got a king, nigga, you can roll over in that bitch. 951 00:44:26,111 --> 00:44:27,250 You cut the lights on. 952 00:44:27,354 --> 00:44:29,321 "Hey, you good, bitch?" 953 00:44:33,981 --> 00:44:37,329 Fucking in a goddamn queen bed. 954 00:44:37,433 --> 00:44:40,298 And he wrapping it up with king sheets and shit. 955 00:44:43,715 --> 00:44:45,268 If you still fucking the nigga 956 00:44:45,372 --> 00:44:46,856 and he got that metal frame bed, 957 00:44:46,960 --> 00:44:49,134 you should sit your ass down. 958 00:44:49,238 --> 00:44:51,861 You know that metal frame bed, you start moving and shit 959 00:44:51,965 --> 00:44:54,726 while you... 960 00:44:54,830 --> 00:44:56,072 You start off in the bedroom. 961 00:44:56,176 --> 00:44:58,074 But you end up in the living room. 962 00:44:58,178 --> 00:45:00,421 [ Laughter ] 963 00:45:03,010 --> 00:45:05,737 Got that motherfucking metal frame, that motherfucker. 964 00:45:11,018 --> 00:45:13,089 Man, you got to get yo shit together, too. 965 00:45:13,193 --> 00:45:15,782 I tell you that right now, if you in your 50s, 966 00:45:15,885 --> 00:45:19,371 and you still wearing T-shirts, you... 967 00:45:19,475 --> 00:45:20,614 get your shit together. 968 00:45:20,718 --> 00:45:24,031 You -- You ironing your T-shirts and shit. 969 00:45:25,723 --> 00:45:27,000 Motherfucker don't dress up no more. 970 00:45:27,103 --> 00:45:29,209 Look like -- Look like how this nigga dress. 971 00:45:29,312 --> 00:45:32,074 [ Laughter ] 972 00:45:32,177 --> 00:45:33,592 You niggas just came on up here. 973 00:45:33,696 --> 00:45:35,594 Like, "What's up? What's good?" 974 00:45:35,698 --> 00:45:38,356 "Nigga, I'm good. Shit." 975 00:45:38,459 --> 00:45:39,909 Women dress up like, you know? 976 00:45:40,013 --> 00:45:43,602 [ Applause ] They dress up. Women dress up. 977 00:45:43,706 --> 00:45:46,226 They look forward to putting an outfit on. 978 00:45:46,329 --> 00:45:48,331 Yeah. Them motherfuckers spinning on you. 979 00:45:48,435 --> 00:45:50,230 And it don't -- It don't even require you to spin. 980 00:45:50,333 --> 00:45:51,679 Them motherfuckers be... 981 00:45:53,889 --> 00:45:56,995 The fuck you modeling for? Ain't no. 982 00:45:57,099 --> 00:45:58,617 I only fuck with black women. 983 00:45:58,721 --> 00:46:00,516 Now, and I don't do this for applause. 984 00:46:00,619 --> 00:46:03,001 But I only date black women. I don't do it for applause. 985 00:46:03,105 --> 00:46:05,279 [ Cheers and applause ] 986 00:46:05,383 --> 00:46:07,178 I ain't never dated outside my race, 987 00:46:07,281 --> 00:46:10,422 because I like to argue, I'm a petty motherfucker. 988 00:46:13,771 --> 00:46:16,601 I'm petty as fuck. 989 00:46:16,704 --> 00:46:18,154 And if you ain't doing this, 990 00:46:18,258 --> 00:46:20,501 we not equally yoked, I swear to God. 991 00:46:22,676 --> 00:46:24,574 You ain't hitting me with this shit. 992 00:46:24,678 --> 00:46:27,336 Yeah. Just go on about your business. 