[birds chirping]
[train wheels screeching]
[dog barking in distance]
- [car horn honking] - [loud crash]
[tires screech]
["Danny Boy" playing over violin]
[mourners sob softly]
Yep.
[indistinct chatter]
Hi. I'm Judy.
- Roman. [clears throat] - I worked with Rocky.
[sobbing] Sorry.
It's like looking at a ghost. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
[sobs] Have to get out of here.
Roman. Eric.
We've never met, but I feel like I know you.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm-I'm here if you... [cries]
Oh, God. [cries] Your face.
[cries]
[door closes]
It doesn't-- Actually, it doesn't seem like
you are trying to do your job. No, looks like--
It feels like you're doing the opposite of your job
'cause it should be pretty easy to cancel
- my dead brother's account. - Do you want this?
- I don't know. - Ma, I don't know.
I'm on the phone. No, do not put me on hold!
- Do you want these? - I-- Mom, please.
Don't tell me to fucking calm down!
I've been on the phone for, like, an hour--
- Hello? Fuck! - Roman,
do you want me to keep these or throw them away?
- Do we have to do this now? - We don't have the room,
but if you wanna keep everything--
Can we just do this tomorrow, please? Why?
Because I'm going back tomorrow.
Okay, but I'm gonna be here, so just leave it.
You're gonna pack up this entire apartment?
- Yes. Yes. - Oh, that's rich.
I'll do it myself-- What?
I don't think you should stay here. I don't think
- it's good for you. - Oh, come on. You don't know
what's good for me, Mom. You never knew
- what was good for me. Okay? - All right.
- You kidding me? - Well, then never mind.
- I won't help you. - Good.
- You can do all this yourself. - That's what I'm saying.
- That's-- Go. - I'll go back to the hotel.
- Don't call me. - Good. Good for fucking you!
Time-out! [sighs]
[breathes deeply]
Roman.
You need help.
Well, that's true.
[rain pattering softly]
[wind whooshing softly]
Hello, everyone.
It's seven o'clock, so I say let's get started.
I see some new faces here today,
so I thought it would be fun to go in a circle.
Say your name,
a vegetable that starts with the same first letter
and one thing you don't miss about your twin.
Charlotte. Carrot.
I don't miss Claire stealing my boyfriend.
[laughing] No, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding. We won't go in a circle.
But Claire, she really did steal my boyfriend.
He couldn't tell us apart. But it still counts, right?
[sighs softly]
I miss her laugh.
We always laughed together.
We talked about doing this Abbott and Costello routine.
[chuckles] But I was too shy.
So, I said to myself I'll try stand-up.
Yep, and I'm about to test jokes on you,
so bear with me.
Okay, you ready? All right.
Raise your hand if you have a twin.
[laughing] Okay.
This is a good crowd.
You know, so many people, they're always asking,
"Who's older?"
I am now that she's dead.
As a twin, it's like you internalize the difference
between you and your other half.
Claire's the outgoing one, Claire's the beautiful one,
Claire's the one with chlamydia.
I was so upset
when she got chlamydia without me.
We're supposed to do everything together. [groans]
[munches]
[thud]
Oh, I wouldn't eat that. Tastes like balls. [chuckles]
Mm, I like balls. [munches]
Oh.
[chuckles]
[Dennis] Mm.
[muffled] Oh, my God, that's so bad. [chuckles]
Are you, uh...
Am I...? [munches]
[Roman] Oh, just-- You said you like balls, so...
Rocky, my brother, was gay.
Was your twin?
Um... No.
Right.
It's weird, isn't it?
Uh, epigenetics.
- Uh... - They're the things you inherit on top of your DNA.
They may account for discrepancies
between identical twins.
[Roman] Huh.
Hey, do you get carsick?
- Sometimes. Why? - Oh.
Rocky always had to sit in the front seat
when we were kids, and...
I don't know, I just thought
maybe that was connected to, like, the gay gene.
If there is one.
Not that there is one.
Uh, it was just an idea. I'm no scientist.
[chuckles] Um, well, there is a gay gene.
Uh, we see orange as blue and blue as orange.
That's why there's so many homosexuals
- in the fashion industry. - Oh. See?
Well, there you go. [chuckles]
I'm sorry, you know that I'm joking, right?
That-that's not true.
Yeah. No, I knew that.
Okay.
I'm D-- uh, I'm Dennis.
Roman. [clears throat]
- What was your twin's name? - Are you hungry?
- Sorry, what? - Sorry. I was just gonna ask
if you like sandwiches. Never mind.
[munches]
[live music playing over stereo]
[Roman sighs]
You sure you don't want some?
Mm, I'm okay.
- I forgot I already ate. - Mm.
- [gulps, sighs] - [cup clatters]
I don't drink caffeine 'cause it does things to me.
Then Brad converted me to tea. Herbal tea.
Brad was this guy I was in love with back in New York.
Then one day, I found all these goat-fucking videos
- in his browser history. - Whoa.
I tried to get him to confess, but I avoid conflict,
so at dinner, I'd order goat cheese on an entrée,
or one time when he was sucking on my neck, I bleated like...
[imitates goat bleating]
See how he'd react. So, I know he knew I knew.
Maybe that's why he broke up with me.
He broke up with you?
Mm. He was the better catch.
I don't know anything about Rocky's boyfriends.
We didn't really talk about that stuff.
[Dennis] What stuff did you talk about?
Socks.
- Socks? - I get holes in all my socks.
I think it's 'cause I forget to cut my toenails.
Rocky thinks it's 'cause I shop at Walmart.
That was our last conversation.
I'm sorry.
[Roman] Not your fault.
[munches]
[chuckles]
So, did you live with your brother?
Uh, no. Yeah, in college.
Mm. Rocky went to college. I stayed in Moscow.
Moscow, Idaho?
You know another one?
Another Moscow?
[sighs] I need to get out of my mom's basement.
She started charging me rent. [scoffs]
Hmm. And how's she taking it?
Cash.
How is she feeling?
She's a nut bucket.
Rocky was her favorite, so...
Mm. I'm nobody's favorite.
Feel like being a twin kind of fucked me.
I never needed anyone else as a kid, you know, but now...
feel like I can't make friends with a fork.
Once, twice a week's not enough.
I want to hang out all the time. I'm-I'm too needy.
I hate doing things alone.
Cooking meals, opening mail,
- folding laundry. - Yeah.
So much faster with two people.
Right? I mean, honestly,
whoever invented the fitted sheet
should be flagellated. And not the fun kind.
[chuckles]
You get me.
[breathes shakily]
[gasps, inhales sharply]
[shower running]
Rocky!
Long time no see. How are you? Did you get a haircut?
Oh. Uh, yeah.
This is so random.
I was literally thinking about you the other day.
I was reading an article about how there's a Japanese word
for people who die in their apartments...
- Mm. - ...and it takes a long time
for anyone to find the body-- Years even.
Old men mostly.
It's like a big problem over there.
Ah, that's awful.
Isn't it?
Anyway, I figured you knew this already
because you used to live in Tokyo, right?
Right. Yeah.
Yeah, what is the word again?
Oh, uh...
"Ahtoatushi."
That doesn't sound right.
[dial tone ringing]
[Dennis] Hello?
Hey. It's Roman. [clears throat]
Do you wanna get groceries with me?
[music playing over speakers]
Hey, how do you know if lemons are ripe?
Uh, it's yellow. Unripe lemons are green.
So why do they got so many unripe ones out?
Those are limes. [laughs]
- [lemon thuds loudly] - [cart rattles]
Uh...
Are you okay?
Can you not laugh at me?
I know I'm not, like, the brightest tool in the shed,
but... I don't appreciate it.
Yeah. Yeah, of course. I'm sorry.
