1 00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:38,246 ...a significant hurdle is the efficient delivery of RNA molecules 2 00:00:38,246 --> 00:00:43,460 to cancer cells while avoiding off-target effects. 3 00:00:44,335 --> 00:00:46,046 It's unstable in the body. 4 00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:50,675 And then there's a high likelihood of immune responses. 5 00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:55,138 The answer, I believe, 6 00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:58,725 is in developing ultrasophisticated nanoparticles 7 00:00:59,642 --> 00:01:06,024 to encapsulate and protect RNA molecules, improving their stability. 8 00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:11,696 Um... 9 00:01:12,614 --> 00:01:15,492 Let's, uh, pick this up next session, guys, okay? 10 00:01:19,579 --> 00:01:22,415 It's good of you to see me, Doctor. I didn't think you would. 11 00:01:23,374 --> 00:01:26,336 You're the last holdout within your mother's inner circle. 12 00:01:27,837 --> 00:01:30,048 Well, Dr. Witticomb, I'm not really sure what good I'd be, 13 00:01:30,048 --> 00:01:32,550 or even what your approach to her therapy is. 14 00:01:32,550 --> 00:01:36,721 I mean, how exactly am I important to this process? 15 00:01:36,721 --> 00:01:40,934 It's controversial, what I do. Neuroimaging. 16 00:01:41,810 --> 00:01:46,106 Functional MRI and EEG show patterns of brain activity 17 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:49,025 that look like aspects of dream activity. 18 00:01:49,025 --> 00:01:51,903 So she was locked in, rather than comatose? 19 00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:57,325 She was in a liminal state, and at times, very aware of her dreams. 20 00:01:57,909 --> 00:01:59,869 She has an extraordinary recall of them. 21 00:02:01,704 --> 00:02:05,834 And if we can advance the science of communicating to people in comas, 22 00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:09,963 my hope is we can find ways to awaken them. 23 00:02:18,513 --> 00:02:19,514 Well... 24 00:02:21,599 --> 00:02:24,144 I'd feel like an asshole if I didn't help. 25 00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:30,608 Thanks. I should warn you, it's not an enjoyable process. 26 00:02:30,608 --> 00:02:32,944 You'll hear things you won't like. 27 00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:34,821 Do you mind if I record you? 28 00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:36,656 Fire away. 29 00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:42,829 In her dream, you were in, um, some sort of reality television show. 30 00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:45,623 What? Television? I hate television. 31 00:02:45,623 --> 00:02:48,459 The only thing I watch is, like, The Wire on a loop. 32 00:02:49,794 --> 00:02:51,671 So what's the name of the show I was on? 33 00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:54,257 Half-Ton Trauma. 34 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:59,053 A show in which morbidly obese people-- 35 00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:00,138 Try to lose weight. 36 00:03:02,098 --> 00:03:04,767 I told you this would not be easy. 37 00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:08,563 Well, that woman isn't easy. 38 00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:10,982 Your star patient. 39 00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:15,320 To center. 40 00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:16,821 Okay. 41 00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:19,032 Good. Good. Okay. It's okay. 42 00:03:19,782 --> 00:03:21,075 It's okay. Just try it again. 43 00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:24,287 Good. Just... 44 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,206 Oh. 45 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:27,457 - Shit. - It's okay. 46 00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:30,460 I couldn't do this before I was in a coma. 47 00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:31,878 Jesus Christ. 48 00:03:35,340 --> 00:03:36,591 What the fuck do you want? 49 00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:40,386 Just wanna see how you're doing. 50 00:03:41,763 --> 00:03:42,764 Fuck off. 51 00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:49,646 You tried to kill me. I heard all of it. All of it! 52 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:51,606 - Lois, you hallucinated... - Mm-mmm. 53 00:03:51,606 --> 00:03:53,066 - ...half of what you heard. - Mm-mmm. 54 00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,735 I wasn't trying to kill you. I was trying to keep you alive. 55 00:03:55,735 --> 00:04:01,115 I-I am done with all of this. All of you. I... I wanna go home. 56 00:04:01,699 --> 00:04:02,700 I just wanna go. 57 00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:03,910 Okay. Let me just... 58 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,246 It's okay. 59 00:04:07,872 --> 00:04:09,207 It's okay. Don't touch me. 60 00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:11,167 - Okay. Just reach out-- - Don't touch me. 61 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,646 Paddles! 