993 00:46:27,439 --> 00:46:28,924 We ain't good. 994 00:46:31,305 --> 00:46:33,342 And white women, y'all don't argue back. 995 00:46:33,445 --> 00:46:35,102 You know, I need that -- 996 00:46:35,206 --> 00:46:37,829 I need you to show me, you -- you fuck with me. 997 00:46:37,933 --> 00:46:39,279 I need every now and then, you say, 998 00:46:39,382 --> 00:46:40,590 "Nigga, you ain't shit." 999 00:46:40,694 --> 00:46:42,144 [High-pitched] "What? What? 1000 00:46:42,247 --> 00:46:44,560 [ Laughter ] 1001 00:46:44,663 --> 00:46:47,563 Oh! I'ma marry that bitch right there." 1002 00:46:51,222 --> 00:46:52,740 [ Normal voice ] I love you independent women. 1003 00:46:52,844 --> 00:46:55,709 I fuck with y'all. I fuck with independent women. 1004 00:46:55,813 --> 00:46:57,366 But we not equally yoked. 1005 00:46:57,469 --> 00:46:59,817 I need a chick every now and then to ask me 1006 00:46:59,920 --> 00:47:02,026 for $75, I swear to God. 1007 00:47:04,131 --> 00:47:06,858 Every now and then, not all the time, but every now and then. 1008 00:47:06,962 --> 00:47:09,550 Just come up to me, "Hey, [ Chuckles ], 1009 00:47:09,654 --> 00:47:12,484 You know we've been fucking, you got $75 I could get?" 1010 00:47:16,074 --> 00:47:18,766 "Bitch. Hell yeah, I got $75!" 1011 00:47:18,870 --> 00:47:20,907 [ Laughter ] 1012 00:47:23,530 --> 00:47:26,636 I need you to need me. Shit. 1013 00:47:26,740 --> 00:47:29,260 You don't wanna hear it fellas, I'm telling you right now. 1014 00:47:29,363 --> 00:47:31,745 You don't want to hear it, she say, she got it. 1015 00:47:31,849 --> 00:47:34,472 You don't want to hear that. You all at Nobu's. 1016 00:47:34,575 --> 00:47:36,301 And she say, "Don't worry about it. I got it." 1017 00:47:36,405 --> 00:47:38,821 I swear to God... 1018 00:47:38,925 --> 00:47:41,720 you won't get no pussy ever. 1019 00:47:41,824 --> 00:47:45,172 If her spirit picks up, you can't afford... 1020 00:47:45,276 --> 00:47:47,209 Nobu 1021 00:47:47,312 --> 00:47:48,417 in Malibu. 1022 00:47:50,557 --> 00:47:53,215 You think you fucking her? No, she gonna be fucking you. 1023 00:47:53,318 --> 00:47:55,562 [ Laughter, applause ] 1024 00:47:57,357 --> 00:47:58,910 She gonna be telling you, "No. Bend over." 1025 00:47:59,014 --> 00:48:02,431 "Nigga. What? Bitch. Hold on. 1026 00:48:02,534 --> 00:48:04,536 Bitch, you strong. Bitch. 1027 00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:06,884 [ Laughter continues ] 1028 00:48:10,059 --> 00:48:11,785 You think there's some good men left out here? 1029 00:48:11,889 --> 00:48:13,442 How many of y'all think there's any good men? 1030 00:48:13,545 --> 00:48:16,169 Yeah. [ Cheers and applause ] 1031 00:48:16,272 --> 00:48:18,240 She -- She clapping in front of him. 1032 00:48:18,343 --> 00:48:19,758 "Yes!" 1033 00:48:22,313 --> 00:48:26,420 This nigga ain't shit. I'ma tell you right now. 1034 00:48:26,524 --> 00:48:29,734 I know this nigga, I do know this nigga. 1035 00:48:29,837 --> 00:48:32,185 If you think you got a good man, you're delusional. 1036 00:48:32,288 --> 00:48:34,808 Ain't nothing but three good niggas ever walk this Earth. 1037 00:48:34,912 --> 00:48:37,707 That's good. That's me, Barack, and Jesus. 