You know, if I get something wrong... tell me.
'Cause... then I can know better.
Would now be a good time to point out
I think you meant to say, "sharpest tool in the shed?"
[clicks tongue] Yeah.
Maybe you meant to say, "brightest bulb in the box."
- Yeah, maybe that's what I meant. - Yeah, yeah.
[refrigerator door rattles over video game]
- [cash register bell dings] - [console clacks]
[fire crackling]
- [player 1 screaming] - [tense music plays]
[alarm blares]
[player 2 shouting indistinctly]
Hey.
Uh, sorry.
I haven't been sleeping well, so...
Oh.
Hey, is that Rocky's shirt?
Oh, yeah, yeah. How'd you know?
- Looks good on you. - Thanks.
What, uh, what are we looking for?
Oh, just browsing. I pick books based on the cover.
I thought you weren't supposed to do that.
You're also not supposed to put Q-tips in your ear,
but if you do it right, it feels really good.
[indistinct chatter, laughter]
[sniffles]
[machine whirring]
[breathing heavily]
[dial line ringing]
[Dennis] I don't know why I'm doing this
'cause nobody's ever gonna hear it.
I answered a call from an unknown number once,
and he said, "Hey, I was thinking about you."
- "What are you doing tonight?" - [line beeps]
[Dennis] And we baked...
Hey.
[pop music playing over speakers]
Think I'm gonna stay.
- What? - Yeah. Lawyer says,
the probate's gonna take a little while anyway.
Plus, Rocky's boss offered me a job.
Uh, he was crying a lot, but I think he was serious.
Hmm.
Feel like I need to be here right now.
- [clears throat] - Totally.
Yeah.
So, I guess that means you and I get to be grocery buddies.
[chuckles]
Hey, what's up with your voicemail greeting,
by the way?
- [muffled babbling] - [muffled] One more.
- [muffled babbling] - Okay, ready?
[chuckles]
[muffled] Hello.
This is Dennis's phone.
[laughs]
[muffled] Please leave a message...
after the tone.
[muffled] Fluffy bunny! [laughs]
[both laugh]
[yells]
What are you thinking about?
Do you believe in the death penalty?
That's what you were thinking about?
I guess no. Because there's a chance
of executing someone innocent, and death is irrevocable.
Yeah, but there's some things you can't take back.
True.
What's the worst thing you've ever done?
There's a few.
Mm.
This one time...
Rocky and I, uh...
we were 16.
And, um...
It was my fault he died.
- What? - [Dennis] It was my fault.
Dean was supposed to pick me up from the airport.
But he forgot.
And I could've just called a cab,
but I wanted him to pick me up,
so I called him again and again and again,
and I was relentless.
So, he broke the speed limit.
And you can guess where this is going.
[breathes deeply] He crashed.
My last words to him were...
"Fuck you."
So... that's my story.
Um...
In fifth grade, I had a stye in my left eye.
[sighs] On school picture day. It was...
swollen and red.
[chuckling] And I looked like Forest Whitaker.
So, I begged to stay home.
But I was overruled,
so Dean pretended to be me for the yearbook.
He saved me. Um...
He was always there on the bad days.
When Ashley from down the street, uh,
made fun of my pink pencil box, he called her a butter troll.
[chuckles]
Uh, when my stepfather asked me not to come home anymore,
Dean held my hand.
Feels like, uh...
every day's a bad day now.
Um, sorry, uh... [sniffles]
It hurts. Like, um, it's literally painful.
But I like it because
if I don't have the pain, then...
he's really gone.
And I'm actually alone.
[somber music playing]
Excuse me.
Hi. Um, is anybody sitting here?
No. Um, yeah, feel free.
Uh, I'm almost done, but, uh, yeah,
I-I don't have anywhere to be, so...
Oh. Oh, no, sorry. I just want the chair. [chuckles]
Yeah.
- Take it. - Okay, thanks.
[chair dragging loudly]
[Rocky] That was tragic.
- Oh, you saw that? - I did, yeah. We all did.
Everyone in the diner.
You have to leave. You can't be here anymore.
- We voted. - Oh.
I know. Come on. I'll escort you out.
Come on. You have to come with me.
No, leave the sandwich. Yeah. Yeah. Here we go.
[soft music playing]
Oh, my God, were you just looking at my butt?
- No. - [laughs]
They make really good sandwiches.
Oh, I don't like really good sandwiches.
I like good ones.
What's your favorite sandwich?
- BLT. - Mm.
- We can skip the small talk. - Yeah, yeah, we can.
Hmm. Ooh.
What's your relationship like with your father?
Are you close with your parents?
No, you can't answer a question with a question.
- I'm close with my father. - Mm.
We don't talk much.
It's an unspoken closeness. He lives in Japan.
- Japan? - Yeah.
- Why Japan? - Uh, I was born in Japan.
He's a professor in Osaka.
- Wait, really? Are you fluent? - Mm-hmm.
Well, I mean, I-I understand fluently,
but my accent's sort of-- Anyway.
Uh, so don't ask me to say anything.
[speaking Japanese]
[sentimental music playing]
What did I just say?
- Something about milkshakes. - [gasps] Oh, my God.
- You're a skinny fucking liar. - Why do you speak Japanese?
Because I lived in Tokyo. Why would you lie to me?
[Dennis sighs]
Is this over?
No, you're cute.
I'm kind of obsessed with you. [slurps]
- Wait, where did you park? - No, we passed it.
- Why didn't you say anything? - I was following you.
Aw. You like following me?
[slurps, gulps]
[sighs]
[both panting heavily]
Tell me something you've never told anyone.
I've never seen Steel Magnolias.
- Oh, that's so hot. - Yeah? Your turn.
Uh, in eighth-grade science, I put the father hamster
back in the cage with the mother hamster,
and he ate two of the babies.
Oh, that's kind of kinky.
[both panting]
If we were in a relationship, we could share clothes.
I don't think we're the same size.
- How tall are you? - Five-ten.
Mmm. I'm five-ten. [chuckles] Twins.
- These even real? - [panting]
- You know, I am a twin. - What?
- I'm a twin. - You have a twin?
Yeah. Pinch my nipple.
- You messing with me right now? - No. [moans]
- Are you monozygotic? - [groans]
- If that means identical, yeah. - Oh!
I am obsessed with twins. I owned the entire
New Adventures of Mary-Kate and Ashley book series.
- [panting] - I watched all their movies
and all of their abruptly canceled TV series.
I asked my mom for a twin every Christmas from age five...
[grunts] ...until I learned what sex was.
[chuckles] I can't believe you have a twin.
- I love twins. - Yeah?
- Yeah. - His name's Roman.
Oh, Rocky and Roman. I fucking love that.
[both chuckle, smooch]
Does he live in Portland? Does he live in this building?
Did you just get harder?
[both breath heavily]
So, did you ever switch places?
Sophomore year.
- Geometry final. - [moaning]
- [grunts] - What's the longest sentence
you've ever said in unison?
"All that she wants is another bagel."
Oh, my God, I'm gonna come. [moans]
[both laughing]
[Rocky] So, why are you so obsessed with twins?
Mm. I don't want to tell you.
Oh, you're gonna tell me anyway. Come on.
It's embarrassing.
Well, you've crossed that threshold tonight...
[laughs] ...multiple times.
Uh, um...
I constructed this fantasy that my mother took me
and my father took my twin,
and they never wanted us to meet,
and that's why
I was never allowed to visit him in Japan.
[Rocky] Did you really believe that?
Mm, maybe.
I don't know. I wanted to.
[Rocky chuckles]
They say we're born alone,
we live alone and we die alone,
but... for twins, that isn't true.
You have a built-in best friend.
[chuckles]
No, twins can get lonely too.
