1
00:00:06,049 --> 00:00:08,551
["Post That"
by Deon Cole and Terry Hunter playing]
2
00:00:08,551 --> 00:00:10,636
[audience cheering and applauding]
3
00:00:20,104 --> 00:00:22,940
[cheering and applause intensifies]
4
00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:42,168
[music fades]
5
00:00:42,168 --> 00:00:44,253
[audience continues cheering]
6
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,554
[cheering continues]
7
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:19,705
Man, that mean a lot.
Hello, Los Angeles. How y'all doing?
8
00:01:19,705 --> 00:01:21,791
[cheering and applause]
9
00:01:25,545 --> 00:01:27,505
Thank you for coming out.
10
00:01:27,505 --> 00:01:31,384
I'd like to just jump into the shit
if you don't mind. Y'all good with that?
11
00:01:31,384 --> 00:01:32,844
- [cheering]
- [man] Yes, sir!
12
00:01:34,554 --> 00:01:38,641
I ain't fucking with no more women
who got loose sockets in they house.
13
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[audience laughing]
14
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Keep trying to put my charger in there.
That motherfucker just...
15
00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:50,987
[audience laughing]
16
00:01:55,658 --> 00:01:59,078
And I gotta squeeze them prongs together
so I can grip the middle.
17
00:01:59,078 --> 00:02:01,164
[audience laughing]
18
00:02:02,540 --> 00:02:05,626
And I widen them out
so they can hold on to the...
19
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,712
[audience laughing]
20
00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:12,049
I gotta find a lamp
to hold that motherfucker up, just...
21
00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:14,302
[audience laughing]
22
00:02:15,261 --> 00:02:17,305
- Eight hours, I hear...
- [cell phone charging sound]
23
00:02:17,305 --> 00:02:19,807
- [low battery warning sound]
- [audience laughing]
24
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,017
[charging sound]
25
00:02:21,017 --> 00:02:22,476
[low battery warning sound]
26
00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:25,313
[audience continues laughing]
27
00:02:25,897 --> 00:02:27,273
Ain't fucking with no more women
28
00:02:27,273 --> 00:02:30,193
who don't have a parking space
in front of they building.
29
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[audience laughing]
30
00:02:38,034 --> 00:02:39,952
I'mma circle your block two times.
31
00:02:39,952 --> 00:02:42,038
[audience laughing]
32
00:02:43,998 --> 00:02:46,209
If I don't see a space,
I'm outta there, motherfucker.
33
00:02:46,209 --> 00:02:50,296
I ain't be fucking around with you and
your shady-ass neighborhood, motherfucker.
34
00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:54,383
I just saw a grown man on a bike
and dress shoes and shit.
35
00:02:54,383 --> 00:02:55,635
[audience laughing]
36
00:02:55,635 --> 00:02:57,428
Know that nigga up to no good.
37
00:02:57,428 --> 00:02:59,513
[audience laughing]
38
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,979
You ever date an aggressive woman?
39
00:03:06,979 --> 00:03:10,524
I-I would think it would be similar
to having a boyfriend.
40
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,319
I think I had a boyfriend.
41
00:03:13,319 --> 00:03:15,112
[audience laughing]
42
00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:19,450
This motherfucker took me hooping one day.
Didn't even choose me to be on her team.
43
00:03:19,450 --> 00:03:21,327
[audience laughing]
44
00:03:21,327 --> 00:03:24,163
Out there cheering this bitch on
with these niggas.
45
00:03:24,163 --> 00:03:26,249
[audience laughing]
46
00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:32,505
Every time we pray, her hands go first
like this and mine like...
47
00:03:32,505 --> 00:03:34,257
[audience laughing]
48
00:03:34,257 --> 00:03:37,176
Trying to turn my hands over.
This strong bitch like...
49
00:03:37,176 --> 00:03:38,552
[audience laughing]
50
00:03:38,552 --> 00:03:43,432
Bitch, I can't... I-I-I can't reach the Lord
feeling like a bitch like this.
51
00:03:43,432 --> 00:03:47,520
[clicks tongue] "Fuck it. Just come on.
Pray. Just pray over the food. Just..."
52
00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:49,647
[audience laughing]
53
00:03:52,608 --> 00:03:55,444
I ain't having sex with no more women
over the age of 40
54
00:03:55,444 --> 00:03:57,154
with baby hair on they face.
55
00:03:57,154 --> 00:03:59,949
[surprised reactions, laughter]
56
00:04:01,367 --> 00:04:04,287
I don't even have no punchline.
Just thought I'd tell you that.
57
00:04:04,287 --> 00:04:06,580
[audience laughing]
58
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,749
See how I lost half the audience on that?
59
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:09,875
[audience laughs]
60
00:04:10,459 --> 00:04:12,295
"Ah! Uh..."
61
00:04:12,295 --> 00:04:14,380
[audience laughing]
62
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:20,428
This woman blew a kiss to me
the other day... [blows kiss]
63
00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:21,470
And I caught it.
64
00:04:22,221 --> 00:04:24,223
Then I heard... [clears throat]
65
00:04:24,223 --> 00:04:27,935
I look behind me. This big Black dude
just staring at me and shit.
66
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:31,022
I was like, "Goddamn,
I done caught this nigga's kiss."
67
00:04:31,022 --> 00:04:33,107
[audience laughing]
68
00:04:37,236 --> 00:04:39,405
"There you go, dawg. My fault."
69
00:04:39,405 --> 00:04:42,992
"I didn't mean to do that.
I jumped... got ahead of myself."
70
00:04:47,580 --> 00:04:50,207
I'm done fucking around
with women with fat asses.
71
00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:51,459
I had a good run.
72
00:04:51,459 --> 00:04:53,836
[audience laughing]
73
00:04:53,836 --> 00:04:56,130
It's just a lot of... a lot of stress.
74
00:04:56,130 --> 00:04:59,175
They everywhere, you know?
They ain't even special no more.
75
00:04:59,175 --> 00:05:01,469
Everybody got one and shit, you know?
76
00:05:01,469 --> 00:05:03,554
I shouldn't be going through
what I'm going through
77
00:05:03,554 --> 00:05:05,306
if everybody got one.
78
00:05:05,848 --> 00:05:08,142
That's the way I think about it, you know.
79
00:05:08,142 --> 00:05:11,270
And it's stressful when you be out
with a woman with a fat ass.
80
00:05:11,270 --> 00:05:12,730
Everybody be looking at that ass,
81
00:05:12,730 --> 00:05:15,316
and you gotta act like
you don't see them looking at it.
82
00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:16,942
[audience laughing]
83
00:05:16,942 --> 00:05:20,446
Plus the amount of toilet paper they use
is ridiculous.
84
00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:22,490
It's ridiculous.
85
00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:24,575
[audience laughing]
86
00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:28,621
I had just put out a fresh roll, right?
87
00:05:28,621 --> 00:05:30,039
[audience laughing]
88
00:05:30,039 --> 00:05:32,708
Like, "still stuck
to the other toilet paper" fresh.
89
00:05:33,459 --> 00:05:35,544
This motherfucker was
at my house three hours.
90
00:05:35,544 --> 00:05:39,215
When she left, it was just the cardboard
spinning in that motherfucker.
91
00:05:39,215 --> 00:05:41,717
"What is this bitch doing
with my toilet paper?"
92
00:05:41,717 --> 00:05:42,885
[audience laughing]
93
00:05:42,885 --> 00:05:45,763
I caught her one day
just wrapping that shit. Just...
94
00:05:45,763 --> 00:05:47,723
[audience laughing]
95
00:05:51,268 --> 00:05:53,437
ACE-bandage style, nigga, just...
96
00:05:53,437 --> 00:05:54,730
[audience laughing]
97
00:05:54,730 --> 00:05:58,275
I kicked the door in, like, "Bitch,
close your hand and save me some sheets."
98
00:05:58,275 --> 00:06:01,195
[audience laughing]
99
00:06:09,995 --> 00:06:13,541
Fellas, you ever be in the club
and see three women walking together?
100
00:06:13,541 --> 00:06:15,876
Sometimes they hold hands.
Sometimes they don't.
101
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,586
The pretty one always first.
102
00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:21,340
I wanna speak to all the third women
in the house tonight.
103
00:06:21,340 --> 00:06:23,342
[audience laughing]
104
00:06:23,342 --> 00:06:24,718
You know who you are.
105
00:06:25,928 --> 00:06:29,974
When a nigga like me grab you in the club,
you stop and see what the fuck I want.
106
00:06:29,974 --> 00:06:31,142
[audience laughing]
107
00:06:31,142 --> 00:06:33,352
I'm sick of this disrespectful shit.
108
00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:37,398
Following that pretty bitch
around the club. She gonna get hers.
109
00:06:38,441 --> 00:06:41,318
I'm trying to make you
the leader of your own pack of biscuits.
110
00:06:41,318 --> 00:06:43,154
[audience laughing]
111
00:06:43,154 --> 00:06:46,282
[cheering and applause]
112
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,912
Nigga, I'm grabbing the third one.
113
00:06:53,122 --> 00:06:55,082
I'm like, "Third Chick, come on."
114
00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:58,544
"Don't-- don't do that to me, Third Chick.
Come on, now. Come on."
115
00:06:58,544 --> 00:07:00,588
"I gotta follow them."
116
00:07:00,588 --> 00:07:03,340
"Man, don't you let them hos
block your blessings."
117
00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:05,426
[audience laughing]
118
00:07:09,847 --> 00:07:12,933
I know why pretty girls always have
that one ugly girl with them too.
119
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:15,227
Because while Number One
and Number Two dance,
120
00:07:15,227 --> 00:07:17,563
they need somebody
watch they coats and purses.
121
00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:20,608
Don't lie to me.
I see it all the time. Don't lie to me.
122
00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:22,943
Number One and Number Two
be on the dance floor.
123
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,487
[laughs] "Hey!"
124
00:07:24,487 --> 00:07:25,738
[laughs]
125
00:07:25,738 --> 00:07:31,368
Third Bitch putting napkins over drinks
and... covering their coats and purses.
126
00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:33,996
Phone out. "Go, besties!"
127
00:07:33,996 --> 00:07:36,415
[audience laughing]
128
00:07:36,415 --> 00:07:38,751
I be at the table right next to her like,
129
00:07:38,751 --> 00:07:41,128
"You ain't gotta live like this
your whole life."
130
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:43,464
[audience laughing]
131
00:07:44,298 --> 00:07:45,799
"Come with me, Third Bitch."
132
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:47,885
[audience laughing]
133
00:07:55,559 --> 00:07:58,854
Black women hate to see
a Black man with a white woman, boy.
134
00:07:59,522 --> 00:08:01,899
Hate that. Look at 'em, clapping and shit.
135
00:08:01,899 --> 00:08:03,984
[audience laughing]
136
00:08:05,486 --> 00:08:08,239
If you see a Black man out in public
with a white woman,
137
00:08:08,239 --> 00:08:12,493
especially if it's a group of Black women,
they group together and talk about 'em.
138
00:08:12,493 --> 00:08:14,828
"Look at this Black ass over there
139
00:08:15,788 --> 00:08:17,831
with that white bitch."
140
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,041
[audience laughing]
141
00:08:19,041 --> 00:08:23,212
"Can't handle
a strong Black sister, can he?"
142
00:08:23,212 --> 00:08:24,880
[audience laughing]
143
00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:27,675
Why all our women
gotta be strong and shit?
144
00:08:27,675 --> 00:08:30,219
"Strong Black sister."
145
00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:31,971
I don't want no strong Black sister.
146
00:08:31,971 --> 00:08:34,306
Forget that.
You put that out there in the world.
147
00:08:34,306 --> 00:08:38,227
When you come home, if I live with you,
don't you bring strong shit in the house.
148
00:08:38,227 --> 00:08:40,771
- [audience laughing]
- You save that for the world and shit.
149
00:08:40,771 --> 00:08:43,983
I don't want no strong Black sister
and shit in the house.
150
00:08:43,983 --> 00:08:45,693
"You want some spaghetti?"
151
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,069
[audience laughing]
152
00:08:47,069 --> 00:08:50,948
"From a strong Black sister?"
153
00:08:50,948 --> 00:08:53,534
"I'll season it
the way you want it seasoned."
154
00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:55,661
"I swear to God, you'll love it."
155
00:08:55,661 --> 00:08:57,746
[audience laughing]
156
00:09:00,958 --> 00:09:02,251
"You want some head?"
157
00:09:02,251 --> 00:09:03,711
[audience laughing]
158
00:09:03,711 --> 00:09:07,089
"From a strong Black sister?"
159
00:09:07,089 --> 00:09:11,510
"I'll suck it good.