1038 00:48:37,811 --> 00:48:39,364 That's it. 1039 00:48:41,677 --> 00:48:43,817 All these niggas ain't shit. Look at them. 1040 00:48:43,921 --> 00:48:46,889 [ Laughter ] 1041 00:48:46,993 --> 00:48:48,718 This is how you can tell your man ain't shit 1042 00:48:48,822 --> 00:48:52,170 when you out to eat and you see his phone face down like that. 1043 00:48:52,274 --> 00:48:54,379 Nigga answer his phone like he playing dominoes. 1044 00:48:54,483 --> 00:48:56,381 "Yeah. 1045 00:49:01,352 --> 00:49:03,630 Yeah. That's Big 12 right there, bitch." 1046 00:49:07,220 --> 00:49:08,566 Look it, you niggas ain't laughing, 1047 00:49:08,669 --> 00:49:09,843 now, are you motherfuckers? 1048 00:49:13,157 --> 00:49:15,262 You get a text message, you put that bitch in your eyeball. 1049 00:49:15,366 --> 00:49:17,299 "This bitch ain't gonna read that message." 1050 00:49:21,027 --> 00:49:24,651 And then, he got the font on 0. Shit. 1051 00:49:29,414 --> 00:49:31,520 I was fucking with this little chick named Tasha. 1052 00:49:31,623 --> 00:49:34,764 She -- This bitch was cheating right in front of me. 1053 00:49:34,868 --> 00:49:36,525 She be just texting niggas, 1054 00:49:36,628 --> 00:49:39,424 'cause her font was on 1, I was like, I asked, 1055 00:49:39,528 --> 00:49:41,185 I said, "Who -- Who you texting?" 1056 00:49:41,288 --> 00:49:43,566 "The president." I wouldn't have known. Shit. 1057 00:49:43,670 --> 00:49:45,361 Then, she put the screen on top, and so, 1058 00:49:45,465 --> 00:49:48,364 I really couldn't see the motherfucker. 1059 00:49:48,468 --> 00:49:49,676 Fuck that phone. 1060 00:49:51,954 --> 00:49:53,714 'Cause I ain't no cheater. You know? 1061 00:49:53,818 --> 00:49:55,371 I don't -- I don't cheat. 1062 00:49:55,475 --> 00:49:58,409 [ Cheers and applause ] 1063 00:49:58,512 --> 00:50:00,342 I'm kind of a loyal kind of guy. 1064 00:50:00,445 --> 00:50:02,240 I kind of, if I'm fucking you, 1065 00:50:02,344 --> 00:50:04,208 I'm fucking you, 'cause I ain't got that kind of energy 1066 00:50:04,311 --> 00:50:06,141 to be fucking everybody else. 1067 00:50:09,972 --> 00:50:11,284 I ain't got that kind of energy. 1068 00:50:11,387 --> 00:50:14,804 You know, I got a pull over chick. 1069 00:50:14,908 --> 00:50:18,360 'Cause all this dating fucking up, man, shit, fuck that. 1070 00:50:18,463 --> 00:50:20,810 Cause this little chick said she wanted to go again. 1071 00:50:20,914 --> 00:50:23,503 She, like, "You want to go another round?" 1072 00:50:23,606 --> 00:50:25,470 I said, "Today Day? 1073 00:50:29,716 --> 00:50:32,684 You mean right now you want to go again? 1074 00:50:32,788 --> 00:50:35,998 Yeah, bitch, I can pencil you in for Thursday. Shit. 1075 00:50:38,932 --> 00:50:40,899 Ain't got no more nuts in these balls. 1076 00:50:41,003 --> 00:50:43,040 I swear to God I don't." 1077 00:50:45,525 --> 00:50:46,974 Some of you fellas, you know what the fuck 1078 00:50:47,078 --> 00:50:48,666 I'm talking about, 1079 00:50:48,769 --> 00:50:51,082 trying to take them pills and all that shit. 1080 00:50:51,186 --> 00:50:53,222 You popping pills and shit. 1081 00:50:53,326 --> 00:50:56,467 You don't -- Hey, this -- this Keisha, this bitch can go. 1082 00:50:56,570 --> 00:50:58,503 You hear me? She was spinning and. 1083 00:50:58,607 --> 00:51:00,057 Like, "Hey, hey. 1084 00:51:02,128 --> 00:51:06,442 Calm the fuck down. This is my house. 