I'm incredibly lonely.
Mm-mm. You're just saying that to make me feel better
- about myself. - I'm not. I mean it.
I mean it.
I'm very adept at...
sharing myself with other people.
But sometimes I can run empty.
Because...
I'm always giving and not so much receiving.
With Roman, it's fifty-fifty.
Well, it was. I mean, we...
we don't really talk that much anymore.
What happened?
Just life.
Growing up, we were attached by the hip, obviously, but...
[sighs]
We're very different... now.
And I think that's...
I think it's harder for him.
There's a photo of us as kids where we're wearing
these matching pajamas, and to this day,
I could not tell you which one I am in the picture.
It's crazy.
I was "We."
And now, I'm "I."
You miss him.
[Rocky] Very much.
[chuckles]
He's my favorite person.
He thinks I'm the good twin, but it's him.
When we were really little, I...
I broke my big toe tripping up the stairs one time,
and later that same day,
Roman comes home and has a broken foot.
He didn't want me to be in pain by myself.
Oh. Oh, my God, that's adorable.
He probably, like, dropped a bowling ball
on it or something.
- My God. - I know.
[Dennis sighs]
[laughs]
I've never broken a bone.
Oh, no. Now, it's gonna happen.
It's like a thing. You can't say that.
Okay.
You should call him.
[Rocky] Yeah, I should.
You should call him and I'll listen.
Oh, Jesus.
Hold your hippos.
- No, I can't. - [Rocky snickers]
I must amend your broken twinship.
My whole life has been waiting for this moment.
[laughs]
You're really sweet.
I think you'd be a good twin.
[whispers] I'm falling in love with you.
[Rocky whispers] I heard that.
[soft music playing]
I like this font for the OM.
Ugh, lobster? You're killing me.
That's offensive to sweatshop workers,
don't you think?
Hey, can I ask you a personal question?
I don't really like to talk about my personal life at work.
Well, it's about my personal life.
Sure, that's fine.
So I had this amazing date with a guy,
and we both like really good sandwiches,
so I texted him on Monday, "Sandwiches for dinner?"
"How's tomorrow or Wednesday or Thursday or Friday?"
And he didn't respond.
That's too bad.
- Onto the next. - Well, I'm not done.
So I followed up with him on Tuesday,
"Actually, can't do Thursday," even though I could.
"How's tomorrow, aka Wednesday or Friday?"
PS, how was your day?"
And nothing.
How long do you think I should wait before I text him again?
Never text him again.
He doesn't like you.
Mm.
Hi, Dennis.
- Hey, Marcie. - How's your day going?
Ugh, well. Can I ask you
- a personal question? - Mm-hmm.
How many consecutive texts can you send
to a potential soulmate before you stop respecting yourself?
- I'm at five. - And he hasn't responded?
No. And we had the best date ever.
Eight hours awake and four hours asleep.
I don't understand. Is he blowing me off?
No, that's silly. Why would anyone ignore you?
You're such a great guy.
Maybe he's just really busy.
Sometimes when the phones are really busy,
I forget to reply to things until days later.
I think some people forget how much you mean to them
until they see your face, you know?
Like out of sight, out of mind.
I kind of just wanna show up at his door,
like that Carole King song.
That's romantic, right?
Maybe. It could be. Yeah.
I mean, you know him better than I do,
so I say go with your gut.
[chuckles] You're so right.
I knew you were the person to ask.
[telephone ringing]
Reception.
- [door lock key beeping] - [dial tone ringing]
[woman over intercom] Hello?
UPS.
Oh, okay.
[door lock buzzing, clicks]
[reflective music playing]
[door opens]
- [George chuckles] - [Rocky laughs]
- Come on. - [Rocky] Okay.
I can't keep up with this drama.
[George sighs]
[indistinct chatter]
- [Rocky] Is it really? - [George] Yeah.
[Rocky] Are you serious?
Jesus Christ.
[indistinct chatter]
[car engine revving]
[dramatic music playing]
[tires screech]
I'm traversing here!
- I've always wanted to say that. - Wait,
- that was so sexy. - [birds chirping]
[Dennis] Rocky!
Fuck you!
Do you know that guy?
Yeah. Give me two minutes.
Hi.
- I was gonna call you. - [jeep horn blares]
- [gasps] - [tires screech]
- [sobbing] - [ambulance siren wailing]
- [birds chirping] - [rain pattering softly]
["Danny Boy" playing over violin]
[somber music playing]
Hi. You've reached the voicemail of Dennis Benver.
I'm sorry I can't get to the phone right now.
I'll try calling you back at a future time and date.
Hi. You've reached the voicemail of Dennis.
I'm so sorry I missed your call,
but if you leave your name and your number,
I'll get back to you in a reasonable time.
Thanks for calling. Leave a message.
I'm sorry. The call you entered cannot be completed as dialed.
- Please hang up and try again. - Hi.
If you need help, hang up and then call your operator.
Hey, uh... [chuckles]
Nobody's ever gonna hear this. Um...
I answered a call from an unknown number once,
and he said, "Hey, I was thinking about you.
What are you doing tonight?"
And we baked a strawberry shortcake.
[rain pattering]
[Dennis] And in the morning,
I went looking for another slice.
I forgot it was just a dream.
[music intensifies]
[Charlotte] We don't bite.
Oh, sorry. I think I'm lost.
[Charlotte] I understand.
You can just listen if you want.
What's your twin's name?
- [music concludes] - [car whooshing]
Rocky was scared of the dark when we were kids.
We had bunk beds,
but me and him would always share the top bunk.
So, the monsters couldn't get him.
[clears throat]
Then one night, he said that he wasn't afraid.
And that I was the one who was afraid.
Fucking pissed me off.
Uh...
We were probably too old to be sharing a bed
at that point, anyway.
I don't-- I don't know why I was telling that story.
[indistinct chatter]
[nostalgic music playing]
- [Marcie] Hi, Dennis! - Oh, fuck me!
Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to startle you.
I thought I was the last one here.
Are you still working?
No, I'm studying.
For the LSAT.
I didn't know you wanted to be a lawyer.
That's so cool! Wow!
Okay, well, have a good night.
Okay! [chuckles] Bye, Dennis. Oh, and good luck.
[footsteps receding]
- [sighs] - [music continues]
[sighs]
[cell phone ringing]
- [music concludes] - [cell phone continues ringing]
- Hello? - [Roman] Hey.
It's Roman. [clears throat]
Hey.
You wanna get groceries with me?
Yeah! I've been, um, meaning to go to the store.
["Leaning On You" by HAIM playing]
♪ I might forget to turn out all the lights ♪
♪ But you take care of me ♪
♪ When I have to leave ♪
♪ At dawn ♪
♪ I might sleep in Past all my alarms ♪
♪ But you take care of us ♪
♪ When I make it tough ♪
♪ Because ♪
♪ It takes all that I got ♪
♪ Not to fuck this up ♪
♪ So, won't you let me know ♪
♪ If I'm not alone ♪
♪ Leaning on you ♪
♪ Was I fearless... ♪
- [song stops] - Rocky!
[upbeat music playing over speakers]
Oh. Wow. You... [inhales]
Sorry, you must be Rocky's brother?
Yeah. [clears throat] Yeah, I am.
[George] Um, I'm so sorry for your loss.
Thanks. Were you at the service or...
No, I was-- I was in Tahiti, for work.
Uh, but I was-- I was there when he died.
Oh, you're that guy.
We were just trying to get some froyo,
and this crazy fucking lunatic, like, starts screaming at us.
And so, Rocky stepped into the street,
and this car came out of, like, nowhere,
and I heard this crunching sound.
Wow. Um, you don't need to hear all that.
I'm sorry. I'm in the process of switching therapists.