I'll suck it for all my ancestors."
160
00:09:11,510 --> 00:09:13,012
"Just suck it out."
161
00:09:13,012 --> 00:09:14,930
"I swear I won't let you down."
162
00:09:14,930 --> 00:09:16,432
[audience laughing]
163
00:09:17,182 --> 00:09:19,435
I don't want no strong head, motherfucker.
164
00:09:19,435 --> 00:09:21,520
[audience laughing]
165
00:09:26,859 --> 00:09:29,320
Black men don't give a fuck
166
00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:31,780
when we see Black women with white men.
167
00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:33,282
We don't care.
168
00:09:33,866 --> 00:09:36,744
Actually, I be congratulating them too.
169
00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:40,039
I be like this. "Hey,
get your credit together, baby. That's it.
170
00:09:40,039 --> 00:09:42,124
[audience laughing]
171
00:09:43,959 --> 00:09:46,045
Black men don't give no fuck.
172
00:09:46,045 --> 00:09:49,465
You'll never see a group of Black men
gathering together to talk about,
173
00:09:49,465 --> 00:09:51,884
"Look at her Black ass over there
174
00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:54,219
with that cracker!"
175
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:55,638
[audience laughing]
176
00:09:55,638 --> 00:09:59,141
"Can't handle a real nigga,
can ya, bitch?"
177
00:09:59,141 --> 00:10:01,226
[audience laughing]
178
00:10:06,190 --> 00:10:09,318
I caught two DUIs four days apart.
179
00:10:09,318 --> 00:10:12,404
I just didn't take the first one seriously
and shit.
180
00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:13,489
[audience laughing]
181
00:10:13,489 --> 00:10:17,201
$15,000, classes,
and lawyer fees later and shit,
182
00:10:17,201 --> 00:10:20,412
what they did was they put this thing
in my car called a BAIID.
183
00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:24,416
A BAIID is a device you have to blow in
in order to start your car,
184
00:10:24,416 --> 00:10:26,293
and it shows if you intoxicated or not.
185
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:29,088
If you ain't intoxicated,
you start your car and you can go.
186
00:10:29,088 --> 00:10:31,507
You blow in it every ten minutes
to prove it's you.
187
00:10:31,507 --> 00:10:33,717
It's a very embarrassing device.
188
00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:36,220
Anytime anybody got in my car,
I would lie and be like,
189
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:38,555
"Yeah, that's a new alarm system I got."
190
00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:39,723
[audience laughs]
191
00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:41,725
"You gotta blow in it every ten minutes?"
192
00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:44,978
I'm like, "Yeah.
Niggas are stealing Oldsmobiles bad."
193
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:47,064
[audience laughing]
194
00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:52,361
One Sunday, two in the afternoon,
I'm running around doing errands and shit.
195
00:10:52,361 --> 00:10:54,154
I ain't drinking, nothing, you know.
196
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:55,823
Stopped in an Arbee's, eat a sandwich,
197
00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:59,660
got in the car, blew in the motherfucker,
and it registered as if I was drinking.
198
00:10:59,660 --> 00:11:01,036
I was shook.
199
00:11:01,036 --> 00:11:03,247
They can lock me back up
and impound my car.
200
00:11:03,247 --> 00:11:05,582
I called the county.
"Dude, I was not drinking."
201
00:11:05,582 --> 00:11:08,001
"I don't know what the--
why this shit register like this."
202
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,003
"You ain't been drinking?"
I said, "Nah."
203
00:11:10,003 --> 00:11:11,171
"What did you eat?"
204
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,256
"A sandwich."
205
00:11:12,256 --> 00:11:14,842
They was like,
"Did it have poppy seeds on it?
206
00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:16,969
And I was like, "Yeah," and they was like,
207
00:11:16,969 --> 00:11:19,471
"Yeah, that's the problem
with these BAIID devices."
208
00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:21,849
"They read poppy seeds
as if you intoxicated."
209
00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:23,726
"That's what they make opium out of."
210
00:11:23,726 --> 00:11:25,936
"Don't worry.
We'll take it off your record."
211
00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:30,232
"Start your car. You can be on your way."
And I was like, "Really?"
212
00:11:30,232 --> 00:11:32,109
[audience laughing]
213
00:11:41,994 --> 00:11:44,872
Three that morning,
I call that nigga again, like,
214
00:11:44,872 --> 00:11:48,208
"I ate another sandwich."
215
00:11:48,208 --> 00:11:50,669
[audience laughing]
216
00:11:53,172 --> 00:11:55,591
"Goddamn poppy seeds on everything."
217
00:11:55,591 --> 00:11:57,009
[audience laughing]
218
00:11:57,009 --> 00:11:59,011
"Can you start my car?"
219
00:11:59,011 --> 00:12:01,096
[audience laughing]
220
00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:09,605
When Black people cheat,
like, when we dip off with somebody else,
221
00:12:09,605 --> 00:12:13,901
you know,
we like to go to white establishments.
222
00:12:13,901 --> 00:12:16,570
[audience laughing]
223
00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:19,281
'Cause we know
ain't no Black people there to see us.
224
00:12:19,281 --> 00:12:20,991
[audience laughing]
225
00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:23,327
I was with this girl one day.
226
00:12:23,327 --> 00:12:25,954
She was like,
"Why you got me at this medieval castle?"
227
00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:28,040
[audience laughing]
228
00:12:35,214 --> 00:12:37,216
"You said you was open-minded, right?"
229
00:12:37,716 --> 00:12:40,844
"Put that crown on, eat that turkey leg,
and shut the fuck up."
230
00:12:40,844 --> 00:12:43,764
[audience laughing]
231
00:12:50,187 --> 00:12:51,897
Fellas, you ever have a threesome?
232
00:12:51,897 --> 00:12:55,359
One of the girls is fine as hell,
and the other one is not.
233
00:12:56,109 --> 00:12:58,987
But she's so fine
that you gotta bring the other one along.
234
00:12:58,987 --> 00:13:01,114
I did that before. I'll never do it again.
235
00:13:01,114 --> 00:13:05,536
Me and the fine one, we locked in.
We getting it in, zoned out.
236
00:13:05,536 --> 00:13:09,164
All of a sudden,
I feel these cold hands coming up my back.
237
00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:12,459
[audience roaring with laughter]
238
00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:20,634
[laughter continues]
239
00:13:27,808 --> 00:13:29,518
"Save me some dick."
240
00:13:29,518 --> 00:13:31,895
[audience laughing]
241
00:13:31,895 --> 00:13:34,731
"There ain't gonna be
no more dick after this."
242
00:13:35,274 --> 00:13:38,360
"Dick-- dick-- dick-- dick gonna run out
after this, I think."
243
00:13:38,360 --> 00:13:40,028
[audience laughing]
244
00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:54,084
I like to have sex with women with kids.
245
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,296
'Cause they leave.
246
00:13:57,296 --> 00:13:59,381
[audience laughing]
247
00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:09,892
Get up, go to the bathroom. I come back.
248
00:14:09,892 --> 00:14:12,102
She be like,
"Hey, I gotta get on out of here
249
00:14:12,102 --> 00:14:14,980
and get him ready for school tomorrow."
250
00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:16,189
[audience laughing]
251
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,150
"You understand that, though, right?"
252
00:14:18,150 --> 00:14:20,861
[audience laughing]
253
00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:24,239
"All right. All right, now."
254
00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:26,867
"I had a wonderful time tonight."
255
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:29,411
- [audience laughing]
-"I did. I'll call you."
256
00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:30,370
"All right."
257
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,456
[audience laughing]
258
00:14:37,336 --> 00:14:38,879
Them empty-nester bitches?
259
00:14:38,879 --> 00:14:41,632
[groans] Come back from the bathroom,
this bitch like,
260
00:14:41,632 --> 00:14:43,592
"What we eating for breakfast?"
261
00:14:43,592 --> 00:14:45,969
[audience laughing]
262
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:50,641
Now I gotta get dressed in a full suit
263
00:14:50,641 --> 00:14:52,935
and lie and say
I got an interview to go to.
264
00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:55,020
[audience laughing]
265
00:14:57,189 --> 00:15:00,859
"What you doing with that suit on?"
"I got this interview I gotta go to."
266
00:15:00,859 --> 00:15:04,029
"It's four in the morning!"
"These are the only hours they got."
267
00:15:04,029 --> 00:15:05,155
[audience laughing]
268
00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:06,448
"Wish me luck."
269
00:15:06,448 --> 00:15:08,533
[audience laughing]
270
00:15:20,462 --> 00:15:22,297
Don't act like I'm the only motherfucker
271
00:15:22,297 --> 00:15:25,092
that got dressed
to kick a motherfucker out.
272
00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:27,344
You ever get in your car,
drive around the block?
273
00:15:27,344 --> 00:15:29,846
- [Deon laughs]
- [audience laughing]
274
00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:31,556
[Deon laughing]
275
00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:35,394
You wait to see which way they turn,
and then you turn the other way?
276
00:15:35,394 --> 00:15:37,479
[audience laughing]
277
00:15:39,189 --> 00:15:42,651
Fellas, it's a sex toy out there
for the ladies that's fucking us up.
278
00:15:42,651 --> 00:15:43,986
It's called a rose.
279
00:15:43,986 --> 00:15:45,278
- [woman cheers]
- The--
280
00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:49,908
- [audience laughing]
- [women cheering]
281
00:15:49,908 --> 00:15:52,035
Testimonial hollers in here.
282
00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:53,954
[audience laughing]
283
00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:56,957
This motherfucker is
shutting motherfuckers down, dude.
284
00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:59,084
This rose shit is serious.
285
00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:03,338
I was in the bed one day
with one of my vintage pieces, and...
286
00:16:03,338 --> 00:16:05,841
- [audience laughing]
- [scattered applause]
287
00:16:10,262 --> 00:16:12,389
You know, we masturbating, you know.
288
00:16:13,557 --> 00:16:15,934
I mean, young people,
you gotta understand. Listen.
289
00:16:15,934 --> 00:16:19,563
When you get older, it ain't about fucking
and making somebody come.
290
00:16:19,563 --> 00:16:21,898
It's like, niggas gotta get up
in the morning.
291
00:16:21,898 --> 00:16:23,358
You know what I mean?
292
00:16:23,358 --> 00:16:25,360
You masturbate, she masturbate.
293
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:28,280
We done, high five,
and then we roll over and go to bed.
294
00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:30,032
[audience laughing]
295
00:16:30,032 --> 00:16:33,493
When you older, you responsible
for your own comes and shit.
296
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:34,453
[audience laughs]
297
00:16:34,453 --> 00:16:37,789
"It ain't my job to make you come.
That's your come."
298
00:16:38,457 --> 00:16:41,001
"That's your come. That ain't my come."
299
00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:43,920
[audience laughing]
300
00:16:46,882 --> 00:16:48,341
[Deon laughs]
301
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:50,761
[scattered cheering and applause]
302
00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:54,097
So we masturbating.
303
00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:55,766
[audience laughing]
304
00:16:55,766 --> 00:16:58,977
She reaches under the pillow and goes,
"My niece gave me this thing."
305
00:16:58,977 --> 00:17:00,604
"It's called a rose."
306
00:17:00,604 --> 00:17:02,189
[audience laughing]
307
00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:04,274
"Never seen it.
I thought I'd bring it along."
308
00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:07,110
"Maybe we can have a little fun with it.
Is that okay?"
309
00:17:07,110 --> 00:17:09,529
I'm like this.
"Yeah, yeah, that's cool. Yeah."
310
00:17:10,155 --> 00:17:13,033
"How you turn this thing on?
I don't know."
311
00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:16,328
"She should have sent me
instructions or something."
312
00:17:16,328 --> 00:17:18,497
"Oh, there it is. There it is. I got it."
313
00:17:18,497 --> 00:17:19,790
[audience laughing]
314
00:17:19,790 --> 00:17:21,833
"All right. Okay."
315
00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:25,629
"We gon' see, right?
Okay, let's see what this thing do."
316
00:17:25,629 --> 00:17:27,714
[audience laughing]
317
00:17:30,008 --> 00:17:31,551
"Ah!"
318
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:32,677
[audience laughing]
319
00:17:32,677 --> 00:17:34,763
I'm like, "You aight? You okay?"
320
00:17:34,763 --> 00:17:36,473
"Ahhh!"
321
00:17:37,182 --> 00:17:40,393
I saw this bitch's spirit leave her body,
322
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:41,812
go to the ceiling,
323
00:17:42,437 --> 00:17:44,481
come back down in her body.
324
00:17:45,107 --> 00:17:46,316
She didn't even cut it off.