62 00:04:31,646 --> 00:04:34,274 - Mom, you better fight. - Clear! 63 00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,693 - I need Adrenalin. - You fucking bitch. Fight! 64 00:04:50,790 --> 00:04:54,627 You know, I never understood why you're such a royalist. 65 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:59,132 Look at them, disasters in the making. 66 00:05:00,008 --> 00:05:03,136 Di, filled with terror and hope. 67 00:05:03,803 --> 00:05:09,017 Charles, grim and loving someone else. 68 00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:10,977 I'm gonna roast a chicken, yeah? 69 00:05:11,811 --> 00:05:12,979 I could use a prep chef. 70 00:05:13,604 --> 00:05:14,605 Um... 71 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,525 I don't really want to move. 72 00:05:18,234 --> 00:05:19,235 I'm not hungry. 73 00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:26,451 It's fine. Yeah. 74 00:05:28,911 --> 00:05:30,747 I could use the activity, actually. 75 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:35,752 Maybe you'll be hungry by the time it's ready, huh? 76 00:05:36,419 --> 00:05:37,879 Hmm. - Yeah. 77 00:05:38,796 --> 00:05:43,343 Always think of the future, even if it's only in one-hour increments. 78 00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:46,637 That's why I like the royal family. 79 00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:49,140 They're always thinking about the future, 80 00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:53,519 but always in relation to the traditions of the past. 81 00:05:55,063 --> 00:05:57,690 I guess we need all the rituals we can get. 82 00:05:58,232 --> 00:05:59,567 Like roasting a chicken. 83 00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:06,741 I'm not staying in it. 84 00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:10,828 She's awake. I'm divorcing her. 85 00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:13,456 I'm done. 86 00:06:23,508 --> 00:06:24,592 Can you do that? 87 00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:29,305 I mean, can you live with that decision? 88 00:06:30,973 --> 00:06:32,600 You stayed for all of it. 89 00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:38,272 Why would you stay with me anymore if I didn't leave now? 90 00:06:41,442 --> 00:06:42,693 The ritual of it. 91 00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,073 - You being here. - Hmm. 92 00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:49,867 And, you know, I think that maybe this is the place 93 00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:52,787 where you're really at peace, right? 94 00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:58,835 Don't do it because you think you'll lose me if you don't. 95 00:07:02,380 --> 00:07:05,174 I started the process to get her out of my life. 96 00:07:06,342 --> 00:07:08,302 I saw the lawyer, Mr. Berger. 97 00:07:08,302 --> 00:07:09,595 He's drawing it up. 98 00:07:12,014 --> 00:07:14,559 I hope she has some sort of life after all this. 99 00:07:15,852 --> 00:07:18,604 That she realizes that to stay together is impossible 100 00:07:18,604 --> 00:07:23,109 when you know too much about who you both are. 101 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:25,528 She knows I want her to die. 102 00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:33,369 I whispered in her ear during visits. First it was, "You can go." 103 00:07:33,369 --> 00:07:34,454 Then it progressed to... 104 00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:38,374 Please just fucking die. 105 00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:41,085 She heard everything, the doctor said. 106 00:07:43,087 --> 00:07:47,758 Can you imagine the level of stamina and control, to be in a coma 107 00:07:48,593 --> 00:07:52,930 and never turn off your fucking satellites and antennae? 108 00:08:05,234 --> 00:08:06,402 Charles. 109 00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:08,488 I always admired him. 110 00:08:12,783 --> 00:08:15,411 She was clearly mentally ill. 111 00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:19,957 He was clearly hardwired for duty. 112 00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:21,959 He kept going. 113 00:08:23,419 --> 00:08:25,087 Living in his duty. 114 00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:32,637 Finally finding happiness with the woman he always loved. 115 00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:49,862 I think I'll eat now. 116 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:03,626 Interview one with Chief of Police Megan Duval. 117 00:09:09,507 --> 00:09:12,927 So you would not describe your relationship with Detective Tryon 118 00:09:12,927 --> 00:09:15,012 as adversarial? 119 00:09:15,012 --> 00:09:17,306 No. She was a mentor to me. 120 00:09:18,474 --> 00:09:22,103 She was thrilled when I became chief. I listened to her. I took her counsel. 121 00:09:27,108 --> 00:09:29,485 And what about the case of Andrea Salana? 