1085 00:51:06,546 --> 00:51:09,480 She act like I'm renting a motherfucking goddamn hotel. 1086 00:51:09,583 --> 00:51:10,929 We good. Shit. 1087 00:51:13,415 --> 00:51:14,830 That bitch Keisha was moving. 1088 00:51:14,933 --> 00:51:17,281 [ Laughter ] 1089 00:51:21,388 --> 00:51:23,045 And I ain't trying to be nasty. 1090 00:51:23,149 --> 00:51:24,736 I'm like, "Hey, you gonna make the condom pop off. 1091 00:51:24,840 --> 00:51:26,013 Calm down." 1092 00:51:31,467 --> 00:51:33,780 Keisha, though, she liked to give me my fantasy, though. 1093 00:51:33,883 --> 00:51:35,609 I didn't, you know. Yeah. 1094 00:51:35,713 --> 00:51:37,611 You know, them young chicks, they'll give you your fantasy. 1095 00:51:37,715 --> 00:51:40,027 She's like -- She -- She -- I don't want to say it. 1096 00:51:40,131 --> 00:51:42,651 But she -- she sucked my titties and it felt... 1097 00:51:42,754 --> 00:51:45,516 [ Laughter ] 1098 00:51:45,619 --> 00:51:47,173 "[ Screams ] 1099 00:51:49,209 --> 00:51:50,797 [ Screams ] 1100 00:51:54,076 --> 00:51:56,285 Do the left one, bitch. Do the left one." 1101 00:51:56,389 --> 00:51:58,874 [ Laughter continues ] 1102 00:52:02,602 --> 00:52:04,569 And when she was getting ready to leave the house, 1103 00:52:04,673 --> 00:52:08,539 she had me feeling like a bitch in my own house. 1104 00:52:08,642 --> 00:52:10,920 I'm getting up, and she's like, "I'm getting ready to go." 1105 00:52:11,024 --> 00:52:13,475 I'm like, "What ? Right now?" 1106 00:52:13,578 --> 00:52:15,649 "Yeah, I got to go to work in the morning, Shit. 1107 00:52:15,753 --> 00:52:17,962 And here's $200, get your electric and your cable 1108 00:52:18,065 --> 00:52:19,722 cut back on. 1109 00:52:24,313 --> 00:52:25,935 I'm tired of coming over to this motherfucker. 1110 00:52:26,039 --> 00:52:28,145 I can't watch Family Feud and shit." 1111 00:52:32,528 --> 00:52:33,874 And I'm a -- I'm a titty man, too. 1112 00:52:33,978 --> 00:52:35,669 I like -- I like a little titties. 1113 00:52:35,773 --> 00:52:37,844 I like titties. 1114 00:52:37,947 --> 00:52:39,604 I like titties with a nervous system, though. 1115 00:52:39,708 --> 00:52:41,019 I don't like it... 1116 00:52:45,852 --> 00:52:48,786 I'm gonna say it again, 'cause I can tell 1117 00:52:48,889 --> 00:52:50,960 that joke creeped up on your ass. 1118 00:52:53,135 --> 00:52:55,862 I don't like fake titties. Let me just go on and tell ya. 1119 00:52:55,965 --> 00:53:00,763 'Cause fake titties just look at you, like, "What are we doing?" 1120 00:53:00,867 --> 00:53:02,489 I like titties with a nervous system. 1121 00:53:02,593 --> 00:53:05,423 So, when you pinch 'em, "Hey, nigga, that's real. 1122 00:53:08,323 --> 00:53:10,152 The fuck is you doing?" 1123 00:53:10,256 --> 00:53:11,878 I bit this one chick nipple off. 1124 00:53:11,981 --> 00:53:13,673 She didn't even know it was gone. 1125 00:53:16,296 --> 00:53:19,610 Until Thursday, this bitch... 