325
00:17:46,316 --> 00:17:49,111
She just opened her hand,
and it shook out her hand,
326
00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:52,114
down the bed and out the door.
327
00:17:52,114 --> 00:17:53,532
[audience laughing]
328
00:17:53,532 --> 00:17:55,450
I'm like, "What the fuck was that?!"
329
00:17:55,450 --> 00:17:57,577
[audience laughing]
330
00:17:57,577 --> 00:18:00,956
Her dizzy ass looking at me like,
"Aight, come and get some pussy."
331
00:18:00,956 --> 00:18:02,999
I'm like, "Bitch, you are done. No."
332
00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:04,793
[audience laughing]
333
00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:07,754
Grandma Cole kissed her forehead
and took her trash out.
334
00:18:07,754 --> 00:18:09,840
[audience laughing]
335
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:24,146
That's what I was over there doing,
to take her trash out! [laughs]
336
00:18:24,146 --> 00:18:27,149
Them old bitches'll get you
to take their trash out.
337
00:18:27,149 --> 00:18:30,777
"What you doing over there?
Can you come and lift these bags for me?"
338
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:32,154
[audience laughing]
339
00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:37,951
I got in trouble recently
for calling women vintage and shit.
340
00:18:38,827 --> 00:18:41,872
I was on the NAACP Awards,
and I called women vintage.
341
00:18:41,872 --> 00:18:45,125
Everybody went crazy,
and I was like, "Why?"
342
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:47,502
Like, I been saying that for years.
343
00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:50,463
I just don't think
they looked up the word, you know?
344
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,424
'Cause it's not a bad word.
345
00:18:52,424 --> 00:18:55,427
It was like, "No, we seasoned."
I'm like, "No, you're not."
346
00:18:55,427 --> 00:18:56,720
If I go buy a Corvette,
347
00:18:56,720 --> 00:19:00,390
I'm not gonna be like,
"Let me get that seasoned Corvette."
348
00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:02,767
I'mma be like,
"Let me get that vintage motherfucker."
349
00:19:02,767 --> 00:19:05,645
See, the word "vintage"
means rare, one of a kind,
350
00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:08,481
stands the test of time, you know?
351
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:09,524
[audience cheering]
352
00:19:09,524 --> 00:19:13,403
More valuable than any new model. Get it?
353
00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:15,822
Yeah, it's vintage.
354
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:20,035
That's what it is. It ain't like
I called y'all antique bitches.
355
00:19:20,035 --> 00:19:22,120
[audience laughing]
356
00:19:28,043 --> 00:19:32,088
We all getting old, goddamn it,
and I ain't running from it neither.
357
00:19:32,088 --> 00:19:33,882
I'm getting old, too, and shit.
358
00:19:33,882 --> 00:19:37,135
I don't even like to call it "old."
I just say, "We expiring."
359
00:19:37,135 --> 00:19:39,221
[audience laughing]
360
00:19:41,431 --> 00:19:44,643
Say that to yourself every morning.
I bet you get some shit done.
361
00:19:44,643 --> 00:19:45,852
[audience laughing]
362
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:49,689
Like, "Ooh, let me get this shit done
before I expire and shit."
363
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,775
[audience laughing]
364
00:19:55,028 --> 00:19:56,905
I knew I was getting old.
365
00:19:57,405 --> 00:20:00,116
One day, I was brushing my hair
and had to switch arms.
366
00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:02,202
[audience laughing]
367
00:20:03,495 --> 00:20:05,413
"Goddamn! What the fuck?"
368
00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:06,957
[audience laughing]
369
00:20:13,838 --> 00:20:16,424
I'm too old
to be putting together outfits and shit
370
00:20:16,424 --> 00:20:19,594
and going over here to get the shirt,
the pants, the shoes.
371
00:20:19,594 --> 00:20:20,637
Fuck that.
372
00:20:21,221 --> 00:20:22,639
Whatever's on the mannequin.
373
00:20:22,639 --> 00:20:24,849
[audience laughing]
374
00:20:24,849 --> 00:20:26,434
That's where I'm at with it.
375
00:20:26,434 --> 00:20:29,771
I go in there and be like,
"Let me get this whole situation here."
376
00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:30,730
[audience laughs]
377
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:33,316
"Beach ball too.
Let me get the beach ball with it."
378
00:20:33,316 --> 00:20:34,734
[audience laughing]
379
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:37,112
Then I go in the club,
herding them hos, like...
380
00:20:37,112 --> 00:20:40,240
[audience laughing]
381
00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:49,207
You ever go somewhere
and they got warm butter?
382
00:20:49,207 --> 00:20:51,042
Don't you feel like they care about you?
383
00:20:51,042 --> 00:20:52,002
[audience laughs]
384
00:20:52,002 --> 00:20:56,631
In a restaurant, you be like, "This warm?
Let me get to spreading it, nigga."
385
00:20:56,631 --> 00:20:58,466
[audience laughing]
386
00:20:58,466 --> 00:21:00,885
Unlike them other places.
387
00:21:00,885 --> 00:21:04,472
That little gold,
hard hockey puck of butter.
388
00:21:04,472 --> 00:21:05,682
[audience laughing]
389
00:21:05,682 --> 00:21:08,351
Gonna tear your bread up
trying to spread this shit.
390
00:21:08,893 --> 00:21:10,520
Bread all over your butter.
391
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:13,023
[audience laughing]
392
00:21:15,692 --> 00:21:19,612
I ain't got no time for that shit.
Now I bite the butter and then the bread.
393
00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,698
[audience laughing]
394
00:21:32,083 --> 00:21:33,835
I hate to be called OG.
395
00:21:35,670 --> 00:21:38,423
This young nigga seen me one day.
He wanted a picture.
396
00:21:38,423 --> 00:21:41,134
"OG, can I get a picture?"
I was like, "Just call me Deon."
397
00:21:41,134 --> 00:21:43,678
He was like,
"OG Deon, can I get your picture?
398
00:21:43,678 --> 00:21:45,764
[audience laughing]
399
00:21:49,434 --> 00:21:52,729
I take the picture with this nigga.
He standing there like this.
400
00:21:52,729 --> 00:21:54,314
[audience laughing]
401
00:21:54,314 --> 00:21:56,149
I'm right next to him like this.
402
00:21:56,900 --> 00:22:01,112
This what this little nigga told me.
"No, OG, put that down. Don't do that."
403
00:22:01,112 --> 00:22:02,906
[audience laughing]
404
00:22:02,906 --> 00:22:05,158
"You don't put up peace signs
in your pictures?"
405
00:22:05,158 --> 00:22:07,494
He was like,
"Nah, we don't do that no more, OG."
406
00:22:08,036 --> 00:22:10,997
"What the fuck I'mma do
with my peace fingers, then, nigga?"
407
00:22:10,997 --> 00:22:12,248
[audience laughs]
408
00:22:12,999 --> 00:22:14,876
[audience laughing]
409
00:22:14,876 --> 00:22:16,961
[scattered applause]
410
00:22:25,261 --> 00:22:29,099
You can tell how old a woman is
by the size of the fonts on her phone.
411
00:22:29,099 --> 00:22:32,310
[audience laughing]
412
00:22:39,192 --> 00:22:42,320
This girl's like, "Can I get your number?"
"Yeah." She opened her phone.
413
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:45,323
"D-E-O..."
414
00:22:45,323 --> 00:22:46,408
[audience laughing]
415
00:22:46,408 --> 00:22:48,785
I'm like, "A letter a page, bitch?" Like...
416
00:22:48,785 --> 00:22:50,870
[audience laughing]
417
00:22:57,168 --> 00:23:00,839
We have any young women in the house?
Clap, round of applause?
418
00:23:00,839 --> 00:23:02,966
[cheering and applause]
419
00:23:02,966 --> 00:23:04,050
That's cool.
420
00:23:04,050 --> 00:23:07,137
[Deon laughing]
421
00:23:07,846 --> 00:23:11,391
I'm looking at the women in here
who are like, "When you say young..."
422
00:23:11,391 --> 00:23:13,351
[audience laughing]
423
00:23:17,522 --> 00:23:19,816
"Mind, spirit?
What we talking about, nigga?"
424
00:23:20,692 --> 00:23:22,026
"What's young, Deon?"
425
00:23:23,111 --> 00:23:25,405
If you gotta think about it,
I ain't talking to you.
426
00:23:25,405 --> 00:23:28,116
[audience laughing]
427
00:23:34,789 --> 00:23:37,292
Young girls got too much energy for me.
428
00:23:37,292 --> 00:23:41,087
You ever go dancing with a young chick?
Motherfucker be out there... [grunts]
429
00:23:41,087 --> 00:23:42,839
[audience laughing]
430
00:23:50,638 --> 00:23:53,475
[audience continues laughing]
431
00:23:57,020 --> 00:23:58,980
"Come here!" I be like, "Mm-mm."
432
00:23:58,980 --> 00:24:00,648
[audience laughing]
433
00:24:00,648 --> 00:24:01,983
"Nah."
434
00:24:02,817 --> 00:24:04,486
That's too much energy for me.
435
00:24:05,612 --> 00:24:07,363
I like an old vintage bitch.
436
00:24:07,363 --> 00:24:09,491
[audience laughing]
437
00:24:09,491 --> 00:24:11,659
I want a motherfucker that fell before.
438
00:24:11,659 --> 00:24:13,953
[audience laughing]
439
00:24:19,709 --> 00:24:21,669
They move like this. They be like...
440
00:24:21,669 --> 00:24:23,087
[audience laughing]
441
00:24:23,087 --> 00:24:26,883
"Go on, then, if you're gonna rush.
I ain't about to hurry up and fall again."
442
00:24:26,883 --> 00:24:28,968
[audience laughing]
443
00:24:33,681 --> 00:24:36,976
Young women that's in here,
do a lot of older men hit on you?
444
00:24:36,976 --> 00:24:38,144
- [women] Yes.
- Yes?
445
00:24:38,144 --> 00:24:43,274
Here's a very smooth way to get
an older man off you. Real smooth, aight?
446
00:24:43,274 --> 00:24:47,403
Next time an older dude be like,
"Hey, sweet thing. How you doing, baby?"
447
00:24:47,403 --> 00:24:50,031
all you gotta say is, "I'm okay, mister."
448
00:24:50,031 --> 00:24:52,116
[audience laughing]
449
00:25:01,751 --> 00:25:03,795
Shut down that nigga whole operation.
450
00:25:03,795 --> 00:25:04,963
[audience laughing]
451
00:25:04,963 --> 00:25:06,714
"Mister? The fuck?"
452
00:25:06,714 --> 00:25:07,882
[audience laughing]
453
00:25:07,882 --> 00:25:10,927
"Nah, baby, don't do that to me.
Nah, don't do that to me."
454
00:25:10,927 --> 00:25:13,179
"No, my name Gregory. Call me Gregory."
455
00:25:13,179 --> 00:25:14,806
[audience laughing]
456
00:25:14,806 --> 00:25:16,349
"Okay, Mr. Gregory."
457
00:25:16,349 --> 00:25:18,059
"Bitch. Bitch, is you stupid?"
458
00:25:18,643 --> 00:25:20,645
"Is you stupid, bitch? Why would you...?"
459
00:25:20,645 --> 00:25:22,730
[audience laughing]
460
00:25:32,490 --> 00:25:35,118
All older men got fucked-up bladders.
461
00:25:35,118 --> 00:25:37,203
[audience laughing]
462
00:25:39,497 --> 00:25:40,456
All of 'em.
463
00:25:41,583 --> 00:25:43,042
There's some in here tonight.
464
00:25:43,042 --> 00:25:44,752
[audience laughing]
465
00:25:44,752 --> 00:25:47,714
You can tell who they are
'cause they all got aisle seats.
466
00:25:47,714 --> 00:25:50,174
[audience laughing]
467
00:25:56,431 --> 00:25:59,100
Just look up and down the aisle.
You'll see these niggas.
468
00:25:59,100 --> 00:26:01,185
[audience laughing]
469
00:26:04,606 --> 00:26:07,942
Look at the niggas in the middle
looking at the niggas with aisle seats.
470
00:26:08,610 --> 00:26:11,404
"Damn, I wish I got
one of them aisle seats.
471
00:26:12,071 --> 00:26:14,574
"Can't even drink my liquor
the way I want to."
472
00:26:14,574 --> 00:26:16,951
[audience laughing]
473
00:26:19,704 --> 00:26:21,748
All old dudes got fucked-up bladders.
474
00:26:21,748 --> 00:26:24,208
You can tell too.
If you get in a man's car
475
00:26:24,208 --> 00:26:27,587
and he got a whole bunch
of empty 12oz Sprite bottles in there...