122 00:09:35,783 --> 00:09:37,618 How do you think she handled that? 123 00:09:38,869 --> 00:09:40,705 She blew it. She totally blew it. 124 00:09:40,705 --> 00:09:42,290 She should have helped that woman way earlier, 125 00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:45,418 and I was very up-front about it. 126 00:09:47,336 --> 00:09:48,337 Go on. 127 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,675 It was shit police work, and she was guilty. 128 00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:55,803 She was slipping and she was tired, and, um... 129 00:09:56,679 --> 00:09:58,014 and I fucking let her know it. 130 00:09:59,682 --> 00:10:02,268 It did result in some tension, but she was always very up-front with me, 131 00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:04,061 and I had to pay her the same respect. 132 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,109 We did have one fight right before her retirement party 133 00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:11,611 where I let her know how I felt. 134 00:10:12,820 --> 00:10:14,989 She had sudden qualms about actually leaving, 135 00:10:14,989 --> 00:10:17,658 and I said, "Hey, babe, it's time." 136 00:10:21,078 --> 00:10:22,538 I had made this punch. 137 00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:27,126 What color was the punch? 138 00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:34,300 Purple. 139 00:10:35,843 --> 00:10:37,011 Violet, really. 140 00:10:39,096 --> 00:10:40,264 It was awful. 141 00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:42,224 - Go to hell. - Cheers. 142 00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,520 Thank you, Chief. One last thing. 143 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:49,148 The color of the punch, was it more like... 144 00:10:51,692 --> 00:10:52,693 the color of a bruise? 145 00:10:54,362 --> 00:10:55,363 Yes. 146 00:10:56,906 --> 00:10:58,199 Very much so. 147 00:10:58,199 --> 00:11:02,119 And were there bruises on Andrea Salana's body when she was found dead? 148 00:11:02,119 --> 00:11:04,372 Purple bruises? 149 00:11:08,167 --> 00:11:09,877 She had been beaten to death. Yes. 150 00:11:12,046 --> 00:11:14,423 She looked like a different species from all the bruising. 151 00:12:11,021 --> 00:12:13,357 You're late. 152 00:12:15,317 --> 00:12:16,777 I'm mad hungry. 153 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:20,740 Mmm. 154 00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:27,621 Blood sugar must be low or something. I don't know. 155 00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:29,707 I'm not in the mood for your shit, Justin. 156 00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:38,716 I'll heat up the Chinese. 157 00:13:37,942 --> 00:13:38,943 Is this what you want? 158 00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:40,778 Is it? 159 00:13:42,071 --> 00:13:44,990 You know I'm gonna have a shiner from your fucking fist! 160 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,160 And they know you at the precinct. 161 00:13:49,161 --> 00:13:52,289 Too many bruises, too many emotional crying calls. 162 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:54,667 You want me to just end this for you? 163 00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:58,838 Is that what you want, Justin? 164 00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:06,303 You don't have the fucking balls, Meg. 165 00:14:21,443 --> 00:14:22,444 Just get the fuck out. 166 00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:26,615 It's my house. 167 00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:34,498 My house, my rules. 168 00:14:34,498 --> 00:14:36,333 My-- 169 00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:40,004 Fine. Stay then. 170 00:14:41,338 --> 00:14:43,090 Enjoy dinner, you fuck. 171 00:14:44,341 --> 00:14:45,342 Fuck. 172 00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:47,720 Fucking bitch! 173 00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:18,083 ♪ An old flame used to show me ♪ 174 00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:24,006 ♪ Fire don't have to burn ♪ 175 00:15:26,926 --> 00:15:31,096 ♪ He said, "Baby, don't you worry" ♪ 176 00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:36,810 ♪ There's only more to learn ♪ 177 00:15:38,854 --> 00:15:41,315 ♪ Every laugh, every touch, every kiss ♪ 178 00:15:41,315 --> 00:15:44,026 ♪ Can haunt me at times ♪ 179 00:15:45,152 --> 00:15:50,157 ♪ I would lie if I said in your eyes I don't see the signs ♪ 180 00:15:50,157 --> 00:15:56,080 ♪ Carry on, no longer yours to love But your memory chimes ♪ 181 00:15:56,664 --> 00:16:02,002 ♪ Back and forth sometimes If I stay till the end will I find ♪ 182 00:16:02,586 --> 00:16:04,129 ♪ Your love ♪ 183 00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:06,924 ♪ Your love, babe ♪ 184 00:16:07,591 --> 00:16:10,010 ♪ Is fire in my veins ♪ 185 00:16:10,511 --> 00:16:13,013 ♪ Slowly burns, slowly burns ♪ 186 00:16:13,013 --> 00:16:15,766 ♪ Only you can set me free ♪ 187 00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:21,105 ♪ It's taken a hold of me ♪ 188 00:16:21,605 --> 00:16:24,733 ♪ Future turns to flashes ♪ 189 00:16:24,733 --> 00:16:27,820 ♪ Time turns into ashes ♪ 190 00:16:29,405 --> 00:16:35,244 ♪ 'Cause only you can make me stay ♪ 191 00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:41,667 ♪ Only your love can make me stay ♪ 192 00:16:42,710 --> 00:16:43,794 Hello. 