1126 00:53:19,713 --> 00:53:21,888 She come calling me, "Did you find a nipple?" 1127 00:53:24,270 --> 00:53:26,030 Yeah, I found one but I threw that motherfucker 1128 00:53:26,133 --> 00:53:27,928 out the window. 1129 00:53:30,241 --> 00:53:31,587 I'm kind of a little freak. 1130 00:53:31,691 --> 00:53:33,555 I ain't -- I ain't gonna tell y'all. 1131 00:53:33,658 --> 00:53:36,247 I'm kind of -- kind of a little freak, you know what I'm saying? 1132 00:53:36,351 --> 00:53:38,318 I like getting my little freak on. 1133 00:53:38,422 --> 00:53:39,768 Yeah, I see you. 1134 00:53:41,563 --> 00:53:43,461 But I'm a choker, though. I like to choke bitches. 1135 00:53:43,565 --> 00:53:45,601 I ain't gonna lie. 1136 00:53:45,705 --> 00:53:48,501 I choke. [ Chokes ] 1137 00:53:48,604 --> 00:53:49,778 I don't choke to kill. 1138 00:53:49,881 --> 00:53:52,021 That's a white sport. I don't do that. 1139 00:53:54,092 --> 00:53:57,579 I choke, I just want one little tear come out your eyes. 1140 00:53:57,682 --> 00:53:59,512 [ Chokes ] 1141 00:54:02,756 --> 00:54:05,690 I choke Pam, and I got a good choke on her. 1142 00:54:05,794 --> 00:54:07,899 This -- This bitch turning into Bernie Mac. 1143 00:54:08,003 --> 00:54:11,040 [As Bernie Mac] "What the fuck you doing 1144 00:54:11,144 --> 00:54:12,939 to a motherfucker? 1145 00:54:14,803 --> 00:54:17,426 You gonna choke the fuck out of me." 1146 00:54:19,601 --> 00:54:21,948 What the fuck? Is Bernie here, bitch? 1147 00:54:27,540 --> 00:54:31,371 That made me want to stalk her, but I ain't no stalker. 1148 00:54:31,475 --> 00:54:32,924 I'ma tell you, black women, men - 1149 00:54:33,028 --> 00:54:34,374 black men don't stalk you. 1150 00:54:34,478 --> 00:54:35,755 We check up on you. 1151 00:54:35,858 --> 00:54:37,653 [ Laughter ] 1152 00:54:40,794 --> 00:54:43,521 Stalking is a white sport, them motherfuckers. 1153 00:54:43,625 --> 00:54:46,869 If a White dude stalk you, you dead as a motherfucker. 1154 00:54:48,457 --> 00:54:50,528 Motherfucker been waiting on them bitches for 2 weeks. 1155 00:54:50,632 --> 00:54:54,118 This motherfucker is -- is ready to kill. 1156 00:54:54,221 --> 00:54:58,122 Nigga, I'm just -- I'm just coming to check up on you. 1157 00:54:58,225 --> 00:55:00,124 I done went by this little chick crib. 1158 00:55:00,227 --> 00:55:02,782 I was waiting for about, I say, I did 6 hours. 1159 00:55:02,885 --> 00:55:04,646 And, uh... 1160 00:55:07,096 --> 00:55:09,202 I just went by the door. I just wanted to see where she's at. 1161 00:55:09,306 --> 00:55:11,169 I just -- I'm checking up on her. 1162 00:55:13,724 --> 00:55:16,278 I was waiting in her back seat, one time, I was... 1163 00:55:21,179 --> 00:55:23,423 I'm checking up on her. 1164 00:55:23,527 --> 00:55:25,425 I'm gonna see if she gonna get in the car, 1165 00:55:25,529 --> 00:55:28,221 shit, I stayed in there for 6 hours, too. 1166 00:55:28,325 --> 00:55:30,810 I fell asleep in that motherfucker, 1167 00:55:30,913 --> 00:55:33,053 to be honest with ya. 1168 00:55:33,157 --> 00:55:35,539 Is that stalking? Crowd: Yes! 1169 00:55:35,642 --> 00:55:37,541 Okay. 1170 00:55:37,644 --> 00:55:38,818 I disagree. 