476
00:26:27,587 --> 00:26:29,505
[audience laughing]
477
00:26:29,505 --> 00:26:31,132
...that nigga bladder fucked up.
478
00:26:31,716 --> 00:26:34,344
Think I'm bullshitting?
Try to throw away one bottle.
479
00:26:34,344 --> 00:26:36,346
He'll lose his rabbit-ass mind.
480
00:26:36,346 --> 00:26:40,183
"Hey, bitch, I ain't asked you
to grab my bottles."
481
00:26:40,183 --> 00:26:43,269
"I bought them bottles. They're mine.
Thank you, but no, thank you."
482
00:26:43,269 --> 00:26:45,772
"I'll throw 'em away
when I'm-- when I'm ready."
483
00:26:45,772 --> 00:26:47,857
[audience laughing]
484
00:26:52,445 --> 00:26:54,489
I ain't gonna lie.
I got bottles, too, though.
485
00:26:54,489 --> 00:26:55,406
[audience laughs]
486
00:26:55,990 --> 00:26:57,784
Wide-mouth bottles.
487
00:26:57,784 --> 00:26:59,869
[audience laughing]
488
00:27:02,455 --> 00:27:04,248
Snapples, nigga.
489
00:27:04,248 --> 00:27:05,875
[audience laughing]
490
00:27:05,875 --> 00:27:07,710
Gatorade, nigga.
491
00:27:07,710 --> 00:27:09,796
[audience laughing]
492
00:27:12,423 --> 00:27:15,468
No, I'm bullshitting.
I got those same Sprite bottles.
493
00:27:15,468 --> 00:27:19,931
- [audience laughing]
- [Deon laughing]
494
00:27:25,478 --> 00:27:28,022
Everybody be trying
to look young nowadays and shit.
495
00:27:28,022 --> 00:27:30,358
They be getting work done and shit and...
496
00:27:30,358 --> 00:27:33,152
Even if ain't work,
everybody wanna look youthful and shit.
497
00:27:33,152 --> 00:27:35,822
Creams and all kinds of shit, you know.
498
00:27:35,822 --> 00:27:38,324
But one thing
they never take into consideration,
499
00:27:38,324 --> 00:27:41,744
they be doing all the surgery,
all the creams, doing whatever they need,
500
00:27:41,744 --> 00:27:44,038
especially niggas with money.
They get everything.
501
00:27:44,038 --> 00:27:46,874
But I still can tell how old you are.
502
00:27:47,917 --> 00:27:50,294
It's one thing
they never take into consideration,
503
00:27:50,294 --> 00:27:53,715
that I still can tell how old you are
by who you hang with.
504
00:27:54,674 --> 00:27:58,428
The people you hang with
are gonna dictate your age. Absolutely.
505
00:27:58,428 --> 00:28:02,014
So you can go get all that surgery
and do everything that you doing,
506
00:28:02,014 --> 00:28:05,560
but if you still hanging out
with these dusty-ass motherfuckers, then...
507
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:06,728
[audience laughs]
508
00:28:06,728 --> 00:28:09,272
Yeah, yeah.
And even if you ain't doing surgery,
509
00:28:09,272 --> 00:28:14,152
if you doing whatever to look youthful,
and, you know, I still can tell.
510
00:28:14,152 --> 00:28:16,988
I saw LL Cool J at this party, right?
511
00:28:16,988 --> 00:28:20,074
And I was like this. "Damn, L,
you look good as shit, man. That's good."
512
00:28:20,074 --> 00:28:21,117
I looked, and I'm like,
513
00:28:21,117 --> 00:28:23,870
"Who are these wise men
this nigga hanging out with?"
514
00:28:23,870 --> 00:28:25,246
[audience laughing]
515
00:28:25,246 --> 00:28:27,749
Bunch of old niggas with staffs and shit.
516
00:28:27,749 --> 00:28:29,834
[audience laughing]
517
00:28:31,836 --> 00:28:33,629
"Get off my lawn!"
518
00:28:33,629 --> 00:28:36,215
[audience laughing]
519
00:28:42,180 --> 00:28:44,182
LL gonna fuck me up for that one.
520
00:28:44,182 --> 00:28:46,267
[audience laughing]
521
00:28:47,518 --> 00:28:49,979
Angela Bassett fine as a motherfucker.
522
00:28:49,979 --> 00:28:53,107
- [cheering and applause]
- Whoo!
523
00:28:54,650 --> 00:28:57,862
My man Courtney pulled a good one
with that one, boy.
524
00:28:59,030 --> 00:29:00,448
But her girls...
525
00:29:00,448 --> 00:29:02,533
[audience laughing]
526
00:29:07,038 --> 00:29:10,666
I seen her girls at this party.
One had this sequin suit coat jacket on.
527
00:29:10,666 --> 00:29:13,044
The shoulder pads was all the way up here.
528
00:29:13,669 --> 00:29:15,880
Motherfucker couldn't hear shit
I was saying.
529
00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:16,964
"What?"
530
00:29:16,964 --> 00:29:19,091
[audience laughing]
531
00:29:19,091 --> 00:29:20,426
"What? What?"
532
00:29:20,426 --> 00:29:23,054
[audience laughing]
533
00:29:24,847 --> 00:29:25,681
"What?"
534
00:29:25,681 --> 00:29:28,392
[audience laughing]
535
00:29:29,519 --> 00:29:31,687
Her other girl had this shit going on.
536
00:29:31,687 --> 00:29:33,773
[laughter and surprised reactions]
537
00:29:37,235 --> 00:29:40,988
I came back with a glass of wine.
I was like, "Mmm... nah."
538
00:29:40,988 --> 00:29:42,031
[audience laughs]
539
00:29:42,031 --> 00:29:45,368
"You ain't about to shake this shit
all over my mannequin outfit."
540
00:29:45,368 --> 00:29:46,327
[audience laughs]
541
00:29:46,327 --> 00:29:49,038
[shaking]
542
00:29:53,167 --> 00:29:55,753
One of the girls
was fine as a motherfucker, though.
543
00:29:55,753 --> 00:29:57,255
Oh, she was so fucking pretty,
544
00:29:57,255 --> 00:29:59,549
sitting there
looking all beautiful and shit,
545
00:29:59,549 --> 00:30:02,260
just fucking fine, just...
546
00:30:02,260 --> 00:30:07,640
She had, like, this salt-and-pepper
asymmetrical hairstyle and shit, you know?
547
00:30:07,640 --> 00:30:10,393
Little waist, poised as hell, you know.
548
00:30:10,393 --> 00:30:12,353
Fat ass. You could tell it was big
549
00:30:12,353 --> 00:30:15,273
'cause when she sat in the chair,
it spread out and shit.
550
00:30:15,273 --> 00:30:16,399
[audience laughs]
551
00:30:16,399 --> 00:30:18,526
She was sitting there
looking beautiful as fuck.
552
00:30:18,526 --> 00:30:21,612
Just chilling. Just sexy as fuck.
553
00:30:22,488 --> 00:30:24,574
But that get-up start-away walk...
554
00:30:24,574 --> 00:30:26,909
[audience laughing]
555
00:30:35,459 --> 00:30:37,336
That shit'll tell on you every time.
556
00:30:38,421 --> 00:30:41,757
She got up to go to the bar.
She was like... [groaning]
557
00:30:41,757 --> 00:30:44,510
[audience laughing]
558
00:30:48,848 --> 00:30:51,183
[laughter and applause]
559
00:31:01,694 --> 00:31:05,031
The start-away walk. Sometimes
you can't even walk away right away.
560
00:31:05,031 --> 00:31:06,324
You'll get lightheaded.
561
00:31:07,116 --> 00:31:09,410
You just gotta stand there
for a second, you know?
562
00:31:10,411 --> 00:31:12,413
[audience laughing]
563
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,929
I like to compliment older women
when I see them.
564
00:31:27,929 --> 00:31:29,180
Like, 80.
565
00:31:29,680 --> 00:31:31,307
Like, in their eighties.
566
00:31:31,307 --> 00:31:34,101
I compliment them
and tell them how beautiful they are.
567
00:31:34,101 --> 00:31:37,146
I think everybody should do that shit,
you know, tell 'em that...
568
00:31:37,146 --> 00:31:41,233
'Cause they lasted this long.
You're like, "Man, you beautiful as shit."
569
00:31:41,233 --> 00:31:42,818
You gotta do that shit.
570
00:31:42,818 --> 00:31:45,363
[applause]
571
00:31:45,363 --> 00:31:48,032
I do. I give 'em love.
572
00:31:48,032 --> 00:31:51,410
Every woman I see is beautiful.
I mean, that's in her eighties and stuff.
573
00:31:51,410 --> 00:31:53,537
I tell her she beautiful, definitely.
574
00:31:53,537 --> 00:31:55,331
I'll see one in the grocery store, like...
575
00:31:55,331 --> 00:31:56,332
[yells] "Hey!"
576
00:31:56,332 --> 00:31:58,417
[audience laughing]
577
00:32:05,383 --> 00:32:07,385
[audience continues laughing]
578
00:32:11,722 --> 00:32:13,975
"You the sexiest bitch in here right now."
579
00:32:13,975 --> 00:32:15,101
[audience laughs]
580
00:32:16,519 --> 00:32:18,521
[audience laughing]
581
00:32:28,948 --> 00:32:32,618
I do it to women in wheelchairs.
I give 'em love, tell 'em they beautiful.
582
00:32:33,244 --> 00:32:36,455
I be like, "You stand up here
and kiss me, you sexy bitch!"
583
00:32:36,455 --> 00:32:37,623
[audience laughs]
584
00:32:39,041 --> 00:32:41,043
[audience laughing]
585
00:33:02,982 --> 00:33:04,942
I met one in a grocery store, old woman.
586
00:33:04,942 --> 00:33:07,528
This the oldest
I ever fucked around with somebody.
587
00:33:08,029 --> 00:33:11,282
Sixty-eight. Bad!
Shut down any 55-year-old.
588
00:33:11,282 --> 00:33:13,367
[audience laughing]
589
00:33:15,995 --> 00:33:17,246
Bad bad.
590
00:33:19,081 --> 00:33:21,042
Met her in the grocery store.
591
00:33:22,585 --> 00:33:25,254
She had her hair pulled back
in a ponytail. It was all white.
592
00:33:25,254 --> 00:33:27,214
You could tell
she just did it in the car too.
593
00:33:27,214 --> 00:33:29,675
She pulled it back.
It was all frizzy and shit.
594
00:33:30,259 --> 00:33:32,595
She had them glasses
that connect over her nose.
595
00:33:32,595 --> 00:33:33,679
You ever see them?
596
00:33:34,305 --> 00:33:36,307
[audience laughing]
597
00:33:42,730 --> 00:33:45,274
Had the whole store
smelling like White Diamonds.
598
00:33:45,274 --> 00:33:47,359
[audience laughing]
599
00:33:50,571 --> 00:33:53,115
That Elizabeth Taylor shit go hard, yo.
600
00:33:53,115 --> 00:33:54,075
[audience laughs]
601
00:33:54,075 --> 00:33:55,826
One spray last you a week.
602
00:33:55,826 --> 00:33:57,912
[audience laughing]
603
00:34:02,041 --> 00:34:03,834
Big-ass titties. She had some big tit--
604
00:34:03,834 --> 00:34:07,838
She had titties so big, I couldn't tell
how big her stomach was, you know?
605
00:34:08,422 --> 00:34:10,841
You ever see them, them titties like that?
606
00:34:10,841 --> 00:34:13,052
I like them kind of titties. Big titties.
607
00:34:13,052 --> 00:34:16,097
'Cause when I'm lying on my back,
she on top of me and let 'em go,
608
00:34:16,097 --> 00:34:17,723
they just drop in my face.
609
00:34:17,723 --> 00:34:19,016
[audience laughs]
610
00:34:19,016 --> 00:34:21,435
Like oxygen masks on planes.
611
00:34:21,435 --> 00:34:23,521
[audience laughing]
612
00:34:26,565 --> 00:34:28,234
Better than them little-titty bitches
613
00:34:28,234 --> 00:34:31,695
where you gotta do a set of 30 crunches
to reach the motherfuckers.
614
00:34:31,695 --> 00:34:33,781
[audience laughing]
615
00:34:39,370 --> 00:34:40,204
"Burn!"
616
00:34:40,204 --> 00:34:42,289
[audience laughing]
617
00:34:44,125 --> 00:34:46,752
"Just bring 'em down.
Can you bring 'em down here, please?"
618
00:34:46,752 --> 00:34:48,838
[audience laughing]
619
00:34:57,221 --> 00:34:59,807
We started going out, hanging out.
I gave her my number.