193 00:16:44,628 --> 00:16:45,671 Checking in? 194 00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:54,179 ♪ Only you can make me stay ♪ 195 00:16:54,680 --> 00:17:00,686 ♪ Said only your love can make me stay ♪ 196 00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:02,271 Would you like some ice, my dear? 197 00:17:02,271 --> 00:17:03,814 Just a quiet room, please. 198 00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:08,360 Thank you. 199 00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:19,955 So, we finally meet. 200 00:17:21,206 --> 00:17:24,168 Well, we did meet, but you were barely awake, 201 00:17:24,168 --> 00:17:25,753 coming back from your dream state. 202 00:17:27,171 --> 00:17:30,340 So, are you ready to go back to the real world? 203 00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:35,054 Uh, I mean, I am. 204 00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,430 It's just... 205 00:17:38,515 --> 00:17:40,976 It's a lot to process. 206 00:17:41,518 --> 00:17:45,814 You know? And my dreams were just so real. 207 00:17:47,775 --> 00:17:50,736 And it will take a long time to unpack, but we can do that together. 208 00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:54,198 If you want, sessions a few times a week, 209 00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:56,158 sifting through whatever you do remember. 210 00:17:57,284 --> 00:17:59,828 I was in a coma for six weeks, and it... 211 00:18:01,330 --> 00:18:02,831 felt like a lifetime. 212 00:18:03,499 --> 00:18:05,292 Then other times, 213 00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:09,546 it just felt like one long... 214 00:18:12,132 --> 00:18:15,260 night of an endless nightmare. 215 00:18:15,886 --> 00:18:19,223 And... And sometimes I feel like I am... I am still in a coma, 216 00:18:19,223 --> 00:18:23,977 and I'm just in a maze trying to work my way through. 217 00:18:24,728 --> 00:18:27,397 And I... I feel like that now. 218 00:18:27,981 --> 00:18:29,358 We are both very much awake. 219 00:18:30,984 --> 00:18:34,780 And I think there are very few cases as valuable as yours, Lois, 220 00:18:35,823 --> 00:18:38,909 in terms of understanding the ways in which the subconscious 221 00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:43,872 plays a part in activating and healing and even reawakening the brain and body. 222 00:18:46,041 --> 00:18:47,167 Are you sure? 223 00:18:47,793 --> 00:18:48,836 I was there, Lois. 224 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:56,426 I saw your brain activity. I saw areas of your brain light up. 225 00:18:59,429 --> 00:19:02,850 I know the emotions you were feeling, and I know when you felt them. 226 00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:07,646 I just feel... I just feel 227 00:19:08,897 --> 00:19:10,107 stuck. 228 00:19:11,275 --> 00:19:13,193 All my dreams were very-- 229 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:16,238 - Very violent. I know. - Yeah. 230 00:19:17,072 --> 00:19:19,491 And when you're able to discuss those, 231 00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:21,493 and what you recollect of them, 232 00:19:21,493 --> 00:19:24,329 the more you'll be able to put the violence in context 233 00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:25,956 so you can move forward. 234 00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:31,545 Do you remember any of the conversations we had 235 00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:33,255 where you told me some of what you dreamed? 236 00:19:33,255 --> 00:19:34,339 Okay. 237 00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:38,802 Put them all together and made one body. 238 00:19:38,802 --> 00:19:42,055 - We did this for several days. - ...like a Frankenstein. 239 00:19:42,055 --> 00:19:43,515 Mm-hmm. 240 00:19:50,397 --> 00:19:51,440 Let's begin. 241 00:19:54,776 --> 00:19:59,615 Why do you think you put your daughter on a TV show called Half-Ton Trauma? 242 00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:05,287 You would say because I felt disgusted by her. 243 00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:07,456 Is that what I would say? What would you say? 244 00:20:07,456 --> 00:20:11,001 I've seen a lot, you know, in my job. 245 00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:13,045 Enormous shut-ins... 246 00:20:16,131 --> 00:20:17,758 dead of heart disease, 247 00:20:18,258 --> 00:20:20,969 lifted out of their homes by a crane. 248 00:20:22,471 --> 00:20:26,308 In the dream, there were times when you force-fed Merritt. 249 00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:32,773 This is a safe place to talk about it. 250 00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:39,112 I don't know why I was that angry at her. 251 00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:45,285 In dreams, it's safer to express anger than in waking life, 252 00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:47,955 or perhaps you aren't angry at all but ashamed of her, 253 00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:50,374 which could be even harder for you to process than anger. 