Did you get a look at the crazy screaming guy or...
I couldn't tell you, honestly. It just-- It happened so fast.
Uh, I didn't get a good look at him.
Oh. I've just, uh, thought a lot about
what I would do to that guy if I ever saw him.
Rip his fucking testicles right out of his throat,
shove them back down through his own dick hole,
back out his ass.
Pummel his fucking face till he was past his expiration date.
[swallows]
Hi. I'm sorry. I didn't--
I didn't mean to interrupt your conversation,
but, um... Oh!
Do I know you?
[in British accent] No, sorry. I'm-I'm Rupert.
- I'm just visiting from London. - Oh.
But it happens to me all the time, actually.
One of those faces. All the time. I always say that.
[George] Okay. Well, that must be,
that must be very nice.
Anyway, I just wanted to say "Hi,"
and, um, sorry this was awkward,
but, yeah, my condolences.
- Bye, Rupert. - Thanks.
Have a good one.
What the hell was that?
[speaks normally] I start talking in different accents
when I find someone attractive.
It's a defense mechanism.
Wait, shit.
- Let me go get him back. - No!
[scanner beeps]
So was he your type?
Uh...
[scanner beeping]
I don't think I have a type.
You know, there's a gay guy at work.
Sam.
You should meet him. I think you'd really get along.
You know, that's sort of like, "You're both Asian.
I'm sure you have lots of Asian things to talk about."
No, man, I'm trying to hook you up.
Come on.
What kind of girls are you into?
[breathes sharply]
I like boobs. [clears throat]
But honestly, at this point, I just wanna meet a nice girl.
Nice girls don't have boobs?
If you find one, let me know.
Together or separate?
- Together. - Separate.
[heels clopping]
Why is this fucking light on?
- ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ - How did you guys know?
- ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪ - I never talk about
my personal life!
♪ Happy birthday, dear Sage ♪
♪ Happy birthday to... ♪
- [indistinct chatter] - [upbeat music playing]
- Hi, Dennis. - Mm, hi, Marcie.
- You look really happy. - Mm, thanks.
- I am happy. - That's amazing! Good for you.
Yeah. I'm going to Seattle this weekend for a hockey game.
Ah, how exciting. I love winter sports.
It's the Michigan in me.
Yeah, it's a bit testosterone-y for my taste,
but Roman's into it,
and relationships are about compromise.
Ooh! Who's Roman?
- Is he your boyfriend? - [chuckles]
No. Um, we're just pals.
- That's really nice. - Yeah.
- Are you married? - Me? [laughs]
No. Um, did you think I was married?
Yeah, you just seem like someone
who would be married by your age.
It's funny you say that, because all the women
in my family married very young,
and I always thought
I would have a kid before I turned 28.
And sure, these days, there are advancements,
but the clock is still ticking. [chuckles]
For my eggs.
Right, well, I'm gonna get more cake.
Okay. I'll just stand here.
["Crazy For This Girl" by Evan and Jaron playing]
[song continues over car speakers]
[both singing along] ♪ She rolls the window down ♪
♪ And she talks over the sound ♪
♪ Of the cars that pass us by ♪
[singing loudly] ♪ And I don't know why ♪
♪ But she's changed my mind ♪
♪ Would you look at her She looks at me ♪
♪ She's got me thinking About her constantly ♪
♪ But she don't know How I feel ♪
♪ And as she carries on Without a doubt ♪
♪ I wonder If she's figured out ♪
♪ I'm crazy for this girl... ♪
[blows whistle]
♪ Yeah, I'm crazy for this girl ♪
[song concludes]
- [crowd cheering] - [arena horn blaring]
[Dennis] So she asked if I want an ice cream cone,
and I said, "Yes, but I would like ice cream in it."
[Roman laughs]
- [groans] Ah. - [Dennis] What?
Nothing. My dog jaw's bothering me.
- Your dog jaw? - Yeah.
- You never heard of dog jaw? - No.
It's like I was born with a jawbone
that's shaped like a paw print.
- What? - Here. Yeah, you can feel it right here.
- Here? [gasps] - Yeah. [barks, laughs]
- Faggots. - [snickers]
[Roman] Wait, what'd you say?
- [Dennis] It's fine. Let it go. - Hey! Fuck did you say?
I said, "Look at those faggots."
Why don't you apologize?
Hey, why don't you suck my dick?
Okay, I will suck whosever dick
if we can just de-escalate the situation.
You should listen to your girlfriend.
Say you're sorry.
[chuckles softly]
I'm sorry.
- [grunts, groans] - [Roman grunts]
- [Chad groans]
- [Chad's friend groans] - [Chad] Fuck you!
[whimpers] Oh. There's one here. Oh!
- [grunts, groans] - [grunts]
[Dennis] Oh, no. I don't like this.
Oh, oh, what? Ow!
[Roman] Come here, you little fucking piece
of shit! [grunts, pants]
- [grunts] - Roman.
- [grunts, breathes sharply] - Roman. Roman.
Roman, Roman, Roman! Stop, stop, stop!
[pants]
Oh, fuck!
- Let's go. Let's go. - Oh, fuck.
Fuck! [pants]
[Roman] I thought Gen Z was supposed to be nice.
[Dennis] I got ice in a bucket.
Need me to put it anywhere on you?
Yeah, my bourbon. I poured you one too.
[sighs]
[ice clatters]
[lid shuts]
All right. [sighs]
- Cheers. - Cheers.
[slurps, swallows]
- [smacks lips, sighs] - [sighs]
- [groans] - [Dennis sighs] Okay.
[grunts]
So, where'd you learn to beat people up?
[slurps]
I took a little karate as a kid,
but I quit when I didn't make blue belt.
Then I guess I dabbled in some MMA after high school,
but honestly, you don't learn to fight in a classroom.
You learn in the streets.
In the streets?
- Who are you? - [chuckles]
So, you're not mad?
Thought maybe you wouldn't...
condone violence or something.
It was self-defense.
For the first half.
Well, if you're going to hell, keep going.
Right?
- Right. - [slurps, swallows]
Hey, can I confess something to you?
I've been using Rocky's gym membership.
Pretending I'm him.
[Roman chuckles]
It's kind of fucked up, right?
Yeah, that's...
crazy.
You know, I actually got hit on there the other day.
I thought maybe the guy knew Rocky, so, uh,
I just went with it.
What did he say?
He was like, "Someone's been working their arms."
- [laughs] He did not say that. - Yeah, he did. Yeah, he...
Then I said, uh, "Yeah,
you know, I've been working 'em real good."
[both chuckle]
You're such a tease.
- [chuckles] - What? I experimented.
- [sighs] You did? - Mm.
[slurps, swallows]
- I, uh... - [glass thuds]
...kissed a guy at a party once.
[smacks lips]
It was after Rocky came out.
I think I was just trying to understand.
I never told him that.
You could talk to me like I'm Rocky.
Yeah, so you're dead now. [swallows, smacks lips]
That's what you get for not looking both ways.
You only wanna look forward.
Sorry, I don't even know what to...
I can't even remember the last time
we had a real conversation.
That wasn't, "How's work?" You know, "How's Mom?"
And it's always on your time too.
Better things to do, right?
You wished me a "happy birthday" the day after.
And, I mean, I know you didn't forget.
Like, I'm-I'm pretty stupid, but I'm not that fucking stupid.
You know, I actually waited until midnight, just in case,
and... and the second it... [sighs]
Well, I snapped, 'cause...
to be honest, you're so fucking selfish.
Like, what, you don't-- you... you don't wanna deal with me?
You know, I'm-- I'm sorry I don't read politics,
or... [sighs] ...like, or whatever, but, like...
[breathes shakily]
You know what? [breathes shakily]
It's your fucking fault we're like this.