620
00:34:59,807 --> 00:35:02,268
We started talking,
then we start doing what we do,
621
00:35:02,268 --> 00:35:04,979
and, yeah, it started going good and shit.
622
00:35:04,979 --> 00:35:08,357
Then she started calling me her lover.
623
00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:12,903
That some grown shit. I ain't had nobody
ever call me some shit like that.
624
00:35:12,903 --> 00:35:15,072
I was like, "That shit get my dick hard."
625
00:35:16,240 --> 00:35:18,659
She be calling me up. "Hey, lover."
626
00:35:19,493 --> 00:35:20,327
I be like,
627
00:35:20,327 --> 00:35:21,787
"Oh..."
628
00:35:21,787 --> 00:35:23,372
[laughs coyly]
629
00:35:23,372 --> 00:35:24,415
[audience laughing]
630
00:35:24,415 --> 00:35:26,500
"Aight. What you want from Walgreens?"
631
00:35:26,500 --> 00:35:28,961
[audience laughing]
632
00:35:28,961 --> 00:35:31,505
She know how to get
some Walgreens out of a nigga.
633
00:35:31,505 --> 00:35:33,299
[audience laughing]
634
00:35:33,299 --> 00:35:35,885
That day, I gave her
an extended shoehorn.
635
00:35:35,885 --> 00:35:37,970
[audience laughing]
636
00:35:39,597 --> 00:35:41,765
Slide right into her kitten heels, easy.
637
00:35:41,765 --> 00:35:43,851
[audience laughing]
638
00:35:48,022 --> 00:35:50,858
She always going up there
getting her pantyhose and shit.
639
00:35:51,775 --> 00:35:54,403
So weird. Her pantyhose come in an egg.
640
00:35:54,403 --> 00:35:56,488
[audience laughing]
641
00:35:57,489 --> 00:35:59,992
That bitch cracked that shit
on my head one day. Like... [crack]
642
00:35:59,992 --> 00:36:00,993
I was like...
643
00:36:00,993 --> 00:36:03,662
[audience laughing]
644
00:36:06,332 --> 00:36:07,166
[woman screams]
645
00:36:07,750 --> 00:36:09,293
[audience laughing]
646
00:36:22,097 --> 00:36:24,433
I see someone likes L'eggs in here.
647
00:36:24,433 --> 00:36:26,518
[audience laughing]
648
00:36:29,230 --> 00:36:31,815
She liked me
to spoon her to sleep at night.
649
00:36:32,358 --> 00:36:34,902
That's her shit. Like, late at night.
650
00:36:36,111 --> 00:36:37,863
Get over there about six.
651
00:36:37,863 --> 00:36:39,949
[audience laughing]
652
00:36:42,576 --> 00:36:45,287
I know. She still be up. That's wild.
653
00:36:45,287 --> 00:36:47,456
Like, "You better go to bed, girl."
654
00:36:47,456 --> 00:36:48,958
[audience laughing]
655
00:36:54,755 --> 00:36:57,591
I blow on her hair until she go to sleep.
656
00:37:00,552 --> 00:37:03,180
When she wake up in the morning,
I make her coffee.
657
00:37:03,180 --> 00:37:04,348
Folgers.
658
00:37:04,348 --> 00:37:06,225
[audience laughing]
659
00:37:06,225 --> 00:37:09,103
That's the official old-bitch coffee,
Folgers.
660
00:37:09,103 --> 00:37:10,271
[audience laughing]
661
00:37:10,271 --> 00:37:12,773
'Cause there's too many chemicals
in Starbucks.
662
00:37:13,399 --> 00:37:15,317
Best part of waking up
663
00:37:16,235 --> 00:37:18,028
is a old bitch with a cup.
664
00:37:18,028 --> 00:37:20,364
[audience laughing]
665
00:37:20,364 --> 00:37:22,908
[man roaring with laughter]
666
00:37:22,908 --> 00:37:26,203
[audience laughing]
667
00:37:28,539 --> 00:37:31,834
See you done made a few hos
some Folgers too, huh, nigga?
668
00:37:32,626 --> 00:37:33,961
I fucks with you, nigga.
669
00:37:33,961 --> 00:37:36,046
[audience laughing]
670
00:37:41,927 --> 00:37:44,221
And we don't worry
about her getting pregnant.
671
00:37:44,221 --> 00:37:46,307
[audience laughing]
672
00:37:51,270 --> 00:37:52,146
Mm-mm.
673
00:37:53,147 --> 00:37:54,940
Them days are long past us.
674
00:37:56,442 --> 00:37:58,277
I asked her one day,
"Are you on the pill?"
675
00:37:58,277 --> 00:38:01,613
She was like, "If you don't
open that window and shut the fuck up..."
676
00:38:01,613 --> 00:38:03,949
[audience laughing]
677
00:38:10,581 --> 00:38:14,251
Yeah, we don't worry about that shit.
I be shooting that old box up.
678
00:38:14,251 --> 00:38:16,337
[audience laughing]
679
00:38:18,881 --> 00:38:21,008
You can hear my shit ricocheting in there.
680
00:38:21,008 --> 00:38:22,551
[audience laughing]
681
00:38:22,551 --> 00:38:24,595
"Bing, bing, boom, bang, beam,
682
00:38:24,595 --> 00:38:27,556
bow, boom, pow."
683
00:38:27,556 --> 00:38:29,600
[audience laughing]
684
00:38:33,729 --> 00:38:37,441
I fuck with grown women, you hear me?
Grown, goddamn it.
685
00:38:37,441 --> 00:38:39,526
[cheering and applause]
686
00:38:42,529 --> 00:38:45,699
The women I fuck with,
before we fuck, we pee first.
687
00:38:45,699 --> 00:38:48,327
[audience laughing]
688
00:38:53,332 --> 00:38:57,211
Kissing. "Mmm... muah!"
689
00:38:57,211 --> 00:38:59,213
"I'll be right back."
690
00:38:59,213 --> 00:39:01,090
[audience laughing]
691
00:39:20,609 --> 00:39:22,319
I don't know what's wrong with my come.
692
00:39:22,319 --> 00:39:24,571
That shit ain't coming out
like it used to.
693
00:39:25,989 --> 00:39:27,825
It ain't.
Sometimes it don't come out at all.
694
00:39:27,825 --> 00:39:30,244
It be weird, man.
I don't know what the fuck going on.
695
00:39:30,244 --> 00:39:33,122
I think it's these vitamins
I've been taking or something.
696
00:39:33,789 --> 00:39:35,999
My little vintage piece
was giving me head one day.
697
00:39:35,999 --> 00:39:39,044
I came. Just a gust of wind
shot down her throat.
698
00:39:40,254 --> 00:39:43,340
Her little flimsy throat
can't handle some shit like that.
699
00:39:43,340 --> 00:39:44,550
That shit was like... [whoosh]
700
00:39:44,550 --> 00:39:46,260
She was like, "Ha-ha-hee!"
701
00:39:46,260 --> 00:39:48,345
[audience laughing]
702
00:39:49,513 --> 00:39:51,014
[wheezing]
703
00:39:51,014 --> 00:39:53,100
[audience laughing]
704
00:39:58,897 --> 00:40:01,150
"Was that wind
that came out your dick just now?"
705
00:40:01,650 --> 00:40:03,694
I was like,
"Yeah. I gotta go see a doctor."
706
00:40:03,694 --> 00:40:05,863
"I think it's these vitamins
I've been taking."
707
00:40:05,863 --> 00:40:08,031
"I don't know what the fuck is going on."
708
00:40:12,202 --> 00:40:13,745
And I don't like professional head.
709
00:40:13,745 --> 00:40:16,457
If you give good head,
I don't... I don't want that shit.
710
00:40:16,457 --> 00:40:17,833
That shit turn me off.
711
00:40:18,333 --> 00:40:21,920
Like, professional head?
Mm-mm. I like novice head.
712
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:23,380
[audience laughs]
713
00:40:23,380 --> 00:40:25,632
Yeah. If you know what you doing,
714
00:40:25,632 --> 00:40:28,427
act like you don't know what you doing
when giving me head.
715
00:40:28,927 --> 00:40:31,221
Look at me like this. "Is this okay? Hmm?"
716
00:40:31,221 --> 00:40:32,389
[audience laughing]
717
00:40:32,389 --> 00:40:34,224
"Yes."
718
00:40:34,224 --> 00:40:36,560
[audience laughing]
719
00:40:38,645 --> 00:40:41,273
I don't like good professional head, man.
720
00:40:41,273 --> 00:40:43,275
Motherfucker who suck your dick all good?
721
00:40:43,275 --> 00:40:46,904
Nah, 'cause anybody who give good head
or somebody give me good head,
722
00:40:46,904 --> 00:40:51,909
the whole time, I can't help but to think
all the practice you done had...
723
00:40:51,909 --> 00:40:53,243
[audience laughing]
724
00:40:53,243 --> 00:40:55,329
...to reach these levels of greatness.
725
00:40:55,329 --> 00:40:57,623
[audience laughing]
726
00:41:03,504 --> 00:41:04,713
Mm-mm.
727
00:41:05,297 --> 00:41:09,259
This girl came in my bedroom one day
butt-ass naked, just a scrunchie on, like...
728
00:41:10,844 --> 00:41:13,055
I was like, "Hold on.
Let's talk about this."
729
00:41:13,055 --> 00:41:14,723
[audience laughing]
730
00:41:14,723 --> 00:41:16,433
"Ahh! Bop, bop, bop!"
731
00:41:16,433 --> 00:41:17,351
I'm like, "No!"
732
00:41:17,351 --> 00:41:19,144
"Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop!"
733
00:41:19,144 --> 00:41:22,481
You ever have a bitch brush her teeth
with your dick, nigga? That bitch like...
734
00:41:22,981 --> 00:41:25,859
[audience laughing]
735
00:41:25,859 --> 00:41:27,903
I'm like, "No!"
736
00:41:27,903 --> 00:41:29,988
[audience laughing]
737
00:41:35,869 --> 00:41:37,412
I don't want that shit.
738
00:41:37,412 --> 00:41:39,873
You give me some good novice head,
739
00:41:39,873 --> 00:41:42,918
in return, I give you
one hell of a ponytail.
740
00:41:42,918 --> 00:41:44,628
[audience laughs]
741
00:41:44,628 --> 00:41:46,880
While you down there
giving me head, I just...
742
00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:49,466
[audience laughing]
743
00:42:10,404 --> 00:42:13,865
Girl get up like, "Goddamn, nigga! Shit!"
744
00:42:13,865 --> 00:42:15,534
[audience laughing]
745
00:42:15,534 --> 00:42:18,704
"How you get a bang right here, nigga?
That's crazy."
746
00:42:18,704 --> 00:42:20,622
[audience laughing]
747
00:42:28,589 --> 00:42:29,881
When you giving head, ladies,
748
00:42:29,881 --> 00:42:33,677
make sure you know what kind of penis
you working with, aight? Okay?
749
00:42:33,677 --> 00:42:37,014
And-- and-- and that dictates
the kind of head you give, you know.
750
00:42:37,014 --> 00:42:38,223
Some of y'all got this guy.
751
00:42:38,223 --> 00:42:39,641
"Mmm."
752
00:42:39,641 --> 00:42:40,976
And some of you got this guy.
753
00:42:40,976 --> 00:42:42,603
"Hmm."
754
00:42:43,186 --> 00:42:44,229
"Mmm."
755
00:42:44,896 --> 00:42:46,148
"Hmm."
756
00:42:46,898 --> 00:42:48,483
Fellas, don't sleep on no two fingers.
757
00:42:48,483 --> 00:42:52,112
I had a motherfucker hit me off good
with them motherfuckers, boy.
758
00:42:52,112 --> 00:42:54,156
That bitch was hitting
a trumpet, nigga. Like...
759
00:42:54,156 --> 00:42:56,450
[singing upbeat melody]
760
00:42:57,743 --> 00:43:00,621
I had a umbrella second-lining
on that motherfucker.
761
00:43:00,621 --> 00:43:02,706
[audience laughing]
762
00:43:14,217 --> 00:43:15,510
"Mmm."
763
00:43:16,136 --> 00:43:17,304
"Hmm."
764
00:43:17,971 --> 00:43:19,598
Some of y'all got this nigga, though.
765
00:43:19,598 --> 00:43:21,600
Mmm, that old two-hand nigga.
766
00:43:22,517 --> 00:43:24,311
[grunting]
767
00:43:24,311 --> 00:43:26,313
Yeah, I ain't no two-hand nigga.
768
00:43:26,313 --> 00:43:27,648
[audience laughing]
769
00:43:27,648 --> 00:43:29,232
This girl did that to me one time.