254 00:20:50,374 --> 00:20:51,458 Is that possible? 255 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:56,505 I don't... [stammers] I don't even know why we gotta talk about this. 256 00:20:56,505 --> 00:21:00,467 I... I just wanna put it all behind me and move forward. 257 00:21:00,467 --> 00:21:04,554 I read somewhere that-that we're not even supposed to remember our dreams. 258 00:21:04,554 --> 00:21:05,764 That's why we don't. 259 00:21:05,764 --> 00:21:07,391 May I tell you what I think? 260 00:21:08,850 --> 00:21:11,019 You felt a lack of control in your marriage, 261 00:21:11,853 --> 00:21:13,689 so you put your husband in a coma. 262 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,568 Uh-huh. What else? 263 00:21:18,568 --> 00:21:21,697 You felt threatened by your colleague, Megan, 264 00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:23,365 a person who seemed to do everything right 265 00:21:23,365 --> 00:21:26,702 when you were always in the wrong, a holier-than-thou figure. 266 00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:30,122 So you literally made her a nun. 267 00:21:36,420 --> 00:21:38,130 And what about Grotesquerie? 268 00:21:41,008 --> 00:21:43,969 Does that... represent me? 269 00:21:47,556 --> 00:21:50,434 Grotesquerie is the stand-in, the totem. 270 00:21:51,018 --> 00:21:54,396 For the way the world according to Lois Tryon now is, 271 00:21:54,396 --> 00:21:57,566 what your work exposed you to, what you suppress. 272 00:21:57,566 --> 00:22:00,360 The long-term PTSD of the work you did. 273 00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:03,196 I looked that word up. 274 00:22:03,989 --> 00:22:05,407 Grotesquerie. 275 00:22:05,407 --> 00:22:06,491 It means... 276 00:22:08,994 --> 00:22:15,792 "to live in a world that is grotesque and make-believe." 277 00:22:15,792 --> 00:22:17,377 It was hardly make-believe. 278 00:22:18,003 --> 00:22:21,048 You were a homicide detective dealing with the most unspeakable crimes. 279 00:22:21,048 --> 00:22:23,050 I've read your case files. 280 00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:27,095 What you dealt with could only be described as such: grotesque. 281 00:22:27,679 --> 00:22:29,931 I feel like you were the tip of some spear, 282 00:22:30,932 --> 00:22:32,893 fighting the spirit of evil in our time, 283 00:22:32,893 --> 00:22:36,355 almost someone who sacrificed themselves in order to combat it. 284 00:22:44,404 --> 00:22:45,405 Maybe. 285 00:22:48,658 --> 00:22:52,412 I have seen the worst 286 00:22:52,412 --> 00:22:54,456 of the worst of the worst, 287 00:22:55,707 --> 00:22:58,627 daily, endlessly, 288 00:23:00,379 --> 00:23:01,588 endlessly. 289 00:23:04,716 --> 00:23:05,884 In my dreams... 290 00:23:08,929 --> 00:23:10,263 I was still a drunk... 291 00:23:13,392 --> 00:23:15,352 which I am not. 292 00:23:15,352 --> 00:23:17,020 Anymore, not anymore. 293 00:23:17,020 --> 00:23:21,191 But dreams of using are very, very common in addicts and alcoholics, 294 00:23:21,191 --> 00:23:25,320 a way of making sense of the shackles, trying to free oneself. 295 00:23:26,571 --> 00:23:29,950 Is sobriety not a lifetime of day-to-day decision-making? 296 00:23:30,700 --> 00:23:32,285 What about Andrea? 297 00:23:32,285 --> 00:23:33,787 Go! 298 00:23:33,787 --> 00:23:35,080 Andrea? 299 00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:36,164 What do you think? 300 00:23:42,045 --> 00:23:43,588 Your guilt, Lois. 301 00:23:43,588 --> 00:23:46,466 Mishandling that case was the tipping point, 302 00:23:46,466 --> 00:23:51,054 a horrible tragedy, but also the catalyst for you finally asking for help. 303 00:23:54,099 --> 00:23:55,142 Yeah. 304 00:23:56,643 --> 00:24:00,480 My sponsor, Ed. Merritt's husband. 305 00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,983 In the dream, you made him a caretaker. 306 00:24:02,983 --> 00:24:04,109 Fitting. 307 00:24:05,068 --> 00:24:07,988 How did the affair with Ed begin in real life? 308 00:24:10,907 --> 00:24:12,367 He was just there. 309 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:14,744 It was that simple, Doctor. 310 00:24:14,744 --> 00:24:17,789 Getting sober is a shock to the system. 311 00:24:18,331 --> 00:24:20,125 You have to relearn how to be a person. 312 00:24:20,125 --> 00:24:23,336 You gonna let me off the hook for fucking my daughter's husband? 313 00:24:24,045 --> 00:24:25,255 Only you can do that. 314 00:24:30,177 --> 00:24:31,303 What else? 315 00:24:32,262 --> 00:24:35,098 Doctor Mayhew, Charlie. 316 00:24:35,849 --> 00:24:37,684 This is particularly fascinating to me 317 00:24:37,684 --> 00:24:41,021 because it proves that you were cognizant of your surroundings. 318 00:24:41,021 --> 00:24:43,064 Well, he turned out to be the killer. 319 00:24:43,064 --> 00:24:44,483 You felt powerless. 320 00:24:45,567 --> 00:24:48,570 You were hearing someone who was supposed to be your ally 321 00:24:48,570 --> 00:24:51,531 talking about ending your life, taking you off of the ventilator. 322 00:24:51,531 --> 00:24:55,577 So you thrust him with Megan. They became lovers in your fantasy. 323 00:24:55,577 --> 00:24:58,955 The two people trying to take your job and your life. 324 00:25:00,916 --> 00:25:01,875 You were so alone. 