Yeah, you couldn't wait to get away. I mean, I would've,
I would've followed you to college.
I would've gone to Japan. I would've figured it out.
[breathes sharply]
But you never even fucking asked me!
[breathes shakily]
Sorry.
[sobs, voice breaking] I'm sorry!
I'm sorry I can't control my anger.
[breathes shakily]
And I'm sorry I blew up at you when you told me you like guys.
[sobs] I'm sorry I called you a faggot.
I wish I could take it back.
Oh, and your face when I said it,
I... [sobs heavily]
I know that's why you left!
I think I was just-- I was scared that...
I don't... I don't know.
If I didn't... if I didn't...
[exhales]
If you weren't like me, and we weren't the same,
then... then I wouldn't know who I was, you know?
But that-- but that's okay, because you...
you can talk about guys, and I can talk about girls,
and we both still...
you know, like video games, and-and hockey, and pizza.
Well, everybody likes pizza. [groans]
[sobs] I don't know how to fucking be here without you.
[sniffling, sobs heavily]
[sobbing] I don't know how to fucking be here without you!
I don't know how to fucking be here without you!
[continues sobbing]
- [Dennis sniffles] - [Roman sobs]
[inhales, exhales]
I wish you could've met Rocky.
[sniffles]
He would've really liked you.
[inhales, swallows]
[crickets chirping]
["Crush" by Jennifer Paige playing over speakers]
[Dennis] There might not be a lot of people there.
Just so you know, uh, Marcie's kind of a...
I mean, I don't wanna say she's a loser, but,
I mean, you'll see.
[indistinct chatter]
♪ See you blowing me a kiss... ♪
Roman?
Whoa, Sammy. What are you doing here?
Oh, I took a woodworking class with Marcie.
What are you doing here?
This is my buddy Dennis. He works with Marcie.
Oh, hey, what's up? I'm-I'm Sammy.
- [Dennis] Hi. - [chuckles]
[whispers] He's the gay guy from work
I was telling you about.
- What are the odds? - [chuckles]
Hi. I hear we have a lot in common.
Do you?
I'll go get us a couple of drinks.
Why don't, uh, you two mingle?
♪ Not like we have a date with destiny ♪
♪ It's just a little crush... ♪
- Oh, I fucking hate that song. - I love this song.
- [chuckles, slurps] - [chuckles]
Hmm. So, uh, you like wood?
Um... [smacks lips] Oh, uh... [chuckles] Yeah.
I, uh, I like to use my hands.
I have soft hands.
- Cool. - I was told I have the hands
of somebody who's never worked a day in their life.
- Wow! - I think by my mother.
[indistinct]
- [chuckles] - [Marcie] Hi!
Hi. Sorry, I'm-I'm...
- Can I feel? - ...Roman.
- [Dennis] Yeah. - I'm Marcie.
[indistinct chatter]
Very soft.
Yeah.
[smacks lips] Um...
any other hobbies?
Hiking, skiing, paragliding, rock climbing, mountainboarding,
white water rafting. Parkour.
- Feel like that's too many. - [chuckles]
It's a bit of a problem.
I'm sort of an adrena-junkie, you know?
Isn't parkour dangerous?
- No. - But people die doing it?
Yes.
Okay.
You just have to know your limits.
[chuckles, laughs] I don't know my limits!
Like, what's the wildest thing you did this year?
Nothing comes to mind. Um...
jury duty. Or I almost--
I had a conflict, so they didn't pick me.
You're cute. [chuckles]
♪ ...In your eyes ♪
♪ A vision of you and me... ♪
Oh, you never played the original Sims?
Oh, man, it's the best.
Actually, a lot of people don't realize it was really hard.
'Cause you don't get weekends,
so you have to spend all your time going to work,
going to sleep, showering, cleaning, cooking,
pooping, you know? Sorry.
But, yeah, you really have to tend to their needs,
'cause, um, they'll let you know about it.
They get very cranky.
Um, they'll pee their pants.
They'll, uh, get very depressed, actually.
They can get depressed.
Oh. Wow. I...
I always just thought it was a silly game
- where they talk gibberish. - [Roman] No, no, no.
There's stakes. Yeah. It's life or death out there.
And it's actually not gibberish. It's Simlish.
It's like it's whole own language.
- [imitates Simlish] - [laughing]
[continues imitating Simlish]
- [Marcie chuckling] - Sorry. [chuckles]
Sorry. That's dumb.
No, it's really sweet. [chuckles]
It was just my favorite game when I was a kid.
I have a twin brother. [clears throat]
We were obsessed with it, so we just would play it
for hours together.
Real hours, not Sims hours. Yeah.
Part of me always thought that's what my life would be like
when we got older too.
Rocky and I would get a house
and shoot hoops on the SuperDoop,
talk in the hot tub.
I was always the stay-at-home twin.
He'd get the job, the promotion,
and I'd kind of clean the house, and, you know, fix things,
and cook the meals, and...
I'd always burn down the kitchen too.
Uh, he hated that. [scoffs]
[Marcie] Do you and Rocky still play?
[smacks lips] No, he, uh,
he passed away a couple months ago, actually.
- [clears throat] - [Marcie] Oh, no.
- I'm so sorry. - Nah, it's okay.
- Um, I mean, you didn't know. - [snuffles]
[sobs] I'm so sorry.
- Oh... - Marcie! Happy--
- Oh, my God. Are you okay? - [Marcie] I'm fine.
I'm just an emotional drinker. [laughs]
Shelly, happy Halloween. [chuckles]
- Happy Halloween! - You look so great.
Thank you! [giggles]
[tender music playing]
[music concludes]
- [Dennis] Hey, Marcie. - Hi, Dennis.
- Great party. - Yeah. Thanks for coming.
You have so many friends. Never would've guessed.
Really? Huh.
That's interesting, yeah.
I mean, everyone at work sees you a certain way,
but I'm actually an ENFP personality.
Although my first week working here,
I was getting over mono,
so I tried to avoid infecting anyone,
and I think I made a bad impression.
- How'd you get mono? - I don't know.
But I was an RA in college, and then Kappa Delta,
so I have no problem sharing a shower with ten other girls.
That's how you got mono?
No. [chuckles]
I'm just saying I've always been an extrovert.
I just love people.
- [telephone ringing] - Oh.
Reception.
Let me transfer you.
- [button clicks] - [receiver thuds]
I'm sorry, you got me babbling. Um, did you need something?
Do you remember my friend Roman?
Oh, my gosh, yes. He is so...
Um, I really liked him.
Well, we were thinking
it might be fun to hang out sometime.
Together. Like a double date.
And Roman would be my designated date?
Yes. Was that not clear?
Oh, my gosh! [chuckles] Um... [smacks lips] ...yes!
I'm so there. [chuckles softly, inhales deeply]
[Roman] Oh, hey, Sammy. How you doing?
- Hey, what's up? - Nothing. Nothing.
It was cool running into you this weekend.
Uh, hey, what'd you think of my friend Dennis?
- No. - Okay.
[Dennis exhales sharply]
- What is he doing here? - I ran into him again.
You told me you thought he was attractive.
What happened to Sammy? Sammy was great.
Sammy said that he thought you were cute,
but that he doesn't do cute.
- I can't do this! - Yes, you can.
I explained everything.
[whispers] He knows you're not really from London.
[dramatic music plays, concludes]
[Roman] I'm allergic to shellfish,
I once fell off a ski lift...
- [chuckles] - ...um, and I've never been
- to another country. - Nobody falls off a ski lift.
Everybody's been to another country.
- I've been to Canada one time. - Okay.
[Marcie] Oh, gosh. Okay, you got me.
Wait. Um, so how did you fall off a ski lift?