770
00:43:29,232 --> 00:43:32,778
I was like, "Aw, that's so sweet,
but you can take that top hand off."
771
00:43:32,778 --> 00:43:34,905
[audience laughing]
772
00:43:34,905 --> 00:43:37,366
"No, for real.
There ain't nothing there to suck."
773
00:43:37,366 --> 00:43:40,285
"Just take that off and we good. Just..."
774
00:43:40,285 --> 00:43:42,371
[audience laughing]
775
00:43:43,288 --> 00:43:45,791
"Bitch, you giving me an Indian burn.
Stop, please."
776
00:43:45,791 --> 00:43:47,876
[audience laughing]
777
00:43:58,345 --> 00:44:00,639
I got some jokes I'm gonna try for y'all.
778
00:44:00,639 --> 00:44:03,433
[cheering and applause]
779
00:44:10,565 --> 00:44:11,566
Hopefully, you like 'em.
780
00:44:11,566 --> 00:44:14,277
If not, I'll never see you again,
so it don't matter.
781
00:44:14,277 --> 00:44:15,362
[audience laughs]
782
00:44:15,362 --> 00:44:16,655
[clears throat]
783
00:44:20,701 --> 00:44:23,286
You know who gotta
change they name real soon?
784
00:44:23,286 --> 00:44:24,955
Babyface.
785
00:44:24,955 --> 00:44:27,040
[audience laughing]
786
00:44:36,633 --> 00:44:40,387
Saw him perform recently, and I was
looking at him the whole time going,
787
00:44:41,012 --> 00:44:43,223
"You got one more week of Babyface."
788
00:44:43,223 --> 00:44:45,308
[audience laughing]
789
00:44:46,268 --> 00:44:48,478
Not that I don't call you the Face, nigga.
790
00:44:48,478 --> 00:44:50,564
[audience laughing]
791
00:44:53,525 --> 00:44:56,278
[scattered applause]
792
00:45:01,366 --> 00:45:03,201
If you're giving somebody head,
793
00:45:04,077 --> 00:45:07,372
whether it be male or female,
and they tap you on your forehead,
794
00:45:07,372 --> 00:45:10,000
or they pull you up and go, "Come on,"
795
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:12,544
don't try to fuck.
Just grab your coat and leave.
796
00:45:12,544 --> 00:45:14,629
[audience laughing]
797
00:45:16,798 --> 00:45:18,008
'Cause you was horrible.
798
00:45:18,008 --> 00:45:20,302
[audience laughing]
799
00:45:20,302 --> 00:45:24,389
You get that pull-up, go ahead and leave.
Just grab your keys and go.
800
00:45:24,389 --> 00:45:26,475
[audience laughing]
801
00:45:27,934 --> 00:45:30,854
I had one of my vintage honeys
do that to me one time,
802
00:45:30,854 --> 00:45:34,357
but she ain't let me go. She kept me there
and consulted me and shit.
803
00:45:34,357 --> 00:45:36,359
[audience laughing]
804
00:45:36,359 --> 00:45:39,279
She was like, "Mm-mm.
Baby, mm-mm. No, come on. Come on."
805
00:45:39,279 --> 00:45:41,198
"Come, come, come, come, come."
806
00:45:41,198 --> 00:45:42,199
[audience laughing]
807
00:45:42,199 --> 00:45:45,118
"No, don't go nowhere.
Just lay right here. It's all good."
808
00:45:45,660 --> 00:45:48,121
"That's all right.
No, just lay right here. It's fine."
809
00:45:48,121 --> 00:45:49,331
"It's fine, baby."
810
00:45:49,915 --> 00:45:52,125
"If you knew better,
you'd do better, right?"
811
00:45:52,125 --> 00:45:54,002
[audience laughing]
812
00:45:54,002 --> 00:45:56,463
"We ain't got nothing
but time and opportunity."
813
00:45:56,463 --> 00:45:59,633
"It's gonna work out.
We're gonna work it out, I promise you."
814
00:45:59,633 --> 00:46:01,718
[audience laughing]
815
00:46:10,227 --> 00:46:13,855
Fellas, if you 50,
close to 50, or over 50,
816
00:46:14,481 --> 00:46:17,901
and you got a girlfriend,
fiancée, or wife,
817
00:46:17,901 --> 00:46:20,028
and you still working out,
818
00:46:20,570 --> 00:46:23,031
you got some extra young hos on the side.
819
00:46:23,031 --> 00:46:25,575
[laughter and surprised reactions]
820
00:46:25,575 --> 00:46:26,952
Guaranteed.
821
00:46:28,161 --> 00:46:31,456
'Cause what you still working out for,
huh? It's over.
822
00:46:31,456 --> 00:46:34,167
[audience laughing]
823
00:46:34,167 --> 00:46:37,003
What, you got a big fight
coming up, nigga? What is you...
824
00:46:37,003 --> 00:46:39,089
[audience laughing]
825
00:46:50,976 --> 00:46:53,728
Fellas, you ever catch your girl
humping in her sleep?
826
00:46:53,728 --> 00:46:55,438
I don't play that shit.
827
00:46:55,438 --> 00:46:57,691
[audience laughing]
828
00:46:58,275 --> 00:47:01,403
You humping in your sleep,
I'd be like, "Bitch, who's you fucking?"
829
00:47:01,403 --> 00:47:03,488
[audience laughing]
830
00:47:05,991 --> 00:47:10,078
Especially if she ain't give you no pussy
before she knocked out asleep, like...
831
00:47:10,078 --> 00:47:12,330
[audience laughing]
832
00:47:12,330 --> 00:47:14,875
"Get that nigga off of you
in your dreams, bitch!"
833
00:47:14,875 --> 00:47:16,960
[audience laughing]
834
00:47:25,010 --> 00:47:28,471
When Christian people have sex,
what kind of music do they listen to?
835
00:47:28,471 --> 00:47:30,640
[audience laughing]
836
00:47:30,640 --> 00:47:33,977
They can't listen to worldly music.
See, it's a void.
837
00:47:33,977 --> 00:47:36,897
That's why I'mma start making
gospel love songs.
838
00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:39,649
Start making something they can fuck to.
839
00:47:39,649 --> 00:47:41,526
[audience laughing]
840
00:47:42,110 --> 00:47:44,779
♪ Put down your Bible ♪
841
00:47:44,779 --> 00:47:46,072
[audience laughing]
842
00:47:46,072 --> 00:47:50,577
♪ And I'mma take off my usher gloves ♪
843
00:47:50,577 --> 00:47:52,662
[audience laughing]
844
00:48:02,297 --> 00:48:04,174
Do big girls wear waist beads?
845
00:48:04,674 --> 00:48:07,469
[audience laughing]
846
00:48:07,469 --> 00:48:09,304
Oh, okay. All right.
847
00:48:09,304 --> 00:48:11,598
[audience laughing]
848
00:48:12,766 --> 00:48:14,935
"Yes! And?! And?!"
849
00:48:14,935 --> 00:48:17,020
[audience laughing]
850
00:48:27,322 --> 00:48:29,199
Who here with they best friend? Clap.
851
00:48:29,199 --> 00:48:32,202
[cheering and applause]
852
00:48:35,455 --> 00:48:37,791
I don't know if you ever realized this,
853
00:48:37,791 --> 00:48:40,710
but you all can't go
to each other's funerals.
854
00:48:40,710 --> 00:48:42,796
[surprised reactions]
855
00:48:48,385 --> 00:48:50,387
[audience laughing]
856
00:48:58,103 --> 00:49:00,355
That took a wrong turn, didn't it?
857
00:49:00,355 --> 00:49:02,941
[audience laughing]
858
00:49:02,941 --> 00:49:04,651
Why y'all get so sensitive?
859
00:49:04,651 --> 00:49:10,240
What I'm saying to you is that you got
to hang out with the person that you with.
860
00:49:10,240 --> 00:49:13,076
Hang out 'cause you can't go
to each other's funeral.
861
00:49:13,076 --> 00:49:15,328
So you gotta love that person
and be with them.
862
00:49:15,328 --> 00:49:18,540
That's all that I was trying to say
and shit, you know.
863
00:49:18,540 --> 00:49:20,625
[applause]
864
00:49:20,625 --> 00:49:23,878
Plus, listen, I am a observational comic.
865
00:49:23,878 --> 00:49:25,880
That's what they call me,
a observational comic.
866
00:49:25,880 --> 00:49:27,716
I observe things, and I talk about it.
867
00:49:27,716 --> 00:49:30,677
I'm not one of these slip-on-banana-peel,
868
00:49:30,677 --> 00:49:34,305
pie-in-the-face-ass
fucking comedians and shit, you know?
869
00:49:34,305 --> 00:49:36,599
If you noticed, I barely moved all night.
870
00:49:36,599 --> 00:49:39,561
[audience laughing]
871
00:49:39,561 --> 00:49:42,814
I'm a observational motherfucker and shit.
So that's all I was doing.
872
00:49:42,814 --> 00:49:46,109
Observing something that you probably
haven't thought about, you know?
873
00:49:46,609 --> 00:49:49,738
My man Ocean said that shit to me one day,
drunk as shit.
874
00:49:49,738 --> 00:49:53,867
He was like, "Hey, nigga, you know
we can't go to each other's funerals."
875
00:49:53,867 --> 00:49:55,994
I was like, "Nigga, that's deep."
876
00:49:55,994 --> 00:49:58,496
[audience laughing]
877
00:50:00,373 --> 00:50:01,875
"Well, I'm going to yours."
878
00:50:01,875 --> 00:50:04,377
[audience laughing]
879
00:50:15,263 --> 00:50:19,100
Why the older you get,
the more violent your come sounds become?
880
00:50:19,100 --> 00:50:21,936
[audience laughing]
881
00:50:23,980 --> 00:50:25,982
When you old and you come, you be like...
882
00:50:25,982 --> 00:50:29,277
"Ahhh!"
883
00:50:29,277 --> 00:50:30,862
"Ahh!"
884
00:50:30,862 --> 00:50:31,821
[audience laughing]
885
00:50:31,821 --> 00:50:32,864
"Ohh!"
886
00:50:33,531 --> 00:50:35,033
"Ahhh!"
887
00:50:35,867 --> 00:50:36,701
"Ah!"
888
00:50:36,701 --> 00:50:38,828
"Ahh!"
889
00:50:38,828 --> 00:50:40,622
[groaning]
890
00:50:40,622 --> 00:50:42,582
[crackly inhale]
891
00:50:42,582 --> 00:50:45,376
[audience laughing]
892
00:50:45,376 --> 00:50:47,629
"Ooh, that was good, baby. Goddamn!"
893
00:50:47,629 --> 00:50:49,714
[audience laughing]
894
00:51:01,643 --> 00:51:03,186
When gay people say su...
895
00:51:03,186 --> 00:51:04,104
eh.
896
00:51:04,104 --> 00:51:06,648
[audience laughing]
897
00:51:11,694 --> 00:51:13,613
Nah, I ain't doing that, motherfucker.
898
00:51:13,613 --> 00:51:15,031
[audience laughs]
899
00:51:15,031 --> 00:51:18,618
Niggas cancel me
and fuck up my Old Spice contract.
900
00:51:18,618 --> 00:51:21,663
[laughter and applause]
901
00:51:21,663 --> 00:51:25,375
[cheering and applause]
902
00:51:34,425 --> 00:51:37,178
Jamaican men
some dirty-dick motherfuckers, boy.
903
00:51:37,178 --> 00:51:38,471
[audience laughing]
904
00:51:38,471 --> 00:51:40,390
They fuck anything. They don't care.
905
00:51:41,307 --> 00:51:43,143
Homeless women. They don't give a fuck
906
00:51:43,143 --> 00:51:44,477
[audience laughs]
907
00:51:44,477 --> 00:51:48,439
"What is a beautiful girl like you
living in a box like this for?"
908
00:51:48,439 --> 00:51:49,566
[audience laughing]
909
00:51:49,566 --> 00:51:51,901
"Leave that bitch alone.
She homeless, nigga."
910
00:51:51,901 --> 00:51:53,987
[audience laughing]
911
00:52:01,953 --> 00:52:05,290
I was in the waiting room
at the doctor's office,
912
00:52:05,290 --> 00:52:06,541
sitting there waiting.
913
00:52:06,541 --> 00:52:09,419
Jamaican nurse comes out the back,
and she goes,
914
00:52:09,419 --> 00:52:11,004
"The Uncle."
915
00:52:11,796 --> 00:52:13,423
"The Uncle."
916
00:52:13,423 --> 00:52:16,301
And I'm going, "Who would write
their name down 'The Uncle'?"