325 00:25:03,543 --> 00:25:06,129 The only person who cared about you in the end was-- 326 00:25:06,129 --> 00:25:07,797 Marshall's girlfriend. 327 00:25:08,340 --> 00:25:11,593 Whom you cast as a nurse, in charge of his care. 328 00:25:13,303 --> 00:25:17,557 The person your husband was cheating on you with became a malevolent archetype. 329 00:25:18,183 --> 00:25:19,643 I didn't hate her. 330 00:25:20,936 --> 00:25:21,937 I mean... 331 00:25:24,022 --> 00:25:26,274 there was some feelings of bitterness, but... 332 00:25:28,860 --> 00:25:32,989 that woman is goddamn saint to deal with Marshall all those years. 333 00:25:32,989 --> 00:25:34,866 I mean, God only knows 334 00:25:34,866 --> 00:25:38,286 what would've happened if I would have had to deal with him by myself. 335 00:25:38,286 --> 00:25:41,873 Maisie, who worked as your housekeeper, you board her as well, I believe? 336 00:25:42,958 --> 00:25:44,042 What about Maisie? 337 00:25:45,794 --> 00:25:47,170 In your dream, 338 00:25:48,797 --> 00:25:50,215 she murdered children. 339 00:25:52,884 --> 00:25:56,096 I find it interesting that of the many people who incurred your wrath, 340 00:25:57,847 --> 00:25:59,140 she wasn't one of them. 341 00:26:01,351 --> 00:26:04,771 You helped Maisie, got her to the hospital, empathized with her, 342 00:26:04,771 --> 00:26:07,065 and in return, she helped you catch the killer. 343 00:26:09,067 --> 00:26:11,695 You know how we met, Maisie and I? 344 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,073 Choose life. - Choose life. 345 00:26:16,157 --> 00:26:17,158 Choose life! 346 00:26:19,619 --> 00:26:20,620 Choose life! 347 00:26:21,288 --> 00:26:24,249 She'd chained herself to an abortion clinic. 348 00:26:24,249 --> 00:26:26,126 - Choose life. - Choose life! 349 00:26:26,126 --> 00:26:27,544 - Choose life. - Choose life. 350 00:26:27,544 --> 00:26:29,546 I got called to the scene. 351 00:26:31,172 --> 00:26:32,507 They cut her loose. 352 00:26:33,883 --> 00:26:38,680 She was yelling in my face all of this pro-life nonsense. 353 00:26:43,101 --> 00:26:44,769 And the more she wailed... 354 00:26:48,023 --> 00:26:49,691 the more I saw myself. 355 00:26:53,153 --> 00:26:54,195 Under the... 356 00:26:56,740 --> 00:26:58,867 layers of grandstanding 357 00:26:59,993 --> 00:27:01,703 was the same stuff. 358 00:27:04,331 --> 00:27:05,332 Love, 359 00:27:06,041 --> 00:27:07,042 fear... 360 00:27:09,252 --> 00:27:10,253 hope. 361 00:27:12,297 --> 00:27:13,506 Most of all, hope. 362 00:27:16,968 --> 00:27:18,428 And what about today? 363 00:27:19,638 --> 00:27:20,972 Do you still feel hope? 364 00:27:25,310 --> 00:27:27,062 It comes and it goes, 365 00:27:27,687 --> 00:27:28,688 hope. 366 00:27:32,525 --> 00:27:33,902 A very wise conclusion. 367 00:27:38,657 --> 00:27:39,866 To be continued. 368 00:27:42,452 --> 00:27:43,870 Yep. 369 00:28:28,915 --> 00:28:29,916 I got it. 370 00:29:17,464 --> 00:29:18,465 Thanks. 371 00:29:34,564 --> 00:29:37,192 Do you know why nobody was there to pick you up? 372 00:29:39,027 --> 00:29:40,612 I got a pretty good guess. 373 00:29:42,655 --> 00:29:44,032 The affairs. 374 00:29:44,991 --> 00:29:48,119 Everyone was interviewed by the brilliant Dr. Witticomb, 375 00:29:48,119 --> 00:29:50,830 so they know something about my dreams. 376 00:29:51,706 --> 00:29:54,834 That, and my general unpleasantness. 377 00:29:55,752 --> 00:29:57,712 Let me set you straight on a few things. 378 00:29:59,088 --> 00:30:00,173 I'm not your enemy. 379 00:30:02,550 --> 00:30:04,052 I've only respect for you. 380 00:30:04,969 --> 00:30:06,012 I idolized you. 381 00:30:07,388 --> 00:30:10,225 If you wanna turn me into a killer, that's your business. 382 00:30:10,225 --> 00:30:11,935 Jesus Christ. 383 00:30:12,435 --> 00:30:15,688 They were the dreams of a woman in a coma, okay? 384 00:30:16,231 --> 00:30:18,817 They're not binary representations of real feelings. 385 00:30:18,817 --> 00:30:20,819 Oh. You don't resent me? 386 00:30:23,238 --> 00:30:25,448 You don't feel I pushed you out of your position? 387 00:30:26,991 --> 00:30:29,160 Usurped you? 388 00:30:32,038 --> 00:30:33,289 Look, kid. 389 00:30:33,289 --> 00:30:37,252 I have enough to feel shitty about for things that I did in my waking life. 390 00:30:37,252 --> 00:30:40,380 Let's not make me responsible for my subconscious too. 391 00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:44,884 Y-You think if you had a glimpse into your mind, you'd like what you saw? 392 00:30:44,884 --> 00:30:47,136 Really like what you saw? 393 00:30:47,887 --> 00:30:50,431 That's exactly the response of your entire generation. 394 00:30:51,641 --> 00:30:53,518 "We're not responsible for anything." 395 00:30:57,146 --> 00:31:01,818 And you millennials blame us for everything around you. 396 00:31:01,818 --> 00:31:04,946 Such fucking professional victims, all of you. 397 00:31:05,655 --> 00:31:07,073 E-Entitled. 398 00:31:07,991 --> 00:31:11,661 Outraged at-- at real grown-up shit. 399 00:31:12,787 --> 00:31:16,666 It's the real world, not something we did to you. 400 00:31:16,666 --> 00:31:18,501 Well, let's count them. 401 00:31:19,627 --> 00:31:20,879 The selfishness acts. 402 00:31:21,546 --> 00:31:23,965 Doing nothing to tackle the problems you create. 403 00:31:24,966 --> 00:31:26,885 Leaving us to clean up all your messes. 