Uh, we were kids, we took a Christmas trip
to Sun Valley once, and Rocky dropped his glove,
and I reached for it and tried to grab it.
[clears throat] Yeah.
Head first, ten, 15 feet.
Uh, I remember just hearing this snap in my wrist.
- Jesus. - [Roman] Yeah.
- I love skiing. - Oh, no way. You like skiing?
Yeah, yeah. I-I ski.
- Um, I'm from Michigan. - That's cool.
- You don't even have an accent. - Okay, my turn.
I can't whistle, I once traded my cat Noodles
for my neighbor's Princess Diana Beanie Baby.
The deal was revoked hours later.
And what else, what else? Um, oh.
[muffled] I auditioned for The Real World... [slurps]
...San Diego when I was in college.
Mm, your second one is too specific to be a lie.
And you didn't audition for Real World.
Yeah, you hesitated before that last one.
- I think that's... that's probably the lie. - [Marcie] Yeah.
I think you can whistle, right?
- I've never had a cat. - Oh, my God!
- What? - You are so good at this.
Yeah. Well, the trick is to say something
that is emotionally true but factually false. [inhales]
- Yeah. - Okay, um, my turn.
Uh, when I was ten,
I almost lost a testicle in a diving board accident...
[tender music playing]
[music concludes]
You know, I used to feel...
[sighs, hesitates]
I don't wanna say "superior" to singletons, but...
Yeah, like, I felt bad for them.
And now, I'm just like everybody else.
Except worse.
Because I know.
I see twins everywhere I go.
My bar, my park.
I had to switch juiceries,
because my go-to hired twin cashiers.
- Hi, boys. - Hey.
- And good morning. - Morning.
I snuck it past security.
- My God, you're so naughty. - [laughs] No, I didn't.
- I just asked really politely. - Oh.
I would've brought you one, but Roman says
you don't drink coffee.
Yeah, coffee's bad for your teeth. I drink tea.
You know, tea actually contains
a higher tannin content than coffee,
so it's more likely to stain your teeth.
- Interesting fact! - I didn't know that.
- [Marcie] Yeah. - Starbucks sells tea, FYI.
Oh, I brew my own coffee.
I just really like their travel mugs.
[gulps, smacks lips]
- You look really cute today. - Thanks, baby.
[ethereal music playing]
- [Roman] Oh, Dennis. - [music fading]
I saw a pair of twins at the gym yesterday,
and then I saw another pair of twins on my walk home.
- It's like they're everywhere. - [chuckles]
- That's the frequency illusion. - What?
Also known as the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon.
It's like when I got my navy blue Prius.
Suddenly, I was seeing navy blue Prii everywhere,
but they'd always been there, I just wasn't paying attention.
You are so smart today. I mean, you're smart every day,
- but especially today. - [giggles] No!
I was a psychology major.
That's why you're a receptionist.
'Cause you're so good with people.
[chuckles] Thanks, Dennis.
[Roman] Anyway, it, uh, reminded me of the discussion we had in group.
[Marcie] What group?
[Roman] The support group I'm always talking about.
Wait, does Dennis have a twin?
Yeah, that's how we met. I thought I told you this.
No, I...
Dennis, you told me you were an only child.
- Mm, I didn't tell you that. - Yeah, yeah!
It was bagel Friday.
I remember, because I'm an only child too,
and-and we're both Leos.
Well, I am an only child now,
because my twin, Dean, died, and it's very personal,
so I guess I didn't feel comfortable telling you that.
- I'm so sorry. - It's fine.
- [thunder rumbling] - [Roman] It's okay.
[Marcie] You know, I feel like such a doofus,
because there was that one time at work
a couple of months ago, and I didn't want to pry,
but you were so sad,
and-and you were kind of hard to understand,
but you were saying something about
how the love of your life had been hit by a--
- No! Stop! [breathes heavily] - [music intensifies]
- Dennis? - You okay, man?
Uh, I-I need to get out of here! I'm-I'm claustrophobic,
and I don't wanna talk about Dean!
I think he's having an anxiety attack.
Yes! I-I'm having an anxiety attack!
Anxiety attack! Anxiety attack!
[breathes heavily]
- [music stops abruptly] - [indistinct chatter]
- Hey. - So, I spoke with Sharon, the manager--
Oh, she's a sweetheart.
Do we want credit or a refund?
- Refund. - Credit.
[Jeff] Jonny died.
My dog.
I shouldn't have named him after my brother.
It's like he's gone all over again.
After... Jonny died, the real Jonny,
I became glued to my wife.
[fading] She said I was trying to replace my brother...
[somber music playing]
[Roman and Marcie panting]
- [moans] - [Roman pants]
[Marcie continues moaning]
[cell phone ringing, vibrating]
- [Roman moans] - [Marcie pants]
- [Roman] Dennis. - Maybe you should get it.
It's the third time. It could be an emergency!
[continues ringing, vibrating]
- Oh, my God. Shit. - [Roman sighs]
[both panting]
Hey, buddy, it's late. Everything okay?
[Dennis] Yeah, sorry. Did I wake you?
No, no. Just, uh, hanging with Marcie.
Oh, right, Marcie. So needy.
- Uh, you're on speaker. - Hi, Dennis. [chuckles]
So, what's up?
Just wanted to see what you were doing.
Uh, we're doing nothing, talking about Christmas
and stockings and all the stuff we want to stuff in them.
Nice. Mm.
Are you headed home for Christmas?
Um, I'll be here, alone, again.
I mean, don't worry about me. I'm used to it.
I'm sure I'll find something to do.
You know, I've got that whole
unread collection of books I like to look at.
Dennis, hang on. I'm just gonna put you on hold for a second.
- [line beeps] - Uh, sure.
Yeah, I have nothing better to do.
[both speak indistinctly]
[sighs]
- [line beeps] - Hey, buddy, sorry that took so long. Um,
how'd you like to spend Christmas in Moscow?
Moscow, Idaho?
- That's the one. - [chuckles softly]
[singing along] ♪ She rolls the window down ♪
♪ And she talks over the sound ♪
[Marcie] Do you have enough leg room, Dennis?
No.
♪ Of the cars that pass us by... ♪
- Where are the decorations? - I'm sorry, what?
Decorations? Where are the lights? Anything? Christmas?
Where are the decorations? What are you talking about?
- Did you not even get a tree? - No, I didn't get a tree.
Why don't we call the fucking butler?
[Roman] It's the holiday! Why wouldn't you get a tree?
[Lisa] Don't start with me. Please, don't start with me.
It's fine. Why didn't you bring a tree?
- I'm supposed to lug a tree? - [Lisa] Whose job is it?
- No! - It's selfish! Yes, it is!
Don't say that to me! How can you say that to me?
Because it's the fucking truth!
It's not what he wanted! It's not fucking what he wanted!
You don't know that. You don't know everything.
Yes, I do! Everybody who fucking knew him knew that!
You don't know everything.
Do you guys want wine with dinner?
- Wine's good. - Yes, thank you.
Idaho... Hasn't even fucking lived here for ten years!
Do you think I was being too mean?
I think you're both grieving. [inhales]
[Roman breathes deeply]
Hmm, hey, it's all right.
- We can still save Christmas. - What's the point?
If you're going to hell, keep going.
- "Through hell." - Hmm?
"If you're going through hell, keep going."
Because it gets better.
It's a Winston Churchill quote.
Oh.
Yeah, that makes way more sense.
I knew that too.
[Roman] Nice, buddy.
Would you please get up?
It's afternoon.
Mom. [sighs]
Socks. [sniggers] Thanks, buddy.
You're welcome.
- [gift wrapper crinkling] - [Roman] Uh, who's next?
- Oh, the card's for you, Marcie. - [Marcie] Oh!