917
00:52:16,301 --> 00:52:17,844
"That's some stupid shit."
918
00:52:17,844 --> 00:52:20,930
But the bitch was really saying,
"Deon Cole."
919
00:52:20,930 --> 00:52:23,683
[audience laughing]
920
00:52:28,813 --> 00:52:30,565
"The Uncle."
921
00:52:30,565 --> 00:52:32,901
[audience laughing]
922
00:52:32,901 --> 00:52:35,320
"Deon Cole."
923
00:52:35,320 --> 00:52:38,489
[audience laughing]
924
00:52:41,576 --> 00:52:44,579
Fuck around and missed my appointment
over that bullshit.
925
00:52:44,579 --> 00:52:46,664
[audience laughing]
926
00:52:57,258 --> 00:52:59,802
I hate the way
these young people text nowadays.
927
00:53:00,762 --> 00:53:04,140
All that abbreviation and shit.
I don't be understanding that shit.
928
00:53:05,808 --> 00:53:07,769
Little young dude that work for me.
[clears throat]
929
00:53:07,769 --> 00:53:09,562
He texted me this.
This is what he texted me.
930
00:53:09,562 --> 00:53:12,023
He texted me the letter D,
931
00:53:12,649 --> 00:53:15,360
comma, the letter R,
932
00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:17,153
the letter U,
933
00:53:17,153 --> 00:53:18,905
the letter O,
934
00:53:18,905 --> 00:53:20,406
O,
935
00:53:21,074 --> 00:53:21,950
T.
936
00:53:22,575 --> 00:53:24,369
And I was like, "What the fuck?"
937
00:53:24,369 --> 00:53:25,411
[audience laughs]
938
00:53:25,411 --> 00:53:26,996
I called him up. "What's that?"
939
00:53:26,996 --> 00:53:29,999
He was like, "Oh, I was just saying,
'D, are you out of town?'"
940
00:53:29,999 --> 00:53:32,835
[audience laughing]
941
00:53:32,835 --> 00:53:35,964
Nigga, how the fuck I'm supposed to know
these letters mean that?
942
00:53:36,464 --> 00:53:39,050
"Everybody know that."
"No, nigga, everybody don't."
943
00:53:39,050 --> 00:53:40,718
[audience laughing]
944
00:53:40,718 --> 00:53:41,678
Click.
945
00:53:41,678 --> 00:53:43,054
[audience laughs]
946
00:53:46,432 --> 00:53:49,602
Fifteen minutes later, I text him this.
This is what I text him.
947
00:53:50,895 --> 00:53:52,230
Y,
948
00:53:52,230 --> 00:53:53,815
I,
949
00:53:53,815 --> 00:53:55,316
A,
950
00:53:55,316 --> 00:53:56,693
B,
951
00:53:56,693 --> 00:53:58,152
I,
952
00:53:58,152 --> 00:53:59,320
M,
953
00:53:59,320 --> 00:54:00,655
B,
954
00:54:01,155 --> 00:54:02,156
B,
955
00:54:02,824 --> 00:54:03,908
E,
956
00:54:04,450 --> 00:54:05,535
D,
957
00:54:06,119 --> 00:54:07,245
O,
958
00:54:07,954 --> 00:54:09,247
H,
959
00:54:09,247 --> 00:54:10,331
F,
960
00:54:11,082 --> 00:54:12,166
L,
961
00:54:12,917 --> 00:54:13,876
I,
962
00:54:14,377 --> 00:54:15,586
T,
963
00:54:16,462 --> 00:54:17,505
M.
964
00:54:17,505 --> 00:54:19,590
[audience laughing]
965
00:54:20,675 --> 00:54:23,720
[scattered applause]
966
00:54:24,929 --> 00:54:27,056
He called me.
"Hey, what the fuck is that?"
967
00:54:27,056 --> 00:54:28,016
[audience laughs]
968
00:54:28,016 --> 00:54:31,185
"I was just saying, yes, I am,
but I might be back early
969
00:54:31,185 --> 00:54:33,688
depending on how flights look
in the morning."
970
00:54:33,688 --> 00:54:36,524
[laughter and applause]
971
00:54:36,524 --> 00:54:38,609
"Everybody know that, nigga."
972
00:54:38,609 --> 00:54:41,321
[laughter and applause]
973
00:54:43,865 --> 00:54:45,867
[audience cheering]
974
00:54:45,867 --> 00:54:48,244
[cheering and applause]
975
00:54:57,545 --> 00:54:58,755
Oh boy.
976
00:55:00,173 --> 00:55:02,717
Learn how to date, everybody. All right?
Learn how to date.
977
00:55:02,717 --> 00:55:03,926
And ask some good questions.
978
00:55:03,926 --> 00:55:06,387
Y'all keep asking these surface questions.
Ask good questions.
979
00:55:06,387 --> 00:55:09,849
One question a lot of men don't ask women
which you should ask...
980
00:55:09,849 --> 00:55:13,144
I ask this all the time.
It's a make-or-break question for me.
981
00:55:13,686 --> 00:55:15,855
Anytime you meet a woman, fellas,
you gotta ask her,
982
00:55:15,855 --> 00:55:17,315
"What temperature are you?"
983
00:55:19,525 --> 00:55:21,569
Yeah. You gotta ask that.
984
00:55:21,569 --> 00:55:24,572
You don't want to be spending time
with her, y'all start liking each other,
985
00:55:24,572 --> 00:55:27,784
hanging out and stuff,
then you start going over her house,
986
00:55:27,784 --> 00:55:31,120
and you find out
her house 90 motherfucking degrees.
987
00:55:31,120 --> 00:55:32,580
[audience laughing]
988
00:55:32,580 --> 00:55:33,998
"Is she anemic?"
989
00:55:33,998 --> 00:55:35,792
[audience laughing]
990
00:55:35,792 --> 00:55:37,919
Now you fucking on bath tiles.
991
00:55:37,919 --> 00:55:40,004
[audience laughing]
992
00:55:42,465 --> 00:55:44,592
You should ask, "What temperature is you?"
993
00:55:45,176 --> 00:55:47,387
I'll go over some vintage woman house,
994
00:55:47,387 --> 00:55:50,973
and her shit 50 motherfucking degrees.
995
00:55:50,973 --> 00:55:53,768
- You can hang meat in this motherfucker.
- [audience laughs]
996
00:55:53,768 --> 00:55:56,854
Neck-fan batteries
all over the goddamn place.
997
00:55:57,438 --> 00:56:00,274
Keep cutting...
The air on, heat on, air on, heat on, air...
998
00:56:00,274 --> 00:56:02,568
You'll catch pneumonia
over this bitch house.
999
00:56:02,568 --> 00:56:04,070
[audience laughs]
1000
00:56:04,070 --> 00:56:05,947
"Yeah, so what temperature is you?"
1001
00:56:06,823 --> 00:56:10,701
See, I like
a nice 71-to-73-degree motherfucker.
1002
00:56:10,701 --> 00:56:15,081
Sometimes 74,
depending on what we're doing, you know.
1003
00:56:15,081 --> 00:56:19,752
Yeah, that temperature's a motherfucker.
Even in the workplace, you know?
1004
00:56:19,752 --> 00:56:22,088
Like, a lot of jobs, offices,
1005
00:56:22,088 --> 00:56:24,841
they can't get 100% out of Black women
1006
00:56:24,841 --> 00:56:27,510
because it's too cold
in that motherfucker.
1007
00:56:27,510 --> 00:56:29,971
[laughter and applause]
1008
00:56:29,971 --> 00:56:33,599
For real.
Y'all gotta cut that goddamn air off,
1009
00:56:33,599 --> 00:56:37,103
and then you can get 100%
out of the Black women that work there.
1010
00:56:37,687 --> 00:56:40,064
Every Black woman I know, at her job,
1011
00:56:40,064 --> 00:56:42,900
got a shawl and a space heater
at that motherfucker.
1012
00:56:42,900 --> 00:56:44,986
[laughter and applause]
1013
00:56:44,986 --> 00:56:46,904
Try to get these niggas 100%.
1014
00:56:48,030 --> 00:56:51,200
I'm quite sure Kamala got a space heater
at the White House.
1015
00:56:51,200 --> 00:56:53,286
[audience laughing]
1016
00:56:56,664 --> 00:56:59,000
And everybody wanna be
a boyfriend and girlfriend,
1017
00:56:59,000 --> 00:57:01,544
but don't nobody wanna be a best friend.
1018
00:57:02,086 --> 00:57:04,839
That's what the fuck
you should be focusing on.
1019
00:57:04,839 --> 00:57:06,174
[cheering and applause]
1020
00:57:06,174 --> 00:57:09,969
Quit doing the shit you been doing.
No relationship shit and trying to...
1021
00:57:09,969 --> 00:57:11,179
Fuck that shit.
1022
00:57:11,179 --> 00:57:13,681
Find you a motherfucker
that's cool as shit
1023
00:57:13,681 --> 00:57:15,558
and then get off into that shit,
1024
00:57:15,558 --> 00:57:18,394
because if the fucking don't work out,
you still got a friend.
1025
00:57:18,394 --> 00:57:21,564
You can't keep wasting your life away
on these relationships.
1026
00:57:21,564 --> 00:57:24,275
They're motherfuckers
you don't even speak to no more.
1027
00:57:24,275 --> 00:57:26,068
[applause]
1028
00:57:26,068 --> 00:57:28,196
There's motherfuckers
you don't even speak to no more,
1029
00:57:28,196 --> 00:57:30,781
and you done gave this nigga
your good years.
1030
00:57:31,699 --> 00:57:35,495
This nigga done took all your good years.
I can see it in your eyes.
1031
00:57:35,495 --> 00:57:37,955
[audience laughing]
1032
00:57:37,955 --> 00:57:40,458
I see you thinking about that nigga.
The ol' bastard.
1033
00:57:40,458 --> 00:57:43,336
That bastard, he took 'em all, didn't he?
1034
00:57:43,336 --> 00:57:46,005
Yeah, nigga got you all fat. Fat and fun.
1035
00:57:46,005 --> 00:57:48,591
Y'all was eating and drinking
the whole time.
1036
00:57:48,591 --> 00:57:51,511
Then he left you, and you like,
"Where you going? Oh no!"
1037
00:57:52,261 --> 00:57:55,890
"You suggested that food.
I didn't wanna eat that shit."
1038
00:57:55,890 --> 00:57:57,308
[audience laughing]
1039
00:57:57,308 --> 00:57:58,351
"Bye, bitch!"
1040
00:57:58,351 --> 00:58:00,686
[audience laughing]
1041
00:58:02,480 --> 00:58:05,608
Hanging out... That's what I'm waiting on.
I'm waiting on a friend.
1042
00:58:05,608 --> 00:58:08,736
I want a motherfucking friend and shit
that can come to...
1043
00:58:08,736 --> 00:58:11,239
Anything I can do with my niggas,
I wanna do with her.
1044
00:58:11,239 --> 00:58:12,698
Movies, concerts.
1045
00:58:12,698 --> 00:58:15,618
Fucking listen to music, all that shit.
I'mma do all that.
1046
00:58:15,618 --> 00:58:19,080
And look. I'm the type of motherfucker,
I wanna be who I am.
1047
00:58:19,080 --> 00:58:22,208
One thing I'm not gonna stop,
I'm never gonna stop looking at women.
1048
00:58:22,208 --> 00:58:23,876
I think women are beautiful,
1049
00:58:23,876 --> 00:58:26,671
and whoever with me,
you got to know I'mma look at 'em.
1050
00:58:26,671 --> 00:58:30,216
Now, I ain't gonna be disrespectful
and groping and trying to holler,
1051
00:58:30,216 --> 00:58:32,510
but I just...
I like the beauty of women and shit,
1052
00:58:32,510 --> 00:58:34,095
and I'mma be looking at 'em.
1053
00:58:34,095 --> 00:58:36,847
I want a motherfucker
that's gonna look at bitches with me.
1054
00:58:36,847 --> 00:58:39,684
- That's the motherfucker I'm waiting on.
- [scattered applause]
1055
00:58:39,684 --> 00:58:40,893
That's what I want.
1056
00:58:41,644 --> 00:58:44,230
If I see a bad motherfucker,
I'll be like, "That's a bad bitch."
1057
00:58:44,230 --> 00:58:47,024
I want her to be like,
"Yeah, that bitch bad as a motherfucker."
1058
00:58:47,525 --> 00:58:51,946
And I'm so confident in my sexuality
to return the fucking favor. I am.
1059
00:58:51,946 --> 00:58:55,366
If you see some sexy-ass nigga,
and you like, "That nigga sexy as hell,"
1060
00:58:55,366 --> 00:58:57,577
I'll be like, "Yeah, he got bitches."