1171 00:55:38,921 --> 00:55:41,199 Uh... [ Laughter ] 1172 00:55:43,478 --> 00:55:45,928 Is it stalking if I drive by her house 19 times 1173 00:55:46,032 --> 00:55:48,621 just to see if her light's on? Crowd: Yes! 1174 00:55:48,724 --> 00:55:51,037 So, I better keep that court date that I got? 1175 00:55:51,140 --> 00:55:53,557 Crowd: Yes! [ Laughter ] 1176 00:55:55,075 --> 00:55:57,250 -If you need a lawyer, she's a lawyer. 1177 00:55:57,354 --> 00:55:59,494 -Who's a lawyer? 1178 00:55:59,597 --> 00:56:02,324 Damn. 1179 00:56:02,428 --> 00:56:03,463 You niggas. 1180 00:56:03,567 --> 00:56:05,500 I got everybody in this motherfucker. 1181 00:56:08,468 --> 00:56:10,297 What's up little light-skin, dude? What's up, playa? 1182 00:56:10,401 --> 00:56:12,817 How you doing? You good? You just getting here? 1183 00:56:12,921 --> 00:56:14,336 -Yeah. -Okay. 1184 00:56:16,234 --> 00:56:18,513 [ Laughter ] 1185 00:56:23,759 --> 00:56:25,451 And he ain't give a fuck about what he said. 1186 00:56:25,554 --> 00:56:29,420 "Yeah, yeah. Nigga, I just got here. 1187 00:56:29,524 --> 00:56:31,871 Go on with your little pussy ass show, go on ahead." 1188 00:56:35,081 --> 00:56:37,946 Little light-skin, skinny ass niggas. 1189 00:56:38,049 --> 00:56:40,535 Y'all still think y'all in style, don't you? 1190 00:56:42,433 --> 00:56:44,228 What? Chris Brown ass nigga. 1191 00:56:50,476 --> 00:56:53,548 I can't stand light-skinned motherfuckers. 1192 00:56:53,651 --> 00:56:55,308 Light-skinned dudes. Not the women. 1193 00:56:55,412 --> 00:56:57,310 I fuck with y'all. I like you. 1194 00:56:57,414 --> 00:56:58,725 Light-skinned niggas, they -- 1195 00:56:58,829 --> 00:57:01,866 I used to think they all had good hair at first, I did. 1196 00:57:03,592 --> 00:57:06,457 I said, them niggas was getting texturizers just like I was. 1197 00:57:06,561 --> 00:57:08,632 [ Laughter ] 1198 00:57:12,636 --> 00:57:14,672 So, you a lawyer? -Yes. 1199 00:57:14,776 --> 00:57:16,502 And -- And how long you been a law -- lawyer -- 1200 00:57:16,605 --> 00:57:18,400 lawyer -- lawttery? 1201 00:57:21,092 --> 00:57:24,130 How long you been a law -- a lot -- a lottery? Lawyer? 1202 00:57:24,233 --> 00:57:25,994 -I've been a lawyer for 36 years. 1203 00:57:26,097 --> 00:57:27,858 -36. Now, you do defense? 1204 00:57:27,961 --> 00:57:29,825 Or you do criminal? -Defense. 1205 00:57:29,929 --> 00:57:31,586 Um, criminal defense. -All that? 1206 00:57:31,689 --> 00:57:34,174 -As well as entertainment. -As far as entertainment, yes. 1207 00:57:34,278 --> 00:57:36,522 Okay. So, you -- you do the entertainment for me? 1208 00:57:36,625 --> 00:57:38,316 Okay. Yeah. Okay. 1209 00:57:38,420 --> 00:57:40,733 I might need a defense, uh... 1210 00:57:40,836 --> 00:57:43,045 I just told you that I'm... 1211 00:57:43,149 --> 00:57:44,530 Got allegations. 1212 00:57:48,085 --> 00:57:49,776 What you do, playa? 1213 00:57:49,880 --> 00:57:51,260 -I'm a writer/producer. 1214 00:57:51,364 --> 00:57:54,332 -Okay. So, you're a writer/producer? 