Oh, it's a koala. [chuckles] I love koalas.
"Merry Christmas. Dennis."
Oh, God. A gift card to the Olive Garden.
I freaking love the Olive Garden.
[chuckles] How did you know?
[clicks tongue] I just had a feeling.
[squeals] I am obsessed with their Toscana soup.
[laughs] Thank you.
- All right, babe, all right. - Yeah.
- [Dennis] Mm-hmm. - [Roman] All right.
And, Dennis, this one's for you.
It's a book.
I thought you could, uh, redesign the cover for me.
It's The Giving Tree. It's my favorite book.
It's the only one I've ever read twice.
It's an iconic cover.
Yeah, well, I believe in you.
[Marcie] I don't get it. Um, why are you giving Dennis homework?
[Roman] Oh. It's his, uh, dream to be a book designer.
- Really? That's neat. - [Roman] Yeah.
I didn't know.
I thought you wanted to be a lawyer.
No, I hate lawyers.
Then why were you studying for the LSAT?
For fun.
Oh, why would that be fun if you hate lawyers?
I don't know, Marcie. Why do people walk on hot coals?
So they can say they did. [laughs]
[chuckles]
- Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas.
[growling playfully]
Do you know when Dennis's twin died?
Dean?
Um, I think a year ago, year and a half maybe.
Did he live in Portland?
Dennis said he worked for the IRS.
Is the IRS in Portland?
- Oh, the IRS is everywhere, baby. - Oh.
- Why do you ask? - No reason.
[Dennis inhales deeply]
[sighs]
- [Lisa] Where is he? - Oh, my God.
They went hiking. They said they'd be back after sunset.
You like Pokémon?
- Yeah. I like Pokémon. - [Lisa chuckles]
Rocky and Roman loved those cards.
All they could talk about.
I spent so much fucking money on them.
And then Rocky just left.
He couldn't be bothered to take his shit with him.
I'm like a storage unit.
Do you want 'em?
Yeah, I-- If you don't want them, I can take them.
[chuckles softly]
Roman said you lost a twin.
I, uh...
did, yes.
So you know what it feels like.
To be split.
Hmm.
[sighs heavily]
He doesn't talk to me.
They say there's nothing worse than losing a child.
But maybe there is.
I'm glad he has someone who understands.
[somber music playing]
I'm heading out. Before you leave,
Marcie wants to see you in the conference room.
- Why? - I didn't ask.
Okay. Have fun at the concert.
Thanks.
Did I tell you I was going to a concert?
Yes.
[footsteps receding]
Thank you for agreeing to meet with me.
I need to talk to you, Dennis.
Okay, well, I have somewhere I have to be.
You don't really have a twin, do you?
Roman mentioned that Dean passed away,
like, a year and a half ago, and that didn't make sense
because I knew you, like, a year and a half ago, and I should've known that.
And you don't have photos of him on Instagram,
and I thought, "Well, that's strange,
but maybe he deleted them." [breathes shakily]
[sighs] So, yesterday, I texted my friend Sheri at the IRS,
and she said there was no Dean Benver in their records.
And then last night, I called Kevin Ross,
who I saw you went to high school with.
I met him in an oil painting class,
and he said you didn't have a brother
and he's 100 percent sure because you sat alone at lunch every day
and his mom made him go to your birthday party
and no one else showed up and you have a twin bed,
but just one, and he also made it sound like
you fooled around in it, but I couldn't be sure
'cause I heard his wife in the background--
Why are you spying on me?
Did you know Roman's brother Rocky?
- No. - I don't believe you.
[scoffs] Let it go.
Roman thinks you met because you lost a twin.
A twin that doesn't even exist.
You can't keep this from him, Dennis.
He has to know the truth.
I will tell him when I'm ready.
You need to tell him now or I will.
You're not telling him, Marcie.
I mean, God, you have everything.
Everybody likes you, you have a million friends,
you have both your parents.
I bet none of your houseplants ever fucking die.
Let me have one good thing.
I'm happy. He's happy. I help him.
When he needed somebody to talk to at 3:00
in the morning, I'm the one who picked up the phone.
Where the fuck were you then, huh?
You wouldn't even know Roman if it wasn't for me.
What do you expect me to do?
I know I need to tell him. I just...
I want a little bit more time.
Please.
[breathes shakily, sighs]
[melancholic music playing]
[whistle blows]
- [crowd cheering] - [music concludes]
[Roman] She said she couldn't see me this weekend.
Then she kept apologizing
and said that I should talk to you.
I mean, are you sure she didn't say anything?
Oh, you know what? I totally forgot
we're doing this company-wide fundraiser for MS research,
and Marcie took a vow of silence.
- Really? - Hmm.
Why wouldn't she just tell me that?
We had to sign nondisclosure agreements.
Oh.
Okay.
[Marcie, voicemail] Oops. I guess I missed you.
I promise to call you back ASAP.
I hope you're having a wonderful day.
- [line beeps] - Hey, it's me.
Just, uh... I know you can't talk
'cause you're saving lives. [chuckles]
[treadmill whirring]
[lock beeps, clicks]
[Dennis] Roman?
[slurring] Roman.
Hey.
Someone cracked the bourbon.
Mm, ooh.
Well, I started without you 'cause I was bored.
I'm gonna hop in the shower.
No, don't.
You already left me alone for so long.
Oh, wow, you are drunk.
[Dennis] Wow.
- [sighs] - [Dennis] Uh, here.
- I poured you one. - [sighs]
I didn't put anything in it.
I could've though. You never know. You don't know me.
[chuckles]
- [slurps] Thanks. - [glass thuds]
[sighs heavily]
God, these fucking shoes are killing me.
I think my feet got bigger.
Mmm. Well, you know what that means.
- What? - Nothing.
Do you want a foot massage?
- Uh, nah, I'm okay. - Are you sure?
- I'm super good. - [sighs]
I went to massage training school
in college in the summer.
Okay. Yeah, mm.
Maybe it'll help.
[Dennis] Yeah, I bet it will.
Come on over.
The bed is fine.
[sighs, groans]
- [sighs] Just like this? - Yeah.
Sorry, man. I bet my foot smells like death. [chuckles]
Mmm. I don't mind.
Oh, wow.
Oh, shit, you are good at that.
[chuckles] Just drink your drink.
All right, hold your hippos.
What did you say?
"Hold your hippos." It's like, uh...
it's like "hold your horses," but...
It's just something Rocky and I say.
Oh.
Did you and Dean ever have anything like that?
Um...
"Jinx, you owe me a soda."
Right, but everyone says that.
Well, we started it. Yeah.
[grunts softly]
[groans, exhales sharply]
Oh, yeah. That's the fucking spot.
[sighs heavily]
Ooh. Wow. That's really good.
Mmm.
Oh.
[groans] This is actually really helping.
[groans]
Oh, wow.
[inhales deeply] Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
What are you doing? [shudders]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What the fuck was that?
[Dennis groans] I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that.
I don't know if they teach that, like, in-in massage school,
but I'm just, uh, I'm not into that. So...
[Dennis sighs]
I'm sorry. It's just...
[sighs] You look so much like him.
Like who?
[sighs] Oh, I don't want you to hate me.
I don't hate you. It's not a big deal, you know?
Just don't do it again.
[sighs] Yeah, if I tell you, you're gonna hate me,
and then it's gonna be over.
What are you talking about? Why... why would I hate you?
[scoffs]
[softly] Because, um...
I don't have a twin, and Dean isn't real.
Wha--
What do you mean? What do you mean he isn't real?
[breathes deeply] I made him up. He doesn't exist.
What the fuck are you talking about?
Why are you in the support group?
[breathes shakily] I just started following you.