1061
00:58:57,577 --> 00:58:59,662
[laughter and applause]
1062
00:59:05,876 --> 00:59:08,754
That's how men compliment men
when you think a nigga fine.
1063
00:59:08,754 --> 00:59:10,214
[audience laughing]
1064
00:59:10,214 --> 00:59:13,092
Like, "My nigga Tone?
That nigga got hos, nigga."
1065
00:59:13,092 --> 00:59:15,177
[laughter and applause]
1066
00:59:15,177 --> 00:59:16,345
[Deon chuckles]
1067
00:59:17,638 --> 00:59:19,181
"Tone got hos."
1068
00:59:22,018 --> 00:59:23,019
Don't act like--
1069
00:59:23,019 --> 00:59:25,896
Fellas, don't act like you don't know
a fine nigga when you see one.
1070
00:59:25,896 --> 00:59:28,149
Don't bullshit.
Don't try to be hard like that.
1071
00:59:28,149 --> 00:59:30,401
You know when a dude look nice or not.
1072
00:59:30,401 --> 00:59:33,362
You'll be around a motherfucker so fine,
you vanish.
1073
00:59:33,362 --> 00:59:35,781
[audience laughing]
1074
00:59:35,781 --> 00:59:36,824
I have.
1075
00:59:36,824 --> 00:59:38,326
[audience laughs]
1076
00:59:38,326 --> 00:59:41,037
I did a movie with Idris Elba, and...
1077
00:59:41,037 --> 00:59:44,123
[audience cheering]
1078
00:59:44,123 --> 00:59:46,709
Hos was literally
trying to walk through me.
1079
00:59:46,709 --> 00:59:48,669
[audience laughing]
1080
00:59:48,669 --> 00:59:50,212
I had to thump 'em in the forehead.
1081
00:59:50,212 --> 00:59:53,090
Like, "Bitch, you see me standing here.
What the fuck?"
1082
00:59:53,090 --> 00:59:55,176
[laughter and applause]
1083
01:00:01,891 --> 01:00:03,225
Ladies, do me a favor too.
1084
01:00:03,225 --> 01:00:06,812
I want you to do me a favor,
like, when it come to your man, all right?
1085
01:00:06,812 --> 01:00:08,898
I'mma speak for all men in here tonight.
1086
01:00:08,898 --> 01:00:11,525
I'mma be the spokesman
for all the fellas in here.
1087
01:00:12,234 --> 01:00:16,280
Ladies, the one thing that men want
that'd make us happy
1088
01:00:16,280 --> 01:00:17,865
and be with you forever is
1089
01:00:17,865 --> 01:00:21,285
you must rub our dicks all the time.
1090
01:00:21,285 --> 01:00:23,371
[scattered laughter and applause]
1091
01:00:24,705 --> 01:00:26,707
[scattered cheering]
1092
01:00:28,125 --> 01:00:30,419
You hear these testimonial claps?
1093
01:00:30,419 --> 01:00:32,380
[audience laughing]
1094
01:00:32,380 --> 01:00:36,509
That's all we want.
Rub our dick any chance you get.
1095
01:00:37,093 --> 01:00:38,469
If you with him tonight,
1096
01:00:38,469 --> 01:00:41,472
put your purse on his lap
and rub his dick.
1097
01:00:41,472 --> 01:00:45,226
Go ahead. You should've been doing it
the whole show. Shame on you, bitch.
1098
01:00:45,226 --> 01:00:47,019
[audience laughing]
1099
01:00:49,980 --> 01:00:52,650
You rub that man dick anytime you get it.
1100
01:00:53,442 --> 01:00:55,486
And stop fucking with our nipples.
1101
01:00:55,486 --> 01:00:58,447
[audience laughing]
1102
01:00:59,156 --> 01:01:01,992
Our nipples don't have
the same sensation as yours.
1103
01:01:02,868 --> 01:01:05,705
Any nigga that be like,
"Ooh, yeah, go ahead,"
1104
01:01:05,705 --> 01:01:06,914
that nigga's a weirdo.
1105
01:01:06,914 --> 01:01:08,541
Kick him out your house.
1106
01:01:08,541 --> 01:01:11,460
[laughter and applause]
1107
01:01:11,460 --> 01:01:16,298
"Ooh yeah! Oh! Don't forget this one!
Don't forget... Don't forget this one."
1108
01:01:16,298 --> 01:01:18,843
Get that weird old nigga out your house.
1109
01:01:19,844 --> 01:01:21,595
You rub our dicks.
1110
01:01:21,595 --> 01:01:23,681
[audience laughing]
1111
01:01:27,309 --> 01:01:30,187
And if you ain't gonna rub it,
stay the fuck away from me.
1112
01:01:30,187 --> 01:01:31,230
[audience laughs]
1113
01:01:31,230 --> 01:01:34,734
Fellas, you ever be on your couch at home,
watching the game, chilling,
1114
01:01:34,734 --> 01:01:38,112
and here she come, plopping on your lap?
You be like...
1115
01:01:38,738 --> 01:01:40,740
[audience laughing]
1116
01:01:45,119 --> 01:01:47,037
That bitch feel that shit.
1117
01:01:47,037 --> 01:01:49,123
[audience laughing]
1118
01:01:55,004 --> 01:01:56,505
You rub that man dick.
1119
01:01:56,505 --> 01:01:57,923
[audience laughs]
1120
01:01:57,923 --> 01:02:00,676
Any time you're in public,
you rub his dick.
1121
01:02:00,676 --> 01:02:04,680
If y'all at the grocery store,
grocery shopping and shit, rub his dick.
1122
01:02:04,680 --> 01:02:06,599
That shit'd get you out of cooking.
1123
01:02:06,599 --> 01:02:08,684
[audience laughing]
1124
01:02:11,395 --> 01:02:13,481
All you gotta do
is get real close up on him.
1125
01:02:13,481 --> 01:02:15,983
That's how you do it in public.
Get real close on him like this
1126
01:02:15,983 --> 01:02:18,861
and be like,
"So, uh, what we eating tonight?"
1127
01:02:18,861 --> 01:02:20,988
[audience laughing]
1128
01:02:20,988 --> 01:02:23,491
Nigga be like,
"Uh, we can get some gummy bears."
1129
01:02:23,491 --> 01:02:26,327
[audience laughing]
1130
01:02:26,327 --> 01:02:29,997
"Some cereal. We don't need no milk.
Just cereal. I'm cool with cereal."
1131
01:02:35,669 --> 01:02:39,131
Tonight, that man driving you home,
focused on the road,
1132
01:02:39,131 --> 01:02:41,133
making sure you get home safely.
1133
01:02:41,842 --> 01:02:43,969
And you sitting in the passenger seat
1134
01:02:45,513 --> 01:02:46,764
on your phone
1135
01:02:47,640 --> 01:02:49,183
with two good hands?
1136
01:02:49,183 --> 01:02:50,935
[audience laughing]
1137
01:02:50,935 --> 01:02:53,020
You disrespectful bitch, you.
1138
01:02:53,020 --> 01:02:54,188
[audience laughing]
1139
01:02:54,188 --> 01:02:57,399
You reach over there
and rub that man dick till y'all get home.
1140
01:02:57,399 --> 01:02:58,692
[audience laughs]
1141
01:02:58,692 --> 01:03:01,654
You still got your phone
in this other hand, motherfucker.
1142
01:03:02,488 --> 01:03:06,367
You don't need two hands to scroll.
I ain't never seen a nigga scrolling like...
1143
01:03:06,367 --> 01:03:08,285
[audience laughing]
1144
01:03:12,456 --> 01:03:13,999
You rub that man dick.
1145
01:03:13,999 --> 01:03:16,752
[audience laughing]
1146
01:03:16,752 --> 01:03:19,505
Anytime you in that passenger seat,
morning, noon, and night,
1147
01:03:19,505 --> 01:03:23,050
you rub that man's dick.
You hear me? It's the little things.
1148
01:03:23,050 --> 01:03:26,011
That nigga'll love you forever
if you did that shit.
1149
01:03:26,011 --> 01:03:27,513
You rub his dick good enough,
1150
01:03:27,513 --> 01:03:30,015
ain't no telling
where that nigga gonna drive to.
1151
01:03:30,015 --> 01:03:31,809
[audience laughing]
1152
01:03:31,809 --> 01:03:34,353
"Let me see
if there's a Zales open around here."
1153
01:03:35,104 --> 01:03:38,232
"Get this bitch some earrings
or something, shit!
1154
01:03:38,232 --> 01:03:41,986
Faithfully rubbing this motherfucker.
"I like it. I like it."
1155
01:03:41,986 --> 01:03:44,071
[audience laughing]
1156
01:03:46,574 --> 01:03:49,660
And if you feeling real froggy tonight,
ladies, do me a favor.
1157
01:03:49,660 --> 01:03:52,830
Go ahead and put your head over there
and hit 'em off and shit tonight.
1158
01:03:52,830 --> 01:03:54,874
Yeah! Be brave.
1159
01:03:55,749 --> 01:03:58,794
Put your head under that steering wheel.
Go ahead.
1160
01:03:59,503 --> 01:04:01,714
Make him adjust that steering wheel.
1161
01:04:02,214 --> 01:04:04,842
That nigga had that shit
all the way up here tonight.
1162
01:04:04,842 --> 01:04:06,927
[audience laughing]
1163
01:04:10,222 --> 01:04:12,057
Los Angeles, I love you.
1164
01:04:12,057 --> 01:04:13,100
[audience cheering]
1165
01:04:13,100 --> 01:04:16,562
I hope you had a good time tonight.
Thank you so much.
1166
01:04:17,396 --> 01:04:19,899
Love y'all from the bottom of my heart.
1167
01:04:20,691 --> 01:04:22,735
Anybody that ever bought a ticket,
1168
01:04:22,735 --> 01:04:26,614
anybody that ever supported me,
that ever come out to the show,
1169
01:04:26,614 --> 01:04:29,199
I love you forever.
1170
01:04:29,199 --> 01:04:31,410
Los Angeles, thank you. I'm Deon Cole.
1171
01:04:31,410 --> 01:04:33,454
[cheering and applause]
1172
01:04:33,454 --> 01:04:36,373
["Post That"
by Deon Cole and Terry Hunter playing]
1173
01:04:41,211 --> 01:04:43,255
- [man] ♪ Sexy bitch ♪
- [woman] ♪ Mm-hmm ♪
1174
01:04:43,255 --> 01:04:45,549
[man] ♪ Fine mother-- thick motherfucker ♪
1175
01:04:45,549 --> 01:04:46,800
[woman] ♪ All right ♪
1176
01:04:46,800 --> 01:04:47,760
[man] ♪ Unh ♪
1177
01:04:47,760 --> 01:04:48,761
[woman] ♪ Oh! ♪
1178
01:04:48,761 --> 01:04:52,514
[man] ♪ All alone in your zone
Get those reps up ♪
1179
01:04:52,514 --> 01:04:56,268
♪ Get it right, keep it tight
Don't you give up ♪
1180
01:04:56,268 --> 01:05:00,272
♪ Standing there, taking in
Those gains you build up ♪
1181
01:05:00,272 --> 01:05:04,151
♪ Grab your camera, take a flick
And don't you hesitate to... ♪
1182
01:05:04,151 --> 01:05:06,153
- [group] ♪ Post that shit ♪
- [man] ♪ Yeah ♪
1183
01:05:06,153 --> 01:05:08,113
- [group] ♪ Post that shit ♪
- [man] ♪ Big girl ♪
1184
01:05:08,113 --> 01:05:10,032
- [group] ♪ Post that shit ♪
- [man] ♪ All right ♪
1185
01:05:10,032 --> 01:05:11,992
- [group] ♪ Post that shit ♪
- [man] ♪ Nigga ♪
1186
01:05:11,992 --> 01:05:13,911
- [group] ♪ Post that shit ♪
- [man] ♪ Yeah ♪
1187
01:05:13,911 --> 01:05:15,829
- [group] ♪ Post that shit ♪
- [man] ♪ All right ♪
1188
01:05:15,829 --> 01:05:17,623
- [group] ♪ Post that shit ♪
- [man] ♪ Bitch ♪
1189
01:05:17,623 --> 01:05:19,583
- [group] ♪ Post that shit ♪
- [man] ♪ Hoo! ♪
1190
01:05:19,583 --> 01:05:20,918
♪ You in the kitchen ♪
1191
01:05:20,918 --> 01:05:23,212
{\an8}♪ Cooking and making dishes ♪
1192
01:05:23,212 --> 01:05:26,590
{\an8}♪ Making all of those wishing
They could be licking ♪