1215 00:57:54,436 --> 00:57:56,403 Huh? -I wrote "Montbeck." 1216 00:57:56,507 --> 00:57:58,923 Okay. Don't nobody know what the fuck "Montbeck" is. 1217 00:57:59,027 --> 00:58:01,063 [ Laughter ] 1218 00:58:03,238 --> 00:58:06,552 Anybody want to buy a volume, motherfuckers? 1219 00:58:10,970 --> 00:58:13,075 This nigga talking about he wrote a book on "Montbeck." 1220 00:58:13,179 --> 00:58:16,147 Nigga, I -- Now, you got the same teeth, you got -- 1221 00:58:16,251 --> 00:58:18,495 I got in my mouth in your mouth. 1222 00:58:20,876 --> 00:58:22,947 Motherfucker talking 'bout he wrote a book on Montbeck. 1223 00:58:23,051 --> 00:58:24,811 Motherfucker? 1224 00:58:26,641 --> 00:58:29,471 And he said it with confidence too. 1225 00:58:29,575 --> 00:58:31,508 Like, you niggas knew what he was talking about. 1226 00:58:31,611 --> 00:58:34,269 Like, "Yeah, Montbeck, yeah, nigga. 1227 00:58:34,372 --> 00:58:36,478 I'm selling them after the show." 1228 00:58:39,067 --> 00:58:41,241 What's the Montbeck, what that do? 1229 00:58:43,071 --> 00:58:45,694 -1781. -Okay. See. 1230 00:58:49,595 --> 00:58:51,666 Nigga, if you don't get your Al Sharpton friend ass 1231 00:58:51,769 --> 00:58:53,633 on out of here. 1232 00:58:53,737 --> 00:58:55,497 If you don't sit yo ass down. 1233 00:58:55,601 --> 00:58:57,430 This motherfucker talking about, "1721." 1234 00:58:57,534 --> 00:58:59,432 Nigga. Nigga, don't. 1235 00:59:03,263 --> 00:59:05,403 You got to get a book, at least in the '90s. 1236 00:59:05,507 --> 00:59:08,337 Motherfucker. 1237 00:59:08,441 --> 00:59:10,685 Congratulations. How many copies you sold? 1238 00:59:10,788 --> 00:59:13,550 -Uh... -Okay. That's a lie right there. 1239 00:59:18,693 --> 00:59:21,558 You hear the nigga. 1240 00:59:21,661 --> 00:59:24,112 You hear the nigga hit me with the "Uh." 1241 00:59:28,047 --> 00:59:31,775 That's a dead ass lie about to happen. 1242 00:59:31,878 --> 00:59:34,985 You want to give him a call? Give this nigga a call. 1243 00:59:35,088 --> 00:59:37,781 [ Laughter ] 1244 00:59:44,960 --> 00:59:46,928 Niggas talking about, "Ugh!" 1245 00:59:49,931 --> 00:59:52,002 What you do, playa? 1246 00:59:52,105 --> 00:59:53,659 What you do? -I'm an actor. 1247 00:59:53,762 --> 00:59:55,833 -You an actor? Yeah. I-I've seen you before. 1248 00:59:55,937 --> 00:59:57,628 Yeah. 1249 00:59:57,732 --> 00:59:59,906 [ Laughter ] 1250 01:00:03,841 --> 01:00:06,119 Do anybody in this motherfucker work at the grocery store? 1251 01:00:06,223 --> 01:00:09,053 Motherfucker. 1252 01:00:09,157 --> 01:00:14,127 Everybody somebody in this motherfucker. 1253 01:00:14,231 --> 01:00:16,647 We got lawyers, flight attendants, and businesses. 1254 01:00:16,751 --> 01:00:18,235 -Security! 1255 01:00:18,338 --> 01:00:21,479 [ Laughter ] 1256 01:00:21,583 --> 01:00:24,310 -That's a good job right there, motherfucker. 1257 01:00:24,413 --> 01:00:27,934 Gun or no gun? -No gun! 1258 01:00:28,038 --> 01:00:32,767 -Okay. If you don't get your ass up out of here. 1259 01:00:32,870 --> 01:00:36,529 Sam, you're a French ass security guard. 