404 00:31:26,885 --> 00:31:29,804 The way you left me to clean up the Andrea Salana mess. 405 00:31:33,391 --> 00:31:34,392 Okay. 406 00:31:35,226 --> 00:31:36,603 That's what this is about. 407 00:31:36,603 --> 00:31:38,730 You resent me for that case. 408 00:31:38,730 --> 00:31:41,608 It's not about global warming or whatever the fuck. 409 00:31:41,608 --> 00:31:45,153 I was your partner. I looked bad too. And I trusted you. 410 00:31:45,153 --> 00:31:49,574 And I'm named in her family's lawsuit against the department because of you. 411 00:31:50,700 --> 00:31:51,910 But I'm not your enemy. 412 00:31:53,661 --> 00:31:55,455 Clearly you're not. 413 00:31:56,581 --> 00:31:59,083 I mean, you were kind enough to pick me up today, 414 00:31:59,083 --> 00:32:01,586 to give me lessons in your virtues. 415 00:32:01,586 --> 00:32:04,589 Typical millennial self-righteousness. 416 00:32:05,715 --> 00:32:10,678 Surprised you ain't sued me and my dreams for emotional distress. 417 00:32:11,262 --> 00:32:12,597 I should. 418 00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:14,891 Grow the fuck up. 419 00:32:28,404 --> 00:32:29,781 And one more thing. 420 00:32:30,615 --> 00:32:33,326 You may have heard in my dream/coma state 421 00:32:33,326 --> 00:32:36,537 that you were possessed, foaming at the mouth. 422 00:32:36,537 --> 00:32:39,040 Fascinating. I did not know this. 423 00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:42,752 Also in my dream state, I distinctly remember you having bruises. 424 00:32:43,878 --> 00:32:45,588 Much like you do right now. 425 00:32:46,172 --> 00:32:49,342 Then, like now, subconscious or motherfucking reality, 426 00:32:49,342 --> 00:32:51,594 let me be clear, baby girl: 427 00:32:52,595 --> 00:32:54,347 You are being possessed. 428 00:32:55,390 --> 00:32:56,975 Break free while you can. 429 00:32:57,684 --> 00:32:58,685 I see you. 430 00:33:24,002 --> 00:33:25,003 Maisie? 431 00:33:30,550 --> 00:33:31,884 Welcome home, Mrs. Tryon. 432 00:33:33,970 --> 00:33:34,971 Maisie. 433 00:33:45,398 --> 00:33:46,941 I said to that doctor, 434 00:33:47,608 --> 00:33:49,736 "Mrs. Tryon is the person who helped me. 435 00:33:49,736 --> 00:33:52,030 That's who she was and that's who she has been." 436 00:33:52,030 --> 00:33:54,615 He didn't wanna hear it. Kept digging for darkness. 437 00:33:55,575 --> 00:33:59,746 I said, "She saved me and gave me a job. 438 00:34:00,872 --> 00:34:04,083 And I don't blame someone for what they see in their dreams." 439 00:34:04,083 --> 00:34:06,544 Everyone has a shadow, don't they know that? 440 00:34:07,045 --> 00:34:08,463 Why isn't anyone here for you? 441 00:34:10,923 --> 00:34:11,924 You are. 442 00:34:13,968 --> 00:34:15,636 But... 443 00:34:16,637 --> 00:34:17,764 ...dreams. 444 00:34:17,764 --> 00:34:23,311 They are the closest you get to truth, I think. 445 00:34:25,354 --> 00:34:28,024 Maybe all my anger at everyone... 446 00:34:30,485 --> 00:34:32,528 maybe that is my deepest truth. 447 00:34:39,202 --> 00:34:40,369 That's good. 448 00:34:42,080 --> 00:34:43,790 Ten. 449 00:34:43,790 --> 00:34:45,166 Okay, good. 450 00:34:46,042 --> 00:34:48,127 Eleven. Good. 451 00:34:48,127 --> 00:34:49,212 One more, one more. 452 00:34:50,713 --> 00:34:53,341 Twelve. Good job. 453 00:34:53,341 --> 00:34:55,134 One more, one more. 454 00:34:55,134 --> 00:34:56,469 Come on. It's too heavy. 455 00:34:56,469 --> 00:34:58,387 Okay, okay. That's good. 456 00:34:58,387 --> 00:35:01,390 You know, you could only do five when you started. You're up to twelve. 457 00:35:01,390 --> 00:35:03,309 I feel like a kindergartner. 458 00:35:03,309 --> 00:35:06,562 Don't be so quick to compliment me, Jill. 459 00:35:07,188 --> 00:35:09,398 Lois, you're the only patient that I have ever met 460 00:35:09,398 --> 00:35:11,442 that scoffs at positive reinforcement. 461 00:35:11,442 --> 00:35:13,152 Because I know it's manipulation. 462 00:35:13,152 --> 00:35:16,239 It's how I used to get my suspects to confess. 463 00:35:17,073 --> 00:35:18,491 One day, you're gonna confess to me too. 464 00:35:19,742 --> 00:35:22,120 Didn't you hear when I was in that coma? 465 00:35:23,037 --> 00:35:24,163 I heard everything. 466 00:35:26,499 --> 00:35:30,211 ♪ It ain't necessarily so ♪ 467 00:35:31,754 --> 00:35:35,883 ♪ It ain't necessarily so ♪ 468 00:35:35,883 --> 00:35:38,052 This is not a very good idea, Mrs. Tryon. 469 00:35:39,762 --> 00:35:42,765 Are any of my ideas good? 470 00:35:42,765 --> 00:35:43,891 Hiring me. 471 00:35:44,725 --> 00:35:46,978 That's the only one. 472 00:35:47,854 --> 00:35:49,147 Okay. 473 00:35:50,898 --> 00:35:52,817 I gotta do this, Maisie. 474 00:35:54,861 --> 00:35:55,862 I have to. 475 00:36:15,506 --> 00:36:16,507 Hey. 476 00:36:18,467 --> 00:36:20,052 I figured I'd hear from you. 477 00:36:20,636 --> 00:36:22,847 You've been out, what, a day now, and you rush over and see me? 478 00:36:23,347 --> 00:36:24,390 We need to talk. 479 00:36:24,891 --> 00:36:26,058 Are you sure you wanna talk to me? 480 00:36:26,058 --> 00:36:27,768 You might wanna talk to my husband instead. 