I thought it was a sign, and I kept trying to tell you,
but I-- [chuckles] I mean, how do you say...
Oh, I was in love with your brother. [chuckles]
Except it wasn't really love because I only knew him
for a day, but at the time, that felt like enough, and...
[sniffles] And I was the crazy guy in-in the intersection,
and, you know, it wasn't technically my fault,
but if he never met me, he'd probably still be alive,
and it was the worst day of my life and...
I don't know why I kept lying.
I just... I wanted to be close to you,
and I thought I could make it better,
but I just kept making things worse.
And-and Marcie isn't on a silent retreat,
and I... I didn't go to massage school, but...
[sobs] You are my best friend.
And I don't want that to change.
[sobbing continues]
I don't know what to do.
Do you hate me?
Roman? Please say something.
Roman. Do you hate me? [crying]
Don't fucking touch me.
Roman, please. I... I'm sorry.
Don't fucking touch me!
[grunts]
[pants]
[breathes sharply]
- [loud thud] - [elevator whirring]
[birds chirping]
[water pattering]
I just kept hitting him.
Couldn't stop.
[smooches]
[moans quietly]
[over voicemail] Hi, Dennis. It's Marcie.
So you're not at work. Sage asked me to call you.
Are you coming in today?
Look, Roman's pretty upset.
He wants you to stop calling him,
and he doesn't want me talking to you either,
but I'll be thinking of you.
- [key clicks] - [girls scream on TV]
[soft music playing]
Do you see what... I see?
I don't know what you see, but what I see is me.
I see me too.
Does that mean there's two of you
or... or two of me?
[yelps]
Oh.
Wow.
There really is two of us.
Don't you find this odd?
- [mouthing along] - [Ashley] No, this is weird.
This is really, really weird.
[Mary-Kate] Wait a sec. You live at the Callaway house.
[Ashley] And you're that girl from camp.
[both] They thought I was you!
So who'd like to start today?
Okay, if no one's gonna say it, then I'll say it.
Roman sent us all an email that said you made Dean up,
and I think that you're a fucking creep.
[clicks tongue] Is this true, Dennis?
[grunts softly]
True? Uh, I mean... [stammers]
Technically... it's true,
but I-I've always felt so connected to all of you,
and I've always wanted a twin.
Sometimes Dean felt real.
His favorite snack is a hot pretzel
with sea salt and...
You know, maybe twin identity is really just a construct,
- like gender. - [others scoffing quietly]
Oh, okay. Or it's maybe not. Um...
[pants softly]
I was reading about vanishing twin syndrome.
Because I've always thought
there was something or someone missing.
And it's possible that I had a twin in my mother's womb,
but I ate him.
And I'd ask her, but I can't because she's dead.
Really dead. She's real.
We believe you got a mom.
I don't.
["Crazy For This Girl" playing]
♪ She rolls the window down ♪
♪ And she talks over the sound ♪
♪ Of the cars that pass us by ♪
♪ And I don't know why ♪
♪ But she's changed my mind... ♪
Excuse me. Can you take a picture of us?
[song continues over headphones]
No. No, I can't. You have no idea how lucky you are.
[woman] Well, sorry we asked.
♪ ...And as she carries on without a doubt ♪
♪ I wonder if she's figured out... ♪
[pants]
Fuck.
[Marcie] What are you looking for?
I can't find Rocky's sweater. Uh...
The one with the-- with the stripes, the...
Did you move it? Did you put it somewhere?
No, I didn't touch it.
I bet Dennis stole it, that fake twin fucker.
I'm sure it'll turn up.
Yeah, how the fuck do you know that?
[sighs loudly]
I'm sorry.
You can't talk to me like that.
I know. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
[sighs]
I forgive you.
[Roman] I don't deserve it.
Deservedness is not a requisite for forgiveness.
- [sighs] - I'll help you look.
[soft music playing]
[growls playfully]
- Not right now. - When?
- Thirty more minutes. - You said that 30 minutes ago.
Well, think of it like
- edging. - [groans, kisses]
[sniffles]
- [playful chewing sounds] - [playfully] Oh, no.
[breathes deeply]
What do you want to do for dinner tonight?
Oh, I'm going to Shelly's, remember?
Oh. Forgot.
Can I come?
It's girls' night.
- We talked about this. - Okay. Fine.
- [chuckles] Don't mope. - [sighs] I'm not moping.
[sighs]
[instrumental music playing]
[birds cawing faintly in distance]
[music concludes]
[train wheels squealing]
[Dennis sighs] Sorry, there was a line.
I can't stay long.
- Thank you. - [waitress] Sure thing.
Sorry, I shouldn't have ordered anything.
- Do you want my sandwich? - No, I'm good.
- I got a promotion. Oh. - How are you?
Congrats.
Thanks. Sort of. It's a ladder move.
Lateral move?
- What? - Lateral.
Means you're moving sideways.
I guess you could have a sideways ladder,
but I can't think of a use for it.
Fuck.
I said "ladder move" to, like, so many people.
Well, monkey bars. That's a sideways ladder.
Great.
So where you working these days? Marcie said you quit.
Fired, but that's sweet of her.
I'm in the process of getting my real estate license.
What, no book designing?
I decided I'd rather be middle class and unhappy
than poor and slightly less unhappy.
Yeah. Makes sense.
[Dennis] And that said, I did...
[sighs]
Wasn't sure if it was in poor taste or not, but...
Think it's definitely poor taste. [chuckles]
[music playing in background]
[Dennis] Yeah, I can see that now.
- I can take it... - [Roman] No, no, I'll...
I'll keep it. [clears throat]
Did I break your arm?
Uh, unrelated. Sort of.
Sorry.
For hitting you like I did.
It's all right.
No, it's not. I shouldn't have done that.
I think I outclassed you in that department.
Yeah, I just don't, um...
I don't understand how someone could...
I mean, who are you?
You know how people say "just be yourself"?
Like, what version of me? I hate most of them.
But the version of me that was just hanging out with you, I...
I wanted to be him all the time.
So, you--
you said you were in love with Rock.
With the caveat that I am insane.
He ever talk about me?
Do you want details?
Do you want my sandwich?
No, I'm going to dinner with Marcie.
So I can't stay long.
Right. You said.
How is Marcie, by the way?
Every day is a good day in Marcie-land.
[chuckles softly] I remember.
I'll just have a bite.
[munches] Hmm.
I started taking karate again.
There's a skinny guy in my class, reminds me of you.
Aren't those classes useless?
I hear you can only really learn how to fight in the streets.
[laughs]
Well, we learn in the streets too.
My sensei, he, uh, follows me after work and attacks me.
[chuckles]
Do you think we would've been friends
if we met under different circumstances?
I don't know.
I'd like to think so, but...
Right.
[sighs] God, this cast is so itchy.
- How long you have it on for? - A month.
Keep it dry.
Rocky said you broke your own foot once.
He told you that?
You dropped a bowling ball on it?
He said you were... the good twin.
It was with a brick.
How are y'all doing? Can I get you anything?
[both] Can we get a box to go?
[waitress] Sure thing.
[background music concludes]
["We Had A Good Time" by Bullion playing]
♪ So I'm the lucky one ♪
♪ Better men wouldn't carry on ♪
♪ What was the first line? ♪
♪ We had a good time ♪
♪ Know you twice ♪
♪ So I'm the lucky one ♪
♪ Much better people proved me wrong ♪
♪ They set a high price ♪
♪ To know you twice ♪
♪ So I'm the lucky one ♪
♪ Nothing's new under the sun ♪
♪ Thought you could be all you know ♪
♪ Strikes once ♪
♪ We had a good time ♪
♪ So I'm the lucky one ♪
♪ We had a good time ♪
[music concludes]
[nostalgic music playing]
[music concludes]