1260 01:00:36,633 --> 01:00:39,290 Huh? -Report and observe. That's me. 1261 01:00:39,394 --> 01:00:41,016 -Report and obser-- See. 1262 01:00:41,120 --> 01:00:43,605 that's that hood shit right there. 1263 01:00:43,709 --> 01:00:45,780 And you better believe my boyfriend a crip 1264 01:00:45,883 --> 01:00:48,541 I guarantee you. 1265 01:00:48,645 --> 01:00:51,199 You just come in that motherfucker, nigga. 1266 01:00:53,339 --> 01:00:55,928 So, it's really your family that do the security, you like, 1267 01:00:56,031 --> 01:00:58,689 "You know who my brother is, bitch?" 1268 01:01:05,558 --> 01:01:08,250 I got an actor, a book writer, 1269 01:01:08,354 --> 01:01:10,287 security guard in the back. 1270 01:01:10,390 --> 01:01:12,530 Light-skin skinny ass nigga broke. 1271 01:01:18,605 --> 01:01:20,711 What's up, playa? How you doing? 1272 01:01:20,815 --> 01:01:22,644 What you -- you young -- Young cat. 1273 01:01:22,748 --> 01:01:24,577 Look like Lebron James' little son? 1274 01:01:24,681 --> 01:01:26,061 Yeah. Yeah. 1275 01:01:26,165 --> 01:01:28,339 What -- What you do, playa? -[No audio] 1276 01:01:28,443 --> 01:01:30,514 -Just go to college. Okay. Okay. 1277 01:01:30,617 --> 01:01:32,827 [ Cheers and applause ] 1278 01:01:35,415 --> 01:01:36,900 We need more of that. 1279 01:01:37,003 --> 01:01:39,592 Yeah. Is your family, who you here with? 1280 01:01:39,696 --> 01:01:40,973 You're by yourself? 1281 01:01:41,076 --> 01:01:43,320 Oh, you trying to get you a grown bitch. Huh? 1282 01:01:43,423 --> 01:01:45,598 [ Laughter, applause ] 1283 01:01:49,395 --> 01:01:51,328 This little young nigga right here trying to get him 1284 01:01:51,431 --> 01:01:54,158 a little pop goes the weasel, you heard? 1285 01:01:55,919 --> 01:01:58,715 Trying to get him a little gray on the lowdown. 1286 01:02:03,581 --> 01:02:05,514 They're gonna strip ya of your motherfucking strength. 1287 01:02:05,618 --> 01:02:08,828 I'ma tell you. 1288 01:02:08,932 --> 01:02:12,038 But you want these grown chicks, nigga, I swear to God, nigga, 1289 01:02:12,142 --> 01:02:15,973 you go back to living with your mama 'cause they will... 1290 01:02:16,077 --> 01:02:17,837 Motherfuckers'll fuck the shit out you. 1291 01:02:17,941 --> 01:02:21,220 You'll be like, "Where you get all this strength, Pearl? Shit. 1292 01:02:24,775 --> 01:02:26,535 Damn, Pearl. 1293 01:02:26,639 --> 01:02:30,160 You fucking the shit out of me, Pearl. 1294 01:02:30,263 --> 01:02:32,058 With the titties with the nervous system. 1295 01:02:32,162 --> 01:02:33,888 Shit. 1296 01:02:33,991 --> 01:02:36,269 Hey, y'all. I'm Gary "G. Thang" Johnson. 1297 01:02:36,373 --> 01:02:38,582 [ Cheers and applause ] 1298 01:02:45,727 --> 01:02:47,971 [Hip-hop music plays] 1299 01:02:48,074 --> 01:02:53,355 ♪♪ 1300 01:02:53,459 --> 01:02:58,602 ♪♪ 1301 01:02:58,705 --> 01:03:04,988 ♪♪ 1302 01:03:05,091 --> 01:03:13,444 ♪♪ 1303 01:03:13,548 --> 01:03:20,279 ♪♪ 1304 01:03:20,382 --> 01:03:26,216 ♪♪ 1305 01:03:26,319 --> 01:03:32,118 ♪♪ 1306 01:03:32,222 --> 01:03:39,125 ♪♪ 1307 01:03:39,229 --> 01:03:45,407 ♪♪ 1308 01:03:45,511 --> 01:03:48,169 [Electricity buzzes] -Funny shyt.