481 00:36:27,768 --> 00:36:30,354 I can write down his address for you. 482 00:36:30,354 --> 00:36:32,023 If you're looking to pick up where you left off. 483 00:36:32,607 --> 00:36:35,067 - Sucking his dick. - Get it all out now, 484 00:36:36,110 --> 00:36:37,278 so we can talk. 485 00:36:41,115 --> 00:36:43,367 You know, there's something I've been meaning to say to you. 486 00:36:43,910 --> 00:36:44,952 So, avante. 487 00:36:56,297 --> 00:36:58,841 I have an idea about what you wanna talk about. 488 00:37:00,343 --> 00:37:02,511 The main thing you wanna discuss, and I don't care. 489 00:37:04,305 --> 00:37:06,390 You really think I'm that unsophisticated? 490 00:37:07,350 --> 00:37:08,976 I mean, your dreams are your dreams. 491 00:37:08,976 --> 00:37:11,479 I'm not gonna castigate you for how you see me in them. 492 00:37:12,438 --> 00:37:15,524 As a shut-in slob living at home, 493 00:37:15,524 --> 00:37:17,693 dependent on you. 494 00:37:19,946 --> 00:37:23,532 Desperate to go on a reality television show for the sclerotic obese, right? 495 00:37:24,700 --> 00:37:26,202 Did I... I got that right, right? 496 00:37:26,202 --> 00:37:28,621 That's how you picture me in your dream life? 497 00:37:29,330 --> 00:37:33,876 Well, Mom, I have two postdoc degrees in biochemistry, 498 00:37:33,876 --> 00:37:35,878 and I am perfectly prepared to accept the fact 499 00:37:35,878 --> 00:37:37,964 that in order for you to deal with me, 500 00:37:39,048 --> 00:37:42,009 you had to reduce me to a fat freak because you're so fucking insecure. 501 00:37:42,009 --> 00:37:44,679 Look. I hate that I felt that way. 502 00:37:44,679 --> 00:37:46,472 I know how wrong it is, 503 00:37:46,472 --> 00:37:49,517 how wrong it was, but all I can say is-- 504 00:37:49,517 --> 00:37:52,019 What? We're not responsible for our dreams? 505 00:37:52,019 --> 00:37:53,187 I know that. 506 00:37:54,105 --> 00:37:55,356 I agree. 507 00:37:56,649 --> 00:38:00,569 But that is not your crime, lady. That is not your unforgivable sin. 508 00:38:00,569 --> 00:38:01,654 You know that. 509 00:38:02,530 --> 00:38:05,324 So can we please just cut the deflective bullshit 510 00:38:05,324 --> 00:38:07,702 - and have a real come to Jesus? Please. - Okay. 511 00:38:07,702 --> 00:38:09,245 You wanna talk about 512 00:38:09,245 --> 00:38:11,914 how I could have possibly slept with your husband. 513 00:38:13,499 --> 00:38:14,500 It was... 514 00:38:17,420 --> 00:38:19,922 misplaced aloneness. 515 00:38:20,548 --> 00:38:24,093 It was self-pity and... 516 00:38:25,177 --> 00:38:26,429 booze and... 517 00:38:27,847 --> 00:38:31,142 finding myself alone in life. 518 00:38:31,142 --> 00:38:34,478 I mean, your father had basically abandoned me. 519 00:38:35,187 --> 00:38:39,150 This was not about sex, Merritt. 520 00:38:39,775 --> 00:38:40,943 Okay? It was about... 521 00:38:44,155 --> 00:38:45,156 emotion. 522 00:38:45,156 --> 00:38:47,992 It was about connection. 523 00:38:55,207 --> 00:38:58,669 Most women would find someone suitable to cheat with. 524 00:38:59,628 --> 00:39:01,589 Someone outside of their orbit. 525 00:39:02,965 --> 00:39:04,842 Their child's own partner? 526 00:39:06,093 --> 00:39:08,512 Most women would find that to be taboo. 527 00:39:08,512 --> 00:39:10,014 But not you. 528 00:39:11,098 --> 00:39:12,600 You're not like most women, are you? 529 00:39:14,852 --> 00:39:15,978 You are... 530 00:39:16,979 --> 00:39:19,690 something else entirely. 531 00:39:21,150 --> 00:39:23,986 You see, all that time spent... 532 00:39:25,154 --> 00:39:28,908 around killers and psychopaths 533 00:39:29,492 --> 00:39:30,868 has rubbed off on you. 534 00:39:31,869 --> 00:39:33,204 Consider that. 535 00:39:34,789 --> 00:39:37,583 They were contagious, and you caught their diseases. 536 00:39:38,709 --> 00:39:39,710 Why not? 537 00:39:40,294 --> 00:39:41,962 You see, I-I remember... 538 00:39:43,255 --> 00:39:46,884 I remember when you weren't a fucking insane person, Mom. 539 00:39:49,428 --> 00:39:51,472 I remember when you were a good mother. 540 00:39:52,807 --> 00:39:58,813 Walking me to school, waiting there until I felt safe before you left. 541 00:39:59,772 --> 00:40:01,148 I remember all the good parts. 542 00:40:02,441 --> 00:40:03,442 All of 'em. 543 00:40:05,361 --> 00:40:07,029 And that's what makes this even worse. 544 00:40:10,408 --> 00:40:12,493 Please allow yourself to understand that... 545 00:40:15,287 --> 00:40:19,083 my husband's betrayal is totally predictable. 546 00:40:22,336 --> 00:40:23,379 But yours... 547 00:40:26,882 --> 00:40:28,300 ...yours broke my heart. 548 00:40:30,094 --> 00:40:31,554 You broke my heart, Mom. 549 00:40:32,221 --> 00:40:35,683 And I wake up every day stunned by it. 550 00:40:38,394 --> 00:40:39,979 Amazed by it. 551 00:40:41,981 --> 00:40:44,608 S-Still unable to process it. 552 00:40:49,029 --> 00:40:51,157 I could only hope that you feel the same. 553 00:40:54,368 --> 00:40:55,494 But I know you don't. 554 00:41:06,046 --> 00:41:07,840 Get the fuck out of my house. 555 00:41:24,732 --> 00:41:26,942 You should go get a vanilla milkshake. 556 00:41:36,368 --> 00:41:38,787 I did tell ya that it was a bad idea. 557 00:41:40,164 --> 00:41:41,207 Yeah. 558 00:41:44,001 --> 00:41:45,044 It's a new beginning. 559 00:41:45,044 --> 00:41:46,545 It's what I need to... 560 00:41:48,047 --> 00:41:49,048 go on. 561 00:41:52,343 --> 00:41:53,385 Let's get a milkshake. 562 00:41:55,888 --> 00:41:56,889 Ow.